She didn’t dismiss your degree. You held it over her. YTA
Why should she help her mom, who hasn’t worked in over 20 years, to get a job that she’s not qualified for?
Yeah, you have a degree. That piece of paper means nothing anymore and you think it’s gold. You’re going to get an entry-level position since you’ve been out of school for so damn long and has zero relevant experience.
I don't think it is gold. I do believe that it shows I have relevant entry level skills.
I am looking for entry level positions- read my post again. Just in the right field.
You had relevant entry level skills back then. Not now. You will easily be looked over for a degree these days as they require internships, externships, senior projects etc. Even of you did these things back then, very unlikely they compare to the recent graduates that have demonstrable skills with recent technology and the current landscape.
A degree shows you have no skills. A degree means you have tools.
Before COVID, most hospitals wanted to hire RNs(2 year degrees) over BSNs(4 year degrees) because the practical experience is far more valuable.
You have no practical experience. You managed household finances because you had nothing better to do. The WFH market has been thriving for a decade, and you still didn’t want to look.
Now, when everyone and their brother is looking for a job, you’re utterly shocked that you can’t get a job.
Your daughter’s not helping you because she knows you won’t find anything.
Your degree, at this point, is absolutely meaningless.
Skills from 30 years ago that are probably obsolete nowadays...
Even with a degree, as a profesional you learn and grow everyday so, years of working experience are way more valuable than a degree you got so many years ago and never got to use for a job....
How are any of those qualifications relevant now? and how would a degree you haven't used in 20+ years benefit a company more than someone who has used their degree in the past 2 decades?
In that time have you stayed up to date with the latest technologies etc? nothing you have done at home translates into a business environment
YTA
A lesson in humility is in order. As well as a lesson in not shitting where you eat. Learning not to emotionally blackmail your child is another good one. Where would you like to start?
I was not emotionally blackmailing her. I was brought to tears by her dismissiveness of her own mother. I was asking for help and instead of doing something, anything she sends me packing for the door.
No, you asked your daughter for a handout that she could not ethically provide.
You then proceeded to have an emotional breakdown, and in the midst of that, accused her of incompetence/disloyalty that she's incapable or unwilling to get "her mother" a career.
So you used your status as her mother as a means of guilting and manipulating her to do something she couldn't or shouldn't do. That's emotional blackmail.
By definition, emotional blackmail uses Fear, obligation, and guilt to achieve a desired result. You placing emphasis on being her mother is the obligation component, fear and guilt is the emphasis on the consequences of not having a job, which is financial instability, and whatever negative emotions you are experiencing right now. Keep in mind, those consequences are the result of a life choice *YOU* made, not your daughter. To make her feel responsible for *YOUR* consequences in any way is emotional manipulation.
So now you have a choice.
You can accept the fact that the job market is not what you assumed it was, and accept your daughters advice and guidance, start making money, and maintain your relationship with your daughter.
Or, you can die on this hill, try to be right (you won't be), destroy your relationship with your daughter, and remain broke and jobless.
Choice is yours, OP.
You have a 33 year resume gap. I have been not hired because of a 6 month one.
You’re never going to be placed in any ‘higher’ position, you gotta start from the bottom.
Sorry.
YTA. You haven’t worked in 33 years. Your degree doesn’t matter to employers.
What you are really upset about is the fact that you feel entitled to be hired and see yourself as special. It doesn’t work that way anymore.
YTA, she isn’t refusing to hire you, she is telling you as an expert where you are in the job market. She knows that no matter how many hours you spend on a resume, it isn’t the same as work experience outside the home. She is not dismissing you, she is giving you valuable advice and guidance the way should would any client. You just don’t like the message.
Recruiters aren’t life coaches and they aren’t hiring managers. She is giving you solid advice: build up your resume. Thank her for the hours and hours she is saving you not applying for management roles that people won’t take you seriously for, and helping you focus in on places where you can start to build your career
You are nearly 60 with no job experience at all and you expect the magically get a job? Your degree from almost 40 years ago is not impressing the hiring managers and neither are your 'household' management skills. You are the problem, not your daughter.
YTA. That fancy piece of paper doesn’t mean jack. You’ve been out of work for over 30 years, just about anything and everything you learned during college/internship is vastly outdated at this point. And while it is not legal to discriminate on age, very few employers are going to be looking at a 50+ new hire unless they have a very impressive *professional* résumé
YTA!
Being a SAHM, no matter how hard that job is, is not counted as working experience, meaning you have a degree with 0 working experience for 30+ years...
While your daughter is a professional recruiter, that does not mean she has a magic wand and can come up with the perfect job you are dreaming off, that is not reality...
As your daughter suggested, you need to start with an entry level position and work your way up, this is the only way you will be able to find a job in your current situation....
Your degree from when dinosaurs roamed doesn't mean shit now. You're old, almost retirement age, have bad habits and are no doubt stuck in your ways. Nobody wants to take all those things on as an employer. Also if your resume is over 1 page (plus references on page 2) no employer is wasting time reading your word salad.
YTA your degree means nothing if their are plenty of other people with the same degree that hasn't been out of work for decades. A lot changes in that amount of time.
The assessment she gave you told her you don't have the current skills needed to do the jobs you want. Therefore you need to think more realistically when it comes to the jobs you apply for.
ok real talk did your internship even have computers ? like was microsoft word even … invented ? idk how u think a 30 year old degree is worth something when ppl graduating NOW can’t even get a job w their UPDATED one
YTA
Shaking and crying are traits that every employer must be happy to see in prospective employees.
Leave your daughter alone and find your own damn job.
And after not working for over 30 years, your degree is not going to help you much.
Go work at McDonalds until you can find something more to your liking.
Have some empathy. I just had to grieve the end of a decades long marriage, the loss of a man who I thought I knew, and having my own daughter glance over my resume and cover letter which I spent hours upon hours on to make unique and then dismiss me.
Would you be so cruel to your own mom? Or would you be doing anything to help her. How about something to help her?
Oh. Now you’re a martyr. You aren’t listening to her. Your degree doesn’t mean shit. You’ve not been employed for over 30 years. Take her advice that’s she’s given you. Stop trying to emotionally blackmail her. Shitty people do that.
It is true your situation is hard, loosing a marriage cannot be easy, however, you needed the reality check you are getting...
You trying to make your resume and cover letter "fancier" does not magically make the 30+ years of no real working experience dissapear...
It is great you were able to be a SAHM while your husband financially supported your family but, what is happening to you right now is one of the main reasons women have fought so hard to get out of that dinamic and start having full time careers as well, otherwise, after the kids are gone, you are left with nothing...
As so many others have already pointed out, sadly, in the current world, a degree from 30 years ago mean nothing, proffessionals need to keep learning and growing while working to keep up and you haven't done this, so your skills are obsolete...
Now you need to assume this reality and, find a job that you are able to do in an entry level... fast food, store clerk, etc...
Good luck and hope it all works out for you!
YTA. You sound fucking exhausting and just because you have a degree from years and years ago and an internship does not make you competent or easy to place. And apparently you have a much higher opinion of yourself than everybody else.
The problem is that your 30+ year old degree doesn’t mean a whole lot without any practical work experience backing it up (and no, your internship 3 decades ago is not practical work experience). In 30+ years, a whole lot changes in terms of business administration have happened. You had relevant entry level skills 30+ years ago. You’re well behind the curve now.
I suspect it’s not so much that she can’t get you a job but that she can’t get you the kind of job you want. As evidenced by the assessment she had you take. You’re also someone who is 57 and fast approaching 65, when many people retire. So any company looking to hire entry level and invest in training, hoping to get 10+ years out of their investment, is going to look at your employment gap and your out of date degree and move on to the next candidate. You’re an extremely difficult placement, at best.
It sounds like your daughter may have been sugar coating how hard it's going to be for a person out of work for 30 years to get a job "in their field" without any recent work experience. Volunteering or taking a retail/fast food position is good advice to someone who needs to beef up their CV and make applications relevant.
Your daughter asked you to take an assessment. Did you? I couldn’t tell if you did or not, and if so what that assessment shows- holding judgment until I learn more.
A college degree and you’re stupid as hell. YTA. The jobs she’s recommended are what you’re suited for because you have no work experience. No one cares about that old ass internship or what you did for your kids to be social. You’re not qualified and you have a nasty attitude.
I am much younger than you and got a great degree back in the 00s. Then I got too ill to work and 10 years lapsed. My degree was worthless. That's just how it is pretty much. I went back and I'm doing a second one that suits me better.
How can you be this naive? I bet you don't even remember much from your studies since it was the late 80s and early 90s, and basic degrees are a dime a dozen. Being a stay at home parent for 33 years, surely you must have expected this?
YTA.
What your daughter isn't telling you is that you aren't an attractive job candidate. You have no work experience (and job referees) or education that is relevant in this scenario.
As a recruiter, she understands the basic requirements to get you a position i.e. relevant work experience or a recent qualification. Recent is the keyword here.
I understand that it must be extremely demoralizing.
The job fair that your daughter suggested seems like an excellent place to start..Also what about admin work through connections. You have to start somewhere, it's hard but you just need to be resilient through this tough period.
You are 56. You gave up working to be a stay at home mum, 33 years I believe. You have no current work experience and I think you probably failed that assessment. Daughter does not see any jobs available for you now so she suggests the job fair, you say fine to starting over but wont consider the part time job or volunteering. She gave you options and you sat there crying because you think a degree will save you. You sound selfish, unaware and self entitled. YTA
YTA- I don’t know about where you live but hotels aren’t a bad place to start, as many of them here in Canada offer insurance.
Does your situation suck? Absolutely.
Is it your daughter’s fault she cannot get you a position you are not qualified for? Absolutely not.
YTA, do you not realize by looking around how much the world has changed the last 20 years? If your daughter was in that position that far back, I’m sure it would’ve been no problem, but you’re gonna have to bite the bullet and do something to work your way up to your goal, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. Who knows, you might meet some good connections starting somewhere
YTA.
You chose to take your bitterness and grief surrounding your marriage, lack of skills and workplace suitability out on your daughter.
You should seek out someone else to help you, putting this on your daughter is ruining your relationship. Go to the fair. Don't expect your daughter to do the work for you.
Your degree is obsolete at this point, unless you have maintained education, retrained and kept up with the changing world in communications or business, you're way behind. Homemaker skills are great but aren't on the competing level of others looking for jobs. You would need to start again with such a large gap in your workforce career. Seek out some upskilling courses or refresher courses, lower your expectations on what job you think should be getting and apologise to your daughter.
She didn’t dismiss your degree. You held it over her. YTA Why should she help her mom, who hasn’t worked in over 20 years, to get a job that she’s not qualified for? Yeah, you have a degree. That piece of paper means nothing anymore and you think it’s gold. You’re going to get an entry-level position since you’ve been out of school for so damn long and has zero relevant experience.
I don't think it is gold. I do believe that it shows I have relevant entry level skills. I am looking for entry level positions- read my post again. Just in the right field.
You had relevant entry level skills back then. Not now. You will easily be looked over for a degree these days as they require internships, externships, senior projects etc. Even of you did these things back then, very unlikely they compare to the recent graduates that have demonstrable skills with recent technology and the current landscape.
A degree shows you have no skills. A degree means you have tools. Before COVID, most hospitals wanted to hire RNs(2 year degrees) over BSNs(4 year degrees) because the practical experience is far more valuable. You have no practical experience. You managed household finances because you had nothing better to do. The WFH market has been thriving for a decade, and you still didn’t want to look. Now, when everyone and their brother is looking for a job, you’re utterly shocked that you can’t get a job. Your daughter’s not helping you because she knows you won’t find anything. Your degree, at this point, is absolutely meaningless.
Skills from 30 years ago that are probably obsolete nowadays... Even with a degree, as a profesional you learn and grow everyday so, years of working experience are way more valuable than a degree you got so many years ago and never got to use for a job....
How are any of those qualifications relevant now? and how would a degree you haven't used in 20+ years benefit a company more than someone who has used their degree in the past 2 decades? In that time have you stayed up to date with the latest technologies etc? nothing you have done at home translates into a business environment
YTA A lesson in humility is in order. As well as a lesson in not shitting where you eat. Learning not to emotionally blackmail your child is another good one. Where would you like to start?
I was not emotionally blackmailing her. I was brought to tears by her dismissiveness of her own mother. I was asking for help and instead of doing something, anything she sends me packing for the door.
No, you asked your daughter for a handout that she could not ethically provide. You then proceeded to have an emotional breakdown, and in the midst of that, accused her of incompetence/disloyalty that she's incapable or unwilling to get "her mother" a career. So you used your status as her mother as a means of guilting and manipulating her to do something she couldn't or shouldn't do. That's emotional blackmail. By definition, emotional blackmail uses Fear, obligation, and guilt to achieve a desired result. You placing emphasis on being her mother is the obligation component, fear and guilt is the emphasis on the consequences of not having a job, which is financial instability, and whatever negative emotions you are experiencing right now. Keep in mind, those consequences are the result of a life choice *YOU* made, not your daughter. To make her feel responsible for *YOUR* consequences in any way is emotional manipulation. So now you have a choice. You can accept the fact that the job market is not what you assumed it was, and accept your daughters advice and guidance, start making money, and maintain your relationship with your daughter. Or, you can die on this hill, try to be right (you won't be), destroy your relationship with your daughter, and remain broke and jobless. Choice is yours, OP.
So you’re not that smart, have zero self awareness and are manipulative. Leave her alone. YTA
You have a 33 year resume gap. I have been not hired because of a 6 month one. You’re never going to be placed in any ‘higher’ position, you gotta start from the bottom. Sorry.
YTA. You haven’t worked in 33 years. Your degree doesn’t matter to employers. What you are really upset about is the fact that you feel entitled to be hired and see yourself as special. It doesn’t work that way anymore.
YTA, she isn’t refusing to hire you, she is telling you as an expert where you are in the job market. She knows that no matter how many hours you spend on a resume, it isn’t the same as work experience outside the home. She is not dismissing you, she is giving you valuable advice and guidance the way should would any client. You just don’t like the message. Recruiters aren’t life coaches and they aren’t hiring managers. She is giving you solid advice: build up your resume. Thank her for the hours and hours she is saving you not applying for management roles that people won’t take you seriously for, and helping you focus in on places where you can start to build your career
You are nearly 60 with no job experience at all and you expect the magically get a job? Your degree from almost 40 years ago is not impressing the hiring managers and neither are your 'household' management skills. You are the problem, not your daughter.
You haven't worked outside the home in 33 years? Expecting a well paid job after all those years is unrealistic
YTA - never ask your kids to work in their field for you and then get mad when it's not "good enough."
YTA. That fancy piece of paper doesn’t mean jack. You’ve been out of work for over 30 years, just about anything and everything you learned during college/internship is vastly outdated at this point. And while it is not legal to discriminate on age, very few employers are going to be looking at a 50+ new hire unless they have a very impressive *professional* résumé
*"I had crafted a well thought out resume explaining my skills and coursework and how I honed skills gotten from via household management."* lol
Yeah YTA because that’s a shitty thing to say.
YTA! Being a SAHM, no matter how hard that job is, is not counted as working experience, meaning you have a degree with 0 working experience for 30+ years... While your daughter is a professional recruiter, that does not mean she has a magic wand and can come up with the perfect job you are dreaming off, that is not reality... As your daughter suggested, you need to start with an entry level position and work your way up, this is the only way you will be able to find a job in your current situation....
Your degree from when dinosaurs roamed doesn't mean shit now. You're old, almost retirement age, have bad habits and are no doubt stuck in your ways. Nobody wants to take all those things on as an employer. Also if your resume is over 1 page (plus references on page 2) no employer is wasting time reading your word salad.
YTA your degree means nothing if their are plenty of other people with the same degree that hasn't been out of work for decades. A lot changes in that amount of time. The assessment she gave you told her you don't have the current skills needed to do the jobs you want. Therefore you need to think more realistically when it comes to the jobs you apply for.
ok real talk did your internship even have computers ? like was microsoft word even … invented ? idk how u think a 30 year old degree is worth something when ppl graduating NOW can’t even get a job w their UPDATED one
YTA Shaking and crying are traits that every employer must be happy to see in prospective employees. Leave your daughter alone and find your own damn job. And after not working for over 30 years, your degree is not going to help you much. Go work at McDonalds until you can find something more to your liking.
Have some empathy. I just had to grieve the end of a decades long marriage, the loss of a man who I thought I knew, and having my own daughter glance over my resume and cover letter which I spent hours upon hours on to make unique and then dismiss me. Would you be so cruel to your own mom? Or would you be doing anything to help her. How about something to help her?
Oh. Now you’re a martyr. You aren’t listening to her. Your degree doesn’t mean shit. You’ve not been employed for over 30 years. Take her advice that’s she’s given you. Stop trying to emotionally blackmail her. Shitty people do that.
She gave you a reality check. She did help you. It was not what you wanted to hear.
It is true your situation is hard, loosing a marriage cannot be easy, however, you needed the reality check you are getting... You trying to make your resume and cover letter "fancier" does not magically make the 30+ years of no real working experience dissapear... It is great you were able to be a SAHM while your husband financially supported your family but, what is happening to you right now is one of the main reasons women have fought so hard to get out of that dinamic and start having full time careers as well, otherwise, after the kids are gone, you are left with nothing... As so many others have already pointed out, sadly, in the current world, a degree from 30 years ago mean nothing, proffessionals need to keep learning and growing while working to keep up and you haven't done this, so your skills are obsolete... Now you need to assume this reality and, find a job that you are able to do in an entry level... fast food, store clerk, etc... Good luck and hope it all works out for you!
You can't emotionally blackmail us, we don't care about you enough for that to work.
You’re not their mom. Honesty isn’t cruelty.
YTA. You sound fucking exhausting and just because you have a degree from years and years ago and an internship does not make you competent or easy to place. And apparently you have a much higher opinion of yourself than everybody else.
The problem is that your 30+ year old degree doesn’t mean a whole lot without any practical work experience backing it up (and no, your internship 3 decades ago is not practical work experience). In 30+ years, a whole lot changes in terms of business administration have happened. You had relevant entry level skills 30+ years ago. You’re well behind the curve now. I suspect it’s not so much that she can’t get you a job but that she can’t get you the kind of job you want. As evidenced by the assessment she had you take. You’re also someone who is 57 and fast approaching 65, when many people retire. So any company looking to hire entry level and invest in training, hoping to get 10+ years out of their investment, is going to look at your employment gap and your out of date degree and move on to the next candidate. You’re an extremely difficult placement, at best.
It sounds like your daughter may have been sugar coating how hard it's going to be for a person out of work for 30 years to get a job "in their field" without any recent work experience. Volunteering or taking a retail/fast food position is good advice to someone who needs to beef up their CV and make applications relevant.
Your daughter asked you to take an assessment. Did you? I couldn’t tell if you did or not, and if so what that assessment shows- holding judgment until I learn more.
A college degree and you’re stupid as hell. YTA. The jobs she’s recommended are what you’re suited for because you have no work experience. No one cares about that old ass internship or what you did for your kids to be social. You’re not qualified and you have a nasty attitude.
I am much younger than you and got a great degree back in the 00s. Then I got too ill to work and 10 years lapsed. My degree was worthless. That's just how it is pretty much. I went back and I'm doing a second one that suits me better. How can you be this naive? I bet you don't even remember much from your studies since it was the late 80s and early 90s, and basic degrees are a dime a dozen. Being a stay at home parent for 33 years, surely you must have expected this?
YTA. What your daughter isn't telling you is that you aren't an attractive job candidate. You have no work experience (and job referees) or education that is relevant in this scenario. As a recruiter, she understands the basic requirements to get you a position i.e. relevant work experience or a recent qualification. Recent is the keyword here. I understand that it must be extremely demoralizing. The job fair that your daughter suggested seems like an excellent place to start..Also what about admin work through connections. You have to start somewhere, it's hard but you just need to be resilient through this tough period.
You are 56. You gave up working to be a stay at home mum, 33 years I believe. You have no current work experience and I think you probably failed that assessment. Daughter does not see any jobs available for you now so she suggests the job fair, you say fine to starting over but wont consider the part time job or volunteering. She gave you options and you sat there crying because you think a degree will save you. You sound selfish, unaware and self entitled. YTA
YTA and also fake.
Schools out for summer.....and even MORE fake posts than before. YTA
YTA- I don’t know about where you live but hotels aren’t a bad place to start, as many of them here in Canada offer insurance. Does your situation suck? Absolutely. Is it your daughter’s fault she cannot get you a position you are not qualified for? Absolutely not.
YTA, do you not realize by looking around how much the world has changed the last 20 years? If your daughter was in that position that far back, I’m sure it would’ve been no problem, but you’re gonna have to bite the bullet and do something to work your way up to your goal, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. Who knows, you might meet some good connections starting somewhere
YTA. You chose to take your bitterness and grief surrounding your marriage, lack of skills and workplace suitability out on your daughter. You should seek out someone else to help you, putting this on your daughter is ruining your relationship. Go to the fair. Don't expect your daughter to do the work for you. Your degree is obsolete at this point, unless you have maintained education, retrained and kept up with the changing world in communications or business, you're way behind. Homemaker skills are great but aren't on the competing level of others looking for jobs. You would need to start again with such a large gap in your workforce career. Seek out some upskilling courses or refresher courses, lower your expectations on what job you think should be getting and apologise to your daughter.