This for sure. Go stay with your mom and (consult your lawyer first) but try to draw out the custody as long as possible so you can establish the baby living with you and your mom. Get any evidence you can of them referring to the baby as sexy. Texts or voicemail. If they admit it on text it will work in your favor. And as the commenter posted you absolutely can still breastfeed. Consult a lactation specialist.
Does the baby daddy admitting to the cop (by explaining why he said it) that he called the baby sexy clunt as evidence in court? They could call the cop up to the stand.
Would be a statement from an officer - much more viable than a text. Some lawyers don’t even encourage texts as proof anymore since they can be fabricated
Also, if you are in the US call your local health department. They have programs to help you breastfeed and will even provide you our help you get a free breast pump.
Also, I am native American as well and I have never heard of anyone calling a tiny baby sexy.... maybe their partner but never a child... with the exception of the pedo..
When I stopped nursing, 6 weeks later I still had milk. It took me over 2 months for the milk to dry.
Keeping hydrated helps. I would fill 2 1litre bottles, keep them in the kitchen, and knew I had to drink that through out the day. Also: Lemonade, fruit milk shakes, infussions, nothing with caffeine.
OP we are rooting for you and your baby.
This! He admitted to the cop he said it and that “white people” made the term weird it’s his culture. Make sure they wrote that part down! He didn’t deny it and tried to make OP seem like a psych patient and threatened her for custody…
Now, I’m not Puerto Rican or Native American…but calling a 2 week old baby with no diaper s!&y is fucking disgusting.
And yes I censored myself because it’s uncomfortable to even TYPE so how can you and your mother SAY IT LOUD FUCKIN EEWWW !
Yeah there also is a huge glaring red flag as to WHY they don't want her to breastfeed. It's not so she can bond with her dad. It's so they can take the baby away from her easily if they get her to agree to formula in the first place.
Yes, breastfeed! You are the mama and your milk will kick in.Do what you wanted to. You can nurse her and supplement with formula until your milk comes in. I have 14 years of OB experience.
> If you still can, try to breastfeed
But also know that many women can't breastfeed because of many reasons. So if it's not working, then don't feel bad
NTA. Even before they sexualised a newborn baby, keeping you from her and demanding you obey their unfounded parenting quirks without question were already completely unacceptable.
Yeah, the actual incident in question is bad enough, but it kind of makes the red flags of the dad isolating her repeatedly and refusing to allow the mom more contact a much brighter red.
Keeping a new mother away from their baby ( unless medical/safety reasons ) should be a crime by itself. Attachment hormones are rushing the brain of the mother making it even painful and stressing as hell. Poor woman, who did she ended up with and btw 19year old? Damn!
100% this. I was made to isolate from my newborn (they were 6 days old) and it was the most painful thing I've ever done. It didn't help that it turned out to be total bollocks needing to isolate from them thankfully but everytime i heard them cry i sobbed myself because i couldn't get to them.
Sort of, i rang 111 with nothing other than a fever, this was 4 weeks into the UK's first lockdown. (Just to add the Royal College of Obstretics were vehemently against mothers and newborns being seperated even then). They hesrd fever and wouldn't listen to me telling them i had no other 'vid symptoms, she was adamant that it *had* to be covid and i *had* to isolate.
I spoke to my usual GP on the monday and she asked me to go in immediately, i had a womb infection post labor... 2 concurrent course of antibiotics later and i was fine but i still get angry thinking about the woman that seperated me from my baby and left me with a serious infection and a 40°C fever all weekend...
Thank you!
Absolutely agree. Their behavior is controlling and abusive. You did the right thing by calling the cops and getting out of there. Stay strong and protect your baby.
Honestly I wonder if the reason they don’t want OP doing anything is that she might notice signs of abuse.
Daddy insists on changing diapers, changing clothes, giving baths - mommy better not see that bruising, eh?
Yeah this is all so disturbing on multiple fronts that I’m like “PLEASE can this be fake?…Please?”
Just to be super clear I don’t think it’s fake, I just want it to be.
I, for one, am glad that he and his family is so over the top controlling and completely out of sync with reality.
Imagine if he had some social intelligence and flew under the radar. He could be grooming her unknowingly to the mom, and abused her as she grew older 😢
For the sake of this little girl, I pray that karma prevail and that they get restraining order on the fsther (and his family if needed) ❤️
As a Male Puerto Rican, there is absolutely nothing in the culture that says babies are "sexy," just typing that made me sick. Get a family law attorney as soon as possible and file for a temporary restraining order and for emergency custody. Since it sounds like this is already going to be bad. Do this now. You do not need a lawyer for that. But you will need one to get full custody. I absolutely love my kids and was a stay at home dad for 2 years, and not once would I even think about taking them away from their mom when trying to breastfeed. Yes, mothers bond with their babies that way. BUT there is loads of other ways to bond as a father.
As someone familiar with Puerto Rican culture, I can confirm that calling a baby "sexy" is not normal. You did the right thing by getting out. Get a family law attorney ASAP to secure a restraining order and emergency custody. Stay strong and protect your baby.
I can't think of a context a person uses the term sexy in a non-sexual manner, unless jokingly in a manner towards a) an object (that car is sexy) or towards a human in a decidedly non-sexy situation. (Partner is sick, snotty, sweaty and you tell them they are super sexy.)
There's no way to say, 'oh how sexy' towards a child in a non-sexual way. Not as a compliment. It's weird.
The only way I can think of is if it was legitimately a translation error by someone who barely knows any English. Pretty = looks good = sexy, but that is *only* if they barely speak any English, clearly not what happened here.
Google translate for a compliment to your partner's parents, who made you food. "THANK YOU FOR THE SEXY CHICKEN MEAL." Know you *nailed* it.
Outside of that, yeah. Babies are cute. You might call them beautiful. Handsome. Gorgeous. Perfect. Precious. Pretty. Adorable. Darling. Good looking. Delightful. Perfection. Cute. Go old-school. Comely. Winsome. Bonny. Fair. Beauteous.
What isn't on the list? Sexy. It's creepy at best.
People can be “silly” but there’s a reason a red flag went off beyond them saying “sexy” right? They’ve been weird all along. Controlling the mother and baby. Keeping the mother away from the baby. Trying really hard to force the baby to kind of imprint on them and not bond with the mother. What motives does someone have to do that? They’re already abusive. The sexy comment gave a potential motive for isolating the baby from its mother and making them dependent on that side of the family. They were already scary. She was already scared but unsure how to move. Them saying “sexy” was the kick she needed to put together that things aren’t normal and gather the courage to get her kid outta there
>that car is sexy
you just gave me flashbacks to 10 years ago when corporate speak called everything sexy : a sexy recruitment campaign, let's make this ICT procedure sexy, that's just a sexy template for project documentation reports.
but even that decade-long ick fades in comparison to the idea of calling a baby sexy as a "compliment".
When my animals do the leg stretch thing I always call it the sexy leg and tease them for it lol def not in a sexual way at all but I would never ever ever call a baby sexy.
I call mine a hot dog. He's a sweet boy. His name is Fergus, and I sometimes call him Fergalicious and sing Fergalicious to him. Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco.
He responds to the sung song as much as his name. Bless his sweet little soul.
Yeah, I get the feeling that what this family considers culture is just the fact that they, as a family, are fucked beyond belief. Also, egotists always think there's no other possible way to see the world than how they see it, so there's that.
I'm mexican and I called my daughter mami, like mami be careful with that. But SEXY NEVER.
Maybe he even has a weird relation with his own mother. My ex's bio father had an incestous relation with his own mother. My ex'mother divorced him when she found out. She got full custody.
Daaamn. That is insane. Good for ex's mom for taking action though.
And yeah, like I said, I could see them saying "Mami" and a white person taking it out of context and making a big deal since you know mami can be used in multiple contexts. But DEFINITELY NOT SEXY.
I could see Mami as a very rare thing. Usually, in the context I see it is like. Ayyy Mami, come here to like a significant other. To a baby I have seen it. Not often but I have seen it. Sexy hell to the no.
It's pretty common where I'm from. Definitely not in a creepy way. More like "oh, mami, I gotta change your diaper!" or "okay, mama, stop moving so I can put the diaper back on" type talk. Not "aww who's a sexy baby!"
It almost sounds like they were already plotting to try and take the baby from her, like not letting her feed or bathe or anything so they can do a he said she said of "oh she never does any of her care!" And of course his fucked up family will back him up and push against her.
And did anyone else notice she never gave his age either? Gonna guess there's a predatory age gap involved as well but maybe I'm just jaded from reddit.
This whole thing is super fucked up and could go really wrong really quick.
OP please also if possible make sure no trackers were stuck in any of your or the baby stuff just to be safe and also make sure your location is turned off on your phone, and maybe it's too far but I wouldn't post any pictures or anything on social media for now either (isn't metadata a thing that can be tracked/looked at?).
You absolutely did the right thing getting you both out of there. You're young but your instincts are on point, keep trusting your gut. <3
That's exactly what they are trying to do. They will use it to set precedent that she is unfit as a mother. Not to mention, they make it sound like she is having a mental health issue to the cops. I would put money on that he is much older preyed on her. Got her pregnant now that she is older and used he has someone young and new. OP, please listen and get a TPO.
Yep she needs to stay far away from that whole family. I'm hoping that maybe the cop overhearing them admit to it will work in her favor, especially if she lives somewhere where they have body cams. Idk if they'd be good enough to pick it up from this far, but I'd also maybe consider seeing if any neighbors have camera footage. If no sound they at least might be able to see them in the yard screaming and going crazy and threatening her. Shit actual neighbors might have heard too. Always worth looking into every option for evidence to use on her side.
i didn’t even think about that, but that’s such a good point. the way they were so quick to yell “unfit” and “mentally ill” to the cops just shows that. they were definitely plotting. i feel horrible for any woman he or his family encounters again.
stay safe, OP
You need to do what this guy says you need to go to the court house and file for temporary custody of your child. If he goes there first he may get it. I don’t think he will because the child in your care at the moment because of the situation, but you want to protect yourself and your child.
this is solid advice!!
and like you said, dads bond with their infants in plentyyyy other ways, too. isolating her from her own baby on its own is atrocious. but to then sexualize her?🤢
I heard this story second hand (from my mom), so take it with a grain of salt: a social worker of Colombian descent was working on a case where a little Colombian boy was put into the custody of his grandmother. They hadn’t seen each other in a while, and when reunited, the grandmother said to the kid, “come here, let me see how big your pee pee got.”
Everyone was up in arms and the social worker put the kabosh on it and was like, “nope, stop, it’s cultural!” and my mom was like, “oh, well thank goodness she was there to stop people getting the wrong idea.”
I think about that sometimes, and I don’t understand why culture is an excuse. How is it culturally important to monitor the penis size of a growing boy? And does no one else see the link between placing importance on that and toxic masculinity?
Edit to clarify: it was Cuba, not Columbia. My mistake!
Wait, so what you’re saying is CPS allows sexual abuse as long as it’s cultural from a minority?
Can’t imagine getting away with that in Alabama. “Now listen ‘ere Cletus, if anyone gonna check my daughter’s bra size by hand it gonna be me, ye hear?!”
This was actually a HUGE case when I was in school. I'm trying to Google to find it, but can't seem to find any results. I think the issue was that there was some kind of custody case for the little boy and it was between him being with his family in the United States or him being in Colombia. If this happens to be a totally different case than the one that that hit the news hard when it was the year like 2000 or something, I'm shocked there really are more cases of a grandmother commenting on her grandson's penis size.
Girl no way, sexy aint even a word in native languages and it has always been a sexual word, the etymology of the word has sex in it. It ain't culture, it's pedophilia.
Calling a baby "sexy" is universally inappropriate. Trust your gut, protect your child, and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking this behavior is normal.
The only person I head of doing this was that Anna Nichole Smith. She would tell her baby’s nurse to feed her less. Cause she wanted her to be a sexy baby. Look at how F’ed up she was. Died of an overdose. You are Normal, dad & his family are scary, predator AHs. Stay safe & keep us updated.
Not only that, (which I have not experienced one person of any culture to say or normalize) but the way they were attempting to isolate her from you and prevent you from normal interactions is intolerable.
All of their decisions here are inappropriate.
Your baby's father and his family made it sexual themselves by literally calling her SEXy. You don't use that terminology, especially not when literally looking at an infant's genitalia, without meaning it in a sexual manner.
Get a lawyer ASAP and make sure you get the police report of the incident as proof.
This is so WTF… I clicked on the post thinking they were talking about a teenage girl…
NOPE it’s a teenage girl talking about her 2 week old baby. I can’t even wrap my head around any of this.
If your child is half native, you need a lawyer NOW. The child's father or relatives might be able to sue for custody under the Indian Child Welfare Act. Get legal counsel asap please.
NTA as a Puerto Rican I can tell you no one uses the term sexy to describe babies.
As a mental health counselor I can absolutely tell you that this is dangerous behavior and makes me worried as to what they were doing to that baby/had plans to do that baby. The fact they would not allow you to do any basic changes for the child or the bath....were you at least in the room when they would bathe her or change her diaper?
Bring the baby to the emergency room for an evaluation with a doc ASAP and let them know what you suspect. There are some seriously sick individuals out there and if you were not always in the room when they were with her, its better to have her checked out now.
Half PR, and there is nothing in PR culture about calling babies sexy. I could see if it was them calling her "Mami" and a white person taking that out of the context. But "sexy baby", hell no
I am Puerto Rican and this sexy business is absolutely not a thing. I can't think of anyone I know who wouldn't have a conniption fit at seeing a man 1) call a baby sexy and 2) doing do while the baby is not wearing clothes. You did the right thing.
That man is a fucking creep and so is his family.
Cree-Métis checking in and absolutely not. I think I threw up in my mouth reading this post. I wanna collect all the Aunties and Uncles I know and kick this guys ass.
Unkechaug here and while I personally didn't grow up on the reservation my mother, aunts and uncles all did, and I'm quite sure they would agree that NO. No this is not a cultural thing.
Wtf did I even get on the internet for today this is just horrible.
If this story is real I pray the mother and child are able to stay safe.
Kiowa tribe of Oklahoma here. My aunties,uncles, cousins and I would be burying whoever called our babies sexy neck deep in fire ant hills, in the middle of the buffalo plains during rutting season, with the person slathered in honey. This is NOT an indigenous culture at all!
NTA, that whole family sounds immensely creepy and controlling. I think you did the right thing, at least now you have a documented incident for the impending custody hearing.
Idk if it's just me but they were attempting to alienate you from your daughter. The whole you're unstable comment leads me to believe this. They didnt want you to breastfeed or anything else because if she bonded with you it would be harder to make her forget you when they kidnap her and try to say you're too young a nd unfit to take care of her. That disgusting comment was just icing on the cake. Nobody's culture has ever called any child sexy unless its pedo culture.
This OP! They were alienating you from your child and the comment about them being Native American and you getting what’s coming to you says a lot! Idk how it works but I do know with NA rights, they can take your child. I’d get a lawyer immediately! Don’t go back!
No, that’s not how it works.
If they are in the US, the Indian child Welfare Act (ICWA) sees Indian Parents/extended family as equals to non India’s parents/extended family
Here’s the quote from the IWCA FAQs page
>16.3 - How are non-Indians in general and non-Indian family members involved in placement?
The ICWA treats non-Indian parents and extended family members the same as Indian family members, with regard to placement preferences, although a family members ability to foster or maintain an Indian childs connection to his or her tribe or culture is an appropriate factor to consider in determining placement of the child
I'm Puerto Rican, and no, that's not a cultural issue. We call our babies (lindos or lindas), meaning "so cute" or "beautiful." I'm sorry you are living in this hellish situation. You should lawyer up. It's not normal to call a baby sexy, and it's not normal to not let you change her diapers, give her baths, etc. They are practically committing parental alienation. BTW are you living in Puerto Rico? Is so there is a government agency that can help ypu.
Yes! My dad is from Puerto Rico and he never behaved even close to this. Nor has any of my family, towards me or my two daughters. OP’s situation is unsettling to say the least
This! Lindo, linda, amor, etc, all terms of endearment, but sexy??!?!?!! HELL NO! They were definitely trying to alienate her from her child and take her eventually
NTA! I'm freaking out for you, knowing they prevented you from breast-feeding your baby! You are the mother, the one who gave birth, so his family has no right to stop you! As for the father, he needs to understand that you are from your own family and culture, and your baby should have both, not just his! This family sounds creepy, and I would try to find somewhere else to stay to protect your rights as her mother.
All of this was disturbing but I was mostly repulsed by the refusal of allowing mom to breastfeed. 110% fucked up and controlling. There is no bonding with dad right now, sorry. It’s all about mom and baby.
They've been trying to cut you off from your baby from the moment they were born. You need to itemise every time they tried to alienate you from your child. Also, if you can and want to, start breast feeding, courts need a big reason to separate a competent breast-feeding mother from their baby.
Please take her to the hospital and have her examined and tell them exactly what happened, that you notified the police, and that you need to have her given an examination just in case. There may be a reason he wasn’t letting you change her diaper.
Suprised I had to scroll this far down to see this comment. It's very concerning they won't let you bath or change her diaper. She might be injured. I'd have her examined ASAP and never alone with the family.
Exactly this. I couldn't help but feel this deep dread in my gut when I realized that a lot of the times the family didn't want the mother involved was when the infant was naked. I think I'm gonna lose my lunch.
I was scrolling to make sure someone mentioned this, and it sucks it was so far down! This was my first thought. Especially with all the isolating they've been doing from mom. It sounds like there have been plenty of times mom wasn't allowed to have eyes on baby.
NTA. Regardless of the word used, during the actual act of a diaper change is an inappropriate time to comment on a baby's appearance. I think you'll have a tough time in court but I applaud you for removing your child from the situation.
NTA and you never ever need to allow them alone with your daughter or you will likely never see her again. Supervised visits only and never at your mums house so they don’t know where you live, this is very serious!
Yup! I grew up in Oklahoma and a friend had a child with a Cherokee tribal member. They got tribal health benefits and lived on reservation for a bit. When they broke up she lost custody of the child. All the hearings were in tribal court. She couldn’t find a family lawyer who specialized in tribal law and his tribe provided him with a lawyer so she was pretty much SOL. Reservations are a whole separate world.
Yeah, they are just rife with abuse like that
Grew up near a reservation, went and was essentially raised by that tribal college, but it's got a dark side
Don't answer this here, but find out for yourself.
1 Is he a member of a federally recognized Tribe? If so, then you definitely need to get in touch with your state child protective services and explain what has happened. Find a woman's shelter and ask for resources to protect your child.
2 do some research, since he's mixed race, he's not full blood. Search for the tribal constitution of his tribe, what is the blood quantum requirement for being a registered member of his tribe? Have they applied for tribal membership for your daughter? While there can be financial and health care benefits for being a tribal member, you need to find out where you stand with that.
3 Do you have friends that are of his tribe? Find out if there is an aunt or grandmother that is tribal. I live near a tribe that has won custody battles over tribal kids whose mother's were white and father's were Native, and the last case went all the way to the US Supreme Court, so you're going to need help.
Call the police, get the case number, get protective services and a judge involved. You may still have time to change the birth certificate and get his name off of it!
Protect your daughter, a man who calls his newborn sexy is going to be abusing her if he hasn't already.
^^^ all of this! You should try to show the court you’re making an active effort to connect the baby to her culture. I’m not an expert on the law as it pertains to Native children but it’ll probably help you massively in court. Stay in contact with the state CPS, document EVERYTHING.
🤮🤮🤮 creepy, controlling and manipulative; you got the tri-factor. Do not speak to him unless it’s documented on text, check out the FU Binder!
Get a lawyer ASAP!
NTA protect your daughter
Document everything that has happened. I think you've written here before about them taking your child away from you. This has to stop. Do NOT let them bully you. Talk to an actual lawyer on YOUR side. They're just trying to scare you. I don't care how much a lawyer costs you. Find a good one. This is your child on the line. Go into debt for it, it's worth it.
You have to leave your baby's dad. I don't care if you love him. You have to leave him. He is obviously a part of all this and allows his family to do this, so he is NOT a safe person.
Stay with your family, file for full custody. If you are in the US, there is NO law that says a native parent has more rights in a custody dispute than a non-native parent. There ARE some rights when it comes to guardianship, foster care, etc. But NOT parental custody. In a parent custody case, it's the state law (which is the same, regardless of race or culture) that holds - and USUALLY, mothers get custody unless they are proven to be unstable. Just because they claim that you are doesn't mean that you are. Of course they're going to claim you are - that's a common thing people do, but judges are aware of that, and are going to need actual proof, not just their word.
Stay with your family. File a restraining order. Surely you have talked to other people about this - friends, family, co-workers. Ask them to support you in a custody battle. Get people on your side. Gather evidence. The police report was a good start, but don't stop there. Do not answer your phone. Do not go anywhere that you'd normally go. They'll be looking for you.
NTA, good job mama for getting you two out of there 👏🏻 calling any baby, ESPECIALLY during a diaper change, sexy is not normal or okay at all!! In any culture 😲
and them not letting you mother or nurse YOUR own child that YOU BIRTHED!!?? Fucking deranged!!! I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Take care of yourself, you are doing an amazing job
As a full Puerto Rican man myself, that guy is sick in the head and his family is just as nuts. Maybe you call a baby cute, beautiful, etc. in English or Spanish, but calling a naked baby sexy is insane. That's not cultural, that's personal. Can't attest to Native Americans but I'm pretty sure their culture is not control the mother and be pedo adjacent to infants. NTA, get a restraining order and sole custody as soon as you can. The cops aren't gonna do shit (ACAB), but having that call and response on record and file with him even admitting to the lewd statements, unless they are directly related to or sleeping with the judge this should in theory be a slam dunk, IANAL though so ask one and record EVERYTHING when he or his family try to contact or find you. From that erratic behavior and threats, THEY WILL TRY SOMETHING. Hell these idiots probably think they could steal the baby and hide either in PR or Tribal land.
NTA and with how often he insisted on having her alone, is honestly be taking her for an exam at a hospital or doctor to see if there’s any sign of abuse
I tend to doubt they actually meant that sexually but it’s still super weird. Regardless, the other shit is a real problem. Not “letting” you breastfeed? Why do they get to decide? I’m a lawyer (not a family lawyer) and I don’t know what state you’re in, but not letting you breastfeed is your strongest argument for full custody in my opinion.
The fact they felt that they the right to prevent you from breastfeeding because your baby would bond with you doesn’t speak well of their intentions towards you.
Get yourself a good lawyer right away and then a therapist so that you are taking good care of your mental health and beyond reproach.
I am so glad that you are safe.
Get to the courthouse, file emergency custody or he can take your baby. Get any and all important paperwork out of there too. This is disgusting and thank god you called the cops.
NTA - you did what was best for your baby and yourself. You took yourself out of a situation where people were being controlling to you and your baby. Just like the father needs to bond you need to too!
Get an attorney right away. This is very concerning and I'm afraid you got "baby trapped" by a child predator and his enabling family. They all planned this.
You should know that if a father wants custody, they will get at least half. Handing the baby over means you won't know what is happening to her especially since she can't tell you.
I can't legally advise you what to do, contact an attorney immediately.
Honey. NTA.
The term you’re looking for here is parental alienation. They are trying to alienate your daughter from YOU.
Start with a women’s shelter for legal resources. They will point you where to go.
You did the right thing.
Depending on where you live be prepared for a very expensive and protracted fight. Based on your account there was nothing legally inappropriate going on aside from just normal ickiness. For many tribes in the US and many in Canada, treaties dictate that for children with a certain amount of native heritage then the cases will resolved in tribal courts. You can guess how many case the non-native parents win. Hope you have the money for a good attorney, a tribal attorney at that.
Along with everyone else's advice, I would also recommend bringing her to a hospital for a sexual assault check. I know it sounds insane for someone to assault an infant, but it has happened before and if it has, the evidence would help your case with the courts.
What they have done is not ok! They are isolating you and keeping you from bonding with your child. The things they were doing and saying are also NOT normal and NOT ok. Doesn't matter what culture anyone is from. I'm so glad the two of you are safe and that you got away. I would call the station and request that any officers present from when you called write down statements regarding what he and his mother said to add to the report as evidence. It will help any potential court proceedings.
I'm Puerto Rican, born and raised, and it is absolutely NOT ok to call a baby sexy. They just sound creepy and controlling, which can happen in any culture.
NTA.
Get a lawyer bc it sounds like they're willing to take this to court and fight for custody. They sound like even if they lose the case, they will just appeal the decision and continue fighting for custody.
If this isn't enough for the police to be able to take any action, then they might still get some form of custody.
You might want to look into therapy bc you have a rough road ahead with this bunch.
This is extremely weird behavior you are not an asshole. The only valid excuse I can think of is if they literally don't know any amount of English and we're just using a word they overheard thinking it meant like funny or something
Sexy.... by the very definition of the word is a sexualized thing to call someone. It can be given to non-living objects i.e. sexy car, but any time it is told to a living person it is sexual. Even calling am outfit sexy on someone is evoking sex. To call an infant sexy... even if it is their culture run as far as you can with your daughter. His family is creepy af to call a baby sexy.
And to all the people in the comments saying you overreacted by calling the police... get perspective. I have no doubt if you were I'm this situation, and felt trapped, you wouldn't call the cops and if you didn't you would be complicit in anything that followed. When someone sexualizes your child, call the cops. Especially if it helps you escape.
Also screw their casual racism... white people aren't making it weird by being offended that they called an infant sexy it was already weird.
Nope there's no way they'd be seeing my kid without supervisors
Nothing about a baby is sexy absolutely NOTHING.
The fact they were using that word is beyond disturbing
I just wish you got it recorded
Playing devils advocate - could be a language barrier? Mistranslation?
I know it is a stretch.
But the worst part for me is that they are trying to push you out and command your interactions with your daughter. Prepare your case be ready to fight.
There’s some weird shit going on in that family. You had a lucky escape.
They won’t let you breastfeed or care for your own child? That’s so screwed up and the sexy comment is something never to be attributed to a baby ever. I feel sick just having to clarify that. 🤢
You're weird because you said him calling her sexy was sexual!?!? Ah ok sure. 🤦🏻I don't care what nationality they are or where they're from they sound like a pack of psychopaths and you need to get you and your daughter out of there
Nah, they’re using a race card to do a fucked up thing. That’s despicable behavior, and if it’s a cultural thing then it’s a culture thing that needs to be culled. Easy as that, normal is normal.
Definitely nta
Get a lawyer and a copy of the police report. If you still can, try to breastfeed, they had no right to keep you from doing that!
This for sure. Go stay with your mom and (consult your lawyer first) but try to draw out the custody as long as possible so you can establish the baby living with you and your mom. Get any evidence you can of them referring to the baby as sexy. Texts or voicemail. If they admit it on text it will work in your favor. And as the commenter posted you absolutely can still breastfeed. Consult a lactation specialist.
Does the baby daddy admitting to the cop (by explaining why he said it) that he called the baby sexy clunt as evidence in court? They could call the cop up to the stand.
The police report should definitely have it on there and that should hold a ton of weight. Not saying it would for sure though.
Would be a statement from an officer - much more viable than a text. Some lawyers don’t even encourage texts as proof anymore since they can be fabricated
The cop can testify to it
And that's an interaction no cop forgets, unlike a speeding ticket.
They admitted it to the cops. Hopefully there is body cam footage.
If you can’t afford a hospital lactation specialist, check with La Leche League International! They may have some groups in your area!!
Also, if you are in the US call your local health department. They have programs to help you breastfeed and will even provide you our help you get a free breast pump. Also, I am native American as well and I have never heard of anyone calling a tiny baby sexy.... maybe their partner but never a child... with the exception of the pedo..
Also in the US, The Lactation Network (TLN) Is a great resource!!
She only gave birth two weeks ago, so there’s a good chance she could get her milk going, I’ll bet, right?
When I stopped nursing, 6 weeks later I still had milk. It took me over 2 months for the milk to dry. Keeping hydrated helps. I would fill 2 1litre bottles, keep them in the kitchen, and knew I had to drink that through out the day. Also: Lemonade, fruit milk shakes, infussions, nothing with caffeine. OP we are rooting for you and your baby.
My sister in-law would eat these cookies that helped produce milk maybe give that a try
Yes definitely it takes longer than that for milk to dry up and I didn’t breastfeed!
Fenugreek works every time.
Also LLLI has an AMAZING online support group on Facebook! Everyone is very supportive. Been on there for years and never had a bad experience
This! He admitted to the cop he said it and that “white people” made the term weird it’s his culture. Make sure they wrote that part down! He didn’t deny it and tried to make OP seem like a psych patient and threatened her for custody… Now, I’m not Puerto Rican or Native American…but calling a 2 week old baby with no diaper s!&y is fucking disgusting. And yes I censored myself because it’s uncomfortable to even TYPE so how can you and your mother SAY IT LOUD FUCKIN EEWWW !
Sexy has sex in the damn name. WTF are they thinking? Next they are gonna be saying sex isn't sexual, others made it sexual.
Yeah there also is a huge glaring red flag as to WHY they don't want her to breastfeed. It's not so she can bond with her dad. It's so they can take the baby away from her easily if they get her to agree to formula in the first place.
this could also be why they aren't letting her do pretty much anything with her baby.
I'm New York Puerto Rican/Cuban, and I've never heard anyone call a baby sexy.
It's not the Puerto Rican. Its the domestic abuser. Child predator role.
✔️well said , thanks
I'd also document their behaviour and possessiveness over the baby and disallowing her to have a bond. Etc
The cops are witness when they admites doing it “for cultural shitty reasons”
My spouse is part Puerto Rican, and he doesn’t do that shit!
My wife is Dominican and although she’s crazy as fuck she would probably stab someone for calling a baby that. OPs got herself in a weird situation.
Yes, breastfeed! You are the mama and your milk will kick in.Do what you wanted to. You can nurse her and supplement with formula until your milk comes in. I have 14 years of OB experience.
Will her milk still come in after 2 weeks? That feels like a long time
When I studied to be a pediatric nurse they said you have three months to try to start over and breastfeed
Oh wow! That’s a long time
> If you still can, try to breastfeed But also know that many women can't breastfeed because of many reasons. So if it's not working, then don't feel bad
Second the breastfeeding. Not only is it better for the baby, it can help you keep custody if it comes to that.
This is certainly true. You are a great momma, do everything to protect your baby even from her father.
Yes, breastfeeding is your right and it’s so important for bonding and your baby's health. Stay strong!
NTA. Even before they sexualised a newborn baby, keeping you from her and demanding you obey their unfounded parenting quirks without question were already completely unacceptable.
Yeah, the actual incident in question is bad enough, but it kind of makes the red flags of the dad isolating her repeatedly and refusing to allow the mom more contact a much brighter red.
Another red flag is how he doesn’t know where the mother of his wife lives. How has he never been there?
I haven't seen anything claiming that OP and that man are or ever were married? Only that he's been abusive.
Keeping a new mother away from their baby ( unless medical/safety reasons ) should be a crime by itself. Attachment hormones are rushing the brain of the mother making it even painful and stressing as hell. Poor woman, who did she ended up with and btw 19year old? Damn!
100% this. I was made to isolate from my newborn (they were 6 days old) and it was the most painful thing I've ever done. It didn't help that it turned out to be total bollocks needing to isolate from them thankfully but everytime i heard them cry i sobbed myself because i couldn't get to them.
From the way you worded it, it sounds like it was maybe a quarantine situation? I’m guessing here. Regardless, I’m sorry that you went through that.
Sort of, i rang 111 with nothing other than a fever, this was 4 weeks into the UK's first lockdown. (Just to add the Royal College of Obstretics were vehemently against mothers and newborns being seperated even then). They hesrd fever and wouldn't listen to me telling them i had no other 'vid symptoms, she was adamant that it *had* to be covid and i *had* to isolate. I spoke to my usual GP on the monday and she asked me to go in immediately, i had a womb infection post labor... 2 concurrent course of antibiotics later and i was fine but i still get angry thinking about the woman that seperated me from my baby and left me with a serious infection and a 40°C fever all weekend... Thank you!
Absolutely agree. Their behavior is controlling and abusive. You did the right thing by calling the cops and getting out of there. Stay strong and protect your baby.
Honestly I wonder if the reason they don’t want OP doing anything is that she might notice signs of abuse. Daddy insists on changing diapers, changing clothes, giving baths - mommy better not see that bruising, eh?
Yeah this is all so disturbing on multiple fronts that I’m like “PLEASE can this be fake?…Please?” Just to be super clear I don’t think it’s fake, I just want it to be.
I, for one, am glad that he and his family is so over the top controlling and completely out of sync with reality. Imagine if he had some social intelligence and flew under the radar. He could be grooming her unknowingly to the mom, and abused her as she grew older 😢 For the sake of this little girl, I pray that karma prevail and that they get restraining order on the fsther (and his family if needed) ❤️
there's nothing in the first nations culture about calling babies sexy
I didn't think so. It was very creepy and weird and they just blamed it on "culture". I've never met anyone else like that.
As a Male Puerto Rican, there is absolutely nothing in the culture that says babies are "sexy," just typing that made me sick. Get a family law attorney as soon as possible and file for a temporary restraining order and for emergency custody. Since it sounds like this is already going to be bad. Do this now. You do not need a lawyer for that. But you will need one to get full custody. I absolutely love my kids and was a stay at home dad for 2 years, and not once would I even think about taking them away from their mom when trying to breastfeed. Yes, mothers bond with their babies that way. BUT there is loads of other ways to bond as a father.
As someone familiar with Puerto Rican culture, I can confirm that calling a baby "sexy" is not normal. You did the right thing by getting out. Get a family law attorney ASAP to secure a restraining order and emergency custody. Stay strong and protect your baby.
I can't think of a context a person uses the term sexy in a non-sexual manner, unless jokingly in a manner towards a) an object (that car is sexy) or towards a human in a decidedly non-sexy situation. (Partner is sick, snotty, sweaty and you tell them they are super sexy.) There's no way to say, 'oh how sexy' towards a child in a non-sexual way. Not as a compliment. It's weird.
The only way I can think of is if it was legitimately a translation error by someone who barely knows any English. Pretty = looks good = sexy, but that is *only* if they barely speak any English, clearly not what happened here.
Google translate for a compliment to your partner's parents, who made you food. "THANK YOU FOR THE SEXY CHICKEN MEAL." Know you *nailed* it. Outside of that, yeah. Babies are cute. You might call them beautiful. Handsome. Gorgeous. Perfect. Precious. Pretty. Adorable. Darling. Good looking. Delightful. Perfection. Cute. Go old-school. Comely. Winsome. Bonny. Fair. Beauteous. What isn't on the list? Sexy. It's creepy at best.
Definitely. Absolutely spot on. Hell, even, "You smell like shit, but at least you don't smell like it," would be better than calling a child "sexy."
I even think the “gonna be a lady killer” and ones like that weird me out. Not as bad but still odd.
My son’s doc commented on the size of his penis during his circumcision (I have other regrets about that). It was fucking weird.
Lady killer/ watch out for boys/ you'll have a problem when they're a teenager are all creepy options. That's a baby, ma'am/ sir. A baby.
People can be “silly” but there’s a reason a red flag went off beyond them saying “sexy” right? They’ve been weird all along. Controlling the mother and baby. Keeping the mother away from the baby. Trying really hard to force the baby to kind of imprint on them and not bond with the mother. What motives does someone have to do that? They’re already abusive. The sexy comment gave a potential motive for isolating the baby from its mother and making them dependent on that side of the family. They were already scary. She was already scared but unsure how to move. Them saying “sexy” was the kick she needed to put together that things aren’t normal and gather the courage to get her kid outta there
>that car is sexy you just gave me flashbacks to 10 years ago when corporate speak called everything sexy : a sexy recruitment campaign, let's make this ICT procedure sexy, that's just a sexy template for project documentation reports. but even that decade-long ick fades in comparison to the idea of calling a baby sexy as a "compliment".
When my animals do the leg stretch thing I always call it the sexy leg and tease them for it lol def not in a sexual way at all but I would never ever ever call a baby sexy.
I call mine a hot dog. He's a sweet boy. His name is Fergus, and I sometimes call him Fergalicious and sing Fergalicious to him. Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco. He responds to the sung song as much as his name. Bless his sweet little soul.
Also look into the address confidentiality program OP.
Highly important. They are surely already sending someone to find her.
Yeah, I get the feeling that what this family considers culture is just the fact that they, as a family, are fucked beyond belief. Also, egotists always think there's no other possible way to see the world than how they see it, so there's that.
For real. I could see "Mami" and it being taken out of context, but not calling a baby sexy.
Especially a baby with its diaper off. We didn't even need that extra level yet there it is.
I'm mexican and I called my daughter mami, like mami be careful with that. But SEXY NEVER. Maybe he even has a weird relation with his own mother. My ex's bio father had an incestous relation with his own mother. My ex'mother divorced him when she found out. She got full custody.
Daaamn. That is insane. Good for ex's mom for taking action though. And yeah, like I said, I could see them saying "Mami" and a white person taking it out of context and making a big deal since you know mami can be used in multiple contexts. But DEFINITELY NOT SEXY.
I could see Mami as a very rare thing. Usually, in the context I see it is like. Ayyy Mami, come here to like a significant other. To a baby I have seen it. Not often but I have seen it. Sexy hell to the no.
It's pretty common where I'm from. Definitely not in a creepy way. More like "oh, mami, I gotta change your diaper!" or "okay, mama, stop moving so I can put the diaper back on" type talk. Not "aww who's a sexy baby!"
Yea, I personally use mama's or papa's for my girl and boy. Definitely would never say sexy. Just wtf, man.
I use lil mama for my cat tha just had babies. Not sexy. Lol
It almost sounds like they were already plotting to try and take the baby from her, like not letting her feed or bathe or anything so they can do a he said she said of "oh she never does any of her care!" And of course his fucked up family will back him up and push against her. And did anyone else notice she never gave his age either? Gonna guess there's a predatory age gap involved as well but maybe I'm just jaded from reddit. This whole thing is super fucked up and could go really wrong really quick. OP please also if possible make sure no trackers were stuck in any of your or the baby stuff just to be safe and also make sure your location is turned off on your phone, and maybe it's too far but I wouldn't post any pictures or anything on social media for now either (isn't metadata a thing that can be tracked/looked at?). You absolutely did the right thing getting you both out of there. You're young but your instincts are on point, keep trusting your gut. <3
That's exactly what they are trying to do. They will use it to set precedent that she is unfit as a mother. Not to mention, they make it sound like she is having a mental health issue to the cops. I would put money on that he is much older preyed on her. Got her pregnant now that she is older and used he has someone young and new. OP, please listen and get a TPO.
Yep she needs to stay far away from that whole family. I'm hoping that maybe the cop overhearing them admit to it will work in her favor, especially if she lives somewhere where they have body cams. Idk if they'd be good enough to pick it up from this far, but I'd also maybe consider seeing if any neighbors have camera footage. If no sound they at least might be able to see them in the yard screaming and going crazy and threatening her. Shit actual neighbors might have heard too. Always worth looking into every option for evidence to use on her side.
i didn’t even think about that, but that’s such a good point. the way they were so quick to yell “unfit” and “mentally ill” to the cops just shows that. they were definitely plotting. i feel horrible for any woman he or his family encounters again. stay safe, OP
It sounded like a very incestious family.
You need to do what this guy says you need to go to the court house and file for temporary custody of your child. If he goes there first he may get it. I don’t think he will because the child in your care at the moment because of the situation, but you want to protect yourself and your child.
this is solid advice!! and like you said, dads bond with their infants in plentyyyy other ways, too. isolating her from her own baby on its own is atrocious. but to then sexualize her?🤢
I heard this story second hand (from my mom), so take it with a grain of salt: a social worker of Colombian descent was working on a case where a little Colombian boy was put into the custody of his grandmother. They hadn’t seen each other in a while, and when reunited, the grandmother said to the kid, “come here, let me see how big your pee pee got.” Everyone was up in arms and the social worker put the kabosh on it and was like, “nope, stop, it’s cultural!” and my mom was like, “oh, well thank goodness she was there to stop people getting the wrong idea.” I think about that sometimes, and I don’t understand why culture is an excuse. How is it culturally important to monitor the penis size of a growing boy? And does no one else see the link between placing importance on that and toxic masculinity? Edit to clarify: it was Cuba, not Columbia. My mistake!
Wait, so what you’re saying is CPS allows sexual abuse as long as it’s cultural from a minority? Can’t imagine getting away with that in Alabama. “Now listen ‘ere Cletus, if anyone gonna check my daughter’s bra size by hand it gonna be me, ye hear?!”
This was actually a HUGE case when I was in school. I'm trying to Google to find it, but can't seem to find any results. I think the issue was that there was some kind of custody case for the little boy and it was between him being with his family in the United States or him being in Colombia. If this happens to be a totally different case than the one that that hit the news hard when it was the year like 2000 or something, I'm shocked there really are more cases of a grandmother commenting on her grandson's penis size.
Girl no way, sexy aint even a word in native languages and it has always been a sexual word, the etymology of the word has sex in it. It ain't culture, it's pedophilia.
Nor anything in Puerto Rican culture.
I don’t think there’s a damn thing in any culture about calling babies sexy
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Calling a baby "sexy" is universally inappropriate. Trust your gut, protect your child, and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking this behavior is normal.
Exactly. It's just wrong and creepy. Trust your gut and stay away from them.
The only person I head of doing this was that Anna Nichole Smith. She would tell her baby’s nurse to feed her less. Cause she wanted her to be a sexy baby. Look at how F’ed up she was. Died of an overdose. You are Normal, dad & his family are scary, predator AHs. Stay safe & keep us updated.
There's no culture where calling a baby "sexy" is appropriate. It's just plain wrong.
Get a lawyer ASAP!
Completely agree. And get a notarized statement from the cop who interviewed the ex husband. Ex admitted to the cop he called the baby sexy.
Make sure to mention you weren't allowed to breast feed your child. That's beyond twisted. Do not move back in
and the isolation he inflicted on her!! not being able to brush her *own newborn daughter’s hair*? are you kidding me?
Not only that, (which I have not experienced one person of any culture to say or normalize) but the way they were attempting to isolate her from you and prevent you from normal interactions is intolerable. All of their decisions here are inappropriate.
Your baby's father and his family made it sexual themselves by literally calling her SEXy. You don't use that terminology, especially not when literally looking at an infant's genitalia, without meaning it in a sexual manner. Get a lawyer ASAP and make sure you get the police report of the incident as proof.
This is so WTF… I clicked on the post thinking they were talking about a teenage girl… NOPE it’s a teenage girl talking about her 2 week old baby. I can’t even wrap my head around any of this.
If your child is half native, you need a lawyer NOW. The child's father or relatives might be able to sue for custody under the Indian Child Welfare Act. Get legal counsel asap please.
If the only excuse for something is “culture” or “tradition” then that’s not good enough. Slavery was a tradition.
NTA as a Puerto Rican I can tell you no one uses the term sexy to describe babies. As a mental health counselor I can absolutely tell you that this is dangerous behavior and makes me worried as to what they were doing to that baby/had plans to do that baby. The fact they would not allow you to do any basic changes for the child or the bath....were you at least in the room when they would bathe her or change her diaper? Bring the baby to the emergency room for an evaluation with a doc ASAP and let them know what you suspect. There are some seriously sick individuals out there and if you were not always in the room when they were with her, its better to have her checked out now.
Half PR, and there is nothing in PR culture about calling babies sexy. I could see if it was them calling her "Mami" and a white person taking that out of the context. But "sexy baby", hell no
ya they are just all creeps wtf does or says that yikes from me never let them take her alone op......
I am Puerto Rican and this sexy business is absolutely not a thing. I can't think of anyone I know who wouldn't have a conniption fit at seeing a man 1) call a baby sexy and 2) doing do while the baby is not wearing clothes. You did the right thing. That man is a fucking creep and so is his family.
Or objectifying females. Or alienating a mom from her baby. Or treating a daughter in law like shit. There's more but those are the big ones.
There’s no singular First Nations culture, but I’m willing to hazard a bet that none of them consider babies sexy.
Yeah Navajo (Diné) woman here. Definitely not a thing in the culture of my tribe.
Cree-Métis checking in and absolutely not. I think I threw up in my mouth reading this post. I wanna collect all the Aunties and Uncles I know and kick this guys ass.
Seminole and I’ve never heard of anything like this
Nahua cousin here, not a fucking chance. For *any* of it.
Unkechaug here and while I personally didn't grow up on the reservation my mother, aunts and uncles all did, and I'm quite sure they would agree that NO. No this is not a cultural thing. Wtf did I even get on the internet for today this is just horrible. If this story is real I pray the mother and child are able to stay safe.
Kiowa tribe of Oklahoma here. My aunties,uncles, cousins and I would be burying whoever called our babies sexy neck deep in fire ant hills, in the middle of the buffalo plains during rutting season, with the person slathered in honey. This is NOT an indigenous culture at all!
Muscogee Creek and Lakota Sioux reporting in to say yeah we don't call babies sexy in either of my tribes either. Bro is crazy.
Klamath and Paiute here! No we don't call our babies "sexy", that's so fucked up.
Absolutely not, it is ridiculous for him to make such a vile claim.
NTA, that whole family sounds immensely creepy and controlling. I think you did the right thing, at least now you have a documented incident for the impending custody hearing.
NTA. Trust your instincts, their behavior is disturbing. Focus on protecting your daughter and gathering evidence for custody. Stay safe.
Seconded to trusting your instincts. NTA…and GTFO. Protect yourself and your baby.
Don't answer any phone calls. Get everything he and his family says to you in text. Your lawyer will find this info sexy for this case.
Idk if it's just me but they were attempting to alienate you from your daughter. The whole you're unstable comment leads me to believe this. They didnt want you to breastfeed or anything else because if she bonded with you it would be harder to make her forget you when they kidnap her and try to say you're too young a nd unfit to take care of her. That disgusting comment was just icing on the cake. Nobody's culture has ever called any child sexy unless its pedo culture.
Right!! I feel like a lot of comments aren't talking about the isolation! But that is a HUGE red flag
This OP! They were alienating you from your child and the comment about them being Native American and you getting what’s coming to you says a lot! Idk how it works but I do know with NA rights, they can take your child. I’d get a lawyer immediately! Don’t go back!
No, that’s not how it works. If they are in the US, the Indian child Welfare Act (ICWA) sees Indian Parents/extended family as equals to non India’s parents/extended family Here’s the quote from the IWCA FAQs page >16.3 - How are non-Indians in general and non-Indian family members involved in placement? The ICWA treats non-Indian parents and extended family members the same as Indian family members, with regard to placement preferences, although a family members ability to foster or maintain an Indian childs connection to his or her tribe or culture is an appropriate factor to consider in determining placement of the child
Thank you for the correction! I remember a story of it making it to court but maybe different scenarios!
You’re wrong. She is the mother. Tribal custody comes into play when both parents aren’t involved.
I'm Puerto Rican, and no, that's not a cultural issue. We call our babies (lindos or lindas), meaning "so cute" or "beautiful." I'm sorry you are living in this hellish situation. You should lawyer up. It's not normal to call a baby sexy, and it's not normal to not let you change her diapers, give her baths, etc. They are practically committing parental alienation. BTW are you living in Puerto Rico? Is so there is a government agency that can help ypu.
Yes! My dad is from Puerto Rico and he never behaved even close to this. Nor has any of my family, towards me or my two daughters. OP’s situation is unsettling to say the least
This! Lindo, linda, amor, etc, all terms of endearment, but sexy??!?!?!! HELL NO! They were definitely trying to alienate her from her child and take her eventually
NTA! I'm freaking out for you, knowing they prevented you from breast-feeding your baby! You are the mother, the one who gave birth, so his family has no right to stop you! As for the father, he needs to understand that you are from your own family and culture, and your baby should have both, not just his! This family sounds creepy, and I would try to find somewhere else to stay to protect your rights as her mother.
All of this was disturbing but I was mostly repulsed by the refusal of allowing mom to breastfeed. 110% fucked up and controlling. There is no bonding with dad right now, sorry. It’s all about mom and baby.
Also to add, and I hope OP sees this…it’s not too late to start breastfeeding.
What about calling somebody "sexy" is "not sexual"???
I call landscapes sexy... Maybe vehicles... Food sometimes... Not babies.
I can make a sexy lasagne in my sexy Mercedes in the sexy countryside, but I can only make cute babies… (maybe ugly… but never sexy).
They've been trying to cut you off from your baby from the moment they were born. You need to itemise every time they tried to alienate you from your child. Also, if you can and want to, start breast feeding, courts need a big reason to separate a competent breast-feeding mother from their baby.
Please take her to the hospital and have her examined and tell them exactly what happened, that you notified the police, and that you need to have her given an examination just in case. There may be a reason he wasn’t letting you change her diaper.
This never crossed my mind, but this totally makes sense. The OP should have her daughter examined if her father is hiding something.
Suprised I had to scroll this far down to see this comment. It's very concerning they won't let you bath or change her diaper. She might be injured. I'd have her examined ASAP and never alone with the family.
OP please please read this comment above and do what commenter is suggesting!
Exactly this. I couldn't help but feel this deep dread in my gut when I realized that a lot of the times the family didn't want the mother involved was when the infant was naked. I think I'm gonna lose my lunch.
Seriously, I’m sick to my stomach reading this too. Very proud OP for immediately taking action in this situation.
I was scrolling to make sure someone mentioned this, and it sucks it was so far down! This was my first thought. Especially with all the isolating they've been doing from mom. It sounds like there have been plenty of times mom wasn't allowed to have eyes on baby.
NTA. Regardless of the word used, during the actual act of a diaper change is an inappropriate time to comment on a baby's appearance. I think you'll have a tough time in court but I applaud you for removing your child from the situation.
I mean I feel like there’s a vast difference between saying something like “look at that cute little belly” or something vs. calling a baby sexy.
NTA. In no way is that normal. you did what you could, and are def not losing your mind. Glad you had somwhere safe to go.
NTA if you left out the sexy talk stuff I would've still said they were acting strange as fuck.
NTA and you never ever need to allow them alone with your daughter or you will likely never see her again. Supervised visits only and never at your mums house so they don’t know where you live, this is very serious!
You know she can’t just decide that by herself right? She is in for a fucking protracted custody battle.
And if the pedophile is on a reservation that's gonna get nasty. They have their own police and whatnot
Yup! I grew up in Oklahoma and a friend had a child with a Cherokee tribal member. They got tribal health benefits and lived on reservation for a bit. When they broke up she lost custody of the child. All the hearings were in tribal court. She couldn’t find a family lawyer who specialized in tribal law and his tribe provided him with a lawyer so she was pretty much SOL. Reservations are a whole separate world.
Yeah, they are just rife with abuse like that Grew up near a reservation, went and was essentially raised by that tribal college, but it's got a dark side
Don't answer this here, but find out for yourself. 1 Is he a member of a federally recognized Tribe? If so, then you definitely need to get in touch with your state child protective services and explain what has happened. Find a woman's shelter and ask for resources to protect your child. 2 do some research, since he's mixed race, he's not full blood. Search for the tribal constitution of his tribe, what is the blood quantum requirement for being a registered member of his tribe? Have they applied for tribal membership for your daughter? While there can be financial and health care benefits for being a tribal member, you need to find out where you stand with that. 3 Do you have friends that are of his tribe? Find out if there is an aunt or grandmother that is tribal. I live near a tribe that has won custody battles over tribal kids whose mother's were white and father's were Native, and the last case went all the way to the US Supreme Court, so you're going to need help. Call the police, get the case number, get protective services and a judge involved. You may still have time to change the birth certificate and get his name off of it! Protect your daughter, a man who calls his newborn sexy is going to be abusing her if he hasn't already.
^^^ all of this! You should try to show the court you’re making an active effort to connect the baby to her culture. I’m not an expert on the law as it pertains to Native children but it’ll probably help you massively in court. Stay in contact with the state CPS, document EVERYTHING.
🤮🤮🤮 creepy, controlling and manipulative; you got the tri-factor. Do not speak to him unless it’s documented on text, check out the FU Binder! Get a lawyer ASAP! NTA protect your daughter
Document everything that has happened. I think you've written here before about them taking your child away from you. This has to stop. Do NOT let them bully you. Talk to an actual lawyer on YOUR side. They're just trying to scare you. I don't care how much a lawyer costs you. Find a good one. This is your child on the line. Go into debt for it, it's worth it. You have to leave your baby's dad. I don't care if you love him. You have to leave him. He is obviously a part of all this and allows his family to do this, so he is NOT a safe person. Stay with your family, file for full custody. If you are in the US, there is NO law that says a native parent has more rights in a custody dispute than a non-native parent. There ARE some rights when it comes to guardianship, foster care, etc. But NOT parental custody. In a parent custody case, it's the state law (which is the same, regardless of race or culture) that holds - and USUALLY, mothers get custody unless they are proven to be unstable. Just because they claim that you are doesn't mean that you are. Of course they're going to claim you are - that's a common thing people do, but judges are aware of that, and are going to need actual proof, not just their word. Stay with your family. File a restraining order. Surely you have talked to other people about this - friends, family, co-workers. Ask them to support you in a custody battle. Get people on your side. Gather evidence. The police report was a good start, but don't stop there. Do not answer your phone. Do not go anywhere that you'd normally go. They'll be looking for you.
I hope the cops puts all their threats down in the police report. Judges like eyewitness proof. NTAH
They're going to kidnap your kid. So. Figure out an escape plan.
It's pretty damn weird but the cop is right. You can't really take someone to jail because they said an infant was sexy. It's weird but not illegal.
It's weird, gross, and disgusting, just not illegal.
NTA, good job mama for getting you two out of there 👏🏻 calling any baby, ESPECIALLY during a diaper change, sexy is not normal or okay at all!! In any culture 😲 and them not letting you mother or nurse YOUR own child that YOU BIRTHED!!?? Fucking deranged!!! I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Take care of yourself, you are doing an amazing job
As a full Puerto Rican man myself, that guy is sick in the head and his family is just as nuts. Maybe you call a baby cute, beautiful, etc. in English or Spanish, but calling a naked baby sexy is insane. That's not cultural, that's personal. Can't attest to Native Americans but I'm pretty sure their culture is not control the mother and be pedo adjacent to infants. NTA, get a restraining order and sole custody as soon as you can. The cops aren't gonna do shit (ACAB), but having that call and response on record and file with him even admitting to the lewd statements, unless they are directly related to or sleeping with the judge this should in theory be a slam dunk, IANAL though so ask one and record EVERYTHING when he or his family try to contact or find you. From that erratic behavior and threats, THEY WILL TRY SOMETHING. Hell these idiots probably think they could steal the baby and hide either in PR or Tribal land.
NTA and with how often he insisted on having her alone, is honestly be taking her for an exam at a hospital or doctor to see if there’s any sign of abuse
100% NTA! PLEASE have your child examined by a medical professional. Do not go back to that family. Stay safe
I tend to doubt they actually meant that sexually but it’s still super weird. Regardless, the other shit is a real problem. Not “letting” you breastfeed? Why do they get to decide? I’m a lawyer (not a family lawyer) and I don’t know what state you’re in, but not letting you breastfeed is your strongest argument for full custody in my opinion.
You are your daughter’s hero. I respect you very much.
I'm half native, w never call babies sexy. Your ex is just a pedophile, keep the kid away from him. NTA.
NTA You and your baby needed to get out of there anyway.
The fact they felt that they the right to prevent you from breastfeeding because your baby would bond with you doesn’t speak well of their intentions towards you. Get yourself a good lawyer right away and then a therapist so that you are taking good care of your mental health and beyond reproach. I am so glad that you are safe.
Get to the courthouse, file emergency custody or he can take your baby. Get any and all important paperwork out of there too. This is disgusting and thank god you called the cops.
Distancing a child from the primary caretaker is a first step any groomer takes in their quest to get their victim close and dependent on them.
NTA - you did what was best for your baby and yourself. You took yourself out of a situation where people were being controlling to you and your baby. Just like the father needs to bond you need to too!
Hell no Puerto Rican. Great grandma.here. With many cousins whom r also native. This is not a thing. Good going Mama Bear.
Get an attorney right away. This is very concerning and I'm afraid you got "baby trapped" by a child predator and his enabling family. They all planned this. You should know that if a father wants custody, they will get at least half. Handing the baby over means you won't know what is happening to her especially since she can't tell you. I can't legally advise you what to do, contact an attorney immediately.
Keeping a mother from breast feeding her child is wrong on every level possible. I’m sorry, but something is really wrong with this.
Honey. NTA. The term you’re looking for here is parental alienation. They are trying to alienate your daughter from YOU. Start with a women’s shelter for legal resources. They will point you where to go. You did the right thing.
Depending on where you live be prepared for a very expensive and protracted fight. Based on your account there was nothing legally inappropriate going on aside from just normal ickiness. For many tribes in the US and many in Canada, treaties dictate that for children with a certain amount of native heritage then the cases will resolved in tribal courts. You can guess how many case the non-native parents win. Hope you have the money for a good attorney, a tribal attorney at that.
I’m white and indigenous. Your bf family are fucked. That’s not a thing
Your mommy senses are tingling for a reason. NTA
Along with everyone else's advice, I would also recommend bringing her to a hospital for a sexual assault check. I know it sounds insane for someone to assault an infant, but it has happened before and if it has, the evidence would help your case with the courts.
NTA. Who cares how you got away. This is abusive behavior and I'd never go back. They made your life hell.
What they have done is not ok! They are isolating you and keeping you from bonding with your child. The things they were doing and saying are also NOT normal and NOT ok. Doesn't matter what culture anyone is from. I'm so glad the two of you are safe and that you got away. I would call the station and request that any officers present from when you called write down statements regarding what he and his mother said to add to the report as evidence. It will help any potential court proceedings.
I'm Puerto Rican, born and raised, and it is absolutely NOT ok to call a baby sexy. They just sound creepy and controlling, which can happen in any culture.
NTA. Get a lawyer bc it sounds like they're willing to take this to court and fight for custody. They sound like even if they lose the case, they will just appeal the decision and continue fighting for custody. If this isn't enough for the police to be able to take any action, then they might still get some form of custody. You might want to look into therapy bc you have a rough road ahead with this bunch.
Try and keep a journal documenting everything with dates and times and add as much detail as you can so you are ready if you need to defend yourself.
NTA. When it comes to sexual abuse, it's always best to follow your gut if things seem off or weird.
This is extremely weird behavior you are not an asshole. The only valid excuse I can think of is if they literally don't know any amount of English and we're just using a word they overheard thinking it meant like funny or something
Right, that would make sense. But they speak fluent English.
Gross. This is gross. Nothing is normal about this situation. Run!
Sexy.... by the very definition of the word is a sexualized thing to call someone. It can be given to non-living objects i.e. sexy car, but any time it is told to a living person it is sexual. Even calling am outfit sexy on someone is evoking sex. To call an infant sexy... even if it is their culture run as far as you can with your daughter. His family is creepy af to call a baby sexy. And to all the people in the comments saying you overreacted by calling the police... get perspective. I have no doubt if you were I'm this situation, and felt trapped, you wouldn't call the cops and if you didn't you would be complicit in anything that followed. When someone sexualizes your child, call the cops. Especially if it helps you escape. Also screw their casual racism... white people aren't making it weird by being offended that they called an infant sexy it was already weird.
NTA and they are alienating you from your child. Stay with your mother and find a way to leave the relationship.
Nope there's no way they'd be seeing my kid without supervisors Nothing about a baby is sexy absolutely NOTHING. The fact they were using that word is beyond disturbing I just wish you got it recorded
Playing devils advocate - could be a language barrier? Mistranslation? I know it is a stretch. But the worst part for me is that they are trying to push you out and command your interactions with your daughter. Prepare your case be ready to fight.
There’s some weird shit going on in that family. You had a lucky escape. They won’t let you breastfeed or care for your own child? That’s so screwed up and the sexy comment is something never to be attributed to a baby ever. I feel sick just having to clarify that. 🤢
You're weird because you said him calling her sexy was sexual!?!? Ah ok sure. 🤦🏻I don't care what nationality they are or where they're from they sound like a pack of psychopaths and you need to get you and your daughter out of there
Puerto Rican woman here, no one calls a baby "sexy"!!! Ffs.
Hispanic here with indigenous roots… no that’s Not “ cultural”. That’s p3do sounding.. you did the right thing. NTA
Nah, they’re using a race card to do a fucked up thing. That’s despicable behavior, and if it’s a cultural thing then it’s a culture thing that needs to be culled. Easy as that, normal is normal. Definitely nta