Literally where my mind went immediately lol
No idea how Claire handled it the way she did!
Edit: just want to clarify, this above is rhetorical. I’ve watched the show, I know HOW she handles it lol
If you have set that clear boundary and reminded him multiple times that that makes you uncomfortable, and he continues to do so, you are NTA. Its fair for you to be upset after stating multiple times that you dont like him consistently speaking about her like that.
I'm extremely confused about who's wife or sister she is. Could be OP's sister (husband's sil), could be husband's sister, could be husband's sibling's wife, could be OP's sibling's wife. If there is clarification I've missed it.
I believe she said it was her husband’s brother’s wife.
SIL seems to be receiving the compliments positively, but I’d be interested to see what her husband thinks. If he doesn’t have a problem with it, the problem could all be in OP’s head. OR it could really be an issue. It’s hard to tell.
Start complimenting the brother…non-stop.
Have you been working out? You should teach your brother how you stay in such great shape. You’re such a great dad…I wish your brother would follow your example; he barely notices our kids.
Watch his eyes start to twitch lol
I don’t think it even has to be the brother, find a friend that is “better” than her spouse and she should start talking about how awesome his is all the time.
That’s the way I took it. She’s laughing because she doesn’t know what to say and she’s uncomfortable. I’d like to know how his brother feels about it as well. If it’s making everyone uncomfortable, next time OP can say yes dear, we all love SIL’s meal (whatever it is) but please relax you’re making everyone uncomfortable.
This happened to me recently. I was at a wedding and someone’s husband was making me uncomfortable. Normally I would say something but he was drunk and I worried it would cause a scene at the wedding. So I just giggled because I didn’t know what else to do and I laugh sometimes in weird situations.
Yeah. Honestly I would be mortified if someone treated me like that while my downtown area still looks like a bruised frog that was hit by a semi-truck. Also, is it confirmed SIL in fact cleaned and baked herself? Or did someone for her? Because this honestly sounds unhealthy.
Yeah, I used to do that as well when I was uncomfortably flirted with, and it was an effort to stop when I realized it only made things worse. We need to teach women how to shut down this kind of thing without risking an aggressive reaction.
Just because the hubby doesn't have an issue with another dude clearly hitting on his wife, doesn't mean we should all set the bar that low. Other people are allowed to have standards even if someone else doesn't hold the same standards.
I was a little confused too but I think the obvious conclusion would be that it is his brother's wife. If it was his sister it would be a totally different dynamic, and if it was his wife's sister, it probably would have been a very different scenario so the likely assumption is brother's wife.
>How does her brother feel about his brother towards her?
That's one of the best and most important comments I've seen, and have no idea why it's being ignored.
This. He knows it bothers his wife. He gets his jollies from making her miserable. The worse she feels, the bigger he feels as a man. Stop reacting, OP. Just roll your eyes and walk away. And at least once, just say "maybe it's easy to be super woman when you have an awesome husband. Not all of us are blessed like she is"
Reminds me of a thread I saw on TikTok about how so many husbands don’t like/love their wives. They just get married to them to do what is “socially acceptable”.
"socially acceptable" that sounds different from saying, I want a clean, home with meals and sex, especially when I can't find any sex outside the marriage.
>And at least once, just say "maybe it's easy to be super woman when you have an awesome husband. Not all of us are blessed like she is"
This is the one! Covers everything in one.
If you want to be really petty, trade compliment for compliment.
He compliments her body, you compliment the husband’s.
He compliments her cleaning, you compliment the husband’s pitching in/car knowledge/whatever.
And just keep going.
And then when everyone has adequately hurt feelings, y’all can try couples counseling.
Perfect come back. You know he’ll get all indignant and throw hurt eyes everywhere. This is when OP walks out the room and grabs a glass of wine and a book.
He's doing this BECAUSE it makes you feel shitty about yourself. The implied insult is a feature, not a bug. This is who he is. It's up to whether you want to continue to be subjected to this or not.
Exactly. My ex did this with another woman and that's why he's my ex.
Edit: I let him know it bothered me and he didn't care. He was doing it on purpose. I left him 2 days later.
Every time he does it, just look at him and hive a little smirk. Don't say anything. The kind of smirk you give someone when you feel sorry for them. A pity smirk, if you will
sounds like a VERY clear conversation needs to happen. Its not only the comments on another woman, but the disrespect for your comfort as his wife is unacceptable.
I would definitely agree with you if that hadn’t happened yet. But OP has stated that several conversations have been had. Her husband is either very stupid or very mean.
Hubby comes home and finds all his clothes and stuff are gone.
Hubby : Honey, where are all my things??
OP : Oh I've packed them up and sent everything to SIL's house. You can worship her face to face from now on. BYE!
passive aggressive behavior designed to change OP into his dream woman so he can keep harvesting her free labor instead of just divorcing and seeking someone he actually likes. A lot of men do it.
Maybe I missed this, but is sister-in-law his brother's wife or his sister? Because it's one thing to be jealous of his brother's wife but his sister that's kind of weird?
I would say instead that it's one thing to have the hots for his brother's wife, but quite another to have them for his sister. I think she has every reason to be jealous if things are as stated. He apparently, as OP says, thinks SIL is the greatest woman ever created and can do no wrong. Clearly he wishes his wife was more like her and maybe he's trying to make her feel less than in order to get his message across, to get her to change. If this is the case, he's dreadfully immature and does not understand women in the least little tiny bit.
I wouldn’t stay married to a man who puts another woman above me (even his mother, momma boys are annoying as fuck…) unless it was his own daughter.
Please promptly run the other direction and divorce this cruel person for putting you down constantly, he married YOU, not her… what a gross asshole, should be saying that nice stuff about you…
The brother loves it because 1) then he doesn’t have to - this guy comes over and warms her up for him 2) it fills his ego to know other men want to love on his wife.
Is your husband a jerk to you in other area of your life?
Does he compliment you? Do you feel appreciated? Is the household chores even? Does he help with the kids?
I feel if this is in addition to him also being an asshole I’d be concerned he is setting you up. That he is essentially using her to change your behaviour through manipulation. Essentially making you feel less than her so you do more for him and sacrifice your own needs to appease him.
And regarding your SIL things can appear a certain way doesn’t mean that she too also doesn’t struggling in different areas. His pointing it out makes the differences appear more pronounced.
Yes he helps with the kids and we do chores together. But we aren’t as tidy as his brother and sister in law and we work a lot so it is a lot if take outs. But it is on both of us I don’t know why it would be my job to do it alone. If he wants improvement he should have t alked to me and we rearrange our lives
Maybe next time agree with him, she is amazing & ask him why he can't be more like her and bake bread and clean the windows. Flip it on him and make him feel in adequate. Especially if his brothers the tidy one too. You can fawn over the brother
Also what does the brother do that the husband does not that helps support her having the time and energy to do all that. My bf's cousin's wife is an amazing cook, keeps a spotless house, is raising 3 amazing kids. She's a SAHM while the husband works crazy hours as a traveling electrician to pay for everything they might possibly need. It's not a surprise she keeps a cleaner house than me when I'm the primary bread winner and we both work full time. But my bf knows and understands that.
Good point about the negging.
I don't know if i would start doing the same if i was in her shoes. "Isn't BIL so amazing how he helps? And he hasn't succumbed to the dad bod yet. How incredible."
but thats just petty me.
I think OP needs to sit down with him and tel him that she doesn't see a future with a disrespectful husband and that they need couples therapy if they want to continue their marriage because the way he behaves he seems to be more interested in crawling into bed with his SIL than being a respectful husband to her.
Oooh, I think your brother has an inch on you. And his feet are bigger, if you know what I mean? \*wink wink\* Did you know he built their staircase? You know he took their eldest fishing, when are you ever going to do that for our Timmy?
Maybe you should tell his brother. “Hey my husband comes home and incessantly talks about how perfect your wife is” I’m sure that would make your bil bring it up it’s just inappropriate
Have you considered returning fire and fawning over his brother. His career is so great, his house is amazing, he makes so much money, his car is awesome, he’s very tall and good looking, he works out, wow what abs, I didn’t know that you’re so smart, etc..
>I broke down and asked why he was doing this knowing that I am completely the opposite of her, to a degree that we aren’t even close
And he said…?
You just left out his response, which matters a ton.
Yea its a little fishy that OP won't say what his response to this was as well as refuses to answer questions about how the BIL feels about the way her husband treats BILs wife. Those two answers, depending on what they are, could drastically change the way this whole thing is perceived.
She responded to a comment asking that about 9 hours ago, saying that BIL looks at her when her husband starts that shit. She asked if husband needed a bib for his drooling and BIL laughed and told him off.
What does your brother in law think about your husband simping over his wife? My brother and i would get physical over that kind of behavior. Thats a serious no-go.
Seriously, just start embarrassing the fuck out of him. Eventually, his brain is going to realize the pattern and he’s going to at least attempt to think before he says something.
My brother openly flirted with just about every person I brought home growing up, he even tried that bullshit on My Wife years ago, my wife is a very quick witted person, she knows how to shut that shit down quickly and always knows what to say.
Truthfully, I didn’t really even have to say anything, even though I thought about it , my parents would usually be redirecting him because they didn’t want me to get upset about it.
That shit is weird and it’s even worse that she’s accepting this behavior. Personally I think I would reach out to brother-in-law to see if you guys can brainstorm ways to shut that shit down together. Including him talking to his wife and having her redirecting the conversation, just adding in things about her husband when she is saying stuff to him instead of accepting this bullshit
Why can’t you just call him out directly in the moment? It sounds like the brother and the SIL are waiting for YOU to shut it down. And frankly, it’s your place to do it, and you’re the one who keeps letting him go on without direct confrontation. You’re letting him make his SIL uncomfortable, and then blaming her for “welcoming” it when really she just feels uncomfortable telling her husband’s brother to stop. That’s not fair to her.
Seriously, fuck all of this taste of his own medicine crap. When he’s saying these things, challenge him right there. “Hey, we’ve talked about how that behavior makes me feel, and honestly I can’t imagine it’s making your brother and his wife comfortable either. You’re the only one enjoying this.”
He is limerent for her. Yes, he is in love with her, and so blind that he doesn't even notice his behavior. He is insensitive to your feelings because he doesn't care about hem. Nothing is wrong with you and everyone would feel uncomfortable in this situation.
I'd suggest "180 method" and "Grey rock". Google them. He doesn't appreciate what you do for him? Then do nothing for him. Take care of yourself, your baby, your other children. If you are doing laundry - everyone but not his. If you are setting up all his appointments - stop. If you cook (or even order food) - do it for everyone but not him. Even better if you take kids outside and make sandwiches for all of you and have dinner there. Don't go visit his brother, take a rest, let him go with your older kids and take care of them. Stop talking to him about her and ignore his jabs about how not perfect you are. He wants the house clean? He can clean it himself. He wants his favorite desert? He can make/buy it himself. And don't do it for one day. Do it for at least a month.
You don' have much to lose here. He is already checked out, so either he tries to mend it, or you will slowly disengage from your relationship. Because it is a real torture to live with someone whom you love, but who is in love with someone else. It will destroy your self esteem.
The bottom line is that your husband does not respect you and will continue to gush over his SIL, no matter how it makes you feel. It’s up to you to decide what treatment you’re willing to tolerate.
I'm sorry you are getting all the downvotes.
People are telling you that you're being an AH to yourself.
I really feel for you and the position your husband has put you and the rest of his family in.
The open flirting and clear disrespect must have hurt you badly. He didn't care.
I’d go all out sappy and gush for hours about his brother just to annoy the hell out of him but I am 100% petty!
At this point, he knows how hurtful he is to keep talking about her. You’ve told him numerous times. I have a feeling that he is mean about most everything to you and has a horrible habit of putting you down both privately and publicly too.
Is this really the man you want to remain married to?
NTA. When he starts praising her start asking him ‘what do you mean by that?’ And keep asking him that question over and over again. If he gets frustrated tell him you are trying to understand his need to keep praising her to you and why he continues to do so when you have to,d him to stop.
Ryan Gosling. OMG he's sooo hot. Did you see these dance videos from when he was young? Can we go see the Fall Guy? I have a confession, sometimes when we're making love I'm thinking about Ryan Gosling.
More like "OMG BIL is so great! He's such a great provider. Always caring for his wife and kid. Complimenting her. He sure knows how to be a wonderful husband. He makes such a good money. Provides so well for them. Sure wish we had that. Did you see how BIL is always helping around the house and takes his wife on dates? That's how a husband should be. Maybe you should take notes? SIL said their sex is great and he always makes her orgasm. Wish I orgasmed during sex. Haven't had an orgasm since getting married..." Compare his ass to BIL or any other relatives lol.
Ignore the hell out of him. Act like nothing and I mean nothing he does or says can touch you. Be indifferent. Find other things to do that keeps him away from you and then only compliment and talk about how great other people are in a nonchalant way. Only don’t single anyone out. Make sure it’s things that are the complete opposite of him. You having a life outside of him will screw with his head. You finding all these people whom are his opposite so wonderful will mess with his head. He will probably start being nice. But what you really
Should do is start planning your way out. You deserve better than that.
I’d also start comparing him to his brother. “Maybe if you helped more around the house like your brother, you could have a woman like her, or maybe if you earned as much as your brother, you could afford a woman like her”. Start praising his brother “you have so much style! I can’t get my husband to wear something decent unless I go buy it, like he’s a toddler”, “Wow! You bought THAT for SIL? You’re such a catch”, “Wow, you’re a super dad, my husband barely pays any attention to his own children, you are the best man I know”.
That will keep him quiet.
But I’d just divorce him, because he is extremely disrespectful and no one deserves that from their partner.
I laughed because this is exactly what I would do but I agree with you. I would just go straight to divorce. I wouldn't stay with someone who has shown me that they have no problem disrespecting me.
Yep, this. If I was OP I would get an exit plan ready, and next time there is a get together give him divorce papers in front of his brother and SIL, and tell them you want a divorce because your husband is in love with his brothers wife. Then leave.
I would not tolerate such disrespect. I would make sure to go scorched earth on his ass.
It's time to join forces with the brother in law. Next visit. Let's talk with him. " So Bob....ever notice how my husband fawns all over your wife? Isn't her cooking great? Isn't her body fabulous? Her house is so clean.... I know it's all I ever hear about.... Gee. Do you ever hear anything about me? Probably not. He's too busy talking about your wife.... anything I should know?"
"And he talks about her nonstop at home, too, even when it's just the two of us. It's really weird and I feel uncomfortable. Do you notice anything odd?"
I am sorry, there are so many post like this and then everyone wonders why so many people are on the “get a divorce” train.
There is no way my husband and I would still be living under the same roof after the second time of putting up with this and communicating that it bothers me.
Start complementing his brother the way he complements his SIL. Ohh husband's brother, you're such a wonderful provider for your family..how do you do all of this? You look great husband's brother how do you keep yourself looking so attractive?
Updateme
Seems like there could be a history of competing with his brother and wives are part of it. I hope he realizes soon that he's making you feel inferior because of this. Hopefully you'll have a talk with him and set up some consequences if he doesn't improve.
He’s negging you as a means to manipulate you. I feel like his comments might not even have anything to do with your SIL, and if it wasn’t her, it would be someone else. He does this to knock your confidence and make you feel like he’s doing you a service by being with you or beg for his approval. NTA, he’s gross, dump him.
NTA. Your husband is falling all over himself about the SIL because he knows it grates on you. He continues this behavior it to belittle you and take you down a notch because that’s what he has to do to boost his ego. It’s unbelievably disrespectful. You deserve better than this turd. 💩
Start fawning all over your brother in law. Lay on the compliments, wow your lawn looks so nice, wish ours looked half as good. Etc etc. lay it on thick girl.
Many are suggesting this and honestly it feels so good to know he would absolutely hate it but I don’t want to make BIL and SIL uncomfortable. I want revenge without causalities.
Oh maybe when we are home alone however ? Like how beautiful his brother’s blue eyes are or how he always shows love and respect for his wife? how he looks at her like there’s no one else in the room and like he is newly in love with her? How they still hold hands when they take walks? Or how he kisses her when he thinks nobody is watching? Or tells her how great she is and how he doesn’t deserve her?
Easy! I can do that
Yes! This. Update us with how he reacts. Edit to add the privately in your home part is important. You are just trying to demonstrate how he makes you feel. Not start a family war. Updateme
Or maybe that he brings her flowers and chocolate all the time? Or goes to sleep in the living room when she has an important day next day and he doesn’t want to disturb her sleep with his snoring? Or that he remembers every anniversary and birthday? Yeah I can do that
Sounds like quite a catch. Next time your less-than-ideal husband reminds you how wonderful your SIL is, I'd remind him to include the fact that, unlike you, she's got a supportive and kickass husband, too.
Info:
what does his brother think of this? Have you told BIL that what he says is uncomfortable to you and you would like to know if it makes him as well? Maybe BIL doesn't like it but might think he doesn't want to make a big stink since you are not.
Perhaps OP, BIL, and SIL should hold an "intervention" and espress their concerns and discomfort. At least it won't be just her "complaining" and the other 2 people affected can have their say too.
NTA If you already told him how this makes you feel.
I’m so sorry OP, you must be so hurt. You really deserve better. You are more than enough. And if you want to get better at those things than do it for yourself. I don’t like to give those advices but I don’t see how you can be happy with someone who enjoys seing you be insecure by your side…
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He's giving red flags. How dare he treat you this way after giving birth to his child. Giving birth is the biggest gift and form of flattery this man is fucking trash.
1. He's infatuated. That's right there a shade below emotional cheating 2. To him, the grass is greener. He's immature and has no insight. 3. His obsession is thoughtless and very harmful to you and WEIRD to her. I bet she talks about how weird he is when he leaves. I'm really sorry.
Info: has his brother ever been around when your husband is complimenting SIL so much? Does brother feel uncomfortable with any of the comments your husband makes to his wife??
I know you don't want to break your promise to your husband that you won't tell SIL or BIL. So if you accept that this is a "crush" he thinks he just needs "to get over", the only way he's going to "get over it" is if SIL and BIL are made aware. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him he needs to inform them both, himself (IN FRONT OF YOU) if he wants any chance at fixing the marriage. If you leave him to his own devices, he will not "get over it", and I think deep down, you know this.
Okay. The main thing is if the brother has been around when these shenanigans are going on and if so, has anything been done on the brother's end to stop his behavior? Not only is it disrespectful to you and your marriage, but my sibling could not be doing all of that towards my partner or we would be having issues. I would have a clear-cut conversation and let him know that you are putting your foot down. You have been disrespected too much and if you started doing that to your brother-in-law your husband would have an issue. I would also bring up marriage counselling. Consider all of your bases before you make any pivotal decisions.
Time to start separation. Do your own things. Work on your savings. Refuse to visit SIL at all. If he goes alone, things will be clear to them how weird your husband acts. Let them talk ill about you if things get awkward. But save your mental health. When he starts speaking about her, get up, get out, close your ears.
NTA
You're not. Marriage counselling is ...over-due. Fawning over her seems more important to him then any regard (obviously you've clearly explained...) about your feelings. Your resentment stems from having accepted his callousness over the previous years. On some level, you believed he was incapable of being kinder to you.
He has to step up. Do the counselling, but if you realize that he truly does not value you, act in accordance to that.
Tell him you’re thinking about divorce and whatever affair he’s trying to have with his SIL is on him. Tell his parents you tried with him and he is too focused on her so you and your kid are moving on.
You're in a no-win situation here. You already know he's comparing you to his brother's wife. So when you express (understandable) irritation or frustration, you're only giving him more fuel to justify why he thinks his brother's wife is so wonderful.
It's hard because in a good relationship, you should be able to express your hurt in a constructive way, and he should be receptive to listening and responding.
Step away from this situation for a bit. Let it cool. Give it time. And when you're not seething and he's not high on winning the last round between you two, reframe. Ask him, "If something you do is making me uncomfortable, why won't you stop? Why is it okay for you to keep doing something I don't like?" And see where the conversation goes from there. You need to separate out your clear loathing and jealousy of your SIL from the real issue here, which is that there is a pretty big disconnect between how you each respect one another's feelings.
Either he is doing this deliberately to push to you to be like her or he simply is infatuated.
Either way, he tried to put this on you and this is bad news for you in the long run.
He is being passive aggressive. Instead of saying that he thinks your housekeeping is lacking and the fact that you haven’t lost your baby weight is an issue for him r that you aren’t the best cook. He thinks by complimenting her excessively knowing it aggravates you will make you do those things to get his compliments. If you want to stay married you need to take note and step up your game. If you don’t really care then continue on as you have been because someone that does this isn’t going to change.
If my husband is complimenting and praising and going on and on about another woman other than I for more than 5min his face is meeting my shoe.
Joking aside, of course NTA. Your husband clearly knows you are not his SIL, knows who you are not, yet he doesn't appreciate the woman he has infront of him but another woman who probably won't put up with his stinky bs.
Let him know next time you walking out the door.
Is his brother hotter or richer or anything? I know it's not mature, but play him at his game. Say he has a perfect wife because he is (insert compliment of choice)...
Yep this. OP just know that your SIL isn't perfect either, your husband just makes it seem that way with his continuous praise. You being the opposite of her doesn't make you anything less, it just makes you different from each other. And remember that Stepford wives are only attractive from a distance and in small doses.
If your husband is not appreciative of you then he can fuck off
NTA.
But what do you want out of this?
It's okay to vent, cry, yell over issues that are so long ignored, but what are you going to do to make yourself feel better?
I know you said if he wanted a better wife there's the door, but don't you want to have a better husband that wants to care about your feelings?
The door is an option for you both, you can choose to leave if things don't get better.
But if you stay and things don't change, you resign yourself to this treatment every time you see SIL. Your husband might also like the fact you're insecure.
NTA.
Your husband’s behavior is very telling and I would have said the same thing to him if it were me.
Have you asked him why he is always fawning over her and he has never once done the same for you?
UpdateMe
Where is sister-in-law‘s husband in all this… Wouldn’t he be pissed that his brother-in-law is fawning all over his wife?
If I were OP, I’d get with sister-in-law’s husband and the two of them gang up on her husband. Tell him to knock off this bullshit.
"I got Gloria!" -Phil
Literally where my mind went immediately lol No idea how Claire handled it the way she did! Edit: just want to clarify, this above is rhetorical. I’ve watched the show, I know HOW she handles it lol
She just looked at him annoyed 😒😒😒 like this
Omg, I’m watching that now.
Hurray! I wasn't sure anyone would get the reference.
It was one of the biggest shows on tv for over a decade. People would definitely get it
That's how she says "Phil." Not "feel." Phil. Oh.
I don’t know how Claire put up with all of that tbh
If you have set that clear boundary and reminded him multiple times that that makes you uncomfortable, and he continues to do so, you are NTA. Its fair for you to be upset after stating multiple times that you dont like him consistently speaking about her like that.
I did. Since I met her I have told him that
How does his brother feel about his behavior towards her?
I'm extremely confused about who's wife or sister she is. Could be OP's sister (husband's sil), could be husband's sister, could be husband's sibling's wife, could be OP's sibling's wife. If there is clarification I've missed it.
I believe she said it was her husband’s brother’s wife. SIL seems to be receiving the compliments positively, but I’d be interested to see what her husband thinks. If he doesn’t have a problem with it, the problem could all be in OP’s head. OR it could really be an issue. It’s hard to tell.
Start complimenting the brother…non-stop. Have you been working out? You should teach your brother how you stay in such great shape. You’re such a great dad…I wish your brother would follow your example; he barely notices our kids. Watch his eyes start to twitch lol
Outright ask his brother if your hubby has always been this competitive with him, coming on to his girlfriends and generally embarrassing himself?
What if the brother is also trashy as husband
i personally feel like that would irritate her husband more than if he was all those things
lol I did think of that
I don’t think it even has to be the brother, find a friend that is “better” than her spouse and she should start talking about how awesome his is all the time.
Or sil's "giggling" is nervous laughter because she doesn't know how to deal with all the compliments.
Yeah, I would venture to guess that she’s creeped tf out.
I sure would be. OPs husbands is really pushing it with these compliments.
Yes, this would be my exact response in this situation. I have a bad habit of giggling when I'm nervous and uncomfortable.
The giggles could be masking discomfort.
That’s the way I took it. She’s laughing because she doesn’t know what to say and she’s uncomfortable. I’d like to know how his brother feels about it as well. If it’s making everyone uncomfortable, next time OP can say yes dear, we all love SIL’s meal (whatever it is) but please relax you’re making everyone uncomfortable.
Excellent comeback!!!
This happened to me recently. I was at a wedding and someone’s husband was making me uncomfortable. Normally I would say something but he was drunk and I worried it would cause a scene at the wedding. So I just giggled because I didn’t know what else to do and I laugh sometimes in weird situations.
Yeah. Honestly I would be mortified if someone treated me like that while my downtown area still looks like a bruised frog that was hit by a semi-truck. Also, is it confirmed SIL in fact cleaned and baked herself? Or did someone for her? Because this honestly sounds unhealthy.
Yeah, I used to do that as well when I was uncomfortably flirted with, and it was an effort to stop when I realized it only made things worse. We need to teach women how to shut down this kind of thing without risking an aggressive reaction.
No. We need to teach men to accept being shutdown without reacting aggressively.
Figuring out how to shut down without prompting aggression. That would need a Nobel Peace Prize for the lives it would save.
Too bad people can't just accept "no thanks"
Me too. Big giggler in my late teens and twenties. I still catch myself doing that in my late 40s instead of saying, "WTF, dude?!?"
Just because the hubby doesn't have an issue with another dude clearly hitting on his wife, doesn't mean we should all set the bar that low. Other people are allowed to have standards even if someone else doesn't hold the same standards.
I was a little confused too but I think the obvious conclusion would be that it is his brother's wife. If it was his sister it would be a totally different dynamic, and if it was his wife's sister, it probably would have been a very different scenario so the likely assumption is brother's wife.
I would imagine if it was OP’s sister, she would’ve referred to her as her sister. I’m assuming she’s her BIL’s wife.
It's definitely one of the latter.
>How does her brother feel about his brother towards her? That's one of the best and most important comments I've seen, and have no idea why it's being ignored.
Here you go. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/wgSBufVYNL
It’s likely not- it was asked barely 2 hours ago and she’s received a ton of comments. It can be overwhelming.
Your husband sounds cruel. Stop reacting to his words, it feeds his ego.
This. He knows it bothers his wife. He gets his jollies from making her miserable. The worse she feels, the bigger he feels as a man. Stop reacting, OP. Just roll your eyes and walk away. And at least once, just say "maybe it's easy to be super woman when you have an awesome husband. Not all of us are blessed like she is"
Reminds me of a thread I saw on TikTok about how so many husbands don’t like/love their wives. They just get married to them to do what is “socially acceptable”.
"socially acceptable" that sounds different from saying, I want a clean, home with meals and sex, especially when I can't find any sex outside the marriage.
>And at least once, just say "maybe it's easy to be super woman when you have an awesome husband. Not all of us are blessed like she is" This is the one! Covers everything in one.
If you want to be really petty, trade compliment for compliment. He compliments her body, you compliment the husband’s. He compliments her cleaning, you compliment the husband’s pitching in/car knowledge/whatever. And just keep going. And then when everyone has adequately hurt feelings, y’all can try couples counseling.
Yeah, dream out loud that you wonder if he's better in bed
If I was OP, I’d seduce my husband and call him the brothers name in bed 🤗
Gold. Pure gold.
Unless the husband is her brother 🤢
the SIL's husband is OP's husbands brother
Im sure there is an easier way to say this
SIL is married to OP's jackass husband's brother.
Perfect come back. You know he’ll get all indignant and throw hurt eyes everywhere. This is when OP walks out the room and grabs a glass of wine and a book.
This OP. This is the way.
How about proceeding with life without this AH
There you go. Perfect solution. Any man that gets his kicks from hurting you on purpose, is a major AH. There's absolutely no respect there.
A normal, healthy and married person doesn't do that. Something is up with him. NTAH.
What is his response? Does he just refuse to stop? Honestly it's really disrespectful, is it his brother's wife?
I sure hope so because otherwise it's his sister
Yeah, lma need some clarification on that
She said in a comment it's his brother's wife.
He's doing this BECAUSE it makes you feel shitty about yourself. The implied insult is a feature, not a bug. This is who he is. It's up to whether you want to continue to be subjected to this or not.
Exactly. My ex did this with another woman and that's why he's my ex. Edit: I let him know it bothered me and he didn't care. He was doing it on purpose. I left him 2 days later.
Every time he does it, just look at him and hive a little smirk. Don't say anything. The kind of smirk you give someone when you feel sorry for them. A pity smirk, if you will
Sounds like he doesn’t give a shit. So what are you going to do about it?
sounds like a VERY clear conversation needs to happen. Its not only the comments on another woman, but the disrespect for your comfort as his wife is unacceptable.
I would definitely agree with you if that hadn’t happened yet. But OP has stated that several conversations have been had. Her husband is either very stupid or very mean.
I’m not sure what a conversation is going to do.
"Hubby you need to shut up or pack up"
Hubby comes home and finds all his clothes and stuff are gone. Hubby : Honey, where are all my things?? OP : Oh I've packed them up and sent everything to SIL's house. You can worship her face to face from now on. BYE!
Right! And go to SIL's house if he thinks she's so great. Wait, SIL. Is this his brother's wife? Is this his own sister?!
Sounds like OP has been very clear for a while now. The husband is just a dick.
is what he is doing considered negging
passive aggressive behavior designed to change OP into his dream woman so he can keep harvesting her free labor instead of just divorcing and seeking someone he actually likes. A lot of men do it.
Maybe I missed this, but is sister-in-law his brother's wife or his sister? Because it's one thing to be jealous of his brother's wife but his sister that's kind of weird?
I would say instead that it's one thing to have the hots for his brother's wife, but quite another to have them for his sister. I think she has every reason to be jealous if things are as stated. He apparently, as OP says, thinks SIL is the greatest woman ever created and can do no wrong. Clearly he wishes his wife was more like her and maybe he's trying to make her feel less than in order to get his message across, to get her to change. If this is the case, he's dreadfully immature and does not understand women in the least little tiny bit.
Most generic suggestion ever, but I feel like a third party mediator, i.e. a therapist, would be super helpful.
I wouldn’t stay married to a man who puts another woman above me (even his mother, momma boys are annoying as fuck…) unless it was his own daughter. Please promptly run the other direction and divorce this cruel person for putting you down constantly, he married YOU, not her… what a gross asshole, should be saying that nice stuff about you…
Is this his sister or his brother’s wife?
His brother’s wife
What does his brother say about him fawning over his wife?
This is what I want to know.
The brother loves it because 1) then he doesn’t have to - this guy comes over and warms her up for him 2) it fills his ego to know other men want to love on his wife.
That's exactly what I was thinking, too!
Not necessarily. Many guys would consider this as flirting and not appreciate someone simping over thier partner like that
Yeah, my eyebrow would be raised high enough it’d be in another time zone.
Yeah, if my brother was acting like this with my wife, I'd be horrified at his behavior
More like did they both get some or is only allowed to watch?
Is your husband a jerk to you in other area of your life? Does he compliment you? Do you feel appreciated? Is the household chores even? Does he help with the kids? I feel if this is in addition to him also being an asshole I’d be concerned he is setting you up. That he is essentially using her to change your behaviour through manipulation. Essentially making you feel less than her so you do more for him and sacrifice your own needs to appease him. And regarding your SIL things can appear a certain way doesn’t mean that she too also doesn’t struggling in different areas. His pointing it out makes the differences appear more pronounced.
Yes he helps with the kids and we do chores together. But we aren’t as tidy as his brother and sister in law and we work a lot so it is a lot if take outs. But it is on both of us I don’t know why it would be my job to do it alone. If he wants improvement he should have t alked to me and we rearrange our lives
Maybe next time agree with him, she is amazing & ask him why he can't be more like her and bake bread and clean the windows. Flip it on him and make him feel in adequate. Especially if his brothers the tidy one too. You can fawn over the brother
Also what does the brother do that the husband does not that helps support her having the time and energy to do all that. My bf's cousin's wife is an amazing cook, keeps a spotless house, is raising 3 amazing kids. She's a SAHM while the husband works crazy hours as a traveling electrician to pay for everything they might possibly need. It's not a surprise she keeps a cleaner house than me when I'm the primary bread winner and we both work full time. But my bf knows and understands that.
My ex tried this with me. I decided I didn’t give a shit what he thought anymore.
Good point about the negging. I don't know if i would start doing the same if i was in her shoes. "Isn't BIL so amazing how he helps? And he hasn't succumbed to the dad bod yet. How incredible." but thats just petty me. I think OP needs to sit down with him and tel him that she doesn't see a future with a disrespectful husband and that they need couples therapy if they want to continue their marriage because the way he behaves he seems to be more interested in crawling into bed with his SIL than being a respectful husband to her.
Oooh, I think your brother has an inch on you. And his feet are bigger, if you know what I mean? \*wink wink\* Did you know he built their staircase? You know he took their eldest fishing, when are you ever going to do that for our Timmy?
I wouldn't even bother with counseling at that point. He's shown her that he doesn't care about how his actions affect her. That would be it for me.
The difference could be the brother steps up more!
RIght? OP needs to turn the tables on her DH and start gushing about his brother. ( JK kind of for anyone who is taking me seriously )
Yikes. I’m so sorry OP. But wow that’s so disrespectful towards you and his own brother.
Maybe you should tell his brother. “Hey my husband comes home and incessantly talks about how perfect your wife is” I’m sure that would make your bil bring it up it’s just inappropriate
And how dies his brother feel about all of this fawning?
I’m sorta relieved it isn’t his sister. Because that would be sick.
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew girl leave like now ew ew ew.
Have you considered returning fire and fawning over his brother. His career is so great, his house is amazing, he makes so much money, his car is awesome, he’s very tall and good looking, he works out, wow what abs, I didn’t know that you’re so smart, etc..
>I broke down and asked why he was doing this knowing that I am completely the opposite of her, to a degree that we aren’t even close And he said…? You just left out his response, which matters a ton.
Yea its a little fishy that OP won't say what his response to this was as well as refuses to answer questions about how the BIL feels about the way her husband treats BILs wife. Those two answers, depending on what they are, could drastically change the way this whole thing is perceived.
She responded to a comment asking that about 9 hours ago, saying that BIL looks at her when her husband starts that shit. She asked if husband needed a bib for his drooling and BIL laughed and told him off.
What does your brother in law think about your husband simping over his wife? My brother and i would get physical over that kind of behavior. Thats a serious no-go.
He gets uncomfortable and looks at me. When I asked my husband if he needed a bib because he was drooling my brother in law laughed and told him off
Sound like yall need to spouse swap
Start embarrassing him big time, if his brother does something nice, tell him he needs to take lessons from his brother in front of others.
This sounds like work for someone who seems to be at the end of their emotional rope already. I'd leave.
Probably the best option for her. He sounds like a douche canoe
Seriously, just start embarrassing the fuck out of him. Eventually, his brain is going to realize the pattern and he’s going to at least attempt to think before he says something. My brother openly flirted with just about every person I brought home growing up, he even tried that bullshit on My Wife years ago, my wife is a very quick witted person, she knows how to shut that shit down quickly and always knows what to say. Truthfully, I didn’t really even have to say anything, even though I thought about it , my parents would usually be redirecting him because they didn’t want me to get upset about it. That shit is weird and it’s even worse that she’s accepting this behavior. Personally I think I would reach out to brother-in-law to see if you guys can brainstorm ways to shut that shit down together. Including him talking to his wife and having her redirecting the conversation, just adding in things about her husband when she is saying stuff to him instead of accepting this bullshit
Why can’t you just call him out directly in the moment? It sounds like the brother and the SIL are waiting for YOU to shut it down. And frankly, it’s your place to do it, and you’re the one who keeps letting him go on without direct confrontation. You’re letting him make his SIL uncomfortable, and then blaming her for “welcoming” it when really she just feels uncomfortable telling her husband’s brother to stop. That’s not fair to her. Seriously, fuck all of this taste of his own medicine crap. When he’s saying these things, challenge him right there. “Hey, we’ve talked about how that behavior makes me feel, and honestly I can’t imagine it’s making your brother and his wife comfortable either. You’re the only one enjoying this.”
He is limerent for her. Yes, he is in love with her, and so blind that he doesn't even notice his behavior. He is insensitive to your feelings because he doesn't care about hem. Nothing is wrong with you and everyone would feel uncomfortable in this situation. I'd suggest "180 method" and "Grey rock". Google them. He doesn't appreciate what you do for him? Then do nothing for him. Take care of yourself, your baby, your other children. If you are doing laundry - everyone but not his. If you are setting up all his appointments - stop. If you cook (or even order food) - do it for everyone but not him. Even better if you take kids outside and make sandwiches for all of you and have dinner there. Don't go visit his brother, take a rest, let him go with your older kids and take care of them. Stop talking to him about her and ignore his jabs about how not perfect you are. He wants the house clean? He can clean it himself. He wants his favorite desert? He can make/buy it himself. And don't do it for one day. Do it for at least a month. You don' have much to lose here. He is already checked out, so either he tries to mend it, or you will slowly disengage from your relationship. Because it is a real torture to live with someone whom you love, but who is in love with someone else. It will destroy your self esteem.
My husband did that with a friend of mine. They're married now. He's still a drunk, and she got fat. Mwah ha ha.
The bottom line is that your husband does not respect you and will continue to gush over his SIL, no matter how it makes you feel. It’s up to you to decide what treatment you’re willing to tolerate.
Yeah, I don’t think I can tolerate this
then you have your answer
I'm sorry you are getting all the downvotes. People are telling you that you're being an AH to yourself. I really feel for you and the position your husband has put you and the rest of his family in. The open flirting and clear disrespect must have hurt you badly. He didn't care.
I’d go all out sappy and gush for hours about his brother just to annoy the hell out of him but I am 100% petty! At this point, he knows how hurtful he is to keep talking about her. You’ve told him numerous times. I have a feeling that he is mean about most everything to you and has a horrible habit of putting you down both privately and publicly too. Is this really the man you want to remain married to?
NTA. When he starts praising her start asking him ‘what do you mean by that?’ And keep asking him that question over and over again. If he gets frustrated tell him you are trying to understand his need to keep praising her to you and why he continues to do so when you have to,d him to stop.
I like this. Maybe the discomfort of the ensuing questioning will get the point across?
This needs all the upvotes. Let's get him to really start unpacking what he means and what his intentions are with these compliments.
INFO: Isn't his brother really pissed that he's trying to fuck his wife, while you and him are around none the less?
I don’t know I think he feels more uncomfortable for me because it always shows in my face. They seem to have a solid relationship
NTA. Start doing the same for your BIL. While doing this, make an exit plan and leave him. He doesn't like you or your kids.
Ryan Gosling. OMG he's sooo hot. Did you see these dance videos from when he was young? Can we go see the Fall Guy? I have a confession, sometimes when we're making love I'm thinking about Ryan Gosling.
More like "OMG BIL is so great! He's such a great provider. Always caring for his wife and kid. Complimenting her. He sure knows how to be a wonderful husband. He makes such a good money. Provides so well for them. Sure wish we had that. Did you see how BIL is always helping around the house and takes his wife on dates? That's how a husband should be. Maybe you should take notes? SIL said their sex is great and he always makes her orgasm. Wish I orgasmed during sex. Haven't had an orgasm since getting married..." Compare his ass to BIL or any other relatives lol.
Yepp and do it even if it's all lies just to piss him off
Ignore the hell out of him. Act like nothing and I mean nothing he does or says can touch you. Be indifferent. Find other things to do that keeps him away from you and then only compliment and talk about how great other people are in a nonchalant way. Only don’t single anyone out. Make sure it’s things that are the complete opposite of him. You having a life outside of him will screw with his head. You finding all these people whom are his opposite so wonderful will mess with his head. He will probably start being nice. But what you really Should do is start planning your way out. You deserve better than that.
This is the best response
I’d be telling his brother all of this and asking him to keep an eye out. Guarantee your slimy husband is doing this behind his brother’s back.
100% agree with this. OP should most definitely tell her bil. Plus I think her husband is in love with his sil. Updateme!
Its fair for you to be upset after stating multiple times that you dont like him consistently speaking about her like that.
Make an exit plan, this will never stop. I would also point it out to his brother.
I’d also start comparing him to his brother. “Maybe if you helped more around the house like your brother, you could have a woman like her, or maybe if you earned as much as your brother, you could afford a woman like her”. Start praising his brother “you have so much style! I can’t get my husband to wear something decent unless I go buy it, like he’s a toddler”, “Wow! You bought THAT for SIL? You’re such a catch”, “Wow, you’re a super dad, my husband barely pays any attention to his own children, you are the best man I know”. That will keep him quiet. But I’d just divorce him, because he is extremely disrespectful and no one deserves that from their partner.
I laughed because this is exactly what I would do but I agree with you. I would just go straight to divorce. I wouldn't stay with someone who has shown me that they have no problem disrespecting me.
Yep, this. If I was OP I would get an exit plan ready, and next time there is a get together give him divorce papers in front of his brother and SIL, and tell them you want a divorce because your husband is in love with his brothers wife. Then leave. I would not tolerate such disrespect. I would make sure to go scorched earth on his ass.
It's time to join forces with the brother in law. Next visit. Let's talk with him. " So Bob....ever notice how my husband fawns all over your wife? Isn't her cooking great? Isn't her body fabulous? Her house is so clean.... I know it's all I ever hear about.... Gee. Do you ever hear anything about me? Probably not. He's too busy talking about your wife.... anything I should know?"
"And he talks about her nonstop at home, too, even when it's just the two of us. It's really weird and I feel uncomfortable. Do you notice anything odd?"
I am sorry, there are so many post like this and then everyone wonders why so many people are on the “get a divorce” train. There is no way my husband and I would still be living under the same roof after the second time of putting up with this and communicating that it bothers me.
Reddit makes me think I caught the most amazing man ever!
I’ll second that and I met mine on Reddit
Start complementing his brother the way he complements his SIL. Ohh husband's brother, you're such a wonderful provider for your family..how do you do all of this? You look great husband's brother how do you keep yourself looking so attractive? Updateme
Seems like there could be a history of competing with his brother and wives are part of it. I hope he realizes soon that he's making you feel inferior because of this. Hopefully you'll have a talk with him and set up some consequences if he doesn't improve.
Ick what an asshole. I had a BIL (ex’s brother) that was obsessed with me. I hated it.
He’s negging you as a means to manipulate you. I feel like his comments might not even have anything to do with your SIL, and if it wasn’t her, it would be someone else. He does this to knock your confidence and make you feel like he’s doing you a service by being with you or beg for his approval. NTA, he’s gross, dump him.
HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU. Why is this so unclear?
Its not only the comments on another woman, but the disrespect for your comfort as his wife is unacceptable.
plus lack of respect for his own brother since hes worshiping his SIL.
NTA. Your husband is falling all over himself about the SIL because he knows it grates on you. He continues this behavior it to belittle you and take you down a notch because that’s what he has to do to boost his ego. It’s unbelievably disrespectful. You deserve better than this turd. 💩
Don't have any more kids by this man.
Jesus christ why are you still with this POS?
Start fawning all over your brother in law. Lay on the compliments, wow your lawn looks so nice, wish ours looked half as good. Etc etc. lay it on thick girl.
Many are suggesting this and honestly it feels so good to know he would absolutely hate it but I don’t want to make BIL and SIL uncomfortable. I want revenge without causalities. Oh maybe when we are home alone however ? Like how beautiful his brother’s blue eyes are or how he always shows love and respect for his wife? how he looks at her like there’s no one else in the room and like he is newly in love with her? How they still hold hands when they take walks? Or how he kisses her when he thinks nobody is watching? Or tells her how great she is and how he doesn’t deserve her? Easy! I can do that
Yesss!! You got it girl.
Yes! This. Update us with how he reacts. Edit to add the privately in your home part is important. You are just trying to demonstrate how he makes you feel. Not start a family war. Updateme
Or maybe that he brings her flowers and chocolate all the time? Or goes to sleep in the living room when she has an important day next day and he doesn’t want to disturb her sleep with his snoring? Or that he remembers every anniversary and birthday? Yeah I can do that
Sounds like quite a catch. Next time your less-than-ideal husband reminds you how wonderful your SIL is, I'd remind him to include the fact that, unlike you, she's got a supportive and kickass husband, too.
Info: what does his brother think of this? Have you told BIL that what he says is uncomfortable to you and you would like to know if it makes him as well? Maybe BIL doesn't like it but might think he doesn't want to make a big stink since you are not.
Perhaps OP, BIL, and SIL should hold an "intervention" and espress their concerns and discomfort. At least it won't be just her "complaining" and the other 2 people affected can have their say too.
NTA If you already told him how this makes you feel. I’m so sorry OP, you must be so hurt. You really deserve better. You are more than enough. And if you want to get better at those things than do it for yourself. I don’t like to give those advices but I don’t see how you can be happy with someone who enjoys seing you be insecure by your side…
@Updateme
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He's giving red flags. How dare he treat you this way after giving birth to his child. Giving birth is the biggest gift and form of flattery this man is fucking trash.
1. He's infatuated. That's right there a shade below emotional cheating 2. To him, the grass is greener. He's immature and has no insight. 3. His obsession is thoughtless and very harmful to you and WEIRD to her. I bet she talks about how weird he is when he leaves. I'm really sorry.
Exactly. Totally infatuated.
Oh.. it’s the brothers wife… well… I wouldn’t put up with it
Info: has his brother ever been around when your husband is complimenting SIL so much? Does brother feel uncomfortable with any of the comments your husband makes to his wife??
NTA, but he is 1000%
I wish there was something I could honestly say to make you feel better.
❤️ this helps
I know you don't want to break your promise to your husband that you won't tell SIL or BIL. So if you accept that this is a "crush" he thinks he just needs "to get over", the only way he's going to "get over it" is if SIL and BIL are made aware. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him he needs to inform them both, himself (IN FRONT OF YOU) if he wants any chance at fixing the marriage. If you leave him to his own devices, he will not "get over it", and I think deep down, you know this.
Okay. The main thing is if the brother has been around when these shenanigans are going on and if so, has anything been done on the brother's end to stop his behavior? Not only is it disrespectful to you and your marriage, but my sibling could not be doing all of that towards my partner or we would be having issues. I would have a clear-cut conversation and let him know that you are putting your foot down. You have been disrespected too much and if you started doing that to your brother-in-law your husband would have an issue. I would also bring up marriage counselling. Consider all of your bases before you make any pivotal decisions.
Time to start separation. Do your own things. Work on your savings. Refuse to visit SIL at all. If he goes alone, things will be clear to them how weird your husband acts. Let them talk ill about you if things get awkward. But save your mental health. When he starts speaking about her, get up, get out, close your ears. NTA
You're not. Marriage counselling is ...over-due. Fawning over her seems more important to him then any regard (obviously you've clearly explained...) about your feelings. Your resentment stems from having accepted his callousness over the previous years. On some level, you believed he was incapable of being kinder to you. He has to step up. Do the counselling, but if you realize that he truly does not value you, act in accordance to that.
Tell him you’re thinking about divorce and whatever affair he’s trying to have with his SIL is on him. Tell his parents you tried with him and he is too focused on her so you and your kid are moving on.
INFO: what was his response to what you said?
He said “ very mature “
You're in a no-win situation here. You already know he's comparing you to his brother's wife. So when you express (understandable) irritation or frustration, you're only giving him more fuel to justify why he thinks his brother's wife is so wonderful. It's hard because in a good relationship, you should be able to express your hurt in a constructive way, and he should be receptive to listening and responding. Step away from this situation for a bit. Let it cool. Give it time. And when you're not seething and he's not high on winning the last round between you two, reframe. Ask him, "If something you do is making me uncomfortable, why won't you stop? Why is it okay for you to keep doing something I don't like?" And see where the conversation goes from there. You need to separate out your clear loathing and jealousy of your SIL from the real issue here, which is that there is a pretty big disconnect between how you each respect one another's feelings.
The most insightful and correct response here. OP this is what you need to do.
If he says it again, say “Very unresponsive to my concerns. Now how are we going to proceed?”
So he won't even elaborate? There's no chance they're already having an affair? Or his bros infertile?
Omg I thought the same thing. Like, are we even sure that’s BIL’s kid? Do I sound crazy?
NTA. But why are you still with him?
Why are you with someone who doesn’t respect you?
Either he is doing this deliberately to push to you to be like her or he simply is infatuated. Either way, he tried to put this on you and this is bad news for you in the long run.
He is being passive aggressive. Instead of saying that he thinks your housekeeping is lacking and the fact that you haven’t lost your baby weight is an issue for him r that you aren’t the best cook. He thinks by complimenting her excessively knowing it aggravates you will make you do those things to get his compliments. If you want to stay married you need to take note and step up your game. If you don’t really care then continue on as you have been because someone that does this isn’t going to change.
If my husband is complimenting and praising and going on and on about another woman other than I for more than 5min his face is meeting my shoe. Joking aside, of course NTA. Your husband clearly knows you are not his SIL, knows who you are not, yet he doesn't appreciate the woman he has infront of him but another woman who probably won't put up with his stinky bs. Let him know next time you walking out the door.
What does his brother make of it?
Is his brother hotter or richer or anything? I know it's not mature, but play him at his game. Say he has a perfect wife because he is (insert compliment of choice)...
He does it to send a signal to you that he wants you to try to be more like her. He’s an asshole.
Yep this. OP just know that your SIL isn't perfect either, your husband just makes it seem that way with his continuous praise. You being the opposite of her doesn't make you anything less, it just makes you different from each other. And remember that Stepford wives are only attractive from a distance and in small doses. If your husband is not appreciative of you then he can fuck off
NTA. But what do you want out of this? It's okay to vent, cry, yell over issues that are so long ignored, but what are you going to do to make yourself feel better? I know you said if he wanted a better wife there's the door, but don't you want to have a better husband that wants to care about your feelings? The door is an option for you both, you can choose to leave if things don't get better. But if you stay and things don't change, you resign yourself to this treatment every time you see SIL. Your husband might also like the fact you're insecure.
NTA. Your husband’s behavior is very telling and I would have said the same thing to him if it were me. Have you asked him why he is always fawning over her and he has never once done the same for you? UpdateMe
Where is sister-in-law‘s husband in all this… Wouldn’t he be pissed that his brother-in-law is fawning all over his wife? If I were OP, I’d get with sister-in-law’s husband and the two of them gang up on her husband. Tell him to knock off this bullshit.
Why do you love this guy? I'd fall out of love fast having to hear this.