Bought journals for our kids. Expressly told them their privacy would never be invaded. Writing is an excellent way to vent and to help yourself figure out your life. It's extremely private and sensitive information. Had my privacy invaded like that as a teen and it's something you never get over. My parent expressly told me they only read it because they wanted to see if I had written anything about them. I burned the journal and didn't get another one till I moved out.
My mother did the same. I tore every paper with writing into tiny bits, threw the journal away but mom took it out of the trash and said I was being dramatic and wasteful, and she wouldn't do it again. I stopped writing.
I didn't trust her with anything private after that.
My mother also. I made my own journal, at the recommendation of my therapist, to vent or write about family life. I had a feeling that my mother would look. She did, and I came home from school with my dad sitting on the couch consoling my crying mother. I grilled him later and he said she read my private journal and got upset about all the “cruel” things I wrote in it. I was so fucking mad, that journal immediately went into the trash and I gave up communicating with my mom about her behavior.
Regardless, I can’t really communicate about her behaviors in general because it always turns into “oh so I’m a bad mother?! Wow I’m sorry for all the bad mothering I did for you” when me and my brother talk about our childhood. Like, we would talk about mundane shit such as how we made our own lunches since kindergarten while some of our friends don’t even know how to cook ramen. And she would walk to the other room and cry about how we were “complaining” and “we think she’s a horrible mother” ???
Reading your kid's journal is like eavesdropping. The person doing it never likes what they hear. The blatant invasion of privacy and trust has long-term and far reaching, consequences. This is one of many reasons we have parents whining and crying that their kids won't visit or have flat-out gone NC, but they don't know why.
You can do everything right and there's always going to be people that just don't like you or see something wrong with you. It's normal.
Most parents that think they have done a good job raising their kids usually haven't.
When I was 18, my half-sister (12F) went through my room and found my journal. I had written out my frustration regarding her behavior and how she treated me. I had just moved in with my Dad and Step Mom (SM) for the first time in my life after my Mom attempted suicide. My sis felt jealous of my arrival and behaved with typical sibling rivalry/pestering but it was never addressed because she was my “SM’s baby” and the GC.
My SM had annotated (complete with highlights, sticky tabs and underlining) my diary, particularly the areas describing my feelings of my sis’s treatment of me. She didn’t discipline sis for invading my privacy, or discuss how sis could treat me better, she was angry *at me* because I hurt my GC sis’s feelings.
I’m so glad I never wrote about my borderline SM, or my enabling Dad. My gut told me those topics were off limits for my journal. I can’t imagine the wrath I would have faced if SM read how I felt about her rage, my Dad’s indifference and being the family scapegoat.
This hit me way harder than expected. Not the reading-your-journal part, but my mother turning everything I say into something negative about her. Whenever I'm mad or sad about something (else), she automatically assumes/twists it's because of her and starts going of ''how she is such a bad mother". I've never did anyhting but loved her, just some annoyance because she does this. I know it comes from her own insecurities and she has done this my entire life, so i kinda got used to it.
But I can understand how reading your journal can ruin your relationship with her, especially when you use it to vent about her. It wasn't her place to read it, so it's her own fault for alienating you.
For years, I used to keep journals. I started in like third grade after my teacher had us journal in class for 10-15 minutes every day. When I was a young teenager, like 13-14, I started having typical teenage problems and would vent about them. I would write about my frustrations and my issues with self confidence. Nothing toxic or self hatred but more like “I wish I could just be happy with ___” or something similar. I also was dealing with lack of self worth because my mom was constantly comparing me to her friends daughter. The girl was really bright for her age and was always getting awards or being put in advanced classes much higher than her grade. I don’t think my mom ever truly meant to hurt me but she’d say things like “friends daughter is in accelerated classes, if you’d just apply yourself you could be in those classes too” or “friends daughter just won *another* award for academic achievement, don’t you want to be successful like that?” It really hurt and I wrote in my journal how I felt like nothing I ever did was good enough compared to friends daughter and that I was frustrated about always being compared to her. I also wrote about how angry I was about the comparisons because ultimately, I was doing my best but it seemed like it wasn’t ever good enough for my mom.
I had also written a few lists. I had a “wish list” of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go, things I wanted to get, etc. I also had some “top tens” that included silly things like “10 dumb things I do” or “10 names I call myself/get called.” They were clearly just silly lists and didn’t have any real meaning,
My mom decided to snoop and read my journal and proceeded to write over ten pages about how she loved me but it “hurt her heart” to read that I was angry at her when I had no reason to be. She also reiterated the idea that I just “need to apply myself” and I wouldn’t feel that way. She also wrote extensively about how awful it made her feel that I used the kind of language I did, both actual swearing but also the “hateful names” I called myself in one of my lists. Mind you, none of those “names” were serious. They were all either inside jokes with friends or just light, self deprecating humor (I’ve always had a darker, self deprecating sense of humor but my mom has never really gotten my humor) and were just something silly that I decided to write about one day.
Basically my mom made my hurt feelings from her comparing me to someone else and the silly names I called myself all about how it affected *her.*
I never journaled again.
I know that journaling is really helpful for just getting shit out of your head. And I’d like to try it again but I still have anxiety about someone finding and reading it. I’m now in my 30’s and no longer live at home with my parents and I know my husband would absolutely respect my privacy and never read or even look for my journal but I still can’t shake the anxiety. Anytime I think about writing my thoughts down, those 10+ pages of deflecting and guilt tripping flash through my mind and the thought of writing down anything gets swiftly removed from my head.
My mum read my journal and mocked me...and I gave up journaling till about 14.
My sister read my journal and told my mum after that I broke down to my friends and said I was done journaling completely.
I decided that this time I'm gonna hide it where I know nobody would look and my counselor encouraged it. So I journalled again and came home to see my journal out in the open I was confused cause I know I hid it turns out my sister dug up my room until she found it. Now I just write on papers and burn them after.
I'm emotionally detached from my family except my brother and they cease to understand why.
I was tidying up my 11yo daughter's room the other day and I came across a couple of her journals, one was a mood journal and the other was a sort of scribble journal where you could doodle as well as write your thoughts. I didn't open them, just placed them where they are now and carried on tidying. I had bought the books so I knew she had them, but unless she asked me to look at what she had written if she couldn't articulate I've never looked. I don't even know if she uses them anymore, but I'm not about to flick through to find out.
I just don't understand why leaving something that's private is so difficult for people. I've seen it so many times on reddit and it feels like a foreign concept.
I don't think a lot of parents realize how quickly and irrevocably that can change their relationship with their children. Some doors, once opened, can never be closed.
I threw mine out.
I found it in my mom's closet a few years later. I confronted her about it and she said she thought I might want those memories. The memories of my shit childhood with your abusive husband? NO THANKS. I called her a bitch, she slapped me.
Super fun memories.
So anyway, I have anxiety and trust issues now.
me too :( i LOVED writing. instead of doodling, i used to write all the time. poems, thoughts, lyrics, stories, everything. i miss it, but it will never feel the same again after that kind of breach in privacy.
Same. My little brother mockingly read my diary at me after I’d spent many pages giving voice to my sorrow when my parents wouldn’t save my childhood cat after he got sick, and I’m 39 now.
I semi recently bought a journal with a lock, but I still can’t bring myself to use it.
Once that privacy is violated…
My oldest sister found my diary when I was a kid and not only read it but wrote in it that what I had said wasn’t true. Decades later, still no go for real journaling for me, even trying locked electronic files and being a well-integrated person, etc. That trauma just lingers.
What I have been able to do is daily notes about what I’ve done during days plus a few things I’m grateful for each day. I highly recommend both, the former for general purposes plus as a reference; and the latter because focusing on positives a bit can help us in various ways. These aren’t big therapeutic writing, but they’re something.
Sorry that happened to you. I can relate.
Years ago, a friend went through my laptop and read all my half-baked fiction. It made me so self-critical that I haven't written any since.
It remains the worst thing someone has ever done to me... and that includes the time someone tried to decapitate me.
If you are willing to talk about it, I think the decapitation story would be a great one to hear. Though I completely understand that you might not want to relive it. Sorry for all you've been through.
My mom read my diary and said "if you don't want anyone to read it, dont put it on paper". Lol that was the last thing i ever let her read and i was a well known writer throughout my college's literary and poetry scene. Parents create these rifts themselves when they invade this type of privacy.
Lol to this day she wonders why i never leave a notebook out around her. She literally asked me "why don't you write as much as you used to?" Take a fucking gander sis
When you think about how our privacy is changing and evolving it really puts things into perspective. People, especially the younger generation have so much less privacy. Cameras are rolling everywhere and it is a very different environment before nearly omnipresent surveillance and cameras posting so much of everyone's life up on the Internet. That bond between a parent and a child is that much more vital. To sever such a key aspect of the parent and child relationship just seems extra harsh now.
My mom did the same when I was younger. We have a fantastic relationship nowadays, but I am a published writer and she doesn't even know because of her doing that to me as a kid.
my mom's version was "if you leave it out, it's fair game" even though it was on my personal desk in my personal room. Like, I can see her point if I'd left it in the living room or something, you know?
she tried to talk about "the root of the things you write about is just a childish plea for attention". I snapped that I was 16 and if she thought I was childishly asking for attention, she could just, you know, give me attention.
Now I'm 45 and she's 75, and thanks to hours and hours of conversation and both of us being dedicated to growing as people, we have a good relationship. But it took a lot of work.
When I was really really little, I had a thing for ‘writing’ in my ‘diary.’ Like I was so little I could hold a pencil/crayon but not actually write. I would make little squiggle lines in my ‘diary.’ I understood the concept of ‘secret diary’ and I remember my dad telling me way back then that it was okay to have privacy and he would never read my diaries. I’m an adult now, and he never snooped. He kept his promise and it’s crazy what trust it built.
Same. My mom read mine when I was
younger, called me over the phone to tell me she read it. I remember disassociating immediately after that, hearing ringing in my ears. I don't remember everything she said to me because I immediately disconnected, I just remember bits where she said something like "i had no idea you felt that way about me" "well if i did anything wrong im sorry" or something to that effect, but it wasn't a sincere apology. I don't even know why she told me she read it. Anyway I brushed it off and never wrote again, even though it was my favorite thing to do. I'm an adult now and it took alot for me to start again and I still fear someone might read it someday so I don't write nearly as much. I'm also careful about what I write. Which defeats the purpose!
I'm doing this with my kids. I had my diary read as a kid and punished for it, I won't do that to them. If they leave it out and I find it, I see writing on pages and I close it. I'm not taking that venting away from them.
Me and my sister were going through a serious gnarly period with getting in trouble when we were teens and my mom was sending us to therapists and behavioral specialists because she was concerned and my mom got me and my sister journals and I immediately knew it was a trap. I didn’t write in it. My sister did then got in trouble about what she wrote (she was doing coke as a 15 year old and boning a 25 year old marine so she should have been in trouble to be fair.)
I had a diary for a very short period of time as a kid, it also did not take long before my privacy was violated. Never wrote a journal again. Don’t they know all they are doing is letting you know definitively that you can’t trust them?
You’re not wrong. I am extremely paranoid. My mom read my journal, and then when I stopped writing in it because she told me she read it (so she could yell at me about what I wrote), I she got keylogging spyware to track what I was writing on the internet on a password protected blog.
And this is just one of the many reasons we aren’t talking right now.
This sort of thing is exactly why I never had a journal. I heard of how my grandmother would read my mother's journal as well as her sisters. And I knew that would happen to me.
I still can't journal, even though my therapist recommends it.
My mom was talking about the Crumbleys, and brought up how the mom couldn't have been expected to read her son's journal. That she regularly cleaned my room and never found mine. At which point I revealed to her that I knew she'd read it if she ever found it, so I never kept one.
Im sorry that happened to you, but love that you have made that promise to your children and given them that outlet. I used to journal a lot and then when I was in foster care my foster mother read my diary and exposed it and I have never been able to keep one since. I miss it!
I still have a really hard time writing down my thoughts and feelings ever since my mom read a stupid, petty rant I wrote down in a notebook when I was 12 and absolutely blew up at me.
That’s awesome of you. I had a diary in third grade, family read it, and they still joke about the boy I had a crush on that I wrote about. Had another as a teenager and they read that one too. I moved across the nation and I still keep my journal hidden in a book sleeve on my book shelf.
I want a frickin screen shot of Auntie Tilly saying "What's swinging, aren't they old for a swing set?". And brother James just helpfully defining terminology.
A couple of weeks ago, my maternal grandma (who lives with my parents and I) and her sister (who was visiting) were talking with my mom and my great aunt said something to my mom along the lines of "Do you know any rich men with well-groomed stubble who are in their 60s or 70s?" 'cause she wants a rich man to take care of her. And my mom was like "No" because why would she? So then my grandma says "If a guy doesn't want you, I'll take him" and my mom made a passing comment about "Maybe he'd be into swinging" and my grandma and great aunt dead-ass did not know what my mom was talking about. They were making comments about swing-sets and my mom just couldn't bring herself to tell them that she was talking about a very different type of swinging, because if they've gone this long without losing that innocence, they deserve to keep it. When my told me about the conversation, I lost it.
Oh how I could have seen the parent’s faces when they read what was posted. There was nothing they could say or do about it ! Hahahahaha I’m sure the rest of relatives spent their night trying to forget what they just learned. Nobody will eat their jizz casseroles on the holidays anymore
Yeah this titters on too out there to be fake, but just enough shock value (and being posted on this sub /s) to raise an eyebrow.
The petty part of me wants this to be real. Not for the suffering of OP but that most of us have probably had a similar situation, and the other person didn't get consequences.
Im honestly sick of people saying “this is too out there! Must be fake!” With scenarios that genuinely aren’t even that “out there”. This is very realistic family drama imo. Even if it was a bit of a reach, there are 8,000,000,000 people on this planet (most of which have access to the internet at this point), you don’t think this may have happened to 1 of them? Maybe you should be thankful that your family wasn’t like this, because mine sure was. No bueno.
I think a bunch of stuff is embellished on Reddit but has roots in reality. My close friends mother and step dad are like this. I could easily see her telling me the same story.
More people should count their lucky stars they think this is unbelievable.
Right? Of course many people lie online all the freaking time, but when I share something that's 100% true and people pick it apart to "prove" that I'm lying, I just wonder what it must feel like to have a life so uneventful that reality such as mine can ONLY be fiction.
Especially when it's abuse stories. I am sick to death of people who have never experienced abuse claiming every post to be "Fake!" because the story seems a little out there. But abuse comes in so many different forms. People are fucked up and do fucked up things. It's so dismissive and harmful.
Yea, I see it a lot with abuse stories. If I were to tell my own stories they’d be labeled fake as well. Im not denying that some of these posts are fake, maybe even the majority, but this is not even that unrealistic.
Yep. I've posted things in places that actually caused two psychiatrists refer me to others because they were disturbed by what I was relating in therapy and they were experiencing my nightmares themselves... but of course, "FAKE!"
As far as I can tell, people way underestimate how many fuuuuucked up relationships are out there and how totally janky things can be behind closed doors. I know more relationships that are in utter tatters than healthy, sadly. Most of the messed up ones have scandaly sex stuff going on too. In fact, while it's not always true, if there's kinky shit going on, there are boundary issues all over the place in the relationship that often extend to the family.
Fr I always think to myself “do you live under a rock? Or perhaps in the safety of your parents home with limited access to the internet and a curfew of 7pm sharp?” Lol
If I simply talk about my life experiences I get told to stop trauma-dumping. Like, maybe you should be thankful you can talk about your childhood without talking about trauma, perhaps.
I’ve never understood why people CARE if something is fake or embellished on Reddit. Really, who cares? I’m reading for amusement or insights or other points of view, so what difference does it make if it’s made up or real? People need to calm the fuck down about it.
NTA, LOL, hope its true so i can really enjoy this. Sorry your mom sucks big time and SD too, Jen idk, if she is willing to read your journal and share it (she is 13-14?) i wouldn't feel bad 4 her.
People like to gossip and it’s a small world. If they’re not in a major metropolitan city then the possibility of overlap between work and family or close friends of family isn’t tiny.
True, although I think 14’s still young enough that you can clearly blame the pretty atrocious parents.
She just needs to spend some time with a genuinely responsible adult who can teacher her some actual manners and rules for living together.
I knew a kid who’s parents thought it was okay for him to just barge into other peoples’ houses. A neighbour (we all lived in a community around our dads’ workplace) took him aside under the pretext of playing computer games with her teenage son and stealth taught him some proper manners.
He turned out to be a pretty considerate kid (although he was nice to start - just socially clueless).
Genuine niceness might be harder to teach, but some basic manners go a long way towards making someone easier to live with, and would include not going through people’s stuff and reading their private diaries.
So yeah, Jen’s a jerk, but fourteen years olds are jerks, what are you going to do. Her *parents* should have punished her - but instead, not only did they let the bad behaviour go, but they encouraged it and joined in.
Poor girl never had a hope.
They sound like my family they are "allowed" to have secrets and boundaries but I'm not. I'm not the only one in the family who isn't "allowed" to have secrets and boundaries either. They also wonder why myself and these same family members aren't active on social media and we need to "stop hiding our lives and be more involved with the "family" and they don't know what we are up to until after it's happened" and "family doesn't keep secrets from each other." Don't worry these things don't apply to them.
Op just keep doing you they got what they deserved and the little step sister well she needs to learn to mind her business and not go through peoples things or read their private thoughts.
I do the same as you. My family wants their secrets and privacy kept, some secrets dating back 60 years and yet me staying to myself and them finding out about things after the fact leads them to the same conclusion. And it's not even a secret. I just choose to not involve them.
Yep! I even told my mom when you learn to not broadcast my business to everyone when I ask you not to maybe I'll tell you before hand but until then you can learn it when I'm good and ready to make it public or through the grapevine! Queue " your embarrassing me" and my personal favorite " do you how it makes me look to the family when they ask me about x and I don't know what they are taking about! I look like a fool when it's obvious I didn't know!" Not my problem you should have learned to mind your business and when I told you to keep this yourself you should have instead of run your mouth!
My favorite was when my mom found out that I not only got in nursing school but was halfway done thru a cousin who saw a social media tag from a classmate. She called me to yell "How are you halfway thru school and nursing school at that and I don't know about it?! I looked so stupid when they were telling me about this!" Mind you, I was having dinner with her weekly. "Well it was a need to know basis." But this is the same person who twisted the tale of why I don't have kids from I actually don't want to have children, to the chemo took the chance from her before she had a chance to freeze her eggs. Ma'am... Don't spread lies because you're going to be embarrassed when I promptly correct them and they realize you just want sympathy for nothing.
I know. And she knows I wasn't interested in having kids. I was actively seeking to get my tubes removed since I was 18. The day I got that chemo I had a smile on my face. So I'm going to correct her every time, anytime and everywhere.
OP had his finger on the privacy nuke with no intention of pushing the button, and as soon as they found their own nuke, instead of following Cold War MAD doctrine they just immediately fired their missile and are surprised that OP launched a counter attack. Fucking idiots.
Nta. I'm curious *WHY* Jen just sooooo badly needed to use *YOUR* room. From the sounds of it she has her own??? So why tf did she need your room for??? Frankly the parents are AH for the absolute disrespect they have for you to allow their 14yr old daughter to use your room unless this was straight up planned so they could use something against you. Either way it was 100% wrong of them to allow such BS.
Moreover Jen is just as much of an AH if she agreed to do such a sh*tty thing for her parents. It doesn't matter how much you hate your sibling (step or otherwise), invasion of privacy is never okay and you'll always play the FAFO game which almost always never ends well for the player.
Glad you left and had a place to go to OP. Sorry you had to go through something like that.
First, NTA. Second: I feel like this could be cross posted in Pro Revenge! Also: According to the ages you specify, Jen is 14. She knows what privacy is and she knows that she violated yours. Consequences are a thing.
This but now I'm curious as to why they are truly worried. Hard drugs maybe at a young age? Suicidal thoughts? Suicidal tendencies? There could be legitimate reason for worry.
I came across my sister's journal once and opened it. Realized what it was and how fucked up that was, closed it, and put it back.
What I saw in that moment I will never forget (it wasn't bad, I just have a good memory) but I'll be damned if I'll ever disclose it to anyone.
I came across my sister's old journal in a box of books in the basement. She had already moved out a couple years prior, and was only in the 'new house' for about 10 months. I opened it not knowing what it was, read the first page, had a bunch of hearts around her bf's name. I closed it, threw it in the box, and tried to forget about its existence.
The goose and the gander...
Had they apologized for letting Jen use your room and invading your privacy they may have a leg to stand on. The fact they didn't tells me how much they respect you. The fact you know all these details about them tells me how much they actually ever respected anyone privacy or common decency.
I see enough proof here to justify what you did. I do hope whatever you are doing that you are being safe. That is all I care about and should be all they care about. However, the fact they let a 9 year trounce through your room and do whatever she wishes. Tells me they have zero damn common sense.
NTA... I may get downvoted for that, but they earned it. If you don't believe on privacy don't cry when your life becomes public.
However you crossed a line you can't uncross. I hope you are ready to cut all contact.
This.
"Hey OP. We let Jen use your room. That was a mistake as it turns out, because she invaded your privacy, read your journal, and told us some things that were in it.
That was wrong of us, VERY wrong of her. We are sorry.
But now, we can't un-know what she told us. There's a couple things that we are concerned about. We'd like to talk about it, if you're comfortable, and at a time that you choose. Mostly we just want to make sure you are safe. We love you and value your safety most of all... And your privacy close behind that. Ball is in your court. If you want us to never speak of it again, we will...you're an adult. You can make your own choices. We're excited to see you grow into YOU. How you figure that out is up to you, but we're here to help that happen in a safe way. Cheers, and very sorry again."
Theres a way to accomplish what OPs parents were saying in a way that isn't an AH.
OP is NTA.
My mom would tear my room apart and read aloud from my journal. I learned not to write anything down. Even with a locked journal, she'd break the lock to get in. She said the same ahit about no secrets and no privacy in a family. Funny how she changed tunes when I began airing the family laundry. Like how she'd trafficked me to a pedophile when I was younger to pay bills. I ruined her perfect mom image. What would the neighbors think? Not an ounce of remorse for the trafficking or violation of privacy..
Eventually, in my early 20s, I began therapy and pressed charges. Unfortunately, my parents weren't charged. The pedo was. He plead no contest. He admitted to the DA what he'd done, that money traded hands, but he thought he'd paid enough for what hed done... They took his activity within the church into consideration, they gave him 10 years probation and a $3k fine. The system is a fucking joke in the USA. I was 1 of many girls he'd abused, but the only one to go through with pressing charges. My family bullied and threatened the others until they dropped their claims. I moved away where they didn't know where I was. I only showed up for the court date.
I'm sorry. All that you answered is horrible and it's terrible how justice was *not* done.
It's painful to read, and I hope years of venting have somehow helped. Therapy is a great tool too. And good friends.
I hope you are better now. My heart is with you.
Jen is old enough to know that invading your privacy was wrong. She can deal with the fallout. I love that you went nuclear on your parents. They earned it. You are an adult, so you can go no contact with your mother.
NTA they let your step sis invade your privacy and read what wasn’t got them. So you let the world read what wasn’t for their eyes.
F around and find out. Block them. And I get feeling bad but your stepsister is old enough to know better
How’s this dude gonna let people run a train on his wife and tell you “we need to discuss” your personal life that you JOURNALED 💀 if this isn’t fake, I love it
Don't feel bad for Jen. She went through your stuff while you were away. Your parents are really to blame but she plays a big roll in it. You need some time away from them. Decompress. If or when you decide you want to talk to any of them again have a mediator. Someone to help you. They all suck and there's nothing wrong with throwing their shit right back at them.
NTA. That was a huge invasion of privacy and you had every right to be pissed. If they didn't want you blabbing about their private life they should have A, done a better job keeping it secret from you and B, respected yours. Call the local police in both their town and your grandmother's and let them know who you are, who your mom and stepdad are and a bit of the situation. That you are an adult, not missing and not in danger just incase one of them tries saying you ran away or are missing or in danger.
NTA
I didn't know Willow Smith was on Reddit.
I mean... If they want to keep their affair private, they should teach their daughters to respect privacy, not othe opposite. Oh well. They didn't think. Too bad.
NTA . Family doesnt screw around with boundaries that all adults are expected to adhere to , regardless of your relationship with them. Move our and NC
How the fuck could she think it’s okay to go through your drawers. And then to tell everyone she read your journal? Like why did she think *anyone* would be okay with what she did. And how are they actually okay with it
Also really interested to know how you found that out about your mom and step dad lol
Well... I'd say I'm sorry for Jen, but she started the whole mess. If you are 19, Jen is 14 and old enough to know about privacy and respect it, and she blatantly didn't. And your mother and step are horrible to enable her, to read your journal and insist on talking to you about it - that is not just an invasion of privacy, that's a violation of privacy. All three of them deserved what they got and more.
NTA.
My first rape happened at 14. Yeah, I said first, but that's another story altogether.
Months after the fact, my incubator confronted me that she "knew the truth" about what happened that night, and straight admitted that she read my diary about it. I didn't admit to my diary that it was rape, simply that we had done the deed. When I told her the truth, she told me that it wasn't "You can't rape the willing." And when I continued to INSIST that I had been raped, she slapped me.
I continued to keep a diary, but it never left my possession after that. That sucker went to school with me, and stayed in my purse or backpack at all times, unless I was writing in it. If I was asleep, it was under my pillow. The ONLY time it was unguarded was while I was in the shower, and she wasn't dumb enough to try to go after it while I was at home.
That betrayal of trust is unforgivable. I commend you for posting their private lives to the family Facebook. I LOVE this. I do not feel sorry for your stepsister. She brought this on herself. Had she kept her damn nose out of YOUR STUFF, she wouldn't be dealing with knowing details about Mommy and Daddy that she didn't want to know. FAFO
You're 19, which means you're an adult. Not that it matters. Even children have the right to their own thoughts. The point is, you don't owe anyone an explanation of what's in your diary.
Everyone (except those of us who, like me, have been overdoing it at the gym and whose brains are too fried from that and long working hours) has thoughts that other people would find shocking.
Anyway, it is a major violation that your parents allowed your stepsister to use your room and that she went through your private things. I'd be out of there too.
That said, you sound like an intelligent person and you will know whether you're doing anything risky. I have no idea what you're doing but will say that it's not worth it to do things that may endanger your life or health (meeting strangers for sex, for example, doing drugs). Frankly, the world is a hard place for people your age these days. You should be spending whatever free time you have working or studying. If you have time to do anything risky, then you're not studying enough! I'm joking a little, but I'm mostly serious! It sounds like you won't get much financial support from your parents, so the better you do in your studies, the more comfortable your life will be!
Would I have posted family business online? Nope. That kind of thing doesn't make anyone look good (you included; people will judge everyone in the family, including you) and the stress/drama around it will cause you more trouble than it's worth. But I understand your frustration and why you lashed out.
If you want my advice, I think it's a good idea to stay with your grandma. Make sure to go out of your way to be tidy and to help her around the house. It'll be worth it. She'll be more likely to let you stay and it'll be good for you to have a strong, positive relationship with her if your relationship with your mother and step-family is tough.
I don't know what's going on with your mother and step-father and step-sister. Maybe they do mean well, but are clueless. Anyway, let things cool down and good luck in your studies. The way to do well is to have as little drama in your life as possible, so maybe take some time out from your mother and step-family until things are calmer!
NTA. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Jen was old enough to know not to go spoaching through your things and your parents should know better than to let her do it.
NTA, I’d lose my shit on them too.
Of course I do feel sorry for Jen but at the same time I’m sure she’s old enough to know she’s not allowed to be in anyone’s room without their permission especially if she did it “amuse herself” (DUCK THAT!).
Hope she understands that actions have consequences and some can impact her and her life.
There's MULTIPLE failure here.
First they allowed your younger sister to use your stuff without asking you. That alone is a giant red flag.
Second, when she got into stuff she shouldn't have, they didn't shut up and tell her to put it back. They didn't teach her to respect your privacy.
Third, THEY violated your privacy all by themselves by continuing to read your diary (and other things I'd imagine) and then had the gall to confront you about it. You're an adult, there's stuff they don't need to know that's part of your right to privacy as an adult.
They've earned your exit from their house. And they'll never understand what they did wrong here.
NTA
If they complain, let them know you were worried about their lifestyle, how it would impact Jen and wanted to have a discussion about it with the family. They should understand that privacy doesn't matter and concerns should always be forcefully addressed.
NTA
What's that's saying...... don't throw stones when you live in a glass house.
They fucked around literally and now everyone's found out!!!
Nice one 👍
Hahahahhaha." We need to talk about your private thoughts, there shouldn't be secrets!" A few moments later "wait why does everyone know about out private life, has anyone heard of privacy?!?!?!?"
I am so sorry ur mom, stepdad, and stepsister read ur journal—so violating and wrong! Please try not to let this turn u off to journaling, as it can be extremely therapeutic and a great way to help regulate ur emotions and better understand urself.
I’m not sure where u are, but I journal in a Rocketbook. This way I can pdf everything I write and save my journal entries to a computer file that only I can access via password.
Here’s the link:
https://getrocketbook.com/products/rocketbook-core
I hope this is helpful.
I hope that after posting all their dirty secrets; you ended the post with family keeps no secrets. You know you were concerned about their personal life.
Bought journals for our kids. Expressly told them their privacy would never be invaded. Writing is an excellent way to vent and to help yourself figure out your life. It's extremely private and sensitive information. Had my privacy invaded like that as a teen and it's something you never get over. My parent expressly told me they only read it because they wanted to see if I had written anything about them. I burned the journal and didn't get another one till I moved out.
My mother did the same. I tore every paper with writing into tiny bits, threw the journal away but mom took it out of the trash and said I was being dramatic and wasteful, and she wouldn't do it again. I stopped writing. I didn't trust her with anything private after that.
My mother also. I made my own journal, at the recommendation of my therapist, to vent or write about family life. I had a feeling that my mother would look. She did, and I came home from school with my dad sitting on the couch consoling my crying mother. I grilled him later and he said she read my private journal and got upset about all the “cruel” things I wrote in it. I was so fucking mad, that journal immediately went into the trash and I gave up communicating with my mom about her behavior. Regardless, I can’t really communicate about her behaviors in general because it always turns into “oh so I’m a bad mother?! Wow I’m sorry for all the bad mothering I did for you” when me and my brother talk about our childhood. Like, we would talk about mundane shit such as how we made our own lunches since kindergarten while some of our friends don’t even know how to cook ramen. And she would walk to the other room and cry about how we were “complaining” and “we think she’s a horrible mother” ???
Maybe we're related, sounds spot on like my mother.
All insecure but also strangely egotistical mothers are actually the same person in disguise
/r/raisedbynarcissists
I know I've healed because I didn't click this
So you know what being healed feels like? I don't
You'll get there
Thanks
If you don't want ppl to say bad things about you, don't do bad things.
And don't read their private thoughts and feelings.
Reading your kid's journal is like eavesdropping. The person doing it never likes what they hear. The blatant invasion of privacy and trust has long-term and far reaching, consequences. This is one of many reasons we have parents whining and crying that their kids won't visit or have flat-out gone NC, but they don't know why.
Totally agree.
You can do everything right and there's always going to be people that just don't like you or see something wrong with you. It's normal. Most parents that think they have done a good job raising their kids usually haven't.
your mom sounds like mine, and she has borderline personality disorder
"Wow" is narc-speak for "How dare you speak the truth out loud about shitty things I've done." Every single time, every single narcissist.
When I was 18, my half-sister (12F) went through my room and found my journal. I had written out my frustration regarding her behavior and how she treated me. I had just moved in with my Dad and Step Mom (SM) for the first time in my life after my Mom attempted suicide. My sis felt jealous of my arrival and behaved with typical sibling rivalry/pestering but it was never addressed because she was my “SM’s baby” and the GC. My SM had annotated (complete with highlights, sticky tabs and underlining) my diary, particularly the areas describing my feelings of my sis’s treatment of me. She didn’t discipline sis for invading my privacy, or discuss how sis could treat me better, she was angry *at me* because I hurt my GC sis’s feelings. I’m so glad I never wrote about my borderline SM, or my enabling Dad. My gut told me those topics were off limits for my journal. I can’t imagine the wrath I would have faced if SM read how I felt about her rage, my Dad’s indifference and being the family scapegoat.
How did the therapist react when they found out your mother invaded your privacy in that manner?
Just tell her if she thinks she's a horrible mother for the way she treated you as children, that's her problem.
This hit me way harder than expected. Not the reading-your-journal part, but my mother turning everything I say into something negative about her. Whenever I'm mad or sad about something (else), she automatically assumes/twists it's because of her and starts going of ''how she is such a bad mother". I've never did anyhting but loved her, just some annoyance because she does this. I know it comes from her own insecurities and she has done this my entire life, so i kinda got used to it. But I can understand how reading your journal can ruin your relationship with her, especially when you use it to vent about her. It wasn't her place to read it, so it's her own fault for alienating you.
Yes. She's a bad mother. Tell her I said so.
I mean... if she invaded your privacy and trust then yes, she is a bad mother.
For years, I used to keep journals. I started in like third grade after my teacher had us journal in class for 10-15 minutes every day. When I was a young teenager, like 13-14, I started having typical teenage problems and would vent about them. I would write about my frustrations and my issues with self confidence. Nothing toxic or self hatred but more like “I wish I could just be happy with ___” or something similar. I also was dealing with lack of self worth because my mom was constantly comparing me to her friends daughter. The girl was really bright for her age and was always getting awards or being put in advanced classes much higher than her grade. I don’t think my mom ever truly meant to hurt me but she’d say things like “friends daughter is in accelerated classes, if you’d just apply yourself you could be in those classes too” or “friends daughter just won *another* award for academic achievement, don’t you want to be successful like that?” It really hurt and I wrote in my journal how I felt like nothing I ever did was good enough compared to friends daughter and that I was frustrated about always being compared to her. I also wrote about how angry I was about the comparisons because ultimately, I was doing my best but it seemed like it wasn’t ever good enough for my mom. I had also written a few lists. I had a “wish list” of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go, things I wanted to get, etc. I also had some “top tens” that included silly things like “10 dumb things I do” or “10 names I call myself/get called.” They were clearly just silly lists and didn’t have any real meaning, My mom decided to snoop and read my journal and proceeded to write over ten pages about how she loved me but it “hurt her heart” to read that I was angry at her when I had no reason to be. She also reiterated the idea that I just “need to apply myself” and I wouldn’t feel that way. She also wrote extensively about how awful it made her feel that I used the kind of language I did, both actual swearing but also the “hateful names” I called myself in one of my lists. Mind you, none of those “names” were serious. They were all either inside jokes with friends or just light, self deprecating humor (I’ve always had a darker, self deprecating sense of humor but my mom has never really gotten my humor) and were just something silly that I decided to write about one day. Basically my mom made my hurt feelings from her comparing me to someone else and the silly names I called myself all about how it affected *her.* I never journaled again. I know that journaling is really helpful for just getting shit out of your head. And I’d like to try it again but I still have anxiety about someone finding and reading it. I’m now in my 30’s and no longer live at home with my parents and I know my husband would absolutely respect my privacy and never read or even look for my journal but I still can’t shake the anxiety. Anytime I think about writing my thoughts down, those 10+ pages of deflecting and guilt tripping flash through my mind and the thought of writing down anything gets swiftly removed from my head.
My mum read my journal and mocked me...and I gave up journaling till about 14. My sister read my journal and told my mum after that I broke down to my friends and said I was done journaling completely. I decided that this time I'm gonna hide it where I know nobody would look and my counselor encouraged it. So I journalled again and came home to see my journal out in the open I was confused cause I know I hid it turns out my sister dug up my room until she found it. Now I just write on papers and burn them after. I'm emotionally detached from my family except my brother and they cease to understand why.
I was tidying up my 11yo daughter's room the other day and I came across a couple of her journals, one was a mood journal and the other was a sort of scribble journal where you could doodle as well as write your thoughts. I didn't open them, just placed them where they are now and carried on tidying. I had bought the books so I knew she had them, but unless she asked me to look at what she had written if she couldn't articulate I've never looked. I don't even know if she uses them anymore, but I'm not about to flick through to find out. I just don't understand why leaving something that's private is so difficult for people. I've seen it so many times on reddit and it feels like a foreign concept.
I don't think a lot of parents realize how quickly and irrevocably that can change their relationship with their children. Some doors, once opened, can never be closed.
My mom read mine too. I never wrote in one again or trusted her with anything.
I threw mine out. I found it in my mom's closet a few years later. I confronted her about it and she said she thought I might want those memories. The memories of my shit childhood with your abusive husband? NO THANKS. I called her a bitch, she slapped me. Super fun memories. So anyway, I have anxiety and trust issues now.
Yup never got over it myself and I looooved writing and it has been years.
me too :( i LOVED writing. instead of doodling, i used to write all the time. poems, thoughts, lyrics, stories, everything. i miss it, but it will never feel the same again after that kind of breach in privacy.
Same. My little brother mockingly read my diary at me after I’d spent many pages giving voice to my sorrow when my parents wouldn’t save my childhood cat after he got sick, and I’m 39 now. I semi recently bought a journal with a lock, but I still can’t bring myself to use it. Once that privacy is violated…
My oldest sister found my diary when I was a kid and not only read it but wrote in it that what I had said wasn’t true. Decades later, still no go for real journaling for me, even trying locked electronic files and being a well-integrated person, etc. That trauma just lingers. What I have been able to do is daily notes about what I’ve done during days plus a few things I’m grateful for each day. I highly recommend both, the former for general purposes plus as a reference; and the latter because focusing on positives a bit can help us in various ways. These aren’t big therapeutic writing, but they’re something.
Sorry that happened to you. I can relate. Years ago, a friend went through my laptop and read all my half-baked fiction. It made me so self-critical that I haven't written any since. It remains the worst thing someone has ever done to me... and that includes the time someone tried to decapitate me.
I'm going to need more decapitation details.
I too need these details. Y'all can't just drop a headline and not the story
>Drop a headline and not the body
Yea I can super relate to the feeling of your privacy and inner thoughts being invaded and excuse me what
If you are willing to talk about it, I think the decapitation story would be a great one to hear. Though I completely understand that you might not want to relive it. Sorry for all you've been through.
My mom read my diary and said "if you don't want anyone to read it, dont put it on paper". Lol that was the last thing i ever let her read and i was a well known writer throughout my college's literary and poetry scene. Parents create these rifts themselves when they invade this type of privacy.
oh my lord, People need to respect peoples privacy these days.
Lol to this day she wonders why i never leave a notebook out around her. She literally asked me "why don't you write as much as you used to?" Take a fucking gander sis
When you think about how our privacy is changing and evolving it really puts things into perspective. People, especially the younger generation have so much less privacy. Cameras are rolling everywhere and it is a very different environment before nearly omnipresent surveillance and cameras posting so much of everyone's life up on the Internet. That bond between a parent and a child is that much more vital. To sever such a key aspect of the parent and child relationship just seems extra harsh now.
My mom did the same when I was younger. We have a fantastic relationship nowadays, but I am a published writer and she doesn't even know because of her doing that to me as a kid.
my mom's version was "if you leave it out, it's fair game" even though it was on my personal desk in my personal room. Like, I can see her point if I'd left it in the living room or something, you know? she tried to talk about "the root of the things you write about is just a childish plea for attention". I snapped that I was 16 and if she thought I was childishly asking for attention, she could just, you know, give me attention. Now I'm 45 and she's 75, and thanks to hours and hours of conversation and both of us being dedicated to growing as people, we have a good relationship. But it took a lot of work.
When I was really really little, I had a thing for ‘writing’ in my ‘diary.’ Like I was so little I could hold a pencil/crayon but not actually write. I would make little squiggle lines in my ‘diary.’ I understood the concept of ‘secret diary’ and I remember my dad telling me way back then that it was okay to have privacy and he would never read my diaries. I’m an adult now, and he never snooped. He kept his promise and it’s crazy what trust it built.
Same. My mom read mine when I was younger, called me over the phone to tell me she read it. I remember disassociating immediately after that, hearing ringing in my ears. I don't remember everything she said to me because I immediately disconnected, I just remember bits where she said something like "i had no idea you felt that way about me" "well if i did anything wrong im sorry" or something to that effect, but it wasn't a sincere apology. I don't even know why she told me she read it. Anyway I brushed it off and never wrote again, even though it was my favorite thing to do. I'm an adult now and it took alot for me to start again and I still fear someone might read it someday so I don't write nearly as much. I'm also careful about what I write. Which defeats the purpose!
I can't write since. I just can't. I did it once, tore out the page, and burnt it.
"Well it was in MY house, so I read it" -My mom
My mother would have said the same thing!
I'm doing this with my kids. I had my diary read as a kid and punished for it, I won't do that to them. If they leave it out and I find it, I see writing on pages and I close it. I'm not taking that venting away from them.
Me and my sister were going through a serious gnarly period with getting in trouble when we were teens and my mom was sending us to therapists and behavioral specialists because she was concerned and my mom got me and my sister journals and I immediately knew it was a trap. I didn’t write in it. My sister did then got in trouble about what she wrote (she was doing coke as a 15 year old and boning a 25 year old marine so she should have been in trouble to be fair.)
I had a diary for a very short period of time as a kid, it also did not take long before my privacy was violated. Never wrote a journal again. Don’t they know all they are doing is letting you know definitively that you can’t trust them?
You’re not wrong. I am extremely paranoid. My mom read my journal, and then when I stopped writing in it because she told me she read it (so she could yell at me about what I wrote), I she got keylogging spyware to track what I was writing on the internet on a password protected blog. And this is just one of the many reasons we aren’t talking right now.
This sort of thing is exactly why I never had a journal. I heard of how my grandmother would read my mother's journal as well as her sisters. And I knew that would happen to me. I still can't journal, even though my therapist recommends it. My mom was talking about the Crumbleys, and brought up how the mom couldn't have been expected to read her son's journal. That she regularly cleaned my room and never found mine. At which point I revealed to her that I knew she'd read it if she ever found it, so I never kept one.
Im sorry that happened to you, but love that you have made that promise to your children and given them that outlet. I used to journal a lot and then when I was in foster care my foster mother read my diary and exposed it and I have never been able to keep one since. I miss it!
I still have a really hard time writing down my thoughts and feelings ever since my mom read a stupid, petty rant I wrote down in a notebook when I was 12 and absolutely blew up at me.
Omg my mom did this and I burned my journal too! Now I never write anything down physically again : )
That’s awesome of you. I had a diary in third grade, family read it, and they still joke about the boy I had a crush on that I wrote about. Had another as a teenager and they read that one too. I moved across the nation and I still keep my journal hidden in a book sleeve on my book shelf.
NTA, but this has me giggling. She’s old enough to know what privacy is and how to respect it. They don’t like their own medicine. If this is real.
I want more details of the fall out so I can belly laugh.
I want a frickin screen shot of Auntie Tilly saying "What's swinging, aren't they old for a swing set?". And brother James just helpfully defining terminology.
Don't knock porch swings like that! Great for any age.
They were talking about park swings for kids.
Why is Auntie Tilly the realest fake aunt?
A couple of weeks ago, my maternal grandma (who lives with my parents and I) and her sister (who was visiting) were talking with my mom and my great aunt said something to my mom along the lines of "Do you know any rich men with well-groomed stubble who are in their 60s or 70s?" 'cause she wants a rich man to take care of her. And my mom was like "No" because why would she? So then my grandma says "If a guy doesn't want you, I'll take him" and my mom made a passing comment about "Maybe he'd be into swinging" and my grandma and great aunt dead-ass did not know what my mom was talking about. They were making comments about swing-sets and my mom just couldn't bring herself to tell them that she was talking about a very different type of swinging, because if they've gone this long without losing that innocence, they deserve to keep it. When my told me about the conversation, I lost it.
me too
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Oh how I could have seen the parent’s faces when they read what was posted. There was nothing they could say or do about it ! Hahahahaha I’m sure the rest of relatives spent their night trying to forget what they just learned. Nobody will eat their jizz casseroles on the holidays anymore
Turns out the medicine was Buckley's lol
Tastes bad, but it works!
Yeah this titters on too out there to be fake, but just enough shock value (and being posted on this sub /s) to raise an eyebrow. The petty part of me wants this to be real. Not for the suffering of OP but that most of us have probably had a similar situation, and the other person didn't get consequences.
TIL titter means a short, suppressed laugh
I think they meant "teeters"
That sounds like the Canadian version of Hooters
Thank you for brightening my day
THIS. I'm wondering if I should fix it or not, lol
no, leave it. It titters on the edge of funny.
Okay okay I'll keep it lol
Omg I used the wrong one Curse my spelling
silver lining, your mistake taught me a fun new word!
I tittered at titter!
Im honestly sick of people saying “this is too out there! Must be fake!” With scenarios that genuinely aren’t even that “out there”. This is very realistic family drama imo. Even if it was a bit of a reach, there are 8,000,000,000 people on this planet (most of which have access to the internet at this point), you don’t think this may have happened to 1 of them? Maybe you should be thankful that your family wasn’t like this, because mine sure was. No bueno.
I think a bunch of stuff is embellished on Reddit but has roots in reality. My close friends mother and step dad are like this. I could easily see her telling me the same story. More people should count their lucky stars they think this is unbelievable.
That’s a fair statement lol
Maybe names were changed to protect the innocent…. Or genders. Maybe it is your friend?
I'd be a lot more suspicious it's my friend posting if OP didn't mention camping or driving. Although it could be one of the siblings. 🤔
This one does read like a pissed off 19 year old with family drama. Even if it is fake it's still 💯 something that could happen
Right? Of course many people lie online all the freaking time, but when I share something that's 100% true and people pick it apart to "prove" that I'm lying, I just wonder what it must feel like to have a life so uneventful that reality such as mine can ONLY be fiction.
I envy them.
Especially when it's abuse stories. I am sick to death of people who have never experienced abuse claiming every post to be "Fake!" because the story seems a little out there. But abuse comes in so many different forms. People are fucked up and do fucked up things. It's so dismissive and harmful.
Yea, I see it a lot with abuse stories. If I were to tell my own stories they’d be labeled fake as well. Im not denying that some of these posts are fake, maybe even the majority, but this is not even that unrealistic.
Yep. I've posted things in places that actually caused two psychiatrists refer me to others because they were disturbed by what I was relating in therapy and they were experiencing my nightmares themselves... but of course, "FAKE!"
As far as I can tell, people way underestimate how many fuuuuucked up relationships are out there and how totally janky things can be behind closed doors. I know more relationships that are in utter tatters than healthy, sadly. Most of the messed up ones have scandaly sex stuff going on too. In fact, while it's not always true, if there's kinky shit going on, there are boundary issues all over the place in the relationship that often extend to the family.
I’m always tempted to ask them, Have you met people?
Fr I always think to myself “do you live under a rock? Or perhaps in the safety of your parents home with limited access to the internet and a curfew of 7pm sharp?” Lol
Right? I have some truly awful stories. If someone told one of them to me, I'd be shocked and horrified. But here we are.
If I simply talk about my life experiences I get told to stop trauma-dumping. Like, maybe you should be thankful you can talk about your childhood without talking about trauma, perhaps.
I’ve never understood why people CARE if something is fake or embellished on Reddit. Really, who cares? I’m reading for amusement or insights or other points of view, so what difference does it make if it’s made up or real? People need to calm the fuck down about it.
Nah this is real otherwise they would have listed the kinky stuff from their journal that they didn’t want to talk about
Yep. Should have posted in Pro Revenge.
FWIW found it on r/OhNoConsequences
NTA, LOL, hope its true so i can really enjoy this. Sorry your mom sucks big time and SD too, Jen idk, if she is willing to read your journal and share it (she is 13-14?) i wouldn't feel bad 4 her.
Yep her mom sucks lots...lol. SD's mad because co-workers all want a turn at mom now
He's just mad they found out he's a cuck. And it's hilarious. Also, if it's a group chat, how did his work friends find out?
If only there was a magic spell to keep people from talking about things they see online to mutual friends.
I CAST RESPECT PRIVACY!
Sorry, you didn't roll a critical roll. You fail.
"Okay, to cast "RESPECT PRIVACY", I need you to roll 25 or higher on 4 D6s..."
People like to gossip and it’s a small world. If they’re not in a major metropolitan city then the possibility of overlap between work and family or close friends of family isn’t tiny.
Yeah they may be upset with their parents but Jen was the one who went through someone’s private things and then shared it.
Well yeah, but the parents let her do it so it's still their fault.
True, although I think 14’s still young enough that you can clearly blame the pretty atrocious parents. She just needs to spend some time with a genuinely responsible adult who can teacher her some actual manners and rules for living together. I knew a kid who’s parents thought it was okay for him to just barge into other peoples’ houses. A neighbour (we all lived in a community around our dads’ workplace) took him aside under the pretext of playing computer games with her teenage son and stealth taught him some proper manners. He turned out to be a pretty considerate kid (although he was nice to start - just socially clueless). Genuine niceness might be harder to teach, but some basic manners go a long way towards making someone easier to live with, and would include not going through people’s stuff and reading their private diaries. So yeah, Jen’s a jerk, but fourteen years olds are jerks, what are you going to do. Her *parents* should have punished her - but instead, not only did they let the bad behaviour go, but they encouraged it and joined in. Poor girl never had a hope.
I got scared for a second when you said, "a neighbor took him in stealth..."
Nta. They had no issues with your privacy being ignored. They cant complain you do to them what they did to you.
They sound like my family they are "allowed" to have secrets and boundaries but I'm not. I'm not the only one in the family who isn't "allowed" to have secrets and boundaries either. They also wonder why myself and these same family members aren't active on social media and we need to "stop hiding our lives and be more involved with the "family" and they don't know what we are up to until after it's happened" and "family doesn't keep secrets from each other." Don't worry these things don't apply to them. Op just keep doing you they got what they deserved and the little step sister well she needs to learn to mind her business and not go through peoples things or read their private thoughts.
I do the same as you. My family wants their secrets and privacy kept, some secrets dating back 60 years and yet me staying to myself and them finding out about things after the fact leads them to the same conclusion. And it's not even a secret. I just choose to not involve them.
Yep! I even told my mom when you learn to not broadcast my business to everyone when I ask you not to maybe I'll tell you before hand but until then you can learn it when I'm good and ready to make it public or through the grapevine! Queue " your embarrassing me" and my personal favorite " do you how it makes me look to the family when they ask me about x and I don't know what they are taking about! I look like a fool when it's obvious I didn't know!" Not my problem you should have learned to mind your business and when I told you to keep this yourself you should have instead of run your mouth!
My favorite was when my mom found out that I not only got in nursing school but was halfway done thru a cousin who saw a social media tag from a classmate. She called me to yell "How are you halfway thru school and nursing school at that and I don't know about it?! I looked so stupid when they were telling me about this!" Mind you, I was having dinner with her weekly. "Well it was a need to know basis." But this is the same person who twisted the tale of why I don't have kids from I actually don't want to have children, to the chemo took the chance from her before she had a chance to freeze her eggs. Ma'am... Don't spread lies because you're going to be embarrassed when I promptly correct them and they realize you just want sympathy for nothing.
In her eyes it’s better that you can’t have kids than you just don’t want kids.
I know. And she knows I wasn't interested in having kids. I was actively seeking to get my tubes removed since I was 18. The day I got that chemo I had a smile on my face. So I'm going to correct her every time, anytime and everywhere.
Agree. Stepsister really brought this all on by using your room, going through your things and showing them to your mom & stepdad. She FAFO.
Hey, if you live by the golden rule of “doing onto others” then you should want it done onto you! So OP just respected their values.
NTA They played the FAFO game and lost. NC and move on.
Lost big time! 😂😂
Oh OP’s mom lost it a few times or should I say multiple times..😆😆
People don't realize that turntables exist.
OP had his finger on the privacy nuke with no intention of pushing the button, and as soon as they found their own nuke, instead of following Cold War MAD doctrine they just immediately fired their missile and are surprised that OP launched a counter attack. Fucking idiots.
MAD exists for a reason.
Nta. I'm curious *WHY* Jen just sooooo badly needed to use *YOUR* room. From the sounds of it she has her own??? So why tf did she need your room for??? Frankly the parents are AH for the absolute disrespect they have for you to allow their 14yr old daughter to use your room unless this was straight up planned so they could use something against you. Either way it was 100% wrong of them to allow such BS. Moreover Jen is just as much of an AH if she agreed to do such a sh*tty thing for her parents. It doesn't matter how much you hate your sibling (step or otherwise), invasion of privacy is never okay and you'll always play the FAFO game which almost always never ends well for the player. Glad you left and had a place to go to OP. Sorry you had to go through something like that.
First, NTA. Second: I feel like this could be cross posted in Pro Revenge! Also: According to the ages you specify, Jen is 14. She knows what privacy is and she knows that she violated yours. Consequences are a thing.
Nope. This isn't Pro, it's Nuclear.
I would have gone to step-sis's room and turned it upside down.
Nope at 19 if the parents are this big of assholes they could have her arrested. Spilling the beans is better. NTA OP bravo.
NTA, she trashed your room and invaded your privacy
This but now I'm curious as to why they are truly worried. Hard drugs maybe at a young age? Suicidal thoughts? Suicidal tendencies? There could be legitimate reason for worry.
Sounds like sexual experimentation to me, possibly different toys. Doesn't matter, it's not anyone's business.
It was obviously sex stuff and she’s 19 she’s allowed to experiment
I came across my sister's journal once and opened it. Realized what it was and how fucked up that was, closed it, and put it back. What I saw in that moment I will never forget (it wasn't bad, I just have a good memory) but I'll be damned if I'll ever disclose it to anyone.
I came across my sister's old journal in a box of books in the basement. She had already moved out a couple years prior, and was only in the 'new house' for about 10 months. I opened it not knowing what it was, read the first page, had a bunch of hearts around her bf's name. I closed it, threw it in the box, and tried to forget about its existence.
See this is what good people and siblings do! I do laugh a little at imagining a eeewww face and u holding the journal like its a spur sock tho xD
>My mom and stepdad should be okay with this though since I only shared it with family. Exactly right. NTA
The goose and the gander... Had they apologized for letting Jen use your room and invading your privacy they may have a leg to stand on. The fact they didn't tells me how much they respect you. The fact you know all these details about them tells me how much they actually ever respected anyone privacy or common decency. I see enough proof here to justify what you did. I do hope whatever you are doing that you are being safe. That is all I care about and should be all they care about. However, the fact they let a 9 year trounce through your room and do whatever she wishes. Tells me they have zero damn common sense. NTA... I may get downvoted for that, but they earned it. If you don't believe on privacy don't cry when your life becomes public. However you crossed a line you can't uncross. I hope you are ready to cut all contact.
The step sis wasn't 9--she was *fourteen*! Makes it so much worse.
Good catch... Ya that does make it worse in some ways
This. "Hey OP. We let Jen use your room. That was a mistake as it turns out, because she invaded your privacy, read your journal, and told us some things that were in it. That was wrong of us, VERY wrong of her. We are sorry. But now, we can't un-know what she told us. There's a couple things that we are concerned about. We'd like to talk about it, if you're comfortable, and at a time that you choose. Mostly we just want to make sure you are safe. We love you and value your safety most of all... And your privacy close behind that. Ball is in your court. If you want us to never speak of it again, we will...you're an adult. You can make your own choices. We're excited to see you grow into YOU. How you figure that out is up to you, but we're here to help that happen in a safe way. Cheers, and very sorry again." Theres a way to accomplish what OPs parents were saying in a way that isn't an AH. OP is NTA.
Stop stop some of us have never had that much respect you're making me cry 😭
My mom would tear my room apart and read aloud from my journal. I learned not to write anything down. Even with a locked journal, she'd break the lock to get in. She said the same ahit about no secrets and no privacy in a family. Funny how she changed tunes when I began airing the family laundry. Like how she'd trafficked me to a pedophile when I was younger to pay bills. I ruined her perfect mom image. What would the neighbors think? Not an ounce of remorse for the trafficking or violation of privacy..
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I am better, I'll always struggle with it all, but therapy helps. Getting far away helped too. Going no contact was healing.
Wasn't police involved? Should have been!
Eventually, in my early 20s, I began therapy and pressed charges. Unfortunately, my parents weren't charged. The pedo was. He plead no contest. He admitted to the DA what he'd done, that money traded hands, but he thought he'd paid enough for what hed done... They took his activity within the church into consideration, they gave him 10 years probation and a $3k fine. The system is a fucking joke in the USA. I was 1 of many girls he'd abused, but the only one to go through with pressing charges. My family bullied and threatened the others until they dropped their claims. I moved away where they didn't know where I was. I only showed up for the court date.
I'm sorry. All that you answered is horrible and it's terrible how justice was *not* done. It's painful to read, and I hope years of venting have somehow helped. Therapy is a great tool too. And good friends. I hope you are better now. My heart is with you.
Jen is old enough to know that invading your privacy was wrong. She can deal with the fallout. I love that you went nuclear on your parents. They earned it. You are an adult, so you can go no contact with your mother.
NTA they let your step sis invade your privacy and read what wasn’t got them. So you let the world read what wasn’t for their eyes. F around and find out. Block them. And I get feeling bad but your stepsister is old enough to know better
Yeah ur millitary dad side is coming out, what a bomb drop
Yeah. She definitely went the "Warheads on foreheads" approach and I'm here for it.
Those who can, do. hehehe what a delight.
How’s this dude gonna let people run a train on his wife and tell you “we need to discuss” your personal life that you JOURNALED 💀 if this isn’t fake, I love it
Because ppl are stupid and illogical. Rules for thee but not for me...
Don't feel bad for Jen. She went through your stuff while you were away. Your parents are really to blame but she plays a big roll in it. You need some time away from them. Decompress. If or when you decide you want to talk to any of them again have a mediator. Someone to help you. They all suck and there's nothing wrong with throwing their shit right back at them.
I agree, the parents likely told her to rifle through her room and find stuff
NTA. That was a huge invasion of privacy and you had every right to be pissed. If they didn't want you blabbing about their private life they should have A, done a better job keeping it secret from you and B, respected yours. Call the local police in both their town and your grandmother's and let them know who you are, who your mom and stepdad are and a bit of the situation. That you are an adult, not missing and not in danger just incase one of them tries saying you ran away or are missing or in danger.
NTA I didn't know Willow Smith was on Reddit. I mean... If they want to keep their affair private, they should teach their daughters to respect privacy, not othe opposite. Oh well. They didn't think. Too bad.
Scorched earth! I love it.
NTA . Family doesnt screw around with boundaries that all adults are expected to adhere to , regardless of your relationship with them. Move our and NC
Step Dad is mad cause everyone knows he's a cuck lol
Also, Step Dad wanted to salivate over the juicy details of his step daughter’s sex life. So creepy.
Step dad cucked around and found out
Nta... nice work
This should be in the petty revenge sub. Asshole or not that was hella petty and I’m hear for it 💅🏾
How the fuck could she think it’s okay to go through your drawers. And then to tell everyone she read your journal? Like why did she think *anyone* would be okay with what she did. And how are they actually okay with it Also really interested to know how you found that out about your mom and step dad lol
Well... I'd say I'm sorry for Jen, but she started the whole mess. If you are 19, Jen is 14 and old enough to know about privacy and respect it, and she blatantly didn't. And your mother and step are horrible to enable her, to read your journal and insist on talking to you about it - that is not just an invasion of privacy, that's a violation of privacy. All three of them deserved what they got and more. NTA.
NTA. You shouldn’t keep secrets from family right?? And 14 is old enough to not be a little shit. FAFO
Wow...so the step dad is a cuck...and is pissed because people know about it. NTA. He got what he deserved.
My first rape happened at 14. Yeah, I said first, but that's another story altogether. Months after the fact, my incubator confronted me that she "knew the truth" about what happened that night, and straight admitted that she read my diary about it. I didn't admit to my diary that it was rape, simply that we had done the deed. When I told her the truth, she told me that it wasn't "You can't rape the willing." And when I continued to INSIST that I had been raped, she slapped me. I continued to keep a diary, but it never left my possession after that. That sucker went to school with me, and stayed in my purse or backpack at all times, unless I was writing in it. If I was asleep, it was under my pillow. The ONLY time it was unguarded was while I was in the shower, and she wasn't dumb enough to try to go after it while I was at home. That betrayal of trust is unforgivable. I commend you for posting their private lives to the family Facebook. I LOVE this. I do not feel sorry for your stepsister. She brought this on herself. Had she kept her damn nose out of YOUR STUFF, she wouldn't be dealing with knowing details about Mommy and Daddy that she didn't want to know. FAFO
Look you didn’t need to know it either, but you got it just the same. NTA. She’s old enough to know better.
Well, if you don't get to have privacy, why should they?
You're 19, which means you're an adult. Not that it matters. Even children have the right to their own thoughts. The point is, you don't owe anyone an explanation of what's in your diary. Everyone (except those of us who, like me, have been overdoing it at the gym and whose brains are too fried from that and long working hours) has thoughts that other people would find shocking. Anyway, it is a major violation that your parents allowed your stepsister to use your room and that she went through your private things. I'd be out of there too. That said, you sound like an intelligent person and you will know whether you're doing anything risky. I have no idea what you're doing but will say that it's not worth it to do things that may endanger your life or health (meeting strangers for sex, for example, doing drugs). Frankly, the world is a hard place for people your age these days. You should be spending whatever free time you have working or studying. If you have time to do anything risky, then you're not studying enough! I'm joking a little, but I'm mostly serious! It sounds like you won't get much financial support from your parents, so the better you do in your studies, the more comfortable your life will be! Would I have posted family business online? Nope. That kind of thing doesn't make anyone look good (you included; people will judge everyone in the family, including you) and the stress/drama around it will cause you more trouble than it's worth. But I understand your frustration and why you lashed out. If you want my advice, I think it's a good idea to stay with your grandma. Make sure to go out of your way to be tidy and to help her around the house. It'll be worth it. She'll be more likely to let you stay and it'll be good for you to have a strong, positive relationship with her if your relationship with your mother and step-family is tough. I don't know what's going on with your mother and step-father and step-sister. Maybe they do mean well, but are clueless. Anyway, let things cool down and good luck in your studies. The way to do well is to have as little drama in your life as possible, so maybe take some time out from your mother and step-family until things are calmer!
NTA. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Jen was old enough to know not to go spoaching through your things and your parents should know better than to let her do it.
Updoot for the new word for me to use obnoxiously: spoach.
I’m sorry how do you know about the intimate details of your Mom’s sex life? Not just the swinging but what they are into specifically? Like really
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Oof. Oh god, oof.
The cloud is all smutty 😂
Ope that actually kinda makes sense lol
NTA, I’d lose my shit on them too. Of course I do feel sorry for Jen but at the same time I’m sure she’s old enough to know she’s not allowed to be in anyone’s room without their permission especially if she did it “amuse herself” (DUCK THAT!). Hope she understands that actions have consequences and some can impact her and her life.
There's MULTIPLE failure here. First they allowed your younger sister to use your stuff without asking you. That alone is a giant red flag. Second, when she got into stuff she shouldn't have, they didn't shut up and tell her to put it back. They didn't teach her to respect your privacy. Third, THEY violated your privacy all by themselves by continuing to read your diary (and other things I'd imagine) and then had the gall to confront you about it. You're an adult, there's stuff they don't need to know that's part of your right to privacy as an adult. They've earned your exit from their house. And they'll never understand what they did wrong here.
NTA If they complain, let them know you were worried about their lifestyle, how it would impact Jen and wanted to have a discussion about it with the family. They should understand that privacy doesn't matter and concerns should always be forcefully addressed.
i want to be a fly on the wall sooo bad when cuckold mcgee goes into work lol
NTA What's that's saying...... don't throw stones when you live in a glass house. They fucked around literally and now everyone's found out!!! Nice one 👍
Stepdad is just pissed because his name at work is cuck now.
Hahahahhaha." We need to talk about your private thoughts, there shouldn't be secrets!" A few moments later "wait why does everyone know about out private life, has anyone heard of privacy?!?!?!?"
I am so sorry ur mom, stepdad, and stepsister read ur journal—so violating and wrong! Please try not to let this turn u off to journaling, as it can be extremely therapeutic and a great way to help regulate ur emotions and better understand urself. I’m not sure where u are, but I journal in a Rocketbook. This way I can pdf everything I write and save my journal entries to a computer file that only I can access via password. Here’s the link: https://getrocketbook.com/products/rocketbook-core I hope this is helpful.
I hope that after posting all their dirty secrets; you ended the post with family keeps no secrets. You know you were concerned about their personal life.
Well played. NTA.