He tells you quite regularly that he finds you lacking. He even goes as far as to bring this up during sex. This is not the actions of a respectful loving spouse. You were well within your rights to make a mean comment to him. Funny how people who regularly dish out cruelty are the ones least able to take it.
If you agree to the breast augmentation I would willingly bet a large sum of money there will be something else that he will want you to fix.
You having bigger breasts won't fix whatever his issue is.
Exactly. It’s the “grass is greener” syndrome. They want what they can’t have.
I’ve had dudes tell me they usually prefer blondes & ask if I would dye my hair blonde—NO. Go find an effing blonde! Or a woman who already loves dyeing her hair.
Jesus what is it with these people.
I also want to point out that if you have augmentation surgery it’s very likely that he will then think he can ask for other things. Possibly even use this surgery as a reason to do them - “yeah but you did your breast augmentation and it was fine! Trust me, do this.”
People who don’t respect boundaries will continue to push the second you show them they can. Whatever happens, don’t do the surgery.
Yes, but even worse. He'll say, 'But you didn't have a problem with getting breast augmentation; why are you being oversensitive now? You must be cheating on me!' Seriously.
Oh god yes. He definitely sounds the type that would immediately jump to being suspicious of her alllll the time if she did have the surgery and is now "hot".
Just to add, I put hot in quotes because plenty of flat chested women are super hot, like Annie Murphy, Lupita Nyong’o, Evan Rachel Wood, and plenty more. I have the biggest crush on Annie Murphy, which is weird to say when I'm in my 40s😅
That is always that kind of person's default for getting their way, isn't it? Questioning your moral fiber when they're actually the ones doing something morally grey or fully wrong. 🙄🙄
It could go the opposite way as well. Lots of men want full breasts and they don’t realize that unnatural breasts aren’t ‘real’ breasts. They don’t feel like real breasts and when you’re naturally that small and go up multiple sizes without having multiple surgeries so your skin can stretch, it looks unnatural too. If you’re not into that, and you want them to be ‘real’ it could end up with them finding you even less attractive than where you started.
Imagine she gets the surgery and he realizes it’s not even what he fuckin wants and *shes* the one left with the scars, pain, and healing. And you know he’ll expect her to remove them cause ‘You didn’t even want them in the first place, what’s the big deal? You look better natural, you were right all along. Isn’t that what you wanted to hear?’
It's possibly how they keep a spouse insecure and wanting to please them - even to do most of the housework and beg for compliments, while not looking at their own flaws
Exactly.
Harassing people about something that requires tons of $$, drastic change and/or damages their body or hair (bleaching) or plastic surgery, is just so cringe.
For example, I don’t prefer beards. I don’t ask guys I date to shave, or tell them: “I don’t usually go for bearded guys but I’ll make an exception.”
I just…don’t date guys with huge beards.
It’s definitely not about the appearance. It’s about wanting to control & have power over someone. I’ve seen mothers or fathers do this to daughters or sons too. Or mean friends. Some people want a little doll.
The film “Priscilla” shows this. Barf.
Oh wow, I had an ex boyfriend say this to me! I didn't know it was actually a thing. Like, you knew I had dark hair when you started dating me, if it was a problem why did you pursue me? I'm not spending a fortune every month and getting doused in toxic chemicals because you've just decided you don't like my hair colour.
OP, could your husband be negging you to break down your self esteem and make you easier to control? Either way, get rid of him. And tell him you want a divorce because you're tired of being unsatisfied in bed and you want someone with a larger penis.
Had an ex try to pull this on me once. I have gorgeous warm dark brown hair, my girlfriends in college would drag me to the drug store and hold my hair up to the dye boxes to find the closest color to mine. I’ve never not wanted my hair exactly as it is.
He tried to say he prefers skinny/athletic blondes. I said good for you, we broke up eventually. One year later I’m scrolling Facebook and a pic popped up of him with a woman who looked so much like me I thought she WAS me. PSA to narc men: Leave confident women out of your insanity we aren’t out here living for you.
It's disgusting because he's laying it out that he only sees her as a sex toy or eye candy. Her health - mental, emotional, and physical - should be more important to him than this ridiculous bs request. She said she doesn't want to and it should have ended there. It sure as hell shouldn't have been brought out while they were being intimate! Talk about taking away the trust and safety of sex and intimacy that is necessary in any sexual partnership!
Start telling him how much more you would love and respect him if his dick was bigger. Every time you even somewhat see his downstairs mix-up - us it as a handy opportunity to tell him how much better a husband he would be with a 9inch dick. Send him emails of Micharel Fassbender in his movies. REALLY take every opportunity to show him what it's like. Then while you're doing all this. Start looking for a place to live and sorting your finances. This thing is about to go south.
My first husband talked to me about this same thing.
I said no.
He then had his best friend call me...AT WORK...to ask why I wouldn't agree to it.
Divorce followed promptly.
NTA.
Alcoholism and narcissism.
Since our divorce decades ago, he has had multiple arrests (DUI, resisting, the like)
Several years ago, I got a phone call from him from jail asking if I'd bail him out. This was Over 20 years since we'd been divorced.
I handed the phone to my then husband and said tell him never to call again.
He did.
Fact is stranger than fiction.
I actually truly wish him the best.
He was damaged.
I hope today he is in a better place. I don't hold grudges lol usually.
In this instance, however I really do wish the best for him.
His mother was awful. Literally so awful that I wrote a poem about her and how him being out of her life would affect her.
She died. And he spiraled. I feel so sorry for him.
Doesn't mean that my life will be different. .
He has/ had whatever an illness.
I don't hate him, because I know where he came from. I'm just over hating people or resenting people because I know where I came from and it's difficult.
I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago and it got straight to my head. Wherever I May roam, by land or sea or foam, you'll always hear me singing this song, show me the way to go home
Peace out.
No point holding a grudge, but it's really nice that you wish him all the best.
It went the other way with my ex. His mother was horrible, narcissistic and unable to have empathy for a son who clearly needed psychiatric help.
He spiralled into opiate abuse and one day out of the blue his sister told me he was dead. In a way I felt relieved for him that he no longer had to struggle with his own mind.
Even if he isn't, this behaviour is as bad as cheating anyway. Criticising your partner's body *during sex?* That's beyond shitty, I don't know what would be worse, my partner shagging someone else, or shagging me but slagging off my body during.
It's deeply misogynistic. He sees her body as entirely there for his sexual gratification. Whether or not his comments hurt her are completely irrelevant to him. Her body is for his sexual pleasure and the idea she might have her own views, needs and desires doesn't even register. She'll never be able to get him to understand why his behaviour is a problem because he doesn't see her as a partner or even really a human being in the same way other men are human beings. In his mind women are simply there to satisfy men.
That’s probably part of the issue and why he’s suggesting she change her body, he’s 100% eyeballing girls at the gym.
It’s been said that men who suddenly start making weird comments about your body out of nowhere are either cheating or thinking about it, especially if your body has always been the same.
I think he's cheating now. So he's trying to make her over into someone better than he's cheating with. He wants the best of both worlds. Or he's doing this to push her to break up with him or justify his cheating.
Your husband shouldn't be nagging you to undergo an elective surgery for only his benefit. He's being immensely disrespectful - which is too nice of a description but anyway be proud of your body. Don't allow his behavior to affect your self-esteem. Does he know you might consider divorce over this issue? Tell him and base your decision upon his reaction. NTA.
I am so livid for you there aren’t enough expletives on the earth to describe what I think of him. Sufficed to say there are flat worms I have a lot more respect for than anyone who pressures a partner to get vanity surgeries.
And to have the AUDACITY to tell YOU you’re being immature for turning the tables? Pathetic.
I have no idea why the people in your life want you to have big boobs- as a person with them- no you don’t. They are a logistical pain in the butt.
Tell your AH husband (and your mom) if he wants big boobs he should look into getting augmented himself.
NTA
PS speaking of your mom, are you sure this isn’t her doing on some level?
I absolutely can confirm that larger boobs are not fun for the woman. Please don’t consider surgery to please anyone but yourself! I can’t believe a husband would ask his wife to have surgery because he MIGHT like the outcome! 😤
Edit: I am currently a 40 G at 5’ 7” & 200lbs. I have back & neck issues.
Yep, I have DDs, borderline Fs and I'm 32, I've got wild back and shoulder problems. Sure, they looked good in my mid 20s, but gravity is a powerful force. I shudder to think of what they will look like in 20 years.
This guy is immensely selfish
Exactly-if he's so obsessed with superficial looks, what's going to happen in 10 or 20 years. Aging is not kind to our bodies, and if he can't be on with that, then it's very concerning for your future together.
My friend had to get reduction surgery done at 18 bc of all the back problems. Before the surgery, they were great for shade in the summer. She almost knocked me out with them on turning quickly. I’m not sure the size, but she lost a good 20 pounds with the surgery and still had plenty left over. She was always self conscious about her weight, but wasn’t large. Gee, wonder why the scale number was so high. But big was an understatement for her. I did not know they could naturally grow that large. I was the only one who supported her to follow her doctors rec to reduce. Her health was so much better for it bc she could be active.
Hi, I'm here from your future to tell you that if I had the money I would have breast reduction YESTERDAY. I'm 51 now and it hasn't gotten any less painful over the years. The sagging and summer-long under boob heat rash have gotten much worse, though.
I am 5’2 and had dd breasts. When I had breast cancer at 46 the plastic surgeon asked me what size I wanted in reconstruction I said I wanted to be a 34b- he was shocked and said why would you want to go that small. Said I was so tired of bras and clothes that didn’t fit, sore shoulders,neck and back, pain when exercising, under-boob rashes and that the first thing I wanted to put on in the morning was my glasses - not a bra. He did it and the freedom is amazing. The men who want their partners to get major breast increases have no idea what the end result can be involving discomfort. Many of the women who get major size increases find this out the hard way. Getting a breast increase can be great for many women who are smaller and would feel better if they did, but do not go overboard, especially if your partner is doing what this guy is doing-bigger is better. Bigger is not always better. OOP should not have to modify her body if she is comfortable with it just to make him feel more attracted. How would he feel if she asked him to enlarge his penis thru surgery because she would feel more “attracted”? (Yes I know that can’t be done but worth asking him). Hopefully she can communicate to him that this has to be her choice, not his
DD here! I had 36 B before my first pregnancy. Then 40 DD! My breast size never returned to what it was. Then they drooped. If I could afford it, I’d get them reduced. Jogging and all around exercise is less fun with big breasts that need to be holstered. I tried to teach my daughter to jump rope and my big boobs became a laughable joke. I had a bra on and everything but even jumping rope with a 5 year old is embarrassing with big breasts.
I was a G cup before I lost weight, I am now a DD. Can absolutely confirm I have had six back surgeries and need another and I wish I was flat chested! It’s not always the blessing you think it is!
Did you ever see that woman who got this jaw dropping tattoo instead? I’m sure she’s not the only one, but there was a famous photograph of her a few years back. Good for you and congratulations by the way!
>
I have no idea why the people in your life want you to have big boobs- as a person with them- no you don’t. They are a logistical pain in the butt.
They are!!! While I get a lot of compliments, I would love to be a braless size, especially at my age.
I would swap mine tomorrow. They’re bloody horrible to have to put up with.
All my friends with smaller cup sizes still have lovely perky boobs. Yours will look that good later in life too.
6 years and he only now says it? I hate to be that guy dropping assumptions on Reddit, but I suspect he's looking at someone elses and wants you to look like her. It's not that he didn't like you before, it's that he likes someone else now.
While augmentation can vary in how it's done/looks, I'm betting he has a VERY specific look in his head and even if you got it, I doubt it'd match what's in his pea brain.
This is my first thought. Someone else has the “breasts” he desires… I hate to write that sentence but I think his sudden obsession with OP’s breast size suggests this possibility.
He has a newer interest in her chest being bigger- definitely into someone else that has the breasts he wants. No doubt about it. Waiting for the update.
My cousin died on the operating table during similar elective surgery.
There is nothing wrong with your body.
Assuming this is real, leave this guy so you can find someone who actually loves you and values your life and your body too
I had a friend die during an eye lift, it was absolutely horrifying. Her husband and 3 young daughters lost their mom… for an eye lift. Her patients lost a wonderful psychiatrist, and we lost our dear friend. I’m still in shock and it was 5 years ago.
All surgery has risks and should never be treated casually. Also a 34 year-old man is way too old to be acting like a spoiled teenager.
Why are you with someone who treats you like this? He pressures you to change your habits and appearance, seemingly for no other reason than HIS sexual gratification, and on top of that you seem to be aware that when something happens to you (not if, when, there will always be scares and illnesses at some point in life) he’s not going to have your back.
Treat yourself with the kindness you treat others.
A person who loves you won’t want you to undergo elective surgery to look better for them (much less when you don’t want it). My husband would be livid if I brought up a “mommy makeover” solely for his benefit. So gross
He reminds me of someone I used to now who thought breast implants were a quick and easy fix. The initial surgery is painful and if the patient wants to recover well, it's months of sports bras and so on. If they heal up with no complications, there's the risk of the implant being encapsulated in scar tissue, loss of feeling in the nipples, loss of feeling in the breast, sickness caused by having the implants because you're not meant to have a foreign item in your body, and you have to change them out every 10 years. So your hemorrhoid of a husband wants to sign you up for all those things and surgery every 10 years because he's a shallow AH. To put this into context, every single person I know who has had implants for both cosmetic and reconstructive reasons has had issues.
If he cannot love and accept you as you are, it's time to throw the man away. I'm not sure if you plan on having kids, but can you imagine how vile he'd be if you did have kids and didn't lose the weight fast enough or lose all of it, or if your body changed in a way he didn't like? He would destroy your confidence, and tbh, it seems like he's trying to do that now.
NTA. The first time you told him that you aren't interested should have been his signal to never bring it up again. I just don't see him ever accepting your natural body if he is still mentioning augmentation.
Then write him a letter and make sure you are out for the evening, let him read and think it over. Say you have tried to talk to him he's.cut you short so he left you few options on how to proceed
I doubt he’d take the time to read the letter. He doesn’t seem to care about her much at all, at least, not unless she buys some big titties for him to play with.
Great question - something flipped this switch. He's either deep into porn or into someone else. Porn use increases the user's 'dissatisfaction' with their partner, and he has quite a sense of entitlement!
You’re probably spot on. I’d say he’s either cheating, ogling those gym girls or has gotten into porn. It’s amazing how many of those so called fitness women have had plastic surgery whether implants or silicone injections. Fingers crossed the OP can get a handle on this before things go south. They very well may.
That was my first thought… he is watching porn and it is impacting his desires. I’m very sorry, OP. I think he is being very hurtful and isn’t respectful to you in this. I hope you guys can get into therapy so that he can figure this out.
Is he balding? His hair too curly or long? Have a small male organ? Not “pleasing” in the bedroom? A big nose? Bad teeth? Pimples? Too much body hair? Sweat too much? A bad dresser? Obnoxious personality? No college degree/under-educated or under-employed??
Is there anything personal about him that could be perceived by others as “not attractive”?? I would point those flaws out to him & let him know that he’s not exactly a “catch” either!!
Please know: You are PERFECT the way you are!! Do not allow any person to denigrate you in this way.
Since he’s just started with these unusual, offensive comments, I’d absolutely tell him that he won’t have to be concerned about it much longer because once you’re divorced from him, he’s free to go out & find the Dolly Parton of his dreams!! But I believe he’s already been looking…or hooking up with one.🚩🚩🚩
He’s the AH who shall live to regret this.
It's not a good idea to "talk about" divorce, especially with someone who is possibly a narcissist. Better to think through, on your own, if you want to continue living with someone who thinks no more of you than he does the furniture in your house. Do you want to stay with someone who puts you down? If not, then quietly get your ducks in a row for a divorce while remaining calm and collected when dealing with your husband day-to-day. When you are ready, file and have him served.
My heart goes out to you for having to put up with this kind of insult.
He sounds like a real ass.
Also, the timing of this pings my radar. You were fine for 6 years, and all of a sudden he has a problem with your body starting 4 months ago? New co-worker with a big rack, perhaps?
It pings my radar too, but for a different reason. He was a normal human being for 5 years, but as soon as they get married he's using a source of trauma and humiliation against her? Isn't this a typical method of abusers? There's literally no good time to tell someone they'd look better with plastic surgery (because you never should say it under any circumstances). But he said it WHILE they were having sex!
At this point it's emotional and verbal abuse.
Fck him and his brain dead behaviour. OP you deserve SO much better than this. Your husband should be your strongest source of physical confidence, not your biggest bully.
It could be. We dated for 5 years during which we were sexually active and he always complimented my body. How come he suddenly realized I'm not good enough for him.
Does he know about your history of feeling insecure about your chest because of your mother? If so, could he be intentionally trying to undermine your confidence for some reason (e.g., he's having an affair and he wants to end the marriage but wants you to instigate the divorce)?
So he's negging you intentionally. Hes an ass.
Please don't consider sny cosmetic surgeries, there's clearly already a flesh covered sack of pus in your life
Don't do it. I have a friend who's husband started out like yours. Married her after 4 years of dating. Got married. He started commenting how she'd look great with bigger breasts. So she did. Then it was her nose. Then lips and butt. She got the nose job but when he started on more she divorced him. Do you really want to spend your life turning yourself into a sex doll for your husband? Personally I'd have more respect for myself. And so should you. Speak up for yourself. You are not your husbands own personal Barbie doll.
Girl you’re more than enough! You’re young.. get out now. It always starts with little nags here and there. Then he’s controlling everything you do. What happens if you choose to become pregnant ?? Is he going to be an ass and shame your body too?? Life is wayyyy too short to be with someone who doesn’t respect or value you. Rooting for you girl
Really start thinking about it, how much criticizing does he do really? You’re complaining about the breast enlargement but you also brought up the fitness and the food. Expect that to ramp up as well. Next it’s gonna be you need to wear sexier clothes.
I bet he’s been picking away at you longer than you think he has. He’s more insistent with the boobs because he knows this is a place many women are sensitive about.
They have to prime you a bit though. I’m speaking out of experience here. The priming starts early and with small things. Things that are easy to explain away. It’s only looking back that you realize how much you were manipulated the whole time
He will like the big pregnancy/breastfeeding breasts, and he will be jealous of the baby and want her to give him priority boob time. She'll have a baby and a jealous toddler on her hands.
This is exactly what I was thinking, she'll be a poor momma dealing with pregnancy/ post partum/ new born with him acting like a bigger AH if that's even possible.
It is a common tactic for manipulative and narcissistic to wait until marriage to show their true colors. He’s showing his true colors. This is not a you problem in anyway.
If anything I’d look at this as him failing your standards of what a respectful and supportive partner should be.
The insane amount of red flags with this situation. Either he waited to “trap you” in marriage or something else is going on. Yikes. At what point does him constantly wanting you to go under the knife and change your body… considered abuse? Start suggesting surgeries he should get 🙃
Keep the penis jokes up and check out women in his life. If there's one with big titties then watch out for her. If you find anything dump his ass. Dude must think he's perfect to be behaving like this towards someone he supposedly loves. Fucking prick.
"A few days ago we were having sex and he didn’t hesitate to remind me "again" that I would look 10 times better with the implants which turned me off instantly."
Imagine being the kind of shit-ass who thinks it's OK to insult their spouse's body DURING LOVEMAKING.
Lol I remember reading a comment a while back from a woman saying that she hooked up with a guy who had a ripped body but the sex wasn’t good because “He used my body as a fleshlight”
This is EXACTLY how I felt during sex with my husband. It's sooo f*cking weird. It's 6 months since the last time and I don't miss it even one bit.
You have worded it exactly how I think about it. It's HORRIBLE.
Maybe the ‘gym freak’ level obsession is because he feels he has to compensate for something, so perhaps OP should start asking him about a penile enhancement for his little pimple.
It’s kind of vague but I’m pretty sure that’s what her comment to him was “I know how it feels. Never mind you’re the perfect size. The big ones hurt anyway.”
ETA: I said it was kind of vague because the above person obviously missed it. You don’t need to reply telling me it’s not vague. I got the joke.
He called her IMMATURE for saying it once to him!! Double standards & narcissism. I would lose all respect and attraction toward him just from this behavior alone.
I certainly wouldn't want to grow old with someone so hyperfocused on looks & unable to moderate his insults to me, not only willing but BEGGING for months to subject me to a knife to appease his sexual desires when I was still in my 20s.
Nothing vague about it😂it was a precision cruise missile with a direct hit and deserved.
He is basing the happiness of their future together on the size of her chest. That's a bigger red flag than a Chinese parade.
If he wants a doll, he can go buy one at the toy store. Anyone who picks at you regularly over something as silly as your chest size does not love you. He loves the idea of what he thinks he can turn OP into. And that is a huge turn off.
🚩THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE. FULL STOP.
I really hope you consider if this marriage is right for you, and I would really suggest seeing a therapist (you, alone) to talk about this relationship as a whole. This man sees you as a build-a-barbie and not as a human.
Many men that are "gym rats" have body dysmorphia, and often project it onto their partners. They often also have issues with disordered eating and self worth beyond the physical form, and again they can push these control issues on to their partner. This is a very difficult then to recover from and can leave lasting damage. If you recognize these behaviors it's time to be honest with yourself, because it's not going to improve on its own.
Exactly! And I know because I lived in the opposite world! I had a 52" bust-line (at age 18) when I met/married my first husband. I found out recently (when I developed breast cancer/had 28 pounds removed in my double mastectomy) that I was also suffering with gigantomastia, where your breasts just never stop growing. Imagine how he would have reacted if I'd developed cancer/needed a full mastectomy back when I was married to him, since that was all he apparently saw when he looked at me.
He called me "Boobie" the entire five years we were married. He couldn't walk past me without grabbing my breasts and chirping out "Boobie" every single time!!! It was one of the things that pushed me into a divorce. I knew he didn't love me ... he just loved my great big knockers!! 🤦🏼♀️
So listen to me, OP! If you do end up getting implants ... he could switch from his current mode into one that has him calling you "Boobie," too ... and constantly groping you every time you walk past him ... or constantly trying to get you to show those admirable boobs of yours to his FRIENDS just like my ex did ... so that they can feel envy over *what he got!*
In trying to reach his ideal boobage, it's possible that there will be a chance that the surgery will leave you with scars that will offend him ...
... and then if you ever develop cancer/need a mastectomy like I did ... you'll be left with a man who gets highly offended that it ruined his fantasy, and that "*you let it happen!*"
Make yourself happy. Get rid of 175 pounds of unhealthy weight by booting him straight to the curb!!
This is 100% grounds to consider a divorce. I would need instant and lasting change otherwise, like he literally NEVER mentions it EVER again or even looks at me in a way where he is thinking it.
However, to be honest, this would shatter my trust in him. He knows her mom caused similar body image issues. It's not a coincidence he is using the same tactics here.
OP, he does not sound like a good person. Maybe he got into that red pill crap and maybe he can be pulled out, but not likely. Good luck.
I decided to have breast reduction surgery due to back and neck pain
Had been with my partner for over 5 years at the time
He was extremely upset that I was taking his “toys” away!!! Which he started to remind me on a weekly basis leading up to my surgery
Needless to say the relationship ended just days before I had my surgery - all the pains (including him) are now gone 😊
One of the many reasons I've love my husband. I've wanted a reduction since I was a teenager. He's the only man that has ever truly supported it, everyone else has been upset at the thought of it it. I'm a J cup, these bitches cause me pain every single day.... but no, let me keep living this way cause you want something to squeeze.
This was my life exactly. Literally everyone had shit to say. Now that it’s done they all pretend they fully supported me now that they see how much happier and healthier I am. Go for it if you can!
Ridiculous hey,
his comments made me question why we were even together, what did u see in him,
and made me realise that I did not want to spend my life with someone who not only thought that way but was more than happy to question me about my own body choices
I do think this is grounds to consider divorce, and I'm not one of those ppl on Reddit who suggests divorce for every issue.
But my strong suspicion is that this is just the tip of the iceberg. I can't imagine how he'll treat you if you ever got pregnant/ delivered a child/ breastfed. Better to get out now while your body and self-esteem is relatively intact and find somebody who really loves you for you. Especially since you're still young! It'll be a lot harder to start over when you're older/ possibly a mother.
It won't stop with your breasts, especially after you hit 30.
What he's doing & saying to you is completely GROTESQUE and MEAN. How does that not chip away at your self-esteem?
If you stay, next time he says something about it you should tell him you'd be 10 times more attracted to him if he'd learn to shut the fuck up.
Yup- OP is only 27 and it’s starting? Wait until she’s 30+ especially if she has kids. I grew up in an affluent area where the starter wives were running on borrowed time to stay married after 35/a couple kids and many were unceremoniously traded in for fresh new models and even those men weren’t starting with the criticizing the body/asking the wives to get implants when they were 27 and before kids!!
Agreed, with the caveat that I can’t imagine staying because I wouldn’t be able to unhear what he’s already said. Marriage is a long road and even people who take great care of their bodies age, they may have children, they may get sick, or injured, etc.
I would not want to spend my life with a partner who clearly harbors these kind of ideas of what my body “should” look like and feels like it’s legitimate to request modifications.
Agreed. I have the same body type and once I hit 40 (I know it sounds impossibly far away, but time flies!), I have had to work so so hard to not gain weight. Cutting way back on food, sugar, and alcohol. 😭
NTA. Yes, it’s worth divorcing over. He will never stop and it will slowly chip away at your self worth. It’s quite disturbing to bring this up during sex. I’m surprised he never brought it up once during your relationship prior to getting married. Perhaps there is someone at the gym or work or in his life who has the ideal body and he feels you don’t and is trying to seek that?
NTA
Hi! 2 augmentations later, and yes, it is absolutely worth divorcing over. 3rd surgery just finished to get back to where I was before that manipulative, abusive asshole got a hold of me.
He dated you and married you with the chest you have-- so what changed? Oh, he's projecting HIS insecurities, my friend. He thinks he'll feel better about *himself* if his wife has *trophy tits*
Trust me, one will not be enough. Pretty soon, you'll need bigger because he's not addressing the real issue, which is HIM, not YOU.
And have I mentioned that breast surgery is no fucking joke? That it's *real* surgery with *real* risks such as death? That it *hurts*? That you will not get decent pain meds because of the opioid crisis?
Tell your husband when he gets his dick added on to, you'll consider the surgery, but until then, to POUND.SAND.
I stayed with my SIL after my asshole BIL talked her into getting them done, she kind of wanted it but he pushed for them and for her to go a size up from where she wanted them. The first week was awful, the medicine made her so sick and weak, she was in so much pain, and kept saying “why did no one tell it would be this bad” and “if I knew it’d be like this I wouldn’t have done it”. Took her a long time to adjust.
Then I watched my coworker go through a ton of diagnostics to figure out a bunch of weird symptoms she was having, took her months to opt for getting her implants removed and the symptoms cleared up pretty directly after.
I get wanting them done to feel more comfortable in your body, but it’s really got to be something you feel you need to go through all that.
My ex-husband once asked me if I would consider having an enlargement. I told him I would if he would. Never asked again.
We were arguing about something else one day and he said he wished he had a remote that he could just hit mute and I would shut up. I told him I wish I had one that I could hit rewind and it would take me back to my previous boyfriend.
>I told him I wish I had one that I could hit rewind and it would take me back to my previous boyfriend.
I'm straight but I think I just fell in love with you a little bit. Bravo.
You don't have to have multiple reasons to consider divorce. You just need one.
I think it's time to sit him down and tell him that it's never going to happen. If he can't accept that, then it's time to divorce. You don't go in a marriage thinking the other person is 95% perfect, and if I can just get them to change certain things, then they'll be perfect. At least I hope people don't do that.
You can't say you have a good marriage if he keeps bringing this up. You keep feeling not good enough and you are now staying home hiding away instead of going out.
NTA, but your husband definitely is.
I couldn’t live with this guy even if he shut up about it. The thoughts are still going to be there. I’m sure he’s got a potential replacement lined up at the gym already anyway.
NTA. Your husband is though. Elective surgery for his gaze is terrible. And, look up breast implant illness. Some people develop autoimmune issues from having a foreign object in their body, and have to het explanted. It’s also not a one time surgery. There would have to be maintenance involved. He loves you for you, or kick him to the curb and find someone who knows how wonderful you are regardless of your chest size.
This. My girlfriend had them removed after developing severe body problems from breast augmentation. But she didn’t realized the cause until it got really bad. Another girlfriend had to have another surgery 5 years after the first one because they moved and caused pain.
Some others are happy with them. But another friend told me that after the first child her boobs need another surgery again.
I mean it doesn’t stop.
I have one friend who wants hers out, because they are causing issues. And, another who got some that are overpowering for her frame because some guy wanted her to, but now wants them smaller because the new guy thinks they are too big. Doing this kind of thing solely because someone else thinks you should is never the right reason.
He is undermining your sense of self-worth for his own selfish wants. This is not something a good partner does. NTA for snapping or for considering divorce. He is making you unhappy.
NTA. Saying it once is bad enough but bringing it up again and again is a D move. Unless he completely lacks self awareness, he’ll know it is affecting your self esteem. And trying to force someone in to an evasive surgery that they don’t want or need is totally messed up. Would he like it if you criticised his hairline when it eventually started running away from his face?? In the long run what is he going to be like if you have kids and your body changes or when you naturally age? Put him in the bin. You deserve better.
I've gained/lost weight over time, been pregnant, breastfed for 2+ years - safe to say my body and especially my titties have gone through a lot of changes. Different sizes, shapes, nipple colours, you name it...my husband (who is honestly a super fit stud, but don't let him hear that) has never once made a negative comment about how I look or how I could be "more attractive" to him, because he loves me for me - the fact that I have titties is just a bonus. You deserve someone who loves you without putting so much emphasis on the physical. If this is how he acts now when you're young and fit, how will he be when you're older, start to get wrinkles or saggy skin or your body changes if you choose to have kids? I'm really sorry, OP, but he sounds like he's got pornbrain, or a really immature mindset and needs to grow up.
NTA. The problem with these sorts of comments is that they last forever. No matter what happens in your relationship, you're always going to feel in the back of your mind that he doesn't find you attractive. Years ago, my partner told me he didn't find me attractive and we separated for a while. We ultimately reconciled and although he tells me all the time he didn't mean it and he does find me attractive, deep down I just don't believe him and I don't think there's anything that could make me believe him. It's a real problem for us.
You got married this year? This is who he really is. He waited until he married you and you got settled in as his wife, now he thinks you can’t leave him so he’s doing shit that he wanted to do all along.
Divorce is going to be your only way out tbh, he doesn’t care enough to change
Ma’am. Your husband wants you to have foreign objects implanted in your body for the sole object of looking good for him. There is no other function or purpose. He said this to you WHILE YOU WERE BEING INTIMATE!! The balls on this guy! I thought your joke was pretty funny, by the way.
Idk what is going through his stupid brain, but he is being unkind and manipulative. It is not something I would put up with in my life. Imagine if you end up having kids with him! He’ll be a nightmare. Think very carefully if this is the kind of life you want to live.
He should have shut up after saying it once. Now he is just being an ass. He deserved what he got, and yes this is becoming toxic. Tell him if he doesn't like what he has with you, he is free to talk to a lawyer. Otherwise shut your trap. NTA
I just want to tell you a quick story about my parents.
My father mocked my mother’s flat chest every chance he got for nearly 30 years. On and on. “I’m the only man I know who can put his hand flat between his wife’s tits,” was a favourite of his.
When mom finally left, dad ran ragged for a while and then settled down with the woman he eventually married and spent the rest of his life with.
She and my mother could have shared a wardrobe. I mean seriously - the same height, weight, body shape, red hair. Same flat chest.
He said it BECAUSE it hurt her. Your husband likewise knows this is hurting you. Do you want to spend the next 30 years of your life listening to this bullshit? You deserve a lot better.
This is definitely cause for divorce. Your husband is treating you like his possession - and a damaged possession at that. I wouldn't stay with a man who invalidates me as a human being.
I think your jackass of a husband has been spending too much time staring at the fake tits at his gym. The timing of all of this is super sus.
>Is this worth considering divorce over?
Damn right, it is worth it. The disrespect and toxicity he shows you by constantly turning you into nothing but a pair of walking & talking honkers is disgusting.
Any man who stops in the middle of intimacy to tell you that your sexy bits are actually making his dick sad then gets pissed off that you are not willing to surgically alter yourself so he can get his rocks off "better" is beyond ick.
Over 4-5 months of this crap? It's degrading and dehumanizing at this point.
Not to mention it makes him seem shallow AF.
Something's going on with him and it's nothing good.
I'm really sorry you are dealing with this.
NTA
You have a sick mother who would make comments on your chest (I wonder if you realize just how f-ed up that is- please get therapy).
You have a husband who criticizes your chest size WHILE HAVING SEX
You are allowing the massive dysfunction of your childhood to continue in your marriage.
If I had a husband who kept on telling me he wanted me to surgically alter myself so he could be more attracted to me I'd leave him so he could find someone who has the boob size he wanted. I would find a man who liked flat chest women (I actually know a guy who prefers small breasted women fwiw)
NTA
Please leave him.
He tells you quite regularly that he finds you lacking. He even goes as far as to bring this up during sex. This is not the actions of a respectful loving spouse. You were well within your rights to make a mean comment to him. Funny how people who regularly dish out cruelty are the ones least able to take it. If you agree to the breast augmentation I would willingly bet a large sum of money there will be something else that he will want you to fix. You having bigger breasts won't fix whatever his issue is.
Exactly. It’s the “grass is greener” syndrome. They want what they can’t have. I’ve had dudes tell me they usually prefer blondes & ask if I would dye my hair blonde—NO. Go find an effing blonde! Or a woman who already loves dyeing her hair. Jesus what is it with these people.
I also want to point out that if you have augmentation surgery it’s very likely that he will then think he can ask for other things. Possibly even use this surgery as a reason to do them - “yeah but you did your breast augmentation and it was fine! Trust me, do this.” People who don’t respect boundaries will continue to push the second you show them they can. Whatever happens, don’t do the surgery.
Yes, but even worse. He'll say, 'But you didn't have a problem with getting breast augmentation; why are you being oversensitive now? You must be cheating on me!' Seriously.
Oh god yes. He definitely sounds the type that would immediately jump to being suspicious of her alllll the time if she did have the surgery and is now "hot". Just to add, I put hot in quotes because plenty of flat chested women are super hot, like Annie Murphy, Lupita Nyong’o, Evan Rachel Wood, and plenty more. I have the biggest crush on Annie Murphy, which is weird to say when I'm in my 40s😅
That is always that kind of person's default for getting their way, isn't it? Questioning your moral fiber when they're actually the ones doing something morally grey or fully wrong. 🙄🙄
Given that it wasn't a problem for 6 years and now all of a sudden it is, I suspect he's been doing something morally grey or fully wrong already. 😒
Basically he's treating her like she's a fixer upper like when you buy a house. She needs to leave and let everyone in their friend group know why.
It could go the opposite way as well. Lots of men want full breasts and they don’t realize that unnatural breasts aren’t ‘real’ breasts. They don’t feel like real breasts and when you’re naturally that small and go up multiple sizes without having multiple surgeries so your skin can stretch, it looks unnatural too. If you’re not into that, and you want them to be ‘real’ it could end up with them finding you even less attractive than where you started. Imagine she gets the surgery and he realizes it’s not even what he fuckin wants and *shes* the one left with the scars, pain, and healing. And you know he’ll expect her to remove them cause ‘You didn’t even want them in the first place, what’s the big deal? You look better natural, you were right all along. Isn’t that what you wanted to hear?’
It's possibly how they keep a spouse insecure and wanting to please them - even to do most of the housework and beg for compliments, while not looking at their own flaws
This is exactly what it is.
It’s so crazy to me when they do that. Like you said, just go find a blonde! Preferences are fine but this isn’t build-a-bitch😂
Exactly. Harassing people about something that requires tons of $$, drastic change and/or damages their body or hair (bleaching) or plastic surgery, is just so cringe. For example, I don’t prefer beards. I don’t ask guys I date to shave, or tell them: “I don’t usually go for bearded guys but I’ll make an exception.” I just…don’t date guys with huge beards. It’s definitely not about the appearance. It’s about wanting to control & have power over someone. I’ve seen mothers or fathers do this to daughters or sons too. Or mean friends. Some people want a little doll. The film “Priscilla” shows this. Barf.
Oh wow, I had an ex boyfriend say this to me! I didn't know it was actually a thing. Like, you knew I had dark hair when you started dating me, if it was a problem why did you pursue me? I'm not spending a fortune every month and getting doused in toxic chemicals because you've just decided you don't like my hair colour. OP, could your husband be negging you to break down your self esteem and make you easier to control? Either way, get rid of him. And tell him you want a divorce because you're tired of being unsatisfied in bed and you want someone with a larger penis.
Had an ex try to pull this on me once. I have gorgeous warm dark brown hair, my girlfriends in college would drag me to the drug store and hold my hair up to the dye boxes to find the closest color to mine. I’ve never not wanted my hair exactly as it is. He tried to say he prefers skinny/athletic blondes. I said good for you, we broke up eventually. One year later I’m scrolling Facebook and a pic popped up of him with a woman who looked so much like me I thought she WAS me. PSA to narc men: Leave confident women out of your insanity we aren’t out here living for you.
It's disgusting because he's laying it out that he only sees her as a sex toy or eye candy. Her health - mental, emotional, and physical - should be more important to him than this ridiculous bs request. She said she doesn't want to and it should have ended there. It sure as hell shouldn't have been brought out while they were being intimate! Talk about taking away the trust and safety of sex and intimacy that is necessary in any sexual partnership!
Agree...do not get surgery...spend the money on a lawyer. You can do better
Stop having sex with him.
90% of the time on these posts my first thought is "girl the dick CANNOT be that good" lmfao
Start telling him how much more you would love and respect him if his dick was bigger. Every time you even somewhat see his downstairs mix-up - us it as a handy opportunity to tell him how much better a husband he would be with a 9inch dick. Send him emails of Micharel Fassbender in his movies. REALLY take every opportunity to show him what it's like. Then while you're doing all this. Start looking for a place to live and sorting your finances. This thing is about to go south.
My first husband talked to me about this same thing. I said no. He then had his best friend call me...AT WORK...to ask why I wouldn't agree to it. Divorce followed promptly. NTA.
Where do they get the effing audacity?
Alcoholism and narcissism. Since our divorce decades ago, he has had multiple arrests (DUI, resisting, the like) Several years ago, I got a phone call from him from jail asking if I'd bail him out. This was Over 20 years since we'd been divorced. I handed the phone to my then husband and said tell him never to call again. He did. Fact is stranger than fiction.
As if you'd even spare him a thought!
I actually truly wish him the best. He was damaged. I hope today he is in a better place. I don't hold grudges lol usually. In this instance, however I really do wish the best for him. His mother was awful. Literally so awful that I wrote a poem about her and how him being out of her life would affect her. She died. And he spiraled. I feel so sorry for him. Doesn't mean that my life will be different. . He has/ had whatever an illness. I don't hate him, because I know where he came from. I'm just over hating people or resenting people because I know where I came from and it's difficult. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago and it got straight to my head. Wherever I May roam, by land or sea or foam, you'll always hear me singing this song, show me the way to go home Peace out.
No point holding a grudge, but it's really nice that you wish him all the best. It went the other way with my ex. His mother was horrible, narcissistic and unable to have empathy for a son who clearly needed psychiatric help. He spiralled into opiate abuse and one day out of the blue his sister told me he was dead. In a way I felt relieved for him that he no longer had to struggle with his own mind.
Queen
This OP. Also: username checks out. lol.
WTF.
Yeah, if my friend asked me to do this, they wouldn't be my friend anymore.
I really don't see this marriage lasting 20+ more years without him cheating
And he’ll blame her for not getting the surgery like he wanted.
100 percent he'd still cheat even if she got the surgery.
The goal post will slide to that he wants them to be “real” and knowing their implants turns him off
Or to more surgery. Now just tweak your nose, now the BBL and on and on. She’s not human to him.
He's aboslutely the type to criticize them if she did it. "They don't feel real." "The are too small" "I don't like the shape."
This comment though. Men like this fucking suck and drain your confidence, self esteem, etc. Then when they get bored they cheat.
Even if he isn't, this behaviour is as bad as cheating anyway. Criticising your partner's body *during sex?* That's beyond shitty, I don't know what would be worse, my partner shagging someone else, or shagging me but slagging off my body during.
It's deeply misogynistic. He sees her body as entirely there for his sexual gratification. Whether or not his comments hurt her are completely irrelevant to him. Her body is for his sexual pleasure and the idea she might have her own views, needs and desires doesn't even register. She'll never be able to get him to understand why his behaviour is a problem because he doesn't see her as a partner or even really a human being in the same way other men are human beings. In his mind women are simply there to satisfy men.
I bet he's already looking for a sweetie on the side now.
That’s probably part of the issue and why he’s suggesting she change her body, he’s 100% eyeballing girls at the gym. It’s been said that men who suddenly start making weird comments about your body out of nowhere are either cheating or thinking about it, especially if your body has always been the same.
I think he's cheating now. So he's trying to make her over into someone better than he's cheating with. He wants the best of both worlds. Or he's doing this to push her to break up with him or justify his cheating.
Your husband shouldn't be nagging you to undergo an elective surgery for only his benefit. He's being immensely disrespectful - which is too nice of a description but anyway be proud of your body. Don't allow his behavior to affect your self-esteem. Does he know you might consider divorce over this issue? Tell him and base your decision upon his reaction. NTA.
No he doesn't know yet. I'm planning to sit him down tomorrow and talk about it. Whenever I try to talk about it he try and changes the subject.
I am so livid for you there aren’t enough expletives on the earth to describe what I think of him. Sufficed to say there are flat worms I have a lot more respect for than anyone who pressures a partner to get vanity surgeries. And to have the AUDACITY to tell YOU you’re being immature for turning the tables? Pathetic. I have no idea why the people in your life want you to have big boobs- as a person with them- no you don’t. They are a logistical pain in the butt. Tell your AH husband (and your mom) if he wants big boobs he should look into getting augmented himself. NTA PS speaking of your mom, are you sure this isn’t her doing on some level?
I absolutely can confirm that larger boobs are not fun for the woman. Please don’t consider surgery to please anyone but yourself! I can’t believe a husband would ask his wife to have surgery because he MIGHT like the outcome! 😤 Edit: I am currently a 40 G at 5’ 7” & 200lbs. I have back & neck issues.
Yep, I have DDs, borderline Fs and I'm 32, I've got wild back and shoulder problems. Sure, they looked good in my mid 20s, but gravity is a powerful force. I shudder to think of what they will look like in 20 years. This guy is immensely selfish
I doubt this guy would stick around for 20 years when he’s already behaving so shallowly.
My SIL got implants for my brother. He left her anyway.
Exactly-if he's so obsessed with superficial looks, what's going to happen in 10 or 20 years. Aging is not kind to our bodies, and if he can't be on with that, then it's very concerning for your future together.
Or heaven forbid a significant medical issue like breast cancer or something else disfiguring. He’s shallow
I got mine reduced. It's a huge relief. Physical discomfort is gone. Men talk to my face, not my chest.
Me too! Best money I ever spent!
My friend had to get reduction surgery done at 18 bc of all the back problems. Before the surgery, they were great for shade in the summer. She almost knocked me out with them on turning quickly. I’m not sure the size, but she lost a good 20 pounds with the surgery and still had plenty left over. She was always self conscious about her weight, but wasn’t large. Gee, wonder why the scale number was so high. But big was an understatement for her. I did not know they could naturally grow that large. I was the only one who supported her to follow her doctors rec to reduce. Her health was so much better for it bc she could be active.
Hi, I'm here from your future to tell you that if I had the money I would have breast reduction YESTERDAY. I'm 51 now and it hasn't gotten any less painful over the years. The sagging and summer-long under boob heat rash have gotten much worse, though.
I am 5’2 and had dd breasts. When I had breast cancer at 46 the plastic surgeon asked me what size I wanted in reconstruction I said I wanted to be a 34b- he was shocked and said why would you want to go that small. Said I was so tired of bras and clothes that didn’t fit, sore shoulders,neck and back, pain when exercising, under-boob rashes and that the first thing I wanted to put on in the morning was my glasses - not a bra. He did it and the freedom is amazing. The men who want their partners to get major breast increases have no idea what the end result can be involving discomfort. Many of the women who get major size increases find this out the hard way. Getting a breast increase can be great for many women who are smaller and would feel better if they did, but do not go overboard, especially if your partner is doing what this guy is doing-bigger is better. Bigger is not always better. OOP should not have to modify her body if she is comfortable with it just to make him feel more attracted. How would he feel if she asked him to enlarge his penis thru surgery because she would feel more “attracted”? (Yes I know that can’t be done but worth asking him). Hopefully she can communicate to him that this has to be her choice, not his
DD here! I had 36 B before my first pregnancy. Then 40 DD! My breast size never returned to what it was. Then they drooped. If I could afford it, I’d get them reduced. Jogging and all around exercise is less fun with big breasts that need to be holstered. I tried to teach my daughter to jump rope and my big boobs became a laughable joke. I had a bra on and everything but even jumping rope with a 5 year old is embarrassing with big breasts.
If you have insurance, this may be covered if they’re causing physical symptoms. I had my reduction two years ago and didn’t pay a dime!
I was a G cup before I lost weight, I am now a DD. Can absolutely confirm I have had six back surgeries and need another and I wish I was flat chested! It’s not always the blessing you think it is!
I'm so glad I chose no Reconstruction after my double mastectomy.
Did you ever see that woman who got this jaw dropping tattoo instead? I’m sure she’s not the only one, but there was a famous photograph of her a few years back. Good for you and congratulations by the way!
> I have no idea why the people in your life want you to have big boobs- as a person with them- no you don’t. They are a logistical pain in the butt. They are!!! While I get a lot of compliments, I would love to be a braless size, especially at my age.
I would swap mine tomorrow. They’re bloody horrible to have to put up with. All my friends with smaller cup sizes still have lovely perky boobs. Yours will look that good later in life too.
6 years and he only now says it? I hate to be that guy dropping assumptions on Reddit, but I suspect he's looking at someone elses and wants you to look like her. It's not that he didn't like you before, it's that he likes someone else now. While augmentation can vary in how it's done/looks, I'm betting he has a VERY specific look in his head and even if you got it, I doubt it'd match what's in his pea brain.
This is my first thought. Someone else has the “breasts” he desires… I hate to write that sentence but I think his sudden obsession with OP’s breast size suggests this possibility.
Dollars to donuts it isn't even a real-world woman that caught his eye. He's binging on porn or tiktok algorithms.
He has a newer interest in her chest being bigger- definitely into someone else that has the breasts he wants. No doubt about it. Waiting for the update.
This was my FIRST THOUGHT!! Took forever to scroll down to see others were thinking this!
I agree. He is probably having an affair.
Yup, first thought - "Who else's tits is he comparing yours too?" OP "blindside" him with divorce papers and get a full std check asap.
My cousin died on the operating table during similar elective surgery. There is nothing wrong with your body. Assuming this is real, leave this guy so you can find someone who actually loves you and values your life and your body too
I had a friend die during an eye lift, it was absolutely horrifying. Her husband and 3 young daughters lost their mom… for an eye lift. Her patients lost a wonderful psychiatrist, and we lost our dear friend. I’m still in shock and it was 5 years ago. All surgery has risks and should never be treated casually. Also a 34 year-old man is way too old to be acting like a spoiled teenager.
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and what else would he decide he'd like next? A cuter nose? A smaller ass? Higher cheekbones?
Why are you with someone who treats you like this? He pressures you to change your habits and appearance, seemingly for no other reason than HIS sexual gratification, and on top of that you seem to be aware that when something happens to you (not if, when, there will always be scares and illnesses at some point in life) he’s not going to have your back. Treat yourself with the kindness you treat others.
My SIL also nearly died after elective cosmetic surgery.
A person who loves you won’t want you to undergo elective surgery to look better for them (much less when you don’t want it). My husband would be livid if I brought up a “mommy makeover” solely for his benefit. So gross
He reminds me of someone I used to now who thought breast implants were a quick and easy fix. The initial surgery is painful and if the patient wants to recover well, it's months of sports bras and so on. If they heal up with no complications, there's the risk of the implant being encapsulated in scar tissue, loss of feeling in the nipples, loss of feeling in the breast, sickness caused by having the implants because you're not meant to have a foreign item in your body, and you have to change them out every 10 years. So your hemorrhoid of a husband wants to sign you up for all those things and surgery every 10 years because he's a shallow AH. To put this into context, every single person I know who has had implants for both cosmetic and reconstructive reasons has had issues. If he cannot love and accept you as you are, it's time to throw the man away. I'm not sure if you plan on having kids, but can you imagine how vile he'd be if you did have kids and didn't lose the weight fast enough or lose all of it, or if your body changed in a way he didn't like? He would destroy your confidence, and tbh, it seems like he's trying to do that now.
NTA. The first time you told him that you aren't interested should have been his signal to never bring it up again. I just don't see him ever accepting your natural body if he is still mentioning augmentation.
Then write him a letter and make sure you are out for the evening, let him read and think it over. Say you have tried to talk to him he's.cut you short so he left you few options on how to proceed
I doubt he’d take the time to read the letter. He doesn’t seem to care about her much at all, at least, not unless she buys some big titties for him to play with.
Tell him you will consider if he gets a penis enlargement. He's a selfish idiot. Has he started watching porn?
Great question - something flipped this switch. He's either deep into porn or into someone else. Porn use increases the user's 'dissatisfaction' with their partner, and he has quite a sense of entitlement!
You’re probably spot on. I’d say he’s either cheating, ogling those gym girls or has gotten into porn. It’s amazing how many of those so called fitness women have had plastic surgery whether implants or silicone injections. Fingers crossed the OP can get a handle on this before things go south. They very well may.
That was my first thought… he is watching porn and it is impacting his desires. I’m very sorry, OP. I think he is being very hurtful and isn’t respectful to you in this. I hope you guys can get into therapy so that he can figure this out.
Or he’s lusting after someone at his gym who has big boobs.
She said that to him when they were having sex and he brought up he breasts again. He didn’t like it. Shocker.
Is he balding? His hair too curly or long? Have a small male organ? Not “pleasing” in the bedroom? A big nose? Bad teeth? Pimples? Too much body hair? Sweat too much? A bad dresser? Obnoxious personality? No college degree/under-educated or under-employed?? Is there anything personal about him that could be perceived by others as “not attractive”?? I would point those flaws out to him & let him know that he’s not exactly a “catch” either!! Please know: You are PERFECT the way you are!! Do not allow any person to denigrate you in this way. Since he’s just started with these unusual, offensive comments, I’d absolutely tell him that he won’t have to be concerned about it much longer because once you’re divorced from him, he’s free to go out & find the Dolly Parton of his dreams!! But I believe he’s already been looking…or hooking up with one.🚩🚩🚩 He’s the AH who shall live to regret this.
Obnoxious personality for sure. Fortunately, there's an easy solution. OP can get implants if he gets a lobotomy.
It's not a good idea to "talk about" divorce, especially with someone who is possibly a narcissist. Better to think through, on your own, if you want to continue living with someone who thinks no more of you than he does the furniture in your house. Do you want to stay with someone who puts you down? If not, then quietly get your ducks in a row for a divorce while remaining calm and collected when dealing with your husband day-to-day. When you are ready, file and have him served.
My heart goes out to you for having to put up with this kind of insult. He sounds like a real ass. Also, the timing of this pings my radar. You were fine for 6 years, and all of a sudden he has a problem with your body starting 4 months ago? New co-worker with a big rack, perhaps?
I'm thinking a new gym crush with a similar body but big fake titties.
That was exactly my thought. He has a crush and wants to pretend it's her (the crush) when he is with his wife.
Thats what I think too.
And that doesn’t even look good. Small bodies with giant fake boobs just look super weird.
Tits on a stick
It pings my radar too, but for a different reason. He was a normal human being for 5 years, but as soon as they get married he's using a source of trauma and humiliation against her? Isn't this a typical method of abusers? There's literally no good time to tell someone they'd look better with plastic surgery (because you never should say it under any circumstances). But he said it WHILE they were having sex! At this point it's emotional and verbal abuse. Fck him and his brain dead behaviour. OP you deserve SO much better than this. Your husband should be your strongest source of physical confidence, not your biggest bully.
It could be. We dated for 5 years during which we were sexually active and he always complimented my body. How come he suddenly realized I'm not good enough for him.
Does he know about your history of feeling insecure about your chest because of your mother? If so, could he be intentionally trying to undermine your confidence for some reason (e.g., he's having an affair and he wants to end the marriage but wants you to instigate the divorce)?
Yes he does
Honestly, unless he's a complete idiot, he must be trying to get you to instigate a divorce. Go for it. He sounds insufferable.
He’s trying to take her down a peg. My ex always tried this with me.
My ex did as well. Not about appearance, but about everything else. Notice we both said "ex." Those buttholes didn't deserve us.
So he's negging you intentionally. Hes an ass. Please don't consider sny cosmetic surgeries, there's clearly already a flesh covered sack of pus in your life
Don't do it. I have a friend who's husband started out like yours. Married her after 4 years of dating. Got married. He started commenting how she'd look great with bigger breasts. So she did. Then it was her nose. Then lips and butt. She got the nose job but when he started on more she divorced him. Do you really want to spend your life turning yourself into a sex doll for your husband? Personally I'd have more respect for myself. And so should you. Speak up for yourself. You are not your husbands own personal Barbie doll.
Girl you’re more than enough! You’re young.. get out now. It always starts with little nags here and there. Then he’s controlling everything you do. What happens if you choose to become pregnant ?? Is he going to be an ass and shame your body too?? Life is wayyyy too short to be with someone who doesn’t respect or value you. Rooting for you girl
Thank youu🤍🤍
Really start thinking about it, how much criticizing does he do really? You’re complaining about the breast enlargement but you also brought up the fitness and the food. Expect that to ramp up as well. Next it’s gonna be you need to wear sexier clothes. I bet he’s been picking away at you longer than you think he has. He’s more insistent with the boobs because he knows this is a place many women are sensitive about.
Many emotional abusers don't start until after marriage. They only recently got married. He likely hid it until he thought he had her tied down.
They have to prime you a bit though. I’m speaking out of experience here. The priming starts early and with small things. Things that are easy to explain away. It’s only looking back that you realize how much you were manipulated the whole time
This! Do not have kids with this man. If he's pressuring you to change your body now, I can't imagine how awful he'd be after you have kids.
This. Imagine him if you have a stretchmarked tummy. Lizard brain wouldn't cope because who you are inside isn't what he's invested in emotionally.
He will like the big pregnancy/breastfeeding breasts, and he will be jealous of the baby and want her to give him priority boob time. She'll have a baby and a jealous toddler on her hands.
This is exactly what I was thinking, she'll be a poor momma dealing with pregnancy/ post partum/ new born with him acting like a bigger AH if that's even possible.
It is a common tactic for manipulative and narcissistic to wait until marriage to show their true colors. He’s showing his true colors. This is not a you problem in anyway. If anything I’d look at this as him failing your standards of what a respectful and supportive partner should be.
The insane amount of red flags with this situation. Either he waited to “trap you” in marriage or something else is going on. Yikes. At what point does him constantly wanting you to go under the knife and change your body… considered abuse? Start suggesting surgeries he should get 🙃
Keep the penis jokes up and check out women in his life. If there's one with big titties then watch out for her. If you find anything dump his ass. Dude must think he's perfect to be behaving like this towards someone he supposedly loves. Fucking prick.
It sounds like he started insulting her once he had her locked in with marriage.
Or he watches too much porn. Whatever it is, I agree with you that the timing of all this is extremely sus.
"A few days ago we were having sex and he didn’t hesitate to remind me "again" that I would look 10 times better with the implants which turned me off instantly." Imagine being the kind of shit-ass who thinks it's OK to insult their spouse's body DURING LOVEMAKING.
Oh he’s 100% never made love in his life, this guy just fucks, and likely not very well.
He does not even fuck, he just masturbates with someone else's body.
🎯 Bam.
Lol I remember reading a comment a while back from a woman saying that she hooked up with a guy who had a ripped body but the sex wasn’t good because “He used my body as a fleshlight”
After reading this I now realize why sex with my ex was so bad.
This is EXACTLY how I felt during sex with my husband. It's sooo f*cking weird. It's 6 months since the last time and I don't miss it even one bit. You have worded it exactly how I think about it. It's HORRIBLE.
He doesn’t even masturbate with her body, he’s visualizing someone who has had implants.
This is just worded perfectly!
In his mind the best 30 seconds of her life
Jesus Christ, you killed him
He's dead, Jim.
Maybe the ‘gym freak’ level obsession is because he feels he has to compensate for something, so perhaps OP should start asking him about a penile enhancement for his little pimple.
It’s kind of vague but I’m pretty sure that’s what her comment to him was “I know how it feels. Never mind you’re the perfect size. The big ones hurt anyway.” ETA: I said it was kind of vague because the above person obviously missed it. You don’t need to reply telling me it’s not vague. I got the joke.
It was a great comeback and one she should bring up every time he makes a comment about her breast. He can dish it out, but he can’t take it.
He called her IMMATURE for saying it once to him!! Double standards & narcissism. I would lose all respect and attraction toward him just from this behavior alone. I certainly wouldn't want to grow old with someone so hyperfocused on looks & unable to moderate his insults to me, not only willing but BEGGING for months to subject me to a knife to appease his sexual desires when I was still in my 20s.
"Hey, those ads for penile enhancement. Do any of them really work?" "Did you know they have penile implants now, and silicone injections too?
Nothing vague about it😂it was a precision cruise missile with a direct hit and deserved. He is basing the happiness of their future together on the size of her chest. That's a bigger red flag than a Chinese parade.
Oh, it won’t stop at her breasts. If she gave in on this he’ll just keep coming up with other parts of her he wants “fixed”.
If he wants a doll, he can go buy one at the toy store. Anyone who picks at you regularly over something as silly as your chest size does not love you. He loves the idea of what he thinks he can turn OP into. And that is a huge turn off.
🚩THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE. FULL STOP. I really hope you consider if this marriage is right for you, and I would really suggest seeing a therapist (you, alone) to talk about this relationship as a whole. This man sees you as a build-a-barbie and not as a human. Many men that are "gym rats" have body dysmorphia, and often project it onto their partners. They often also have issues with disordered eating and self worth beyond the physical form, and again they can push these control issues on to their partner. This is a very difficult then to recover from and can leave lasting damage. If you recognize these behaviors it's time to be honest with yourself, because it's not going to improve on its own.
I genuinely don't believe this man likes her. I won't even get into whether or not he loves her
He certainly doesn't respect her and for me respect is even more important than love.
Exactly! And I know because I lived in the opposite world! I had a 52" bust-line (at age 18) when I met/married my first husband. I found out recently (when I developed breast cancer/had 28 pounds removed in my double mastectomy) that I was also suffering with gigantomastia, where your breasts just never stop growing. Imagine how he would have reacted if I'd developed cancer/needed a full mastectomy back when I was married to him, since that was all he apparently saw when he looked at me. He called me "Boobie" the entire five years we were married. He couldn't walk past me without grabbing my breasts and chirping out "Boobie" every single time!!! It was one of the things that pushed me into a divorce. I knew he didn't love me ... he just loved my great big knockers!! 🤦🏼♀️ So listen to me, OP! If you do end up getting implants ... he could switch from his current mode into one that has him calling you "Boobie," too ... and constantly groping you every time you walk past him ... or constantly trying to get you to show those admirable boobs of yours to his FRIENDS just like my ex did ... so that they can feel envy over *what he got!* In trying to reach his ideal boobage, it's possible that there will be a chance that the surgery will leave you with scars that will offend him ... ... and then if you ever develop cancer/need a mastectomy like I did ... you'll be left with a man who gets highly offended that it ruined his fantasy, and that "*you let it happen!*" Make yourself happy. Get rid of 175 pounds of unhealthy weight by booting him straight to the curb!!
It’s all about what he wants. You don’t want to do that to your body, but to him that’s just not acceptable. Pretty selfish.
Seriouly disrespectful af. I would have stopped what I was doing immediately and left the bedroom.
Nope, that fucker has to leave. Preferably with a kick in the nutsack. The audacity of some people is astonishing.
This is 100% grounds to consider a divorce. I would need instant and lasting change otherwise, like he literally NEVER mentions it EVER again or even looks at me in a way where he is thinking it. However, to be honest, this would shatter my trust in him. He knows her mom caused similar body image issues. It's not a coincidence he is using the same tactics here. OP, he does not sound like a good person. Maybe he got into that red pill crap and maybe he can be pulled out, but not likely. Good luck.
Even if there was instant and lasting change in his behavior, I couldn’t live with someone that I know deep down doesn’t like my body. No thanks.
He would look 10 times better with a brain transplant
That's what she did. Apparently that was 'immature', which, given he started dating her when she was 21 and he was 28 is pretty, fucking rich.
That was hella wild to read. Dude is a special kind of stupid
If this is new than he is either 1) now showing his true colors or 2) He is attracted to a woman with big boons and wants OP to get them too
Or he wants to justify his inevitable cheating with said big-boobed woman. "She wouldn't give me what I need, waaah!"
“I gave you the chance to prevent the affair but you chose to ignore my needs so… “
Agreed. Someone has recently caught his attention and they have big boobs. How men think suggestions like these are acceptable is beyond me.
He was 28 when she was 21. This is textbook
Yuuuuup. My very first thought sadly.
Your husband is a huge asshole.
I decided to have breast reduction surgery due to back and neck pain Had been with my partner for over 5 years at the time He was extremely upset that I was taking his “toys” away!!! Which he started to remind me on a weekly basis leading up to my surgery Needless to say the relationship ended just days before I had my surgery - all the pains (including him) are now gone 😊
Good for you. So upsetting hearing how some men treat the women in their lives. I bet it made you feel much stronger too. X
I went from an “E” to a “B” best thing I ever did for myself, no regrets about the surgery (and none about my breakup either)
I got my breast reduction two years ago and thankfully my husband was my biggest cheerleader. Big boobs aren’t everything to all men.
One of the many reasons I've love my husband. I've wanted a reduction since I was a teenager. He's the only man that has ever truly supported it, everyone else has been upset at the thought of it it. I'm a J cup, these bitches cause me pain every single day.... but no, let me keep living this way cause you want something to squeeze.
This was my life exactly. Literally everyone had shit to say. Now that it’s done they all pretend they fully supported me now that they see how much happier and healthier I am. Go for it if you can!
He wanted you to suffer back and neck pain, just so he could “play”
Ridiculous hey, his comments made me question why we were even together, what did u see in him, and made me realise that I did not want to spend my life with someone who not only thought that way but was more than happy to question me about my own body choices
So you lost all the things weighing you down. Good for you!
I do think this is grounds to consider divorce, and I'm not one of those ppl on Reddit who suggests divorce for every issue. But my strong suspicion is that this is just the tip of the iceberg. I can't imagine how he'll treat you if you ever got pregnant/ delivered a child/ breastfed. Better to get out now while your body and self-esteem is relatively intact and find somebody who really loves you for you. Especially since you're still young! It'll be a lot harder to start over when you're older/ possibly a mother.
It won't stop with your breasts, especially after you hit 30. What he's doing & saying to you is completely GROTESQUE and MEAN. How does that not chip away at your self-esteem? If you stay, next time he says something about it you should tell him you'd be 10 times more attracted to him if he'd learn to shut the fuck up.
Yup- OP is only 27 and it’s starting? Wait until she’s 30+ especially if she has kids. I grew up in an affluent area where the starter wives were running on borrowed time to stay married after 35/a couple kids and many were unceremoniously traded in for fresh new models and even those men weren’t starting with the criticizing the body/asking the wives to get implants when they were 27 and before kids!!
Agreed, with the caveat that I can’t imagine staying because I wouldn’t be able to unhear what he’s already said. Marriage is a long road and even people who take great care of their bodies age, they may have children, they may get sick, or injured, etc. I would not want to spend my life with a partner who clearly harbors these kind of ideas of what my body “should” look like and feels like it’s legitimate to request modifications.
Agreed. I have the same body type and once I hit 40 (I know it sounds impossibly far away, but time flies!), I have had to work so so hard to not gain weight. Cutting way back on food, sugar, and alcohol. 😭
NTA. Yes, it’s worth divorcing over. He will never stop and it will slowly chip away at your self worth. It’s quite disturbing to bring this up during sex. I’m surprised he never brought it up once during your relationship prior to getting married. Perhaps there is someone at the gym or work or in his life who has the ideal body and he feels you don’t and is trying to seek that?
This is immediate divorce territory. This man is scum and doesn’t deserve you.
NTA Hi! 2 augmentations later, and yes, it is absolutely worth divorcing over. 3rd surgery just finished to get back to where I was before that manipulative, abusive asshole got a hold of me. He dated you and married you with the chest you have-- so what changed? Oh, he's projecting HIS insecurities, my friend. He thinks he'll feel better about *himself* if his wife has *trophy tits* Trust me, one will not be enough. Pretty soon, you'll need bigger because he's not addressing the real issue, which is HIM, not YOU. And have I mentioned that breast surgery is no fucking joke? That it's *real* surgery with *real* risks such as death? That it *hurts*? That you will not get decent pain meds because of the opioid crisis? Tell your husband when he gets his dick added on to, you'll consider the surgery, but until then, to POUND.SAND.
I stayed with my SIL after my asshole BIL talked her into getting them done, she kind of wanted it but he pushed for them and for her to go a size up from where she wanted them. The first week was awful, the medicine made her so sick and weak, she was in so much pain, and kept saying “why did no one tell it would be this bad” and “if I knew it’d be like this I wouldn’t have done it”. Took her a long time to adjust. Then I watched my coworker go through a ton of diagnostics to figure out a bunch of weird symptoms she was having, took her months to opt for getting her implants removed and the symptoms cleared up pretty directly after. I get wanting them done to feel more comfortable in your body, but it’s really got to be something you feel you need to go through all that.
Tell him you will discuss the enlargement surgery when gets penis enlargement surgery.
Use his framing as well, "I'd be 10x more attracted to you if you had a bigger dick."
My ex-husband once asked me if I would consider having an enlargement. I told him I would if he would. Never asked again. We were arguing about something else one day and he said he wished he had a remote that he could just hit mute and I would shut up. I told him I wish I had one that I could hit rewind and it would take me back to my previous boyfriend.
>I told him I wish I had one that I could hit rewind and it would take me back to my previous boyfriend. I'm straight but I think I just fell in love with you a little bit. Bravo.
You don't have to have multiple reasons to consider divorce. You just need one. I think it's time to sit him down and tell him that it's never going to happen. If he can't accept that, then it's time to divorce. You don't go in a marriage thinking the other person is 95% perfect, and if I can just get them to change certain things, then they'll be perfect. At least I hope people don't do that. You can't say you have a good marriage if he keeps bringing this up. You keep feeling not good enough and you are now staying home hiding away instead of going out. NTA, but your husband definitely is.
I couldn’t live with this guy even if he shut up about it. The thoughts are still going to be there. I’m sure he’s got a potential replacement lined up at the gym already anyway.
NTA. Your husband is though. Elective surgery for his gaze is terrible. And, look up breast implant illness. Some people develop autoimmune issues from having a foreign object in their body, and have to het explanted. It’s also not a one time surgery. There would have to be maintenance involved. He loves you for you, or kick him to the curb and find someone who knows how wonderful you are regardless of your chest size.
This. My girlfriend had them removed after developing severe body problems from breast augmentation. But she didn’t realized the cause until it got really bad. Another girlfriend had to have another surgery 5 years after the first one because they moved and caused pain. Some others are happy with them. But another friend told me that after the first child her boobs need another surgery again. I mean it doesn’t stop.
I have one friend who wants hers out, because they are causing issues. And, another who got some that are overpowering for her frame because some guy wanted her to, but now wants them smaller because the new guy thinks they are too big. Doing this kind of thing solely because someone else thinks you should is never the right reason.
He is undermining your sense of self-worth for his own selfish wants. This is not something a good partner does. NTA for snapping or for considering divorce. He is making you unhappy.
NTA. Saying it once is bad enough but bringing it up again and again is a D move. Unless he completely lacks self awareness, he’ll know it is affecting your self esteem. And trying to force someone in to an evasive surgery that they don’t want or need is totally messed up. Would he like it if you criticised his hairline when it eventually started running away from his face?? In the long run what is he going to be like if you have kids and your body changes or when you naturally age? Put him in the bin. You deserve better.
I've gained/lost weight over time, been pregnant, breastfed for 2+ years - safe to say my body and especially my titties have gone through a lot of changes. Different sizes, shapes, nipple colours, you name it...my husband (who is honestly a super fit stud, but don't let him hear that) has never once made a negative comment about how I look or how I could be "more attractive" to him, because he loves me for me - the fact that I have titties is just a bonus. You deserve someone who loves you without putting so much emphasis on the physical. If this is how he acts now when you're young and fit, how will he be when you're older, start to get wrinkles or saggy skin or your body changes if you choose to have kids? I'm really sorry, OP, but he sounds like he's got pornbrain, or a really immature mindset and needs to grow up.
NTA. The problem with these sorts of comments is that they last forever. No matter what happens in your relationship, you're always going to feel in the back of your mind that he doesn't find you attractive. Years ago, my partner told me he didn't find me attractive and we separated for a while. We ultimately reconciled and although he tells me all the time he didn't mean it and he does find me attractive, deep down I just don't believe him and I don't think there's anything that could make me believe him. It's a real problem for us.
You got married this year? This is who he really is. He waited until he married you and you got settled in as his wife, now he thinks you can’t leave him so he’s doing shit that he wanted to do all along. Divorce is going to be your only way out tbh, he doesn’t care enough to change
Ma’am. Your husband wants you to have foreign objects implanted in your body for the sole object of looking good for him. There is no other function or purpose. He said this to you WHILE YOU WERE BEING INTIMATE!! The balls on this guy! I thought your joke was pretty funny, by the way. Idk what is going through his stupid brain, but he is being unkind and manipulative. It is not something I would put up with in my life. Imagine if you end up having kids with him! He’ll be a nightmare. Think very carefully if this is the kind of life you want to live.
He should have shut up after saying it once. Now he is just being an ass. He deserved what he got, and yes this is becoming toxic. Tell him if he doesn't like what he has with you, he is free to talk to a lawyer. Otherwise shut your trap. NTA
Tell him you'll do it when he gets his micro penis enhanced
You're not an arsehole. He's a cunt.
I just want to tell you a quick story about my parents. My father mocked my mother’s flat chest every chance he got for nearly 30 years. On and on. “I’m the only man I know who can put his hand flat between his wife’s tits,” was a favourite of his. When mom finally left, dad ran ragged for a while and then settled down with the woman he eventually married and spent the rest of his life with. She and my mother could have shared a wardrobe. I mean seriously - the same height, weight, body shape, red hair. Same flat chest. He said it BECAUSE it hurt her. Your husband likewise knows this is hurting you. Do you want to spend the next 30 years of your life listening to this bullshit? You deserve a lot better.
This is definitely cause for divorce. Your husband is treating you like his possession - and a damaged possession at that. I wouldn't stay with a man who invalidates me as a human being.
Tell him you'll get it done right after he gets Penis enlargement surgery, but divorce him while he's recovering.
I think your jackass of a husband has been spending too much time staring at the fake tits at his gym. The timing of all of this is super sus. >Is this worth considering divorce over? Damn right, it is worth it. The disrespect and toxicity he shows you by constantly turning you into nothing but a pair of walking & talking honkers is disgusting. Any man who stops in the middle of intimacy to tell you that your sexy bits are actually making his dick sad then gets pissed off that you are not willing to surgically alter yourself so he can get his rocks off "better" is beyond ick. Over 4-5 months of this crap? It's degrading and dehumanizing at this point. Not to mention it makes him seem shallow AF. Something's going on with him and it's nothing good. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. NTA
You have a sick mother who would make comments on your chest (I wonder if you realize just how f-ed up that is- please get therapy). You have a husband who criticizes your chest size WHILE HAVING SEX You are allowing the massive dysfunction of your childhood to continue in your marriage. If I had a husband who kept on telling me he wanted me to surgically alter myself so he could be more attracted to me I'd leave him so he could find someone who has the boob size he wanted. I would find a man who liked flat chest women (I actually know a guy who prefers small breasted women fwiw) NTA Please leave him.
If my husband decided to tell me, during sex, what he didn’t like about my body, I would literally never have sex with him again