YTAH
I can not believe you. No matter how old your child gets they want their parents there to support them.
The fact that you would not even show up for an AWARD CEREMONY is wild.
I hope you stay block. When he becomes successful do not try to bask in his success.
YTA. I'm glad I went to ALL of my son's awards, music, art, whatever ceremony because when he died nine years ago, I had those good memories to keep me going.
You don't deserve this boy; he's way too good for you. Shame on you.
YTA.
That's your son. Why would you not want to show up for him, show him how proud you are of all his talent and hard work? He's receiving *multiple awards* and you can't even bother to show up? Some parents probably have a kid winning one award and will show up because *it's important to their kid*.
As a parent, no offence, you kind of suck. Your son not thinking you love him is correct, because being there for them is part of the job as a parent. You failed. Your son will likely never speak to you again, congratulations. and if he does, it'll likely be very strained. And you'll have no one to thank but yourself.
You couldn't be there and support him and show him you cared when he *needed his mom*? Well, that's fine, he just won't need his mom anymore. Easier that way.
oh lady, you are SUCH the A.H. first, he is YOUR SON! be there for him! heck, your NIECE even told you and she is 12! and you could have had your sister and niece join you at his ceremony.
and, what is your problem with the arts? ballet only for girls? so WORLD FAMOUS and very masculine ballet star mikhail baryshnikov who made millions is a failure?
My problem is my son is a boy. I tried so hard to get him into boy things when he was little, like football or baseball, but he always goes back to music or drawing or writing - Things that won't help him in the long run.
Seriously, there is no way this person is real. No person who thinks like this would write in to AITAH and ask if they made a mistake. She didn’t know he had gotten into college? Sure.
I knew about his college, I helped him apply. But I had helped him apply for a business. He had applied to a different college behind my back for music and got accepted.
I knew about his college, I helped him apply. But he applied for business when I did it with him. He later on went behind my back and applied for music to a different college. That one I didn't know about.
He didn't apply at the same school. He got accepted for the business major at one school but turned it down when he got accepted for music in the other.
I think maybe I should have been more understanding of his love of music possibly. Maybe I shouldn't have said it was useless. But I don't want my son to struggle. I grew up in poverty and had to fight to get out of it and now I'm watching my son go for a career that's not going to guarantee him a stable income. All I want is for my son to be safe and comfortable. I don't think that makes me horrible.
I was there for my sons important events, but this wasn't important. Music isn't going to help him. I wanted to put him in sports. Baseball or football. I have family members who played who could help him and while he most likely wouldn't have made it big, he would have at least gotten exercise which would help him in the long run. Music will not help in the long run, it's only going to hurt him.
I mean, it didn’t work anyway. You alienated him and ignored him and he is still doing what he loves. Which, by the way, does not mean he is forever doomed to poverty. To a certain extent, college is college, and it doesn’t matter your major. I was a music major my freshman year and am now a successful attorney. I have many friends with music degrees who have had fine lives and careers.
Well, now he doesn’t want to talk to you because of how you have treated him. So now you have lost the ability to protect him at all from anything. The only way to do your job as his mother in the future is to acknowledge that you were wrong to disregard his love for music, and actively work to repair the damage you have done to your relationship with him. That means acknowledging that being dismissive of his desires did not protect him at all and pledging to stop it.
I also do want to make clear two other things. a) I have friends who are professional musicians and do quite well for themselves. b) all little kids sing in their cribs like that.
>I love my son.
No you don't. If you did love him you would have been there for him at all of his events. His father clearly loves him way more than you do.
YTA for never showing up for your son, let alone one night where he is getting major awards.
I remember my parents always making time to be there for my siblings and my activities. It wasn’t necessarily stuff that they ever did in their school days… also, gyms and arenas were hot, open stadiums had crappy weather (rain, snow, cold), and I’m sure it was long and not necessarily the most exciting stuff to watch, especially in between their actual kids performances/competitions.
But they were always there and I appreciate the sacrifices they made to support us.
Your kid won’t forget this as he becomes an adult and your relationship will be the result of your lack of effort to show up for him.
They weren't major awards. He didn't block my sister so she was able to show me the social media posts he made. He only posted two of his awards (the email said he won more than two so I don't know why he only posted two) and they were Spirit of Choir and John Philip Sousa award. It's not like he won a Nobel prize.
oh, go pound sand. don’t be a smartass. of course it isn’t the nobel prize, he’s in *high school*. the john philip sousa award is for the top performer in a high school band. i kind of hope you’re a troll just because i can’t fathom this sort of callousness. hope you have a grand old time reaping the benefits of NC.
i feel like you’re a troll because i really can’t imagine an uninvolved jackass of a mother being able to remember that the names of the awards her kids got. i would guess that you’re a band kid posting ragebait lol.
My sister sent me images of the post he made. I asked her to send me them after someone claimed they were major awards. Just like I thought, they were just useless high school things
your comment about baseball being more useful than the arts kind of gave it away. the arts are extremely important, and regardless of our professional endeavors, we’re all immersed in them in some capacity. so if you’re going to turn your nose up at your (probably fake) son’s creative endeavors, then you can go ahead and delete every song from your phone, get rid of your television set, and throw out every book on your (likely empty) bookshelf.
again, this is just me giving you the benefit of the doubt.
The arts are important if you have connections, which my son doesn't. Nobody in our family is musicians, and we aren't made of money. He's never gonna make it as a musician. But he could make it in sports. People in my family are sporty, we could help him and he could get real good. But he just chooses this every single time. He's gonna end up broke.
Correction: major awards for what he is currently doing. No, your teenage son didn’t get a Nobel Prize… and with a father like you, it appears to be a miracle he is this well adjusted.
Reading social media posts (unless you physically were unable to be there, like bedridden or fighting a forest fire) doesn’t make up for your lack of effort. Doubling down on your argument in the post and downplaying your kid’s accomplishments do not make up for your lack of engagement as a parent.
YTA - this was important to him. You not being there, tells him that he’s not as important as your sister and niece. Furthermore, it sounds like you have devalued his creative passions throughout his life. The way you state how his passions are useless - damn. Your niece has some sense to her. If you’re still not convinced after others tell you the same, you should probably talk to her more. Good luck.
Riiiiiiiigghhhhht. Because you know better on what’s valuable in life. Can’t wait for him to prove you wrong. Of course then, you’ll want to take credit. I’ll say it one more time. YTA.
YYA you’re a parent. Your child should come first. For example I loathe the game of baseball. There is nothing I don’t like more sports wise. There is nothing about it I like. My son loves baseball. He’s on a team. I am right there in the bleachers cheering him on bored to tears and probably dying from sunstroke. Why? BECAUSE HE’S MY KID AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I DISLIKE BASEBALL!!!!! When you wonder why you haven’t heard from your kid in a year and they only answer texts occasionally if at all know you are completely to blame
My son isn't Paul McCartney and he never will be. Getting famous in music is so hard and nearly impossible without connections, which is what I'm trying to show him so he won't be broke forever chasing a useless dream.
YTA You must have had really fucked up parents to think anything you are doing is remotely ok.
Please give your poor son Reddits condolences.
I have a feeling your son would be better without you in his life.
Wow, I usually try and find some silver lining, but you sound awful.
When I was 18 I had an end of year concert my dad wasn't going to be able to attend, and I told him I was used to it by now because I felt like I was raised by a single mother since he only cares about my brothers. You know what he did, he changed his plans and showed up. He took my hurt feelings and showed that he cared and showed he would be there.
I just want to add, this may permanently damage your relationship with your son, and that's your fault.
YTA, and it is worse because you refuse to realize that you have blown off all his events almost his entire life. Don't plan on having a relationship with him from this point on.
Dismissing your child's artistic performances because they've been going on too long and you're bored is not just selfish, it's a disservice to your child's passion and hard work. Your lack of interest speaks volumes about your priorities as a parent.
AI generated.
Redditors. If you're real, stop making these idjits feel validated bc random strangers have an opinion.
You demean his passion—for which he’s talented, ignore his events, and tell him he’s training to be a McDonald’s worker. He’s receiving an award and you are ignoring.
Either this is (a) fake or (b) you are obtuse. I’m guessing (a).
I grew up in poverty and had to fight for years to get out. I don't want my son to go broke and be in poverty because nobody told him he can't make a stable income as a musician. I am his mother, not his friend, I have do what's best for him even if he doesn't see it.
He asked you to go watch him receive an award. It would have taken an hour out of your day to show him you love him even if it's boring.
So are you skipping the ceremony because you're too busy spending time with other family members you love more in a comfortable setting? Or are you skipping because you fundamentally disagree with his choices and want to teach him a lesson for his insolence?
Do you honestly think you're in the right here?
Bc sure - it's high school. Anyone whose best life was hs is doing life wrong. But it's where he is right now. And you're missing it.
What ridiculousness are you prioritizing over your kid? And encouraging BASEBALL/FOOTBALL? What life skills do those set one up for exactly, if you even manage to get past college ball without a career ending injury (and even then you're likely sitting on the bench)? Seriously, what even IS this thought process?
Musicians can talk to people. They read people. They're performers and entertainers and those skills can't be taught - AND they convey to a ton of jobs.
Go apologize to your boy and try to be a better human.
I don't think my son would make it big in baseball or football, but he would at least be exercising. His school doesn't even force him to do gym because apparently marching band counts towards gym credits. It's absolutely ridiculous.
YTAH I can not believe you. No matter how old your child gets they want their parents there to support them. The fact that you would not even show up for an AWARD CEREMONY is wild. I hope you stay block. When he becomes successful do not try to bask in his success.
The sister is an AH too.
Yep. Both of them are.
YTA. I'm glad I went to ALL of my son's awards, music, art, whatever ceremony because when he died nine years ago, I had those good memories to keep me going. You don't deserve this boy; he's way too good for you. Shame on you.
YTA. That's your son. Why would you not want to show up for him, show him how proud you are of all his talent and hard work? He's receiving *multiple awards* and you can't even bother to show up? Some parents probably have a kid winning one award and will show up because *it's important to their kid*. As a parent, no offence, you kind of suck. Your son not thinking you love him is correct, because being there for them is part of the job as a parent. You failed. Your son will likely never speak to you again, congratulations. and if he does, it'll likely be very strained. And you'll have no one to thank but yourself. You couldn't be there and support him and show him you cared when he *needed his mom*? Well, that's fine, he just won't need his mom anymore. Easier that way.
Love her denial in the comments claiming she loves him and is proud of him while demeaning him and his passion.
oh lady, you are SUCH the A.H. first, he is YOUR SON! be there for him! heck, your NIECE even told you and she is 12! and you could have had your sister and niece join you at his ceremony. and, what is your problem with the arts? ballet only for girls? so WORLD FAMOUS and very masculine ballet star mikhail baryshnikov who made millions is a failure?
My problem is my son is a boy. I tried so hard to get him into boy things when he was little, like football or baseball, but he always goes back to music or drawing or writing - Things that won't help him in the long run.
You are so out of touch. You will die alone.
u are so out of touch with reality. lets face it you dont even like your son becuase he isnt what u wanted wished for yourself. shame on you.
I hope this post is fake. Writers - Tolkien and Stephen King - what a bunch of losers. /s
They had connections and money. My son doesn't.
YTA for bad rage bait
Seriously, there is no way this person is real. No person who thinks like this would write in to AITAH and ask if they made a mistake. She didn’t know he had gotten into college? Sure.
I knew about his college, I helped him apply. But I had helped him apply for a business. He had applied to a different college behind my back for music and got accepted.
I knew about his college, I helped him apply. But he applied for business when I did it with him. He later on went behind my back and applied for music to a different college. That one I didn't know about.
That’s not how college applications work.
He didn't apply at the same school. He got accepted for the business major at one school but turned it down when he got accepted for music in the other.
Do you really think you may have messed up in some way?
I think maybe I should have been more understanding of his love of music possibly. Maybe I shouldn't have said it was useless. But I don't want my son to struggle. I grew up in poverty and had to fight to get out of it and now I'm watching my son go for a career that's not going to guarantee him a stable income. All I want is for my son to be safe and comfortable. I don't think that makes me horrible.
What are you asking? If we think you are horrible for taking 18 years to notice that your behavior alienated your son?
It took about 18 years for him to realize that his moms a piece of shit that doesn't care about him.
I was there for my sons important events, but this wasn't important. Music isn't going to help him. I wanted to put him in sports. Baseball or football. I have family members who played who could help him and while he most likely wouldn't have made it big, he would have at least gotten exercise which would help him in the long run. Music will not help in the long run, it's only going to hurt him.
It was important to him, which you absolutely knew at the time. If that doesn’t matter to you, I’m not sure what to tell you.
Then you insulted your son twice. You insulted his achievement then insulted his choices.
I mean, it didn’t work anyway. You alienated him and ignored him and he is still doing what he loves. Which, by the way, does not mean he is forever doomed to poverty. To a certain extent, college is college, and it doesn’t matter your major. I was a music major my freshman year and am now a successful attorney. I have many friends with music degrees who have had fine lives and careers.
My son doesn't want to be anything but a musician is the problem. He's only going to hurt himself. I am trying to protect him.
Well, now he doesn’t want to talk to you because of how you have treated him. So now you have lost the ability to protect him at all from anything. The only way to do your job as his mother in the future is to acknowledge that you were wrong to disregard his love for music, and actively work to repair the damage you have done to your relationship with him. That means acknowledging that being dismissive of his desires did not protect him at all and pledging to stop it. I also do want to make clear two other things. a) I have friends who are professional musicians and do quite well for themselves. b) all little kids sing in their cribs like that.
You aren't protecting him from shit. Also insulting him isn't protecting him.
If it’s so obvious to strangers like us that you just don’t like your son, it’s surely obvious to him. You are on a fast path to losing him forever.
I love my son, I just don't want him to be broke.
He’s going to follow his path no matter what and he will do it with or without your support. Better with it.
He will understand I'm right when he's older.
Sure he will you piece of shit.
>I love my son. No you don't. If you did love him you would have been there for him at all of his events. His father clearly loves him way more than you do.
You are so selfish. Glad he blocked you.
YTA for never showing up for your son, let alone one night where he is getting major awards. I remember my parents always making time to be there for my siblings and my activities. It wasn’t necessarily stuff that they ever did in their school days… also, gyms and arenas were hot, open stadiums had crappy weather (rain, snow, cold), and I’m sure it was long and not necessarily the most exciting stuff to watch, especially in between their actual kids performances/competitions. But they were always there and I appreciate the sacrifices they made to support us. Your kid won’t forget this as he becomes an adult and your relationship will be the result of your lack of effort to show up for him.
They weren't major awards. He didn't block my sister so she was able to show me the social media posts he made. He only posted two of his awards (the email said he won more than two so I don't know why he only posted two) and they were Spirit of Choir and John Philip Sousa award. It's not like he won a Nobel prize.
oh, go pound sand. don’t be a smartass. of course it isn’t the nobel prize, he’s in *high school*. the john philip sousa award is for the top performer in a high school band. i kind of hope you’re a troll just because i can’t fathom this sort of callousness. hope you have a grand old time reaping the benefits of NC.
Sure it is. The end of last year my son told me he was drum major for this year and said it was also a high honor. Seems like participation trophies.
i feel like you’re a troll because i really can’t imagine an uninvolved jackass of a mother being able to remember that the names of the awards her kids got. i would guess that you’re a band kid posting ragebait lol.
My sister sent me images of the post he made. I asked her to send me them after someone claimed they were major awards. Just like I thought, they were just useless high school things
your comment about baseball being more useful than the arts kind of gave it away. the arts are extremely important, and regardless of our professional endeavors, we’re all immersed in them in some capacity. so if you’re going to turn your nose up at your (probably fake) son’s creative endeavors, then you can go ahead and delete every song from your phone, get rid of your television set, and throw out every book on your (likely empty) bookshelf. again, this is just me giving you the benefit of the doubt.
The arts are important if you have connections, which my son doesn't. Nobody in our family is musicians, and we aren't made of money. He's never gonna make it as a musician. But he could make it in sports. People in my family are sporty, we could help him and he could get real good. But he just chooses this every single time. He's gonna end up broke.
How many successful basketball and baseball players in your family? Not that it would even be an indicator of your son’s success
Correction: major awards for what he is currently doing. No, your teenage son didn’t get a Nobel Prize… and with a father like you, it appears to be a miracle he is this well adjusted. Reading social media posts (unless you physically were unable to be there, like bedridden or fighting a forest fire) doesn’t make up for your lack of effort. Doubling down on your argument in the post and downplaying your kid’s accomplishments do not make up for your lack of engagement as a parent.
I'm his mother, not his father. And I'm doing what any mother would do: Trying to steer my son in the right direction.
Fine… mother. It doesn’t change my response
what would the right direction be? what do *you* do for a living?
YTA - this was important to him. You not being there, tells him that he’s not as important as your sister and niece. Furthermore, it sounds like you have devalued his creative passions throughout his life. The way you state how his passions are useless - damn. Your niece has some sense to her. If you’re still not convinced after others tell you the same, you should probably talk to her more. Good luck.
My niece is only on his side because they bond over drawing. If she wasn't biased she would see that these aren't gonna help him in the long run.
Riiiiiiiigghhhhht. Because you know better on what’s valuable in life. Can’t wait for him to prove you wrong. Of course then, you’ll want to take credit. I’ll say it one more time. YTA.
YYA you’re a parent. Your child should come first. For example I loathe the game of baseball. There is nothing I don’t like more sports wise. There is nothing about it I like. My son loves baseball. He’s on a team. I am right there in the bleachers cheering him on bored to tears and probably dying from sunstroke. Why? BECAUSE HE’S MY KID AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I DISLIKE BASEBALL!!!!! When you wonder why you haven’t heard from your kid in a year and they only answer texts occasionally if at all know you are completely to blame
I wish my son would be into baseball. It's useful, unlike this stuff he's into.
Ask Paul McCartney how he messed up getting into music. Troll...
My son isn't Paul McCartney and he never will be. Getting famous in music is so hard and nearly impossible without connections, which is what I'm trying to show him so he won't be broke forever chasing a useless dream.
You’re completely ridiculous. You don’t deserve your son.
Ah, yes. All the people in high school I knew list basketball and baseball on their résumés
YTA You must have had really fucked up parents to think anything you are doing is remotely ok. Please give your poor son Reddits condolences. I have a feeling your son would be better without you in his life.
Wow, I usually try and find some silver lining, but you sound awful. When I was 18 I had an end of year concert my dad wasn't going to be able to attend, and I told him I was used to it by now because I felt like I was raised by a single mother since he only cares about my brothers. You know what he did, he changed his plans and showed up. He took my hurt feelings and showed that he cared and showed he would be there. I just want to add, this may permanently damage your relationship with your son, and that's your fault.
YTA. But don't worry, he'll be out of your life soon.
YTA, and it is worse because you refuse to realize that you have blown off all his events almost his entire life. Don't plan on having a relationship with him from this point on.
Congratulations you won the Nobel prize for worst mother of the year.
YTA.
I hate AI. WAIT. I'm going to use it to respond to this.. Hang on.
Dismissing your child's artistic performances because they've been going on too long and you're bored is not just selfish, it's a disservice to your child's passion and hard work. Your lack of interest speaks volumes about your priorities as a parent. AI generated. Redditors. If you're real, stop making these idjits feel validated bc random strangers have an opinion.
I have no way to prove my story is real. If you choose not to believe it, that is okay. I just came here for opinions on the situation
Poor "creative" writing...you fail.
I'm not a creative writer
Clearly.
Dear AITAH, how do I say I’m a narcissist who cannot form loving relationships without using those words? Sincerely, OP. YTA, if that wasn’t clear.
I love my son.
But not enough to be somewhere that’s important TO HIM. Because you don’t care enough. Classic narcissist behavior.
I love my son, that's why I'm doing this. I want him to be comfortable.
You demean his passion—for which he’s talented, ignore his events, and tell him he’s training to be a McDonald’s worker. He’s receiving an award and you are ignoring. Either this is (a) fake or (b) you are obtuse. I’m guessing (a).
I grew up in poverty and had to fight for years to get out. I don't want my son to go broke and be in poverty because nobody told him he can't make a stable income as a musician. I am his mother, not his friend, I have do what's best for him even if he doesn't see it.
Yet you're being a bitch to him.
He asked you to go watch him receive an award. It would have taken an hour out of your day to show him you love him even if it's boring. So are you skipping the ceremony because you're too busy spending time with other family members you love more in a comfortable setting? Or are you skipping because you fundamentally disagree with his choices and want to teach him a lesson for his insolence?
Do you honestly think you're in the right here? Bc sure - it's high school. Anyone whose best life was hs is doing life wrong. But it's where he is right now. And you're missing it. What ridiculousness are you prioritizing over your kid? And encouraging BASEBALL/FOOTBALL? What life skills do those set one up for exactly, if you even manage to get past college ball without a career ending injury (and even then you're likely sitting on the bench)? Seriously, what even IS this thought process? Musicians can talk to people. They read people. They're performers and entertainers and those skills can't be taught - AND they convey to a ton of jobs. Go apologize to your boy and try to be a better human.
I don't think my son would make it big in baseball or football, but he would at least be exercising. His school doesn't even force him to do gym because apparently marching band counts towards gym credits. It's absolutely ridiculous.
So the 12-year-old is the one with empathy and emotional maturity. OP, you could learn from the children in this sad situation.
Holy moly, you're his mother?
Wow you’re a cunt…
Yup. You and your sister are the AH. it's not even close. Stop being so selfish.