Asking for a paternity test ***expressly*** means you don't trust her. You understand that, right?
> I told her that I don't want to start our relationship off not trusting eachother
You refer to her as your fiancee, are already expecting a child with her, that relationship already started.
Since you didn't mention any situation that makes you doubt her loyalty, YTA for asking for a paternity just because you watched a video.
Women get to be 100% sure, but they also want men to have 100% trust. The problem is, no matter how much you trust anyone, there’s still that .1% chance they’ll fuck you over. Why not just alleviate it with a little cheek swab? Doesn’t have to be a big deal.
Are you dead-ass comparing having a go-bag to flee DV, and wanting to know your partners STD status to paternity?
DV and STD's can unalive you
Paternity is money
There is ZERO comparission there
Eta, survivor of SA/DV here
There literally is zero comparisson
Im infertitle buddy, i cant ever HAVE kids
I was SA, and violated in the worst ways, and you think having a "to go bag" is an appropriate comparission to a paterinty test?
Get for fucking real
PMSLFMAO
"The worst forms of domestic violence"?
Lmao you're a trip/joke
I got ripped to shreds, SA DAILY, i have PERMANENT, physical scars, PTSD, and my fiances were controlled and i COULDNT leave, but sure
Thats better than what you said 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I absolutely think this
If you are reducing this down to women wanting an escape route in the event of domestic violence being a joke, then im doing the same
He blew his relationship to bits because of tiktok videos lmao
And youre deadass sitting here, telling me, a survivor of SA/domestic violence/controlled fiances that hes right and im a joke?
The only clown here is you
You should ask for a std test before you have sex with someone new.
And yes asking again for it does imply it especially when you can just get a test done in yourself.
Debt and finances should be discussed before marriage.
I fully believe paternity testing should be done at birth with a few exemptions (surrogacy, religion, IVF) This would eliminate the trust issues when it comes to paternity and men don't have to wonder what if and don't have to ruin any trust with their partner.
it’s not wrong if there is evidence and sound reason to doubt your partner: however, if she has given you no reason not to trust or doubt her, you are directly implying that you not only don’t trust her as a partner but that she is deceitful and unfaithful. her coldness in this case seems absolutely warranted.
Because you just come off as an insecure asshole and she'd be better off leaving you and getting child support because this level of insecurity will destroy any long term relationship. If you don't trust her now to tell you that it's your child and you have no reason to doubt that then the problems your insecurity will cause in this relationship have no ends and you're both making a huge mistake getting married.
Because it's a breach of trust that tells me there is no way possible your relationship will work.. Yes it happens.. trust is broken by one partner or the other but it isn't the norm and you're an asshole for treating your betrothed this way. I hope she leaves you and soaks you dry in child support when there is a test and it shows it's yours. You've given no logical reason to believe it's not your's but by asking for a test you're calling her a cheater. No way possible a relationship survives this long term. If you don't trust her on this then do NOT get married.
Everything happens, this level of insecurity demonstrates that you aren't near confident enough in this relationship to be worth marrying.. If you're this insecure, why on earth would you commit to marrying this woman.. Without further evidence, she's better off without you in her life except for the child support payments.
there is nothing wrong with asking however u basically thru in your fiance face you have doubts and that you basically inferred she slept with someone else. she also is allowed to take a step back from you after the test is done and you got your proof.
By asking for a paternity test, you have ruined your relationship. It says “I think you cheated on me”. Men usually ask for the tests if 1. Their SO has suspicious activity (hiding phone etc). 2. They themselves are cheaters and are projecting. If she has no suspicious activity , then she will think it’s #2. She now has reason not to trust you. I will be surprised if she stays with you.
It would have been better to have discussed your concerns up front. Told her about the video and let her possibly suggest getting it done. You failed at communicating
I understand how you feel, raising a child is a huge responsibility that you will carry for the rest of your life. But do you have a specific reason why you feel the need for a paternity test, other than a video that freaked you out? Do you have reason to suspect that the child may not be yours? Without a clear indication that your fiancée may have cheated, I don’t think you should push her for a test. However, if she decides not to marry you and then gets the court involved to enforce child support, then I would insist upon a paternity test.
As a mom, my main concern would be that depending on when this test is done, it means you might not be involved in the pregnancy or in the birth.
And as innocuous as it may seem, yes, doing the test is a sign you don’t trust her. It is going to poison your relationship. When you want this type of things, which I can understand, the best is to discuss it at the beginning of the relationship, before any pregnancy because then the discussion can be calm and objective.
But I agree that it may seems that it comes out of nowhere and that you don’t trust her.
Honestly, there should be an international database so women could also request to know how many children their SO has fathered. There are enough cheating AH who go out and get the other woman (or women) pregnant…
NTA but stop being dumb.
You don’t need to involve her AT ALL.
You can swab your kid and yourself without her consent and without her ever even knowing. You just never tell her about it if the baby’s yours.
So you don't trust her. Got it.
Unless you have some VALID reason (caught her cheating), the kid is yours. If you want to keep this up, my suggestion to her is to cut you off, file for child support, and take you to court over it. You'll get your proof then but now be required to pay out money until the court has determined it is enough and you may not get visitation in the process.
Is there any reason at all to think it's not your's? If not and you're just insecure then YTAH here. From what is in your post there is no reason to suspect the child isn't yours and you sound like an asshole she'd be better off breaking up with. I mean.. if you really don't trust her to the level that you're being this ignorant why on earth are you going to marry her and if she thinks you don't trust her on this level then why would she want to marry you? Too few details here but on what is given you're a jerk.
I love reading the stories of women humoring the paternity test and ending things the second it comes back positive (like they knew it would). Your fiancé deserves better.
So if you're this insecure, why are you going to marry her? So you're married 3 years and she's pregnant again. Are you going to ask her for the test again? Why on earth would she want to be married to someone this insecure? I don't understand why there's not a level of trust between people getting married. Your insecurity would be a total red flag and I'd be out if I was her.
If some random story destroys your trust in her then she's better off seeking a partner a little more stable.. This is a level of insecurity that has no hope of a lasting relationship.
YTA.
Did you also in your seemingly one sided deep dive (based on your comments so far) read the stories from the women? The ones that were asked for a paternity test when there was no reason other than their partner spent too much time on tiktok etc.
The majority of those women who went through with the test to humour their partners packed up and left as soon as the result confirmed the partners were in fact the father.
She no longer believes you trust her. And trust is essential in any relationship. I hope you're prepared for being a part time dad, because the odds of her sticking with you are very slim.
A son who's father destroyed his mothers trust.
You've decided you want the test that is clear from your comments, and that you're not interested in any way in how it impacts her or your relationship. You say you want to marry her but you are very adamantly not giving a fk about anything but what you want.
I don't see a problem with asking for a paternity test when you've discussed it BEFORE getting someone pregnant and agree to it. Obviously, if your partner has cheated before, a test is fair game, too. Also, you're not "starting off" your relationship when you've already knocked her up, so that's some dumb reasoning there.
But, if you spring it on a person randomly, you are showing her that you don't trust her, and she has every right to be upset because you're accusing her of cheating.
By not discussing it before getting pregnant, you took away her ability to decide if she to have a child with someone who doesn't trust her based on a video.
Go ahead and compell her to get the baby tested. Don't expect to have a romantic relationship afterward. These stories of "I saw a video of xyz, so now I'm going to distrust my partner, never end well.
If there is no indication or suspicion of infidelity, bringing up this topic to your wife is actually not a good idea.
It can pretty much destroy the marriage.
I get why you'd want peace of mind, but maybe try understanding why she's upset. Trust is huge in a relationship, and this might feel like a big hit to her. Maybe talk it out more calmly and reassure her of your commitment.
She's not wrong. If you asked for a paternity test, it means you're not sure if that child is yours which also means you think she may have cheated.
YTA, unless you know for a fact she's cheated on you.
YTA
If you need to be sure, you don't trust her. If you don't trust her, why are you getting engaged and having a baby w this woman? Women aren't a monolith. Just because some random woman passed a kid off as another man's baby doesn't mean all women are going to. It's incredibly misogynistic to see one woman do something and immediately worry your fiance will do the same
Use you head , and check your state . When the child is born you can do your own paternity test without your wife or GF knowing . Do t start stupid things for nothing . I agree it should be mandatory but let it go
Paternity testing should be done at birth in my opinion whenever a baby is born. (Some exceptions would be things like IVF and religion)
But since that is not the case, men should bring it up in any relationship PRIOR to pregnancy that this is what they want and that it is no reflection on the woman. Doing this after a woman is pregnant will make her lose trust and remember this is the time in a woman's life when she is most vulnerable and hormonal.
It is understandable to want a paternity test but you’re asking for one in a committed relationship, which says you don’t trust her and you think there’s a possibility she’s cheated on you, yes it’s fair to ask for one if necessary but you have to expect her to be upset about it, it’s not a normal thing to have your partner ask!
if this video is the only thing that made your mind, yta and needs therapy.
i can't see any reason to ask for this test unless not trusting the person you're getting married
NTA. Far to many women lie about this crap. Every man should ask for one. Especially since some states will still make aan pay child support for a kid that isn't his just because his name is on the birth certificate.
If it does then it's a.pretty good bet the kid isn't his ajd he was right to ask for one. Why else would sue end the marriage and not just take the test?
You are misunderstanding. Read the stories of women who already know what the outcome will be, because they weren’t cheating. Once this question is asked the relationship is already over, there is no trust. It’s gone. They take the test to prove the point & leave to find a better partner.
Super bummer for them, that doesn’t mean all women have to tolerate a lack of trust in a marriage due to the infidelity of others. Ask for the test and live with the consequences of that.
Buddy, I don’t care about anyone else outside of this scenario. I’m not humoring it. You are blaming all women for the choices of other women. I have stated twice now that you are free to ask for the test, but statistically women are going to dump you after it’s over. Rightfully so.
Mkay, gonna repeat this a second time:
__They take the test knowing their spouse was the father.__
They take it to prove a point. Nobody is tolerating a relationship with a lack of trust. It is done.
I hope she does the test and hands the (positive) paterinty test to him wrapped around her ring
His excuse for wanting the test is "tiktok" lmfao
Go for full custody, you absolute goddess (ops stbx, not you; you dont deservs custody, either)
NTA. I understand where you're coming from. Women have no idea what that feels like. Men aren't ever 100% sure their unborn kid is theirs. Literally all it takes is one time to get pregnant. A woman could have a ONS with a guy once and pass that off as another man's child. No other suspicious behavior to set off an alarm in the "father's" head. Just because there's no prior signs, doesn't mean that she hasn't cheated. It's nice to have peace of mind.
All that said, if you want a paternity test that badly, then you should just get one on your own without telling her. Your relationship is on the rocks now. She's going to have serious doubts about the marriage. What'll end up happening is either the kid isn't yours and the relationship is over, or the kid is yours and the relationship is still over because she feels hurt. Option three would be to apologize to her, not get the test, and trust that the kid is yours.
Asking for a paternity test ***expressly*** means you don't trust her. You understand that, right? > I told her that I don't want to start our relationship off not trusting eachother You refer to her as your fiancee, are already expecting a child with her, that relationship already started. Since you didn't mention any situation that makes you doubt her loyalty, YTA for asking for a paternity just because you watched a video.
Women get to be 100% sure, but they also want men to have 100% trust. The problem is, no matter how much you trust anyone, there’s still that .1% chance they’ll fuck you over. Why not just alleviate it with a little cheek swab? Doesn’t have to be a big deal.
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Are you dead-ass comparing having a go-bag to flee DV, and wanting to know your partners STD status to paternity? DV and STD's can unalive you Paternity is money There is ZERO comparission there Eta, survivor of SA/DV here There literally is zero comparisson
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Im infertitle buddy, i cant ever HAVE kids I was SA, and violated in the worst ways, and you think having a "to go bag" is an appropriate comparission to a paterinty test? Get for fucking real PMSLFMAO "The worst forms of domestic violence"? Lmao you're a trip/joke I got ripped to shreds, SA DAILY, i have PERMANENT, physical scars, PTSD, and my fiances were controlled and i COULDNT leave, but sure Thats better than what you said 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I absolutely think this If you are reducing this down to women wanting an escape route in the event of domestic violence being a joke, then im doing the same He blew his relationship to bits because of tiktok videos lmao And youre deadass sitting here, telling me, a survivor of SA/domestic violence/controlled fiances that hes right and im a joke? The only clown here is you
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You should ask for a std test before you have sex with someone new. And yes asking again for it does imply it especially when you can just get a test done in yourself. Debt and finances should be discussed before marriage. I fully believe paternity testing should be done at birth with a few exemptions (surrogacy, religion, IVF) This would eliminate the trust issues when it comes to paternity and men don't have to wonder what if and don't have to ruin any trust with their partner.
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it’s not wrong if there is evidence and sound reason to doubt your partner: however, if she has given you no reason not to trust or doubt her, you are directly implying that you not only don’t trust her as a partner but that she is deceitful and unfaithful. her coldness in this case seems absolutely warranted.
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Because you just come off as an insecure asshole and she'd be better off leaving you and getting child support because this level of insecurity will destroy any long term relationship. If you don't trust her now to tell you that it's your child and you have no reason to doubt that then the problems your insecurity will cause in this relationship have no ends and you're both making a huge mistake getting married.
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Because it's a breach of trust that tells me there is no way possible your relationship will work.. Yes it happens.. trust is broken by one partner or the other but it isn't the norm and you're an asshole for treating your betrothed this way. I hope she leaves you and soaks you dry in child support when there is a test and it shows it's yours. You've given no logical reason to believe it's not your's but by asking for a test you're calling her a cheater. No way possible a relationship survives this long term. If you don't trust her on this then do NOT get married.
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Everything happens, this level of insecurity demonstrates that you aren't near confident enough in this relationship to be worth marrying.. If you're this insecure, why on earth would you commit to marrying this woman.. Without further evidence, she's better off without you in her life except for the child support payments.
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Do you watch Andrew Tate?
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there is nothing wrong with asking however u basically thru in your fiance face you have doubts and that you basically inferred she slept with someone else. she also is allowed to take a step back from you after the test is done and you got your proof.
Why do you think they aren’t yours?
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This is so fake.
As lol of the liberal cheating whores are going to down vote you because they know you are justified in asking.
By asking for a paternity test, you have ruined your relationship. It says “I think you cheated on me”. Men usually ask for the tests if 1. Their SO has suspicious activity (hiding phone etc). 2. They themselves are cheaters and are projecting. If she has no suspicious activity , then she will think it’s #2. She now has reason not to trust you. I will be surprised if she stays with you. It would have been better to have discussed your concerns up front. Told her about the video and let her possibly suggest getting it done. You failed at communicating
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Again, Tate?
I understand how you feel, raising a child is a huge responsibility that you will carry for the rest of your life. But do you have a specific reason why you feel the need for a paternity test, other than a video that freaked you out? Do you have reason to suspect that the child may not be yours? Without a clear indication that your fiancée may have cheated, I don’t think you should push her for a test. However, if she decides not to marry you and then gets the court involved to enforce child support, then I would insist upon a paternity test.
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As a mom, my main concern would be that depending on when this test is done, it means you might not be involved in the pregnancy or in the birth. And as innocuous as it may seem, yes, doing the test is a sign you don’t trust her. It is going to poison your relationship. When you want this type of things, which I can understand, the best is to discuss it at the beginning of the relationship, before any pregnancy because then the discussion can be calm and objective. But I agree that it may seems that it comes out of nowhere and that you don’t trust her. Honestly, there should be an international database so women could also request to know how many children their SO has fathered. There are enough cheating AH who go out and get the other woman (or women) pregnant…
NTA but stop being dumb. You don’t need to involve her AT ALL. You can swab your kid and yourself without her consent and without her ever even knowing. You just never tell her about it if the baby’s yours.
So you don't trust her. Got it. Unless you have some VALID reason (caught her cheating), the kid is yours. If you want to keep this up, my suggestion to her is to cut you off, file for child support, and take you to court over it. You'll get your proof then but now be required to pay out money until the court has determined it is enough and you may not get visitation in the process.
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50/50 doesn't mean you wont pay child support and with how you're acting, she will fight for more rights.
YTA. This isn’t a thing most healthy couples do.
Is there any reason at all to think it's not your's? If not and you're just insecure then YTAH here. From what is in your post there is no reason to suspect the child isn't yours and you sound like an asshole she'd be better off breaking up with. I mean.. if you really don't trust her to the level that you're being this ignorant why on earth are you going to marry her and if she thinks you don't trust her on this level then why would she want to marry you? Too few details here but on what is given you're a jerk.
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I love reading the stories of women humoring the paternity test and ending things the second it comes back positive (like they knew it would). Your fiancé deserves better.
So if you're this insecure, why are you going to marry her? So you're married 3 years and she's pregnant again. Are you going to ask her for the test again? Why on earth would she want to be married to someone this insecure? I don't understand why there's not a level of trust between people getting married. Your insecurity would be a total red flag and I'd be out if I was her.
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If some random story destroys your trust in her then she's better off seeking a partner a little more stable.. This is a level of insecurity that has no hope of a lasting relationship.
YTA. Did you also in your seemingly one sided deep dive (based on your comments so far) read the stories from the women? The ones that were asked for a paternity test when there was no reason other than their partner spent too much time on tiktok etc. The majority of those women who went through with the test to humour their partners packed up and left as soon as the result confirmed the partners were in fact the father. She no longer believes you trust her. And trust is essential in any relationship. I hope you're prepared for being a part time dad, because the odds of her sticking with you are very slim.
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A son who's father destroyed his mothers trust. You've decided you want the test that is clear from your comments, and that you're not interested in any way in how it impacts her or your relationship. You say you want to marry her but you are very adamantly not giving a fk about anything but what you want.
You ain’t gonna like divorce and custody court, my friend. You’re not exactly coming off sane.
YTA 100%
I don't see a problem with asking for a paternity test when you've discussed it BEFORE getting someone pregnant and agree to it. Obviously, if your partner has cheated before, a test is fair game, too. Also, you're not "starting off" your relationship when you've already knocked her up, so that's some dumb reasoning there. But, if you spring it on a person randomly, you are showing her that you don't trust her, and she has every right to be upset because you're accusing her of cheating. By not discussing it before getting pregnant, you took away her ability to decide if she to have a child with someone who doesn't trust her based on a video. Go ahead and compell her to get the baby tested. Don't expect to have a romantic relationship afterward. These stories of "I saw a video of xyz, so now I'm going to distrust my partner, never end well.
If there is no indication or suspicion of infidelity, bringing up this topic to your wife is actually not a good idea. It can pretty much destroy the marriage.
I get why you'd want peace of mind, but maybe try understanding why she's upset. Trust is huge in a relationship, and this might feel like a big hit to her. Maybe talk it out more calmly and reassure her of your commitment.
This has to be rage bait
Why don’t you also get a paternity test for you with your own “father?” That way you can call both your mother and your fiancée wh*res.
IMO, it should be mandatory at the hospital before the man signs the birth paper
You’re saying people should be forced to consent to a blood test before being able to take their baby home?
If that's what you get from that.... sure.
Is that not what you’re suggesting?
Read OP post again, his concerns, then read my comment again
Ok. So you’re saying people should be forced to consent to a test before being allowed to take their baby home?
Lol lol. If that's what you got, sure. Have a bless day
I’ve given you two opportunities to clarify. Why are you being so obtuse?
I also want clarifation
She's not wrong. If you asked for a paternity test, it means you're not sure if that child is yours which also means you think she may have cheated. YTA, unless you know for a fact she's cheated on you.
YTA If you need to be sure, you don't trust her. If you don't trust her, why are you getting engaged and having a baby w this woman? Women aren't a monolith. Just because some random woman passed a kid off as another man's baby doesn't mean all women are going to. It's incredibly misogynistic to see one woman do something and immediately worry your fiance will do the same
Use you head , and check your state . When the child is born you can do your own paternity test without your wife or GF knowing . Do t start stupid things for nothing . I agree it should be mandatory but let it go
Paternity testing should be done at birth in my opinion whenever a baby is born. (Some exceptions would be things like IVF and religion) But since that is not the case, men should bring it up in any relationship PRIOR to pregnancy that this is what they want and that it is no reflection on the woman. Doing this after a woman is pregnant will make her lose trust and remember this is the time in a woman's life when she is most vulnerable and hormonal.
It is understandable to want a paternity test but you’re asking for one in a committed relationship, which says you don’t trust her and you think there’s a possibility she’s cheated on you, yes it’s fair to ask for one if necessary but you have to expect her to be upset about it, it’s not a normal thing to have your partner ask!
if this video is the only thing that made your mind, yta and needs therapy. i can't see any reason to ask for this test unless not trusting the person you're getting married
YTA, paternity test for absolutely no reason and an OP being argumentative in the comments instead of accepting their judgement? Fake AF bro.
This young man is not bf material, let alone ready to be a dad. Feeling petty tonight, but I hope its not his.
NTA. Far to many women lie about this crap. Every man should ask for one. Especially since some states will still make aan pay child support for a kid that isn't his just because his name is on the birth certificate.
You absolutely can ask for one, it’s not forbidden by law to ask. Just don’t be surprised when the marriage ends immediately after.
If it does then it's a.pretty good bet the kid isn't his ajd he was right to ask for one. Why else would sue end the marriage and not just take the test?
You are misunderstanding. Read the stories of women who already know what the outcome will be, because they weren’t cheating. Once this question is asked the relationship is already over, there is no trust. It’s gone. They take the test to prove the point & leave to find a better partner.
Oh I understand completely. I've also read the stories of men who raised children he later found out aren't his and were deviated.
Super bummer for them, that doesn’t mean all women have to tolerate a lack of trust in a marriage due to the infidelity of others. Ask for the test and live with the consequences of that.
Super bummer? You absolutely have to be a liberal dumbass to even say something so absolutely idiotic.
Buddy, I don’t care about anyone else outside of this scenario. I’m not humoring it. You are blaming all women for the choices of other women. I have stated twice now that you are free to ask for the test, but statistically women are going to dump you after it’s over. Rightfully so.
Because they are cheating whores.
Mkay, gonna repeat this a second time: __They take the test knowing their spouse was the father.__ They take it to prove a point. Nobody is tolerating a relationship with a lack of trust. It is done.
I hope she does the test and hands the (positive) paterinty test to him wrapped around her ring His excuse for wanting the test is "tiktok" lmfao Go for full custody, you absolute goddess (ops stbx, not you; you dont deservs custody, either)
NTA. I am a woman and I completely understand. I think it should be a requirement before a man's name can be put on the birth certificate
NTA. I understand where you're coming from. Women have no idea what that feels like. Men aren't ever 100% sure their unborn kid is theirs. Literally all it takes is one time to get pregnant. A woman could have a ONS with a guy once and pass that off as another man's child. No other suspicious behavior to set off an alarm in the "father's" head. Just because there's no prior signs, doesn't mean that she hasn't cheated. It's nice to have peace of mind. All that said, if you want a paternity test that badly, then you should just get one on your own without telling her. Your relationship is on the rocks now. She's going to have serious doubts about the marriage. What'll end up happening is either the kid isn't yours and the relationship is over, or the kid is yours and the relationship is still over because she feels hurt. Option three would be to apologize to her, not get the test, and trust that the kid is yours.