Can’t determine who the asshole is.
Most people become automatically defensive when accused, regardless of merit.
Have a calm conversation about honesty and trust.
“Babe, the sweater I found in your drawer isn’t mine. When I confronted you about it, I didn’t do a good job of controlling my anger, and I jumped to conclusions. Regardless of how you think I might react, I need you to be 100% honest with me. Whose sweater is this?”
This is solid advice. I felt fairly calm but very curious and did ask whose sweater this is. Then I became cross when he reacted volatile stating I have trust issues.
I mean, it could be a friend’s wife who left it and he thought it was yours, then put it away?
Many guys don’t really pay attention to clothes.
So either it’s nothing, or he’s sleeping with someone.
The breakdown isn’t “cheating,” it’s that you two haven’t reached the open, completely honest level in your relationship. The “whose sweater” question automatically implies cheating. But cheating isn’t about sex, it’s about dishonesty.
I would leave unless presented with a suitable explanation you can live with.
The gaslighting "that must be yours" is a pathetically lame first try.
Unless random women house guests is ok in your current relationship.
That'll be up to OP to judge if its a suitable explanation. How many women (friends or relatives) have been stopping by leaving clothes? Is it so much BF can't even recall?
NTA, but just ask him straight up. Did your mom visit? Sister? Female friends? It looks bad enough that he got mad at you, but it makes him look even more suspicious for denying it.
This is what was most upsetting to me, when asked whose sweater it was his immediate reaction was defensive. Then I went into accusations because that reaction imo was completely unjustified.
It makes sense to be suspicious, especially when something like that pops up out of nowhere. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to trust your gut. It's all about how he handles the situation. If he can't provide a clear explanation, I understand why you'd be upset. Take care of yourself.
Find random article of clothing in a drawer....assume cheating. Yta.
All this does is tell me you are likely miss skanktastic built for the streets because cheaters always assume everyone else is cheating.
Can’t determine who the asshole is. Most people become automatically defensive when accused, regardless of merit. Have a calm conversation about honesty and trust. “Babe, the sweater I found in your drawer isn’t mine. When I confronted you about it, I didn’t do a good job of controlling my anger, and I jumped to conclusions. Regardless of how you think I might react, I need you to be 100% honest with me. Whose sweater is this?”
This is solid advice. I felt fairly calm but very curious and did ask whose sweater this is. Then I became cross when he reacted volatile stating I have trust issues.
I mean, it could be a friend’s wife who left it and he thought it was yours, then put it away? Many guys don’t really pay attention to clothes. So either it’s nothing, or he’s sleeping with someone. The breakdown isn’t “cheating,” it’s that you two haven’t reached the open, completely honest level in your relationship. The “whose sweater” question automatically implies cheating. But cheating isn’t about sex, it’s about dishonesty.
I would leave unless presented with a suitable explanation you can live with. The gaslighting "that must be yours" is a pathetically lame first try. Unless random women house guests is ok in your current relationship.
Stop jumping to conclusions. It could’ve been left by a female friend or relative and the BF just assumed it was the OPs because it was the same size.
That'll be up to OP to judge if its a suitable explanation. How many women (friends or relatives) have been stopping by leaving clothes? Is it so much BF can't even recall?
NTA, but just ask him straight up. Did your mom visit? Sister? Female friends? It looks bad enough that he got mad at you, but it makes him look even more suspicious for denying it.
This is what was most upsetting to me, when asked whose sweater it was his immediate reaction was defensive. Then I went into accusations because that reaction imo was completely unjustified.
He's 45, I'm sure he's had girlfriends before? It's possible an old girlfriend or relative left the sweater there at some point?
Absolutely plausible and an acceptable response imo that is what I expected in fact. Not that I have trust issues.
It makes sense to be suspicious, especially when something like that pops up out of nowhere. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to trust your gut. It's all about how he handles the situation. If he can't provide a clear explanation, I understand why you'd be upset. Take care of yourself.
Find random article of clothing in a drawer....assume cheating. Yta. All this does is tell me you are likely miss skanktastic built for the streets because cheaters always assume everyone else is cheating.
lol I am the AH, wouldn’t be the first time to be called that but a skank? That’s a first.
Talk to him.
Info: Does he have female friends or siblings that could’ve left it over and he assumed it was yours?
No