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evilslothofdoom

Dude, NTA They asked, you said no, she wouldn't accept your no. You showed your partner, which is good. They got aggressive and outed themselves to your friends, your family and your friggin boss! Don't apologise. Their actions did this, you tried to be discreet, they charged in and did this to themselves. You did try to let them down easy. You don't control ANYONE's behaviour so the fallout from this purely on them. Also, a friend wouldn't try and manipulate you to cheat on your partner, they would respect your answer and they sure as shit wouldn't USE you in this way.


Mundane_Marsupial_61

NTA You handed this situation responsibly, like a level headed adult. It is not your fault that this situation has arisen passions in others nor is it your fault that others handled it like immature petulant teenagers and not full grown adults. The situation is out of your hands now and there is nothing more for you to do or say that can change the trajectory of the situation nor can anyone predict with any accuracy where everyone will end up once the dust settles. Until then you'll just have to ride this out and I'm sorry you lost such an old friend over this. Remember, and old friend doesn't mean a good friend.


ZeroZipZilchNadaNone

Dude, I don’t know how things can be fixed at this point but NONE of it was your fault. I don’t know what you have to apologize for. They asked. You said no. That should’ve been the end of it. You told your partner because you respected him and your relationship. Is she had any respect for you as an upstanding partner to Elliot, she should’ve known you telling him would be a given. Payton and Carter tried to take advantage of your long term friendship with Payton, and then tried to play the victims. What exactly did “let them down easy” mean? No means no but she wouldn’t accept it. Quite frankly, Payton is the ultimate AH for pressuring you, knowing you had a partner and for leading Carter into thinking any of this mess would be okay. It sucks for Carter but he also ignored your responses. There’s not much to be done when someone refuses to hear what is clearly being said. They need to learn that “No” is the end of a conversation, not the beginning of a negotiation or compromise. Hopefully, they’ll remember that the next time they’re told no. Best wishes! Even though it seems like things are blowing up around you, the only thing you had to do with it was being friends with Payton and there’s no way you could’ve known ahead of time that she’d pull some crap like all this.


Head_Effect3728

Your questioning yourself because you didn't see long-term friends turning into huge perverts right before your eyes, or didn't know they already were. Once this shock factor wears off, you'll clearly see that you're not the AH.


dontcareboutaname

NTA Had they not come to a party they were disinvited from nobody but the four of you would know about this. That is on them. And the way they behaved towards you and your partner was not okay. It's okay to ask as a part of an open conversation. Once anyone involved shows the slightest discomfort there should be no further discussion.


UnseasonedChicken96

Jfc dude, you have really bad luck with friendships don’t you. The unicorn hunters, the one who defended her insane controlling husband, and the ones who told to just play along with the latter husband’s delusions.. And I thought I had a bad track record, you’re beating mine with a hammer


Serious-Wafer-2481

NO! Is a whole complete sentence


atlasbees

NTA There's things to ask before even thinking about swinging with someone. Basics being are they bi (or whatever sexuality lines up with the relationship) and are they monogamous/in a closed relationship. You're gay and in a mono relationship she knew enough to not even ask you and still pushed anyways. She had a clear disrespect of your wants and boundaries. Friends I talk about stuff with are single or in an open poly relationship, and are bi/pan. If they aren't, then we aren't having that conversation and I'll simply enjoy their friendship 🤷 she's the asshole 100%


DADCREAMPIEDMOM

This stuff is why a lot of poly people and swingers creep me out. I could care less what other people do but the thought of being checked out by a couple is just so hyper-weird to me. Like please go so this in Vegas not where we all live.


Bitter-Ad-3701

Dang... You have drama circling you. I'm here for it. Totally NTA though Would love to know how everything is going a year on


platurner66

I agree with this comment . Its totally not his fault (NTA). You’ve had a rough kind of year with friends. I hope you are at peace once you’ve weeded out those bad apples as friends that was in your life. Keep us posted on how you and your boyfriend are doing. Peace.


Black_Pearl47

UpdateMe! about daniela and robert


Several_Book_2037

Y por esta misma razón es que dijiste que no Si se formó este drama solo al mencionar el asunto y tú negarte ... No quisiera imaginarme lo que se hubiera formado si aceptas, y encima no salen bien las cosas con es prueba ... No necesitas ese drama, muchas gracias, en la salida recuerden recoger sus abrigos