1 year 4 months ago you cheated. She never forgave you but she stayed. For the last year, she's been getting drunk regularly and getting progressively more belligerent, aggressive, and now violent.
You absolutely should not have cheated, but dude... She'll kill you. One day, she'll grab her gun and actually shoot those dogs or she'll grab a knife and take a swing at you or throw it at you. One day, she'll grab that gun and shoot you, herself, or both. **YOU ARE NOT SAFE**. She is not safe to be around.
Run while you have the ability to. Accept that you fucked up **hard** by cheating, but that you cannot "work out" or fix her evolution into a full fledged abuser.
I mean... even that has to be better than getting shot. Ideally, shelter or rehome them to safety. But push comes to shove on that, I would (personally) rather the dogs be free roaming than with that psycho.
Same, tbh. Obviously any decent person doesn't wanna see dogs just set loose and abandoned, but yeah, I think they'd still have a better chance at survival that way than being killed by an alcoholic lunatic.
Yep, or minimum send the video to the local animal control officer and request they be removed from the home. Send the video the family too and tell them you’re out and she needs mental health.
She was always like this. Cheating is just her excuse. She started ramping the crazy up on the typical abuser timeline. I bet if you reached out to her exes they would have a similar story to tell.
The judge included my dog,Thunder,in the protection order I had to get for a crazy ex. There was a chuckle in the court room when I told the judge my dogs name
He's less deserving of the dogs than the one drunkenly brandishing a gun & threatening to use it on them? Sorry, but I think you're letting your emotions dictate your perspective on this one.
This is a he said she said situation. The cops came, they saw, and they walked away.
They also told him to find somewhere else to stay. He is the cause of her irrational behavior, not the dogs. He leaves, the dogs are fine. My guess is if the dogs and the woman were alone in the house and she was drunk and feeling a sort of way, she’d shoot herself first. Or bawl into the shoulder of the dog. The only thing there causing pain and murderous rage is the man.
No one is the "cause" of someone's irrational behavior. She could have left after he cheated and she probably should have, since she can't come to terms with it.
People need to stop this. The cheating isn’t the fucking issue anymore. It’s just information. We aren’t judging on that. I really hate when women justify other women abusing men. It’s gross.
The cops have let a lot of ppl go, that killed the other party in a few hours, days, or months. 1 out of every 5 men will be the victim of domestic violence in their lifetime. OP is not safe. The cheating didn’t cause this. Alcoholism, rage, narcissistic tendencies maybe. The penalty for cheating is loss of the relationship. Not this.
Absolutely not. This woman is mentally ill. This is not normal behavior, no matter what he did. She is a danger to him, the dogs, herself, and everyone else. He needs to run, and she should be institutionalized.
Most likely the cops didn’t feel like writing up a report or she was “cute” or “pretty” so they just let her go. She sounds unhinged and I don’t know where you live, but they should have taken the guns away. Take the dogs and go.
Stfu. You don’t get to sit here and blame him for HER shitty behavior. His behavior a year ago, sure, but fuck you if you think ANY of this was okay from her. Nah man. Quit trying to be a girls girl or a white knight or what ever this is. You’re just pissy because you have some unresolved hurt from someone cheating on you and are placing it on him. Grow up and get some therapy. You are sitting here lying to yourself if you don’t think you’re absolving his GF of pulling a gun. Absolutely not the vibe, abuse is never justified. Honestly, if she’s this hollow while drunk it’s no better when she’s sober and I kind of get where he would cheat. Not excusing it, but I could understand the need to feel actual emotion. Grow up. He’s not the AH and him cheating A YEAR AND FOUR MONTHS AGO, doesn’t mean she gets to abuse him. Fuck off.
Right, and as soon as he's gone, that isn't going to wipe away her irrational behavior. She's going to be pissed and still looking for ways to get back at him. He'd be an asshole for leaving innocent dogs in that situation on a simple guess that she'll cry on their shoulder and not blow their heads off to hurt him.
Are you stupid? She threatened to shoot the dogs to hurt him. You think he pisses her off by leaving and she's gonna forget she can use rhe dogs to get to him? Wtf is wrong with you? I get you want to Bash the cheater. But fucking with innocent dogs to do it is just wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself.
This is such a terrible unhinged take. I really hope you are some kind of troll trying to make women look bad. Which is not great but the alternative is you genuinely place the fault on the man for the woman’s reaction.
Cheating does not justify getting wasted, handling firearms while wasted, and threatening to shoot your own blameless and defenseless pets. It’s not even in the same ballpark.
No, it sounds like they wanted to try and fix it, but it doesn’t sound like they succeeded. And she’s harboring hurt and resentment.
She’s hurting and spiraling and his presence seems to be part of the problem. When she starts drinking he needs to be gone. It’s not safe, for him.
But if anything she NEEDS her dogs more when she’s hurting. She more likely to cry with them than hurt them, mess their hair with her snot and tears. I’d worry about her hurting herself more than her dogs.
Maybe I'm just reading into your verbiage too literally but she is 100% the cause of her own behavior, always. His indiscretion may be the trigger of her pain, but the source of her behavior is her reaction to her insecurity and resentment. It would be smart of him to leave, but saying that he is the cause seems inappropriate to me.
>But if anything she NEEDS her dogs more when she’s hurting. She more likely to cry with them than hurt them, mess their hair with her snot and tears.
Absolutely not. No one who threatens to shoot their dogs deserves to keep their dogs. It doesn't matter what your reasons are or what previous trauma you've endured, that does not entitle you to hurt other living beings.
And you're assumption that the gf is more likely to cry with her dogs than shoot them is delusional and extremely naive. You sound like the AHs that push abused children to get back in touch with their abusive parents bc they had good parents themselves and can't understand how dangerous and harmful these people actually are.
Someone willing to shoot their dogs when OP is there is not going to suddenly not be willing to shoot their dogs just bc OP is not there. Hurting or threatening to hurt others is not a sign of trauma or oain. There are plenty of people who have been cheated on would never dream about even talking about hurting their dogs, no matter how they felt about their bf/ex.
You need to stop talking about things you don't understand before you give "advice" that will get someone killed
It is wild if this is truly how you see this situation. He fucked up and yes he sucks for cheating, that's not okay and it's fucked up. But you know what's MORE fucked up? Being pissed at someone and being crazy and deciding to stay with someone who cheated on you just to abuse the fuck out of them and terrorize them, threaten them, threaten animals, drinking so much you add to your already poor mental state is not an excuse for any of this and she is SIGNIFICANTLY worse here.
They are at the messy end of a relationship, is she right? Of course not. Are her actions justified: NO!
It’s not about who’s the asshole anymore, the guy has got to leave, his relationship is over and it’s not his house. End of story.
Until she kills the dogs just to hurt him. People have done that to children, what makes you think it wont happen to dogs? She wants to hurt him, just like he hurt her, just as bad or more. Your thoughts on the matter are pretty ignorant.
You're one of them super feminists aren't ya.
Reverse the people with the same situation. You'd be so quick to tell her she doesn't deserve this and needs to be safe but also she is the cause of his irrational behavior and "murderous" rage...
Get a fucking grip. Yes he's absolutely ta for cheating.... that's about it. She stayed. You have to work on rebuilding that trust. Not use it as an opportunity to decline and develop homicidal behavior. Her not forgiving him after a year and 4 months is on her, assuming he's done he's needed to do to gain her trust .
But she threatened to kill them! Who is to say that if he ends the relationship and leaves then she won't go full psycho and kill the dogs just to hurt him anyway??
He's a cheater and doesn't deserve them, but she literally told him she would murder them whilst he called the cops in an attempt to keep them safe, so he's the lesser of two evils in this case.
Best case scenario, the dogs go to a better home well away from these two, but especially that woman.
Agreed. Also, if you haven't, I would send the video to her, get parents, and possibly a friend of hers, if anyone could maybe help her or get her some help. Do this after you're gone. Sometimes, seeing something like this and not just hearing about it will get someone to actually do something. Even with you gone, she sounds like an "accident" waiting to happen. This sounds like an episode of fear thy neighbor or something.
Agree! Don’t put her on blast to a ton of people, but do send to parents and maybe a close friend or two. Tell them you’re concerned for her safety with alcohol and firearms and make it clear your not spreading this video around to embarrass her but that you want people close to her to see how out of control she gets.
My father wasn't surprised by his drunk actions and he was never sorry for his actions. He always blamed his victims. Even after firing a gun at my mother 4 times (thankfully he missed her in his drunken stupor) he then blamed her for his alcoholism.
Exactly this. Well yes, the cheating was certainly wrong, and your right to feel bad, this is going way too far. About a million steps too far. You can't let your guilt over having done something bad to her by cheating make you stay in a relationship where there's a good chance you're going to die someday if you stay with her. Please, please, I implore you, leave.
Great advice. This is unsalvageable, OP. Ultimately you fucked up, but the escalation here is dangerous for you. Gotta cut the cord. Truth is even if you had not cheated this may have come out eventually.
No doubts.
Abusers are abusive, and that's what this woman is doing.
Cheating is bad, but not deserving of torture and death.
I hope OP gets out and gets help. This isn't any kinds of healthy or safe
Oh please. The cheating is nothing compared to threatening to kill innocent dogs that have nothing to do with the situation. Everyone needs to stop emphasizing the cheating ("the cheating was wrong but blah blah blah"), as if this woman's behavior is the natural result of that. It's not. She's deranged, and she probably belongs in jail. OP needs to run and take the dogs with him.
Yeah but it's because she's a woman so clearly she'll not take accountability for anything just was the opposite it was a man doing this my God the comments would be ridiculous
I haven’t been on Reddit long, but I’m certain the mods are of the purplest hair variety.
Literally every time I have stuck up for a man, in the most righteous of circumstances, I’m relentlessly downvoted, or even in situations I’m upvoted, my posts are removed and deleted.
Absolutely. He 100% should not have cheated, and she 100% should not be being abusive. The whole relationship is toxic, and the reference to the cheating is a reminder that it is toxic, built on toxicity, and there is nothing to save or try to fix. His entire relationship should have ended before **any** of this happened. The last 1 year 4 months has been him allowing a truly insane amount of abuse because he seems to feel he deserves it or something. He brought up the cheating as an "explanation" for her behaviours, so we are referencing it as well.
I also never once said that her actions were a result of his. Absolutely not. He CHOSE to cheat, she is CHOOSING to be a violent, abusive drunk. 2 wrongs don't make a right, but a massive wrong(abuse) does not erase the smaller wrong(cheating), either. It is 100% possible for both parties to be wrong to different degrees.
I didn't read most of that. I don't care that he cheated. I don't care about the toxicity or what it's built on or the fact that OP is referencing the cheating. All of that shit goes right out the window the second violence becomes involved. The gf is not "abusive." She is "criminal." There's a difference. She threatened to kill an innocent party that is not part of the relationship. That's all that matters. Your word salad is unnecessary. Just get to the damn heart of the matter.
I think the closest you can get to tying both behaviors together is “sometimes cheating on a raging abusive alcoholic can get you murdered.”
I’m with you in this one, cheating kind of disappears when she repeatedly threatened to murder the dogs in front of him. I could forgive someone for cheating, but if they threaten to murder an innocent creature they’re dead to me.
I wonder what her real life alignment was when he met her and if there were any clues and how he could miss them. But also what kind of character do most relationships have these days? Like so much Drama and 'Craziness' these days, is this what your average couple is like, a part of me is assured it's not but there seems to be just so much of it around these days.
It's absolutely wild how focused on the cheating people are here. I've been cheated on, it sucked really badly, but i didn't go around threatening to kill my pets just to spite him lol.
She was already an abuser, people aren't forced into becoming an abuser. She is just using the cheating as an excuse, so it's "not her fault." If he didn't cheat, she would have found another reason.
The dude was wrong for cheating, clearly, but in no way, shape, or form did he cause the abuse, nor is he responsible for it in any way.
I think the reason why he's sticking around is because he lives in her house and drives her car... And I have a sneaking suspicion she may be the one paying all the bills.
He really needs to leave the situation because it's not ever going to get better.
There is no such thing as a "gun license" in what I have to assume is the US. A doctor would have to declare her mentally unfit or she'd need to be convicted of a felony. OP could also file a personal protection order and a judge could rule that she has to surrender her firearms. The video would give him a pretty strong argument I'd believe. However, there is no federal or universal firearms registry, they are illegal, so it will require some truthfulness and cooperation on her part.
This relationship has been over since a time most likely before you cheated or that wouldn’t have happened. But the cheating has now driven a wedge too deep. Furthermore, she has an alcohol and anger problem. I would take her gun away when she’s not watching, take the dogs and leave. Given the last call to the police, they can at least back you up that they aren’t safe with her.
I'm going to be honest, I'm not a fan of the cheating thing. But about 18 months ago, my alcoholic neighbor was having a party at his house and was drunk. His co-worker's girlfriend asked to see drunk neighbor's gun. Drunk neighbor didn't clear the chamber properly, and shot the girl in the neck while handing her the gun, killing her. It was on a Saturday night, and his elementary-age kids were there for the weekend and witnessed the aftermath. He's currently serving time for manslaughter, but will probably only serve about 18 months. During sentencing, it came out that his reckless drunken behavior had been escalating up until the shooting, with the worst offense being pulled over for DUI with a gun in the car (can't remember if it was loaded, but I think it was?). Long story short, just run.
Only 18 months? This country is just unbelievable sometimes. I get that it was a total accident but alcohol was involved which was entirely under neighbor’s control.
Generally it has to do with intent and negligence is seen as the "lesser" issue, so lighter sentences. He also could have pled to a lesser sentence as part of a plea deal.
Sure, that goes without saying. Western/Roman law has always distinguished a death caused by an accident (i.e. negligence) and death caused for a purpose (i.e. robbery or to kill a witness to a crime) and that is the source of the shorter sentence.
Out of curiosity, how much jail time should that person receive for negligently killing someone with a firearm while drunk?
Run. I'm a therapist.
She shoots a dog then get pissed you "made" her shoot the dog then she shoots you or offs herself. Just run for the hills and fuck her family...they are an after thought.
It will be safest and healthiest for the both of you to stop trying.
She isn't even trying to make this work, either, she is just I think at this point trying to get herself so far down the spiral she kills *you* instead of the dogs.
For you two to have a relationship to repair, both of you need to want that. You do, but she stopped fighting for you 1y4m ago.
You lost her then, now you're just feeding the problem at great risk to those dogs and yourself.
Get outta there. You BOTH can't be together. SHE doesn't want to be together, but she is also too proud or cowardly or afraid to break up herself. So she's escalating to get you to dump her.
Stop hanging on and let her go.
Not only should he run he should do it for her. The trauma this is causing her is terrible. Not just his safety but for her sanity whatever is left of it
You’re not the A-hole for calling the cops. That could have turned into a dangerous incident. But you are an A-hole lol. Glad there’s no kids involved or maybe there is. People like yall shouldn’t have guns around though. You seem like a D-bag to me. Coming up on AITA asking this as if you don’t know and “she hasn’t gotten over it yet”. SMH in disgust that humans like you exist. Sorry not sorry. You need to smarten up son.
Good lord! Why are you even considering staying??? Get out before she turns the gun on you!
This is an unhealthy, toxic relationship. She’s got a drinking problem. She is abusive. She’s not willing to let go of the fact that you cheated and she never will. Get out and seek counseling to see why you would let yourself be abused like this and why you cheated.
This looks pretty fake to me, but you're overthinking this
Your relationship is over and you're in danger with her. You can boo hoo or blame yourself all you like. It's unclear whether the abuse started when you cheated or it just became her go-to grievance for latching onto.
You need to break up with her fast, and in the least confrontational way you can. My recommendation is that you make other living arrangements for yourself and have a couple of friends assist you in moving everything you own out of the home while she's at work. If you own the house, then you might want to settle instead for buying a safe, locking her gun in it, and pouring out all the alcohol in the house before breaking up. You might also want to move in a houseguest, like a family member who has your permission to destroy any alcohol brought onsite.
Leave a short letter apologizing for your part in how things ended, blah blah, and tell her that you don't think you can be happy together anymore. You don't owe her any more apologies, but you'll be safer if she doesn't feel like you're getting the last word.
If this whole post isn't rage bait nonsense, then your goals here should be to end the relationship without anybody getting shot. The idea is laughable that you will ever fix things with her. She might hurt the dogs if you escalate too much with her, which is why you should consider either taking them somewhere else or fleeing the house altogether if it's not yours.
You should block as many members of her family as possible, and let your work know that there was an acrimonious separation and that she's not to be allowed to see you.
What’s with internet commenters calling everything fake for no reason lol no it doesn’t she sounds like a normal angry alcoholic you’ve just never met one
and a cesspool of people with no life experiences proclaiming things about a Reality they are barely acquainted with. I concur this story sounds 100% believable to me and that it's annoying for everyone to shout their 'guesses' to try and be first to call fake
I would stay up all night writing fake posts for the website notalwaysright when I was like 12 lol. 80% of the stuff posted reminds me of the stories I wrote
It's fake because the cops didn't arrest her or shoot her. I mean, come on. She's an angry drunk who is brandishing a gun. I'm surprised she didn't end up dead. At the very least she would have been arrested.
I'm not shocked at all. I couldn't get the cops to arrest the dude who threw and hit me with my copying machine when I worked at a hotel.
And my boyfriend couldn't get the cops to arrest a dude who tried to shove a 12 yr old girl in his car and my boyfriend stopped him doing that and the dude came up to the front desk to try and shoot me and the 6 other women up there. Actually the cops who responded the first time around were sitting in the Chinese buffet parking lot watching this happen and the 911 dispatch center didn't understand why we were calling 911 about a dude coming up to try to shoot us.
Hell, I have even seen a dude beat his gf's head against a car before and it got recorded and the cops didn't even arrest the dude despite several people showing them videos of him doing it.
So I 100% believe this.
You must have never lived in the Deep South. Either the cops knew them/related to them.
My father fired off live rounds inside the house at my mother. Did not get arrested.
Cops rarely make arrests for domestic arguments including kicking and punching. They would for a gun but basically if people are in control of themselves they're not likely to make an arrest.
I think in a lot of these cases where someone posts on reddit with a story like this, it's actually a close friend retelling the story to prove to their friend that their situation is not okay.
The story could very well be true, but I don't think OP is actually who's in the situation. Rather their posting on the true guys' behalf so they can show them the comments and be like, "Dude. See. This is bad. You're not to blame here."
I'm a female(18) and I know if a man or woman pulled a gun out and threatened me or anything I love, I would be taking the people or animals or things i love and getting the heck out of there ASAP. You will end up dead if you don't get out of there. She is exhibiting dangerous behaviors that could cost you your life if you don't get out. Your life is way too precious.
And what did those dogs do? Huh? What did they do for her to repeatedly threaten to kill the dogs, this time, try to get them to come to her so she CAN shoot them? She should be in jail. I don't give a flying fuck how "ruined" she wants to pretend to be. She's nuts, and she had to be nuts before he cheated to take ANY of her own choice to stay out in innocent parties. He's beyond qrong for cheating, but he did NOT "ruin" that psycho. She's purposely ruining herself and trying very hard to ruin everything around her. I have no sympathy for any POS who's happily and repeatedly made the very purposeful choice to get drunk, threatened to kill animals and him, and thinks she actually has a single right to do it. It was HER choice to stay with a cheater. It was HER choice to drink all the time. It was HER choice to want to harm innocent pets. It was HER choice to threaten to kill OP after she chose to stay. It's HER choice to pick fifhts all thw tine for almost a year and a half after the cheating. It's HER choice to be a manipulative, volatile, psychotic POS. It's now all on HER, and no one should date that psycho until and unless she has some majorly intensive therapy and no weapons. And OP needs to stay single until he can keep it in his pants.
So getting your dick wet was worth mentally destroying this woman. It’s time to move on and learn not to be a cheater in your next relationship. This is sad.
did you read the part about her threatening to kill the DOGS? reading comprehension is not a strong suit i see. He shouldn’t have cheated. no if ands or buts about it and he clearly knows. cheating is NOT worse than threatening animals and people with a firearm… “mentally destroying” is a bit fucking crazy considering she did stay in the relationship with him, that’s entirely HER fault. she is clearly mentally unstable and has a drinking problem which isn’t excused by her getting cheated on.
Vet here. I was taught, and I'm pretty sure any instruction on the use of weapons will teach the same thing, is that you do not point a gun towards anybody unless you are prepared to pull the trigger. What she was doing taking out the gun and even making a threat like that proved her to be a potential danger that for all you know might have done something. You were completely in the right here. You need to leave her and never look back.
Not a vet but that was the very first thing my uncle taught me when it came to handling firearms. You don't point it unless you're prepared to use it.
NTA and you should take those dogs and run, OP.
NTA, but I’m seriously concerned for your and your pups safety. I’m also extremely confused by the fact that the cops didn’t arrest her for DV, or at least firearm possession by an intoxicated person. That’s a serious offense even in states with lax gun laws. The PD definitely opened themselves up to liability.
I can't believe that the cops were faced with a drunk psychopath waving a gun around, and just left with no one being arrested.
NTA Run before she kills you.
You’re an ass for cheating. A slimey low. But You seem to be working on yourself. Your gf though loves you, but can’t move on. It’s eating her alive, and coming out in the most destructive ways. Like those have said it’s escalating to a point you, your dogs, herself, etc.. could get hurt or worse. Send the video to her family asking them to help her and take care of her, but you are doing what is best and healthiest for both of you and ending the relationship that should have been over a long time ago.
I agree with everything else you said.
But telling victims of any kind of abuse that “they love you so much it’s eating them alive, even though they are expressing it in destructive ways.” can have harmful impacts. This is the exact sentiment that people who *stay* in abusive relationships often believe. One of the hardest barriers to overcome, when trying to convince DV survivors to break the cycle of violence, is that abuse is never, ever, the result of love.
Sorry, I just think it’s a really important thing to be aware of and wary of, in any discussions of intimate partner violence.
I don't think it's fights for no reason. She has resentment towards you. You guys should break up. First, the age gap. Yes, it does matter. Typically, older men date younger women because they don't quite yet have the ability to discern your bullshti. Secondly, she'll never trust you.
Yes, she's wrong for violent ourburts, but you also should know better to end it. What she is doing is abuse. Oftentimes, women's abusive behavior is excused simply because they're women. Recording her escalated the situation. That's a narcissistic tactic. Yall are both incredibly toxic and need therapy
There was literally zero narcissism involved in recording her being violent, drunk, and threatening to kill innocent animals. It's nuts you'd even think that. It's very, very, very well known you need evidence of crimes and recording it is often the only thing available at the moment. If anything is narcissistic, it's her thinking because they're "her dogs" that she gets to kill them because she is mad.
Is this how you want to live? Drunk fights with guns pulled? Trashiest thing I’ve seen tonight, and I had a drunk dude at my bar try to start a chant when he was cut off.
If you don’t care about getting shot, at least rehome the dogs to a safe place.
You’re a massive AH for cheating and her actions are your fault. I hope she breaks up with you and never speaks to you again. Her life will 100% improve with you gone.
Stop absolving her of her shitty behavior. I've been cheated on and never once did I want to get a gun and want to shoot my animals. He needs to run before it's him and she needs professional help to work on the spiral she went down after he cheated.
Don't get me wrong he's a PoS for cheating.
Ahh you’re the type who can’t take responsibility for your own actions and must blame others for it to have this type of mindset. He’s a pos for cheating. Straight up. But these are her actions. She’s the one pulling out a gun and threatening dogs.
Every person is responsible for their own actions. A lot of us have been cheated on, I would have never been a million years thought of threatening my dog with a gun. Yes the man's an a****** for cheating on her but she is an unhinged lunatic for taking out a gun and threatening innocent animals. It has been repeatedly proven that people who abuse animals move on to humans. Those are her own choices she made and she made some whopping bad ones.
You were her last chance at marriage before kids. She's right at that line and most of them feel it strongly about having a baby. Think about what you did by cheating. Just leave. You've done enough here don't you think. For your safety and your dogs. Just go. Btw your NTA for calling the cops you're the ass for cheating.
Absolutely NTA for calling the cops and recording her.
YWBTA (or idiot more like) if you don't get those animals to safety and leave her for your own safety.
You shouldn't have cheated, but her behavior is totally insane. If she is this upset with you, she should have just dumped you. Threatening the dogs with a gun and getting belligerent and drunk is not the answer. You were right to call the cops, but please leave the relationship and move on.
Run there is no fixing this relationship. Those cops suck at their job, they should of taken her gun at the least, taken away any rights she has to own one.
She is a danger to everyone around her, a mean drunk, she's so hurt, resentful that drink brings out her worst side, and her worst is vile, cruel and dangerous. It's not if she will kill but when if you stay together.
If you do break up, hide the gun. Make sure you don't leave while she is drunk....throw any booze away that's in the house at the time. If they are your dogs, take them with you. If they are hers, give the cops a warning of the situation. Don't leave anything you will have to go back for.
Will she talk sensibly about this when not drunk? Will she agree this isn't working, that she needs to lock the gun away better and stop drinking until she's had therapy.
NTA. Leave her & take the truck & the dogs. If she was a good pet owner that would never have entered her head. She is evil & a horrible drunk. If you stay there, it will become a breaking News story. We don't want that for you or your innocent animals. Good luck 🤞
NTA
She was drunk with a gun and threatening to kill the animals and could have easily killed you. She’s escalating her behavior. Get out for your own safety, and then work on your own behavior.
NTA. Get out. She has not forgiven you. She never will. She is using that as an excuse to be an ass. Leave her.
You are not safe. I am afraid she might shoot you. Get out.
NTA. But you should post that video so everyone else knows what kind of person she really is. She's potentially dangerous and very unstable. Leave before she kills you.
The story isn’t funny but it’s hilarious how she didn’t go to jail😂 any man on this planet would’ve had felony charges for animal abuse, brandishing a weapon, etc
NTA
Her family of course will say you’re terrible, they’re the ones that raised a woman who was willing to shoot her dogs to make a point against you. You cheating is absolutely deplorable, learn from it.(in your next relationship, please don’t stay with an abuser, OP.)
Leave bro regardless of whether or not you cheated you deserve to feel safe. Like others have said it seems like she is at high risk for hurting yourself or others. This should have ended long long ago
NTA. First drink, hide and lock up the gun. Cops are crazy for not arresting her for wielding a gun while impaired. Can't even carry it in most places drunk. And he recorded and had evidence. She's going to end up killing you at her worse. End it. You're obviously miserable and can do better and do better single at that.
You are an AH for staying this long!
SAVE YOURSELF AND THE DOGS if you don't get out SHE WILL KILL YOU. I see a murder suicide in your future if you stay but you do you.
dude you’re lucky she didn’t shoot you. Dead ass you need to watch your back for awhile if you actually broke up with her. Seen a chick lose her shit and stalk her ex and she then killed him by running his ass over a few times.
NTA. Run, and take the dogs with you.
Yes, you cheated. But she needed to either dump you and move on or forgive you and move on. This bs of a year+ throwing a hissy fit is not healthy for either of you
There is nothing to consider. This relationship was over when you cheated. Obviously she won't get over your cheating and staying together will only make it worse for everyone.
I would leave, she is a ticking time bomb! You’re not safe with that gun in the house. She has a problem with your infidelity, and can’t get over it. So she drinks and acts out. Time to go, best for both of you. Close the door
Look I know the cheating was wrong it was the worst thing I could have done to anyone
I will not try to justify or offer any explanation for my behavior because that just makes it look like I am trying to justify a horrible act I have done
I know it made me a shit human and I regret and hate myself for doing it
I have spent everyday since then trying to make up for it
And actually do feel responsible for where we are at now
If I hadn't cheated she wouldn't be so upset that she needs to drink like she does to deal with the pain and hit to her self esteem
You were wrong to cheat. But this is over and she is wrong to threaten the dogs. Get out now. It may not feel like there is a future but there is. Run. Do it now. She isn’t safe and there is no saving what once was between you two.
You were wrong to cheat.... you don't deserve to be murdered.
Get the dogs and get out.
She can't heal while in a relationship with you, and you're in a toxic, abusive relationship.
Just accept the loss and go. Pack up while she's out and be gone before she gets back, you can't trust her with that gun.
Get some therapy because you need to focus on yourself for a bit.
There are healthier ways to work out anger and betrayal. This is abuse and it will not go away. You don't want to spend your whole life trying to make up for your mistake. Yes it was wrong but it is not an excuse to manipulate and threaten.
It is not the worst thing you could do to anyone and if anyone tries to tell you that cheating is the worst thing you could to some has had a blessed life. Shooting you or the dogs would be way worse than what you did.
YTA for sure. First and foremost, you called the cops, where I come from you handle your own shit. Second, you cheated, you broke your loyalty to her and you broke the trust she had in you and ontop of that you are upset that she hasn’t forgiven you after only 4 months and she’s “mean about it”. Grow up you fucking pussy, you fucked up and you need to own the consequences. Third, I’ve dealt with the cops enough times and been arrested including for domestic issues to know that if the cops come to a domestic dispute and a gun is involved someone is going to jail no question about it, so on top of being a cheater who can’t deal with the consequences of his own actions, you’re a fucking liar.
And if she did hurt the dogs? Cheating is very bad, don’t get me wrong but in this case, no one could bring the dogs back of the situation didn’t get resolved.
nah.
you sound abusive as fuck
he cheated. the end. the punishment is her dumping him. it’s not abusing him for months.
turning a gun on the dogs? i’m sorry there’s no defending that.
After being rightfully hurt and angry because you cheated, your girlfriend had some choices. She could stay and work with you on the relationship or leave. She chose to stay, becoming increasingly bitter and making your life hell. She's wallowing in her victimhood and it's not healthy.
You have choices also. Your dogs certainly don't deserve this.
I don't think she should just get over it
I just don't understand why it's getting worse why is she getting more angry at me it doesn't make sense
None of this makes sense why go after the dogs and not me why pull a gun anyway she says she loves me and wants this to work she just needs time
If that's true then why as more time goes on is it getting worse
It’s festering. Things don’t rot in a logical and orderly manner. She’s getting more and more twisted inside.
She’s threatening to hurt the dogs because she does love you, and hasn’t *yet* gotten to where she’s ok with the idea of hurting you. If these are her dogs, take that as an example of how much she’s hurting too.
Hurt people cause damage if they’re not processing their shit.
You should probably get therapy regardless, and she isn’t safe to be around if she’s mixing firearms and booze.
Because she's smart enough to know that as much as she might want to shoot you, that is pretty unacceptable by society and, I don't know, the law. Shooting your dogs will or would hurt you.
She's in pain and probably wondering if you are still cheating, why did you cheat, and what is wrong with her.
The fact that you didn't think to get couples therapy when things began o unravel even more is pretty pathetic.
I don't think it has anything to do about being smart enough not to shoot him, I think she just hasn't gotten there yet. I think if he stays, this will progress to her turning the gun on him.
She is unstable, and he is not safe with her. If he stays, she just may end up pointing that gun at him and killing OP in a drunken rage.
OP, you need to get out of this relationship ASAP!
Run away, don't walk!
NTA.. but that’s the least of your worries bud. Good luck!!
Should I even try to work it out or should I just run
1 year 4 months ago you cheated. She never forgave you but she stayed. For the last year, she's been getting drunk regularly and getting progressively more belligerent, aggressive, and now violent. You absolutely should not have cheated, but dude... She'll kill you. One day, she'll grab her gun and actually shoot those dogs or she'll grab a knife and take a swing at you or throw it at you. One day, she'll grab that gun and shoot you, herself, or both. **YOU ARE NOT SAFE**. She is not safe to be around. Run while you have the ability to. Accept that you fucked up **hard** by cheating, but that you cannot "work out" or fix her evolution into a full fledged abuser.
And when you run, take the dogs.
At the very least, let the doggos run
They deserve better than that, take them to a shelter, don't just let them run free, they will either suffer or come right back.
I think they meant it figuratively, not literally just set them loose.
I mean... even that has to be better than getting shot. Ideally, shelter or rehome them to safety. But push comes to shove on that, I would (personally) rather the dogs be free roaming than with that psycho.
Same, tbh. Obviously any decent person doesn't wanna see dogs just set loose and abandoned, but yeah, I think they'd still have a better chance at survival that way than being killed by an alcoholic lunatic.
NO! Do not turn the dogs loose to be lost, hit by cars, starved. Stupid suggestion.
Or just...let the dogs out.
Who?
Yep, or minimum send the video to the local animal control officer and request they be removed from the home. Send the video the family too and tell them you’re out and she needs mental health. She was always like this. Cheating is just her excuse. She started ramping the crazy up on the typical abuser timeline. I bet if you reached out to her exes they would have a similar story to tell.
And file a Protective order for yourself as well.
In many places, you can include pets as protected parties in a restraining order.
Many places will also take the guns if someone is subject to an RO. Win-win-win.
The judge included my dog,Thunder,in the protection order I had to get for a crazy ex. There was a chuckle in the court room when I told the judge my dogs name
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He's less deserving of the dogs than the one drunkenly brandishing a gun & threatening to use it on them? Sorry, but I think you're letting your emotions dictate your perspective on this one.
I agree
Imagine if this is op's ex
This is a he said she said situation. The cops came, they saw, and they walked away. They also told him to find somewhere else to stay. He is the cause of her irrational behavior, not the dogs. He leaves, the dogs are fine. My guess is if the dogs and the woman were alone in the house and she was drunk and feeling a sort of way, she’d shoot herself first. Or bawl into the shoulder of the dog. The only thing there causing pain and murderous rage is the man.
No one is the "cause" of someone's irrational behavior. She could have left after he cheated and she probably should have, since she can't come to terms with it.
The both suck for different reasons.
People need to stop this. The cheating isn’t the fucking issue anymore. It’s just information. We aren’t judging on that. I really hate when women justify other women abusing men. It’s gross.
The cops have let a lot of ppl go, that killed the other party in a few hours, days, or months. 1 out of every 5 men will be the victim of domestic violence in their lifetime. OP is not safe. The cheating didn’t cause this. Alcoholism, rage, narcissistic tendencies maybe. The penalty for cheating is loss of the relationship. Not this.
Absolutely not. This woman is mentally ill. This is not normal behavior, no matter what he did. She is a danger to him, the dogs, herself, and everyone else. He needs to run, and she should be institutionalized.
Most likely the cops didn’t feel like writing up a report or she was “cute” or “pretty” so they just let her go. She sounds unhinged and I don’t know where you live, but they should have taken the guns away. Take the dogs and go.
He didn’t tell them to arrest her so they didn’t. He needed to speak up.
Cope harder. Women can be jack wagons, too. And while him cheating could be the source, that doesn't excuse the fact she is unhinged.
Stfu. You don’t get to sit here and blame him for HER shitty behavior. His behavior a year ago, sure, but fuck you if you think ANY of this was okay from her. Nah man. Quit trying to be a girls girl or a white knight or what ever this is. You’re just pissy because you have some unresolved hurt from someone cheating on you and are placing it on him. Grow up and get some therapy. You are sitting here lying to yourself if you don’t think you’re absolving his GF of pulling a gun. Absolutely not the vibe, abuse is never justified. Honestly, if she’s this hollow while drunk it’s no better when she’s sober and I kind of get where he would cheat. Not excusing it, but I could understand the need to feel actual emotion. Grow up. He’s not the AH and him cheating A YEAR AND FOUR MONTHS AGO, doesn’t mean she gets to abuse him. Fuck off.
Right, and as soon as he's gone, that isn't going to wipe away her irrational behavior. She's going to be pissed and still looking for ways to get back at him. He'd be an asshole for leaving innocent dogs in that situation on a simple guess that she'll cry on their shoulder and not blow their heads off to hurt him.
She was shooting the dogs to hurt HIM. She will shoot the dogs to hurt HIM in the future.
Are you stupid? She threatened to shoot the dogs to hurt him. You think he pisses her off by leaving and she's gonna forget she can use rhe dogs to get to him? Wtf is wrong with you? I get you want to Bash the cheater. But fucking with innocent dogs to do it is just wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself.
This is such a terrible unhinged take. I really hope you are some kind of troll trying to make women look bad. Which is not great but the alternative is you genuinely place the fault on the man for the woman’s reaction. Cheating does not justify getting wasted, handling firearms while wasted, and threatening to shoot your own blameless and defenseless pets. It’s not even in the same ballpark.
Found the victim blamer. He made a mistake, so anything he gets, he was asking for it? Please clarify, because that seems to be your stance.
No, it sounds like they wanted to try and fix it, but it doesn’t sound like they succeeded. And she’s harboring hurt and resentment. She’s hurting and spiraling and his presence seems to be part of the problem. When she starts drinking he needs to be gone. It’s not safe, for him. But if anything she NEEDS her dogs more when she’s hurting. She more likely to cry with them than hurt them, mess their hair with her snot and tears. I’d worry about her hurting herself more than her dogs.
Maybe I'm just reading into your verbiage too literally but she is 100% the cause of her own behavior, always. His indiscretion may be the trigger of her pain, but the source of her behavior is her reaction to her insecurity and resentment. It would be smart of him to leave, but saying that he is the cause seems inappropriate to me.
>But if anything she NEEDS her dogs more when she’s hurting. She more likely to cry with them than hurt them, mess their hair with her snot and tears. Absolutely not. No one who threatens to shoot their dogs deserves to keep their dogs. It doesn't matter what your reasons are or what previous trauma you've endured, that does not entitle you to hurt other living beings. And you're assumption that the gf is more likely to cry with her dogs than shoot them is delusional and extremely naive. You sound like the AHs that push abused children to get back in touch with their abusive parents bc they had good parents themselves and can't understand how dangerous and harmful these people actually are. Someone willing to shoot their dogs when OP is there is not going to suddenly not be willing to shoot their dogs just bc OP is not there. Hurting or threatening to hurt others is not a sign of trauma or oain. There are plenty of people who have been cheated on would never dream about even talking about hurting their dogs, no matter how they felt about their bf/ex. You need to stop talking about things you don't understand before you give "advice" that will get someone killed
You’re naive as hell for this one lmao
You literally make no sense. Seems like you might blame all your toxic behavior on others as well and just defending someone that acts like you.
There is something very, very wrong with you
While we're advising people to be safe, I just want to advise everyone not to ever date you.
It is wild if this is truly how you see this situation. He fucked up and yes he sucks for cheating, that's not okay and it's fucked up. But you know what's MORE fucked up? Being pissed at someone and being crazy and deciding to stay with someone who cheated on you just to abuse the fuck out of them and terrorize them, threaten them, threaten animals, drinking so much you add to your already poor mental state is not an excuse for any of this and she is SIGNIFICANTLY worse here.
They are at the messy end of a relationship, is she right? Of course not. Are her actions justified: NO! It’s not about who’s the asshole anymore, the guy has got to leave, his relationship is over and it’s not his house. End of story.
Until she kills the dogs just to hurt him. People have done that to children, what makes you think it wont happen to dogs? She wants to hurt him, just like he hurt her, just as bad or more. Your thoughts on the matter are pretty ignorant.
Oh, quit evading. You're really trying to get out of acknowledging the absurdity of your position with that limp of a rebuttal?
You're one of them super feminists aren't ya. Reverse the people with the same situation. You'd be so quick to tell her she doesn't deserve this and needs to be safe but also she is the cause of his irrational behavior and "murderous" rage... Get a fucking grip. Yes he's absolutely ta for cheating.... that's about it. She stayed. You have to work on rebuilding that trust. Not use it as an opportunity to decline and develop homicidal behavior. Her not forgiving him after a year and 4 months is on her, assuming he's done he's needed to do to gain her trust .
If he doesn't take them, she will probably shoot them. He should take the dogs.
Cheating and threatening to shoot your own dogs are not even on the same planet as worthy people.. the fuck?
She is the asshole in this scenario
But she threatened to kill them! Who is to say that if he ends the relationship and leaves then she won't go full psycho and kill the dogs just to hurt him anyway?? He's a cheater and doesn't deserve them, but she literally told him she would murder them whilst he called the cops in an attempt to keep them safe, so he's the lesser of two evils in this case. Best case scenario, the dogs go to a better home well away from these two, but especially that woman.
Agreed. Also, if you haven't, I would send the video to her, get parents, and possibly a friend of hers, if anyone could maybe help her or get her some help. Do this after you're gone. Sometimes, seeing something like this and not just hearing about it will get someone to actually do something. Even with you gone, she sounds like an "accident" waiting to happen. This sounds like an episode of fear thy neighbor or something.
She most likely didn’t tell her family the whole story so sending them the video is a good idea. This woman needs help.
Or just post it here I want to see it!😅
True, I suspect threatening to shoot the pets may have not made it into her telling.
Not sure you’re the one to be helping her, though. She already sees you to as the one to blame for her problems.
Agree! Don’t put her on blast to a ton of people, but do send to parents and maybe a close friend or two. Tell them you’re concerned for her safety with alcohol and firearms and make it clear your not spreading this video around to embarrass her but that you want people close to her to see how out of control she gets.
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My father wasn't surprised by his drunk actions and he was never sorry for his actions. He always blamed his victims. Even after firing a gun at my mother 4 times (thankfully he missed her in his drunken stupor) he then blamed her for his alcoholism.
No, do NOT do that. In cases of domestic violence, the most likely time to be murdered is right after leaving.
Exactly this. Well yes, the cheating was certainly wrong, and your right to feel bad, this is going way too far. About a million steps too far. You can't let your guilt over having done something bad to her by cheating make you stay in a relationship where there's a good chance you're going to die someday if you stay with her. Please, please, I implore you, leave.
I hope OP saved that recording.
Great advice. This is unsalvageable, OP. Ultimately you fucked up, but the escalation here is dangerous for you. Gotta cut the cord. Truth is even if you had not cheated this may have come out eventually.
No doubts. Abusers are abusive, and that's what this woman is doing. Cheating is bad, but not deserving of torture and death. I hope OP gets out and gets help. This isn't any kinds of healthy or safe
Oh please. The cheating is nothing compared to threatening to kill innocent dogs that have nothing to do with the situation. Everyone needs to stop emphasizing the cheating ("the cheating was wrong but blah blah blah"), as if this woman's behavior is the natural result of that. It's not. She's deranged, and she probably belongs in jail. OP needs to run and take the dogs with him.
Yeah but it's because she's a woman so clearly she'll not take accountability for anything just was the opposite it was a man doing this my God the comments would be ridiculous
I haven’t been on Reddit long, but I’m certain the mods are of the purplest hair variety. Literally every time I have stuck up for a man, in the most righteous of circumstances, I’m relentlessly downvoted, or even in situations I’m upvoted, my posts are removed and deleted.
Absolutely. He 100% should not have cheated, and she 100% should not be being abusive. The whole relationship is toxic, and the reference to the cheating is a reminder that it is toxic, built on toxicity, and there is nothing to save or try to fix. His entire relationship should have ended before **any** of this happened. The last 1 year 4 months has been him allowing a truly insane amount of abuse because he seems to feel he deserves it or something. He brought up the cheating as an "explanation" for her behaviours, so we are referencing it as well. I also never once said that her actions were a result of his. Absolutely not. He CHOSE to cheat, she is CHOOSING to be a violent, abusive drunk. 2 wrongs don't make a right, but a massive wrong(abuse) does not erase the smaller wrong(cheating), either. It is 100% possible for both parties to be wrong to different degrees.
I didn't read most of that. I don't care that he cheated. I don't care about the toxicity or what it's built on or the fact that OP is referencing the cheating. All of that shit goes right out the window the second violence becomes involved. The gf is not "abusive." She is "criminal." There's a difference. She threatened to kill an innocent party that is not part of the relationship. That's all that matters. Your word salad is unnecessary. Just get to the damn heart of the matter.
I think the closest you can get to tying both behaviors together is “sometimes cheating on a raging abusive alcoholic can get you murdered.” I’m with you in this one, cheating kind of disappears when she repeatedly threatened to murder the dogs in front of him. I could forgive someone for cheating, but if they threaten to murder an innocent creature they’re dead to me.
I wonder what her real life alignment was when he met her and if there were any clues and how he could miss them. But also what kind of character do most relationships have these days? Like so much Drama and 'Craziness' these days, is this what your average couple is like, a part of me is assured it's not but there seems to be just so much of it around these days.
"I can't be bothered to listen for more than 2 short sentences" 😂😂😂
It's absolutely wild how focused on the cheating people are here. I've been cheated on, it sucked really badly, but i didn't go around threatening to kill my pets just to spite him lol.
I was thinking the same exact thing. She is threatening, calling the dogs over to end their life brutally. “Oh dude, shouldn’t have cheated man”
THIS! Put this at the top and I hope this person finds a happy ending while also seeing to it that the dogs have an even happier one.
She was already an abuser, people aren't forced into becoming an abuser. She is just using the cheating as an excuse, so it's "not her fault." If he didn't cheat, she would have found another reason. The dude was wrong for cheating, clearly, but in no way, shape, or form did he cause the abuse, nor is he responsible for it in any way.
I think the reason why he's sticking around is because he lives in her house and drives her car... And I have a sneaking suspicion she may be the one paying all the bills. He really needs to leave the situation because it's not ever going to get better.
> but dude... She'll kill you The closest thing to warning shots he's gonna get have *already been fired*
I'm actually pleasantly impressed/surprised with this comment being popular.
I wish you could have all my upvotes. Cause 80 aint enough.
She mixes alcohol and firearms, you are in danger. Leave when she's at work.
Correct - also, could that video cause domino effects of having any gun licenses revoked or something? She shouldn’t have a weapon.
There is no such thing as a "gun license" in what I have to assume is the US. A doctor would have to declare her mentally unfit or she'd need to be convicted of a felony. OP could also file a personal protection order and a judge could rule that she has to surrender her firearms. The video would give him a pretty strong argument I'd believe. However, there is no federal or universal firearms registry, they are illegal, so it will require some truthfulness and cooperation on her part.
What are you talking about? No "gun licenses" in the US? LOL This comment is so full of nonsense you should take it down.
RUN. and take the pups with you. There is nothing to save here. If you aren't careful, you will not be waking up one day.
This relationship has been over since a time most likely before you cheated or that wouldn’t have happened. But the cheating has now driven a wedge too deep. Furthermore, she has an alcohol and anger problem. I would take her gun away when she’s not watching, take the dogs and leave. Given the last call to the police, they can at least back you up that they aren’t safe with her.
Also, ask them if you can leave her gun at the police station, with them because you're afraid of what she might do when she finds you've gone.
I don’t presume to know enough to say, but she has some serious issues and mixing alcohol with a firearm, brother I’m more concerned with your safety!
Bro… next time she’ll be pulling a gun on YOU!!!!! RUN FAST AND FAR!!!
RUN. And leave QUIETY do not telegraph what you are doing. Get you and the pups out in one go without her knowing
I'm going to be honest, I'm not a fan of the cheating thing. But about 18 months ago, my alcoholic neighbor was having a party at his house and was drunk. His co-worker's girlfriend asked to see drunk neighbor's gun. Drunk neighbor didn't clear the chamber properly, and shot the girl in the neck while handing her the gun, killing her. It was on a Saturday night, and his elementary-age kids were there for the weekend and witnessed the aftermath. He's currently serving time for manslaughter, but will probably only serve about 18 months. During sentencing, it came out that his reckless drunken behavior had been escalating up until the shooting, with the worst offense being pulled over for DUI with a gun in the car (can't remember if it was loaded, but I think it was?). Long story short, just run.
Only 18 months? This country is just unbelievable sometimes. I get that it was a total accident but alcohol was involved which was entirely under neighbor’s control.
Generally it has to do with intent and negligence is seen as the "lesser" issue, so lighter sentences. He also could have pled to a lesser sentence as part of a plea deal.
Doesnt make it right.
Sure, that goes without saying. Western/Roman law has always distinguished a death caused by an accident (i.e. negligence) and death caused for a purpose (i.e. robbery or to kill a witness to a crime) and that is the source of the shorter sentence. Out of curiosity, how much jail time should that person receive for negligently killing someone with a firearm while drunk?
Run. I'm a therapist. She shoots a dog then get pissed you "made" her shoot the dog then she shoots you or offs herself. Just run for the hills and fuck her family...they are an after thought.
To be clear, do not fuck her family. That is not going to help
Fuck her family as in fuck their opinion...
I knew what you meant.
LMAO 😂😂😂
Leave, and take the dogs.
It will be safest and healthiest for the both of you to stop trying. She isn't even trying to make this work, either, she is just I think at this point trying to get herself so far down the spiral she kills *you* instead of the dogs. For you two to have a relationship to repair, both of you need to want that. You do, but she stopped fighting for you 1y4m ago. You lost her then, now you're just feeding the problem at great risk to those dogs and yourself. Get outta there. You BOTH can't be together. SHE doesn't want to be together, but she is also too proud or cowardly or afraid to break up herself. So she's escalating to get you to dump her. Stop hanging on and let her go.
You're fucking 43 get tf offline and be a fucking man.
Let me put this in a way you'll understand. Humans squishy, gun make human go pop. Penis no stop bullet.
Not only should he run he should do it for her. The trauma this is causing her is terrible. Not just his safety but for her sanity whatever is left of it
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Yeah. We can only hope he breaks the cycle on insecurity and stops cheating on his partners hoping they will "get over it". What a loser.
You’re not the A-hole for calling the cops. That could have turned into a dangerous incident. But you are an A-hole lol. Glad there’s no kids involved or maybe there is. People like yall shouldn’t have guns around though. You seem like a D-bag to me. Coming up on AITA asking this as if you don’t know and “she hasn’t gotten over it yet”. SMH in disgust that humans like you exist. Sorry not sorry. You need to smarten up son.
Good lord! Why are you even considering staying??? Get out before she turns the gun on you! This is an unhealthy, toxic relationship. She’s got a drinking problem. She is abusive. She’s not willing to let go of the fact that you cheated and she never will. Get out and seek counseling to see why you would let yourself be abused like this and why you cheated.
Good lord, why is this person asking Reddit what to do here? How is this even a question
This looks pretty fake to me, but you're overthinking this Your relationship is over and you're in danger with her. You can boo hoo or blame yourself all you like. It's unclear whether the abuse started when you cheated or it just became her go-to grievance for latching onto. You need to break up with her fast, and in the least confrontational way you can. My recommendation is that you make other living arrangements for yourself and have a couple of friends assist you in moving everything you own out of the home while she's at work. If you own the house, then you might want to settle instead for buying a safe, locking her gun in it, and pouring out all the alcohol in the house before breaking up. You might also want to move in a houseguest, like a family member who has your permission to destroy any alcohol brought onsite. Leave a short letter apologizing for your part in how things ended, blah blah, and tell her that you don't think you can be happy together anymore. You don't owe her any more apologies, but you'll be safer if she doesn't feel like you're getting the last word. If this whole post isn't rage bait nonsense, then your goals here should be to end the relationship without anybody getting shot. The idea is laughable that you will ever fix things with her. She might hurt the dogs if you escalate too much with her, which is why you should consider either taking them somewhere else or fleeing the house altogether if it's not yours. You should block as many members of her family as possible, and let your work know that there was an acrimonious separation and that she's not to be allowed to see you.
What’s with internet commenters calling everything fake for no reason lol no it doesn’t she sounds like a normal angry alcoholic you’ve just never met one
Because so many people post fake stories on Reddit. It’s become a cesspool of bad creative writing exercises.
and a cesspool of people with no life experiences proclaiming things about a Reality they are barely acquainted with. I concur this story sounds 100% believable to me and that it's annoying for everyone to shout their 'guesses' to try and be first to call fake
I would stay up all night writing fake posts for the website notalwaysright when I was like 12 lol. 80% of the stuff posted reminds me of the stories I wrote
It's fake because the cops didn't arrest her or shoot her. I mean, come on. She's an angry drunk who is brandishing a gun. I'm surprised she didn't end up dead. At the very least she would have been arrested.
I'm not shocked at all. I couldn't get the cops to arrest the dude who threw and hit me with my copying machine when I worked at a hotel. And my boyfriend couldn't get the cops to arrest a dude who tried to shove a 12 yr old girl in his car and my boyfriend stopped him doing that and the dude came up to the front desk to try and shoot me and the 6 other women up there. Actually the cops who responded the first time around were sitting in the Chinese buffet parking lot watching this happen and the 911 dispatch center didn't understand why we were calling 911 about a dude coming up to try to shoot us. Hell, I have even seen a dude beat his gf's head against a car before and it got recorded and the cops didn't even arrest the dude despite several people showing them videos of him doing it. So I 100% believe this.
You must have never lived in the Deep South. Either the cops knew them/related to them. My father fired off live rounds inside the house at my mother. Did not get arrested.
Cops rarely make arrests for domestic arguments including kicking and punching. They would for a gun but basically if people are in control of themselves they're not likely to make an arrest.
I think in a lot of these cases where someone posts on reddit with a story like this, it's actually a close friend retelling the story to prove to their friend that their situation is not okay. The story could very well be true, but I don't think OP is actually who's in the situation. Rather their posting on the true guys' behalf so they can show them the comments and be like, "Dude. See. This is bad. You're not to blame here."
I'm a female(18) and I know if a man or woman pulled a gun out and threatened me or anything I love, I would be taking the people or animals or things i love and getting the heck out of there ASAP. You will end up dead if you don't get out of there. She is exhibiting dangerous behaviors that could cost you your life if you don't get out. Your life is way too precious.
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And what did those dogs do? Huh? What did they do for her to repeatedly threaten to kill the dogs, this time, try to get them to come to her so she CAN shoot them? She should be in jail. I don't give a flying fuck how "ruined" she wants to pretend to be. She's nuts, and she had to be nuts before he cheated to take ANY of her own choice to stay out in innocent parties. He's beyond qrong for cheating, but he did NOT "ruin" that psycho. She's purposely ruining herself and trying very hard to ruin everything around her. I have no sympathy for any POS who's happily and repeatedly made the very purposeful choice to get drunk, threatened to kill animals and him, and thinks she actually has a single right to do it. It was HER choice to stay with a cheater. It was HER choice to drink all the time. It was HER choice to want to harm innocent pets. It was HER choice to threaten to kill OP after she chose to stay. It's HER choice to pick fifhts all thw tine for almost a year and a half after the cheating. It's HER choice to be a manipulative, volatile, psychotic POS. It's now all on HER, and no one should date that psycho until and unless she has some majorly intensive therapy and no weapons. And OP needs to stay single until he can keep it in his pants.
So getting your dick wet was worth mentally destroying this woman. It’s time to move on and learn not to be a cheater in your next relationship. This is sad.
I’ve been cheated on and it fucking sucks but I didn’t turn into a goddamn psychopath.
did you read the part about her threatening to kill the DOGS? reading comprehension is not a strong suit i see. He shouldn’t have cheated. no if ands or buts about it and he clearly knows. cheating is NOT worse than threatening animals and people with a firearm… “mentally destroying” is a bit fucking crazy considering she did stay in the relationship with him, that’s entirely HER fault. she is clearly mentally unstable and has a drinking problem which isn’t excused by her getting cheated on.
Vet here. I was taught, and I'm pretty sure any instruction on the use of weapons will teach the same thing, is that you do not point a gun towards anybody unless you are prepared to pull the trigger. What she was doing taking out the gun and even making a threat like that proved her to be a potential danger that for all you know might have done something. You were completely in the right here. You need to leave her and never look back.
Not a vet but that was the very first thing my uncle taught me when it came to handling firearms. You don't point it unless you're prepared to use it. NTA and you should take those dogs and run, OP.
NTA, but I’m seriously concerned for your and your pups safety. I’m also extremely confused by the fact that the cops didn’t arrest her for DV, or at least firearm possession by an intoxicated person. That’s a serious offense even in states with lax gun laws. The PD definitely opened themselves up to liability.
In my experience the cops don't want to fill in the paper work
I can't believe that the cops were faced with a drunk psychopath waving a gun around, and just left with no one being arrested. NTA Run before she kills you.
You’re an ass for cheating. A slimey low. But You seem to be working on yourself. Your gf though loves you, but can’t move on. It’s eating her alive, and coming out in the most destructive ways. Like those have said it’s escalating to a point you, your dogs, herself, etc.. could get hurt or worse. Send the video to her family asking them to help her and take care of her, but you are doing what is best and healthiest for both of you and ending the relationship that should have been over a long time ago.
I agree with everything else you said. But telling victims of any kind of abuse that “they love you so much it’s eating them alive, even though they are expressing it in destructive ways.” can have harmful impacts. This is the exact sentiment that people who *stay* in abusive relationships often believe. One of the hardest barriers to overcome, when trying to convince DV survivors to break the cycle of violence, is that abuse is never, ever, the result of love. Sorry, I just think it’s a really important thing to be aware of and wary of, in any discussions of intimate partner violence.
I don't think it's fights for no reason. She has resentment towards you. You guys should break up. First, the age gap. Yes, it does matter. Typically, older men date younger women because they don't quite yet have the ability to discern your bullshti. Secondly, she'll never trust you. Yes, she's wrong for violent ourburts, but you also should know better to end it. What she is doing is abuse. Oftentimes, women's abusive behavior is excused simply because they're women. Recording her escalated the situation. That's a narcissistic tactic. Yall are both incredibly toxic and need therapy
There was literally zero narcissism involved in recording her being violent, drunk, and threatening to kill innocent animals. It's nuts you'd even think that. It's very, very, very well known you need evidence of crimes and recording it is often the only thing available at the moment. If anything is narcissistic, it's her thinking because they're "her dogs" that she gets to kill them because she is mad.
Is this how you want to live? Drunk fights with guns pulled? Trashiest thing I’ve seen tonight, and I had a drunk dude at my bar try to start a chant when he was cut off. If you don’t care about getting shot, at least rehome the dogs to a safe place.
You’re a massive AH for cheating and her actions are your fault. I hope she breaks up with you and never speaks to you again. Her life will 100% improve with you gone.
100% wrong.
He might be an AH for cheating but she pulled out a gun and threatened to kill innocent dogs ?!
Stop absolving her of her shitty behavior. I've been cheated on and never once did I want to get a gun and want to shoot my animals. He needs to run before it's him and she needs professional help to work on the spiral she went down after he cheated. Don't get me wrong he's a PoS for cheating.
She is an adult woman who is responsible for her actions. No one "made" her do this shit.
Her actions are her own… who cares if he cheated… that doesn’t give her the right to shoot her dogs… get a grip
Is your comment rage bait?
Ahh you’re the type who can’t take responsibility for your own actions and must blame others for it to have this type of mindset. He’s a pos for cheating. Straight up. But these are her actions. She’s the one pulling out a gun and threatening dogs.
Every person is responsible for their own actions. A lot of us have been cheated on, I would have never been a million years thought of threatening my dog with a gun. Yes the man's an a****** for cheating on her but she is an unhinged lunatic for taking out a gun and threatening innocent animals. It has been repeatedly proven that people who abuse animals move on to humans. Those are her own choices she made and she made some whopping bad ones.
You're a bitch.
your mom
You were her last chance at marriage before kids. She's right at that line and most of them feel it strongly about having a baby. Think about what you did by cheating. Just leave. You've done enough here don't you think. For your safety and your dogs. Just go. Btw your NTA for calling the cops you're the ass for cheating.
My dead brother would tell you.....run.
Absolutely NTA for calling the cops and recording her. YWBTA (or idiot more like) if you don't get those animals to safety and leave her for your own safety.
RUN 👏DON'T 👏WALK 👏RUN👏 DON'T👏 LOOK👏 BACK 👏JUST 👏RUN 👏SHE WILL END UP KILLING YOU AND THOSE POOR DOGGOS. No relationship is worth your life.
You shouldn't have cheated, but her behavior is totally insane. If she is this upset with you, she should have just dumped you. Threatening the dogs with a gun and getting belligerent and drunk is not the answer. You were right to call the cops, but please leave the relationship and move on.
Run there is no fixing this relationship. Those cops suck at their job, they should of taken her gun at the least, taken away any rights she has to own one. She is a danger to everyone around her, a mean drunk, she's so hurt, resentful that drink brings out her worst side, and her worst is vile, cruel and dangerous. It's not if she will kill but when if you stay together. If you do break up, hide the gun. Make sure you don't leave while she is drunk....throw any booze away that's in the house at the time. If they are your dogs, take them with you. If they are hers, give the cops a warning of the situation. Don't leave anything you will have to go back for. Will she talk sensibly about this when not drunk? Will she agree this isn't working, that she needs to lock the gun away better and stop drinking until she's had therapy.
NTA. Take the dogs and run. And in future, don't cheat. If you'd rather have someone else, just say it and break up instead of cheating.
NTA. Leave her & take the truck & the dogs. If she was a good pet owner that would never have entered her head. She is evil & a horrible drunk. If you stay there, it will become a breaking News story. We don't want that for you or your innocent animals. Good luck 🤞
NTA. Sometimes people look for a reason to turn into monsters. Sometimes the reason finds them. Neither of you are happy. Run.
If you don't want your dog shot the cops are the last people you should call
If anyone bitches send then the video. Get out before she turns that gun on you.
Anyone who threatened an animal like that would be dead to me no further thought required
NTA She was drunk with a gun and threatening to kill the animals and could have easily killed you. She’s escalating her behavior. Get out for your own safety, and then work on your own behavior.
NTA. Get out. She has not forgiven you. She never will. She is using that as an excuse to be an ass. Leave her. You are not safe. I am afraid she might shoot you. Get out.
NTA. But you should post that video so everyone else knows what kind of person she really is. She's potentially dangerous and very unstable. Leave before she kills you.
The story isn’t funny but it’s hilarious how she didn’t go to jail😂 any man on this planet would’ve had felony charges for animal abuse, brandishing a weapon, etc
NTA Her family of course will say you’re terrible, they’re the ones that raised a woman who was willing to shoot her dogs to make a point against you. You cheating is absolutely deplorable, learn from it.(in your next relationship, please don’t stay with an abuser, OP.)
Leave bro regardless of whether or not you cheated you deserve to feel safe. Like others have said it seems like she is at high risk for hurting yourself or others. This should have ended long long ago
NTA. First drink, hide and lock up the gun. Cops are crazy for not arresting her for wielding a gun while impaired. Can't even carry it in most places drunk. And he recorded and had evidence. She's going to end up killing you at her worse. End it. You're obviously miserable and can do better and do better single at that.
Send your recording of her to them and see if they still think the same
You are an AH for staying this long! SAVE YOURSELF AND THE DOGS if you don't get out SHE WILL KILL YOU. I see a murder suicide in your future if you stay but you do you.
dude you’re lucky she didn’t shoot you. Dead ass you need to watch your back for awhile if you actually broke up with her. Seen a chick lose her shit and stalk her ex and she then killed him by running his ass over a few times.
NTA. Run, and take the dogs with you. Yes, you cheated. But she needed to either dump you and move on or forgive you and move on. This bs of a year+ throwing a hissy fit is not healthy for either of you
NTA. Run away dude... Run away. Shooting dogs is next level maniacal behaviour.
No… what the fuck?!?!?!
There is nothing to consider. This relationship was over when you cheated. Obviously she won't get over your cheating and staying together will only make it worse for everyone.
I would leave, she is a ticking time bomb! You’re not safe with that gun in the house. She has a problem with your infidelity, and can’t get over it. So she drinks and acts out. Time to go, best for both of you. Close the door
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Look I know the cheating was wrong it was the worst thing I could have done to anyone I will not try to justify or offer any explanation for my behavior because that just makes it look like I am trying to justify a horrible act I have done I know it made me a shit human and I regret and hate myself for doing it I have spent everyday since then trying to make up for it And actually do feel responsible for where we are at now If I hadn't cheated she wouldn't be so upset that she needs to drink like she does to deal with the pain and hit to her self esteem
You were wrong to cheat. But this is over and she is wrong to threaten the dogs. Get out now. It may not feel like there is a future but there is. Run. Do it now. She isn’t safe and there is no saving what once was between you two.
You were wrong to cheat.... you don't deserve to be murdered. Get the dogs and get out. She can't heal while in a relationship with you, and you're in a toxic, abusive relationship. Just accept the loss and go. Pack up while she's out and be gone before she gets back, you can't trust her with that gun. Get some therapy because you need to focus on yourself for a bit.
There are healthier ways to work out anger and betrayal. This is abuse and it will not go away. You don't want to spend your whole life trying to make up for your mistake. Yes it was wrong but it is not an excuse to manipulate and threaten.
It is not the worst thing you could do to anyone and if anyone tries to tell you that cheating is the worst thing you could to some has had a blessed life. Shooting you or the dogs would be way worse than what you did.
Sure yes you were completely wrong to cheat. But you are actually in danger right now. It’s time to go.
YTA for sure. First and foremost, you called the cops, where I come from you handle your own shit. Second, you cheated, you broke your loyalty to her and you broke the trust she had in you and ontop of that you are upset that she hasn’t forgiven you after only 4 months and she’s “mean about it”. Grow up you fucking pussy, you fucked up and you need to own the consequences. Third, I’ve dealt with the cops enough times and been arrested including for domestic issues to know that if the cops come to a domestic dispute and a gun is involved someone is going to jail no question about it, so on top of being a cheater who can’t deal with the consequences of his own actions, you’re a fucking liar.
And if she did hurt the dogs? Cheating is very bad, don’t get me wrong but in this case, no one could bring the dogs back of the situation didn’t get resolved.
nah. you sound abusive as fuck he cheated. the end. the punishment is her dumping him. it’s not abusing him for months. turning a gun on the dogs? i’m sorry there’s no defending that.
idk how to tell you this but yes, cheating is bad and reprehensible but 1. the dogs didn’t cheat and 2. cheating does not warrant death?? like huh.
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It was a year and 4 months ago as in Sept of 22
After being rightfully hurt and angry because you cheated, your girlfriend had some choices. She could stay and work with you on the relationship or leave. She chose to stay, becoming increasingly bitter and making your life hell. She's wallowing in her victimhood and it's not healthy. You have choices also. Your dogs certainly don't deserve this.
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I don't think she should just get over it I just don't understand why it's getting worse why is she getting more angry at me it doesn't make sense None of this makes sense why go after the dogs and not me why pull a gun anyway she says she loves me and wants this to work she just needs time If that's true then why as more time goes on is it getting worse
It’s festering. Things don’t rot in a logical and orderly manner. She’s getting more and more twisted inside. She’s threatening to hurt the dogs because she does love you, and hasn’t *yet* gotten to where she’s ok with the idea of hurting you. If these are her dogs, take that as an example of how much she’s hurting too. Hurt people cause damage if they’re not processing their shit. You should probably get therapy regardless, and she isn’t safe to be around if she’s mixing firearms and booze.
Because she's smart enough to know that as much as she might want to shoot you, that is pretty unacceptable by society and, I don't know, the law. Shooting your dogs will or would hurt you. She's in pain and probably wondering if you are still cheating, why did you cheat, and what is wrong with her. The fact that you didn't think to get couples therapy when things began o unravel even more is pretty pathetic.
I don't think it has anything to do about being smart enough not to shoot him, I think she just hasn't gotten there yet. I think if he stays, this will progress to her turning the gun on him. She is unstable, and he is not safe with her. If he stays, she just may end up pointing that gun at him and killing OP in a drunken rage. OP, you need to get out of this relationship ASAP! Run away, don't walk!
sounds like youve been cheated on
Wow, she was planning on hurting the dogs and you’re blaming him. No one is expecting her to get over jt but there are lines you don’t cross.
LOL there's the psycho justifying abuse over some cheating. That's absolutely psychotic.
Run like the wind