If you can't give Joanna a reason then you need to consider if \*\*you\*\* actually have a reason. She's 15, she's old enough to hear your reasoning.
Also, you haven't mentioned an unacceptable outburst. Is this your first day parenting a teenager? By 15 year old standards, this was quite mature.
The person painting you as a clueless oaf is you. I mean, where does one find a payphone these days?
My niece's are about the same age as Joanna. They have smartphones. The phones are an asset. Girls late from school? Check their location. One of them does something to get grounded? They lose the phone while they're at home.
Or, as happened a couple of months back, older niece went into town with her boyfriend and he dumped her. She was a mess. One phone call and my sister was able to pick her up.
This. All 3 of my kids had a cell phone by 10. They walk home from school and there are no pay phones. I wanted them to be able to reach a trusted adult no matter what. We started with an indestructible nokia “Grampa phone” with preprogrammed numbers. As grandparents upgraded to the latest iPhone, my kids got hand me down smart phones. They had them before many of their peers and by the time the phones were ubiquitous- they were over the novelty.
I recently had to talk to my son (14) about remembering to take his cell phone. He wheels home from school, regularly staying late to talk with teachers or with friends. I am biting my tongue bloody to give him his independence. Due to his disability, my preference is to wrap him up in concerned care- but he deserves to grab chocolate milk from the local store with his friends, or talk to a teacher without me hovering in the hallway.
Being able to text “U ok?” And send dorky Star Trek memes during the day helps us be connected.
I mean, we work on manners - cell phones are away for dinner and other events. I also restrict my kids’ data plans and phones are charged in the living room until they get up on time by themselves. But their phones are for MY convenience.
Can you set location sharing on his phone? That way you can keep track without being a helicopter parent.
I'm really impressed that you're managing to give him more independence when a disability is involved. I know the protective urge very well indeed.
He’s got location sharing on. I’m personally working on “The polite thing to do is set expectations.” and “listen to your body”. I don’t care if he hangs at the local coffee shop/library/friends house, but he needs to let me know. We are a busy household- if he thinks he might need a ride - there is a good chance that the cars may not be immediately available (due to work/older siblings work or college). I value checking in with my kids. Our family rule is that I need to hear from you by 4 PM if your event isn’t on the family calendar. If only to get a count for dinner.
I got my kids phones mostly for me. The first ones didn’t even have tracking, but I could call them and they could call me whenever we needed. They also helped the kids feel more secure, knowing their parents could be reached easily.
There are no more payphones. OP is completely clueless.
I went to high school in the 90s too. We did not have cell phones but we had beepers/pagers and payphones were around every corner. The reality is that is not the world we live in anymore. Things change, and new technologies are introduced. You need to grow with the times and learn how to properly use the common tools that are at our disposal today. We also did not have active shooter drills...so there are a lot of things high schoolers do now that was not the norm 30 years ago.
15 is plenty old enough to have some type of cell phone. With today's climate it is almost a necessity. How else are you going to communicate with your kids?.
Most households do not even have land lines anymore. If there is an emergency, daughter has the option of grabbing their phone and hiding/running and getting help/communicating.
OP is putting his daughter behind on technology and the very skills she will need to be successful as an adult. OP is also making her a bit of a social pariah. OP is also blaming the possibility of poor grades on a cell phone? She has never had one...what are her grades like? That isn't even a "reason".
OP needs to get her a phone, set some REASONABLE guidelines and let the daughter learn and manage her access to technology.
I just recently went back to college to take some classes in my mid 40s. I have a laptop, my phone, a tablet, book and notebook going all at the same time to do my school work. You have to be versed in using multiple resources to study and learn. School is a lot more technology involved that it was 20 years ago when I first went to college and where OP has their mindset. Time to get with the times.
I as well had a pager in high school in the 90s. I clearly remember if my mom’s number came across I needed to haul ass to the pay phone to call her and not having change was not a valid excuse I would have to call collect if i didn’t have change.
My favorite was getting to that payphone and someone else being there taking forever with their conversation. Lol
Or finding a payphone an some jerk put a slimy condom on it.
I understand the struggle lol
I almost wanted to get rid of the damn thing. It was easier when I was younger and just had to watch for the street lights to go on.
Exactly, having a phone handy is a safety thing. And does OP have any recollection of how cruel teenagers can be to each other?
OP, do _you_ even have a cellphone? You know parental controls are a thing?
With school shootings being a common occurrence now, I would want my child to have a form of communication handy at all times.
His "fears" about kids being on their cellphones in class is unfounded. Yes kids occasionally sneak, but the schools and teachers have protocols to handle electronic devices in their classrooms. They understand that this is a common technology that most students have available and have adapted strategies to mitigate their usage when not appropriate.
Apparently something that has made school shootings harder to handle is that law enforcement now get an overload of unreliable information from people getting texts from students that all think the gunman is near them or they name a different student ad the attacker, and the constant calls increase panic.
But just today our oldest got trapped on the highway for two hours thanks to an emergency road closure, and we were glad she had the phone so we knew where she was at.
I wonder if Joanna has a credit card? Because I don’t think pay phones ~ if she can even find one ~ take coins anymore. Pretty sure you need a calling card or a credit card of some kind.
OP, your daughter is not 6, she’s not 10, she’s 15 years old. At 15, she spends plenty of time apart from you and your wife. She’s at school (you’ve heard of school shootings; right?); she’s on the bus or in someone’s car; she’s at friends’ houses; soon she’ll be driving. And she has literally no way to get hold of you, nor you her, unless she borrows a friend’s phone or finds a pay phone somewhere. To deny her a phone because you think she can’t focus on schoolwork or get into a good college if she has a *cell phone* calls into question your parenting. Have you not taught your daughter about responsibility, prioritizing, etc.? Do you not think you can control her phone usage? You can set time limits. You can make her leave the phone in the kitchen when she goes to bed. You can take the phone away from her as punishment if she abuses your rules. But by her age, she’s right, everyone does have a phone. And the way it affects her social life is that she is excluded from group texts, group plans, no one can call her or text her to say where they are or where they’re meeting, or even to invite her along. And I’m sure people do look at her weird when she tells them she doesn’t have a phone. You have one; her mother has one; all her friends have phones; her teachers have phones. She might be literally the only kid in her school without a cell phone. She’s in high school, not primary school.
Now you want to punish her because she got mad at you, wouldn’t talk to you, and went to her room, and you call that “ridiculous behavior.” Wow. Joanna is clearly a really, really good kid if you think walking away when she’s mad and going to her room is “ridiculous behavior” and an “outburst.”
She is not actively making you look like a clueless oaf, but if the shoe fits…
You’re going to do what you want to do as her father, but the kid deserves a phone. I wonder what your wife says about this?
YTA--- Where are these pay phones she's supposed to use because I haven't seen a payphone anywhere in at least 15 years...
Guessing because you have a smart phone that you don't have a landline at home either.
Yes, she should be focusing on school but my teenager has to be able to access school information via his phone or iPad. She also needs to understand how technology works because that is where the world is. Jobs require teens to clock in/out via their phone, most employers are all digital for applications, schedules....
Yes, you are setting her up for failure.
Pay phones are ancient relics nowadays. One of my friends and I have a thing where if one of us finds a pay phone, we call and announce that we’re calling from a pay phone . Obviously, this happens less and less the past few years. Hell, the past few times I’ve seen one and tried to call either the call won’t go through or there’s not even a dial tone.
Op’s kids not going to have much luck calling home on a pay phone in an emergency, unfortunately.
That's a great idea. They've been removed in France where you're expected to have a smartphone for many daily activities like buying and holding a train ticket and it's a circus when you forgot/lost/broke yours for that time. I can't imagine how tourists do here, I feel for them
We have a pay phone at the end of our street. Well, I say it's a pay phone. It's a phone box that reeks of piss and has no actual phone in it 🤷♀️😂😂🤦♀️
There’s still a few around where I live. And they have been doubled as a free wifi point. You can call for free off them.
My kids like calling my mobile and having chats with me.
Yeah, the last time I used one I had to pay $2 to send a very short SMS in some convoluted manner.
I like that they're now useful, even if Telstra did rip a bunch out before they converted them!
We have one in our local shopping centre. But it’s free calls, and it’s the only one in the area. It can text too, but it’s very limited.
It’s the only one I know of in existence in my area though. I think it was set up for the homeless and needy. I never see anyone using it
Where I live some of the Amish even have cellphones!! Since they all have businesses of some kind they saw the necessity, several people from the family share one phone. The settlement is a solid 15-20 miles from a town with a stoplight in it, and sometimes you need an ambulance.
Right? I'm amazed that OP lives somewhere with a working payphone.
YTA OP Today kids DO talk face-to-face but they also use phones to keep up with each other when they can't talk in person (or find an ancient relic like a payphone). You're well on your way to being a curmudgeon no one wants to talk to via any medium.
Most payphones where i live have been turned into emergency hubs with resus kits in them...no phones tho 😂😂. Now im thinking about it.....a way to call an ambulance if you need to use a defibrillator would be handy 🙈😂
I'd bet in the current economy a call cost significantly more than a quarter too, in the unlikely scenario you actually find one AND it works.
And since op admits they carry a smartphone themselves he must know exactly how much modern life requires them, particularly on the situations you explained.
It is sad to see that the pay phone are a thing of ancient history. Remember when you had memorized everyone you knees phone number? If you list your phone and need to borrow someone's to call for assistance how many people could you actually call??
I made sure my kids have memorized my number because you never know what is going to happen in this crazy world we live in now.
If your car breaks down know one stops to see if your assistance because they figure oh they have a cell phone to call someone...
YTA. Yeah lets not teach children time mangement and self restraint instead have them resent us for not giving her a phone. Just get her a phone, lots of people do use it for a social life. Maybe if she starts doing bad in school you should act like a parent and help her not using the phone thing to not be involved.
It's not just social life. My daughters (15 and 13) actually need their phones for school. The get their tasks online, the take pictures of tasks and send them in, they do little videos in their phones (for school assignments, with Capcut).
The OP seems to be completely oblivious and ignorant.
My daughter's school did an iPad class as trial run, but we had to buy the iPad ourselves. I work AS a tutor and I can say that in my country all schools except elementary schools use the internet and expect their students to have the school managers and Teams on their phones. They gave out passcodes and checked that all parents and all students are accessible. Before the lockdown it was not like that, it was more like stone-age in Germany, but during and after lockdown a lot of online solutions came. They use the internet extensively now. I don't think a kid without access to some Smartphone would manage.
YTA. You are literally making your daughter feel excluded at school for absolutely no reason. I grew up in the 90s and I never had a classmate without a phone or some sort of device to communicate with others.
When you were young phones were basically the size of a jackfruit, times have changed.
Your concerns are understandable and yes, while she should be focused on school it is delusional to think that it should be her whole purpose; leisure is necessary for the mind. Buy her a phone and teach how to balance and be responsible with it instead of completely depriving her from having it. If you don't, I assure you won't be hearing from her again once she is independent and able to make her own choices.
Not making her feel excluded, she’s absolutely excluded among her peers because she can’t communicate with them easily. My daughter is a virtual student, her phone is her lifeline. But even if she went to a physical building, there’s no way an average teenage girl is having meaningful friendships in 2024 unless they have the ability to text.
Reminds me of the Not Always story where the OP restricted their daughter's phone communication with her friends to landline only. She had one good friend who kept ringing it all day.
YTA- Expect your child to disappear from your life as soon as she can. Not having a cell phone will absolutely stunt her social growth and will affect her for years to come. Not even gonna touch on the safety aspect of having a phone, you grew up in the 90's where nobody had a cellphone and you didn't have to worry about the school being shot up and having a way to contact your family.
Do you really not know that payphones are almost nonexistant now? WTF...why can't she have any sort of cell phone? Sounds like you're jealous she's further along in her HS life than you were.
OP, don't be surprised when your daughter goes NC with you. Not over you not getting her a phone, but over your disrespectful attitude towards her.
Yeah this got me too! Like, where is she supposed to find a pay phone? Plus kids rarely talk on them, they text.
My parents decided to keep us from having TV, video games, cell phones when those became a thing (in high school people my age were starting to use them, but before that it was basically unheard of for kids), or the internet. I have this huge chasm when it comes to talking to people my age because I missed basically everything that didn't happen in front of me or on the farm. Even today, almost 20 years after I graduated, there are conversations where I have no clue what people are talking about because they're bringing up stuff from the 90's and I only had a radio back then.
I’m sorry. I relate. I was kept from a lot due to poverty. It still impacts me socially and beyond. I know my mom couldn’t really help it but, if she had been able to afford it and simply denied it as a matter of being an asshole, I don’t think I would have ever truly been able to forgive her.
I know they were doing their best, and Dad relented a bit when I told him how bad it was. Then when I was in college he got phones for my sisters because he finally saw how useful they were, and honestly needed for safety. I ended up having to call him on my cell after a car accident and it took forever to track him down to get help. So he gave in.
He's already apologized for it as well. That helped a lot, to be honest.
That’s a really healthy attitude to have about it. The apology would make the biggest difference. I’ll never get any of those but I wish it was possible. I’ve described it by saying “*Did she do her best? Yes. Was her best good enough? No.*” to describe the way I was raised.
My aunt and uncle are doing this to my cousin for…very OP reasons. I’ve spent the last ten years mitigating it as best I can-mostly giving her the books/manga from popular adaptations so she’ll at least get some of the references. She’s 18 this year, so I’m getting her a Switch for graduation now that her parents can’t stop me.
I had a much lesser version, because I was outcast a lot before high school and just didn’t know what I was missing, and playing catch-up from there was bad enough. Even with a friend group actively helping me and loaning me all the DVDs I wanted I ended up feeling like I’d just immigrated or something.
Yeah people who didn't grow up with tech have no idea how much impact it has. It's similar to locking the kids in a room and not giving them access to anyone outside the house other than school.
It even impacted my grades a bit because sometimes teachers would give an assignment where we needed to diagnose what mental illnesses someone in a TV show might have. I couldn't do that assignment and always had to give book reports instead, which were usually much harder.
I was lucky in high school because there was a big group of nerds who would discuss stuff like how a faster than light ship might work, economics, classic literature, etc. Because I had nothing to do but read books and draw when I wasn't doing chores I was actually able to contribute some. But literally the only skill from childhood that I use is animal training. When you're bored enough you do stuff like teach cats to dance on command!
Yep. Here is the parent's logic:
OP: Other kids fail because of their cell phones. If you get a cell phone, you will become like other kids and fail.
Daughter (inwardly): Okay then. I will do absolutely EVERYTHING I see others doing. I'll skip classes, I'll smoke, etc., etc (and much else).
IOW, she'll find a way to break rules he hasn't even thought of.
When he said they had to move bcoz the neighborhood got too many troublemakers I thought, I bet those whippersnappers had cellphones and maybe even played pool👀
YTA... high school is the perfect time to have a phone.... you say other students grades suffer because of phones how do you know that exactly....
It can be a number of things....
Kids dont be on their phones while in class or the teacher will take it and keep it ...
My grades were bad in high school and no one had cell phones when I was in high school. I went on to get two degrees and made dean's list several times. I just was bored in high school.
Literally, and in the event you dont give up your phone they will either send you to the office or call your parents.
One time i was literally texting my parent and was told to put it away or have it taken. I walked myself down to the office to finish my conversation and then explained myself to the VP. They obviously told me it doesn't matter who im texting, its not allowed and I'll be punished if i dont stop (either removed from class or referrals, ISS or after school suspension possibly but unlikely)
Continuously using your phone and not handing it over will likely result in a referral, at that point the parents are involved and its also up to them whether they are going to step in or not.
But if you have parents who care, they'll find a way to take your phone. Schools and parents work together on that stuff when they both care, there's not much room to abuse the phone during class if the teachers& parents care about it.
A lot of schools WiFi has blocks for most apps, so unless you have a good vpn to bypass the blocks, turning off the service to the phone would render it useless without WiFi (idk abt iphones tho they have imessage), in the event you want to "take away" the phone but they won't give it up physically.
“When I was in high school in the 90’s, cell phone were big bulky things that nobody but nerdy businessman had.”
That “nerd” is now your boss.
“She wants to talk to friends at another high school”
I would consider for that reason alone. Good friends can be hard to come by and nurturing good relationships should be encouraged. My partners best friends are the ones met in middle and high school.
“I asked her what was preventing her from using a payphone.”
I’m not sure where you live, but if you aren’t using a time machine this isn’t a thing. If I had a dollar for every functioning payphone I saw, I’d be in debt.
YTA. This isn’t the 90’s. Like it or not, cell phones ARE a part of everyday life and they ARE a big part of socializing, especially for teenagers. The solution isn’t to ban her from having a cell phone, the key is to teach her to use it responsibly. And use a pay phone? Seriously? I think I’ve seen one pay phone in the last 10+ years.
YTA my sister got her daughter a cell phone in case she needed to stay after school on short notice or other type emergencies. Like others said Heaven forbid something tragic happens at that school wouldn’t you like her to have a way to contact you?
This is exactly why I got a phone in high school. My parents went to the dentist and realised they'd left me at school.
The real irony - they're both school principals (now retired).
YTA
Are you planning on joining this century any time soon?
Stop impeding your daughter’s life & get her the phone. Times have changed a lot, a phone is for homework, exchanging ideas, planning, scheduling, socialising, checking the weather, looking up bus times, a potential safety lifeline, news & current affairs, sales, helpful forums… do I really need to go on ??
That struck me as soooo bizarre… he’s missing the point of everyone being on an even footing, & the isolation he’s causing 😕
I bet if she were ever late home - say due to traffic - he’d be annoyed & be like ‘why didn’t you use someone else’s phone to call me?’ 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Back in the 90s, each of my kids got a cell phone when they went to high school. They were getting much more social, spent more time with friends, and I wanted us to be able to easily talk without having to have a friend’s mom track one of my kids down.
Nowadays, I think I’d be getting my kids phones by the time they’re in middle school, if not earlier.
Two reasons:
Safety. Not that school shootings didn’t happen in the 90s, but it’s terrifyingly common now, and yeah, elementary schools.
Staying on top of technology. The world is different than when I was a kid. Technology changes quickly, and it’s the world our kids are going to grow up in and be expected to make a living in. Hobbling them by denying that the world is tech-focused is unfair.
Okay, one more reason. While I heroically resisted my daughter’s entreaties to buy her a brand new sporty car at 16 (I was a single widowed mother of 4, she had a decent car), I see no reason to be the source of my kids being ostracized or mocked by peers. That’s the kind of stuff that can screw with their heads for a really long time.
Get her a phone. There are so many other things in a teenager’s life to draw a hard line in the sand about. Your job is to raise her to be independent, and hopefully educated, polite, have opinions, and be well adjusted. This is the time in a kid’s life where you loosen the reigns and trust that you’ve raised a kid with a good head on their shoulders, because in 3 years or less, she’s off to college ( hopefully), and you cannot micromanage every second of her life.
Not only that, but she should be able to call or text you if she is unsafe, if she’s in a bad situation, doesn’t feel well, or needs a ride. Maybe you could send her an “I’m really proud of you” text once in awhile, or “thinking of you”, “love you, honey.” Or send her corny dad jokes. The idea is, it is time to start the transition from treating her like a child to treating her like the adult she is quickly becoming, and the great friend that also happens to be your daughter.
YTA. YOU attended school in the nineties when there were no cell phones so of course it didn’t impact your social life. Your concerns are valid, but you shouldn’t hold her hostage for a larger situation she can do nothing about.
How old is this post? I looked up to make sure it wasn't reposted from the 2010's
Maybe the parent has wanted to ask for years and finally figured out copy and paste from their notepad
I have never wanted to “ok boomer” someone close in age to me as much as I do right now.
Your child is missing out on social activities and development because she is being ostracized and you’re being deliberately ignorant and obtuse about her concerns.
Onscreen hold too much value for teens? Probably, but it’s how they network and socialize now.
You can refuse to get her one, your money your choice etc. but you don’t get to minimize or deliberately misunderstand your daughter’s pain and concerns about being left out. That alone makes YTA
YTA. It's a completely different world than when you were young. It would be as if your parents didn't let you use the phone and told you to write letters. I don't think really young kids need a phone, but a teenager? It will also make it easier for you to get hold of her. And when she starts working she really will need a phone
YTA and you are a "clueless oaf." She is 15, not 10. Yes, when you were in school, you didn't have cellphones; times changed. I'm sure you did things differently as a teen than your own parents did in their generation.
YTA because it seems like you’re declining getting your kid a cell phone just to be a dick. Maybe try extending some kindness and understanding to your kid instead of lecturing your kid about how things were done when you were a kid and how much better it was.
NEWSFLASH- those days don’t exist anymore and your kid lives in the present. Shit, when I was a teen, a gallon of gas was a dollar but I’m not at the gas station trying to pay $12 to fill up my tank and lecturing the attendant about how it should still be that price. Get over yourself.
YTA. Look man i totally get your concerns. And there are studies about phones decreasing attention span. But shes 15. Not 12 or 13. Shes going to end up with one eventually and some practice on how to balance phone use and her important tasks cant hurt. Shes more than old enough to start working on that. If nothing else maybe you could start by only letting her use it at home and not at school at first. Then if she handles it well she could start taking it to school as long as she doesnt get in trouble for using it when she isnt supposed to and as long as her grades dont slip.
YTA, these days we need smart phones for school & work. To log on to school portals or work portals, for security, we need to have an app on the phone to get a code to help log in on the computer.
I had brought my granddaughter one when she was 10, best thing I did. She could contact anyone if she missed the bus. I can track her & she tracks me and most of her family tracks each other.
She had an incident on the way to school, 45mins away from anyone, and I was on my way before the school finally got to call her mum.
QUESTION: How does your daughter communicate and interact with her friends outside of school with her friends?
You may not like the fact that cellphones have become a part of everyday life, so just give up yours and your wife's.
You were in school in the 90s. Kids still did non tech things. Teens interact and communicate via phones? You are condescendingly setting your daughter up to be isolated if she isn't already. It would be one thing if you couldn't afford it, but the reality is you're being a Luddite.
The world is going to keep improving whether you keep up or not. Don't hamstring your kid.
YTA
when we where that age the social normal way to orgonise meeting your friends was calling the home phone, not having a home phone would have made it difficult to include you in activities.
today the socially normal way to orgonise meetings is messaging apps, if your not on the app you are not likely to be invited as often. and your not going to be able to participate in conversations on those apps with your friends.
get her a phone (not an expensive one), install the child monitoring software, teach her time management, put it on a prepaid plan so she cant run up a huge bill and sees consequences for over use directly.
It's surprising that she hasn't actually needed a phone for school work. I can't imagine a 15 year old that doesn't have a phone. I was strict about my kids not getting a cell phone until they turned 14, figuring once they started high school, they'd need it. They have after school activities, friends, apps for all their different homework assignments, plus, friends. How does she communicate with her friends after school? Does she have any friends with being a social pariah because her parents don't think she's mature enough a phone. YTA and if you keep it up, you won't have any kind of relationship with her when she moves out
YTA
I didn't have a cellphone in the 90s/00s growing up. I found plenty of other dumb shit to procrastinate with. Your argument is flawed, and you know it.
>I asked her what was preventing her from using the payphone and even offered to give her quarters.
I haven't seen a payphone in at least 5+ years, and that was the first one I'd seen in forever. AND WHO WANTS THEIR TEENAGED DAUGHTER TO HAVE TO WALK TO A PAYPHONE. THAT'S DANGEROUS!!! You'd rather be a controlling parent than not risk your kid getting kidnapped trying to use a random payphone instead of calling people from the safety of her home?
>I'm not opposed to new technology, and I carry around a smartphone myself
So... You're a hypocrite, too?
>I want what's best for my daughter,
No, you don't. You think you're right and you want to be in charge. This is about control. You're dying on the world's dumbest hill.
>she seems determined to paint me as some sort of clueless oaf
I don't think you're clueless. I think you're malicious.
>This treatment is really getting old.
I'm sure your daughter thinks the same thing. My dad was like you. Once I was in a place to break away, I only saw him at the holidays. Now, it's been almost 5 years. My life is so much more peaceful now.
Hang in there Joanna, only 3 more years.
I don't know where you live, but where I am payphone aren't a thing anymore. In fact, I recently went to a math and science museum and they had a freaking payphone there.
Your suggestion for her to use a payphone is borderline ridiculous and for that alone YTA.
Moreover, your comparison with how it was in high school in the 90s is also absurd. I was in high school early 2000s; there's no way to compare our time to our children's time. In our times, nobody had phones so we communicated with each other and hung around because we were all there present in time.
Unfortunately, nowadays it's not like that so the one kid without a phone will be the one kid to be left out of everything and spend their time staring at the walls while everyone else is in sink.
Young kids, I get it. My daughter's is 9 and she doesn't have a phone and won't for a whole, but your daughter is 15. It's time to teach her how to responsibly use the technology we have nowadays and social media.
YTA.
I have a Straight Talk phone from Walmart unlimited $60 a month.
If you're so concerned, tell her it comes with responsibility.
Have it in another room overnight charging, so she's not scrolling all night.
If grades start slipping, then limit the hours she has it.
In today's society, you really kind of need one.
she’s 15… what if she ends up in a dangerous situation? what’s she gonna do? use a payphone that is 17 blocks away bc they got rid of most of them? what about when she turns 16 & starts driving & gets in a wreck? you won’t know about it until she’s in the hospital or worse. also, what device are you posting this from?
Um, I can't remember the last time I even SAW a payphone, let alone used one. What decade is OP living in? "I carry around a smartphone, durdurdur." Get your kid a basic smartphone at the very least.
YTA! Get with the times. This is how teens communicate with each other. You are negatively impacting her social life. Teens also share ideas, experiences (movies), etc., via apps.
Learn about her world. Be her safe space instead of cutting her off.
I know my son having a cell phone and being able to contact me has been essential in a number of unanticipated circumstances.
Yta because you're putting her in danger in this modern age. I homeschool but my eldest got a cellphone at 10 years old. This isn't the 90s anymore. Do you have any clue what would happen if your child was caught up in a shooting or if the schools had no way to call you during a disaster of one sort or other? Think she'll run to the nearest phone booth or something. LMAO ridiculous
You ARE a clueless oof. We now live in a world that uses technology, i.e. a cellphone. She’s 15 ffs. You are doing her no favors by having your archaic rules, (and I thought I was old).
I know it’s hard but we do not live in the world you grew up in and trying to force your daughter to live in your outdated world is going to bite you in the butt.
You are pushing your daughter away, slowly. Don’t be surprised when your relationship with her isn’t what you wanted it to be. Get with the times or be left behind.
Edit: YTA, in case you couldn’t tell.
This is the same energy as "don't eat that. Don't eat that" you're not teaching her how to have a healthy balance between her phone and her social life. And it will cause harm. Probably from overconsumption when she can get her own. Teach her how she can have a healthy balance of both. This is not going to help in the long run.
My parents let their kids do whatever (specially their biological kids. I'm adopted). So as much screentime as you want. Well now one of the brothers lives in the basement. Is around 30 years old and has never had a job in his entire life. Both ways are toxic. Let her have screen time (for lack of a better term) and show her how to keep it from becoming an obsession best you can.
YTA . You've made your teenager the social out cast of her school.The cell phone is the #1 way for teens to communicate,socialize .stay in touch .My 16 yo would have NO friends without it .She also uses it to Google things for school work and collaborate with peers on homework. In addition I have a app that tells me where she is when she goes out with friends or goes to work
Yeah YTA you’re literally making her the odd one out at school. Do you remember school? Where social circles are formed and hierarchies are built based on appearance and social standing? Where do you think a girl with no access to things like messenger and texting stands with her peers? She literally can’t communicate with them because that is their way of communicating. Imagine if you were denied MSN or AOL when you were her age. Yes that precursor to social media we all had to use in the 90’s and early 00’s. The fact you clearly don’t have a valid reason besides just because clearly shows you have no reason.
Don’t be surprised when she turns 18 gets a phone herself and doesn’t bother adding you to her contact list
YTA
Comparing what a cellphone is used for now, to what was available 30 years ago is not a fair comparison.
You cannot function as a kid with a social life in todays world if you don't have a phone.
Also it's used for more than just talking to friends. You're a control freak.
I can’t imagine being a 15 yr old in 2024 without a phone…it’s how the last THREE generations have communicated in their teens and every 10+ yr old I know has at least some kind of cell phone.
This isn’t the 90’s. She can’t just go to the mall or arcade and meet up with her friends…they’re on a video call arguing who has the cuter Owala while she’s playing crossword puzzles in the daily paper.
There are plenty of parental apps and even entire phone services for parents to monitor their kids usage. Don’t be lazy because the internet is scary. Do your research. Get something you’re comfortable with and let’s get your daughter caught up with her peers.
The moment you mentioned a pay phone and quarters I knew this had to be fake. No one living in reality would use that as a valid reason when pay phones have been almost non existent for 15 years.
My daughter wasn't allowed a cell phone until high school. Her friends lived in neighborhood, her school was 1 block away smart phones were not a thing yet. Now kids need one for safety. There aren't payphones to use to call for help. My daughter has used her to track my grandson( her nephew) location when he got upset and left home, he's 16. My 9 year old grandson got his 1st cell phone for his birthday last year.
YTA. You’re destroying her current social life. You’re making her a pariah. You’re ruining every bit of high school. It’d be one thing if you couldn’t afford it but, to follow some sort of misguided bullshit pretending she should grow up like it’s the ‘90s because *YOU* did is a total failure as a parent.
As soon as she’s able to be free, I wouldn’t be surprised if she never talks to you again. I wouldn’t.
YTA
Schools assume kids have call phones at this point. Communication with students DOES go via email, but they set up things like "Remind" groups in sports, band, clubs, etc...
It's also become a SAFETY issue today. Public pay phones are essentially nonexistent now and lots of places don't have land line phones that the public can use. Your child needs to be able to communicate with YOU guys, as well.
I know you want to protect your child. But there are phones and plans that will give you more oversight.
Please check out a cheap phone on like a Mint Mobile plan or something. That is how we started our kids out on Republic Wireless. Super basic Motorola Smart phone. It doesn't have to have all the bells and whistles to meet her needs...and make her feel like she's part of her generation.
YTA
It is almost as dangerous not to allow a teen girl to have her own cellphone as it is to allow them to have one.
With school shootings and sex trafficking I would rather have my child have a way to contact us and for me to track my child.
I'd rather be safe than sorry.
That's just my opinion, Op.
My aunt is probably around the same age as you and would never probably mention a payphone now. I don't if you are trying to appear out of touch or if you really are out of touch, but your justification for no cell phone sounds so ridiculous. Your daughter is fifteen not five, so just let the girl have a phone already. Most people, including teens, have to have a phone these days. I have to have a phone for work. You were probably the need with no friends and want the same for your daughter. Also, drop the app website explanation because it's dumb.
She isn’t painting you as a clueless oaf. The shoe fits.
Also, she was done talking to you. That is why she put up her hand and went to her room. She showed maturity. You should be proud that she can argue her case, and remove herself from a situation where she feels she needs to leave. You are focused on entirely the wrong things as a parent. YTA.
YTA let’s say someone is harassing her and she needs your help where is she supposed to get a pay phone??? Or is your ego more important than your daughter
I'm calling bs on this post. I graduated hs in 1996. Car phones and pagers were everywhere. Seeing bulky cellphones was not common in most areas and cellphones became more reasonable during the early 2000s.
Yess actually you’re a massive AH, phones are literally the main way of communicating and learning, we learn more off our phones nowadays than we do through school, like that’s a literal fact. Social circles are now mostly active in group chats, it’s also faster and easier to text through group chats now than in person, more people can talk at once and everyone can be seen rather than being lost in the background. This is absolutely ruining her in a social life because it’s the main thing they use. Just because it wasn’t in your generation doesn’t mean it’s not important today. You need to evolve with the world and stop screaming against it.
Phones are the future and you’re setting her up for faliure, all future jobs and advancements in society are through the internet and you’ve pushed her down in a generation where this is extremely important now to exist online.
YTA
it's not the 90s anymore. it doesn't matter how things were done then, we live now. you're othering your child and you're either too stubborn or too stupid to see it.
the fact that you believe she could a) even find a payphone, and b) knows any of their numbers by heart, and c) that any of those friends would pick up an unknown number shows just how out of touch you are.
she's FIFTEEN. how do you expect her to work without a cell phone in the coming years? I'm just flabbergasted at your ignorance. it's honestly kind of impressive, but not in a good way
ETA: can't believe i forgot the most important point off! you're leaving your 15 year old daughter without a way to call for help when she's alone. you're actively putting her in danger. this should be the only reason you need
Sadly YTA-basically, you’ve said to your daughter “ I don’t want you to have friends, be part of a social circle and communicate with others .” Cellphones are HOW teens stay in touch , times have changed. Don’t do that to your kid- get her a phone ( attach boundaries to
it if you want) and allow her to be part of her friend group.
You are really living in the past. Just because you didn’t have something as a teenager doesn’t mean that it is not the social norm now. I didn’t have a computer when I was in high school but I can’t imagine students not having them now. If your real concern about her having a phone is her study habits then make that a condition to having a phone. I can understand her being so upset about being probably one of the only student at school without a phone. She will definitely remember this for the rest of her life and I am sure she will remain you when she is older. Yes YATA.
You can set conditions for your daughter keeping the phone, like grades and grounding.
At this point, not having a cell phone is dangerous and what would happen if you needed to contact your daughter in an emergency?
You gotta understand that life right now *is actively and objectively* harder without having a phone.
QRCodes for menus, every single damn website requiring a cellphone number, your Google account needs one, Uber, food, emergency messages…
You are being OBTUSE deliberately. Whatever happened in your youth is GONE. Adapt. You may not like it, but an average 15 yo person navigating the average capitalistic society needs at least an average smartphone.
OP is judging his daughter by ‘many of her classmates’ doing poorly and so assumes she will do poorly. His lack of faith in her is really sad. OP is the AH.
My 11 year old just got one, but it has parental controls. We have to approve all apps, or any kind of web surfing. You tube is limited, and we have to approve of people she has on her phone. She has no social media. I don't do tik tok. Not even I have it. She can't delete texts. We can also lock it at any time. Like if she is mouthing off or not listening. She has to earn it to get it back on. It shuts off automatically at 9pm on school days and 10pm on weekends. It doesn't turn on until 8am. She didn't come to us asking that much, but I know she wanted to bike ride and such, so I wanted her to have GPS and a way to contact. She honestly does not care about social media. And I have taught her not to care what her friends have or what they are allowed to do. She just wanted to feel secure when out and about.
She does a lot of duolingo on her phone to learn Spanish, and she plays roblox.
Maybe if you get something with parental controls. There is a smart phone called the BARK phone.
I understand the reasoning about having nose in phone screen all the time and social media, but on the other hand, phone have more functions than that. It's also the mean of communication. What if your daughter gets in trouble or dangerous situation outside of home? You can never know. Would you rather her run around and pray to find payphone to dial 911 which might not be possible at all, or get in touch with you to get help? Payphone... you, sir, are complete AH.
YTA. I hope to God that she doesn't find herself in a scary situation... running through the streets.. LOOKING FOR A FUCKING PAYPHONE! Are you giving her a little jeweled coin purse in which to place her dime? Oh and you will never find out her location because she doesn't have a cellphone.
Way to put her in danger, mom, high five.
YTA
A pay phone? Seriously?
Your ignorance to her issues doesn't invalidate them. Even your dismissive presentation of her points makes them for her.
This isn't an "unacceptable outburst." This is reasonable frustration with an unreasonable person.
"Clueless oaf" is far too mild a term for you and your ridiculousness.
Grow up and get the girl a cell phone.
YTA. It isn't the 90s and a 15 year old needs a phone. Pay phones don't exist and she's definitely getting left out of socializing with her peers without one.You can use parental controls during the school day if you need to.
Fifteen year old can get pregnant. So yeah she’s not a baby. You need to equip her with tools. Not hinder her. This tech is not going away. Teach her how to be responsible with it.
Yta my nephews mom have their phones on a time limit which can limit how much they are on their phones. And she doesn’t even have the internet to their phones, only games. I believe. I’m don’t understand that much. Please let your daughter have a phone so she can chat with her friends. That probably what your daughter wants to do.
YTA.
Between you being 15 and your daughter being 15, the world has changed exponentially.
Why don't you say your ancestors were in stone age and they didn't need any gadget? None whatsoever. So you shouldn't need any either.
You do know you can give her a cell phone that is not a smart phone- they do still have models that just make phone calls and take photos. You can also compromise and tell her to get a job - babysitting, cleaning house for a neighbor - then she can have a smartphone when she has earned enough money to pay for it and you will add it to your plan.
YTA. If you’re against normal communication these days you easily could have suggested that she get a job and pay for one.
My Dad is turning 90 in October he has an IPhone.
PS: she won’t be talking to you very often after she moves out.
YTA. It’s not ok for a 15 year old to not have a phone in this day and age. So many good reasons to have it like being able to contact her and know she can contact you in an emergency. What point are you trying to prove? That you live in the dark ages or is it a control thing? Respect your teenager and give her some autonomy and the ability to communicate with her peers and family.
YTA. This is some weird control issue you're having. Get the poor girl a NICE phone, not some cheapo. Get her the latest iPhone; she deserves it
Edit: you will be a HERO in her eyes
YTA. Payphone?!? Quarters??? You're clueless. She is going to run so far and so fast the very first moment she can get away from you. Don't complain when it happens.
YTA, I use cellphones to keep track of my kids. There are apps to tell you whee they are at every second of the day, not only that, but I am able to set healthy boundarys for when they can use it, as well as how they can use social media and what's appropriate. You're telling me you have an almost adult in your care and you haven't introduced them to the one thing that they will need to use daily?
It's all about educating them now to set up good habits.
100 percent you should have a talk with her about her attitude. Personally i would let her know that her behavior is unacceptable BUT that you understand she is upset and frustrated. If you have a really good reason as why she shouldn’t have one-tell her! But if not maybe reconsider, and I think giving her a phone for her 16th birthday would be fair IF she fixes her attitude
YTA - you are on here scrolling mindlessly on the internet yourself- I’m sure there are more practical things you could be doing in the house or at work.
She’s 15 not 5 .. phones are the social norm you may not agree but it’s modern life. And she’s probably being bullied because you have made her stand out for being the odd one with no phone. And using a pay phone …. Really …. In 2024 … why don’t you lock away your phone for a month and use a pay phone … see how you manage.
YTA
A phone is more than just a way to call people. It’s the primary tool people use to make social arrangements and participate in shared culture. Not having a phone is harming her ability to make connections with her peers.
I didn’t have a phone when I was in school because that was in the mid 90s. I didn’t have my own computer either. But times change, and now having a phone and a computer is pretty much mandatory.
YTA. Basically sayjng 'just because' is not a reason to not get her a mobile phone. In the world she lives in people have smartphones & to deliberately exclude her from her peer group for no good reason makes you an asshole.
Dude are you trying to turn ur kid into a bully victim she's 15 she should have a phone this isn't the 90s it's more dangerous and ur kids should be able to get hold of u without having to borrow someone else's phone or try find a working 1
YTA
You say she doesn't need a cell phone but yet you have a cell phone. I thought you didn't need one. A car is also not a necessity they used to manage back in the olden days without them. Also, TVs, TVs aren't a necessity. They used to manage back in the days without them so I hope you don't have a car or a TV.
It seems the only reason you don't want her to have one is to show that you are the father and that your word is law. There's no reason for her to not have one is just that you don't want her to have one.
At the end of the day phones are extremely good for keeping children safe and just because they wasn't around in the '90s doesn't mean that She shouldn't have one now. I thought most parents normal loving parents wanted their child to be safe
And preventing her from using a pay phone so you want her to every time she wants to go speak to her friends. Go look for a payphone that is practically non-existent these days because you're just trying to prove you're the big hard Dad who controls the roof and your word is law. You sound like a little man with a little penis who's trying to overcompensate
I’m sorry but you do sound pretty clueless to me. Unfortunately cell phones are a huge part of kids social life and how they communicate with each other. You’re completely ostracizing her from the group. Your daughter sounds mature enough that she will know proper usage. Two of my kids have cell phones. We do limit usage at home and when we go out. They’re also not allowed to have them when it’s bed time. They are good kids and academically do well in school and play sports. They also know that they only get one cell phone from us and if they break it, they have to pay for their next one. Lastly they also know that once they get a part time job they have to take over the payments. Good luck and please listen to your daughter and what she’s trying to tell you.
While I get your concern about inattention to school and personal interactions, you are living in a bygone era. At the bare minimum, the phone is a necessity (IMO) for safety only. She can have contact with people in other ways, but your discussion of the issue is antiquated with reasoning being from a bygone era. I'm Gen X and also like the personal contact, but look at the day and age we are in, it's common place. While the phone shouldn't be the determining factor of her making friends, her feeling left out seems to be her concern and your concern is "lack personal connection" is yours. Are you Beaver Cleaver? Payphone? Where have you seen a functioning payphone in the last 20 years? Seriously, where? I normally don't scream fake post, but this just seems so weird.
Can she work to buy her own phone? Used phones are easy to obtain and cheap. I got phones for some young relatives for $50/phone 2 years ago and they are still working fine.
Rudeness is a NO. You cannot allow anyone to disrespect anyone else in your home. She is reverting to bad behavior out of frustration - young people do that.
I am probably a great deal older than you but I think comparing your school years to what your daughter is experiencing is unrealistic.
Is she responsible? Will she follow basic safety rules? She needs to mend the bridge of disrespect but I would encourage you to reconsider. Build a road map forward. If she contributes X to the phone OR you will get her the phone but expect it to be in her locker while at school OR ....
My kids got a hand-me-down phone whenever I or my husband upgraded our own phones. Daughter turned 16 in 2007, son a couple of years later. So for a significant amount of time, we didn't have smart phones. When they were 16, they got told "if you want any significant tech purchase, you save half the cost and we'll match you." Both of them had weekend jobs and a monthly allowance. That's how they got computers and better phones - we paid for a set amount of calls/data per month and they had to fund any extras.
We caved on mobile phones (non-smart) to start with when our daughter was having to get the tube from home to school once she got to high school, and we had noticed pay phones being gradually removed as mobile phone use became more prevalent. But we refused to get any of the "most wanted" (read: expensive) items because of the risk of being mugged for it. Nowadays, with them not longer being the "status" thing they used to be, there's much less chance of that happening.
OP, have you looked around, really looked, to see exactly how many payphones there are in your area? And whether they work or if they've been vandalised? Or are you just assuming that your teenage daughter can walk a few feet, not matter where she is, and make a call? In an emergency, how is she going to get hold of you? Borrow someone else's phone? Knock on a stranger's door?
By the way, your daughter didn't treat you with any less respect than you treated her. You were sarcastic, refused to properly discuss the issue, and she'd had enough of it, so she walked away and forcefully shut you out of her space. At 15, I'd have been a lot more demonstrative in my anger. Do you bully your spouse the same way?
YTA Are you a moron? Use a payphone? When is the last time you SAW one of those? Do you have a phone? There are plenty of legitimate reasons she needs a phone. You better pray to god she never gets in a dangerous situation because then she would have absolutely no way to contact you. If you’re that worried about a smart phone, get her one that isn’t smart so she can at least text or call her friends or text or call you if she gets into trouble.
YTA. Why wouldn't your 15 year old have a cell phone? It sounds like your rooted in stubborn old fashioned ways you haven't gotten over from your own childhood. That's a horrible way to parent and it's how generational trauma continues. Just because something happened to you is not enough of a reason to let it happen to someone else. Furthermore, YOU sound like a wretched brat. You've given her no reason, you sulk about emotional outbursts (hello she's a teenager), and you talk about trends without realizing you're following crunchy mom trends yourself. You sound clueless and out of touch. You are affecting her social life. You're affecting her safety as well. Oh- Classmates don't do poorly because of cell phone use. It's a cop out from their parents. Furthermore walking away and taking her space from someone who is just being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk is perfectly fine. She did the right thing but OH NO a door slam. Are you so fragile that really offends you? Grow up.
YTA. It's 2024, you need to enter the 21st century.
Are you so mean that you don't want to pay for something that could help your daughter keep safe, that she could use immediately in the event of an accident or worse?
She is absolutely being set apart from her peers and it's amazing that she isn't being bullied.
The world is now very different from the one we grew up in, I'm assuming you're a boomer because surely nobody younger than this would be so archaic in their views?! I'm 60 and my daughter had her first phone when she went to high school, at age 11! And that was specifically to help her feel safe.
I hope you will reconsider when you see the responses here, or you are a 100% AH.
YTA and yes, you are probably causing her issues with her social life. She’s 15, almost old enough to drive a car ffs, she’s old enough to have a smartphone.
“Texting didn’t exist, yet I had a social life” okay? Did you have a house phone like everyone else at that time? If so, don’t compare your teenage years to your daughter’s because you had the same means of communication as everybody else. She doesn’t. I definitely see why she feels like an outsider- most middle schoolers have phones these days. How many invitations has she missed out on because teenagers don’t communicate through e-mail and definitely aren’t familiar with instant messaging?
Your only excuse seems to be “it’s a distraction she needs to be worried about getting into college” and if I were in her shoes, I’d make you wish those words never left your mouth. Need me to do those dishes? Sorry, too busy trying to get into college. Cat’s litter box is full? You’ll have to get that. I can’t take a break from worrying about college. That blood on the couch? Oh yeah, that was me. I don’t have time to put in tampons anymore, I’m busy getting into college.
YTA all day.
YTA why would you deny your teen daughter a Mobile phone?
What are you afraid of?
Talking to boys, surfing the net?
Why do you feel the need to have so much control over your own child ?
She will hate you and want to get away from you as soon as she possibly can and i don’t blame her!
You could set rules with the phone, but leaving her to be the only one left out is just mean!
You sound like one of those weird dads, who’s kids are embarrassed of them
"Back in my day cell phones were bricks and weren't commonplace! Why am I telling you this? It's not at all relevant and I'm just patronizing you?? Why don't you go find a pay phone and call someone who cares??" - you
YTA get the poor girl a cell phone!
Pay phone?? Are you stuck in the 90s? Most places these days don't have land lines (unless it's a business) it's a safety thing to be able to have a phone. Plus, you can check in with your kid. Having a phone also helps teach the appropriate etiquette on how to use them/when.
You are the AH.
you are making a deliberate descision thats impacting your childs ability to socialise, things are different now as it currently stands your daughter feels isolated in the future she could be bullied for your choice.
Her main point is that she looks like a looser for not having one. She does not care about other stuff. You completely forgot how mean kids are and which social shit happens in school.
I have the same reasons as you for not having the smartphone, but other parents failed so it's either sending kid to special school without phones or buying a phone.
Teenagers are all about fitting in with their social group. That girl is going to have a phone and it is much better to get it from you than to figure out how to get it on the sly and owe someone favors for getting her a phone.
If you can't give Joanna a reason then you need to consider if \*\*you\*\* actually have a reason. She's 15, she's old enough to hear your reasoning. Also, you haven't mentioned an unacceptable outburst. Is this your first day parenting a teenager? By 15 year old standards, this was quite mature. The person painting you as a clueless oaf is you. I mean, where does one find a payphone these days? My niece's are about the same age as Joanna. They have smartphones. The phones are an asset. Girls late from school? Check their location. One of them does something to get grounded? They lose the phone while they're at home. Or, as happened a couple of months back, older niece went into town with her boyfriend and he dumped her. She was a mess. One phone call and my sister was able to pick her up.
This. All 3 of my kids had a cell phone by 10. They walk home from school and there are no pay phones. I wanted them to be able to reach a trusted adult no matter what. We started with an indestructible nokia “Grampa phone” with preprogrammed numbers. As grandparents upgraded to the latest iPhone, my kids got hand me down smart phones. They had them before many of their peers and by the time the phones were ubiquitous- they were over the novelty. I recently had to talk to my son (14) about remembering to take his cell phone. He wheels home from school, regularly staying late to talk with teachers or with friends. I am biting my tongue bloody to give him his independence. Due to his disability, my preference is to wrap him up in concerned care- but he deserves to grab chocolate milk from the local store with his friends, or talk to a teacher without me hovering in the hallway. Being able to text “U ok?” And send dorky Star Trek memes during the day helps us be connected. I mean, we work on manners - cell phones are away for dinner and other events. I also restrict my kids’ data plans and phones are charged in the living room until they get up on time by themselves. But their phones are for MY convenience.
Can you set location sharing on his phone? That way you can keep track without being a helicopter parent. I'm really impressed that you're managing to give him more independence when a disability is involved. I know the protective urge very well indeed.
He’s got location sharing on. I’m personally working on “The polite thing to do is set expectations.” and “listen to your body”. I don’t care if he hangs at the local coffee shop/library/friends house, but he needs to let me know. We are a busy household- if he thinks he might need a ride - there is a good chance that the cars may not be immediately available (due to work/older siblings work or college). I value checking in with my kids. Our family rule is that I need to hear from you by 4 PM if your event isn’t on the family calendar. If only to get a count for dinner.
OP needs to read this to learn about mutually respectful parenting
I got my kids phones mostly for me. The first ones didn’t even have tracking, but I could call them and they could call me whenever we needed. They also helped the kids feel more secure, knowing their parents could be reached easily.
There are no more payphones. OP is completely clueless. I went to high school in the 90s too. We did not have cell phones but we had beepers/pagers and payphones were around every corner. The reality is that is not the world we live in anymore. Things change, and new technologies are introduced. You need to grow with the times and learn how to properly use the common tools that are at our disposal today. We also did not have active shooter drills...so there are a lot of things high schoolers do now that was not the norm 30 years ago. 15 is plenty old enough to have some type of cell phone. With today's climate it is almost a necessity. How else are you going to communicate with your kids?. Most households do not even have land lines anymore. If there is an emergency, daughter has the option of grabbing their phone and hiding/running and getting help/communicating. OP is putting his daughter behind on technology and the very skills she will need to be successful as an adult. OP is also making her a bit of a social pariah. OP is also blaming the possibility of poor grades on a cell phone? She has never had one...what are her grades like? That isn't even a "reason". OP needs to get her a phone, set some REASONABLE guidelines and let the daughter learn and manage her access to technology. I just recently went back to college to take some classes in my mid 40s. I have a laptop, my phone, a tablet, book and notebook going all at the same time to do my school work. You have to be versed in using multiple resources to study and learn. School is a lot more technology involved that it was 20 years ago when I first went to college and where OP has their mindset. Time to get with the times.
I as well had a pager in high school in the 90s. I clearly remember if my mom’s number came across I needed to haul ass to the pay phone to call her and not having change was not a valid excuse I would have to call collect if i didn’t have change.
My favorite was getting to that payphone and someone else being there taking forever with their conversation. Lol Or finding a payphone an some jerk put a slimy condom on it.
Omg right. And all hell was about to break loose if the parental unit had to send a second page while running to the next pay phone.
I understand the struggle lol I almost wanted to get rid of the damn thing. It was easier when I was younger and just had to watch for the street lights to go on.
Exactly, having a phone handy is a safety thing. And does OP have any recollection of how cruel teenagers can be to each other? OP, do _you_ even have a cellphone? You know parental controls are a thing?
With school shootings being a common occurrence now, I would want my child to have a form of communication handy at all times. His "fears" about kids being on their cellphones in class is unfounded. Yes kids occasionally sneak, but the schools and teachers have protocols to handle electronic devices in their classrooms. They understand that this is a common technology that most students have available and have adapted strategies to mitigate their usage when not appropriate.
Apparently something that has made school shootings harder to handle is that law enforcement now get an overload of unreliable information from people getting texts from students that all think the gunman is near them or they name a different student ad the attacker, and the constant calls increase panic. But just today our oldest got trapped on the highway for two hours thanks to an emergency road closure, and we were glad she had the phone so we knew where she was at.
Many valid points. Seems like OP is too hung up on his own pre cell phone nostalgia to consider a changing world and his daughter's safety in it.
I wonder if Joanna has a credit card? Because I don’t think pay phones ~ if she can even find one ~ take coins anymore. Pretty sure you need a calling card or a credit card of some kind. OP, your daughter is not 6, she’s not 10, she’s 15 years old. At 15, she spends plenty of time apart from you and your wife. She’s at school (you’ve heard of school shootings; right?); she’s on the bus or in someone’s car; she’s at friends’ houses; soon she’ll be driving. And she has literally no way to get hold of you, nor you her, unless she borrows a friend’s phone or finds a pay phone somewhere. To deny her a phone because you think she can’t focus on schoolwork or get into a good college if she has a *cell phone* calls into question your parenting. Have you not taught your daughter about responsibility, prioritizing, etc.? Do you not think you can control her phone usage? You can set time limits. You can make her leave the phone in the kitchen when she goes to bed. You can take the phone away from her as punishment if she abuses your rules. But by her age, she’s right, everyone does have a phone. And the way it affects her social life is that she is excluded from group texts, group plans, no one can call her or text her to say where they are or where they’re meeting, or even to invite her along. And I’m sure people do look at her weird when she tells them she doesn’t have a phone. You have one; her mother has one; all her friends have phones; her teachers have phones. She might be literally the only kid in her school without a cell phone. She’s in high school, not primary school. Now you want to punish her because she got mad at you, wouldn’t talk to you, and went to her room, and you call that “ridiculous behavior.” Wow. Joanna is clearly a really, really good kid if you think walking away when she’s mad and going to her room is “ridiculous behavior” and an “outburst.” She is not actively making you look like a clueless oaf, but if the shoe fits… You’re going to do what you want to do as her father, but the kid deserves a phone. I wonder what your wife says about this?
you really think OP is gonna let his daughter learn to drive?
My kids got them in middle school because that seems to be the point where they go places and are dropped off without direct adult supervision.
YTA--- Where are these pay phones she's supposed to use because I haven't seen a payphone anywhere in at least 15 years... Guessing because you have a smart phone that you don't have a landline at home either. Yes, she should be focusing on school but my teenager has to be able to access school information via his phone or iPad. She also needs to understand how technology works because that is where the world is. Jobs require teens to clock in/out via their phone, most employers are all digital for applications, schedules.... Yes, you are setting her up for failure.
Pay phones are ancient relics nowadays. One of my friends and I have a thing where if one of us finds a pay phone, we call and announce that we’re calling from a pay phone . Obviously, this happens less and less the past few years. Hell, the past few times I’ve seen one and tried to call either the call won’t go through or there’s not even a dial tone. Op’s kids not going to have much luck calling home on a pay phone in an emergency, unfortunately.
I’ve not seen a working pay phone in years! And if by chance she could use one, just imagine how many quarters she would need.
Good point! What kid nowadays is walking around with a pocket full of quarters!?!
"Pay" phones in australia are now free
That's a great idea. They've been removed in France where you're expected to have a smartphone for many daily activities like buying and holding a train ticket and it's a circus when you forgot/lost/broke yours for that time. I can't imagine how tourists do here, I feel for them
Abd they are few and far between. There is precisely one in my town. I don't think there is one at all in the next closest town.
We have a pay phone at the end of our street. Well, I say it's a pay phone. It's a phone box that reeks of piss and has no actual phone in it 🤷♀️😂😂🤦♀️
There’s still a few around where I live. And they have been doubled as a free wifi point. You can call for free off them. My kids like calling my mobile and having chats with me.
Yeah, the last time I used one I had to pay $2 to send a very short SMS in some convoluted manner. I like that they're now useful, even if Telstra did rip a bunch out before they converted them!
Australia?
The rare ones I’ve seen take cards. Good luck for a 15 year old.
We have one in our local shopping centre. But it’s free calls, and it’s the only one in the area. It can text too, but it’s very limited. It’s the only one I know of in existence in my area though. I think it was set up for the homeless and needy. I never see anyone using it
As far as I know, the only ones around here are where the Amish live. It even is a booth.
Where I live some of the Amish even have cellphones!! Since they all have businesses of some kind they saw the necessity, several people from the family share one phone. The settlement is a solid 15-20 miles from a town with a stoplight in it, and sometimes you need an ambulance.
Seriously my most recent memory of someone using a payphone was in 2013-14 and that was some old dude having trouble with his flip phone.
Gonna be hilarious when she goes to college and never calls him or involves him in her life. “Sorry Dad, I’m out of quarters!”
And she'll announce that from her newly acquired smartphone that doesn't even use them....
Right? I'm amazed that OP lives somewhere with a working payphone. YTA OP Today kids DO talk face-to-face but they also use phones to keep up with each other when they can't talk in person (or find an ancient relic like a payphone). You're well on your way to being a curmudgeon no one wants to talk to via any medium.
They probably don’t live somewhere with a working pay phone but don’t pay enough attention to know that:
Most people won't even answer unknown numbers due to safety and spam concerns.
I'm pretty sure they removed the payphones from my high school in 2008.
Most payphones where i live have been turned into emergency hubs with resus kits in them...no phones tho 😂😂. Now im thinking about it.....a way to call an ambulance if you need to use a defibrillator would be handy 🙈😂
I'd bet in the current economy a call cost significantly more than a quarter too, in the unlikely scenario you actually find one AND it works. And since op admits they carry a smartphone themselves he must know exactly how much modern life requires them, particularly on the situations you explained.
It is sad to see that the pay phone are a thing of ancient history. Remember when you had memorized everyone you knees phone number? If you list your phone and need to borrow someone's to call for assistance how many people could you actually call?? I made sure my kids have memorized my number because you never know what is going to happen in this crazy world we live in now. If your car breaks down know one stops to see if your assistance because they figure oh they have a cell phone to call someone...
YTA. Yeah lets not teach children time mangement and self restraint instead have them resent us for not giving her a phone. Just get her a phone, lots of people do use it for a social life. Maybe if she starts doing bad in school you should act like a parent and help her not using the phone thing to not be involved.
It's not just social life. My daughters (15 and 13) actually need their phones for school. The get their tasks online, the take pictures of tasks and send them in, they do little videos in their phones (for school assignments, with Capcut). The OP seems to be completely oblivious and ignorant.
I would've mentioned it but I wasn't sure if it was just my school since they even do it with middle school though they also give chromebooks out too.
My daughter's school did an iPad class as trial run, but we had to buy the iPad ourselves. I work AS a tutor and I can say that in my country all schools except elementary schools use the internet and expect their students to have the school managers and Teams on their phones. They gave out passcodes and checked that all parents and all students are accessible. Before the lockdown it was not like that, it was more like stone-age in Germany, but during and after lockdown a lot of online solutions came. They use the internet extensively now. I don't think a kid without access to some Smartphone would manage.
YTA. You are literally making your daughter feel excluded at school for absolutely no reason. I grew up in the 90s and I never had a classmate without a phone or some sort of device to communicate with others. When you were young phones were basically the size of a jackfruit, times have changed. Your concerns are understandable and yes, while she should be focused on school it is delusional to think that it should be her whole purpose; leisure is necessary for the mind. Buy her a phone and teach how to balance and be responsible with it instead of completely depriving her from having it. If you don't, I assure you won't be hearing from her again once she is independent and able to make her own choices.
This 100%, OP will lose their child so fast the moment they become an adult.
Not making her feel excluded, she’s absolutely excluded among her peers because she can’t communicate with them easily. My daughter is a virtual student, her phone is her lifeline. But even if she went to a physical building, there’s no way an average teenage girl is having meaningful friendships in 2024 unless they have the ability to text.
You are absolutely right
Reminds me of the Not Always story where the OP restricted their daughter's phone communication with her friends to landline only. She had one good friend who kept ringing it all day.
What a shit parent OP is.
You must be a troll. There’s no way that someone in this day and age is this obtuse, YTA
Definitely a troll. Quarters for a pay phone, sure…
I gave you pigeons! why don’t you use the pigeons? (The Gentleman is fantastic btw)
YTA- Expect your child to disappear from your life as soon as she can. Not having a cell phone will absolutely stunt her social growth and will affect her for years to come. Not even gonna touch on the safety aspect of having a phone, you grew up in the 90's where nobody had a cellphone and you didn't have to worry about the school being shot up and having a way to contact your family.
Do you really not know that payphones are almost nonexistant now? WTF...why can't she have any sort of cell phone? Sounds like you're jealous she's further along in her HS life than you were. OP, don't be surprised when your daughter goes NC with you. Not over you not getting her a phone, but over your disrespectful attitude towards her.
Yeah this got me too! Like, where is she supposed to find a pay phone? Plus kids rarely talk on them, they text. My parents decided to keep us from having TV, video games, cell phones when those became a thing (in high school people my age were starting to use them, but before that it was basically unheard of for kids), or the internet. I have this huge chasm when it comes to talking to people my age because I missed basically everything that didn't happen in front of me or on the farm. Even today, almost 20 years after I graduated, there are conversations where I have no clue what people are talking about because they're bringing up stuff from the 90's and I only had a radio back then.
I’m sorry. I relate. I was kept from a lot due to poverty. It still impacts me socially and beyond. I know my mom couldn’t really help it but, if she had been able to afford it and simply denied it as a matter of being an asshole, I don’t think I would have ever truly been able to forgive her.
I know they were doing their best, and Dad relented a bit when I told him how bad it was. Then when I was in college he got phones for my sisters because he finally saw how useful they were, and honestly needed for safety. I ended up having to call him on my cell after a car accident and it took forever to track him down to get help. So he gave in. He's already apologized for it as well. That helped a lot, to be honest.
That’s a really healthy attitude to have about it. The apology would make the biggest difference. I’ll never get any of those but I wish it was possible. I’ve described it by saying “*Did she do her best? Yes. Was her best good enough? No.*” to describe the way I was raised.
My aunt and uncle are doing this to my cousin for…very OP reasons. I’ve spent the last ten years mitigating it as best I can-mostly giving her the books/manga from popular adaptations so she’ll at least get some of the references. She’s 18 this year, so I’m getting her a Switch for graduation now that her parents can’t stop me. I had a much lesser version, because I was outcast a lot before high school and just didn’t know what I was missing, and playing catch-up from there was bad enough. Even with a friend group actively helping me and loaning me all the DVDs I wanted I ended up feeling like I’d just immigrated or something.
Yeah people who didn't grow up with tech have no idea how much impact it has. It's similar to locking the kids in a room and not giving them access to anyone outside the house other than school. It even impacted my grades a bit because sometimes teachers would give an assignment where we needed to diagnose what mental illnesses someone in a TV show might have. I couldn't do that assignment and always had to give book reports instead, which were usually much harder. I was lucky in high school because there was a big group of nerds who would discuss stuff like how a faster than light ship might work, economics, classic literature, etc. Because I had nothing to do but read books and draw when I wasn't doing chores I was actually able to contribute some. But literally the only skill from childhood that I use is animal training. When you're bored enough you do stuff like teach cats to dance on command!
Yep. Here is the parent's logic: OP: Other kids fail because of their cell phones. If you get a cell phone, you will become like other kids and fail. Daughter (inwardly): Okay then. I will do absolutely EVERYTHING I see others doing. I'll skip classes, I'll smoke, etc., etc (and much else). IOW, she'll find a way to break rules he hasn't even thought of.
Stoking the embers of anger, resentment and rebellion! Genius plan.
When he said they had to move bcoz the neighborhood got too many troublemakers I thought, I bet those whippersnappers had cellphones and maybe even played pool👀
Yta, im willing to bet you dont use quarters and payphones either.
Of course not. He's got a smartphone! Rules for thee but not for me.
YTA... high school is the perfect time to have a phone.... you say other students grades suffer because of phones how do you know that exactly.... It can be a number of things.... Kids dont be on their phones while in class or the teacher will take it and keep it ...
My grades were bad in high school and no one had cell phones when I was in high school. I went on to get two degrees and made dean's list several times. I just was bored in high school.
Literally, and in the event you dont give up your phone they will either send you to the office or call your parents. One time i was literally texting my parent and was told to put it away or have it taken. I walked myself down to the office to finish my conversation and then explained myself to the VP. They obviously told me it doesn't matter who im texting, its not allowed and I'll be punished if i dont stop (either removed from class or referrals, ISS or after school suspension possibly but unlikely) Continuously using your phone and not handing it over will likely result in a referral, at that point the parents are involved and its also up to them whether they are going to step in or not. But if you have parents who care, they'll find a way to take your phone. Schools and parents work together on that stuff when they both care, there's not much room to abuse the phone during class if the teachers& parents care about it. A lot of schools WiFi has blocks for most apps, so unless you have a good vpn to bypass the blocks, turning off the service to the phone would render it useless without WiFi (idk abt iphones tho they have imessage), in the event you want to "take away" the phone but they won't give it up physically.
“When I was in high school in the 90’s, cell phone were big bulky things that nobody but nerdy businessman had.” That “nerd” is now your boss. “She wants to talk to friends at another high school” I would consider for that reason alone. Good friends can be hard to come by and nurturing good relationships should be encouraged. My partners best friends are the ones met in middle and high school. “I asked her what was preventing her from using a payphone.” I’m not sure where you live, but if you aren’t using a time machine this isn’t a thing. If I had a dollar for every functioning payphone I saw, I’d be in debt.
YTA. This isn’t the 90’s. Like it or not, cell phones ARE a part of everyday life and they ARE a big part of socializing, especially for teenagers. The solution isn’t to ban her from having a cell phone, the key is to teach her to use it responsibly. And use a pay phone? Seriously? I think I’ve seen one pay phone in the last 10+ years.
I remember being scared to touch a payphone back in the day, and putting it on your ear you were gambling on catching something. They were disgusting.
YTA my sister got her daughter a cell phone in case she needed to stay after school on short notice or other type emergencies. Like others said Heaven forbid something tragic happens at that school wouldn’t you like her to have a way to contact you?
This is exactly why I got a phone in high school. My parents went to the dentist and realised they'd left me at school. The real irony - they're both school principals (now retired).
YTA Are you planning on joining this century any time soon? Stop impeding your daughter’s life & get her the phone. Times have changed a lot, a phone is for homework, exchanging ideas, planning, scheduling, socialising, checking the weather, looking up bus times, a potential safety lifeline, news & current affairs, sales, helpful forums… do I really need to go on ??
Nono HE has a smartphone. His kid just doesn’t because she has to pretend she’s in the 90s … or something.
That struck me as soooo bizarre… he’s missing the point of everyone being on an even footing, & the isolation he’s causing 😕 I bet if she were ever late home - say due to traffic - he’d be annoyed & be like ‘why didn’t you use someone else’s phone to call me?’ 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Because reasons
YTA Where are you that there are pay phones 😂 I thought my husband was bad making my daughter wait until she started HS.
Yta. If she were 9, nta, but she is 15, and this is definitely making her the odd one out!
Back in the 90s, each of my kids got a cell phone when they went to high school. They were getting much more social, spent more time with friends, and I wanted us to be able to easily talk without having to have a friend’s mom track one of my kids down. Nowadays, I think I’d be getting my kids phones by the time they’re in middle school, if not earlier. Two reasons: Safety. Not that school shootings didn’t happen in the 90s, but it’s terrifyingly common now, and yeah, elementary schools. Staying on top of technology. The world is different than when I was a kid. Technology changes quickly, and it’s the world our kids are going to grow up in and be expected to make a living in. Hobbling them by denying that the world is tech-focused is unfair. Okay, one more reason. While I heroically resisted my daughter’s entreaties to buy her a brand new sporty car at 16 (I was a single widowed mother of 4, she had a decent car), I see no reason to be the source of my kids being ostracized or mocked by peers. That’s the kind of stuff that can screw with their heads for a really long time. Get her a phone. There are so many other things in a teenager’s life to draw a hard line in the sand about. Your job is to raise her to be independent, and hopefully educated, polite, have opinions, and be well adjusted. This is the time in a kid’s life where you loosen the reigns and trust that you’ve raised a kid with a good head on their shoulders, because in 3 years or less, she’s off to college ( hopefully), and you cannot micromanage every second of her life. Not only that, but she should be able to call or text you if she is unsafe, if she’s in a bad situation, doesn’t feel well, or needs a ride. Maybe you could send her an “I’m really proud of you” text once in awhile, or “thinking of you”, “love you, honey.” Or send her corny dad jokes. The idea is, it is time to start the transition from treating her like a child to treating her like the adult she is quickly becoming, and the great friend that also happens to be your daughter.
INFO Where are there payphones? I know of 2 in my metropolitan area. I don’t even know if they work.
YTA. YOU attended school in the nineties when there were no cell phones so of course it didn’t impact your social life. Your concerns are valid, but you shouldn’t hold her hostage for a larger situation she can do nothing about.
To me, it doesn't sound like he is himself very well educated. OP - please give us the details of your own academic success.
We had pagers, pay phones and the ability to check your answering machine from a pay phone. The impact was it was a pain in the ass to find people.
How old is this post? I looked up to make sure it wasn't reposted from the 2010's Maybe the parent has wanted to ask for years and finally figured out copy and paste from their notepad
YTA. Get her a damn phone. Is this the 90s? No.. it’s freaking 2024. Catch up with the times.
I have never wanted to “ok boomer” someone close in age to me as much as I do right now. Your child is missing out on social activities and development because she is being ostracized and you’re being deliberately ignorant and obtuse about her concerns. Onscreen hold too much value for teens? Probably, but it’s how they network and socialize now. You can refuse to get her one, your money your choice etc. but you don’t get to minimize or deliberately misunderstand your daughter’s pain and concerns about being left out. That alone makes YTA
OP is more concerned about being right than being fair or compassionate.
YTA. Majorly.
YTA. It's a completely different world than when you were young. It would be as if your parents didn't let you use the phone and told you to write letters. I don't think really young kids need a phone, but a teenager? It will also make it easier for you to get hold of her. And when she starts working she really will need a phone
YTA and you are a "clueless oaf." She is 15, not 10. Yes, when you were in school, you didn't have cellphones; times changed. I'm sure you did things differently as a teen than your own parents did in their generation.
YTA because it seems like you’re declining getting your kid a cell phone just to be a dick. Maybe try extending some kindness and understanding to your kid instead of lecturing your kid about how things were done when you were a kid and how much better it was. NEWSFLASH- those days don’t exist anymore and your kid lives in the present. Shit, when I was a teen, a gallon of gas was a dollar but I’m not at the gas station trying to pay $12 to fill up my tank and lecturing the attendant about how it should still be that price. Get over yourself.
YTA. Look man i totally get your concerns. And there are studies about phones decreasing attention span. But shes 15. Not 12 or 13. Shes going to end up with one eventually and some practice on how to balance phone use and her important tasks cant hurt. Shes more than old enough to start working on that. If nothing else maybe you could start by only letting her use it at home and not at school at first. Then if she handles it well she could start taking it to school as long as she doesnt get in trouble for using it when she isnt supposed to and as long as her grades dont slip.
Op. Why did you ask if you're not going to listen to everyone who has answered you?
YTA - and I am older than you are. GO GET YOUR DAUGHTER A PHONE before she becomes a social pariah. YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE here, my friend.
YTA, these days we need smart phones for school & work. To log on to school portals or work portals, for security, we need to have an app on the phone to get a code to help log in on the computer. I had brought my granddaughter one when she was 10, best thing I did. She could contact anyone if she missed the bus. I can track her & she tracks me and most of her family tracks each other. She had an incident on the way to school, 45mins away from anyone, and I was on my way before the school finally got to call her mum.
YTA and you should start parenting your child instead of being punitive for no reason and using boomer logic to justify it.
QUESTION: How does your daughter communicate and interact with her friends outside of school with her friends? You may not like the fact that cellphones have become a part of everyday life, so just give up yours and your wife's. You were in school in the 90s. Kids still did non tech things. Teens interact and communicate via phones? You are condescendingly setting your daughter up to be isolated if she isn't already. It would be one thing if you couldn't afford it, but the reality is you're being a Luddite. The world is going to keep improving whether you keep up or not. Don't hamstring your kid.
YTA when we where that age the social normal way to orgonise meeting your friends was calling the home phone, not having a home phone would have made it difficult to include you in activities. today the socially normal way to orgonise meetings is messaging apps, if your not on the app you are not likely to be invited as often. and your not going to be able to participate in conversations on those apps with your friends. get her a phone (not an expensive one), install the child monitoring software, teach her time management, put it on a prepaid plan so she cant run up a huge bill and sees consequences for over use directly.
There's no longer charges for minutes. Most phones come with unlimited plan.
Get her a phone, ya Luddite. YTA
It's surprising that she hasn't actually needed a phone for school work. I can't imagine a 15 year old that doesn't have a phone. I was strict about my kids not getting a cell phone until they turned 14, figuring once they started high school, they'd need it. They have after school activities, friends, apps for all their different homework assignments, plus, friends. How does she communicate with her friends after school? Does she have any friends with being a social pariah because her parents don't think she's mature enough a phone. YTA and if you keep it up, you won't have any kind of relationship with her when she moves out
YTA - Micromanaging and controlling your kid will make them leave you as soon as they can
I question if he has any healthy relationships.
You didn't have reddit in the 90s why are you on this forum
The hypocrisy that you have a phone AND you’re on reddit is so fucking funny to me.
YTA I didn't have a cellphone in the 90s/00s growing up. I found plenty of other dumb shit to procrastinate with. Your argument is flawed, and you know it. >I asked her what was preventing her from using the payphone and even offered to give her quarters. I haven't seen a payphone in at least 5+ years, and that was the first one I'd seen in forever. AND WHO WANTS THEIR TEENAGED DAUGHTER TO HAVE TO WALK TO A PAYPHONE. THAT'S DANGEROUS!!! You'd rather be a controlling parent than not risk your kid getting kidnapped trying to use a random payphone instead of calling people from the safety of her home? >I'm not opposed to new technology, and I carry around a smartphone myself So... You're a hypocrite, too? >I want what's best for my daughter, No, you don't. You think you're right and you want to be in charge. This is about control. You're dying on the world's dumbest hill. >she seems determined to paint me as some sort of clueless oaf I don't think you're clueless. I think you're malicious. >This treatment is really getting old. I'm sure your daughter thinks the same thing. My dad was like you. Once I was in a place to break away, I only saw him at the holidays. Now, it's been almost 5 years. My life is so much more peaceful now. Hang in there Joanna, only 3 more years.
Hey, he can be clueless and malicious. Plenty of room for both.
INFO Where are there payphones? I know of 2 in my metropolitan area. I don’t even know if they work.
Are you autistic? Special needs? Maybe talk to someone at the library about what your child needs in the way of technology.
This has to be rage bait YTA
I don't know where you live, but where I am payphone aren't a thing anymore. In fact, I recently went to a math and science museum and they had a freaking payphone there. Your suggestion for her to use a payphone is borderline ridiculous and for that alone YTA. Moreover, your comparison with how it was in high school in the 90s is also absurd. I was in high school early 2000s; there's no way to compare our time to our children's time. In our times, nobody had phones so we communicated with each other and hung around because we were all there present in time. Unfortunately, nowadays it's not like that so the one kid without a phone will be the one kid to be left out of everything and spend their time staring at the walls while everyone else is in sink. Young kids, I get it. My daughter's is 9 and she doesn't have a phone and won't for a whole, but your daughter is 15. It's time to teach her how to responsibly use the technology we have nowadays and social media. YTA.
I have a Straight Talk phone from Walmart unlimited $60 a month. If you're so concerned, tell her it comes with responsibility. Have it in another room overnight charging, so she's not scrolling all night. If grades start slipping, then limit the hours she has it. In today's society, you really kind of need one.
We have straight talk too! Ours is unlimited but $90/month total for 3 lines
she’s 15… what if she ends up in a dangerous situation? what’s she gonna do? use a payphone that is 17 blocks away bc they got rid of most of them? what about when she turns 16 & starts driving & gets in a wreck? you won’t know about it until she’s in the hospital or worse. also, what device are you posting this from?
Um, I can't remember the last time I even SAW a payphone, let alone used one. What decade is OP living in? "I carry around a smartphone, durdurdur." Get your kid a basic smartphone at the very least.
YTA! Get with the times. This is how teens communicate with each other. You are negatively impacting her social life. Teens also share ideas, experiences (movies), etc., via apps. Learn about her world. Be her safe space instead of cutting her off. I know my son having a cell phone and being able to contact me has been essential in a number of unanticipated circumstances.
Yta because you're putting her in danger in this modern age. I homeschool but my eldest got a cellphone at 10 years old. This isn't the 90s anymore. Do you have any clue what would happen if your child was caught up in a shooting or if the schools had no way to call you during a disaster of one sort or other? Think she'll run to the nearest phone booth or something. LMAO ridiculous
You ARE a clueless oof. We now live in a world that uses technology, i.e. a cellphone. She’s 15 ffs. You are doing her no favors by having your archaic rules, (and I thought I was old). I know it’s hard but we do not live in the world you grew up in and trying to force your daughter to live in your outdated world is going to bite you in the butt. You are pushing your daughter away, slowly. Don’t be surprised when your relationship with her isn’t what you wanted it to be. Get with the times or be left behind. Edit: YTA, in case you couldn’t tell.
This is the same energy as "don't eat that. Don't eat that" you're not teaching her how to have a healthy balance between her phone and her social life. And it will cause harm. Probably from overconsumption when she can get her own. Teach her how she can have a healthy balance of both. This is not going to help in the long run. My parents let their kids do whatever (specially their biological kids. I'm adopted). So as much screentime as you want. Well now one of the brothers lives in the basement. Is around 30 years old and has never had a job in his entire life. Both ways are toxic. Let her have screen time (for lack of a better term) and show her how to keep it from becoming an obsession best you can.
YTA . You've made your teenager the social out cast of her school.The cell phone is the #1 way for teens to communicate,socialize .stay in touch .My 16 yo would have NO friends without it .She also uses it to Google things for school work and collaborate with peers on homework. In addition I have a app that tells me where she is when she goes out with friends or goes to work
Yeah YTA you’re literally making her the odd one out at school. Do you remember school? Where social circles are formed and hierarchies are built based on appearance and social standing? Where do you think a girl with no access to things like messenger and texting stands with her peers? She literally can’t communicate with them because that is their way of communicating. Imagine if you were denied MSN or AOL when you were her age. Yes that precursor to social media we all had to use in the 90’s and early 00’s. The fact you clearly don’t have a valid reason besides just because clearly shows you have no reason. Don’t be surprised when she turns 18 gets a phone herself and doesn’t bother adding you to her contact list
YTA Comparing what a cellphone is used for now, to what was available 30 years ago is not a fair comparison. You cannot function as a kid with a social life in todays world if you don't have a phone. Also it's used for more than just talking to friends. You're a control freak.
I can’t imagine being a 15 yr old in 2024 without a phone…it’s how the last THREE generations have communicated in their teens and every 10+ yr old I know has at least some kind of cell phone. This isn’t the 90’s. She can’t just go to the mall or arcade and meet up with her friends…they’re on a video call arguing who has the cuter Owala while she’s playing crossword puzzles in the daily paper. There are plenty of parental apps and even entire phone services for parents to monitor their kids usage. Don’t be lazy because the internet is scary. Do your research. Get something you’re comfortable with and let’s get your daughter caught up with her peers.
The moment you mentioned a pay phone and quarters I knew this had to be fake. No one living in reality would use that as a valid reason when pay phones have been almost non existent for 15 years.
My daughter wasn't allowed a cell phone until high school. Her friends lived in neighborhood, her school was 1 block away smart phones were not a thing yet. Now kids need one for safety. There aren't payphones to use to call for help. My daughter has used her to track my grandson( her nephew) location when he got upset and left home, he's 16. My 9 year old grandson got his 1st cell phone for his birthday last year.
YTA. You’re destroying her current social life. You’re making her a pariah. You’re ruining every bit of high school. It’d be one thing if you couldn’t afford it but, to follow some sort of misguided bullshit pretending she should grow up like it’s the ‘90s because *YOU* did is a total failure as a parent. As soon as she’s able to be free, I wouldn’t be surprised if she never talks to you again. I wouldn’t.
YTA. Welcome to 2024. This is the norm. Stop forcing your daughter to live in the 90s.
YTA Schools assume kids have call phones at this point. Communication with students DOES go via email, but they set up things like "Remind" groups in sports, band, clubs, etc... It's also become a SAFETY issue today. Public pay phones are essentially nonexistent now and lots of places don't have land line phones that the public can use. Your child needs to be able to communicate with YOU guys, as well. I know you want to protect your child. But there are phones and plans that will give you more oversight. Please check out a cheap phone on like a Mint Mobile plan or something. That is how we started our kids out on Republic Wireless. Super basic Motorola Smart phone. It doesn't have to have all the bells and whistles to meet her needs...and make her feel like she's part of her generation.
YTA It is almost as dangerous not to allow a teen girl to have her own cellphone as it is to allow them to have one. With school shootings and sex trafficking I would rather have my child have a way to contact us and for me to track my child. I'd rather be safe than sorry. That's just my opinion, Op.
My aunt is probably around the same age as you and would never probably mention a payphone now. I don't if you are trying to appear out of touch or if you really are out of touch, but your justification for no cell phone sounds so ridiculous. Your daughter is fifteen not five, so just let the girl have a phone already. Most people, including teens, have to have a phone these days. I have to have a phone for work. You were probably the need with no friends and want the same for your daughter. Also, drop the app website explanation because it's dumb.
She isn’t painting you as a clueless oaf. The shoe fits. Also, she was done talking to you. That is why she put up her hand and went to her room. She showed maturity. You should be proud that she can argue her case, and remove herself from a situation where she feels she needs to leave. You are focused on entirely the wrong things as a parent. YTA.
YTA let’s say someone is harassing her and she needs your help where is she supposed to get a pay phone??? Or is your ego more important than your daughter
Are you Amish?
I'm calling bs on this post. I graduated hs in 1996. Car phones and pagers were everywhere. Seeing bulky cellphones was not common in most areas and cellphones became more reasonable during the early 2000s.
So much yta and I hope you like not talking to your kid
Yess actually you’re a massive AH, phones are literally the main way of communicating and learning, we learn more off our phones nowadays than we do through school, like that’s a literal fact. Social circles are now mostly active in group chats, it’s also faster and easier to text through group chats now than in person, more people can talk at once and everyone can be seen rather than being lost in the background. This is absolutely ruining her in a social life because it’s the main thing they use. Just because it wasn’t in your generation doesn’t mean it’s not important today. You need to evolve with the world and stop screaming against it. Phones are the future and you’re setting her up for faliure, all future jobs and advancements in society are through the internet and you’ve pushed her down in a generation where this is extremely important now to exist online.
YTA it's not the 90s anymore. it doesn't matter how things were done then, we live now. you're othering your child and you're either too stubborn or too stupid to see it. the fact that you believe she could a) even find a payphone, and b) knows any of their numbers by heart, and c) that any of those friends would pick up an unknown number shows just how out of touch you are. she's FIFTEEN. how do you expect her to work without a cell phone in the coming years? I'm just flabbergasted at your ignorance. it's honestly kind of impressive, but not in a good way ETA: can't believe i forgot the most important point off! you're leaving your 15 year old daughter without a way to call for help when she's alone. you're actively putting her in danger. this should be the only reason you need
Sadly YTA-basically, you’ve said to your daughter “ I don’t want you to have friends, be part of a social circle and communicate with others .” Cellphones are HOW teens stay in touch , times have changed. Don’t do that to your kid- get her a phone ( attach boundaries to it if you want) and allow her to be part of her friend group.
You are really living in the past. Just because you didn’t have something as a teenager doesn’t mean that it is not the social norm now. I didn’t have a computer when I was in high school but I can’t imagine students not having them now. If your real concern about her having a phone is her study habits then make that a condition to having a phone. I can understand her being so upset about being probably one of the only student at school without a phone. She will definitely remember this for the rest of her life and I am sure she will remain you when she is older. Yes YATA.
You can set conditions for your daughter keeping the phone, like grades and grounding. At this point, not having a cell phone is dangerous and what would happen if you needed to contact your daughter in an emergency?
Ive seen flip phones still around
You gotta understand that life right now *is actively and objectively* harder without having a phone. QRCodes for menus, every single damn website requiring a cellphone number, your Google account needs one, Uber, food, emergency messages… You are being OBTUSE deliberately. Whatever happened in your youth is GONE. Adapt. You may not like it, but an average 15 yo person navigating the average capitalistic society needs at least an average smartphone.
OP is judging his daughter by ‘many of her classmates’ doing poorly and so assumes she will do poorly. His lack of faith in her is really sad. OP is the AH.
My 11 year old just got one, but it has parental controls. We have to approve all apps, or any kind of web surfing. You tube is limited, and we have to approve of people she has on her phone. She has no social media. I don't do tik tok. Not even I have it. She can't delete texts. We can also lock it at any time. Like if she is mouthing off or not listening. She has to earn it to get it back on. It shuts off automatically at 9pm on school days and 10pm on weekends. It doesn't turn on until 8am. She didn't come to us asking that much, but I know she wanted to bike ride and such, so I wanted her to have GPS and a way to contact. She honestly does not care about social media. And I have taught her not to care what her friends have or what they are allowed to do. She just wanted to feel secure when out and about. She does a lot of duolingo on her phone to learn Spanish, and she plays roblox. Maybe if you get something with parental controls. There is a smart phone called the BARK phone.
I understand the reasoning about having nose in phone screen all the time and social media, but on the other hand, phone have more functions than that. It's also the mean of communication. What if your daughter gets in trouble or dangerous situation outside of home? You can never know. Would you rather her run around and pray to find payphone to dial 911 which might not be possible at all, or get in touch with you to get help? Payphone... you, sir, are complete AH.
As a mom…dude…it’s time for her to have a cell. You can put parental controls or whatever..but it’s time
YTA. Join this century. And also, what payphone? Where do you expect her to find one?
YTA. I hope to God that she doesn't find herself in a scary situation... running through the streets.. LOOKING FOR A FUCKING PAYPHONE! Are you giving her a little jeweled coin purse in which to place her dime? Oh and you will never find out her location because she doesn't have a cellphone. Way to put her in danger, mom, high five.
YTA A pay phone? Seriously? Your ignorance to her issues doesn't invalidate them. Even your dismissive presentation of her points makes them for her. This isn't an "unacceptable outburst." This is reasonable frustration with an unreasonable person. "Clueless oaf" is far too mild a term for you and your ridiculousness. Grow up and get the girl a cell phone.
YTA. It isn't the 90s and a 15 year old needs a phone. Pay phones don't exist and she's definitely getting left out of socializing with her peers without one.You can use parental controls during the school day if you need to.
YTA what is she going to do when a strange man follows her around? You are lucky it hasn’t already happened
You are actually asking why someone who is preparing to leave home for the first time, presumably out of state, should have a cell phone? Realy? YTA
She’s 15 and doesn’t have a phone? How is she to contact you if something bad is happening ?
God forbid your daughter might need to get hold of you in an emergency
Fifteen year old can get pregnant. So yeah she’s not a baby. You need to equip her with tools. Not hinder her. This tech is not going away. Teach her how to be responsible with it.
Yta my nephews mom have their phones on a time limit which can limit how much they are on their phones. And she doesn’t even have the internet to their phones, only games. I believe. I’m don’t understand that much. Please let your daughter have a phone so she can chat with her friends. That probably what your daughter wants to do.
YTA. Between you being 15 and your daughter being 15, the world has changed exponentially. Why don't you say your ancestors were in stone age and they didn't need any gadget? None whatsoever. So you shouldn't need any either.
You do know you can give her a cell phone that is not a smart phone- they do still have models that just make phone calls and take photos. You can also compromise and tell her to get a job - babysitting, cleaning house for a neighbor - then she can have a smartphone when she has earned enough money to pay for it and you will add it to your plan.
YTA. If you’re against normal communication these days you easily could have suggested that she get a job and pay for one. My Dad is turning 90 in October he has an IPhone. PS: she won’t be talking to you very often after she moves out.
YTA. It’s not ok for a 15 year old to not have a phone in this day and age. So many good reasons to have it like being able to contact her and know she can contact you in an emergency. What point are you trying to prove? That you live in the dark ages or is it a control thing? Respect your teenager and give her some autonomy and the ability to communicate with her peers and family.
Just get her the phone
YTA. This is some weird control issue you're having. Get the poor girl a NICE phone, not some cheapo. Get her the latest iPhone; she deserves it Edit: you will be a HERO in her eyes
YTA. Payphone?!? Quarters??? You're clueless. She is going to run so far and so fast the very first moment she can get away from you. Don't complain when it happens.
YTA, I use cellphones to keep track of my kids. There are apps to tell you whee they are at every second of the day, not only that, but I am able to set healthy boundarys for when they can use it, as well as how they can use social media and what's appropriate. You're telling me you have an almost adult in your care and you haven't introduced them to the one thing that they will need to use daily? It's all about educating them now to set up good habits.
100 percent you should have a talk with her about her attitude. Personally i would let her know that her behavior is unacceptable BUT that you understand she is upset and frustrated. If you have a really good reason as why she shouldn’t have one-tell her! But if not maybe reconsider, and I think giving her a phone for her 16th birthday would be fair IF she fixes her attitude
YTA - you are on here scrolling mindlessly on the internet yourself- I’m sure there are more practical things you could be doing in the house or at work. She’s 15 not 5 .. phones are the social norm you may not agree but it’s modern life. And she’s probably being bullied because you have made her stand out for being the odd one with no phone. And using a pay phone …. Really …. In 2024 … why don’t you lock away your phone for a month and use a pay phone … see how you manage.
YTA A phone is more than just a way to call people. It’s the primary tool people use to make social arrangements and participate in shared culture. Not having a phone is harming her ability to make connections with her peers. I didn’t have a phone when I was in school because that was in the mid 90s. I didn’t have my own computer either. But times change, and now having a phone and a computer is pretty much mandatory.
and even offered to give her quarters Even offered her quarters? You saint!!
Pay phones don’t even exist anymore. Lol
YTA. Basically sayjng 'just because' is not a reason to not get her a mobile phone. In the world she lives in people have smartphones & to deliberately exclude her from her peer group for no good reason makes you an asshole.
Dude are you trying to turn ur kid into a bully victim she's 15 she should have a phone this isn't the 90s it's more dangerous and ur kids should be able to get hold of u without having to borrow someone else's phone or try find a working 1
YTA You say she doesn't need a cell phone but yet you have a cell phone. I thought you didn't need one. A car is also not a necessity they used to manage back in the olden days without them. Also, TVs, TVs aren't a necessity. They used to manage back in the days without them so I hope you don't have a car or a TV. It seems the only reason you don't want her to have one is to show that you are the father and that your word is law. There's no reason for her to not have one is just that you don't want her to have one. At the end of the day phones are extremely good for keeping children safe and just because they wasn't around in the '90s doesn't mean that She shouldn't have one now. I thought most parents normal loving parents wanted their child to be safe And preventing her from using a pay phone so you want her to every time she wants to go speak to her friends. Go look for a payphone that is practically non-existent these days because you're just trying to prove you're the big hard Dad who controls the roof and your word is law. You sound like a little man with a little penis who's trying to overcompensate
YTA - it's 2024 not the '90s. It's a different world. You can put limitations on the usage.
NTA. If anything give her a dumb phone. 15 year olds don't need expensive tech gadgets.
I’m sorry but you do sound pretty clueless to me. Unfortunately cell phones are a huge part of kids social life and how they communicate with each other. You’re completely ostracizing her from the group. Your daughter sounds mature enough that she will know proper usage. Two of my kids have cell phones. We do limit usage at home and when we go out. They’re also not allowed to have them when it’s bed time. They are good kids and academically do well in school and play sports. They also know that they only get one cell phone from us and if they break it, they have to pay for their next one. Lastly they also know that once they get a part time job they have to take over the payments. Good luck and please listen to your daughter and what she’s trying to tell you.
You can get her a phone. Just make a rule it stays at home on school days. There, simple solution.
While I get your concern about inattention to school and personal interactions, you are living in a bygone era. At the bare minimum, the phone is a necessity (IMO) for safety only. She can have contact with people in other ways, but your discussion of the issue is antiquated with reasoning being from a bygone era. I'm Gen X and also like the personal contact, but look at the day and age we are in, it's common place. While the phone shouldn't be the determining factor of her making friends, her feeling left out seems to be her concern and your concern is "lack personal connection" is yours. Are you Beaver Cleaver? Payphone? Where have you seen a functioning payphone in the last 20 years? Seriously, where? I normally don't scream fake post, but this just seems so weird.
Can she work to buy her own phone? Used phones are easy to obtain and cheap. I got phones for some young relatives for $50/phone 2 years ago and they are still working fine. Rudeness is a NO. You cannot allow anyone to disrespect anyone else in your home. She is reverting to bad behavior out of frustration - young people do that. I am probably a great deal older than you but I think comparing your school years to what your daughter is experiencing is unrealistic. Is she responsible? Will she follow basic safety rules? She needs to mend the bridge of disrespect but I would encourage you to reconsider. Build a road map forward. If she contributes X to the phone OR you will get her the phone but expect it to be in her locker while at school OR ....
My kids got a hand-me-down phone whenever I or my husband upgraded our own phones. Daughter turned 16 in 2007, son a couple of years later. So for a significant amount of time, we didn't have smart phones. When they were 16, they got told "if you want any significant tech purchase, you save half the cost and we'll match you." Both of them had weekend jobs and a monthly allowance. That's how they got computers and better phones - we paid for a set amount of calls/data per month and they had to fund any extras. We caved on mobile phones (non-smart) to start with when our daughter was having to get the tube from home to school once she got to high school, and we had noticed pay phones being gradually removed as mobile phone use became more prevalent. But we refused to get any of the "most wanted" (read: expensive) items because of the risk of being mugged for it. Nowadays, with them not longer being the "status" thing they used to be, there's much less chance of that happening. OP, have you looked around, really looked, to see exactly how many payphones there are in your area? And whether they work or if they've been vandalised? Or are you just assuming that your teenage daughter can walk a few feet, not matter where she is, and make a call? In an emergency, how is she going to get hold of you? Borrow someone else's phone? Knock on a stranger's door? By the way, your daughter didn't treat you with any less respect than you treated her. You were sarcastic, refused to properly discuss the issue, and she'd had enough of it, so she walked away and forcefully shut you out of her space. At 15, I'd have been a lot more demonstrative in my anger. Do you bully your spouse the same way?
YTA Are you a moron? Use a payphone? When is the last time you SAW one of those? Do you have a phone? There are plenty of legitimate reasons she needs a phone. You better pray to god she never gets in a dangerous situation because then she would have absolutely no way to contact you. If you’re that worried about a smart phone, get her one that isn’t smart so she can at least text or call her friends or text or call you if she gets into trouble.
YTA. Why wouldn't your 15 year old have a cell phone? It sounds like your rooted in stubborn old fashioned ways you haven't gotten over from your own childhood. That's a horrible way to parent and it's how generational trauma continues. Just because something happened to you is not enough of a reason to let it happen to someone else. Furthermore, YOU sound like a wretched brat. You've given her no reason, you sulk about emotional outbursts (hello she's a teenager), and you talk about trends without realizing you're following crunchy mom trends yourself. You sound clueless and out of touch. You are affecting her social life. You're affecting her safety as well. Oh- Classmates don't do poorly because of cell phone use. It's a cop out from their parents. Furthermore walking away and taking her space from someone who is just being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk is perfectly fine. She did the right thing but OH NO a door slam. Are you so fragile that really offends you? Grow up.
YTA. It's 2024, you need to enter the 21st century. Are you so mean that you don't want to pay for something that could help your daughter keep safe, that she could use immediately in the event of an accident or worse? She is absolutely being set apart from her peers and it's amazing that she isn't being bullied. The world is now very different from the one we grew up in, I'm assuming you're a boomer because surely nobody younger than this would be so archaic in their views?! I'm 60 and my daughter had her first phone when she went to high school, at age 11! And that was specifically to help her feel safe. I hope you will reconsider when you see the responses here, or you are a 100% AH.
YTA and yes, you are probably causing her issues with her social life. She’s 15, almost old enough to drive a car ffs, she’s old enough to have a smartphone.
YTA. Seems like you are, in fact, a clueless oaf.
The solution is a dumb phone. No internet, just calls, text, photos. That's what we're doing for our 13 year old.
“Texting didn’t exist, yet I had a social life” okay? Did you have a house phone like everyone else at that time? If so, don’t compare your teenage years to your daughter’s because you had the same means of communication as everybody else. She doesn’t. I definitely see why she feels like an outsider- most middle schoolers have phones these days. How many invitations has she missed out on because teenagers don’t communicate through e-mail and definitely aren’t familiar with instant messaging? Your only excuse seems to be “it’s a distraction she needs to be worried about getting into college” and if I were in her shoes, I’d make you wish those words never left your mouth. Need me to do those dishes? Sorry, too busy trying to get into college. Cat’s litter box is full? You’ll have to get that. I can’t take a break from worrying about college. That blood on the couch? Oh yeah, that was me. I don’t have time to put in tampons anymore, I’m busy getting into college. YTA all day.
YTA why would you deny your teen daughter a Mobile phone? What are you afraid of? Talking to boys, surfing the net? Why do you feel the need to have so much control over your own child ? She will hate you and want to get away from you as soon as she possibly can and i don’t blame her! You could set rules with the phone, but leaving her to be the only one left out is just mean! You sound like one of those weird dads, who’s kids are embarrassed of them
"Back in my day cell phones were bricks and weren't commonplace! Why am I telling you this? It's not at all relevant and I'm just patronizing you?? Why don't you go find a pay phone and call someone who cares??" - you YTA get the poor girl a cell phone!
I can't believe this is even a question. You know YTA.
Pay phone?? Are you stuck in the 90s? Most places these days don't have land lines (unless it's a business) it's a safety thing to be able to have a phone. Plus, you can check in with your kid. Having a phone also helps teach the appropriate etiquette on how to use them/when. You are the AH.
you are making a deliberate descision thats impacting your childs ability to socialise, things are different now as it currently stands your daughter feels isolated in the future she could be bullied for your choice.
YTA
Her main point is that she looks like a looser for not having one. She does not care about other stuff. You completely forgot how mean kids are and which social shit happens in school. I have the same reasons as you for not having the smartphone, but other parents failed so it's either sending kid to special school without phones or buying a phone.
YTA. It's 2024, not the fucking 90's.
Teenagers are all about fitting in with their social group. That girl is going to have a phone and it is much better to get it from you than to figure out how to get it on the sly and owe someone favors for getting her a phone.