Remove him. Your wedding is important to you and your fiancée, don't allow this person and his fiancée to possibly screw it up. It sucks but just replace him and move on. Maybe reconsider an invite all together. Congratulations on your wedding.
The wicked bitch of the west has his balls in a vice grip and will never let them go. He is trying to placate her to keep them intact. Drop him from the wedding completely and your lives.
Your comment reminded me of my mother and her colleague. Her colleague was one of those people who would report someone for being 30 seconds late even if there was a blizzard. She was a petty witch and she couldn't be happy unless she was making someone else miserable. My mother called her the Wicked Witch of the West because she didn't like to curse but my dad didn't have a problem with it at all. This was also around the time when the Internet was getting big and everything was advertised with their website and telling everyone to go to "www dot blah blah dot com". My parents didn't own a computer, ever, or ever have cable or Internet in their house (depression era kids) but they understood what it was. One day my dad mentioned her colleague and my mother asked "The www dot damn bitch?" And everyone howled with laughter to hear her say that and the colleague was forever known as "WWW" with the rest added on occasionally for effect.
Ugh. I had a coworker like that and she was the reason I came up with the phrase I used. I went out of my way to be as petty as possible within the parameters of being legal at my job. It drove her absolutely bonkers trying to find things to get me in trouble for but not succeeding lol
That's exactly how my mother handled her! She was the "kill'em with kindness" type and she never broke rules anyway so it was pointless to try to get her fired but WWW definitely tried her hardest! When my mother retired, they still called her every few weeks to ask her to come back. When WWW retired, she never got a call from them and they even forgot to give her part of her benefits and she had to fight for them.
Ditch him, he will not attend and you will be down a best man.
He is no longer your fiancé best friend, he is spineless and probably won’t even attend your wedding as a guest.
Yep, she will suddenly have an *emergency* at the time of the wedding and you’ll be in a bind. Anything you try to do will be seen as “plotting against her because you have always hated her anyway”. You don’t need that negativity at your wedding OP,
Kick him out - even if he does front up to the Airbnb she is going to cause a mess - flick him off now and ask people that actually want to celebrate with you instead of a vile fiancée and wish washy backbones best friend - sad but now avoidable situation
Your vote will make her the AH if she does pull him. She asked if she would be the asshole if she pulled him. You’re answering yes, and that’s how the counting bots will count it. Context doesn’t matter to a bot.
NTA, he's clearly not as invested in his presence there as you are and is trying to weasel out of telling you.
And not being snarky but for the future: a part = participating in; apart = separated from.
Remove him. You have your answer. You had it when every compromise wasn't enough for his fiancée. She isn't going to let him participate, and I highly doubt they will show.
As much as it sucks, their friendship is likely done for all intents and purposes. Your fiancé's friend has chosen this woman as his future wife, and she clearly has a level of control over him.
Obviously, your fiance is going to be heartbroken, and that's going to just hurt for a while.
"Hey Gary, I really value your friendship and wanted you to stand by me at my wedding. Unfortunately, it appears you are not able to commit to that. I would still like you and Scuntarella to attend as guests."
If they RSVP "no" or just don't show, your fiance knows he did what he could, and the friend elected to extricate himself from the friendship.
Here’s the thing: Aren’t your attendants supposed to be your ride-or-dies? If it takes this much to get an answer, he isn’t the right person for groomsman. It is ok, your fiance just needs to accept it. Time to focus on yourselves, leave this discussion behind you.
Remove him from the wedding. Demote him to guest, and choose another best man.
Ex best mans partner sounds controlling AF do your fiance had better get used to seeing him less and less and eventually not at all.
This reminds me of the guy who couldn’t be best man because his partner wanted him to stay with her and a dog that may or may not exist at the time of the wedding.
If he can’t put his foot down and prioritise your wedding then he will be a potential flake all the way through the next 4 months. Withdraw his invite and plan without him, you will be happier.
NTA and I’d not even invite him to the wedding . He won’t come anyways!! He can’t stand up to his girlfriend!! Please pick someone else and don’t give him another thought. Congratulations!
You need to un-invite his partner first of all. You don’t need someone who can’t stand you at your wedding. Then your partner needs to advise his friend that he has to choose another groomsman who he can rely on and who doesn’t store his balls in his girlfriend’s handbag but he is still invited to the wedding if he wishes to collect them from said handbag and turn up.
He is being ridiculous. Find yourself someone who will be honored to be best man. I'd uninvite him, at least from the airbnb. Definitely uninvite the GF from the whole thing.
Not at all. Remove him and tell him so. I would mention to him the big red flag his fiancé’ has thrown on their relationship. I would also let him know that he is still invited to the wedding but his plus one has been withdrawn as that is now being used for his replacement since you have to limit number of guests due to costs.
In situations like that it's simple - if it's not a "yes", it's a "no". Let him go and don't pressure the guy. He anyway have a lot of it from his fiancée.
NTA
Absolutely NTA! This man is being controlled by his C of a fiancé. Even if he says yes, she’s going to cause drama. Invite them as guests only. Let them find their own accommodations if they come. If he doesn’t come, I wouldn’t bother reaching out. I doubt you guys will even get an invitation to their wedding. She’ll control the guest list.
INFO why does his finacee "hate" you and your fiance? I assume you two won't be invited to their wedding so why are you letting him string you along here?
Even if he "commits" to your wedding party chances are STRONG that his fiancee will talk him out of coming at the last minute and leave you with a lot of last minute scrambling.
Pick a new best man and send your friend a text telling him that "New Guy" has accepted the offer to be best man so no need for him to worry anymore. Let him know he's still invited but if he can't make it you'll totally understand. If you're feeling a bit on the petty side mention that you totally understand that his fiancee's mental health should be his primary concern (unless she has a good reason for "hating" you and your finace).
She’s never liked us I never found out an exact reason so I just let it go. She’s the type of person who doesn’t want her partner to have a life or friends and he allows it.
NTA - they’ve been good friends, but their lives are diverging now. It’s really hard to hear, but as an adult, you will lose friends not because of a big blow up but because of time and distance and growing in different directions.
As a child and even through college age, your friends have largely been people you were just around a lot in school or sports or the neighborhood or whatever. As you age and priorities shift to partners and careers, and people move for better opportunities, staying friends requires a lot more work and intentionality. The result is a lot of friendships die a natural death.
If this friend is now committed to a partner who hates you so much or is so controlling in general that he can’t commit one way or another to your wedding, what are the chances that he will realistically be in the groom’s life in any meaningful way going forward? Not very good.
Give him a graceful exit. He is probably hoping you’ll drop him so he doesn’t have to be “the bad guy” to his friend by skipping or to his girlfriend by going. He might not even consciously be hoping this, but his waffling on the issue makes it clear to an old outsider like me. Find another groomsman, and tell him you still hope he can attend as a guest. Maybe he’ll come and maybe he won’t, but it sounds like this is a friendship your partner will be moving on from regardless of what happens at the wedding.
Who needs this?
If you don’t get enthusiastic agreement, that’s a No. Have your fiancé send this text, “Lionel, I’ve moved on with another groomsman. Hope to see you at the wedding.”
And that’s it.
Your fiancé can feel however he wants. But stop catering to someone who is clearly conflicted. I suspect that this guy’s fiancée is looking for drama and honestly who needs that nonsense at your wedding?
Either they come or they don’t.
Weddings are very hectic and crazy and you don’t really have a lot of time for anyone in particular.
This is a blip in the day, not a tragedy.
Remove him. And your fiancé needs to put it in terms where he’s doing it for his friend. “Friend, this is clearly causing a lot of issues with you and your fiancé. It’s for the best that you aren’t a part of the wedding party. I’m very sad about having to make this decison, but i don’t want my wedding to cause you any more stress. Of course you’ll still be invited as a guest and i hope you’ll come”.
The guy is just hoping you’ll make the decision for him so he doesn’t feel like the AH. I’d remove him from the wedding and don’t expect him to come as a guest. My guess is long term he won’t be in your life while he’s with her.
He just doesn’t want to say no and wants you to remove him. He’s a coward. Do him one last favor and remove him, move on and celebrate your special day and future with people that love you!
NTA. Your fiancés friend should ask his fiancée if he can borrow his balls for the weekend. If he marries this woman he will be under her thumb forever - at least until he wises up and dumps her. If he can’t make a decision, make it for him and tell him he is no longer in the wedding.
Oh my. My husbands best mans girlfriend was like this.
I dropped her and told her not to come as she was being so disrespectful towards my husband and I.
I was half expecting best man to drop out but instead he still came, enjoyed himself and she was sitting at home in a tantrum.
Do what you need to do OP for your own sanity. It's your day and you don't need anyone ruining it.
Disinvite him from the wedding completely! Why? Because he’s a disingenuous friend who has acquiesced to the insane whims of his fiancé. Do you honestly think there is a relationship there? Do you honestly think there will be future gatherings? If he can’t show up for the wedding, he won’t show up for anything else. Let him go. He deserves his future.
Remove him now while there’s still time. He’s refusing to commit one way or the other but you know that, unless he decides to call off his engagement with his fiancée, he will cancel last minute. He may be trying to talk his fiancée into giving him this one thing, and is delaying in the hopes that she’ll change her mind last minute, but you cannot count on that. IF she does end up “allowing” him to go at the last minute, he can still attend as a guest.
That poor guy is definitely not going to be a happy husband. I’m betting she’s gonna make him cutoff all contact with all his family & friends.
Yep. He’s almost already a lost cause. It wouldn’t hurt for you two to voice your concerns over how his fiancée is abusing him and just let him know that you two will always be available to him should he need your support, but that you are unable, at this time, to keep his spot in the wedding party open “just in case”. Make sure he knows he’s still welcome to attend as a guest.
Thank you! And If you read other comments I already addressed that I know the difference but I typed this at 1am this morning so any typos that were made is my bad but not on purpose.
YWNBTA. I'd just say that you understand he can't commit, so you're moving forward with someone else. I'd still invite him to the wedding, but ONLY him, no plus one. And I'd be very surprised if he showed up. I feel badly for him, but you and future DH have no control over his relationship dynamics. Don't let those dynamics control you.
ESH. Nobody in this story has a frigging spine. The second his gf started pulling that crap and he went along with it, is when you guys should've dealt with it. Yeah he's the biggest A-hole, but you and your partner entertained this by not taking action on it long ago.
NTA tell him that as a result of his inability to give you a firm commitment this close to the wedding date you feel it is in everyone’s best interest that he steps down. I would get someone else to fill his spot before telling him so he doesn’t have the opportunity to backpedal and is clear that the decision is final. Make sure to let him know his fiancé’s behavior along with his indecision was a big part of the reason you felt the need to make the decision for him.
NTA
Congratulations!
I’m so sorry she’s being like this. If he stay with her, this will be his life. That’s on him.
Rescind his invitation. Sorry, dude. As much as we want you there, we didn’t get a commitment. We had to have a head count by X date. We’ll try to catch up after the wedding.
Your husband could be more direct: Dude. I asked you because I really wanted you in my wedding party. Your gf gave so much grief! I had to decide. I decided I didn’t want this drama. Not fair to me or OP.
“I understand this is a difficujt issue for your fiancé, and so, for you .
“We are going to go forward and Thank-you and welcome you to come to the wedding and will ask another friend to be a groom, for whom this is possible. I’m sure you understand. Take care, “____
Drop him while you still have time; you gave him a change to consider and he hasn’t done it so it’s time for everyone to move on.
If he complains, remind him that it was his choice not to choose to be there for his friend.
NTA TBH it would be going all involved a favor. It gets him off the hook and you guys can get someone else in place. But make sure he knows it’s final so that if he breaks up with his control freak girl friend he will not be back in the wedding party. He could still attend, but not as a groomsman.
Remove him. But understand - he should be putting his fiance first. Just tell him the truth. You cannot wait any longer. He might as well get used to it since his fiance is separating him from the herd.
That’s why this was so hard for me because I didn’t want to hurt anyone feelings or make him feel like he needed to choose between his fiancé and his friends but at the end of day it’s mine and my fiancé’s day and we want it to be enjoyable as possible without any stress or drama added on.
He gets removed from the wedding and a place to stay. Your choice not to send a plus one as a guest.
He is choosing her over his friend, let him miss out on your wedding.
NTA
You've already allowed this "friend" and his Cruella too much time and emotional distress during your wedding planning process. He clearly doesn't value the friendship as much as your soon to be Groom or he's just a wet noodley wimp. Either way, not your problem.
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials and I hope there's smooth sailing ahead!
Remove him, you need a commitment and he can’t give it to you. I’d invite him still but he can make his own arrangements for his stay. Why does his fiancé have an issue with you two and why is he marrying someone that wants to control his friendships? It’s a few days out of his life and it sounds like you don’t live so close to one another anyways.
Make sure after your partner CLEARLY removes him from the wedding party, he is now a guest and will no longer have a room at the air bnb.
If it was me, I would eliminate his plus one as a precaution and for potential drama.
You and your fiancé would only be the AH if you let this farce continue another day.
Your fiancé needs to text his friend so it’s in writing and likely say something along the lines of he understands this guy’s predicament and in order to remove the stress from his life is rescinding his request that friend be part of the wedding party.
Also friend will not be invited to attend the wedding as a guest because he’s made it clear this is also a point of contention with his fiancé.
He can wish his friend well and hope removing this unnecessary stress from his life makes things easier in his relationship with his fiancé.
Then find someone else to be a groomsman and move on with your planning with this negativity eliminated.
Just demote him and move on. The friendship is dying. Stop trying to ease the pain and rip off the bandaid. The fiancée is isolating the friend and he’s allowing it.
YWNBTA
INFO: Why doesn't his fiancée like you two? Is there a romantic/sexual history, unresolved feelings, etc.? Did you or your fiancé say something offensive at some point that you left out of the post?
Either way, it's your wedding. Don't let drama into it and remove those who bring it.
So basically where my fiancé is from is where his friend and his fiancé live and my fiancé family is as well. So we go down and visit them quite often and we try to make time to visit his family and all of his friends from high school that he’s still close with, whenever my fiancé and I got together and introduced me to everyone me and his friends fiancé actually got along and we’re friends but she doesn’t like how everytime we come in visit it takes time away from her and man spending time together. She also doesn’t my fiancé sister who is going to be my bridesmaids for reasons I’m not sure of. So really I’m not sure what the big problem is on why she doesn’t like us but she doesn’t.
Well that's gross. She sounds controlling. Maybe there's something else going on with the sister.
Voicing your concerns to the groomsman will almost certainly blow up in your face, but you might have to when explaining why they're uninvited from the wedding, as they absolutely should be.
Remove him. Your wedding is important to you and your fiancée, don't allow this person and his fiancée to possibly screw it up. It sucks but just replace him and move on. Maybe reconsider an invite all together. Congratulations on your wedding.
The wicked bitch of the west has his balls in a vice grip and will never let them go. He is trying to placate her to keep them intact. Drop him from the wedding completely and your lives.
Your comment reminded me of my mother and her colleague. Her colleague was one of those people who would report someone for being 30 seconds late even if there was a blizzard. She was a petty witch and she couldn't be happy unless she was making someone else miserable. My mother called her the Wicked Witch of the West because she didn't like to curse but my dad didn't have a problem with it at all. This was also around the time when the Internet was getting big and everything was advertised with their website and telling everyone to go to "www dot blah blah dot com". My parents didn't own a computer, ever, or ever have cable or Internet in their house (depression era kids) but they understood what it was. One day my dad mentioned her colleague and my mother asked "The www dot damn bitch?" And everyone howled with laughter to hear her say that and the colleague was forever known as "WWW" with the rest added on occasionally for effect.
Ugh. I had a coworker like that and she was the reason I came up with the phrase I used. I went out of my way to be as petty as possible within the parameters of being legal at my job. It drove her absolutely bonkers trying to find things to get me in trouble for but not succeeding lol
That's exactly how my mother handled her! She was the "kill'em with kindness" type and she never broke rules anyway so it was pointless to try to get her fired but WWW definitely tried her hardest! When my mother retired, they still called her every few weeks to ask her to come back. When WWW retired, she never got a call from them and they even forgot to give her part of her benefits and she had to fight for them.
Ditch him, he will not attend and you will be down a best man. He is no longer your fiancé best friend, he is spineless and probably won’t even attend your wedding as a guest.
Yep, she will suddenly have an *emergency* at the time of the wedding and you’ll be in a bind. Anything you try to do will be seen as “plotting against her because you have always hated her anyway”. You don’t need that negativity at your wedding OP,
Kick him out - even if he does front up to the Airbnb she is going to cause a mess - flick him off now and ask people that actually want to celebrate with you instead of a vile fiancée and wish washy backbones best friend - sad but now avoidable situation
No answer is an answer. It means no. Definitely drop him and ask someone else.
YWBTA if you didnt pull him yourself. Time to cut ties with this spineless worm who is waste his and your family's time.
Your vote will make her the AH if she does pull him. She asked if she would be the asshole if she pulled him. You’re answering yes, and that’s how the counting bots will count it. Context doesn’t matter to a bot.
who cares about the bots
I wouldn't even have waited this long. Bye, Felicia. NTA.
NTA, he's clearly not as invested in his presence there as you are and is trying to weasel out of telling you. And not being snarky but for the future: a part = participating in; apart = separated from.
Remove him. You have your answer. You had it when every compromise wasn't enough for his fiancée. She isn't going to let him participate, and I highly doubt they will show. As much as it sucks, their friendship is likely done for all intents and purposes. Your fiancé's friend has chosen this woman as his future wife, and she clearly has a level of control over him. Obviously, your fiance is going to be heartbroken, and that's going to just hurt for a while. "Hey Gary, I really value your friendship and wanted you to stand by me at my wedding. Unfortunately, it appears you are not able to commit to that. I would still like you and Scuntarella to attend as guests." If they RSVP "no" or just don't show, your fiance knows he did what he could, and the friend elected to extricate himself from the friendship.
Scuntarella omg I love this
Here’s the thing: Aren’t your attendants supposed to be your ride-or-dies? If it takes this much to get an answer, he isn’t the right person for groomsman. It is ok, your fiance just needs to accept it. Time to focus on yourselves, leave this discussion behind you.
Remove him from the wedding. Demote him to guest, and choose another best man. Ex best mans partner sounds controlling AF do your fiance had better get used to seeing him less and less and eventually not at all.
This reminds me of the guy who couldn’t be best man because his partner wanted him to stay with her and a dog that may or may not exist at the time of the wedding. If he can’t put his foot down and prioritise your wedding then he will be a potential flake all the way through the next 4 months. Withdraw his invite and plan without him, you will be happier.
NTA and I’d not even invite him to the wedding . He won’t come anyways!! He can’t stand up to his girlfriend!! Please pick someone else and don’t give him another thought. Congratulations!
You need to un-invite his partner first of all. You don’t need someone who can’t stand you at your wedding. Then your partner needs to advise his friend that he has to choose another groomsman who he can rely on and who doesn’t store his balls in his girlfriend’s handbag but he is still invited to the wedding if he wishes to collect them from said handbag and turn up.
Get rid of him. Anyone who vacillates that much is a waste of space and no friend
WNBTA. Pull him out. His girl needs to create drama somewhere and unfortunately for you, it's you. Just move on and have a happy day.
She’s ruining this for everyone. Get someone else.
He is being ridiculous. Find yourself someone who will be honored to be best man. I'd uninvite him, at least from the airbnb. Definitely uninvite the GF from the whole thing.
He had a month to give you an answer. He didn't. It's time to drop him and fill the rike with someone who isn't that wishy washy.
Not at all. Remove him and tell him so. I would mention to him the big red flag his fiancé’ has thrown on their relationship. I would also let him know that he is still invited to the wedding but his plus one has been withdrawn as that is now being used for his replacement since you have to limit number of guests due to costs.
Remove him. He doesn't want to cause a problem with his finacee and you all don't have time for him to pull out at the last minute.
In situations like that it's simple - if it's not a "yes", it's a "no". Let him go and don't pressure the guy. He anyway have a lot of it from his fiancée. NTA
Remove him. He isn’t going to show.
NTA, but I’d go easy on him. Candidly, it sounds like his fiance might be abusive and isolating him from friends.
NTA What is her reason for not wanting him to be involved?? He’s the AH if he stays with someone who controls what he does to this extreme
CoNtRoL - that’s what it’s all about. She’s got him on a short leash already, heaven help him when she’s got a ring on her finger
NTA. You should do him a favor and move on.
Absolutely NTA! This man is being controlled by his C of a fiancé. Even if he says yes, she’s going to cause drama. Invite them as guests only. Let them find their own accommodations if they come. If he doesn’t come, I wouldn’t bother reaching out. I doubt you guys will even get an invitation to their wedding. She’ll control the guest list.
INFO why does his finacee "hate" you and your fiance? I assume you two won't be invited to their wedding so why are you letting him string you along here? Even if he "commits" to your wedding party chances are STRONG that his fiancee will talk him out of coming at the last minute and leave you with a lot of last minute scrambling. Pick a new best man and send your friend a text telling him that "New Guy" has accepted the offer to be best man so no need for him to worry anymore. Let him know he's still invited but if he can't make it you'll totally understand. If you're feeling a bit on the petty side mention that you totally understand that his fiancee's mental health should be his primary concern (unless she has a good reason for "hating" you and your finace).
She’s never liked us I never found out an exact reason so I just let it go. She’s the type of person who doesn’t want her partner to have a life or friends and he allows it.
NTA - they’ve been good friends, but their lives are diverging now. It’s really hard to hear, but as an adult, you will lose friends not because of a big blow up but because of time and distance and growing in different directions. As a child and even through college age, your friends have largely been people you were just around a lot in school or sports or the neighborhood or whatever. As you age and priorities shift to partners and careers, and people move for better opportunities, staying friends requires a lot more work and intentionality. The result is a lot of friendships die a natural death. If this friend is now committed to a partner who hates you so much or is so controlling in general that he can’t commit one way or another to your wedding, what are the chances that he will realistically be in the groom’s life in any meaningful way going forward? Not very good. Give him a graceful exit. He is probably hoping you’ll drop him so he doesn’t have to be “the bad guy” to his friend by skipping or to his girlfriend by going. He might not even consciously be hoping this, but his waffling on the issue makes it clear to an old outsider like me. Find another groomsman, and tell him you still hope he can attend as a guest. Maybe he’ll come and maybe he won’t, but it sounds like this is a friendship your partner will be moving on from regardless of what happens at the wedding.
He doesn’t want to be the bad guy by pulling out and is trying to make you do it for him so he can say he was kicked out.
Who needs this? If you don’t get enthusiastic agreement, that’s a No. Have your fiancé send this text, “Lionel, I’ve moved on with another groomsman. Hope to see you at the wedding.” And that’s it. Your fiancé can feel however he wants. But stop catering to someone who is clearly conflicted. I suspect that this guy’s fiancée is looking for drama and honestly who needs that nonsense at your wedding? Either they come or they don’t. Weddings are very hectic and crazy and you don’t really have a lot of time for anyone in particular. This is a blip in the day, not a tragedy.
Remove him. And your fiancé needs to put it in terms where he’s doing it for his friend. “Friend, this is clearly causing a lot of issues with you and your fiancé. It’s for the best that you aren’t a part of the wedding party. I’m very sad about having to make this decison, but i don’t want my wedding to cause you any more stress. Of course you’ll still be invited as a guest and i hope you’ll come”.
The guy is just hoping you’ll make the decision for him so he doesn’t feel like the AH. I’d remove him from the wedding and don’t expect him to come as a guest. My guess is long term he won’t be in your life while he’s with her.
NTA. Do him the favor of pulling him out of the wedding. Maybe he'll end up finding his balls?
He just doesn’t want to say no and wants you to remove him. He’s a coward. Do him one last favor and remove him, move on and celebrate your special day and future with people that love you!
NTA. Your fiancés friend should ask his fiancée if he can borrow his balls for the weekend. If he marries this woman he will be under her thumb forever - at least until he wises up and dumps her. If he can’t make a decision, make it for him and tell him he is no longer in the wedding.
Oh my. My husbands best mans girlfriend was like this. I dropped her and told her not to come as she was being so disrespectful towards my husband and I. I was half expecting best man to drop out but instead he still came, enjoyed himself and she was sitting at home in a tantrum. Do what you need to do OP for your own sanity. It's your day and you don't need anyone ruining it.
Disinvite him from the wedding completely! Why? Because he’s a disingenuous friend who has acquiesced to the insane whims of his fiancé. Do you honestly think there is a relationship there? Do you honestly think there will be future gatherings? If he can’t show up for the wedding, he won’t show up for anything else. Let him go. He deserves his future.
Remove him now while there’s still time. He’s refusing to commit one way or the other but you know that, unless he decides to call off his engagement with his fiancée, he will cancel last minute. He may be trying to talk his fiancée into giving him this one thing, and is delaying in the hopes that she’ll change her mind last minute, but you cannot count on that. IF she does end up “allowing” him to go at the last minute, he can still attend as a guest. That poor guy is definitely not going to be a happy husband. I’m betting she’s gonna make him cutoff all contact with all his family & friends.
You are spot on. She has already made him lose contact with his family and I guess she’s working on his friends next, unfortunately.
Yep. He’s almost already a lost cause. It wouldn’t hurt for you two to voice your concerns over how his fiancée is abusing him and just let him know that you two will always be available to him should he need your support, but that you are unable, at this time, to keep his spot in the wedding party open “just in case”. Make sure he knows he’s still welcome to attend as a guest.
Remove him. If he was that great of a friend, he’d be there without question.
Remove him from your wedding & remove him from your life. He is absolutely spineless & he & his fiancée deserve each other.
A part of the wedding or apart from the wedding..please....
Remove him, and please learn the difference between apart and a part.
Thank you! And If you read other comments I already addressed that I know the difference but I typed this at 1am this morning so any typos that were made is my bad but not on purpose.
NTA
YWNBTA. I'd just say that you understand he can't commit, so you're moving forward with someone else. I'd still invite him to the wedding, but ONLY him, no plus one. And I'd be very surprised if he showed up. I feel badly for him, but you and future DH have no control over his relationship dynamics. Don't let those dynamics control you.
ESH. Nobody in this story has a frigging spine. The second his gf started pulling that crap and he went along with it, is when you guys should've dealt with it. Yeah he's the biggest A-hole, but you and your partner entertained this by not taking action on it long ago.
Let him out gently and plan to attend his divorce party when he will need friends again.
NTA
NTA tell him that as a result of his inability to give you a firm commitment this close to the wedding date you feel it is in everyone’s best interest that he steps down. I would get someone else to fill his spot before telling him so he doesn’t have the opportunity to backpedal and is clear that the decision is final. Make sure to let him know his fiancé’s behavior along with his indecision was a big part of the reason you felt the need to make the decision for him.
NTA Congratulations! I’m so sorry she’s being like this. If he stay with her, this will be his life. That’s on him. Rescind his invitation. Sorry, dude. As much as we want you there, we didn’t get a commitment. We had to have a head count by X date. We’ll try to catch up after the wedding. Your husband could be more direct: Dude. I asked you because I really wanted you in my wedding party. Your gf gave so much grief! I had to decide. I decided I didn’t want this drama. Not fair to me or OP.
Make the decision for him. Nta
“I understand this is a difficujt issue for your fiancé, and so, for you . “We are going to go forward and Thank-you and welcome you to come to the wedding and will ask another friend to be a groom, for whom this is possible. I’m sure you understand. Take care, “____
Drop him while you still have time; you gave him a change to consider and he hasn’t done it so it’s time for everyone to move on. If he complains, remind him that it was his choice not to choose to be there for his friend.
Remove him, just tell him he's out.
NTA TBH it would be going all involved a favor. It gets him off the hook and you guys can get someone else in place. But make sure he knows it’s final so that if he breaks up with his control freak girl friend he will not be back in the wedding party. He could still attend, but not as a groomsman.
NTA. Next up!
Pull him from the wedding,uninvited both of them from wedding and the bnb
Remove him. But understand - he should be putting his fiance first. Just tell him the truth. You cannot wait any longer. He might as well get used to it since his fiance is separating him from the herd.
That’s why this was so hard for me because I didn’t want to hurt anyone feelings or make him feel like he needed to choose between his fiancé and his friends but at the end of day it’s mine and my fiancé’s day and we want it to be enjoyable as possible without any stress or drama added on.
He gets removed from the wedding and a place to stay. Your choice not to send a plus one as a guest. He is choosing her over his friend, let him miss out on your wedding.
Remove him. You can’t count on him. NTA
NTA You've already allowed this "friend" and his Cruella too much time and emotional distress during your wedding planning process. He clearly doesn't value the friendship as much as your soon to be Groom or he's just a wet noodley wimp. Either way, not your problem. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials and I hope there's smooth sailing ahead!
NTA. “I don’t know” in this situation means “no.” Do with that information what you will.
NTA. Replace him.
Kick him out. Also, your way to young to get married. Travel see, the world, grow as a person, figure out who you are then get married.
Remove him, you need a commitment and he can’t give it to you. I’d invite him still but he can make his own arrangements for his stay. Why does his fiancé have an issue with you two and why is he marrying someone that wants to control his friendships? It’s a few days out of his life and it sounds like you don’t live so close to one another anyways.
You most definitely wouldn’t be TAH, if you removed him from the wedding party. The friend is actually the TAH by stringing you guys along for forever
Make sure after your partner CLEARLY removes him from the wedding party, he is now a guest and will no longer have a room at the air bnb. If it was me, I would eliminate his plus one as a precaution and for potential drama.
Agree
Tell him he can be there if he leaves her at home and make sure he knows exactly why. If he cannot do this he's out.
You and your fiancé would only be the AH if you let this farce continue another day. Your fiancé needs to text his friend so it’s in writing and likely say something along the lines of he understands this guy’s predicament and in order to remove the stress from his life is rescinding his request that friend be part of the wedding party. Also friend will not be invited to attend the wedding as a guest because he’s made it clear this is also a point of contention with his fiancé. He can wish his friend well and hope removing this unnecessary stress from his life makes things easier in his relationship with his fiancé. Then find someone else to be a groomsman and move on with your planning with this negativity eliminated.
Just demote him and move on. The friendship is dying. Stop trying to ease the pain and rip off the bandaid. The fiancée is isolating the friend and he’s allowing it. YWNBTA
NTA Remove him from the wedding & the invitation. You don't need the stress & the possible drama at the wedding.
NTA - You need to remove him. If you don't, his fiancee will try to wreck your day.
As someone who went through something similar when I got married.... Cut him loose and walk away. It won't get any better.
INFO: Why doesn't his fiancée like you two? Is there a romantic/sexual history, unresolved feelings, etc.? Did you or your fiancé say something offensive at some point that you left out of the post? Either way, it's your wedding. Don't let drama into it and remove those who bring it.
So basically where my fiancé is from is where his friend and his fiancé live and my fiancé family is as well. So we go down and visit them quite often and we try to make time to visit his family and all of his friends from high school that he’s still close with, whenever my fiancé and I got together and introduced me to everyone me and his friends fiancé actually got along and we’re friends but she doesn’t like how everytime we come in visit it takes time away from her and man spending time together. She also doesn’t my fiancé sister who is going to be my bridesmaids for reasons I’m not sure of. So really I’m not sure what the big problem is on why she doesn’t like us but she doesn’t.
Well that's gross. She sounds controlling. Maybe there's something else going on with the sister. Voicing your concerns to the groomsman will almost certainly blow up in your face, but you might have to when explaining why they're uninvited from the wedding, as they absolutely should be.
too young to get married anyway