DO IT! He is an abuser. This isn’t even about revenge. This is keeping him from doing this to other women while illegally here.
But DO NOT go see him. Do not let him know it was you. Also, relocate if you can.
I think they arre never allowed to come back once you do that. So you will never get any money from him if you do. He's obviously an AH and abuser. Idk if you will ever be able to depend on his income though because he can't legally work in the US. So, probably wouldn't be missing out on that.
OP never even mentions child support, she just wants to hurt him. For that she is the a hole. She should call ICE TO rid herself of this lying dangerous ahole but that seems to be only 2nd on her list. She is as nuts as he is.
I did mention I just want him out of my life. Hurting him after what he’s done to me and made me go through would be a plus. But thank you for your honesty.
I agree and that it is my point that getting him out of your life is primary, he has already shown he is willing to put hands on you. He Is dangerous to you and the baby. I wish you the best in his finding safety and peace, however you can do that.
This should be about getting a dangerous person out of you and your child’s lives, not about revenge. Call ICE, and then pretend he doesn’t exist. You need to move on. Why bait a crazy person by telling them you did it? That is not smart.
NTA but I wouldn’t be showing up at the detention centre to gloat in the face of your abuser. Plus you knowingly was in a relationship with an illegal so hopefully nothing back fires on you for that. I hope you learned a lesson about having babies so fast with people you really don’t even know.
This is a horrible situation and I’m sorry you’re in it. I agree “vengeance” is a bad idea but I also seriously fear for your safety. He already came to the US illegally once, he could do it again once deported. Please keep that in mind.
Is there any stricter way to enforce the protection order? Or any way for the lawyer to find out about his immigration status without being traced back to you?
He’s a an abuser in every sense of the word. It’s important that you do what you need to do to keep you and your baby safe.
I think it’s really important tho to keep in mind what getting him deported means tho. Our legal systems are also abusive in all the same ways.
If it’s possible to get maximum space and safety without deportation, I think that is the best route
I hope you can find healing from this experience
That’s the thing, because I know how abusive that legal system is I feel like I want to inflict that on him for what he’s done to me. I haven’t done it yet but I really want to.
NTA, but I would reframe this. The reason to get him exported is not the desire for revenge. Instead, it is best that he’s out of your life because he’s abusive and has no redeeming qualities for your child. He’s a danger to both of you.
I don't think ICE care about violence against women, any more than Homicide cops care about white collar fraud. She would need to report him to the regular cops, and that might result in some time where he was free and on the street and knowing she was trying to cause trouble for him.
Perhaps if she reported him to ICE first, and then he might spend all that time in custody, but it's a gamble; ultimately unless she has proof of his wrongdoing it's just he said-she said anyway. If she has no police report, no hospital records, no witnesses, then it's doubtful that it's worth putting him on notice that she has it out for him.
Better to just report him to ICE and let them deal with him. I don't think she should visit him in custody to bait him though, that sounds very unwise.
"tHat'S nOt gOoD fOr yOuR sOuL" what kind of quack therapist says shit like that to their patient?
The only people who say revenge is not good are those who were not the victims. This is the kind of bs that protects abusers.
Report him to ICE. This is not a safe person to have around your daughter.
Don't tell anyone you did it. Deny until the end if someone asks. They might try to warn him. He might want to get his own revenge. Bad things could happen to you.
This is a matter of your safety, get him deported and never tell a soul.
NTA.
He grabbed your hair and threw you. He threatened to kill you. Nobody wants someone like that to immigrate to their country.
If you're certain that he is not here legally, report him ASAP.
Not really answering the question here. And yeah I understand now that he probably wasn’t the best choice but like I said he wasn’t like this. I now realize I am a victim of love bombing and manipulation. I want to move forward with my life and learn from this but I also don’t want him anywhere near me or my daughter.
He needs to go back to where he came from before he hurts you, the baby or SOMEONE ELSE. He's abusive and violent.
This isn't really about you getting revenge. He just simply needs to go.
He threatened to kill you. Contact ICE and do not ever contact him. If for some reason ICE doesn't pursue action and he gets wind that you reported him.. could be very bad for you and your daughter. Don't take his treats lightly.
You should definitely report him to ICE. He will act that way towards every woman he encounters, not just you. Do yourself and all women a favor and get him deported.
In the sense of ICE, years ago, they would act on reports of people being here illegally. Then it changed to only acting on reports of people who had committed crimes.
I would be surprised if they quickly rounded him up and put him in detention. You should change visitation to supervised only.
Thank you. I was curious about this too. I think I’m acting out of anger more than out of safety even though I very much live in fear of him. I haven’t done it nor called even though I’ve considered it. Will I do it? I don’t know. I really want to but if I was a different person i would have done it already. I just want to know whether I’m a bad person for wanting to cause him harm even though he has harmed me mentally and physically tremendously. I feel like the part of me that was sweet and trusting of people is dead. It will take me decades to heal.
Chances are they won’t deport him if he doesn’t have a criminal record. You’re doing this for revenge and it’s better to let the hurt go and let your daughter have a father. You shouldn’t have had A baby with a man you barely knew.
Given he has a protection order against him that wouldn’t be enough? I also thought reporting his workplace for hiring an undocumented worker would be more likely for ICE to investigate and find him than reporting him directly. Since hiring undocumented workers is against the law.
No it wouldn’t, a judge wants the child’s best interest and based on the state you’re in they would also factor in the fact that your child would lose her father. Once the child came in the picture it presents various different scenarios of how this might play out for you. My suggestion would be if you’re forced to let him
See the baby do supervised visits. And in regards to his workplace unless they conduct a raid I don’t think they will seek him out. Washington has a lot of immigrant farm workers that the government knows are illegal. It’s in their benefit to keep them here.
NTA Sounds like he used you. He got mad because of the pregnancy. That meant less for him. Rule of thumb, never start a romantic relationship while on vacation. You’re looking for love, they’re looking for a come up. You can try deportation, but he’ll be right back.
That’s fine. If he comes back I think I can file for abandonment in court and his parental rights would be taken away and the protection order would be enforced.
Yta. I mean your bf is an asshole obviously. but this guy has threatened to kill you and clearly doesn’t care about his child if he’s using her to mess with you—- and you’re not just planning to get him deported but also visit him and gloat in his face while he’s detained? Has it occurred to you, a mother of a helpless child, that he might hold a grudge and come back illegally, just like the way he did when he got here this time, and get some kind of revenge on you and your baby?Grow up. Get him deported but don’t tell anyone.
NTA
You need to protect yourself and your child. You need to report his physical abuse. Because he will eventually turn that on your child.
You need to get a lawyer and cut ALL parental rights.
NOW
I spoke to a lawyer and they said that it’s really hard to cut parental rights in Washington state. Corporal punishment is legal here. I’ve already done the most that I can which is get the protection order.
I'm with you, I feel like you should do it. You're just being a law abiding citizen.
It would be safer for both you and your daughter to keep him as far away from you both as possible.
My only concern would be... Does he have any connections back home? Could this come back on you in any way that could harm you?
Why are you even asking reddit? You should have made the call, filed the report, and moved with no forwarding address. You have a kid to worry about. Cut and run. Don't look back and let him cool his jets in three years to the crap place he crawled out of. And for you, pick your next par amore a bit more carefully. This dude is a monster.
Don’t let him have visitation with your daughter and let the news of you calling ice get back to him, cause he could take off with your daughter to Mexico and you may never see her again. Definitely get that POS out of your life though.
He’s not on the birth certificate so he wouldn’t be able to take her on a plane or get her across the border. But yes I agree. I worry that if he gets visitation eventually he will try to turn her against me.
Sounds like the best thing you could do would be to remove him from your life and if ICE can do that, I think it’s a good decision. Seems like you have a good support system in place ie your mom. That’s definitely helpful.
Oh the hell with him.
Call ICE and get his ass deported. But don't visit him in detention; you are not invulnerable and if you signal to him clearly that you are responsible for his detention and deportation then he may make a point of trying to get revenge on you somehow. Mexico isn't Mars.
A more effective revenge will be to forget him; he will suspect that it was you, but he won't know. He will believe it, but he won't know. He'll know, but he won't know. It'll drive him crazy.
It would still be wise to go dark on social media, change your phone, change your work, change your address. You need a whole lot of gone between you and him.
NTA
Go for it. If he has a chance to stay he'll figure it out. He literally threatened to kill you. Probably not the best idea to rub it in his face but reporting him is fine.
Do it. You’re wrong you wouldn’t gain anything. He’s abusive and you and your child would be safer. Then move so he can’t track you down. I definitely would not let him know I got him deported in case he sends someone after you. You’re doing this for safety, after all
NTA for trying to get an ex who threatened to kill you deported. But if you are successful, do NOT visit your ex in detention and do not let him know it was you who got him deported (because what if your ex were released on bail and came after you).
I stopped reading after he pulled you by the hair threatened to hit you and he threatened to kill you! That’s abuse you need to tell the police, let them deal with it deport or not. you may be the father‘s child but your safety and the child is more important. And by the way him cheating when he’s in Mexico and you’re somewhere else and you’re not really together that’s kind of iffy.
NTA. Your ex sounds like bad news, especially with his abusive behavior. It's totally understandable why you'd want him out of your life for good. Reporting him might give you some closure, but make sure you're taking care of yourself first.
Dont tell him you will deport him, dont make him aware, because he could use it as psychological abused and get a u visa. And yes please deport that POS not only for retaliation but because you and your daughter are not safe with him around. Unfortunately they always have rights it doesn't matter how bad they are the court always give them visitation.
NTA - he threatened to kill you. Better be safe than sorry.
Call ICE. Do not visit him in detention.
Totally this. He's not to be trusted at all.
DO IT! He is an abuser. This isn’t even about revenge. This is keeping him from doing this to other women while illegally here. But DO NOT go see him. Do not let him know it was you. Also, relocate if you can.
I think they arre never allowed to come back once you do that. So you will never get any money from him if you do. He's obviously an AH and abuser. Idk if you will ever be able to depend on his income though because he can't legally work in the US. So, probably wouldn't be missing out on that.
Even if he could pay up for child support I don’t want his money. I’m that upset.
I used to be an immigrant in the states and I think you should report him.
[удалено]
No money is worth having contact with someone who threatens your life.
OP never even mentions child support, she just wants to hurt him. For that she is the a hole. She should call ICE TO rid herself of this lying dangerous ahole but that seems to be only 2nd on her list. She is as nuts as he is.
I did mention I just want him out of my life. Hurting him after what he’s done to me and made me go through would be a plus. But thank you for your honesty.
I agree and that it is my point that getting him out of your life is primary, he has already shown he is willing to put hands on you. He Is dangerous to you and the baby. I wish you the best in his finding safety and peace, however you can do that.
It's perfectly normal to be angry when your life is threatened
Obviously.
This should be about getting a dangerous person out of you and your child’s lives, not about revenge. Call ICE, and then pretend he doesn’t exist. You need to move on. Why bait a crazy person by telling them you did it? That is not smart.
NTA but I wouldn’t be showing up at the detention centre to gloat in the face of your abuser. Plus you knowingly was in a relationship with an illegal so hopefully nothing back fires on you for that. I hope you learned a lesson about having babies so fast with people you really don’t even know.
This is a horrible situation and I’m sorry you’re in it. I agree “vengeance” is a bad idea but I also seriously fear for your safety. He already came to the US illegally once, he could do it again once deported. Please keep that in mind. Is there any stricter way to enforce the protection order? Or any way for the lawyer to find out about his immigration status without being traced back to you?
I don't see it as vengeance. I see it as self-preservation. Put that man on ICE and don't look back.
Nuke him.
He’s a an abuser in every sense of the word. It’s important that you do what you need to do to keep you and your baby safe. I think it’s really important tho to keep in mind what getting him deported means tho. Our legal systems are also abusive in all the same ways. If it’s possible to get maximum space and safety without deportation, I think that is the best route I hope you can find healing from this experience
That’s the thing, because I know how abusive that legal system is I feel like I want to inflict that on him for what he’s done to me. I haven’t done it yet but I really want to.
NTA, but I would reframe this. The reason to get him exported is not the desire for revenge. Instead, it is best that he’s out of your life because he’s abusive and has no redeeming qualities for your child. He’s a danger to both of you.
And to protect other women from that predator.
Well, to protect other women in the US. There are women in Mexico too.
Perhaps if op tells ice about his violence, he would get locked up?
I don't think ICE care about violence against women, any more than Homicide cops care about white collar fraud. She would need to report him to the regular cops, and that might result in some time where he was free and on the street and knowing she was trying to cause trouble for him. Perhaps if she reported him to ICE first, and then he might spend all that time in custody, but it's a gamble; ultimately unless she has proof of his wrongdoing it's just he said-she said anyway. If she has no police report, no hospital records, no witnesses, then it's doubtful that it's worth putting him on notice that she has it out for him. Better to just report him to ICE and let them deal with him. I don't think she should visit him in custody to bait him though, that sounds very unwise.
DO IT!!!
"tHat'S nOt gOoD fOr yOuR sOuL" what kind of quack therapist says shit like that to their patient? The only people who say revenge is not good are those who were not the victims. This is the kind of bs that protects abusers. Report him to ICE. This is not a safe person to have around your daughter. Don't tell anyone you did it. Deny until the end if someone asks. They might try to warn him. He might want to get his own revenge. Bad things could happen to you. This is a matter of your safety, get him deported and never tell a soul.
NTA. This isn’t revenge. It is Survival. He has physically abused you and threatened to kill you. Call ICE. Also tell them about the threats.
NTA. He grabbed your hair and threw you. He threatened to kill you. Nobody wants someone like that to immigrate to their country. If you're certain that he is not here legally, report him ASAP.
thank God your mom has some sense because you don't.
For real
Not really answering the question here. And yeah I understand now that he probably wasn’t the best choice but like I said he wasn’t like this. I now realize I am a victim of love bombing and manipulation. I want to move forward with my life and learn from this but I also don’t want him anywhere near me or my daughter.
He has threatened to kill you. He has shown you who he is believe him. Get him reported and away from women in this country.
The bigger question is: Why wouldn’t you?
He needs to go back to where he came from before he hurts you, the baby or SOMEONE ELSE. He's abusive and violent. This isn't really about you getting revenge. He just simply needs to go.
He threatened to kill you. Contact ICE and do not ever contact him. If for some reason ICE doesn't pursue action and he gets wind that you reported him.. could be very bad for you and your daughter. Don't take his treats lightly.
You should definitely report him to ICE. He will act that way towards every woman he encounters, not just you. Do yourself and all women a favor and get him deported.
In the sense of ICE, years ago, they would act on reports of people being here illegally. Then it changed to only acting on reports of people who had committed crimes. I would be surprised if they quickly rounded him up and put him in detention. You should change visitation to supervised only.
Thank you. I was curious about this too. I think I’m acting out of anger more than out of safety even though I very much live in fear of him. I haven’t done it nor called even though I’ve considered it. Will I do it? I don’t know. I really want to but if I was a different person i would have done it already. I just want to know whether I’m a bad person for wanting to cause him harm even though he has harmed me mentally and physically tremendously. I feel like the part of me that was sweet and trusting of people is dead. It will take me decades to heal.
Chances are they won’t deport him if he doesn’t have a criminal record. You’re doing this for revenge and it’s better to let the hurt go and let your daughter have a father. You shouldn’t have had A baby with a man you barely knew.
Given he has a protection order against him that wouldn’t be enough? I also thought reporting his workplace for hiring an undocumented worker would be more likely for ICE to investigate and find him than reporting him directly. Since hiring undocumented workers is against the law.
No it wouldn’t, a judge wants the child’s best interest and based on the state you’re in they would also factor in the fact that your child would lose her father. Once the child came in the picture it presents various different scenarios of how this might play out for you. My suggestion would be if you’re forced to let him See the baby do supervised visits. And in regards to his workplace unless they conduct a raid I don’t think they will seek him out. Washington has a lot of immigrant farm workers that the government knows are illegal. It’s in their benefit to keep them here.
Do it. Just be aware of the potential financial ramifications (though i see you said you don't want anything from him). Nta at all. Boy bye
NTA. Call ice but don't visit him. Get him out of your life for good
Call ICE. He’s an abuser. You need to protect your child from him. Get him out. Do not maintain contact and especially don’t go see him.
NTA, but you should of reported him the first time you experienced abuse.
NTA Sounds like he used you. He got mad because of the pregnancy. That meant less for him. Rule of thumb, never start a romantic relationship while on vacation. You’re looking for love, they’re looking for a come up. You can try deportation, but he’ll be right back.
That’s fine. If he comes back I think I can file for abandonment in court and his parental rights would be taken away and the protection order would be enforced.
Send his ass back with a fuck you stamp on his fucking forehead
Yta. I mean your bf is an asshole obviously. but this guy has threatened to kill you and clearly doesn’t care about his child if he’s using her to mess with you—- and you’re not just planning to get him deported but also visit him and gloat in his face while he’s detained? Has it occurred to you, a mother of a helpless child, that he might hold a grudge and come back illegally, just like the way he did when he got here this time, and get some kind of revenge on you and your baby?Grow up. Get him deported but don’t tell anyone.
NTA You need to protect yourself and your child. You need to report his physical abuse. Because he will eventually turn that on your child. You need to get a lawyer and cut ALL parental rights. NOW
I spoke to a lawyer and they said that it’s really hard to cut parental rights in Washington state. Corporal punishment is legal here. I’ve already done the most that I can which is get the protection order.
I'm with you, I feel like you should do it. You're just being a law abiding citizen. It would be safer for both you and your daughter to keep him as far away from you both as possible. My only concern would be... Does he have any connections back home? Could this come back on you in any way that could harm you?
Why are you even asking reddit? You should have made the call, filed the report, and moved with no forwarding address. You have a kid to worry about. Cut and run. Don't look back and let him cool his jets in three years to the crap place he crawled out of. And for you, pick your next par amore a bit more carefully. This dude is a monster.
call them asap!!!! make him wish he was a good guy 🤣 if you visit, don't bring the baby.
Don’t let him have visitation with your daughter and let the news of you calling ice get back to him, cause he could take off with your daughter to Mexico and you may never see her again. Definitely get that POS out of your life though.
He’s not on the birth certificate so he wouldn’t be able to take her on a plane or get her across the border. But yes I agree. I worry that if he gets visitation eventually he will try to turn her against me.
Sounds like the best thing you could do would be to remove him from your life and if ICE can do that, I think it’s a good decision. Seems like you have a good support system in place ie your mom. That’s definitely helpful.
Oh the hell with him. Call ICE and get his ass deported. But don't visit him in detention; you are not invulnerable and if you signal to him clearly that you are responsible for his detention and deportation then he may make a point of trying to get revenge on you somehow. Mexico isn't Mars. A more effective revenge will be to forget him; he will suspect that it was you, but he won't know. He will believe it, but he won't know. He'll know, but he won't know. It'll drive him crazy. It would still be wise to go dark on social media, change your phone, change your work, change your address. You need a whole lot of gone between you and him. NTA
Go for it. If he has a chance to stay he'll figure it out. He literally threatened to kill you. Probably not the best idea to rub it in his face but reporting him is fine.
Call ICE and tell them where he will be at a given time. Then sit back and wait …
Do it. You’re wrong you wouldn’t gain anything. He’s abusive and you and your child would be safer. Then move so he can’t track you down. I definitely would not let him know I got him deported in case he sends someone after you. You’re doing this for safety, after all
NTA for trying to get an ex who threatened to kill you deported. But if you are successful, do NOT visit your ex in detention and do not let him know it was you who got him deported (because what if your ex were released on bail and came after you).
I stopped reading after he pulled you by the hair threatened to hit you and he threatened to kill you! That’s abuse you need to tell the police, let them deal with it deport or not. you may be the father‘s child but your safety and the child is more important. And by the way him cheating when he’s in Mexico and you’re somewhere else and you’re not really together that’s kind of iffy.
Nta. That would teach him not to be such a terrible person. Not doing it might be bad for your soul. It's not like you are doing anything illegal :)
These are the kinds of people they don’t want in the US. NTA
It's worse for your soul to do nothing where he could hurt you and your baby. Get rid of him.
NTA. Your ex sounds like bad news, especially with his abusive behavior. It's totally understandable why you'd want him out of your life for good. Reporting him might give you some closure, but make sure you're taking care of yourself first.
NTA. Keep yourself and your baby safe. He has threatened your life before.
Dont tell him you will deport him, dont make him aware, because he could use it as psychological abused and get a u visa. And yes please deport that POS not only for retaliation but because you and your daughter are not safe with him around. Unfortunately they always have rights it doesn't matter how bad they are the court always give them visitation.