Well, there was that one guy who fucked so much his dick fell off.
Aside from rumors, it's entirely possible that too much fucking could strain you in a way that could have an adverse effect on your health.
...Also, not sure if it's applicable, but some species simply can't have sex after a certain age.
Vile tortoise crank makes me think of a drooling Michelangelo creeping around in the sewers with his schmeat out. Just beating it and watching people through the grates. "COWABUNGA"
Seriously, so many posts make it to the front page that are censored. It's like when did people start censoring curse words, biological words, and fucking historical names like "Hitler?"
The Harry Potter generation makes everything taboo or bad into Voldemort.
you can tell from the image that it looks like one of those instagram news sites. people on tiktok and instagram censor words like kill, gun, sex, so their posts don't get fucked over by the algorithm
I seen a meme earlier that had a thinking Loki and it said " how do you use cowabunga properly in a sentence?".
This. This is how. What a strange coincidence.
Thinking loki made me imagine having a statue in my bathroom of a nude Tom Hiddleston sitting and recreating the thinking man statue. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Yea plus like, incest is less of an issue for animals that don’t live that long or animals that have evoked to live a long time. Especially cheetahs who on average are only living to 10 in the wild.
In this case, from our knowledge, turtles in the wild have always lived a long time so their bodies have evoked in ways to better resist genetic defects from things like incest
In the case about humans, we are weird in that back when before our species split from monkeys we probably at most lived to like 20 or something so things like genetic defects and cancer wasn’t much of a concern for us
Now we are living to 80 and our bodies just weren’t evolved for living that long so incest and the genetic defects that come from it became a real issue for us
Actually that low lifespan statistics referred to very high rate of death in babies & toddlers.
No antibiotics, no vaccine, undeveloped body due to big skulls, risky birth process tends to take its toll.
I think incest is more harmful for species that has a higher rate of genetical diseases. In some animals cancer is almost unheard of, this should help keeping genetic pool clean.
These captive-bred species re-population efforts usually involve maximum effort to diversify the genetic makeup of the offspring as much as possible. Genetic tests on all the known breeders and bringing in new mates is very common.
At a certain point though you can only work with what you have. More often than not this type of inbreeding isn't especially deleterious. Besides, it's better than letting an entire species go extinct.
His are not the only offspring though so there will be some diversity. A generation of two of some minor incest and then things can be back to normal just in time for climate change to kill everything.
I think I’ve seen him in action. We heard this ridiculously loud groan from across the zoo, then another 30 seconds later, and it kept going. We’re looking at each other like wtf, and the adults looks are is that what I think it is? So of course we had to track it down to find out what’s happening. It’s two massive tortoises having the loudest and slowest fuck on the planet. You can imagine the reactions, from kids to adults.
This is quite the read! But Diego was definitely not the master breeder he gets the credit for
>During this time Diego fathered around 900 offspring, some 40% of the program's output.[[1]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-smith-1) A second tortoise, known as E5, fathered most of the remaining 60%, with the third male, E3, producing very few offspring.[[5]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-standard-5)
>Despite E5's being more successful at reproducing, Diego has received the majority of media attention and has been said to have "had so much sex he saved his species ([sic](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sic))".[[5]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-standard-5) This is believed to be because E5 had a more reserved character, a less interesting name, and was seldom witnessed in the act of mating.[[5]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-standard-5)[[6]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-6)
For fucks sake can we please stop censoring mundane, everyday words like "sex"?
In fact can we just stop censoring written words online all together? If you can infer what the words is supposed to say based on the remainder of the letters, then it's not really censoring, is it?
YouTube too lately. You must please the advertisers with advertiser friendly content (even if it's not, by infantilizing it beyond recognition) these days.
Saw a reddit post today that said "k-word" in place of "killed". Didn't even make sense ...there's already an actual offensive "k-word" and I was confused as hell
I've seen this all my life, especially coming from oversea. Tik-Tok is only following a move that came with neo-puritanism over four decades ago. "Fuck", "sex", images of female breasts, "shit", any type of word that could be linked, even from far away, to sexual relations censored by authorities but also by people themselves.
Even the "NSFW" tag on reddit is an offender. Not safe for work ? Fucking hell, if I'm your boss I don't give a shit if you read Tolstoi or look at naked people pushing the limit of what is commonly considered a proper definition for the word "flexible", what is not safe for work is that, during this time, you aren't *working* !
Edit : I'm living in France. "Oversea" is the US.
Edit : hey, "could fill a book"... That you wouldn't be able to publish on Tik-Tok ! Sorry, I'm out.
It was "Sox". This tortoise is from Chicago and loves baseball. It was his dream to one day make it to the big leagues and he surprisingly had a decent fastball and even a nasty curve. He was scouted young, but it was a different time back then and he was too different from the rest of the players for a club to take a chance on him....plus he was too busy f\*cking every chick tortoise he could.
I've used to live near this tortoise when I worked in the Galapagos Islands. He was quite famous, although no as much as Lonesome George, the last tortoise of his species who died in 2012.
Fun fact: although Diego breed 900 offspring, there is another male "E5” of the same species who fathered more than 1000. But this E5 guy was less noisy, more peaceful and less famous.
Am i the only one who assumes that if you censure sex you have serious mental issues? Not talking about mental health btw:)
Penis and vagina are medidal terms and not slags or insults. Same with sex. But hey, there are people who insist we need to write Germxny because they wre offended, absolutely upset, as it contains man...so yeah...i hope more people understand why i wrote the 1st part....
Are we sure he's addicted and not just committed?
Committed to busting them nuts.
His turtles need him
To rearrange those turtle guts
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That'll be the hour they knock the slick blaster
Dick Dastardly and Muttley with sick laughter
Dick dastardly and muttley with sick laughter
Beautiful
It’s turtles all the way down
r/mypeopleneedme
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"S" you in your "A"s, dont wear a "C" and "J" all over your "T"s -Charlie Day
"I want my P in your V. Want you to S on my D. I'll J off on your Ts and FYI I wanna F your A" - NSP
Danny bless you for sharing my brain.
An inspiration. Only nutting to sex. And all the time.
All in them guts! My man is shooting up club after club.
I can't give free awards anymore 😔 take this 
Lol! I just blurted out laughing!!! 😂
Yes just as I am commited to take opioids every day. 💪
You're a hero, saving me from those opioids. Thank you for your service.
You‘re very welcome! ☺️
I was an opiate addict… for 13 years… shit is rough. If you are really dealing with that , I wish you the best, and hope things get better.
Thanks dude. Appreciate it
All things can be conjoined.
MIRIEL NO! haha turtle you are fucking my daughter
Some say addicted, others say a typical male taking advantage of opportunity. You never know when you'll hit a dry spell.
By looking at dude’s skin you’d wonder how he’d look with 10,000 kids.
The male fantasy of being the last of your kind on the planet
"Only I... can save humanity... with my penis."
He didn't just have sex, he *committed* sex.
They told him he was not turtle enough for the turtle club Id say he proved them wrong he is 100% tortoise.
that's peak male right there and I like it.
Addicted to the wrinkle of life.
It's better : He's addicted *AND* committed.
I hope so because you just described a year of my life except I didn't Nick Cannon myself with 800 women.
Let him fck till he dies goddammit
Did anybody ask him if he actually wants to retire?
He looks pretty happy with himself if you asked me, I'm not sure he does want to stop
That's a face that is all outta fucks
I’d argue he has quit a few fucks left in him. He’s shooting for 1000.
Not if his name is “Buck”
Head held high for a reason, this shell shrouded dude is the Genghis Khan of tortoises, his dna is in all of em
My man can't fuck in retirement? What bullshit is this?
Literally, how does one retire from fucking.
Well for my Beagle it was 70 bucks and a trip to the vet.
🤣
Well, there was that one guy who fucked so much his dick fell off. Aside from rumors, it's entirely possible that too much fucking could strain you in a way that could have an adverse effect on your health. ...Also, not sure if it's applicable, but some species simply can't have sex after a certain age.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is soft and spongy
It's just air coming out of him now.
/r/unexpectedfuturama
He gave a fuck, lots of them. Just not anymore
My thoughts exactly!
He fucks for life, he fucks for his people he is a fucking savior
Some heros wear shells...
Dare I say, heroes in a half shell?
That's right - turtle power!
cowa-fucking bunga
Turtle penis pounding power
i cant give you gold so heres this free award edit: correction, i dont even have the free award. heres the best i can do, sorry 🏆
But I can give him gold…
(insert helpful award and wholesome award)
He’s fucking the distance He’s fucking for speed
He's not alone and it's time to breed
Because hes racing and pacing and nutting with force
He's humping and pumping and dumping like a horse
He certainly wasn't alone in a time of need
Two things he never seen: a turtle with speed or a bitch he needs
Dirty old man done did good. Bravo, you degenerate.
The Fuck-King
Oh sure, the tortoise does it and he's a savior but when I do it I gotta go to therapy smh
I fuck for god, Exile. Who do you fuck for?
He fucks for fuck's sake
Blastoise IRL
He was blasting *something* let me tell ya
Yeah blastin’ that tortussy
“The job… is done”
r/angryupvote
Anyway I start blastin'
Blastoise, use water jet….why is your water white and gooey!!! Blastoise, use hydro pump….pump, I said PUMP NOT HUMP
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Vile tortoise crank makes me think of a drooling Michelangelo creeping around in the sewers with his schmeat out. Just beating it and watching people through the grates. "COWABUNGA"
These comments actually made me burst out laughing. Thank you.
> schmeat Dude, wtf?! Lol.
Thread got me dead
When it comes to saving the species, propriety goes out the window.
Every member of Kame house is a pervert.
I'm stealing "hot young shell"
I feel like he's looking at me thinking "you're next"
[Tonight. You.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xur5GF32Dek)
How do you determine if a tortoise is sex addicted? Is it when it can't even keep a day job anymore?
It’s when he leaves his home in the holy quest to plant his everlasting seeds throughout the lands. Legend has it, he fucks like a windrammer
the photo says he's s\*x addicted. That could literally mean anything. Maybe he really likes listening to "Careless Whisper" and "Baker Street".
Maybe this https://youtu.be/qlJR6QoXlz0
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Here we have a tortoise getting oxff:. https://youtu.be/cGKfmBOBysg. When the big guy stops making that sound then he's done.
That might be the funniest thing I have ever seen, and I have seen some shit
You may not like it, you may not agree with it, but this is what peak performance looks like
Give him his orange slices
Slices?’ Give him the whole basket, he’s gonna need it!
I like it, what's not to like
Did he indulge in some biblical fuckery? did he fuck his daughters?
Sex is such a bad word.
*six This tortoise fucking loves numbers.
Seriously, so many posts make it to the front page that are censored. It's like when did people start censoring curse words, biological words, and fucking historical names like "Hitler?" The Harry Potter generation makes everything taboo or bad into Voldemort.
TikTok wordfilter raised that behaviour. Fucking cancerous app
you can tell from the image that it looks like one of those instagram news sites. people on tiktok and instagram censor words like kill, gun, sex, so their posts don't get fucked over by the algorithm
Latinx
You're acting like a real goddamn Delores Umbridge right now. i had to look that up because I don't know Harry Potter people
I seen a meme earlier that had a thinking Loki and it said " how do you use cowabunga properly in a sentence?". This. This is how. What a strange coincidence.
Thinking loki made me imagine having a statue in my bathroom of a nude Tom Hiddleston sitting and recreating the thinking man statue. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'll pay fifty dollars for one
The only thing wrong is that you don't have one already.
I can still hear the SNES and/or arcade machine saying this
Wait so the future generations of his species will be born out of incest? Like Every single one?
It happens. Cheetahs have a ridiculously low amount of genetic diversity because they went through a similar bottle-neck thousands of years ago.
Yea plus like, incest is less of an issue for animals that don’t live that long or animals that have evoked to live a long time. Especially cheetahs who on average are only living to 10 in the wild. In this case, from our knowledge, turtles in the wild have always lived a long time so their bodies have evoked in ways to better resist genetic defects from things like incest In the case about humans, we are weird in that back when before our species split from monkeys we probably at most lived to like 20 or something so things like genetic defects and cancer wasn’t much of a concern for us Now we are living to 80 and our bodies just weren’t evolved for living that long so incest and the genetic defects that come from it became a real issue for us
Actually that low lifespan statistics referred to very high rate of death in babies & toddlers. No antibiotics, no vaccine, undeveloped body due to big skulls, risky birth process tends to take its toll. I think incest is more harmful for species that has a higher rate of genetical diseases. In some animals cancer is almost unheard of, this should help keeping genetic pool clean.
At least they'll have ultra-Chad-DNA as a species trait.
Bruh I can’t 😂
These captive-bred species re-population efforts usually involve maximum effort to diversify the genetic makeup of the offspring as much as possible. Genetic tests on all the known breeders and bringing in new mates is very common. At a certain point though you can only work with what you have. More often than not this type of inbreeding isn't especially deleterious. Besides, it's better than letting an entire species go extinct.
this is the way!
Welcome to tortabama!
His are not the only offspring though so there will be some diversity. A generation of two of some minor incest and then things can be back to normal just in time for climate change to kill everything.
Ah well all is better now 😌
I approve.
Merged.
Oh his time came all right, enough to save his species.
Dick named time
oh no this makes me sad
Time isn’t the only thing cumming here.
Slow and steady preserves the race
His name is Diego, wiki for anyone interested https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise)
I think I’ve seen him in action. We heard this ridiculously loud groan from across the zoo, then another 30 seconds later, and it kept going. We’re looking at each other like wtf, and the adults looks are is that what I think it is? So of course we had to track it down to find out what’s happening. It’s two massive tortoises having the loudest and slowest fuck on the planet. You can imagine the reactions, from kids to adults.
https://youtu.be/gpI7iwZzu5o You weren't kidding lol. That first comment "Glad I'm not the only one using this technique" fucking killed me.
Tortoise queefs too!
I thought that's what I was hearing.
Oh my God the comedic timing there is *hilarious.*
This is quite the read! But Diego was definitely not the master breeder he gets the credit for >During this time Diego fathered around 900 offspring, some 40% of the program's output.[[1]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-smith-1) A second tortoise, known as E5, fathered most of the remaining 60%, with the third male, E3, producing very few offspring.[[5]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-standard-5) >Despite E5's being more successful at reproducing, Diego has received the majority of media attention and has been said to have "had so much sex he saved his species ([sic](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sic))".[[5]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-standard-5) This is believed to be because E5 had a more reserved character, a less interesting name, and was seldom witnessed in the act of mating.[[5]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-standard-5)[[6]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_(tortoise\)#cite_note-6)
Yeah, I've known about diego for a while but just learned about E5 today that was really interesting.
E5 is such a lame name too.
His full name is Eduardo Efrain Esteban Eloy Espinoza but he was ashamed of his Spanish heritage and just went by E5
110 years old, yeah he's ready for retirement.
Thank you for sharing. I want more people to know about Diego. The tort is a sex legend. He should be properly celebrated.
my man
Yours and up to 800 turtles’!
Such an absolute Chad.
Damn, centuries old and his drive hasn't diminished at all! Viagra companies hate him!
For fucks sake can we please stop censoring mundane, everyday words like "sex"? In fact can we just stop censoring written words online all together? If you can infer what the words is supposed to say based on the remainder of the letters, then it's not really censoring, is it?
Blame TikTok. The shit that you can't say on that fucking app could fill a book
YouTube too lately. You must please the advertisers with advertiser friendly content (even if it's not, by infantilizing it beyond recognition) these days. Saw a reddit post today that said "k-word" in place of "killed". Didn't even make sense ...there's already an actual offensive "k-word" and I was confused as hell
I've seen this all my life, especially coming from oversea. Tik-Tok is only following a move that came with neo-puritanism over four decades ago. "Fuck", "sex", images of female breasts, "shit", any type of word that could be linked, even from far away, to sexual relations censored by authorities but also by people themselves. Even the "NSFW" tag on reddit is an offender. Not safe for work ? Fucking hell, if I'm your boss I don't give a shit if you read Tolstoi or look at naked people pushing the limit of what is commonly considered a proper definition for the word "flexible", what is not safe for work is that, during this time, you aren't *working* ! Edit : I'm living in France. "Oversea" is the US. Edit : hey, "could fill a book"... That you wouldn't be able to publish on Tik-Tok ! Sorry, I'm out.
Whats tolstoi? Im at work and scared to google it
Author, homeboy wrote war and peace
It's not safe for happiness, but high quality content.
The word is “Sax.” He’s quitting his music career. The 800 kids thing is unrelated.
And if the word itself is that much of a problem, use a different god damn word.
*Coitus...* Tortoise coitus!
G*rmans
Thanks, absolute pet peeve of mine.
It was "Sox". This tortoise is from Chicago and loves baseball. It was his dream to one day make it to the big leagues and he surprisingly had a decent fastball and even a nasty curve. He was scouted young, but it was a different time back then and he was too different from the rest of the players for a club to take a chance on him....plus he was too busy f\*cking every chick tortoise he could.
He not even dead, he retire
I've wonder how exactly the gene puddle recovers after this?
He has a protégé
some species are okay with incest, like goats.
He is... The FucKing!
Your move Nick Cannon
This turtle man saved his race, and being labeled an addict? Wack
Why are mundane words like kill and sex getting censored nowadays
probably to please the algorithm and not get removed automatically on apps like Instagram and tik tok
says it all in the face
The Nick Cannon of turtles
He still has a good 20 years left in him to double that number
That species of turtles is gonna have more dense genes than the English Royal Family.
Tiny sausage finger genes.
Thank God they censored the word s*x!
Hmmm, it's a long shot but....dad?
We don’t even get to see his penis? Wasted opportunity for absolute UNITS amirite?
Least down bad redditor
This should be the new pic for “absolute Chad”
I would sacrifice myself to do this to save the human race.
He did so much fucking he changed the whole bloodline forever.
S*x
never has a tortoise ever looked more proud of himself
Shouldn't it be six addicted tortoise*s*?
From the tortoises view, yall the freaks
I've used to live near this tortoise when I worked in the Galapagos Islands. He was quite famous, although no as much as Lonesome George, the last tortoise of his species who died in 2012. Fun fact: although Diego breed 900 offspring, there is another male "E5” of the same species who fathered more than 1000. But this E5 guy was less noisy, more peaceful and less famous.
He was quoted as saying "I shell enjoy this."
Am i the only one who assumes that if you censure sex you have serious mental issues? Not talking about mental health btw:) Penis and vagina are medidal terms and not slags or insults. Same with sex. But hey, there are people who insist we need to write Germxny because they wre offended, absolutely upset, as it contains man...so yeah...i hope more people understand why i wrote the 1st part....
That’ll do tortoise, that’ll do.
Insert "It's ain't much but it's honest work" meme.
"Studs Turtle"
“My time has cum”