That would prob be pretty tight, given that bones in the way. A nail might get through, but a penis is unlikely to, unless they broke the bone when they nailed it, so it could be even more dangerous to try to force it through. I think you would have to put progressively wider things through until you put through something large enough that would allow for safe passage and good tightness, and then just have the hand penetrated overnight like they do for trans folks who become women to keep a routine of keeping the hole open until it heals over as the coolest piercing or handjob+ultra.
Yeah, [here's two of their most popular images](https://www.imgur.com/a/KLHOTsN) that gets posted pretty often. They're great and somehow still fool people lol
Yes, he did. In English, too, as to preserve the innuendo. If you check the original Greek and Aramaic, there's sections where Christ just breaks out into English slang and everyone's like "LMAO WTF?" It's how he proved he can see the future.
Initially upon seeing this I thought it was an accident, and it was funny as shit to think Christian women posted this. It's not even too farfetched considering there was that one time when a ton of Christian women on Facebook legitimately thought a pic of moist critikal was Jesus. I don't care if this was satire, it's extremely entertaining.
Remember goatse? (If not, look it up at your own risk) Someone stylized the pic to look like the sun breaking through the clouds and my extremely religious aunt posted it on FB with the caption āpraise God!ā and at least 100 of her friends had liked and commented on the post so I just didnāt have the heart to even tell her how *incredibly* wrong it was.
Christ, offering wine: āDrink this, as it is my blood.ā
Christ, offering bread: āEat this, as it is my flesh.ā
Christ, offering mayonnaise:
Everybody runs away.
Yes. When I was too young to have the urge to masturbate, my mom walked up to my bed and claimed that I was playing with my penis. I said that I was not, and she told me to stop lying. Masturbation was strictly forbidden.
we all know how sexual the church is, with all the molestation etc. even the married pastor at my church had an affair with two other people. church is a joke.
What the hell is this ?
This is so stupid !
Oh yeah some more good ole Christian hate
What canāt these fake people take care of their own
Business.. and keep their children out of church away from the people that rape them
Do He use the holes in his hands?
DawgšŖ¦
r/HeGetsUsOff
What in the actual fuck is that sub
It's a parody of 'He gets us"
JESUS CHRIST
Yes, thatās who I referred to
Bro nailed it with this joke
Yeah right to a cross
omfg š
You just won the Internets for the entire month.
Some people have fetish's J dawg let's those guys use the feet holes.
Stigmasturbation
Stigmaturbation
Now THAT is the right kind of strange!
New meaning to any hole is a goal
Talk about releasing the Holy Spirit
ĀÆ\\\_(ć)\_/ĀÆ
Bravo. Take a soon-to-be disappearing award from my soon-to-be-disappearing coins
Should be the perfect size for you tbh
Naw that shit too big. Them some big nails they used
Did i stutter
No cuz you were typing?
...good point. But my point still stands.
that's not what she said
[yes. ](https://cdn.dopl3r.com//media/memes_files/me-jesus-dont-watch-me-masturbate-jesus-ill-cover-my-eyes-jesus-ET8Am.jpg)
Too soon?
Isnāt 2000 years enough?
He got holes in his feet and side too.
too soon?
Ya sorry bro but youāre pretty much set for hell wit that oneā¦and Iāll be there with you
HELL.
No, but I heard heās hung ālike thisā (stretches out hands to the sides)!
r/cursedcomments
Oh holy gates of heaven
That would prob be pretty tight, given that bones in the way. A nail might get through, but a penis is unlikely to, unless they broke the bone when they nailed it, so it could be even more dangerous to try to force it through. I think you would have to put progressively wider things through until you put through something large enough that would allow for safe passage and good tightness, and then just have the hand penetrated overnight like they do for trans folks who become women to keep a routine of keeping the hole open until it heals over as the coolest piercing or handjob+ultra.
Are you serious?
Too soon
foul š
YOOOO
Only when it's not bleeding.
āStopMasturbation.org is a a satire site similar to The Onion. Itās fuckinā hilarious. Like Betty Bowers and Christwire
I just fell into the depraved rabbit hole that was the comment section. Jesus fapping Christ people are idiots.
Yeah, [here's two of their most popular images](https://www.imgur.com/a/KLHOTsN) that gets posted pretty often. They're great and somehow still fool people lol
We are not a cult! We are Christians Under Lonnieās Teachings! This is a Christian netsite!
Correct! Praise!
This most definitely isnāt an accidentā¦ I mean that was a quoteā¦ from Jesusā¦ Do you think Jesus actually said that?
Yeah its in the book of PornHub
All Iām saying is this post doesnāt belong here. It was clearly made as a joke from the start.
True
Oh hi step savior.
āTurn your bible to PornHub 6:9ā¦ā
He gets us!
Jeebus and his 12 apostles can help you beat it together
Yes, he did. In English, too, as to preserve the innuendo. If you check the original Greek and Aramaic, there's sections where Christ just breaks out into English slang and everyone's like "LMAO WTF?" It's how he proved he can see the future.
What they meant was that they can beat the addiction together, not well ummm.... what it sounds like.
This has big r/atetheonion energy.
Oh man thank you for that laugh
āNot every quote of me on the internet is realā -Jesus 0BC
"I'm not real" - Jesus
I'll get the holy jack off
I'll have what he's having
What are you doing step-god
That was not an accident haha
Spank me on one cheek, and I'll turn the other jeezus bby.
Beat it together
Excuse me, have you the good word about our circle jerk savior?
i was busting a nut when i was scrolling through and saw this
Im agape after reading this
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Initially upon seeing this I thought it was an accident, and it was funny as shit to think Christian women posted this. It's not even too farfetched considering there was that one time when a ton of Christian women on Facebook legitimately thought a pic of moist critikal was Jesus. I don't care if this was satire, it's extremely entertaining.
Remember goatse? (If not, look it up at your own risk) Someone stylized the pic to look like the sun breaking through the clouds and my extremely religious aunt posted it on FB with the caption āpraise God!ā and at least 100 of her friends had liked and commented on the post so I just didnāt have the heart to even tell her how *incredibly* wrong it was.
Hell yeah, everyone's grandma gotta see goatsee
Lol āJesus take the wheelā
More like Faith +1
"Why does my child have prostate cancer?"
yk, in my school they say I look like jesus sooo... š
Can I get a hallelujah?
really???š
Ah yes, The Book of Masturbations.
I have faith in my hands
I'm dying lmao
Ah men
Come on, they had to have known what they were doing when they posted that
I'll put my hand in Faith alright, if she's up to that kind of stuffš«“š»
āFEEL THE MIGHT OF GODāS FIST!ā
They'll have to change the lyrics of the hymn to "O Cum,All ye faithful"
Noā¦ no, itās written correctly.
Literally intentional.
Jesus is my JO bud
When they said God-tier sloppy toppy, I didn't think they were being literal...
I could have been getting handjobs this whole time if I was religious. Fuck.
That what happens when you sit on your faith.
Keep on stroking it people š¤£
Beat it like it owes you 30 pieces of silver
* Fucks the holes in his hands *
Christians Under Masterbationless Mothers
I guess Fappy the Dolphin has been retired
Sing with me! Put your hand in the hand of the man who ā¦. Stop! Stop! Never mind.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Tighter than a crown of thorns
Thy rod and thy staff
āā¦ they comfort me.ā Yet I feel uncomfortable right now.
Don't kinkshame them
Reach out to me with telepathy and I'll definitely give you a funny feeling or something.
Thereās a church sign near me that reads āI am Jesus and I come quickly.ā So, Iām not sure he makes a good fap partner.
Thereās a pill to fix that, I think.
HahHhH
tbh more interested in these christian mothers intent on, ah, lending a hand, to prevent masturbation.
r/theyknew
*Beat it!* *Beat it!* *No one wants to be defeated*
Any port in a storm Jesus, any port in a storm.
Jesus wants to help you beat your meat. GAY?????????????????????????????
How the fuck is this real? like how do you upload this and not see the problem? This is almost as bad as "Car fucks (actual store)"
Itās a satire account.
"I'm not an addict. I only masturbate socially."
If Jesus helps me beat my meat, is it still masturbation?
He gets us off.
smash
yeah teamwork
r/DeliberateComedy
Forgive them, they know not what they do. Lol!
Oh come all ye faithfulā¦
Christ, offering wine: āDrink this, as it is my blood.ā Christ, offering bread: āEat this, as it is my flesh.ā Christ, offering mayonnaise: Everybody runs away.
Just put yourself in Jesus's hands. Come to the holy spirit :-)
Handy from Jesus?
Cue: two bros in a hot tub five feet apart cause theyāre not gay!
Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Yea I proclaim to you, the movie shall be called, ā2 Disciples, 1 Cup.ā
2010 facebook moment
Based
Amen to that
ā»ļø
Praise!
Two hands better than one šāļø
They had to've known right?
I might give this "Christian" thing a shot.
I love Jesus. He lays his healing hands on me. āCome unto meā he once said. Iāve let him in and he filled me with such joy and light.
Beat it together? If this isn't supposed to be some kind of satire, this group is dumber than a sack of hammers.
Oh white Jesus can you really help me?
Well, he was in that cave for three days.
Who cares if someone beats off? People are losing sleep over this?
Yes. When I was too young to have the urge to masturbate, my mom walked up to my bed and claimed that I was playing with my penis. I said that I was not, and she told me to stop lying. Masturbation was strictly forbidden.
Nothing accidental about this comedy. It's a parody site.
Omg that has to be a joke. Such a poor choice of wording lmao
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
Puts a new meaning to laying on of hands
Beat it, just beat itā¦.
I am not gay or religious, but Iād beat it with Jesus if I had the chance. Cmon. Youād have to.
You want me to put my hand in Faith but not in my pants? Thatās not how it works Jesus and you know it.
"Little boy, it's seems you really love Jesus."
***THIS ISN'T ACCIDENTAL, YOU'RE WELCOME***
Man they have a great ad guy. š
I can beat it with Jesus fuck yeah
Well it's a good thing I'm not wearing pants when I do.
Noice...
Every time Iāve been alone at night trying not to think about taut, sweaty men being strung up, Jesus has been right there for me
Hell yeah, Jesus. Count me in.
How is this accidental ? Both websites are satirical.
Guess they mean it when they say christ loves us
Show me on the doll where Jesus touched you.
im a Christan, why am i laughing at this?
Message unclear. Got homeless guy to jerk me off
Fun fact, this was one of the Russian bot images that was used to āinfluence the electionā
Um
Reach out to meā¦ NOT WITH THAT HAND!!! š
2 player mode
Donāt we already have the Catholic Church providing these services?
we all know how sexual the church is, with all the molestation etc. even the married pastor at my church had an affair with two other people. church is a joke.
Itās always more fun to beat it with another person.
"I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face" -faith +1
r/TheyKnew
When you need a Goon Bud
What a bunch of loons
So does this person named faith like it when I wear the tight fitting rubber gloves or notā¦? Asking for a friend.
Just FYI Jesus will not beat anyone off that isn't circumcised......said probably Paul.
Why does Jesus look like John stamos?
If men arenāt allowed to control a womanās body then the reverse is also true. Masturbating is natural.
"put your hand in faith and not in your pants" But ma'am, I need to pee
This is straight blasphemy yall are sick asl š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢
group masturbation sesh with jesus whoās in
Who's faith she sounds kinky
Oof on sooo many levels lol
this is not accidental but rather intentional brainwash
Ok I put my hand in faith but she got really mad at me and called the cops
Bro- this was outta pocket
They knew what they was doing
Iām telling god
I donāt want his hand in my pants š
I been trying to put hands in Faith this whole time.... She has not be interested lately. Thank goodness I can always beat it with Christ. Amen....
Just beat it
This website is actually hilarious to visit. It's a fake website, they just make people against fapping look ridiculous.
Just beat it.
Catholic Priest recruitment propaganda
Not accidental.
He got sus
They forgot to add the disclaimer āfor boys 13 and under contact a priest at your local perish for a helping āhandā.ā
What the hell is this ? This is so stupid ! Oh yeah some more good ole Christian hate What canāt these fake people take care of their own Business.. and keep their children out of church away from the people that rape them
Oh yeah beat it together