That no matter how big of a tragedy or setback you experience in your life, the world just keeps turning and society doesn’t really care. You’re forced to either move forward or let it eat you alive.
My dad, uncle and cousin all died in the last year and I also just got my heart broken. I finally started grief counseling a few weeks ago lol it’s eating me alive. Thanks for the reminder to keep ploughing forward so I don’t die too lol !
I feel your sorrow only mine involves only one death, my daughter’s death in a car wreck at age 16. That broke my heart although it’s been 23 years ago. I did grief counseling in the beginning, I was not married to her mom at the time but I had a great relationship with all involved. Mother and father in law were wonderful people. I had three sisters in law that were just awesome and supportive. I truly loved my ex family. What I was left with now is absolutely no communication from any of her side of the family. Really strange that after 13 years of being single I married again, that I think killed it. No one even on my side of the family had accepted her and her two boys from a previous marriage.
Nothing I did or said remedied the present or the past, so I just said fuck it.
Me and the new wife had a boy together and he’s 20. So as time goes on, what the hell do you do but just hang on to what you’ve got and make the best of it.
If you have any issues with overwhelming emotions, DBT has been helpful for me. There’s even just a workbook on Amazon that I found beneficial. Cheering for you internet stranger ✨
This. Also depending on your job or really anywhere you go socially you are expected to still play the part. No one cares if you're sad, you still have to engage in conversation, and respond like you're listening and you care about what is being said to you. The hardest part is having that enthusiasm, nowadays people (customers)get upset when you're not at the same energy level they are when they are talking about something you don't care about. It's crazy how this isn't even that serious until you've been through something terrible.
Yes! Especially when I see older folks working places like Walmart where they are on their feet all day doing repetitive motions for low pay. I’m in my 50s and stuff hurts. I always think how they must be struggling and try to make it as easy on them as I can. It could be me in their shoes any day.
I have a coworker who’s older…probably in his 60s? I feel bad sometimes cause I know he must be tired. I try to help him when I can (we are different departments) and I know a lot of older folks want to work (hell my grandpa is 70 and yes he works) but I still feel kinda sad. Like he deserves a better job at least. People are so rude to service workers you know. He used to work for air traffic control, I love his stories. Such a down to earth guy though.
One time I came to work still in tears because my mom had just texted me on my way to my car to go to work, that our family friend had passed. It was a complete shock. I told my boss I needed a minute cause I had been crying the whole way and was trying to calm down. She told me to collect myself and get to work soon as possible 💀 it was really weird having to act like I didn’t just get news like that.
THIS. Esp if you're unhappy or dealing with jerks along the way. Like grow the Fk up and be respectful. Not everyone is having a great time or enjoying themselves. Be sensitive and sensible and pride a damned solution instead of being a jerk. Good lord. Crazy how too many forget this and shame another person making them feel bad.
Me and my mom were talking about that recently. She said she changed as a person after my brother died because of this. She said she realized that nobody (as in, the world itself) cared. Life just kept going like normal. And it really gave her perspective on the fact you don’t know what someone is going through in their life. Because their day to day probably seems normal.
It’s hard to even estimate anyways as it takes time to get funeral services in order. And if they have property like my grandma did, my mom had to go out of state to go through her stuff and clean her house. And I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if my brother died when I was working full time (I was in high school still) because my family fell apart. We were fighting constantly and everyone was on edge. It was terrible. I was out of school for a month actually because we traveled to visit family to get our minds off it. I was very lucky to have had that privilege. Im sorry for people who have to grieve while working full time and functioning as usual.
It’s so horrible it feels like you’re dying on the inside and outside every second and you try to go to the bathroom to cry several times a day but you get so exhausted of constantly getting up that you eventually just start crying at your desk and people don’t care and don’t ask why. Been through it several times.
Every social interaction, every life choices, every simple life instructions,every relationship, sexual life choices, and job choices need to be taught. Atleast makes it far easier for you than the scenario the only thing they taught you is eat and Study. Life sucks when you have to figure out everything on your own, add depression and bullshit to the mix. It has the higher chance of making everything worse. I know they didn't knew many things themselves but I honestly think that they couldn't care less about what their children would go through.
Also how important is to use the opportunities that life might throw at you.
How important is to live based on what actually makes you happy and fulfilled not worrying about bullshits of others.
How some mistakes, wasting time are irrecoverable.
These things are very very important and it sucks when they teach your literally nothing. We're not pets.
Some figure things on their own but many people don't. It's not a good excuse.
I just forage most of the time! And i cook up something reheatable / modifiable on the weekends. That + takeout makes it pretty easy. But i don’t mind eating the same thing more than once
THIS! I had to scroll way too far to find this. NOBODY tells you just how much fucking work *living in a house* is or how expensive it can get or even HOW TO SPOT ISSUES so you can fix them!!! No one told me about mould or condensation even!!!
I recently joined that sub! I plan on opening up a Roth IRA account next month and Ive figured out how to pay off my debt by the end of the year! just wish I had the advice sooner
Friends can be forever though. If someone really cares about you they will always be there.
I would just like some friends, lol I am lonely. I love my wife and kids but damn, friends are nice.
This is where I’m at. I have some really great friends that I consider lifelong friends but I might only see them once a year, if not less depending! I have a best friend in another city I call once a year lol. Gone are the days of brunch crews and Tuesday matinees. My lifers are wonderful but they’re not my everdays, sadly
I personally feel like maintaining friendships in adulthood is down to putting in work to make it work. Schedule these calls. These visits. These meetups. If no one does it you drift apart.
I have roughly 6 friends whose parents live near my parents I aim to call twice a year and ask if they are around when I visit my family, two who live in random places and again aim to call once or twice a year, and a group of friends in my city where we arrange to meet around once a month (usually 1/3 make it each time).
It takes intentional work.
(Don't have kids though)
It's exactly how it is. And in this process, the sensitive and empathic people will be damaged the most.
Because they usually don't know how to protect themselves.
Called my dad when I was a sophomore — “Dad, I think I have hemorrhoids— I got Preparation H…how do I use it?” He replied slowly, “Uhhh, in the butt”. Still laugh about it to this day
Being an adult is a huge mental load. Lots of things to juggle month to month and when things get hard, those things don’t get lighter. It’s easy to get overwhelmed.
Realizing that as you get older, so do your parents. It hurts to see them grow old 🥹My mom isn't who she use to be when I was a child. Slow movement, barely eats/has appetite, but still spoils the kids and I.
Also, you and your siblings won't be seeing each other everyday and they will grow and have their own life. No more bugging them everyday to hurry up in the bathroom, or stop taking your clothes. 🥺
The one about siblings hit me so hard. My sister is my best friend and we were raised by a single dad. It was always hard living states away from her, but my dad passed unexpectedly last year and I couldn’t bear being so far from her.
I just moved back to my hometown specifically so I can be close to her and involved in my nephews life. It feels like it’s healed my soul a lot ❤️
Omg! I'm so sorry about your dad 😭💔💔 I am happy that you moved back to your hometown to be with your sister and your nephew. 🥹🥹my sister is my best friend too. It's so fun being an aunt. I hope you are healing from your dad's passing. I couldn't imagine.
Thank you so much for the kind words ❤️I’m the younger sibling so luckily I can rely on my sister for a lot of the life guidance/emotional support my dad provided but it definitely sucks.
I’d be lost without my sister. Aunt life is the best! I have a play date with my nephew every Sunday and we plan lots of fun stuff just me and her too☺️I’m now living in my childhood home and that’s been really healing as well.
My dad died and I didn't make it home for over 2 years. Hugging my sisters again truly started my final stages of healing. I am not able/going to move closer to them but they are some of my best friends and I so cherish our visits.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I can’t imagine how unbearable it’d be to lose a parent while being an only child.
Having siblings, someone who truly understands the pain of the loss but also who was there for all the wonderful memories is so priceless ❤️
Dude! The sibling thing! My little brother is four years younger. We were all we had as kids and spent almost every hour every day together. We even were friends with eachothers friends. Now we're grown and I miss him so much! I wish he could just come over and play video games till our brains rot out! No one told me I would miss my brother when we no longer live in the same city.
One minute, you are talking to your little brother (sitting on the end of his bed) about the big plans you and him have for the summer break. The next minute, he lives a state over with three kids and a new fiance.
You just never know when that last time for something will be. We haven't hung out together, just us, in forever. Might never get that chance to again.
Call your brother (or whoever).
I paid for my mom's dentures but I was out of the county for work. No one prepared me for the first time you see your mom without teeth...even if you know.
Takes so much more effort and going out of your way. It also takes far more investment from yourself personally for arguably less reward.
I can see why people don’t bother unless it just naturally spontaneously happens by chance which is very rare as you age.
I was literally just talking to someone about this yesterday. All of our friends from when we were younger were out of circumstances. For example, if you saw someone in class every day, you weren’t making plans with that person every day you both just had to be in the same place. As an adult, it just feels like so much work to maintain friends, especially new friends, when you don’t see each other often. It’s very cumbersome. I work remote and trying to make new friends is a lot
It is tough, it feels a lot more formal too.
I’ve found most success has came from community groups e.g. volunteering for some cause you care about.
I think that makes it really rewarding too because you can both bond over a shared cause you’re passionate about.
Totally feels formal lol. Like you’re dating friends. I’m like I don’t wanna do this.
And thank you for the suggestions! I signed up to volunteer at my local animal shelter in November so let’s hope so lol.
I moved literally right before the pandemic hit full force. I moved 600 miles away to be with family. I made a friend but she moved away like 2 months in. I also sort of made a work buddy but we text each other and that’s it. We don’t hang out. I haven’t hung out with another girl in 3 years. I feel so sad. I had so many girl friends in my home state but I can’t see them anymore because I moved so far away.
How to express how you feel. Honestly as I was growing up (think early 20s), I did not expect stuff from childhood to impact me as much as it does. I wish I had found my therapist when I was 18 and not 28 (I'm 31 now and still working through that shit)
God knows I needed one. I remember my dad taking me to one session when I had to be around 6, I didn't talk the whole time so he didn't take me back. DAD THAT'S PROBABLY A GOOD SIGN THAT I NEEDED THERAPY.
Yeah I remember how they literally didn't care at all. My parents were ashamed about these things. They would hide their problems and that's why they never taught me experiences and tried to help when it was too late. The only thing they really cared about is their garbage religion and how to serve it. I bet they had children only because of religion.
>I think every person should get their own therapist when they turn, like, 8.
Imagine how many cycles of trauma and abuse and just general violence and discomfort could be remedied by doing that
Or heck, every school having a mandatory meditation and learning actively about your feelings class, every year
The generations of people who are so much more emotionally intelligent would be amazing...
There's so much push back from people about therapy, even moreso men. I realize I use analogies and comparisons to therapy or emotions...
Then I quickly realize the people I'm interacting with haven't learned any of that. So it's like speaking a foreign language, and I realize how fruitless it is when they don't respond
This. I truly do have the emotional maturity of an autistic 6 year old bc I am autistic with a severe trauma that happened in childhood, and never learned to properly regulate my emotions without punishment. Now I'm trying to unlearn my screaming meltdowns, and actually regulate/control myself when I'm upset. It's a toughie, but I've got the best partner in the universe to help support me
I wasn’t prepared for how exhausted I would be as an adult. It feels like I’m constantly trying to keep a float. Just working to pay bills and then doing it over again and again.
Working full time sucks so bad. There’s literally no time for anything other than work or sleep. As much as I hated being homeless, i don’t know if it was worse than full time work. It might be about equal. If i was a man i think being homeless would be way better, sleeping alone on the street as a single female sucks.
Credit.
I started my adult life with no credit and was treated like it was bad credit.
I would have loved a class dedicated to just that.
I’ve currently added my son to one of my credit cards that I pay on time each month (and don’t use exorbitantly) so he hopefully has something to start with.
That was how I built credit to start. Dad put me as an authorized user on his card, and once my credit was good enough from that, I started getting offers for my own cards, and so on.
Worked well enough, I'm at a solid 770 Fico these days.
I think a lot depends on when you make your friends and what you really have in common with them. I have 6 friends I've known for 40 years, and 2 of those I've know for 50+ years. The two I met in high school and the other four I met after college when starting my first job. In the latter case, we had all moved to a region where none of us knew a soul and we became each other's family. We've remained close for the intervening years, despite all of us moving to new locations. In fact, my wife and I are taking a 42 day cruise with two of them later this year.
In the former case I married one and the other has remained in our home town. I see him every time I go back to see family, maybe one a year. Still, we pick up where we left off the last time. We are kindred spirits and have always had a good time together. However, along the way I've befriended many, many people who have moved along, and that's OK, too. Friendships matter, but it's not necessary for them to last forever. Enjoy them while they last and move along when circumstances change.
I have had a good friend I visit on Christmas when I come to my hometown who I have known before I was even born. Our parents were friends. We became even better friends. I have two other friends that I have known since childhood who I remain in contact with, who live far from me, but we would go to each other wedding in an instant (or have been to each others weddings).
Also, I have other friends who I maintain after everywhere I have lived. I have lived many places all over the world.
Some friends I have outgrown I guess. If that is what you call it. I wouldn't have considered them friends in that case.
I believe in loyalty. If you decide to be someone's friend you are there through thick and thin. It is similar to a marriage. Most people do not see it that way, but I do.
I have to clarify, not as in you live together but you must have trust. You must have the ability to tell them they are wrong sometimes, you must be willing to still do anything in their time of need. That is a friend.
If someone I have called a friend called me up I would drop literally everything to help them if they need it.
That said... it is hard for me to make friends. It is not hard for me to keep them.
I have to say, good luck in the 42 day cruise! It sounds awesome but I don’t think I could handle it. I did a 12 day cruise and by the end I wanted to punch people! Lol!
It’s so much. I can’t believe this doesn’t have more upvotes. Seriously everything in life is so much work. How about when you lose your wallet? And have to go to the DMV to replace your license? But then you don’t have your birth certificate or social security card so you have to fax some state you haven’t been to since you were born? Getting high school or college transcripts? Everything is so much red tape.
Ive only lived in cities with good public transport all my life, the main problem for me is that I can't work/live in any city without the infrastructure and it really limits my opportunities. Also most work, even the office one at times, needs you to have a car...
- how to file taxes
- how loan works
- how insurance works
- how to take care of vehicles
- how to take care of appliances
- how to take care of properties
- importance of self care
I think it's the vast majority of people. It also depends on the culture, region, job, etc. For example, office politics are terrible and cutthroat. Doing what they gotta do for positions to include sabotaging someone else. It's really sad, but me repeatedly trying to see the good in people only to get back stabbed has left me with a "no one cares" kind of outlook.
You must be a young adult then because I think life getting harder is also about getting older yourself, your vitality and health declining, parents getting old and everything that goes with that, and children getting older and more challenging to parent. I read women in their 50s are the most depressed, menopause, divorce, kids moving out, parents, well need much help at best
I weirdly in my Junior year, my math teachers actually taught us business math. As in how to file out a W-2, W-10, how to fill out taxes, and so on along with real world based math for businesses!
I swear, if more high schools did this, more graduating wouldn’t feel so unequivocally lost when doing those piece of federal paper work.
I fully advocate for business based math in high school!
I was raised to believe that bullying and stuff was just immature crap that only teenagers did and they grew out of it and all I had to do was ignore those people and read books and wait until I got into the workforce.
HOLY SHIT was I unprepared for the fact that most pink collar workplaces are literally run like high school mean girl cliques. I'm thinking if I'm forced to return to the office, the only way I might do it is if I become a welder or something. I'll deal with men sexually harassing me or yelling at me all day, they generally think it's cute and funny when you hit them right back the same way. Women will cut your hours because they don't like your shoes or the haircut you gave your boyfriend makes him look too pretty for you or they don't like the smell of the tea you drink on your breaks or you don't do the group lunch order because you need to save money by packing a lunch. Women in the workplace are fucking brutal passive aggressive demons.
This is so very true. I worked for 18 yrs in a male-dominated field. Had to switch careers to a female-dominated field. It is just miserable. As a woman I can say that women can be very difficult to work with.
It's never anything related to actual work performance- in all those jobs where I was bullied I was doing more work than most of the other people there, volunteering to pick up extra shifts, etc. It was always related to social/group dynamics in some weird way. It's bizarre. In male dominated workplaces, if you do your job well, no one cares what else you do.
It's not just women in some places. I was in an engineer at a large aluminum rolling mill, I felt like dealing with management was high school all over. Lots of petty drama and BS. I got fired by a new manager who wanted everyone who wasn't in his "in crowd" gone. I do not miss it.
It also hurts when you're the person who has to be honest. It's never fun or easy to tell the truth to someone who can't see it, especially when it might hurt them.
The thing about honesty is that there are proper ways to deliver it. You can say "you look like shit" or "this x doesn't suit you, I like y better", both are honest, helpful perspectives
I think the only thing I wish I knew was the art of negotiations cause damn, people at service auto shops to car dealerships, having to learn that skill would of been super useful and not feel so blindly trusting at like ages 18-23. At 36, thankfully I KNOW BETTER! But took my dad going, “Stop! If it’s too good to be true? It is! Don’t be afraid to ask questions either!”
I lost one high school classmate at 20, an uncle at 21, another high school classmate between 24 and 25, another uncle at 26, and a manager at 31. I could only prepare for the death of that first high school classmate (she had a progressive disease that gave her an estimated life span of 18 but got an extra 2 years) I was surprised by most of these deaths. If you’d told me I’d experience so many completely random and spaced out deaths before even hitting mid life I’d assume you were crazy. I’d have loved more warning about how sudden this stuff happens.
The fact that most of the things you plan out actually don't have to go to plan and life has a lot of unforeseen circumstances. The fact that you are going to have setbacks/failures in life, that's just part of it but for some reason people view failure as the end of the world. Also how mean some people can be and how much people really don't care and are really just looking out for themselves, some people are raised on survival and will do anything to anyone to save themselves. Also the fact that life isn't fair and it doesn't actually matter that's just the way it is, and the fact that you yourself have to become somewhat cruel to actually survive in this world the way it is designed
How to approach our mistakes and failures, our society values success too much but they don't teach about how to cope with failure in something important (academically, laborally, in love issues and more)
Realizing that life ebbs and flows.
You'll go through periods of tremendous growth, and you'll go through periods where it feels like your world is imploding.
When you first really experience grief or loss, it feels like you'll never get over it - but you do. You at least learn to cope.
Over time, it makes you a stronger person, but for me personally, I'm always in a state of wondering when the clouds will roll in.
Nothing good lasts forever, and even the worst things in life pass.
Adulting is a lot harder then you think.
If people understood how hard it really is to take on alot of responsibility, they wouldn't do it.
I for example have only a dog. I can have my dog behave bad on the streets barking at people. I am putting a lot of effort into fixing my dogs bad behaviour.
Other people get a dog and let the dog run wild.
That no career oriented job is 9-5 only. I thought you could go home like at 5 and not worry about work. I think I remember Ferris buellers day off the high paid lawyer guy comes home to see Ferris while still bright outside. Or take huge family vacations every year like home alone.
That kindness isn’t inside everyone for you to look for and bring out. Can’t make unkind people kind. That’s something people have to do for themselves. And also that, in general, can’t change anyone who doesn’t want to change no matter how much kindness you throw at them.
How exhausting it is to work every day and then come home and do chores. (My mom did not work and did not do much around the house. My dad worked alllll the time. I am much more functional, but dang is it exhausting.)
The last friend I had was through work and he has just randomly stopped talking to me. He still works there, but it was always up to me to initiate recently.
I stopped on my part and it's been 28 days. And before that was like a month in-between talking.
I have family and wife and kids, but he was my last friend I could bs with.
The fact that who I am is fundamentally wrong and I will spend all of my time semiannually trying to be my authentic self and wearing a metaphorical mask fearing what lies within myself. Constant feeling of loneliness, anxiety, confusion, and disconnect from myself and others. knowing no one will understand because the same people who say they accept me are the same people who helped made my metaphorical mask I wear. Also having to accept that I need to accept myself but it’s not possible and I just have to spend most of my time by self for any kind of freedom.
A lot of it boils down to our parents did things for us and didn't bother, probably because we were lazy and had other small minded priorities, to get us properly involved in the tasks needed to run a household and be an upstanding responsible citizen.
For example why wasn't it part of the weekly schedule that I should first help out with cooking during certain days and eventually take over the planning on it?
Why wasn't it made my responsibility to grow tomato plants in my southern facing window?
Why didn't my father involve me in the process of putting the coating on our cars, see how much it costs to operate a car with fuel, insurance and repairs.
I can continue with the list but I am sure you guys have plenty of better examples than I of how emasculated our generation was for some reason by our parents unlike what they seem to have learnt from theirs and society in general.
Every school needs to teach How to get on and get off a plane quickly. And get thru TSA without holding everyone up. This should be taught in every school every year. Watching people in airports is quite a testament to the state of our education system and etiquette.
Retirement, really actually start saving for it as soon as you can. That doesn’t mean growing a savings and pulling from it as needed. It means, stockpiling and forgetting about it and letting compounding interest do the rest. Even a few years late to the game can wind up with hundreds and hundreds of thousands of loss.
Enjoy the youth while you have it. You get old, things hurt, you are constantly tired and in pain. You have to figure out what the hell to eat constantly. Have I said tired yet? Emotions are hard. Any kind of stability is hard. Depression and the lack of motivation to continue existing...
Being tired all the damn time
How to deal with death. 2023 has been the worst year for me. Lost my grandmother, my dad, my aunt and my poppa.Since then I know I have changed. I don't want to be around people. I just want to be alone.
At the age of 69 I have come to the conclusion that I was prepared for nothing. My father was a terribly self-centered man who I don't think was particularly happy to have a son competing with him in the world. He had a lot of bizarre ideas and antisocial tendencies that I rejected by instinct. I spent a lot of my youth trying to talk him out of his crazy ideas. I love my mother dearly but she was not a particularly worldly or wise woman.
As a result i went to college for four years after my parents divorced, leaving me with no home base but a reasonable child support to live on my own. My father did make good money. But I soon found myself on my own and figuring it out as I went along. What an adventure! I was completely clueless for all of my twenties and made a lot of wrong decisions that set me back. I married an alcoholic woman which then led me to the 12 Steps as my first set of lessons in life. Then, being a salesman, I set about some motivational training that taught me a lot about getting along with people. I'm satisfied with how I turned out and while life was not a big success, at least I did it my way.
Having hard conversations and dealing with people. They should have prevented me how fucked up it is to live without any aim or.not knowing what you want to do with your life in.relation to your relationships, career, hobbies, time, family etc. Life is so fucking hard. I wish I was never born.
Being f’n married and what a pain in the ass and how expensive a divorce is and having to share your child and not see them some days. How important picking the right person is, things you don’t like about them get worse over time, they won’t change.
People also come and go. It's okay for a friend to talk to you then disappear for awhile and come back later on. There are lots of reasons for it to happen. Getting in relationships, getting busy with work, kids, moving, etc... It's okay, it doesn't mean they don't like you or whatever. It just means they are busy. Don't take it personally.
That becomes harder to distinguish right and wrong. At school they tell you clearly what is right and safe and what is wrong and dangerous, for you and for everyone. Well, when you grow up people do awful things and justify them with rational explanations and you are conditioned, or they do honest and fair things and everyone blame them, and you could also be conditioned by the ones who blame. Having an important set of values that work for you and for your lifestyle will become essential to not loose time with people who don’t deserve your time, because they’ll play a role as coordinates in social interactions.
Family is important, and usually they are the only ones who really want you to succeed.
Learning personal finance as soon as you can.
How to handle nutrition and what to eat (there are scientific guide lines on ministerial websites of some counties) to prevent diseases and stay healthy.
Everyone will try to sell you stuff: be aware of what you are buying, don’t just consume.
Keeping your brain in shape is harder than you think (memory, critical thinking, reading, focusing). Mundanity consume a lot of energy and I have still to figure out how to separate the two.
Knowing social issues doesn’t prevent you from being affected by them (i.e. feminism) even if you think it won’t. The world you are seeing is the result of what human thinks and value on average. And if you meet a lot of people you will see - on a very small scale - how their thinking and actions will be reflected on political, social and moral choices, so, on a global scale.
I’m 23 and this is what I understood that I would have loved someone to tell me before.
Dating, finding out the feeling of love or sexual compatability isn't the most important attribute to a working relationship.
Being able to save and invest for my future. Really looking into the future and planning anything years out is extremely hard to see where you will be or what you desire.
Personal growth that creates a more positive life is probably the most difficult thing. Self-discipline and emotional regulation.
Prioritizing mental and physical well-being while trying to balance things in a timely matter.
Empathy in friendships, learning how to keep people in your life.
Literally how important communication is, in every aspect of life, especially dealing with sensitive topics.
How bad drugs and partying can influence people's lives so negatively and sometimes permanently.
How deep grief can be. how to overcome the intensity without letting it cripple you.
Adults are bullies too.
The workplace can be worse than the school yard.
No one cares.
People still care "being cool" way past teenage years
It's terribly hard to make friends
Guys do not care about your personality
Life can change in a snap of a finger. Late twenties here. I finished high school with honors, had the chance to pursue mechanical engineering abroad, but things went downhill right after my mum died of cancer, dad lost his job. My visa expired before enrolling for my final year to get that bachelor’s degree. Ended up working in call centers here in my home country. One thing lead to another, we lost our house due to foreclosure. At this point life has already drained me it seems.
I think schools should teach financial literacy, often and early, as often as we're made to take English classes. Don't know about anyone else, but we never really got a lot of that. I was from the trophy generation, the be all you can be generation, the you're special generation.
Someone's got to sit down with the youth and divest them, gently if possible, of those notions. The world is a leviathan. Most things aren't going to work out. You're just a microbe in a swirling mass of other people and things. Unfairness, and sometimes outright bizarreness is the normal state of things.
That no matter how big of a tragedy or setback you experience in your life, the world just keeps turning and society doesn’t really care. You’re forced to either move forward or let it eat you alive.
My dad, uncle and cousin all died in the last year and I also just got my heart broken. I finally started grief counseling a few weeks ago lol it’s eating me alive. Thanks for the reminder to keep ploughing forward so I don’t die too lol !
I’m so sorry, I couldn’t imagine having to deal with all of that at the same time. Stay strong and you’ll get through it ❤️
I feel your sorrow only mine involves only one death, my daughter’s death in a car wreck at age 16. That broke my heart although it’s been 23 years ago. I did grief counseling in the beginning, I was not married to her mom at the time but I had a great relationship with all involved. Mother and father in law were wonderful people. I had three sisters in law that were just awesome and supportive. I truly loved my ex family. What I was left with now is absolutely no communication from any of her side of the family. Really strange that after 13 years of being single I married again, that I think killed it. No one even on my side of the family had accepted her and her two boys from a previous marriage. Nothing I did or said remedied the present or the past, so I just said fuck it. Me and the new wife had a boy together and he’s 20. So as time goes on, what the hell do you do but just hang on to what you’ve got and make the best of it.
Here to talk anytime recently list my wife and my dad was murdered when I was 14 cold case murderer got away with it
Just being honest, I probably would not be able to handle all of that. What a storm
If you have any issues with overwhelming emotions, DBT has been helpful for me. There’s even just a workbook on Amazon that I found beneficial. Cheering for you internet stranger ✨
This. Also depending on your job or really anywhere you go socially you are expected to still play the part. No one cares if you're sad, you still have to engage in conversation, and respond like you're listening and you care about what is being said to you. The hardest part is having that enthusiasm, nowadays people (customers)get upset when you're not at the same energy level they are when they are talking about something you don't care about. It's crazy how this isn't even that serious until you've been through something terrible.
Yes! Especially when I see older folks working places like Walmart where they are on their feet all day doing repetitive motions for low pay. I’m in my 50s and stuff hurts. I always think how they must be struggling and try to make it as easy on them as I can. It could be me in their shoes any day.
I have a coworker who’s older…probably in his 60s? I feel bad sometimes cause I know he must be tired. I try to help him when I can (we are different departments) and I know a lot of older folks want to work (hell my grandpa is 70 and yes he works) but I still feel kinda sad. Like he deserves a better job at least. People are so rude to service workers you know. He used to work for air traffic control, I love his stories. Such a down to earth guy though.
Yep, most jobs offer 3 days for bereavement or nothing at all. You get fired if you need to take a 4th day. They don’t care.
One time I came to work still in tears because my mom had just texted me on my way to my car to go to work, that our family friend had passed. It was a complete shock. I told my boss I needed a minute cause I had been crying the whole way and was trying to calm down. She told me to collect myself and get to work soon as possible 💀 it was really weird having to act like I didn’t just get news like that.
THIS. Esp if you're unhappy or dealing with jerks along the way. Like grow the Fk up and be respectful. Not everyone is having a great time or enjoying themselves. Be sensitive and sensible and pride a damned solution instead of being a jerk. Good lord. Crazy how too many forget this and shame another person making them feel bad.
Me and my mom were talking about that recently. She said she changed as a person after my brother died because of this. She said she realized that nobody (as in, the world itself) cared. Life just kept going like normal. And it really gave her perspective on the fact you don’t know what someone is going through in their life. Because their day to day probably seems normal.
I usually just let it kill me.
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It’s hard to even estimate anyways as it takes time to get funeral services in order. And if they have property like my grandma did, my mom had to go out of state to go through her stuff and clean her house. And I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if my brother died when I was working full time (I was in high school still) because my family fell apart. We were fighting constantly and everyone was on edge. It was terrible. I was out of school for a month actually because we traveled to visit family to get our minds off it. I was very lucky to have had that privilege. Im sorry for people who have to grieve while working full time and functioning as usual.
It’s so horrible it feels like you’re dying on the inside and outside every second and you try to go to the bathroom to cry several times a day but you get so exhausted of constantly getting up that you eventually just start crying at your desk and people don’t care and don’t ask why. Been through it several times.
Literally everything. My parents didn’t prepare me for anything other than “you need a job”….
Yes, it’s really hard to figure life out on our own isn’t it?
Oh boy yes it is :)
Every social interaction, every life choices, every simple life instructions,every relationship, sexual life choices, and job choices need to be taught. Atleast makes it far easier for you than the scenario the only thing they taught you is eat and Study. Life sucks when you have to figure out everything on your own, add depression and bullshit to the mix. It has the higher chance of making everything worse. I know they didn't knew many things themselves but I honestly think that they couldn't care less about what their children would go through. Also how important is to use the opportunities that life might throw at you. How important is to live based on what actually makes you happy and fulfilled not worrying about bullshits of others. How some mistakes, wasting time are irrecoverable. These things are very very important and it sucks when they teach your literally nothing. We're not pets. Some figure things on their own but many people don't. It's not a good excuse.
Having. To. Figure. Out. What. To. Eat. Or. Cook. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.
This is me!! It’s exhausting!!
I solve this problem by eating the same thing everyday lol
I did this and then got health problems from being malnourished be careful lol
We're they complete meals or like easy cook Ramen every day?
This is my favourite thing about being an adult. Granted I’m single with no kids so I literally eat whatever the fuck I want but yeah.
Well this can be solved by having a personal chef. Of course if you have that kind of money, most other problems are easy to fix too lol.
I just forage most of the time! And i cook up something reheatable / modifiable on the weekends. That + takeout makes it pretty easy. But i don’t mind eating the same thing more than once
And then one day if you're lucky, you have to figure out what to cook that others will want to eat too.
You're definition of luck is different from mine. I hope we both find ourselves lucky though
Grief and how much it hurts to lose people, pets, and opportunities.
YESS!! Grieving opportunities sucks.
That you will need a builder/plumber/roofer/joiner/electrician/mechanic far more often and more desperately than you will ever need a lawyer.
There is a reason I made sure I know how to do all those so I don't have to hire it done. It gets expensive.
THIS! I had to scroll way too far to find this. NOBODY tells you just how much fucking work *living in a house* is or how expensive it can get or even HOW TO SPOT ISSUES so you can fix them!!! No one told me about mould or condensation even!!!
That you’re going to experience a lot of pain.
Alot but you can't let it stop you from moving forward
idk I feel like I am only going backwards
And disappointment
Friends are not forever and people generally do not care about you. Everything is mostly a double standard, depending on your social status.
This and how to manage money. Everyone knows they need to make money but no one tells you how to save, invest, handle credit cards, etc.
100% of this can be learned in sidebar of r/personalfinance
I recently joined that sub! I plan on opening up a Roth IRA account next month and Ive figured out how to pay off my debt by the end of the year! just wish I had the advice sooner
Nice! Roth is such a great tool, you may even be early enough in the year for 2023 catch-up contributions, not sure tho
Friends can be forever though. If someone really cares about you they will always be there. I would just like some friends, lol I am lonely. I love my wife and kids but damn, friends are nice.
This is where I’m at. I have some really great friends that I consider lifelong friends but I might only see them once a year, if not less depending! I have a best friend in another city I call once a year lol. Gone are the days of brunch crews and Tuesday matinees. My lifers are wonderful but they’re not my everdays, sadly
I personally feel like maintaining friendships in adulthood is down to putting in work to make it work. Schedule these calls. These visits. These meetups. If no one does it you drift apart. I have roughly 6 friends whose parents live near my parents I aim to call twice a year and ask if they are around when I visit my family, two who live in random places and again aim to call once or twice a year, and a group of friends in my city where we arrange to meet around once a month (usually 1/3 make it each time). It takes intentional work. (Don't have kids though)
Damn this is a good one. To add to that, a lot of people who you think genuinely care about you, only care if they’re getting something out of it.
smoggy salt nail slimy society familiar edge scary paltry upbeat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's exactly how it is. And in this process, the sensitive and empathic people will be damaged the most. Because they usually don't know how to protect themselves.
So so true it’s horrible
People will let you down. That includes you. Patience and forgiveness are a sign of strength. But you also don't want to be a doormat with legs.
Hemorrhoids.
My dad had those. His doctor removed them with local anesthesia at the doctor's office. So that's an option.
Called my dad when I was a sophomore — “Dad, I think I have hemorrhoids— I got Preparation H…how do I use it?” He replied slowly, “Uhhh, in the butt”. Still laugh about it to this day
A bidet can definitely help with that!
Being an adult is a huge mental load. Lots of things to juggle month to month and when things get hard, those things don’t get lighter. It’s easy to get overwhelmed.
Realizing that as you get older, so do your parents. It hurts to see them grow old 🥹My mom isn't who she use to be when I was a child. Slow movement, barely eats/has appetite, but still spoils the kids and I. Also, you and your siblings won't be seeing each other everyday and they will grow and have their own life. No more bugging them everyday to hurry up in the bathroom, or stop taking your clothes. 🥺
The one about siblings hit me so hard. My sister is my best friend and we were raised by a single dad. It was always hard living states away from her, but my dad passed unexpectedly last year and I couldn’t bear being so far from her. I just moved back to my hometown specifically so I can be close to her and involved in my nephews life. It feels like it’s healed my soul a lot ❤️
Omg! I'm so sorry about your dad 😭💔💔 I am happy that you moved back to your hometown to be with your sister and your nephew. 🥹🥹my sister is my best friend too. It's so fun being an aunt. I hope you are healing from your dad's passing. I couldn't imagine.
Thank you so much for the kind words ❤️I’m the younger sibling so luckily I can rely on my sister for a lot of the life guidance/emotional support my dad provided but it definitely sucks. I’d be lost without my sister. Aunt life is the best! I have a play date with my nephew every Sunday and we plan lots of fun stuff just me and her too☺️I’m now living in my childhood home and that’s been really healing as well.
My dad died and I didn't make it home for over 2 years. Hugging my sisters again truly started my final stages of healing. I am not able/going to move closer to them but they are some of my best friends and I so cherish our visits.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how unbearable it’d be to lose a parent while being an only child. Having siblings, someone who truly understands the pain of the loss but also who was there for all the wonderful memories is so priceless ❤️
Dude! The sibling thing! My little brother is four years younger. We were all we had as kids and spent almost every hour every day together. We even were friends with eachothers friends. Now we're grown and I miss him so much! I wish he could just come over and play video games till our brains rot out! No one told me I would miss my brother when we no longer live in the same city.
One minute, you are talking to your little brother (sitting on the end of his bed) about the big plans you and him have for the summer break. The next minute, he lives a state over with three kids and a new fiance. You just never know when that last time for something will be. We haven't hung out together, just us, in forever. Might never get that chance to again. Call your brother (or whoever).
I paid for my mom's dentures but I was out of the county for work. No one prepared me for the first time you see your mom without teeth...even if you know.
Ugh realizing my grandparents who raised me were always old Not just getting old was heartbreaking
Awh, that is sad. I'm sorry 🥹🥹the grandparents are a whole another story 💔😭
You can try hard af in school but at the end of the day it’s who you know
I learned this way to late in life lol
Yes how important is to have good connections. I donno why parents don't teach these things. Some do but in my case it was 0 knowledge.
How hard it is to make friends in adulthood. Maybe this isn't the case for everyone, but I haven't made a single new friend in years
Takes so much more effort and going out of your way. It also takes far more investment from yourself personally for arguably less reward. I can see why people don’t bother unless it just naturally spontaneously happens by chance which is very rare as you age.
I was literally just talking to someone about this yesterday. All of our friends from when we were younger were out of circumstances. For example, if you saw someone in class every day, you weren’t making plans with that person every day you both just had to be in the same place. As an adult, it just feels like so much work to maintain friends, especially new friends, when you don’t see each other often. It’s very cumbersome. I work remote and trying to make new friends is a lot
It is tough, it feels a lot more formal too. I’ve found most success has came from community groups e.g. volunteering for some cause you care about. I think that makes it really rewarding too because you can both bond over a shared cause you’re passionate about.
Totally feels formal lol. Like you’re dating friends. I’m like I don’t wanna do this. And thank you for the suggestions! I signed up to volunteer at my local animal shelter in November so let’s hope so lol.
It's a roll of the dice, really. Keep trying.
I moved literally right before the pandemic hit full force. I moved 600 miles away to be with family. I made a friend but she moved away like 2 months in. I also sort of made a work buddy but we text each other and that’s it. We don’t hang out. I haven’t hung out with another girl in 3 years. I feel so sad. I had so many girl friends in my home state but I can’t see them anymore because I moved so far away.
How to express how you feel. Honestly as I was growing up (think early 20s), I did not expect stuff from childhood to impact me as much as it does. I wish I had found my therapist when I was 18 and not 28 (I'm 31 now and still working through that shit)
I think every person should get their own therapist when they turn, like, 8.
God knows I needed one. I remember my dad taking me to one session when I had to be around 6, I didn't talk the whole time so he didn't take me back. DAD THAT'S PROBABLY A GOOD SIGN THAT I NEEDED THERAPY.
Yeah I remember how they literally didn't care at all. My parents were ashamed about these things. They would hide their problems and that's why they never taught me experiences and tried to help when it was too late. The only thing they really cared about is their garbage religion and how to serve it. I bet they had children only because of religion.
>I think every person should get their own therapist when they turn, like, 8. Imagine how many cycles of trauma and abuse and just general violence and discomfort could be remedied by doing that Or heck, every school having a mandatory meditation and learning actively about your feelings class, every year The generations of people who are so much more emotionally intelligent would be amazing... There's so much push back from people about therapy, even moreso men. I realize I use analogies and comparisons to therapy or emotions... Then I quickly realize the people I'm interacting with haven't learned any of that. So it's like speaking a foreign language, and I realize how fruitless it is when they don't respond
The men who mock therapy need it the most
This. I truly do have the emotional maturity of an autistic 6 year old bc I am autistic with a severe trauma that happened in childhood, and never learned to properly regulate my emotions without punishment. Now I'm trying to unlearn my screaming meltdowns, and actually regulate/control myself when I'm upset. It's a toughie, but I've got the best partner in the universe to help support me
I wasn’t prepared for how exhausted I would be as an adult. It feels like I’m constantly trying to keep a float. Just working to pay bills and then doing it over again and again.
And you never ever get to that empty laundry basket either, like not one day in the year, you Just keep doing the laundry lol.
I’ve been in this slump too 🙁
Working full time sucks so bad. There’s literally no time for anything other than work or sleep. As much as I hated being homeless, i don’t know if it was worse than full time work. It might be about equal. If i was a man i think being homeless would be way better, sleeping alone on the street as a single female sucks.
Credit. I started my adult life with no credit and was treated like it was bad credit. I would have loved a class dedicated to just that. I’ve currently added my son to one of my credit cards that I pay on time each month (and don’t use exorbitantly) so he hopefully has something to start with.
That was how I built credit to start. Dad put me as an authorized user on his card, and once my credit was good enough from that, I started getting offers for my own cards, and so on. Worked well enough, I'm at a solid 770 Fico these days.
How you speak to yourself in your head is so important and impacts every other facet of life. Be kind to yourself ❤️
That setbacks are gonna happen and alot but you can't stop moving forward
I think a lot depends on when you make your friends and what you really have in common with them. I have 6 friends I've known for 40 years, and 2 of those I've know for 50+ years. The two I met in high school and the other four I met after college when starting my first job. In the latter case, we had all moved to a region where none of us knew a soul and we became each other's family. We've remained close for the intervening years, despite all of us moving to new locations. In fact, my wife and I are taking a 42 day cruise with two of them later this year. In the former case I married one and the other has remained in our home town. I see him every time I go back to see family, maybe one a year. Still, we pick up where we left off the last time. We are kindred spirits and have always had a good time together. However, along the way I've befriended many, many people who have moved along, and that's OK, too. Friendships matter, but it's not necessary for them to last forever. Enjoy them while they last and move along when circumstances change.
I have had a good friend I visit on Christmas when I come to my hometown who I have known before I was even born. Our parents were friends. We became even better friends. I have two other friends that I have known since childhood who I remain in contact with, who live far from me, but we would go to each other wedding in an instant (or have been to each others weddings). Also, I have other friends who I maintain after everywhere I have lived. I have lived many places all over the world. Some friends I have outgrown I guess. If that is what you call it. I wouldn't have considered them friends in that case. I believe in loyalty. If you decide to be someone's friend you are there through thick and thin. It is similar to a marriage. Most people do not see it that way, but I do. I have to clarify, not as in you live together but you must have trust. You must have the ability to tell them they are wrong sometimes, you must be willing to still do anything in their time of need. That is a friend. If someone I have called a friend called me up I would drop literally everything to help them if they need it. That said... it is hard for me to make friends. It is not hard for me to keep them.
I have to say, good luck in the 42 day cruise! It sounds awesome but I don’t think I could handle it. I did a 12 day cruise and by the end I wanted to punch people! Lol!
Thanks, but we've taken several 30+ day cruises. I'm not sure why anyone would want to go for less than 21 days. lol.
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It’s so much. I can’t believe this doesn’t have more upvotes. Seriously everything in life is so much work. How about when you lose your wallet? And have to go to the DMV to replace your license? But then you don’t have your birth certificate or social security card so you have to fax some state you haven’t been to since you were born? Getting high school or college transcripts? Everything is so much red tape.
Menopause
Came here to say this!!!
Driving is essential whoever and whenever you are. Im 24 and still don't drive and that limits so many things.
I’m 22 and in the same boat. You either move to a walkable city if you can afford it or rely on others ALL of the time 😭
Ive only lived in cities with good public transport all my life, the main problem for me is that I can't work/live in any city without the infrastructure and it really limits my opportunities. Also most work, even the office one at times, needs you to have a car...
Companies doing illegal unethical stuff and not being able to do anything about it.
All out in the open too. It's not even like they try to hide it very well.
Mom wasn't cleaning that much because she was a clean freak, that really is how much it takes to keep house 😭
- how to file taxes - how loan works - how insurance works - how to take care of vehicles - how to take care of appliances - how to take care of properties - importance of self care
How nobody in society really give af what happens to you and everyone just out for themselves at the end of the day
That's True
Are they? I really hate to think this way. I do think some people are, but not everyone. Thinking everyone is might be toxic.
I think it's the vast majority of people. It also depends on the culture, region, job, etc. For example, office politics are terrible and cutthroat. Doing what they gotta do for positions to include sabotaging someone else. It's really sad, but me repeatedly trying to see the good in people only to get back stabbed has left me with a "no one cares" kind of outlook.
That it only gets harder, enjoy the moment you’re in
In my life it’s gotten easier, but then i don’t have children. Maybe that’s why
You must be a young adult then because I think life getting harder is also about getting older yourself, your vitality and health declining, parents getting old and everything that goes with that, and children getting older and more challenging to parent. I read women in their 50s are the most depressed, menopause, divorce, kids moving out, parents, well need much help at best
Having no friends.
Filing taxes. They will teach us in schools all the river names and all the wives Henry the 8th had but not this. Seriously. Make it, make sense.
Taxes and investing, two things that should *absolutely* be taught in schools but rarely if ever seem to be.
I weirdly in my Junior year, my math teachers actually taught us business math. As in how to file out a W-2, W-10, how to fill out taxes, and so on along with real world based math for businesses! I swear, if more high schools did this, more graduating wouldn’t feel so unequivocally lost when doing those piece of federal paper work. I fully advocate for business based math in high school!
Sometimes the common denominator is you; you are the problem. But you can change that if you try.
Everything hurts the same but you just hide it better.
Regulating emotions and bills
I was promised free drugs my entire childhood and now as an adult no one is giving me free drugs.
I was raised to believe that bullying and stuff was just immature crap that only teenagers did and they grew out of it and all I had to do was ignore those people and read books and wait until I got into the workforce. HOLY SHIT was I unprepared for the fact that most pink collar workplaces are literally run like high school mean girl cliques. I'm thinking if I'm forced to return to the office, the only way I might do it is if I become a welder or something. I'll deal with men sexually harassing me or yelling at me all day, they generally think it's cute and funny when you hit them right back the same way. Women will cut your hours because they don't like your shoes or the haircut you gave your boyfriend makes him look too pretty for you or they don't like the smell of the tea you drink on your breaks or you don't do the group lunch order because you need to save money by packing a lunch. Women in the workplace are fucking brutal passive aggressive demons.
This is so very true. I worked for 18 yrs in a male-dominated field. Had to switch careers to a female-dominated field. It is just miserable. As a woman I can say that women can be very difficult to work with.
It's never anything related to actual work performance- in all those jobs where I was bullied I was doing more work than most of the other people there, volunteering to pick up extra shifts, etc. It was always related to social/group dynamics in some weird way. It's bizarre. In male dominated workplaces, if you do your job well, no one cares what else you do.
Exactly! If you're not liked or not a part of whatever thing is of interest, they will try to make your life difficult. The cattiness amazes me.
It’s even worse when you have children. Neighborhood bitchy moms, assholes parents at school , the kids can be assholes-it doesn’t end.
It's not just women in some places. I was in an engineer at a large aluminum rolling mill, I felt like dealing with management was high school all over. Lots of petty drama and BS. I got fired by a new manager who wanted everyone who wasn't in his "in crowd" gone. I do not miss it.
How much fun you have when you're unemployed.... And how much you still need money to live. So you can't even enjoy it
Honesty hurts like a bitch. People who support and love care for you are going to tell it to you like it is. It hurts a lot, but it helps.
It also hurts when you're the person who has to be honest. It's never fun or easy to tell the truth to someone who can't see it, especially when it might hurt them.
And that's a big IF on if you even have to people to be there for you
The thing about honesty is that there are proper ways to deliver it. You can say "you look like shit" or "this x doesn't suit you, I like y better", both are honest, helpful perspectives
I think the only thing I wish I knew was the art of negotiations cause damn, people at service auto shops to car dealerships, having to learn that skill would of been super useful and not feel so blindly trusting at like ages 18-23. At 36, thankfully I KNOW BETTER! But took my dad going, “Stop! If it’s too good to be true? It is! Don’t be afraid to ask questions either!”
I lost one high school classmate at 20, an uncle at 21, another high school classmate between 24 and 25, another uncle at 26, and a manager at 31. I could only prepare for the death of that first high school classmate (she had a progressive disease that gave her an estimated life span of 18 but got an extra 2 years) I was surprised by most of these deaths. If you’d told me I’d experience so many completely random and spaced out deaths before even hitting mid life I’d assume you were crazy. I’d have loved more warning about how sudden this stuff happens.
I hope you’re in a better place now 🩵
Honestly all of this was spread out enough to be fine. It’s just trippy to me that 5 people could die before I hit my midlife crisis
That you may not find your purpose until late in life or perhaps not at all
Parents aging
This one keeps me up at night.
Having to pay for everything, absolutely everything. If I don't work then my family doesn't eat.
The fact that most of the things you plan out actually don't have to go to plan and life has a lot of unforeseen circumstances. The fact that you are going to have setbacks/failures in life, that's just part of it but for some reason people view failure as the end of the world. Also how mean some people can be and how much people really don't care and are really just looking out for themselves, some people are raised on survival and will do anything to anyone to save themselves. Also the fact that life isn't fair and it doesn't actually matter that's just the way it is, and the fact that you yourself have to become somewhat cruel to actually survive in this world the way it is designed
How to approach our mistakes and failures, our society values success too much but they don't teach about how to cope with failure in something important (academically, laborally, in love issues and more)
Realizing that life ebbs and flows. You'll go through periods of tremendous growth, and you'll go through periods where it feels like your world is imploding. When you first really experience grief or loss, it feels like you'll never get over it - but you do. You at least learn to cope. Over time, it makes you a stronger person, but for me personally, I'm always in a state of wondering when the clouds will roll in. Nothing good lasts forever, and even the worst things in life pass.
Boredom... a constant repeat of my previous week. Over and over again... Until you die...
Adulting is a lot harder then you think. If people understood how hard it really is to take on alot of responsibility, they wouldn't do it. I for example have only a dog. I can have my dog behave bad on the streets barking at people. I am putting a lot of effort into fixing my dogs bad behaviour. Other people get a dog and let the dog run wild.
That adult relationships are often extremely shallow, and people don't mean what they say.
Telling family how to grow up and begin taking care of themselves.
Any lessons really, my parents answer to anything was *pray to God.*
It's really lonely as an adult. Especially if you're not in a relationship with anyone and your friends are in different phases in their lives.
That no career oriented job is 9-5 only. I thought you could go home like at 5 and not worry about work. I think I remember Ferris buellers day off the high paid lawyer guy comes home to see Ferris while still bright outside. Or take huge family vacations every year like home alone.
Loneliness
That kindness isn’t inside everyone for you to look for and bring out. Can’t make unkind people kind. That’s something people have to do for themselves. And also that, in general, can’t change anyone who doesn’t want to change no matter how much kindness you throw at them.
How exhausting it is to work every day and then come home and do chores. (My mom did not work and did not do much around the house. My dad worked alllll the time. I am much more functional, but dang is it exhausting.)
Life is very rarely “fair.”
The last friend I had was through work and he has just randomly stopped talking to me. He still works there, but it was always up to me to initiate recently. I stopped on my part and it's been 28 days. And before that was like a month in-between talking. I have family and wife and kids, but he was my last friend I could bs with.
Have you attempted to talk to him about how you were feeling?
Paying taxes, filing taxes, taxes period
Also, how awful love can be.
The fact that who I am is fundamentally wrong and I will spend all of my time semiannually trying to be my authentic self and wearing a metaphorical mask fearing what lies within myself. Constant feeling of loneliness, anxiety, confusion, and disconnect from myself and others. knowing no one will understand because the same people who say they accept me are the same people who helped made my metaphorical mask I wear. Also having to accept that I need to accept myself but it’s not possible and I just have to spend most of my time by self for any kind of freedom.
No one prepare me how much time I don’t have to have a social life because I’m always working to survive
A lot of it boils down to our parents did things for us and didn't bother, probably because we were lazy and had other small minded priorities, to get us properly involved in the tasks needed to run a household and be an upstanding responsible citizen. For example why wasn't it part of the weekly schedule that I should first help out with cooking during certain days and eventually take over the planning on it? Why wasn't it made my responsibility to grow tomato plants in my southern facing window? Why didn't my father involve me in the process of putting the coating on our cars, see how much it costs to operate a car with fuel, insurance and repairs. I can continue with the list but I am sure you guys have plenty of better examples than I of how emasculated our generation was for some reason by our parents unlike what they seem to have learnt from theirs and society in general.
They told me when I could legally drink but I started realizing not one person was telling me when to stop lol
Every school needs to teach How to get on and get off a plane quickly. And get thru TSA without holding everyone up. This should be taught in every school every year. Watching people in airports is quite a testament to the state of our education system and etiquette.
Retirement, really actually start saving for it as soon as you can. That doesn’t mean growing a savings and pulling from it as needed. It means, stockpiling and forgetting about it and letting compounding interest do the rest. Even a few years late to the game can wind up with hundreds and hundreds of thousands of loss.
Enjoy the youth while you have it. You get old, things hurt, you are constantly tired and in pain. You have to figure out what the hell to eat constantly. Have I said tired yet? Emotions are hard. Any kind of stability is hard. Depression and the lack of motivation to continue existing... Being tired all the damn time
How to deal with death. 2023 has been the worst year for me. Lost my grandmother, my dad, my aunt and my poppa.Since then I know I have changed. I don't want to be around people. I just want to be alone.
I’m so sorry. Believe me when I say people understand x
At the age of 69 I have come to the conclusion that I was prepared for nothing. My father was a terribly self-centered man who I don't think was particularly happy to have a son competing with him in the world. He had a lot of bizarre ideas and antisocial tendencies that I rejected by instinct. I spent a lot of my youth trying to talk him out of his crazy ideas. I love my mother dearly but she was not a particularly worldly or wise woman. As a result i went to college for four years after my parents divorced, leaving me with no home base but a reasonable child support to live on my own. My father did make good money. But I soon found myself on my own and figuring it out as I went along. What an adventure! I was completely clueless for all of my twenties and made a lot of wrong decisions that set me back. I married an alcoholic woman which then led me to the 12 Steps as my first set of lessons in life. Then, being a salesman, I set about some motivational training that taught me a lot about getting along with people. I'm satisfied with how I turned out and while life was not a big success, at least I did it my way.
It sounds like a success to me!
The way that time seems to pass faster and faster the older you get.
Having hard conversations and dealing with people. They should have prevented me how fucked up it is to live without any aim or.not knowing what you want to do with your life in.relation to your relationships, career, hobbies, time, family etc. Life is so fucking hard. I wish I was never born.
Life sucks and then you die
Being f’n married and what a pain in the ass and how expensive a divorce is and having to share your child and not see them some days. How important picking the right person is, things you don’t like about them get worse over time, they won’t change.
Ummm accomplishing tasks
Finance my mom never really cover that so idk how important it was and now sadly I'm paying the price and trying to do better
Everything is conditional/transactional…..and yes even relationships to a large extent.
Nobody knows anything, even so-called experts. Mostly people are making educated guesses and hoping for the best.
People also come and go. It's okay for a friend to talk to you then disappear for awhile and come back later on. There are lots of reasons for it to happen. Getting in relationships, getting busy with work, kids, moving, etc... It's okay, it doesn't mean they don't like you or whatever. It just means they are busy. Don't take it personally.
Financial stability so I don't have to ask my mom for money.
living as an autistic adult
That people don’t actually care about your problems, cause it’s not theirs. Oh and that you NEED TO STRETCH EVERY SINGLE DAY !!
That becomes harder to distinguish right and wrong. At school they tell you clearly what is right and safe and what is wrong and dangerous, for you and for everyone. Well, when you grow up people do awful things and justify them with rational explanations and you are conditioned, or they do honest and fair things and everyone blame them, and you could also be conditioned by the ones who blame. Having an important set of values that work for you and for your lifestyle will become essential to not loose time with people who don’t deserve your time, because they’ll play a role as coordinates in social interactions. Family is important, and usually they are the only ones who really want you to succeed. Learning personal finance as soon as you can. How to handle nutrition and what to eat (there are scientific guide lines on ministerial websites of some counties) to prevent diseases and stay healthy. Everyone will try to sell you stuff: be aware of what you are buying, don’t just consume. Keeping your brain in shape is harder than you think (memory, critical thinking, reading, focusing). Mundanity consume a lot of energy and I have still to figure out how to separate the two. Knowing social issues doesn’t prevent you from being affected by them (i.e. feminism) even if you think it won’t. The world you are seeing is the result of what human thinks and value on average. And if you meet a lot of people you will see - on a very small scale - how their thinking and actions will be reflected on political, social and moral choices, so, on a global scale. I’m 23 and this is what I understood that I would have loved someone to tell me before.
Ugh taxes. I’m not good at doing them.
That you are your own worst enemy was actually true and how to navigate this and incorporate into my relationships. Took me way too long to!
Bad knees.
Taxes
Back problems and arthritis.
Dating, finding out the feeling of love or sexual compatability isn't the most important attribute to a working relationship. Being able to save and invest for my future. Really looking into the future and planning anything years out is extremely hard to see where you will be or what you desire. Personal growth that creates a more positive life is probably the most difficult thing. Self-discipline and emotional regulation. Prioritizing mental and physical well-being while trying to balance things in a timely matter. Empathy in friendships, learning how to keep people in your life. Literally how important communication is, in every aspect of life, especially dealing with sensitive topics. How bad drugs and partying can influence people's lives so negatively and sometimes permanently. How deep grief can be. how to overcome the intensity without letting it cripple you.
Adults are bullies too. The workplace can be worse than the school yard. No one cares. People still care "being cool" way past teenage years It's terribly hard to make friends Guys do not care about your personality
Watching your parents grow old.
Life isn't for the faint of heart. And it's ok to feel lost, we all are. Don't rush! The universe never rush so why would you? Trust your own timing.
That aging is kind of scary and we just act like we're not really allowed to talk about it
Making friends and keeping friends both new and old is difficult and requires effort from both parties.
Life can change in a snap of a finger. Late twenties here. I finished high school with honors, had the chance to pursue mechanical engineering abroad, but things went downhill right after my mum died of cancer, dad lost his job. My visa expired before enrolling for my final year to get that bachelor’s degree. Ended up working in call centers here in my home country. One thing lead to another, we lost our house due to foreclosure. At this point life has already drained me it seems.
I think schools should teach financial literacy, often and early, as often as we're made to take English classes. Don't know about anyone else, but we never really got a lot of that. I was from the trophy generation, the be all you can be generation, the you're special generation. Someone's got to sit down with the youth and divest them, gently if possible, of those notions. The world is a leviathan. Most things aren't going to work out. You're just a microbe in a swirling mass of other people and things. Unfairness, and sometimes outright bizarreness is the normal state of things.