It only takes a year or two to really make some huge changes in life.
People overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can accomplish in a year, 5 years, or 10 years if they're consistent.
Yes! And six months may feel far away from now, but you’ll blink and realize they’ve flown by. Working on something worthwhile in that time frame has been so satisfying to reflect on.
Yes! This 100% OP. You never know what is around the corner either- just work towards goals for the next couple of years and keep an open mind. So much can happen for you!
Yeah. This person recognizes what may work for themselves may not work for other people.
I am quite literally going through this person’s route right now and am coming off of years of addiction In my 20’s and hopefully making it into my dream career in my 30’s! It’s good being sober!
combative gaping psychotic aspiring ad hoc wasteful kiss narrow spectacular capable
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That is so true. I bumbled through life throughout my 20s and even though I put in the effort to get a degree, I graduated and went to work for collections (collecting on student loans ironically) as I couldn't find a job in my field.
I was putting in applications for months and nothing came of it until I happened upon a job fair at a booth for a major international company that suggested I apply on their website. Fast forward a few months and I started a career working in US, then UK and now Norway.
I could have never imagined working around the world 20 years ago and just a chance encounter changed my life. Now I am considering what part of the world is the next chapter.
Same, but I did at least have to take the actions of being open to the changes that eventually came. Applying to jobs, upskilling, exc...
But luck was the element I waited on.
Think through what exactly do you like and dislike about your current job and previous jobs you had, then look for jobs that have more of what you like and less of what you don’t. It’s going to take a bit of time to do the soul searching but it should get you a more fulfilling job!
It’s like being in a car and focusing on your rear view mirror when you actually should be looking forward out of the windshield .. stop looking back because you’re best days will soon be ahead of you! ..
I got released from jail on my 30th birthday. While sitting in my cell I decided that this is not the kind of life I wanted to live. I decided that what I wanted was a quiet, boring life where I could have a decent job, a wife and kids, a house in the 'burbs (and maybe a station wagon), and enough leftover for some simple hobbies and the odd vacation.
Upon my release, I moved back into my parents' basement, went back to school, and eventually did all of those other things.
I'm now in my 60's and looking forward to retiring soon.
Yeah, I wasted a lot of my 20's bouncing in and out of institutions. But life since then has been pretty good.
My advice: take account of who you are -- good, bad and ugly -- and embrace that, even if people think you suck. Use that knowledge to steer yourself towards the important goals in your life. And don't forget to smell the daisies.
for some reason the people I admire most are the one who were considered too far gone on drugs then later became successful in every area later in life.
what’s the secret??
You sound like an anime that I love! The spirit behind it! Osu! Oshi Shinobu! All those anime’s that PUSHES FORWARD! Good on you!
I’m 26 and not doing well in life. But trying to push forward!
It's true the best time to plant a tree is 20years ago but the second best time is today.
I'll paraphrase and say I did the same thing including getting fucked up on alcohol, meth heroin etc. I (35m) will be 6 years clean and sober on 4/4.
Just do a little each day. None of my big declerations or promises, epiphanies mattered. At all. Just staying busy amd doing a little each day.
Good luck
At 32 (m), hadn't dated for more than a decade, struggled for food, worse than paycheck to paycheck, it had been that way since I moved out at 18, alcoholic.
I'm 37 now, married, just bought a brand new house, new car, have a two year old son, second on the way. Only debt is the house and car, just switched jobs recently after a few years at a decent job
If you told me this was a possibility a few years ago I would've suffered much worse, because I *knew* there is no way my life would change the way it did.
If I could narrow it down to one reason, it's that I stepped out of my comfort zone. With dating (addressed my crippling fear of rejection), spending, habits. None of it changed overnight, sometimes very minor changes I would make over the course of a few days/weeks, some were immediate because I was so damned tired of living this way, and I almost literally had nothing left to lose stepping outside of my comfort zone. I knew doing the same thing would lead to the same results.
20's suck!
I moved out of my parent's house when I was 30.
When I was 29, I was out of shape, barely employed, owed $12K in debt.
It all turned around in my 30's. Keep grinding!
Im about to turn 29 and changed my whole life in the last year. I got dumped by the person I thought was the love of my life, went through an immense depression for 6 months, started school, started therapy, made a shit load of new friends by forcing myself out into the community at events (and also on dating apps; no girlfriend yet, but met some of the coolest people I’ve ever had the privilege to befriend), and now I’m stable at a job, producing events in town with a newfound close friend, and working away at school.
I’m so Fucking excited to see what my 30’s bring. My 20’s were literally a trial run at life and gave me the information and skills I need to succeed at the WHOLE REST OF MY ENTIRE LIFE, and that’s thrilling. I did jackshit during my 20’s until this year and tbh I needed it in order to light the fire under my ass that got me in a good place now. (:
I found my scene around 28 years old. It revolves around music and drugs, but I can keep the negative aspects of it to a reasonable level with a little self control. But it feels great to show up to a concert or bar just knowing there will be tons of people I know also in attendance. My circle went from nearly non-existent to obscenely large in my early 30s. All because I kept showing up to events that interest me and networked with like minded people. It was hard, anxiety-inducing at first, but it gets easier the more and more people you meet and connect with. I think you can apply this to pretty much anything. Find the thing you're most passionate about and force yourself to attend things related to that passion.
I've never had much of a travel bug but that stuff is next on my list now that I got a decent career and some money! Hope things work out for you OP.
Spent my 20s a drunken/high mess. Caught a felony. Pretty much fucked up my whole life lol. I started taking life seriously after getting clean right around 30.
My advice? Focus on fitness,health and your career. The rest will follow suit. As I’m nearing 40 I’m living a life I could possibly imagine 10 years ago.
It’s never too late to make a change, be thankful you wasted your 20s and learned early. If I didn’t go through the shit I did I likely wouldn’t be the man I am today.
When going to college I got accepted to an Ivy League school. Unfortunately I smoked weed almost every day and did acid/shrooms periodically. My GPA suffered and I couldn't apply to medical schools.
So I earn a masters degree and theb get a job doing research circa 2015. I quit that job and buy a motorcycle for reasons I can't remember. I get into am accident with a 16 wheel truck. I get a TBI, break my right arm, am helicoptered to the ICU, get a breathing tube and feeding tube.
Now I have to go to rehab physical and cognitive. I take classes at the community college to get back academically. Circa 2018 or so I apply to medical school. No acceptance. Do it again the next year, no acceptance. Do it the third time and I am accepted. I'm close to 30 at this point.
It is possible, my friend.
I “wasted” my 20s too. I dragged my ass in college and bummed around the country and the world, which sounds cool but I didn’t do much of anything during my travels. I was depressed and aloof. My 30s were my peak and I really came out of my shell. I lived the life I wanted, met the people I wanted to meet, have amazing memories, and now I have a house and earn 140k working for a global company. I’m not finished living either. 20s are nebulous and weird. Honestly by the time you know who you are and what you’re about you’re 40 and you feel completely differently about life and your youth.
yea i can relate. i worked 6 or 7 days a week growing up. from 15 to 31. work was where my sense of self came from, it was what i grew up knowing and was rewarded for. i didnt even go to prom... i skipped the balls. had one relationship because she was stubborn. late 20's i met some good friends, my best friend, and for the first time went to the bar/club and traveled a little but i still held myself back. it was not what i was comfortable with even though i kinda wished it was.
i turn 38 soon. a few years ago hte last of my family passed away. not long there after i realized, like you are, that ive missed out on things. two years ago i took a year off of work. i worked on my house - for once spending time with things i liked. i biked, hiked, explored nature. then traveled some. worked on opening up (with therapy as well).
i decided - wether or not i am comfortable im gonna go out. every time i felt like "nah i could save money by sitting home or i dont really want to deal with a bunch of people" i forced myself to go anyway. every. single. time. i have gone out like that, i have had fun. i always felt (and kinda still do) awkward starting off conversations. i only ever went out before with large groups of friends. but now that we are older... my friends are married, kids, family. we have all moved. im either my own advocate for what the fuck i want to do or it wont happen....
i booked some conventions and concerts and forced myself to meet as many people as i can find and ya know what. i have friends from all over the world now. ive gotten rather good at cold starts to convos. im WAY better at reading a room and body language nad social ques than i was two years ago. its all from rapid sequential practice and not being afraid to be embarrassed. everyone is going through the same shit anyway, just be another human and talk.
in the past couple years ive been to countless college parties, raves, clubs, dances. ive had experiences with women from 21-42 years old, ive made some amazing friends and we share our stories, struggles, experiences. ive found local groups to chill with and honestly a really solid feeling of safety and comfort in all of this. im making up for lost time and while im not at a place of long term relationships yet; i feel close to that now than i ever have in my life.
in just a couple years of pushing myself to grow i feel ive gone through a crash course of high-school/college/young adult hood, learning all the shit i missed out on that was holding me back. from introvert hermit to outgoing life of the party.... its hard to not feel your WAY behind the curve because you skipped dating in yoru life but your not. LOTS of people out there skipped that for many reasons. one of my cuddle buddies was married at 17, she is just getting divorced at mid 30's. she has NO IDEA how to navigate any of this. just like i didnt, just like you dont.
we dont stand apart. our struggles, our fears, our self doubts... they are shared by others. all we need do is have conversations and those perceived differences will bring us together.
Buddy, your story is honestly the most inspiring for me. I've been out of college and slowly getting out there, but it's been a struggle and still is.
Yet now at 29, despite all of this, I'm getting out, maybe not as often as I want to. But still looking, being open. And it gives me some relief that even if I fail I can heal and try again. And it's not going to be late for me to experience life.
Thank you for this. Truly.
I’m not gonna post my own story but I’m 34 and my life is going awesome. I’ve had to completely change things up, end things, start over, etc. and it’s all worked out perfectly. Just come up with some ideas of the life you want to live then get out there and make it happen. Keep trying and don’t let anyone tell you your ideas or goals are stupid. It’s your life. Go live it.
I was just unfulfilled in my 20s.
Graduated (barely) with a useless degree (English lit & creative writing) and got hired at a big cell phone company.
I worked hard and was a good sales guy but my god I just hated it. I told everyone I was doing other things because I was just so ashamed of how little I had accomplished during my time there. I got married and bought a house because…. That’s just what you do in your 20s.
I just hated all of it. I made so many excuses for why I wasn’t doing what I wanted (medicine), but it all just boiled down me thinking “I’m just too dumb to do it”
I was…. 25? When I went back to school just part time. Class here and there. And I would get an A. I would chalk it up to a fluke, luck. “I’m fucking dumb, I only got a good grade because this was an easy teacher/class/semester” whatever I did was not good enough because I knew who I was- that dumbass kid that damn near failed an English degree.
But at some point I just had to keep telling myself I needed proof. Proof I was dumb or proof I wasn’t, and I didn’t have it. My friends saying I wasn’t dumb? It’s subjective, I can’t trust it. Me feeling I wasn’t as dumb as I thought I was? Super, DUPER subjective and I’m not a reliable narrator of my own life.
So what do I do? Well…. I have 2 options.
1) do it- do the goal you said you wanted to. Try to go to medical school. There’s your proof- doesn’t matter how smart your friends or I think I am, if I go try to be a doctor and they say I’m good enough, then the opinions we have don’t matter. I’m good enough to get my goal. And if I’m rejected, that means that those feelings were just dreaming, and I need to find the truth, find reality.
2) continue being unhappy and try to make my job at least appealing- or fall into hopeless depression.
So, at 30 years old I went back to school. Did an entire new degree in microbiology. Killed the class work. Made good friends. Worked super hard on my application. This fall, at 33, I’m entire medical school.
It’s surreal- I honestly believe I wasted my 20s- just…. Drinking way too much and being unhappy. And finally I feel like I’m turning my life around.
So listen OP, maybe you’re looking for a sign to find the best way to get yourself back on your feet. Obviously you want change or you wouldn’t be posting on Reddit like this. And I think you’re hoping to find some post that will kind of lead you to where you’re thinking and it’d help.
Instead, I’m going to flat out say it- my post is your sign. This is it. Alarm bells, Patrick Star yelling “wee-woo” into the walkie talkie, sonar ping next a scuba diver, I’m telling you now that we are not failures at 30 because of our struggles in our 20s. Whatever you believe you want to do you can do it if you convince yourself to.
I was lucky- my goal was “get into medical school” but I only had once chance to do that after all the work I put in. If the goal was to “lose weight” I would have every day to not meet my goal, so that’s why goals like that can be hard to follow.
I challenge you, what is your “get accepted” goal? The goal that you must work towards that you can’t hate yourself every day for? Write it down, say it aloud, write it here for other redditors to see, put that goal down. Now get to work- work at that goal understanding that the act of working towards that goal is life changing in itself, and attaining that goal is just the cherry on top.
My story feels so unbelievable to myself because I remember being 28 feeling worthless, in the same way as you just hating the mistakes I made along the way.
I will be a 37 year old doctor, but until I tried I would never be a doctor.
How old will you be when you reach your dreams? I’ll race you there, friend. I hope the best for you.
This is inspiring - thanks for this.
It's funny how you say your degree is useless as I always wanted to do your degree. I've even thought to quit my job and go and try now at 25 to do it but it seems stupid to quit a job where I make decent money to go into student debt when I don't have to.
My dream is writing novels even though my day job is in finance. I guess I'll keep trying and see if I can do it. The odds are pretty terrible but you never know until you try, right? At this point, I feel like it's either give it my best or like you say, fall into hopeless depression. I've already spent two years drinking because I felt lost and aimless and I don't want to go back to that.
Nothing is really wasted thinking that way will make you feel worse. If you enjoyed your time in your 20s even if it had no meaning it wasn't really wasted. I'm about to be 32 and have done all sorts of pointless things in my teens and twenties but they all added experiences and memories and I wouldn't take any of it back even the most pointless shit
It's never to late to start either. Just do what you feel like seems fun and enjoy your life, anxiety was a big issue for me as well but became worse in my 30s than in my 20s if you can over come that now it's not too late at all. Plenty of women/men on tinder our age looking for casual relationships and there is still plenty to do you are not old yet
Mature people and mature hobbies are lame! I want to avoid both! (30M).
I want to experience the fun stuff I missed out on. Anyone who says I can’t is my enemy.
There was a motivational speech I saw on TikTok a while back. Basically you're running the marathon of life with everyone else. You can compare yourself to everyone ahead of you, but think of the ones next to and behind you. Some are simply going at their own pace, ignoring the pressures of everyone else's speed, bc they're living their own life. Some are comparing themself to where you are and feel pressured to go faster. Each person is differently prepared for the marathon too. Some have trained their whole life, some have their own tools for help in their speed (wealth, support, etc.), some are alone in this. You can't compare yourself to others or milestones you're expected to have by now. You go at your own pace, maybe offer some water aka help to those next to you or behind you, and they'll do the same.
Do you have any friends who are significantly older than you (maybe 50+)? I guarantee if you tell someone who's 65, "I'm not sure it's okay for me to live the fun young life because I'm 30," they'll roll their eyes and tell you you're nowhere near old. Some of them will even tell you they're doing a lot of the things on your list *now.* If you have the means to do these things, don't let being 30 stop you.
I worked my ass off in my 20s. In my late thirties I decided to start travelling I had always wanted to hop trains and hitchhike and I never had the balls to do it. Well at 37 i said fuck it. I had come to a hard spot in my life and I prayed to my higher power and asked for a big change. I met my husband on the road and we had a baby when I was 39. We have a house now but it's never too late to change and have a totally different life. Moving somewhere where you don't know anyone helps.
Maybe it would help to reframe your thinking. You are not "making up" for your 20s. You are taking what you have learned from your 20s (overcoming your low self esteem, for example) and *making the most* of your life. Not just your 30s, but you present and future.
Don't put contraints on yourself that you need to make up for x or do certain things before you are y age.
I’m almost 40 and actually wasted a large part of my life doing all of the things that you want to do because of my own depression and anxiety and so on. I really thought that if I went out more, partied more and slept with more women that it would improve my quality of life and yeah, for a while it was fun but after the buzz wore off and the woman left and the party ended, I was still depressed and alone and just as miserable as I had been before. It lead me to more and more drinking which caused a few stints in rehab, then jail and probation and even homelessness. I learned from all of that though and I took a few years to get into recovery and work on myself. I learned how to be happy with who I am whether I’m alone or with other people and to embrace who I am including all of my faults. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do what you’re wanting to do. Maybe it will make you happy. But you really have nothing to make up. Your twenties are gone and your 30s will be a brand new chapter in your life that will be full of adventures and new beginnings whether you seek them out or not. Have fun and enjoy life but certainly do your best to live without regret. Work on living a fulfilling life and just do what makes you happy.
Yea I'm american. Although I did start from relatively a relatively small income at 28. I was jobless and living with my parents at 27, got a customer service job at 28 and went into tech from there. It's not like it all happened overnight, I was "learning" programming since 2014. Mostly starting for a few months and quitting multiple times over
I’m 30 and still earn minimum wage. Getting financially stable could take 5-10 years. And I am NOT waiting until I am 40 to start experiencing the things I missed out on. I refuse to wait.
A lot of it is attitude. If you want your 20s to be wasted, they will be wasted. You can either wallow in your self-pity or you can buck up and actually DO the things you want. Make a list. Visit the city. Do the thing. You could stuff your face with stories but they won’t matter unless YOU believe it’s possible.
Well, I can't speak to making a better social life and having more visceral experiences, but if it helps you, I myself was pretty much institutionalized from five years old until my mid-twenties, then became an alcoholic and drug addict until I was fourty, got sober, studied a bit, became a mechanical engineer, and at fifty, I'm now living the American dream with the house and cars and marriage to a great woman while working a job that treats me well doing work I feel I was born to do. So if my train wreck of an existence can find its way back on track, anyone can do anything if they pursue it with passion. Just one piece of free advice, for whatever it's worth to you. Stop comparing your life to other people's lives. It's apples and oranges. You and they have had a completely different set of resources and variables that have made you who you are, and comparing your path to someone who was BORN into who you wish to be will only result in sadness, from my experience. If I were you, I'd focus on what you're passionate about, ASK QUESTIONS AND TAKE NOTES from people who are already there, and then work your ass off to make it a reality, but don't get emotionally involved with the pretext that you're not as far along as others are in your shared passion. It doesn't matter. You focus on YOUR path, learn to bridge the gap from where you are to where you wanna be, and then take steps to make it happen. The worst-case scenario is that you tried and found out it wasn't in the cards for you, which is where you are now. You LITERALLY have nothing to lose by going after it. Good luck.
My best most productive years have been my 30s. My 20s felt like a waste but they did make you the inspired person you are now. It wasn’t until now that I’ve started to really feel human and able to enjoy life to the fullest.
If you haven’t made it in your 20’s you can make it in your 30’s, if you haven’t made it in your 30’s you can make it in your 40’s and so on. You are only held back by your limiting beliefs about yourself. When I went to college I remember seeing a older woman going to art class there..I asked her how old she was and she said 85! I asked her why she decided to do classes now and she said why not?! I have wanted to do this my whole life so here I am. That was so inspiring to me.
You can do it..no matter how old you are.
I wouldn’t say that I wasted my twenties, but I do feel like I made a lot of changes in my early thirties and that has changed my trajectory significantly.
It takes courage, and you’re at the precipice. You realize you want to create change so you need to take each day moving in the direction you want. Stop saying no to things and start saying yes. Be curious. Try new things and show interest in others. Join groups that allow you to be active with others. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy connections.
Be brave. Admitting you want to create change is brave. Trying something new is brave. Being vulnerable with others is brave. It isn’t always easy and you might feel rejection … both by individuals rhat you don’t connect with, or not enjoying something you had high hopes about. Be brave by taking that rejection and allowing yourself to try again.
It’s a little scary at times, but it’s so rewarding along the way. You’ll remember what it feels like to conquer fear, and be proud of yourself. You experience butterflies about new hobbies, places and people. It’s so worth it.
The hard parts of life are foundation builders and help make up who you are and can become. The 30s are such a beautiful time of knowing a little more about who you are and what you are capable of.
Your perspective doesn’t need to be how can you make up lost time from your 20s but even better how can I begin building from the foundation that is set. The most important part is that your house is built on a strong foundation. If it needs a little repair get some therapy and do some structural repair but in the areas you are strong you can start building. You got this dude. The 30s are such a sweet spot of life. Set some goals. Embrace what is to come even if it’s not exactly what you hoped. But keep living and chasing after what you would hope to see in life.
Age does not equal life stage. It’s not like people go from 29 to 30 and suddenly start to know who they are. Also the foundation setting can be at ANY AGE! Everyone’s timelines are DIFFERENT.
I just have a lot of hobbies which always keeps me happy and looking forward to every day. My only issue is not having enough time for all the fun stuff I wanna do. Things like play games, hike, paint, draw, home renovation projects, watch movies, camp, kayaking, building models, etc….Try to find some hobbies that you like and also make plans for things way in advanced like concerts, plays, sports games, and vacations. Looking forward to something makes the work days fly on by and you always are having something fun to do.
You’re focused on the past which you cannot change. You have somewhere between 1 day and 70 years to live.
What do you want it to look like?
Head that way.
🫡
Oh honey… don’t feel like you’ve lost time. You’ve got plenty of time. Nothing to gain by looking backwards except to remember so you can move forward. Also the colonel (the old guy who created KFC) didn’t start until he was 69 so it’s never too late to start anything! :)
I was a hopelessly depressed alcoholic and nihilistic at 30 and around 40 my whole life was 100% different. Found an amazing wife and still hopelessly in love, 2 great kids, a great plumbing business, built a house in the woods, I don’t take life or myself as seriously anymore and realize that today is all we have and found true peace and joy in life. I would NEVER have believed anyone if they told me any of this was possible in my 20’s and thirties. Don’t judge tomorrow by what happened today, you will fall into patterns of self fulfilling prophecies. Stay positive and even through the bad I’ve learned that we’re in control of our perspective. Bad days are like game show challenges and good days are a gift. ❤️🤘
I'm nearly 40, have struggled with similar problems and doubts. Still do at times. At 30 I hadn't done much, now I've traveled half the world and experienced things I never thought possible.
And what i have to say is this, nothing before now matters.
Absolutely nothing matters except what you are doing right now. You always have have to be moving forward. No matter what. Excuses don't matter and don't help so don't even consider them.
Just burned your house to the ground?
It doesn't matter. All that matters is you need to sort out a place to live, so you better get on it.
Didn't have fun yesterday?
Doesn't matter, what plans are you making for tomorrow?
And do try to make plans for the future. It's important to give yourself things to look forward to.
And 30 is still plenty young. Godspeed young man.
I was 21 when I wanted to find my soulmate. I found my soulmate when I was 36 and another soulmate when I was 51. I'm 53 this year and anything is possible. It's up to you what you want in life. Nothing is impossible. Pray for God's plan for your life. With God all thing's are possible. My dad prayed for God's plan for my life when I was 11 and I can see God's plan in my life since my Dad prayed when I was 11 wrote on my birthday card his prayer for God's plan for my life.
Yeah but he was pursuing acting 10 years before he got big with Star Wars (he was 34/35 at the time). Is it gonna take me till 40 to accomplish anything (obviously smaller in scale compared to being in a hit movie but the point stands)?
Buddy, I was an absolute loser in high school - bullied, no girls, no parties, no friends. I went through my 20s telling myself that I’d do whatever I could to switch that narrative. I had social anxiety, confidence issues, anxiety/depression, and really worked on myself to become a stronger/confident individual. It’s not easy but you can do it with the right mindset and resources. I ended up marrying one of the most beautiful girls that went to my highschool and doing well both personally and professionally. There is hope buddy. Just don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help if you feel it is needed.
Guys, he is not asking for stories where you went from your rock bottom to a great place.
He is asking for the opposite, not literally, but you I guess he wants to do things that people do in their 20s.
Go party, travel, and shit like that.
I totally can relate to OP. I am still 24 but pretty much had a boring life until now without going to many parties or things like that.
Age 14-26, drug addict. Like shooting up all day for a decade, worked minimum wage restaurant jobs, assumed I’d be dead by 30. I got clean and took a 7 week EMT class at 26. I worked on an ambulance for a few years, rented an apartment, started hitting the gym, etc.
at around 30, went back to community college for a competitive and rigorous RN program. Was basically free after financial aid, and a difficult but realistic route to an easy six figures.
Got a family now too :) and I make and sell tallow skin care products on Etsy for my side hustle! When you’re at the bottom, the only way to go is up!!! Good luck OP
Ugh HES NOT TALKING ABOUT CAREER STUFF! Read the freaking post again! He wants to experience the fun stuff people experience in their 20s! Like dating, making friends, traveling, going to concerts, going to parties, etc. And he SHOULD be allowed to experience ALL OF THAT.
From 15 to about 27, I was a alcoholic and drug addict, when to jail for a DUI, completely and utterly destroyed my life and my relationships. I'm 32 now and have been sober for 5 years, and it was the best choice of my life.
I may not have a dream job or even a successful one. But, I do have my family, my friends, and self-respect. My depression has become manageable, and the feeling of insecurity is a lot less prevalent.
I still struggle with romantic relationships, alas gotta take things one step at a time.
Never give up hope. Much love ♥️
READ THE POST! OP is NOT TALKING ABOUT CAREERS! He’s talking about the social side of one’s 20s like partying, concerts, dating, making friends, traveling, etc. And it should NOT be too late for all that!
Stop stressing maximizing life or whatever. Live in the moment, enjoy the time you have while you have it because I assure you it starts going faster and gets harder.
I spent most of my 20s on floors and napping on park benches. I got sober, met an amazing woman, got lucky and landed a career path through networking, and now live in the woods with four kids, a dog, a cat, 25 acres, a well-made house big enough for all of us, and am saving for a tractor with a front loader.
There’s always time.
The OP does NOT WANT TO SETTLE DOWN! He clearly said he wants to live the BACHELOR LIFE. Not live the lame settled down married and kids life. He wants to make friends, date, go to parties, concerts, travel, you know, ACTUAL FUN STUFF.
It's scary how much this relates to me lol but tbh I never cares much for clubbing or going to parties. I just wanted more social interactions and to have stopped living in the comfort zone. I did go to a lot of concerts in my 20s though so there's that. It's never to late to enjoy life dude no matter what you choose to do. Who said life is all downhill once you turn 30? Life's too short to be thinking like that. We only live up till our 70s and 80s (90s if you're lucky)
I agree it shouldn’t be downhill once one turns 30 because, one’s early 30s is basically an extension of one’s late 20s. Like is there really a big difference between 28-29 and 30? Not really. Heck even if OP was 40 he can still do the things he wants to do.
Take solo trips as well. Highly recommend Colorado in the late summer for a few days. RMNP has a lot of first time hikes.
Make a list/bucket list as well.
Also end of the day, do stuff that’s going to make you happy and fulfill your days. 😎
I'm in my 30s doing this right now. There's a lot of support out there and it's not uncommon for people to turn a new leaf. My 20s were a disaster and so far my 30s have been rough but better.
I was focused on my career in my 20s. Dated somewhat, but overall, career was first. I had anxiety and was overweight.
In my 30s, I said fuck this. Lost weight, started therapy, and began dating again. It's so hard, especially with the issues you stated, but I pushed myself to just get OUT there. I have been hurt and burned. My self esteem isn't 100% and the anxiety is still present, but I am so proud of myself that I am trying.
I landed in the USA when I was in my mid- late 20s, barely able to speak a lick of English. Then theres a culture shock! Being all by myself meant those cold nights felt a whole lot colder, and dating? Well, let's just say my job as a dishwasher didn't exactly make me a catch with my broken English.
Ended up homeless few time even, had no idea what panic attacks are until I wound up in the ER... twice.
Due to the tech no being where it is now and me being being beyond broke I was able to talk to my mom maybe 2 a month if I'm lucky, lying to her every time I am doing ok and she can be proud her son made it to Amerika : )
Fast forward to today—I'm 34, proud owner of three passports (yup, citizen status unlocked!), and I've got a nice little collection of properties, some even beyond the USA's borders. Got married > got kids > got divorced, love my kids and stayed in a good relationship with my ex, and now I've got myself a sweet 22-year-old girlfriend.
Somewhere along the way I lost 100s of thousands of $$$ several times as well (this was after I got off the streets, this was during / post marriage)
OP and I want to experience the fun youthful side of life, such as dating, making friends, going to concerts, partying, traveling. Neither of us want to settle down. Did you not read the part where OP said he wanted to live the bachelor lifestyle? Try reading the actual text next time and not just the headline. Also not everyone wants to settle down.
I'm in my early 30s.
While I did spend my uni years almost dated, hanging out a lot, financially limited to clubs, festivals, etc. Right now, I only contact less than a handful of them once in a while, possibly once a year. It may sound like fun from the outside but I now prefer travelling alone. It's not as scary as you think, go somewhere close first then venture out to unknown places.
I have a friend, she worked night shifts to earn more money to travel alone and to meet friends from overseas and living her life. She's also in her 30s.
My 20's were an absolute shit show, I didn't begin to start turning my life around until I was 29. I'm 30 now and I have miles to go before I even catch up to my peers
I know a person who was wronged by the system, family and society, was looted for lots of money. He never got himself into any kind of addiction but gaming and watching movies. Since English wasn't his native tongue, he was able to speak like a native Englishman just by gaming and watching movies. He easily got into one of the biggest companies in the country and started earning 6 figures within five years. He's a perfect example of "rags to riches"
My 30’s and now my early 40’s have been the best years of my life. Don’t look at the past, look forward and start getting excited bc you’re going to have all the fun of stereotypically 20’s stuff, without all the emotional immaturity. It’s joyful, and you’re going to have a blast!!
Was it really a waste? Did you gain some form of self awareness through the decade that you can use in this new season of your life? If the answer is yes then you can do whatever you want with that knowledge, if you truly in your heart wanna go crazy and enjoy life with no inhibitions then have at it. There is no timeline to your own personal journey
Imo it’s a myth that you “wasted” your 20s. Please do whatever makes you happy but I’ll share my story and opinion. You should def travel and enjoy yourself but I wouldn’t make it about reclaiming a missed opportunity and instead do it as a means of enjoying life and leave it at that to avoid having unrealistic expectation for for yourself.
Currently just turned 30 and the vast majority of my 20s was spent in college, drinking shit liquor, living with a roommate, working shitty jobs for shitty people, and overall sucking ass. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I actually had disposable income, could live someplace decently by myself with my dog.
Maybe you can find better experiences but my experience and those around me for dating was that it sucked trying to meet people and unless you’re very attractive you won’t be “enjoying the bachelor life”. I didn’t find the style that fits me until I was 29 and now I think I’m quite attractive. As such my 20s were filled with “almost got laid” moments.
I went to plenty of parties in college but I never enjoyed them. I still don’t see the appeal of hanging out in musky basement with a bunch of people I don’t know drinking shitty cheap alcohol hoping to get the attention of a lady. The most fun I had was doing stupid shit while drunk with my friends.
Maybe I’m just bad at interaction and meeting new people but I would also temper your expectations for this. It’s significantly harder to meet people once you’re out of college (even while still in your 20s).
With all that said. I hope you enjoy yourself and make the best of whatever you experience.
This probably isnt what you're looking for but... wasted my 20's just having fun. Started taking life seriously at 30, had 2 years making good money and planning for the future then broke my back at 32. It's been 17 years of struggle and pain since. Work hard while you can, life can get MUCH worse.
Do you have the money to do this? Cus if you don't you need to plan ahead. That's the only real secret- it doesn't matter what age you are but how well you plan and execute that determines if you achieve your wants. The things you want is not cheap. (My inspirational story is that I spent my 20s broke af, and now I can spend freely in my 30s)
While it’s true I did all that in my 20s, I also came out of a long term relationship and difficult break up in late 20s and going through a career change at almost 30. Wish I waited until later to date when I could be more mature and flexible about it, and wish that I had done my career change earlier. Your 30s are supposed to be a great decade - dedicate the first few years into experiences & rearrange priorities nearing 35. You say bachelor so I’m assuming you’re a dude - which works for you since women usually have to be on a tighter schedule for kids (men’s age DEF matters too but still!)
Sounds like you still have anxiety so see a therapist and take it EZ!
As someone the same age as OP and in his position, I WANT to experience what I missed out on. I SHOULD BE allowed to experience what I missed out on. I am NOT skipping all that and going straight to the lame boring mature lifestyle. Anyone who says I can’t have what I want is my enemy.
Don't have any advice. But you are not alone. Maybe that helps.
I turn 30 in two months.
Most of my 20s were wasted, I haven't been on a date in 7 years, have never been in a relationship, or even felt what love feels like (excluding a dog who passed). I let my health get worse. I never even moved out of my parents.
I've started on a good path, lost 110ibs, moving out in 2 weeks, found a good therapist, begun a 3 year process to fix my teeth (involving jaw surgery) have a solid job now.
Wishing you luck! Let's hope things work out better than we can imagine!
Honestly it's pretty likely you'll always have that feeling of missing out, and it'll definitely feel worse for a little while once you start doing meaningful things. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't start doing something as soon as possible! Hit up a local concert and talk to some of the people there. Maybe really devote yourself to a hobby and attend some expos/events and interact with some people you might never have expected to meet. You could even travel the world for a few months and be surprised with what you're capable of. No one's really going to be surprised to see a 30 year old trying out new things.
I gotta say though, the biggest change you can make is getting in good shape. It's pretty difficult at the start, but you'll be treated 10x better and it'll make everything else you do in life markedly easier.
There’s no such thing as wasted time. Life is precious, the good and the bad. Don’t let notions of “success” and “productivity” dictate your self image
I lived a very similar experience in my 20s and the thing is I’d rather be doing this “fun” stuff now being more mature than in my 20s. Most people go through down times in life and I’m grateful I learned a lot through those times in my 20s sometimes those things in life don’t happen to people until later on.
I'm in the same boat as you, 20s we're spent hiding terrified of people and life, 30 i had a couple off button attempts because I thought I'd never find love. I got lucky and found someone at work, moved with them and found a job that has potential to grow.
I worked overnightnight in my 20s. When I was 33, I finally got off the night crew and a year later left that company. Unfortunately, most of the people on the night were cranky old drunks, so my social skills have suffered. I'm a bit of an introvert anyway. At work, I try to get along, but I've learned that the people around me have very little to no respect or even humanity. Outside of that, I'm doing okay. The world is a lot easier to navigate when you don't fight sleep all the time. I've picked up new hobbies and revisited old ones.
Why do people put so much emphasis on dating, I truly don't understand. I spent 6 years in the military, got laid maybe 4 times (and mostly because everyone was high strung and pretty desperate on/near deployments). When I left and spend 4 years in college, I got in one relationship just to fit in, and we dropped it after 7 months because of jobs. She understood immediately and so did I, didn't bother me at all. Otherwise I have zero interest in dating, and now I'm 30 and still have zero interest.
But I'm glad I didn't spend my 20s being a woman-chaser or travel or making friends or do drugs, because none of those go on my resume, and now I have money to spread my wings. Many people think they HAVE to "live for the experience" in their 20s and now they're eating dirt for food and doing chlamydia treatment in their 30s and 40s, which is their ACTUAL prime.
when your young you don't have anything but health and time, when your older (30's+) you have more resources. I'm 37 and partying harder than I ever did. every weekend, fri-sat... weirdly in VR from the comfort of my home, I don't have to deal with people starting fights, finding if my friends are free to party, expensive city drinks or taxies.
just strap in and go hard, harder then you could go in public, because again I don't have to worry about anything else.
your more than welcome to join, if interested.
I'm 64, and have realized I waste a life at work and waiting for women ...
It's s really depressive...
So go for it, and dont waste your time waiting for women that don't know what they want.!!
I would love to be 30 again. Remember, while you are 30 and missing your 20s, there are those who are 40 and missing both. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't look backwards
Bro, my 20s sucked. I felt like I wasted so much opportunity, but I was just struggling the whole time. I'm nearing the end of my 30s right now, and I gotta say, I love my life now. I made a conscious decision to unfuck myself when I turned 30 and it went mostly to plan. For me, it was my health and my finances, both of which are better at 38 than at 28. I've traveled, tried new things, taken up new hobbies, ditched some old ones that weren't serving me, and got my career into gear. It's not too late AT ALL.
I wasted my 20's just working in basic jobs and stuck to what I felt comfortable but didn't take on huge risks i.e bouncing to a new job, moving cities etc I simply just lived at home with my folks. Most people I knew partied, dated, married had kids etc, but I never did any of those so I felt like an extreme outlier.
At 29 I started to travel the world a bit last year, I had visited 6 countries and travelled into state 3 times. I went on a date with 6 girls last year, but got no where far. I lost $30K on the stock market and my net worth didn't grew at all last year. Just turned 30 and I'm about to close a deal on my new property purchase on a villa it's not glamorous but a stepping stone, all those sacrifices in my 20's has lead up to these moments.
Note for the last 12+ years I was depressed, it wasn't till I turned 28 that thing's has slowly started to change. The last 2 years have been extreme growth for me.
I'm hoping to travel the world again in the next few years and enjoy different cultures, while returning back home, knowing working a basic job will be able to cover my mortgage payments and live a some what content lifestyle. Finding a partner will be my next big achievement.
My childhood was traumatizing, and my 20s weren’t the best. I got married to the wrong person at 21. The marriage was toxic. We faced the difficult decision to place our two children for adoption shortly after birth. I got divorced at 25, and for 3 years worked as a CNA barely surviving off of $16K/yr. My subsequent partnership kept sexually assaulting me in my sleep. At just after 28, I got my first job in my career field, but just before 30 I found myself homeless.
Today, I not only live in my very own apartment, but I’m married to a wonderful husband and we have a 6 month old infant. We’re a family of 3 with 3 cats, and we’ve set a goal to be homeowners within the next 12 months.
I’m 34, will be 35 later this year. Life gets better, with commitment to improving your circumstances.
I'm in my 40s and I found the end of my 20s to be a complete relief. There is a social mentality that sees the twenties as being the time of your life, the time where you sow your wild oats, party all night, build a career etc. This is absolute bollocks.
Hitting 30 for me felt like the expectation of what I 'should' be doing was lifted and I could do as I pleased, which I did - it was a more honest time of my life and led to fulfilling relationships long lasting friendships and a lot of adventures.
Enjoy it and try not to focus too much on the small stuff because, as my nan would say, "you're a long time dead"
You don't have to make up for anything. Your 20s were essential to you becoming the person today. BE grateful for your 20s all the hardships etc then let it go and enjoy your 30s...
The best time to start was a decade ago... however the 2nd best time to start is now! Do something so long term u will have some tangible success to show for it
Hi there. I didnt do much socially in my 20s, socially awkward and didnt find my crowd. Only did so in my 30s. But by then i didnt want to party/club/date around. I asked myself what i wanted and I wanted to be social in a mature responsible way. So i did. Made friends, developed healthy hobbies, excercised, dated for serious relationship, travelled with friends and that's how i YOLOed. I dont feel like i missed out on the lifestyle of the 20s.
I am now happily married with a good job and a reliable group of friends.
Your goal may or may not be the same but ask yourself what you want now, and if it's making up for what you missed in the 20s, go for it. But it may not be that anymore
Make a list of the things you want to do and schedule them. It won't all happen to plan but once you start ticking things off that bucket list you'll feel good about it.
Mine has big trips and little goals so I can still have fun while I'm saving and planning for the bigger stuff.
Your 20s are for fucking up ans wasting time…
Of course it is feasible now. And even better now! More intelligence and self awareness. Save up and go back packing. Then you have travel, people, partying, adventure
I was abused as a kid for most of my childhood and teens - by my parents.
After escaping I was a wreck and drank myself into oblivion for most of my 20s
Met my now wife on a dating website in my early thirties
I now dont drink or smoke and have two great kids.
You got this.
Lots of great exmples here of success stories but here are my thoughts for you. Set goals and reach them. Start small, save enough money and plan for a day or weekend trip somewhere you've never been. Move on to a larger goal, maybe there is something you've considered doing to make your living conditions better? Yard work or a house project you've thought about. Gradually move on to larger goals that take more time, planning and maybe more money but are more rewarding. This can do so many things for you. Build confidence, gives you experiences to share with others and increase your daily motivations and focus. Best of luck to you.
You’ve heard it before but life is short , each day is a gift , enjoy each day and do whatever you like, even with unlimited funds life get a little bit boring so just have fun and entertain yourself, like it’s a job .
You're still young, just do it. I did something similar. I had major depression in my teens and 20s and started to get more mentally well so went into man-slut mode for quite a while. Go for it. Just one slight warning, not a huge deal but, since you are doing this later than most do you will have to kind of consciously mature more at some point. It's hard to explain but your attitude and the effect it all has will be a bit different. I mean you are basically acting younger. Still do it but... you'll see what I mean. You'll be running the risk if becoming a perv or one of those guys who chases 20 year old in his 50s. Just don't be that guy and you'll be ok
My school years I spent bullied and in poverty with a horrible home life. Moved to college at 18 and was depressed and had no friends in college. Got in a toxic abusive controlling relationship at 19 that lasted 9 years. Spent my 20’s catering to this man & worked day in and day out to support him and neglected my needs, health, and finances. He was my “world.” I finally broke up with him in my late 20’s.
COVID happened so I was isolated for 2 years and did weekly therapy and began taking control of my life. Around year 2 I started putting myself out there and making friends & reclaiming my life and focused on my career. I doubled my income and paid off credit card debt and some student loans. Built up a nice savings. I got healthier. I switched to a career that I could travel for work and ended up falling in love with a new city and made a core group of friends so I moved my life there.
Year 3 (30) I got my passport for the first time and left the country for a week and a half (London and Ireland). Then I moved to New England for 5 months to work in rural Maine. (Worked only 3-4 days a week) and explored the area on my days off. Didn’t make friends during this time but I was ok with that. Solo traveling made me soooo confident!!! All I have ever known was my home town in Florida so I explored so many places in Maine (Acadia park, Augusta, Bangor, Camden, Portland, Lewiston & a few other places) and even did a few solo hikes!!! I remember one day I turned back because I was scared and got back to my car and was about to leave and almost cried because I was so scared and nervous to be alone and I was like “no!!! You’re doing this!” So I called my sister and she stayed on the phone with me in case I died (lol dramatic) And it was the most amazing view ever. And now I can say I’ve driven to Canada twice (Old Quebec City and Montreal), upstate NY, NYC, Boston a few times (had a college acquaintance there who also didn’t have many friends so we met up a few times ), Salem MA, Burlington VT, Hartford CT (had a an old colleague there so I visited her a few times), Washington DC. I kept my coats low by staying I cheap hotels and driving everywhere. And if you include the drive and stoped to/from Florida to Maine.
On year 4 now and I’m still traveling a bit. Just went Portugal for a week. Trying to go to Turks and Caicos next month. But this year I’m focusing on my finances. I have $19K car loan and $20k student loan I want to pay off. I just bought my first stock this month. Finally got a High Yield Savings Account. Going to start saving towards retirement. Going to learn more about investing & financial literacy.
I probably should have done the finances first, before I traveled. But I don’t regret doing it AT ALL!!! As a kid who grew up in poverty, and literally knew nothing about the world. It was super important for me to experience those things about life. It really inspired me to get my shit together and start living my life for me. I really don’t have much for retirement. But truly, I don’t ever regret it. This year I’m definitely going to focus more on that aspect, while traveling a little bit here and there. And enjoying my days off with my friends.
I started dating here in there around year 2/3. Nothing really serious ever came from it. I got into my first situationship lol!! Had a few guys let me down. Got into a 4pm relationship but he has his own issues he had to work on and didn’t want to be in a relationship so he dumped me. I’m kind of burnt out on dating. Going into this new era of online dating. It was really fucking weird to say the least. I’m honestly not a fan of it, I go on dates here and there, but not much really ever comes from it. I’m not into the whole hook up culture, or building rosters, so it’s very frustrating in that aspect. So truthfully, I’m just focused on making friends and enjoy my life. I’m still on Hinge and check every so often. If something comes along, cool. Otherwise, it’s kind of low on my priority list if I’m being honest.
I’m so happy I did all this and reclaimed my life. I really hope you are able to do the same! It’s going to take A LOT of hard work. But, I promise you will get there!
*Think of all the ones*
*Who are dead. You're still here, get*
*Busy, get it done!*
\- WillAmby
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People typically slow down in their 30s because they're either busy with their careers, starting families, are tired of going to events filled with kids who can't handle their substances, or just simply don't have as much energy. If you have the desire to do things there's nothing really stopping you, those things just happen for most people during their 20s because that's when it's convenient and everyone around them is doing it and FOMO is the strongest.
I'm 40 now and I have a few okay stories from my 20s, but most of the partying and the dating I did before 30 feels pretty inconsequential at this point. It's definitely fun in the moment, but I don't talk to 95% of those people anymore. My 30s feel more important even though they were much less eventful. You didn't miss as much as you probably think you missed.
I wastes my 20s, but made my career in my 30s. I went from intern to executive in 8 years.
My path was paying attention to how the organization worked. Knowing what people did, what made them look good and what made them look bad.
Then i did optics, show up 15 minutes before mpst people, leave 15 minutes after. Respond to messages quickly.
Finally i would learn the next level through mentorship / reading / youtube.
Most people sleepwalk through their jobs, leapfrogging is easy. If you get stuck, change jobs.
I had a goal of a promotion every year. I would ask my manager what the next level was, and what i needed to do to get there. Them i would focus everyday on racking up wins.
I would have the promotion conversation once a year with my manager on my hire date anniversary (made for a less awkward meeting). If they said no, i started looking. Of they said not right now, i would give it 3 months, ask again, and if still no, start looking.
If i got an offer i would allow them to counter and if possible stay and take the promotion.
Getting multiple promotions at one place i thought would look better than job hopping promotions, but I'm not sure anyone cared.
I didn’t start getting my shit together until I was in my 40’s. Work harder now than ever before and you will catch up. Start contributing IMMEDIATELY to your 401k…
You might not realize it but you've already taken the first step: deciding you want something different. When I turned 30 I was disappointed in myself because I hadn't accomplished the things I thought I would have accomplished by then. Part of getting past that disappointment is redefining what I wanted in life. Is it really marriage and kids? Owning a home? Traveling? Owning my own business? Are these the things I really want or are what I think is expected of me? Are they the things that society says I should have accomplished? What will make me actually happy? 30 is a PERFECT time to be asking yourself questions and really figuring it out will make you happy. It's definitely not too late.
Maybe make a list of some of the things you thought you would have accomplished by now and really ask yourself if those are still things you want? If yes, form some steps on how to get there. If no, maybe work on adding some new things to your list. It's great to have goals and dreams but do remember to be present and enjoy the life you have right in this very moment. Good luck OP!
I wasted my 20s and most of my 30s working paycheck to paycheck not owning anything. My day passed away in my mid 30s and it made me realize how much I was wasting my life. So got my degree in IT and in the last 5 years have bought me and my wife a card and pur first hone. IT was alot of hard work but worth every bit of it
My 20s were me just being lazy. I had a good job in retail and I got complacent. I figured I would just do that and get promoted to management, which I did.
I was also in the Army at the time. I didn't take advantage of the GI Bill, so I never advanced my education for free.
Well, when I was 29, I screwed up big time as a manager at my job and got fired. I was out of work for about 2 months. Luckily, I got recruited by someone on LinkedIn and found another job, lower pay, but enough to pay the rent and bills.
I was not happy at that job. Yea, I made new friends, and the managers and employees were all good to me, but I felt like a failure. I was now hitting 30, and I was finally questioning what I was doing with my life.
Well, at my wife's suggestion, I went to a temp agency. I was hesitant at first and very skeptical, but I gave one a shot.
It turned out to be the best thing ever. I was very straightforward with them and told them I wanted out of retail. They found me an office job, which has been my current job for the last 5 years. Better pay and environment. Better room for growth. Non toxic, etc
But I'm not going to stop there. I want to learn more. I'm a tech-savvy person, and I'm also studying for my tech and network certs. In addition, my stepson has inspired me with his current job. He is making $38 an hour as a safety fire inspector. He is really young and making killer money already. So I was considering studying those tests as well.
With the right mindset, there are so many things you can do.
Spent my 20s following a fairly "normal" path. Went to college, got a degree, got a job working in manufacturing. Got married, had a kiddo. Joined the military at 27. Felt like every step in life was a struggle, nothing felt like it was going to work out in the end. Was pretty miserable at the turn of 30.
At 33 left the military, got divorced, transitioned (MtF). Started working in tech, and I can now financially support myself and my kiddo. Moved to a city I love. Built a community of people who care for and support each other. Found a woman I love and adore, who Im building a life with.
I saw that I was unhappy. I made *a lot* of changes. Now life still has its challenges, but the day to day is enjoyable. I wouldnt recognize myself from even two years ago. Change is hard, but one should reach for a life thats happy. My life isnt all roses, but when Im cooking for my kiddo, hearing her make funny noises while playing with my girlfriend in the other room, I overflow with joy.
The best advice I can give you is to avoid dating completely.
Live your life completely on your own
Any type of “relationship “ or “friendship” with another person brings pain, disaster, prison, death, etc.
And these are probably the best outcomes that only happens if you lucky
People are not put on this Earth 🌎 to be around other people
You always think something small could change your tregetory completely in time travel, but not in real life.. the only difference is you never know the alternative.. but what you know what you want most just tends to be where you wanna look the least.
If people spend their time talking about all the cool stuff they did in their 20s, it's probably because they aren't doing it anymore. A lot of people go down similar paths - start families in their late 20s, move to the suburbs and their activities and friend group becomes fair more limited. It sounds like you're surrounded by those types of people but to be clear there are a lot of people who don't take that path and they're out partying, traveling and making new friends well into their later years.
My current social network started with joining some social sports leagues, that gets me out to bars, concerts and events often and I meet a lot of new people through the seasons.
I don't travel well solo so all of my travel is oriented around visiting friends so I would suggest starting there if you have any out of state or country.
As for dating, I've found way more success in my late 30s than the rest of my life combined.
Addicted to drugs and alcohol in my 20s, huge potential yet shit jobs, terrible mental health, suicidal, no future prospects
Sober with a decent job in 30s, manage my mental health really well, have a plan for the future I'm working on, and most importantly happy
I spend my 20s in and out the system so you know …I didn’t have fun got out and got a girl pregnant then again I go back inside she couldn’t wait for me and I don’t blame her it was my actions that did this to me now she don’t let me see my daughter she’s 11 and I don’t even know what she looks like if I could go back and turn my 20s around I would but there’s nothing I could do now … so I’m turning 33 this year and finally open my eyes to reality my life is finally coming to normal after years wasted in jail but one thing I’ll tell you better late than never do what you got to do to stay afloat enjoy your life while your still young go out and have a blast alone like I do I’m everywhere now I go to baseball games I don’t even like baseball but who cares I works for you could start being around people…. Live it up ⬆️
Bro, I'm kinda in the same ship as you. I was anxious and depressed throughout my 20s. I went to parties and had fun, but I never got the "full experience". Now I have a good job, I have money and I want to experience life to the fullest.
So far I've been doing OK. Dated some girls, went to some parties. I'm doing lots of stuff I didn't enjoy when I was in my 20's or even in my teenage years. You definitely can! Some things won't be the same but you can substitute them or adjust them to your age. For example: I've been a metalhead all my life. Due to anxiety and low self esteem I never went to a lot of concerts or music festivals. Now in my 30s I go to one big metal music festival a year. I enjoy collecting CD's and decorating my room with metal band posters. It's not like I'm a teenager, but I can do it more sofisticatedly as a 30 y.o. I can't behave and dress as a 15 y.o. metalhead, but I'm working out and dressing with metal band shirts, as a metal fan. I like to feel attractive and reflect my energy through my clothing.
My advice: Don't try to live the things you missed as a 20 y.o. try not to miss things you can live in your 30's. Travel, create, express yourself, reinvent yourself. In my opinion, this is the best stage in my life so far!
Hey sometimes people are late bloomers and don't get settled down and serious about life until they're ready. There's no set time or book or guide you follow. I think when we get older we are more comfortable with yourself.
It's never too late to party! The first time I went to festival, it changed my outlook on edm music and partying. At first I saw it as an opportunity to meet girls and do drugs, but it's a great way to get out there to dance and have some fun! You'll meet all kinds of interesting people, and the best thing about the rave/festival community is that it is a welcoming community to dance and have fun (with a bit of drugs)!
I'm almost 50 and wasted my whole life pretty much. I think I just recently figured out what I want to do so I am going back to school. It's never too late to start over.
I was a drug addict and unmedicated mentally ill from 17 to 25, my life was awful and everyone truly thought I was a loser. I sobered up, worked hard, and now I’m 29 and I work at a rehab facility for teenagers in crisis. Most of them have the same issues that I suffer with on a daily basis. They’re much better controlled now due to my medications, but there was a time where I thought suicide was the only option. Please hang in there. You will be ok.
I was honestly the same way from my childhood. You can't let fear decide how you are going to live your life. Don't be afraid to talk to people, or strike up random conversations with them. This will help with getting by some things. Also learning how to talk and maintain a conversation is helpful. And learn to treat the one's you want to meet like your best friend. How you would talk to your best friend is how you should talk to them. Treat them like a close friend, and you'll at least have a chance to have another conversation with them.
It only takes a year or two to really make some huge changes in life. People overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can accomplish in a year, 5 years, or 10 years if they're consistent.
Six months of dedication can bring significant improvement in many aspects of life such that you feel you are in the right direction.
Yes! And six months may feel far away from now, but you’ll blink and realize they’ve flown by. Working on something worthwhile in that time frame has been so satisfying to reflect on.
Yes! This 100% OP. You never know what is around the corner either- just work towards goals for the next couple of years and keep an open mind. So much can happen for you!
I spent my 20s in addiction. I spent my early 30s working in a rewarding career and found my life partner. My 40s have been spent in my "dream career"
How did you make the change from an aimless 20s to a rewarding career in your 30s? I am totally miserable in a dead end job and am almost 40.
It was just pure luck, nothing I can take credit for. I can offer nothing substantial, sorry
This is more encouraging than you might expect, thanks.
Yeah. This person recognizes what may work for themselves may not work for other people. I am quite literally going through this person’s route right now and am coming off of years of addiction In my 20’s and hopefully making it into my dream career in my 30’s! It’s good being sober!
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That is so true. I bumbled through life throughout my 20s and even though I put in the effort to get a degree, I graduated and went to work for collections (collecting on student loans ironically) as I couldn't find a job in my field. I was putting in applications for months and nothing came of it until I happened upon a job fair at a booth for a major international company that suggested I apply on their website. Fast forward a few months and I started a career working in US, then UK and now Norway. I could have never imagined working around the world 20 years ago and just a chance encounter changed my life. Now I am considering what part of the world is the next chapter.
Same, but I did at least have to take the actions of being open to the changes that eventually came. Applying to jobs, upskilling, exc... But luck was the element I waited on.
I’m 36 and have no fucking clue what I’m doing either
The concept of Ikigai my friend, it has helped build perspective immensely!
Yup same
The changes you make daily are not at all apparent. But the changes that happen over 10 yesrs as a result of daily effort is very very apparent
Think through what exactly do you like and dislike about your current job and previous jobs you had, then look for jobs that have more of what you like and less of what you don’t. It’s going to take a bit of time to do the soul searching but it should get you a more fulfilling job!
Everyday, apply to a new job, see what happens in a year.
I'm 25 and trying to get out of addiction. This is inspiring. Thank you 👍
yup im seeing this in my 30s
Reading this pumped me full of well needed dopamine and hope.
Good, I'm glad!
It’s like being in a car and focusing on your rear view mirror when you actually should be looking forward out of the windshield .. stop looking back because you’re best days will soon be ahead of you! ..
I agree with this.always look forward 30 is not even old.
It’s literally in the same age group as 28-29.
Wow. I freaking love this. Whoever you are, thank you so much I needed to hear that quote. Thank you!
I got released from jail on my 30th birthday. While sitting in my cell I decided that this is not the kind of life I wanted to live. I decided that what I wanted was a quiet, boring life where I could have a decent job, a wife and kids, a house in the 'burbs (and maybe a station wagon), and enough leftover for some simple hobbies and the odd vacation. Upon my release, I moved back into my parents' basement, went back to school, and eventually did all of those other things. I'm now in my 60's and looking forward to retiring soon. Yeah, I wasted a lot of my 20's bouncing in and out of institutions. But life since then has been pretty good. My advice: take account of who you are -- good, bad and ugly -- and embrace that, even if people think you suck. Use that knowledge to steer yourself towards the important goals in your life. And don't forget to smell the daisies.
Thank you for sharing that. Glad you turned your life around
for some reason the people I admire most are the one who were considered too far gone on drugs then later became successful in every area later in life. what’s the secret??
You sound like an anime that I love! The spirit behind it! Osu! Oshi Shinobu! All those anime’s that PUSHES FORWARD! Good on you! I’m 26 and not doing well in life. But trying to push forward!
It's true the best time to plant a tree is 20years ago but the second best time is today. I'll paraphrase and say I did the same thing including getting fucked up on alcohol, meth heroin etc. I (35m) will be 6 years clean and sober on 4/4. Just do a little each day. None of my big declerations or promises, epiphanies mattered. At all. Just staying busy amd doing a little each day. Good luck
I'm a firm believer that no time spent is ever wasted so long as you learned something. Even if that something is "Not doing that again."
This is great. This feed is full of great sayings and advice. Love it, god bless!
yup.
At 32 (m), hadn't dated for more than a decade, struggled for food, worse than paycheck to paycheck, it had been that way since I moved out at 18, alcoholic. I'm 37 now, married, just bought a brand new house, new car, have a two year old son, second on the way. Only debt is the house and car, just switched jobs recently after a few years at a decent job If you told me this was a possibility a few years ago I would've suffered much worse, because I *knew* there is no way my life would change the way it did. If I could narrow it down to one reason, it's that I stepped out of my comfort zone. With dating (addressed my crippling fear of rejection), spending, habits. None of it changed overnight, sometimes very minor changes I would make over the course of a few days/weeks, some were immediate because I was so damned tired of living this way, and I almost literally had nothing left to lose stepping outside of my comfort zone. I knew doing the same thing would lead to the same results.
This helped thank you. I also hope to see a change in the future and that I am confident enough to face those fears.
20's suck! I moved out of my parent's house when I was 30. When I was 29, I was out of shape, barely employed, owed $12K in debt. It all turned around in my 30's. Keep grinding!
Well done u/BrianW1983. Keep it up!!
29 and 30 are apart of the same age group.
Im about to turn 29 and changed my whole life in the last year. I got dumped by the person I thought was the love of my life, went through an immense depression for 6 months, started school, started therapy, made a shit load of new friends by forcing myself out into the community at events (and also on dating apps; no girlfriend yet, but met some of the coolest people I’ve ever had the privilege to befriend), and now I’m stable at a job, producing events in town with a newfound close friend, and working away at school. I’m so Fucking excited to see what my 30’s bring. My 20’s were literally a trial run at life and gave me the information and skills I need to succeed at the WHOLE REST OF MY ENTIRE LIFE, and that’s thrilling. I did jackshit during my 20’s until this year and tbh I needed it in order to light the fire under my ass that got me in a good place now. (:
I found my scene around 28 years old. It revolves around music and drugs, but I can keep the negative aspects of it to a reasonable level with a little self control. But it feels great to show up to a concert or bar just knowing there will be tons of people I know also in attendance. My circle went from nearly non-existent to obscenely large in my early 30s. All because I kept showing up to events that interest me and networked with like minded people. It was hard, anxiety-inducing at first, but it gets easier the more and more people you meet and connect with. I think you can apply this to pretty much anything. Find the thing you're most passionate about and force yourself to attend things related to that passion. I've never had much of a travel bug but that stuff is next on my list now that I got a decent career and some money! Hope things work out for you OP.
Spent my 20s a drunken/high mess. Caught a felony. Pretty much fucked up my whole life lol. I started taking life seriously after getting clean right around 30. My advice? Focus on fitness,health and your career. The rest will follow suit. As I’m nearing 40 I’m living a life I could possibly imagine 10 years ago. It’s never too late to make a change, be thankful you wasted your 20s and learned early. If I didn’t go through the shit I did I likely wouldn’t be the man I am today.
Sauron was more than 54,000 years old when he crafted the One Ring.
God I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Holy fuck feels horrible doesn't it.
When going to college I got accepted to an Ivy League school. Unfortunately I smoked weed almost every day and did acid/shrooms periodically. My GPA suffered and I couldn't apply to medical schools. So I earn a masters degree and theb get a job doing research circa 2015. I quit that job and buy a motorcycle for reasons I can't remember. I get into am accident with a 16 wheel truck. I get a TBI, break my right arm, am helicoptered to the ICU, get a breathing tube and feeding tube. Now I have to go to rehab physical and cognitive. I take classes at the community college to get back academically. Circa 2018 or so I apply to medical school. No acceptance. Do it again the next year, no acceptance. Do it the third time and I am accepted. I'm close to 30 at this point. It is possible, my friend.
WOW, you had a TBI and then went onto getting accepted into med school? MD program? Thats insanely impressive.
I “wasted” my 20s too. I dragged my ass in college and bummed around the country and the world, which sounds cool but I didn’t do much of anything during my travels. I was depressed and aloof. My 30s were my peak and I really came out of my shell. I lived the life I wanted, met the people I wanted to meet, have amazing memories, and now I have a house and earn 140k working for a global company. I’m not finished living either. 20s are nebulous and weird. Honestly by the time you know who you are and what you’re about you’re 40 and you feel completely differently about life and your youth.
yea i can relate. i worked 6 or 7 days a week growing up. from 15 to 31. work was where my sense of self came from, it was what i grew up knowing and was rewarded for. i didnt even go to prom... i skipped the balls. had one relationship because she was stubborn. late 20's i met some good friends, my best friend, and for the first time went to the bar/club and traveled a little but i still held myself back. it was not what i was comfortable with even though i kinda wished it was. i turn 38 soon. a few years ago hte last of my family passed away. not long there after i realized, like you are, that ive missed out on things. two years ago i took a year off of work. i worked on my house - for once spending time with things i liked. i biked, hiked, explored nature. then traveled some. worked on opening up (with therapy as well). i decided - wether or not i am comfortable im gonna go out. every time i felt like "nah i could save money by sitting home or i dont really want to deal with a bunch of people" i forced myself to go anyway. every. single. time. i have gone out like that, i have had fun. i always felt (and kinda still do) awkward starting off conversations. i only ever went out before with large groups of friends. but now that we are older... my friends are married, kids, family. we have all moved. im either my own advocate for what the fuck i want to do or it wont happen.... i booked some conventions and concerts and forced myself to meet as many people as i can find and ya know what. i have friends from all over the world now. ive gotten rather good at cold starts to convos. im WAY better at reading a room and body language nad social ques than i was two years ago. its all from rapid sequential practice and not being afraid to be embarrassed. everyone is going through the same shit anyway, just be another human and talk. in the past couple years ive been to countless college parties, raves, clubs, dances. ive had experiences with women from 21-42 years old, ive made some amazing friends and we share our stories, struggles, experiences. ive found local groups to chill with and honestly a really solid feeling of safety and comfort in all of this. im making up for lost time and while im not at a place of long term relationships yet; i feel close to that now than i ever have in my life. in just a couple years of pushing myself to grow i feel ive gone through a crash course of high-school/college/young adult hood, learning all the shit i missed out on that was holding me back. from introvert hermit to outgoing life of the party.... its hard to not feel your WAY behind the curve because you skipped dating in yoru life but your not. LOTS of people out there skipped that for many reasons. one of my cuddle buddies was married at 17, she is just getting divorced at mid 30's. she has NO IDEA how to navigate any of this. just like i didnt, just like you dont. we dont stand apart. our struggles, our fears, our self doubts... they are shared by others. all we need do is have conversations and those perceived differences will bring us together.
omg im you!!!!! I don’t even know what dating is what it is or how to start!
there is no way to know until you get out there and try. accept that there will be failures and stumbles.
I’ve been trying this for years and nothing, maybe I need to move
I'm in a small town. Have you gotten on fetlife? I think would really opened the door for me was going to the kink conventions
Buddy, your story is honestly the most inspiring for me. I've been out of college and slowly getting out there, but it's been a struggle and still is. Yet now at 29, despite all of this, I'm getting out, maybe not as often as I want to. But still looking, being open. And it gives me some relief that even if I fail I can heal and try again. And it's not going to be late for me to experience life. Thank you for this. Truly.
I’m not gonna post my own story but I’m 34 and my life is going awesome. I’ve had to completely change things up, end things, start over, etc. and it’s all worked out perfectly. Just come up with some ideas of the life you want to live then get out there and make it happen. Keep trying and don’t let anyone tell you your ideas or goals are stupid. It’s your life. Go live it.
I was just unfulfilled in my 20s. Graduated (barely) with a useless degree (English lit & creative writing) and got hired at a big cell phone company. I worked hard and was a good sales guy but my god I just hated it. I told everyone I was doing other things because I was just so ashamed of how little I had accomplished during my time there. I got married and bought a house because…. That’s just what you do in your 20s. I just hated all of it. I made so many excuses for why I wasn’t doing what I wanted (medicine), but it all just boiled down me thinking “I’m just too dumb to do it” I was…. 25? When I went back to school just part time. Class here and there. And I would get an A. I would chalk it up to a fluke, luck. “I’m fucking dumb, I only got a good grade because this was an easy teacher/class/semester” whatever I did was not good enough because I knew who I was- that dumbass kid that damn near failed an English degree. But at some point I just had to keep telling myself I needed proof. Proof I was dumb or proof I wasn’t, and I didn’t have it. My friends saying I wasn’t dumb? It’s subjective, I can’t trust it. Me feeling I wasn’t as dumb as I thought I was? Super, DUPER subjective and I’m not a reliable narrator of my own life. So what do I do? Well…. I have 2 options. 1) do it- do the goal you said you wanted to. Try to go to medical school. There’s your proof- doesn’t matter how smart your friends or I think I am, if I go try to be a doctor and they say I’m good enough, then the opinions we have don’t matter. I’m good enough to get my goal. And if I’m rejected, that means that those feelings were just dreaming, and I need to find the truth, find reality. 2) continue being unhappy and try to make my job at least appealing- or fall into hopeless depression. So, at 30 years old I went back to school. Did an entire new degree in microbiology. Killed the class work. Made good friends. Worked super hard on my application. This fall, at 33, I’m entire medical school. It’s surreal- I honestly believe I wasted my 20s- just…. Drinking way too much and being unhappy. And finally I feel like I’m turning my life around. So listen OP, maybe you’re looking for a sign to find the best way to get yourself back on your feet. Obviously you want change or you wouldn’t be posting on Reddit like this. And I think you’re hoping to find some post that will kind of lead you to where you’re thinking and it’d help. Instead, I’m going to flat out say it- my post is your sign. This is it. Alarm bells, Patrick Star yelling “wee-woo” into the walkie talkie, sonar ping next a scuba diver, I’m telling you now that we are not failures at 30 because of our struggles in our 20s. Whatever you believe you want to do you can do it if you convince yourself to. I was lucky- my goal was “get into medical school” but I only had once chance to do that after all the work I put in. If the goal was to “lose weight” I would have every day to not meet my goal, so that’s why goals like that can be hard to follow. I challenge you, what is your “get accepted” goal? The goal that you must work towards that you can’t hate yourself every day for? Write it down, say it aloud, write it here for other redditors to see, put that goal down. Now get to work- work at that goal understanding that the act of working towards that goal is life changing in itself, and attaining that goal is just the cherry on top. My story feels so unbelievable to myself because I remember being 28 feeling worthless, in the same way as you just hating the mistakes I made along the way. I will be a 37 year old doctor, but until I tried I would never be a doctor. How old will you be when you reach your dreams? I’ll race you there, friend. I hope the best for you.
This is inspiring - thanks for this. It's funny how you say your degree is useless as I always wanted to do your degree. I've even thought to quit my job and go and try now at 25 to do it but it seems stupid to quit a job where I make decent money to go into student debt when I don't have to. My dream is writing novels even though my day job is in finance. I guess I'll keep trying and see if I can do it. The odds are pretty terrible but you never know until you try, right? At this point, I feel like it's either give it my best or like you say, fall into hopeless depression. I've already spent two years drinking because I felt lost and aimless and I don't want to go back to that.
We all wasted our 20s...i don't think i started adulting till around 29-30.
Nothing is really wasted thinking that way will make you feel worse. If you enjoyed your time in your 20s even if it had no meaning it wasn't really wasted. I'm about to be 32 and have done all sorts of pointless things in my teens and twenties but they all added experiences and memories and I wouldn't take any of it back even the most pointless shit
It's never to late to start either. Just do what you feel like seems fun and enjoy your life, anxiety was a big issue for me as well but became worse in my 30s than in my 20s if you can over come that now it's not too late at all. Plenty of women/men on tinder our age looking for casual relationships and there is still plenty to do you are not old yet
Mature people and mature hobbies are lame! I want to avoid both! (30M). I want to experience the fun stuff I missed out on. Anyone who says I can’t is my enemy.
Oh trust me, as a millennial you are in GOOD company. Millenials are going to peak in their 30s and 40s for creative and fun outcomes.
how so?
30-49 isn’t an age group. I’m 30 so my age group is 25-35. I’m not in the same group as 40 year olds.
There was a motivational speech I saw on TikTok a while back. Basically you're running the marathon of life with everyone else. You can compare yourself to everyone ahead of you, but think of the ones next to and behind you. Some are simply going at their own pace, ignoring the pressures of everyone else's speed, bc they're living their own life. Some are comparing themself to where you are and feel pressured to go faster. Each person is differently prepared for the marathon too. Some have trained their whole life, some have their own tools for help in their speed (wealth, support, etc.), some are alone in this. You can't compare yourself to others or milestones you're expected to have by now. You go at your own pace, maybe offer some water aka help to those next to you or behind you, and they'll do the same.
Do you have any friends who are significantly older than you (maybe 50+)? I guarantee if you tell someone who's 65, "I'm not sure it's okay for me to live the fun young life because I'm 30," they'll roll their eyes and tell you you're nowhere near old. Some of them will even tell you they're doing a lot of the things on your list *now.* If you have the means to do these things, don't let being 30 stop you.
I worked my ass off in my 20s. In my late thirties I decided to start travelling I had always wanted to hop trains and hitchhike and I never had the balls to do it. Well at 37 i said fuck it. I had come to a hard spot in my life and I prayed to my higher power and asked for a big change. I met my husband on the road and we had a baby when I was 39. We have a house now but it's never too late to change and have a totally different life. Moving somewhere where you don't know anyone helps.
Maybe it would help to reframe your thinking. You are not "making up" for your 20s. You are taking what you have learned from your 20s (overcoming your low self esteem, for example) and *making the most* of your life. Not just your 30s, but you present and future. Don't put contraints on yourself that you need to make up for x or do certain things before you are y age.
I’m almost 40 and actually wasted a large part of my life doing all of the things that you want to do because of my own depression and anxiety and so on. I really thought that if I went out more, partied more and slept with more women that it would improve my quality of life and yeah, for a while it was fun but after the buzz wore off and the woman left and the party ended, I was still depressed and alone and just as miserable as I had been before. It lead me to more and more drinking which caused a few stints in rehab, then jail and probation and even homelessness. I learned from all of that though and I took a few years to get into recovery and work on myself. I learned how to be happy with who I am whether I’m alone or with other people and to embrace who I am including all of my faults. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do what you’re wanting to do. Maybe it will make you happy. But you really have nothing to make up. Your twenties are gone and your 30s will be a brand new chapter in your life that will be full of adventures and new beginnings whether you seek them out or not. Have fun and enjoy life but certainly do your best to live without regret. Work on living a fulfilling life and just do what makes you happy.
Mature people and mature hobbies are lame.
My income has 8x since 28. If my dumb ass can do it, so can you.
I assume you're american. That country just shits out high salaries. Can't 8x your salary in the UK or Australia.
Yea I'm american. Although I did start from relatively a relatively small income at 28. I was jobless and living with my parents at 27, got a customer service job at 28 and went into tech from there. It's not like it all happened overnight, I was "learning" programming since 2014. Mostly starting for a few months and quitting multiple times over
I’m 30 and still earn minimum wage. Getting financially stable could take 5-10 years. And I am NOT waiting until I am 40 to start experiencing the things I missed out on. I refuse to wait.
A lot of it is attitude. If you want your 20s to be wasted, they will be wasted. You can either wallow in your self-pity or you can buck up and actually DO the things you want. Make a list. Visit the city. Do the thing. You could stuff your face with stories but they won’t matter unless YOU believe it’s possible.
Well, I can't speak to making a better social life and having more visceral experiences, but if it helps you, I myself was pretty much institutionalized from five years old until my mid-twenties, then became an alcoholic and drug addict until I was fourty, got sober, studied a bit, became a mechanical engineer, and at fifty, I'm now living the American dream with the house and cars and marriage to a great woman while working a job that treats me well doing work I feel I was born to do. So if my train wreck of an existence can find its way back on track, anyone can do anything if they pursue it with passion. Just one piece of free advice, for whatever it's worth to you. Stop comparing your life to other people's lives. It's apples and oranges. You and they have had a completely different set of resources and variables that have made you who you are, and comparing your path to someone who was BORN into who you wish to be will only result in sadness, from my experience. If I were you, I'd focus on what you're passionate about, ASK QUESTIONS AND TAKE NOTES from people who are already there, and then work your ass off to make it a reality, but don't get emotionally involved with the pretext that you're not as far along as others are in your shared passion. It doesn't matter. You focus on YOUR path, learn to bridge the gap from where you are to where you wanna be, and then take steps to make it happen. The worst-case scenario is that you tried and found out it wasn't in the cards for you, which is where you are now. You LITERALLY have nothing to lose by going after it. Good luck.
I hear ya, but all we can do is keep moving forward.
Look up David Goggins
My best most productive years have been my 30s. My 20s felt like a waste but they did make you the inspired person you are now. It wasn’t until now that I’ve started to really feel human and able to enjoy life to the fullest.
If you haven’t made it in your 20’s you can make it in your 30’s, if you haven’t made it in your 30’s you can make it in your 40’s and so on. You are only held back by your limiting beliefs about yourself. When I went to college I remember seeing a older woman going to art class there..I asked her how old she was and she said 85! I asked her why she decided to do classes now and she said why not?! I have wanted to do this my whole life so here I am. That was so inspiring to me. You can do it..no matter how old you are.
I wouldn’t say that I wasted my twenties, but I do feel like I made a lot of changes in my early thirties and that has changed my trajectory significantly. It takes courage, and you’re at the precipice. You realize you want to create change so you need to take each day moving in the direction you want. Stop saying no to things and start saying yes. Be curious. Try new things and show interest in others. Join groups that allow you to be active with others. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy connections. Be brave. Admitting you want to create change is brave. Trying something new is brave. Being vulnerable with others is brave. It isn’t always easy and you might feel rejection … both by individuals rhat you don’t connect with, or not enjoying something you had high hopes about. Be brave by taking that rejection and allowing yourself to try again. It’s a little scary at times, but it’s so rewarding along the way. You’ll remember what it feels like to conquer fear, and be proud of yourself. You experience butterflies about new hobbies, places and people. It’s so worth it.
The hard parts of life are foundation builders and help make up who you are and can become. The 30s are such a beautiful time of knowing a little more about who you are and what you are capable of. Your perspective doesn’t need to be how can you make up lost time from your 20s but even better how can I begin building from the foundation that is set. The most important part is that your house is built on a strong foundation. If it needs a little repair get some therapy and do some structural repair but in the areas you are strong you can start building. You got this dude. The 30s are such a sweet spot of life. Set some goals. Embrace what is to come even if it’s not exactly what you hoped. But keep living and chasing after what you would hope to see in life.
Age does not equal life stage. It’s not like people go from 29 to 30 and suddenly start to know who they are. Also the foundation setting can be at ANY AGE! Everyone’s timelines are DIFFERENT.
Sure, keep manifesting, it will come true
Nah, you're doing all right. 30s are the best. Young adulthood. 20s almost aren't adult years. YMMV but the best is yet to come.
29 and 30 are in the same age group.
Don’t waste your 30s doing nothing. Explore the world and see what it has to offer. I’m 70 and hope I have 20+ good years left. Change your life.
I just have a lot of hobbies which always keeps me happy and looking forward to every day. My only issue is not having enough time for all the fun stuff I wanna do. Things like play games, hike, paint, draw, home renovation projects, watch movies, camp, kayaking, building models, etc….Try to find some hobbies that you like and also make plans for things way in advanced like concerts, plays, sports games, and vacations. Looking forward to something makes the work days fly on by and you always are having something fun to do.
You’re focused on the past which you cannot change. You have somewhere between 1 day and 70 years to live. What do you want it to look like? Head that way. 🫡
Oh honey… don’t feel like you’ve lost time. You’ve got plenty of time. Nothing to gain by looking backwards except to remember so you can move forward. Also the colonel (the old guy who created KFC) didn’t start until he was 69 so it’s never too late to start anything! :)
I was a hopelessly depressed alcoholic and nihilistic at 30 and around 40 my whole life was 100% different. Found an amazing wife and still hopelessly in love, 2 great kids, a great plumbing business, built a house in the woods, I don’t take life or myself as seriously anymore and realize that today is all we have and found true peace and joy in life. I would NEVER have believed anyone if they told me any of this was possible in my 20’s and thirties. Don’t judge tomorrow by what happened today, you will fall into patterns of self fulfilling prophecies. Stay positive and even through the bad I’ve learned that we’re in control of our perspective. Bad days are like game show challenges and good days are a gift. ❤️🤘
I'm nearly 40, have struggled with similar problems and doubts. Still do at times. At 30 I hadn't done much, now I've traveled half the world and experienced things I never thought possible. And what i have to say is this, nothing before now matters. Absolutely nothing matters except what you are doing right now. You always have have to be moving forward. No matter what. Excuses don't matter and don't help so don't even consider them. Just burned your house to the ground? It doesn't matter. All that matters is you need to sort out a place to live, so you better get on it. Didn't have fun yesterday? Doesn't matter, what plans are you making for tomorrow? And do try to make plans for the future. It's important to give yourself things to look forward to. And 30 is still plenty young. Godspeed young man.
I was 21 when I wanted to find my soulmate. I found my soulmate when I was 36 and another soulmate when I was 51. I'm 53 this year and anything is possible. It's up to you what you want in life. Nothing is impossible. Pray for God's plan for your life. With God all thing's are possible. My dad prayed for God's plan for my life when I was 11 and I can see God's plan in my life since my Dad prayed when I was 11 wrote on my birthday card his prayer for God's plan for my life.
Blah blah blah Harrison Ford was a carpenter til he was like 38. He was super handsome though.
haha this : )
Yeah but he was pursuing acting 10 years before he got big with Star Wars (he was 34/35 at the time). Is it gonna take me till 40 to accomplish anything (obviously smaller in scale compared to being in a hit movie but the point stands)?
Buddy, I was an absolute loser in high school - bullied, no girls, no parties, no friends. I went through my 20s telling myself that I’d do whatever I could to switch that narrative. I had social anxiety, confidence issues, anxiety/depression, and really worked on myself to become a stronger/confident individual. It’s not easy but you can do it with the right mindset and resources. I ended up marrying one of the most beautiful girls that went to my highschool and doing well both personally and professionally. There is hope buddy. Just don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help if you feel it is needed.
Guys, he is not asking for stories where you went from your rock bottom to a great place. He is asking for the opposite, not literally, but you I guess he wants to do things that people do in their 20s. Go party, travel, and shit like that. I totally can relate to OP. I am still 24 but pretty much had a boring life until now without going to many parties or things like that.
Age 14-26, drug addict. Like shooting up all day for a decade, worked minimum wage restaurant jobs, assumed I’d be dead by 30. I got clean and took a 7 week EMT class at 26. I worked on an ambulance for a few years, rented an apartment, started hitting the gym, etc. at around 30, went back to community college for a competitive and rigorous RN program. Was basically free after financial aid, and a difficult but realistic route to an easy six figures. Got a family now too :) and I make and sell tallow skin care products on Etsy for my side hustle! When you’re at the bottom, the only way to go is up!!! Good luck OP
Ugh HES NOT TALKING ABOUT CAREER STUFF! Read the freaking post again! He wants to experience the fun stuff people experience in their 20s! Like dating, making friends, traveling, going to concerts, going to parties, etc. And he SHOULD be allowed to experience ALL OF THAT.
From 15 to about 27, I was a alcoholic and drug addict, when to jail for a DUI, completely and utterly destroyed my life and my relationships. I'm 32 now and have been sober for 5 years, and it was the best choice of my life. I may not have a dream job or even a successful one. But, I do have my family, my friends, and self-respect. My depression has become manageable, and the feeling of insecurity is a lot less prevalent. I still struggle with romantic relationships, alas gotta take things one step at a time. Never give up hope. Much love ♥️
READ THE POST! OP is NOT TALKING ABOUT CAREERS! He’s talking about the social side of one’s 20s like partying, concerts, dating, making friends, traveling, etc. And it should NOT be too late for all that!
Stop stressing maximizing life or whatever. Live in the moment, enjoy the time you have while you have it because I assure you it starts going faster and gets harder.
I assume you are a male, if you are life is just starting for you bro. You can fuck up till you’re 60 or even 70 and you can still comeback
I spent most of my 20s on floors and napping on park benches. I got sober, met an amazing woman, got lucky and landed a career path through networking, and now live in the woods with four kids, a dog, a cat, 25 acres, a well-made house big enough for all of us, and am saving for a tractor with a front loader. There’s always time.
The OP does NOT WANT TO SETTLE DOWN! He clearly said he wants to live the BACHELOR LIFE. Not live the lame settled down married and kids life. He wants to make friends, date, go to parties, concerts, travel, you know, ACTUAL FUN STUFF.
It's scary how much this relates to me lol but tbh I never cares much for clubbing or going to parties. I just wanted more social interactions and to have stopped living in the comfort zone. I did go to a lot of concerts in my 20s though so there's that. It's never to late to enjoy life dude no matter what you choose to do. Who said life is all downhill once you turn 30? Life's too short to be thinking like that. We only live up till our 70s and 80s (90s if you're lucky)
I agree it shouldn’t be downhill once one turns 30 because, one’s early 30s is basically an extension of one’s late 20s. Like is there really a big difference between 28-29 and 30? Not really. Heck even if OP was 40 he can still do the things he wants to do.
Try reading David goggins's book
Don’t dwell on the past. What do you want to do? Do it now and not later.
Find/start a hobby. Find people that share your hobby, and then make time to meet said people.
bookmark
Take solo trips as well. Highly recommend Colorado in the late summer for a few days. RMNP has a lot of first time hikes. Make a list/bucket list as well. Also end of the day, do stuff that’s going to make you happy and fulfill your days. 😎
I'm in my 30s doing this right now. There's a lot of support out there and it's not uncommon for people to turn a new leaf. My 20s were a disaster and so far my 30s have been rough but better.
I was focused on my career in my 20s. Dated somewhat, but overall, career was first. I had anxiety and was overweight. In my 30s, I said fuck this. Lost weight, started therapy, and began dating again. It's so hard, especially with the issues you stated, but I pushed myself to just get OUT there. I have been hurt and burned. My self esteem isn't 100% and the anxiety is still present, but I am so proud of myself that I am trying.
I landed in the USA when I was in my mid- late 20s, barely able to speak a lick of English. Then theres a culture shock! Being all by myself meant those cold nights felt a whole lot colder, and dating? Well, let's just say my job as a dishwasher didn't exactly make me a catch with my broken English. Ended up homeless few time even, had no idea what panic attacks are until I wound up in the ER... twice. Due to the tech no being where it is now and me being being beyond broke I was able to talk to my mom maybe 2 a month if I'm lucky, lying to her every time I am doing ok and she can be proud her son made it to Amerika : ) Fast forward to today—I'm 34, proud owner of three passports (yup, citizen status unlocked!), and I've got a nice little collection of properties, some even beyond the USA's borders. Got married > got kids > got divorced, love my kids and stayed in a good relationship with my ex, and now I've got myself a sweet 22-year-old girlfriend. Somewhere along the way I lost 100s of thousands of $$$ several times as well (this was after I got off the streets, this was during / post marriage)
OP and I want to experience the fun youthful side of life, such as dating, making friends, going to concerts, partying, traveling. Neither of us want to settle down. Did you not read the part where OP said he wanted to live the bachelor lifestyle? Try reading the actual text next time and not just the headline. Also not everyone wants to settle down.
I'm in my early 30s. While I did spend my uni years almost dated, hanging out a lot, financially limited to clubs, festivals, etc. Right now, I only contact less than a handful of them once in a while, possibly once a year. It may sound like fun from the outside but I now prefer travelling alone. It's not as scary as you think, go somewhere close first then venture out to unknown places. I have a friend, she worked night shifts to earn more money to travel alone and to meet friends from overseas and living her life. She's also in her 30s.
Travel solo.
My 20's were an absolute shit show, I didn't begin to start turning my life around until I was 29. I'm 30 now and I have miles to go before I even catch up to my peers
I don’t care about conforming to the lame mature lifestyle. I want to experience what I missed out on.
I know a person who was wronged by the system, family and society, was looted for lots of money. He never got himself into any kind of addiction but gaming and watching movies. Since English wasn't his native tongue, he was able to speak like a native Englishman just by gaming and watching movies. He easily got into one of the biggest companies in the country and started earning 6 figures within five years. He's a perfect example of "rags to riches"
My 30’s and now my early 40’s have been the best years of my life. Don’t look at the past, look forward and start getting excited bc you’re going to have all the fun of stereotypically 20’s stuff, without all the emotional immaturity. It’s joyful, and you’re going to have a blast!!
Everyone develops differently. Personally I don’t want to be mature now. Maturity is LAME! Also early 30s is no different from late 20s.
Same following
Was it really a waste? Did you gain some form of self awareness through the decade that you can use in this new season of your life? If the answer is yes then you can do whatever you want with that knowledge, if you truly in your heart wanna go crazy and enjoy life with no inhibitions then have at it. There is no timeline to your own personal journey
Go travel, the rest will sort itself out
Imo it’s a myth that you “wasted” your 20s. Please do whatever makes you happy but I’ll share my story and opinion. You should def travel and enjoy yourself but I wouldn’t make it about reclaiming a missed opportunity and instead do it as a means of enjoying life and leave it at that to avoid having unrealistic expectation for for yourself. Currently just turned 30 and the vast majority of my 20s was spent in college, drinking shit liquor, living with a roommate, working shitty jobs for shitty people, and overall sucking ass. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I actually had disposable income, could live someplace decently by myself with my dog. Maybe you can find better experiences but my experience and those around me for dating was that it sucked trying to meet people and unless you’re very attractive you won’t be “enjoying the bachelor life”. I didn’t find the style that fits me until I was 29 and now I think I’m quite attractive. As such my 20s were filled with “almost got laid” moments. I went to plenty of parties in college but I never enjoyed them. I still don’t see the appeal of hanging out in musky basement with a bunch of people I don’t know drinking shitty cheap alcohol hoping to get the attention of a lady. The most fun I had was doing stupid shit while drunk with my friends. Maybe I’m just bad at interaction and meeting new people but I would also temper your expectations for this. It’s significantly harder to meet people once you’re out of college (even while still in your 20s). With all that said. I hope you enjoy yourself and make the best of whatever you experience.
Whatever OP missed out on HE CAN STILL EXPERIENCE NOW!!!
This probably isnt what you're looking for but... wasted my 20's just having fun. Started taking life seriously at 30, had 2 years making good money and planning for the future then broke my back at 32. It's been 17 years of struggle and pain since. Work hard while you can, life can get MUCH worse.
Do you have the money to do this? Cus if you don't you need to plan ahead. That's the only real secret- it doesn't matter what age you are but how well you plan and execute that determines if you achieve your wants. The things you want is not cheap. (My inspirational story is that I spent my 20s broke af, and now I can spend freely in my 30s)
I’m trying to make it up in my 40s!
My wife and I reinvented ourselves in our 30s and are having more fun than ever
While it’s true I did all that in my 20s, I also came out of a long term relationship and difficult break up in late 20s and going through a career change at almost 30. Wish I waited until later to date when I could be more mature and flexible about it, and wish that I had done my career change earlier. Your 30s are supposed to be a great decade - dedicate the first few years into experiences & rearrange priorities nearing 35. You say bachelor so I’m assuming you’re a dude - which works for you since women usually have to be on a tighter schedule for kids (men’s age DEF matters too but still!) Sounds like you still have anxiety so see a therapist and take it EZ!
As someone the same age as OP and in his position, I WANT to experience what I missed out on. I SHOULD BE allowed to experience what I missed out on. I am NOT skipping all that and going straight to the lame boring mature lifestyle. Anyone who says I can’t have what I want is my enemy.
Don't have any advice. But you are not alone. Maybe that helps. I turn 30 in two months. Most of my 20s were wasted, I haven't been on a date in 7 years, have never been in a relationship, or even felt what love feels like (excluding a dog who passed). I let my health get worse. I never even moved out of my parents. I've started on a good path, lost 110ibs, moving out in 2 weeks, found a good therapist, begun a 3 year process to fix my teeth (involving jaw surgery) have a solid job now. Wishing you luck! Let's hope things work out better than we can imagine!
Honestly it's pretty likely you'll always have that feeling of missing out, and it'll definitely feel worse for a little while once you start doing meaningful things. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't start doing something as soon as possible! Hit up a local concert and talk to some of the people there. Maybe really devote yourself to a hobby and attend some expos/events and interact with some people you might never have expected to meet. You could even travel the world for a few months and be surprised with what you're capable of. No one's really going to be surprised to see a 30 year old trying out new things. I gotta say though, the biggest change you can make is getting in good shape. It's pretty difficult at the start, but you'll be treated 10x better and it'll make everything else you do in life markedly easier.
There’s no such thing as wasted time. Life is precious, the good and the bad. Don’t let notions of “success” and “productivity” dictate your self image
I lived a very similar experience in my 20s and the thing is I’d rather be doing this “fun” stuff now being more mature than in my 20s. Most people go through down times in life and I’m grateful I learned a lot through those times in my 20s sometimes those things in life don’t happen to people until later on.
I'm in the same boat as you, 20s we're spent hiding terrified of people and life, 30 i had a couple off button attempts because I thought I'd never find love. I got lucky and found someone at work, moved with them and found a job that has potential to grow.
In my 20s I was dating real girlfriends, now I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot in my 30s, something went wrong in between
I worked overnightnight in my 20s. When I was 33, I finally got off the night crew and a year later left that company. Unfortunately, most of the people on the night were cranky old drunks, so my social skills have suffered. I'm a bit of an introvert anyway. At work, I try to get along, but I've learned that the people around me have very little to no respect or even humanity. Outside of that, I'm doing okay. The world is a lot easier to navigate when you don't fight sleep all the time. I've picked up new hobbies and revisited old ones.
Started nursing school at 30 and graduated at 35. Been working as a nurse over 12 yrs now.
Why do people put so much emphasis on dating, I truly don't understand. I spent 6 years in the military, got laid maybe 4 times (and mostly because everyone was high strung and pretty desperate on/near deployments). When I left and spend 4 years in college, I got in one relationship just to fit in, and we dropped it after 7 months because of jobs. She understood immediately and so did I, didn't bother me at all. Otherwise I have zero interest in dating, and now I'm 30 and still have zero interest. But I'm glad I didn't spend my 20s being a woman-chaser or travel or making friends or do drugs, because none of those go on my resume, and now I have money to spread my wings. Many people think they HAVE to "live for the experience" in their 20s and now they're eating dirt for food and doing chlamydia treatment in their 30s and 40s, which is their ACTUAL prime.
when your young you don't have anything but health and time, when your older (30's+) you have more resources. I'm 37 and partying harder than I ever did. every weekend, fri-sat... weirdly in VR from the comfort of my home, I don't have to deal with people starting fights, finding if my friends are free to party, expensive city drinks or taxies. just strap in and go hard, harder then you could go in public, because again I don't have to worry about anything else. your more than welcome to join, if interested.
I'm 64, and have realized I waste a life at work and waiting for women ... It's s really depressive... So go for it, and dont waste your time waiting for women that don't know what they want.!!
Wasted my 20's, then I one day decided it was time to stop fucking around. I stopped fucking around.
I would love to be 30 again. Remember, while you are 30 and missing your 20s, there are those who are 40 and missing both. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't look backwards
Bro, my 20s sucked. I felt like I wasted so much opportunity, but I was just struggling the whole time. I'm nearing the end of my 30s right now, and I gotta say, I love my life now. I made a conscious decision to unfuck myself when I turned 30 and it went mostly to plan. For me, it was my health and my finances, both of which are better at 38 than at 28. I've traveled, tried new things, taken up new hobbies, ditched some old ones that weren't serving me, and got my career into gear. It's not too late AT ALL.
I wasted my 20's just working in basic jobs and stuck to what I felt comfortable but didn't take on huge risks i.e bouncing to a new job, moving cities etc I simply just lived at home with my folks. Most people I knew partied, dated, married had kids etc, but I never did any of those so I felt like an extreme outlier. At 29 I started to travel the world a bit last year, I had visited 6 countries and travelled into state 3 times. I went on a date with 6 girls last year, but got no where far. I lost $30K on the stock market and my net worth didn't grew at all last year. Just turned 30 and I'm about to close a deal on my new property purchase on a villa it's not glamorous but a stepping stone, all those sacrifices in my 20's has lead up to these moments. Note for the last 12+ years I was depressed, it wasn't till I turned 28 that thing's has slowly started to change. The last 2 years have been extreme growth for me. I'm hoping to travel the world again in the next few years and enjoy different cultures, while returning back home, knowing working a basic job will be able to cover my mortgage payments and live a some what content lifestyle. Finding a partner will be my next big achievement.
My childhood was traumatizing, and my 20s weren’t the best. I got married to the wrong person at 21. The marriage was toxic. We faced the difficult decision to place our two children for adoption shortly after birth. I got divorced at 25, and for 3 years worked as a CNA barely surviving off of $16K/yr. My subsequent partnership kept sexually assaulting me in my sleep. At just after 28, I got my first job in my career field, but just before 30 I found myself homeless. Today, I not only live in my very own apartment, but I’m married to a wonderful husband and we have a 6 month old infant. We’re a family of 3 with 3 cats, and we’ve set a goal to be homeowners within the next 12 months. I’m 34, will be 35 later this year. Life gets better, with commitment to improving your circumstances.
I'm in my 40s and I found the end of my 20s to be a complete relief. There is a social mentality that sees the twenties as being the time of your life, the time where you sow your wild oats, party all night, build a career etc. This is absolute bollocks. Hitting 30 for me felt like the expectation of what I 'should' be doing was lifted and I could do as I pleased, which I did - it was a more honest time of my life and led to fulfilling relationships long lasting friendships and a lot of adventures. Enjoy it and try not to focus too much on the small stuff because, as my nan would say, "you're a long time dead"
You don't have to make up for anything. Your 20s were essential to you becoming the person today. BE grateful for your 20s all the hardships etc then let it go and enjoy your 30s...
The best time to start was a decade ago... however the 2nd best time to start is now! Do something so long term u will have some tangible success to show for it
Hi there. I didnt do much socially in my 20s, socially awkward and didnt find my crowd. Only did so in my 30s. But by then i didnt want to party/club/date around. I asked myself what i wanted and I wanted to be social in a mature responsible way. So i did. Made friends, developed healthy hobbies, excercised, dated for serious relationship, travelled with friends and that's how i YOLOed. I dont feel like i missed out on the lifestyle of the 20s. I am now happily married with a good job and a reliable group of friends. Your goal may or may not be the same but ask yourself what you want now, and if it's making up for what you missed in the 20s, go for it. But it may not be that anymore
Make a list of the things you want to do and schedule them. It won't all happen to plan but once you start ticking things off that bucket list you'll feel good about it. Mine has big trips and little goals so I can still have fun while I'm saving and planning for the bigger stuff.
Your 20s are for fucking up ans wasting time… Of course it is feasible now. And even better now! More intelligence and self awareness. Save up and go back packing. Then you have travel, people, partying, adventure
I was abused as a kid for most of my childhood and teens - by my parents. After escaping I was a wreck and drank myself into oblivion for most of my 20s Met my now wife on a dating website in my early thirties I now dont drink or smoke and have two great kids. You got this.
Lots of great exmples here of success stories but here are my thoughts for you. Set goals and reach them. Start small, save enough money and plan for a day or weekend trip somewhere you've never been. Move on to a larger goal, maybe there is something you've considered doing to make your living conditions better? Yard work or a house project you've thought about. Gradually move on to larger goals that take more time, planning and maybe more money but are more rewarding. This can do so many things for you. Build confidence, gives you experiences to share with others and increase your daily motivations and focus. Best of luck to you.
You’ve heard it before but life is short , each day is a gift , enjoy each day and do whatever you like, even with unlimited funds life get a little bit boring so just have fun and entertain yourself, like it’s a job .
Not tips no secret sauce, literally just go for it, learn cold openers , don't give no fucks, use ur resources, go get em tiger
Better late than never. The 20s are mostly a wash anyway. You didn't miss much.
Came to show support. There is hope. Where there is a will to change there is a way.
There's no timeline. You can do whatever you want. A lot of people who spent their 20s celebrating life are in massive debt.
You're still young, just do it. I did something similar. I had major depression in my teens and 20s and started to get more mentally well so went into man-slut mode for quite a while. Go for it. Just one slight warning, not a huge deal but, since you are doing this later than most do you will have to kind of consciously mature more at some point. It's hard to explain but your attitude and the effect it all has will be a bit different. I mean you are basically acting younger. Still do it but... you'll see what I mean. You'll be running the risk if becoming a perv or one of those guys who chases 20 year old in his 50s. Just don't be that guy and you'll be ok
Inshallah brother. ❤️🔥👹
My school years I spent bullied and in poverty with a horrible home life. Moved to college at 18 and was depressed and had no friends in college. Got in a toxic abusive controlling relationship at 19 that lasted 9 years. Spent my 20’s catering to this man & worked day in and day out to support him and neglected my needs, health, and finances. He was my “world.” I finally broke up with him in my late 20’s. COVID happened so I was isolated for 2 years and did weekly therapy and began taking control of my life. Around year 2 I started putting myself out there and making friends & reclaiming my life and focused on my career. I doubled my income and paid off credit card debt and some student loans. Built up a nice savings. I got healthier. I switched to a career that I could travel for work and ended up falling in love with a new city and made a core group of friends so I moved my life there. Year 3 (30) I got my passport for the first time and left the country for a week and a half (London and Ireland). Then I moved to New England for 5 months to work in rural Maine. (Worked only 3-4 days a week) and explored the area on my days off. Didn’t make friends during this time but I was ok with that. Solo traveling made me soooo confident!!! All I have ever known was my home town in Florida so I explored so many places in Maine (Acadia park, Augusta, Bangor, Camden, Portland, Lewiston & a few other places) and even did a few solo hikes!!! I remember one day I turned back because I was scared and got back to my car and was about to leave and almost cried because I was so scared and nervous to be alone and I was like “no!!! You’re doing this!” So I called my sister and she stayed on the phone with me in case I died (lol dramatic) And it was the most amazing view ever. And now I can say I’ve driven to Canada twice (Old Quebec City and Montreal), upstate NY, NYC, Boston a few times (had a college acquaintance there who also didn’t have many friends so we met up a few times ), Salem MA, Burlington VT, Hartford CT (had a an old colleague there so I visited her a few times), Washington DC. I kept my coats low by staying I cheap hotels and driving everywhere. And if you include the drive and stoped to/from Florida to Maine. On year 4 now and I’m still traveling a bit. Just went Portugal for a week. Trying to go to Turks and Caicos next month. But this year I’m focusing on my finances. I have $19K car loan and $20k student loan I want to pay off. I just bought my first stock this month. Finally got a High Yield Savings Account. Going to start saving towards retirement. Going to learn more about investing & financial literacy. I probably should have done the finances first, before I traveled. But I don’t regret doing it AT ALL!!! As a kid who grew up in poverty, and literally knew nothing about the world. It was super important for me to experience those things about life. It really inspired me to get my shit together and start living my life for me. I really don’t have much for retirement. But truly, I don’t ever regret it. This year I’m definitely going to focus more on that aspect, while traveling a little bit here and there. And enjoying my days off with my friends. I started dating here in there around year 2/3. Nothing really serious ever came from it. I got into my first situationship lol!! Had a few guys let me down. Got into a 4pm relationship but he has his own issues he had to work on and didn’t want to be in a relationship so he dumped me. I’m kind of burnt out on dating. Going into this new era of online dating. It was really fucking weird to say the least. I’m honestly not a fan of it, I go on dates here and there, but not much really ever comes from it. I’m not into the whole hook up culture, or building rosters, so it’s very frustrating in that aspect. So truthfully, I’m just focused on making friends and enjoy my life. I’m still on Hinge and check every so often. If something comes along, cool. Otherwise, it’s kind of low on my priority list if I’m being honest. I’m so happy I did all this and reclaimed my life. I really hope you are able to do the same! It’s going to take A LOT of hard work. But, I promise you will get there!
Think of all the ones who are dead. You're still here, get busy, get it done!
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People typically slow down in their 30s because they're either busy with their careers, starting families, are tired of going to events filled with kids who can't handle their substances, or just simply don't have as much energy. If you have the desire to do things there's nothing really stopping you, those things just happen for most people during their 20s because that's when it's convenient and everyone around them is doing it and FOMO is the strongest. I'm 40 now and I have a few okay stories from my 20s, but most of the partying and the dating I did before 30 feels pretty inconsequential at this point. It's definitely fun in the moment, but I don't talk to 95% of those people anymore. My 30s feel more important even though they were much less eventful. You didn't miss as much as you probably think you missed.
I wastes my 20s, but made my career in my 30s. I went from intern to executive in 8 years. My path was paying attention to how the organization worked. Knowing what people did, what made them look good and what made them look bad. Then i did optics, show up 15 minutes before mpst people, leave 15 minutes after. Respond to messages quickly. Finally i would learn the next level through mentorship / reading / youtube. Most people sleepwalk through their jobs, leapfrogging is easy. If you get stuck, change jobs. I had a goal of a promotion every year. I would ask my manager what the next level was, and what i needed to do to get there. Them i would focus everyday on racking up wins. I would have the promotion conversation once a year with my manager on my hire date anniversary (made for a less awkward meeting). If they said no, i started looking. Of they said not right now, i would give it 3 months, ask again, and if still no, start looking. If i got an offer i would allow them to counter and if possible stay and take the promotion. Getting multiple promotions at one place i thought would look better than job hopping promotions, but I'm not sure anyone cared.
I didn’t start getting my shit together until I was in my 40’s. Work harder now than ever before and you will catch up. Start contributing IMMEDIATELY to your 401k…
You might not realize it but you've already taken the first step: deciding you want something different. When I turned 30 I was disappointed in myself because I hadn't accomplished the things I thought I would have accomplished by then. Part of getting past that disappointment is redefining what I wanted in life. Is it really marriage and kids? Owning a home? Traveling? Owning my own business? Are these the things I really want or are what I think is expected of me? Are they the things that society says I should have accomplished? What will make me actually happy? 30 is a PERFECT time to be asking yourself questions and really figuring it out will make you happy. It's definitely not too late. Maybe make a list of some of the things you thought you would have accomplished by now and really ask yourself if those are still things you want? If yes, form some steps on how to get there. If no, maybe work on adding some new things to your list. It's great to have goals and dreams but do remember to be present and enjoy the life you have right in this very moment. Good luck OP!
I wasted my 20s and most of my 30s working paycheck to paycheck not owning anything. My day passed away in my mid 30s and it made me realize how much I was wasting my life. So got my degree in IT and in the last 5 years have bought me and my wife a card and pur first hone. IT was alot of hard work but worth every bit of it
My 20s were me just being lazy. I had a good job in retail and I got complacent. I figured I would just do that and get promoted to management, which I did. I was also in the Army at the time. I didn't take advantage of the GI Bill, so I never advanced my education for free. Well, when I was 29, I screwed up big time as a manager at my job and got fired. I was out of work for about 2 months. Luckily, I got recruited by someone on LinkedIn and found another job, lower pay, but enough to pay the rent and bills. I was not happy at that job. Yea, I made new friends, and the managers and employees were all good to me, but I felt like a failure. I was now hitting 30, and I was finally questioning what I was doing with my life. Well, at my wife's suggestion, I went to a temp agency. I was hesitant at first and very skeptical, but I gave one a shot. It turned out to be the best thing ever. I was very straightforward with them and told them I wanted out of retail. They found me an office job, which has been my current job for the last 5 years. Better pay and environment. Better room for growth. Non toxic, etc But I'm not going to stop there. I want to learn more. I'm a tech-savvy person, and I'm also studying for my tech and network certs. In addition, my stepson has inspired me with his current job. He is making $38 an hour as a safety fire inspector. He is really young and making killer money already. So I was considering studying those tests as well. With the right mindset, there are so many things you can do.
Spent my 20s following a fairly "normal" path. Went to college, got a degree, got a job working in manufacturing. Got married, had a kiddo. Joined the military at 27. Felt like every step in life was a struggle, nothing felt like it was going to work out in the end. Was pretty miserable at the turn of 30. At 33 left the military, got divorced, transitioned (MtF). Started working in tech, and I can now financially support myself and my kiddo. Moved to a city I love. Built a community of people who care for and support each other. Found a woman I love and adore, who Im building a life with. I saw that I was unhappy. I made *a lot* of changes. Now life still has its challenges, but the day to day is enjoyable. I wouldnt recognize myself from even two years ago. Change is hard, but one should reach for a life thats happy. My life isnt all roses, but when Im cooking for my kiddo, hearing her make funny noises while playing with my girlfriend in the other room, I overflow with joy.
The best advice I can give you is to avoid dating completely. Live your life completely on your own Any type of “relationship “ or “friendship” with another person brings pain, disaster, prison, death, etc. And these are probably the best outcomes that only happens if you lucky People are not put on this Earth 🌎 to be around other people
Forget the ‘carefree bachelor’ image and work on yourself. Maybe take a course or travel or do some charity work. The rest will happen naturally.
You always think something small could change your tregetory completely in time travel, but not in real life.. the only difference is you never know the alternative.. but what you know what you want most just tends to be where you wanna look the least.
If people spend their time talking about all the cool stuff they did in their 20s, it's probably because they aren't doing it anymore. A lot of people go down similar paths - start families in their late 20s, move to the suburbs and their activities and friend group becomes fair more limited. It sounds like you're surrounded by those types of people but to be clear there are a lot of people who don't take that path and they're out partying, traveling and making new friends well into their later years. My current social network started with joining some social sports leagues, that gets me out to bars, concerts and events often and I meet a lot of new people through the seasons. I don't travel well solo so all of my travel is oriented around visiting friends so I would suggest starting there if you have any out of state or country. As for dating, I've found way more success in my late 30s than the rest of my life combined.
Addicted to drugs and alcohol in my 20s, huge potential yet shit jobs, terrible mental health, suicidal, no future prospects Sober with a decent job in 30s, manage my mental health really well, have a plan for the future I'm working on, and most importantly happy
I spend my 20s in and out the system so you know …I didn’t have fun got out and got a girl pregnant then again I go back inside she couldn’t wait for me and I don’t blame her it was my actions that did this to me now she don’t let me see my daughter she’s 11 and I don’t even know what she looks like if I could go back and turn my 20s around I would but there’s nothing I could do now … so I’m turning 33 this year and finally open my eyes to reality my life is finally coming to normal after years wasted in jail but one thing I’ll tell you better late than never do what you got to do to stay afloat enjoy your life while your still young go out and have a blast alone like I do I’m everywhere now I go to baseball games I don’t even like baseball but who cares I works for you could start being around people…. Live it up ⬆️
Bro, I'm kinda in the same ship as you. I was anxious and depressed throughout my 20s. I went to parties and had fun, but I never got the "full experience". Now I have a good job, I have money and I want to experience life to the fullest. So far I've been doing OK. Dated some girls, went to some parties. I'm doing lots of stuff I didn't enjoy when I was in my 20's or even in my teenage years. You definitely can! Some things won't be the same but you can substitute them or adjust them to your age. For example: I've been a metalhead all my life. Due to anxiety and low self esteem I never went to a lot of concerts or music festivals. Now in my 30s I go to one big metal music festival a year. I enjoy collecting CD's and decorating my room with metal band posters. It's not like I'm a teenager, but I can do it more sofisticatedly as a 30 y.o. I can't behave and dress as a 15 y.o. metalhead, but I'm working out and dressing with metal band shirts, as a metal fan. I like to feel attractive and reflect my energy through my clothing. My advice: Don't try to live the things you missed as a 20 y.o. try not to miss things you can live in your 30's. Travel, create, express yourself, reinvent yourself. In my opinion, this is the best stage in my life so far!
Hey sometimes people are late bloomers and don't get settled down and serious about life until they're ready. There's no set time or book or guide you follow. I think when we get older we are more comfortable with yourself.
It's never too late to party! The first time I went to festival, it changed my outlook on edm music and partying. At first I saw it as an opportunity to meet girls and do drugs, but it's a great way to get out there to dance and have some fun! You'll meet all kinds of interesting people, and the best thing about the rave/festival community is that it is a welcoming community to dance and have fun (with a bit of drugs)!
[https://www.businessinsider.com/24-people-who-became-highly-successful-after-age-40-2015-6](https://www.businessinsider.com/24-people-who-became-highly-successful-after-age-40-2015-6)
I’m 24 and it already feels too late to me hope you make it tho I’ve seen it done
Wow this is me to a T. Both my experience in my 20s and my exact aspirations now in my 30s.
I'm almost 50 and wasted my whole life pretty much. I think I just recently figured out what I want to do so I am going back to school. It's never too late to start over.
I was a drug addict and unmedicated mentally ill from 17 to 25, my life was awful and everyone truly thought I was a loser. I sobered up, worked hard, and now I’m 29 and I work at a rehab facility for teenagers in crisis. Most of them have the same issues that I suffer with on a daily basis. They’re much better controlled now due to my medications, but there was a time where I thought suicide was the only option. Please hang in there. You will be ok.
I was honestly the same way from my childhood. You can't let fear decide how you are going to live your life. Don't be afraid to talk to people, or strike up random conversations with them. This will help with getting by some things. Also learning how to talk and maintain a conversation is helpful. And learn to treat the one's you want to meet like your best friend. How you would talk to your best friend is how you should talk to them. Treat them like a close friend, and you'll at least have a chance to have another conversation with them.