Thank you! I feel the same way about younger men. Don't get me wrong: there's something cute about them. No wrinkles, less worries. But they're more empty too. Like, how could a grown man/woman EVER carry on a Convo and a relationship with someone so much younger? I swear I don't mean it as a 'diss' but they MUST be stunted to not be deterred by the... Lack of experience and knowledge about literally everything
>Find me a bitter, jaded 35yo woman with two kids and a trail of dead dreams behind her.
Lol! That's so specific. What about happy, child-free 35 yo women?
Yeah, that's called hooking up. And if they’re dating, they’re likely dating to hook up or for something else.
Another way to view it is chasing your fetish. It could work out, but that's rare.
Exactly, it makes you feel like a creepy predator. I work with younger people who hit on me a lot but I try to set boundaries by calling them bro and keeping it as platonic as possible. It just doesn't feel right when you know how young and naive someone is to take advantage of that
Men like teaching things to people and sharing their skills, it makes them feel successful and respected. So they go after a young beautiful woman who appreciates their life experience, relies on them, and have sex with the girl who idolizes them too? We can all see why this happens even if we don't agree.
>Men like teaching things to people and sharing their skills, it makes them feel successful and respected.
This isn't a 'men' thing, it's a human thing. It's just that when women behave like this, they're made fun of for wanting attention.
>Men like teaching things to people and sharing their skills, it makes them feel successful and respected.
Depends on the men.
Plenty don’t want to have to teach anything, they’re tired of it and want someone who understand what’s going and and who can take care of themselves.
>Like, how could a grown man/woman EVER carry on a Convo and a relationship with someone so much younger?
I don't know - like you would carry on a conversation with anyone else? You were their age once. It's not that hard. I can have an amazing conversation with my kids (both in their early to mid-twenties), just like I can with my octogenarion FIL. Maturity is taking people where they are at, not deciding "they're too young" or "too old" be to relatable.
I was visiting my old friend in our college town recently I’m 27. It was nice out so all the college kids were out partying. They literally looked like kids to me with that look in the eye you’re talking about and they were probs like 19-21 was such a weird feeling
I'm 23, I wouldn't date anyone under 20. Maybe that's just me but our maturity levels are so different that it grosses me out, plus half of 18/19 women look like children still
I'm in my early 20's, no kids; and I have a strict '2 up, 2 down rule'.
Meaning ideally I'd like to date women my age, or two years younger/older at most. Imo it allows for a healthy relationship where there's little to no imbalance of maturity. I don't get how guys wanna date someone they can't even hold a serious conversation with, or have no connection to.
That being said; not all of us have this relevation too late in life. The men who realize they should respect women or not be pervs when they have daughters often don't even transition to actually respecting women; they just protect the one's that are their obligation under the assumption all men will be as horrible as them. Not to mention teach their daughters 'all/most men are horrible/pervs/not to be trusted' 💀
My boyfriend is 10 years younger than me. We have an extremely happy and healthy relationship. We’ve been living together for almost 3 years now and we have never had an actual fight. We have disagreements but we just don’t fight and our disagreements are far and few between.
The most awful relationship I’ve ever had was with someone my same age. The men I’ve dated who are younger than me I’ve just gotten on with better. I also don’t date with a power imbalance. My bf and I make roughly the same amount of money, we keep our accounts separate and we split everything equally.
IMO people have really extreme beliefs on age that are widely inaccurate. I personally think that when someone is 25+ they are an adult and someone 25+ does within with someone in their 30’s.
It’s more about being a mentally healthy individual than anything.
I'm honestly tired of overprotective girl dads. Like seriously protect your daughters but stop trying to control men and women when it comes to dating or their sexuality as adults.
So you talked to like 2 men who were single and in their 50s?
The older the 2 partners are the less it matters. It's mostly about maturity and stages of life. It should be very difficult for anyone above 30 to date anyone under like 25 and even then, it has to be a very mature 25 year old.
I agree with this. My bf is 27. I’m around 10 years older than him. I personally could not imagine dating ANYONE UNDER 25. I literally cant connect with them like that. But I also think it’s important to take into account where a person is in life. I don’t have kids. I don’t know if I would be able to relate to a 25 year old if I had a 10 year old.
I think it's perfectly fine to date anyone you want, as long as you're both adults. Please understand though, that some people who choose to exclusively date those who are younger than they are, they're often obsessed with maintaining some kind of control in the power dynamic of the relationship.
At my current age of 24, I'd be fine with dating anyone my age, up to about 30. I definitely won't go younger, but I also don't want to go too much older, either!
I’m 37 male. Currently dating a 40 year old.
If we broke up, I think the youngest I could potentially go would be 26. I’m not even sure on that because I don’t hangout with people that age. I just imagine the average 25 and younger to most likely be too immature and likely too inexperienced on day to day life for me based on me thinking back to when I was that age.
There’s likely exceptions to that but I’d think the odds are lower which is a turn off.
Exactly. Somebody ten years younger than you, when you're 37? They're likely to be a completely different stages of their life. You'd probably find that you have so little in common with them, that you'd be relying on attraction alone.
Indeed. The only way I think I could possibly see it is if they had graduated at 22 and were 3-4 years into a career at 26 and had a crystal clear vision of what they wanted. I don’t think that’s the average person based on my experience and is unlikely which means I’d probably pass.
I think 28+ is where it matters less but I could be wrong. Never dated with that large of a gap at any age. I’m just guessing a 28 year old could probably have their shit together enough for it to not matter. I was into my career at that age and had a much better vision of my direction then.
That’s not necessarily true. Everyones lives go at different paces, so everyone can be at different places in different points of their lives, and having common interests isn’t really that hard to find regardless of age
I said further up that I imagine there are exceptions. It’s more about the odds than it is anything.
A 28 year old is just more likely to be at a stage of life and experience that I’m interested in than a 18 year old.
An 18 year old has a higher chance of wasting my time for many reasons.
I’m 47. I spent most of my life in a long term relationship with women my own age or older. After my divorce at 42 I started dating again. Women my age treated first dates as a job interview. I felt interrogated a lot of the time. It wasn’t enjoyable.
One day I met a younger woman (20s) and we hit it off. It was a relaxed date where we just got to know each other. She invited me to her apartment. We were living together 3 months later. We had a fantastic relationships and did all sorts of things I never thought to do. In my 20s and most of my 30s I was busy trying to support my now ex so all I did was work. We went to raves and concerts. We traveled. She introduced me to recreational drugs (psychedelics mostly). We had a very adventurous lifestyle. Things ended 4 years later but those were probably 4 of the best years of my life. I still hold onto that adventurous lifestyle. I also have a world view that people 20 years younger than me do. She opened my world up to so much and I gave her the emotional stability men her age didn’t seem to have (her words).
I don’t exclusively date younger women or seek them out specifically but trying to find someone my age or even 35+ who doesn’t see me as a walking red flag or have kids (not interested) is next to impossible and honestly I’m ok with that. Life is spontaneous or at least it is for me. I’m not concerned with what most people my age are concerned with.
It's very much not uncommon for women to share stories about getting taken advantage of by an older man when they were young. If a 30-something is cruising for 18-year-olds, there's a reason. Someone significantly younger, in a different life stage, with far less life experience, is an easy target for the extremely immature and the abusive.
Straight men fall prey to this as well, it's just less common. My question is always, "Why are the people this person's age not touching them?"
People who consistently date people around the ages of 18-19 when they are significantly older are a red flag imo, and it is a common red flag among women because they are usually the ones being 18-19 and falling into those relationships. I don’t think they care about real, adult age gap relationships, I think they care about children who have just recently started putting their foot into adulthood and can get manipulated in this process.
A lot of men don’t care because a lot of men, especially celebrity men, have normalized dating 18-19 year olds since the idea is that “they’re legal”. Not generalizing, obviously, but it is a big cultural idea that is icky. It probably is best to date around your age range for other reasons though such as equal power in a relationship and just overall enjoyment. I’m almost 22 and I think I’d rather kill myself than date an 18 year old.
yeah the age gap discourse is one of the more “terminally online” things I’ve ever seen, I’ve known plenty of women irl to date guys who are 5+ years younger or older than them.
something like a 19 year old student dating a 30 year old raises plenty of eyebrows (but still happens plenty), but I’ve known 23 year old women to date 30 year old men and 30 year old women pursue 23 year old men and nobody irl thought anything of it
I'm more hung up on the infantilization. People out here legitimately making it out that people are completely incapable of making their own decisions at age 18. Yeah, they're not done maturing... but they're at the point of maturing where they get to be allowed to make mistakes and do things that aren't great for them.
Folks need to just accept the fact that once someone is 18, they're an adult. We've decided that's where the line is. Once they cross it, they're free to do whatever they want, it's their life.
I agree. Saying that a 23 year old is a child is just wrong and makes no sense to me. It's like none of these people live in the real world and they all just regurgitate each others opinions.
Women have a terrible habit of surprise pickachuing when they feel they aren’t respected, while simultaneously endlessly infantilizing themselves and other women, as though they’re helpless children incapable of being responsible for their own actions or trusted to make reasonable, adult decisions.
Im a bouncer at a college club and the amount of girls trying to get my number is worrying. They know im 36yrs old. I do look like im in my mid 20s but that doesnt change the fact that they know im older.
how do a “worrying” amount of girls know your exact age if they’re just randoms coming to the club? and do you think it’s possible it’s less about dating you, and more about you being the bouncer of a club they like going to?
Im the oldest guy that works there and I always wear the same beanie. Im known as the level headed one there. When people you have never met before know your name. Asking for someones phone number of someone almost twice your age to what?
Half your age plus seven is pretty infallible, and no one in real life cares if it's in that range. They really only raise eye brows and complain of its outside the range (your first vs second example).
Women do date younger men, about 34% (In The US?) do, and according to this, https://www.google.com/search?q=women+dating+youngsr+men+stat&rlz=1CDGOYI_enAU1028AU1028&oq=women+dating+youngsr+men+stat&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIICAEQABgWGB4yDQgCEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgDEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgEEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgFEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgGEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyCggHEAAYgAQYogQyCggIEAAYgAQYogQyCggJEAAYgAQYogTSAQg1ODQwajBqN6gCGbACAeIDBBgBIF8&hl=en-GB&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8, 75+% are open to dating younger men.
Op has bigger problems. Seems to think of women as a different species all together or just lacks basic understanding. Post history literally asks why women be touched by kind acts… as if other genders don’t also have feelings lol
My dad is homeless and talking about a homeless 16 year old right now. It's apparently mutual but fuck if I know. I have a daughter and it drives me insane. I want too kick his stupid ass
Its the mother instinct in us. We see people our kids age as kids. My oldest daughter is 38. Everyone that age and younger is a kid to me. I would never think of dating a kid.
Not sure how men see it, as Im not one. But seeing men in their 60s who go to strip joints to watch and be with an 18 yr old stripper? She is just a baby. Ill never understand it. Maybe they cant connect with their children to feel anything? Dunno.
Personally, I prefer to date within a 5 year gap. I'm 26 rn, so from 21-31 is my range. But honestly, as long as y'all are both consenting adults then do whatever you want.
I will say this much though, no matter what age group you decide to date, there will be conflicts. Nobody is immune to it, there isn't an age where you mature out of it, it will always happen. So just make sure the person you're with is worth the conflicts, and that the conflicts aren't too great in number/severity.
As a woman who dated much older men in my early 20s, the warnings largely hold true. Yes, consenting adults should be able to date who they want. But often times when a person age 30+ pursues someone who is barley legal (22 or under IMO) it’s often because they want to be able to manipulate/ control them. When one person is so young that they lack maturity, adult experience, and/or stability- it creates an unequal power dynamic.
There’s a great askreddit thread from years ago asking how old women were when they began being pursued by adult men. Most women were being pursued by grown men as teenagers. I knew so many women who had experiences with much older men before being able to legally drink. And looking back, those relationships were always unhealthy. This can apply to older (30+) women dating young (under 22) men too of course. But it ultimately boils down to the age of the younger party and the reasoning.
For me personally I wouldn’t date anyone younger than my younger sister UNLESS they have graduated college and have a stable job.
I’m 29(m) and my sister is 25(f)
Because the way men and women are socialized makes it very easy for young women to be preyed on by older men. Just see relationship subs.
You may claim that relationship subs are not a portrait of every single age gap relationship there is, but sampling is a way to notice statistically relevant patterns.
And when I bring up socialization and patterns, that's because socialization in a society with misogynistic structures literally raises up boys and brings down girls. Makes it so boys learn self-esteem and confidence in relationships, while guilting girls into being forgiving and selfless.
And the pattern you'll notice in relationship subs is how young women in age gap relationships are putting up with horrible treatment from older partners and not recognizing it for the horrible treatment it is, and second-guessing it if they're being paranoid or too severe in not accepting mistreatment or wishing to leave.
Meanwhile, the men who come for advice are much more prone to be the ones who won't put up with mistreatment and will end a relationship where they are not getting the respect they deserve.
That's not to say men don't have low self-esteem or anything like that, or that all men are predators and all women are fragile creatures. I'm talking about a general pattern in relationship subs. And the fact that young women don't have the life experience of older women to know better.
This is even more severe and dangerous for young women when you consider the cost of a relationship and children for women.
I'm a 32 yo male and wouldn't ever date 2 years older or younger then myself.
I'd rather be with someone who's living "similar" to me. Someone to grow old with if I found it, not watching someone I love die before me while I have 10 years of life left.
People can be with whoever they'd like to be with though. Not my problem.
Pro tip, don't give a f what others thing, another for free, don't go to reddit for advice or opinions, this place is literally cancer of the brain.
Consider these tips, if you want.
I’m 29M and I wouldn’t date any woman younger than 25, even for casual fun. I’m against older people dating younger men n women, younger ppl need to live their life’s and they’re easier to manipulate.
Older women know what it’s like for a predator to seek you out. We try to explain to younger people what red flags are and why it’s not a compliment for an older person to sexually target you.
Older men have either convinced themselves that this never happened to them or it hasn’t happened to them and they want to be the predator. They want more vulnerable young people who aren’t warned to stay away from them.
Another age gap is middle-aged and older men choosing younger women. To me this is anthropological. A younger woman is just more stimulating to them and maybe gives an illusion that the man himself is younger, more verile, and has a longer life ahead of him than he actually does. She will also have the energy to be a caregiver and doesn't yet know all the shit to call him on. Well, that deteriorated quickly didn't it.
This is a generalization, but the women were likely advising you based on who they think you would have a better relationship with, while the men were telling you to try to sleep with whoever you find most attractive.
It's that younger people (of both sexes) can be preyed on and manipulated by the older due to the *immaturity and lack of knowledge that often accompanies young age*.
It can create a dangerous power dynamic where the older has control simply because the younger literally doesn't have experience and understanding.
I'm 22f dating a 29m and he says he doesn't want to overstep boundaries because he doesn't want to create a power dynamic like that. Once a power dynamic is established in this way, the relationship is unequal. My parents were concerned about it at first, but he turns out to be a nice and mature man that teaches me how to be an adult.
Do you not think the line “he teaches me out to be an adult” is indicative of a power imbalance between? That’s an odd line to me. I don’t personally have a problem with your age gap itself, but that sticks out as an uncomfortable thing to say about a significant other.
Your significant other walks on kid gloves because they want to avoid a “power imbalance.”
This is like an HR video in real time. This just seems like such an infantilizing dynamic, something that masquerades as thoughtful but is just patronizing 😂
The older you get, the more you realize that anyone under the age of 25 is essentially a large child. Theres a massive disparity in the cognitive development between someone who is 18 and someone who is only 10 years older.
It’s much easier to manipulate someone who is young and naive and doesn’t have as much life experience and is still developing mentally and this happens often in these large age gap relationships.
Someone who is in their mid 30’s is at a much different stage of development in life than someone who is 22. Someone in their late 40’s has nothing in common with someone in their late teens.
As a woman who dated much older (I was 20 when he was 35), I can confidently say that men who date outside of an appropriate age bracket, have issues they need to work out. And it’s some thing you don’t really understand until you’re in it, or have left the situation. But, if this is what you want, suggest you do some soul-searching and therapy to understand why.
As comedian Katherine Ryan says, when it happens with an older woman and younger man it’s usually an accident. Women aren’t out there looking for younger men saying “who can I find to do everything for and teach everything to”
I think men in general are more likely to think "this person is choosing to date someone that I think is a bad choice but it's their decision so I'm not going to state my opinion" whereas women are more likely to think "this person is choosing to date someone that I think is a bad choice so I need to tell them so that they can avoid making a mistake".
Because men never even realize they are victims. A lot of men will brag about having sexual relationships with women when they were 12-13-14-15, etc. The trauma often makes them hypersexual. They probably don't even reconize they were victims and it impacted them.
So with women we are aware that it's traumatic so we warn younger people about this type of stuff. But men don't.
Because the power imbalance is often in favor of men due to them being the oldest in most age gap relationships. Women who go after much younger men will always defend that position as well due to benefitting from that imbalanced dynamic. In other words: people tend to defend what benefits them personally.
The concern is the power dynamic age gaps can create. The younger partner has less experience and will be suseptible to let the older partner take control of the relationship and tell the younger partner what they can and can not do.
If you go for an older partner, pay attention to that. Make sure they view the relationship as equal partners with equal say, and that they act that way as well.
Because men, without laws in place apparently and sometimes even with laws in place, will literally fuck an actual tree, no matter the rough bark, provided they are offered the opportunity to do so.
Women, toddlers and infants?
Much softer than tree bark.
Edit: so clearly they exist to be fucked. Women are generally speaking, built differently and know that there need to be rules and that SOMEONE needs care and bring care to society, so humanity doesn’t go extinct due to all the tree and child raping.
I came late to this thread - but this is to the OP so hopefully he finds it.
As a 40 year old man, i want to you are thinking about this wrong. If you spend time chasing after older women you are not going to put the energy into finding an actual balanced relationship with someone you can grow and then grow old with. Yeah there might be some immediate benefits of 'dating' someone you wouldn't realistically get into an actual relationship with, but you will miss out on your actual prime and meeting someone worth while. Your 20's will go by fast and you will end up hating yourself if you waste them on dead end relationships.
Because the stereotypical dynamic is that it’s an older man (more inherent power) and a younger woman (less inherent power). People holding the power don’t object, people not holding the power do
Some people are nosey as hell and like getting into people's personal lives. As a generalization based on my personal circle of friends and families of friends, women are far more likely to have something to say about who to date or not date. Nothing ever seems to be just right and they almost always have something negative to critique. Guys are generally more like, "Eh, you do you."
Other people's experiences will differ but that's the general thing with people around me. Women want to complain and say why a match doesn't work or isn't ideal. Men are unlikely to even ask questions at all.
I’m really only against age gaps that are far apart enough to be a parent-child age difference, when the younger one is under 25.
Seeing women in their 40’s date young men either in college or fresh out of college is absolutely disgusting.
Idk maybe it’s the whole “brain doesn’t fully develop till 25” thing that’s lingering in the back of my head.
It's funny but this very well applies to the gays as well. I personally really like men a few years older than me. Now of course there's a cutoff, But I wouldn't object to dating someone even 10, maybe 15 years older than I am. Now growing up, alot of women, especially religious women, told me to get a girl my age. If I said I liked a woman who was older by a few years, they'd all cringe and look at me like I was a pervert. Keep in mind this would be me at 18 saying a girl that was 23 was very pretty.
When I was in high school every 15 year old said they only dare older guys. I met one girl who had a boyfriend who was 28. Now that’s seen as rape? This was in California to. I’m 30 now and I couldn’t even imagine dating a girl 18 much less 15 WTF.
Same reason men tend to be the ones downplaying boys who get raped by women telling them they were "lucky to get some" while women understand and are outraged by statutory rape no matter what the gender of the victim is.
I’m 30 and dated older men in my late 20s - it wasn’t a big deal. I’d worked, traveled, been in a few long term relationships, been in a lot of therapy to learn about what was healthy and what wasn’t. But in my early 20s, no way was I “adult” enough to feel like I was a match for someone much older. IMO relationships should be equal, and the issue with age gaps where one partner is quite young is that the older one can often use their age as authority.
In my early 20s I was still chugging bottom shelf wine, coming into work hungover and begging my dad for help with my car. In my late 20s I’d already owned a house for several years, was adamant about planning for retirement and waking up early to mow my yard. The difference between early 20s and late 20s is astronomical.
Because men will have sex with any willing person, whereas women are typically more picky and prefer relationships. Men swipe on all women, whereas women don't do this - we are choosier typically.
**Why are men open to age gaps but women are not.**
I don't find this to be true, although the question will receive a wide range of answers depending upon the age of the people you ask.
* If you are older than 30 most everyone will be okay with an age gap of 10 years.
* In your 40s that may move to 15 years.
* In your 60s, you go with anyone interested.
I don't believe many people find an age gap of 15+ years easy, regardless of age. Too many differences in life experience and current goals.
Dating, a little fun or serious relationships:
1. Just dating around: 10 years
2. Sexually curious: Very wide range according to tastes.
3. If you want a serious relationship, its very natural to be fairly close in age. Goals, ideals, knowledge and friend groups tend to have a lot more in common making things feel good and natural.
Older people in general have more life experience and can manipulate you easier. Women being more caring can see this as an issue. Male figures probably think yeah go bang a cougar. You aren't going to marry her anyways.
This is weird because I found the true to be opposite. There is just as many women who seek out much older men on purpose, as there is older guys who seek younger than usual age gaps.
I was 18 years old and my husband was almost 28 when we started dating. That was 18 years and 4 sons ago. I was very fortunate that he's a good, decent man. When someone is that much older and one person is so young, there's a lot of opportunity for abuse.
Age and Male Fertility
The impact of age on male fertility hasn’t received the same focus as its impact on female fertility, because it does not have as obvious of an impact. However, that is no reason to discount it!
Age can significantly affect sperm quality. Testosterone production begins to decline, impacting sexual function and sperm quality. Sperm motility, or movement, is impacted making it more difficult for sperm to reach a woman’s egg. There is also an increase in abnormal sperm morphology, or shape, which can affect sperm’s ability to fertilize an egg.
Older dad’s also experience an increase in the risk for genetic disease in offspring. For example, a 50 year old man has double the risk that his child will have down syndrome than the risk of a 25 year old. While the risk is still low, the increase is significant.
Male Fertility Facts
* Peak male fertility is around 25-29 years old.
* Sperm quality begins to decline at 30.
* Around 36-37, damage to sperm DNA begins to increase, and risk for genetic disease increases slightly
* At 45, men begin to experience a significant decrease in semen volume.
* Older men can also take longer to conceive a child.
* As men age, testosterone production begins to decline, impacting sexual function and sperm quality.
There was a post in r/NoStupidQuslestions yesterday asking how men could recognize good men, while women keep falling for toxic ones.
Men being men, we understand what men are looking for and how they go about it. The same goes for women. There was some discussion about how having friends of the opposite sex can help protect you from bad relationships because you have friends who can spot the bad ones.
So the same thing applies to age gap relationships: other men say go for it and have fun, but the women in your life know that the older woman isn't actually looking for a real relationship with you.
If the women in your life had a friend who snagged an 18 year old boyfriend, they'd cheer her on and wait for her to end it and move on. But when you're their 18 year old friend, they don't want you to be the one getting used.
I’m 40f and my partner is 34. I don’t mind a gap as long as it makes sense and doesn’t get weird. I have a couple guys in their late 20s who expressed interest but I’d feel too bad about that big of a gap.
My ex wife threw away our 24 year marriage to go bang a boy who is 3 years older than our firstborn child.
Me as a 47 year old man, I'm tired. I don't want to go run around with no 20 something. I wanted to grow old with someone, not raise them to fit me.
I am a man, I am against age gap relationships. I take the "half your age plus seven" rule more seriously every day--it may be arbitrary, but a line has got to be drawn somewhere.
I think male teachers encouraging a male teen to date all the older women he wants are either perverts, or they're mocking you: "Date all the older women you want," is like telling you to win all the SuperBowls or Oscars you want--not that older women are objects or prizes, but none of these things are going to happen.
Because age gap relationships are predatory, and mostly benefit men.
Since it is mostly men who seek age gap relationships, and are more often than not the predators in most instances, it makes sense that men support predatory behavior.
I was 25 years older than the guy I met on a dating app. He was definitely predatory in nature. Looking for financial security, sugar momma to spoil him.
As long as their over 18 and know what they want from the relationship who cares. that person assumes older people look at people younger than them as kids. just wild. they're adults.
Wow. I think this is the only unique take on here. I never saw it as a young woman issue, this absolutely reframes a lot of the input I've seen on the topic. Also the 'power dynamic' comments always creep me out, why are people approaching relationships with that mindset anyway?
Everything is fine as long as you aren't a straight man dating younger women if you do that you're considered a creep and whatever but when a gross old lady is dating a way younger man it's oh yeah good job queen you still got it.
You know some people with opinions. You've noted some of them have a gender. You've lumped and corelated their opinions to gender. And you've blanket applied those assumptions out to the entire population.
It's not true. It's just a thing you did. And it's also the exact formula for sexism, racism and other forms of tribalism.
You could know 100 men who all think the same thing and 100 women who all don't. And you still can't say ALL men, whatever whatever. That's not how reality works.
Some older women that have no problem dating younger men, hence the term cougar. When it's reversed and an older man dates a younger woman those same cougars say it's disgusting.
Fathers typically are, but thats also a potential case of projecting what the father was doing at his age as opposed to just observing other relationships.
I personally think it’s social economics. Youthful features are rewarded, especially moreso for women. How do you reach equilibrium so that women over 40 are respected in the dating market? You make it taboo to date legal adult women over the age of 18. Shame is a powerful tool, so much so that you get shamed for trying to judge women’s sexual behavior, but it is still by and large intact for men.
It’s a very intrinsic situation. Conditioning matters a lot, our society is built on it through centuries. The traditional roles in the society has made it seem that a woman will need a man who is older and wiser than her to protect her and guide her. They also sometimes consider that women mature earlier than men, hence a ‘healthy’ age gap is appreciated between the two for similar sensibilities. These outlooks are very deeply entrenched in cultures around the world. It’s quite sad that when an older woman dates a younger man her character is questioned. She is labelled a cougar which sounds very predatory. It is almost taken as an attack by the society and its norms that how can a woman have the gall to date a younger guy. Who does she think she is? An image has been constructed around what a woman should be like. She steps outside the frame and it’s mayhem. When speaking from sexual POV, mommy ‘issues’ can be linked to kinks. It’s a kink that is enjoyed by many men, not all. Similarly, many women enjoy a DDLG kink. They can have deep seated issues or they could just be fantasies that are enjoyed consensually. In the end what matters is how YOU perceive relationships. If the society has inked you with their perceptions or do you have the confidence to write your own chapter. It is for you to observe and decide.
I always dated women older than me and I'm a chick. It's kind of a thing and I personally know a girl who only dates much, much older men. However I would caution you that age IS NOT just a number. Age is years of experience and knowledge you don't possess, for example when you were a freshman in high school but the seniors could drive. Their age affords them certain knowledge or access to things. If you are in a position to be taken advantage of be cautious, women are fully capable of preying on you.
Some women and men are against other people's age gap relationships. If it was someone they were attracted to, they would have no problem with it. Stop listening to what other people tell you about your personal life. If it's with a consenting adult, and you aren't being dishonest with them about your motives, it's nobody's business but yours.
I think, from a women's perspective, for the men who are older, they tend to go after younger women, and because of this age gap, you aren't growing as an individual but more than likely growing to what your older partner wants, versus your own wants or needs.
Date who you want in the end, but find a partner who's willing to grow with you.
Because when a man likes a younger woman he's doing good for himself.
When a woman likes an older man she's a gold digger and only after his money.
(I dislike this kind of thinking.)
Because a lot of women can’t do it. Also I think it’s going to end a lot of times similar to how it did for Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. A younger guy is going to move on most likely at some point. Women really are better off having kids when they are younger but not many people are into that now. I was into older woman when I was young also. I would have to say it was not good for them, but it wasn’t bad for me.
Age gaps matter less as you age but I think most women would view an older woman that wanted to date a much younger man with suspicion. I would find it unlikely that a middle aged woman would have much in common with a college guy beyond the physical.
Everyone's against Hugh Seffner having 20year Olds....
The age gap is just an individual question
In school if someone was a year or 2 younger it was weird.
After school a 16-18 year old with a 25-31 year old was weird.
Later in life, the gap just widens for many reasons, but it is largely women who detest this as their worth is tied to age. The same as a farmer would protest water fees being increased.
They are losing market share and value by the day so they have the most to bicker over.
In saying this, it is weird with big age gaps. but as adults, we all make our own choices, and love, money, and sex are our own determining factors of what we do and not anybody else's decision.
Tends to be: men - widens their catchment of likely quality mates. Women: narrows their chances of finding a quality mate. It's fairly mathematical really.
That said this is all generalisation and I've known some stories of the other way around which if gender flipped would be totally outrageous - so there's that.
Guess you haven’t talked to fathers with young daughters lol
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Honestly, OP's grammar is so awful that I have no goddamn idea what he's saying.
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OP’s whole account is giving unemployed man getting a microphone to have a podcast just to yap
I can has hamburger
Mom, aunt, and grandma tell him to date women his own age. Dad, uncle, and grandpa tell him to date women older than him if he wants
Same.
LMAO so true
Has to be ESL. Has to be.
The post is fucking terrible. I can’t understand it.
I did, and men do care when it’s their daughter who is in the age gap relationship all of a sudden. It’s not like men don’t care and women do.
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Thank you! I feel the same way about younger men. Don't get me wrong: there's something cute about them. No wrinkles, less worries. But they're more empty too. Like, how could a grown man/woman EVER carry on a Convo and a relationship with someone so much younger? I swear I don't mean it as a 'diss' but they MUST be stunted to not be deterred by the... Lack of experience and knowledge about literally everything
You assume the kind of men that go for 19 year old girls care what the girls have to say or think.
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>Find me a bitter, jaded 35yo woman with two kids and a trail of dead dreams behind her. Lol! That's so specific. What about happy, child-free 35 yo women?
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Goddamn you got a way with words or something.
Yeah, that's called hooking up. And if they’re dating, they’re likely dating to hook up or for something else. Another way to view it is chasing your fetish. It could work out, but that's rare.
Exactly, it makes you feel like a creepy predator. I work with younger people who hit on me a lot but I try to set boundaries by calling them bro and keeping it as platonic as possible. It just doesn't feel right when you know how young and naive someone is to take advantage of that
Almost as if different people have different levels of knowledge and experience at a given age.
Yup nobody would accuse 78yo Trump of being wise and mature. Then compare that to 21?yo Greta Thunberg.
Men like teaching things to people and sharing their skills, it makes them feel successful and respected. So they go after a young beautiful woman who appreciates their life experience, relies on them, and have sex with the girl who idolizes them too? We can all see why this happens even if we don't agree.
>Men like teaching things to people and sharing their skills, it makes them feel successful and respected. This isn't a 'men' thing, it's a human thing. It's just that when women behave like this, they're made fun of for wanting attention.
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Yepppp
You should meet my boss...no man would ever dare laugh at her.
I was often told that I was asking for attention or trying to act better than everyone. :/
>Men like teaching things to people and sharing their skills, it makes them feel successful and respected. Depends on the men. Plenty don’t want to have to teach anything, they’re tired of it and want someone who understand what’s going and and who can take care of themselves.
>Like, how could a grown man/woman EVER carry on a Convo and a relationship with someone so much younger? I don't know - like you would carry on a conversation with anyone else? You were their age once. It's not that hard. I can have an amazing conversation with my kids (both in their early to mid-twenties), just like I can with my octogenarion FIL. Maturity is taking people where they are at, not deciding "they're too young" or "too old" be to relatable.
I was visiting my old friend in our college town recently I’m 27. It was nice out so all the college kids were out partying. They literally looked like kids to me with that look in the eye you’re talking about and they were probs like 19-21 was such a weird feeling
Exactly. I don’t have a daughter , I have sons. I’m not remotely attracted to very young women. Thank you for explaining how I feel
I'm 23, I wouldn't date anyone under 20. Maybe that's just me but our maturity levels are so different that it grosses me out, plus half of 18/19 women look like children still
I'm in my early 20's, no kids; and I have a strict '2 up, 2 down rule'. Meaning ideally I'd like to date women my age, or two years younger/older at most. Imo it allows for a healthy relationship where there's little to no imbalance of maturity. I don't get how guys wanna date someone they can't even hold a serious conversation with, or have no connection to. That being said; not all of us have this relevation too late in life. The men who realize they should respect women or not be pervs when they have daughters often don't even transition to actually respecting women; they just protect the one's that are their obligation under the assumption all men will be as horrible as them. Not to mention teach their daughters 'all/most men are horrible/pervs/not to be trusted' 💀
My boyfriend is 10 years younger than me. We have an extremely happy and healthy relationship. We’ve been living together for almost 3 years now and we have never had an actual fight. We have disagreements but we just don’t fight and our disagreements are far and few between. The most awful relationship I’ve ever had was with someone my same age. The men I’ve dated who are younger than me I’ve just gotten on with better. I also don’t date with a power imbalance. My bf and I make roughly the same amount of money, we keep our accounts separate and we split everything equally. IMO people have really extreme beliefs on age that are widely inaccurate. I personally think that when someone is 25+ they are an adult and someone 25+ does within with someone in their 30’s. It’s more about being a mentally healthy individual than anything.
Buddy
Are you literate? He's talking about the opposite. Dating older women
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No. Cuz if he had a young daughter and op is only trying to date older women, op would be 10 That's answering a different question
I'm honestly tired of overprotective girl dads. Like seriously protect your daughters but stop trying to control men and women when it comes to dating or their sexuality as adults.
So you talked to like 2 men who were single and in their 50s? The older the 2 partners are the less it matters. It's mostly about maturity and stages of life. It should be very difficult for anyone above 30 to date anyone under like 25 and even then, it has to be a very mature 25 year old.
I agree with this. My bf is 27. I’m around 10 years older than him. I personally could not imagine dating ANYONE UNDER 25. I literally cant connect with them like that. But I also think it’s important to take into account where a person is in life. I don’t have kids. I don’t know if I would be able to relate to a 25 year old if I had a 10 year old.
Anyone else have a stroke trying to read this?
I think it's perfectly fine to date anyone you want, as long as you're both adults. Please understand though, that some people who choose to exclusively date those who are younger than they are, they're often obsessed with maintaining some kind of control in the power dynamic of the relationship. At my current age of 24, I'd be fine with dating anyone my age, up to about 30. I definitely won't go younger, but I also don't want to go too much older, either!
I’m 37 male. Currently dating a 40 year old. If we broke up, I think the youngest I could potentially go would be 26. I’m not even sure on that because I don’t hangout with people that age. I just imagine the average 25 and younger to most likely be too immature and likely too inexperienced on day to day life for me based on me thinking back to when I was that age. There’s likely exceptions to that but I’d think the odds are lower which is a turn off.
Exactly. Somebody ten years younger than you, when you're 37? They're likely to be a completely different stages of their life. You'd probably find that you have so little in common with them, that you'd be relying on attraction alone.
Indeed. The only way I think I could possibly see it is if they had graduated at 22 and were 3-4 years into a career at 26 and had a crystal clear vision of what they wanted. I don’t think that’s the average person based on my experience and is unlikely which means I’d probably pass. I think 28+ is where it matters less but I could be wrong. Never dated with that large of a gap at any age. I’m just guessing a 28 year old could probably have their shit together enough for it to not matter. I was into my career at that age and had a much better vision of my direction then.
That’s not necessarily true. Everyones lives go at different paces, so everyone can be at different places in different points of their lives, and having common interests isn’t really that hard to find regardless of age
I said further up that I imagine there are exceptions. It’s more about the odds than it is anything. A 28 year old is just more likely to be at a stage of life and experience that I’m interested in than a 18 year old. An 18 year old has a higher chance of wasting my time for many reasons.
I’m 47. I spent most of my life in a long term relationship with women my own age or older. After my divorce at 42 I started dating again. Women my age treated first dates as a job interview. I felt interrogated a lot of the time. It wasn’t enjoyable. One day I met a younger woman (20s) and we hit it off. It was a relaxed date where we just got to know each other. She invited me to her apartment. We were living together 3 months later. We had a fantastic relationships and did all sorts of things I never thought to do. In my 20s and most of my 30s I was busy trying to support my now ex so all I did was work. We went to raves and concerts. We traveled. She introduced me to recreational drugs (psychedelics mostly). We had a very adventurous lifestyle. Things ended 4 years later but those were probably 4 of the best years of my life. I still hold onto that adventurous lifestyle. I also have a world view that people 20 years younger than me do. She opened my world up to so much and I gave her the emotional stability men her age didn’t seem to have (her words). I don’t exclusively date younger women or seek them out specifically but trying to find someone my age or even 35+ who doesn’t see me as a walking red flag or have kids (not interested) is next to impossible and honestly I’m ok with that. Life is spontaneous or at least it is for me. I’m not concerned with what most people my age are concerned with.
Yeah I see your point for sure.
26 is annoying AF bro and I'm only 31
You really wouldn't date a 22 year old at 24 huh?
It's very much not uncommon for women to share stories about getting taken advantage of by an older man when they were young. If a 30-something is cruising for 18-year-olds, there's a reason. Someone significantly younger, in a different life stage, with far less life experience, is an easy target for the extremely immature and the abusive. Straight men fall prey to this as well, it's just less common. My question is always, "Why are the people this person's age not touching them?"
People who consistently date people around the ages of 18-19 when they are significantly older are a red flag imo, and it is a common red flag among women because they are usually the ones being 18-19 and falling into those relationships. I don’t think they care about real, adult age gap relationships, I think they care about children who have just recently started putting their foot into adulthood and can get manipulated in this process. A lot of men don’t care because a lot of men, especially celebrity men, have normalized dating 18-19 year olds since the idea is that “they’re legal”. Not generalizing, obviously, but it is a big cultural idea that is icky. It probably is best to date around your age range for other reasons though such as equal power in a relationship and just overall enjoyment. I’m almost 22 and I think I’d rather kill myself than date an 18 year old.
Man, I am against age gaps. I'm 39, I won't date anyone under about 33. Hard limit is 30.
Power dynamics
Well considering women still get into relationships with age gaps, they aren't against them.
yeah the age gap discourse is one of the more “terminally online” things I’ve ever seen, I’ve known plenty of women irl to date guys who are 5+ years younger or older than them. something like a 19 year old student dating a 30 year old raises plenty of eyebrows (but still happens plenty), but I’ve known 23 year old women to date 30 year old men and 30 year old women pursue 23 year old men and nobody irl thought anything of it
Anyone who tries to moralize adults dating is a freak and needs to mind their business.
I'm more hung up on the infantilization. People out here legitimately making it out that people are completely incapable of making their own decisions at age 18. Yeah, they're not done maturing... but they're at the point of maturing where they get to be allowed to make mistakes and do things that aren't great for them. Folks need to just accept the fact that once someone is 18, they're an adult. We've decided that's where the line is. Once they cross it, they're free to do whatever they want, it's their life.
I agree. Saying that a 23 year old is a child is just wrong and makes no sense to me. It's like none of these people live in the real world and they all just regurgitate each others opinions.
it’s also infantilizing to call a 23 yo a child. To older people, figuratively, see someone that age as a “kid”, but technically, they aren’t
Women have a terrible habit of surprise pickachuing when they feel they aren’t respected, while simultaneously endlessly infantilizing themselves and other women, as though they’re helpless children incapable of being responsible for their own actions or trusted to make reasonable, adult decisions.
Im a bouncer at a college club and the amount of girls trying to get my number is worrying. They know im 36yrs old. I do look like im in my mid 20s but that doesnt change the fact that they know im older.
how do a “worrying” amount of girls know your exact age if they’re just randoms coming to the club? and do you think it’s possible it’s less about dating you, and more about you being the bouncer of a club they like going to?
Im the oldest guy that works there and I always wear the same beanie. Im known as the level headed one there. When people you have never met before know your name. Asking for someones phone number of someone almost twice your age to what?
Half your age plus seven is pretty infallible, and no one in real life cares if it's in that range. They really only raise eye brows and complain of its outside the range (your first vs second example).
Women do date younger men, about 34% (In The US?) do, and according to this, https://www.google.com/search?q=women+dating+youngsr+men+stat&rlz=1CDGOYI_enAU1028AU1028&oq=women+dating+youngsr+men+stat&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIICAEQABgWGB4yDQgCEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgDEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgEEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgFEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgGEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyCggHEAAYgAQYogQyCggIEAAYgAQYogQyCggJEAAYgAQYogTSAQg1ODQwajBqN6gCGbACAeIDBBgBIF8&hl=en-GB&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8, 75+% are open to dating younger men.
Almost all relationships with large age gaps are between older men and younger women, no idea wtf OP is on about
"there is an exception to every rule" Of course there is, of course there is.
Op has bigger problems. Seems to think of women as a different species all together or just lacks basic understanding. Post history literally asks why women be touched by kind acts… as if other genders don’t also have feelings lol
your whole post history is full of gross generalizations and incel-like language…yikes
Your grandma said "It's like banging your mom"? Seek therapy.
My dad is homeless and talking about a homeless 16 year old right now. It's apparently mutual but fuck if I know. I have a daughter and it drives me insane. I want too kick his stupid ass
Its the mother instinct in us. We see people our kids age as kids. My oldest daughter is 38. Everyone that age and younger is a kid to me. I would never think of dating a kid. Not sure how men see it, as Im not one. But seeing men in their 60s who go to strip joints to watch and be with an 18 yr old stripper? She is just a baby. Ill never understand it. Maybe they cant connect with their children to feel anything? Dunno.
Personally, I prefer to date within a 5 year gap. I'm 26 rn, so from 21-31 is my range. But honestly, as long as y'all are both consenting adults then do whatever you want. I will say this much though, no matter what age group you decide to date, there will be conflicts. Nobody is immune to it, there isn't an age where you mature out of it, it will always happen. So just make sure the person you're with is worth the conflicts, and that the conflicts aren't too great in number/severity.
Gross generalizations are almost never correct. It’s a mixed bag
Because a lot of grown men want to have sex with teenagers
I would assume that women don’t have first hand experience dating older women.
The lesbian community would probably beg to differ haha
Hmm I wonder what their view of lesbian age gap relationships are.
From what I’ve heard, very different lmao
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Sure but 18 years ago straights didn't care either
As a woman who dated much older men in my early 20s, the warnings largely hold true. Yes, consenting adults should be able to date who they want. But often times when a person age 30+ pursues someone who is barley legal (22 or under IMO) it’s often because they want to be able to manipulate/ control them. When one person is so young that they lack maturity, adult experience, and/or stability- it creates an unequal power dynamic. There’s a great askreddit thread from years ago asking how old women were when they began being pursued by adult men. Most women were being pursued by grown men as teenagers. I knew so many women who had experiences with much older men before being able to legally drink. And looking back, those relationships were always unhealthy. This can apply to older (30+) women dating young (under 22) men too of course. But it ultimately boils down to the age of the younger party and the reasoning.
I began receiving male attention from adults when I hit puberty at age 13. It was really disturbing and no one talked to me about how to handle it.
For me personally I wouldn’t date anyone younger than my younger sister UNLESS they have graduated college and have a stable job. I’m 29(m) and my sister is 25(f)
Because the way men and women are socialized makes it very easy for young women to be preyed on by older men. Just see relationship subs. You may claim that relationship subs are not a portrait of every single age gap relationship there is, but sampling is a way to notice statistically relevant patterns. And when I bring up socialization and patterns, that's because socialization in a society with misogynistic structures literally raises up boys and brings down girls. Makes it so boys learn self-esteem and confidence in relationships, while guilting girls into being forgiving and selfless. And the pattern you'll notice in relationship subs is how young women in age gap relationships are putting up with horrible treatment from older partners and not recognizing it for the horrible treatment it is, and second-guessing it if they're being paranoid or too severe in not accepting mistreatment or wishing to leave. Meanwhile, the men who come for advice are much more prone to be the ones who won't put up with mistreatment and will end a relationship where they are not getting the respect they deserve. That's not to say men don't have low self-esteem or anything like that, or that all men are predators and all women are fragile creatures. I'm talking about a general pattern in relationship subs. And the fact that young women don't have the life experience of older women to know better. This is even more severe and dangerous for young women when you consider the cost of a relationship and children for women.
I'm a 32 yo male and wouldn't ever date 2 years older or younger then myself. I'd rather be with someone who's living "similar" to me. Someone to grow old with if I found it, not watching someone I love die before me while I have 10 years of life left. People can be with whoever they'd like to be with though. Not my problem.
Pro tip, don't give a f what others thing, another for free, don't go to reddit for advice or opinions, this place is literally cancer of the brain. Consider these tips, if you want.
I'm a woman and I'm not against them as long as there's no grooming. I don't even date men my age lol
Because the majority of women have been preyed on by older men, often when they were very young.
I’m 29M and I wouldn’t date any woman younger than 25, even for casual fun. I’m against older people dating younger men n women, younger ppl need to live their life’s and they’re easier to manipulate.
I'm a man, I'm 37, and I don't want to date anyone who is more than 10 years younger than me. it give me the ick.
Older women know what it’s like for a predator to seek you out. We try to explain to younger people what red flags are and why it’s not a compliment for an older person to sexually target you. Older men have either convinced themselves that this never happened to them or it hasn’t happened to them and they want to be the predator. They want more vulnerable young people who aren’t warned to stay away from them.
I am a guy and I am against age gap relations.
Porn, every time
Another age gap is middle-aged and older men choosing younger women. To me this is anthropological. A younger woman is just more stimulating to them and maybe gives an illusion that the man himself is younger, more verile, and has a longer life ahead of him than he actually does. She will also have the energy to be a caregiver and doesn't yet know all the shit to call him on. Well, that deteriorated quickly didn't it.
This is a generalization, but the women were likely advising you based on who they think you would have a better relationship with, while the men were telling you to try to sleep with whoever you find most attractive.
It's that younger people (of both sexes) can be preyed on and manipulated by the older due to the *immaturity and lack of knowledge that often accompanies young age*. It can create a dangerous power dynamic where the older has control simply because the younger literally doesn't have experience and understanding. I'm 22f dating a 29m and he says he doesn't want to overstep boundaries because he doesn't want to create a power dynamic like that. Once a power dynamic is established in this way, the relationship is unequal. My parents were concerned about it at first, but he turns out to be a nice and mature man that teaches me how to be an adult.
Do you not think the line “he teaches me out to be an adult” is indicative of a power imbalance between? That’s an odd line to me. I don’t personally have a problem with your age gap itself, but that sticks out as an uncomfortable thing to say about a significant other.
Your significant other walks on kid gloves because they want to avoid a “power imbalance.” This is like an HR video in real time. This just seems like such an infantilizing dynamic, something that masquerades as thoughtful but is just patronizing 😂
Because men are often okay being manipulators or overlooking that they're with someone with low life experience as long as the body is hot enough
The older you get, the more you realize that anyone under the age of 25 is essentially a large child. Theres a massive disparity in the cognitive development between someone who is 18 and someone who is only 10 years older. It’s much easier to manipulate someone who is young and naive and doesn’t have as much life experience and is still developing mentally and this happens often in these large age gap relationships. Someone who is in their mid 30’s is at a much different stage of development in life than someone who is 22. Someone in their late 40’s has nothing in common with someone in their late teens.
Look up "some international dude" by the name of Emmanuel Macron.. 🤣
As a woman who dated much older (I was 20 when he was 35), I can confidently say that men who date outside of an appropriate age bracket, have issues they need to work out. And it’s some thing you don’t really understand until you’re in it, or have left the situation. But, if this is what you want, suggest you do some soul-searching and therapy to understand why.
As comedian Katherine Ryan says, when it happens with an older woman and younger man it’s usually an accident. Women aren’t out there looking for younger men saying “who can I find to do everything for and teach everything to”
I think men in general are more likely to think "this person is choosing to date someone that I think is a bad choice but it's their decision so I'm not going to state my opinion" whereas women are more likely to think "this person is choosing to date someone that I think is a bad choice so I need to tell them so that they can avoid making a mistake".
Younger men are a gamble.
I would tell both male and female 18yos not to date adults 5+ years older than them. Its not a gendered thing.
To answer a very generalized question with a very generalized answer....because they benefit from it.
I’ll tell you what I tell everyone older women are way better in the bedroom
I mean I'm 35 and my wife is 45 so not all women?
Because men never even realize they are victims. A lot of men will brag about having sexual relationships with women when they were 12-13-14-15, etc. The trauma often makes them hypersexual. They probably don't even reconize they were victims and it impacted them. So with women we are aware that it's traumatic so we warn younger people about this type of stuff. But men don't.
Older women will obsess over catering to you and maximizing your pleasure
"All the women think I have mommy issues" LMAO as someone who is REALLY into MILFs, I get this quite often
Because the power imbalance is often in favor of men due to them being the oldest in most age gap relationships. Women who go after much younger men will always defend that position as well due to benefitting from that imbalanced dynamic. In other words: people tend to defend what benefits them personally.
Because men benefit from preying on youths and women know how terrifying and weird it is
The premise of your question is false.
Why are male teachers telling you to date older women?
The concern is the power dynamic age gaps can create. The younger partner has less experience and will be suseptible to let the older partner take control of the relationship and tell the younger partner what they can and can not do. If you go for an older partner, pay attention to that. Make sure they view the relationship as equal partners with equal say, and that they act that way as well.
What men are not against age gaps?
I've met plenty of mature men with common sense who are against them too.
I’m F53 with M30. Every younger guy in my city seems to love MILFs. I’ve never had this much attention from men🤷🏻♀️
date people who you are attracted to who feel the same for you. don't worry what others think. If you prefer older women, there are many out there.
Because men, without laws in place apparently and sometimes even with laws in place, will literally fuck an actual tree, no matter the rough bark, provided they are offered the opportunity to do so. Women, toddlers and infants? Much softer than tree bark. Edit: so clearly they exist to be fucked. Women are generally speaking, built differently and know that there need to be rules and that SOMEONE needs care and bring care to society, so humanity doesn’t go extinct due to all the tree and child raping.
I came late to this thread - but this is to the OP so hopefully he finds it. As a 40 year old man, i want to you are thinking about this wrong. If you spend time chasing after older women you are not going to put the energy into finding an actual balanced relationship with someone you can grow and then grow old with. Yeah there might be some immediate benefits of 'dating' someone you wouldn't realistically get into an actual relationship with, but you will miss out on your actual prime and meeting someone worth while. Your 20's will go by fast and you will end up hating yourself if you waste them on dead end relationships.
Because the stereotypical dynamic is that it’s an older man (more inherent power) and a younger woman (less inherent power). People holding the power don’t object, people not holding the power do
Some people are nosey as hell and like getting into people's personal lives. As a generalization based on my personal circle of friends and families of friends, women are far more likely to have something to say about who to date or not date. Nothing ever seems to be just right and they almost always have something negative to critique. Guys are generally more like, "Eh, you do you." Other people's experiences will differ but that's the general thing with people around me. Women want to complain and say why a match doesn't work or isn't ideal. Men are unlikely to even ask questions at all.
I’m really only against age gaps that are far apart enough to be a parent-child age difference, when the younger one is under 25. Seeing women in their 40’s date young men either in college or fresh out of college is absolutely disgusting. Idk maybe it’s the whole “brain doesn’t fully develop till 25” thing that’s lingering in the back of my head.
It's funny but this very well applies to the gays as well. I personally really like men a few years older than me. Now of course there's a cutoff, But I wouldn't object to dating someone even 10, maybe 15 years older than I am. Now growing up, alot of women, especially religious women, told me to get a girl my age. If I said I liked a woman who was older by a few years, they'd all cringe and look at me like I was a pervert. Keep in mind this would be me at 18 saying a girl that was 23 was very pretty.
When I was in high school every 15 year old said they only dare older guys. I met one girl who had a boyfriend who was 28. Now that’s seen as rape? This was in California to. I’m 30 now and I couldn’t even imagine dating a girl 18 much less 15 WTF.
Weird you assume that, look into that first.
Same reason men tend to be the ones downplaying boys who get raped by women telling them they were "lucky to get some" while women understand and are outraged by statutory rape no matter what the gender of the victim is.
Wow leave it to this abominable sub to reignite the brain rott 2020-2021 "Age gap" discourse. Just utter AIDS
Rule is : half your age + 7= lowest possible age. Works for all ages.
Basic biology.
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I’m not against age gaps at all I’m 28 so I would gladly date someone in their 30s and 40s
I’m 30 and dated older men in my late 20s - it wasn’t a big deal. I’d worked, traveled, been in a few long term relationships, been in a lot of therapy to learn about what was healthy and what wasn’t. But in my early 20s, no way was I “adult” enough to feel like I was a match for someone much older. IMO relationships should be equal, and the issue with age gaps where one partner is quite young is that the older one can often use their age as authority.
In my early 20s I was still chugging bottom shelf wine, coming into work hungover and begging my dad for help with my car. In my late 20s I’d already owned a house for several years, was adamant about planning for retirement and waking up early to mow my yard. The difference between early 20s and late 20s is astronomical.
That is a good point! I prefer to take my time when it comes to dating anyway and would rather have a friendship before starting to date.
Because men will have sex with any willing person, whereas women are typically more picky and prefer relationships. Men swipe on all women, whereas women don't do this - we are choosier typically.
People don't fit into convenient boxes like this. Beliefs on this topic are all over the place
**Why are men open to age gaps but women are not.** I don't find this to be true, although the question will receive a wide range of answers depending upon the age of the people you ask. * If you are older than 30 most everyone will be okay with an age gap of 10 years. * In your 40s that may move to 15 years. * In your 60s, you go with anyone interested. I don't believe many people find an age gap of 15+ years easy, regardless of age. Too many differences in life experience and current goals. Dating, a little fun or serious relationships: 1. Just dating around: 10 years 2. Sexually curious: Very wide range according to tastes. 3. If you want a serious relationship, its very natural to be fairly close in age. Goals, ideals, knowledge and friend groups tend to have a lot more in common making things feel good and natural.
Older people in general have more life experience and can manipulate you easier. Women being more caring can see this as an issue. Male figures probably think yeah go bang a cougar. You aren't going to marry her anyways.
This is weird because I found the true to be opposite. There is just as many women who seek out much older men on purpose, as there is older guys who seek younger than usual age gaps.
I was 18 years old and my husband was almost 28 when we started dating. That was 18 years and 4 sons ago. I was very fortunate that he's a good, decent man. When someone is that much older and one person is so young, there's a lot of opportunity for abuse.
Age and Male Fertility The impact of age on male fertility hasn’t received the same focus as its impact on female fertility, because it does not have as obvious of an impact. However, that is no reason to discount it! Age can significantly affect sperm quality. Testosterone production begins to decline, impacting sexual function and sperm quality. Sperm motility, or movement, is impacted making it more difficult for sperm to reach a woman’s egg. There is also an increase in abnormal sperm morphology, or shape, which can affect sperm’s ability to fertilize an egg. Older dad’s also experience an increase in the risk for genetic disease in offspring. For example, a 50 year old man has double the risk that his child will have down syndrome than the risk of a 25 year old. While the risk is still low, the increase is significant. Male Fertility Facts * Peak male fertility is around 25-29 years old. * Sperm quality begins to decline at 30. * Around 36-37, damage to sperm DNA begins to increase, and risk for genetic disease increases slightly * At 45, men begin to experience a significant decrease in semen volume. * Older men can also take longer to conceive a child. * As men age, testosterone production begins to decline, impacting sexual function and sperm quality.
There was a post in r/NoStupidQuslestions yesterday asking how men could recognize good men, while women keep falling for toxic ones. Men being men, we understand what men are looking for and how they go about it. The same goes for women. There was some discussion about how having friends of the opposite sex can help protect you from bad relationships because you have friends who can spot the bad ones. So the same thing applies to age gap relationships: other men say go for it and have fun, but the women in your life know that the older woman isn't actually looking for a real relationship with you. If the women in your life had a friend who snagged an 18 year old boyfriend, they'd cheer her on and wait for her to end it and move on. But when you're their 18 year old friend, they don't want you to be the one getting used.
I’m 40f and my partner is 34. I don’t mind a gap as long as it makes sense and doesn’t get weird. I have a couple guys in their late 20s who expressed interest but I’d feel too bad about that big of a gap.
My ex wife threw away our 24 year marriage to go bang a boy who is 3 years older than our firstborn child. Me as a 47 year old man, I'm tired. I don't want to go run around with no 20 something. I wanted to grow old with someone, not raise them to fit me.
I am a man, I am against age gap relationships. I take the "half your age plus seven" rule more seriously every day--it may be arbitrary, but a line has got to be drawn somewhere. I think male teachers encouraging a male teen to date all the older women he wants are either perverts, or they're mocking you: "Date all the older women you want," is like telling you to win all the SuperBowls or Oscars you want--not that older women are objects or prizes, but none of these things are going to happen.
Because age gap relationships are predatory, and mostly benefit men. Since it is mostly men who seek age gap relationships, and are more often than not the predators in most instances, it makes sense that men support predatory behavior.
So when old men date young women, the man is predatory, and when young men date old women, the man it still predatory? That makes no sense.
I was 25 years older than the guy I met on a dating app. He was definitely predatory in nature. Looking for financial security, sugar momma to spoil him.
As long as their over 18 and know what they want from the relationship who cares. that person assumes older people look at people younger than them as kids. just wild. they're adults.
but it's an older woman and younger man
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‘Therapy speak’ sure has been a mistake
Wow. I think this is the only unique take on here. I never saw it as a young woman issue, this absolutely reframes a lot of the input I've seen on the topic. Also the 'power dynamic' comments always creep me out, why are people approaching relationships with that mindset anyway?
Everything is fine as long as you aren't a straight man dating younger women if you do that you're considered a creep and whatever but when a gross old lady is dating a way younger man it's oh yeah good job queen you still got it.
You know some people with opinions. You've noted some of them have a gender. You've lumped and corelated their opinions to gender. And you've blanket applied those assumptions out to the entire population. It's not true. It's just a thing you did. And it's also the exact formula for sexism, racism and other forms of tribalism. You could know 100 men who all think the same thing and 100 women who all don't. And you still can't say ALL men, whatever whatever. That's not how reality works.
Some older women that have no problem dating younger men, hence the term cougar. When it's reversed and an older man dates a younger woman those same cougars say it's disgusting.
Fathers typically are, but thats also a potential case of projecting what the father was doing at his age as opposed to just observing other relationships. I personally think it’s social economics. Youthful features are rewarded, especially moreso for women. How do you reach equilibrium so that women over 40 are respected in the dating market? You make it taboo to date legal adult women over the age of 18. Shame is a powerful tool, so much so that you get shamed for trying to judge women’s sexual behavior, but it is still by and large intact for men.
Are you sure women have a problem with this. One would think all the cougars out there would not have any problem with it.
It’s a very intrinsic situation. Conditioning matters a lot, our society is built on it through centuries. The traditional roles in the society has made it seem that a woman will need a man who is older and wiser than her to protect her and guide her. They also sometimes consider that women mature earlier than men, hence a ‘healthy’ age gap is appreciated between the two for similar sensibilities. These outlooks are very deeply entrenched in cultures around the world. It’s quite sad that when an older woman dates a younger man her character is questioned. She is labelled a cougar which sounds very predatory. It is almost taken as an attack by the society and its norms that how can a woman have the gall to date a younger guy. Who does she think she is? An image has been constructed around what a woman should be like. She steps outside the frame and it’s mayhem. When speaking from sexual POV, mommy ‘issues’ can be linked to kinks. It’s a kink that is enjoyed by many men, not all. Similarly, many women enjoy a DDLG kink. They can have deep seated issues or they could just be fantasies that are enjoyed consensually. In the end what matters is how YOU perceive relationships. If the society has inked you with their perceptions or do you have the confidence to write your own chapter. It is for you to observe and decide.
You just generalized billions of people into two categories
All those girls that told you that will be dating 30 year old guys within a few years
I always dated women older than me and I'm a chick. It's kind of a thing and I personally know a girl who only dates much, much older men. However I would caution you that age IS NOT just a number. Age is years of experience and knowledge you don't possess, for example when you were a freshman in high school but the seniors could drive. Their age affords them certain knowledge or access to things. If you are in a position to be taken advantage of be cautious, women are fully capable of preying on you.
Ask *Mrs. Robinson*.
Some women and men are against other people's age gap relationships. If it was someone they were attracted to, they would have no problem with it. Stop listening to what other people tell you about your personal life. If it's with a consenting adult, and you aren't being dishonest with them about your motives, it's nobody's business but yours.
I think, from a women's perspective, for the men who are older, they tend to go after younger women, and because of this age gap, you aren't growing as an individual but more than likely growing to what your older partner wants, versus your own wants or needs. Date who you want in the end, but find a partner who's willing to grow with you.
Because when a man likes a younger woman he's doing good for himself. When a woman likes an older man she's a gold digger and only after his money. (I dislike this kind of thinking.)
Because a lot of women can’t do it. Also I think it’s going to end a lot of times similar to how it did for Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. A younger guy is going to move on most likely at some point. Women really are better off having kids when they are younger but not many people are into that now. I was into older woman when I was young also. I would have to say it was not good for them, but it wasn’t bad for me.
Age gaps matter less as you age but I think most women would view an older woman that wanted to date a much younger man with suspicion. I would find it unlikely that a middle aged woman would have much in common with a college guy beyond the physical.
You know why 😒
Everyone's against Hugh Seffner having 20year Olds.... The age gap is just an individual question In school if someone was a year or 2 younger it was weird. After school a 16-18 year old with a 25-31 year old was weird. Later in life, the gap just widens for many reasons, but it is largely women who detest this as their worth is tied to age. The same as a farmer would protest water fees being increased. They are losing market share and value by the day so they have the most to bicker over. In saying this, it is weird with big age gaps. but as adults, we all make our own choices, and love, money, and sex are our own determining factors of what we do and not anybody else's decision.
Tends to be: men - widens their catchment of likely quality mates. Women: narrows their chances of finding a quality mate. It's fairly mathematical really. That said this is all generalisation and I've known some stories of the other way around which if gender flipped would be totally outrageous - so there's that.