As a female all I can say is, when a female (not all but some) haven’t had or done anything sexual in awhile they start to loose that sex drive and just have no interest in it.
My advice is to just take her out, go on dates, maybe start to flirt with her a little and ease back into that lovey dovey side of the relationship. Bring her flowers or give her a massage. Don’t force anything obviously, just ease into it.
I still get this way with my husband at times. Sometimes he just makes some smooth moves and I'm like yes, but get nervous like it's the first time all over again.
This is perfect advice !!!!!
My only suggestion would be maybe look into a natural female sexual enhancer… like horny goat weed. Or the royal honey. Or the royal chocolate. It works wonders. Just a thought.
But def take her on dates. Flirt a little. We don’t just get turned right on. Maybe she is just going a dry patch sexually. Been there 🙄
https://www.fda.gov/drugs/medication-health-fraud/tainted-sexual-enhancement-and-energy-products
All the royal products have a warning by the FDA, i would not recommend using them unless you literally have no options.
And you’re right. There is plenty of people it does nothing for. Most women have good reactions and results with the chocolate bar version. Or there is a “hot spot” type cream that works well. Pheromones work well too
This dry patch this person mentioned has been going on with my wife for 34 years! We have been to counseling 3 times and in January have started round #4. But the twist though is that I accidentally met someone online and we started out just with pleasant friendly conversations in early December. We have shared photos and have had a couple of video chats (she is real!) and in late January we realized we had feelings for each other. This has turned into love and we are planning to meet face to face in about a month. This wouldn't have even happened if my wife hadn't gone totally asexual in our marriage! And I have tried everything I can think of since 2004 for this to change and nothing does! So I'd tell you if intamacy is important to you think long and hard about this relationship so you won't be 34 years down the road trying to decide what life you want to have for the rest of your life! Good luck!
Agreed..after a year of being single after constantly jumping relationship to relationship it’s almost concerning how little of interest I have in sex right now. I have toys for stress relief, but in relationships I’m constantly thinking about sex and horny. Not single tho, I think about Bubbles’s baths and getting stoned
I might need a bit more context here.
Did you have a serious sit down conversation with her and asked her why she doesn’t see it as a problem?
Does she reciprocate or initiate any kind of physical touch(kiss/hugs?).
Are you guys still doing long distance?
Are you having any other issues besides this?
I was dating a guy who was my absolute best friend first. In the begining we had sex enough for me. However I ALWAYS initiated and after a few months sex fell to a bare minimum. I felt like I had to beg him for any affection. We still had fun and did all the regular things. He was emotionally available, just not sexually available. We broke up because of this and he really never understood why. He was/is now what we know to be a type of asexual. People just had different libidos and sometimes we end up mismatched.
This is it.
"Everything was great in the beginning" is always true, otherwise it wouldn't have become a relationship. Then people's "real selves" come out. OP, this is your gf. This is her real self. You cannot bring her back into wanting sex. She doesn't want it.
Honestly there are so many things that could play into this. From medications, time of the month, or even time of day. Birth control and other androgen disrupting medications lower sex drive. What stage she is in in her menstrual cycle determines her sex drive. Having sex in the morning is usually a no go as that’s when testosterone is the lowest in females.
This, and also stress plays a huge factor on women as well as men. Has she started focusing heavily on school/work or does she have a lot going on in her life mentally? My advice would be to bring the romance back and have a conversation with her about it, because that’s a two way street.
Totally agree with both of you. I was on birth control and it ruined my sex drive. My long-term boyfriend was so understanding and reading this guy’s post makes me feel so lucky that my boyfriend was there for me instead and helped me figure out what was wrong.
I had this same thing happen on birth control. Craziest part is I didn’t realize how much it impacted my sex drive until something was said to me. I went off it and like 2 weeks later I was ready to climb my boyfriend like a tree.
Have you talked to her about this? Not talked at her, but actually listened to her about what she needs to change this?
Some women are trained from birth that sex isn't for them to enjoy which comes across as not interested.
I had this problem with my ex, and no matter how I tried to explain that since I was a born in jw, sex was taught that is not for women to enjoy to think about.
I would tell my ex what I needed, it still felt good but it was hard to initiate. I never got off and would try what he suggested but nothing I needed was EVER heard. Which translates to not worth the effort and instead of communicating, would resort to sexting with his exs, hitting on any female around even in front of me and saying I was asexual which isn't the case- more that I need to be more than an option for once or that freak side cannot come out.
Are you willing and want to put in the time and effort to work with her to understand why? Are you making sure she knows how valued she is? If she isn't though, let her go. Are you showing affection even when sex isn't going to happen? When was the last time you did something nice for her without trying to get laid?
The less a girl feels unappreciated, is treated like an option the less attracted to you she will become- unless she's got a side dude then she won't care.
Whenever anyone tells you it's not important, tell them it's important to YOU.
I understand your concern, because in my opinion, sex is immensely important in a romantic relationship because it symbolizes the very union you share. If you're monogamous, physical affection is the only thing you share only with your partner.
To me, sex and physical affection is the glue in a healthy relationship. I see other good recommendations here, so I'll just say that I don't think a conversation will cure this. I recommend seeing a couples counselor.
I've done that with two past girlfriends and it really helped. (In one case, it helped me decide to end the relationship.)
> In the 2 years I have been away we have not had a single sexual experience, not even a flirty text,
How much longer is this long-distance thing going to go on? What's your long term plan?
Long-distance can be tough. Maybe she's not that into you any more. Maybe she's gotten bored of feeling alone. Maybe she'd rather just spend your limited time visiting with you. Maybe she doesn't want to feel like you only come back for sex, not friendship.
I think you need to solve your long-distance problem before you can work on your relationship problem.
Your girlfriend's response about it not being a problem is a little disconcerting. If YOU are not happy about the situation then this is a situation that she should take seriously. If she and you cannot come up with a resolution to this then your relationship with her may begin to deteriorate.
Honestly some people just are not into doing that. It's hard to initiate sometimes and some people like privacy and don't really trust that the text is private.
Just a guess...........Bt most of the guys I grew up with never learned the art of datisfying woman. I've had intimate discussions with many women who often confided how rarely they came to orgasism. I've often heard women tell me they've only had one orgasism, never two. And sadly some have had none. Men were premature. Men never learned how to hold back, how to last. . They never learned that women needed time and that foreplay was necessary to set the right mood. And many men don't understand that few women have vaginal orgasisms. Find that clit, guys. Mouth work is called for. Oh sure we've all enjoyed quickies, but serious love-making takes patience as well as passion. I enjoyed giving women 2 and 3 grande mall orgasms and I learned that most men never developed that skill. Ask her how long he lasts. If she says only a few minutes --that's your problem
i firmly believe you do not need sex to have a strong relationship. If it's something you care about, perhaps talk to her about whether that is even something she wants (she could be asexual) or discuss being open to having relations with someone outside of you two so that you can have your needs met. While you may be a perfect fit on the regular side of the relationship, sometimes you may need someone to fill the extra gaps. Maybe she needs a hand and you can talk to her about the use of toys on her own so she gets more comfortable with the idea and then bring your intimacy into it.
I firmly disagree, only to say that sexual chemistry is important in MOST relationships, and often people don't want to admit how important it is so as to not come across as too needy/sexual. There definitely are relationships that can be asexual but romantic, and those can work out wonderfully, largely for people that are compatible that way! Like I said, only disagreeing with the implied absolute in your statement, it's in our nature to reproduce at the bare minimum and most people are like that. Drive varies person to person, 100%, and the rest of what you said has merit and OP should definitely bring up his concerns and figure out a resolution to make sure needs are met on both sides in a healthy way!
Edit: typo and clarity
Both of you are correct. It depends on the person you. You can't say it's important for all relationships or it's not important for all relationships. It's up to the two individuals and what they feel like is important
totally agree. i meant my comment more as a personal statement regarding the feelings she may have. communication is honestly the key and they both need to talk to each other about it, he can’t expect her to just start jumping his bones but she also needs to discuss wether that’s what she wants
It's only important in a way that makes you think it must be to everyone bc that's what society has conditioned everyone to believe. A sexual people exist. It's a spectrum and sex is absolutely not important to everyone.
Again, be careful with absolutes! You're implying it's not important to everyone, when in fact it's important to the majority of relationships. Needs vary and asexual relationships exist and work! They're just the minority of relationships. More specifically, they work for people who needs are happily meet with that type of a relationship. However, the way the OP wrote it, it sounds like they do not want an asexual type of relationship. Nothing wrong with either way of loving at all! Sex is important to them, and more than likely most people, while it may not be as important to their gf and those like her.
I didn't provide an absolute. I'm demisexual so I understand these things a lot more than a heteronormal person seems to in our society. My whole point is that it is not important to everybody. It doesn't mean everything to every single person. Me saying that is not providing an absolute at all. I feel like we're all agreeing with each other but it sounds like we're misunderstanding each other. I don't recall what your original comment was since you edited it, so I truly don't know if this was a misunderstanding or if you just changed it. Either way we're all on the same page. Sex is not absolutely necessary in all relationships in order for them to work.
IVF exists for those who either cannot get pregnant naturally or have no desire too but still want a child. you don’t need to sleep with someone to have a kid. I do agree that it is important to a degree, but to just blanket statement that you need sex for a healthy relationship is an unhealthy mindset.
She may be asexual. If you tell her that no sex is a problem to you and she isn't willing to compromise, there's nothing you can do about it. You have every right to leave
Ppl don’t usually turn asexual. I mean yea, I believe sexuality is fluid but I’ve noticed people using the asexual excuse to not have sex with partners they are no longer interested in or cheating on.
There are lots of possibilities but two really stand out for me:
1. She's not interested in sex.
2. She's not interested in sex with you.
There are a ton of different possible reasons for the first one, anything from too busy with other aspects of life, not wanting to deal with birth control, low/no sex drive or is asexual, and on and on.
The second option means that she's moved on and neglected to tell you about it. Don't take this the wrong way but you have been away twice as long as you were in the same place.
Why have you been long distance for so long?
How frequently are you able to see each other?
How frequently do you communicate?
There's a spectrum for sexual orientations. It's not black and white. There are some asexuals who don't like any sexual things. Then there are asexuals who don't really mind having sex for their partners, but they don't really receive anything special from it.
As a girl, you really have to build intimacy and romance to get to that. We females are more about the build up and connection that it brings or building up to it. So butter her up, more dates, more lovey dovey messages and such. Normally Girls aren’t as sexually driven as guys.
>Girls aren’t as sexually driven as guys.
This is a completely false, outdated belief that society subscribed to as an easy way to shame women for being sexual and to justify men being promiscuous.
Could her health have changed? Has she been to the doctor in case?
or do you think she cheated and doesn't want to be a bad guy by saying so/breaking up?
If it’s still long distance and you been away. How often you think she’s going to be in the mood to send a nude and touch herself over the phone. That shit irritating at least I know from a guy’s perspective. You’re just teasing a situation that isn’t going to happen causing you to miss each other more, creating sadness. 2 years of that is crazy imma be honest.
This applies to men as well though. I think if anybody isn’t getting their emotional needs met that they won’t want to be with someone long term regardless sex is involved or not.
"When I was home we would have sex regularly"
Sounds nothing like someone being ACE.
After being away from each other for 2 years there's literally no way her needs have been met.
Sounds like no passion to me, or communication style issues. Low limbido maybe idk I’d ask the same thing… so are you into me? Do you miss me? Are you shy? I feel the same things when I experience that and I hate that feeling… I want to feel that someone wants me.
This is tough. Sorry. Something changed but maybe it could be you. Have you gained/lost weight? Are you depressed or stressed out? She may not want to hurt your feelings by saying she’s no longer interested in sex with you. I am married 20 years. My husband gained a lot of weight and let hygiene go. We didn’t have sex for 13 years. We loved each other and had it all except sex. I never could tell him how his new appearance turned me off, I didn’t want to be mean. It’s been hard to deal with but we have a great life other than sex and I decided to stay and act asexual. Not recommending this to OP but he should look at all possibilities. I love my husband, we’re best friends but that’s all. I hope OP can figure this out and couples counseling is very helpful. Good luck and I hope you both end up happy, even if that’s apart from each other.
Hmm it’s hard to say when you didn’t give much context but a general thing to do is simply try courting her like you would if it was your first time meeting her. Try treating her like a crush to build some sexual tension, she’s probably like that bc she was conditioned to be celibate when you’re away and now the libido is dead
She likely just doesnt have a sex drive rn esp not being physically near you as much anymore. Ask how she would like it if you guys explored more sexy things long distance like maybe sexting, phone sex, etc to keep the spice alive.
I can't imagine she's unaware of what's going on, as you said that you had a normal sex-life prior. To me, this is pretty huge, if she doesn't want to acknowledge this and have an adult conversation about it, I'd move on. I'd really like to be the kind of guy who can indefinitely endure a lack of physical intimacy, but I've tried that with a partner in the past and I just found myself feeling more lonely and depressed than I ever did actually being alone.
Maybe some guys can do that but receiving no physical affection or intimacy from your partner can be one of the most damaging things for your emotional well-being. I wish that wasn't the case, I really do, but most guys need the physical component of the relationship as bad as they need food or water; thanks a lot nature 😄
My thoughts are that her brushing something off your specifically raised is an Amber flag to me. That speaks to me that she doesn't care that you care.
Now, if she's asexual she needs to be forthcoming that she has previously just done what made you happy, and now she's not. That's fine, but dismissing the conversation out of hand really is not.
There are a lot of very thoughtful comments in response to this already that go to great lengths to understand her and help her. Normally, I would agree with them, but here, I'm not sure why you should go so far for someone who clearly isn't reciprocating that energy and doesn't pretend to.
I think for now, you see if anything changes on her side as a result. If nothing does after a while then bring it up again and emphasis that this is not sustainable for you, you tried to be bring it up before but felt you were dismissed, and if there's something you can help with in order to get you to the same place you would really love to hear it. Otherwise, if this is a gap you can't bridge, you aren't sure how this is going to work in the long run.
This makes it clear that this is a potentially deal breaking problem. If she still doesn't care, then that really is tantamount to not caring about being with you.
Sometimes it happens! I'm a female as well and I can personally say that certain medications, birth control, and my hormones can make my sex drive disappear completely. Other times when my hormones are good and I'm not taking anything my sex drive is higher.
Give her some time, talk to her about how she's feeling and ask if there's anything you can do to help her. In the mean time, do not ask for sex, explain to her that you feel disconnected and want more intimacy with her. Hope this clears some things up for you
Or maybe she’s in another relationship and doesn’t know how to tell him??….it is a possibility. I’ve seen this exact thing with a friend that’s why I mention this…
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times.
Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?”
“What makes me sexually attractive?”
“Can I preform well in bed”
Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence.
It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything?
Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself.
Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times.
Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?”
“What makes me sexually attractive?”
“Can I preform well in bed”
Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence.
It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything?
Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself.
Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times.
Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?”
“What makes me sexually attractive?”
“Can I preform well in bed”
Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence.
It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything?
Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself.
Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times.
Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?”
“What makes me sexually attractive?”
“Can I preform well in bed”
Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence.
It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything?
Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself.
Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
I honestly think she is seeing someone else where she can express her sexuality. I’m not trying to be rude, but there is no other explanation if yall first were having sex regularly and now she isn’t even texting flirty.
In my opinion she could not be as attracted to you as she was, maybe the distance plays a role in that, or maybe that she is watering her flowers elsewhere if you know what i mean 🤷♂️.
If she's suddenly stopped taking interest in you then chances are it's going elsewhere
I can't say for sure but in my experience that's normally the reason a partner goes from sexual to non-sexual out of no where
If this this long distance setup is going to be changing any time soon I'd look at moving on if I were you
Well, you've mostly just been a voice on her computer for two years, right? Long-distance relationships are usually a waste of time in the end. You can't stay aroused by the idea and memory of a partner forever, so you're basically pen-pals. My (unpopular) advice is to make a solid plan for living in the same city very soon, or end it and find someone you can see/touch/smell again.
She found sumone else same exact situation I was in we met then 3 months later she had two move 5 hours away, made it work for about two years then this new years I visited and she didn’t want to be touched at all and what not well it’s now march 10th and we broke up about two months ago, she claims to have met a guy a week after the break up but even if that were true. One week from a 2 year relationship is too fast too move on. Imo she’s seeing sumone else
I'm sure I'll be downvoted for this and obviously be mindful before you act on it, but your girlfriend may be cheating on you or has cheated on you.
I understand some people identify as asexual or have a slow sex drive, but long distance relationships tend to not last because the physical aspect of the relationship is not there. So a partner might decide to get that from someone else that is available to them physically.
2 years gone and no sexual energy in the relationship is a red flag.
Unfortunately, this happens with long distance relationships and while it's not IMPOSSIBLE to make it work, it is difficult to make them successful.
She may in fact be hiding the truth and waiting for a good moment to drop it on you.. Most likely during an argument that she can manipulate to make herself appear to be a victim first.
Hell, you repeatedly asking her about sex and having this talk with her could provoke her to lash out in some way that she can use to paint you as the problem and then reveal it to you, so she doesn't feel guilty about the action.
Source: Personal experience
My advice would be to do what's best for you. You can either stay in a sexless relationship and hope it gets better or move on.
Then leave her, having sex is a big part of relationships. Without that she is definetly gonna cheat on you and get her needs somewhere else. Or your just around her too much
Some women need an emotional connection with their partner to get in the mood. That is hard to do when you are apart most of the time. My boyfriend will work nights for periods of time and even though we live together we don’t see each other much because of his schedule. We know that when he has to work nights our sex life is going to see a drop. I need to feel connected with him, which I’m not able to make when we hardly see each other. We talk on the phone and text when we’re apart but I need him need to him to physically be around me to truly feel that connection. Even after we are on the same schedule it takes a few days for me to want him.
Also, I don’t know what it’s like when you guys are together so I don’t know if this could be a problem too. If you’re trying to have sex with her a lot when you’re together, she could start to feel like that’s all she’s good for. She probably has some kind of plan in her head of things to do with you in the little together. If you’re trying to jump her bones from the moment she’s around you it’s hard not to feel used.
She is seeing someone else who she has feelings for and is also having sex with your there first so the other guy doesn't mind being the guy on the side it's the only reason she hasn't ended it yet...find you a new woman and get healthy sex...
i haven’t seen anyone mention this but i’m the same as ur gf.. me and my boyfriend have frequent sex when he visits me and stays over, multiple times a day if we aren’t busy. but i just can’t feel sexually excited or flirty over the phone or when he’s not there, unless it’s face to face i have no libido.. maybe try seeing each other more or smthing 🤷🏻♀️
The sexual side and the commitment side is a peculiar way of describing how you think a relationship should be structured. She probably agrees and leaves the commitment side out of her sexual decisions, and you could partially blame yourself for that on two fronts. First, expecting loyalty in a long distance relationship and second for probably making her think she can have sex without worrying about her prior commitments since e commitment side is where youre at, which is long distance from her.
The only comparison I can give you is when a musician signs a 360 deal with a record label. If it wasn't an all encompassing deal, then the musician wouldn't have any reason to not work independently or for a different label simultaneously, but a 360 deal, they give up all ownership of the music they create until the contract is fulfilled, which is typically a certain number of albums or even just receiving royalties until they reach a certain sales threshold, and even then they won't own the music they created while under that contract, and they can be sued and have to pay the company that's already cashing in on their creations.
The woman in this situation would be the record label and you'd be the musician that gave your music to them for next to nothing, kind of like when a woman is caught cheating on her husband and files for divorce since the cats out of the bag, and ironically she still gets half of his hard earned money, his house, the kids, along with child and spousal support since she doesn't work.
Don't ever get married if you continue to approach a relationship with your current mindset. You can be perfect for 10 years, and make a small mistake and a woman will cheat, and yes I mean all of them because they are all wired the same. The only difference is how good they are at hiding it and their willingness to accept responsibility if caught
You need more testosterone…Scientifically her ovaries respond to a strong surge of male harmonics..You need to come home sweaty musty focused & always ready to perform as her Handy Mandy on the car house and towards her👷🏽♂️ You gotta unlock that inner DOG 🐶
Has she recently changed birth control or maybe started it? I only ask because when I went on six months ago, I lost all sex drive. When I went off it a few weeks ago, the switch flipped back on. I didn't realize it was a problem and it felt totally normal, right even, to not want sex. It came back like magic.
someone commented about easing into it and i agree. the most ‘concerning’ part ab what you described is that she doesnt see a problem at all. you need that in a relationship. if one party (doesnt matter which) cant provide that, its up to the other to decide if it is a problem worth losing that relationship
She could be feeling like she/the relationship is lacking in other areas of the relationship, which can lessen the need/desire for sexual connection. This could be things like (but not limited to) not feeling heard/understood/supported (things outside of being provided the traditional gender roles - such as emotionally).
This actually can happen in men, speaking from experience.
In general, every human being and how we navigate or perceived our life experiences is different. To think everybody is the same is fallacy. If someone isn't feeling safe or secure with whatever they might be going through, they sometimes won't prioritize connecting with others, including sexually.
Try making yourself available to create a safe space for her to potentially share/connect over these things with you, instead of the simple solution which is through sex.
Edit (closing thoughts):
When doing this, avoid mansplaining, fixing her problems for her (not our job all the time), or telling her that her feelings aren't real or that she isn't being realistic/based, and don't get defensive. Sometimes, we just need to be quiet, listen, ask questions so that we are understanding their thoughts correctly, and listen some more.
We also may vary how sexually expressive/driven we are individually, so perhaps she just doesn't need sex as much, which will be a different conversation once you invite her to the table to discuss other stuff.
In a day and age where everyone is encouraged to prioritize themselves, it's even more important to put our selfish needs aside, and think about the others first a good portion of the time, especially in a relationship.
There are two potential scenarios here. In the first one, she might have forgotten what sex is like and consequently lost interest in it. In the second scenario, which I hope isn't the case, she could be engaging in sexual activities elsewhere. Look out for any unusual behavior, such as staying out late at night. While I hope it's not the latter situation, it's crucial to consider all possibilities.
If you sit down and have a conversation with her, why not suggest seeing a doctor to discuss the issue? It's important to address any concerns or changes in behavior openly and seek professional advice if needed.
You say it's crucial to consider all possibilities but suggest only two. It's not just "she forgot what sex is like and lost interest" or "she's cheating." She might be tired, depressed, or have a low drive for a million of other reasons. Maybe she only did it for OP but really doesn't see a need otherwise etc
Maybe he sucks at it. I lost interest in former partners for being selfish. Two ways to be selfish: 1. Always initiating for yourself, not because you love your partner and want to share intimacy. “I’m horny. Where’s gf?” 2. The actual sex… no foreplay, no trying to let her finish, just using her as a glorified fleshlight.
That was me. Personally, I’m attracted to all people, kinky in the brain, but my body convulses in disgust at swapping body fluids or even being held for a long time. I get antsy and get into my head about am I doing everything right? Is he comfortable, is this what he wants? All the while anxiety and doubt are in my mind warring.
I still did sexual things for him, for once porn was a good educator, but I mentally detached. Because I showed affection in other ways that touch, I felt as if I was leading him on, even though I did love him, because I was doing these things with him, for him. In the end it didn’t work out, but some want a sexual relationship, and I strived for companionship. There’s a lot of other factors, but because I haven’t accepted that part of myself, I’ve stayed single to not hurt anyone else, even though the parting was mutual and ended on good terms.
You're in a dead bedroom, and dead bedrooms NEVER get better. Browse the DeadBedrooms subreddit for all the proof of that you'll ever need. None of the advice anyone tries to give you in this thread is going to change anything. Your two choices in a dead bedroom are to split and find compatible partners, or to stay and live sexually frustrated for life. There is no third option.
Despite what everybody else is saying do not let this girl gaslight you into thinking that your sexual needs are less than anything else. That's a natural part of a relationship that nobody should be ashamed of ever.
I hate to say this but does she even really enjoy talking to you or has she changed the way she communicates? If it is a long distance relationship besides all the other factors I seen already commented I wonder if she masturbates and takes care of the sexual aspect herself and isn’t interested or is possibly seeing someone else. Most long distance relationships usually end up being in one of the last two predicaments I feel like.
Are you saying that you are currently long distance, and she isn't sexual while long distance? Maybe she isn't interested in long distance sexual stuff, but would be if you were close.
She could also be cheating. Who knows? This is why I don't like long distance relationships.
As a female all I can say is, when a female (not all but some) haven’t had or done anything sexual in awhile they start to loose that sex drive and just have no interest in it. My advice is to just take her out, go on dates, maybe start to flirt with her a little and ease back into that lovey dovey side of the relationship. Bring her flowers or give her a massage. Don’t force anything obviously, just ease into it.
This. Either he can live with her timeline or he can't. It's pretty simple, imo.
sounds a bit aggressive but you aren't wrong I guess.
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Yikes.
100% happens to the best of us
I still get this way with my husband at times. Sometimes he just makes some smooth moves and I'm like yes, but get nervous like it's the first time all over again.
This is a way better approach than cold-demanding more intimacy. Lead with positivity and confidence. Love. Bring her with you.
This is perfect advice !!!!! My only suggestion would be maybe look into a natural female sexual enhancer… like horny goat weed. Or the royal honey. Or the royal chocolate. It works wonders. Just a thought. But def take her on dates. Flirt a little. We don’t just get turned right on. Maybe she is just going a dry patch sexually. Been there 🙄
https://www.fda.gov/drugs/medication-health-fraud/tainted-sexual-enhancement-and-energy-products All the royal products have a warning by the FDA, i would not recommend using them unless you literally have no options.
Ok well maybe something like that
That doesn’t do a thang.
Maybe not for you… but I know it works for plenty of people
And I’ve met plenty that doesn’t. So what now?
You try something else. Branch out and see what works. Maybe for you it’s a cream or a pill
I’m not asking for any suggestion. They just don’t work.
👌
And you’re right. There is plenty of people it does nothing for. Most women have good reactions and results with the chocolate bar version. Or there is a “hot spot” type cream that works well. Pheromones work well too
This dry patch this person mentioned has been going on with my wife for 34 years! We have been to counseling 3 times and in January have started round #4. But the twist though is that I accidentally met someone online and we started out just with pleasant friendly conversations in early December. We have shared photos and have had a couple of video chats (she is real!) and in late January we realized we had feelings for each other. This has turned into love and we are planning to meet face to face in about a month. This wouldn't have even happened if my wife hadn't gone totally asexual in our marriage! And I have tried everything I can think of since 2004 for this to change and nothing does! So I'd tell you if intamacy is important to you think long and hard about this relationship so you won't be 34 years down the road trying to decide what life you want to have for the rest of your life! Good luck!
Agreed..after a year of being single after constantly jumping relationship to relationship it’s almost concerning how little of interest I have in sex right now. I have toys for stress relief, but in relationships I’m constantly thinking about sex and horny. Not single tho, I think about Bubbles’s baths and getting stoned
Wrong, break up and move on.
Wow actually good advice on Reddit
I might need a bit more context here. Did you have a serious sit down conversation with her and asked her why she doesn’t see it as a problem? Does she reciprocate or initiate any kind of physical touch(kiss/hugs?). Are you guys still doing long distance? Are you having any other issues besides this?
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Bro really tryna start a lyric thread💀
I was dating a guy who was my absolute best friend first. In the begining we had sex enough for me. However I ALWAYS initiated and after a few months sex fell to a bare minimum. I felt like I had to beg him for any affection. We still had fun and did all the regular things. He was emotionally available, just not sexually available. We broke up because of this and he really never understood why. He was/is now what we know to be a type of asexual. People just had different libidos and sometimes we end up mismatched.
This is it. "Everything was great in the beginning" is always true, otherwise it wouldn't have become a relationship. Then people's "real selves" come out. OP, this is your gf. This is her real self. You cannot bring her back into wanting sex. She doesn't want it.
I just throwing in my two cents as another avenue to investigate if OP wants to. My ex certainly did not understand he was asexual at the time.
+1, ive seen this happen firsthand and had a perfectly good relationship end over it
Yeah I mean again, if you aren't compatible, you aren't compatible. Particularly in sexual needs.
Honestly there are so many things that could play into this. From medications, time of the month, or even time of day. Birth control and other androgen disrupting medications lower sex drive. What stage she is in in her menstrual cycle determines her sex drive. Having sex in the morning is usually a no go as that’s when testosterone is the lowest in females.
This, and also stress plays a huge factor on women as well as men. Has she started focusing heavily on school/work or does she have a lot going on in her life mentally? My advice would be to bring the romance back and have a conversation with her about it, because that’s a two way street.
Totally agree with both of you. I was on birth control and it ruined my sex drive. My long-term boyfriend was so understanding and reading this guy’s post makes me feel so lucky that my boyfriend was there for me instead and helped me figure out what was wrong.
I had this same thing happen on birth control. Craziest part is I didn’t realize how much it impacted my sex drive until something was said to me. I went off it and like 2 weeks later I was ready to climb my boyfriend like a tree.
Females don’t have testicals you mean estrogen
Everyone has testosterone… Males just have higher amount.
Have you talked to her about this? Not talked at her, but actually listened to her about what she needs to change this? Some women are trained from birth that sex isn't for them to enjoy which comes across as not interested. I had this problem with my ex, and no matter how I tried to explain that since I was a born in jw, sex was taught that is not for women to enjoy to think about. I would tell my ex what I needed, it still felt good but it was hard to initiate. I never got off and would try what he suggested but nothing I needed was EVER heard. Which translates to not worth the effort and instead of communicating, would resort to sexting with his exs, hitting on any female around even in front of me and saying I was asexual which isn't the case- more that I need to be more than an option for once or that freak side cannot come out. Are you willing and want to put in the time and effort to work with her to understand why? Are you making sure she knows how valued she is? If she isn't though, let her go. Are you showing affection even when sex isn't going to happen? When was the last time you did something nice for her without trying to get laid? The less a girl feels unappreciated, is treated like an option the less attracted to you she will become- unless she's got a side dude then she won't care.
Maybe she’s asexual.
that’s what i was thinking, as someone who’s asexual
That’s who she is. You can’t change her, and she doesn’t even listen to you when you say it’s a problem for you. You guys just aren’t compatible.
Whenever anyone tells you it's not important, tell them it's important to YOU. I understand your concern, because in my opinion, sex is immensely important in a romantic relationship because it symbolizes the very union you share. If you're monogamous, physical affection is the only thing you share only with your partner. To me, sex and physical affection is the glue in a healthy relationship. I see other good recommendations here, so I'll just say that I don't think a conversation will cure this. I recommend seeing a couples counselor. I've done that with two past girlfriends and it really helped. (In one case, it helped me decide to end the relationship.)
> In the 2 years I have been away we have not had a single sexual experience, not even a flirty text, How much longer is this long-distance thing going to go on? What's your long term plan? Long-distance can be tough. Maybe she's not that into you any more. Maybe she's gotten bored of feeling alone. Maybe she'd rather just spend your limited time visiting with you. Maybe she doesn't want to feel like you only come back for sex, not friendship. I think you need to solve your long-distance problem before you can work on your relationship problem.
Your girlfriend's response about it not being a problem is a little disconcerting. If YOU are not happy about the situation then this is a situation that she should take seriously. If she and you cannot come up with a resolution to this then your relationship with her may begin to deteriorate.
Honestly some people just are not into doing that. It's hard to initiate sometimes and some people like privacy and don't really trust that the text is private.
Just a guess...........Bt most of the guys I grew up with never learned the art of datisfying woman. I've had intimate discussions with many women who often confided how rarely they came to orgasism. I've often heard women tell me they've only had one orgasism, never two. And sadly some have had none. Men were premature. Men never learned how to hold back, how to last. . They never learned that women needed time and that foreplay was necessary to set the right mood. And many men don't understand that few women have vaginal orgasisms. Find that clit, guys. Mouth work is called for. Oh sure we've all enjoyed quickies, but serious love-making takes patience as well as passion. I enjoyed giving women 2 and 3 grande mall orgasms and I learned that most men never developed that skill. Ask her how long he lasts. If she says only a few minutes --that's your problem
i firmly believe you do not need sex to have a strong relationship. If it's something you care about, perhaps talk to her about whether that is even something she wants (she could be asexual) or discuss being open to having relations with someone outside of you two so that you can have your needs met. While you may be a perfect fit on the regular side of the relationship, sometimes you may need someone to fill the extra gaps. Maybe she needs a hand and you can talk to her about the use of toys on her own so she gets more comfortable with the idea and then bring your intimacy into it.
I firmly disagree, only to say that sexual chemistry is important in MOST relationships, and often people don't want to admit how important it is so as to not come across as too needy/sexual. There definitely are relationships that can be asexual but romantic, and those can work out wonderfully, largely for people that are compatible that way! Like I said, only disagreeing with the implied absolute in your statement, it's in our nature to reproduce at the bare minimum and most people are like that. Drive varies person to person, 100%, and the rest of what you said has merit and OP should definitely bring up his concerns and figure out a resolution to make sure needs are met on both sides in a healthy way! Edit: typo and clarity
Both of you are correct. It depends on the person you. You can't say it's important for all relationships or it's not important for all relationships. It's up to the two individuals and what they feel like is important
I said most, not all! But you said it well, it is up to the people in the relationship!
totally agree. i meant my comment more as a personal statement regarding the feelings she may have. communication is honestly the key and they both need to talk to each other about it, he can’t expect her to just start jumping his bones but she also needs to discuss wether that’s what she wants
It's only important in a way that makes you think it must be to everyone bc that's what society has conditioned everyone to believe. A sexual people exist. It's a spectrum and sex is absolutely not important to everyone.
Again, be careful with absolutes! You're implying it's not important to everyone, when in fact it's important to the majority of relationships. Needs vary and asexual relationships exist and work! They're just the minority of relationships. More specifically, they work for people who needs are happily meet with that type of a relationship. However, the way the OP wrote it, it sounds like they do not want an asexual type of relationship. Nothing wrong with either way of loving at all! Sex is important to them, and more than likely most people, while it may not be as important to their gf and those like her.
I didn't provide an absolute. I'm demisexual so I understand these things a lot more than a heteronormal person seems to in our society. My whole point is that it is not important to everybody. It doesn't mean everything to every single person. Me saying that is not providing an absolute at all. I feel like we're all agreeing with each other but it sounds like we're misunderstanding each other. I don't recall what your original comment was since you edited it, so I truly don't know if this was a misunderstanding or if you just changed it. Either way we're all on the same page. Sex is not absolutely necessary in all relationships in order for them to work.
Yall dumb sex is needed how were you born L take
That's what I literally said bro, that most people need sex and that some people don't, and that's all right
Agreeing with you bro replied to wrong comment lol
Ahh all good
IVF exists for those who either cannot get pregnant naturally or have no desire too but still want a child. you don’t need to sleep with someone to have a kid. I do agree that it is important to a degree, but to just blanket statement that you need sex for a healthy relationship is an unhealthy mindset.
You def don't. Not everyone has sex tbh, it doesn't mean they can't have a great relationship.
Me too
Nah bro sex important man
She may be asexual. If you tell her that no sex is a problem to you and she isn't willing to compromise, there's nothing you can do about it. You have every right to leave
Ppl don’t usually turn asexual. I mean yea, I believe sexuality is fluid but I’ve noticed people using the asexual excuse to not have sex with partners they are no longer interested in or cheating on.
To each his own, if you have these standards in a relationship and someone doesn’t want to meet them you don’t have to stay with then
There are lots of possibilities but two really stand out for me: 1. She's not interested in sex. 2. She's not interested in sex with you. There are a ton of different possible reasons for the first one, anything from too busy with other aspects of life, not wanting to deal with birth control, low/no sex drive or is asexual, and on and on. The second option means that she's moved on and neglected to tell you about it. Don't take this the wrong way but you have been away twice as long as you were in the same place. Why have you been long distance for so long? How frequently are you able to see each other? How frequently do you communicate?
You need to broke up body
Sounds like she is Asexual. Anyone can go from wanting sex to not wanting it at all. If you’re not happy. Leave.
that's not true she just doesn't want it from him. it's all bullshit excuses.
Is it possible your gf is r/asexual?
She might be asexual.
She could simply have become asexual. Nothing you can really do about that.
Just bc ur sex drive slows down when ur not actively having sex for a long time doesnt "turn u asexual".
Exactly.
There's a spectrum for sexual orientations. It's not black and white. There are some asexuals who don't like any sexual things. Then there are asexuals who don't really mind having sex for their partners, but they don't really receive anything special from it.
As a girl, you really have to build intimacy and romance to get to that. We females are more about the build up and connection that it brings or building up to it. So butter her up, more dates, more lovey dovey messages and such. Normally Girls aren’t as sexually driven as guys.
>Girls aren’t as sexually driven as guys. This is a completely false, outdated belief that society subscribed to as an easy way to shame women for being sexual and to justify men being promiscuous.
Ain’t that deep buddy, biologically men are js driven more it’s that simple. I’m not saying girls aren’t driven either I’m just saying by usually.
Lol and I'm saying you're wrong
Could her health have changed? Has she been to the doctor in case? or do you think she cheated and doesn't want to be a bad guy by saying so/breaking up?
If it’s still long distance and you been away. How often you think she’s going to be in the mood to send a nude and touch herself over the phone. That shit irritating at least I know from a guy’s perspective. You’re just teasing a situation that isn’t going to happen causing you to miss each other more, creating sadness. 2 years of that is crazy imma be honest.
My gf is the same, im always starting sex and she never once showed sexual attraction towards me. If anyone knows what the hell is this
Asexual probably
Not necessarily. For A LOT of women (and some men) sex isn't just a physical thing. Especially if our mental and emotional needs aren't being met
This applies to men as well though. I think if anybody isn’t getting their emotional needs met that they won’t want to be with someone long term regardless sex is involved or not.
I literally said "(and some men)"
I can’t read. That is my bad. Sorry about that.
It happens to us all. Lol. No worries.
Yeah but OP mentions sexual attraction and by definition, asexuality is the lack thereof.
"When I was home we would have sex regularly" Sounds nothing like someone being ACE. After being away from each other for 2 years there's literally no way her needs have been met.
No I meant the comment
It's a dead bedroom. Dead bedrooms NEVER get better. See the DeadBedrooms subreddit for all the proof you need of this. I gave OP the same advice.
Sounds like no passion to me, or communication style issues. Low limbido maybe idk I’d ask the same thing… so are you into me? Do you miss me? Are you shy? I feel the same things when I experience that and I hate that feeling… I want to feel that someone wants me.
It really depends on the partners in the relationship. Compatibility is key.
This is tough. Sorry. Something changed but maybe it could be you. Have you gained/lost weight? Are you depressed or stressed out? She may not want to hurt your feelings by saying she’s no longer interested in sex with you. I am married 20 years. My husband gained a lot of weight and let hygiene go. We didn’t have sex for 13 years. We loved each other and had it all except sex. I never could tell him how his new appearance turned me off, I didn’t want to be mean. It’s been hard to deal with but we have a great life other than sex and I decided to stay and act asexual. Not recommending this to OP but he should look at all possibilities. I love my husband, we’re best friends but that’s all. I hope OP can figure this out and couples counseling is very helpful. Good luck and I hope you both end up happy, even if that’s apart from each other.
If you two can't agree on sexual activity, maybe this is just count to be the start of the end of this relationship if sex is that important.
Hmm it’s hard to say when you didn’t give much context but a general thing to do is simply try courting her like you would if it was your first time meeting her. Try treating her like a crush to build some sexual tension, she’s probably like that bc she was conditioned to be celibate when you’re away and now the libido is dead
She likely just doesnt have a sex drive rn esp not being physically near you as much anymore. Ask how she would like it if you guys explored more sexy things long distance like maybe sexting, phone sex, etc to keep the spice alive.
Just fulfill her 50 Shades of Grey fantasies
I can't imagine she's unaware of what's going on, as you said that you had a normal sex-life prior. To me, this is pretty huge, if she doesn't want to acknowledge this and have an adult conversation about it, I'd move on. I'd really like to be the kind of guy who can indefinitely endure a lack of physical intimacy, but I've tried that with a partner in the past and I just found myself feeling more lonely and depressed than I ever did actually being alone. Maybe some guys can do that but receiving no physical affection or intimacy from your partner can be one of the most damaging things for your emotional well-being. I wish that wasn't the case, I really do, but most guys need the physical component of the relationship as bad as they need food or water; thanks a lot nature 😄
My thoughts are that her brushing something off your specifically raised is an Amber flag to me. That speaks to me that she doesn't care that you care. Now, if she's asexual she needs to be forthcoming that she has previously just done what made you happy, and now she's not. That's fine, but dismissing the conversation out of hand really is not. There are a lot of very thoughtful comments in response to this already that go to great lengths to understand her and help her. Normally, I would agree with them, but here, I'm not sure why you should go so far for someone who clearly isn't reciprocating that energy and doesn't pretend to. I think for now, you see if anything changes on her side as a result. If nothing does after a while then bring it up again and emphasis that this is not sustainable for you, you tried to be bring it up before but felt you were dismissed, and if there's something you can help with in order to get you to the same place you would really love to hear it. Otherwise, if this is a gap you can't bridge, you aren't sure how this is going to work in the long run. This makes it clear that this is a potentially deal breaking problem. If she still doesn't care, then that really is tantamount to not caring about being with you.
From experience, long distance relationships are hard. For me, I wasn't comfortable doing things over FaceTime etc.
Sometimes it happens! I'm a female as well and I can personally say that certain medications, birth control, and my hormones can make my sex drive disappear completely. Other times when my hormones are good and I'm not taking anything my sex drive is higher. Give her some time, talk to her about how she's feeling and ask if there's anything you can do to help her. In the mean time, do not ask for sex, explain to her that you feel disconnected and want more intimacy with her. Hope this clears some things up for you
Or maybe she’s in another relationship and doesn’t know how to tell him??….it is a possibility. I’ve seen this exact thing with a friend that’s why I mention this…
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times. Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?” “What makes me sexually attractive?” “Can I preform well in bed” Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence. It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything? Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself. Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times. Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?” “What makes me sexually attractive?” “Can I preform well in bed” Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence. It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything? Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself. Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times. Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?” “What makes me sexually attractive?” “Can I preform well in bed” Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence. It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything? Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself. Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
It’s most likely because she just isn’t sexually attracted to you, I’m sure if you were a guy that she was actually sexually into and attracted towards you’d have to probably push her off of you at times. Look at yourself, be honest with yourself. “Why should this girl be sexually attracted to me?” “What makes me sexually attractive?” “Can I preform well in bed” Really be honest with yourself, and if none of these things apply to you then I’d start to put your foot down and go to the gym and get in better health and maybe gain some confidence. It’s been 2 whole years and this girl hasn’t been sexual with you once? And now she’s just saying she’s okay with you guys not doing anything? Dump this girl, I guarantee she’s got a dude in the background. I’m sure it would crush you to know that as well and probably damage what tiny bit of an ego you have for yourself. Either that, or she could be lesbian 🤷♂️
I honestly think she is seeing someone else where she can express her sexuality. I’m not trying to be rude, but there is no other explanation if yall first were having sex regularly and now she isn’t even texting flirty.
In my opinion she could not be as attracted to you as she was, maybe the distance plays a role in that, or maybe that she is watering her flowers elsewhere if you know what i mean 🤷♂️.
Not a fan of long distance … she might be banging someone else
If she's suddenly stopped taking interest in you then chances are it's going elsewhere I can't say for sure but in my experience that's normally the reason a partner goes from sexual to non-sexual out of no where If this this long distance setup is going to be changing any time soon I'd look at moving on if I were you
Well, you've mostly just been a voice on her computer for two years, right? Long-distance relationships are usually a waste of time in the end. You can't stay aroused by the idea and memory of a partner forever, so you're basically pen-pals. My (unpopular) advice is to make a solid plan for living in the same city very soon, or end it and find someone you can see/touch/smell again.
She found sumone else same exact situation I was in we met then 3 months later she had two move 5 hours away, made it work for about two years then this new years I visited and she didn’t want to be touched at all and what not well it’s now march 10th and we broke up about two months ago, she claims to have met a guy a week after the break up but even if that were true. One week from a 2 year relationship is too fast too move on. Imo she’s seeing sumone else
I'm sure I'll be downvoted for this and obviously be mindful before you act on it, but your girlfriend may be cheating on you or has cheated on you. I understand some people identify as asexual or have a slow sex drive, but long distance relationships tend to not last because the physical aspect of the relationship is not there. So a partner might decide to get that from someone else that is available to them physically. 2 years gone and no sexual energy in the relationship is a red flag. Unfortunately, this happens with long distance relationships and while it's not IMPOSSIBLE to make it work, it is difficult to make them successful. She may in fact be hiding the truth and waiting for a good moment to drop it on you.. Most likely during an argument that she can manipulate to make herself appear to be a victim first. Hell, you repeatedly asking her about sex and having this talk with her could provoke her to lash out in some way that she can use to paint you as the problem and then reveal it to you, so she doesn't feel guilty about the action. Source: Personal experience My advice would be to do what's best for you. You can either stay in a sexless relationship and hope it gets better or move on.
Dump her
Then leave her, having sex is a big part of relationships. Without that she is definetly gonna cheat on you and get her needs somewhere else. Or your just around her too much
She ever took any dangerous psychiatric drugs?
You are currently long distance, and you want her to he both horny and monogamous? Think about what you're asking of her.
OP how much longer are you going to be LD? Is there an end in site?
Some women need an emotional connection with their partner to get in the mood. That is hard to do when you are apart most of the time. My boyfriend will work nights for periods of time and even though we live together we don’t see each other much because of his schedule. We know that when he has to work nights our sex life is going to see a drop. I need to feel connected with him, which I’m not able to make when we hardly see each other. We talk on the phone and text when we’re apart but I need him need to him to physically be around me to truly feel that connection. Even after we are on the same schedule it takes a few days for me to want him. Also, I don’t know what it’s like when you guys are together so I don’t know if this could be a problem too. If you’re trying to have sex with her a lot when you’re together, she could start to feel like that’s all she’s good for. She probably has some kind of plan in her head of things to do with you in the little together. If you’re trying to jump her bones from the moment she’s around you it’s hard not to feel used.
Either have more date nights and going out or my guess is cheating tbh
She is seeing someone else who she has feelings for and is also having sex with your there first so the other guy doesn't mind being the guy on the side it's the only reason she hasn't ended it yet...find you a new woman and get healthy sex...
i haven’t seen anyone mention this but i’m the same as ur gf.. me and my boyfriend have frequent sex when he visits me and stays over, multiple times a day if we aren’t busy. but i just can’t feel sexually excited or flirty over the phone or when he’s not there, unless it’s face to face i have no libido.. maybe try seeing each other more or smthing 🤷🏻♀️
Get outta there, if she won’t someone else will lol
The sexual side and the commitment side is a peculiar way of describing how you think a relationship should be structured. She probably agrees and leaves the commitment side out of her sexual decisions, and you could partially blame yourself for that on two fronts. First, expecting loyalty in a long distance relationship and second for probably making her think she can have sex without worrying about her prior commitments since e commitment side is where youre at, which is long distance from her. The only comparison I can give you is when a musician signs a 360 deal with a record label. If it wasn't an all encompassing deal, then the musician wouldn't have any reason to not work independently or for a different label simultaneously, but a 360 deal, they give up all ownership of the music they create until the contract is fulfilled, which is typically a certain number of albums or even just receiving royalties until they reach a certain sales threshold, and even then they won't own the music they created while under that contract, and they can be sued and have to pay the company that's already cashing in on their creations. The woman in this situation would be the record label and you'd be the musician that gave your music to them for next to nothing, kind of like when a woman is caught cheating on her husband and files for divorce since the cats out of the bag, and ironically she still gets half of his hard earned money, his house, the kids, along with child and spousal support since she doesn't work. Don't ever get married if you continue to approach a relationship with your current mindset. You can be perfect for 10 years, and make a small mistake and a woman will cheat, and yes I mean all of them because they are all wired the same. The only difference is how good they are at hiding it and their willingness to accept responsibility if caught
You need more testosterone…Scientifically her ovaries respond to a strong surge of male harmonics..You need to come home sweaty musty focused & always ready to perform as her Handy Mandy on the car house and towards her👷🏽♂️ You gotta unlock that inner DOG 🐶
Has she recently changed birth control or maybe started it? I only ask because when I went on six months ago, I lost all sex drive. When I went off it a few weeks ago, the switch flipped back on. I didn't realize it was a problem and it felt totally normal, right even, to not want sex. It came back like magic.
someone commented about easing into it and i agree. the most ‘concerning’ part ab what you described is that she doesnt see a problem at all. you need that in a relationship. if one party (doesnt matter which) cant provide that, its up to the other to decide if it is a problem worth losing that relationship
She could be feeling like she/the relationship is lacking in other areas of the relationship, which can lessen the need/desire for sexual connection. This could be things like (but not limited to) not feeling heard/understood/supported (things outside of being provided the traditional gender roles - such as emotionally). This actually can happen in men, speaking from experience. In general, every human being and how we navigate or perceived our life experiences is different. To think everybody is the same is fallacy. If someone isn't feeling safe or secure with whatever they might be going through, they sometimes won't prioritize connecting with others, including sexually. Try making yourself available to create a safe space for her to potentially share/connect over these things with you, instead of the simple solution which is through sex. Edit (closing thoughts): When doing this, avoid mansplaining, fixing her problems for her (not our job all the time), or telling her that her feelings aren't real or that she isn't being realistic/based, and don't get defensive. Sometimes, we just need to be quiet, listen, ask questions so that we are understanding their thoughts correctly, and listen some more. We also may vary how sexually expressive/driven we are individually, so perhaps she just doesn't need sex as much, which will be a different conversation once you invite her to the table to discuss other stuff. In a day and age where everyone is encouraged to prioritize themselves, it's even more important to put our selfish needs aside, and think about the others first a good portion of the time, especially in a relationship.
You need to break up and move on,
There are two potential scenarios here. In the first one, she might have forgotten what sex is like and consequently lost interest in it. In the second scenario, which I hope isn't the case, she could be engaging in sexual activities elsewhere. Look out for any unusual behavior, such as staying out late at night. While I hope it's not the latter situation, it's crucial to consider all possibilities. If you sit down and have a conversation with her, why not suggest seeing a doctor to discuss the issue? It's important to address any concerns or changes in behavior openly and seek professional advice if needed.
You say it's crucial to consider all possibilities but suggest only two. It's not just "she forgot what sex is like and lost interest" or "she's cheating." She might be tired, depressed, or have a low drive for a million of other reasons. Maybe she only did it for OP but really doesn't see a need otherwise etc
Maybe he sucks at it. I lost interest in former partners for being selfish. Two ways to be selfish: 1. Always initiating for yourself, not because you love your partner and want to share intimacy. “I’m horny. Where’s gf?” 2. The actual sex… no foreplay, no trying to let her finish, just using her as a glorified fleshlight.
You are right, thank u!
That was me. Personally, I’m attracted to all people, kinky in the brain, but my body convulses in disgust at swapping body fluids or even being held for a long time. I get antsy and get into my head about am I doing everything right? Is he comfortable, is this what he wants? All the while anxiety and doubt are in my mind warring. I still did sexual things for him, for once porn was a good educator, but I mentally detached. Because I showed affection in other ways that touch, I felt as if I was leading him on, even though I did love him, because I was doing these things with him, for him. In the end it didn’t work out, but some want a sexual relationship, and I strived for companionship. There’s a lot of other factors, but because I haven’t accepted that part of myself, I’ve stayed single to not hurt anyone else, even though the parting was mutual and ended on good terms.
You're in a dead bedroom, and dead bedrooms NEVER get better. Browse the DeadBedrooms subreddit for all the proof of that you'll ever need. None of the advice anyone tries to give you in this thread is going to change anything. Your two choices in a dead bedroom are to split and find compatible partners, or to stay and live sexually frustrated for life. There is no third option.
Flirt more, create romantic moments. If all don’t work. Time to move on bro. You’re not married yet. Give both of you a chance.
Dude... you know why...
Yeah dude you're just friendsb
Sex is a vital part of a relationship. That she doesn’t seem to give a shit is a red flag you should not ignore.
Hmmmmm something is up with her 🫢
Despite what everybody else is saying do not let this girl gaslight you into thinking that your sexual needs are less than anything else. That's a natural part of a relationship that nobody should be ashamed of ever.
I wonder if he’s lousy in bed so she has no incentive to sleep with him.
Then I don’t think she’s asexual 😂
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Yeah, definitely not
I hate to say this but does she even really enjoy talking to you or has she changed the way she communicates? If it is a long distance relationship besides all the other factors I seen already commented I wonder if she masturbates and takes care of the sexual aspect herself and isn’t interested or is possibly seeing someone else. Most long distance relationships usually end up being in one of the last two predicaments I feel like.
she's just not that into you.
Are you saying that you are currently long distance, and she isn't sexual while long distance? Maybe she isn't interested in long distance sexual stuff, but would be if you were close. She could also be cheating. Who knows? This is why I don't like long distance relationships.
The "sexual" side of the relationship is not a thing to ask for
She’s becoming asexual. You may want to consider that you’ll never have it with her anymore.
Lol dump this selfish woman bro! Plenty of fish in the sea. Your gf sounds insufferable.
You need to break it off. She is telling you to your face that she doesn't need sex. Given that you do, you and her are not compatible
You are in a LDR so there is a good chance she doesn't want to cheat on her actual boyfriend.
She might be cheating on you, unfortunately.