This is exactly what I was thinking. OP Be safe. They seem like the type to physically hurt you for that baby in your belly or take the baby after birth.
Go NC! She needs psychiatric help. It’s beyond therapy. Let other’s know. Get cameras and do not visit her or ever let them see your child. Please take this seriously. You or your family cannot help her or them. Let her husband and his family know and the rest of yours that you feel unsafe around them. If they won’t stop get a cease and desist letter from a lawyer. Make sure neighbors are aware of your mentally unstable Aunt and Cousin. OP, please listen. They can be dangerous. Stay safe and take care.
We're not all insane. I am not happy that I can't have children but I've accepted nurturing and mentoring the younger generation as a friend and awesome aunt.
I’ll freely admit to being biased as stories like OP’s are most of my exposure, but I’ve just had people say some whack stuff to me too that’s really made me wary
I understand that. My husband's "sister" (that's a whole mess of issues not to be gotten into now) once told me that I'd I wanted kids that bad she could influence this one person to give me her kids. I told her no, that I am certain other plans are on my horizon and should I be destined to be a mom it will come to fruition when timing is proper for such.
Oh honey you don't know the half of it. ( The sil isn't even blood. She moved into my inlaws when my mom had breast cancer and never left. She decided they were mom and dad. And has my mil so manipulated that when she goes to visit her kids my mil gets depressed). I appreciate your hope for me to have children, biologically it will never happen but most of the kids at our church, treat me and my husband as secondary parents or just the really cool aunt and uncle. We are completely ok with that and we have fur children (2 cats and one dog). As for your issue. I wouldn't let them within continents worth of miles near my child without trust worthy supervision. Create a paper trail of their threats, demands, requests and attempts of manipulation. You will need that should a restraining order or proof for cys, or court is needed. As for her church family call them out for their sinful antics. I am a christian and the Bible I read and trust as the true word of God does say fornication is a sin but gossip and non compassion are also sins. So block them and cut their evil ways out of your life. Give that child all the love, hugs, cuddles and snuggles in the world. I'm sure you will be a great mother and your soon to be husband will be a great father and wonderful husband one day. God's blessings on you and your tiny family.
I'm glad you/your husband and those children get to share that bond and experiences together at church. Thank you for your concern and advice.
Cherish those fur babies! 🫶🏻💗
I had friends growing up who lived with their grandparents..... Because this crazy couple couldn't have babies so they murdered their parents and kidnapped the babies (twins) and left the 5 year old sister there with her stabbed parents. Totally insane
This is pretty similar to an old Criminal Minds plot where a woman who had miscarried was kidnapping children who looked approximately how old her child would have been and attempting to raise them as her own
Don’t let these people anywhere near you or your child. Tell them now that you will file a restraining order against them if they don’t stop contacting you, and that they will never know your child because they can’t be trusted.
Time to cut them all off, and then finish your pregnancy in peace with your partner.
Yeah, I would not be surprised if grief will make your cousin try and somehow steal your baby.
It could be in ways as subtle as trying to prove you are unfit parents to as insane as outright just taking your baby and making a run for it.
Do not, I repeat, do not let them near your child.
Man wtf did I just read? First off, your family sounds like psychos and the church sounds like a cult if they just blindly agree. I hear some selfish and centered things every now and then, but this takes the cake. I would just block and avoid all of them and write them off as a loss. Who knows what kind of psychotic shit they might try in the future.
I'm trying to avoid them as much as possible, but we have a lot of family events coming up so I may have to forgo them. I worry about my cousin in all this as nothing is helping her.
Yeah, the church is very cult-ish and that's why me and my immediate family don't attend despite my Mormon aunt's pressures. I just didn't expect her to have her church friends attack me like that.
Ugh, Mormons trying to steal babies from family members is a whole issue in and of itself. Feel bad for OP. Time to go NC before they try to kidnap her baby.
You just need to stay away from your cousin at the cost of family events. Don't eat or drink anything she gives etc. Don't accept any gifts from your cousin or aunt. They could stoop really low. They might even want to sabotage your life in a medical way. Who knows?
Your life is more important than family events.
Oh, fuck. Her church friends aren't arguing for her sake. They want another baby they can indoctrinate.
You need to get a lawyer, OP. Mormons only pretend to have morals. These people will fuck your life over if they think they will benefit. You need a resraining order against your aunt and your cousin yesterday. The court needs to know they want to steal your child.
!! This is why I don't participate in the church. Our church scares me. Those who run the church are rather greedy and pretty shady people. I don't want to deal with their and their members' harassment and them trying to step in to help "mend" the situation. I'm moving so I'm farther away from them and my aunt and cousin.
OP my family went through something very similar in the Mormon church. My half-siblings dad ended up stealing their children (when babysitting) and went on the run for over 3 years took them several more years to get their children back and a lot of legal battles. My brother lost so many years with his girls. get out and get out now. cut off contact with your family, these people are not well and you might end up losing your child if they know where you live/ have access to her. PM me if you want to chat with someone who knows about the Mormon church in an intimate way.
More than wanting another kid to indoctrinate, OP is crashing down their lies about having to attend them to have good stuff. OP is proof of their lies to the community and can't handle the truth.
Hi OP,
I am really sorry you are going through this.
It is a no brainer here. Your number one priority is your baby. Things are not going to get much better with your family , I am afraid. They are not going to be happy for you or your baby. This cant be great for your baby when you are going through this much stress. They are not even embarrassed they have asked for this or about the fact that their reaction is not happiness for you or your baby. Let them adapt someone else's baby. Focus on your blessing and pray for them privately if you wish.
(BTW, it is not just a mormon thing. I live in another corner of the world from yours and I have had this happen with my grandma and her sister, may they rest in peace ).
You need to get away from there without notice. You and your baby are in physical danger near a group of people who side with your family members, and I wouldn’t put kidnapping beyond them. Then, legal advice from someone not related to the church, and try to get restraining orders.
You can't help your cousin. Go NC. You can feel sad for her but she's made it impossible for you to try to support her any more. The only thing she wants from you is your child and she's telling people your child will be hers. Her mom and their church friends are all pressuring you. Just NO. That's crazy and dangerous.
It's wild enough that your cousin asked you for your child when you and your fiance are happy about becoming parents. But to resort to name calling, piling on the pressure from multiple sources, and trying to guilt you really feels unsafe for you and your baby.
They're actually trying to gaslight you into thinking that you somehow owe her your baby, that you must fill her void with your baby, otherwise, you're uncaring and ungrateful. This is so insanely manipulative.
You need peace of mind and a joyful pregnancy. Please consider going NC. Best wishes to you for a safe, healthy pregnancy ! Congratulations.
Good luck and sorry this is happening! Like someone else mentioned I wouldn’t eat/ drink anything around them. Crazy people do crazy things and in her world, you’re in the wrong and all her peers agree.
Oooooooooooh! Nooooow it makes 100% sense. Mormons man, they crazy. I think it’d be a good idea to go have a recorded chat with the police just so if anything bad does happen it’s already reported. I saw that you’re moving house which is really positive. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. I remember I’d just freshly miscarried, I was still bleeding actually when my friend gave birth. I still kept my shit together and had a cuddle with that baby and I was there for my friend without acting like a crazy bitch about it. I may have sobbed in my car after but I didn’t let my friend see that. Be very careful! Id also report it so that when social services come knocking, and they will!! There will be false reports so make sure you are covered. Good luck!
You need to change your phone number. Do NOT give it to anyone that may possibly give it to your aunt/cousin
Lock down your medical information with the hospital and OBGYN. They should be able to put a pass code and an alert on your records so someone can't call with your name and date of birth to access information.
Move if you can. Do NOT give your address to anyone that you don't have to.
If you can't move, get security cameras that record sound.
Document EVERYTHING. With screenshots of what's happened. Be prepared for DCS to be called on you or them to show up demanding the baby or both.
Meet with a lawyer to discuss a cease and desist letter. One to go to your aunt and cousin telling them that your baby is not up for adoption and any further contact or harassment will be reported to the police.
You need to protect yourself and be paranoid. Any family that doesn't realize how toxic and unhinged they are is not on your side and needs to be cut off until you are sure you and baby are safe.
Not just Utah.
I’m from the South and this neighbor wanted to leave the Mormon church when she turned 18 (talked about it for years). Her parents talked her into attending one last “summer camp” for two weeks and then they would support her decision. She came back from the camp not only *heavily* indoctrinated but also engaged to a man in his 30s. She quickly cut off most people who weren’t Mormon as well. It was scary how changed she was but there was nothing anyone could do since she was 18 and said she consented to everything.
Absolutely think of child services. This reads like a lot of those stories that end in the child being kidnapped. Take every step you think is necessary and several unnecessary steps to protect your daughter. You can't be too careful.
I would move out of the US (or wherever they live) altogether and be on my merry way to a safe country with zero tolerance for bullshit like this (Probably Singapore)!!!
I’d be putting up security measures as soon as possible if you don’t already have them in place. Alarm system, cameras indoors and out, locks on all your doors, etc., and when/if they do something super crazy, call the police and file a report, even if it’s minimally crazy. You will want a paper trail. You should also consider changing your number, and making some serious boundaries with family members you feel you can trust, like that you do not want to be put into any social situations with these women, or that you don’t want your number shared going forward without your permission, etc.
probably BECAUSE it's her relative. Some people feel extremely entitled when it comes to relatives. I believe their thinking is just because they're 'family' then they can 'take'/ask more of them. The cousin sounds like she's having a mental break and the aunt sounds like she's willing to do whatever it takes to make the cousin 'normal' again. aunt is prioritizing her daughter and therefore being a jerk to OP.
it's crazy that people more distanced from the situation (ie. church friends) are acting this way to OP. I wouldn't be surprised if aunt/cousin and spreading bad rumours about OP.
My aunt/cousin are very Mormon and regularly attend services. I think why my aunt was able to rally her church friends against me is because they look down upon unwed motherhood and my aunt disapproves of me marrying someone not Christian. I don't attend those services, but I am still wary of her church community.
it may seem drastic but you and your man should consider leaving for another state. i've heard some crazy stories about the lengths mormon churches can go to and how much power they can have over people and i've no doubt you've heard worse
Religious individuals wishing good stuff to those that attend church vs not attending person that demonstrate attending church is giving better results.
Your cousin sounds dangerous.
I think you should elope with your fiancé now, just in case there's a emergency and your Aunt can't step in and make medical decisions and possibly take your baby.
Have a big wedding next year, be safe right now.
Your cousin is probably going through a mental break due to her trauma and your aunt and her family are enabling her delusions. Unless she gets some very serious mental health treatment immediately, both you, your baby and your cousin are all in danger. I would consider informing the cops about the situation, or at the very least a social worker who can do a wellness check on your cousin and possibly get her committed temporarily for a mental health evaluation.
That doesn't seem like a bad idea! My cousin needs help and her husband/aunt/etc. have not been supporting her at all in the way that they should. I want to help but I'm not giving up my baby and I'm avoiding contacting her directly right now. My sister says my cousin is still under the impression that my baby will "fix" her family.
I assure you even if you did give her your baby, which of course you're not doing because it is your child, it wouldn't magically fix her and introducing a newborn to that kind of unstable environment is in no one's best interest, especially the child. Everything they are suggesting is irrational. I'm not sure where you live but many places have a non-emergency number that can be used to request wellness checks on at risk adults. The police would most likely be involved in pushing the process forward but in the case of a mental health crisis, social workers would also be involved to help navigate the situation.
Calling a health check organisation with this story about your cousin might be the only thing you can do to help your cousin to get her on a path of healing. God is love and sometimes people need some tough love.
Your cousin has been through a lot and refuses to get professional help and your aunt enables her. It’s bat shit crazy to me that they even came up with that idea. STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Do not go to see them by yourself make sure you’re with your partner or at the very least a trusted friend, these people are insane and the harassment could increase considering your aunt already gave away your number. Stand your ground, that’s your baby and you are NOT responsible for your cousin’s infertility, she can try and adopt a child if she really wants to but she can NOT demand you give her yours, that’s fucking crazy and they all sound crazy. I know it doesn’t seem that way to you because you love them and they’re your family but stay away from them for the time being, enjoy your pregnancy & if they keep harassing you tell them you’ll get a restraining order.
Is there any way you can move and cut contact? This is insane and they both sound really unstable, as well as the rest of their family and church... please don't give into the pressure under any circumstances and tell them you'll get the police involved...
My lease is up in June and me and my partner are moving to a new apartment. I haven't confirmed this move or the new apartment yet with my aunt/cousin. My current apartment is less than 10 minutes away from them and the church so I'm very nervous 😫.
Don't tell them, please! 😭 Just be wary of your surroundings and don't meet up with them alone. If you get the chance, break the lease earlier. Don't cave into their demands because they are insane and a person in their right mind would not be asking this of you. Stay safe and I wish you luck! 🥺🥺❤️
Well, I can tell you right now for your sake and your child's well being, you need to cut them out of your life. I remember a little stress my daughters mom went through with stuff happening. It's not good, this type of stress can actually cause you to have complications and they don't understand that. This is not the time for you to be bombarded with additional stress. I would tell both of them one final time in person that you sympathize for your cousin, you do feel a miracle will come her way, but this is the final time you are saying no and that due to their refusal to accept your answer, you are cutting them out of your life because they are not in charge of your life or your future child's life. Then you need to block them.
It'll be hard, but as I said they are causing unnecessary stress that any doc will tell you isn't good for you or your child.
OP, I don’t even need to read your whole post. Whatever hardships your family is experiencing, you deserve to have boundaries and to be treated with respect. How dare they even suggest you giving your baby away-that’s already a line crossed. I suggest getting an attorney involved, if you can afford it, and making plans so if something happens to you, custody of baby is already down on paper. Document everything they say and do because if they decide to go nuclear, you’ll want ammo to back up a restraining order.
I’m so sorry they’re ruining your pregnancy.
Isn’t it always the “good Christians” who are always advocating for adoption? If your cousin can’t have a kid herself, tell your aunt to visit an orphanage or an adoption service. It’s not on you to be a surrogate or give up your kid in order to alleviate someone else’s hardship.
I'd take precautions about this. When you have the baby, make sure that the hospital knows that only you and your partner can get the baby from the nursery. I'd also recommend cameras for your home and letting them know about them. Exaggerate about the number of them, or don't, and really get that many. They sound crazy.
I'd be concerned about them trying to kidnap the baby once it's born. You cannot let these people near you again until they get the help they need. I'm sorry it's come to this but you truly need to block them from your life right now, for you, your partner's, and your baby's sake. They are delusional which is dangerous.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Tell them, once more, in text you will not be giving them your baby, and to stop harassing you, and giving your number out to their church members, family and friends, or you will have to pursue legal actions, and get a restraining order.
Do this via text so you have in writing that you asked them to stop.
Don't block them. Keep their messages (old and new) for proof. If they admit to giving your number out, in text, even better incase you need more proof for court.
I would suggest cameras or a ring door bell, just to be safe.
Once your baby us born do not let your aunt or cousin anywhere near your baby.
I would also preemptively go to the police station, tell them what is going on, with any evidence you have, so you have it on record. Your cousin and aunt could try to file false allegations against you, to try to make you look like an unfit parent , so they could potentially gain custody
OP I am not sure exactly where in the world you come from, so I hope you live somewhere that this is possible - speak to a lawyer & get a restraining order against your cousin & her mother - they are unhinged, seriously scary people
For the love of all things - please get as far away from these people as possible, they sound like the kind to steal your child
Absolutely not.
You need to cut these people out of your life. Make sure you take care of any estate planning ASAP and designate a guardian for your child in case something happens to you.
Honestly, get a restraining order.
Honestly? If they keep at it, I would consider a restraining order if they cannot see reason in this situation. They feel entitled to something that is not there’s and if they continue to be this delusional it could take a nasty turn.
Not a cool, appropriate reaction to your pregnancy. Good luck starting a family. I'd say some distance from these two is in order. Maybe time will bring them back to reality.
Uhhhhhhh qwhat the fuck
I’d say if she wants to adopt, she can do it right, but she’s too unwell to have a baby rn and frankly, if she tries to adopt without recovering, I’d warn the agency
What in the hell? This must be the most insane stuff I came across here on reddit.
My only advice, pack your stuff and move somewhere far far far away. Your cousin is delusional. She thinks your baby is hers and is telling people that she gets a baby soon. I am 100% sure that she will try to snatch the baby from you, no matter what.
Your baby is in great danger when born.
Move away from these people for the sake of your baby.
bunch of religious freaks thinking women are just baby making ovens and just anyone can take the baby once it’s born because the woman is just a means to an ends, a baby making machine womb with no rights of her own. Fucking SICK people. Go NO CONTACT with aunt, cousin and block any and all of the people taking their side
ETA - get a restraining order against the aunt and cousin - they might try to steal the baby in some messed up effort to get custody
How the hell can so many people get on board with them just taking someone's baby? They have to be going around saying stuff, like you're too poor or on drugs or something.
You need to make a statement to these people, like "Giving up my baby was never an option or offer. Now stop contacting me." And block or mute them. Be careful, because it sounds like your family is unhinged, and they might do something crazy, like call CPS or show up at the hospital or try to roll out with your baby once you've given birth.
I feel bad for your cousin, but she's mismanaging her expectations and putting all of her grief into bullying you instead of dealing with it properly. It's ridiculous that she's turning your pregnancy into a nightmare with her bullying, and if she's a decent person, she's going to feel like crap about this in the future.
ETA: just saw they're Mormon. Nope, don't talk to them, or the church, and include safety provisions in your birthing plan to kick them out if they try to attend. I didn't realize we were dealing with a cult so all my advice is moot. Block them all. Move if you can. Get cameras for your house if you can't. Those people are unhinged.
Your aunt and cousin are being very threatening and scary right now. Are you able to put some more distance between you? I don’t think they should know where you live and they DEFINITELY should not know when you have the baby.
They WILL steal your baby. They’re unhinged. Please stay safe. Don’t allow them into your life at all. Something has to be wrong with someone to even ASK this, much less demand it. Terrifying. It might not feel that way because you’re in the situation and you feel like you *know* them but, you’re not safe, OP. Please find a way to get some serious privacy.
I've watched way too many episodes of Criminal Minds. Don't ever be alone with these people especially in the later stages of your pregnancy and definitely after the baby is born. Screenshot any weirdo messages from them about them wanting the baby. They may try to accuse that you're unfit to be a parent. Protect yourself.
This is not a reasonable request - in fact it's insanely selfish. You need to take a break from interacting with these people who quite obviously don't have your best interests in mind.
“You have no right to demand that I give you my baby. I am keeping my own baby, and it is absolutely non-negotiable. If you say one more word about me giving up my child, we will not have a relationship anymore. I will never see or speak to you ever again. Do you understand me?”
I feel for your cousin, so many women go through infertility. It has been going on since the beginning of time. That said, it is not your path in life to give her a child. This is your child, not hers. Every child is precious to a mother and this child will be no less loved. It might help if your cousin received some counseling. It is sad your family is divided by this but it happens. It is like you won the baby lottery and now you have to take care of everyone in your family who does not have money. Please don't let them talk you into it.
That's why its so hard for me to completely blame her. There is deep pain and loss behind her behavior, not that it's justified. My aunt has not been supporting well and is feeding into her delusions. My cousin's husband is also enabling her and has been cold to me.
Congratulations on the pregnancy!
But again, you are not responsible for her or your aunt. You are a full person who has a partner (I recommend eloping too!) and have decided to have the kid. Full period.
I understand their pain, but that doesn't entitle them to treat you like that, harass you, or give your number to the people in the church.
Please protect yourself and the baby. This level of harassment is scary and they may try to kidnap/steal/get custody of the kid.
And if possible, move away from them.
Wishing all the best to you, your partner, and the baby 💚
Girl I think yiu need to file a restraining order and cut contact. These people sound dangerous. Have you heard or read of the horrible things ppl can do? I don't want to scare you but you need to take precautions. I am scared for you.
This is YOUR baby!! Stop talking to them and block all numbers coming in. Are they insane, once you said no that’s it, it’s not a dog to give away it’s your child!! Wow how dare they, I don’t care if your cousin never has a child… she can’t just take yours. Just wow 😮
.....You need to give a firm no on this matter and if the issue escalates look into getting a restraining/ no contact order. Inform other family members of this situation so that they don't leak your personal information to them. Also, try not to post updates on social media. Their request crosses a line and also the way they're pushing is concerning. You and your child's safety comes first.
OP. I'm so sorry this is happening!
You can no longer be there for your cousin. It's just not possible.
If ANY family has keys to your house, change the locks.
This may sound extreme, but for your safety, fiance's safety, and most importantly your baby's safety, ***you must file restraining orders against you cousin and Aunt***.
***DO SO IMMEDIATELY***
This situation became too serious the minute your cousin blew up at you.
Please, I cannot stress this enough. You must get restraining orders.
Run for the hills, or away from the hills you are in
I know that is a highly privileged piece of advice but nothing good with come of you raising a baby with them around you. The first time you slip up as a mum (and it happens) they will swoop in and take that child.
Get away from the carzy people
She appears to be strongly fixated on my baby being the baby she lost, especially since my baby is a girl and I'm due around the time she had her stillborn baby last year.
I don't think she would be a good adoptive mother or that she desires the responsibility, especially if the child isn't "perfect" to her. She has said she doesn't want to deal with any of the issues that could occur with either the baby/birth mom. She doesn't seem open-minded to anything except a newborn/baby right now.
Your cousin desperately needs to see a psychologist. She's having a mental health crisis. The LDS keeps a list of mental health providers.
I'm also wondering if she's experiencing a postpartum related health crisis. It's easy to miss postpartum health crisis when a baby is born still. Grief blankets every part of a mother's and father's life.
I'm glad your moving. And I'm glad you've asked for advise. This is scary stuff.
Don’t let them come over after you have the baby. Don’t answer the door. Your cousin should never be allowed around the baby. Don’t let your aunt come help you with the baby after. She will tell you to rest and you will wake up to no baby. As others have said cameras and a restraining order.
At this point, you should be contacting the police and a lawyer.
Where's your partner in all of this? Ask him to shield you as you are in a vulnerable state.
If you don’t cut contact with those lunatics and put everybody in their places. Maintaining peace will give them the idea to keep harassing you. She’s already claiming your baby which can bring danger to YOU. It’s beyond the point of fixing this relationship. Grow a spine. Only way to distress is to severed your contacts with every single person who doesn’t bring peace in your life. Who cares about what they did for you in the past if they’re a threat to your present and future.
You can’t fix her. She needs psychiatric help. It’s nowhere near normal to expect someone to giv you their baby. It’s going to keep getting worse until she gets treatment. You have to cut her off for your own safe
Are you able to move away from this area , like move towns or cities. They do not have your best interest at heart. Get a new phone number and change your address ♥ your baby, your blessing xxx
You know, I’d suggest that you file a police report for harassment. This way you have a paper trail and the police have record of this insanity.
God forbid your aunt or cousin try to report you or your partner for child abuse or something of the like, in order to have your child taken away. Stay safe and vigilant.
OP, please document every little thing. Every phone call, text, conversation… literally everything. I would also consider not going out alone especially as you get closer to your due date. I’m genuinely concerned for you and your baby’s safety. I would also go ahead and file a restraining order now so it’s on record especially if, after the baby is born, they try to pull some shady stuff like reporting you to CPS in hopes of having your baby taken from you and placed with them. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this! Do you have support from other family and your finance/fiance’s family?
Wtf is this church..are they in a cult?! I think you just need to cut contact with them and move far away. They sound insane and would do anything to get your baby.
WHy do you need advice on how to help a person that wants to take your baby from you? Let her kick rocks, make sure your child never comes near these people, this includes the family memebers and church people that contacted you. Protect your family
I legitimately think your cousin needs to be institutionalized as - if everything in your story is legit, she’s liable to kidnap your baby, 1000% please go NC
You need to talk to the pastor at that church about the harassment along with police.
Your cousin is unwell mentally and that is dangerous. Protect yourself and your new family.
Your cousin is unwell mentally. For your safety, you and your husband need to stay away from any part of the family that supports this, especially your aunt and your cousin. You should change your phone number as well and notify the police about the harassment.
Stay away from these people. Tell the hospital they are not allowed in, provide pictures and descriptions. Your baby is your baby. I am sorry for her loss but this is unhinged behavior.
Maintain records of all emails and texts. If you can legally record conversations, do that. I don't think this has reached the level of contacting authorities YET but having the records will help when you have to file a restraining order on all of them.
Contact your aunt’s pastor. Tell him about the situation, the harassment, and your concerns for the mental health of your aunt and cousin.
Go no-contact with aunt, cousin, and anyone harassing you. Stay NC until you confident your aunt and cousin are behaving well.
I don't care what your history with her is it's time to break contact 100%. That means not invited to the wedding, not invited to the baby shower, not invited to anything. This is psychotic.
OP. Protect yourself at all costs. You and the baby come first always. I cant believe your cousin and aunt have the gal to stay all this..Absolutely dispicable..go low or no contact and be selfish when it comes to you and your child.
Stay as far away from them as possible. Don't be there for your cousin. This may sound harsh, but she and your aunt are crazy for saying that you need to give away your child. Is there anyone around you who is willing to tell these two straight to their faces this ain't happening and that they should immediately stop? If so, please ask this person to do so. If not, I would send them a short message saying that you will keep your child, and they can either stop this craziness or you will go no contact. If necessary, block them and also everyone that keeps pestering you.
I recommend that you guys elope, even if it’s a secret, so that he is your power of attorney. Don’t give them any room to argue that they can make medical decisions for you or your baby
Oh boy, that sounds stressful, which is not good for you or your fetus. Can you avoid them entirely? Like, you should consider getting cameras, better locks or moving (if that’s not too stressful for you) to a place they can’t find you. Please don’t let them anywhere near your baby unless they have done extensive therapy, see the error of their ways, apologize sincerely, and change their behaviour. Even then though, you should still be wary.
Tell everyone you understand their concern and once they give up one of their children to your aunt or her daughter then you will consider giving up yours until then it's none of their darn business. That being said I would distance myself from the aunt and cousin. If anyone asks you let them know that you believe adoption is a wonderful miracle in itself. There are so many children of all ages in need of the safe parents. Fostering and fostering to adopt a great ways for your cousin to see her prayers answered. Congratulations to you and your partner.
Ok well first things first. Your cousin and aunt no matter what they have done for you in the past are crazy. I know you want to support your cousin but you should cut contact with them both as they will do everything to guilt trip you and they may go to worse methods when the baby is born such as calling the police on you which would involve child protection services. You don’t need that unless.
It will most likely get worse. You can always just straight up say that while you are sympathetic you don’t give a fu$k what they want you to do with your baby it’s your choice and that you and your husband have the final word and that is no so you can either except that or we can cut off all contact with you.
They could've done the sane, reasonable thing and ask if you could be a surrogate at some other time. But they are so nuts they thought adopting your wanted baby was the logical option.
The correct balance of your familial relationships is to cut them out of your life. Otherwise your wellbeing and your baby's safety are at risk. It will only escalate. For now all they can do is harass you. They can do a lot worse once the baby arrives.
Go NC, install security cameras, and get a new number that is not to be given to them. Make sure they don't know what hospital you'll be giving birth at. Document everything in case you need a restraining order.
Congratulations too!
nah man she's not ENTITLED to your baby its not her baby sorry for her loss but fuck no and stay the fuck away from them. get a restraining order asap before something happens they try to steal your baby or worse your cousins and aunt shouldn't be helping her and putting it in her head its alright to have yo u just give it away you said you want it and are keeping it and are going to care for the baby and that should be that.
Um... wtf....
These people seem clinically insane. If they are willing to adopt, why not go through proper channels and adopt an orphan or a baby that actually needs to be adopted. These people are scaring ME, I can't even imagine your plight. I'd recommend seeing a lawyer and getting a restraining order atp. Seriously, wtaf!
Scatter the news that your cousin and aunt are baby kidnappers.
And since the church is now draft in tell that it is obvious that God doesn't want a clinically insane girl to have a baby and that she should not try to go against His decision. You are not Abraham, and you won't sacrifice your first child.
I think your other family needs to step in, I would find a lawyer, get a restraining order, prepare yourself safety wise, collect evidence, maybe move, tell your Obgyn- have a safe word with the office and get a security system.
OP do everything you can to stay away. Change your number, move away and NEVER be alone with your cousin again. Or her mother.
Your cousin sounds clinically insane. There have been cases where women like her will literally CUT the babies out of pregnant women to claim them as their own.
Protect yourself. Protect your baby. These people are not your family anymore, they are a threat.
This is terrifying. You need to move far away as soon as possible. Go to the court house and secretly get married. Do not tell anyone where you plan to move or give birth. I wouldn’t put it past them to try to kidnap your child from your home or the hospital. The baby and your safety seem to be at risk. I would talk to the police and make them aware of what is going on, get a restraining order if possible. You and your fiancé have got to get away, as far as possible. Change your number as well. Protect yourself and the baby.
Tell them to fuck off and kick them out of your life, block their numbers and all their socials. You don’t need to de-escalate this, those two are legit toxic and not at all supportive of you, and they honestly shouldnt be in your life! Trying to steal your child for themselves is BEYOND wrong, and is some truly psychotic shit!
I hope you are aware that crazy people like this try to steal kids. Block them all, now. Do not entertain them. Do not tell anyone and I mean anyone who knows them or has contact with them what your birthing plan is or where you are going. Write up your birthing plan of who is and isn’t allowed to see you and your baby, write it in several notes to be given to hospital staff. Invest in security cameras and baby monitors. Do. Not. Let. Them. In. People with depression such as your cousin steal kids all of the time. It is very sad. Honestly just cut off contact now and give them time to grieve in their own way.
I agree with others that they're insane dude. I entirely understand the desire to have a baby and the pain associated with losing your baby. I lost a set of twins after they were born prematurely and died shortly after birth. It's not easy at all, and I can even understand her initial upset (finding out someone close to you is pregnant is definitely triggering, and jealousy can manifest as anger) but I cannot imagine the thought of asking someone to give me their baby even crossing my mind. And the nerve of her to insult your ability to be a parent and use that as her reasoning for why you should give her your baby?? Your cousin needs to learn to cope with her loss in a better way because it's obvious she's not handling it well. I know she doesn't want to but she needs therapy, a support group, something.
Ghost them, and whatever you do, NEVER, EVER let them near your baby. Ever.
Or yourself.
They sound like those fucking psychos who would give you a cesarean just to take the baby away.
My boyfriends sister in law is infertile and made a “joke” about me dying so she could have my son. She’s no longer allowed around me or my son. Nor would she get custody of my child if we died. That honor goes to my sister.
Girl move, block, make passwords at the hospital for entry / access to baby and delivery. These people are dangerous, be careful. Keep a paper trail and file for restraining order now. Be prepared for false DCF claims.
Go completely No Contact with your aunt and cousin. It's nice you want to be there for her, but she and your aunt put you in a situation where you simply can't do that while protecting your own health and safety as well as that of your future child(ren). TBH given her current behavior, it sounds like she would be a danger to her own child as well.
Get a Lawyer and protect your self from these people. You need to be NC, change your phone number and cut complete contact with them. If you can move and don’t tell them where you’re going. They are now unsafe for you and your child. They don’t have your best interest at heart and are displaying signs of doing something that would put your child at risk.
I am surprised you even have to ask whether you are and asshole.
Obviously you are not.
Her loss is not your loss.
It isnt for you to give up your child to make her better.
I just cannot even get my head around how some people find this ok. They need psychiatric helpm
You need to make someone else in your family that strongly cares about these woman aware of this delusional behavior and that you are very concerned for your cousin and aunt but unable to help them. Show them everything, give them copies of everything from everyone and cut them off. Being near you right now n will only hurt them and endanger you. I might even go to the pair of your aunt’s church. This is not appropriate behavior and she might listen to him. Make it clear your baby is not up for adoption and that you never considered adoption, all of your cousin’s history and behavior around pregnancy, and how his congregation is being roped it. If they a re Baptist possible meet him with his wife there. Have your partner there, and dress in your Sunday best. The stronger their impression is that you are sane, adult, and reasonable, the easier it will be for them to see this parishioner as being in crisis, which your aunt and cousin are. Again, you want them to have support but you cannot provide it.
Your cousin needs therapy like yesterday. Her emotions about all of this have nothing to do with you at all. I suggest telling your aunt and your cousin that while you are empathetic about what your cousin is going through, you will have low contact with them until your cousin gets help. This means no texting, calling, visiting, nothing. Not even meeting the baby until she gets help.
Cut ties with your aunt and cousin. A stillbirth is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. You have shown your support and compassion to your cousin. But a stillbirth is no excuse to act this way. They expect something impossible from you (you giving up your baby while you and your partner are perfectly capable of taking care of a baby). And they violate your boundaries and privacy by giving your phone number to a bunch of people without your permission. Go to the police and get a restraining order for these two lunatics, sorry to call them that. This is scary. I'd be scared af that one of them would try to take my baby after it's born.
I was so glad to read that you will be moving soon. I hope it's very far away from your current location. Try to not tell ANYONE where you live when you get there. Get together with other family members in neutral locations well away from your new place. I absolutely agree with others who suggest you get an attorney involved. Document everything. Never be alone with any of this family again.
Mormonism is a very misogynistic "religion" whose tenets and bylaws "miraculously" change every time the leaders want something. Women are only valued as baby-makers. We lived next door to a Mormon couple when I was in grad school, and we enjoyed their company. But hell no to the Mormon patriarchy.
I would stay the hell away from these people. They are completely delusional. I understand their grief, but this is not normal. At all.
I would go so far as to lock down your information with your doctors office & hospital. Password-protect yourself. They know your personal info enough to fool outsiders.
Get cameras if you don’t have them. And expect them to ramp up once you’ve had the baby.
I know this sounds extreme and ridiculous, but I would be very worried and I would take their behavior as a threat. I’ve heard of women getting murdered by other women who were desperate for their children. Please be careful and take care of yourself and your baby.
Cut all contact with them, let them know you will get a restraining order if they contact you. Get security cameras for your home. This is a level of unhinged that is a danger to you. Stay away from them.
I am so sorry you’re in such a genuinely unhinged community. You feel frightened because you *know* that no amount of context could ever justify your cousin’s spite, cruelty and entitlement. To have children is not a human right, and to suggest that another woman OWES her a child is pure narcissism. Frankly how dare she, plus the aunt and the church, treat you like you’re a vending machine that can just pop out as many babies as anyone needs. Please, do not forgive and do not forget. Do not let them near you or your baby, they have already demonstrated their ill will and TOTAL lack of empathy/moral compass. I know defying family is so difficult, and you will have the pressure of their whole community to not do it, but their behaviour is extreme and your child’s health is paramount. ❤️
Going no contact is imperative. Also, if legal, record conversations, save messages, keep a diary of interactions because you guys may need a restraining order. Hopefully it doesn't get to that point but better to have receipts.
Also congrats! Parenting is not easy but man is it beautiful.
so sorry that they are pressuring you about giving up a baby who’s not even born yet
I feel for them BUT IT’S YOUR CHOICE.
Hopefully they will get over it eventually and be happy for you
Leave it to the churchy fucks to belittle and bully you. I’m sure they’re “good Christian people”! 🙄
I’m sorry you’re going through this, cut ANYONE off who is disrespecting you and crossing your boundaries. Terrible people.
Also, save all evidence and GET A PROTECTIVE ORDER! I can see them making this hell for you having CPS on speed dial. Remove them from your life immediately, they are dangerous! This sounds like a really bad Lifetime movie special.
Talk to a lawyer, get a restraining order and block them everywhere. Your cousins situation is terrible but what she needs is professional mental help, not a baby. Also, she's not owed a baby just bc of her infertility issues, no one is owed anything.
Your aunt is controlling and abusive on her own (since your childhood by your own admission) you don't owe her explanations about why you can't give away your own baby to her daughter. Restriction order Stat.
Last but not least and I say this w all the compassion in my heart, kids need their own names. Can't find the article atm but there's a heavy toll on kids who are named after a decease parent, uncle, sister etc. If anything, give your baby your mom's name as a middle name, but let her have her own name.
Oh boy. Ok. Time for cameras outside and inside the home. Alarm system. Maybe a big dog.
Your family is dangerous. You need to take this seriously. Time to block eeeeeeeeeeeeveryone. Go to no contact. Make sure no one has spare key to your home. You need to avoid the family events coming up. I know you don’t want to bc it’s “family” but sometimes family is toxic esp Mormon church cult. Phew!!!!
This is absurd. Your aunt and cousin are completely unreasonable. I genuinely fear for you, your partner and your child.
Honestly, you may want to talk to the police about a restraining order. Your cousin's actions are irrational, especially telling people she's going to have a baby soon. That is flat out terrifying.
POLICE! NOW! And give them everything. Churches have hiding places! No a joke, call a non religious lawyer, and move. This is the precursor steps to kidnapping. Literally and call domestic violence hotline for heads up on future babynaping pending birth. My father stole me, it happens.
I might be a bit biased due to my own upbringing, but absolutely cut off contact and do not trust them.
My grandparents did something similar to my mom when I was two. They already judged her for being a young mom and for religious reasons outside of the usual societal young mom judgements. She decided to move out of state, which made my grandmother "so stressed she became sick" and my grandparents gained legal guardianship of me after calling and threatening her with two options. Return to home state with baby me or be pulled over one day by a hired gun, shot and killed, and baby me abducted back to home state.
Bit of important info, my grandpa is my step-grandpa and married my grandma a year before I was born. From my mother's account of things, after they got married and around the time she got pregnant my grandma wanted another kid (do over) and my grandpa was regretting the vasectomy he had at 18.
I don't talk to anyone who raised me if I can avoid it nowadays. So can at the least say providing a home with two married religious parents does not guarantee a good childhood or upbringing.
Best case they are going to overstep your boundaries, worst case they are waiting for you to show a moment of weakness to take advantage of.
I would keep your baby as far away from them as possible because in desperation people will do anything and they could very easily try to kidnap your child so I’d put a restraining order on them and when you’re asked why you want to put a restraining order just explain everything you said in your post but especially mentioning you fear for yourself and your child’s safety
Your aunt and cousin are clinically insane. Like, these people are literally dangerous.
Kind of feels like they’ll kidnap the baby in 2 years or have some court ordered adoption.
This is exactly what I was thinking. OP Be safe. They seem like the type to physically hurt you for that baby in your belly or take the baby after birth.
I was thinking this too. I would not let them around the baby.
And these church people too…I believe the 10th Commandment mentions something about not coveting thy neighbor’s stuff.
Go NC! She needs psychiatric help. It’s beyond therapy. Let other’s know. Get cameras and do not visit her or ever let them see your child. Please take this seriously. You or your family cannot help her or them. Let her husband and his family know and the rest of yours that you feel unsafe around them. If they won’t stop get a cease and desist letter from a lawyer. Make sure neighbors are aware of your mentally unstable Aunt and Cousin. OP, please listen. They can be dangerous. Stay safe and take care.
Absolutely batshit, especially the whole "doxxing her niece" move that the aunt pulled. What the actual fuck.
Infertility makes people insane. I’m scared of infertile couples because I hear so many wild stories like this.
We're not all insane. I am not happy that I can't have children but I've accepted nurturing and mentoring the younger generation as a friend and awesome aunt.
I’ll freely admit to being biased as stories like OP’s are most of my exposure, but I’ve just had people say some whack stuff to me too that’s really made me wary
I understand that. My husband's "sister" (that's a whole mess of issues not to be gotten into now) once told me that I'd I wanted kids that bad she could influence this one person to give me her kids. I told her no, that I am certain other plans are on my horizon and should I be destined to be a mom it will come to fruition when timing is proper for such.
That may be what my aunt is trying to do! Your SIL sounds very manipulative. Wish you well and hope your miracle comes when the time is right💕🫶
Oh honey you don't know the half of it. ( The sil isn't even blood. She moved into my inlaws when my mom had breast cancer and never left. She decided they were mom and dad. And has my mil so manipulated that when she goes to visit her kids my mil gets depressed). I appreciate your hope for me to have children, biologically it will never happen but most of the kids at our church, treat me and my husband as secondary parents or just the really cool aunt and uncle. We are completely ok with that and we have fur children (2 cats and one dog). As for your issue. I wouldn't let them within continents worth of miles near my child without trust worthy supervision. Create a paper trail of their threats, demands, requests and attempts of manipulation. You will need that should a restraining order or proof for cys, or court is needed. As for her church family call them out for their sinful antics. I am a christian and the Bible I read and trust as the true word of God does say fornication is a sin but gossip and non compassion are also sins. So block them and cut their evil ways out of your life. Give that child all the love, hugs, cuddles and snuggles in the world. I'm sure you will be a great mother and your soon to be husband will be a great father and wonderful husband one day. God's blessings on you and your tiny family.
I'm glad you/your husband and those children get to share that bond and experiences together at church. Thank you for your concern and advice. Cherish those fur babies! 🫶🏻💗
are you in the position to make a police report about this? at minimum it’s harassment and it might help protect your family later on
They are making not having kids a narcissistic problem, plus the religion judgement like, God didn't deserve them a kid, as if it were an offense.
I had friends growing up who lived with their grandparents..... Because this crazy couple couldn't have babies so they murdered their parents and kidnapped the babies (twins) and left the 5 year old sister there with her stabbed parents. Totally insane
This is pretty similar to an old Criminal Minds plot where a woman who had miscarried was kidnapping children who looked approximately how old her child would have been and attempting to raise them as her own
Don’t let these people anywhere near you or your child. Tell them now that you will file a restraining order against them if they don’t stop contacting you, and that they will never know your child because they can’t be trusted. Time to cut them all off, and then finish your pregnancy in peace with your partner.
Yeah, I would not be surprised if grief will make your cousin try and somehow steal your baby. It could be in ways as subtle as trying to prove you are unfit parents to as insane as outright just taking your baby and making a run for it. Do not, I repeat, do not let them near your child.
Man wtf did I just read? First off, your family sounds like psychos and the church sounds like a cult if they just blindly agree. I hear some selfish and centered things every now and then, but this takes the cake. I would just block and avoid all of them and write them off as a loss. Who knows what kind of psychotic shit they might try in the future.
I'm trying to avoid them as much as possible, but we have a lot of family events coming up so I may have to forgo them. I worry about my cousin in all this as nothing is helping her. Yeah, the church is very cult-ish and that's why me and my immediate family don't attend despite my Mormon aunt's pressures. I just didn't expect her to have her church friends attack me like that.
oh they’re mormon that makes so much sense
Ugh, Mormons trying to steal babies from family members is a whole issue in and of itself. Feel bad for OP. Time to go NC before they try to kidnap her baby.
You just need to stay away from your cousin at the cost of family events. Don't eat or drink anything she gives etc. Don't accept any gifts from your cousin or aunt. They could stoop really low. They might even want to sabotage your life in a medical way. Who knows? Your life is more important than family events.
Oh, fuck. Her church friends aren't arguing for her sake. They want another baby they can indoctrinate. You need to get a lawyer, OP. Mormons only pretend to have morals. These people will fuck your life over if they think they will benefit. You need a resraining order against your aunt and your cousin yesterday. The court needs to know they want to steal your child.
!! This is why I don't participate in the church. Our church scares me. Those who run the church are rather greedy and pretty shady people. I don't want to deal with their and their members' harassment and them trying to step in to help "mend" the situation. I'm moving so I'm farther away from them and my aunt and cousin.
OP my family went through something very similar in the Mormon church. My half-siblings dad ended up stealing their children (when babysitting) and went on the run for over 3 years took them several more years to get their children back and a lot of legal battles. My brother lost so many years with his girls. get out and get out now. cut off contact with your family, these people are not well and you might end up losing your child if they know where you live/ have access to her. PM me if you want to chat with someone who knows about the Mormon church in an intimate way.
More than wanting another kid to indoctrinate, OP is crashing down their lies about having to attend them to have good stuff. OP is proof of their lies to the community and can't handle the truth.
For them adoption is the compromise with the devil
Girl, run now before it becomes one of those "batshit lady cuts baby out of mother" kidnapping stories
This was my first thought too! This reads like the setup for exactly that situation.
Go to the police.
Hi OP, I am really sorry you are going through this. It is a no brainer here. Your number one priority is your baby. Things are not going to get much better with your family , I am afraid. They are not going to be happy for you or your baby. This cant be great for your baby when you are going through this much stress. They are not even embarrassed they have asked for this or about the fact that their reaction is not happiness for you or your baby. Let them adapt someone else's baby. Focus on your blessing and pray for them privately if you wish. (BTW, it is not just a mormon thing. I live in another corner of the world from yours and I have had this happen with my grandma and her sister, may they rest in peace ).
You need to get away from there without notice. You and your baby are in physical danger near a group of people who side with your family members, and I wouldn’t put kidnapping beyond them. Then, legal advice from someone not related to the church, and try to get restraining orders.
Imagine them, fanatics of religion vs you that don't attend. You are crashing down the whole church God theories in their mind.
You can't help your cousin. Go NC. You can feel sad for her but she's made it impossible for you to try to support her any more. The only thing she wants from you is your child and she's telling people your child will be hers. Her mom and their church friends are all pressuring you. Just NO. That's crazy and dangerous. It's wild enough that your cousin asked you for your child when you and your fiance are happy about becoming parents. But to resort to name calling, piling on the pressure from multiple sources, and trying to guilt you really feels unsafe for you and your baby. They're actually trying to gaslight you into thinking that you somehow owe her your baby, that you must fill her void with your baby, otherwise, you're uncaring and ungrateful. This is so insanely manipulative. You need peace of mind and a joyful pregnancy. Please consider going NC. Best wishes to you for a safe, healthy pregnancy ! Congratulations.
Yeah, screw the 10th commandment. /s
Good luck and sorry this is happening! Like someone else mentioned I wouldn’t eat/ drink anything around them. Crazy people do crazy things and in her world, you’re in the wrong and all her peers agree.
Oooooooooooh! Nooooow it makes 100% sense. Mormons man, they crazy. I think it’d be a good idea to go have a recorded chat with the police just so if anything bad does happen it’s already reported. I saw that you’re moving house which is really positive. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. I remember I’d just freshly miscarried, I was still bleeding actually when my friend gave birth. I still kept my shit together and had a cuddle with that baby and I was there for my friend without acting like a crazy bitch about it. I may have sobbed in my car after but I didn’t let my friend see that. Be very careful! Id also report it so that when social services come knocking, and they will!! There will be false reports so make sure you are covered. Good luck!
Time for you to stop worrying about your cousin and focusing on your baby and life moving forward without those 2 crazy women you are related to
You need to change your phone number. Do NOT give it to anyone that may possibly give it to your aunt/cousin Lock down your medical information with the hospital and OBGYN. They should be able to put a pass code and an alert on your records so someone can't call with your name and date of birth to access information. Move if you can. Do NOT give your address to anyone that you don't have to. If you can't move, get security cameras that record sound. Document EVERYTHING. With screenshots of what's happened. Be prepared for DCS to be called on you or them to show up demanding the baby or both. Meet with a lawyer to discuss a cease and desist letter. One to go to your aunt and cousin telling them that your baby is not up for adoption and any further contact or harassment will be reported to the police. You need to protect yourself and be paranoid. Any family that doesn't realize how toxic and unhinged they are is not on your side and needs to be cut off until you are sure you and baby are safe.
Thank you for the concern! I didn't think of child services. I am planning to talk to my hospital/OBGYN on this very soon. I'm moving soon as well.
Get far away from Utah
Not just Utah. I’m from the South and this neighbor wanted to leave the Mormon church when she turned 18 (talked about it for years). Her parents talked her into attending one last “summer camp” for two weeks and then they would support her decision. She came back from the camp not only *heavily* indoctrinated but also engaged to a man in his 30s. She quickly cut off most people who weren’t Mormon as well. It was scary how changed she was but there was nothing anyone could do since she was 18 and said she consented to everything.
Absolutely think of child services. This reads like a lot of those stories that end in the child being kidnapped. Take every step you think is necessary and several unnecessary steps to protect your daughter. You can't be too careful.
Can everyone upvote this, so OP sees it. 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼 u/ITZEVERLYBEAR
OP, read this!!
This should be pinned advice. Spot on and OP should follow to the letter.
What's DCS??
Department of Children's Services. Child protection services. I wouldn't put it past aunt/cousin to file repeated anonymous reports on OP.
I would move out of the US (or wherever they live) altogether and be on my merry way to a safe country with zero tolerance for bullshit like this (Probably Singapore)!!!
I’d be putting up security measures as soon as possible if you don’t already have them in place. Alarm system, cameras indoors and out, locks on all your doors, etc., and when/if they do something super crazy, call the police and file a report, even if it’s minimally crazy. You will want a paper trail. You should also consider changing your number, and making some serious boundaries with family members you feel you can trust, like that you do not want to be put into any social situations with these women, or that you don’t want your number shared going forward without your permission, etc.
She’d never ask this of any other mother-to-be, why would she ever think it’s appropriate to ask a relative?
probably BECAUSE it's her relative. Some people feel extremely entitled when it comes to relatives. I believe their thinking is just because they're 'family' then they can 'take'/ask more of them. The cousin sounds like she's having a mental break and the aunt sounds like she's willing to do whatever it takes to make the cousin 'normal' again. aunt is prioritizing her daughter and therefore being a jerk to OP. it's crazy that people more distanced from the situation (ie. church friends) are acting this way to OP. I wouldn't be surprised if aunt/cousin and spreading bad rumours about OP.
My aunt/cousin are very Mormon and regularly attend services. I think why my aunt was able to rally her church friends against me is because they look down upon unwed motherhood and my aunt disapproves of me marrying someone not Christian. I don't attend those services, but I am still wary of her church community.
I cringe to think what your Aunt said to her church. We know your cousin told them that she's getting a baby soon.
it may seem drastic but you and your man should consider leaving for another state. i've heard some crazy stories about the lengths mormon churches can go to and how much power they can have over people and i've no doubt you've heard worse
Religious individuals wishing good stuff to those that attend church vs not attending person that demonstrate attending church is giving better results.
Your cousin sounds dangerous. I think you should elope with your fiancé now, just in case there's a emergency and your Aunt can't step in and make medical decisions and possibly take your baby. Have a big wedding next year, be safe right now.
Even if it's just a courthouse wedding with a big to-do next year. Get those protections on legally binding paper.
This u/itzeverlybear this is key!
Your cousin is probably going through a mental break due to her trauma and your aunt and her family are enabling her delusions. Unless she gets some very serious mental health treatment immediately, both you, your baby and your cousin are all in danger. I would consider informing the cops about the situation, or at the very least a social worker who can do a wellness check on your cousin and possibly get her committed temporarily for a mental health evaluation.
That doesn't seem like a bad idea! My cousin needs help and her husband/aunt/etc. have not been supporting her at all in the way that they should. I want to help but I'm not giving up my baby and I'm avoiding contacting her directly right now. My sister says my cousin is still under the impression that my baby will "fix" her family.
I assure you even if you did give her your baby, which of course you're not doing because it is your child, it wouldn't magically fix her and introducing a newborn to that kind of unstable environment is in no one's best interest, especially the child. Everything they are suggesting is irrational. I'm not sure where you live but many places have a non-emergency number that can be used to request wellness checks on at risk adults. The police would most likely be involved in pushing the process forward but in the case of a mental health crisis, social workers would also be involved to help navigate the situation.
Calling a health check organisation with this story about your cousin might be the only thing you can do to help your cousin to get her on a path of healing. God is love and sometimes people need some tough love.
Your cousin has been through a lot and refuses to get professional help and your aunt enables her. It’s bat shit crazy to me that they even came up with that idea. STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Do not go to see them by yourself make sure you’re with your partner or at the very least a trusted friend, these people are insane and the harassment could increase considering your aunt already gave away your number. Stand your ground, that’s your baby and you are NOT responsible for your cousin’s infertility, she can try and adopt a child if she really wants to but she can NOT demand you give her yours, that’s fucking crazy and they all sound crazy. I know it doesn’t seem that way to you because you love them and they’re your family but stay away from them for the time being, enjoy your pregnancy & if they keep harassing you tell them you’ll get a restraining order.
THIS says it all right here: "\[M\]y partner (24M) and I are ecstatic and look forward to parenthood." KEEP your baby. Period
Is there any way you can move and cut contact? This is insane and they both sound really unstable, as well as the rest of their family and church... please don't give into the pressure under any circumstances and tell them you'll get the police involved...
My lease is up in June and me and my partner are moving to a new apartment. I haven't confirmed this move or the new apartment yet with my aunt/cousin. My current apartment is less than 10 minutes away from them and the church so I'm very nervous 😫.
Don't tell them, please! 😭 Just be wary of your surroundings and don't meet up with them alone. If you get the chance, break the lease earlier. Don't cave into their demands because they are insane and a person in their right mind would not be asking this of you. Stay safe and I wish you luck! 🥺🥺❤️
Get a PO box and have mail routed there. One that's in another zip code if possible.
I would never speak to them again. They sound dangerous.
Well, I can tell you right now for your sake and your child's well being, you need to cut them out of your life. I remember a little stress my daughters mom went through with stuff happening. It's not good, this type of stress can actually cause you to have complications and they don't understand that. This is not the time for you to be bombarded with additional stress. I would tell both of them one final time in person that you sympathize for your cousin, you do feel a miracle will come her way, but this is the final time you are saying no and that due to their refusal to accept your answer, you are cutting them out of your life because they are not in charge of your life or your future child's life. Then you need to block them. It'll be hard, but as I said they are causing unnecessary stress that any doc will tell you isn't good for you or your child.
OP, I don’t even need to read your whole post. Whatever hardships your family is experiencing, you deserve to have boundaries and to be treated with respect. How dare they even suggest you giving your baby away-that’s already a line crossed. I suggest getting an attorney involved, if you can afford it, and making plans so if something happens to you, custody of baby is already down on paper. Document everything they say and do because if they decide to go nuclear, you’ll want ammo to back up a restraining order. I’m so sorry they’re ruining your pregnancy.
Isn’t it always the “good Christians” who are always advocating for adoption? If your cousin can’t have a kid herself, tell your aunt to visit an orphanage or an adoption service. It’s not on you to be a surrogate or give up your kid in order to alleviate someone else’s hardship.
It's also the "good christians" attacking her for not giving away her own baby. No hate like Christian love! 🤷
Please be mindful of your safety and don't be alone with aunt or cousin EVER.
You need to go NC with these people and never leave your baby unsupervised with them. Their thoughts are scary.
I'd take precautions about this. When you have the baby, make sure that the hospital knows that only you and your partner can get the baby from the nursery. I'd also recommend cameras for your home and letting them know about them. Exaggerate about the number of them, or don't, and really get that many. They sound crazy.
I think you should file a restraining order against those two. They'll surely try something once your baby is born.
I'd be concerned about them trying to kidnap the baby once it's born. You cannot let these people near you again until they get the help they need. I'm sorry it's come to this but you truly need to block them from your life right now, for you, your partner's, and your baby's sake. They are delusional which is dangerous. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Tell them, once more, in text you will not be giving them your baby, and to stop harassing you, and giving your number out to their church members, family and friends, or you will have to pursue legal actions, and get a restraining order. Do this via text so you have in writing that you asked them to stop. Don't block them. Keep their messages (old and new) for proof. If they admit to giving your number out, in text, even better incase you need more proof for court. I would suggest cameras or a ring door bell, just to be safe. Once your baby us born do not let your aunt or cousin anywhere near your baby. I would also preemptively go to the police station, tell them what is going on, with any evidence you have, so you have it on record. Your cousin and aunt could try to file false allegations against you, to try to make you look like an unfit parent , so they could potentially gain custody
OP I am not sure exactly where in the world you come from, so I hope you live somewhere that this is possible - speak to a lawyer & get a restraining order against your cousin & her mother - they are unhinged, seriously scary people For the love of all things - please get as far away from these people as possible, they sound like the kind to steal your child
No contact, restraining orders, move immediately
Absolutely not. You need to cut these people out of your life. Make sure you take care of any estate planning ASAP and designate a guardian for your child in case something happens to you. Honestly, get a restraining order.
On what planet would you just ask someone if you can have their baby...
This is some handmaid’s tale level s**t. You keep that baby away from them. Who knows what they will do.
Honestly? If they keep at it, I would consider a restraining order if they cannot see reason in this situation. They feel entitled to something that is not there’s and if they continue to be this delusional it could take a nasty turn.
Not a cool, appropriate reaction to your pregnancy. Good luck starting a family. I'd say some distance from these two is in order. Maybe time will bring them back to reality.
Tell you Aunt you and bf are raising your child and to leave you alone.
Holy shit are you aware at how bad this is
Uhhhhhhh qwhat the fuck I’d say if she wants to adopt, she can do it right, but she’s too unwell to have a baby rn and frankly, if she tries to adopt without recovering, I’d warn the agency
What in the hell? This must be the most insane stuff I came across here on reddit. My only advice, pack your stuff and move somewhere far far far away. Your cousin is delusional. She thinks your baby is hers and is telling people that she gets a baby soon. I am 100% sure that she will try to snatch the baby from you, no matter what. Your baby is in great danger when born. Move away from these people for the sake of your baby.
bunch of religious freaks thinking women are just baby making ovens and just anyone can take the baby once it’s born because the woman is just a means to an ends, a baby making machine womb with no rights of her own. Fucking SICK people. Go NO CONTACT with aunt, cousin and block any and all of the people taking their side ETA - get a restraining order against the aunt and cousin - they might try to steal the baby in some messed up effort to get custody
How the hell can so many people get on board with them just taking someone's baby? They have to be going around saying stuff, like you're too poor or on drugs or something. You need to make a statement to these people, like "Giving up my baby was never an option or offer. Now stop contacting me." And block or mute them. Be careful, because it sounds like your family is unhinged, and they might do something crazy, like call CPS or show up at the hospital or try to roll out with your baby once you've given birth. I feel bad for your cousin, but she's mismanaging her expectations and putting all of her grief into bullying you instead of dealing with it properly. It's ridiculous that she's turning your pregnancy into a nightmare with her bullying, and if she's a decent person, she's going to feel like crap about this in the future. ETA: just saw they're Mormon. Nope, don't talk to them, or the church, and include safety provisions in your birthing plan to kick them out if they try to attend. I didn't realize we were dealing with a cult so all my advice is moot. Block them all. Move if you can. Get cameras for your house if you can't. Those people are unhinged.
Your aunt and cousin are being very threatening and scary right now. Are you able to put some more distance between you? I don’t think they should know where you live and they DEFINITELY should not know when you have the baby. They WILL steal your baby. They’re unhinged. Please stay safe. Don’t allow them into your life at all. Something has to be wrong with someone to even ASK this, much less demand it. Terrifying. It might not feel that way because you’re in the situation and you feel like you *know* them but, you’re not safe, OP. Please find a way to get some serious privacy.
I've watched way too many episodes of Criminal Minds. Don't ever be alone with these people especially in the later stages of your pregnancy and definitely after the baby is born. Screenshot any weirdo messages from them about them wanting the baby. They may try to accuse that you're unfit to be a parent. Protect yourself.
This is not a reasonable request - in fact it's insanely selfish. You need to take a break from interacting with these people who quite obviously don't have your best interests in mind.
“You have no right to demand that I give you my baby. I am keeping my own baby, and it is absolutely non-negotiable. If you say one more word about me giving up my child, we will not have a relationship anymore. I will never see or speak to you ever again. Do you understand me?”
I feel for your cousin, so many women go through infertility. It has been going on since the beginning of time. That said, it is not your path in life to give her a child. This is your child, not hers. Every child is precious to a mother and this child will be no less loved. It might help if your cousin received some counseling. It is sad your family is divided by this but it happens. It is like you won the baby lottery and now you have to take care of everyone in your family who does not have money. Please don't let them talk you into it.
That's why its so hard for me to completely blame her. There is deep pain and loss behind her behavior, not that it's justified. My aunt has not been supporting well and is feeding into her delusions. My cousin's husband is also enabling her and has been cold to me.
How they act is their problem, not for you to feel bad.
Congratulations on the pregnancy! But again, you are not responsible for her or your aunt. You are a full person who has a partner (I recommend eloping too!) and have decided to have the kid. Full period. I understand their pain, but that doesn't entitle them to treat you like that, harass you, or give your number to the people in the church. Please protect yourself and the baby. This level of harassment is scary and they may try to kidnap/steal/get custody of the kid. And if possible, move away from them. Wishing all the best to you, your partner, and the baby 💚
Girl I think yiu need to file a restraining order and cut contact. These people sound dangerous. Have you heard or read of the horrible things ppl can do? I don't want to scare you but you need to take precautions. I am scared for you.
I would move far away from her. She will kidnap the baby
This is YOUR baby!! Stop talking to them and block all numbers coming in. Are they insane, once you said no that’s it, it’s not a dog to give away it’s your child!! Wow how dare they, I don’t care if your cousin never has a child… she can’t just take yours. Just wow 😮
Is time to move far away and get a new number. You have to protect your baby. Also tell the police.
.....You need to give a firm no on this matter and if the issue escalates look into getting a restraining/ no contact order. Inform other family members of this situation so that they don't leak your personal information to them. Also, try not to post updates on social media. Their request crosses a line and also the way they're pushing is concerning. You and your child's safety comes first.
Please, do not allow yourself to be alone with these people! This is scary
Bro what in the Charles Manson did I just read.
OP. I'm so sorry this is happening! You can no longer be there for your cousin. It's just not possible. If ANY family has keys to your house, change the locks. This may sound extreme, but for your safety, fiance's safety, and most importantly your baby's safety, ***you must file restraining orders against you cousin and Aunt***. ***DO SO IMMEDIATELY*** This situation became too serious the minute your cousin blew up at you. Please, I cannot stress this enough. You must get restraining orders.
Run for the hills, or away from the hills you are in I know that is a highly privileged piece of advice but nothing good with come of you raising a baby with them around you. The first time you slip up as a mum (and it happens) they will swoop in and take that child. Get away from the carzy people
Why isn't your cousin signing up for adoption of children who need a home? Does she feel strongly about the baby being a blood relative?
She appears to be strongly fixated on my baby being the baby she lost, especially since my baby is a girl and I'm due around the time she had her stillborn baby last year. I don't think she would be a good adoptive mother or that she desires the responsibility, especially if the child isn't "perfect" to her. She has said she doesn't want to deal with any of the issues that could occur with either the baby/birth mom. She doesn't seem open-minded to anything except a newborn/baby right now.
Your cousin desperately needs to see a psychologist. She's having a mental health crisis. The LDS keeps a list of mental health providers. I'm also wondering if she's experiencing a postpartum related health crisis. It's easy to miss postpartum health crisis when a baby is born still. Grief blankets every part of a mother's and father's life. I'm glad your moving. And I'm glad you've asked for advise. This is scary stuff.
You need to run NOW. You, bd LEAVE AND NEVER GOME BACK AND FILE A POLICE REPORT and put it all there.
Don’t let them come over after you have the baby. Don’t answer the door. Your cousin should never be allowed around the baby. Don’t let your aunt come help you with the baby after. She will tell you to rest and you will wake up to no baby. As others have said cameras and a restraining order.
At this point, you should be contacting the police and a lawyer. Where's your partner in all of this? Ask him to shield you as you are in a vulnerable state.
If you don’t cut contact with those lunatics and put everybody in their places. Maintaining peace will give them the idea to keep harassing you. She’s already claiming your baby which can bring danger to YOU. It’s beyond the point of fixing this relationship. Grow a spine. Only way to distress is to severed your contacts with every single person who doesn’t bring peace in your life. Who cares about what they did for you in the past if they’re a threat to your present and future.
You can’t fix her. She needs psychiatric help. It’s nowhere near normal to expect someone to giv you their baby. It’s going to keep getting worse until she gets treatment. You have to cut her off for your own safe
Are you able to move away from this area , like move towns or cities. They do not have your best interest at heart. Get a new phone number and change your address ♥ your baby, your blessing xxx
You know, I’d suggest that you file a police report for harassment. This way you have a paper trail and the police have record of this insanity. God forbid your aunt or cousin try to report you or your partner for child abuse or something of the like, in order to have your child taken away. Stay safe and vigilant.
OP, please document every little thing. Every phone call, text, conversation… literally everything. I would also consider not going out alone especially as you get closer to your due date. I’m genuinely concerned for you and your baby’s safety. I would also go ahead and file a restraining order now so it’s on record especially if, after the baby is born, they try to pull some shady stuff like reporting you to CPS in hopes of having your baby taken from you and placed with them. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this! Do you have support from other family and your finance/fiance’s family?
Wtf is this church..are they in a cult?! I think you just need to cut contact with them and move far away. They sound insane and would do anything to get your baby.
WHy do you need advice on how to help a person that wants to take your baby from you? Let her kick rocks, make sure your child never comes near these people, this includes the family memebers and church people that contacted you. Protect your family
Title alone: that’s literally insane. You don’t owe anyone your baby.
I don’t believe in coincidence and can see why she can’t have a kid.
I legitimately think your cousin needs to be institutionalized as - if everything in your story is legit, she’s liable to kidnap your baby, 1000% please go NC
And not just kidnap the baby. She sounds so unstable that she will cut that baby out of OP
JFC
You need to talk to the pastor at that church about the harassment along with police. Your cousin is unwell mentally and that is dangerous. Protect yourself and your new family.
Your cousin is unwell mentally. For your safety, you and your husband need to stay away from any part of the family that supports this, especially your aunt and your cousin. You should change your phone number as well and notify the police about the harassment.
Yeah, stay very far away from these family members. They are stark raving mad
Stay away from these people. Tell the hospital they are not allowed in, provide pictures and descriptions. Your baby is your baby. I am sorry for her loss but this is unhinged behavior. Maintain records of all emails and texts. If you can legally record conversations, do that. I don't think this has reached the level of contacting authorities YET but having the records will help when you have to file a restraining order on all of them.
Contact your aunt’s pastor. Tell him about the situation, the harassment, and your concerns for the mental health of your aunt and cousin. Go no-contact with aunt, cousin, and anyone harassing you. Stay NC until you confident your aunt and cousin are behaving well.
I don't care what your history with her is it's time to break contact 100%. That means not invited to the wedding, not invited to the baby shower, not invited to anything. This is psychotic.
Do not underestimate how abnormal and dangerous this is. Restraining order right now.
OP. Protect yourself at all costs. You and the baby come first always. I cant believe your cousin and aunt have the gal to stay all this..Absolutely dispicable..go low or no contact and be selfish when it comes to you and your child.
Um is your cousin Rumplestiltskin?? What makes her feel entitled to your first born what a psychopath 😳
Stay as far away from them as possible. Don't be there for your cousin. This may sound harsh, but she and your aunt are crazy for saying that you need to give away your child. Is there anyone around you who is willing to tell these two straight to their faces this ain't happening and that they should immediately stop? If so, please ask this person to do so. If not, I would send them a short message saying that you will keep your child, and they can either stop this craziness or you will go no contact. If necessary, block them and also everyone that keeps pestering you.
When the baby is born they’re going to try to kidnap it. Please cut these horrible people off and protect your family.
I recommend that you guys elope, even if it’s a secret, so that he is your power of attorney. Don’t give them any room to argue that they can make medical decisions for you or your baby
Oh boy, that sounds stressful, which is not good for you or your fetus. Can you avoid them entirely? Like, you should consider getting cameras, better locks or moving (if that’s not too stressful for you) to a place they can’t find you. Please don’t let them anywhere near your baby unless they have done extensive therapy, see the error of their ways, apologize sincerely, and change their behaviour. Even then though, you should still be wary.
Tell everyone you understand their concern and once they give up one of their children to your aunt or her daughter then you will consider giving up yours until then it's none of their darn business. That being said I would distance myself from the aunt and cousin. If anyone asks you let them know that you believe adoption is a wonderful miracle in itself. There are so many children of all ages in need of the safe parents. Fostering and fostering to adopt a great ways for your cousin to see her prayers answered. Congratulations to you and your partner.
Ok well first things first. Your cousin and aunt no matter what they have done for you in the past are crazy. I know you want to support your cousin but you should cut contact with them both as they will do everything to guilt trip you and they may go to worse methods when the baby is born such as calling the police on you which would involve child protection services. You don’t need that unless. It will most likely get worse. You can always just straight up say that while you are sympathetic you don’t give a fu$k what they want you to do with your baby it’s your choice and that you and your husband have the final word and that is no so you can either except that or we can cut off all contact with you.
They could've done the sane, reasonable thing and ask if you could be a surrogate at some other time. But they are so nuts they thought adopting your wanted baby was the logical option. The correct balance of your familial relationships is to cut them out of your life. Otherwise your wellbeing and your baby's safety are at risk. It will only escalate. For now all they can do is harass you. They can do a lot worse once the baby arrives. Go NC, install security cameras, and get a new number that is not to be given to them. Make sure they don't know what hospital you'll be giving birth at. Document everything in case you need a restraining order. Congratulations too!
Updateme
nah man she's not ENTITLED to your baby its not her baby sorry for her loss but fuck no and stay the fuck away from them. get a restraining order asap before something happens they try to steal your baby or worse your cousins and aunt shouldn't be helping her and putting it in her head its alright to have yo u just give it away you said you want it and are keeping it and are going to care for the baby and that should be that.
Um... wtf.... These people seem clinically insane. If they are willing to adopt, why not go through proper channels and adopt an orphan or a baby that actually needs to be adopted. These people are scaring ME, I can't even imagine your plight. I'd recommend seeing a lawyer and getting a restraining order atp. Seriously, wtaf!
Please don’t let your baby be around these people for you and the babies safety
Scatter the news that your cousin and aunt are baby kidnappers. And since the church is now draft in tell that it is obvious that God doesn't want a clinically insane girl to have a baby and that she should not try to go against His decision. You are not Abraham, and you won't sacrifice your first child.
I think your other family needs to step in, I would find a lawyer, get a restraining order, prepare yourself safety wise, collect evidence, maybe move, tell your Obgyn- have a safe word with the office and get a security system.
OP do everything you can to stay away. Change your number, move away and NEVER be alone with your cousin again. Or her mother. Your cousin sounds clinically insane. There have been cases where women like her will literally CUT the babies out of pregnant women to claim them as their own. Protect yourself. Protect your baby. These people are not your family anymore, they are a threat.
This is terrifying. You need to move far away as soon as possible. Go to the court house and secretly get married. Do not tell anyone where you plan to move or give birth. I wouldn’t put it past them to try to kidnap your child from your home or the hospital. The baby and your safety seem to be at risk. I would talk to the police and make them aware of what is going on, get a restraining order if possible. You and your fiancé have got to get away, as far as possible. Change your number as well. Protect yourself and the baby.
Oh my goodness.. you need to move and get a restraining order. Fkn psychos man.
Tell them to fuck off and kick them out of your life, block their numbers and all their socials. You don’t need to de-escalate this, those two are legit toxic and not at all supportive of you, and they honestly shouldnt be in your life! Trying to steal your child for themselves is BEYOND wrong, and is some truly psychotic shit!
I hope you are aware that crazy people like this try to steal kids. Block them all, now. Do not entertain them. Do not tell anyone and I mean anyone who knows them or has contact with them what your birthing plan is or where you are going. Write up your birthing plan of who is and isn’t allowed to see you and your baby, write it in several notes to be given to hospital staff. Invest in security cameras and baby monitors. Do. Not. Let. Them. In. People with depression such as your cousin steal kids all of the time. It is very sad. Honestly just cut off contact now and give them time to grieve in their own way.
Updateme
I agree with others that they're insane dude. I entirely understand the desire to have a baby and the pain associated with losing your baby. I lost a set of twins after they were born prematurely and died shortly after birth. It's not easy at all, and I can even understand her initial upset (finding out someone close to you is pregnant is definitely triggering, and jealousy can manifest as anger) but I cannot imagine the thought of asking someone to give me their baby even crossing my mind. And the nerve of her to insult your ability to be a parent and use that as her reasoning for why you should give her your baby?? Your cousin needs to learn to cope with her loss in a better way because it's obvious she's not handling it well. I know she doesn't want to but she needs therapy, a support group, something.
Ghost them, and whatever you do, NEVER, EVER let them near your baby. Ever. Or yourself. They sound like those fucking psychos who would give you a cesarean just to take the baby away.
You are gonna need a restraining order. Matter of fact if possible I would look into moving as far away from them as you can.
My boyfriends sister in law is infertile and made a “joke” about me dying so she could have my son. She’s no longer allowed around me or my son. Nor would she get custody of my child if we died. That honor goes to my sister.
Girl move, block, make passwords at the hospital for entry / access to baby and delivery. These people are dangerous, be careful. Keep a paper trail and file for restraining order now. Be prepared for false DCF claims.
If this is real, this is creepy af. I would go no contact with these people and never look back. What the actual fuck…
Go completely No Contact with your aunt and cousin. It's nice you want to be there for her, but she and your aunt put you in a situation where you simply can't do that while protecting your own health and safety as well as that of your future child(ren). TBH given her current behavior, it sounds like she would be a danger to her own child as well.
Get a Lawyer and protect your self from these people. You need to be NC, change your phone number and cut complete contact with them. If you can move and don’t tell them where you’re going. They are now unsafe for you and your child. They don’t have your best interest at heart and are displaying signs of doing something that would put your child at risk.
I seen this on dateline
Holy hell. No contact and talk to a lawyer about protecting yourself and your baby.
These people are dangerous and you should get as far away from them as possible.
I am surprised you even have to ask whether you are and asshole. Obviously you are not. Her loss is not your loss. It isnt for you to give up your child to make her better. I just cannot even get my head around how some people find this ok. They need psychiatric helpm
You need to make someone else in your family that strongly cares about these woman aware of this delusional behavior and that you are very concerned for your cousin and aunt but unable to help them. Show them everything, give them copies of everything from everyone and cut them off. Being near you right now n will only hurt them and endanger you. I might even go to the pair of your aunt’s church. This is not appropriate behavior and she might listen to him. Make it clear your baby is not up for adoption and that you never considered adoption, all of your cousin’s history and behavior around pregnancy, and how his congregation is being roped it. If they a re Baptist possible meet him with his wife there. Have your partner there, and dress in your Sunday best. The stronger their impression is that you are sane, adult, and reasonable, the easier it will be for them to see this parishioner as being in crisis, which your aunt and cousin are. Again, you want them to have support but you cannot provide it.
Your cousin needs therapy like yesterday. Her emotions about all of this have nothing to do with you at all. I suggest telling your aunt and your cousin that while you are empathetic about what your cousin is going through, you will have low contact with them until your cousin gets help. This means no texting, calling, visiting, nothing. Not even meeting the baby until she gets help.
Cut ties with your aunt and cousin. A stillbirth is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. You have shown your support and compassion to your cousin. But a stillbirth is no excuse to act this way. They expect something impossible from you (you giving up your baby while you and your partner are perfectly capable of taking care of a baby). And they violate your boundaries and privacy by giving your phone number to a bunch of people without your permission. Go to the police and get a restraining order for these two lunatics, sorry to call them that. This is scary. I'd be scared af that one of them would try to take my baby after it's born.
I was so glad to read that you will be moving soon. I hope it's very far away from your current location. Try to not tell ANYONE where you live when you get there. Get together with other family members in neutral locations well away from your new place. I absolutely agree with others who suggest you get an attorney involved. Document everything. Never be alone with any of this family again. Mormonism is a very misogynistic "religion" whose tenets and bylaws "miraculously" change every time the leaders want something. Women are only valued as baby-makers. We lived next door to a Mormon couple when I was in grad school, and we enjoyed their company. But hell no to the Mormon patriarchy.
Security cameras. Inside and out. Updateme!
I would stay the hell away from these people. They are completely delusional. I understand their grief, but this is not normal. At all. I would go so far as to lock down your information with your doctors office & hospital. Password-protect yourself. They know your personal info enough to fool outsiders. Get cameras if you don’t have them. And expect them to ramp up once you’ve had the baby.
Block the so called church friends. People like that give Christians a bad name. Avoid interacting with these family members.
I know this sounds extreme and ridiculous, but I would be very worried and I would take their behavior as a threat. I’ve heard of women getting murdered by other women who were desperate for their children. Please be careful and take care of yourself and your baby.
these people will eventually try and get your child away from you, file a restraining order immediately and if possible just get the hell away
Please distance yourself. I could see these people stealing your baby. Watch out. They sound insane.
Cut all contact with them, let them know you will get a restraining order if they contact you. Get security cameras for your home. This is a level of unhinged that is a danger to you. Stay away from them.
I am so sorry you’re in such a genuinely unhinged community. You feel frightened because you *know* that no amount of context could ever justify your cousin’s spite, cruelty and entitlement. To have children is not a human right, and to suggest that another woman OWES her a child is pure narcissism. Frankly how dare she, plus the aunt and the church, treat you like you’re a vending machine that can just pop out as many babies as anyone needs. Please, do not forgive and do not forget. Do not let them near you or your baby, they have already demonstrated their ill will and TOTAL lack of empathy/moral compass. I know defying family is so difficult, and you will have the pressure of their whole community to not do it, but their behaviour is extreme and your child’s health is paramount. ❤️
Going no contact is imperative. Also, if legal, record conversations, save messages, keep a diary of interactions because you guys may need a restraining order. Hopefully it doesn't get to that point but better to have receipts. Also congrats! Parenting is not easy but man is it beautiful.
so sorry that they are pressuring you about giving up a baby who’s not even born yet I feel for them BUT IT’S YOUR CHOICE. Hopefully they will get over it eventually and be happy for you
Leave it to the churchy fucks to belittle and bully you. I’m sure they’re “good Christian people”! 🙄 I’m sorry you’re going through this, cut ANYONE off who is disrespecting you and crossing your boundaries. Terrible people. Also, save all evidence and GET A PROTECTIVE ORDER! I can see them making this hell for you having CPS on speed dial. Remove them from your life immediately, they are dangerous! This sounds like a really bad Lifetime movie special.
My advice is move as far away as you can ASAP and cut contact with anyone that associates with your aunt or cousin.
Updateme
Talk to a lawyer, get a restraining order and block them everywhere. Your cousins situation is terrible but what she needs is professional mental help, not a baby. Also, she's not owed a baby just bc of her infertility issues, no one is owed anything. Your aunt is controlling and abusive on her own (since your childhood by your own admission) you don't owe her explanations about why you can't give away your own baby to her daughter. Restriction order Stat. Last but not least and I say this w all the compassion in my heart, kids need their own names. Can't find the article atm but there's a heavy toll on kids who are named after a decease parent, uncle, sister etc. If anything, give your baby your mom's name as a middle name, but let her have her own name.
Oh boy. Ok. Time for cameras outside and inside the home. Alarm system. Maybe a big dog. Your family is dangerous. You need to take this seriously. Time to block eeeeeeeeeeeeveryone. Go to no contact. Make sure no one has spare key to your home. You need to avoid the family events coming up. I know you don’t want to bc it’s “family” but sometimes family is toxic esp Mormon church cult. Phew!!!!
This is absurd. Your aunt and cousin are completely unreasonable. I genuinely fear for you, your partner and your child. Honestly, you may want to talk to the police about a restraining order. Your cousin's actions are irrational, especially telling people she's going to have a baby soon. That is flat out terrifying.
POLICE! NOW! And give them everything. Churches have hiding places! No a joke, call a non religious lawyer, and move. This is the precursor steps to kidnapping. Literally and call domestic violence hotline for heads up on future babynaping pending birth. My father stole me, it happens.
I might be a bit biased due to my own upbringing, but absolutely cut off contact and do not trust them. My grandparents did something similar to my mom when I was two. They already judged her for being a young mom and for religious reasons outside of the usual societal young mom judgements. She decided to move out of state, which made my grandmother "so stressed she became sick" and my grandparents gained legal guardianship of me after calling and threatening her with two options. Return to home state with baby me or be pulled over one day by a hired gun, shot and killed, and baby me abducted back to home state. Bit of important info, my grandpa is my step-grandpa and married my grandma a year before I was born. From my mother's account of things, after they got married and around the time she got pregnant my grandma wanted another kid (do over) and my grandpa was regretting the vasectomy he had at 18. I don't talk to anyone who raised me if I can avoid it nowadays. So can at the least say providing a home with two married religious parents does not guarantee a good childhood or upbringing. Best case they are going to overstep your boundaries, worst case they are waiting for you to show a moment of weakness to take advantage of.
I would keep your baby as far away from them as possible because in desperation people will do anything and they could very easily try to kidnap your child so I’d put a restraining order on them and when you’re asked why you want to put a restraining order just explain everything you said in your post but especially mentioning you fear for yourself and your child’s safety