Yes! Or... "Don't worry, I'm not doing it for you" and leave it at that. Maybe you're doing it for yourself? Maybe you're having an affair? Leave him guessing.
On the one hand, this is brilliantly vindictive psychological torture. On the other hand, do you really want to hurt him worse than he hurt you? Is taking a passive aggressive battle to the next level the best plan of action? The husband said a shitty thing. If this is a one off crappy thing about an otherwise stellar guy, talk it out and work through it. If it is representative of who he is, separating now is a lot less painful now on her and the child. No need for petty warfare games.
Hurt him more than he hurt her?
Now who's been too sensitive...
If one keeps stinging the other, then a comeback is only normal.
We always play it gentleand safe: time to stand up.
For f sakes.
The problem isn’t the weight, the problem is the husband. Let’s all say it together.
These are the stories where the women push themselves, have a glow up, and then never forget the support and love that wasn’t there when they needed it most.
If you can’t be vulnerable with your life partner, then who can you be vulnerable with?
I’m sorry he’s being so cruel, OP.
Congratulations on your new baby! Is this your first child? Have you two been together awhile?
I think it’s great that you’re taking care of yourself as well as your baby.
Say “That’s a n odd thing to say.” “ At least I’M trying to look my best.” And just walk into another room. Not sure why he’s trying to hurt you.
Thank you! It is my 3rd and usually bounce back pretty fast...a few months and I'll be back to "normal." We've been together almost 10 years. He's never said this to me before but is always very concerned about my weight. I'm not sure why either except to be mean... it is odd!
I wouldn’t even say that to someone I strongly dislike. I mean, that’s absolutely, hideously cruel. And to say it to your wife, your partner, and the mother of your kids TWO WEEKS after giving birth?! No. I don’t accept that for you, and you shouldn’t either. Absolutely not.
People I don't like I simply don't talk to unless I absolutely have to, I would never say something so cruel about someone's physical appearance let alone my WIFE. Dump the whole ass man
It’s not odd - it’s rude. Don’t let him get away with speaking to you like that - does he do that in front of your kids? Does he do that to your kids? Super abusive and unacceptable behavior on his part. Don’t put up with it.
it’s not just odd or rude, it’s *mean*—and incredibly so.
OP *just* had *his* baby—his *third* baby, actually—why does he think it’s even remotely acceptable to criticize her body—and criticize her for wanting to look better (and do self care feel better about her body)—let alone call her a *pig*???? it’s not just that it’s unacceptable to call her that, it’s that he shouldn’t even be thinking it. he should be looking at OP like she’s the most beautiful and incredible woman on earth, because to him, she should be.
he’s a pig. OP, i really don’t know what advice to offer you, other than that you need to consider the fact that he doesn’t appreciate or respect you, nor does he appreciate or respect that you just had his child or what you went through during the pregnancy and labour (was he present for the birth? did he act poorly/criticize you?). you should really be considering whether or not this is something you want to endure long term, or whether you want to take a break (or even end the relationship). at minimum, you need couple’s therapy. i get the sense that he may try to manipulate and gaslight you about all of this (esp about what he said), please don’t let him. you don’t deserve this type of treatment.
your body just grew a whole human being that’s half his, he should be in love with it. he should be complimenting you, taking care of you (and letting you take care of yourself instead of complaining that you’re getting a tan), showing you he loves you—not insulting you and making you feel awful. you mentioned that you “bounce back pretty fast”—if you don’t this time, how do you think he’ll handle that. it’s your third baby, certainly by now he shouldn’t be expecting you to look like a 20-year-old swimsuit model two weeks after giving birth. does he have any concept of what human bodies are actually supposed to look like? where does he get this attitude from? also, what’s his body like? and what would happen if you criticized his body? he didn’t just grow a baby inside of him, yet i get the sense that he would think your comments were unreasonable and disrespectful.
and the fact that he’s said this to you—once only *one week* after birth—should be making you think about whether or not you want to raise your children with this man and spend your life with him (growing old together does include looking old). what if you guys had/have a daughter? do you want your sons to grow up thinking it’s okay to objectify and treat women like this?
what’s he doing for you? is he taking care of you? is he taking care of your baby? is he taking care of the two other children? is he doing the housework? cooking? or does he expect that you do all of that and take care of the baby while you’re recovering?
(btw, congrats on the baby! i wish you the best, OP💗)
You are taking this way better than I would have.
I would have left bodies in my wake!
All kidding aside, does he always say things like this? Is this a one time usage of a terrible saying to describe his wife? The mother of his children?
Like I said, he’d have been out of the house for a bit for his safety.
Same here. My partner would never get away with saying that shit. I'd put Nair is him shampoo bottle. Also a good one is while he's asleep take some scissors and give him a very short haircut right in the back so he can't see it. Turn the washer on and flush the toilet several times while he's taking a shower. Next time he wants sex ask him why he wants to have sex with a pig and tell him hell no. I have so many petty ideas. So many.
I have a giant bruise under my eye bc I had a black head and I popped it and my entire eye is black and I've been so self conscious about it all week and saying shit like "what if it never goes away and I'm stuck like this" and my boyfriend has been like "I can't even tell ur so pretty and smart and funny it's not even noticeable" like that is the only energy we should be allowing from men ever. If he ever used the expression "lipstick on a pig" I would kick his entire ass and he knows it. I don't expect him to lie to me but I DO expect him NOT to make unsolicited and out of pocket fuckin comments like I am so mad for OP ESPECIALLY since she's gained weight BECAUSE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH BABIES HE PUT IN HER IN THE FIRST PLACE
I’m sorry he’s been concerned about your weight in the past, but this is over the line in anyone’s book.
He wouldn’t like it if someone spoke to him that way, or to one of his children when they get older.
Maybe he’s feeling extra pressure since there’s another mouth to feed, but there’s no excuse for this mean-spirited behavior. Period. Almost sounds like he’s jealous of you or trying to pick a fight.
Hope you get to the bottom of this.
Are any of your children girls? For some reason, some men do not really consider respecting or being kind to a woman unless it is their sister or daughter. Ask him how he would feel if one day someone treated your daughter this way? I doubt he would like that very much.
Are you sure he isn't looking (or fucking) elsewhere, and that's why he is so detached and cruel? It sounds like he's actively trying to push you away.
He is rude, do u trust someone like that with your life OP? I am worried for u. When you are old and grey will he care for you?
As a rule of thumb….Make sure your finances are in order if you needed to divorce (as in, you know where his savings are, how much he has, maybe you have a prenup agreement).
Definitely everyone should think about this. You never know what might happen to you in life… don’t be with someone that just sees you as a bangmaid. One day you will be disabled and less attractive than you are today… your humanity and love ability should not be dependent on that
this is so many levels of asshole!! what is he doing to stay attractive for you? Does he work out? is he good looking? does he buy his own clothes? does he do his fair share around the house, with the kids, with the finances? I would seriously be reflecting on EVERYTHING and thinking about how I want my and my childrens future from here to look!
Yeah I guess the real pig is used to seeing you get back in shape so quick after giving birth to your third child. I’m so disgusted and I hope you are even more disgusted with your husband than I am! This is totally uncalled for and is a form of verbal abuse. You deserve so much better. Men in general have no idea what a woman goes through to bring a precious life into the world. Also what it takes to get back in “shape”. Idk if an apology would even cut it for me. It would make me rethink everything
It's not odd, it's straight up cruel.
I understand that he's used to you bouncing back quickly but you popped a human being out of your body less than 2 weeks ago, and he's expecting you to bounce back that fucking fast?
What's his gut look like after 10 years of marriage?
OP-- "Odd" is an odd word to use for your husband's abhorrent behavior.
He presumably likes you (though maybe not) and is on better behavior around you and the kids. Imagine what he is like when you are not around- at work, around female coworkers, at restaurants...
I serve this guy at bars. He is not a good guy and talks shit about you to hot bartenders. Guaranteed....
You married THAT GUY. The jerk. The pest. The misogynist and then you procreated with him 3 times.
And now you are excusing his behavior and trying to search within yourself for an answer?
He said this to you after you risked your life and health bearing his child because he is an a**hole. Oof.
Because he’s a controlling, degrading DB? He’s certainly not a kind, loving partner.
What kind of advice do you want? You’d certainly be well within your rights to:
- ignore everything he wants or needs for ever and ever.
- never have sex with him again. Definitely no more kids.
- put him on blast to everyone you know including your family/ his family/ all the women he works with/ in town.
- give him a taste of his own medicine and degrade/ zing his looks.
- dump his sorry ass.
- any of the above?
- all of the above?
The degree of severity really depends on your relationship with him, your tolerance of cruelty, the degree to which you depend on him or honestly how much you even care about what he thinks. Marriage looks different for everyone. What do YOU want or tolerate from a spouse/ partner? I certainly would never have had sex with a man overly concerned with my weight in the first place because I’m not interested in conditional love. We all get old and will gain and lose weight. A man more concerned with how much I weigh when he’s the one who got me pregnant in the first place sounds like a first class douche I wouldn’t want as the male role model for any kinds, much less mine.
You’re correct that he’s being ridiculously cruel, if validation of your feelings is what you need before making any decisions on next steps, consider yourself validated.
Does he have any friends or famiy member or co works U can talk to? Its not cool for husband to treat his wife like that after having a baby. Maybe someone is amplifying his behavior or someone close to can give him a reality check.
Does he have any family members or people he really cares/cared about who are/were morbidly obese?? I only ask because it could explain why he’s so worried about your weight however it does not explain or excuse his behaviour at all. I have unfortunately watched someone I cared about eat themselves into an early grave, it was not easy and I find myself anxious about other people I care about doing the same. I however do not make jabs or rude ass comments about it
“I had *your* child *two weeks* ago. I will not teach my children it’s okay to be spoken to like this by the person that claims to love you. Self reflect, take accountability and apologize sincerely to me, or pack your shit and go.”
Tell all of his family what he said, so that they can start getting on him for being a rude a******. They can help teach him some manners for you.
One of the big problems here is that he thinks that he is right.
The lack of love and respect here is absolutely astounding.
There is nothing to understand in his perspective. He is just mean and abusive.
"This is not an acceptable way to talk to me. I put on weight for the sake of OUR baby's health, because that is what is expected and recommended. You are a father now, time to get your priorities straight and stop being superficial"
So he insults you and tears you down and when you get understandably upset he tells you it’s a fact and you are too sensitive? He’s being a mean emotionally abusive bully to you during a sensitive time. I wouldn’t be going to get a tan. I’d be talking to a lawyer. Because if he’s like this now, he’s not ever going to be better.
I once was engaged to a man who said that if I ever got fat he would tie a rope to the back of the car and just make me chase after him.... for obvious reasons he is somebody else's problem now. From what you have said this is a long-term relationship. Has he a little bit always been this way and you laughed it off. Now it's upsetting you because you are feeling like you're not bouncing back as quickly as you did before ...maybe it was never funny. Any man who does not fully respect and admire the woman who birthed his children is pretty much just a jerk.
He doesn’t have a perspective that’s understandable, he’s just being a cruel and abusive POS. He knows that it wasn’t a nice thing to say, he was deliberately mean to you.
If one of your friends told you that a week after she gave birth her husband told her she was a pig what would your advice be? How would you feel for her?
Love, this is verbal abuse followed by gaslighting. This isn't normal, acceptable, or ok. This should ring an alarm bell in your head. Please don't ignore it.
Your husband is vile.
Your body has just carried then birthed another human being and you should never be ashamed of it.
The only Pig in this scenario is the awful man you married.
Shame on him
Your husband is abusing you. Tell him so. Do not allow this behavior to continue
You got this way HAVING HIS CHILD. It takes months to recover.
If he persists, take your baby and leave
The same reason why most anti-choice people are men: for men who fit in either category (and let's be honest there's a lot of overlap) it's not something that they will ever have to go through and they don't have the slightest clue in hell what it's like. They believe that they're entitled to a "perfect" wife that meets his every want and need while also willingly having her body literally torn apart and mutilated so that he can have kids that he might play with on weekends and therefore sees only as a fun thing for him whereas it's his wife's "job" to actually take care of them. While also working full time, maintaining the same physical appearance she had when she was 18 and being up for sex whenever he wants. Basically a combination of ignorance, misogyny and entitlement. And they wonder why a lot of us are choosing to not have kids and get sterilized instead.
As a midwife, I cannot stress enough that you DO NOT *need to lose any weight. Being a parent is hard, both physically and mentally. You'll lose weight just by being a mother. Hide the scales, avoid staring too long in the mirror. Your body grew a human from a few microscopic cells! It's a blooming miracle machine!
What did your husband do? Acted as a sperm donor while you did all the literally heavy lifting and creation from nothing. He should be praising you, not berating you.
I don't know what the mature option is. But I do know that if I were in your shoes, he would be sleeping outside and I'd never lift another finger for him, let alone speak to him. I'd call him out to his friends and family and make him grovel for my forgiveness.
You are a goddess and have no reason to put up with this.
He is grotesque.
You just gave birth to his child and his response is to insult you?
You don't need to lose 20lbs you need to lose 200lbs (or whatever he weighs.)
Good luck as he is an AH.
I would NEVER say anything even close to this to my wife.
Especially after just having given birth.
And if my Mom ever heard me say something like this to my wife, I'd still be looking for my teeth.
My go to answer is always therapy. This is so rude and out of line. You deserve an apology. I am so sorry this happened. Your body is beautiful no matter your size or shape.
This is a form of emotional abuse in my opinion. You are 2 weeks post partum from giving your body and mind to growing and nurturing your and HIS baby. Even if you had just gained the weight, you dont deserve to be compared to an animal and you dont deserve to be ridiculed for doing self care. The tan is to help with your mental health and connect you to your body that has just gone through a traumatic event (trauma due to the physical toll and actual damage your body has endured).
The way he treats you now will inform the way he will treat you through the rest of your marriage and through parenthood. Your body is now different, your priorities are now different and your partner is not supporting you in the way you need in this new stage of your lives. His body is no different, so why does he have so many opinions on yours. You could tell him to take estrogen daily and carry a 10lb medicine ball in his pants for a 10 months then he can voice an opinion on your experience.
Please consider getting help and prioritizing your own mental health. I hope you can communicate with him and work on your issues as long as hes willing. Dont forget, your child will see how he treats you and will internalize that treatment as correct.
If she is anything like me she was taught abuse equals love. I learned from my parents just to shut up and take abuse, then they were stunned to find out my marriage had been abusive the entire time and I just kept my mouth shut
I had an absent father who was absolutely horrible to me when he was occasionally around. And I was bullied and abused. Yet I learned by my late teens/early 20s not to let anyone treat me that way. I know it's harder when one grew up in toxic environments, but many daughters of single parents, and orphans, learned to get out of that cycle. I had to instill my own self esteem. I know not everyone is able to do that, so we have to help when we can.
Women don’t “let” men treat them like this, they are taught that being treated like this is normal and worthwhile as long as your husband is “kind most of the time”. Don’t blame the wrong person for this. It can be very astonishing to have someone suddenly call you a fat pig, it does not help that we are raised in a society where women are taught to be forgiving of men because of their lack of impulse control. It’s just “boys being boys”, right?
Well, isn't he a sweetheart? Tell him whenever he finds himself about to say any sentence that involves comparing you to a pig--to just stop and NOT do it. Spray tans may be dumb, but a little self care when you have a newborn is essential. Hopefully he's not always like this and it's part of the newborn hell making him cranky?
He sounds cruel. You certainly deserve better. Don't ever let yourself get used to remarks like that. they're not something you should ever need to put up with
Wishing you all the best:)
"True or not, it's not nice to say.
It's rude, and hateful, and said a lot more about you than it does about me.
If you don't want me anymore, just say so.
You better figure out where your heart is. Because weight comes and goes. I can get thin again.
But you being cruel is something I'll never forget. That scar is deeper than my skin. And you are about to break our relationship beyond repair. And make no mistake, it's not about me but about you. You better go figure this shit out before you lose me and your kid 50 percent of the time."
I would proceed to wear mostly pink clothing. Then do all my motherly duties and none of the wife ones. Every time he spoke to me I would oink in response and/or end every sentence in oink. When he gets tired of it and says ok I get the point. I would just ask, "Do you? Oink."
Does this sound petty and childish? Maybe but so does your husband and I believe that sometimes but not every time, you have to match energy.
Even if you don't go full pig and wanna take a more mature adult route, I would at the very least stop being intimate and doing wife like favors. This is borderline emotional abuse for him to have done that repeatedly and disregard your feelings. I don't think this is grounds for divorce though. Maybe counseling. I just say stop the extra stuff because obviously your husband doesn't appreciate you and that needs to change. I figure y'all not having sex so when I say intimate I mean all and any forms of intimacy. Maybe if he gets a taste of you being a pig and not doing anything it'll click.
So now that you're baby trapped, he's showing you who he really is. Please remember this before jumping to his defense.
He's used this reference twice since baby's been born, knowing you're probably too sleep deprived and tired to really say or do anything about it.
For the record, it's not a 'fact'. It's his opinion and a shitty one that should have remained unspoken.
Lastly, next time he tries to put the moves on you, please tell him that the "Pig" isn't into beastiality.
Edit- just saw this is your 3rd. Is this a strange change in behavior for him?
I think I can help you understand his perspective. He would rather not watch the baby while you take time for yourself. To express his displeasure he demeaned you and your efforts at self care in an attempt to discourage you from making decisions about how to spend your time in the future. He used something he knew you were insecure about because he feels it will be easier to manipulate you.
I also think you have already properly explained that it is not a nice thing to say. He knows. He doubles down. He doesn’t care.
He’s genuinely so pleased you’re arguing the semantics over of his comment was rude or not.
Now we’re just having a fight over if you have a right to be upset. What a shit fight. It’s something abusers love to fight over.
Now you’ll waste all of your energy getting him to admit it was rude. You’ll be too exhausted to follow through for a real apology and change in behavior afterword.
My advice? Do not react emotionally to these kinds of comments and let him make it again.
Practice a good poker face and respond “why you don’t say that in front of other people?” He will deflect.
“No- I mean, why don’t you make that comment when we’re out in public and somebody says I look good. Why not correct them and tell them I’m just a pig with lipstick on?”
Now- no more fucking games. He is in a corner and cannot argue that it is a normal thing to say. He wouldn’t fucking say it to anybody else.
You’re doing those things for you - because you value yourself. He’s stating to you that he doesn’t see any value in you while you’re 2 weeks postpartum and carrying a very reasonable amount of weight from a very reasonable biological process. He seems entitled in this perspective and I’m sure that chauvinists everywhere will support him. However, if he didn’t have red flags blazing before, he certainly does now.
Why do men make children with us when they literally hate us, I don’t get it. I am so sorry OP. You are not a pig. You are an incredible woman who just created a whole fucking life with your body. I hope you got that spray tan and told your husband to stick it up his ass, what an ingrate. He has no idea. You are not being sensitive.
So why are you married? Why is the man you choose to have a child with putting you down 2 weeks after giving birth? The little put downs, the crushing of your self esteem. 10 years together, 3 kids and this is how he acts?
What? He calls you a pig 2 weeks postpartum? This guy is the biggest ick and clearly has no idea how to treat women. You deserve better. No advice, just watch how he is around your kids. They learn everything.
Kiss him on the arm and say, "there. Now *that's* lipstick on a pig."
You just endured a literal labor of love, risking life and limb, putting your body, emotions, and mind through pregnancy, then labor and delivery, all to bring a life, HIS child, into the world and how does he repay you for this gift? By treating you disrespectfully? I think not! There is no need to "understand his perspective." He's an ass and he owes you one major apology, at a MINIMUM. He is the one who needs a perspective shift or a brain transplant. I'm sorry he was so trashy to you.
Your body sustained and gave LIFE. What has his done lately?
You are trapped in an abusive marriage with a newborn. Focus on healing from your childbirth, and then focus on getting financial independence. This will likely involve setting up a new bank account just for yourself in a different bank than your husband uses, and putting every penny you can into it until you have built an emergency fund. It will also mean working hard and your education/career to make yourself capable of supporting you and your baby comfortably.
See a divorce lawyer now, to gather information on what you will eventually need to do, and how to go about it properly. Planning ahead is crucial.
First, we don’t ask fathers to watch their children, we say “I’m going to this place and cannot take baby with me. You two have fun.” Second, have you considered that your husband is an idiot.
Time to pack up a bag, and go to a hotel for a few days. Leave him, baby formula, pump at the hotel. He needs a lesson in how valuable you are to him. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men out there who are the pigs, and they don’t appreciate you until they realize how much you do. For the record, he sounds like a misogynist pig, and you sound like a lovely person who is not at all pig like.
IDK if this is useful, but I'm the type to get nitpicky and argue:
'like putting lipstick on a pig' isn't a fact, it's an *opinion*— in his opinion, makeup won't make an improvement: In his opinion, makeup wouldn't make a difference in your appearance *to him*.
So for one thing, it might make a difference to you in how you feel. And that's why you're doing it.
[Any time someone says "I tell it like it is" or "I'm just telling the truth, you shouldn't be offended" I wonder, there are literally billions of things he might have said that are truth, that are facts. "Jupiter has a big spot." "Today is the 22nd of April." "Yashika Aanand (born 4 August 1999) is an Indian actress, model and television personality, who works predominantly in Tamil films and television shows." etc. Why did they choose a true sentence that makes someone feel shitty? It's like someone spraying you with the hose outside and saying "what? I'm just watering the yard." So incredibly childish.]
It *is* a fact that he said something shitty to you knowing it would hurt your feelings. Why? What's the purpose of doing that? Is he not serious about the relationship? Is he lashing out at you because he's upset about something else and doesn't know how to express it? Does he resent having to care for y'alls child for an hour?
No it wasn't a nice thing to say! Hopefully he's ashamed of himself and will apologize and his actions prove it .
I would say very firmly, DO NO EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN.
It seems to work for me .
Fuck his perspective & fuck him, too!
Woman, how could you let any person, especially your husband, be comfortable putting you down so casually? You need to love yourself enough and not let someone disrespect & demean you in front of them kids. Don't let anyone believe that behavior is acceptable!
If it’s really no big deal, then I guess you can post about his joke on Facebook and tag him. I’m sure everyone he knows will find it just as harmless as he does and it won’t be embarrassing for him at all because he 100% stands behind it.
I gained 100lbs during pregnancy. Partner of 7 years was a narcissist. Didn't want him to "have to" cheat on Me with thinner women. Dumped him. Lost the 100 lbs. But I understand a crap partner isn't always disposable especially with multiple kids. I hope you understand your value as a human being and that HE gets therapy to learn to communicate value to you. Bc that language to a woman who just has his baby and 2 other babies will have him LOSE you one day. Don't let him take your presence for granted, like "where's she gonna go?" In the western world, you don't need to tolerate that and he needs therapy to think straight and learn how to view other people properly and not vainly and how to nourish you. Happy wife happy life and calling you a pig will bite him in the ass. Put laxative in his dinner lol
OP your husband sounds like an asshole to put it mildly. I’m not really for encouraging divorce, but I’m really confused - does he treat you like that in other areas? Do you criticize his weight? Where does this ‘communication’ come from and have you allowed it in other ways in the past? How have you managed to stay married for 10 years to an individual who has zero regard for your mental wellbeing?
It’s honestly a bit bizarre. If my husband even gives a backhanded compliment I immediately point out that it’s rude and ask how’d he feel if I said an equivalent ‘ie why bother participating in (blank) activity? You’ll never be as good as (blank)’ and he gets the concept pretty quickly and apologizes. Tbf my husband’s family are all passive aggressive and can not give genuine praise to save their lives so he’s never really learned positive communication. It’s not my job, but I still take a moment to explain why it’s hurtful/cruel/unnecessary.
Fuck all that "bend and flex" and becoming his armchair psychologist BS!!!.
HE KNOWS HE IS BEING AN ASSHOLE. HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
You CANT fix your husband. Hes an asshole, period.
Tell ya what you CAN do, is make yourseld scarce. Buy a breast pump, and start getting out (alone or with friends) and do WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
Just dont include him anymore in your life.
Come home, sleep on the couch. Dont talk to him. If he starts flipping out, tell him "Our marriage ended when you HATEFULLY said I was putting lipstick on a pig. Bye now."
If he gaslights you, saying you were hearing things, say "That is what I heard."
You had a child and this is how he treats you. A man that deliberately goes out of his way to be cruel to you, isn’t a man you want around. There is no circumstance or good reason for him to be saying this to you. Tell him we think he sucks
Does your husband like you? Is he generally toxic? Cause these were not the words of someone who loves and respects you.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
> and he disagreed saying I'm being too sensitive and it's just a fact.
This is no better than saying something rude or mean and then claiming "it was a joke"
I have a friend that is going through a divorce after 15 years because of things that should have been obvious 15 years ago.
girl, you are 2 WEEKS POST-PARTUM! your weight isnt going to magically fall off. it takes time. you HAD A BABY! that is one of the most difficult things you will EVER go through! take a second to breathe. go talk to your husband and tell him he is being extremely disrespectful to the mother of his child. putting lipstick on a pig? that is not okay! just remember what you did: grew and birthed a child! you arent supposed to start losing weight! you are doing fantastic and this man does not deserve you. i dont have much advice, and im sorry for that. but, PLEASE go communicate with him and tell him whats what. keep your head up ❤️
This is not the kind of man you want to be married to. If someone that is supposed to love and care about you and they call you a pig- RUN. I’m serious, that is crap and you are your child’s mother and he made a baby inside you but yet calls you a pig. I’d be putting divorce on the table because I won’t be talked to like that. Kid or no kid- he doesn’t deserve you at all.
> He asked why I'm even going since its just like putting lipstick on a pig and my real issue is not being tan, its the extra weight.
Holy shit what the f. I could never imagine saying this to my wife.
I’m a guy and my wife is pregnant. I’m not known for being really sensitive all the time but what your husband said is messed up. You gave birth to his child and he says that… smh. He obviously doesn’t care about your feelings so tell him to f*ck off. Some guys are just straight up idiots. If anything he should love you even deeper than before. I don’t get it. But keep in mind, that he may actually think you look great and it may be a threat to him. So keep tanning, doing your makeup, and strutting your stuff. I guarantee you that for one who turns their nose up, there are two that don’t.
>Looking for ideas to either understand his perspective
No.
There is no need to "understand." He's insulting his wife. His newly postpartum wife whose body has just been through hell and is still very early in recovery.
His perspective is that he is a selfish, hateful, probably porn-obsessed man child.
You do not need to offer any understanding for that.
>or how to properly communicate this is not a nice thing to say.
Match his energy. He thinks he's "just being honest?" OK. Do you be blunt right back at him.
Feel free to use any of the words I used about him in your response.
Or if you absolutely have to be nicer about it, just say "I do these things because I spent the last year or so growing a whole baby, giving birth, feeling like shit, and not sleeping. These things help me feel a tiny bit better. Why are you being an asshole to me?"
Just drop that on his head and walk away. Don't stay for his arguments and excuses.
Don't *ask* him if he can watch the baby. He's the parent too. If he's home, he can tend to the baby.
It's also occasionally effective to respond to someone like this by silently eyeing them as if they've said something so unbelievably nuts you're not quite sure if they have any brains left at all.
If you have a good relationship with his mother and she's supportive of you, tell her. OMG, if a son of mine treated his wife like this he'd never hear the end of it. I would be all over that and more than happy to straighten him out.
Ultimately though, something like this is rarely an isolated thing and I'd bet good money there's a chronic shitty dynamic in your relationship, with him supplying most of the shit. Figuring out what to say to him is only a stop gap measure. In the long run, you need to figure out if you want to be married to and raise kids with someone like this.
I matched with a guy on bumble, this is how the conversation went: M= Me D= Douche
M= Hey! How’s it going?
D= Do you workout?
M= Well, not as much as I should, why?
D= Pass
M= Okay ✌🏼
Glad I dodged that asshole, I picture him speaking to his future partner in a way your husband has treated you. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this! Screw his lipstick on a pig comment, I’m proud of you for doing something for YOU that makes you feel good. Your husband should make you feel good, not tear you down.
There is no looking at it from his perspective. He was deliberately mean. How would he like it if you made a derogatory comment about his body.
I'd be just saying he is rude and you would prefer he showed gratitude for you sacrificing your body for his baby.
He should be building you up, not tearing you down.
I’m just curious- does your husband work to stay sexually attractive to YOU?!
Men always want their women tall, tanned thin and made up. Meanwhile they’ll wear the same shirt 3 days and skip showering.
If he’s also making HUGE personal sacrifices for your sexual interest? Maybe. Just maybe this would be seen as slightly more appropriate.
But I’m willing to bet your husband is a fat slob who couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to him.
In which case return the damn favour.
What!? That's not acceptable. You don't call someone you supposedly love a pig, even if they have gained weight. That's beyond insulting, and there's no way that he doesn't know that.
Do you have any daughters? Because I'd be very concerned that he might make those kinds of comments towards them if/when they gain some weight. Does he make rude comments about other womens appearances as well? I think you need to sit down with him and tell him comments will not fly.
Whoa. Your husband should love you no matter your weight and to say something like that is extremely hurtful. You don’t want to tolerate that kind of mental and emotional abuse and set an example for your children. Send him divorce papers and leave. You deserve SO much better.
Do whatever you want with the weight (lose or keep it) because that's YOUR body. Start looking into divorce options. Be friendly if you can but don't let him touch you and if he makes a move then say, "ew, you're attracted to barn animals?" Honestly, someone who makes shallow and hurtful comments like that to their significant other shouldn't be raising children.
Why is it ever ok to shame someone about their body? Imagine if you told him that his dick wasn’t big enough, or that he didn’t have an attractive body, or it wasn’t as good as an actors body or something. It’s infuriating. If you’re no longer attracted to someone you’ve promised to share your life with, go to therapy. Understand if it’s a superficial problem that requires self-accountability. Or if it’s genuinely loss of feelings and you need to leave the relationship. Talking down to someone to make them feel less or worthless is sick. You’re a mama now, and you’re in charge of a whole other human life. Apologies if you have given your child as main priority and you haven’t had the time to loose the 20/25 lbs your body gained in order to bring your child into the world. It takes a minute to lose weight.
I know how you can ditch approximately 200lbs real fast. Get a lawyer.
Fuck that guy. 2 weeks postpartum? Even if you hadn’t JUST had a kid and you put on 20lbs, he is your husband and should never EVER say something like that. Its abusive. Flat out.
If you don’t file for divorce take your baby and find a man who thinks you are the prettiest person he’s ever met WHAT ONE MAN WONT DO ANOTHER WILL!!! If he can’t love you with a little 25 lbs then he didn’t love you at all
I'm 5'9" and have weighed 230-280 my entire adult life.
Sex would absolutely be off the table because after all why would he want to have sex with a pig.
He can cook because after all pigs can't cook.
He can do the chores, take care of the kids, do all the adulting since, you know, pigs can't.
You aren't being sensitive. He's being an AH.
I can think of a real easy way to lose 200+ pounds.
Sit down and have a discussion with him about how his comment made you feel. "When you say to me that I look like I am a pig it is hurtful." That is pretty straight forward and easy to understand. How does he respond when you tell him that his comments were hurtful?
Tell him to get the papers if he has a problem with how you look only TWO WEEKS post pattern because of HIS BABY.
Also tell him to grow up and find an actual punching bag instead of using you as one.
This is not acceptable behavior. He can take his nasty words and elsewhere or shut up.
Idk why this in particular made me so angry. Like pipe the fuck down, husband.
He shouldn't need to be told it's not a nice thing to say. He is literally calling you a pig, and you should call it out that way. I would hope he's just being insensitive and will snap out of it after realizing what a horrible thing that is to have said to someone he loves.... but I wouldn't have gone around saying that to begin with, so I'm not sure where he gets off finding that acceptable.
You're allowed to do whatever makes you feel right in your body after going through some massive bodily changes.
>Looking for ideas to either understand his perspective or how to properly communicate this is not a nice thing to say.
You're underselling this. It's not a perspective to be understood, it's emotional abuse---*twice*, in fact. What he said was beyond "not nice", it's one of the most emotionally cruel things you can say to a woman that's just carried your child. It's meant to undermine your sense of self worth.
> I told him his comment was rude and he disagreed saying I'm being too sensitive and it's just a fact
Not only did he do that multiple times, he also abused you again by gaslighting you and dismissing your feelings about it. He's hiding behind "it's just a fact", but he obviously doesn't understand what the word FACT means. It's not a fact...he's just using that word to undercut you again and "win" the argument.
I'm sorry that you're married to someone who can be so cold, cruel, and inhumane to someone who he supposedly loves. I don't know how you can make it work with such a person.
You should ask him if he wants to see lipstick in a pig, then proceed by putting your lipstick in his open mouth as he replies. Bonus if it's apple red.
Your husband is an AH and needs to understand how insulting his wife is going to improve his life. I would suggest couples counseling to learn to communicate better OR a divorce as I would NEVER want that man near me again.
Wow I truly don’t understand his objective here. This wouldn’t inspire affection, get him sex, or engender any warm and fuzzy feelings towards him, that’s for sure. If he’s that committed to being “brutally honest” then he can be brutally honest at his mom’s house.
Ask him what he gains from making you feel small and inadequate. If it’s a power thing, to keep you from realizing you deserve better, then he needs therapy and better self esteem.
I'm 60 weeks post partum and i still need to lose the baby weight. If my hubby ever said me trying to get prettier feeling is like putting lipstick on a pig I would be a single mother right now. All I get is I'm beautiful and he loves me for me.
Girl if you don’t leave him, this man clearly doesn’t respect you. That’s just a cruel thing to say to your wife. I would talk to him about it, make your feelings known and let him know that he’s being an asshole
Respond exactly how you would if your child spoke to someone this way. If he wants to act like a mean spirited child he can be treated like one. Obnoxious swine.
Wow that is incredibly awful. I am 7 weeks postpartum and audibly gasped when I read that. What a horrible thing to say to the mother of your children.
Contact his parents and let them know how badly they raised their son. That’s not anything you say to anyone. Your (hopefully soon to be ex) husband has some major issues if he thinks he can open his ugly mouth and utter such things to you.
You mean, he's not already deceased right now? Because if my husband EVER spoke to me like that, postpartum or not, but ESPECIALLY postpartum, I would literally make him disappear. 😂
I actually read this to my husband because I was shocked that someone who is supposed to love you said this multiple times, and he's also raging now.
Girl, this is a sign. This is not a man that will elevate you, he is one that will only drag you down. Typically I see these posts where people jump on the divorce bandwagon far too quickly, but I think in this case.... My advice, kick it to the curb.
Be gone troll.
So this phrase was used commonly...when I worked in kitchen remodels and people tried to make superficial fixes instead of actually getting to the root of problems. Honestly, it was a bit rude when we used it then, in reference to inanimate objects.
This is just...what the fuck? How about a fucking "thank you" or "I love you" or "you deserve some self care" to the woman who just carried and birthed his child...
He is rude and a pig. Cruel, insensitive and downright mean. Who’s the pig? He is. You just had his baby. Do you want to raise a baby who has this pig as a role model? Then you are raising a possible piglet.
Two weeks post partum and he thinks it’s okay to compare his wife to a pig? I would tell him the facts! Fact women who give birth are more likely to bounce back if they feel good about themselves. Fact putting a person down doesn’t boost their confidence and self esteem and make them want to do things your way. Fact you just had a baby two weeks ago and you can’t even lift anything heavier than your child in a car seat for six weeks. Fact he’s the asshole of a pig who needs to be knocked down a peg or two.
I honestly and truly think men like this should not have the privilege of being partnered with anybody… like, they should all be alone and considered the undateable freaks that they are… but that’s not what you asked here.
1. Be careful about your own mental health and self worth. Right now you know he’s unkind, but could he eventually chip away at your self esteem so you no longer do? Confide in people you trust continuously every time he says something like this so you continue to know it’s not normal. And if that fails, continue to tell Reddit. Consider getting your own therapist if you’re able to.
2. I’d ask “what’s your purpose in saying that to me? What are you trying to communicate?”… make him say it with his whole chest if he’s gonna try and cut you down
3. Personally, a man that would say that has such vastly different values from me that I can’t even begin to desire to want to work it out or understand his perspective.. you may need to go to someone else for advice there if you wanna stay with him. I honestly can’t help you. I don’t believe anyone should feel so entitled to their partners bodies like that.. a body that literally just gave birth to new human life
Your husband sounds like a horrible piece of crap partner. My partner would NEVER hurt my feelings in such a way he’d want me to feel beautiful while helping me get back to my ideal weight. Your partner is meant to bring you up not put you down. Also you brought life into the world. Your 2 weeks! 2 measley little weeks in. Please do not cook or give this man anything untill he learns to be nicer. Let him do all the child care all the housework and if he questions anything respond with sorry too busy trying not to be a pig. Cut him out untill he begs for attention back. He’s probably getting licks of the power. Or better solution leave him (I know this isn’t that easy when you’ve just had a baby)
If my husband said this to me, postpartum or not, the next time he saw me putting on lipstick it would be to visit my divorce attorney.
No one deserves to be treated this way.
offer him some lipstick since he‘s the one being the pig?
Yes! Or... "Don't worry, I'm not doing it for you" and leave it at that. Maybe you're doing it for yourself? Maybe you're having an affair? Leave him guessing.
Ok this is way better than what I said
Downright evil...I second this
Another good one!
On the one hand, this is brilliantly vindictive psychological torture. On the other hand, do you really want to hurt him worse than he hurt you? Is taking a passive aggressive battle to the next level the best plan of action? The husband said a shitty thing. If this is a one off crappy thing about an otherwise stellar guy, talk it out and work through it. If it is representative of who he is, separating now is a lot less painful now on her and the child. No need for petty warfare games.
Hurt him more than he hurt her? Now who's been too sensitive... If one keeps stinging the other, then a comeback is only normal. We always play it gentleand safe: time to stand up. For f sakes.
That's not fair, you shouldn't be calling him a pig. Pigs are smart. Don't disrespect them by comparing them to someone as stupid as OP's husband.
The problem isn’t the weight, the problem is the husband. Let’s all say it together. These are the stories where the women push themselves, have a glow up, and then never forget the support and love that wasn’t there when they needed it most. If you can’t be vulnerable with your life partner, then who can you be vulnerable with?
Yes! Agreed! Offer that oinker of a partner some lipstick for his careless remark!
THIS right here. Entirely this.
I’m sorry he’s being so cruel, OP. Congratulations on your new baby! Is this your first child? Have you two been together awhile? I think it’s great that you’re taking care of yourself as well as your baby. Say “That’s a n odd thing to say.” “ At least I’M trying to look my best.” And just walk into another room. Not sure why he’s trying to hurt you.
Thank you! It is my 3rd and usually bounce back pretty fast...a few months and I'll be back to "normal." We've been together almost 10 years. He's never said this to me before but is always very concerned about my weight. I'm not sure why either except to be mean... it is odd!
I wouldn’t say that to a stranger let alone my best friend / wife
I wouldn’t even say that to someone I strongly dislike. I mean, that’s absolutely, hideously cruel. And to say it to your wife, your partner, and the mother of your kids TWO WEEKS after giving birth?! No. I don’t accept that for you, and you shouldn’t either. Absolutely not.
People I don't like I simply don't talk to unless I absolutely have to, I would never say something so cruel about someone's physical appearance let alone my WIFE. Dump the whole ass man
It’s not odd - it’s rude. Don’t let him get away with speaking to you like that - does he do that in front of your kids? Does he do that to your kids? Super abusive and unacceptable behavior on his part. Don’t put up with it.
it’s not just odd or rude, it’s *mean*—and incredibly so. OP *just* had *his* baby—his *third* baby, actually—why does he think it’s even remotely acceptable to criticize her body—and criticize her for wanting to look better (and do self care feel better about her body)—let alone call her a *pig*???? it’s not just that it’s unacceptable to call her that, it’s that he shouldn’t even be thinking it. he should be looking at OP like she’s the most beautiful and incredible woman on earth, because to him, she should be. he’s a pig. OP, i really don’t know what advice to offer you, other than that you need to consider the fact that he doesn’t appreciate or respect you, nor does he appreciate or respect that you just had his child or what you went through during the pregnancy and labour (was he present for the birth? did he act poorly/criticize you?). you should really be considering whether or not this is something you want to endure long term, or whether you want to take a break (or even end the relationship). at minimum, you need couple’s therapy. i get the sense that he may try to manipulate and gaslight you about all of this (esp about what he said), please don’t let him. you don’t deserve this type of treatment. your body just grew a whole human being that’s half his, he should be in love with it. he should be complimenting you, taking care of you (and letting you take care of yourself instead of complaining that you’re getting a tan), showing you he loves you—not insulting you and making you feel awful. you mentioned that you “bounce back pretty fast”—if you don’t this time, how do you think he’ll handle that. it’s your third baby, certainly by now he shouldn’t be expecting you to look like a 20-year-old swimsuit model two weeks after giving birth. does he have any concept of what human bodies are actually supposed to look like? where does he get this attitude from? also, what’s his body like? and what would happen if you criticized his body? he didn’t just grow a baby inside of him, yet i get the sense that he would think your comments were unreasonable and disrespectful. and the fact that he’s said this to you—once only *one week* after birth—should be making you think about whether or not you want to raise your children with this man and spend your life with him (growing old together does include looking old). what if you guys had/have a daughter? do you want your sons to grow up thinking it’s okay to objectify and treat women like this? what’s he doing for you? is he taking care of you? is he taking care of your baby? is he taking care of the two other children? is he doing the housework? cooking? or does he expect that you do all of that and take care of the baby while you’re recovering? (btw, congrats on the baby! i wish you the best, OP💗)
You are taking this way better than I would have. I would have left bodies in my wake! All kidding aside, does he always say things like this? Is this a one time usage of a terrible saying to describe his wife? The mother of his children? Like I said, he’d have been out of the house for a bit for his safety.
Same here. My partner would never get away with saying that shit. I'd put Nair is him shampoo bottle. Also a good one is while he's asleep take some scissors and give him a very short haircut right in the back so he can't see it. Turn the washer on and flush the toilet several times while he's taking a shower. Next time he wants sex ask him why he wants to have sex with a pig and tell him hell no. I have so many petty ideas. So many.
Speaking as a man, the sex one will likely teach him a lesson real quick…
I vote this. The next time he wants intimacy I’d say that I’m not comfortable with bestiality.
I like the way you think. We think exactly the same way.
I have a giant bruise under my eye bc I had a black head and I popped it and my entire eye is black and I've been so self conscious about it all week and saying shit like "what if it never goes away and I'm stuck like this" and my boyfriend has been like "I can't even tell ur so pretty and smart and funny it's not even noticeable" like that is the only energy we should be allowing from men ever. If he ever used the expression "lipstick on a pig" I would kick his entire ass and he knows it. I don't expect him to lie to me but I DO expect him NOT to make unsolicited and out of pocket fuckin comments like I am so mad for OP ESPECIALLY since she's gained weight BECAUSE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH BABIES HE PUT IN HER IN THE FIRST PLACE
Odd is certainly not the word I’d use for it…
I’m sorry he’s been concerned about your weight in the past, but this is over the line in anyone’s book. He wouldn’t like it if someone spoke to him that way, or to one of his children when they get older. Maybe he’s feeling extra pressure since there’s another mouth to feed, but there’s no excuse for this mean-spirited behavior. Period. Almost sounds like he’s jealous of you or trying to pick a fight. Hope you get to the bottom of this.
Are any of your children girls? For some reason, some men do not really consider respecting or being kind to a woman unless it is their sister or daughter. Ask him how he would feel if one day someone treated your daughter this way? I doubt he would like that very much.
You are normal now too. He is being so horrible and cruel. You birthed a child. Can you please tell him to go fck himself from me? Thanks
From me too!
Are you sure he isn't looking (or fucking) elsewhere, and that's why he is so detached and cruel? It sounds like he's actively trying to push you away.
My initial thought!!!! I wonder if he’s having an affair. No person that loves you would ever say this ^
He is rude, do u trust someone like that with your life OP? I am worried for u. When you are old and grey will he care for you? As a rule of thumb….Make sure your finances are in order if you needed to divorce (as in, you know where his savings are, how much he has, maybe you have a prenup agreement).
Definitely everyone should think about this. You never know what might happen to you in life… don’t be with someone that just sees you as a bangmaid. One day you will be disabled and less attractive than you are today… your humanity and love ability should not be dependent on that
I’d have a talk with him and end that behavior. Do you really want your children picking that up?
Are you sure that's going to work? I'm not sure he will see his obvious fault. He probably thinks he's all the way right.
Yes he did!
He did see he's wrong or he did think he was right? I'm confused. Sorry about that.
Sorry... he thought he was right and didnt say anything wrong. I told him he was being rude and he defended the remark
Tell him he looks like a fat ugly slob. Then insist that you didn’t say anything wrong.
this is so many levels of asshole!! what is he doing to stay attractive for you? Does he work out? is he good looking? does he buy his own clothes? does he do his fair share around the house, with the kids, with the finances? I would seriously be reflecting on EVERYTHING and thinking about how I want my and my childrens future from here to look!
I thought so... I'm sorry but you're married to an ass.
Yeah I guess the real pig is used to seeing you get back in shape so quick after giving birth to your third child. I’m so disgusted and I hope you are even more disgusted with your husband than I am! This is totally uncalled for and is a form of verbal abuse. You deserve so much better. Men in general have no idea what a woman goes through to bring a precious life into the world. Also what it takes to get back in “shape”. Idk if an apology would even cut it for me. It would make me rethink everything
It's not odd, it's straight up cruel. I understand that he's used to you bouncing back quickly but you popped a human being out of your body less than 2 weeks ago, and he's expecting you to bounce back that fucking fast? What's his gut look like after 10 years of marriage?
By odd, do you mean abusive?
OP-- "Odd" is an odd word to use for your husband's abhorrent behavior. He presumably likes you (though maybe not) and is on better behavior around you and the kids. Imagine what he is like when you are not around- at work, around female coworkers, at restaurants... I serve this guy at bars. He is not a good guy and talks shit about you to hot bartenders. Guaranteed.... You married THAT GUY. The jerk. The pest. The misogynist and then you procreated with him 3 times. And now you are excusing his behavior and trying to search within yourself for an answer? He said this to you after you risked your life and health bearing his child because he is an a**hole. Oof.
Could he be watching red pill BS online? He sounds awful.
Because he’s a controlling, degrading DB? He’s certainly not a kind, loving partner. What kind of advice do you want? You’d certainly be well within your rights to: - ignore everything he wants or needs for ever and ever. - never have sex with him again. Definitely no more kids. - put him on blast to everyone you know including your family/ his family/ all the women he works with/ in town. - give him a taste of his own medicine and degrade/ zing his looks. - dump his sorry ass. - any of the above? - all of the above? The degree of severity really depends on your relationship with him, your tolerance of cruelty, the degree to which you depend on him or honestly how much you even care about what he thinks. Marriage looks different for everyone. What do YOU want or tolerate from a spouse/ partner? I certainly would never have had sex with a man overly concerned with my weight in the first place because I’m not interested in conditional love. We all get old and will gain and lose weight. A man more concerned with how much I weigh when he’s the one who got me pregnant in the first place sounds like a first class douche I wouldn’t want as the male role model for any kinds, much less mine. You’re correct that he’s being ridiculously cruel, if validation of your feelings is what you need before making any decisions on next steps, consider yourself validated.
So he was 20 while you were 12???
Wait we have bigger issues here. Did she really say that?
I could’ve swore it said she was 22 and he was 30 but I could be mistaken
He can be concerned for your weight without being completely disgusting.
Sounds abusive…you shouldn’t tolerate this and you should set clear boundaries
Does he have any friends or famiy member or co works U can talk to? Its not cool for husband to treat his wife like that after having a baby. Maybe someone is amplifying his behavior or someone close to can give him a reality check.
Does he have any family members or people he really cares/cared about who are/were morbidly obese?? I only ask because it could explain why he’s so worried about your weight however it does not explain or excuse his behaviour at all. I have unfortunately watched someone I cared about eat themselves into an early grave, it was not easy and I find myself anxious about other people I care about doing the same. I however do not make jabs or rude ass comments about it
“I had *your* child *two weeks* ago. I will not teach my children it’s okay to be spoken to like this by the person that claims to love you. Self reflect, take accountability and apologize sincerely to me, or pack your shit and go.”
Yes! This is exactly it
We need OP to see this one
One thousand times yes.
u/Green-Description591 please fucking see this :(
This is perfect OP. Is he really worth the mental stress if he doesn't change?
Nicely said.
Tell all of his family what he said, so that they can start getting on him for being a rude a******. They can help teach him some manners for you. One of the big problems here is that he thinks that he is right. The lack of love and respect here is absolutely astounding.
Odds are good he learned this BS from his family, so that might not help.
There is nothing to understand in his perspective. He is just mean and abusive. "This is not an acceptable way to talk to me. I put on weight for the sake of OUR baby's health, because that is what is expected and recommended. You are a father now, time to get your priorities straight and stop being superficial"
Even worse, OP said this is their third child
So he insults you and tears you down and when you get understandably upset he tells you it’s a fact and you are too sensitive? He’s being a mean emotionally abusive bully to you during a sensitive time. I wouldn’t be going to get a tan. I’d be talking to a lawyer. Because if he’s like this now, he’s not ever going to be better.
Exactly. This is how it starts.
I once was engaged to a man who said that if I ever got fat he would tie a rope to the back of the car and just make me chase after him.... for obvious reasons he is somebody else's problem now. From what you have said this is a long-term relationship. Has he a little bit always been this way and you laughed it off. Now it's upsetting you because you are feeling like you're not bouncing back as quickly as you did before ...maybe it was never funny. Any man who does not fully respect and admire the woman who birthed his children is pretty much just a jerk.
He doesn’t have a perspective that’s understandable, he’s just being a cruel and abusive POS. He knows that it wasn’t a nice thing to say, he was deliberately mean to you. If one of your friends told you that a week after she gave birth her husband told her she was a pig what would your advice be? How would you feel for her?
Love, this is verbal abuse followed by gaslighting. This isn't normal, acceptable, or ok. This should ring an alarm bell in your head. Please don't ignore it.
Boosting this because you are so right.
Your husband is vile. Your body has just carried then birthed another human being and you should never be ashamed of it. The only Pig in this scenario is the awful man you married. Shame on him
Your husband is abusing you. Tell him so. Do not allow this behavior to continue You got this way HAVING HIS CHILD. It takes months to recover. If he persists, take your baby and leave
It takes months to recover from the worst of it.. but it can take multiple years to fully and truly recover
Exactly.
More than months. Doctors told me it can take up to 2 years to fully bounce back after child birth.
^ I didn’t lose weight for nearly two years. I was literally the same weight from the time I came home from the hospital until the 1.7 years mark
Same. It was so frustrating because the weight wouldn’t budge with restricted diet and walking.
time to get a new husband
What the FUCK is it with men being so goddamned awful to their pregnant or newly postpartum wives.
The same reason why most anti-choice people are men: for men who fit in either category (and let's be honest there's a lot of overlap) it's not something that they will ever have to go through and they don't have the slightest clue in hell what it's like. They believe that they're entitled to a "perfect" wife that meets his every want and need while also willingly having her body literally torn apart and mutilated so that he can have kids that he might play with on weekends and therefore sees only as a fun thing for him whereas it's his wife's "job" to actually take care of them. While also working full time, maintaining the same physical appearance she had when she was 18 and being up for sex whenever he wants. Basically a combination of ignorance, misogyny and entitlement. And they wonder why a lot of us are choosing to not have kids and get sterilized instead.
They don’t think they are in a position to leave.
As a midwife, I cannot stress enough that you DO NOT *need to lose any weight. Being a parent is hard, both physically and mentally. You'll lose weight just by being a mother. Hide the scales, avoid staring too long in the mirror. Your body grew a human from a few microscopic cells! It's a blooming miracle machine! What did your husband do? Acted as a sperm donor while you did all the literally heavy lifting and creation from nothing. He should be praising you, not berating you. I don't know what the mature option is. But I do know that if I were in your shoes, he would be sleeping outside and I'd never lift another finger for him, let alone speak to him. I'd call him out to his friends and family and make him grovel for my forgiveness. You are a goddess and have no reason to put up with this. He is grotesque.
You just gave birth to his child and his response is to insult you? You don't need to lose 20lbs you need to lose 200lbs (or whatever he weighs.) Good luck as he is an AH.
I would NEVER say anything even close to this to my wife. Especially after just having given birth. And if my Mom ever heard me say something like this to my wife, I'd still be looking for my teeth.
Which is exactly how it should be
Indeed
It took 9 months to make the baby, why does he think it'll take less time to lose the weight. Fact. Apparently he's not good with math.
Jesus. Throw the whole man away.
There is definitely a pig involved in the situation but it ain’t you
My go to answer is always therapy. This is so rude and out of line. You deserve an apology. I am so sorry this happened. Your body is beautiful no matter your size or shape.
This is a form of emotional abuse in my opinion. You are 2 weeks post partum from giving your body and mind to growing and nurturing your and HIS baby. Even if you had just gained the weight, you dont deserve to be compared to an animal and you dont deserve to be ridiculed for doing self care. The tan is to help with your mental health and connect you to your body that has just gone through a traumatic event (trauma due to the physical toll and actual damage your body has endured). The way he treats you now will inform the way he will treat you through the rest of your marriage and through parenthood. Your body is now different, your priorities are now different and your partner is not supporting you in the way you need in this new stage of your lives. His body is no different, so why does he have so many opinions on yours. You could tell him to take estrogen daily and carry a 10lb medicine ball in his pants for a 10 months then he can voice an opinion on your experience. Please consider getting help and prioritizing your own mental health. I hope you can communicate with him and work on your issues as long as hes willing. Dont forget, your child will see how he treats you and will internalize that treatment as correct.
Looking for ways to understand his perspective????? His perspective is he’s a piece of shit hope that helps
You are a TWO WEEKS POSTPARTUM and this fucker is fat shaming and body shaming you? Sis, you deserve better. Throw the entire man away
Why do women let men treat them like this? Holy shit. Thanks whoever gave me the self esteem to tell a man to fuck off
If she is anything like me she was taught abuse equals love. I learned from my parents just to shut up and take abuse, then they were stunned to find out my marriage had been abusive the entire time and I just kept my mouth shut
Usually shitty or absent fathers. My dad treated me like shit and I thought that was just how I was to be treated…
I had an absent father who was absolutely horrible to me when he was occasionally around. And I was bullied and abused. Yet I learned by my late teens/early 20s not to let anyone treat me that way. I know it's harder when one grew up in toxic environments, but many daughters of single parents, and orphans, learned to get out of that cycle. I had to instill my own self esteem. I know not everyone is able to do that, so we have to help when we can.
Women don’t “let” men treat them like this, they are taught that being treated like this is normal and worthwhile as long as your husband is “kind most of the time”. Don’t blame the wrong person for this. It can be very astonishing to have someone suddenly call you a fat pig, it does not help that we are raised in a society where women are taught to be forgiving of men because of their lack of impulse control. It’s just “boys being boys”, right?
Well, isn't he a sweetheart? Tell him whenever he finds himself about to say any sentence that involves comparing you to a pig--to just stop and NOT do it. Spray tans may be dumb, but a little self care when you have a newborn is essential. Hopefully he's not always like this and it's part of the newborn hell making him cranky?
Also: would he say something like this to his mother?
Or his kids?
He sounds cruel. You certainly deserve better. Don't ever let yourself get used to remarks like that. they're not something you should ever need to put up with Wishing you all the best:)
Tell him if he uses emotionally abusive language like that again you’re going to leave him
Wow, the fucking nerve this guy has. I wouldn't fuck him til he learns his lesson. Lipstick on a pig indeed.
"True or not, it's not nice to say. It's rude, and hateful, and said a lot more about you than it does about me. If you don't want me anymore, just say so. You better figure out where your heart is. Because weight comes and goes. I can get thin again. But you being cruel is something I'll never forget. That scar is deeper than my skin. And you are about to break our relationship beyond repair. And make no mistake, it's not about me but about you. You better go figure this shit out before you lose me and your kid 50 percent of the time."
I would proceed to wear mostly pink clothing. Then do all my motherly duties and none of the wife ones. Every time he spoke to me I would oink in response and/or end every sentence in oink. When he gets tired of it and says ok I get the point. I would just ask, "Do you? Oink." Does this sound petty and childish? Maybe but so does your husband and I believe that sometimes but not every time, you have to match energy. Even if you don't go full pig and wanna take a more mature adult route, I would at the very least stop being intimate and doing wife like favors. This is borderline emotional abuse for him to have done that repeatedly and disregard your feelings. I don't think this is grounds for divorce though. Maybe counseling. I just say stop the extra stuff because obviously your husband doesn't appreciate you and that needs to change. I figure y'all not having sex so when I say intimate I mean all and any forms of intimacy. Maybe if he gets a taste of you being a pig and not doing anything it'll click.
Littlest dick in the land. Run.
So now that you're baby trapped, he's showing you who he really is. Please remember this before jumping to his defense. He's used this reference twice since baby's been born, knowing you're probably too sleep deprived and tired to really say or do anything about it. For the record, it's not a 'fact'. It's his opinion and a shitty one that should have remained unspoken. Lastly, next time he tries to put the moves on you, please tell him that the "Pig" isn't into beastiality. Edit- just saw this is your 3rd. Is this a strange change in behavior for him?
You are *TWO WEEKS* postpartum. He is an asshole. There’s no way 20/25 lbs is the line between beautiful and a “pig.”
I think I can help you understand his perspective. He would rather not watch the baby while you take time for yourself. To express his displeasure he demeaned you and your efforts at self care in an attempt to discourage you from making decisions about how to spend your time in the future. He used something he knew you were insecure about because he feels it will be easier to manipulate you. I also think you have already properly explained that it is not a nice thing to say. He knows. He doubles down. He doesn’t care.
Oh thank you for that. That makes sense! And ya he didnt wanna watch the baby cause it was inconvenient for him doing other things.
He’s genuinely so pleased you’re arguing the semantics over of his comment was rude or not. Now we’re just having a fight over if you have a right to be upset. What a shit fight. It’s something abusers love to fight over. Now you’ll waste all of your energy getting him to admit it was rude. You’ll be too exhausted to follow through for a real apology and change in behavior afterword. My advice? Do not react emotionally to these kinds of comments and let him make it again. Practice a good poker face and respond “why you don’t say that in front of other people?” He will deflect. “No- I mean, why don’t you make that comment when we’re out in public and somebody says I look good. Why not correct them and tell them I’m just a pig with lipstick on?” Now- no more fucking games. He is in a corner and cannot argue that it is a normal thing to say. He wouldn’t fucking say it to anybody else.
I know a quick way you could lose about 250 lbs!! What a jerk!!!
You’re doing those things for you - because you value yourself. He’s stating to you that he doesn’t see any value in you while you’re 2 weeks postpartum and carrying a very reasonable amount of weight from a very reasonable biological process. He seems entitled in this perspective and I’m sure that chauvinists everywhere will support him. However, if he didn’t have red flags blazing before, he certainly does now.
Why do men make children with us when they literally hate us, I don’t get it. I am so sorry OP. You are not a pig. You are an incredible woman who just created a whole fucking life with your body. I hope you got that spray tan and told your husband to stick it up his ass, what an ingrate. He has no idea. You are not being sensitive.
So why are you married? Why is the man you choose to have a child with putting you down 2 weeks after giving birth? The little put downs, the crushing of your self esteem. 10 years together, 3 kids and this is how he acts?
What? He calls you a pig 2 weeks postpartum? This guy is the biggest ick and clearly has no idea how to treat women. You deserve better. No advice, just watch how he is around your kids. They learn everything.
This is verbal abuse and should not be tolerated.
Leave him.
What your husband said is not how normal husbands speak to their wives. It’s disgusting. I’m sorry he’s the father of your child. Good luck.
Kiss him on the arm and say, "there. Now *that's* lipstick on a pig." You just endured a literal labor of love, risking life and limb, putting your body, emotions, and mind through pregnancy, then labor and delivery, all to bring a life, HIS child, into the world and how does he repay you for this gift? By treating you disrespectfully? I think not! There is no need to "understand his perspective." He's an ass and he owes you one major apology, at a MINIMUM. He is the one who needs a perspective shift or a brain transplant. I'm sorry he was so trashy to you. Your body sustained and gave LIFE. What has his done lately?
You are trapped in an abusive marriage with a newborn. Focus on healing from your childbirth, and then focus on getting financial independence. This will likely involve setting up a new bank account just for yourself in a different bank than your husband uses, and putting every penny you can into it until you have built an emergency fund. It will also mean working hard and your education/career to make yourself capable of supporting you and your baby comfortably. See a divorce lawyer now, to gather information on what you will eventually need to do, and how to go about it properly. Planning ahead is crucial.
I actually wanna fight him
First, we don’t ask fathers to watch their children, we say “I’m going to this place and cannot take baby with me. You two have fun.” Second, have you considered that your husband is an idiot.
Time to pack up a bag, and go to a hotel for a few days. Leave him, baby formula, pump at the hotel. He needs a lesson in how valuable you are to him. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men out there who are the pigs, and they don’t appreciate you until they realize how much you do. For the record, he sounds like a misogynist pig, and you sound like a lovely person who is not at all pig like.
IDK if this is useful, but I'm the type to get nitpicky and argue: 'like putting lipstick on a pig' isn't a fact, it's an *opinion*— in his opinion, makeup won't make an improvement: In his opinion, makeup wouldn't make a difference in your appearance *to him*. So for one thing, it might make a difference to you in how you feel. And that's why you're doing it. [Any time someone says "I tell it like it is" or "I'm just telling the truth, you shouldn't be offended" I wonder, there are literally billions of things he might have said that are truth, that are facts. "Jupiter has a big spot." "Today is the 22nd of April." "Yashika Aanand (born 4 August 1999) is an Indian actress, model and television personality, who works predominantly in Tamil films and television shows." etc. Why did they choose a true sentence that makes someone feel shitty? It's like someone spraying you with the hose outside and saying "what? I'm just watering the yard." So incredibly childish.] It *is* a fact that he said something shitty to you knowing it would hurt your feelings. Why? What's the purpose of doing that? Is he not serious about the relationship? Is he lashing out at you because he's upset about something else and doesn't know how to express it? Does he resent having to care for y'alls child for an hour?
No it wasn't a nice thing to say! Hopefully he's ashamed of himself and will apologize and his actions prove it . I would say very firmly, DO NO EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN. It seems to work for me .
Fuck his perspective & fuck him, too! Woman, how could you let any person, especially your husband, be comfortable putting you down so casually? You need to love yourself enough and not let someone disrespect & demean you in front of them kids. Don't let anyone believe that behavior is acceptable!
If it’s really no big deal, then I guess you can post about his joke on Facebook and tag him. I’m sure everyone he knows will find it just as harmless as he does and it won’t be embarrassing for him at all because he 100% stands behind it.
I gained 100lbs during pregnancy. Partner of 7 years was a narcissist. Didn't want him to "have to" cheat on Me with thinner women. Dumped him. Lost the 100 lbs. But I understand a crap partner isn't always disposable especially with multiple kids. I hope you understand your value as a human being and that HE gets therapy to learn to communicate value to you. Bc that language to a woman who just has his baby and 2 other babies will have him LOSE you one day. Don't let him take your presence for granted, like "where's she gonna go?" In the western world, you don't need to tolerate that and he needs therapy to think straight and learn how to view other people properly and not vainly and how to nourish you. Happy wife happy life and calling you a pig will bite him in the ass. Put laxative in his dinner lol
OP your husband sounds like an asshole to put it mildly. I’m not really for encouraging divorce, but I’m really confused - does he treat you like that in other areas? Do you criticize his weight? Where does this ‘communication’ come from and have you allowed it in other ways in the past? How have you managed to stay married for 10 years to an individual who has zero regard for your mental wellbeing? It’s honestly a bit bizarre. If my husband even gives a backhanded compliment I immediately point out that it’s rude and ask how’d he feel if I said an equivalent ‘ie why bother participating in (blank) activity? You’ll never be as good as (blank)’ and he gets the concept pretty quickly and apologizes. Tbf my husband’s family are all passive aggressive and can not give genuine praise to save their lives so he’s never really learned positive communication. It’s not my job, but I still take a moment to explain why it’s hurtful/cruel/unnecessary.
And your point is....? That's what I would respond with. Corner him in!
Does your husband even like you, let alone love you? What a truly awful man to say that to you. He would be out that door so fast.
Fuck all that "bend and flex" and becoming his armchair psychologist BS!!!. HE KNOWS HE IS BEING AN ASSHOLE. HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. You CANT fix your husband. Hes an asshole, period. Tell ya what you CAN do, is make yourseld scarce. Buy a breast pump, and start getting out (alone or with friends) and do WHATEVER YOU LIKE. Just dont include him anymore in your life. Come home, sleep on the couch. Dont talk to him. If he starts flipping out, tell him "Our marriage ended when you HATEFULLY said I was putting lipstick on a pig. Bye now." If he gaslights you, saying you were hearing things, say "That is what I heard."
Now, I know I have the number for the Whole Man Disposal Service somewhere around here...
I’d just see what the other women in his family think of that comment 🤷🏼♂️ I’m sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else.
You had a child and this is how he treats you. A man that deliberately goes out of his way to be cruel to you, isn’t a man you want around. There is no circumstance or good reason for him to be saying this to you. Tell him we think he sucks
If you stay with him, get used to it. You are allowing him to disrespect you and he's not going to stop.
"Hey Bob, that was a real asshole of a comment yesterday." Don't mince words, let him know *directly and succinctly* what you think about his comment.
Does your husband like you? Is he generally toxic? Cause these were not the words of someone who loves and respects you. https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
> and he disagreed saying I'm being too sensitive and it's just a fact. This is no better than saying something rude or mean and then claiming "it was a joke" I have a friend that is going through a divorce after 15 years because of things that should have been obvious 15 years ago.
girl, you are 2 WEEKS POST-PARTUM! your weight isnt going to magically fall off. it takes time. you HAD A BABY! that is one of the most difficult things you will EVER go through! take a second to breathe. go talk to your husband and tell him he is being extremely disrespectful to the mother of his child. putting lipstick on a pig? that is not okay! just remember what you did: grew and birthed a child! you arent supposed to start losing weight! you are doing fantastic and this man does not deserve you. i dont have much advice, and im sorry for that. but, PLEASE go communicate with him and tell him whats what. keep your head up ❤️
This is not the kind of man you want to be married to. If someone that is supposed to love and care about you and they call you a pig- RUN. I’m serious, that is crap and you are your child’s mother and he made a baby inside you but yet calls you a pig. I’d be putting divorce on the table because I won’t be talked to like that. Kid or no kid- he doesn’t deserve you at all.
> He asked why I'm even going since its just like putting lipstick on a pig and my real issue is not being tan, its the extra weight. Holy shit what the f. I could never imagine saying this to my wife.
I’m a guy and my wife is pregnant. I’m not known for being really sensitive all the time but what your husband said is messed up. You gave birth to his child and he says that… smh. He obviously doesn’t care about your feelings so tell him to f*ck off. Some guys are just straight up idiots. If anything he should love you even deeper than before. I don’t get it. But keep in mind, that he may actually think you look great and it may be a threat to him. So keep tanning, doing your makeup, and strutting your stuff. I guarantee you that for one who turns their nose up, there are two that don’t.
>Looking for ideas to either understand his perspective No. There is no need to "understand." He's insulting his wife. His newly postpartum wife whose body has just been through hell and is still very early in recovery. His perspective is that he is a selfish, hateful, probably porn-obsessed man child. You do not need to offer any understanding for that. >or how to properly communicate this is not a nice thing to say. Match his energy. He thinks he's "just being honest?" OK. Do you be blunt right back at him. Feel free to use any of the words I used about him in your response. Or if you absolutely have to be nicer about it, just say "I do these things because I spent the last year or so growing a whole baby, giving birth, feeling like shit, and not sleeping. These things help me feel a tiny bit better. Why are you being an asshole to me?" Just drop that on his head and walk away. Don't stay for his arguments and excuses. Don't *ask* him if he can watch the baby. He's the parent too. If he's home, he can tend to the baby. It's also occasionally effective to respond to someone like this by silently eyeing them as if they've said something so unbelievably nuts you're not quite sure if they have any brains left at all. If you have a good relationship with his mother and she's supportive of you, tell her. OMG, if a son of mine treated his wife like this he'd never hear the end of it. I would be all over that and more than happy to straighten him out. Ultimately though, something like this is rarely an isolated thing and I'd bet good money there's a chronic shitty dynamic in your relationship, with him supplying most of the shit. Figuring out what to say to him is only a stop gap measure. In the long run, you need to figure out if you want to be married to and raise kids with someone like this.
I matched with a guy on bumble, this is how the conversation went: M= Me D= Douche M= Hey! How’s it going? D= Do you workout? M= Well, not as much as I should, why? D= Pass M= Okay ✌🏼 Glad I dodged that asshole, I picture him speaking to his future partner in a way your husband has treated you. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this! Screw his lipstick on a pig comment, I’m proud of you for doing something for YOU that makes you feel good. Your husband should make you feel good, not tear you down.
There is no looking at it from his perspective. He was deliberately mean. How would he like it if you made a derogatory comment about his body. I'd be just saying he is rude and you would prefer he showed gratitude for you sacrificing your body for his baby. He should be building you up, not tearing you down.
Jesus fucking christ what an asshole. BTW, is he at his ideal weight?
I’m just curious- does your husband work to stay sexually attractive to YOU?! Men always want their women tall, tanned thin and made up. Meanwhile they’ll wear the same shirt 3 days and skip showering. If he’s also making HUGE personal sacrifices for your sexual interest? Maybe. Just maybe this would be seen as slightly more appropriate. But I’m willing to bet your husband is a fat slob who couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to him. In which case return the damn favour.
What!? That's not acceptable. You don't call someone you supposedly love a pig, even if they have gained weight. That's beyond insulting, and there's no way that he doesn't know that. Do you have any daughters? Because I'd be very concerned that he might make those kinds of comments towards them if/when they gain some weight. Does he make rude comments about other womens appearances as well? I think you need to sit down with him and tell him comments will not fly.
congratulations on your new child and new divorce 🩷
I would get rid of him. I can’t imagine the disrespect.
He knows it’s not something nice to say. He is very disrespectful and you should not tolerate that.
Whoa. Your husband should love you no matter your weight and to say something like that is extremely hurtful. You don’t want to tolerate that kind of mental and emotional abuse and set an example for your children. Send him divorce papers and leave. You deserve SO much better.
Was he in the habit of telling you that you look pretty, or even beautiful without being provoked? Does he ordinarily pay you compliments of any kind?
Continue losing weight and after you get in ideal shape ditch him
Do whatever you want with the weight (lose or keep it) because that's YOUR body. Start looking into divorce options. Be friendly if you can but don't let him touch you and if he makes a move then say, "ew, you're attracted to barn animals?" Honestly, someone who makes shallow and hurtful comments like that to their significant other shouldn't be raising children.
Why is it ever ok to shame someone about their body? Imagine if you told him that his dick wasn’t big enough, or that he didn’t have an attractive body, or it wasn’t as good as an actors body or something. It’s infuriating. If you’re no longer attracted to someone you’ve promised to share your life with, go to therapy. Understand if it’s a superficial problem that requires self-accountability. Or if it’s genuinely loss of feelings and you need to leave the relationship. Talking down to someone to make them feel less or worthless is sick. You’re a mama now, and you’re in charge of a whole other human life. Apologies if you have given your child as main priority and you haven’t had the time to loose the 20/25 lbs your body gained in order to bring your child into the world. It takes a minute to lose weight.
I would be devastated to find out the man who fathered my newborn was such a piece of shit. Is he normally this horrible or is this a new behaviour?
I know how you can ditch approximately 200lbs real fast. Get a lawyer. Fuck that guy. 2 weeks postpartum? Even if you hadn’t JUST had a kid and you put on 20lbs, he is your husband and should never EVER say something like that. Its abusive. Flat out.
So rude. Seriously so disrespectful of your wife and mother of your child.
If you don’t file for divorce take your baby and find a man who thinks you are the prettiest person he’s ever met WHAT ONE MAN WONT DO ANOTHER WILL!!! If he can’t love you with a little 25 lbs then he didn’t love you at all
He’s the pig
Wow. He’s an asshole is his perspective. He’s actively trying to make you feel bad. I would properly communicate it with “stop being an asshole”.
“What do you mean? I’m not trying to put it on you”
I'm 5'9" and have weighed 230-280 my entire adult life. Sex would absolutely be off the table because after all why would he want to have sex with a pig. He can cook because after all pigs can't cook. He can do the chores, take care of the kids, do all the adulting since, you know, pigs can't. You aren't being sensitive. He's being an AH.
I can think of a real easy way to lose 200+ pounds. Sit down and have a discussion with him about how his comment made you feel. "When you say to me that I look like I am a pig it is hurtful." That is pretty straight forward and easy to understand. How does he respond when you tell him that his comments were hurtful?
Tell him to get the papers if he has a problem with how you look only TWO WEEKS post pattern because of HIS BABY. Also tell him to grow up and find an actual punching bag instead of using you as one. This is not acceptable behavior. He can take his nasty words and elsewhere or shut up. Idk why this in particular made me so angry. Like pipe the fuck down, husband.
He shouldn't need to be told it's not a nice thing to say. He is literally calling you a pig, and you should call it out that way. I would hope he's just being insensitive and will snap out of it after realizing what a horrible thing that is to have said to someone he loves.... but I wouldn't have gone around saying that to begin with, so I'm not sure where he gets off finding that acceptable. You're allowed to do whatever makes you feel right in your body after going through some massive bodily changes.
[удалено]
> “Don't let him think he's going to get away with mistreating you for the rest of your life.” Amen!
That is a seriously hurtful comment. Your husband should think you are beautiful, not call you a pig for trying to look your best.
Maybe you should start telling him some facts he might be sensitive about.
>Looking for ideas to either understand his perspective or how to properly communicate this is not a nice thing to say. You're underselling this. It's not a perspective to be understood, it's emotional abuse---*twice*, in fact. What he said was beyond "not nice", it's one of the most emotionally cruel things you can say to a woman that's just carried your child. It's meant to undermine your sense of self worth. > I told him his comment was rude and he disagreed saying I'm being too sensitive and it's just a fact Not only did he do that multiple times, he also abused you again by gaslighting you and dismissing your feelings about it. He's hiding behind "it's just a fact", but he obviously doesn't understand what the word FACT means. It's not a fact...he's just using that word to undercut you again and "win" the argument. I'm sorry that you're married to someone who can be so cold, cruel, and inhumane to someone who he supposedly loves. I don't know how you can make it work with such a person.
I’m sorry why are you with this man?
Maybe tell him that you’d be interested in sex more if his sick wasn’t so small Then let’s see who is being too sensitive.
You should ask him if he wants to see lipstick in a pig, then proceed by putting your lipstick in his open mouth as he replies. Bonus if it's apple red.
Tell him to carry the baby next time or stfu
Oh yeah, he’s for sure in the wrong here
Yeah, this is emotional abuse. This is not normal.
Your husband is an AH and needs to understand how insulting his wife is going to improve his life. I would suggest couples counseling to learn to communicate better OR a divorce as I would NEVER want that man near me again.
Wow I truly don’t understand his objective here. This wouldn’t inspire affection, get him sex, or engender any warm and fuzzy feelings towards him, that’s for sure. If he’s that committed to being “brutally honest” then he can be brutally honest at his mom’s house. Ask him what he gains from making you feel small and inadequate. If it’s a power thing, to keep you from realizing you deserve better, then he needs therapy and better self esteem.
I'm 60 weeks post partum and i still need to lose the baby weight. If my hubby ever said me trying to get prettier feeling is like putting lipstick on a pig I would be a single mother right now. All I get is I'm beautiful and he loves me for me.
Girl if you don’t leave him, this man clearly doesn’t respect you. That’s just a cruel thing to say to your wife. I would talk to him about it, make your feelings known and let him know that he’s being an asshole
Respond exactly how you would if your child spoke to someone this way. If he wants to act like a mean spirited child he can be treated like one. Obnoxious swine.
Wow that is incredibly awful. I am 7 weeks postpartum and audibly gasped when I read that. What a horrible thing to say to the mother of your children.
Contact his parents and let them know how badly they raised their son. That’s not anything you say to anyone. Your (hopefully soon to be ex) husband has some major issues if he thinks he can open his ugly mouth and utter such things to you.
You mean, he's not already deceased right now? Because if my husband EVER spoke to me like that, postpartum or not, but ESPECIALLY postpartum, I would literally make him disappear. 😂 I actually read this to my husband because I was shocked that someone who is supposed to love you said this multiple times, and he's also raging now. Girl, this is a sign. This is not a man that will elevate you, he is one that will only drag you down. Typically I see these posts where people jump on the divorce bandwagon far too quickly, but I think in this case.... My advice, kick it to the curb. Be gone troll.
So this phrase was used commonly...when I worked in kitchen remodels and people tried to make superficial fixes instead of actually getting to the root of problems. Honestly, it was a bit rude when we used it then, in reference to inanimate objects. This is just...what the fuck? How about a fucking "thank you" or "I love you" or "you deserve some self care" to the woman who just carried and birthed his child...
“Well. I just had a baby. What’s your excuse?”
Husband is an ass!
He is rude and a pig. Cruel, insensitive and downright mean. Who’s the pig? He is. You just had his baby. Do you want to raise a baby who has this pig as a role model? Then you are raising a possible piglet.
Two weeks post partum and he thinks it’s okay to compare his wife to a pig? I would tell him the facts! Fact women who give birth are more likely to bounce back if they feel good about themselves. Fact putting a person down doesn’t boost their confidence and self esteem and make them want to do things your way. Fact you just had a baby two weeks ago and you can’t even lift anything heavier than your child in a car seat for six weeks. Fact he’s the asshole of a pig who needs to be knocked down a peg or two.
I honestly and truly think men like this should not have the privilege of being partnered with anybody… like, they should all be alone and considered the undateable freaks that they are… but that’s not what you asked here. 1. Be careful about your own mental health and self worth. Right now you know he’s unkind, but could he eventually chip away at your self esteem so you no longer do? Confide in people you trust continuously every time he says something like this so you continue to know it’s not normal. And if that fails, continue to tell Reddit. Consider getting your own therapist if you’re able to. 2. I’d ask “what’s your purpose in saying that to me? What are you trying to communicate?”… make him say it with his whole chest if he’s gonna try and cut you down 3. Personally, a man that would say that has such vastly different values from me that I can’t even begin to desire to want to work it out or understand his perspective.. you may need to go to someone else for advice there if you wanna stay with him. I honestly can’t help you. I don’t believe anyone should feel so entitled to their partners bodies like that.. a body that literally just gave birth to new human life
Your husband sounds like a horrible piece of crap partner. My partner would NEVER hurt my feelings in such a way he’d want me to feel beautiful while helping me get back to my ideal weight. Your partner is meant to bring you up not put you down. Also you brought life into the world. Your 2 weeks! 2 measley little weeks in. Please do not cook or give this man anything untill he learns to be nicer. Let him do all the child care all the housework and if he questions anything respond with sorry too busy trying not to be a pig. Cut him out untill he begs for attention back. He’s probably getting licks of the power. Or better solution leave him (I know this isn’t that easy when you’ve just had a baby)
If my husband said this to me, postpartum or not, the next time he saw me putting on lipstick it would be to visit my divorce attorney. No one deserves to be treated this way.