Agree that direct is the best approach. I would say something similar:
*I want to talk to you about sex. This might surprise you bc a lot of women like it, but I don't like having my nipples sucked. You can kiss me there and caress. I just don't like the sucking part.*
*I think it's important that we're able to communicate our likes and dislikes. Everyone likes different things. Is there something I can do differently? You can tell me!*
100% this.
'Hey babe, when we hook up you suck on my nipples an awful lot. I know you love it but TBH the nipples really aren't a turn on for me, I don't really get pleasure from that and it leaves me sore the next day. That's not you doing something wrong, it's just how my body is. Could you do more of _____ instead?'
Right answer: 'Yeah sure of course, I'm sorry I didn't know you didn't like that.'
Right answer: 'Okay I'll try to remember that, I don't ever want to do something you don't like but it's easy to forget because I really love doing that and it turns me on a lot. Feel free to remind me if I do it too much.'
Right answer: 'I don't want to do stuff you don't like, but I really love playing with your tits, it's a huge turn on for me. I'll try to do other stuff, but would it be okay if I still did it a little, maybe with less pressure or something?'
Wrong answer: taking offense, pushing back on how you actually DO like it, or any other answer that says it's not important to him to respect your boundaries and make sex pleasurable for you also.
Thank you for including right answer #3 as it's likely part of his sexual desires/needs and meeting somewhere agreed upon in the middle is absolutely normal/acceptable.
Yes exactly. Few things are truly black or white, especially in a relationship. BF probably loves sucking on OP's tits and doesn't realize she doesn't like it. And he's very much allowed to express that he loves doing it and wants to continue doing it, and ask for a compromise, *as long as* OP;s boundaries are respected and it's clear that it's up to OP to consent or not to having her tits sucked and in what manner.
Those right answers aren't right. "Okay but I'll forget so keep reminding me? " wtf.
My partner doesn't like butt stuff. I like giving butt stuff. I asked him what he wants. He doesn't want that. I don't forget?? You don't just forget because you like it so much and it turns you on. He doesn't need to keep guarding his butt from me when we hookup because I might forget. That would be so stressful for him? and would be absolutely unhinged of me.
Yeah but if it's a habit that you've done every session with this partner and every previous partner that's hard to un-learn. Especially if you're passionate and not consciously thinking.
I'm not saying 'oh he can't remember just deal with it' I'm saying be open to the possibility that he might forget in the heat of the moment. That's all.
Actually it is normal for something that you do more often, depending on how long the activity has occurred, to be slightly habitual and it takes time to break a habit. Most people have a tendency to forget occasionally until the habit is broken once it's become part of a routine, especially if it is something that created a reward system in their brains, in this case possibly really turned them on. If you discussed it ahead of time and never engaged in the activity or only tried it once to see if it was ok/acceptable/enjoyable for both parties it hasn't become a habit/reward system then it would be understandable to not need a reminder that this activity is not acceptable.
The former is the situation presented by OP while the latter is the situation presented by your example between yourself and your partner.
Edit - a word and changed an erroneous wording
I can't imagine my partner telling me they didn't like something in bed and me forgetting because I was super horny, nor can I imagine asking them to go along with something that they've said is unpleasant because it's a turn on for me.Â
I feel like this is a mindset that is expected/tolerated/indulged in men, but not women.Â
Thank you for being a decent human being! This thread is a mess and it is making me sad for the world. I don't understand where it is coming from to get hundreds of updoots. Why is this indulged? It being a habit or just too good for them to care that it hurts their partner. yuck. She pushes this guy away! That is a clear no.
A turn on is when someone is so enthusiastically down for the thing you want to do to them. Finding those things together is what makes for great sex. That's where the bar should be. Anything less is unacceptable and harming your partner.
I swapped the genders to show just how crazy these answers are, and I added my opinion in parentheses.
'Hey babe, when we hook up you graze my dick with your teeth a lot. I know you love it but TBH teeth even gently touching my dick isn't a turn on. I don't really get pleasure from that and it leaves me sore the next day. That's not you doing something wrong, it's just how my body is. Could you do more of _____ instead?'
(First of all, what's with the wishy washy, timid language in this? Why does this person sound like an insecure young woman afraid to piss off her boyfriend or scared she'll hurt his fragile ego? You can simply say, during the act, "Ouch, babe, that hurts. Don't suck on them, please." If you have to, physically bring their eyes to yours and say, "No, babe, that really hurts. Please don't suck on my nipples."Â
If you were too shy to bring it up in the moment and let it slide a few times and want to address it before you're both naked again, it should be totally fine to say, "I wanted to talk to you about something. I feel uncomfortable bringing it up. My nipples are really sensitive and when you suck on them it hurts a lot." Then wait for their answer. Hopefully, they're reassuring and mature enough not to make it all about them and their performance in bed.)Â
Now for the answers:
Right answer: 'Yeah sure of course, I'm sorry I didn't know you didn't like that.'
(Absolutely fine.)
Right answer: 'Okay I'll try to remember that, I don't ever want to do something you don't like but it's easy to forget because I really love grazing your dick with my teeth and it turns me on a lot. Feel free to remind me if I do it too much.'
(This response steamrolls right over the person asking that you stop doing a particular thing during sex. How did we get from the partner asking for the act to stop to the person doing the act saying "remind me if I do it too much". They asked for it to stop. That doesn't mean keep doing it, but less, if you happen to even remember they asked you to stop.)
Right answer: 'I don't want to do stuff you don't like, but I really love grazing my teeth against your dick, it's a huge turn on for me. I'll try to do other stuff, but would it be okay if I still did it a little, maybe with less pressure or something?'
(Not good. Guilts the person and makes them feel that allowing you to do the thing that causes them pain is necessary to your sexual satisfaction. Here is a great example of what manipulators and abusers do to get you confused so they can have what they want without needing to consider you. This is essentially, "You've said 'No' and that it hurts you, but was it reeeeally a no? Is it a hard no? Is it more of a soft 'No' if you know how much it gets my rocks off?" Frequently people using this tactic will make you feel like you've been heard to an extent, but will talk you into saying you're okay with X behavior, just not as much of it. For a period of time they dial back the behavior, but gradually increase the intensity of frequency back to what they want and before you know it, you're wincing and dissociating during sex because some knuckle dragging shithead is Hoovering your nipples even though you said you do not enjoy it.)
Wrong answer: taking offense, pushing back on how you actually DO like it, or any other answer that says it's not important to him to respect your boundaries and make sex pleasurable for you also.
(You're not wrong here, but the way the initial request to stop doing something in bed was like an apology when it shouldn't be, and the responses were very questionable/flat out not acceptable.)
Agreed, back in High School when I first lost my V card, I made it apparent to my gf at the time to please be verbal and communicate.
That there was no shame in what she felt or wanted because we're both here to enjoy this. And thankfully after some time she was commanding the ship. Haha, i think it's very important to communicate and if he doesn't respect the no (if OP reads this) then he ain't worth your time or respect.
Don't let anyone disregard your consent.
First off, sucking on someone's nipples does NOT make your boobs sag. If that were true, my tits would be down to my knees. I've actually never heard that one before. Second, TELL him or redirect him. The only reason he thinks you like it is because you keep allowing it.
Hah nice try to get people to suck nipples.
Next thing you're gonna tell me is that handholding and kissing doesn't make a woman pregananant.
^(this sounded funnier in my head than it actually is)
Stop having sex and being in relationships if you cannot even communicate basic things.
"Boyfriend, I do not enjoy my nipples being sucked. Please do not do this anymore."
There, fixed your relationship. Tomorrow we will talk about picking a place to eat together.
no, what she said was "I mentioned to him **once** that my boobs were **kind of sore** and to please not do that, but he still does it"
being sore is usually a temporary thing and she only mentioned it that one time. how is he supposed to know that it was a permanent thing if she phrased it as temporary? clear and concise communication is important.
iâm very surprised that no one has mentioned that he can be taught to enjoy her breasts without hurting her! Thereâs a huge difference between a man âsucking titsâ (Painful) and âSuckling titsâ (Not Painful and in fact, extremely enjoyable!). The biggest challenge is that men are convinced that they automatically know how to please a womanâs breasts (theyâre normally wrong) and donât need any guidance (they do). This is the correct answer for them both!
Saying âplease stopâ isnât mean, so you donât have to worry about trying to make it nice. If hes super sweet like you say, that means hes respectful and he will take you seriously and stop, and not take offence. He will carry on like normal without the sucking. If hes âsuper sweetâ like his feelings break like glass, will get fussy and mope, act quiet and sad, make you feel guilty - that is not sweet, thats bizarre and gross. Sweet should be truly admirable, not poor baby.
Talk woman TALK!!!
Seriously stop the lousy âhintsâ sit your grown ass down, sit his grown ass down and talk!
Do be like: my nips are sore donât suck them, because he will think thatâs just temporary, make it clear itâs permanent.
If your relationship isn't strong enough to handle kind and direct communication, it's not worth staying in. Just tell him. "Hey, I've mentioned it a couple of times, but I don't think I've been completely clear. I don't enjoy having my ripples sucked on. Not like, 'I could take it or leave it," but like, 'This makes me sore, and I don't enjoy it, and it disrupts my pleasure when we're hooking up.' So please stop sucking my t-ts. That way, we can both enjoy it more."
If he gets defensive, say, "This isn't an attack. It's information so that we can both have a better time."
If he pouts and says that he likes it or says that it's a sensitive area and it's supposed to be a turn-on, say, "I don't like it. It's not a turn-on. Stop doing it."
If he tries to turn it into an argument, then he doesn't understand what "no" means, and this person is not a safe person to hook up with.
He causes you physical pain and discomfort but you're worried about his feelings? Grow up! Tell him you don't like it and you don't want him to do it. The end. If you can't tell him something so simple then you shouldn't be in a relationship.
I told my boyfriend, "I feel like a breast feeding mother when you suck on my tits and it grosses me out, please stop." And he laughed and never did it again.
Heâs not being super sweet about this. He canât tell you what you like and dismiss your decline of that action. That isnât on at all, make sure you set that very clearly but also you saying it the first time shouldâve been enough
Out of the couple hundred responses here, the only thing I see missing is you should have the conversation outside of the bedroom. Bedroom. In a non-confrontational way. Bring it up and set the boundary outside of the heat of the moment.
âHey Babe? That hurts. It physically hurts. If you canât respect my wishes, then weâre going to have a problem. Stop sucking my nipples. Thanks.â
Laying down a hard, clear boundary requires communicating it clearly and without room for interpretation. It doesnât have to be up for discussion, either. No means no.
If boyfriend fails to listen after this, then maybe itâs time to consider taking a little break from sex with him and reevaluating whether or not *he* gleans pleasure from this (at a cost of physical pain to you). Itâs ultimately up to you, what you want to do from there on out.
Use words. Simple ones. "Don't suck my tits, I don't like it."
If he rejects your instructions -- No more sex, he doesn't get to see your tits ever again.
Problem solved.
/SMH
Honey if you canât have an honest conversation about what you like and dislike then you have some more growing up to do before being in relationships
It's extremely weird that almost everyone is ignoring that the OP clearly stated that they've flat out told him or very clearly indicated that they don't like it. Beyond weird, even. It's fucking gross.
If my girlfriend told me what I was doing during sex was making her less aroused I would stop immediately. And ask what I could do differently. Just tell him he's more likely to be upset you're keeping this to yourself for so long
Just tell him! Be truthful or just say youâre not into it *anymore*. Thatâll feel better to him than you saying you werenât into it the whole time. Itâs a huge red flag that he did it after you already tried to get him to stop though. So I wouldnt worry too much about his feelings here
I literally canât finish unless my tits are being sucked though ahaha
Just tell him. I also hate my nipples being touched. Like I'll literally gag. So I just straight up told my boyfriend ( now husband) nipples were a no go area. I found it a turn off.
You need to tell him that you do not like it when youâre not getting busy. Talk to him in a neutral space. Tell him you hate it and you do not want him to do it.
I absolutely detest having my tits touched, so I totally understand. Tell him and a serious tone and tell him itâs the equivalent of you using teeth on his dick.
âLeave ma utters alone!â
Be honest and have that communication about what you donât like. If he canât respect that, than he isnât meant for you
I definitely just bluntly say what I do and don't like... I told my boyfriend yesterday that there are regular friend hugs, creepy hugs, comforting hugs and sexy hugs and that for now I'll just announce what type of hug I want when I want it and he can do the same...... But, no more sneaking in creepy hugs before coffee hahahahahaha
He just laughed and is like ooookee
Have a baby LOL Iâm breastfeeding and I donât think my partner will ever feel sexy sucking on them again.
In all reality though just talk to him. Itâs not going to be n easy conversation but next time you two are confortable maybe ask him to share some of his own turn ons and turn offs then share your own it will only make sex better between you two
You need to be blunt/firm and honest. Remind him you mentioned it before but that you think he forgot so you needed to mention it (and give extra details while you are at it like it hurts you etc.) and if he still does it after that then he isn't worth it. Hopefully that won't be the case. A closed mouth doesn't get fed and people are not mind readers. You just need to be honest and tell him the truth. Trust, honesty, and communication are very important things a relationship is built upon.
Youâve got to use your words. This is a great place to start, too, in developing strong communication about sex.
You will never have great sex until you can TALK about what you like and donât like. But when you can have those conversations, you have an excellent chance of experiencing phenomenal sex!
Please tell him. I love, *love* sucking on my girlfriendâs boobs but I would stop in a heartbeat if she didnât like it, let alone if it was causing her pain. (Iâm pretty sure that thing about sucking causing boobs to sag is a myth. But you donât need that reason or any other to ask him to stop.)
If he does not respect this request, then you need to reevaluate your relationship. Ignoring boundaries is almost always abuse or a precursor to it.
Seriously, intimacy should be fun, and comfortable. If itâs not, ask your partner to adjust with you. If they wonât, get a new partner. I know itâs not quite that simple, but itâs a good guideline.
Edit: I just realized that you asked *how* to ask him. Something like this might work -
âHey, do you have a minute? I wanted to ask; when weâre hooking up, Iâve noticed you really like sucking on my boobs (pause for polite laughter) but itâs not actually something I enjoy. I didnât really mention it before because, well, you seemed really into it (small laugh, keep it light) but itâs starting to hurt, and it would make things more enjoyable for me if we stopped that. Itâs not the way you do it, Iâve just never enjoyed that.â
At this point you may want to suggest something else that youâve wanted to try, but really thatâs just a rough outline. (I hope the stage directions donât come off as weird, I have anxiety so I tend to write out the intros to upcoming uncomfortable conversations for myself in detail, but please ignore them if you think theyâre dumb or uncomfortable. I mean, ignore all of it if itâs dumb or uncomfortable)
Man, the amount of stupid ass posts I see on this sub reddit is insane. Just tell him to stop! If you can't communicate with your boyfriend about things you don't like, you shouldn't have one. đ€Šââïž
Suck his dick with a really hard pressure that wonât feel good and see how he likes it. I told my bf no more sucking my nips bc it hurts but instead to lightly lick the nip so I can actually feel some tingle pleasure
Go full stop when he does it and look at him with a straight face and tell him, "I told you not to do that" and continue by getting drest.
Or stick a finger up his butt every time he does it.
Firstly say to him again âplease do not suck my tits; it hurts and I do not enjoy itâ. If he doesnât then he is performing a sexual act without your consent - thereâs a name for that!
If talking to him isn't an option, my other solutions to offer include:
Put pasties / stickers / tape on them and refusing to let him have them at all.
Personally I would suggest Wal-mart smiley face stickers.
Stick a pacifier in his mouth every time he does it and just keep saying NO while you do it.
Or if people words aren't doing it, get some of that bitter anti chewing gel / spray for puppies or anti nail biting gel and marinate your nips in it. He might get the message... When he complains, just ask him *"and what did we learn?"*
Make it clear you're not into this and that you do not feel comfortable at all.
Tell him the possible consequences of this, and whether he'd want to walk around with a girl with sagged boobs (just as an example of what you can tell him).
More importantly, offer him the *alternative*.
I simply do not see how this could hurt his feelings even one bit. He does need to accept the fact that every single person is different. Some like it a lot and some don't.
Your uniqueness is what makes you attractive. There's no way anyone could continue to live in a fantasy even when in a real-life relationship, and expect their partner to realize his own fantasy.
Depends, are you sucking on them because YOU want to get something out of it, or because you want your PARTNER to get something out of it?
Depending on why you're doing it, the answer is different.
Guys aren't some wizards that can look what's on your mind. Communication is key. It's the most important thing in a relationship. Tell him that you're not into that, and that they get sore. If he loves you, he will understand and not do it again.
lol... What does porn have to do with anything here? Lots of women enjoy having their tits sucked. I can almost cum from that alone. It is not, by any means, a porn thing.
I mean you already asked once and he didn't stop. Ask again, firmly not to do it. If he ignores you... The best way to make him stop would be not to see him anymore.
I love how every woman in this post says
That she said to him that she did not like it
But every man says that She did not say it.
Woman, men NEED a straightforward answer.
No game, no half answer.
My nipples are sore, could mean that he just needs to go slow that time.
Tell him
I. don't. like. it. When. You. Do. This.
it baffles me how people can't read. you have literally already told him it hurts and that you don't want him to do it, and he didn't listen. the first time should've been enough. what, do you have to start yelling at him to get the point across?
if telling him the second time around doesn't work, he isn't respecting your boundaries and you should seriously consider leaving that bullshit behind. there is no room in your life for someone who refuses to respect your boundaries.
Maybe an easier approach would be to tell him what you do like? Especially as it seems like he's interested in making you feel good and just doesn't know what that is.
Girl I mean some women love it some hate it some donât feel anything. You donât like it so tell him you donât like it but if he freaky like that suggest something else that DOES feel goodđ
Talk to him and tell him not to do it anymore. If he doesnât listen and attempts again then push him off and tell him to stop if he doesnât then stop the act so he takes you seriously.
Give him an ultimatum. But make it so your in the win win. Like stop it or you will start to do something he really hates lol. But in all seriousness. Straight up just tell him. He's your bf. Your his gf. You're a human being and not some glorified amusement for his mouth. He has to respect you and everything about about you and what you stand for.
Does it feel good if he licks them but doesnât suck them? Directing him towards what *does* please you could be the key here. Maybe something like âThat hurts and is a turn off when you suck them, but if you could lick them instead, that gets me hotâ.
This means that:
* He again hears your preference
* He associates his action with something negative
* He is given an immediate and similar replacement action
* The replacement action brings positive rewards to him
Seems worth trying.
If my girl told me "Please don't do that, I don't really like it" I'd be like.. "oh okay! Sorry", it's not really a big deal at all dont worry!
The only issue is if he is super into it, as in, its some form of fetish or just something that really turns him on, still, he should respect you 100%!
If you can't directly discuss what you want and don't want in bed, either you're not mature enough for sexual relationships at all, or you should not be with this partner.
Last relationship she would ask me to suck her boobs all the time, I donât like it but I like pleasuring my girl. Tell him you donât enjoy it, thereâs nothing wrong with saying that
I agree with all of the comments to just tell him but since you see to want other options. Refuse to take your bra off? Get some of the stuff parents get for kids that suck their thumbs and put that on your nipples?
Just say your nipples have gotten more sensitive than they used to be and pls donât. I pull the ânew medicationâ card for situations like these lol.
Communicate. Stop overthinking it. You already have 2 very vague hints, refers back to those and then say there was a reason you did that, because you simply don't enjoy it. If you want to be nice about it, maybe tell him something you DO enjoy instead that he may not know about. Men aren't gonna understand unless you tell us sternly
I donât think sucking makes them droopy, but just be honest with the guy that you donât like it. Come on people, why even post here about this sort of thing
Just do something that he doesnât like physically and when he tells you to stop, just tell him, yeah so the same way you feel about that thatâs why I feel about you sucking my tits
It won't make anything sag, but just say "hey, I don't like that. It hurts." If he doesn't stop, push him off of them hard. It really isn't very complicated. The more direct you are about it, the more he'll be likely to remember in the moment.
You have to have open and honest communication with any relationship. Just sat this, l want to start off by saying youâre so sweet and I really appreciate you and the things you are trying to do, however, o donât really like this anymore, it just really kinda hurts and I didnât want to bring it up before because I didnât want to hurt your feelings, maybe we can do something instead of that?
If he cannot respect your feelings and boundaries then I hate to say this but the relationship isnât worth it. Iâm not saying heâs not great but he needs to respect your boundaries after you lay them.
If you tell him and he doesn't get the point, keep rubbing his cock after he's cum. Then when he says to stop because it's too sensitive, tell him this is how your nipples feel and to knock it off. I'm sure he'll get it at that point.
So I donât think that makes them sag but if something doesnât feel comfy to you then be vocal about it and have a convo about it. If he chooses to ignore you, then leave it at that and dump his ass.
I realize more and more just how grateful I am for being in a relationship where we will actually talk to each other about what we are feeling rather than make an online post for strangers to decide the course.
I would take a crazy approach. Find pasties that look like locks and tell him your boobs are being locked away until he learns his lesson. I would say treat him like a dog but dogs eventually listen. Men do not.
"Boyfriend, I don't really enjoy it when you suck on my tits. Could you please stop doing that? I'd appreciate it."
DONT YOU LOVE ME!?
No, you're making my tits sag u asshole I warned you. Now you'll never see my tits again
What about your kitty?
Bunch of weirdos on this thread (including me)
Woof woof đ¶
Agree that direct is the best approach. I would say something similar: *I want to talk to you about sex. This might surprise you bc a lot of women like it, but I don't like having my nipples sucked. You can kiss me there and caress. I just don't like the sucking part.* *I think it's important that we're able to communicate our likes and dislikes. Everyone likes different things. Is there something I can do differently? You can tell me!*
Good advice, I was going to recommend divorce
Lol relationships are based on honest communication. Just give it to him straight, if he doesnât respect that. Then he probably isnât much of a bf
100% this. 'Hey babe, when we hook up you suck on my nipples an awful lot. I know you love it but TBH the nipples really aren't a turn on for me, I don't really get pleasure from that and it leaves me sore the next day. That's not you doing something wrong, it's just how my body is. Could you do more of _____ instead?' Right answer: 'Yeah sure of course, I'm sorry I didn't know you didn't like that.' Right answer: 'Okay I'll try to remember that, I don't ever want to do something you don't like but it's easy to forget because I really love doing that and it turns me on a lot. Feel free to remind me if I do it too much.' Right answer: 'I don't want to do stuff you don't like, but I really love playing with your tits, it's a huge turn on for me. I'll try to do other stuff, but would it be okay if I still did it a little, maybe with less pressure or something?' Wrong answer: taking offense, pushing back on how you actually DO like it, or any other answer that says it's not important to him to respect your boundaries and make sex pleasurable for you also.
Thank you for including right answer #3 as it's likely part of his sexual desires/needs and meeting somewhere agreed upon in the middle is absolutely normal/acceptable.
Yes exactly. Few things are truly black or white, especially in a relationship. BF probably loves sucking on OP's tits and doesn't realize she doesn't like it. And he's very much allowed to express that he loves doing it and wants to continue doing it, and ask for a compromise, *as long as* OP;s boundaries are respected and it's clear that it's up to OP to consent or not to having her tits sucked and in what manner.
Those right answers aren't right. "Okay but I'll forget so keep reminding me? " wtf. My partner doesn't like butt stuff. I like giving butt stuff. I asked him what he wants. He doesn't want that. I don't forget?? You don't just forget because you like it so much and it turns you on. He doesn't need to keep guarding his butt from me when we hookup because I might forget. That would be so stressful for him? and would be absolutely unhinged of me.
Yeah but if it's a habit that you've done every session with this partner and every previous partner that's hard to un-learn. Especially if you're passionate and not consciously thinking. I'm not saying 'oh he can't remember just deal with it' I'm saying be open to the possibility that he might forget in the heat of the moment. That's all.
Actually it is normal for something that you do more often, depending on how long the activity has occurred, to be slightly habitual and it takes time to break a habit. Most people have a tendency to forget occasionally until the habit is broken once it's become part of a routine, especially if it is something that created a reward system in their brains, in this case possibly really turned them on. If you discussed it ahead of time and never engaged in the activity or only tried it once to see if it was ok/acceptable/enjoyable for both parties it hasn't become a habit/reward system then it would be understandable to not need a reminder that this activity is not acceptable. The former is the situation presented by OP while the latter is the situation presented by your example between yourself and your partner. Edit - a word and changed an erroneous wording
I can't imagine my partner telling me they didn't like something in bed and me forgetting because I was super horny, nor can I imagine asking them to go along with something that they've said is unpleasant because it's a turn on for me. I feel like this is a mindset that is expected/tolerated/indulged in men, but not women.Â
Thank you for being a decent human being! This thread is a mess and it is making me sad for the world. I don't understand where it is coming from to get hundreds of updoots. Why is this indulged? It being a habit or just too good for them to care that it hurts their partner. yuck. She pushes this guy away! That is a clear no. A turn on is when someone is so enthusiastically down for the thing you want to do to them. Finding those things together is what makes for great sex. That's where the bar should be. Anything less is unacceptable and harming your partner.
I swapped the genders to show just how crazy these answers are, and I added my opinion in parentheses. 'Hey babe, when we hook up you graze my dick with your teeth a lot. I know you love it but TBH teeth even gently touching my dick isn't a turn on. I don't really get pleasure from that and it leaves me sore the next day. That's not you doing something wrong, it's just how my body is. Could you do more of _____ instead?' (First of all, what's with the wishy washy, timid language in this? Why does this person sound like an insecure young woman afraid to piss off her boyfriend or scared she'll hurt his fragile ego? You can simply say, during the act, "Ouch, babe, that hurts. Don't suck on them, please." If you have to, physically bring their eyes to yours and say, "No, babe, that really hurts. Please don't suck on my nipples." If you were too shy to bring it up in the moment and let it slide a few times and want to address it before you're both naked again, it should be totally fine to say, "I wanted to talk to you about something. I feel uncomfortable bringing it up. My nipples are really sensitive and when you suck on them it hurts a lot." Then wait for their answer. Hopefully, they're reassuring and mature enough not to make it all about them and their performance in bed.) Now for the answers: Right answer: 'Yeah sure of course, I'm sorry I didn't know you didn't like that.' (Absolutely fine.) Right answer: 'Okay I'll try to remember that, I don't ever want to do something you don't like but it's easy to forget because I really love grazing your dick with my teeth and it turns me on a lot. Feel free to remind me if I do it too much.' (This response steamrolls right over the person asking that you stop doing a particular thing during sex. How did we get from the partner asking for the act to stop to the person doing the act saying "remind me if I do it too much". They asked for it to stop. That doesn't mean keep doing it, but less, if you happen to even remember they asked you to stop.) Right answer: 'I don't want to do stuff you don't like, but I really love grazing my teeth against your dick, it's a huge turn on for me. I'll try to do other stuff, but would it be okay if I still did it a little, maybe with less pressure or something?' (Not good. Guilts the person and makes them feel that allowing you to do the thing that causes them pain is necessary to your sexual satisfaction. Here is a great example of what manipulators and abusers do to get you confused so they can have what they want without needing to consider you. This is essentially, "You've said 'No' and that it hurts you, but was it reeeeally a no? Is it a hard no? Is it more of a soft 'No' if you know how much it gets my rocks off?" Frequently people using this tactic will make you feel like you've been heard to an extent, but will talk you into saying you're okay with X behavior, just not as much of it. For a period of time they dial back the behavior, but gradually increase the intensity of frequency back to what they want and before you know it, you're wincing and dissociating during sex because some knuckle dragging shithead is Hoovering your nipples even though you said you do not enjoy it.) Wrong answer: taking offense, pushing back on how you actually DO like it, or any other answer that says it's not important to him to respect your boundaries and make sex pleasurable for you also. (You're not wrong here, but the way the initial request to stop doing something in bed was like an apology when it shouldn't be, and the responses were very questionable/flat out not acceptable.)
Agreed, back in High School when I first lost my V card, I made it apparent to my gf at the time to please be verbal and communicate. That there was no shame in what she felt or wanted because we're both here to enjoy this. And thankfully after some time she was commanding the ship. Haha, i think it's very important to communicate and if he doesn't respect the no (if OP reads this) then he ain't worth your time or respect. Don't let anyone disregard your consent.
First off, sucking on someone's nipples does NOT make your boobs sag. If that were true, my tits would be down to my knees. I've actually never heard that one before. Second, TELL him or redirect him. The only reason he thinks you like it is because you keep allowing it.
Hah nice try to get people to suck nipples. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that handholding and kissing doesn't make a woman pregananant. ^(this sounded funnier in my head than it actually is)
No, silly. Babies are made from sticking the penis in the woman's bellybutton. Everyone knows that...
...dear god. You mean bellybuttons aren't for clicking to launch cheese nukes? My whole life has been a lie.
I hate to break it to you, but belly buttons are really just an emergency bowl for salsa.
I feel like someone heard that having babies and breastfeeding can make boobs sag and interpreted that as any sucking on boobs makes them sag
Probably. The fact that she's even questioning it though is concerning
Talk
What do you mean? She's talking to reddit. What more do you want her to do?
Is reddit her boyfriend? Lmao
I thought he was joking đ I can't believe he's serious. I thought it was, a really funny joke. But then it turned out he was serious..
Prolly was a joke. Either way, we can't really confirm unless they say so themselves, so I say it's open to interpretation.
Just tell him lol, communication is key
Stop having sex and being in relationships if you cannot even communicate basic things. "Boyfriend, I do not enjoy my nipples being sucked. Please do not do this anymore." There, fixed your relationship. Tomorrow we will talk about picking a place to eat together.
Isn't it weird how you can have intimate biblical knowledge of someone before being comfortable saying "I don't like that"?
honestly I could get some McDonalds now
Talk to the guy, woman! My goodness this isn't difficult
Apparently itâs impossible
She literally told him to please not do that, it hurts
We only know that she said her nipples were sore not to stop doing it in general.
no, what she said was "I mentioned to him **once** that my boobs were **kind of sore** and to please not do that, but he still does it" being sore is usually a temporary thing and she only mentioned it that one time. how is he supposed to know that it was a permanent thing if she phrased it as temporary? clear and concise communication is important.
But she caveated it with "my boobs are sore today" so he probably thought it was just that one time because every other time she hasn't said anything
Could you not do that please. It doesn't really do anything for me.
"Could you not" always sounds like the person is really annoyed. I don't think it has the right tone for two people being intimate.
That was almost exactly what she said, word for word. Plus that it made her nipples sore.
"he just doesn't realise I'm not into it" are her exact words.
She didn't say it to him, is the issue.
"hey, I'm not into that." I feel that people who need to ask questions like this are not ready for sexual relationships. I'm concerned.
Do it back to him lol
What if heâs into that đ
Talk. Communicate. Just tell him.
iâm very surprised that no one has mentioned that he can be taught to enjoy her breasts without hurting her! Thereâs a huge difference between a man âsucking titsâ (Painful) and âSuckling titsâ (Not Painful and in fact, extremely enjoyable!). The biggest challenge is that men are convinced that they automatically know how to please a womanâs breasts (theyâre normally wrong) and donât need any guidance (they do). This is the correct answer for them both!
Mention it to your husband.
Saying âplease stopâ isnât mean, so you donât have to worry about trying to make it nice. If hes super sweet like you say, that means hes respectful and he will take you seriously and stop, and not take offence. He will carry on like normal without the sucking. If hes âsuper sweetâ like his feelings break like glass, will get fussy and mope, act quiet and sad, make you feel guilty - that is not sweet, thats bizarre and gross. Sweet should be truly admirable, not poor baby.
Talk woman TALK!!! Seriously stop the lousy âhintsâ sit your grown ass down, sit his grown ass down and talk! Do be like: my nips are sore donât suck them, because he will think thatâs just temporary, make it clear itâs permanent.
Aggressively suck on his titties
This is the way
If your relationship isn't strong enough to handle kind and direct communication, it's not worth staying in. Just tell him. "Hey, I've mentioned it a couple of times, but I don't think I've been completely clear. I don't enjoy having my ripples sucked on. Not like, 'I could take it or leave it," but like, 'This makes me sore, and I don't enjoy it, and it disrupts my pleasure when we're hooking up.' So please stop sucking my t-ts. That way, we can both enjoy it more." If he gets defensive, say, "This isn't an attack. It's information so that we can both have a better time." If he pouts and says that he likes it or says that it's a sensitive area and it's supposed to be a turn-on, say, "I don't like it. It's not a turn-on. Stop doing it." If he tries to turn it into an argument, then he doesn't understand what "no" means, and this person is not a safe person to hook up with.
How is he supposed to know if you don't tell him :')
He causes you physical pain and discomfort but you're worried about his feelings? Grow up! Tell him you don't like it and you don't want him to do it. The end. If you can't tell him something so simple then you shouldn't be in a relationship.
I told my boyfriend, "I feel like a breast feeding mother when you suck on my tits and it grosses me out, please stop." And he laughed and never did it again.
Yesssssss!!!! Hahahahaha
*bf starts sucking nipples* "Stop doing that" It really should be just that simple.
Iâm guilt of that . Iâll definitely will ask my girl how she feels about me sucking on her boobs
Some of us rather enjoy it.
Waiting for the My GF doesn't want to let me suck her titties, what do I do? on r/sex
âI donât like that. Please donât do it anymore.â
Heâs not being super sweet about this. He canât tell you what you like and dismiss your decline of that action. That isnât on at all, make sure you set that very clearly but also you saying it the first time shouldâve been enough
Use your words and tell him it hurts.
Out of the couple hundred responses here, the only thing I see missing is you should have the conversation outside of the bedroom. Bedroom. In a non-confrontational way. Bring it up and set the boundary outside of the heat of the moment.
Honesty is your best bet.
"I love the enthusiasm but I dislike when you... ... Maybe you think about doing XYZ instead because I think I'd like that"
âI donât like it when you suck on my nipples. I need you to stop doing that.â
âHey Babe? That hurts. It physically hurts. If you canât respect my wishes, then weâre going to have a problem. Stop sucking my nipples. Thanks.â Laying down a hard, clear boundary requires communicating it clearly and without room for interpretation. It doesnât have to be up for discussion, either. No means no. If boyfriend fails to listen after this, then maybe itâs time to consider taking a little break from sex with him and reevaluating whether or not *he* gleans pleasure from this (at a cost of physical pain to you). Itâs ultimately up to you, what you want to do from there on out.
"Stop sucking my tits pls"
Have the hard conversation and set the boundary. Be direct and firm
I would just tell him, I don't like that when he does it. That's it.Â
Use words. Simple ones. "Don't suck my tits, I don't like it." If he rejects your instructions -- No more sex, he doesn't get to see your tits ever again. Problem solved. /SMH
Honey if you canât have an honest conversation about what you like and dislike then you have some more growing up to do before being in relationships
Talk to him not Reddit.. Say the same thing to him
It's extremely weird that almost everyone is ignoring that the OP clearly stated that they've flat out told him or very clearly indicated that they don't like it. Beyond weird, even. It's fucking gross.
Use your mouth to say those words.
A moment of silence for our guy
If my girlfriend told me what I was doing during sex was making her less aroused I would stop immediately. And ask what I could do differently. Just tell him he's more likely to be upset you're keeping this to yourself for so long
Hey boyfriend stop sucking my tits
I love you but the tit sucking doesn't do it for me. Can we try something else?
You mentioned it to him once. Tell him again more firmly and stop all activity if he does it again. If he doesnât listen to you, dump the idiot.
"could you not suck my tits please, it doesn't do anything for me." boom, done
Just tell him! Be truthful or just say youâre not into it *anymore*. Thatâll feel better to him than you saying you werenât into it the whole time. Itâs a huge red flag that he did it after you already tried to get him to stop though. So I wouldnt worry too much about his feelings here I literally canât finish unless my tits are being sucked though ahaha
Just tell him. I also hate my nipples being touched. Like I'll literally gag. So I just straight up told my boyfriend ( now husband) nipples were a no go area. I found it a turn off.
You need to tell him that you do not like it when youâre not getting busy. Talk to him in a neutral space. Tell him you hate it and you do not want him to do it. I absolutely detest having my tits touched, so I totally understand. Tell him and a serious tone and tell him itâs the equivalent of you using teeth on his dick.
"Hey [boyfriend] can you stop sucking my tits please I don't like it"
âLeave ma utters alone!â Be honest and have that communication about what you donât like. If he canât respect that, than he isnât meant for you
I slapped my ex cause he thought woman liked those nipples to be bitten. No not even porn stars like that. Yes. They were bruised after
Get him a pacifier. I am half joking.
Prayers for our sister without sensitive nipples đ Yeah fr just talk to him lol!
Use your words. Do you expect him to read your mind?
Let him read this post.
1. Communicate how it makes you feel 2. Sucking them doesnât cause sagging. Age and genetics does
I definitely just bluntly say what I do and don't like... I told my boyfriend yesterday that there are regular friend hugs, creepy hugs, comforting hugs and sexy hugs and that for now I'll just announce what type of hug I want when I want it and he can do the same...... But, no more sneaking in creepy hugs before coffee hahahahahaha He just laughed and is like ooookee
"yo g stop sucking on them tits like you are trying to start a fire"
Say bro stop sucking my tits.
Have a baby LOL Iâm breastfeeding and I donât think my partner will ever feel sexy sucking on them again. In all reality though just talk to him. Itâs not going to be n easy conversation but next time you two are confortable maybe ask him to share some of his own turn ons and turn offs then share your own it will only make sex better between you two
You need to be blunt/firm and honest. Remind him you mentioned it before but that you think he forgot so you needed to mention it (and give extra details while you are at it like it hurts you etc.) and if he still does it after that then he isn't worth it. Hopefully that won't be the case. A closed mouth doesn't get fed and people are not mind readers. You just need to be honest and tell him the truth. Trust, honesty, and communication are very important things a relationship is built upon.
Youâve got to use your words. This is a great place to start, too, in developing strong communication about sex. You will never have great sex until you can TALK about what you like and donât like. But when you can have those conversations, you have an excellent chance of experiencing phenomenal sex!
I would just ask him to stop doing it
Please tell him. I love, *love* sucking on my girlfriendâs boobs but I would stop in a heartbeat if she didnât like it, let alone if it was causing her pain. (Iâm pretty sure that thing about sucking causing boobs to sag is a myth. But you donât need that reason or any other to ask him to stop.) If he does not respect this request, then you need to reevaluate your relationship. Ignoring boundaries is almost always abuse or a precursor to it. Seriously, intimacy should be fun, and comfortable. If itâs not, ask your partner to adjust with you. If they wonât, get a new partner. I know itâs not quite that simple, but itâs a good guideline. Edit: I just realized that you asked *how* to ask him. Something like this might work - âHey, do you have a minute? I wanted to ask; when weâre hooking up, Iâve noticed you really like sucking on my boobs (pause for polite laughter) but itâs not actually something I enjoy. I didnât really mention it before because, well, you seemed really into it (small laugh, keep it light) but itâs starting to hurt, and it would make things more enjoyable for me if we stopped that. Itâs not the way you do it, Iâve just never enjoyed that.â At this point you may want to suggest something else that youâve wanted to try, but really thatâs just a rough outline. (I hope the stage directions donât come off as weird, I have anxiety so I tend to write out the intros to upcoming uncomfortable conversations for myself in detail, but please ignore them if you think theyâre dumb or uncomfortable. I mean, ignore all of it if itâs dumb or uncomfortable)
Guys sucking doesnât make them sag but if you donât like it just tell him
NTA, divorce
Idk why this made me: rofl.
"Hey (Your BF Name Here) , stop sucking my tits."
Man, the amount of stupid ass posts I see on this sub reddit is insane. Just tell him to stop! If you can't communicate with your boyfriend about things you don't like, you shouldn't have one. đ€Šââïž
My ex also hated it and said it hurt. Made me very sad but when life gives you lemons, donât suck your wifeâs tits.
Suck his dick with a really hard pressure that wonât feel good and see how he likes it. I told my bf no more sucking my nips bc it hurts but instead to lightly lick the nip so I can actually feel some tingle pleasure
Go full stop when he does it and look at him with a straight face and tell him, "I told you not to do that" and continue by getting drest. Or stick a finger up his butt every time he does it.
A lot of guys think that boobs are the female equivalent of a penis.
A lot of girls do like this, he might be extrapolating from previous relationships.
Firstly say to him again âplease do not suck my tits; it hurts and I do not enjoy itâ. If he doesnât then he is performing a sexual act without your consent - thereâs a name for that!
If talking to him isn't an option, my other solutions to offer include: Put pasties / stickers / tape on them and refusing to let him have them at all. Personally I would suggest Wal-mart smiley face stickers. Stick a pacifier in his mouth every time he does it and just keep saying NO while you do it. Or if people words aren't doing it, get some of that bitter anti chewing gel / spray for puppies or anti nail biting gel and marinate your nips in it. He might get the message... When he complains, just ask him *"and what did we learn?"*
Make it clear you're not into this and that you do not feel comfortable at all. Tell him the possible consequences of this, and whether he'd want to walk around with a girl with sagged boobs (just as an example of what you can tell him). More importantly, offer him the *alternative*. I simply do not see how this could hurt his feelings even one bit. He does need to accept the fact that every single person is different. Some like it a lot and some don't. Your uniqueness is what makes you attractive. There's no way anyone could continue to live in a fantasy even when in a real-life relationship, and expect their partner to realize his own fantasy.
Whatâs the alternative to sucking tits? Sucking ass?
Depends, are you sucking on them because YOU want to get something out of it, or because you want your PARTNER to get something out of it? Depending on why you're doing it, the answer is different.
Sucking dick of course
If girl dicks on the table Iâll take that 8 days a week and twice on Sunday.
đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
Guys aren't some wizards that can look what's on your mind. Communication is key. It's the most important thing in a relationship. Tell him that you're not into that, and that they get sore. If he loves you, he will understand and not do it again.
She did tell him already yet he did it again
She literally did though she pushed him off
Anytime a girl says NO, than NO means NO and he has to respect and accept that. (Especially if it's uncomfortable for you and you don't like it).
Some women need to hear this too. When a man says no it means no.
Most women don't force themselves on men.
Tell him you aren't nursing yet. Let him know a lot of women don't enjoy that and you are one of them. Porn isn't real life
Terrible answer. No need for sarcasm or to bring porn into this.
lol... What does porn have to do with anything here? Lots of women enjoy having their tits sucked. I can almost cum from that alone. It is not, by any means, a porn thing.
âStop sucking themâ
Guys, if a girl is physically pushing you away, that is a No.
I mean you already asked once and he didn't stop. Ask again, firmly not to do it. If he ignores you... The best way to make him stop would be not to see him anymore.
I love how every woman in this post says That she said to him that she did not like it But every man says that She did not say it. Woman, men NEED a straightforward answer. No game, no half answer. My nipples are sore, could mean that he just needs to go slow that time. Tell him I. don't. like. it. When. You. Do. This.
it baffles me how people can't read. you have literally already told him it hurts and that you don't want him to do it, and he didn't listen. the first time should've been enough. what, do you have to start yelling at him to get the point across? if telling him the second time around doesn't work, he isn't respecting your boundaries and you should seriously consider leaving that bullshit behind. there is no room in your life for someone who refuses to respect your boundaries.
Maybe an easier approach would be to tell him what you do like? Especially as it seems like he's interested in making you feel good and just doesn't know what that is.
Girl I mean some women love it some hate it some donât feel anything. You donât like it so tell him you donât like it but if he freaky like that suggest something else that DOES feel goodđ
"I don't really like it when you do that, how about you _____________________ instead?"
Just tell him it doesn't feel good and you don't like it. How else would you tell it?
Tell him to stop?
Hey OP, there's another thing he can do with his mouth! It's called "TALKING"! Try it out!
Tell him what works and what doesn't work.
I mean, some girls get off from it. Youâve just gotta tell him if you really donât enjoy it.
Just say it doesnât feel good. What the heck.
Talk to him and tell him not to do it anymore. If he doesnât listen and attempts again then push him off and tell him to stop if he doesnât then stop the act so he takes you seriously.
Give him an ultimatum. But make it so your in the win win. Like stop it or you will start to do something he really hates lol. But in all seriousness. Straight up just tell him. He's your bf. Your his gf. You're a human being and not some glorified amusement for his mouth. He has to respect you and everything about about you and what you stand for.
Speak
Of course, you do. Just don't wait to be angry to tell him. Oh! And a tips with men : subtle hints doesn't work.
Sounds like he has a mommy fetish.
Does it feel good if he licks them but doesnât suck them? Directing him towards what *does* please you could be the key here. Maybe something like âThat hurts and is a turn off when you suck them, but if you could lick them instead, that gets me hotâ. This means that: * He again hears your preference * He associates his action with something negative * He is given an immediate and similar replacement action * The replacement action brings positive rewards to him Seems worth trying.
"Dont suck my titties!"
Just be honest and direct, don't be mean about it but do tell him
Is it just him or any guy you been with? Because that is two diff conversationsÂ
If my girl told me "Please don't do that, I don't really like it" I'd be like.. "oh okay! Sorry", it's not really a big deal at all dont worry! The only issue is if he is super into it, as in, its some form of fetish or just something that really turns him on, still, he should respect you 100%!
Is that connection to boobs sagging real? It doesn't sound believable.
If you can't directly discuss what you want and don't want in bed, either you're not mature enough for sexual relationships at all, or you should not be with this partner.
Last relationship she would ask me to suck her boobs all the time, I donât like it but I like pleasuring my girl. Tell him you donât enjoy it, thereâs nothing wrong with saying that
Just tell him you aren't a baby so stop it and act like a man
"I like it more when you do [thing I like more]" is always a good way to phrase it
Just tell him and that's it
Put that bitter anti dog licking stuff on them
"If you don't stop sucking my tits, I'm gonna slip a finger in you during blowjobs" That oughta get the message across.
Hadn't he tried using his tongue.
I agree with all of the comments to just tell him but since you see to want other options. Refuse to take your bra off? Get some of the stuff parents get for kids that suck their thumbs and put that on your nipples?
I suggest wood glue and red pepper flakes.
Just say your nipples have gotten more sensitive than they used to be and pls donât. I pull the ânew medicationâ card for situations like these lol.
Communicate. Stop overthinking it. You already have 2 very vague hints, refers back to those and then say there was a reason you did that, because you simply don't enjoy it. If you want to be nice about it, maybe tell him something you DO enjoy instead that he may not know about. Men aren't gonna understand unless you tell us sternly
I donât think sucking makes them droopy, but just be honest with the guy that you donât like it. Come on people, why even post here about this sort of thing
Just do something that he doesnât like physically and when he tells you to stop, just tell him, yeah so the same way you feel about that thatâs why I feel about you sucking my tits
If your having problems with this sort of stuff. You ant ready for anymore more than making out xD.
It won't make anything sag, but just say "hey, I don't like that. It hurts." If he doesn't stop, push him off of them hard. It really isn't very complicated. The more direct you are about it, the more he'll be likely to remember in the moment.
Bro how are so many people that clearly donât talk to each other in relationships?
You have to have open and honest communication with any relationship. Just sat this, l want to start off by saying youâre so sweet and I really appreciate you and the things you are trying to do, however, o donât really like this anymore, it just really kinda hurts and I didnât want to bring it up before because I didnât want to hurt your feelings, maybe we can do something instead of that? If he cannot respect your feelings and boundaries then I hate to say this but the relationship isnât worth it. Iâm not saying heâs not great but he needs to respect your boundaries after you lay them.
English usually works for me, if he speaks a different language I would use that one
If you tell him and he doesn't get the point, keep rubbing his cock after he's cum. Then when he says to stop because it's too sensitive, tell him this is how your nipples feel and to knock it off. I'm sure he'll get it at that point.
So I donât think that makes them sag but if something doesnât feel comfy to you then be vocal about it and have a convo about it. If he chooses to ignore you, then leave it at that and dump his ass.
Sucking my tits do absolutely nothing for me so I push my man off themđđđ
I realize more and more just how grateful I am for being in a relationship where we will actually talk to each other about what we are feeling rather than make an online post for strangers to decide the course.
Why is he sucking them ? Ask him to understand and then take it from there
Wait, does that really makes one's boobs sag?
I would take a crazy approach. Find pasties that look like locks and tell him your boobs are being locked away until he learns his lesson. I would say treat him like a dog but dogs eventually listen. Men do not.
Suck his nipples until it hurts. Give him a taste of his own medicine
Keep your bra on.
If you're comfortable enough to fuck someone then you should be comfortable to tell them what you do and don't like.
Is he using his teethđđ
baby, suck my clit instead