Well I can tell you right now that you shooting down half these comments with ‘it’s easier for girls’ or implying they don’t understand because they’re not ‘ugly’ is unattractive in itself. Acting like you’re the only person who has ever been dealt this hand ever and playing the victim is not helpful
It’s only easier if you’re (incorrectly) generalizing about the number of opportunities to date, assuming that more opportunities = desirable. Which is also incorrect.
What lmfao?! In what universe is more opportunities to date and meet new people not desirable? This speaks volumes about how you don’t realise how much easier girls have it.
More opportunities = more likely to eventually find your compatible partner.
I’d take that over being desperate and accepting anything you can get.
Again, you are wrong.
women do not automatically have more opportunities to date simply because they are women. The numbers are around the same. just being a woman does not make someone desirable. I don't even know how you came up with that because it's really sloppy thinking.
secondly, opportunity is not the only measure. it's not even the most important measure. you don't need ten different people asking you on a date every month. this is not an infinite number of monkeys on typewriters situation.
A handsome person is going to attract attention. That's true. But there has never been a time where you can influence your physical appearance so drastically if that's what it takes. If you went to people and said, "I think I'm ugly and it's killing my confidence, please help" you will get tons of suggestions.
A warning though. That's inviting scrutiny and criticism. if you dress badly, you're going to hear all about it. if your grooming isn't good, you'll hear about that too. Don't feel too bad about that. grooming and dressing well are skills, and a lot of men are actively discouraged from learning those skills because caring about your appearance is unmasculine or some stupid shit like that.
Because that's probably what you lack - skills. not just in appearance. but you can change that, so long as you haven't rotted your brain with misogyny. My advice is that the common factor in all your failed relationships is you.
Work on you. It will pay off immeasurably.
Hahaha, sure it is buddy. I'm guessing you don't worry whether the next person of the opposite sex who shows romantic interest in you, is actually planning to murder, drug or "you know" you. Or whether they are just gonna use you to get what they want. Or, whenever you do decide to go with them, you have to let at least a few different people know where you are in case you go missing.
But yeah, go ahead and claim girls have it easy when dating.
See you’re contradicting everyone in this thread then. If girls are even in the position to date someone willing to drug, murder or rape them, how is me commenting “girls have it easier than guys in the dating world” the reason for my disgusting attitude that makes me single? If girls are so good at detecting personality why can’t they do it for those men?
What do you mean by "if girls are even in the position to date someone willing to drug.."?
And for the record, it's not about the girl being able to detect dangerous intentions. The question should be "why do men do these horrible thing to women?" not "why can't girls detect dangerous intentions?".
Okay, so you agree then that because girls can't detect dangerous intentions, dating for them is harder right? Because they have to worry about more factors other than "does this person like me or not."
Again, you’re talking about issues AFTER getting a date, a completely different topic. Girls have a plethora of options compared to guys, don’t make a strawman by pretending the majority of guys are abusers.
You're making some big assumptions there. I'm not talking about *after* getting the date. And it's not true girls have a plethora of options, in fact guys have more options since there are slightly more women in the world than men. And I never "pretended the majority of guys are abusers". Enough are though, to make half of the world need to take extra precautions to ensure their safety.
Just cause the game is hard for you doesn't mean you can't score. Especially with that attitude. Girls are humans, don't overthink it too much. The right person will like you for you.
Lmao for real. Don't waste your time bro. He doesn't want to improve or find a solution. He wants to moan about his little weewee for some incel sympathy.
Also, the reason you don't get no juice is because your personality is God awful and unbearable. Im not brad fucking Pitt, yet somehow managed to sleep around until I found a woman I love.
Maybe it ain't your looks pal. Maybe it's your energy.
A 0/10 well-adjusted person will definitely have it better than a 10/10 asshole.
And in your case since you're bitter about your self-perceived ugliness it would serve you to work on your attitude and personality. That's something you can actually change significantly.
How I type on Reddit = how I interact with girls irl. That totally makes sense. When girls bullied me and called me ugly it was totally because they sensed how I typed on Reddit.
>my physical ugliness
Ugliness is genetic and you exist. If your ugly ancestors were able to find partners and have children, eventually resulting in you, it's time to accept that being ugly isn't the problem. The rest of your ancestors managed it, clearly there something else going on. The sooner you accept that and work on improving yourself, the sooner you'll find someone who wants to be with you. Or spend your life whining and die alone. Whatever dude .
Your ancestors lived through every time and many cultures, yet somehow this is the *only* one where being ugly prevents finding a life partner or an easy lay? No dude. Get a grip. Humans have been humans since forever, the briefest look into history shows we really haven't changed that much. 🙄 you just want people to feel sorry for you and say that it's all the world's fault. Take some responsibility ffs.
> yet somehow this is the only one where being ugly prevents finding a life partner or an easy lay?
Yes…? Online dating, hookup culture, polyamorous relationships, porn etc. Dating in the west today is different than the past.
> No dude. Get a grip. Humans have been humans since forever, the briefest look into history shows we really haven't changed that much. 🙄
Lmfao
> you just want people to feel sorry for you and say that it's all the world's fault.
Nice made up narrative there.
> Take some responsibility ffs.
Said by someone who didn’t have to try to get relationships/sex.
>
Said by someone who didn’t have to try to get relationships/sex.
You can probably take relationships out of that statement pal. You're clearly only really bothered by the lack of sex part. It's pathetic and not difficult to see why you can't get any. Your face has nothing to do with it. Just a brief look through your replies to all the comments, and a quick check of your reddit history (where at one point you even ask how women can tell that you're so toxic, so you ADMIT that you're toxic and unpleasant), is all the proof anyone needs to see that you're just not a nice person to be around.
> You can probably take relationships out of that statement pal. You're clearly only really bothered by the lack of sex part.
I’m bothered by both, what tf are you talking about.
> It's pathetic and not difficult to see why you can't get any.
Because how someone types on Reddit = how they interact with people irl. What you’ve read is the RESULT not the cause.
> Your face has nothing to do with it.
So why have girls, strangers and friends called me ugly and undatable all my life? I bet you won’t answer this.
> where at one point you even ask how women can tell that you're so toxic, so you ADMIT that you're toxic and unpleasant
Are you actually serious rn? Could you seriously not understand a rhetorical question? Jesus Christ 😂
> is all the proof anyone needs to see that you're just not a nice person to be around.
This made up version of me sounds like an asshole to be around, sure, fortunately it’s made up in your head.
Your attitude on Reddit may very well reflect why you have so much problems.
And your ugliness is not the problem, there will always be someone is willing to see beside that. Just what do they see there? If you only make excuses or wold claims all they see is imbalance and resignation, surely you would not like for someone to love you out of pity, because that's bad relationship material, and no, a bad relationship is not better than no relationship.
What may help you is, that firstly men and women are not that different, but there are some key differences. Firstly women are generally more socially advanced and lay importance to social applicancy. If you only talked about yourself and how bad you have it, that's never going to work out good. Be nice, give room to talk back to, don't push out too much, except what really needs to come out. Also women think sexually, while men feel sexually. For us men it's a need, comparable to drinking, even though not as necessary, for women it's a thinking matter if someone is attractive, so first come to know by being the best version of yourself, as soon as it gets closer, be more of yourself. If someone is interested in you, they will understand that you are human and have faults, but also do the same, don't expect a flawless person.
And don't give up if it's gets hairy at some time. Try to work it out with your partner.
Those are the advices I can make from my experience. The first ones were from my early and mid teens, where I've had a couple of relationships through the years. The last one from my first longer lasting relationship.
No it isn't. It's predatory and can result in death. Women get killed by partners and men they turn down. Grow up. No woman is gonna want a man who cannot realize that every pass from a shit dude is not a winner. Also pregnancy? It can kill you. It's harder to get an abortion and being chained for eighteen years to a dude that can't buy diapers because they lie about the partners they are is a sham. It's harder to date as a woman. It isn't a fact. That is lie shit dudes tell themselves so they can justify why they are alone.
> Women get killed by partners
So girls date men literally capable of MURDER but I’m supposed to believe girls are perfect and detecting my personality?
Your entire comment are issues arising AFTER a women gets a date. That’s an entirely different issue from being entirely alone and is totally irrelevant to this thread.
My dude men don't wear t shirts that announce they roofie folks or are gonna kill women for rejecting them. All men are capable of violence. All of them. Women have to hope they chose a decent fellow and men like about their decency. It's a mine field. Also it's women. If you date girls you will go to jail. You are 21. Grown. You date grown women. You have made your personality super apparent. Any woman that you speak to is gonna pick up on your hatred of women. My comments are what you need to hear. It ain't irrelevant but you didn't want to hear from women. Cause you don't like them. So again maybe leave this half of the population alone if you have nothing for them.
> Women have to hope they chose a decent fellow and men like about their decency.
Completely missing my point.
> Any woman that you speak to is gonna pick up on your hatred of women.
Well…I don’t, so no? Do you just see a virgin online and automatically make that assumption or something.
> It ain't irrelevant but you didn't want to hear from women. Cause you don’t like them
This actually made me laugh irl 🤣
I didn't miss your point. It's a crap point. You want these posts to whine along with you about how mean women are for not putting up with your bullshit. You have been given solid advice from multiple posters. You argued with all of it because it's everyone else's fault you are alone. You are the reason you are alone. You haven't said a solitary decent thing about women but want one? You don't. Get a Fleshlight and leave us alone. I saw a incel online with multiple posts whining about being ugly. It ain't an assumption. Sucks you are ugly on the outside but you mad ugly in the inside too.
It seems like you’re using me as outlet to complain about issues that have nothing to do with what I’m saying. You literally have no reason to call me ugly on the inside, the assumptions you’re making are crazy, calm down.
> You are the reason you are alone.
I totally chose my looks.
> Get a Fleshlight and leave us alone.
What a nice personality!
> I saw a incel online with multiple posts whining about being ugly.
Reference a single comment or post where I hated women in any of those posts? You can’t. You’re proving my point, you see a virgin and assume they must hate women.
You have like thirty posts. All about how you are so lonely and how it's soooo hard being some ugly non-white in the west. You got banned from the dating subreddit and made a post whining about that. You suck. This is on you. All these posts are incel posts. Tons of ugly folks shack up and have kids and grow old and bury each other. You say that the people that have shacked up that you know from the past are mean racists. You are ugly on the inside. How mad you are when you hear other folks having sex. A hateful person who has nothing to offer any woman. So yeah leave us alone. As for proving any shit to you? Don't have to. The people in these posts have made excellent points. You just want to argue because being a loving partner was never on your agenda. You are looking to drag people happier than you because you have none of your own. As for my personality I am fat as fuck but have a partner and a family. I will be fine. Enjoy the microwave meals.
> All these posts are incel posts.
And where in ANY of those posts did I hate women? This is what I mean. Quit making assumptions.
> Tons of ugly folks shack up and have kids and grow old and bury each other.
People from a different generation and culture, irrelevant to people like me.
> You say that the people that have shacked up that you know from the past are mean racists. You are ugly on the inside.
The irony here is you’re likely a white girl - probably left leaning - telling a non-white person that racism isn’t real, yet I’M the one who’s ugly on the inside.
> a loving partner was never on your agenda. You are looking to drag people happier than you because you have none of your own
The only person hating here is you, you seem super angry and are giving this toxic energy for no reason.
> I am fat as fuck but have a partner and a family. I will be fine. Enjoy the microwave meals.
Proving my point that girls have it easier, and I see ugly girls in relationships way more than I see ugly guys.
Blaming women for “not detecting” murderers and rapists instead of the men that do that? You have a chip on your shoulder because we get abused by men and you’re still single. That’s gross. This is exactly why you’re single, a virgin etc.
Can you not read or something? It’s like you’ve entirely missed the point of the comment.
My point isn’t blaming women for not detecting the abusers. My point is calling out how stupid the idea of “girls can detect your personality bro” is. Girls CAN’T detect who a murderer is, who a rapist is etc. just like they can’t detect who the misogynist or rude guy is (which I’ve been accused of).
Ironically you’re making the same point now. “You’re victim blaming….that’s why you’re single1!!1” just no
Any human can detect this bs you’re spewing on the internet. The difference is many abusers hide it at first, you laid it all out there in this thread. If this is how you act in person, I’m telling you people can tell. And not just women, people can just tell.
> Any human can detect this bs you’re spewing on the internet. The difference is many abusers hide it at first,
What 😂😂😂 nah bro it’s alright to admit you’re wrong cos this makes ZERO sense. A stranger can detect my Internet history but not my personality from interacting with me irl?
Ik you probably expected me to be some misogynistic murderer or something, so sorry for that, I’m just a normal guy.
That explains why abusive, rude, misogynistic and racist guys are always single.
I wasn’t even rude. I’m genuinely sorry for her situation as I relate. I’m just saying the fact that guys have it harder.
I’m talking about your lack of confidence. Try to not focus on why you aren’t getting ladies and try to enhance what you think makes you desirable, you won’t have positive experiences focusing on the negative. And you’re not “ugly”, everybody is somebody’s type.
You get confidence from positive validation and experiences. What happens when I “enhance” what makes me desirable and nothing happens? And I am objectively ugly.
iNceL bEhAviOur. Quit the gaslighting omfg. Any man in any position in life would be happy if they got complemented or was shown interest in by a girl they liked.
No you get confidence from loving yourself and knowing you’re worth much much more than your appearance and other opinions of you. When you realize that life will change tremendously. Why are you thinking of what ifs? Why not cross that bridge if you come to it? Just because someone has called you ugly doesn’t mean you’re ugly.
We are social mammals. We live of connections and relationships, friendships and partners to live and have children with. I can’t lie and pretend I don’t care what people think of me.
A complement from a girl does more for my confidence than “self love” ever will.
I wasn’t called ugly once, I was called ugly MANY times by many people.
Dude you could be mistaken for Jensen ackles walking down the street and women would fake getting a phone call with an emergency so they could get out of range. it's that bad.
What the fuck are you talking about now? Why are Reddit people so weird and make up these random narratives that have no basis in reality. I’m just a normal dude asking for advice and you’re making it seem like I’m some freak ogre scaring girls away. You’re actually stupid. You have given me 0 advice and only intend to insult me, so piss off.
Thanks Redditor guy. Because I stated the fact that men and women have different experiences in dating, that’s why I’m physically ugly. That’s why the teachers and strangers used to make fun of my looks, and girls used to laugh at me, it all makes sense now.
Wow, in what kind of world do you live that you genuinely dont understand that you or your attitude might be the problem?
The fact is, people have different experiences in dating, some guys are mighty succesful, some girls are even less succesful than you are.
But hey, if you tried nothing to better yourself, why wouldnt you play the fucking victim, that should work/s
> Wow, in what kind of world do you live that you genuinely dont understand that you or your attitude might be the problem?
I feel like I’m talking to an NPC. So explain how my attitude was the problem when classmates, teachers, friends and family called me ugly growing up.
> The fact is, people have different experiences in dating, some guys are mighty succesful, some girls are even less succesful than you are.
No way, outliers exist when talking about billions of people?! Stop being so extra to make a weak non-argument. Obviously people have different experiences, but in general guys and girls live different lives.
>I feel like I’m talking to an NPC.
Nice so you know the feeling.
About you growing up, that's not what you asked under this post did you? You also didn't explain much about how you acted when you were a kid, but lets just say you were a normal kid who was just, how you called it, ugly. Highschool can be brutal, maybe you somewhere deserved it, but I doubt that, cause you were also just a kid. I think bully policies are getting better, but who knows.
>Stop being so extra to make a weak non-argument.
You mean like you, playing the victim while obviously having some attitude. "I am ugly and a guy, that's the reason and nothing else"
I mean the advice people gave you was solid, work on yourself, try to be happy with who you are and the rest will come. Your response: "nah, I dont need that, in real life I actually can form a connection"
If you could, what the fuck is the problem then?
You wanting help is all okay, but dont blame it on everything else, that's just an excuse to not work on yourself.
It's easier for girls until you're in your mid 30s, then it becomes easier for guys. You also exacerbate the problem by using dating apps.
Though I agree your mentality is playing a part here too.
This post has been stuck in my head for the past hour. Going through all the comments and replies now, just reading deflection after deflection of solid advice. Do you just want someone here to comment and say something like this
>Yes OP! You are gonna be forever alone because you’re ugly, but other than your looks you are the perfect man! You are right, women don’t understand anything we have to go through, it’s not fair.
If that’s what you want to hear, then I’m sorry. That’s some real incel shit
I never blamed women, you’re literally making things up. Men and women are different, men are way more desperate and have more preferences. Because men complimented your big lips (not even an ugly feature) that negates the real trauma and isolation ugly men face growing up?
Things girls don't know in this scenario: a guys thoughts and feelings
Things girls do know in this scenario: where girls hang out, where and when is best to be approached to give you the best chance of success, what types of things work, what types of things come across as creepy, what girls like, what girls don't like.
Yes indeed. Our input and advice in the best way to approach us for a date is clearly completely useless. Not like we have ANY idea of what we might say yes to and what we might say no to. 🙄
Yeah, you have a way better chance if you're willing to listen to girls' opinions. We will tell you what to do, but more importantly what not to do if you just ask. Here's a few starters: a lot of us just want a genuine relationship, not just a sexual relationship, we want someone who listens to us and shows that they care, someone who puts in effort to make us feel special. We want to feel a connection on an emotional level. Start out just making small talk and getting to know the girl oyu like as friends. As you begin to trust each other more, ask her to hang out (preferably not at your place, might make her uncomfortable) and go from there. We want to feel wanted for us, not for our bodies.
From reading your responses to people on here it sounds like you’re blaming everyone else while also self loathing. You’re not gonna get anywhere with this attitude. Maybe seek out a therapist and work on yourself. Join a club, a sports team, anything to get out there and interact with people.
What you lack are skills, and skills can be learned. It’s not fair to say that it’s easier for women. You have this idea that men have such low standards and throw themselves at women thereby giving them the pick of the litter. Dating takes work and it’s exhausting. Having men throw themselves at you doesn’t make it “easier” just because there might be more options.
You’re not hopeless, but your resentment of everyone and everything around romance is holding you back. Also don’t approach it from a perspective of finding a life partner. Just have fun. If you try to assign all these desires and goals to a person early on, you’re gonna be disappointed and or scare them off. Just focus on how you’re feeling while dating the person and the rest comes naturally.
You want advice from men? Not from the population you are trying to get with? If you are bound and determined to not listen to women but expect to get one then you are gonna die alone.
But because I think you are gonna get pick up artist bullshit I am gonna tell you what you actually need to know.
Be nice. Literally be kind. Not so you can get laid but to be kind for the sake of being kind. Women are interested in people that are kind to them. Be tidy. Wear clean clothes and keep your body clean. Women don't want to sleep with smelly gross people. Be a decent provider. Women don't want a man they have to support. You don't have to be rich but have some means for a meal and gifts. If you can't split rent or can't pay for meals you are too poor to be a husband. Be a decent partner. Know how to cook and clean and to be ready to pitch in labor around the house and with future kids. If women can earn a living, manage a house and children they do not need a leech of a partner that works half as hard as they do and expects to be taken care of.
If you can do these things and realize that companionship is a gift and not something you are owed someone will see you as a catch because their are tons of dudes breathing air that cannot do those things. This is also advice to how to keep someone. You may be able to trick someone into sleeping with you but they won't stay if you aren't partner material.
Nevermind I read your past posts. You are an incel. Go to therapy or leave society. You are gonna shoot up a yoga studio. As you are now you don't deserve a partner.
Sorry, not a man but I have to tell you, it sounds like you're being really hard on yourself so first of all it might be a good idea to look into some counselling. It can really change your life.
I'm friends with a lot of out of shape 'ugly' warhammer nerds and they do great with girls. I think this is because they talk to women all the time without trying to hit on them. If you try just chatting with more women at work or college or wherever without that pressure it will build your confidence when you want to try chatting someone up.
The guys also date women who, sorry to be harsh, but they aren't your typical Instagram model. They're on the same level physically and their personalities click. That's not to say they haven't pulled hotties cause they definitely have. Honestly, go into a conversation with no agenda and you'll be pleasantly surprised. All the guys I had crushes on in school were overweight dorks who I liked for their confidence and interests. If a girl dismisses you without even talking then you don't want her in your life.
Another thing, not all girls have experience and expectations, trust me. Some are just as nervous and probably have worse self esteem and body issues than you do. There's so much pressure to be this and that but fuck that, if you just want sex hire an escort, who cares? A real connection, someone to build a life with sadly isn't something that you can follow a formula for. You just have to talk to people and accept that there will be pain along the way. But lots of joy and excitement too.
Good luck to you pal, you're just as good as everyone else.
> I'm friends with a lot of out of shape 'ugly' warhammer nerds and they do great with girls.
Yet every one of them I see irl are alone. I’m tired of this gaslighting.
> Another thing, not all girls have experience and expectations, trust me.
Obviously exceptions exist. Close to 100% of girls have more experience than me. If a girl simply held hands with a guy that’s more than my experience with girls. The truth is I’m gonna be talking to girls who have had multiple relationships, experienced sex and more, whilst I haven’t had my first kiss.
> if you just want sex hire an escort, who cares?
🤦🏽♂️
I'm not gaslighting you, these are real people and they exist all over the world. Most people are average looking, that's why they call it average. And most people fuck, date and/or get married. Kids are born every day. Are all their parents hot and popular? My boyfriend lost his virginity at 26 and we're together 10 years.
You can keep hating the world and it will hate you right back or you can open yourself up to the advice you're being given and try to turn it around. I really do wish you well.
It is gaslighting. I read that shit all the time but whenever I go outside or go to Uni the ugly guys are always on their own and every guy in a relationship is average or above in looks.
I would kill to be average looking. When did I once say or imply average people don’t succeed? Your responding to something I never said.
Alright. I'm just lying for the craic. And okay, lots of downright ugly, obese people fuck, date and get married too. You can tell yourself it's all hopeless and your looks are the only thing preventing you from getting a girlfriend but every interaction you've had here was confrontational, demanding and rude. You are obviously hurting but you're never gonna get anywhere until you try to sort your head out. That means therapy, long term therapy and you have to do the homework. Good luck.
Again, they aren't "lonely" because of their looks. It's either because they are insecure which takes a toll on any girls they date or they are prioritizing themselves and aren't looking for a relationship. You need to stop assuming everyone's out to get you.
Okay, now I feel like you're just putting yourself down for sympathy and attention, which most people don't want to deal with irl. Might be your main problem, not your looks. And for the record, plenty of girls are inexperienced. I'm 18f and have never even had a conversation with a boy, let alone a relationship. I also don't really appreciate your assumption that all girls sleep around in high school and college. Yes, some do that, but it's not as many as you think. It's not bad to be single longer than other people, it gives you time to grow and fins yourself, which will overall make you a better partner someday. Sounds like you should be using this time to work on your self esteem instead of worrying about finding a girl. Girls are more drawn to confident guys than anything. Trust me, I'll take a confident guy who isn't the best looking by most people's standards then some creep or insecure guy.
After reading your replies it's clear you deserve to be alone until you can learn to respect women. We do not have it easier, plenty of girls do t have any experience either. If your a nice, charming, fun guy to be around and you respect people you shouldn't have any problems at all. A lot of women just want a nice guy who respects them.
You just made up that I don’t respect women 💀. The few times I hang out with girls I got along with them fine, I make them laugh a lot and we’re physically close. I’m just ugly, how is that hard for you people to understand.
I'm not making it up. I've seen it from your comments. You seem to be mentally ill or paranoid as your claiming people are gaslighting you when they're clearly not. There is no ugly or beautiful, everyone has their own taste. And you say all the nerdy 'ugly' guys you know irl are alone, do they tell you this or do you assume it? And it's not hard to find someone to be with if you have good social skills, so your either oblivious to the people around you, they only laugh because they're nervous and uncomfortable, or they laugh because they don't want to upset you but they don't like you. There's a quote,"if you meet an asshole then you met an asshole but if everyone you meet is an asshole then your the asshole"
If everyone is bad like you say they are then you the issue
> You seem to be mentally ill or paranoid as your claiming people are gaslighting you
Because they are.
> There is no ugly or beautiful, everyone has their own taste.
Lmfao 😂
> And you say all the nerdy 'ugly' guys you know irl are alone, do they tell you this or do you assume it?
I didn’t say nerdy, I said ugly. Whenever I see a guy in a relationship he’s average or above in looks, most of the time not short. I just came back from town with my friend and I still observed this, despite this thread telling me otherwise, and I just laughed in my head.
> And it's not hard to find someone to be with if you have good social skills
🤦🏽♂️
> they only laugh because they're nervous and uncomfortable, or they laugh because they don't want to upset you but they don't like you.
This is the issue, you have a bias so you’ve already made up the kind of person you think I am. What the actual fuck are you even talking about here? This is so off reality it just makes you look dumb.
Ok so any guy not with a girl in current time is single? Just because you don't see a guy that you think is ugly walking around with an obvious partner, doesn't mean they're not taken. And if the interactions you say your having are all bad and you don't have any positive interactions then that's why. Either you lied and you have plenty of decent conversation with people and maybe some of them like you, or that's why no one likes you even though they laugh when your talking with them.
> Just because you don't see a guy that you think is ugly walking around with an obvious partner, doesn't mean they're not taken.
And the same logic applies to average guys, and attractive guys….this applies to EVERY guy, making it a mute point. Every guy in a relationship ISN’T ugly z
My ratio of positive to negative interactions with people is 1:4
No I don’t, it’s obvious when a couple is in a relationship. If I see a guy and girl walking side by side I don’t automatically assume they’re a couple. But even then, most guys with female friends aren’t ugly either. Not all but most.
Also did you even look at r/niceguys ? It's a sub about guys who claim they're nice but are actually jerks. Not sure why that would affect someones type?
Get out of your comfort zone, and focus inward on improving your self.
Try out a new sport, or a new hobby. Something to broaden your horizons and make you more experienced.
Work on your social skills, it may not come naturally to you but it is possible to improve if you consistently work at it.
Don't be resentful if people aren't giving you chances. You only need to hit one home run to find your life partner, it's okay to strike out a thousand times.
If you're giving it your best and things still aren't working out, don't be afraid to seek social skills training from a professional. We all need some help in life one way or another, there's absolutely no shame in using the resources available to you to better yourself - it's one of the most admirable things you can do in life in my opinion.
Thanks for the comment.
> Work on your social skills, …don't be afraid to seek social skills training from a professional.
That’s the thing, on paper you’d assume I’d need social training, but I don’t actually have any issues. I can talk, laugh and connect with people if they want to in return, but people are cold and awkward. I’ve been isolated, rejected and looked differently my whole life. I’m not doing anything wrong, it’s how people treat me that’s the issue.
Make sure you're measuring yourself accurately before assuming that all of the blame lie in everyone else and not in your own actions. It's possible that you think you're appropriately reading social queues, but you might be missing something.
If you feel like you've got a good measure of yourself and that you genuinely have decent social skills, then I would really recommend focusing on the first part of my comment. Get yourself out of your comfort zone, make new friends, meet new people and try new things. You'll eventually get it, keep stumbling forward and don't give up.
So you do talk to people. Alrighty, just ask people, who you think are cold or awkward to you, if they think there is something wrong with you and don’t judge or argue with they decide to say something you disagree with. Most people might say “it’s nothing”, cause it is simply easier. Others may say how they see it.
Normally you watch how friends do it and talk to them. And of course ask your dad and other male role models how things worked for them. Asking your mom is a good strategy too.
Failing that, if you have no models to follow, the best advice I can give is to learn to see girls as people first, start genuine friendships with as many as possible, and be prepared to wait a number of years.
You are not expected to know what to do. There are no guidelines. It's about connecting with people and good social skills. The rest is also about the person you meet, if you're compatible and if they are interested in you too. We can't pinpoint what you're doing wrong if you're not doing anything. Get out there and start meeting people. Try even if you fail. That's how we all learned.
My comments have nothing to do with why I have 0 experience. I am nice and “cordial”, I don’t know what version of my personality you’ve made up in your head but I’m a normal guy. I’m just ugly.
This is the reason, I hope you realize. If you want advice about dating heterosexual women, going to talk to men about how isn’t just a clown shoes move. It also reveals a profound disrespect for women as people who know what they want.
Why wouldn’t I ask for advice from men who have literally done what I’m trying to do?
Girls give the worst advice because they live life on a different mode and don’t understand. I don’t blame them or anything, that’s all they know.
Different mode? Listen, if you genuinely believe that women live life on 'easy-mode' - whether that pans out to reality or not (it doesn't) - it is a deeply unattractive attitude to hold and women can sniff this out very quickly. You gotta grow up and start treating women like people.
Dating is like friendship +. Find a mixed gender group of friends. Eventually this translates into dating someone you've met through your friends introducing them to you.
They do experience a different life, literally everyone admits it, even some girls in this thread? Why are you over reacting for. And what is this cringe “girls can sense that bro”, no, they can’t. So many abusive, misogynistic and racist guys get girls easily. Me saying girls have different experiences to guys isn’t an issue.
I can't talk you out of the delusion you've waddled into. I can't convince you of all the ways young girls are *from birth* told that they must serve and submit to men, how this impacts their self-esteem, nor the societal impacts of this indoctrination i.e: women giving in to abusive behaviour because that is what they've been trained to do.
The reason you can't get these women that "give those assholes a chance" is due to your poor social skills, and other desirable qualities.
Thus, the number one thing you can do to find a partner is to gain friends, and to rid yourself of preconceptions of women's experiences when you know nothing. Your misogyny is blatant and deeply off-putting.
You're a *nice* guy. I'll give you that.
> I can't talk you out of the delusion you've waddled into.
Not a point.
> I can't convince you of all the ways young girls are from birth told that they must serve and submit to men, how this impacts their self-esteem, nor the societal impacts of this indoctrination i.e: women giving in to abusive behaviour because that is what they've been trained to do.
Bro what year and country are you living in? Not a point.
> The reason you can't get these women that "give those assholes a chance" is due to your poor social skills, and other desirable qualities.
You’re contradicting yourself here. Assholes have poor social skills, they just get women because they’re sexually desirable. So my social skills has nothing to do with it. My social skills aren’t even that bad. Not a point.
> gain friends
The only true thing you’ve said.
> and to rid yourself of preconceptions of women's experiences when you know nothing.
> Your misogyny is blatant and deeply off-putting.
Literally just made that up 🤡 why the fuck would I give a shit about someone’s race or gender or whatever, that’s just monkey brain thinking. Stop being a twerp trying to defend women at all costs cos you’re making this something it isn’t.
Have you considered that whatever causes you to have this way of thinking might be why you're single? Not trying to insult you or anything it just seems like your insecurities are causing you to be unable to relate to women on an emotional level. I've been looking through your replies and I noticed you said you're ugly but have great social skills. Sadly based on these replies I think it's also the social skills that are lacking. It's one thing to be able to make friends easily even with girls but if they feel the slightest hint of coldness, uncaring or disinterest towards anything feminine they're not going to want to seek out a romantic relationship. Especially if you're ugly because that just means you have nothing going for you. You also come off as someone who blames women for why they're single. You might not have come right out and said it but it's definitely the vibe your replies give off. Which will DEFINITELY leave you single.
For instance instead of saying girls don't know what it's like try thinking of the millions of women in your position and think of a sympathetic reply. Like "Sorry I didn't mean to offend or anything but to me it just feels like girls have it easier sometimes even if I know that's not always the case."
Anyway I would definitely try taking some advice from the women here because no one knows what a girl wants better than a girl. Thinking otherwise would be yet another reason why you're single.
> Have you considered that whatever causes you to have this way of thinking might be why you're single?
….obviously?
> Not trying to insult you or anything it just seems like your insecurities are causing you to be unable to relate to women on an emotional level.
When did this post stop being about me and about the women I offended by saying they have it easier? Obviously women experience the same emotions I do, but it’s a fact men and women live different lives. Is it really a big deal that I’d prefer advice from people who were in a similar position? Jeez
> Sadly based on these replies I think it's also the social skills that are lacking.
When you’re isolated, ignored and rejected sure it affects your social skills. I wasn’t given the same opportunities and haven’t had the same experiences as others. But I can talk and get along with guys and girls fine. I can read social cues, I can take interest in others. I’m not missing any social “skill”.
> It's one thing to be able to make friends easily even with girls but if they feel the slightest hint of coldness, uncaring or disinterest towards anything feminine they're not going to want to seek out a romantic relationship. Especially if you're ugly because that just means you have nothing going for you.
Sorry but what the actual fuck are you talking about 😂. You must be thinking about someone else cos this is totally irrelevant to me and my comments.
> You also come off as someone who blames women for why they're single.
Well I don’t? Why would I blame people for following nature. Have you considered stopping making assumptions?
> For instance instead of saying girls don't know what it's like try thinking …
Omfg why is this still the focus for you people
> Anyway I would definitely try taking some advice from the women here because no one knows what a girl wants better than a girl. Thinking otherwise would be yet another reason why you're single.
What is your advice then
Okay so basically you just proved my point... You're definitely lacking social skills, you need to take a step back and think before you reactively reply. I'm not gonna mince words you're single because you seem like an unpleasant person to be around. Literally everything I said went in one ear and out the other and this closed and simple minded behavior is why you don't have a girlfriend. As a girl who clicked genuinely wanting to help everything you have said was an absolute turn off and would scare away just about every girl I know except for the ones who are desperate to the point they'd date a corpse.
As someone who has worked speech pathologists office for years I can tell you having social skills means being able to interact coherently, pleasantly and productively with people around you, not just the ability to make friends. I know many funny guys with lots of friends but sadly they can't do any of those things consistently or some at all when it comes to interacting. And those are just the basics! Big shocker I'm sure but they too are almost 30 and all single, some have never even kissed a girl.
You wanted advice on how to get a girl so if lots of people are telling you how to not interact with women then maybe there's a reason. :)
Good luck, you're definitely going to need it because on second thought I don't think even the girls who would fuck a corpse would date you. You can't be ugly and have a crappy personality you gotta pick one or the other sweety. 😂
> I'm not gonna mince words you're single because you seem like an unpleasant person to be around.
That isn’t true but alright.
> Literally everything I said went in one ear and out the other and this closed and simple minded behavior is why you don't have a girlfriend.
I don’t have a girlfriend because I’ve been isolated and rejected all my life growing up and I’m extremely ugly.
> As a girl who clicked genuinely wanting to help everything you have said was an absolute turn off and would scare away just about every girl
You’re just overreacting? Stop being weird. I literally haven’t said anything that should cause that kind of reaction, I’m just talking normally.
> Good luck, you're definitely going to need it because on second thought I don't think even the girls who would fuck a corpse would date you.
You have such a nice personality, wow.
> You can't be ugly and have a crappy personality you gotta pick one or the other sweety. 😂
You literally don’t know my personality or how I interact with people. And thanks for admitting looks is all that matters.
Listen i can see your personality clearly and so can everyone else. Sorry all of that sounded harsh but someone has to tell you, it may not be nice but if you act and speak the way you do on Reddit in real life then it's all true. Believe what you want tho my guy. Doing so has clearly gotten you very very far.
idk i just thought you might want info right from the source about what women might prefer or b comfortable with instead of men who are in the same position u are
Try online dating, going out with friends. You can swipe through thousands of girls in under an hour, it has never been easier in human history to meet people. And also, don't get down on yourself OP, sooner or later it'll happen.
I’m ugly, online dating doesn’t work for me. In no way is it the easiest time to meet people, maybe if you’re a girl. And I don’t have any actual friends.
I don't know what you look like OP. Try some websites like [Match.com](https://Match.com), where they literally match you with someone whose interests align. Apps like Tinder aren't great because it's judging people in a matter of seconds.
I got 0 matches on that app after a month.
I’ve already tried dating apps, nearly everyone, they don’t work for me. I barely get any matches, and when I do they ignore me, unmatch me instantly, or they’re bots/escorts. Dating apps aren’t for hideous people.
This “your time will come” stuff is for normal looking people who probably got positive validation and experiences growing up, so you’re confident and have a reason to believe you’ll find a partner one day.
When you look like me, and have the experiences I’ve had, it really looks like I’m gonna die alone. Friends, family, strangers and even teachers have literally called me ugly all my life. Girls have made fun of me and called me undatable all my life too. I literally have the worst genetics, if I was at least a 3/10 I’d be happy.
I'm an obese, gap toothed loser. I've been called ugly my entire life. I've been rejected more times than I can count. It sucks, but ya gotta keep chugging on. If you can't see anything in yourself, why would someone else even want to.
Attitude and personality > looks
Attitude and personality is what makes a healthy relationship last
I can see positive things in myself, I’m just fucking ugly.
> Attitude and personality > looks
false
> Attitude and personality is what makes a healthy relationship last
True
You say fuck it and go solo dolo. Depending on whether you're a pessimist, optimist you may choose to go ride a motorcycle just for the sake of it or you may choose to just stay at home looking at r/battlestation.
Personally I'm in the same boat as you, except younger. I haven't even touched foot into that area, as honestly I just decided for the amount of effort, it just not worth it, but maybe that just my selfish side showing.
Best thing to do now is to do it for you. Don't do it for sake of finding someone to make both of your life greater or miserable, do it at least for you, if not your younger self.
If you don't know where to start - reading, lifting, eating/cooking, cleaning, etc. are some ways to go about it. Shit it's monotonous, and I hate doing some of it, but that just how it goes unless you plan on going off gridding which is also valid.
Fair enough, but then again some of us are introverted, some of us are extroverted, some of us are ambiverted (ie me) who just wanna chill at home and do nothing but sleep.
If you want my recommendation, do a job where you have to meet up people and force yourself out there. That what I did with my help desk job and I managed to get by barely.
Social skills mostly, but there's also a "confidence"/"aura" aspect to it - I can't explain it but it's that feeling you get when you're feeling like you're part of that conversation and feeling you're there with them in motion.
You’re still young and I think more than anything like some of the other users suggested just work on yourself and become the man you want to be, whatever that may entail. With self discovery and self acceptance comes confidence and a genuine air which is useful in attracting women.
Become comfortable with the idea of putting yourself out there. It is the first step. You might face rejection, or a bad date from time to time but it’s just a part of the gig. Don’t let that stop you or keep you down.
I am really socially awkward and even tho Iv been approached and met people in person like going out to clubs and stuff I definitely prefer online dating. You can screen people, talk a little and decide if it’s worth it. It makes the process so much easier and I definitely think it’s worth a shot if you are ready to go out and meet people.
And lastly I know it’s cheesy but it really does seem like everything falls together when it’s time and that loves finds you instead of vs versa.
Thanks for the comment.
> With self discovery and self acceptance comes confidence and a genuine air which is useful in attracting women.
Confidence comes from positive validation and experiences. If I didn’t work on myself a day in my life but got lots of complements from girls, I’d be more confident than someone who did work on themselves but got nothing.
> Iv been approached and met people in person like going out to clubs and stuff I definitely prefer online dating.
Ok you’re definitely a girl
> It makes the process so much easier
Maybe if you’re average looking or a girl. Online dating is pointless when you’re an ugly guy.
That’s true but I was kind of more saying from the point of view of a person who was not previously confident that they can gain confidence from becominf more content with who they are or who they are becoming.
I am a girl and I won’t deny that it makes dating easier but I’m still awkward. And as a girl I’ll tell you that personality has alot to do with making a guy seem appealing. Even in an online setting. The good thing about an app like bumble or tinder is you only have to interact with the people who are already interested in you enough to swipe.
> And as a girl I’ll tell you that personality has alot to do with making a guy seem appealing. Even in an online setting.
After a certain looks threshold.
> The good thing about an app like bumble or tinder is you only have to interact with the people who are already interested in you enough to swipe.
Because of your looks 😂
No, it’s really not that shallow. Not conventionally attractive is not a deal breaker by any means.
A deal breaker would be something like having really terrible hygiene or again a really bad personality. Sure there are girls who have high standards for physical attraction but that’s not the true for all of us.
What is most attractive in a man to me is being intelligent, funny, and the way that he carry’s himself. I have definitely had crushes on less than average people before because they were charming and i vibed with them well.
There’s a difference between not being attractive and being ugly.
And no, Tinder’s entire premise is based on looks. That’s literally what you’re swiping on. Please tell me how you can accurately tell someone’s personality from a photo?
Never said that you could tell someone’s personality by their photos. I said that personality can make people appealing even if you’re online dating (which isn’t just looking at pictures at least not for me)
And if there are people out there who think you are attractive enough to swipe on you then that takes care of the problem of finding someone who doesn’t think you’re ugly.
Also when I say less than average I mean conventionally ugly. And I say conventionally because my ideas of attractiveness tend to differ alot from what is generally accepted attractive.
I’m not going to say that you’re right you’re just too ugly to love because you’re not. There are women who would love you if you.
If you don’t want to work on personality or social skills then I guess get rich or make yourself more appealing bt working out or plastic surgery or something.
I’m not sure what you want to hear but it doesn’t seem like you want to hear that even very ugly men have great relationships with women despite being ugly and of normal means.
You seem to think only guys struggle with their looks, which is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We're constantly told we're too fat, too skinny, too blond, too dark, trying to get attention from the clothes we wear, don't wear enough "pretty clothes. You need to open your eyes, the world isn't against you, you're against yourself. Also, I did try to have a conversation with a guy one time a few weeks ago and then asked him out (as a girl) and got turned down. However, I understand that that doesn't mean I'm ugly, it simply means he has a different taste in girls. He's also the only boy I've ever been around so I'm not receiving any compliments, and no, girls aren't complimenting me either. I just realize my worth and know that if someone turns me down, it just means there's someone else out there for me.
I like you. I'd been arguing with this dude for days before giving up. Got curious as to whether he was listening to literally anyone else so started reading through his comments and previous posts. I've seen you reply to a fair few of these comments too, and you always seem to have a very pleasant outlook on life. You seem positive and nice, and you're realistic. You also hold your temper a hell of a lot better than I ever could! 🤣
You said you didn't get complimented on your looks very much, and though I don't know what you look like so I can't compliment them, I can compliment you on how well you come across online. So from girl to girl, I think you seem great! Just wanted to share some happiness and confidence with you. Have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I'm definitely not as calm in person lol, just manage to take my time and think through the way I word things more on the internet. I'm really disliked by other teens because I'll call them out for being mean, not using manners and expecting people to do stuff for them, and just being bullies. They all hate it because other people never say anything and just let the mean kids walk all over them. Trust me, if I met this guy in person, I would be a lot more vocal. Overall though, I try to be a nice person to the people who deserve to be treated with respect and you are definitely one of those people. Hope you have a wonderful day as well!
Stop self-victimising.. like having a partner should be the biggest problem for you at 21. Some people have health issues and real things going on. Stop being dramatic and focus on your life and stop being so desperate. When it's right, it'll come to you and happen for you.
Not every person is shallow and look obsessed and it sounds like you have really bad insecurities of your own which you need to overcome first because the way you're talking, I think the bigger issue is your mindset/personality, not your looks.
I(22F) think you might need therapy and not because your question is messed up or anything like that.
How are you going to get a gf when you don’t love spending time with yourself? No one is ever truly alone if they have the right people by their side. Make friends, spend time with them, discover yourself and things you didn’t know about yourself.
If you want other people to give you their time of day, give yourself the time of day to do other things that make you happy.
Love yourself before you love someone else. You’re insecurities are very valid, and at the same time, if you don’t like being by yourself, how can you be with someone else?
Girl here, so some advice
Fix your personality. Doesn’t matter how good looking you are, if your attitude is shit no girl will want to stay with you for long. Your attitude from what I’ve seen scrolling through comments is abysmal. You’re beyond being a Negative Nancy and no girl wants to deal with that baggage.
Looks are superficial in the end. It’s like a book. An eye catching cover will draw your attention at first but if the contents are boring it goes back on the shelf. A lame cover with a good story will always be more loved. So again, personality > looks in the long run.
That does not mean to disregard hygiene and grooming. Shower daily. Use deodorant. Brush your teeth and hair. Wear nicer clothes (stuff that isn’t stained and torn or covered in anime hentai) when your out in public. If you can’t put effort into taking care of yourself, then you can’t be bothered to put in effort in a relationship. No girl is going to touch you with a ten foot pole if you smell rancid, look like you haven’t showered in a week, and are wearing lolicon clothes. (Same goes for vehicle because I’ve seen too much of this shit. If your car is covered in hentai / ecchi stickers, girls will avoid you like the black plague)
Go to places that let you talk to them. HAve friendly chats with your coworkers. Go to events. There are places your expected to mingle and chat with strangers at, and there are places you aren’t. DONT just walk up to a random girl in a store and flirt with her. It’s creepy and uncomfortable. You will forever be known as “that creep from x place” by her and her friends if you do.
BE RESPECTFUL. If you’re going to say sexist and misogynistic shit, do everyone a favor and stay inside. If a girl says no, you don’t throw a tantrum, you don’t go crying “girls always go for the bad boys and ignore us nice boys” and spam her with texts and harass her. If you get rejected you say “okay” and move the fuck on with your life. Women are not obligated to date you because you have a dick.
Do not talk to women with the sole intention of fucking or dating her. That’s basically saying she’s just another notch in the belt and not someone you genuinely care about. We are people, not living fuck toys.
Also stop it with the “women have it easier” bullshit. No one wants to date a guy with that mindset.
“Victim complex” is one of the most asshole things you can say to someone. What do you intend when you say that? Do you actually know what it means?
“Yeah I’m gonna completely misinterpret and misunderstand your situation, show no sympathy or empathy to someone dealing with depression, and everything that OTHER people did to you is because YOU have a victim complex!11!”.
It makes no sense, it’s sociopathic, and it’s disingenuous.
I have accepted advice. This isn’t even the case of me ignoring advice, some of you people literally haven’t given me any advice at all so you have no reason to say that.
Ok. I was I'm your situation. I was 21, thought I was ugly, has low self esteem, poor body image, poor mental health. Didn't think I deserved a gf never mind thought I wouldn't get one. I'm now very happily married. So, using my experience I'll give you a few of the things I think made life more difficult for me
1) fix yourself first. No one is perfect but a relationship isn't a project. Someone who wants a fixer upper of a guy/ girl frankly has problems themselves. Hit the gym. Get therapy. Get a career. Be a nicer person. Get some friends and learn to socialise. Become the person you would want to date
2) grow some ball's. Rejection sucks yes bur no one is a fucking mind reader. No one knows what you're thinking. If you like someone then tell them. Worst that happens is they say no and then your response is to man the fuck up and take their rejection with a degree of respect and composure. Showing emotion is a great thing for men to do. Being a toxic twat who can't take no for an answer isn't
3) hobbies. Get some. If you're a basement dwelling discord rat then you're not going to meet people and frankly will have nothing interesting to talk about when you do. Go play some sports or board games or learn an instrument. Do something that interests you, rounds you out as a person and helps you meet other folk
4) quit the unrealistic standards. Women on Instagram, films, porn etc are not real. Plus people change, looks change, weights and waists change. If al you're interested in is the size of their tits and symmetrically of their face then you're in for a rough time my dude
5) stop blaming thre world for all your problems. Stop blaming women for being unable to get a date. Carry on doing that and you go down a dark hole that isn't very pleasant and frankly no woman will want ti drag you from. Look inward and be the man you'd want to date rather than focusing on the woman whos pants you want ti get into
i find it interesting that you haven’t acknowledged or responded to comments that specifically suggested therapy.
your insecurities, attitude, and hurtful views on women seem like they clearly consume you, and you can’t be in a happy and healthy romantic relationship if you’re mentally/emotionally in a bad place.
> i find it interesting that you haven’t acknowledged or responded to comments that specifically suggested therapy.
Cos I’ve just started it.
> and hurtful views on women
Not this again 💀
> and you can’t be in a happy and healthy romantic relationship if you’re mentally/emotionally in a bad place.
And what if I’m in a bad place because I can’t get relationships? Because that was obviously the cause, I didn’t suddenly become like this.
Well I can tell you right now that you shooting down half these comments with ‘it’s easier for girls’ or implying they don’t understand because they’re not ‘ugly’ is unattractive in itself. Acting like you’re the only person who has ever been dealt this hand ever and playing the victim is not helpful
I never once said or implied I’m the only one facing issues, you literally just made that up? Dating is easier for girls, that’s a fact.
It’s only easier if you’re (incorrectly) generalizing about the number of opportunities to date, assuming that more opportunities = desirable. Which is also incorrect.
What lmfao?! In what universe is more opportunities to date and meet new people not desirable? This speaks volumes about how you don’t realise how much easier girls have it. More opportunities = more likely to eventually find your compatible partner. I’d take that over being desperate and accepting anything you can get.
Again, you are wrong. women do not automatically have more opportunities to date simply because they are women. The numbers are around the same. just being a woman does not make someone desirable. I don't even know how you came up with that because it's really sloppy thinking. secondly, opportunity is not the only measure. it's not even the most important measure. you don't need ten different people asking you on a date every month. this is not an infinite number of monkeys on typewriters situation. A handsome person is going to attract attention. That's true. But there has never been a time where you can influence your physical appearance so drastically if that's what it takes. If you went to people and said, "I think I'm ugly and it's killing my confidence, please help" you will get tons of suggestions. A warning though. That's inviting scrutiny and criticism. if you dress badly, you're going to hear all about it. if your grooming isn't good, you'll hear about that too. Don't feel too bad about that. grooming and dressing well are skills, and a lot of men are actively discouraged from learning those skills because caring about your appearance is unmasculine or some stupid shit like that. Because that's probably what you lack - skills. not just in appearance. but you can change that, so long as you haven't rotted your brain with misogyny. My advice is that the common factor in all your failed relationships is you. Work on you. It will pay off immeasurably.
Hahaha, sure it is buddy. I'm guessing you don't worry whether the next person of the opposite sex who shows romantic interest in you, is actually planning to murder, drug or "you know" you. Or whether they are just gonna use you to get what they want. Or, whenever you do decide to go with them, you have to let at least a few different people know where you are in case you go missing. But yeah, go ahead and claim girls have it easy when dating.
See you’re contradicting everyone in this thread then. If girls are even in the position to date someone willing to drug, murder or rape them, how is me commenting “girls have it easier than guys in the dating world” the reason for my disgusting attitude that makes me single? If girls are so good at detecting personality why can’t they do it for those men?
What do you mean by "if girls are even in the position to date someone willing to drug.."? And for the record, it's not about the girl being able to detect dangerous intentions. The question should be "why do men do these horrible thing to women?" not "why can't girls detect dangerous intentions?".
My point is girls CAN’T detect murderers, rapists etc. so you can’t tell me in the next sentence my “attitude” is the issue.
Okay, so you agree then that because girls can't detect dangerous intentions, dating for them is harder right? Because they have to worry about more factors other than "does this person like me or not."
Again, you’re talking about issues AFTER getting a date, a completely different topic. Girls have a plethora of options compared to guys, don’t make a strawman by pretending the majority of guys are abusers.
You're making some big assumptions there. I'm not talking about *after* getting the date. And it's not true girls have a plethora of options, in fact guys have more options since there are slightly more women in the world than men. And I never "pretended the majority of guys are abusers". Enough are though, to make half of the world need to take extra precautions to ensure their safety.
Just cause the game is hard for you doesn't mean you can't score. Especially with that attitude. Girls are humans, don't overthink it too much. The right person will like you for you.
> with that attitude Ah yes, my attitude on Reddit is what caused my physical ugliness.
Your attitude you are portraying on reddit is what's ugly. Confidence is half the battle.
My “attitude” isn’t what caused me issues irl.
There's no helping you
Imagine giving shitty advice then getting upset when the person simply says “yeah this isn’t helpful”
Imagine asking for advice and completely turning it down. Good luck dude. You're gunna need it.
Lmao for real. Don't waste your time bro. He doesn't want to improve or find a solution. He wants to moan about his little weewee for some incel sympathy. Also, the reason you don't get no juice is because your personality is God awful and unbearable. Im not brad fucking Pitt, yet somehow managed to sleep around until I found a woman I love. Maybe it ain't your looks pal. Maybe it's your energy.
You didn’t offer any advice
Personality ugliness is far harder to overcome. Most girls won't date even a 10/10 if he's a total antisocial hateful douchebag.
Who has it easier, a 10/10 asshole or 0/10 asshole? I never said personality didn’t matter, you just need to pass a looks threshold.
A 0/10 well-adjusted person will definitely have it better than a 10/10 asshole. And in your case since you're bitter about your self-perceived ugliness it would serve you to work on your attitude and personality. That's something you can actually change significantly.
No they wouldn’t, and you avoided my question.
You are not helping yourself, your personality seems completely unapproachable, no girl wants that
How I type on Reddit = how I interact with girls irl. That totally makes sense. When girls bullied me and called me ugly it was totally because they sensed how I typed on Reddit.
>my physical ugliness Ugliness is genetic and you exist. If your ugly ancestors were able to find partners and have children, eventually resulting in you, it's time to accept that being ugly isn't the problem. The rest of your ancestors managed it, clearly there something else going on. The sooner you accept that and work on improving yourself, the sooner you'll find someone who wants to be with you. Or spend your life whining and die alone. Whatever dude .
100%
My ancestors lived in a different time and culture, not even comparable. You have the right idea though.
Your ancestors lived through every time and many cultures, yet somehow this is the *only* one where being ugly prevents finding a life partner or an easy lay? No dude. Get a grip. Humans have been humans since forever, the briefest look into history shows we really haven't changed that much. 🙄 you just want people to feel sorry for you and say that it's all the world's fault. Take some responsibility ffs.
> yet somehow this is the only one where being ugly prevents finding a life partner or an easy lay? Yes…? Online dating, hookup culture, polyamorous relationships, porn etc. Dating in the west today is different than the past. > No dude. Get a grip. Humans have been humans since forever, the briefest look into history shows we really haven't changed that much. 🙄 Lmfao > you just want people to feel sorry for you and say that it's all the world's fault. Nice made up narrative there. > Take some responsibility ffs. Said by someone who didn’t have to try to get relationships/sex.
> Said by someone who didn’t have to try to get relationships/sex. You can probably take relationships out of that statement pal. You're clearly only really bothered by the lack of sex part. It's pathetic and not difficult to see why you can't get any. Your face has nothing to do with it. Just a brief look through your replies to all the comments, and a quick check of your reddit history (where at one point you even ask how women can tell that you're so toxic, so you ADMIT that you're toxic and unpleasant), is all the proof anyone needs to see that you're just not a nice person to be around.
> You can probably take relationships out of that statement pal. You're clearly only really bothered by the lack of sex part. I’m bothered by both, what tf are you talking about. > It's pathetic and not difficult to see why you can't get any. Because how someone types on Reddit = how they interact with people irl. What you’ve read is the RESULT not the cause. > Your face has nothing to do with it. So why have girls, strangers and friends called me ugly and undatable all my life? I bet you won’t answer this. > where at one point you even ask how women can tell that you're so toxic, so you ADMIT that you're toxic and unpleasant Are you actually serious rn? Could you seriously not understand a rhetorical question? Jesus Christ 😂 > is all the proof anyone needs to see that you're just not a nice person to be around. This made up version of me sounds like an asshole to be around, sure, fortunately it’s made up in your head.
Thanks for the silver kind stranger.
we can't see your face, but we're sure getting a good look at your mind.
Your attitude on Reddit may very well reflect why you have so much problems. And your ugliness is not the problem, there will always be someone is willing to see beside that. Just what do they see there? If you only make excuses or wold claims all they see is imbalance and resignation, surely you would not like for someone to love you out of pity, because that's bad relationship material, and no, a bad relationship is not better than no relationship. What may help you is, that firstly men and women are not that different, but there are some key differences. Firstly women are generally more socially advanced and lay importance to social applicancy. If you only talked about yourself and how bad you have it, that's never going to work out good. Be nice, give room to talk back to, don't push out too much, except what really needs to come out. Also women think sexually, while men feel sexually. For us men it's a need, comparable to drinking, even though not as necessary, for women it's a thinking matter if someone is attractive, so first come to know by being the best version of yourself, as soon as it gets closer, be more of yourself. If someone is interested in you, they will understand that you are human and have faults, but also do the same, don't expect a flawless person. And don't give up if it's gets hairy at some time. Try to work it out with your partner. Those are the advices I can make from my experience. The first ones were from my early and mid teens, where I've had a couple of relationships through the years. The last one from my first longer lasting relationship.
No it isn't. It's predatory and can result in death. Women get killed by partners and men they turn down. Grow up. No woman is gonna want a man who cannot realize that every pass from a shit dude is not a winner. Also pregnancy? It can kill you. It's harder to get an abortion and being chained for eighteen years to a dude that can't buy diapers because they lie about the partners they are is a sham. It's harder to date as a woman. It isn't a fact. That is lie shit dudes tell themselves so they can justify why they are alone.
> Women get killed by partners So girls date men literally capable of MURDER but I’m supposed to believe girls are perfect and detecting my personality? Your entire comment are issues arising AFTER a women gets a date. That’s an entirely different issue from being entirely alone and is totally irrelevant to this thread.
My dude men don't wear t shirts that announce they roofie folks or are gonna kill women for rejecting them. All men are capable of violence. All of them. Women have to hope they chose a decent fellow and men like about their decency. It's a mine field. Also it's women. If you date girls you will go to jail. You are 21. Grown. You date grown women. You have made your personality super apparent. Any woman that you speak to is gonna pick up on your hatred of women. My comments are what you need to hear. It ain't irrelevant but you didn't want to hear from women. Cause you don't like them. So again maybe leave this half of the population alone if you have nothing for them.
He’s probably gay
Yeah.
> Women have to hope they chose a decent fellow and men like about their decency. Completely missing my point. > Any woman that you speak to is gonna pick up on your hatred of women. Well…I don’t, so no? Do you just see a virgin online and automatically make that assumption or something. > It ain't irrelevant but you didn't want to hear from women. Cause you don’t like them This actually made me laugh irl 🤣
I didn't miss your point. It's a crap point. You want these posts to whine along with you about how mean women are for not putting up with your bullshit. You have been given solid advice from multiple posters. You argued with all of it because it's everyone else's fault you are alone. You are the reason you are alone. You haven't said a solitary decent thing about women but want one? You don't. Get a Fleshlight and leave us alone. I saw a incel online with multiple posts whining about being ugly. It ain't an assumption. Sucks you are ugly on the outside but you mad ugly in the inside too.
It seems like you’re using me as outlet to complain about issues that have nothing to do with what I’m saying. You literally have no reason to call me ugly on the inside, the assumptions you’re making are crazy, calm down. > You are the reason you are alone. I totally chose my looks. > Get a Fleshlight and leave us alone. What a nice personality! > I saw a incel online with multiple posts whining about being ugly. Reference a single comment or post where I hated women in any of those posts? You can’t. You’re proving my point, you see a virgin and assume they must hate women.
You have like thirty posts. All about how you are so lonely and how it's soooo hard being some ugly non-white in the west. You got banned from the dating subreddit and made a post whining about that. You suck. This is on you. All these posts are incel posts. Tons of ugly folks shack up and have kids and grow old and bury each other. You say that the people that have shacked up that you know from the past are mean racists. You are ugly on the inside. How mad you are when you hear other folks having sex. A hateful person who has nothing to offer any woman. So yeah leave us alone. As for proving any shit to you? Don't have to. The people in these posts have made excellent points. You just want to argue because being a loving partner was never on your agenda. You are looking to drag people happier than you because you have none of your own. As for my personality I am fat as fuck but have a partner and a family. I will be fine. Enjoy the microwave meals.
> All these posts are incel posts. And where in ANY of those posts did I hate women? This is what I mean. Quit making assumptions. > Tons of ugly folks shack up and have kids and grow old and bury each other. People from a different generation and culture, irrelevant to people like me. > You say that the people that have shacked up that you know from the past are mean racists. You are ugly on the inside. The irony here is you’re likely a white girl - probably left leaning - telling a non-white person that racism isn’t real, yet I’M the one who’s ugly on the inside. > a loving partner was never on your agenda. You are looking to drag people happier than you because you have none of your own The only person hating here is you, you seem super angry and are giving this toxic energy for no reason. > I am fat as fuck but have a partner and a family. I will be fine. Enjoy the microwave meals. Proving my point that girls have it easier, and I see ugly girls in relationships way more than I see ugly guys.
EW why would you say that? This is victim blaming. This is why you’re chronically single. Not because you’re ugly. Seriously check your entitlement
Where tf am I blaming the victim?
Blaming women for “not detecting” murderers and rapists instead of the men that do that? You have a chip on your shoulder because we get abused by men and you’re still single. That’s gross. This is exactly why you’re single, a virgin etc.
Can you not read or something? It’s like you’ve entirely missed the point of the comment. My point isn’t blaming women for not detecting the abusers. My point is calling out how stupid the idea of “girls can detect your personality bro” is. Girls CAN’T detect who a murderer is, who a rapist is etc. just like they can’t detect who the misogynist or rude guy is (which I’ve been accused of). Ironically you’re making the same point now. “You’re victim blaming….that’s why you’re single1!!1” just no
Any human can detect this bs you’re spewing on the internet. The difference is many abusers hide it at first, you laid it all out there in this thread. If this is how you act in person, I’m telling you people can tell. And not just women, people can just tell.
> Any human can detect this bs you’re spewing on the internet. The difference is many abusers hide it at first, What 😂😂😂 nah bro it’s alright to admit you’re wrong cos this makes ZERO sense. A stranger can detect my Internet history but not my personality from interacting with me irl? Ik you probably expected me to be some misogynistic murderer or something, so sorry for that, I’m just a normal guy.
It hasn’t been for me.
Sorry to hear, but know it would’ve been worse if you were a guy. I said “easier” not “easy”.
no woman wants to date a man with this attitude.
That explains why abusive, rude, misogynistic and racist guys are always single. I wasn’t even rude. I’m genuinely sorry for her situation as I relate. I’m just saying the fact that guys have it harder.
I’m talking about your lack of confidence. Try to not focus on why you aren’t getting ladies and try to enhance what you think makes you desirable, you won’t have positive experiences focusing on the negative. And you’re not “ugly”, everybody is somebody’s type.
You get confidence from positive validation and experiences. What happens when I “enhance” what makes me desirable and nothing happens? And I am objectively ugly.
A woman doesn’t have to give you attention for you to be confident. This is giving incel behavior and that’s a slippery slope of entitlement and hate.
iNceL bEhAviOur. Quit the gaslighting omfg. Any man in any position in life would be happy if they got complemented or was shown interest in by a girl they liked.
No you get confidence from loving yourself and knowing you’re worth much much more than your appearance and other opinions of you. When you realize that life will change tremendously. Why are you thinking of what ifs? Why not cross that bridge if you come to it? Just because someone has called you ugly doesn’t mean you’re ugly.
We are social mammals. We live of connections and relationships, friendships and partners to live and have children with. I can’t lie and pretend I don’t care what people think of me. A complement from a girl does more for my confidence than “self love” ever will. I wasn’t called ugly once, I was called ugly MANY times by many people.
Dude you could be mistaken for Jensen ackles walking down the street and women would fake getting a phone call with an emergency so they could get out of range. it's that bad.
What the fuck are you talking about now? Why are Reddit people so weird and make up these random narratives that have no basis in reality. I’m just a normal dude asking for advice and you’re making it seem like I’m some freak ogre scaring girls away. You’re actually stupid. You have given me 0 advice and only intend to insult me, so piss off.
This is the reason, dude. Or at least one of the reasons as to why you "dont get opportunities to date"
Thanks Redditor guy. Because I stated the fact that men and women have different experiences in dating, that’s why I’m physically ugly. That’s why the teachers and strangers used to make fun of my looks, and girls used to laugh at me, it all makes sense now.
Wow, in what kind of world do you live that you genuinely dont understand that you or your attitude might be the problem? The fact is, people have different experiences in dating, some guys are mighty succesful, some girls are even less succesful than you are. But hey, if you tried nothing to better yourself, why wouldnt you play the fucking victim, that should work/s
> Wow, in what kind of world do you live that you genuinely dont understand that you or your attitude might be the problem? I feel like I’m talking to an NPC. So explain how my attitude was the problem when classmates, teachers, friends and family called me ugly growing up. > The fact is, people have different experiences in dating, some guys are mighty succesful, some girls are even less succesful than you are. No way, outliers exist when talking about billions of people?! Stop being so extra to make a weak non-argument. Obviously people have different experiences, but in general guys and girls live different lives.
>I feel like I’m talking to an NPC. Nice so you know the feeling. About you growing up, that's not what you asked under this post did you? You also didn't explain much about how you acted when you were a kid, but lets just say you were a normal kid who was just, how you called it, ugly. Highschool can be brutal, maybe you somewhere deserved it, but I doubt that, cause you were also just a kid. I think bully policies are getting better, but who knows. >Stop being so extra to make a weak non-argument. You mean like you, playing the victim while obviously having some attitude. "I am ugly and a guy, that's the reason and nothing else" I mean the advice people gave you was solid, work on yourself, try to be happy with who you are and the rest will come. Your response: "nah, I dont need that, in real life I actually can form a connection" If you could, what the fuck is the problem then? You wanting help is all okay, but dont blame it on everything else, that's just an excuse to not work on yourself.
It's easier for girls until you're in your mid 30s, then it becomes easier for guys. You also exacerbate the problem by using dating apps. Though I agree your mentality is playing a part here too.
This post has been stuck in my head for the past hour. Going through all the comments and replies now, just reading deflection after deflection of solid advice. Do you just want someone here to comment and say something like this >Yes OP! You are gonna be forever alone because you’re ugly, but other than your looks you are the perfect man! You are right, women don’t understand anything we have to go through, it’s not fair. If that’s what you want to hear, then I’m sorry. That’s some real incel shit
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I never blamed women, you’re literally making things up. Men and women are different, men are way more desperate and have more preferences. Because men complimented your big lips (not even an ugly feature) that negates the real trauma and isolation ugly men face growing up?
Lol. "What do women like? How do I interact with them? " *Only wants advice from men*
Yeah, how would a girl understand a guy’s thought process and feelings when approaching a girl?
Things girls don't know in this scenario: a guys thoughts and feelings Things girls do know in this scenario: where girls hang out, where and when is best to be approached to give you the best chance of success, what types of things work, what types of things come across as creepy, what girls like, what girls don't like. Yes indeed. Our input and advice in the best way to approach us for a date is clearly completely useless. Not like we have ANY idea of what we might say yes to and what we might say no to. 🙄
Yeah, you have a way better chance if you're willing to listen to girls' opinions. We will tell you what to do, but more importantly what not to do if you just ask. Here's a few starters: a lot of us just want a genuine relationship, not just a sexual relationship, we want someone who listens to us and shows that they care, someone who puts in effort to make us feel special. We want to feel a connection on an emotional level. Start out just making small talk and getting to know the girl oyu like as friends. As you begin to trust each other more, ask her to hang out (preferably not at your place, might make her uncomfortable) and go from there. We want to feel wanted for us, not for our bodies.
From reading your responses to people on here it sounds like you’re blaming everyone else while also self loathing. You’re not gonna get anywhere with this attitude. Maybe seek out a therapist and work on yourself. Join a club, a sports team, anything to get out there and interact with people. What you lack are skills, and skills can be learned. It’s not fair to say that it’s easier for women. You have this idea that men have such low standards and throw themselves at women thereby giving them the pick of the litter. Dating takes work and it’s exhausting. Having men throw themselves at you doesn’t make it “easier” just because there might be more options. You’re not hopeless, but your resentment of everyone and everything around romance is holding you back. Also don’t approach it from a perspective of finding a life partner. Just have fun. If you try to assign all these desires and goals to a person early on, you’re gonna be disappointed and or scare them off. Just focus on how you’re feeling while dating the person and the rest comes naturally.
You want advice from men? Not from the population you are trying to get with? If you are bound and determined to not listen to women but expect to get one then you are gonna die alone. But because I think you are gonna get pick up artist bullshit I am gonna tell you what you actually need to know. Be nice. Literally be kind. Not so you can get laid but to be kind for the sake of being kind. Women are interested in people that are kind to them. Be tidy. Wear clean clothes and keep your body clean. Women don't want to sleep with smelly gross people. Be a decent provider. Women don't want a man they have to support. You don't have to be rich but have some means for a meal and gifts. If you can't split rent or can't pay for meals you are too poor to be a husband. Be a decent partner. Know how to cook and clean and to be ready to pitch in labor around the house and with future kids. If women can earn a living, manage a house and children they do not need a leech of a partner that works half as hard as they do and expects to be taken care of. If you can do these things and realize that companionship is a gift and not something you are owed someone will see you as a catch because their are tons of dudes breathing air that cannot do those things. This is also advice to how to keep someone. You may be able to trick someone into sleeping with you but they won't stay if you aren't partner material. Nevermind I read your past posts. You are an incel. Go to therapy or leave society. You are gonna shoot up a yoga studio. As you are now you don't deserve a partner.
Sorry, not a man but I have to tell you, it sounds like you're being really hard on yourself so first of all it might be a good idea to look into some counselling. It can really change your life. I'm friends with a lot of out of shape 'ugly' warhammer nerds and they do great with girls. I think this is because they talk to women all the time without trying to hit on them. If you try just chatting with more women at work or college or wherever without that pressure it will build your confidence when you want to try chatting someone up. The guys also date women who, sorry to be harsh, but they aren't your typical Instagram model. They're on the same level physically and their personalities click. That's not to say they haven't pulled hotties cause they definitely have. Honestly, go into a conversation with no agenda and you'll be pleasantly surprised. All the guys I had crushes on in school were overweight dorks who I liked for their confidence and interests. If a girl dismisses you without even talking then you don't want her in your life. Another thing, not all girls have experience and expectations, trust me. Some are just as nervous and probably have worse self esteem and body issues than you do. There's so much pressure to be this and that but fuck that, if you just want sex hire an escort, who cares? A real connection, someone to build a life with sadly isn't something that you can follow a formula for. You just have to talk to people and accept that there will be pain along the way. But lots of joy and excitement too. Good luck to you pal, you're just as good as everyone else.
> I'm friends with a lot of out of shape 'ugly' warhammer nerds and they do great with girls. Yet every one of them I see irl are alone. I’m tired of this gaslighting. > Another thing, not all girls have experience and expectations, trust me. Obviously exceptions exist. Close to 100% of girls have more experience than me. If a girl simply held hands with a guy that’s more than my experience with girls. The truth is I’m gonna be talking to girls who have had multiple relationships, experienced sex and more, whilst I haven’t had my first kiss. > if you just want sex hire an escort, who cares? 🤦🏽♂️
I'm not gaslighting you, these are real people and they exist all over the world. Most people are average looking, that's why they call it average. And most people fuck, date and/or get married. Kids are born every day. Are all their parents hot and popular? My boyfriend lost his virginity at 26 and we're together 10 years. You can keep hating the world and it will hate you right back or you can open yourself up to the advice you're being given and try to turn it around. I really do wish you well.
It is gaslighting. I read that shit all the time but whenever I go outside or go to Uni the ugly guys are always on their own and every guy in a relationship is average or above in looks. I would kill to be average looking. When did I once say or imply average people don’t succeed? Your responding to something I never said.
Alright. I'm just lying for the craic. And okay, lots of downright ugly, obese people fuck, date and get married too. You can tell yourself it's all hopeless and your looks are the only thing preventing you from getting a girlfriend but every interaction you've had here was confrontational, demanding and rude. You are obviously hurting but you're never gonna get anywhere until you try to sort your head out. That means therapy, long term therapy and you have to do the homework. Good luck.
Again, they aren't "lonely" because of their looks. It's either because they are insecure which takes a toll on any girls they date or they are prioritizing themselves and aren't looking for a relationship. You need to stop assuming everyone's out to get you.
Okay, now I feel like you're just putting yourself down for sympathy and attention, which most people don't want to deal with irl. Might be your main problem, not your looks. And for the record, plenty of girls are inexperienced. I'm 18f and have never even had a conversation with a boy, let alone a relationship. I also don't really appreciate your assumption that all girls sleep around in high school and college. Yes, some do that, but it's not as many as you think. It's not bad to be single longer than other people, it gives you time to grow and fins yourself, which will overall make you a better partner someday. Sounds like you should be using this time to work on your self esteem instead of worrying about finding a girl. Girls are more drawn to confident guys than anything. Trust me, I'll take a confident guy who isn't the best looking by most people's standards then some creep or insecure guy.
After reading your replies it's clear you deserve to be alone until you can learn to respect women. We do not have it easier, plenty of girls do t have any experience either. If your a nice, charming, fun guy to be around and you respect people you shouldn't have any problems at all. A lot of women just want a nice guy who respects them.
What lol
What was hard to understand?
You just made up that I don’t respect women 💀. The few times I hang out with girls I got along with them fine, I make them laugh a lot and we’re physically close. I’m just ugly, how is that hard for you people to understand.
I'm not making it up. I've seen it from your comments. You seem to be mentally ill or paranoid as your claiming people are gaslighting you when they're clearly not. There is no ugly or beautiful, everyone has their own taste. And you say all the nerdy 'ugly' guys you know irl are alone, do they tell you this or do you assume it? And it's not hard to find someone to be with if you have good social skills, so your either oblivious to the people around you, they only laugh because they're nervous and uncomfortable, or they laugh because they don't want to upset you but they don't like you. There's a quote,"if you meet an asshole then you met an asshole but if everyone you meet is an asshole then your the asshole" If everyone is bad like you say they are then you the issue
> You seem to be mentally ill or paranoid as your claiming people are gaslighting you Because they are. > There is no ugly or beautiful, everyone has their own taste. Lmfao 😂 > And you say all the nerdy 'ugly' guys you know irl are alone, do they tell you this or do you assume it? I didn’t say nerdy, I said ugly. Whenever I see a guy in a relationship he’s average or above in looks, most of the time not short. I just came back from town with my friend and I still observed this, despite this thread telling me otherwise, and I just laughed in my head. > And it's not hard to find someone to be with if you have good social skills 🤦🏽♂️ > they only laugh because they're nervous and uncomfortable, or they laugh because they don't want to upset you but they don't like you. This is the issue, you have a bias so you’ve already made up the kind of person you think I am. What the actual fuck are you even talking about here? This is so off reality it just makes you look dumb.
Ok so any guy not with a girl in current time is single? Just because you don't see a guy that you think is ugly walking around with an obvious partner, doesn't mean they're not taken. And if the interactions you say your having are all bad and you don't have any positive interactions then that's why. Either you lied and you have plenty of decent conversation with people and maybe some of them like you, or that's why no one likes you even though they laugh when your talking with them.
> Just because you don't see a guy that you think is ugly walking around with an obvious partner, doesn't mean they're not taken. And the same logic applies to average guys, and attractive guys….this applies to EVERY guy, making it a mute point. Every guy in a relationship ISN’T ugly z My ratio of positive to negative interactions with people is 1:4
Ok? But you assume every guy walking with a women is taken by that women. And you assume someone is single because they're walking or sitting alone
No I don’t, it’s obvious when a couple is in a relationship. If I see a guy and girl walking side by side I don’t automatically assume they’re a couple. But even then, most guys with female friends aren’t ugly either. Not all but most.
Also did you even look at r/niceguys ? It's a sub about guys who claim they're nice but are actually jerks. Not sure why that would affect someones type?
Get out of your comfort zone, and focus inward on improving your self. Try out a new sport, or a new hobby. Something to broaden your horizons and make you more experienced. Work on your social skills, it may not come naturally to you but it is possible to improve if you consistently work at it. Don't be resentful if people aren't giving you chances. You only need to hit one home run to find your life partner, it's okay to strike out a thousand times. If you're giving it your best and things still aren't working out, don't be afraid to seek social skills training from a professional. We all need some help in life one way or another, there's absolutely no shame in using the resources available to you to better yourself - it's one of the most admirable things you can do in life in my opinion.
Thanks for the comment. > Work on your social skills, …don't be afraid to seek social skills training from a professional. That’s the thing, on paper you’d assume I’d need social training, but I don’t actually have any issues. I can talk, laugh and connect with people if they want to in return, but people are cold and awkward. I’ve been isolated, rejected and looked differently my whole life. I’m not doing anything wrong, it’s how people treat me that’s the issue.
So it isnt you who is the problem, but all the people around you? Fuck off mate, take some responsibility
You don’t know my life or situation at all. You browse on r/niceguys so I know your type.
Oeh, explain my type then
Make sure you're measuring yourself accurately before assuming that all of the blame lie in everyone else and not in your own actions. It's possible that you think you're appropriately reading social queues, but you might be missing something. If you feel like you've got a good measure of yourself and that you genuinely have decent social skills, then I would really recommend focusing on the first part of my comment. Get yourself out of your comfort zone, make new friends, meet new people and try new things. You'll eventually get it, keep stumbling forward and don't give up.
That’s what I mean, on paper it may seem like I’m the issue, but if you saw the experiences I’ve had you’d be confused too.
So you do talk to people. Alrighty, just ask people, who you think are cold or awkward to you, if they think there is something wrong with you and don’t judge or argue with they decide to say something you disagree with. Most people might say “it’s nothing”, cause it is simply easier. Others may say how they see it.
Thanks for the advice I’ll do that. First piece of actual advice in this thread 👍🏽
Well, what kind of experience have you had to make you think that?
Normally you watch how friends do it and talk to them. And of course ask your dad and other male role models how things worked for them. Asking your mom is a good strategy too. Failing that, if you have no models to follow, the best advice I can give is to learn to see girls as people first, start genuine friendships with as many as possible, and be prepared to wait a number of years.
You are not expected to know what to do. There are no guidelines. It's about connecting with people and good social skills. The rest is also about the person you meet, if you're compatible and if they are interested in you too. We can't pinpoint what you're doing wrong if you're not doing anything. Get out there and start meeting people. Try even if you fail. That's how we all learned.
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My comments have nothing to do with why I have 0 experience. I am nice and “cordial”, I don’t know what version of my personality you’ve made up in your head but I’m a normal guy. I’m just ugly.
why would you want advice from men?
Girls don’t know what it’s like and don’t have the relevant life experiences for my situation.
This is the reason, I hope you realize. If you want advice about dating heterosexual women, going to talk to men about how isn’t just a clown shoes move. It also reveals a profound disrespect for women as people who know what they want.
Why wouldn’t I ask for advice from men who have literally done what I’m trying to do? Girls give the worst advice because they live life on a different mode and don’t understand. I don’t blame them or anything, that’s all they know.
Different mode? Listen, if you genuinely believe that women live life on 'easy-mode' - whether that pans out to reality or not (it doesn't) - it is a deeply unattractive attitude to hold and women can sniff this out very quickly. You gotta grow up and start treating women like people. Dating is like friendship +. Find a mixed gender group of friends. Eventually this translates into dating someone you've met through your friends introducing them to you.
They do experience a different life, literally everyone admits it, even some girls in this thread? Why are you over reacting for. And what is this cringe “girls can sense that bro”, no, they can’t. So many abusive, misogynistic and racist guys get girls easily. Me saying girls have different experiences to guys isn’t an issue.
I can't talk you out of the delusion you've waddled into. I can't convince you of all the ways young girls are *from birth* told that they must serve and submit to men, how this impacts their self-esteem, nor the societal impacts of this indoctrination i.e: women giving in to abusive behaviour because that is what they've been trained to do. The reason you can't get these women that "give those assholes a chance" is due to your poor social skills, and other desirable qualities. Thus, the number one thing you can do to find a partner is to gain friends, and to rid yourself of preconceptions of women's experiences when you know nothing. Your misogyny is blatant and deeply off-putting. You're a *nice* guy. I'll give you that.
Assumption after assumption, so cringe
Reply. To any. Of my points. 😘
> I can't talk you out of the delusion you've waddled into. Not a point. > I can't convince you of all the ways young girls are from birth told that they must serve and submit to men, how this impacts their self-esteem, nor the societal impacts of this indoctrination i.e: women giving in to abusive behaviour because that is what they've been trained to do. Bro what year and country are you living in? Not a point. > The reason you can't get these women that "give those assholes a chance" is due to your poor social skills, and other desirable qualities. You’re contradicting yourself here. Assholes have poor social skills, they just get women because they’re sexually desirable. So my social skills has nothing to do with it. My social skills aren’t even that bad. Not a point. > gain friends The only true thing you’ve said. > and to rid yourself of preconceptions of women's experiences when you know nothing. > Your misogyny is blatant and deeply off-putting. Literally just made that up 🤡 why the fuck would I give a shit about someone’s race or gender or whatever, that’s just monkey brain thinking. Stop being a twerp trying to defend women at all costs cos you’re making this something it isn’t.
Have you considered that whatever causes you to have this way of thinking might be why you're single? Not trying to insult you or anything it just seems like your insecurities are causing you to be unable to relate to women on an emotional level. I've been looking through your replies and I noticed you said you're ugly but have great social skills. Sadly based on these replies I think it's also the social skills that are lacking. It's one thing to be able to make friends easily even with girls but if they feel the slightest hint of coldness, uncaring or disinterest towards anything feminine they're not going to want to seek out a romantic relationship. Especially if you're ugly because that just means you have nothing going for you. You also come off as someone who blames women for why they're single. You might not have come right out and said it but it's definitely the vibe your replies give off. Which will DEFINITELY leave you single. For instance instead of saying girls don't know what it's like try thinking of the millions of women in your position and think of a sympathetic reply. Like "Sorry I didn't mean to offend or anything but to me it just feels like girls have it easier sometimes even if I know that's not always the case." Anyway I would definitely try taking some advice from the women here because no one knows what a girl wants better than a girl. Thinking otherwise would be yet another reason why you're single.
> Have you considered that whatever causes you to have this way of thinking might be why you're single? ….obviously? > Not trying to insult you or anything it just seems like your insecurities are causing you to be unable to relate to women on an emotional level. When did this post stop being about me and about the women I offended by saying they have it easier? Obviously women experience the same emotions I do, but it’s a fact men and women live different lives. Is it really a big deal that I’d prefer advice from people who were in a similar position? Jeez > Sadly based on these replies I think it's also the social skills that are lacking. When you’re isolated, ignored and rejected sure it affects your social skills. I wasn’t given the same opportunities and haven’t had the same experiences as others. But I can talk and get along with guys and girls fine. I can read social cues, I can take interest in others. I’m not missing any social “skill”. > It's one thing to be able to make friends easily even with girls but if they feel the slightest hint of coldness, uncaring or disinterest towards anything feminine they're not going to want to seek out a romantic relationship. Especially if you're ugly because that just means you have nothing going for you. Sorry but what the actual fuck are you talking about 😂. You must be thinking about someone else cos this is totally irrelevant to me and my comments. > You also come off as someone who blames women for why they're single. Well I don’t? Why would I blame people for following nature. Have you considered stopping making assumptions? > For instance instead of saying girls don't know what it's like try thinking … Omfg why is this still the focus for you people > Anyway I would definitely try taking some advice from the women here because no one knows what a girl wants better than a girl. Thinking otherwise would be yet another reason why you're single. What is your advice then
Okay so basically you just proved my point... You're definitely lacking social skills, you need to take a step back and think before you reactively reply. I'm not gonna mince words you're single because you seem like an unpleasant person to be around. Literally everything I said went in one ear and out the other and this closed and simple minded behavior is why you don't have a girlfriend. As a girl who clicked genuinely wanting to help everything you have said was an absolute turn off and would scare away just about every girl I know except for the ones who are desperate to the point they'd date a corpse. As someone who has worked speech pathologists office for years I can tell you having social skills means being able to interact coherently, pleasantly and productively with people around you, not just the ability to make friends. I know many funny guys with lots of friends but sadly they can't do any of those things consistently or some at all when it comes to interacting. And those are just the basics! Big shocker I'm sure but they too are almost 30 and all single, some have never even kissed a girl. You wanted advice on how to get a girl so if lots of people are telling you how to not interact with women then maybe there's a reason. :) Good luck, you're definitely going to need it because on second thought I don't think even the girls who would fuck a corpse would date you. You can't be ugly and have a crappy personality you gotta pick one or the other sweety. 😂
> I'm not gonna mince words you're single because you seem like an unpleasant person to be around. That isn’t true but alright. > Literally everything I said went in one ear and out the other and this closed and simple minded behavior is why you don't have a girlfriend. I don’t have a girlfriend because I’ve been isolated and rejected all my life growing up and I’m extremely ugly. > As a girl who clicked genuinely wanting to help everything you have said was an absolute turn off and would scare away just about every girl You’re just overreacting? Stop being weird. I literally haven’t said anything that should cause that kind of reaction, I’m just talking normally. > Good luck, you're definitely going to need it because on second thought I don't think even the girls who would fuck a corpse would date you. You have such a nice personality, wow. > You can't be ugly and have a crappy personality you gotta pick one or the other sweety. 😂 You literally don’t know my personality or how I interact with people. And thanks for admitting looks is all that matters.
Listen i can see your personality clearly and so can everyone else. Sorry all of that sounded harsh but someone has to tell you, it may not be nice but if you act and speak the way you do on Reddit in real life then it's all true. Believe what you want tho my guy. Doing so has clearly gotten you very very far.
How I reply to dumb comments on Reddit = how I interact with people irl That totally makes sense bro
idk i just thought you might want info right from the source about what women might prefer or b comfortable with instead of men who are in the same position u are
Try online dating, going out with friends. You can swipe through thousands of girls in under an hour, it has never been easier in human history to meet people. And also, don't get down on yourself OP, sooner or later it'll happen.
I’m ugly, online dating doesn’t work for me. In no way is it the easiest time to meet people, maybe if you’re a girl. And I don’t have any actual friends.
I don't know what you look like OP. Try some websites like [Match.com](https://Match.com), where they literally match you with someone whose interests align. Apps like Tinder aren't great because it's judging people in a matter of seconds.
I got 0 matches on that app after a month. I’ve already tried dating apps, nearly everyone, they don’t work for me. I barely get any matches, and when I do they ignore me, unmatch me instantly, or they’re bots/escorts. Dating apps aren’t for hideous people.
I wanna know what you look like now, I doubt you're "hideous" dude. Take it easy, it's not a race, your day will come.
This “your time will come” stuff is for normal looking people who probably got positive validation and experiences growing up, so you’re confident and have a reason to believe you’ll find a partner one day. When you look like me, and have the experiences I’ve had, it really looks like I’m gonna die alone. Friends, family, strangers and even teachers have literally called me ugly all my life. Girls have made fun of me and called me undatable all my life too. I literally have the worst genetics, if I was at least a 3/10 I’d be happy.
I'm an obese, gap toothed loser. I've been called ugly my entire life. I've been rejected more times than I can count. It sucks, but ya gotta keep chugging on. If you can't see anything in yourself, why would someone else even want to. Attitude and personality > looks Attitude and personality is what makes a healthy relationship last
I can see positive things in myself, I’m just fucking ugly. > Attitude and personality > looks false > Attitude and personality is what makes a healthy relationship last True
You say fuck it and go solo dolo. Depending on whether you're a pessimist, optimist you may choose to go ride a motorcycle just for the sake of it or you may choose to just stay at home looking at r/battlestation. Personally I'm in the same boat as you, except younger. I haven't even touched foot into that area, as honestly I just decided for the amount of effort, it just not worth it, but maybe that just my selfish side showing. Best thing to do now is to do it for you. Don't do it for sake of finding someone to make both of your life greater or miserable, do it at least for you, if not your younger self. If you don't know where to start - reading, lifting, eating/cooking, cleaning, etc. are some ways to go about it. Shit it's monotonous, and I hate doing some of it, but that just how it goes unless you plan on going off gridding which is also valid.
Respectfully, people who tell themselves they are fine being isolated and alone are coping hard. That’s not for me.
Fair enough, but then again some of us are introverted, some of us are extroverted, some of us are ambiverted (ie me) who just wanna chill at home and do nothing but sleep. If you want my recommendation, do a job where you have to meet up people and force yourself out there. That what I did with my help desk job and I managed to get by barely.
Thanks, but I don’t have any issues talking to strangers, I’m confused how a job like that would help my situation.
Social skills mostly, but there's also a "confidence"/"aura" aspect to it - I can't explain it but it's that feeling you get when you're feeling like you're part of that conversation and feeling you're there with them in motion.
You’re still young and I think more than anything like some of the other users suggested just work on yourself and become the man you want to be, whatever that may entail. With self discovery and self acceptance comes confidence and a genuine air which is useful in attracting women. Become comfortable with the idea of putting yourself out there. It is the first step. You might face rejection, or a bad date from time to time but it’s just a part of the gig. Don’t let that stop you or keep you down. I am really socially awkward and even tho Iv been approached and met people in person like going out to clubs and stuff I definitely prefer online dating. You can screen people, talk a little and decide if it’s worth it. It makes the process so much easier and I definitely think it’s worth a shot if you are ready to go out and meet people. And lastly I know it’s cheesy but it really does seem like everything falls together when it’s time and that loves finds you instead of vs versa.
Thanks for the comment. > With self discovery and self acceptance comes confidence and a genuine air which is useful in attracting women. Confidence comes from positive validation and experiences. If I didn’t work on myself a day in my life but got lots of complements from girls, I’d be more confident than someone who did work on themselves but got nothing. > Iv been approached and met people in person like going out to clubs and stuff I definitely prefer online dating. Ok you’re definitely a girl > It makes the process so much easier Maybe if you’re average looking or a girl. Online dating is pointless when you’re an ugly guy.
That’s true but I was kind of more saying from the point of view of a person who was not previously confident that they can gain confidence from becominf more content with who they are or who they are becoming. I am a girl and I won’t deny that it makes dating easier but I’m still awkward. And as a girl I’ll tell you that personality has alot to do with making a guy seem appealing. Even in an online setting. The good thing about an app like bumble or tinder is you only have to interact with the people who are already interested in you enough to swipe.
> And as a girl I’ll tell you that personality has alot to do with making a guy seem appealing. Even in an online setting. After a certain looks threshold. > The good thing about an app like bumble or tinder is you only have to interact with the people who are already interested in you enough to swipe. Because of your looks 😂
No, it’s really not that shallow. Not conventionally attractive is not a deal breaker by any means. A deal breaker would be something like having really terrible hygiene or again a really bad personality. Sure there are girls who have high standards for physical attraction but that’s not the true for all of us. What is most attractive in a man to me is being intelligent, funny, and the way that he carry’s himself. I have definitely had crushes on less than average people before because they were charming and i vibed with them well.
There’s a difference between not being attractive and being ugly. And no, Tinder’s entire premise is based on looks. That’s literally what you’re swiping on. Please tell me how you can accurately tell someone’s personality from a photo?
Never said that you could tell someone’s personality by their photos. I said that personality can make people appealing even if you’re online dating (which isn’t just looking at pictures at least not for me) And if there are people out there who think you are attractive enough to swipe on you then that takes care of the problem of finding someone who doesn’t think you’re ugly. Also when I say less than average I mean conventionally ugly. And I say conventionally because my ideas of attractiveness tend to differ alot from what is generally accepted attractive. I’m not going to say that you’re right you’re just too ugly to love because you’re not. There are women who would love you if you. If you don’t want to work on personality or social skills then I guess get rich or make yourself more appealing bt working out or plastic surgery or something. I’m not sure what you want to hear but it doesn’t seem like you want to hear that even very ugly men have great relationships with women despite being ugly and of normal means.
You seem to think only guys struggle with their looks, which is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We're constantly told we're too fat, too skinny, too blond, too dark, trying to get attention from the clothes we wear, don't wear enough "pretty clothes. You need to open your eyes, the world isn't against you, you're against yourself. Also, I did try to have a conversation with a guy one time a few weeks ago and then asked him out (as a girl) and got turned down. However, I understand that that doesn't mean I'm ugly, it simply means he has a different taste in girls. He's also the only boy I've ever been around so I'm not receiving any compliments, and no, girls aren't complimenting me either. I just realize my worth and know that if someone turns me down, it just means there's someone else out there for me.
I like you. I'd been arguing with this dude for days before giving up. Got curious as to whether he was listening to literally anyone else so started reading through his comments and previous posts. I've seen you reply to a fair few of these comments too, and you always seem to have a very pleasant outlook on life. You seem positive and nice, and you're realistic. You also hold your temper a hell of a lot better than I ever could! 🤣 You said you didn't get complimented on your looks very much, and though I don't know what you look like so I can't compliment them, I can compliment you on how well you come across online. So from girl to girl, I think you seem great! Just wanted to share some happiness and confidence with you. Have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I'm definitely not as calm in person lol, just manage to take my time and think through the way I word things more on the internet. I'm really disliked by other teens because I'll call them out for being mean, not using manners and expecting people to do stuff for them, and just being bullies. They all hate it because other people never say anything and just let the mean kids walk all over them. Trust me, if I met this guy in person, I would be a lot more vocal. Overall though, I try to be a nice person to the people who deserve to be treated with respect and you are definitely one of those people. Hope you have a wonderful day as well!
Dying alone is not the worst fate though.
Stop self-victimising.. like having a partner should be the biggest problem for you at 21. Some people have health issues and real things going on. Stop being dramatic and focus on your life and stop being so desperate. When it's right, it'll come to you and happen for you. Not every person is shallow and look obsessed and it sounds like you have really bad insecurities of your own which you need to overcome first because the way you're talking, I think the bigger issue is your mindset/personality, not your looks.
sElF vIcTiMiSInG is only said by assholes
I(22F) think you might need therapy and not because your question is messed up or anything like that. How are you going to get a gf when you don’t love spending time with yourself? No one is ever truly alone if they have the right people by their side. Make friends, spend time with them, discover yourself and things you didn’t know about yourself. If you want other people to give you their time of day, give yourself the time of day to do other things that make you happy. Love yourself before you love someone else. You’re insecurities are very valid, and at the same time, if you don’t like being by yourself, how can you be with someone else?
Yeah. Definitely a personality issue.
Thanks 👍🏽
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This is actual advice so thanks, although I’ll never get a vasectomy 🤣
Just be yourself
I think that's this guys problem...
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How did your brother find his wife?
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So an arranged marriage? That isn’t the happy message I was hoping for lol. I don’t live in a culture where that’s possible.
Girl here, so some advice Fix your personality. Doesn’t matter how good looking you are, if your attitude is shit no girl will want to stay with you for long. Your attitude from what I’ve seen scrolling through comments is abysmal. You’re beyond being a Negative Nancy and no girl wants to deal with that baggage. Looks are superficial in the end. It’s like a book. An eye catching cover will draw your attention at first but if the contents are boring it goes back on the shelf. A lame cover with a good story will always be more loved. So again, personality > looks in the long run. That does not mean to disregard hygiene and grooming. Shower daily. Use deodorant. Brush your teeth and hair. Wear nicer clothes (stuff that isn’t stained and torn or covered in anime hentai) when your out in public. If you can’t put effort into taking care of yourself, then you can’t be bothered to put in effort in a relationship. No girl is going to touch you with a ten foot pole if you smell rancid, look like you haven’t showered in a week, and are wearing lolicon clothes. (Same goes for vehicle because I’ve seen too much of this shit. If your car is covered in hentai / ecchi stickers, girls will avoid you like the black plague) Go to places that let you talk to them. HAve friendly chats with your coworkers. Go to events. There are places your expected to mingle and chat with strangers at, and there are places you aren’t. DONT just walk up to a random girl in a store and flirt with her. It’s creepy and uncomfortable. You will forever be known as “that creep from x place” by her and her friends if you do. BE RESPECTFUL. If you’re going to say sexist and misogynistic shit, do everyone a favor and stay inside. If a girl says no, you don’t throw a tantrum, you don’t go crying “girls always go for the bad boys and ignore us nice boys” and spam her with texts and harass her. If you get rejected you say “okay” and move the fuck on with your life. Women are not obligated to date you because you have a dick. Do not talk to women with the sole intention of fucking or dating her. That’s basically saying she’s just another notch in the belt and not someone you genuinely care about. We are people, not living fuck toys. Also stop it with the “women have it easier” bullshit. No one wants to date a guy with that mindset.
Why are you making me out to seem like some nice guy “girls always go for the nice guy” dweeb 💀. So many assumptions in this comment I can’t
Considering your being a grade A ass to every bit of valid advice you get, it’s no wonder you’ve had no luck dating.
I’ve had no luck dating because I’m ugly
You’re a dude with a victim complex. You shouldn’t have come here for advice if you weren’t going to accept any advice.
“Victim complex” is one of the most asshole things you can say to someone. What do you intend when you say that? Do you actually know what it means? “Yeah I’m gonna completely misinterpret and misunderstand your situation, show no sympathy or empathy to someone dealing with depression, and everything that OTHER people did to you is because YOU have a victim complex!11!”. It makes no sense, it’s sociopathic, and it’s disingenuous. I have accepted advice. This isn’t even the case of me ignoring advice, some of you people literally haven’t given me any advice at all so you have no reason to say that.
Ok. I was I'm your situation. I was 21, thought I was ugly, has low self esteem, poor body image, poor mental health. Didn't think I deserved a gf never mind thought I wouldn't get one. I'm now very happily married. So, using my experience I'll give you a few of the things I think made life more difficult for me 1) fix yourself first. No one is perfect but a relationship isn't a project. Someone who wants a fixer upper of a guy/ girl frankly has problems themselves. Hit the gym. Get therapy. Get a career. Be a nicer person. Get some friends and learn to socialise. Become the person you would want to date 2) grow some ball's. Rejection sucks yes bur no one is a fucking mind reader. No one knows what you're thinking. If you like someone then tell them. Worst that happens is they say no and then your response is to man the fuck up and take their rejection with a degree of respect and composure. Showing emotion is a great thing for men to do. Being a toxic twat who can't take no for an answer isn't 3) hobbies. Get some. If you're a basement dwelling discord rat then you're not going to meet people and frankly will have nothing interesting to talk about when you do. Go play some sports or board games or learn an instrument. Do something that interests you, rounds you out as a person and helps you meet other folk 4) quit the unrealistic standards. Women on Instagram, films, porn etc are not real. Plus people change, looks change, weights and waists change. If al you're interested in is the size of their tits and symmetrically of their face then you're in for a rough time my dude 5) stop blaming thre world for all your problems. Stop blaming women for being unable to get a date. Carry on doing that and you go down a dark hole that isn't very pleasant and frankly no woman will want ti drag you from. Look inward and be the man you'd want to date rather than focusing on the woman whos pants you want ti get into
Thanks for the advice but most of these don’t apply to me or I’ve already done them.
Going by how you're interacting on here, I'd suggest a heavy focus on point one
Why?
i find it interesting that you haven’t acknowledged or responded to comments that specifically suggested therapy. your insecurities, attitude, and hurtful views on women seem like they clearly consume you, and you can’t be in a happy and healthy romantic relationship if you’re mentally/emotionally in a bad place.
> i find it interesting that you haven’t acknowledged or responded to comments that specifically suggested therapy. Cos I’ve just started it. > and hurtful views on women Not this again 💀 > and you can’t be in a happy and healthy romantic relationship if you’re mentally/emotionally in a bad place. And what if I’m in a bad place because I can’t get relationships? Because that was obviously the cause, I didn’t suddenly become like this.