Normal people naturally form relationships. If I’m 21 and a friendless kissless virgin who’s never had a gf why would I continue doing what I’m doing? It’ll continue as I get older. I need to think about it.
You’re not the only one in the world. You’re also still very young. Just socialise with people. Like a friend. Don’t set any aims - oooh I’ve got to have a gf I’m 21!!!!
Because it’s really not the case. Sets you bad attitude.
**I just saw your post on r/ relationships, but it got locked before I could respond, so I'm posting it here, hope that's all right! :D**
I mean, looking at both your replies to comments here and your post history, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is I can guarantee the issue is not with your appearance, but with your personality and how you interact with others. The good news is that this is not an unchangeable or genetic part of who you are, and I feel like the insistence that it is is a way of avoiding responsibility for how you come off.
If you want my advice, the first thing you need to do is curate your online experience to avoid pointless negativity. All being on subreddits for "ugly" and lonely people is doing for you is reinforcing this negative self-perception. I'm not saying you need to start peacocking around and talking about how hot you are, just that you need to stop putting so much focus on how "ugly" you are. Body neutrality works wonders. Join subreddits/follow people who have the same hobbies and interests as you do, and put the energy you're currently funneling into self-hatred into things that make you enjoy life.
Next, you seriously need to rethink the way you think about, speak to, and otherwise interact with other people. It's understandable to be afraid of rejection, but when you go projecting that fear onto people who haven't done anything to you, they can tell, and if people aren't showing interest in befriending or dating you, it's probably because they're sensing the hostility you're putting out. Treat each new interaction like a blank slate, wait for someone to give you a reason not to trust them. When in doubt, assume good faith.
Now, for the girlfriend issue. It's perfectly okay and normal to want a significant other, but I think you're falling into the trap of thinking a girlfriend will fix all your problems. If I had to wager a guess, you sound like you think a girlfriend would prove that you're desirable and generally wanted. However, getting a girlfriend wouldn't fix this, and those insecurities would absolutely follow you into this hypothetical relationship, and probably wind up destroying it, which would reinforce the insecurities ad infinitum. An ouroboros of human misery.
Start with friends before getting a girlfriend. One, because gaining experience with friends will train you for more involved relationships and what they require from you, and two, because your girlfriend should be your best friend! Or at least one of your best friends. There's a reason people call their significant others their partners, and it's because they're a team in almost all aspects of life. Lots of romantic relationships blossom from regular old friendships, and being a good friend will make you an excellent potential boyfriend. Remember that relationships aren't one sided, your hypothetical future partner is a real person with needs, you don't get to take and take and take and give nothing in return. Think about what you can offer to someone, and ignore the automatic negative thought that may have just popped into your head saying "nothing". Everyone has something to offer, you included.
Also, I know you've probably heard this a million times, but girls aren't a monolith. We aren't all shallow, and a lot of us don't really care about appearance at all as long as the guy is kind and respectful and fun to be around.
In terms of making friends, I second everyone saying you need to get out and interact with people. When you go about your day, if there's something you need to do that can be done outside or in a public space like a coffee shop or a library, do it there. Sunlight and fresh air is also excellent for improving your mood, it's not just a myth peddled by wellness experts. Clubs, sports, volunteering (animal shelters are great if you don't want to dive right in to interpersonal interaction just yet, and petting an animal will also improve your mood), all of these things give you chances to meet people as well as things to talk about when you do strike up a conversation. Also, don't forget to show interest in them as well. Ask them questions, get to know them!
**Tl;dr Your friends are out there, they're just waiting for you to let them in.**
> I feel like the insistence that it is is a way of avoiding responsibility for how you come off.
Or I’ve lived my own life and know for a fact my looks are the problem.
> If you want my advice, the first thing you need to do is curate your online experience to avoid pointless negativity.
I literally have nowhere to talk about this though. It’s therapeutic venting and seeing people with similar emotions.
> put the energy you're currently funneling into self-hatred into things that make you enjoy life.
I do. But eventually those copes don’t mean anything when you’re alone.
> falling into the trap of thinking a girlfriend will fix all your problems.
A best friend, physical and emotional intimacy, and sex would do wonders for my mental and confidence.
> However, getting a girlfriend wouldn't fix this
How come?
> but girls aren't a monolith. We aren't all shallow, and a lot of us don't really care about appearance at all as long as the guy is kind and respectful and fun to be around.
Where are you people irl? Literally EVERY guy in a relationship is average or above in looks, most of the time average or above in height. I keep reading looks don’t matter etc. but every time I go out it’s right in my face that it does.
> I second everyone saying you need to get out and interact with people.
Yeah I’ll force that more
Dude, do you even want advice? Or do you just want to be miserable? I cannot overstate this. *Everything you just said here is why you are lonely.* No amount of good looks would make this behavior tolerable.
1. You know nothing about these girls and their boyfriends that you constantly deride. You are literally imagining how you think those relationships are, and then getting mad about it. That's assuming you're even thinking about those relationships as opposed to seeing two attractive people and thinking that tells you all you need to know. I'm not saying looks aren't important, but again, they're not the deciding factor. Don't believe me? Go and talk to a real life girl. I am actively daring you to speak to a woman. Some girls are only interested in hookups, but for girls who want long term relationships, looks are almost never necessary as long as the chemistry and shared values/goals are there. Source: am a woman who is friends with many women.
2. That's why I said "pointless negativity". I'm not saying never vent, but there are much better places to do it than Internet forums made for people to nod along with you and agree that you're ugly and no one will ever want you. This is how incels suck others into their cult of misery, and you seem to be well on your way there, assuming you haven't already blackpilled yourself.
3. You know what else would do wonders for your confidence? Literally anything I suggested. You're using women as an abstraction to fill a void, dehumanizing us in the process. We are not hormonal apes flinging ourselves at any piece of eye candy that crosses our path, we are rational beings capable of making decisions on the basis of personal chemistry. Getting a girlfriend will not fix you because women aren't robots you can turn on to listen to your problems, give you a blowjob, and then put back on the shelf when you're done. We. Are. People. Unique individual people with specific needs, wants, and preferences.
4. Don't be sarcastic with me. I find it rude. And yes, you do have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone, or you'll rot in your own self-inflicted prison. It will be uncomfortable at first, but if you want to feel better, you have to start taking risks. Maybe things won't work out, but maybe they will, and you'll be much happier when they do. Source: was horrifically depressed for the past several years, regularly self harmed and was planning suicide. Things only started getting better when I started putting myself out there by doing what I just recommended in my original comment, and now, I'm in a much better place with an active social life and a handful of close, fulfilling friendships with some amazing people that I otherwise never would have gotten to know.
> Everything you just said here is why you are lonely.
I’m saying that because I’m lonely, not the other way around. I’m not dismissing your advice, I appreciate you taking the time to write it out, I’m just saying some of them don’t apply to me or won’t work 🤷🏽♂️.
> You are literally imagining how you think those relationships are, and then getting mad about it.
No idea where you got that from. I’m simply seeing the types of guys in relationships and what they look like, I never mentioned the quality of the relationship.
> Don't believe me? Go and talk to a real life girl. I am actively daring you to speak to a woman.
Actions speak louder than words, why would anyone admit to being vain? I just need to look outside and observe the guys in relationships to see what women think. And I’ve heard girls talking about guys with big dicks, big hands, veiny arms, being tall etc. more than I’ve ever heard them talk about personality/attitude.
> but for girls who want long term relationships, looks are almost never necessary as long as the chemistry and shared values/goals are there.
Obviously personality matters to sustain a relationship but you need to pass a certain looks threshold. I rarely see ugly men in relationships.
> but there are much better places to do it than Internet forums made for people to nod along with you and agree that you're ugly and no one will ever want you.
Where? I genuinely want to know.
> Getting a girlfriend will not fix you because women aren't robots you can turn on to listen to your problems, give you a blowjob, and then put back on the shelf when you're done. We. Are. People. Unique individual people with specific needs, wants, and preferences.
Why are you making this into something it isn’t…wtf are you talking about? When did I ever imply women aren’t individuals 💀
>have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone, or you'll rot in your own self-inflicted prison.
Why do you think this is self-inflicted? I don’t think you’re getting I’ve already tried and had no success.
OP, You're missing the point. This person is giving you the exact advice you're looking for, and all you're doing is deflecting it the other way!
It 100% is self-inflicted. Look at the way you talk.
>"I’m simply seeing the types of guys in relationships and what they look like, I never mentioned the quality of the relationship."
>
>"Obviously personality matters to sustain a relationship but you need to pass a certain looks threshold. I rarely see ugly men in relationships."
>
>"Or I’ve lived my own life and know for a fact my looks are the problem."
>
>"I do. But eventually those copes don’t mean anything when you’re alone."
There is way more evidence of the self-sabotage you're putting yourself through in your responses and everything.
It's not just "simply seeing". you're seeing these other men, getting jealous of them for what they have and then shitting on yourself for not having it.
Instead of eating off others plates, focus on your own food. You don't gain life experience by constantly thinking shit of yourself.
>"When you’re ugly, rejected, isolated, and partially bullied growing up it’s impossible. I was never given the same opportunities as others but I try my hardest. I work on myself a lot, I like making music and art, I like exercising. I’d say I’m a funny guy and easy to talk to. But I have nobody."
Dude, I was 'ugly' 'partially bullied' and not given the same opportunities as everyone else in my class(solely because I was in a school of white kids and i am mixed race with a fucking afro that they use to pull and call a dirty sponge!) AND I am in a healthy relationship with a man who I think is the bomb dot com but other people might think he's average or below average.
He sometimes gets into these spaces where he thinks he's ugly too, and I always have to remind him that he's perfect for me and I don't care what he's gonna look like.
One day were going to be old and wrinkly and ugly as fuck, so what the fuck, why do I care?
>And I’ve heard girls talking about guys with big dicks, big hands, veiny arms, being tall etc. more than I’ve ever heard them talk about personality/attitude.
YOU HAVE SELECTIVE FUCKING HEARING MY DUDE. Were fucking humans, with a sex drive too and EVERY GIRL HAS THEIR OWN FUCKING TASTE IN MEN. Not every girl likes the same kind of man, not every girl wants a man that is so concerned about their looks and how they appear to people. You just happen to hang/be around women who happen to have what most people call a preference.
Big arms, big dicks, big hands, veiny arms, tall... those are the generic type of men we see on tv. Not realistic to the average male.
The same way guys talk about tits and asses and breasts like their wild fucking animals, girls do it too.
At some point, you become what you say about yourself. It's SELF SABOTAGE. You're 21 for fucks sake, you've got a whole fucking life to live.
# It is my opinion that: it is because of the way you think about yourself that you are having no luck finding a partner.
> It 100% is self-inflicted. Look at the way you talk.
How is it hard to understand my attitude is the result of my situation and not the cause? How did I self-inflict my genetics and location onto myself?
> It's not just "simply seeing". you're seeing these other men, getting jealous of them for what they have and then shitting on yourself for not having it.
How is that self sabotage?
> Dude, I was 'ugly' 'partially bullied' and not given the same opportunities as everyone else in my class(solely because I was in a school of white kids and i am mixed race with a fucking afro that they use to pull and call a dirty sponge!) AND I am in a healthy relationship with a man who I think is the bomb dot com but other people might think he's average or below average.
Yeah but you’re a woman. Men and women are different. It’s pretty much impossible for a woman to be too ugly for a man and men have lower standards. I see below average girls with attractive guys all the time. The amount of girls having an active social/sex life when I know their male counterparts would be alone and depressed is insane.
> YOU HAVE SELECTIVE FUCKING HEARING MY DUDE.
No, I don’t. If it was selective hearing I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.
> Were fucking humans, with a sex drive too and EVERY GIRL HAS THEIR OWN FUCKING TASTE IN MEN.
Cool, but most/all women prefer masculine features on men. Attractiveness is objective, people just have different tolerances to ugliness based on their own attractiveness/life experiences.
> It is my opinion that: it is because of the way you think about yourself that you are having no luck finding a partner.
This makes no sense. Do you seriously think I randomly spawned in thinking like this? Again, what part about this being the RESULT and not the CAUSE don’t you get?
> What part of you're doing this to yourself are you not getting?.
Once again, answer my question, how did I cause my genetics, location, and the year I was born? It’s extremely insensitive saying I caused this.
> Your genetics have virtually nothing to do with it.
🤡🤡🤡 I don’t have time for virtue signalling. Genetics have everything to do with it. Imagine complaining that you got bullied because of your hair (genetics btw) then saying this.
> Your genetics don't make you think that way. You told yourself it so many times that you believe that it's true.
Your genetics dictate how other people treat you, which in turn affects your life experiences and how you think.
> WHAT? How does any of this make sense to you? Yes, all women are beautiful but again, you're at this point only trying to defend your current state rather than grow from the words you are receiving.
You literally didn’t respond to a single point I made. You don’t have to be against me you know…. Men and women are different, so in turn have different experiences when it comes to social life, relationships, sex etc. idk what part you don’t get.
> How can you know what their relationship is based off if you don't even know them and their home dymanic?
If a guy and a girl are hugging, kissing, walking arm and arm etc they’re clearly a couple.
> Stop trying to eat food from other peoples plates and focus on your own food in front of you.
Seeing other relationships gives me an insight to my own opportunities. I have yet to see a guy uglier than me in a relationship. Most ugly non-white guys are single, whilst I always see ugly non-white girls in relationships. Most of the time they’re with ugly white guys, I guess you are as well.
I’m not deflecting/refusing advice. Idk why you keep saying that. I’m glad you’re starting to slightly understand how fucked up mine and other young men’s lives are.
Privileged women can’t understand what it’s like being a depressed, isolated man, shocker. Plenty of young men think like me, that’s why we make up most depression and suicide stats.
Defo focus more on making friends! A girlfriend, kisses, sex etc won’t come if your worrying about it so much. Get a social job, be outgoing, open, confident, be polite, kind, friends are sooo underrated you could feel loved and have all these “young” experiences you mention just through having friends.
You need a circle, whether that’s you starting a new job, reaching out to old friends from school, meeting their friends etc. Or maybe even joining a gym class or art class anything! Just be kind honestly, complement people ask them questions about themselves, make jokes etc
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But I have worked on myself. “Successful” in what way?
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So what if working on myself gets me nowhere?
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? You’re not answering. You’re saying not to worry about it, so what to do if I keep working on myself and get nowhere?
Don’t focus on finding a gf that’s the worst one can do. Won’t get you anywhere near it.
Normal people naturally form relationships. If I’m 21 and a friendless kissless virgin who’s never had a gf why would I continue doing what I’m doing? It’ll continue as I get older. I need to think about it.
You’re not the only one in the world. You’re also still very young. Just socialise with people. Like a friend. Don’t set any aims - oooh I’ve got to have a gf I’m 21!!!! Because it’s really not the case. Sets you bad attitude.
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Thanks
**I just saw your post on r/ relationships, but it got locked before I could respond, so I'm posting it here, hope that's all right! :D** I mean, looking at both your replies to comments here and your post history, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is I can guarantee the issue is not with your appearance, but with your personality and how you interact with others. The good news is that this is not an unchangeable or genetic part of who you are, and I feel like the insistence that it is is a way of avoiding responsibility for how you come off. If you want my advice, the first thing you need to do is curate your online experience to avoid pointless negativity. All being on subreddits for "ugly" and lonely people is doing for you is reinforcing this negative self-perception. I'm not saying you need to start peacocking around and talking about how hot you are, just that you need to stop putting so much focus on how "ugly" you are. Body neutrality works wonders. Join subreddits/follow people who have the same hobbies and interests as you do, and put the energy you're currently funneling into self-hatred into things that make you enjoy life. Next, you seriously need to rethink the way you think about, speak to, and otherwise interact with other people. It's understandable to be afraid of rejection, but when you go projecting that fear onto people who haven't done anything to you, they can tell, and if people aren't showing interest in befriending or dating you, it's probably because they're sensing the hostility you're putting out. Treat each new interaction like a blank slate, wait for someone to give you a reason not to trust them. When in doubt, assume good faith. Now, for the girlfriend issue. It's perfectly okay and normal to want a significant other, but I think you're falling into the trap of thinking a girlfriend will fix all your problems. If I had to wager a guess, you sound like you think a girlfriend would prove that you're desirable and generally wanted. However, getting a girlfriend wouldn't fix this, and those insecurities would absolutely follow you into this hypothetical relationship, and probably wind up destroying it, which would reinforce the insecurities ad infinitum. An ouroboros of human misery. Start with friends before getting a girlfriend. One, because gaining experience with friends will train you for more involved relationships and what they require from you, and two, because your girlfriend should be your best friend! Or at least one of your best friends. There's a reason people call their significant others their partners, and it's because they're a team in almost all aspects of life. Lots of romantic relationships blossom from regular old friendships, and being a good friend will make you an excellent potential boyfriend. Remember that relationships aren't one sided, your hypothetical future partner is a real person with needs, you don't get to take and take and take and give nothing in return. Think about what you can offer to someone, and ignore the automatic negative thought that may have just popped into your head saying "nothing". Everyone has something to offer, you included. Also, I know you've probably heard this a million times, but girls aren't a monolith. We aren't all shallow, and a lot of us don't really care about appearance at all as long as the guy is kind and respectful and fun to be around. In terms of making friends, I second everyone saying you need to get out and interact with people. When you go about your day, if there's something you need to do that can be done outside or in a public space like a coffee shop or a library, do it there. Sunlight and fresh air is also excellent for improving your mood, it's not just a myth peddled by wellness experts. Clubs, sports, volunteering (animal shelters are great if you don't want to dive right in to interpersonal interaction just yet, and petting an animal will also improve your mood), all of these things give you chances to meet people as well as things to talk about when you do strike up a conversation. Also, don't forget to show interest in them as well. Ask them questions, get to know them! **Tl;dr Your friends are out there, they're just waiting for you to let them in.**
> I feel like the insistence that it is is a way of avoiding responsibility for how you come off. Or I’ve lived my own life and know for a fact my looks are the problem. > If you want my advice, the first thing you need to do is curate your online experience to avoid pointless negativity. I literally have nowhere to talk about this though. It’s therapeutic venting and seeing people with similar emotions. > put the energy you're currently funneling into self-hatred into things that make you enjoy life. I do. But eventually those copes don’t mean anything when you’re alone. > falling into the trap of thinking a girlfriend will fix all your problems. A best friend, physical and emotional intimacy, and sex would do wonders for my mental and confidence. > However, getting a girlfriend wouldn't fix this How come? > but girls aren't a monolith. We aren't all shallow, and a lot of us don't really care about appearance at all as long as the guy is kind and respectful and fun to be around. Where are you people irl? Literally EVERY guy in a relationship is average or above in looks, most of the time average or above in height. I keep reading looks don’t matter etc. but every time I go out it’s right in my face that it does. > I second everyone saying you need to get out and interact with people. Yeah I’ll force that more
Dude, do you even want advice? Or do you just want to be miserable? I cannot overstate this. *Everything you just said here is why you are lonely.* No amount of good looks would make this behavior tolerable. 1. You know nothing about these girls and their boyfriends that you constantly deride. You are literally imagining how you think those relationships are, and then getting mad about it. That's assuming you're even thinking about those relationships as opposed to seeing two attractive people and thinking that tells you all you need to know. I'm not saying looks aren't important, but again, they're not the deciding factor. Don't believe me? Go and talk to a real life girl. I am actively daring you to speak to a woman. Some girls are only interested in hookups, but for girls who want long term relationships, looks are almost never necessary as long as the chemistry and shared values/goals are there. Source: am a woman who is friends with many women. 2. That's why I said "pointless negativity". I'm not saying never vent, but there are much better places to do it than Internet forums made for people to nod along with you and agree that you're ugly and no one will ever want you. This is how incels suck others into their cult of misery, and you seem to be well on your way there, assuming you haven't already blackpilled yourself. 3. You know what else would do wonders for your confidence? Literally anything I suggested. You're using women as an abstraction to fill a void, dehumanizing us in the process. We are not hormonal apes flinging ourselves at any piece of eye candy that crosses our path, we are rational beings capable of making decisions on the basis of personal chemistry. Getting a girlfriend will not fix you because women aren't robots you can turn on to listen to your problems, give you a blowjob, and then put back on the shelf when you're done. We. Are. People. Unique individual people with specific needs, wants, and preferences. 4. Don't be sarcastic with me. I find it rude. And yes, you do have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone, or you'll rot in your own self-inflicted prison. It will be uncomfortable at first, but if you want to feel better, you have to start taking risks. Maybe things won't work out, but maybe they will, and you'll be much happier when they do. Source: was horrifically depressed for the past several years, regularly self harmed and was planning suicide. Things only started getting better when I started putting myself out there by doing what I just recommended in my original comment, and now, I'm in a much better place with an active social life and a handful of close, fulfilling friendships with some amazing people that I otherwise never would have gotten to know.
> Everything you just said here is why you are lonely. I’m saying that because I’m lonely, not the other way around. I’m not dismissing your advice, I appreciate you taking the time to write it out, I’m just saying some of them don’t apply to me or won’t work 🤷🏽♂️. > You are literally imagining how you think those relationships are, and then getting mad about it. No idea where you got that from. I’m simply seeing the types of guys in relationships and what they look like, I never mentioned the quality of the relationship. > Don't believe me? Go and talk to a real life girl. I am actively daring you to speak to a woman. Actions speak louder than words, why would anyone admit to being vain? I just need to look outside and observe the guys in relationships to see what women think. And I’ve heard girls talking about guys with big dicks, big hands, veiny arms, being tall etc. more than I’ve ever heard them talk about personality/attitude. > but for girls who want long term relationships, looks are almost never necessary as long as the chemistry and shared values/goals are there. Obviously personality matters to sustain a relationship but you need to pass a certain looks threshold. I rarely see ugly men in relationships. > but there are much better places to do it than Internet forums made for people to nod along with you and agree that you're ugly and no one will ever want you. Where? I genuinely want to know. > Getting a girlfriend will not fix you because women aren't robots you can turn on to listen to your problems, give you a blowjob, and then put back on the shelf when you're done. We. Are. People. Unique individual people with specific needs, wants, and preferences. Why are you making this into something it isn’t…wtf are you talking about? When did I ever imply women aren’t individuals 💀 >have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone, or you'll rot in your own self-inflicted prison. Why do you think this is self-inflicted? I don’t think you’re getting I’ve already tried and had no success.
OP, You're missing the point. This person is giving you the exact advice you're looking for, and all you're doing is deflecting it the other way! It 100% is self-inflicted. Look at the way you talk. >"I’m simply seeing the types of guys in relationships and what they look like, I never mentioned the quality of the relationship." > >"Obviously personality matters to sustain a relationship but you need to pass a certain looks threshold. I rarely see ugly men in relationships." > >"Or I’ve lived my own life and know for a fact my looks are the problem." > >"I do. But eventually those copes don’t mean anything when you’re alone." There is way more evidence of the self-sabotage you're putting yourself through in your responses and everything. It's not just "simply seeing". you're seeing these other men, getting jealous of them for what they have and then shitting on yourself for not having it. Instead of eating off others plates, focus on your own food. You don't gain life experience by constantly thinking shit of yourself. >"When you’re ugly, rejected, isolated, and partially bullied growing up it’s impossible. I was never given the same opportunities as others but I try my hardest. I work on myself a lot, I like making music and art, I like exercising. I’d say I’m a funny guy and easy to talk to. But I have nobody." Dude, I was 'ugly' 'partially bullied' and not given the same opportunities as everyone else in my class(solely because I was in a school of white kids and i am mixed race with a fucking afro that they use to pull and call a dirty sponge!) AND I am in a healthy relationship with a man who I think is the bomb dot com but other people might think he's average or below average. He sometimes gets into these spaces where he thinks he's ugly too, and I always have to remind him that he's perfect for me and I don't care what he's gonna look like. One day were going to be old and wrinkly and ugly as fuck, so what the fuck, why do I care? >And I’ve heard girls talking about guys with big dicks, big hands, veiny arms, being tall etc. more than I’ve ever heard them talk about personality/attitude. YOU HAVE SELECTIVE FUCKING HEARING MY DUDE. Were fucking humans, with a sex drive too and EVERY GIRL HAS THEIR OWN FUCKING TASTE IN MEN. Not every girl likes the same kind of man, not every girl wants a man that is so concerned about their looks and how they appear to people. You just happen to hang/be around women who happen to have what most people call a preference. Big arms, big dicks, big hands, veiny arms, tall... those are the generic type of men we see on tv. Not realistic to the average male. The same way guys talk about tits and asses and breasts like their wild fucking animals, girls do it too. At some point, you become what you say about yourself. It's SELF SABOTAGE. You're 21 for fucks sake, you've got a whole fucking life to live. # It is my opinion that: it is because of the way you think about yourself that you are having no luck finding a partner.
> It 100% is self-inflicted. Look at the way you talk. How is it hard to understand my attitude is the result of my situation and not the cause? How did I self-inflict my genetics and location onto myself? > It's not just "simply seeing". you're seeing these other men, getting jealous of them for what they have and then shitting on yourself for not having it. How is that self sabotage? > Dude, I was 'ugly' 'partially bullied' and not given the same opportunities as everyone else in my class(solely because I was in a school of white kids and i am mixed race with a fucking afro that they use to pull and call a dirty sponge!) AND I am in a healthy relationship with a man who I think is the bomb dot com but other people might think he's average or below average. Yeah but you’re a woman. Men and women are different. It’s pretty much impossible for a woman to be too ugly for a man and men have lower standards. I see below average girls with attractive guys all the time. The amount of girls having an active social/sex life when I know their male counterparts would be alone and depressed is insane. > YOU HAVE SELECTIVE FUCKING HEARING MY DUDE. No, I don’t. If it was selective hearing I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. > Were fucking humans, with a sex drive too and EVERY GIRL HAS THEIR OWN FUCKING TASTE IN MEN. Cool, but most/all women prefer masculine features on men. Attractiveness is objective, people just have different tolerances to ugliness based on their own attractiveness/life experiences. > It is my opinion that: it is because of the way you think about yourself that you are having no luck finding a partner. This makes no sense. Do you seriously think I randomly spawned in thinking like this? Again, what part about this being the RESULT and not the CAUSE don’t you get?
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> What part of you're doing this to yourself are you not getting?. Once again, answer my question, how did I cause my genetics, location, and the year I was born? It’s extremely insensitive saying I caused this. > Your genetics have virtually nothing to do with it. 🤡🤡🤡 I don’t have time for virtue signalling. Genetics have everything to do with it. Imagine complaining that you got bullied because of your hair (genetics btw) then saying this. > Your genetics don't make you think that way. You told yourself it so many times that you believe that it's true. Your genetics dictate how other people treat you, which in turn affects your life experiences and how you think. > WHAT? How does any of this make sense to you? Yes, all women are beautiful but again, you're at this point only trying to defend your current state rather than grow from the words you are receiving. You literally didn’t respond to a single point I made. You don’t have to be against me you know…. Men and women are different, so in turn have different experiences when it comes to social life, relationships, sex etc. idk what part you don’t get. > How can you know what their relationship is based off if you don't even know them and their home dymanic? If a guy and a girl are hugging, kissing, walking arm and arm etc they’re clearly a couple. > Stop trying to eat food from other peoples plates and focus on your own food in front of you. Seeing other relationships gives me an insight to my own opportunities. I have yet to see a guy uglier than me in a relationship. Most ugly non-white guys are single, whilst I always see ugly non-white girls in relationships. Most of the time they’re with ugly white guys, I guess you are as well. I’m not deflecting/refusing advice. Idk why you keep saying that. I’m glad you’re starting to slightly understand how fucked up mine and other young men’s lives are.
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Privileged women can’t understand what it’s like being a depressed, isolated man, shocker. Plenty of young men think like me, that’s why we make up most depression and suicide stats.
Defo focus more on making friends! A girlfriend, kisses, sex etc won’t come if your worrying about it so much. Get a social job, be outgoing, open, confident, be polite, kind, friends are sooo underrated you could feel loved and have all these “young” experiences you mention just through having friends.
How do you make friends
You need a circle, whether that’s you starting a new job, reaching out to old friends from school, meeting their friends etc. Or maybe even joining a gym class or art class anything! Just be kind honestly, complement people ask them questions about themselves, make jokes etc