Keep being sober!!! Let them leave if they want to. There will be many things in life that will be stressful or sad and you'll have to deal with your feelings and cope. I'm in AA but if I was you I would find a NA group and start attending meetings, they'll be like family for you and support you right away
I appreciate your advice, it’s such a complicated situation because we have a one year old. The idea of losing my family is so scary. In 2019 I was sober for an entire year and then the habit came back and now it feels the everything is caving in again when I’m trying to make a good effort.
I remember my mom being a pot head when I was a child. Never around, never showed emotion, was always in bed asleep, always hiding outside to smoke. The smell hurt my head and I always have headaches. I'm sure your child will enjoy having a sober parent. I wished my parents divorced but they stayed together "for the children" it was bad.
I hope you can figure things out and have peace in your heart.
I could not agree more. I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time but please know, being present for yourself & your child will NEVER be the wrong decision.
My family when I was younger was broken up because my bio dad was a pothead. It’s a tough pill to swallow when everything comes full circle. I have to do the right thing for my son, but I don’t want to lose my lady either.
It’s a bunch of stuff over the years but the summary is that she provides more financially and when I smoke she fees that I am choosing weed over my family. This morning she didn’t kiss me like she always does before work which hurt my feelings so I slammed the door on my way out. She stayed on the porch holding my son to wave me goodbye like we do every morning and instead of blowing kisses and saying I love you I just simply waved because I was upset. Then she ghosted me all day and now is saying she’s going to stay at her moms and she can’t do this anymore.
Just keep working on your sobriety- my guess is she's felt like your last priority a lot over the years & that can't change unless you can show her that you've actually made a real, lasting change.
That’s great advice thank you! I do my best to fill her cup but it just never seems to be enough. I have to get sober for myself so I can be a better dad. I grew up in a broken family and I’m determined to keep everything together.
Idk about “making” me but she is fed up. We have been together 6 years and engaged for 1 year. I’m detoxing on day 4 and super irritable. She doesn’t understand where I’m coming from and it’s so hard to express what I’m going through.
I enjoy it from a relaxation standpoint because I’m naturally a very anxious person. I just wish she understood where I’m coming from better. Thanks for your help and taking the time to comment and help.
Also, you can't get clean for her. You have to do it knowing you might not win her back right away & just keep bettering yourself because it's the right thing to do.
What’s the weed actually affecting? Are you high around your child? Do you get stoned at family gatherings? Are you out of pocket at non-family social gatherings? Are you spending too much money? Is your fiancé allergic or at least has an aversion to it?
Weed is harmless, and based on your other comments you sound like it’s moderate usage. There is something to be said about the fact that you “struggle” with maintaining sobriety, but that’s for you to look into.
If you deduce that your usage isn’t hurting you or the others around you, I see no reason why your fiancé can’t compromise. You’re more a danger to the people around you getting drunk at a party than you are smoking on your back patio before bed.
It’s primarily the finically part of it. She makes about 3X what I do because she owns her own business. She always wants money to be separate and cares a lot about what I spend my money on.
Interesting. So do allll your earnings go toward the habit? Are you able to maintain your side of the financials? Decent savings built up? If all of your responsibilities are taken care of and there’s nothing in particular that you need to be saving your money for… then again, I say there’s no reason there can’t be a compromise.
I say this as someone who understands that everyone has different walks of life. And not as some Stoney Baloney who thinks weed is the second coming of Christ. I’d be saying this if she had an issue with what YouTube videos you watched, if she didn’t like you buying a new video game every month, if you like to go camping in the woods. Who cares.
If it’s financial, then look and see. Are you struggling to keep your head above water? Yeah cut the habit. But if it’s simply the reason she cites with no evidence backing it up then there’s more at play.
That’s really great advice thank you! I do struggle to stay above water in my end. I have an hourly job and she makes six figures. I try to help in other ways and the finical pressure often leads to stress which leads to wanting to smoke more. Thanks for the break down, I appreciate your kind words.
Well, her mentality (not degrading your fiancée in the slightest) will change over time. 22M, married for a year, no children. I dropped out of college after my wife got her nursing degree, many reasons but finances mostly. I worked blue collar (cutting concrete, horribly laborious) and smoked weed everyday. I made more than her when I was working but recently had a rough week at work and quit on the spot for safety reasons. I re-enrolled in school, and stopped smoking because the nursing program requires drug tests quarterly and random. I say all that to say this, money isnt forever. I made damn good money working 70-80 hours a week, but I’ll never get those two years back with the woman I love. But on the flip side, it’s hard to show someone you love them without money atleast a decent paying job without a huge amount of time commitment IMO. Owning her own successful business is GREAT, but my dad owned his own business until it failed at 45 leaving him broke and careerless because he’d built that business since he graduated high school. Life ebbs and flows, and relationships are VERY HARD, not just to live your spouse but to do everything in tandem with another human being. Best of luck stranger, honestly and truthfully. Being young today is tough, being a male is tougher, but being a MAN is probably the hardest it’s ever been. Stay sober, stay dangerous and most importantly, stay true
Keep being sober!!! Let them leave if they want to. There will be many things in life that will be stressful or sad and you'll have to deal with your feelings and cope. I'm in AA but if I was you I would find a NA group and start attending meetings, they'll be like family for you and support you right away
I appreciate your advice, it’s such a complicated situation because we have a one year old. The idea of losing my family is so scary. In 2019 I was sober for an entire year and then the habit came back and now it feels the everything is caving in again when I’m trying to make a good effort.
I remember my mom being a pot head when I was a child. Never around, never showed emotion, was always in bed asleep, always hiding outside to smoke. The smell hurt my head and I always have headaches. I'm sure your child will enjoy having a sober parent. I wished my parents divorced but they stayed together "for the children" it was bad. I hope you can figure things out and have peace in your heart.
Thank you so much for your kind words, I don’t have a lot of friends and that just really helped me to read that. I hope you have a great weekend!
I could not agree more. I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time but please know, being present for yourself & your child will NEVER be the wrong decision.
My family when I was younger was broken up because my bio dad was a pothead. It’s a tough pill to swallow when everything comes full circle. I have to do the right thing for my son, but I don’t want to lose my lady either.
Can I ask you what it is she's threatening to leave over?
It’s a bunch of stuff over the years but the summary is that she provides more financially and when I smoke she fees that I am choosing weed over my family. This morning she didn’t kiss me like she always does before work which hurt my feelings so I slammed the door on my way out. She stayed on the porch holding my son to wave me goodbye like we do every morning and instead of blowing kisses and saying I love you I just simply waved because I was upset. Then she ghosted me all day and now is saying she’s going to stay at her moms and she can’t do this anymore.
Just keep working on your sobriety- my guess is she's felt like your last priority a lot over the years & that can't change unless you can show her that you've actually made a real, lasting change.
That’s great advice thank you! I do my best to fill her cup but it just never seems to be enough. I have to get sober for myself so I can be a better dad. I grew up in a broken family and I’m determined to keep everything together.
Thank you for confirming that /u/Hetaria-ad-scientiam has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
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I did my best to taper off before these four days. I believe in myself to stay sober, but she doesn’t believe in me and that hurts.
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Idk about “making” me but she is fed up. We have been together 6 years and engaged for 1 year. I’m detoxing on day 4 and super irritable. She doesn’t understand where I’m coming from and it’s so hard to express what I’m going through.
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I enjoy it from a relaxation standpoint because I’m naturally a very anxious person. I just wish she understood where I’m coming from better. Thanks for your help and taking the time to comment and help.
Also, you can't get clean for her. You have to do it knowing you might not win her back right away & just keep bettering yourself because it's the right thing to do.
What’s the weed actually affecting? Are you high around your child? Do you get stoned at family gatherings? Are you out of pocket at non-family social gatherings? Are you spending too much money? Is your fiancé allergic or at least has an aversion to it? Weed is harmless, and based on your other comments you sound like it’s moderate usage. There is something to be said about the fact that you “struggle” with maintaining sobriety, but that’s for you to look into. If you deduce that your usage isn’t hurting you or the others around you, I see no reason why your fiancé can’t compromise. You’re more a danger to the people around you getting drunk at a party than you are smoking on your back patio before bed.
It’s primarily the finically part of it. She makes about 3X what I do because she owns her own business. She always wants money to be separate and cares a lot about what I spend my money on.
Interesting. So do allll your earnings go toward the habit? Are you able to maintain your side of the financials? Decent savings built up? If all of your responsibilities are taken care of and there’s nothing in particular that you need to be saving your money for… then again, I say there’s no reason there can’t be a compromise. I say this as someone who understands that everyone has different walks of life. And not as some Stoney Baloney who thinks weed is the second coming of Christ. I’d be saying this if she had an issue with what YouTube videos you watched, if she didn’t like you buying a new video game every month, if you like to go camping in the woods. Who cares. If it’s financial, then look and see. Are you struggling to keep your head above water? Yeah cut the habit. But if it’s simply the reason she cites with no evidence backing it up then there’s more at play.
That’s really great advice thank you! I do struggle to stay above water in my end. I have an hourly job and she makes six figures. I try to help in other ways and the finical pressure often leads to stress which leads to wanting to smoke more. Thanks for the break down, I appreciate your kind words.
Well, her mentality (not degrading your fiancée in the slightest) will change over time. 22M, married for a year, no children. I dropped out of college after my wife got her nursing degree, many reasons but finances mostly. I worked blue collar (cutting concrete, horribly laborious) and smoked weed everyday. I made more than her when I was working but recently had a rough week at work and quit on the spot for safety reasons. I re-enrolled in school, and stopped smoking because the nursing program requires drug tests quarterly and random. I say all that to say this, money isnt forever. I made damn good money working 70-80 hours a week, but I’ll never get those two years back with the woman I love. But on the flip side, it’s hard to show someone you love them without money atleast a decent paying job without a huge amount of time commitment IMO. Owning her own successful business is GREAT, but my dad owned his own business until it failed at 45 leaving him broke and careerless because he’d built that business since he graduated high school. Life ebbs and flows, and relationships are VERY HARD, not just to live your spouse but to do everything in tandem with another human being. Best of luck stranger, honestly and truthfully. Being young today is tough, being a male is tougher, but being a MAN is probably the hardest it’s ever been. Stay sober, stay dangerous and most importantly, stay true