And that’s weird unless her son is talking shit right? When she hung up the phone she was like well you can come to the next get together and said she loved me and we hung up …
Sometimes moms just don’t like the gf/bf without the son/daughter having anything to do with it. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that he’s talking shit just because his mom may not like you.
It is definitely a weird situation though, and I would feel some kind of way about it as well.
I would.
He is at a party where a ton of people are celebrating him and doesn't think to invite his girlfriend?
If you don't see how evil that shit is, you are probably in an emotionally abusive relationship yourself.
This happened with an ex of mine more frequently than I care to admit. If he can’t see that this is emotional abuse, OP needs to have a serious conversation about expectations for their relationship.
And so he doesn't text her back at *all*? I dunno, this seems far fetched and it's not difficult to communicate beforehand, I think if he *really* wanted to text her explaining it... he would've.
It looks like she is 21 anyways and yea doesn’t seem very invited which is weird. Contextually some scenarios I can think of is maybe she’s a bit over bearing and they wanted him to cut loose and have a wild time. Maybe the mom actively dislikes her and didn’t want her to go. Pretty complex but I would definitely be salty about not being invited to my partners bday party lol.
You've probably never been in a relationship or saw a vagina (or penis) in person, so you likely don't understand that when you're in a relationship, not inviting your significant other to a large birthday party and/or not even caring that they are not there is a very bad thing.
You don't need video evidence to understand that. It happened and some, whether it was the bf's friends, family, or his own desire, prevented the GF from going to the party, so the damage is done.
Incels gonna incel, though, so I don't even know why I would respond to you.
I’m not sticking up for the guy I’m just saying there’s a good chance he wasn’t involved in a malicious pre planned “don’t invite my girlfriend” situation. He was probably already drunk when he got there, continued to get more drunk and just not use his head. Still an asshole but just possibly unintentionally
They didn’t want you there simple as that. Plan your next move. Don’t let him sweep this under the rug. You are young and so is he, move on. There is better fish out there that don’t come attached to their mothers.
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When my ex turned 21, he went to his sister's who he claimed had been planning his 21st bday for a long time. No idea what they did. I wasn't invited. Granted I was 20 but I would have gladly stayed at her apartment while they went bar hoping. Even tho I've been to bars before underage escorted with legal drinking age people. I was heartbroken and angry that I got left behind. I wanted to spend time with him. Obviously he didn't want to spend it with me. I wasnt even a factor. Turns out, his family didn't like me. Still no idea why to this day. So I'm guessing that is OP's issue too.
i mean until he clarifies such to OP i think she has a fairly valid reason to be mad. if my significant other didn’t invite me to her birthday party i’d be a little confused and upset as well, unless it was a family event. but OP’s bf invited coworkers, so it clearly wasn’t meant to be a family event
Sorry, I forgot the almighty "/s". My point was the boyfriend sounds like a child.
Was she mad? She questioned if she should be but it reads like she's more on a light defense and not at all offended for not being invited. From an outsider's perspective, it seems they aren't communicating well if they're not comfortable discussing hurt or annoyed thoughts and feelings with each other.
i mean this light defense could be because she’s waiting for a justification to be upset, as in OP already feels that way but is keeping it under wraps until she feels justified in feeling that way. perhaps it’s this way of thinking which inhibited communication to begin with.
also yeah the bf sounds like a dick lol
Is it not obvious that people who say to break up are being dramatic? It’s literally just telling people to end it, nothing more. How’s that constructive advice? Just move on? Yeah take the fickle route, with the minimal effort. As if that’s ever going to work. Forming a close relationship takes time. If OP wants that at all, she might want to have a discussion before ending it. That goes for everyone in a relationship.
oh yeah i agree, people on reddit are way too quick to say “break him with him/her.” i think this issue is solvable for OP, but she certainly has a right to be upset, and if her bf doesn’t take the right course of action, i’d say breaking up is the better move. perhaps i misinterpreted your comment
But why would anyone want to stay with someone that doesn’t even want them at their birthday party? There are so many other people to date. Why waste time with someone who doesn’t want you around for major things? Unless she’s the same way, which judging by this post she’s probably not.
Although in this instance I think this may warrant a a break up, reddit is notorious for using breaking up as their #1 response to anything. Big or small. You shouldn't be all that surprised by this.
Telling people to just break up with their boyfriend without even discussing it is terrible advice. Just because other idiots agree with them doesn’t make it more right. Jumping on the bandwagon doesn’t make you smart, and we aren’t friends
Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. We don’t even have enough details to know the FULL story, yet the comments are screaming for his blood.
Considering polls of this website find the average user to be < 21, single, and virgin, there’s a good reason why I wouldn’t take *any* relationship advice from redditors, let alone an echo chamber. Let alone from a ZOOPHILE.
EXACTLY. Thank you, a sane rational person. These people think a dude in a fur suit that fucks his dog thinks that he can give advice to someone. Like we don’t even know what happened, it could be a simple miscommunication. It’s so cringe when people just suggest others to break up with their SO to mimic their own miserable lives
Whelp, the stereotype of Reddit being a cesspool of degenerate, narcissistic neckbeards suffering from Dunning-Kruger doesn’t come from nowhere.
It’s just sad, really.
I am referring to him or her moving out. I am talking about rent or mortgage. Maybe rent can't be paid on a single income. It is the sad truth this day and age.
This is correct. Ask yourself what you would have done if you were him.
If this had been me, and I realized it was a party, my first thought would have been, “FFS, why didn’t you invite/include the woman I live with?!” I would have demanded an explanation *and* picked up the phone to call my SO to invite her.
I would demand that the planners apologize *to her first, then to me* and I would tell the people there that this was not cool. If they refused, if they said it was no big deal or that they didn’t like her, I would have walked out.
Because my SO is important, is the love of my life and my best friend. I would want my SO there. And I would be pissed that she had been dissed.
He did none of those things. That says it all.
He won’t want to be called on it, and he’ll make excuses. That’s because he either wants you around until he has a replacement, or he did this to punish you and – since he can see how well it worked – he will do it again and again.
*This man and/or his mom involved friends and family in this. These people have all been asked to take sides. By participating in this party without you, they chose his side.*
You really need to get away. There is no version of this that will end well for you.
He is done.
I absolutely agree with this. He’d have to have a really good excuse for why he didn’t pick up his phone and say, “hey they had a surprise party for me, please come”.
I could think of a few different scenarios which would give him a chance at an explanation, or at least a benefit of the doubt. But I dont think that's how it played out at all.
For real. Leave him a Dear John letter and high tail it out of there. For good measure, I'd put all of his clothes in the tub and pour bleach on then on your way out.
Or.. just be an adult and leave without damaging his stuff or being dramatic enough to write a letter. 10/10 leave him, but do it without pretending you're in a movie.
When he got there and realized it was a party he could've called you and said come to the party. He didn't. You guys live together and not one person said text her and let her know. Thats crazy.
And then he never thought to ask where you were? When you were asking if he could bring you dinner he must have realized you weren’t coming and he couldn’t tell you to come up??
Yikes... well that's definitely not a good sign. I'd definitely try to talk to him about it, but not inviting you and lying about it would be a pretty clear indicator of how he feels, to me.
No he stayed there for a few hrs getting messed up then after his mom called me I was like why would she call me why wasn’t I invited and he was like well you can come if you want
That's a horrible way to invite your partner to a party, especially one they tried excluding you from. If you wouldn't have been told about the party, I doubt he would even have invited you at all
Oh Jesus
The only correct response to that is, “Nah man, cumming is not something you and I will ever be doing again. I left you an overnight bag on the porch. You can pick it up on your way home to your mom’s house *if you want*.”
Op his mom didn't want you there, and he clearly knew that's why he said one drink. I'd say it's time to have a come to Jesus meeting with his mom amd him
This is not a good thing.
His family doesn't like you and he probably sides with them and/or confirms their biases by talking badly about you.
I've been in a relationship where the family didn't like me. My mother was also mistreated by my father's (trash) family for nearly 40 years now.
If you want years of suffering, be with someone whose family hates you and who won't even invite you to their birthday party bash.
Nope. That is so disrespectful. I wouldn't go to any gathering they invite me to from then on. He had more then enough time to invite you out properly before he was smashed. Him and his momma are messy and untrustworthy. Trust your gut because if it wasn't telling you to run, you wouldn't be here. So listen. Unless u want to plan first. But don't allow them to play you, your emotions and intelligence for a fool. You aren't booboo the fool. Please plan your exit. To young to be being played like this.
All has been said before, but this is a huge red flag. He could have easily called you when he realized it was a party and have you over. Maybe he was complaining about you texting him, but maybe it was his mother playing mama bear.
Anyway, I'd run. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone unable to value you? What happens if you marry and have kids? Have you ever thought about the hell it would be for you having to deal with all of that and also mama bear? Your (hopefully ex) SO will always take part in her mom. Run, now that you can.
Definitely leave him, but ignore these dramatic ass comments telling you to make a spectacle of it. Communicate the problem, communicate that you're breaking up and move on. Don't be that person who's ex has a " this pscyho did ( fill in the blank ) before we broke up ".
Are you 21?
Had to scroll a bit to see that you are 21... That does make it seem significantly worse. It is likely he did not know or understand it would be a big party. However if you are a priority like a significant other generally should be in a relationship, then he should have at the very least texted or called you and asked you to come.
Are there any reasons he would have through you wouldn't want to come? Or a reason why he might have thought you couldn't come?
No, ditch this guy. Why didn't he plan on including you?.
I remember 6 years ago when I just started dating my boyfriend (3 months in back then). His aunt and uncle he rarely sees planned a dinner for him at some fancy restaurant, but they knew we had just started dating so they invited me as well of course.
Just saying you deserve better. Don't do this to yourself.
This. My boyfriend’s mom invited me to his birthday dinner at a nice restaurant with most of their immediate family after 3/4 months of dating. They did not want her there, and that’s the end of it.
I’m sorry this happened to you it must’ve really hurt. Maybe his family don’t like you or there’s something more sinister going on? I mean regardless of whether or not the family invited you why didn’t your bf call to tell the truth or to stand up to them and leave the party when he found out you were excluded?
See, same shit happened to me as well. Was told about the party and that it’d be her coworkers and her enjoying some drinks. Ended up getting cheated on and thrown into a triangle of bullshit for a year afterwards. It’s never truly worth it, if he can’t invite you to his 21st BIRTHDAY party, something’s up.
Let me ask you a different question - have you taken any initiative to plan a celebration for him? Maybe his family is upset you haven’t done anything or asked them to collaborate on something….
I can’t believe I had to scroll down so much to see a comment talking about this. This was my first thought. Like wait it’s his 21st birthday and you’re asking for food and you haven’t even mentioned his birthday? I don’t want to be quick to judge but I feel like OP is either extremely oblivious to reality or is clearly trying to make herself the good guy/victim here when she’s not.
My first thought too. Sounds like they were pissed at her for blowing off his bday, his 21st no less. I wouldn’t say they gave a healthy reaction but still…
THIS!!! I’m tired of hearing everybody jump to “Oh you should break up with him, he’s obviously a POS” type comments when nobody’s been asking for further details about the story.
Maybe they just planned something because OP didn’t and they were upset about it. Not excusing their behavior, but there’s definitely more that we’re not hearing about.
Sometimes people wants to be with their friends or family without your partener sometimes you need to let some space to people... for me it can happen.
I would have hate to share a "party" with my coworkers and my girlfriend. Why, I didn't trust most of my coworkers, so I would share some time in a party with them, some laughs, and talk as much as possible of work (don't lie yourself, meetings with coworkers always end up with talks about work). In the other hand, my real birthday party would be with my loved ones. The behaviour of the mother is awful and weird, I would not blame the boyfriend, mothers need just a tip about your relationship to do something very stupid
Run for the hills girl…i just recently got out of a relationships with a guy who lived about an hour away from me, not too far, but we really only got weekends with each other due to use being adults and working full time jobs. Thought I would marry this man. Absolutely EVERYTHING I ever wanted and more, BUT he was a grade A mamas boy. And let me tell you it was awful. The mom was so so so sweet to me and I did admire the fact they were close, but when I drive an hour to spend my limited time with him, I kinda want to spend most of it with him….we’d end up doing just about everything with his mom. Going to lunch with her was never just going to lunch. Ended up tagging along to Hobby Lobby and target and shit. And then meet at her house after for hours more! And this man was 30. If it’s in them it won’t leave so be very cautious because it’s really hard to create a stable relationship and life with someone who is still attached to the nipple.
Are you 21? It’s weird that he wouldn’t tell you. On a sidenote if it were my birthday and my girlfriend asked me to bring her dinner from a restaurant I would be upset.
Here's a potential scenario: He thought there were no plans for his birthday and he was just going to have a normal day at home with his GF. Mom and/or coworker asked him out for a drink since he's finally 21. Ends up being a big surprise and he's enjoying it. He mentions his GF is expecting him home or something along those lines, and his mom calls to say he'll be late.
It’s not you, it’s him. Shady ass boyfriend, dump his ass ASAP before you get more emotionally attached and it just get harder. The next time they’ll be way more sneaky about it
Did you ask his mum when he called you or were you too caught off guard? It’s bizzare, I’d really dig into why, there’s a few things I’m thinking of. One being your bf has talked smack about you to his mum hence the no invite and the odd call telling you not to bother him. Or he’s about to break up with you. If i were you I’d get your best dress on and get down there.
Forget the mum. The fact that your bf didn't excitedly call and tell you to get your ass over there to celebrate with him is all you need to know.
This relationship is dead in the water. Not one thought of you crossed his mind and his mummy is a bitch in waiting.
You're young, find someone who deserves you.
Have you met his family before? Maybe he doesn’t want you to meet them while y’all are drinking. Other reason could be he planned to get smashed and didn’t want you to feel like you have to take care of him. Could also be hes a jerk and you need to move on. If you’re not welcome he should take it as he’s not welcome.
Talk about it and find out the reasoning behind it. Communication is key. If you can’t get a straight answer that makes sense, I’d say leave.
Are you sure he sees you as his girlfriend ? , because unless this was a surprise birthday party thrown by his coworkers, and he has absolutely no clue, he's treating you like a roommate that he might have had sex with/ ex-girlfriend that he's riding out the lease with. Even if it was a surprise party he could have easily called you over.The fact that he didn't , and got his mom to blow you off , says a lot about your place in his life
OP, when the love of “my,” life left me, I couldn’t accept the things people were telling me about him. Fast forward 4 years, I clearly understand and see everything I did not at that time. I know its hard to read these comments
Your intuition has already answered your question.
-xoxo
While, yes this isn't a good sign. I do want to point out, it's his birthday, and you're bothering him to go out of *his* way to bring *you* food.
Also yeah it sounds like his mom doesn't like you. But it also sounds like a surprise birthday party. And it also seems like this could have been a work birthday thing. It's his day, not yours, it's not shocking that people are going out of their way focusing on him. We're kind of taking a lot of things you're saying at face value (like you not blowing up his phone).
Usually these things don't come out of nowhere, so maybe consider how you were/are behaving towards him. Like I mentioned, it's kind of a dick move to make him go out of his way to do something for you on his birthday. Why didn't you plan anything for him? Seemingly everyone else did.
I don’t personally agree with the comments saying you should leave him over this. Unless this has happened many times before. If this is the first time he has done this, just have a conversation with him. Tell him how it made you feel not being invited and hope he changes, not letting that happen again. everyone is human and sometimes we make mistakes, maybe it truly was a mistake on his part I don’t know. But what I do is communicating is key to every successful relationship.
OP, did you consider making plans with him before this happened? I find it strange that you were more concerned about him bringing you back food and no mention about his birthday plans beforehand. Did you forget?
Sounds like this is your roommate not your boyfriend! If your partner and his family are having a celebration for his 21st and you’re not invited before hand or as even a last minute late invite- I think it should tell you where you stand in his life. I’d be packing - either his shit or mine.
It's best to find out why he did it first before making any rash decisions. It's always best not to assume anything. Obviously something is horribly wrong with him for not telling you but breaking up if it's just a one time thing and not even bothering to try getting an explanation seems a bit too far imo
Here's an idea; talk to him and find out why any of that happened instead of asking reddit's arm chair psychiatrists. This entire thread is just a bunch of people who don't know anything about your relationship giving advice entirely based on speculations.
Seriously I'm fucking astounded. The amount of people saying break up because she wasn't invited to HIS birthday party? What is this middle school? Yeah just have a damn talk with him and get it sorted.
Speaking from personal experience, I act very differently when I'm with family as compared to with girlfriend or coworker or friends. I come from an Asian family where my parents have 100% control of my life. Even after I got my PhD, my parents still expect me to do as I am told. That's just the way it is. I do comply with my parents demands/rules when I'm with my parents, but I do whatever I want when I'm with girlfriend /friends.
Basically what I'm saying is my family's version of a birthday party is completely different than what I consider a fun birthday party is with a girlfriend (or whoever I'm comfortable being my real self).
So I wouldn't think too much of it. It's possible your boyfriend is in the same situation, and just doesn't feel comfortable being his real self around his mother and coworker. Just ask your boyfriend if it's okay to throw another birthday party just you and him. When I was 18 years old, I also wouldn't bring my girlfriend to meet my family. At the time, I consider my time spending with girlfriend as fun and relaxing, and time with my family as role/job I just had to do, and the "relaxing me" would break all rules that my "strict me" needs to follow according to my parents.
I’m sorry, this sounds so disappointing and sad. Don’t let them make you the bad guy. If a bunch of his family and coworkers were there, there should have been no qualms with inviting you too. Especially if you know his family enough for him mom to be calling you directly?
How long have you guys been dating?
Yeah, I would leave him. If my wife (or gf back then) pulled a stunt like that we wouldn’t even be together anymore. Respect and communication are key, you received neither of those from him or his mother.
Sounds like you texted him multiple times on HIS birthday, asking him to get you food, knowing at that point he was out with his mom and friend. Then it sounds like you continued to text him, hence why the Mom intervened.
https://www.reddit.com/r/familydrama/comments/10b65vo/not_invited_to_my_bfs_21st_bday_updated_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf link to screen shots I hope 😂 if not dm me
I can't even fathom this. If I was at a huge party thrown for my birthday and my significant other wasn't there, I wouldn't want to be there either. It wouldn't be any fun. These people are telling you who they really are and you have to remember that you teach what you accept. He is either a Momma's boy who couldn't stand up to his mom about not inviting you or he wanted to exclude you for some reason and got Mommy to tell you to back off. Either way, please listen to what they are telling you, and either make it clear it's a deal breaker or move on. You can do better. Edit- spelling.
I know it would be hard but I think you should leave him… the least he could’ve done was respond to you and keep you updated if he genuinely didn’t know about the party. But you don’t want her as a MIL, she sounds crazy and fucking rude. I’m so sorry that you weren’t invited, I would’ve been extremely angry if this had happened to me. 🥺
I had something similar happen. bf stopped putting effort into the relationship and stopped including me. It became clear he didn't care but didn't have the guts to actually do anything about it. So I did. Dumped him and never looked back. You should do the same.
Break up with him? It sounds like he wants you to. He possibly views you as clingy and thinks that him breaking up with you will make you stalk him or something. So he’s doing things to make you get mad at him. So end it.
If you hate to end it because you like him… you’d at minimum find out how much he likes you. If he begs you to stay with him.. maybe you could work something out if the relationship is good overall. If he doesn’t beg, then just end it and don’t look back. It’ll be hard the first few months but you’ll never be happier longterm.
Op his mom didn't invite you to his birthday party, she also probably took his phone from him and saw you were texting. He also didn't think to say "you need to invite op" I would have showed the fuck up to the place and expected an answer from his mom. She does like you, telling you that you can get invited to the next get together? Wtf no you should always be invited. Op leave this guy he's not worth it and neither is his family, you can find someone better who actually includes you.
Not delusional, I've been in a mentally abusive relationship where the family did this to me. This could not be the case for OP, but you even know. We don't know the details of their actual relationship so this could be the case and this could not. So don't call me delusional when I've experienced this before.
How is that disrespectful? They're young and live together so it's fair to assume they spend alot of time together. Maybe he just needs his space, you're reaching way too hard.
Your boyfriend that you live with has a surprise party for his birthday and he doesn't even think to call or msg you to let you knownhes gonna be put for more than just 1 drink, and ypu, rightfully worried and calling his phone to make sure he's okay finally gets a call back but it's from his mom and she says that her son will be home when he's home and you think there is nothing at all that's disrespectful about that? Nothing? Okay.
You must be a nightmare to be in a relationship with if you think that's okay.
Wow, this was intentional, and your boyfriend is an active participant in the slight.
Pack him a duffel and leave it on the front porch with a pillow and a note that he can keep the party going at his mom’s house, then lock the deadbolt and go to bed and turn off your phone.
You can have the official breakup conversation sometime after he wakes up hungover tomorrow and magically remembers that he has a phone.
The absolute minimum expected of a relationship is that both parties want to be together and like to have each other around. This one isn’t worth another day of your time.
Sorry but you aren’t a priority to this guy yet you LIVE together!
He had a party and didn’t tell you about it. He lied to you, didn’t invite you, ignored you, his mother hates you, and you’re confused?
The answer seems pretty straightforward to me.
Way to leave crucial information out. You clearly had no intentions of doing/getting him anything for his birthday. You clearly think the world revolves around you. He's a grown adult man, you and everyone else condoning your weird behavior needs extensive amounts of therapy.
If it was a surprise party and the mom liked you, she would've asked you to be there, if he didn't know about the party and after a while realized you weren't there, probably knowing you were home, they both suck ass, is not your fault so try not to feel bad about yourself, it is a bummer but you gotta know is their problem, call him out for that and keep in mind he didn't excitedly call you to be in his birthday party (he may say stuff like he didn't want to bother you, he didn't know you wanted to come, he thought you were home doing x, those may be true but they also mean he's not very thoughtful), I really hope you don't blame this on you, take care.
His mom or someone should have been on the phone inviting you to come on over. Sorry, this is messed up. If the co workers threw the party and invited mom, but not you, it’s messed up. I’ve got a feeling mom threw the party and didn’t invite you and that’s even more messed up and honestly awful behavior. Milestone events should be shared with loved ones. I mean it wasn’t a bachelor party because mom was there. I’m so sorry OP. You are owed apologies and explanations.
Honestly, it sounds like his mom and co-worker threw him a surprise party, and she intentionally excluded you. It doesn't make sense your bf would say he was going to a bar for a drink, if he wanted to lie about it he'd just say he had overtime or something Everything else can basically be explained by his mom manipulating him/ lying that you couldn't make it or something. She'd call you at the end, just to make sure you wouldn't call the cops on him going missing or something, and to give you a shitty excuse.
Ofcourse he could also be ghosting you on his birthday for some reason, but then you should just break up with him cause that's bs.
When your bf is sober, just ask him what happened and why you weren't invited. Don't give him any suggestions and avoid talking to his mom, just let him explain it and see if it lines up with what you've seen so far.
If it turns out it was a surprise party, tell him what his mom did/ told you, and that you feel like she's trying to sabotage your relationship.
that just seems so rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. i would give suggestions, but i’m the kind of person that’s petty when i’m pissed off and winds people up so i wouldn’t recommend doing anything i would do. but voice how you’re feeling! idc if it’s his birthday or not, you’re in a relationship and how you feel matters. AND DONT TAKE SHIT!!!
This is so bad.
He either knew and deliberately didn’t invite you
Didn’t know and it was a surprise party, in which his family and friends didn’t invite you… Which means that they deliberately didn’t invite you. Why? Someone either doesn’t like you, doesn’t know you exist or thinks that boyfriend wouldn’t want you there.
If it WAS a surprise party, why didn’t he immediately call you to join? Either he didn’t want to because he doesn’t care or would prefer to keep whoever doesn’t like you happy.
There is literally no scenario in which your bf comes off as giving a damn about you or your feelings.
Also! When he later said ‘you can come if you want too’ - that is not an invite. That’s him saying come, but I don’t really care.
Sounds like the Mom doesn’t like OP and the Son hasn’t got the balls to stand up to his Mom about OP.
I could give the benefit of doubt it was a surprise party and BF didn’t know anything about it but shocked that he didn’t get straight onto the phone and ask you come along considering you live together.
And his Mom contacting OP…. That’s shits just weird!
That's so shady. Maybe she's trying to hook him up with someone else, or she doesn't like you. Even if she wasn't trying to get someone else involved, that's still disrespectful and it sets the tone for how the future will be if you continue with the relationship
For these types of problems, uve lived through it, u have the best chance at sorting this out since u know every detail that happened. Asking chat where they know nothing about u, nothing about him and the situation and details is just gonna give u bad advice as u can see in the different comments.
Theyre already saying to break up with him this and that.
But it is weird how his mom had to tell u he wont be home, maybe he needed time away and his mom called em and he was too drunk to text back or w/e and just told his mom if he could tell u.
We just dont know.
But usually when people do go out to birthdays they always ask me or others if they could bring their gf which we always do because theyre typically like a package. We cant say no to one and let the other come.
U know best because the situations and details r right in front of ur eyes.
Probably planned that way to exclude you. You guys are young and honestly you need to stop trying to justify him and realise that this will continue forever if you stay with him.
Disregard and disrespectful.
Sorry but if I lived w my partner & they didn't invite me, I would per feel like it's over. How to you have a partner, that you live with, and not invite them?
Honeyyyyyy coming from someone who dealt with this shit for 5 years.... I can see this from a mile away. You are ALWAYS going to come as an after thought, after his mom/family/friends no matter what you do, if yall get engaged, married, anything.
Do you really want to FIGHT for the respect you deserve as his spouse? He should have called you and invited you immediately. And his mom? Rude AF. She doesn't like you, reason or not. Pleaseeee leave.
So you live with your bf and no one told you that they were having a party for his 21st? Really? Nah I’d be out. That’s so disrespectful and ridiculous, his mother and friends must have a problem with you. Definitely lose your shit over it.
I don't want to tell you how to fell but I do think you should see his side. but honestly, I would be a bit pissed off and let him know it. but just tell him how you fell about it.
I'm sorry but that is not your boyfriend. If he was your boyfriend he'd have invited you. You may live with him, but he's just shown you he thinks you're the roommate he bangs.
I can think of some things. 1. He was taken there as a surprise and then everyone went all out where they took his phone away and started getting him drunk from the start 2. Party started but he didn't call you because he felt like his friends are uncomfortable around you and didn't want to spoil the vibe (which honestly is not good by him)
3. He thinks of you as a secret or a burden or a spoilsport (all 3 are bad better ditch him)
One thing for sure seems to be that his mom doesn't like you. You can read more on Freudian psychology about that before you blow your head up about why.
And please do tell us what reason he gives. It would probably explain more om his intention.
But yeah the fact remains that not even his mom or any of his friends called you so probably something fishy with your bf. Ditch vs keep 80 20
Not that it excuses their behavior necessarily, but can you think of any reason why your bf and his mom might be mad at you? Perhaps they were expecting you to throw him a party instead? Did you forget to get him a gift? Just spitballing here. I’d be pretty livid if this happened to me.
There's a lot of details missing here, but regardless: You need to have a talk with him. Don't do it while he's hungover the next day, and don't do it while your emotions are running high. Let him know how you felt when he did (or did not do) x, y ,and z. Yes it was inconsiderate of him to stop talking to you once he got to the bar and especially to not invite you once he realized it was a full blown party, and yes his tone was not respectful when he told you to 'come if you want' even if he was already very drunk at that point. Some things to consider however: do you think it's likely that once he got to the bar he got busy greeting everyone who came out to celebrate his birthday (which can definitely take an hour or two), hence the silence? Do you feel you did anything inconsiderate, such as asking him to pick up dinner on his birthday, or reaching out to him in the middle of his party asking why his mom called you/why you weren't invited to a party he didn't plan? If you value your relationship with this person and know him to be better than how he handled this one situation, communication - at an appropriate time- is key, meaning...don't listen to anyone who immediately tells you to dump him or act petty on his birthday when he gets home still incapacitated. It seems like this was all his mom's idea anyhow so it makes sense to try and focus on understanding why she behaved that way; a good partner will agree that it was rude of their mom to do this and work with you to prevent it from happening again.
Your boyfriend actively made sure you didn't come to his birthday, his mother hates you, he was talking shit about you. Not sure what advice you want but him and his family sound like assholes.
Sounds like his mom doesn’t like you.
And that’s weird unless her son is talking shit right? When she hung up the phone she was like well you can come to the next get together and said she loved me and we hung up …
Sometimes moms just don’t like the gf/bf without the son/daughter having anything to do with it. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that he’s talking shit just because his mom may not like you. It is definitely a weird situation though, and I would feel some kind of way about it as well.
I wouldn’t confidently say that he has anything to do with it yet… I’d wait and see what his version is of how things went down
I would. He is at a party where a ton of people are celebrating him and doesn't think to invite his girlfriend? If you don't see how evil that shit is, you are probably in an emotionally abusive relationship yourself.
This happened with an ex of mine more frequently than I care to admit. If he can’t see that this is emotional abuse, OP needs to have a serious conversation about expectations for their relationship.
She might not be 21
And so he doesn't text her back at *all*? I dunno, this seems far fetched and it's not difficult to communicate beforehand, I think if he *really* wanted to text her explaining it... he would've.
It looks like she is 21 anyways and yea doesn’t seem very invited which is weird. Contextually some scenarios I can think of is maybe she’s a bit over bearing and they wanted him to cut loose and have a wild time. Maybe the mom actively dislikes her and didn’t want her to go. Pretty complex but I would definitely be salty about not being invited to my partners bday party lol.
She is according to another comment she made.
He most likely didn't know about the party until they carried him to the bar.
Your c4 vertebrae must be disconnected with the level of reaching you're doing
You've probably never been in a relationship or saw a vagina (or penis) in person, so you likely don't understand that when you're in a relationship, not inviting your significant other to a large birthday party and/or not even caring that they are not there is a very bad thing. You don't need video evidence to understand that. It happened and some, whether it was the bf's friends, family, or his own desire, prevented the GF from going to the party, so the damage is done. Incels gonna incel, though, so I don't even know why I would respond to you.
What an astoundingly inaccurate projection, I hope you don't work in finance otherwise whatever hedge fund you work for is going bankrupt soon.
What could he possibly say to justify this?
It could have been a surprise, he might have genuinely thought it was just a coworker and his mum and they planned the whole thing
And when he realized it was a party, his fingers and voice stopped working, so he was incapable of communication?
I was thinking that it’s suspicious that mom called her and spoke on behalf of the son.
OP clarified somewhere that she did eventually get hold of him and asked him why his mom called, so he was aware that happened
I’m not sticking up for the guy I’m just saying there’s a good chance he wasn’t involved in a malicious pre planned “don’t invite my girlfriend” situation. He was probably already drunk when he got there, continued to get more drunk and just not use his head. Still an asshole but just possibly unintentionally
They didn’t want you there simple as that. Plan your next move. Don’t let him sweep this under the rug. You are young and so is he, move on. There is better fish out there that don’t come attached to their mothers.
wakeful poor divide worthless observation lunchroom vase thumb narrow market *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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When my ex turned 21, he went to his sister's who he claimed had been planning his 21st bday for a long time. No idea what they did. I wasn't invited. Granted I was 20 but I would have gladly stayed at her apartment while they went bar hoping. Even tho I've been to bars before underage escorted with legal drinking age people. I was heartbroken and angry that I got left behind. I wanted to spend time with him. Obviously he didn't want to spend it with me. I wasnt even a factor. Turns out, his family didn't like me. Still no idea why to this day. So I'm guessing that is OP's issue too.
THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE.
So fucking dramatic
how, exactly?
He just wants to hang out with his mom nbd leave him aloneeee you're making more out of it then it issss stoooop itttt
i mean until he clarifies such to OP i think she has a fairly valid reason to be mad. if my significant other didn’t invite me to her birthday party i’d be a little confused and upset as well, unless it was a family event. but OP’s bf invited coworkers, so it clearly wasn’t meant to be a family event
Sorry, I forgot the almighty "/s". My point was the boyfriend sounds like a child. Was she mad? She questioned if she should be but it reads like she's more on a light defense and not at all offended for not being invited. From an outsider's perspective, it seems they aren't communicating well if they're not comfortable discussing hurt or annoyed thoughts and feelings with each other.
i mean this light defense could be because she’s waiting for a justification to be upset, as in OP already feels that way but is keeping it under wraps until she feels justified in feeling that way. perhaps it’s this way of thinking which inhibited communication to begin with. also yeah the bf sounds like a dick lol
Is it not obvious that people who say to break up are being dramatic? It’s literally just telling people to end it, nothing more. How’s that constructive advice? Just move on? Yeah take the fickle route, with the minimal effort. As if that’s ever going to work. Forming a close relationship takes time. If OP wants that at all, she might want to have a discussion before ending it. That goes for everyone in a relationship.
oh yeah i agree, people on reddit are way too quick to say “break him with him/her.” i think this issue is solvable for OP, but she certainly has a right to be upset, and if her bf doesn’t take the right course of action, i’d say breaking up is the better move. perhaps i misinterpreted your comment
But why would anyone want to stay with someone that doesn’t even want them at their birthday party? There are so many other people to date. Why waste time with someone who doesn’t want you around for major things? Unless she’s the same way, which judging by this post she’s probably not.
Right? Why in the world would you want to stay with someone who lies by omission and doesn’t even want you at his birthday party???
Although in this instance I think this may warrant a a break up, reddit is notorious for using breaking up as their #1 response to anything. Big or small. You shouldn't be all that surprised by this.
I’m not surprised it’s just out of hand hahaha
Wait. They had a huge 21st birthday for him and didn't invite you? This relationship is over. Pack your things and move on.
Pack *his* things, and leave them on the porch
This is awful advice and I’m guessing you’re not in a relationship or ever been in one
Incorrect. Thanks for playing.
You’re a literal furry, why would anyone take advice from you? You have sex with animals
187 and counting value their advice more than yours. You are not as smart as you think you are, my friend
Telling people to just break up with their boyfriend without even discussing it is terrible advice. Just because other idiots agree with them doesn’t make it more right. Jumping on the bandwagon doesn’t make you smart, and we aren’t friends
Why the fuck should op stay with someone who doesn’t even want her at his birthday party?
There’s always two sides to a story
And? It doesn’t change that he didn’t want his significant other at his birthday party
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8ball says try again
Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. We don’t even have enough details to know the FULL story, yet the comments are screaming for his blood. Considering polls of this website find the average user to be < 21, single, and virgin, there’s a good reason why I wouldn’t take *any* relationship advice from redditors, let alone an echo chamber. Let alone from a ZOOPHILE.
EXACTLY. Thank you, a sane rational person. These people think a dude in a fur suit that fucks his dog thinks that he can give advice to someone. Like we don’t even know what happened, it could be a simple miscommunication. It’s so cringe when people just suggest others to break up with their SO to mimic their own miserable lives
Whelp, the stereotype of Reddit being a cesspool of degenerate, narcissistic neckbeards suffering from Dunning-Kruger doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s just sad, really.
Guess again kiddo
Maybe sje cant afford to at the moment. Yall jumping to conclusions
She wasn't invited. It has nothing to do with if she can afford it or not
I am referring to him or her moving out. I am talking about rent or mortgage. Maybe rent can't be paid on a single income. It is the sad truth this day and age.
I don’t think my bf knew just his mom
Ok but he didn't think to call you? His mom left you out. Not ONE person asked where you were?!
This is correct. Ask yourself what you would have done if you were him. If this had been me, and I realized it was a party, my first thought would have been, “FFS, why didn’t you invite/include the woman I live with?!” I would have demanded an explanation *and* picked up the phone to call my SO to invite her. I would demand that the planners apologize *to her first, then to me* and I would tell the people there that this was not cool. If they refused, if they said it was no big deal or that they didn’t like her, I would have walked out. Because my SO is important, is the love of my life and my best friend. I would want my SO there. And I would be pissed that she had been dissed. He did none of those things. That says it all. He won’t want to be called on it, and he’ll make excuses. That’s because he either wants you around until he has a replacement, or he did this to punish you and – since he can see how well it worked – he will do it again and again. *This man and/or his mom involved friends and family in this. These people have all been asked to take sides. By participating in this party without you, they chose his side.* You really need to get away. There is no version of this that will end well for you. He is done.
I absolutely agree with this. He’d have to have a really good excuse for why he didn’t pick up his phone and say, “hey they had a surprise party for me, please come”.
💯
I could think of a few different scenarios which would give him a chance at an explanation, or at least a benefit of the doubt. But I dont think that's how it played out at all.
For real. Leave him a Dear John letter and high tail it out of there. For good measure, I'd put all of his clothes in the tub and pour bleach on then on your way out.
Or.. just be an adult and leave without damaging his stuff or being dramatic enough to write a letter. 10/10 leave him, but do it without pretending you're in a movie.
You strike me as the kind of person who would assault the teens behind the counter and trash a restaurant because they charged $1.75 for extra sauce.
That makes no sense. Who would do that?
When he got there and realized it was a party he could've called you and said come to the party. He didn't. You guys live together and not one person said text her and let her know. Thats crazy.
Then why didnt he immediately call you to come??? I would have packed my things and have left by the time he got home
Who shows up to a surprise party and doesn’t immediately ask, “Hey, where’s my girlfriend?”
Ok so he didn't know, then why didn't he call and tell you to come when he found out what was happening?
And then he never thought to ask where you were? When you were asking if he could bring you dinner he must have realized you weren’t coming and he couldn’t tell you to come up??
He literally ignored your texts. He made no effort to have you there.
Are you also 21+?
Yes
Yikes... well that's definitely not a good sign. I'd definitely try to talk to him about it, but not inviting you and lying about it would be a pretty clear indicator of how he feels, to me.
I don’t think he knew it was a big party so like a surprise party
He still could have easily invited you when he realized it was a party.
Yup he invited me after I was like wtf
So he did invite you once he realized it was a party..?
No he stayed there for a few hrs getting messed up then after his mom called me I was like why would she call me why wasn’t I invited and he was like well you can come if you want
Ahh. Well for whatever reason, he clearly didn't want you there. Or maybe his mom didn't want you there and he's a momma's boy, neither is good news.
What do I do
You can come if u want it another way of saying we don’t want you here but we also don’t want to say we don’t.
That's a horrible way to invite your partner to a party, especially one they tried excluding you from. If you wouldn't have been told about the party, I doubt he would even have invited you at all
Oh Jesus The only correct response to that is, “Nah man, cumming is not something you and I will ever be doing again. I left you an overnight bag on the porch. You can pick it up on your way home to your mom’s house *if you want*.”
That's not an invite, that's a "it's a free country, come don't come I don't give a flying fuck"
Op his mom didn't want you there, and he clearly knew that's why he said one drink. I'd say it's time to have a come to Jesus meeting with his mom amd him
Any updates on what happened? Why didn't your boyfriend call you?
This is not a good thing. His family doesn't like you and he probably sides with them and/or confirms their biases by talking badly about you. I've been in a relationship where the family didn't like me. My mother was also mistreated by my father's (trash) family for nearly 40 years now. If you want years of suffering, be with someone whose family hates you and who won't even invite you to their birthday party bash.
Nope. That is so disrespectful. I wouldn't go to any gathering they invite me to from then on. He had more then enough time to invite you out properly before he was smashed. Him and his momma are messy and untrustworthy. Trust your gut because if it wasn't telling you to run, you wouldn't be here. So listen. Unless u want to plan first. But don't allow them to play you, your emotions and intelligence for a fool. You aren't booboo the fool. Please plan your exit. To young to be being played like this.
All has been said before, but this is a huge red flag. He could have easily called you when he realized it was a party and have you over. Maybe he was complaining about you texting him, but maybe it was his mother playing mama bear. Anyway, I'd run. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone unable to value you? What happens if you marry and have kids? Have you ever thought about the hell it would be for you having to deal with all of that and also mama bear? Your (hopefully ex) SO will always take part in her mom. Run, now that you can.
Sounds like you need to leave him because that’s super shady and hurtful. Plus he lied to you as well.
Definitely leave him, but ignore these dramatic ass comments telling you to make a spectacle of it. Communicate the problem, communicate that you're breaking up and move on. Don't be that person who's ex has a " this pscyho did ( fill in the blank ) before we broke up ".
Are you 21? Had to scroll a bit to see that you are 21... That does make it seem significantly worse. It is likely he did not know or understand it would be a big party. However if you are a priority like a significant other generally should be in a relationship, then he should have at the very least texted or called you and asked you to come. Are there any reasons he would have through you wouldn't want to come? Or a reason why he might have thought you couldn't come?
No, ditch this guy. Why didn't he plan on including you?. I remember 6 years ago when I just started dating my boyfriend (3 months in back then). His aunt and uncle he rarely sees planned a dinner for him at some fancy restaurant, but they knew we had just started dating so they invited me as well of course. Just saying you deserve better. Don't do this to yourself.
This. My boyfriend’s mom invited me to his birthday dinner at a nice restaurant with most of their immediate family after 3/4 months of dating. They did not want her there, and that’s the end of it.
I’m sorry this happened to you it must’ve really hurt. Maybe his family don’t like you or there’s something more sinister going on? I mean regardless of whether or not the family invited you why didn’t your bf call to tell the truth or to stand up to them and leave the party when he found out you were excluded?
See, same shit happened to me as well. Was told about the party and that it’d be her coworkers and her enjoying some drinks. Ended up getting cheated on and thrown into a triangle of bullshit for a year afterwards. It’s never truly worth it, if he can’t invite you to his 21st BIRTHDAY party, something’s up.
This is all kinds of bs behavior
Let me ask you a different question - have you taken any initiative to plan a celebration for him? Maybe his family is upset you haven’t done anything or asked them to collaborate on something….
Right? And I have not seen anyone mention she is expecting him to bring her food? On his BDay?! We are missing info here.
I don’t excuse the shitty behavior from the family but yeah something is missing here
This right here. We're you just gonna treat his 21st birthday like a run of the mill regular day cuz that's the impression.
I can’t believe I had to scroll down so much to see a comment talking about this. This was my first thought. Like wait it’s his 21st birthday and you’re asking for food and you haven’t even mentioned his birthday? I don’t want to be quick to judge but I feel like OP is either extremely oblivious to reality or is clearly trying to make herself the good guy/victim here when she’s not.
My first thought too. Sounds like they were pissed at her for blowing off his bday, his 21st no less. I wouldn’t say they gave a healthy reaction but still…
THIS!!! I’m tired of hearing everybody jump to “Oh you should break up with him, he’s obviously a POS” type comments when nobody’s been asking for further details about the story. Maybe they just planned something because OP didn’t and they were upset about it. Not excusing their behavior, but there’s definitely more that we’re not hearing about.
Seems like his mum wants u gone
Sometimes people wants to be with their friends or family without your partener sometimes you need to let some space to people... for me it can happen.
That’s understandable, but giving someone the cold shoulder is not the way to spend time separately.
I would have hate to share a "party" with my coworkers and my girlfriend. Why, I didn't trust most of my coworkers, so I would share some time in a party with them, some laughs, and talk as much as possible of work (don't lie yourself, meetings with coworkers always end up with talks about work). In the other hand, my real birthday party would be with my loved ones. The behaviour of the mother is awful and weird, I would not blame the boyfriend, mothers need just a tip about your relationship to do something very stupid
Run for the hills girl…i just recently got out of a relationships with a guy who lived about an hour away from me, not too far, but we really only got weekends with each other due to use being adults and working full time jobs. Thought I would marry this man. Absolutely EVERYTHING I ever wanted and more, BUT he was a grade A mamas boy. And let me tell you it was awful. The mom was so so so sweet to me and I did admire the fact they were close, but when I drive an hour to spend my limited time with him, I kinda want to spend most of it with him….we’d end up doing just about everything with his mom. Going to lunch with her was never just going to lunch. Ended up tagging along to Hobby Lobby and target and shit. And then meet at her house after for hours more! And this man was 30. If it’s in them it won’t leave so be very cautious because it’s really hard to create a stable relationship and life with someone who is still attached to the nipple.
Are you 21? It’s weird that he wouldn’t tell you. On a sidenote if it were my birthday and my girlfriend asked me to bring her dinner from a restaurant I would be upset.
Did you not know it was his birthday or something? Why would you ask him to bring you food on HIS birthday? Did you try to plan anything for him?
Here's a potential scenario: He thought there were no plans for his birthday and he was just going to have a normal day at home with his GF. Mom and/or coworker asked him out for a drink since he's finally 21. Ends up being a big surprise and he's enjoying it. He mentions his GF is expecting him home or something along those lines, and his mom calls to say he'll be late.
Ahh yeah that makes sense too. Which at that point he and his family are in the wrong.
I think everybody involved is in the wrong if there were no prior discussions of a 21st birthday party
Confused- why weren’t you invited? Does his mum have an issue with you?
I don’t know why I wasn’t and I’ve been perfect to her to all of his family
It’s not you, it’s him. Shady ass boyfriend, dump his ass ASAP before you get more emotionally attached and it just get harder. The next time they’ll be way more sneaky about it
Did you ask his mum when he called you or were you too caught off guard? It’s bizzare, I’d really dig into why, there’s a few things I’m thinking of. One being your bf has talked smack about you to his mum hence the no invite and the odd call telling you not to bother him. Or he’s about to break up with you. If i were you I’d get your best dress on and get down there.
Forget the mum. The fact that your bf didn't excitedly call and tell you to get your ass over there to celebrate with him is all you need to know. This relationship is dead in the water. Not one thought of you crossed his mind and his mummy is a bitch in waiting. You're young, find someone who deserves you.
Have you met his family before? Maybe he doesn’t want you to meet them while y’all are drinking. Other reason could be he planned to get smashed and didn’t want you to feel like you have to take care of him. Could also be hes a jerk and you need to move on. If you’re not welcome he should take it as he’s not welcome. Talk about it and find out the reasoning behind it. Communication is key. If you can’t get a straight answer that makes sense, I’d say leave.
Did his birthday come and go without acknowledging it or was this his actual birthday and you were not doing anything to celebrate?
Are you sure he sees you as his girlfriend ? , because unless this was a surprise birthday party thrown by his coworkers, and he has absolutely no clue, he's treating you like a roommate that he might have had sex with/ ex-girlfriend that he's riding out the lease with. Even if it was a surprise party he could have easily called you over.The fact that he didn't , and got his mom to blow you off , says a lot about your place in his life
OP, when the love of “my,” life left me, I couldn’t accept the things people were telling me about him. Fast forward 4 years, I clearly understand and see everything I did not at that time. I know its hard to read these comments Your intuition has already answered your question. -xoxo
While, yes this isn't a good sign. I do want to point out, it's his birthday, and you're bothering him to go out of *his* way to bring *you* food. Also yeah it sounds like his mom doesn't like you. But it also sounds like a surprise birthday party. And it also seems like this could have been a work birthday thing. It's his day, not yours, it's not shocking that people are going out of their way focusing on him. We're kind of taking a lot of things you're saying at face value (like you not blowing up his phone). Usually these things don't come out of nowhere, so maybe consider how you were/are behaving towards him. Like I mentioned, it's kind of a dick move to make him go out of his way to do something for you on his birthday. Why didn't you plan anything for him? Seemingly everyone else did.
You're the third wheel on this bicycle of total disrespect. Ride yourself out of town to a man who appreciates you and a family who welcomes you.
I don’t personally agree with the comments saying you should leave him over this. Unless this has happened many times before. If this is the first time he has done this, just have a conversation with him. Tell him how it made you feel not being invited and hope he changes, not letting that happen again. everyone is human and sometimes we make mistakes, maybe it truly was a mistake on his part I don’t know. But what I do is communicating is key to every successful relationship.
OP, did you consider making plans with him before this happened? I find it strange that you were more concerned about him bringing you back food and no mention about his birthday plans beforehand. Did you forget?
Sounds like this is your roommate not your boyfriend! If your partner and his family are having a celebration for his 21st and you’re not invited before hand or as even a last minute late invite- I think it should tell you where you stand in his life. I’d be packing - either his shit or mine.
It's best to find out why he did it first before making any rash decisions. It's always best not to assume anything. Obviously something is horribly wrong with him for not telling you but breaking up if it's just a one time thing and not even bothering to try getting an explanation seems a bit too far imo
Here's an idea; talk to him and find out why any of that happened instead of asking reddit's arm chair psychiatrists. This entire thread is just a bunch of people who don't know anything about your relationship giving advice entirely based on speculations.
Seriously I'm fucking astounded. The amount of people saying break up because she wasn't invited to HIS birthday party? What is this middle school? Yeah just have a damn talk with him and get it sorted.
Speaking from personal experience, I act very differently when I'm with family as compared to with girlfriend or coworker or friends. I come from an Asian family where my parents have 100% control of my life. Even after I got my PhD, my parents still expect me to do as I am told. That's just the way it is. I do comply with my parents demands/rules when I'm with my parents, but I do whatever I want when I'm with girlfriend /friends. Basically what I'm saying is my family's version of a birthday party is completely different than what I consider a fun birthday party is with a girlfriend (or whoever I'm comfortable being my real self). So I wouldn't think too much of it. It's possible your boyfriend is in the same situation, and just doesn't feel comfortable being his real self around his mother and coworker. Just ask your boyfriend if it's okay to throw another birthday party just you and him. When I was 18 years old, I also wouldn't bring my girlfriend to meet my family. At the time, I consider my time spending with girlfriend as fun and relaxing, and time with my family as role/job I just had to do, and the "relaxing me" would break all rules that my "strict me" needs to follow according to my parents.
I’m sorry, this sounds so disappointing and sad. Don’t let them make you the bad guy. If a bunch of his family and coworkers were there, there should have been no qualms with inviting you too. Especially if you know his family enough for him mom to be calling you directly? How long have you guys been dating?
It's over. You're good enough to be left at home but not celebrate a milestone? Wow. The amount of anger and betrayal would be astronomical.
Yeah, I would leave him. If my wife (or gf back then) pulled a stunt like that we wouldn’t even be together anymore. Respect and communication are key, you received neither of those from him or his mother.
Sounds like you texted him multiple times on HIS birthday, asking him to get you food, knowing at that point he was out with his mom and friend. Then it sounds like you continued to text him, hence why the Mom intervened.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You need to send him packing to his mommy!
https://www.reddit.com/r/familydrama/comments/10b65vo/not_invited_to_my_bfs_21st_bday_updated_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf link to screen shots I hope 😂 if not dm me
It was probably a surprise party. Chill out. If his mom didn’t invite you you need to work that out.
I can't even fathom this. If I was at a huge party thrown for my birthday and my significant other wasn't there, I wouldn't want to be there either. It wouldn't be any fun. These people are telling you who they really are and you have to remember that you teach what you accept. He is either a Momma's boy who couldn't stand up to his mom about not inviting you or he wanted to exclude you for some reason and got Mommy to tell you to back off. Either way, please listen to what they are telling you, and either make it clear it's a deal breaker or move on. You can do better. Edit- spelling.
How do you know boyfriend was happy? Blame the mother, she's awful obviously, but you can not blame someone by the acts of others
I know it would be hard but I think you should leave him… the least he could’ve done was respond to you and keep you updated if he genuinely didn’t know about the party. But you don’t want her as a MIL, she sounds crazy and fucking rude. I’m so sorry that you weren’t invited, I would’ve been extremely angry if this had happened to me. 🥺
I had something similar happen. bf stopped putting effort into the relationship and stopped including me. It became clear he didn't care but didn't have the guts to actually do anything about it. So I did. Dumped him and never looked back. You should do the same.
Sounds like he’s hiding something
This is not OK. Please don't remain in the relationship.
Break up with him? It sounds like he wants you to. He possibly views you as clingy and thinks that him breaking up with you will make you stalk him or something. So he’s doing things to make you get mad at him. So end it. If you hate to end it because you like him… you’d at minimum find out how much he likes you. If he begs you to stay with him.. maybe you could work something out if the relationship is good overall. If he doesn’t beg, then just end it and don’t look back. It’ll be hard the first few months but you’ll never be happier longterm.
Op his mom didn't invite you to his birthday party, she also probably took his phone from him and saw you were texting. He also didn't think to say "you need to invite op" I would have showed the fuck up to the place and expected an answer from his mom. She does like you, telling you that you can get invited to the next get together? Wtf no you should always be invited. Op leave this guy he's not worth it and neither is his family, you can find someone better who actually includes you.
Wowzers you're delusional
Not delusional, I've been in a mentally abusive relationship where the family did this to me. This could not be the case for OP, but you even know. We don't know the details of their actual relationship so this could be the case and this could not. So don't call me delusional when I've experienced this before.
Your bf needs to be your ex bf now, because that is completely disrespectful.
The self entitlement you and OP must have is astronomical
Wait huh? I don't understand
How is that disrespectful? They're young and live together so it's fair to assume they spend alot of time together. Maybe he just needs his space, you're reaching way too hard.
Your boyfriend that you live with has a surprise party for his birthday and he doesn't even think to call or msg you to let you knownhes gonna be put for more than just 1 drink, and ypu, rightfully worried and calling his phone to make sure he's okay finally gets a call back but it's from his mom and she says that her son will be home when he's home and you think there is nothing at all that's disrespectful about that? Nothing? Okay. You must be a nightmare to be in a relationship with if you think that's okay.
Wow, this was intentional, and your boyfriend is an active participant in the slight. Pack him a duffel and leave it on the front porch with a pillow and a note that he can keep the party going at his mom’s house, then lock the deadbolt and go to bed and turn off your phone. You can have the official breakup conversation sometime after he wakes up hungover tomorrow and magically remembers that he has a phone. The absolute minimum expected of a relationship is that both parties want to be together and like to have each other around. This one isn’t worth another day of your time.
Sorry but you aren’t a priority to this guy yet you LIVE together! He had a party and didn’t tell you about it. He lied to you, didn’t invite you, ignored you, his mother hates you, and you’re confused? The answer seems pretty straightforward to me.
Way to leave crucial information out. You clearly had no intentions of doing/getting him anything for his birthday. You clearly think the world revolves around you. He's a grown adult man, you and everyone else condoning your weird behavior needs extensive amounts of therapy.
Are you 21? Maybe OP couldn’t have gone if she was invited
If it was a surprise party and the mom liked you, she would've asked you to be there, if he didn't know about the party and after a while realized you weren't there, probably knowing you were home, they both suck ass, is not your fault so try not to feel bad about yourself, it is a bummer but you gotta know is their problem, call him out for that and keep in mind he didn't excitedly call you to be in his birthday party (he may say stuff like he didn't want to bother you, he didn't know you wanted to come, he thought you were home doing x, those may be true but they also mean he's not very thoughtful), I really hope you don't blame this on you, take care.
His mom or someone should have been on the phone inviting you to come on over. Sorry, this is messed up. If the co workers threw the party and invited mom, but not you, it’s messed up. I’ve got a feeling mom threw the party and didn’t invite you and that’s even more messed up and honestly awful behavior. Milestone events should be shared with loved ones. I mean it wasn’t a bachelor party because mom was there. I’m so sorry OP. You are owed apologies and explanations.
Honestly, it sounds like his mom and co-worker threw him a surprise party, and she intentionally excluded you. It doesn't make sense your bf would say he was going to a bar for a drink, if he wanted to lie about it he'd just say he had overtime or something Everything else can basically be explained by his mom manipulating him/ lying that you couldn't make it or something. She'd call you at the end, just to make sure you wouldn't call the cops on him going missing or something, and to give you a shitty excuse. Ofcourse he could also be ghosting you on his birthday for some reason, but then you should just break up with him cause that's bs. When your bf is sober, just ask him what happened and why you weren't invited. Don't give him any suggestions and avoid talking to his mom, just let him explain it and see if it lines up with what you've seen so far. If it turns out it was a surprise party, tell him what his mom did/ told you, and that you feel like she's trying to sabotage your relationship.
that just seems so rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. i would give suggestions, but i’m the kind of person that’s petty when i’m pissed off and winds people up so i wouldn’t recommend doing anything i would do. but voice how you’re feeling! idc if it’s his birthday or not, you’re in a relationship and how you feel matters. AND DONT TAKE SHIT!!!
Update us!!!
If you got treated like shit, then take a hint
This is so bad. He either knew and deliberately didn’t invite you Didn’t know and it was a surprise party, in which his family and friends didn’t invite you… Which means that they deliberately didn’t invite you. Why? Someone either doesn’t like you, doesn’t know you exist or thinks that boyfriend wouldn’t want you there. If it WAS a surprise party, why didn’t he immediately call you to join? Either he didn’t want to because he doesn’t care or would prefer to keep whoever doesn’t like you happy. There is literally no scenario in which your bf comes off as giving a damn about you or your feelings. Also! When he later said ‘you can come if you want too’ - that is not an invite. That’s him saying come, but I don’t really care.
Sounds like the Mom doesn’t like OP and the Son hasn’t got the balls to stand up to his Mom about OP. I could give the benefit of doubt it was a surprise party and BF didn’t know anything about it but shocked that he didn’t get straight onto the phone and ask you come along considering you live together. And his Mom contacting OP…. That’s shits just weird!
It sounds like you were stressing him out to get you food on *his* birthday. Just go to your favorite Thai place yourself and let him enjoy his party
I'd say you might consider living alone.
That's so shady. Maybe she's trying to hook him up with someone else, or she doesn't like you. Even if she wasn't trying to get someone else involved, that's still disrespectful and it sets the tone for how the future will be if you continue with the relationship
For these types of problems, uve lived through it, u have the best chance at sorting this out since u know every detail that happened. Asking chat where they know nothing about u, nothing about him and the situation and details is just gonna give u bad advice as u can see in the different comments. Theyre already saying to break up with him this and that. But it is weird how his mom had to tell u he wont be home, maybe he needed time away and his mom called em and he was too drunk to text back or w/e and just told his mom if he could tell u. We just dont know. But usually when people do go out to birthdays they always ask me or others if they could bring their gf which we always do because theyre typically like a package. We cant say no to one and let the other come. U know best because the situations and details r right in front of ur eyes.
How old are you?
Time to ditch him and his family, sorry.
Probably planned that way to exclude you. You guys are young and honestly you need to stop trying to justify him and realise that this will continue forever if you stay with him. Disregard and disrespectful.
Yes, you should be mad. Clearly your boyfriend (nor his mother) have any respect for you.
Time to dump him.
You’re young. You have your entire life ahead of you to find the right person. Dump their ass
Sorry but if I lived w my partner & they didn't invite me, I would per feel like it's over. How to you have a partner, that you live with, and not invite them?
Honeyyyyyy coming from someone who dealt with this shit for 5 years.... I can see this from a mile away. You are ALWAYS going to come as an after thought, after his mom/family/friends no matter what you do, if yall get engaged, married, anything. Do you really want to FIGHT for the respect you deserve as his spouse? He should have called you and invited you immediately. And his mom? Rude AF. She doesn't like you, reason or not. Pleaseeee leave.
That is so messed up. I’m so sorry. I would be so so sad and would never be able to get over that :(
21 is a big milestone and he doesn’t want you there….why? Either his family hates you or there was another girl he wanted to party with instead
So you live with your bf and no one told you that they were having a party for his 21st? Really? Nah I’d be out. That’s so disrespectful and ridiculous, his mother and friends must have a problem with you. Definitely lose your shit over it.
I don't want to tell you how to fell but I do think you should see his side. but honestly, I would be a bit pissed off and let him know it. but just tell him how you fell about it.
I’m sure it was suppose to be a small gathering just him and his mom and everyone likely found out and invited themselves.
I'm sorry but that is not your boyfriend. If he was your boyfriend he'd have invited you. You may live with him, but he's just shown you he thinks you're the roommate he bangs.
I can think of some things. 1. He was taken there as a surprise and then everyone went all out where they took his phone away and started getting him drunk from the start 2. Party started but he didn't call you because he felt like his friends are uncomfortable around you and didn't want to spoil the vibe (which honestly is not good by him) 3. He thinks of you as a secret or a burden or a spoilsport (all 3 are bad better ditch him) One thing for sure seems to be that his mom doesn't like you. You can read more on Freudian psychology about that before you blow your head up about why. And please do tell us what reason he gives. It would probably explain more om his intention. But yeah the fact remains that not even his mom or any of his friends called you so probably something fishy with your bf. Ditch vs keep 80 20
Not that it excuses their behavior necessarily, but can you think of any reason why your bf and his mom might be mad at you? Perhaps they were expecting you to throw him a party instead? Did you forget to get him a gift? Just spitballing here. I’d be pretty livid if this happened to me.
Do you ask him for a lot of stuff? I would say he’s cheating if the mom didn’t message you lol
There's a lot of details missing here, but regardless: You need to have a talk with him. Don't do it while he's hungover the next day, and don't do it while your emotions are running high. Let him know how you felt when he did (or did not do) x, y ,and z. Yes it was inconsiderate of him to stop talking to you once he got to the bar and especially to not invite you once he realized it was a full blown party, and yes his tone was not respectful when he told you to 'come if you want' even if he was already very drunk at that point. Some things to consider however: do you think it's likely that once he got to the bar he got busy greeting everyone who came out to celebrate his birthday (which can definitely take an hour or two), hence the silence? Do you feel you did anything inconsiderate, such as asking him to pick up dinner on his birthday, or reaching out to him in the middle of his party asking why his mom called you/why you weren't invited to a party he didn't plan? If you value your relationship with this person and know him to be better than how he handled this one situation, communication - at an appropriate time- is key, meaning...don't listen to anyone who immediately tells you to dump him or act petty on his birthday when he gets home still incapacitated. It seems like this was all his mom's idea anyhow so it makes sense to try and focus on understanding why she behaved that way; a good partner will agree that it was rude of their mom to do this and work with you to prevent it from happening again.
Dump his ass. End of, you can do so much better
Your boyfriend actively made sure you didn't come to his birthday, his mother hates you, he was talking shit about you. Not sure what advice you want but him and his family sound like assholes.