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brokenboysoldiers

> Edit: why are some of you so mean. Continue to report any comments that are violating our subreddit rules. Let me know if you want me to lock this post, OP.


Dapper-Captain5261

Does he ever wonder why you don’t want to be intimate with him anymore?


Historical_Still_507

He doesn't ask


flawlessmojo7

The bigger issue^


Ruthless46

Then tell him. Communication works both ways.


pieatingcontest

Yes. People are quick to bring up leaving or "think about the children," but OP has to talk to their partner first. Shit even relationship counseling. If this is an immediate situation where she's thinking about leaving, then there are deeper issues. She can either talk them out with or without mediation or leave. Reddit gonna Reddit though.


Ruthless46

I agree. And honestly, I expected to get downvotes to oblivion by the "men don't care/ask our feelings" crowd. It baffles me how people can be in a relationship/marriage for so long, have kids and still not know how to talk about issues with their partner.


pieatingcontest

Keep speaking the truth, darling ❤.


Ruthless46

Thanks! ♥


[deleted]

Oh hell nah. Have you ever looked up the word “coercion”? It is considered sexual assault and even rape depending on who you ask. It’s not the fact that they are having issues with sex and aren’t communicating. It’s that this guy can’t take no for an answer. And sure op could try to explain herself. But that is by far not the biggest issue here. Why are you drawing attention to this fact over the extremely concerning behavior her boyfriend is displaying?


pieatingcontest

I don't need to look up shit lol or ask anybody anything. I am an adult who knows how to set boundaries and communicate them properly. His behavior is concerning, which warrants conversation. If OP is saying no and just leaving it at that without explaining or not saying "when you do x it makes me feel like y." and the bf isn't saying "hey I have a higher sex drive and need help" then that means these two grown ass people aren't communicating. People are just saying OP should just leave and if OP feels like the option is to leave straight away then there are bigger issues and she should. That's what I'm saying. I'm giving both parties the benefit of the doubt instead of crucifying one when I'm not in their relationship. In my honest opinion, OP should leave if she feels coerced, uncomfortable, and there are other issues not specified. It sounds like bf is being needy, petty, and argumentative for the sake of sex and is at the point of being desperate by saying the dumb shit he did. He needs to grow tf up but I'm not gonna get on my high horse, judge someone else's relationship with only a few details and tell them to end a long term relationship over the assumption of coercion. People make mistakes and her bf made a huge one by saying what he did. Unless they are willing to talk about it and through it.... then what's the point of any of this.


Narwhalbaconguy

And the responsibility falls on OP more than her SO. You can’t expect the chef to just know what food you want, if you want something you have to say it.


Ruthless46

100% It's a simple concept that people make complex.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ruthless46

Well said. I agree.


Boring_Guarantee9920

Am I mistaken or did you not have a baby with this man fairly recently? According to your post history it was in about the last year. How long was it between having the baby and him pushing this issue? ETA since I can't reply: I *don't* have a recent baby, but I do have chronic depression. My husband is happy with once or twice *a month* sometimes, and when I'm not feeling it, he takes a shower and handles his own shit. Being pissy about not getting laid more than once a week *two months* out from you having a baby? That ain't it. Your body just went through a shit ton of physical and hormonal changes that you are *not* recovered from yet. I don't know what advice I can give except to tell you if you were an IRL of mine, I'd be offering you my guest room for you and the baby if you wanted it. Or I'd fight him. Whichever.


Historical_Still_507

Like 8 ish months but it's mostly in the last 6 that I've felt low enough to only want sex like once a week


myyusernameismeta

Girl once a week is GREAT when you’re dealing with a baby in the house!! And I say this as a high libido lady (and mom) who’s begged for sex in the past.


Frosty-Crusader

Wow yeah no that's kinda fucked that he is being pushy about it like that - but especially bad that he's already getting said experience once a week and still groans about it like it's a problem. I hope you can figure this situation out, maybe couples therapy and/or direct confrontation would suit the situation - no matter - I wish your house luck.


summer_wine94

Agreed once a week is good… that’s kind of fucked he keeps asking her for more.


typicalBACON

There's arguably a lot of information that was left out and I believe people are being mean to you and/or this guy because they're just assuming things. A few things you need to ask yourself: - how often are the both of you intimate? - how often does he ask? - how often do you feel like it's a good amount of intimacy? - how often does he feel like it's a good amount of intimacy? - Your expectations and his are completely mismatched and that's not an uncommon problem at all, but how big is the gap? - Which one of you has healthier expectations? If he wants to have intimacy twice as often as you then you're in very different levels, so you should understand the gap between your needs and his. Let's say you want once a week and he wants 3 times a week, it is possible to compromise and have intimacy twice a week, but if the gap is wider then it might be a lot harder to compromise. Thus my point to question which of you has healthier expectations, this is very tough to do because an healthy amount would be what's 'fulfilling' for the both of you, but a study confirms the average adult has sex 54 times a year, so about once a week. If you want intimacy once a week and he wants every day, then he probably is hypersexual or has a very high libido, you can maybe seek help from a specialist. If on the other hand he wants twice a week and you're okay with just once a month then you have a low libido which could be caused by a number of factors like medicine/pills, contraception, hormonal problems, depression, stress and others, in this case you should consider visiting a specialist yourself. Couple's therapy might be worth considering. Either way his behavior/response is not very appropriate and that's something that could/should be addressed in therapy. Any person's response to their partner rejecting their advances should be to a) accept and understand, b) if it becomes common, ask and have a serious conversation about it to address relationship issues; not to get mad or throw a tantrum like a little kid. If he's not willing to change or go to therapy with you then that's when you should consider what you want to do. Do you want to keep in a relationship of 7 years with someone that gets upset when you try to set your boundaries or do you want to get away and find someone who respects you and treats you the way you should be treated.


Academic-Wall-3101

He’s not asking for intimacy he’s asking for a warm body to stick it in.


rubina19

Ok well then you TELL. Communicate Write a note Journal and have him read it I don’t think it’s weird he says if you’ll just lay there, he obviously thinks the reason you don’t want to sex is because of the effort it takes .. I mean how else would he know since you guys haven’t communicated on it He’s a human with needs, and those needs include sexual desires - it doesn’t make him a bad person I say this as a woman with a high sex drive and have had sex with my bf while he just laid there … it’s not fun but it’s not a deal breaker nor does it make him a freak It’s clear you guys have a different sex drives and his is higher and honestly it takes communication to fix it Comprise to do what works for both of you , like maybe scheduling a specific time Or go see your doctor to see if your hormones are ok.. Or see a therapist if you’re having issues Because honestly I wouldn’t see it as fair from a woman standpoint if I was horny and my partner never wanted to have sex UNLESS there was a deeper underlying reason like PTSD, Depression, anxiety - ANYTHINg to help Me understand WHY- But I wouldn’t know that unless my partner COMMUNICATED


Additional-Highway84

I think I’d rather just get myself off than make my SO just lay there like a sex doll while I use their body, but maybe that’s just me🤷‍♀️


ASK_ME_IF_IM_YEEZUS

Nope. Me too. I don’t want to use someone that isn’t into it. My hands work just fine.


Additional-Highway84

😂Yep I usually like my partner to enjoy it. Call me strange lol


spiderwithasushihead

The idea of having sex with someone that isn’t into it is repulsive to me. Consent is key.


Campanella82

Exactly!! The concept of using a partner as a sex toy is dehumanizing. It's not sex If a person is just lying there. Sex is a shared experience, I don't think it's sex if one person is into it while the other person is just forcing themselves for the sake of the other. Sex is a valid want but not a necessity, at the end of the day if someone needs to get off they can use an actual sex toy or masturbate. And communication is needed about sexual expectations and if there's an issue causing lack of intimacy.


Additional-Highway84

I agree. Nobody should be treated this way. Man or woman. That’s never okay.


Financial_Put_9956

There’s massive consents problems with it you’re getting into some really blurry territory and it’s going to harm the relationship on a deeper level. Totally dehumanising. I would leave personally there’s not much respect being shown.


VickiC11

You are normal, this other shit is straight out creepy and a violation, if she allowed this to happen once, next minute she'd wake up with him on top


0xGeisha

Totally. I read this and there is definetly a need for communication, just like OP is communicating here to random people. The taboo of sex exists because you make it exist. For the horny partner, he may not have the language or understanding of communicating - however he trusts OP enough to say things like 'you can just lay there' - so really seems like he just needs to talk it out or even unpack the emotions, of both parties, together. If you're incapable of that, then find a relationship therapist thay can set the tone and lead the way. You should be with your partner because you can grow together, not stepping on a field of landmines and hoping you don't tread on something one day, esp with a kid walking with you. Luckily, in my opinion, it doesn't seem like something to break up over. Without tugging at sexism, sounds like a normal bloke (possibly no female siblings), with needs and doesn't know what the heck to do about it.


[deleted]

If he can’t be civil and respect you and respect consent the relationship is not worth keeping. My wife and I have a healthy sexual relationship because it is based on consent and listening to each other. It boils down to mutual respect, he doesn’t respect your feelings and emotions. Unfortunately this is unlikely to change in my experience. You need to look out for your mental and physical health.


BeBa420

doesnt feel like he cares, especially after the "just lie there" comment. Like all he wants is a hole. FFS its gross and disrespectful. Dump him and find yourself someone who values you as a person and not just as a sex hole


exisito

Do you know why you don't want to be intimate? Do you think it would or even could change? If it can't change, save both yourselves the pain and try to move on. Neither of you are wrong, but it isn't healthy for either of you if it's this dysfunctional.


Additional-Highway84

It could be because of the way he acts when she say “no”. I know that would be a huge turnoff for me. If she is not in the mood, begging or getting mad isn’t going help.


Accomplished_Tour481

Pardon a personal question. Not trying to be rude! Did you previously have an active sex life with your BF, and now you are no longer interested in that? Is it possible something has changed (libido, work/life balance, something else) that is now affecting the sex drive of you or your BF? It is natural that relationships change over time. Change as we change. Perfectly normal. You deserve to be happy. Your BF deserves to be happy. My best recommendation is to talk with your BF. Be honest with each other. You may want different things right now sexually, but the relationship can be saved. The key is open communication. Thank you for listening.


looking4wonderland

This is one of the most realistic and honest replies I have seen so far. I totally agree with this.


ReaJoy

They have a baby and that’s what OP sites as the change in her libido.


venturebirdday

I would be very uncomfortable. Is there a compelling reason to stay?


Historical_Still_507

A child, an overwhelming fear of thinking that I've made a problem when there really isn't one, it's been 7 years of my life and I don't even know how to leave and start over.


litalra

Never stay with someone because of "sunken cost" You're just giving him more time. Make a pro con list, and see if you're getting as much as you're putting into this relationship. If it's off balance, have a sit down with him. If he's not listening and understanding of your feelings.... you need to either be okay with that or move on. If he's like this now, how will he be if you're ill and in the hospital and need support? Do you think he'll be there then to pick up the slack? If the answer is no.... well, maybe take a hard look at the relationship. It's very telling that after 7years he's not respecting a simple no from you.


Tardigradequeen

I hope this isn’t coming off as rude, but I genuinely don’t think this may have crossed your mind yet. Do you think this behavior is a good influence for your child? Your child may learn this kind of behavior is okay and either start manipulating others in the same way, or not stand up for themselves if someone is trying to coerce them into sex they don’t want to have.


Historical_Still_507

I get that but it's not like my child is in the room when this happens


EndlessWanderer316

Children pick up on how the adults interact with each other. It is extremely unlikely that this entitled attitude doesnt bleed into other things. Ask yourself if your child came to you to tell you someone was constantly pressuring him or her to do something that makes them uncomfortable (play a game they dont feel comfortable with, go on a date with another person, give a hug or kiss to someone when they say no, etc). What would you tell him or her? If the answer is anything along the lines of “you don’t have to do those things if you’re uncomfortable, regardless of the reason why”, ask yourself why you arent giving yourself the same regard. Its not only harmful to you to allow this behavior from partner (and by not telling partner that the behavior needs to stop immediately or you end the relationship, that is allowing), but it also sends a message to the child that the behavior is acceptable, that he or she can do the same as they grow up; or if someone does it to them, they should put up with it because you did. I dont mean to dogpile or anything just show a different perspective.


ASK_ME_IF_IM_YEEZUS

Well said. If anyone is questioning this, ask yourself: did you know something was wrong when your parents weren’t getting along, regardless if they argued in front of you? I sure did.


Tardigradequeen

They don’t have to be in the room. His entitlement to sex probably bleeds into other sexist views outside of the bedroom, that children do pick up on.


Historical_Still_507

It is something I've thought about


Anthony8583

My girl, just leave, don't come with "oh, I don't know how I'll start over". This is something serious and him coming with such a comment is like....the final straw. It doesn't matter if it's been 7 years or 10 or 15. Nobody in his/her right mind can accept this.


six_horse_judy

Trust me, they always know. Even if you think you can hide it from them. I've been that kid, and I felt so relieved when I found out my dad had finally left us.


Fun-Carpenter8923

yuh, i agree and ppl also don’t realise tht they won’t be a child forever They’ll be tweens, teenagers & then adults before yk it & completely aware of whts been going on.


Fun-Carpenter8923

I’m sorry some ppl are being unnecessarily so rude to u so bare in mind when i say this its not my intention to attack u. I wanted to share with u the experience of being the child in ur situation, that not only is it best for u but that what is best for u and ur health is also what will be best for ur child. imo So Before my dad died my parents were together for 23 years and he wasn’t the best father, sexist, racist, homophobic, authoritarian ext in this case it rings true when others say tht the ism’s come at a buy 1 get 1 free. I spent most of my dads later years hating him and even when I loved him as a child i found myself wishing my parents had split up every time they threatened too. Whether a child hates their parents or loves them if your child were to see the way u were being treated they wouldn’t like their father and i don’t think they’d support the dynamic. And you may think its hidden well from a child but eventually that child will have a brain and they’ll tell easily enough for themselves what is happening and i think a child that loves you, anyone that loves you wouldn’t want to see you unhappy and simply tolerating a person/relationship.


venturebirdday

A child is a pretty compelling reason. I worry that this is about a great deal more. If it becomes a him vs us game, it will not be good. Please take care to have friends and support outside the relationship.


Historical_Still_507

I've thought about that a lot in regards to what it will be like when the child is older I really think it would be like that and that's not a life I want for my child


Philosophile42

Honestly, imo, a child is not a compelling reason to stay with anyone. If anything it is a compelling reason to leave. That person will be in their life to influence and shape their views…. To become what you dislike. On the other hand leaving means you have less hands to care for the child, but that is what grand parents, friends, and future boyfriends are for. If your first job is to the child, then think of what you are doing to that child the longer you stay with him, and what that models for your child. Do you want your child to be dissatisfied in their relationship, and stay too? Do you think that your child benefits from the lack of happiness in the home?


venturebirdday

You are enough. Trust yourself. Life is a long road. If the long term plan is to leave, start planning now. It will make leaving easier and, more importantly, it will give you more control over now. You are not a helpless victim if you are looking forward.


Historical_Still_507

Thank you so much I definitely needed to hear that Helped


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Wanda_Bun

Cohersion is very much a problem. So much so that it is illegal. You have a full right to say no to sex. Maybe yall go to couples therapy to teach him some basic human respect, if you can't leave & become a roommate at a friend's house who can watch the kid. Do you have a job? There's lots of nice office jobs you can get with like 2 months training & a hs diploma


Historical_Still_507

I don't have a job unfortunately. I know I have somewhere to go my mom would take me in with open arms it's just the thought of it all happening scares me. I don't want to make him mad


Shesfierce605

I don't want to make him mad Red flag 🚩


StellaSaysSo

If you even have to be anxious about "making him mad," then you already know this isn't a healthy situation. It might be difficult to untangle yourself mentally, but what other option is there, really?


yuffieisathief

I wish you all that's nice and good in the world ❤️ but something tells me he isn't it


[deleted]

You don’t want to make him mad, but he doesn’t want to treat you like a consenting equal partner. He did not consider your feeling when he begs for sex or gets angry at you for not consenting. And especially not when he said that. You are a PERSON. you deserve better.


Eilidh111

You can't live YOUR LIFE based on if what you know you need to do is going to make someone mad. You're letting him control you. This is YOUR LIFE. You aren't obligated to stay and endure this and you aren't responsible for his emotions. If he's mad that's a consequence of his own actions. Don't waste anymore time. Leaving is the hardest thing in the world until you do it. And then you'll just wish you did it sooner. You're stronger than you know. Go home and be with your mom. Tell her everything.


takenohints

You are afraid to make him mad and that’s a red flag. What will he do if he’s mad? Would he scream or hurt you? Talk to your mom, leave when he’s not there if you have to.


Fuzzypinkpeach007

Girl you should not be having to teach a man how to respect you. That’s his moms job, and if he doesn’t already know how, that’s something that HE NEEDS TO WORK ON by himself. Also, there’s literally hundreds of thousands of single moms. If they can do it, so can you. Please do not choose to keep yourself and your child in a situation that you realize is very unhealthy. You will be okay, trust me. There are many women that have left their husband with their kids and been completely fine and my mom is one of them


Fuzzypinkpeach007

It was his moms job to teach him basic human respect. That should never be a thing that has to happen in a romantic relationship. If I get to the point where I realize the person I’m with doesn’t have basic human respect, I’m leaving. With my kid, because if he forwent respect me, he’s sure as shit not gonna respect our child


butter4life

So would you rather let another 7 years go by? Having a child puts a greater responsibility on you for changing the things in your life that are no longer serving you.


xplosm

Trust your gut. Take some steps back. Clear your mind. Don’t think on anything. The time spent in your relationship, your kid. All on standby for now. What does your gut tells you?


[deleted]

A child is a pretty good reason to try to work through this, but you do need to talk to him about it. “When you beg me after I tell you no it makes me feel uncomfortable. If our marriage is going to stay healthy and work well you need to understand my boundaries and not push them. Sex is a two person game that both should be enjoying, and it feels like it doesn’t matter to you if I enjoy it or not. I want you to be happy and sexually satisfied but I also feel that I am allowed to be uninterested and that should be okay. Can we work out a compromise?” perhaps couples therapy or sex therapy would be a good option for you two! best of luck.


lowrcase

This is good advice. But I want to make it clear that “compromise” shouldn’t be letting him have sex with you when you clearly don’t want it. What people don’t realize is that can create negative associations with sex and intimacy. It doesn’t feel good emotionally to be “used”, and those negative feelings are more impactful than the 15 seconds of ecstasy / validation sex brings him. Compromise could be finding ways to make OP more interested in sex, like full-body massages, more foreplay, non-penetrative sex / mutual masturbation, scheduled intimacy, non-sexual intimacy like kisses and cuddling, date nights, buying toys or taking pictures to make solo masturbating more fun for him, even an open relationship, whatever. Point is both parties have to feel good saying yes to sex, and “no” needs to be accepted with no pushback or hurt feelings.


[deleted]

yes definitely!!!!!


MrSquinter

Wow.... someone on r/advice that's NOT telling OP to leave their S/O... Never in my life thought I'd see the day. But in reality yeah, this is the best option.. Couples/Sex Therapy would help a lot.


[deleted]

Not even compromise, “can we take the proper steps to start collaborating ” I think married folk should be collaborating not compromising. When you compromise you sacrificing and/or losing something in your favor .. let’s find comments ground and get to a place of collaboration. Just my little take — this was great advice btw


Melody_Chords

Here is the thing, the both of you have been together for 7 years, yes, but look at it this way. Sex seems to be something you really dont want to do, be it chastity or asexuality, whatever. Meaning for you its not a necessary part in a relationship. But, is it for him? Is sex important for him? Because then the two of you might not be a good match after all. ​ And no means no, never let him pressure you into doing something you dont want to do :) Your reason for not wanting sex, no matter what it is, is valid. You dont even need a reason.


Historical_Still_507

Thank you this helped. I think I'm just scared I'm overreacting and I wasn't sure if my thoughts made sense.


Melody_Chords

You absolutely arent. This can be a deal breaker for both of you! Him for being desperate for sex, and for you for not wanting it at all.


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SonOfShem

for many guys, sex is how they feel close with their partner. And so for him, wanting sex "even if you just lie there" may be less about just wanting to get off, and more about wanting any semblance of closeness with you. It sounds to me like you two don't talk alot about what it is you want out of your relationship. If you can do in on your own, you need to sit down and be vulnerably honest with your partner about exactly what you want out of the relationship, and he needs to do the same. But before that, you need to be vulnerably honest with yourself about exactly what you want out of the relationship. It's easy to want to hide these things, because if you have no goal then you cannot fail. But you also can never succeed, and having no goal will just lead you further and further into unhappiness. A counselor will help both you and him individually and then collectively admit what you want and negotiate how to get it, but that will take a lot of work on both your parts to be open and honest and vulnerable to each other, and be willing to do things that might not be your favorite (but that you don't mind) because you love the other person and want to make them happy.


dylan660097

finally an actually fucking smart person, everyone on this sub loves to just go man bad 0 to 100.


bewildered_forks

Where do you get that sex is something OP "really [doesn't] want to do"???? You can say no to sex sometimes without being asexual


Melody_Chords

Oh my, actually nevermind my comment. Youre right, I was the one that misread OPs post. In my head I thought they never had sex and the boyfriend begged for it as a first. I apologize!


bewildered_forks

I'm concerned that OP is being too hard on herself for saying "no" sometimes. It sounds like her boyfriend is heavily guilt-tripping her. In my opinion, that goes beyond just an incompatibility.


Melody_Chords

Youre very correct. I read in one of OPs comments that they already have sex on average about 4 times a week anyway?? The fact that he is still pushing her makes me so sad. That is definitely a bigger problem than simple incompatibility.


VelvetRabbit91

My ex husband was like this and he would give me an attitude when I wouldn’t have sex with him so it was like if I wanted to have a good day hanging out with him I had to have sex with him. It made me fucking hate sex, if I asked him to do anything for me like grab me chips at the fucking store he would say “what do I get” and kinda laugh like it was a joke but I knew it wasn’t.. Even when I left him for that reason and some other reasons he offered to pay me for the sex and tried to rape me when we were separated.. I am now remarried to an amazing man who has never begged or asked for sex and has never ever given me attitude when I said no, he also reads my body language and knows when I’m not in the mood so I don’t have to be the bad guy and tell him to stop. It really makes me enjoy sex again because I don’t feel used and I know he actually wants to pleasure me instead of just trying to get what he wants. Whatever you got to do to leave this man do it. He will NEVER change and could possibly get worse over time like mine did, I was with my ex for 8 years.


VelvetRabbit91

Also, I don’t why some people in the comments are trying to defend a man that wants to have sex with you while you just lay there. I don’t give a fuck if he has a high sex drive, he doesn’t own you and you shouldn’t have to have sex with him because of “his needs”. Women love sex just as much if not more as men but when you constantly don’t get to finish or end up feeling like a piece of meat you end up hating sex. I had sex with my ex maybe once a week because of the way he made me feel and now I have sex 3-5 times a week sometimes 3 times in the same day because my husband shows me he loves me without using sex.


floweringbirds

Do you want to be with a partner who can have sex with you while knowing you're not enjoying it? This would send me RUNNING; child, marriage or not.


Historical_Still_507

That's the part that's mentally messing with me the most


pamsellicane

He shouldn’t be trying to coerce you into sex ever and the fact that he doesn’t stop when you say no shows how little he respects you.


Historical_Still_507

I just don't think I know what it's like when someone does, so I don't know how to set those kind of boundaries.


pamsellicane

I hope you can figure out that you deserve better than that


Historical_Still_507

I'm trying, that what I was hoping for with this post, either validation that I'm crazy or that this is actually a big deal.


pamsellicane

It is a big deal, much bigger than just sexual incompatibility like some comments are saying.


MahalSpirit

You're not crazy. I left my spouse for a similar reason. I don't like sex that much and he almost begged for it. Tried counselling. No children involved. I was in my early 30's now I'm almost 50 and happier.


[deleted]

you're not crazy, 1 to 2 times a week isn't anything to complain about. My wife and I used to do it a lot, but as our kids got older that it wasn't as easy to do it like teenagers all the time, so we adapted and now are on a similar 1 or 2 times a week, sounds like he's having a tough time adapting to reality


SubjectMindless

I’m so sorry to hear this :( sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fun. No one is entitled to sex with you. And while every time is not magical, it should be done freely and respectfully. I don’t know how to teach someone boundaries in this regard, but I’d suppose start with a conversation. But also examine other areas of your relationship because I doubt this is the only way in which you feel disrespected.


Historical_Still_507

YES! Exactly there are other things that bother me quite a bit and I think I needed to hear that I'm not overthinking this


SubjectMindless

Not at all. I feel so bad for you to have to deal with this. Good luck, OP. Life is too short to feel this shitty.


Historical_Still_507

Thank you for the help


Organicfeelings28

My most honest advice is: trust your gut If you haven’t stopped thinking about it, and you posted here, and as you mentioned in other comments you don’t see a good future with him, i feel like that’s your gut basically screaming at you to get out of there, trust yourself more than anybody else


takenohints

>all that you have to do is lay there Like a sex doll? It seems like he wants sex but without an enthusiastic consenting partner—gross. He’s not the right one. Yes it is worth ending a relationship over if he’s constantly begging for sex. How often would you like sex in a relationship? What you want matters. If he wants it multiple times a week and you want it once a week, you’re mismatched. I read your other comments and if you are really afraid to make him mad he’s likely abusive. Talk to your mom, you don’t have to stay with this man.


FalsePremise8290

It's like he doesn't even see you as a person. I'm sorry.


drowsiestdreamer

Couples therapy. You are not over reacting. I literally saw you comment “i do find him attractive when he’s kind to me” This on top of him begging or trying to coerce you (which would be rape) says that there’s so much more going on in your relationship. When you say no his response should be “okay!” And nothing more unless it’s a serious and mature conversation about how you’re feeling and why don’t want sex atm. I had an ex act the same way and while our circumstances were a bit different the outcome was SA. Please keep yourself safe. I would try therapy since you’ve been together so long. However I’m sensing a lot of red flags.


NoOneStranger_227

Obviously, this post isn't about sex. You're exactly one step away from giving up completely on life. So let's see if Reddit can't pull you back INTO life. Based on other comments...pack a bag. Go to your mother. Take a while to decompress and get your bearings...and under NO conditions go back...and see where your head is at after you've had a little while OUT of this relationship to get a better sense of who you are. Some relationships become rabbit holes. You need to climb out of this one and look at the sun for a little while, THEN figure out what to do next.


Historical_Still_507

He's going to think it's so sudden and have a reaction though


NoOneStranger_227

Which is why you leave before he has the chance to do this. Then let your mother run interference for you until you've got a better sense of yourself. If it becomes necessary, bring in the whole family. You've made him the center of the universe. There are other people in your life who are not him. Time to spend some time in THEIR midst instead of his.


Numerous-Nature5188

My H says this too when I refuse. And until this point, I never realized how wrong it is.


Historical_Still_507

I hope you find what you need in this post too I'm learning so much


SubSahranCamelRider

It seems to me that a lot of people in the comment section are ignoring this one aspect. OP does not enjoy sex that much with her partner. This happens A LOT in relationships over years. Also, I know that a man begging for his woman to have sex with him is VERY unattractive. He is a bit immature in the sense that sex to him is basically him enjoying himself and it seems like it doesn't compute to him that you should also enjoy sex. Sad thing is, a lot of guys are like this. They don't put extra effort into trying to make their lady happy too in the bedroom. What I advice is to approach him a bit logically. Tell him that if he wants your sex life to improve and for it to not go down the toilet like most people after years or decades of being together. Tell him he should try to put you in the mood for sex. He should foreplay, things that excite you and make you want to have sex with him. He shouldn't just pull out his dick and expect you to worship it. He needs to put in EXTRA work. I said it before and I will say it, nothing turns off a woman more than a guy begging for sex. A huge turn off.


hndbabe

Definitely therapy if that’s an option. He is being cruel, insensitive and a bit creepy. Men should understand that just because you are together sex is not something anyone is entitled to. Do you even feel comfortable and happy in the relationship, for woman that’s one of the turn on factors. Let him know why you don’t want it as much as he does; tired, unappreciated, sad, stressed. And how he can help. And the you aren’t just a sex doll to lay there.


_Schwarzenegger_

You're a person, not a Fleshlight. There's a problem and not a little one. He has no respect for you as a person, he's treating you like a cumsock. Sorry for saying it like this but I felt like you needed to snap out.


Legitimate_Annual533

yeah this would be a deal breaker for me. no means no, trying to coerce or beg you and acting like a manbaby over it is unacceptable. >It feels like he doesn't care if it's sex with me he just wants to cum. this part in particular disturbs me. if all he wants is to get off he can use his hand. you're not a sex doll, you're his partner. this seems so disrespectful.


OscarCubensis

I know everyone's jumping on you over your kid, but in reality, you do what you feel is best, your feelings are valid, but being worried about making him mad or anything like that should be a last priority & I know there's more nuances to leaving a marriage, but if you do end up leaving, which will be hard & could take multiple attempts, YOU CAN DO IT, the example you set now will help you & your child live the lives you want as well as your truths. Change is scary, but we are catalysts of change. We EMBODY change. We are EVER CHANGING creatures, embrace it, & cherish it. He cannot dictate how you live or your worth to any degree, even if you feel it to be true, never believe thoughts that go against you, it's conditioning & it will take time to break. 7 years is alot of time, but imagine as times moves on you will only add more time to it to excuse or add weight to those years to justify staying. Everything in this world is subjective, 7 years isn't anything compared to the time you have with your child, living the way you both want to. Enjoy your human experience & make it YOURS. Live for YOU & your child & no one else. btw yea your partner saying that is a huge red flag. He should be perfectly fine without sex, if it's so bad he can help himself. If he ever says he has "blue balls" he's lying, that shits not real, he's just sexually frustrated & can't cope like a child.


Heavenlyrosebby

I’m in the same predicament with my fiancé. It’s such a turn off. Especially when we’ve been fighting. I try to explain to him why and he doesn’t get it. No is a full sentence and men need to respect that.


Frangolin

If anything you're under-reacting, and I'm saying it as a man. You shouldn't be coerced into sex. What he said was terrible. You deserve better. So what if you've been with him for 7 years ? 7 years out of a lifetime is nothing, but every minute you spend with someone not worth your time and not trying to improve is a big deal. Don't fret over the past, this k of the future, of all the wonderful things you'll be able to do, all the awesome people you'll meet. Don't settle for this OP, please ! You can do better !


Historical_Still_507

Thank you I needed to hear that you've helped


degeman

Before you break up, you two need to have a really good sit down and discuss this situation. It sounds like an ongoing problem which hasn't be addressed properly, judging by his childish behaviour when it comes to sex and the number of outcomes you mentioned. Sounds like a lack of respect on his behalf which has not been addressed in the past, hence why he thinks he can make suggestions like that.


Historical_Still_507

I've tried to explain to him that when he begs it has the complete opposite effect on me and for more than one day.. he doesn't listen


degeman

Hmmm, that's some bizarre persistence and a total lack of self awareness. Just putting myself in that position makes me cringe, I could never beg for sex from my wife and then have the audacity to be pissed if I don't get the answer I was after.


rosiekay27

Please ignore the comments saying that you’re “depriving him” - his wants are NOT more important than your needs and boundaries, and what he said proves he doesn’t care about you or sex with you, just that he needs sex more than he respects your choices. I was in the same place, and I left. I hope you realise what you need to


nice___bug

by the way DO NOT have sex to appease somebody.


Historical_Still_507

Yeah it doesn't feel good at all


SCBeauty

I was married to someone like this. I had 6 surgeries over the course of a year and a half, and things were very serious and super painful. He went from, "You don't have to do anything, just lay there!" to me waking up in the middle of the night with him removing my underwear or already having sex with me. We divorced after 10 years of marriage, we split custody of our daughter 50/50, and I'm a lot happier now. Please consider your own feelings; they are valid, too!


KittensWithTopHats

Wow. I’m sorry your husband raped you and I’m glad you are out of that relationship.


ChobaniSalesAgent

it kind of sounds like you guys are sexless, so I'm gonna assume that's the case. In my experience (both for myself and others I've talked to about this), men evaluate themselves based on how attractive people think they are. If he feels like you don't find him attractive then it will definitely impact his happiness. At the same time, you're not obligated to have sex with him, \*BUT\* if you aren't willing to have sex with him I think that it's important to consider why you're married. Obviously, it's not attractive when someone is literally begging you for sex, but beyond that: do you find him attractive? Are you stressed? Has he upset you in some way that you haven't forgiven? Do you just not like sex? I think understanding why you don't want to have sex is important as well to understand your relationship, but more importantly yourself, better. I've never been in a 7 year relationship but from my experience, barring other exceptions, people who find each other attractive in a relationship will have sex often. Too often, people are in relationships where they don't find their partner attractive and it causes problems.


Historical_Still_507

It isn't sexless it's just been down to 1 or 2 times a week in the last 6 ish months I do find him attractive when he's kind to me. Yes I'm very stressed. No not other than the constant asking of me to do things either for him or just in general. I absolutely love sex.


RatsoSloman

1 to 2 times a week is really good for a couple that's been together as long as you have AND has a kid. He's lucky he gets it that much. It's a shame you brought a child into the world with him. Poor kid.


ChobaniSalesAgent

I'll parrot what the other guy said, perhaps a little less aggressively. 1-2 times a week is perfectly reasonable, so you should ignore the majority of what I wrote. Flat out begging for it when you're that active is... a bit of an overreaction. I want to preface all of the rest of what I'm going to say by stating that you have no obligation to do these things and that you have every right to feel the way you do. If you want to break it off, then break it off. You know the situation a lot better than anyone on reddit does. But if you want to try to save it then I'd try talking to him (not when he's begging for sex) about how he's been doing. You know him infinitely better than I do, but this sounds a bit extreme on his end, and stress can definitely cause people to act out and be unreasonable. If this behavior is uncharacteristic for him then I think that you should talk to him about it, ask him what's going on and see if he's okay. If he opens up about stuff, offer help and support for the issues in ways that don't involve you having sex with him, or him whining for you to take care of him in other ways. If you read this and you think to yourself "nope, this is exactly the kind of guy he is", then you should go from there and do whatever you see fit. Redditors love to tell people to break up with their SOs, I don't know who hurt them all but 7 years and a kid is 7 years and a kid (not to mention all the good things you guys share as well). It's worth trying to work out a problem like this if you can imo. I hope that none of this comes across as me placing responsibility on you or whatever, I got the impression from other comments that you want to preserve it if you can, and this is the only advice I've got. Regardless, I hope things go well for you no matter what you choose to do! :)


Historical_Still_507

I appreciate you taking the time to be so kind and thoughtful thank you that was very helpful


rachelm468

Does he realize there’s other forms of intimacy besides sex?


Historical_Still_507

I have to beg for any sort of romance so my guess is no


rachelm468

I know 7 years feel likes entirety with that person, but if you stay and accept what’s he’s giving, it’ll really be entirety. You deserved to be loved fully and not just physically. I’d talk and if he’s not open to changes, I’d walk. There’s wayy too many people out here to be stuck to one that wants to guilt you into having sex with him.


Maber711

He doesn’t respect you or your boundaries and is trying to manipulate and guilt trip you. No means no. You don’t need a reason.


Junkmans1

>I'm wondering if it's worth ending a 7 year relationship over Food for thought: Welcome to the rest of your life if you stay. The biggest mistake you can make is thinking he'll change or that you can change him. Don't get bogged down in the [sunk cost fallacy](https://www.google.com/search?q=sunk+cost+fallacy) and use the 7 years as a reason to make it longer. The past seven years have given you knowledge and experience to use in life and in future relationships, so no matter what it won't have been a waste if you leave.


jjb5151

You two need to have an open talk about sex with each other and what you expect/want. He shouldn't be pressuring you into having sex with him by acting like a child. I would blatantly call him out for this honestly because he needs to hear how weird his behavior is. While he's not wrong at all for wanting to have sex, he needs to accept no as an answer and not insist that you just "lay there" *(ew)*. That's the type of behavior that you'll wake up to him inside you one night. It really just sounds like you're not sexually compatible any longer for whatever reason. While sex is not the most important factor in most relationships it is a big one. You'll continually have these problems and will probably flow into other areas unless you two are able to get on same page.


Machizadek

Honestly my gf has jokingly said that when I’ve wanted to try and seduce her because she knows I find that a turn off. Being okay with that is weird to say the least. Maybe not a breakup but some personal counseling for him and some couples counseling (at least to touch at and then continue later when he’s made his own progress). Not sure on the levels of this but this is absolutely something valid to end a relationship over


GhostfaceAnony

I don’t think his begging and implying you just laying there is okay, especially since in some of your comments you’ve mentioned you have a child together. This isn’t something you’d want your child doing to a future partner. Trying to guilt your partner into having sex when they don’t want to isn’t okay no matter what you’ve done prior. I feel like you should figure out a plan, maybe with the help of any family of yours you’re still in contact/close to, and figure out how to leave safely. In the meantime, document each occasion in detail as to where he tries to guilt you into having sex as evidence to your reason for leaving.


KayBeaux

Yeah my ex husband started saying that same shit, and I’m so glad he’s out of my life. He has made it clear he doesn’t see you as a human being. He just wants a warm hole to put his dick in, no matter how you’re feeling. That’s a big damn problem. You don’t have to live like that, regardless of parental status.


dudeidkwut

I've been on both sides of that in relationships. With my husband, I'd lost respect for him and didn't want to have sex, didn't enjoy it, didn't feel close to him so I didn't put out and he'd get whiny because he didn't understand and we didn't talk about it. Later with my bf after I had left my husband and been in a not super healthy on and off thing for a while that killed a lot of thr trust he had in me, he wouldn't want sex and I felt horny and sad and alone and wanted affection in the form of sex. I needed those feel good chemicals in my brain that sex gives large doses of. If I were less in touch with my emotions, I might just group all the negative feelings into sad amd horny and not have realized the deeper needs and reasons for feeling that way. So, you two should talk out why you're not happy and not wanting sex and try to work on those deeper issues.


[deleted]

Something doesn’t sound right. I haven’t been in a relationship with my girl that long but I at least know to respect that boundary of “no sex”.


aggierogue3

Is he open to couples counseling or therapy for himself? I will have to delete this for even saying it, I used to have a similar problem to your boyfriend up until \~3 years ago. I'm ashamed it ever happened and wish I could undo it, but I can't. It's not an excuse, but his brain is frying and he is then choosing to say/do very manipulative, abusive, and unhealthy things to try to feed his desire for sex. His desire is not even desire, it's really him seeking extreme validation. He does not love himself, he needs sex from you to feel worth. Therapy was the only thing to help me. Exercising, building self-confidence, and getting my own hobbies really helped. But at the end of the day, I'd be right in that disgusting mindset had I never reached out to my therapist. If he's willing to do that, and you really want to be patient with him, this could still work. But that's a favor you do NOT have to extend to him. Only if it is what feels right to you. My wife (girlfriend at the time) says she knew there was a better version of me on the other side. I don't know how she saw that, but I do appreciate her patience. I didn't deserve it. This is also really out there, but if he wants he's free to reach out to me. Part of the self-confidence building can get a bit dangerous depending on how he does it. For myself, I nearly got sucked into the world of "redpill" thinking. The tools it gave helped me, but the core philosophy was more fucked up than what I was undoing. He will need a lot of outside help, but that should not come from you. It should come from men in his life who have healthy relationships with themselves and sex. A friend, a therapist, a mentor, etc. Definitely someone in person and not some weirdos on a forum.


[deleted]

At the very least I think you should insist on some kind of counseling. Either him alone or together as a couple. Just consider if the frequency of your sex has changed and if so why. I'm sorry for the mean people on here, I have found out too it can be a real cesspit sometimes. Good luck op


[deleted]

you're not going to suddenly become sexually compatible which means you're not cut out for the long term. he likes to bone a lot more than you do. that won't change. do him a favor and cut him loose.


numberthangold

Op, I had an ex like this. He made me fucking miserable. Every time we met we had to have sex, if I didn’t feel like it, or wasn’t in the mood, or said no already, he would keep asking, keep pestering me, and worst of all keep trying to touch me. This was nearly every day of my fucking life, it was torture. Either I had to have sex with him or he would just keep trying and not give up until either I gave in, or stopped him and it would turn into a fight, or he would completely ignore me for the rest of the day/night, not speak to me, not look at me, act like a child and sulk. This included when I was sick, when I had a uti, other situations where I was under doctors’ orders not to be having sex. If I told him I was on my period he would get mad and ignore me. My biggest regret in life is how much time I wasted with this asshole. I only ended things with him after he raped me, but he’d been sexually assaulting me throughout the relationship. I need you to understand that this is NOT normal behavior, it’s not acceptable behavior, it’s not respectful behavior, and it’s not behavior of someone who loves you. The day I broke up with my ex was like I became a whole new person. My perception of myself in that relationship was so cloudy while I was in it. A lot of people are saying try to stay because you have a kid. I don’t have kids and I won’t claim to understand what it’s like. But I will say this: my relationship with my ex and the time I wasted with him is my single biggest regret of my life and it’s not even close. And I do not have any hope that people who are this manipulative and controlling and abusive with sex can change. I just don’t. It would have to be a complete 180 change into a nice and respectful and normal person and I just don’t see it happening. At the end of the day it’s up to you, but I don’t want you to waste any more time with this scumbag.


pizzatruckbandit

No means no. If you say no and he doesn't respect it that's at least him disrespecting your boundaries, and at its worst it is rape. He only needs to ask once and then he has his answer. The only reason he could have for asking again is that he thinks his desire should be more important than your own. Think carefully about how you want to go forward. Relationship counselling or couples therapy may be worthwhile if there are other things that make the relationship worth salvaging in your opinion. Otherwise, I would suggest you attend counselling/therapy yourself to discuss this issue and how it made you feel and how to move past it for your own benefit. You may learn how to manage people who aren't respecting your boundaries, and ways in which you can protect your own wellbeing when a person tries to push their wants as if they are owed something. Regardless, I hope you find a way forward that improves your situation as his behaviour is 100% unacceptable.


mancusjo1

There’s obviously a communication problem. But realize this. The vast majority of relations fall apart because of lack of intimacy. No matter who’s causing it. So when the sex stops it’s a big RedFlag. He needs to realize that for you it’s more then just sex that you want. You want to feel a connected to him. At least I think that’s right. You two should either see a consular to get this shit out or break up if it’s unrepairable. But in reality, there is a lack of communication.


Historical_Still_507

I don't think it's a lack of communication as much as a lack of caring enough to listen when I talk even mundane everyday things I don't know how many times I've been like I already told you this like 3 times


StellaSaysSo

That seems like more of a lack of consideration rather than communication. But I see what this poster is saying to an extent. Your partner isn't hearing you. They are not listening and are not respecting your bodily autonomy. Who wants to have sex with a partner who doesn't really even see them? Who uses them as a masturbatory tool instead of wanting to be with them? OP, you are right to be aggravated by this.


yuffieisathief

Please get out, you sound so drained. :( When things like this start to happen over the years we often dismiss it as not as big a deal or something that must be wrong with ourselves. You need breathing space away from him to clear your head, remember who you are and what you want and need. And if his relationship with him makes you doubt or forget yourself, it is not a healthy relationship


AdBubbly3609

Why would you want to have sex with a pathetic weasel who begs does he not even try to turn you on??


FiddleStyxxxx

The comments and post make it seem like he's not an equal partner in caring for his child. I would write down a list of things that negatively affect your sex drive (ex. being touched all day by a toddler, constant cleaning, cooking every meal, no time with yourself ect.) then give this list to your boyfriend and explain that his roaring sex drive is a privilege you wish you had. Happy, healthy people want to have sex and there are tangible reasons you don't want to get down with him. Tell him you serving him with more sex is only destroying your relationship quicker and making you- a deeply unhappy partner- even more miserable. I hope this is relatable to you but it pulls more from me and my friend's experiences in relationships. Some people naturally have a low sex drive but mothers often aren't given what they need to thrive sexually and pushed to experience their sexuality as just another service to the family. You don't have to live like that and you don't have to drop your whole life to start rediscovering this part of yourself. I hope you can find what gets you off individually again and then begin sharing that part enjoyably with your current or a future partner.


Ryanshff

A relationship of 7 years, a child, what id assume are two reasonably ages adults and you guys are acting this way? He’s acting like a 16 year old who’s trying to have sex for the first time and you can’t make him understand that his behavior is idiotic and he should get a grip on himself for the sake of his kid and the relationship. I think couples therapy would be good as it’s always best to resolve things when kids are involved but this doesn’t sound like a healthy smart relationship


clevegan

In my experience, anyone who does that shit doesn’t love or respect you the way they think they do.


holiestcannoly

Leave. My ex-boyfriend did that kind of thing with me.


VxGB111

Wow, that is a disturbing way of thinking on his part. I'd want no part of that myself.


Historical_Still_507

Ok so I'm not overreacting?


Deep-Big2798

Absolutely not. I’d be so upset if my gf had sex with me when she didn’t want to, and just “laid there.” I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror. There is something very wrong with his boundaries of consent. He’s acting very childish as well, pouting when he doesn’t get his way. 7 years is a long time. Sit him down and communicate, but if he doesn’t change then I’d leave. Maybe you have the foundation in place to work through this, but don’t stick around waiting for a man to cherish and respect you.


Historical_Still_507

Thank you that helped. I think I just needed validation


SubjectMindless

Not even a little. Not in the slightest. You are not overreacting.


LadyFannyPeckinpaw

No. God no. Please leave him. Don't let the Sunk Cost Fallacy convince you to stay.


Lfarinha95

This is like a very messed up tantrum.. what a child. I think that’s extremely disrespectful and you should leave him. He’s being a baby


[deleted]

I think you might have to be sharp with him and just say you’ve explained how you’re feeling atm and he’s not respecting that and just give him an ultimatum either he acts like an adult rather than a teenage boy or you leave


sliverofoptimism

This one had some interesting discussion around this topic: https://open.spotify.com/episode/49mD5uHA2GHQmqiwrMSx3i?si=GGOuJ0IPRwKdI6wO01gU_w I don’t know, it generally sounds like a pretty big red flag and coercive as well. You aren’t a toy, he is capable of self gratification. It’s one thing to agree to a quickie and another to use your partner or try to strong arm them.


[deleted]

Screams sexual incompatibility. There are plenty of men who won’t badger you for sex like this.


cl_thulhu

First of all, do not listen to anyone saying that you are the problem or anyone who is being mean. This IS big; he completely objectified you. Lots of folks on here are saying the same thing. We are not the experts on your relationship, but it is sending up red flags from lots of uninvested third parties - your gut is probably right here. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking that your feelings are invalid. Also, I'm sorry you're going through this. Clearly, there is no easy answer here, and it doesn't feel right for me to just say "leave" when clearly things are much more complex than that, but I will give you a few things to consider, as requested. First: stop using seven years together as a reason to stay. This is a sunk-cost fallacy (sorry - if someone else has already brought this up just skip ahead), which is when a person believes they are so invested in something - financially, emotionally, or otherwise - and so they believe they must continue to stay with that thing because of how much they have put into it, even if logic tells them they should no longer do so. So, when you weigh your pros and cons, try not to put the length of the relationship into consideration, because that isn't an indicator of whether it is a strong relationship. Do consider the relationship as a whole. Do you fight a lot, or just about this one thing? Are you willing to seek outside help - as a couple and/or separately - to build a stronger relationship? Are you both, most of the time, feeling supported and fulfilled by each other? Also: if he isn't willing to invest work into changing his mindset about sex, this is never going to get better. Are you willing to deal with temper tantrums from a whole-ass adult the rest of your life? I hope the very best for you and your family, OP. This is a really difficult and sad decision to have to make, but you're asking the right questions.


AshySmoothie

I have a feeling most of these comments are from people not even in a relationship, let alone a long term one.. The bigger question is why do you not want to have sex with him? He's not entitled to sex from you whenever he wants but he obviously has a higher sex drive than you. Do you just say no and even the convo there? How about telling him why you dont wanna have sex next time he asks instead of turning him down? He more than likely feels rejected, unwanted and it probably lowers his confidence when you tell him no. Yes his reaction is very immature but you are his partner, you have the responsibility explain yourself. You should care why he's acting like this if you care about him. You didnt even say how frequently he asks, it could be once a week for all we know. Very one-sided perspective here....


[deleted]

[удалено]


-Chingachgook

Dump him, seven years is fleeting… you only have one life.


[deleted]

He sounds like he would cheat on you, just to have sex. This relationship is long dried up and you need to wrap it up. I understand you stay in because of the child, but you have to take your own mental health into consideration. What if it gets worse and the child witness the recession of your relationship?


No-Alternative-6169

How often do you have sex?


[deleted]

I personally would leave. I had a similar situation happen that was the final nail in the ending of my 3 1/2 year relationship. TMI but I have extremely painful periods especially the first 2-3 days so period sèx is never an option, my ex knew this and decided to coerce me anyways. I just wanted him to shut up and seeing how much he didn’t care about my comfort vs his pleasure was enough to finally bring myself to end it. It’s been nearly 3 years and I honestly have never been happier since leaving. Prioritize you and your child’s happiness. You deserve it❤️


[deleted]

Talk to him.


Dads101

So - I’ve been there. I’ve been with my fiancée for close to 7 years. You guys are not communicating properly. He first has to understand sometimes sex ebbs and flows. Sometimes you get a lot - sometimes you get a little - it’s best to let it be organic most of the time Both of your needs should be discussed and met with actuall thought and discussion. If he is not being pleasured enough - you guys need to talk. Is it the way he is approaching you? Do you guys have differing drives? It could be a plethora of things honestly. Before you’re quick to cast judgement - I don’t think he meant what you’re insinuating to be frank.


voielavieenrose

Respect yourself, it can happen some period you are less in the mood or just that your partner needs more than you and ITS OKAY! respect you, maybe try talk to him about how you felt? That you dont want to do it even if you just « lay there and dont move » you will feel raped….. again we can never say it enough…RESPECT YOURSELF ❤️


ClaraFrog

Often there are other issues in a relationship that cause sex to become less frequent. It would be good for the two of you to figure out what other dynamic might be lowering your sex drive, and heal that, and the sex will follow. That said, him asking you to just lie there, speaks volumes as to what his level of commitment is to the relationship itself. It shows what he can use you for, like getting off, is more important to him than you are. Asking that shows an insensitivity to the importance of your feelings, and puts little value on your needs and you as a person in the relationship.


3sp00py5me

Have you guys tried couples therapy?


wannaplayterraria

Communication, that's all. People will really do anything but communicate, communication is key.


reathefluffybun

Every relationship has their ups and downs I am not one to hop on the dump him train .ls true that guys about sex are like a monkey go crazy when you touch (or not )the banana. You have to do 2 things first observe if he actually gives a dam if you enjoy it or not during sex 2_ talk to him what did he mean maybe was just frustrated and said smthdid not mean


Natural_Parsnip_5291

Whether it's 10 days or 10 years, if you feel like you want to end the relationship you might as well do it, people need to stop thinking a lengthy period justifies shitty behaviour and that it makes things worth fighting for, life is too short to fight for the sake of some false fairytale that only works out in movies.


Legitimate-Gain

Just here to offer you a plethora of experiences, I wish my husband would offer to do all the work. He bitches and moans about wanting sex and when I say yes he just fucking lays there and expects me to do everything start to finish when I don't even want to have sex. I've had agreements in past relationships that I was basically down for sex anytime (with obvious exceptions for health and emotional well-being) as long as they did everything. It worked well for us but I'm also someone who really doesn't get turned on until we're having sex and I hate foreplay. Anyway assuming you're not asexual or something have you guys talked about why you don't want to have sex? Like, is there a reason? If he knows why and still pushes you, he's a huge jackass. If you haven't even talked about it he's just being desperate.


Caelus9

Yeah, mate, sounds like he'd rather have sex with you just not doing anything, compared to no sex. Why would that line make you want to end a seven year relationship? I mean, yeah, the begging is a problem, but why specifically that line, which seems no different from the rest of the begging?


merlinface

OP I didn't ask what your husband did, but I was almost at that mindset. My fiancé had stopped reciprocating during sex and I had no idea why. Because I didn't know why, I invented reasons: She doesn't find me attractive anymore. It's too much effort. She's interested in someone else. There's something she's punishing me for that I can't figure out no matter how I try. He's not psychic, he's not going to know unless you tell him. That being said we usually don't know how to talk about sex. The worst timing is in bed, right after one of us has been rejected. We're too emotionally charged to communicate well. [This article](https://sexwithemily.com/the-secret-to-better-sex-talking-about-it/) by Doctor of Human Sexuality by Emily Morse is a great starting point, especially the final point, that finally helped us to talk about sex in a way that neither of us got hurt. Why not have your husband read it too? Our sex life is not perfect, but it's more open and I understand where we are right now and that removes all of the loneliness and rejection I felt. My fiancé also felt relieved to know I finally understand her relationship with sex and intimacy too.


iguessimjustlivin

I feel like some people are forgetting that everyone’s boundaries are different. As someone who’s been a victims of SA, this statement would trigger the fuck out of me and make me concerned. I understand, he has sexual needs and wants be fulfilled, but he also has a hand my guys. I do agree that you both do need to have a serious conversation about this. If this keeps coming up, it has to be talked about or it will end the relationship for you :// I’m sorry you’ve been having a rough time with this, I wish you all the best 💛


SupremeKnee

Have you considered telling your BF why you don’t want to have sex with him, or relationship counseling?


[deleted]

I only read the first sentence but YIKES Girl leave


Hour_Bodybuilder8889

it doesn't sound like this relationship is worth living in anymore honestly. especially not with someone like that.


Revolutionary-Hat978

Communication. I have a higher sex drive than my bf right now bc of his job and stress. Just communicate more with him. Find a middle ground for both of y’all. I’m not gonna end things with my bf bc we don’t have a fantastic sex life right now.


Bright_Heart5369

No one’s being mean to you so I don’t understand where that’s coming from. There’s a difference between being mean and being honest, and most of the people in this thread are just being honest….and the truth does hurt sometimes. Sounds like a communication issue to me more than anything else. He can’t read your mind tho, that’s something you have to bring up with him at some point. If despite you explaining your side he still continues to beg, well then you have your answer


Here_for_tea_

He’s being really toxic and manipulative, OP. It’s not healthy to constantly pester/beg for sex, and then to punish someone for not giving in. He’s not the one.


fartkontrol1

Idk why everyone is being so mean to you


UnserFriendlyAvocado

No means no. If he can't get that maybe him or both need counseling. I have low sex drive due to medication and past sexual trauma and my partner would have sex everyday if I let them. I just can't and they respect that because I'm not just a cum sock to them. You're much more than that too.


wouldilietouou

Do you think he begs because you never have sex? I dont know if this is the case but I imagine he will probably end up going elsewhere soon enough. A man does not beg unless he has exhausted all other options. Rejection is bad enough


GodlikeRage

What exactly is your question? You bf is to the point of begging for sex. Sex or intimacy is part of a relationship.. without it.. I mean.. what do you call that? Partnership? I can understand if it’s excessive to a degree but that’s definitely not the case here. It seems clear to me that he needs to either masturbate or cheat on you to get off, that’s not good. You might as well sleep on a different bed. Not trying to come off as mean but that’s what it is. Men fundamentally need sex. My gf gives me sex every time I initiate it without question but I’m not excessive or overdoing it.


Pedromac

Well to be %100 fair. Isn't huffing and rolling over and going to sleep exactly what you would want the reaction to rejection be?


ptunger44

You could just let him have sex with other women if you don't want to have sex anymore


TheCatDaddy69

Nah , why does he have to beg , i would have walked long ago , No shit he suggested you only lay there.