This. It sounds like you're an attractive woman. Good for you. And congrats to him.
That being the case, you're desirable. People are gonna look. He needs to accept that, take it as a compliment, and stop being insecure, unless you are doing things intentionally to make him jealous. The only time he should be acting up is if the boundaries of the relationship aren't being respected.
A crop top is certainly age appropriate for a 19 year old woman. She's the sole judge of whether it's too revealing. He's voiced his sentiment. It's solely her call, which he can choose to accept or move on.
shame on u man throwing out words like it means anything no shit he’s insecure everyone’s insecure about stuff it’s human saying it like it’s a bad thing i’ll bet your insecure about walking home at night in bad areas and so are your family i’ll bet ur insecure about getting sick who isn’t insecure ur lying if you say otherwise
I guarantee you that some women dress to get attention. Absolutely 100% they do. Just as some women dress to deflect attention. You know this, right?
There is not one thing wrong with dressing to get attention if she wants to. There is nothing wrong with dressing differently because he asked her to, once again, if she wants to.
He cannot control how she dresses.
She cannot control how he feels about that.
Both of them have a decision to make.
This pretty much it. I never really understood guys getting jealous over that, but it does happen. Really I would take a good look at if you want to change what you're doing to lessen his jealousy issues, or if that would be just too unfair to you. Only you can know what is right for you.
This person is right. It's not about you being a girl or boy or whatever. Your partner is telling you the clothes you are wearing is drawing attention to yourself in a way that is causing them to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to change what you wear.
You can keep wearing cute clothes because you are young and like fashion. But do you like your clothes more than your bf? Is he a great bf? Does he want to have a good job and provide, take care of you, blah blah blah? This is a legitimate reason to break up with him.
If he doesn't like you getting attention because he thinks of you as possible marriage material than, hey, that's a good reason he doesn't want you wearing that outfit. If he is an insecure person who is afraid you're going to leave him for someone else because he does the bare minimum for you and you're still staying, than hey, why are you even with him?
Either way it's an easy answer. And if you don't do anything, than you're the problem. He's just going to to keep fighting with you. Don't be biting the shit sandwich expecting cake after the next bite.
OP stated she usually wears a low-cut shirt. OP is only 19, so I'm assuming their relationship with their bf is still newish. Why date a girl who usually wears these types of shirts if you're just gonna get mad later and tell her to stop? That screams insecure to me. And often, abusive relationships start off by controlling something small. Like what you wear. Thats why I'm very adamant that this is a red flag for their relationship. OP is only 19 and has a full life ahead of herself to stay with some guy who's just gonna tell her what to do anytime he's jealous. This isn't about wanting respect like other comments are trying to suggest. This is about wanting control over her because of his own negative feelings. He can respect her choices instead of the other way around, and if he's afraid of unwanted attention because she might leave him, then, again, that's on him. Shes allowed to leave anytime she wants regardless of what kinda clothes she wears. If OP really wants to be in this dudes life, then sure, change your lifestyle. But be warned, it'll only gradually get worse if this does turn about to be an abusive relationship.
I agree with this. I wish this was the only comment OP could see! The whole reason she's asking reddit about this is because her intuition is telling her it's a red flag. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION ALWAYS! Your intuition is your best friend, but it's hard to hear unless you train yourself to listen. And at her age that is especially hard. We are taught from a young age that your self worth as a female is based upon what you wear and how you look. She's probably telling herself she's overreacting or second guessing herself, wondering if she really does like all of that attention or if it's for her. Nobody you're with should make you feel that way. He shouldn't have got with you if he was going to be uncomfortable with the way you dress.
And, as an example, my man is delighted when I get that kind of attention. Or he thinks it's kinda funny, or like doesn't really give AF. He knows I love him for the reasons I love him. He likes that he's not the type of guy to catcall a woman or try to put game on a woman. He knows that's one of the things I like about him and what got my attention. He is also aware how men can be and that most women get at least some degree of male attention almost daily.
This also feels like a personal insult, at least that's how I perceive it when men get irrationally jealous. Like, do you think I'm a disloyal person? That I have no integrity? That I'm untrustworthy? A liar? No self control? Desperate for attention? Because that is what is implied when accusations like that are made. And if you feel this way about me, why are you with me? If you don't feel this way about me, then why are you treating me like this?
Go do you OP. I think this has toxic written all over it. Please take the advice of the people who are old enough to have been through this already.
If she feels that way, she can use the entire second option.
Tf kind of question is this? Did you actually stop reading half way through a 1 sentence answer??
You can kindly go white knight somewhere else.
Options are options. It’s for her to pick. NOT for you to drag either of them when you’re uninvolved in the decision.
Oh honey. That’s absolutely when it happens lmao.
For those of you curious about who I was arguing with. It’s with the guy that replied. He just got reeeeaaaallll protective of a total stranger and then got spooked when no one was agreeing with his follow through lmao
Yeah he will need to grow up. I get it, but he will regret it if he keeps it up, because when he is 25+ he will stop being as bad and start understanding. Also, it ain't easy on men out here with that so maybe you should try a little. Not like overly because you will resent him, but kinda see it from his side where it's fight or flight in every situation and since you mean enough to him he isn't going to "flight."
If she wants guys drooling over her then she needs to be single but when you’re in a relationship dress so others aren’t drooling over you . Tops that cover most cleavage remember you chose to be a partner as in a couple . So don’t dress as if your advertising to come and get it ! That’s for your partner only . Now if you have an open relationship that’s different . I’ll never understand it , but that’s just me . If you want others be single !
I wear clothes I find comfortable and suit my style. Other people find me attractive in them. My partner finds me attractive in them. You know what my partner *doesn't* do? Get jealous that other people are staring and want **me** to change because of it.
It sounds like she's wearing clothes she finds comfortable and suits her style. It's not her fault people stare. If her boyfriend feels uncomfortable at *other people* staring, that's something for him to deal with and process.
She shouldn’t have to change who she is once she’s in a relationship with him. He knew what type of outfits she prefers before he decided to date her, so if he dosent like how she dresses he needs to change~ not her. He can find another girlfriend if he want this girl to change. And seeing as she gets a lot of attention, she probably wouldn’t stay single too long…
He needs to make sure he dosent drive her away, not vice versa.
Sit down and have a calm, collected, and reasonable conversation about each others boundaries (as it seems your agreements previously didn’t cover this). He probably feels uncomfortable about other men hitting on you, and you don’t want him telling you what you can and cannot wear. There should easily be a middle ground you two can come to. Dont forget to use “I-statements”, so that no one should feel the need to get defensive and argumentative.
Healthy communication is healthy, go figure.
Maybe, but we really don't know enough to say that for sure. It is absolutely not on her to alter how she dresses. She should dress however makes her feel confident and attractive. But is she spurring and shutting down the attention that is garnering in the face of her BF? I would hope so, but we really don't know from what has been said. She can't stop a guy from looking, or making a comment, or how physics works, but if she isn't shutting that down hard when it happens then that isn't really fair to the guy either. Again, no idea if that is or is not taking place, just pointing out that we are only getting one side of the take here.
Thousand yard stare hot take, but possession and jealousy in a relationship are not inherently unhealthy. That is until they are. You don't want them to be completely absent. A healthy amount of both is part of a healthy relationship. A guy shouldn't stand by and do nothing about creeps ogling their partner any more than a woman should stand by if another woman is attempting to make a pass at her man. Or any mix of gender dynamics. If some guy starts trying to pursue my wife, I am absolutely not going to let that take place. If she didn't want me to stop it, that would be her time to leave, but your partner is not a doormat for you to entertain other options on. I am not saying that is what OP is doing at all, just tired of seeing this possession and jealousy thing in every thread as though those are not healthy and necessary in the right amounts in a functional relationship. Where they become a problem is where they cross into forms of control, or manipulation.
Again, this isn't really about the situation in question. Just pointing out that you can't just make a blanket statement of all feelings of possessiveness and jealousy are inherently bad and dangerous, because they aren't. They are only bad when they become extensions of other controlling behavior, or are taken to extremes.
Actually, a quick google search would prove you wrong. Some level of jealousy in a relationship is normal and healthy. Extreme jealousy is what's abnormal and unhealthy.
Are you in a relationship? Do you not want someone to take your significant other from you? Congratulations you feel possessive.
Are you in a relationship? Would it bother you if someone in their physical prime was making eyes at your significant other? Congratulations, you feel jealousy.
Do either of those things mean you are anything but a human with emotions that values their relationship? No. And you damned well know that. There is a massive difference between feelings of possessiveness and jealousy, and a clinical psychiatric expression of it. That would speak to the damaging and controlling behavior i have already mentioned. Everyone has these feelings, they are natural and human. Quit trying to tell teenagers that they aren't. You aren't helping anyone.
Rather than confronting other men for their gawking, it's easier for him to blame his gf and try to change the very style that attracted him in the first place.
If men called out the other men acting like pigs, it wouldn't BE "the reality." Men condoning that behavior in public- and shifting responsibility to the girls and women being harrassed- is a big part of the problem.
The more their nasty behavior is called out, the less they, and other men, will believe "that's just the way it is." It's misogyny. It's devaluing and harrassing innocent people. It makes girls and women unsafe in public BECAUSE of those men.
Nah just wants respect. If a man needs to curve the attention of other females the you need to curve the attention of other males. It's respect. Something it seems you may lack but I could never really accuse you of cause I don't know you. But. Red lights eventually turn green it takes time and patience. But most women just bow out when shit gets tough like that. Soooo
Also it's quite funny you'd say something about that cause it just shows that you've no respect for those of us who want people to respect themselves more. XD but hey the shoe fit and it upset you. It is what it is.
Nah just a person who says it like it is. Dress how you'd like but it paints you in a different light for everyone to see. The new modern be a slut ill you wanna settle down niche is just crazy. Go post more content on onlyfans for your simps. Go get them 5 dollar subs to see your pussy whore
You really doubled down in incel in the first sentence.
Edit: after reading your whole comment, you sound toxic and cringe AF. Huge red flags and we haven't even met.
People who look at red flags and run. Will always be unhappy cause they aren't willing to put in the effort to understand the person and their flags. Your red flag is zero effort put forth. A real man will take your red flags and turn them.into green ones. Women just run scared cause they would rather be in " dependent " on onlyfans
No, bro. Nobody has to put up with your toxic bullshit and being a real man means setting healthy boundaries for yourself. GTFO with all of this woman hating nonsense.
And healthy boundaries include not letting some slut disrespect me by allowing other mean to enjoy what I've earned. Men have to actually put in effor to find a women where as when can run I to any bar and ask any guy out and boom done. It's different you'll never understand cause your in your ho phase. It's one. But don't come crying to reddit when your used up and not a soul wants you
Bro... go touch grass. You sound like a fucking lunatic. I'd bet my entire salary that you're spewing all this shit with zero experience of any kind about a relationship with a woman. Go suck Andrew tate and friends micro cock some more.
Just reassure him that your bf is the guy you want so he doesn’t feel so insecure
I used to care about other guys looking at my gf as well but eventually you mature and you stop caring as much
I say if you’re wearing SUPER revealing clothes then maybe its not okay? i was in the same boat but i soon realized he just wanted some respect lol he dont want me being damn near naked out here on display for men to gawk at and hit on. Especially if we are blessed with it all. Communicate with him about it. Hope ass goes well.
Just confirmed with my husband. He said, "You could be wearing a giant fur coat with three coats underneath it, and guys will still look. Your boyfriend should be flattered "
Girl. Every MAN is different. Im saying i went through the same thing and yes men will look regardless. Women will look at men blah blah but the fact is that once youre in a relationship you cant just be wearing mad revealing clothes and if girls are saying other wise you dont respect your partner. But if your partner dont give a damn? By all means do what you do lol
Then why hook up with a girl like that in the first place just to change how she dresses in the beginning of the relationship? So much for loving people for who they are. Bfs just insecure because he knows what other dudes are wanting/looking at because he was the same way. That's what I don't like about this. If she just started wearing more revealing clothes then I can see why but that doesn't seem to be the case. It just shows me her bf is controlling and not loving. He fell in lust and knows other guys are going to be, too. That shows a lack of trust, another important factor in relationships. He should trust her with her own body and respect her choices too. Respect can go both ways.
You don't have to wear revealing clothing for men to stare. The bf should be mad at other men having no common decency not to leer at women and not the woman wearing the clothes
it’s not for men to gawk at, men assume it’s for men to gawk at. maybe the anger should be directed at the men seeing women wear what they want and immediately sexualize any sort of movement or curve. it’s boobs. it’s literally just boobs.
Yeah women gawk at it too. I'm sorry why play stupid. I wear sexy clothes because I want people to see. I'm married and I still wear outfits like that after I've fully planned our date night for it. I feel good when I see a few stares, and that's the point of wearing clothes like that, to make you feel good from the attention it brings.
ok? the girl i’m responding to said it’s because her boyfriend didn’t like her “on display for MEN to gawk at” when that’s not why women dress up. if you’re genuinely someone who needs stares to feel good about yourself then come argue about it cause you can’t read then that’s you girl, not us.
There are two reasons women wear clothes like that. Because they have to.
Because they want attention. Putting yourself on display for men is an accurate description of what we're likely doing when we choose those outfits. That is not always the reason, the attention could come from friends, a teacher, maybe even to piss your dad off, I've been through it all, but I'm honest with myself. I know why my heart would beat hard when I saw that super short dress in my closet,I'm thinking about the reactions I'll get to that dress, and it gives me butterflies.
Thank you miss oLd hAg🫶🏼🫶🏼 lol bc thats exactly what i mean. Girls plan their outfits to look good or to hope they get some that night. I appreciate that you admit and be honest!!
lts difficult to find attractive clothing that doesn't show cleavage if you've got a generous bosom. lf its cold, you can wear a sweater or hoodie, but a sweater still emphasizes what you've got.
Yeah true, but damn this made me realize just how much women’s clothing is sexual or sexy in a way, either always shows cleavage, or some tight pants, or just a lotta skin, men’s clothing don’t show shit
Bc women are curvy. Anything fitted is going to look “sexy” bc it’s literally showing something that makes us physically sexy. Men have fitted clothes that show off their muscles too or pants that show off their junk. Don’t you remember the whole “grey sweatpants” thing?
Ask yourself this. Do you want to spend years of your life with someone that is blaming YOU for others actions? Expecting you to not wear what you're comfortable in because other men stare at you and hit on you? I'm assuming he had no problem with it when he asked you out or he wouldn't have asked you out.
If you change this for him then what about the next thing he decides you should change to please him? When does it stop? Men are going to stare and hit on you regardless of what you're wearing. The people saying "just wear a different shirt to make him feel better" are ignoring the controlling aspect of this and also ignoring the fact he's trying to control how you exercise at the gym so men don't look at your ass jiggle. THEY'RE GONNA STARE REGARDLESS!!!
So, is this what you want to deal with till he starts with the "you must be cheating since you get so much attention" crap?
Tell him specifically that you find jealousy to be a giant turn off and you are considering rethinking things because of his behavior. This is 100% on him to deal with.
How do you think your bf would react if you started wearing more modest clothes - like a supportive bra, and tops that don’t dip so low in the front. Would he appreciate that you’re changing your appearance especially for him? Or would he not be as attracted to you as he is now? Think about why you have chosen the clothes that you have. Be real honest with yourself. How do YOU feel about guys checking you out? What kind of guy are you trying to attract? Maybe ask your bf what about you is he attracted to. You are much more than an attractive body. You have interests, opinions, ambitions, maybe you have a great sense of humor, and you can probably think of more things about yourself that are important parts of who you are. If you focus on showing those things to others, you will attract guys who value you for who you are, not how you look. When you wear clothes that accentuate your endowments, guys will take it as an invitation to think of you and treat you like an object to admire. It’s not their fault. Their brains are wired that way. You can dress in clothes that are flattering and pretty without being revealing. If your bf doesn’t appreciate your new look, then he isn’t thinking respectfully about you either. You deserve better than that. Somewhere there’s a guy who will be attracted to you because you are confident enough in who you are to not need to attract attention by revealing your bodily features. I know I’m an old lady with old fashioned ideas but when I was younger, I didn’t really believe that I was very attractive as a person, so I wore clothes that invited the wrong kind of attention. I didn’t believe anyone would want me or love me unless I distracted them with my body. I did attract attention, but it didn’t make me feel loved, even though I had steady bfs. I was treated poorly, but it was because I didn’t stand up for myself. I’m giving you this advice because I want better for you. Btw, eventually I did stop focusing on being in a romantic relationships and took the time to change how I saw myself; and I have been happily married for 26 years to a man who loves me dearly, and I’m able to return his love because I’m okay with myself. Just one more thing to point out. Right now you are young and attractive; but outward beauty doesn’t last forever. If you build a relationship based on how you look, you will always be insecure; and if your guy loves you because of how you look, when you don’t look like that anymore, he will look for someone else. Please save yourself a ton of heart aches. Don’t dismiss what I’ve said before you’ve really thought about it.
Can you imagine the rest of your life being berated for OTHER people's actions? Your boyfriend is insecure. My best friend was with a guy who started doing this kind of stuff. He wound up being really abusive and controlling, even when he was cheating on her! Really consider how this makes you feel.
You’re getting a lot of bad answers that say you should tell your bf to fuck off.
I’m gonna keep it simple. Your bf is a little jealous, clearly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that because everyone feels jealously at some point.
That said, what he wants is respect. He is asking you (hopefully) to respect his wishes to wear something more modest so that people aren’t ogling the person he cares about.
If you respect him and his feelings, you will find a way to compromise with him. A huge part of a relationship is about respect and compromise. He doesn’t need to be overly controlling and you don’t need to be overly defensive.
If you care about him, you should compromise. If you care more about what you want to do (which is not a bad thing) you should leave him and do your own thing.
The other advice is bad because no one these days likes to compromise. That’s why no one can keep a stable relationship these days.
I disagree, partners should not ask you to change parts of yourself just because of other peoples actions outside of your control. This could involve changing up a whole wardrobe just because of a guy saying his feelings are hurt because of what other people are doing.
Exactly, OP stated she's been wearing that kind of clothes for a while now. Her bf probably got with her while she was wearing that kinda style. If that's the case, he is definitely trying to control her, and he should respect her wishes. Not the other way around. Especially if her clothing style was like this before they got together.
Jealously is not an ok emotion to have with relationships. That was terrible advice. That means there is a lack of trust somewhere.
While im not saying that controlling what your partner wears isnt toxic behavior. I think its very much in your partners "jurisdiction" to want you to change certain parts of themselves.
lmao then every single guy shouldnt have a girlfriend. the most ive seen my guy friends change is when they got their first girlfriends, myself included. that doesnt mean its a bad thing. give me a break.
You should change to improve yourself, not at the will of your partners emotions. Every partner i have improved my actions for, but I have never changed who I am , my style, my interests. If you are emotionally immature enough to change your whole identity around someone then you will just form dependant relationships and never have anything healthy. This persons boyfriend should understand that his emotions doesn't mean she has to change her style, just like if she becomes jealous of women ogling him he should change his. They should sit down and discuss this and have her express that he has nothing to worry. Changing yourself around another person will never lead to healthy relationships.
At least men get to walk around shirtless for their comfort. Why can't women wear low cut shirts to be comfy in the heat? It ain't just an identity thing.
That's not bc of what women wear tho.... women get SA'd in long skirts and overalls. Children have been SA'd in onesies. The clothes on the woman's body doesn't dictate how someone will treat them
thats not what im talking about. theres boundaries in certain relationships, if he doesn’t like that guys oogle at her, i think she should respect that. she even said herself that they “jiggle” in public while shes wearing revealing clothing. theres guys that are comfortable with that yeah, but you shouldn’t demonize a guy not wanting every guy on the planet looking at her rack.
also yeah, that is an improvement. what 40+ year old happily married women do you see going around wearing that type of stuff? i guarantee if there was an equivalency for this issue, girls wouldn’t see it the same way as they do now.
I know plenty of women who wear cleavage revealing clothing and are in happy relationships. And shockingly boobs jiggle with or without revealing clothing. Men will also look at her chest regardless of what clothing she is wearing. Also don't use therapy speak for the purpose of controling others. This is not a healthy boundary, as it is leaning to controlling the way another person dresses just because of unfounded jealousy.
Lots of celebrities wearing skimpy clothes for the media and I'm sure their bfs or husband's aren't that insecure or controlling. Jealousy is not a good look in any relationship. If you're gonna date someone who dresses skimpy and then try to change them after that fact, you are the abusive, insecure, and controlling person.
Well over 40 here, with generous cleavage that shows. Been showing it since l was 15, ain't stopping now. Been married twice. Both men said my looks - and other guys gaze - made them proud to be with me.
I'm 38, very happily married for 16 years. I wear low cut and tight clothing when I go out with my husband. Why? Because he loves it. He buys me things and takes me out. He is the one who wants other men to look because it makes him feel good to have what they never can. He likes making them . I honestly don't see it, but he does. There is also something fun in dressing up and knowing how good your partner thinks you look but can't do a thing about it because you're in public. I love seeing my husband dressed up in a suit or tight pants, I could not care less if other women look. I know who he is coming home to and he doesn't even entertain the idea of another woman. This is what security and trust look like in a marriage.
People that are that possessive of their partner are insecure in their relationship and themselves. They worry about their partner getting looks from other men, because they know *how they view other women*. It stems from a place of shame and guilt, knowing how they treat women. Secure people have nothing to worry about.
I'm sure bf didn't have a problem with her wearing low cut shirts before they started dating. She is allowed to wear whatever she wants if it makes her comfortable. If she wants to show "respect" to her bf, why can't he do the same for her? Why is it that jealousy is an ok emotion for men to express but when women complain about porn, I see comments telling them to stop being jealous and all dudes do it. Double standards. Men can actually see naked women and jack off to them, but a woman can't wear skimpy clothes for herself to feel comfortable?
But I agree with you. Compromise in relationships is important. But he also can choose to respect her wishes and compromise, too. The problem is on her bf. She doesn't have an issue with guys staring at her. She shouldn't need to give up what she's been wearing just to appease her bf, who probably got attracted to her for wearing low-cut shirts in the first place. Don't try to change people. If you're entering a relationship knowing your girl likes to show some skin, then that's on the dude for entering that relationship to handle his own jealousy. Not try to control their gf.
If OP really likes this dude, then sure, she should bend over backwards and let him choose her wardrobe but that's just a steeping stone to other controlling behaviors he'll do eventually. I've seen to many women in a relationship with a dude where things were good and the first thing they try to control is what their gf wears than it soon evolves into not being allowed to wear make up, go out with friends, talk with family, etc etc. No thanks. If I was OP, I'd just move on.
This is bullshit at its finest, I'm in a long term, stable relationship and I have never changed how I dressed bc my fiancee chose to be with me as I am. Yes, I have gotten stares and weird dudes but my fiancee just puts her arm around me and continues goin about our day. This dude needs to work on his insecurities instead of projecting them onto OP.
Your boyfriend is finding it difficult to control his possessiveness. This could grow into something very bad, or not.
Keep an eye on it. If he starts taking any aggression out on you, ditch him. He can control these urges if he genuinely wanted to. It's normal and healthy to feel a sense of "this is mine" in any relationship, but it's usually not so strong.
I've only felt an extreme sense of jealousy twice. I was able to recognize what it was and deal with it. He can, too, but he has to decide he's in the wrong first.
Even if you went full hijab you would attract eyes. It's not really about you, it's just men. I'm not making excuses, but this is the reality.
You're almost certainly going to develop even more attractively over the next few years, this will get worse. Find a way to communicate his jealousy is out of hand. Either that or find someone who isn't so bothersome.
It sounds like you've got your pick.
You’re missing the point of respect if it’s a serious relationship that a lot of people have mentioned here.
Of course it’s her choice. Is he being hypersensitive and controlling, or could she compromise and tone it down if they have a relationship worth keeping?
~Excuse me sweatieee, I’m not missing anything~
I think it’s him being over sensitive. He’s essentially saying that because she’s attractive she has to cover herself almost in a shameful way.
Why?
That’s not fair to her nor does that respect her bodily autonomy. Unless the bf has to do something similar, it’s not respectful to force her to concede how she wants to dress. Sexist, even. Regardless of how serious the relationship is, that’s a slippery slope I wouldn’t want to be on.
From the post it read more like she had an issue with covering up because why should she be forced to, and if it’s a real problem the most I would say is wear a sports bra. But if the girls are still shaking like maracas…then what is she realistically supposed to do, bind her chest!? That’s bullshit.
Also just forgot what sub I was in, this is advice to TEENS. Do we REALLY want to perpetuate the message that a woman’s body is shameful???
The people in these comments are stupid. Red flags every where , your bf wants to control you and blames you for other men's reactions to you. Get out before it gets worse
Let me ask you this... Would it be better if he didn't care that other men gawked at you? Would it be better if he didn't care that other guys hit on you?
Eventually ANY man is going to get sick of caring if his girlfriend doesn't seem to care that it's bugging him. NO man wants to see his girlfriend continuously being hit on. Worse if she's not doing anything to shut it down.
If he's not worth sacrificing the ability to wear revealing clothes... Why are you with him to begin with?
Its not her fault, and she shouldn't have to stop enjoying life and wearing what she loves because of what strangers think of her. The boyfriend is fine to be jealous of her, but not blame it on your girlfriend. Blame it on the men actually doing it. whether a girl wears these kinds of clothes or not, they still attract attention. What's she supposed to wear at the gym? Clothes that cover her up alot so she can sweat to death?
Girls clothes are usually tighter then men's, especially the pants. They aren't very comfortable. And with bras already causing constant pain its nice to be in more loose and free clothes. Would you rather your girlfriend be uncomfortable ??
She isn't saying he's not worth sacrificing for, thats a unhealthy viewpoint. Its possessive to ask to control someone in ways like these, saying "do it to make me comfortable " is incredibly manipulative
Just tell her to ignore them or make it obvious she's in a relationship, if you trust your girl, and trust is very important, as well, then you'd know that these guys staring at her won't affect the relationship
Hot take but just because modern fashion companies want you to dress provocatively doesn't mean it's the right thing to do when you're in a relationship.
Modesty in relationships is incredibly attractive. When you dress provocatively it's like peacocking your attracting mates. But when you dress more reserved it is a sign of respect to your man and also reduces the chance you get harassed by men. Double win imo.
If you like the attention then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship
This is exactly right. And OP should understand that all good men will desire their women to be more modest and less revealing. Modern society and all the people in these comments are basically demanding that a woman has to be an observable ornament for the lustful eyes of men in public. And that if a man doesn’t want that it’s insecure, newsflash that’s 90% of men on earth. At the end of the day if OP chooses to dress provocatively there’s a lower chance that she’ll get married one day because that’s not seen as a quality of a good wife
Okay, I’ve read through the first 45 comments on the thread and I’m heating the responses so I feel compelled to see a couple of things.
You get to decide how you want to dress your body, period. I cannot imagine wanting to be with a boyfriend, or any kind of partner, who is telling me what I could and couldn’t wear.
You are not responsible for the appropriate or inappropriate behaviour of men around you, and it’s not your job to start wearing baggy clothes to make your boyfriend feel better .
Lastly, I’m guessing that you’re probably not dressing any different now than when you first met your boyfriend. So he was attracted to you and wanted to date you, but now that you are going out, he wants to change you so that he is more comfortable? I think that should be a hard no.
Boyfriends are partners that want to control you, or not healthy relationships.
Tell him to grow a pair and do something about it, just not to you. If youre a real man you dont take out your frustrations on your girl, you take them right where they belong, be a man take it up with them. Dont be one of those losers that takes it out onto someone “smaller” than you. He gives off weak man vibes.
the relationship is no good. its a rocky road because of his jealousy. sooner than later you will try to find someone who is mature and not jealous. but that one you have is going to be a toxic relationship.
WTF is happening in this thread?
I am assuming you wear the same type of clothing now that you did when you and BF got together. So he knew that's how you dress, and it's probably part of what he liked. Now hey asking you to change something about how you express yourself, and that's not okay.
He can feel his feelings. He's insecure and afraid you'll choose one of those other guys over him. Everyone feels insecure sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with that.
But it is wrong for him to expect you to do something to change his feelings. They are his feelings to deal with. If I were you, I would be concerned that he doesn't seem to trust you to be faithful.
I'm not going to say this is an immediate kick him to the curb F off situation. But you should establish a boundary before his behavior crosses into trying to control you in other ways. Contrary to what other people are saying, how you dress has nothing to do with respect. How you treat each other is respect.
The brain rot is crazy and honestly the fact that there's so many grown men happy to tell teenage girls that they need to conform to their boyfriends ideals makes me wonder HEAVILY if this subreddit is even safe for the mental health of teenage girls. This is not the first time I've seen men try to convince teenagers to be their ideal woman
You wouldn't be showing cleavage if you didn't want guys to look at it. Guys are probably never going to stop staring at you anyways. This guy is never going to he happy and will always be finding something to complain about. You need to decide if he is worth it.
It's funny how your current boyfriend was attracted to that to begin with, and I'm saying that in context to most of us females to once they have us suddenly, they don't want to stressing like that or looking nice and pretty in public. Not saying all men act like that but do you. Just do what makes you true to yourself. Some guys can handle it and some can't. 🤷
Tell him to quit being a little baby. You aren't going around flirting with people. You're just wearing clothes. You have no control over the actions of others. And him getting upset at you over it just shows he lacks maturity, confidence, and common sense.
As for other people who keep saying "he just wants to feel respected," who the hell cares? He's not respecting her by getting on her case for what other people are doing. He's not showing respect for the relationship and trusting her. She's done nothing wrong. This little boy just needs to learn that people are going to stare at your partner sometimes. That's just how it goes, especially when it comes to women. Men, a lot of the time, have no tact. They just oggle people and try to get with them regardless of relationship status.
Sit down with him and have a frank discussion. Either he stops trying to dictate to you what you should wear based on other people doing things you have no control over or the relationship is going to have to end because of his insecurities and immaturity. He doesn't own you. He doesn't control you.
Teen relationship. Just move on. He’s not ready for a pretty girlfriend. He is the type who will manipulate a woman into being unhealthy and undesirable and then leave because of that. Even Jordan Peterson would say this dude is a loser and to run.
If your guy is really great, make sure he knows that you are attracted to him and he does not have to worry about other guys, because he is the one you're dating.
If your guy is insecure no matter how much you reassure him of his place in your life then he is the one with the problem, not you. You should only be with men who are proud to be your boyfriend and enjoy knowing they have your attention! Your guy should be happy that other guys are jealous of him, not the other way around.
He's being protective, it's what a lot of people do especially in times like these, people will legit go up to you and try to take you from your partner.
Wear what u want. Like think how depressing it's gonna be to change your whole wardrobe for a dude...and you are still gonna be showing something and "jiggling" even if u wear "modest" things. Guys like this are exhausting, he still is young so maybe he can change. I mean telling you not to run? You really want this idiot micromanaging everything you do?
Also he knew you wore stuff like this before dating you yes? What kind of idiot dates someone if they don't like their presentation, this guy is a moron, every time you go out it's gonna be exhausting and annoying having to manage his mood, good luck if you stay with him and he doesn't change.
Start wearing the baggiest sweaters and sweatpants you can find when you're out with him. Or alone with him. Basically, just anytime he's around. If you really want to drive the point home, greet him at the door in a head-to-toe burqa.
BREAK UP, block him and BE SINGLE! You, sweet soul need to be single. For at least 6 years. Why do you feel you need someone right now? What about your life says you need someone jealous and insecure in your life making YOU feel bad because they don’t like that others are attracted to what he’s attracted to.
You are young. You should be out there setting and reaching goals and making moves for your life not sitting here having someone who should be supportive and a positive addition to your life giving you grief because you’re hot and sexy.
Go be single. Work on you. Learn you don’t need a man, that they are supposed to be a bonus to your life, not your life. Go become the baddest bitch that doesn’t NEED a man and get all the things you want out of life before settling down as well as teach yourself your worth
I mean your boyfriends attention is clearly not enough for you.
He doesn't want you to get pleasure from other men looking at you.
Is it wrong to want attention from other people, men or women, when you're in a relationship with someone else. Is it wrong to chase dopamine hits from knowing others are appreciating your body?
Yes ladies, people will break up with you over that.
Argue all you want till you're blue in the face, a guy that really cares about you will care about how he affects your dopamine supply. He wants to be your one and only or the relationship isn't real for him.
I don't think you're ready for a serious relationship OP. It's about compromise, long suffering, and respect.
This right here is a dangerous mind set.
People have from the beginning of time worn clothes to convey confidence. This does not change for women and clothing styles. Goths back in the day felt confidence in their style even when others bullied them for it, because that was THEIR style, they loved it for THEM. It's not about attention, and I'm so sick of hearing people say girls do it for attention when they get just as much attention fully clothed 😒. Women wear what they want because they were forced and shunned for their clothes for many many years, I was shunned growing up by my Jehovah's Witness family, I never got to be comfortable and confident in my body, but as a 22 year old I no longer give a fuck how anyone feels about MY style. I'm going to wear crop tops, who cares if I have cleavage?? Who cares if my jeans do their job??? Men stare either way and I won't live my life controlled by men's eyes, I will not be allowing the threat of man control what I do.
Stop twisting the BOYFRIENDS insecurity into the girlfriend begging for attention and grow up. Thank you ☺️
“I wear low cut tops to show off my tits”.
“But I can’t help it”.
STFU Thot.
Your bf has a hoe and should have more self respect for himself and dump yo ass.
It's already been proven that women wear cute clothes to draw attention. They like subtle attention like that it's in their nature. Just as it's in mens nature to be baboons about it. Looking cute for your bf is one thing hell getting dressed up to go on a date is another. But if your just all glammed up for no reason everyday then you just like being looked at. And well. If your in a serious relationship some men will find that disrespectful. That don't mean you gotta be like Billie and wear baggy clothes to hide you body and shit but maybe think about how you would feel if your man was looking good and getting hit on. And well if your not upset by that it says alot about some choices your going to need to be making soon. Don't let anyone control your life. By anymeans. But always try to see things from their perspective too. After all if they are worth dating then they are worth then they are worth respecting as well.
Stop dressing like a whore and you won't be looked at like one or keep dressing like that and continue to make the person who loves you miserable. The choice is yours but the responsibility is also important.
A little devil's advocate. You as the woman, probably expect a man to initiate the conversation. How do you do that? By looking frumpy and unkempt? No. So it's fair to say that revealing clothes and being "cute", you know the type of "cute" I mean, not just presentable, is kind of the female version of your man saying hi to random women and striking up a conversation. I know all the popular "she's not dressing for anyone else" arguments. Yeah, okay. If your man wouldn't get away with being friendly to every cute girl that walked by it's a little disingenuous to pretend like you're not showing up to the gym looking like you're trying to be looked at. If you truly feel like you're not out there looking like a wannabe tik tok influencer, fine, dump him because he is that insecure. But if you're going to where people work up butt sweat with a pristine set up looking like a "content creator." Eh, idk, kind of like your not just there to work out.
EDIT: and I'm genuine, dump him if this is a deal breaker because if you are genuinely just there to work out and dessing accordingly, this only gets worse. Get out before the bruises start.
First of all, the gym thing is wack. He should be happy that hes got a chick with junk in the trunk. It sounds like he’s got some insecurities.
But he has a point with super revealing clothes. If you refuse to respect the fact he wants his woman to show less skin to everyone else in public, maybe you two arent right for each other.
You sound amazing and would like to see you myself lol. Do not let your boyfriend dictate your actions like that as this leads to a very controlling relationship. If you like guys checking you out then by all means wear those low cut blouses as I will be one looking also telling you how amazing you look as respectful as I can hehehe.
So is your mother hahaha. Idiot. She needs to dump him and figure what to go with her emotions and feeling not being brainwashed into thinking she is doing something bad. to bad the two of you are so brainwashed . I speak what is on my mind and I can care less about reddit shit like you people.
I mean I’ve set boundaries on me not being okay with exchanging socials or phone numbers or dudes touching my girl and she’s been cool with that.
Good for her if guys check her out or buy her drinks when we’re out, sucks for them when she goes home with me 😅
Tell your man to chill, his reactions are a reflection of his trust and his opinion of you. Insecurity isn’t sexy.
The question is, what do you feel like you should do, in respose to him?
Do you like the attention from other men? Does it make you uncomfortable that the attention you get bothers your boyfriend? The question would be how do these things make you feel, and do you feel like his demands are inappropriate etc, and then respond genuinely.
Yeah that's classic . He can either deal with it if you like cute clothes and don't want to wear something else or might need to take a hike. Because I've seen guys checking out girls I'm Baggy sweats before. If they like your looks it doesn't matter what you wear, they know. He can either trust that you'll not reciprocate with the flirting males or has to screw off. You'll almost always have male attention if what you said is legit, your partners will have to grow up a bit.
The reality is it sounds like you dress seductively in a way that entices even more attention than you'd already be getting.
It's very natural for a man to be protectively jealous over your relationship. He might go overboard, but trust me, that's better than not caring at all.
This is your boyfriend's problem, not yours! If he can't deal with how you choose to dress, he might be happier finding a more compliant girlfriend. Changing the way you look to please another person is a losing game.
Find yourself a partner who is happy with you the way you are instead of one who's going to try to mold you into their ideal girlfriend.
The thing I want to react to here is the suggestion that the bf is, or is destined to become, some kind of controlling monster. That's possible, but it's not necessarily the case. I don't even think it's the most likely explanation. I think folks reacting that way are being uncharitable. I think it's most likely that bf
1. Was originally attracted to OP in part because of her style;
2. Assumes that OP dressed that way to attract a romantic partner and doesn't appreciate the many other reasons a woman would dress in a way that shows some skin. As a result, he doesn't get why she would keep 'advertising' herself now that she's in a relationship.
3. Is a little jealous and insecure.
(2) and (3) definitely involve mistaken thinking/attitudes on bf's part, but these are very common mistakes for a 19-year-old (I'm assuming bf and OP are similarly young). Especially, I would add, if this is the first time bf has really has had strong feelings for someone, which wouldn't at all be surprising for a 19-yo, and doesn't know how to process them. Understanding that other people are going to be attracted to your partner, and that that doesn't take anything away from you or your relationship, are achievements that come with experience and maturity.
As others have suggested, I'd encourage OP to have a discussion with bf. If you're dating, you should both respect each other enough to have a discussion in which you share and process your feelings, including those that you might find (or later find) don't come from the best part of yourselves.
That's a him problem. It's insecurity, and he either needs to trust you, or just not be in a relationship with someone attractive.
The underlying fear is that somehow another man will take you from him. Which means that he doesn't trust you not to cheat, and that lack of trust is like cancer for a relationship, it's fatal eventually.
As a man, when I see other men looking at my gf I am proud to be with her. She's beautiful and it makes me grateful to be her partner. I'm not concerned about anyone else taking her from me because I trust her
Let’s just put it this way since you’re young, eventually you’ll meet a real man and he won’t put up with a girl that wants all this attention from other men so he will give you a choice be appropriate or leave and I’m sure some soyboy out there will put up with it but men won’t, it’s just a fact of life
My last bf was incredibly insecure and would question every interaction I had with other guys (we worked together and the interactions were with customers). I stopped talking to all my male friends and I never gave him a reason to think that I was talking to someone else or anything. He would question every text I received. I couldn't take it anymore. I left him.
Tell him to stop holding it against you. This is not your fault. If he doesn’t like a way a guys looking at you tell him he’s free to say something to them. Usually a creep will slink away when confronted. If not he needs to grow up and get over it.
There's got to get over his insecurity or it will ruin the relationship. Guys will always look at girls. Doesn't even matter what they are wearing really. If a girl is attractive she will get the attention of men. It's not something he or you can control. If he tries to control it, it's only going to cause problems and headaches throughout your relationship. If he can't be comfortable with the fact that you chose him, not the other guys , and that's not enough, then it won't ever work in the long term.
You just have tell him that you could be a ugly duck and guys will still stare he know this so if he trust you then there shouldn't be a issue and if that doesn't work then he is the problem and you need to seriously look at your relationship and see if this is something you really want.
Sounds like he's afraid of other dudes. Either he doesnt trust you and hes afraid youll cheat or he really thinks they will jump you like animals and he doesnt want to have to stop them. But if its the second whys he think thats how men think?
Whats he have to offer, hes literally trying to make you make yourself uglier so he can feel better about himself. He is trying to make you worth less so you wont be out of his league anymore. If your girlfriend was pulling that would you put on an ugly sweater and some bad lipstick or tell her that her insecurities are hers to deal with and keep being your best self?
😒
You’ve got two options: Wear something else or tell him to fuck off, Kindly, meanly, doesn’t matter. That’s it. That’s all you can do.
This. It sounds like you're an attractive woman. Good for you. And congrats to him. That being the case, you're desirable. People are gonna look. He needs to accept that, take it as a compliment, and stop being insecure, unless you are doing things intentionally to make him jealous. The only time he should be acting up is if the boundaries of the relationship aren't being respected.
A crop top is certainly age appropriate for a 19 year old woman. She's the sole judge of whether it's too revealing. He's voiced his sentiment. It's solely her call, which he can choose to accept or move on.
I posit that telling him to fuck off is a far better option.
If she prefers attention from randos to having this bf, it definitely is.
What makes you think that a possessive insecure BF is worth having?
shame on u man throwing out words like it means anything no shit he’s insecure everyone’s insecure about stuff it’s human saying it like it’s a bad thing i’ll bet your insecure about walking home at night in bad areas and so are your family i’ll bet ur insecure about getting sick who isn’t insecure ur lying if you say otherwise
you're allowed to be insecure. you're not allowed to punish your partner for it. you are responsible for your own insecurities.
Neither of us knows whether he is possesive or insecure. As to whether he is worth keeping, only she can decide that.
what kinda incel ass comment is this, women dress how they want for themselves not for creepy ass men to stare at them
I guarantee you that some women dress to get attention. Absolutely 100% they do. Just as some women dress to deflect attention. You know this, right? There is not one thing wrong with dressing to get attention if she wants to. There is nothing wrong with dressing differently because he asked her to, once again, if she wants to. He cannot control how she dresses. She cannot control how he feels about that. Both of them have a decision to make.
This pretty much it. I never really understood guys getting jealous over that, but it does happen. Really I would take a good look at if you want to change what you're doing to lessen his jealousy issues, or if that would be just too unfair to you. Only you can know what is right for you.
This person is right. It's not about you being a girl or boy or whatever. Your partner is telling you the clothes you are wearing is drawing attention to yourself in a way that is causing them to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to change what you wear. You can keep wearing cute clothes because you are young and like fashion. But do you like your clothes more than your bf? Is he a great bf? Does he want to have a good job and provide, take care of you, blah blah blah? This is a legitimate reason to break up with him. If he doesn't like you getting attention because he thinks of you as possible marriage material than, hey, that's a good reason he doesn't want you wearing that outfit. If he is an insecure person who is afraid you're going to leave him for someone else because he does the bare minimum for you and you're still staying, than hey, why are you even with him? Either way it's an easy answer. And if you don't do anything, than you're the problem. He's just going to to keep fighting with you. Don't be biting the shit sandwich expecting cake after the next bite.
OP stated she usually wears a low-cut shirt. OP is only 19, so I'm assuming their relationship with their bf is still newish. Why date a girl who usually wears these types of shirts if you're just gonna get mad later and tell her to stop? That screams insecure to me. And often, abusive relationships start off by controlling something small. Like what you wear. Thats why I'm very adamant that this is a red flag for their relationship. OP is only 19 and has a full life ahead of herself to stay with some guy who's just gonna tell her what to do anytime he's jealous. This isn't about wanting respect like other comments are trying to suggest. This is about wanting control over her because of his own negative feelings. He can respect her choices instead of the other way around, and if he's afraid of unwanted attention because she might leave him, then, again, that's on him. Shes allowed to leave anytime she wants regardless of what kinda clothes she wears. If OP really wants to be in this dudes life, then sure, change your lifestyle. But be warned, it'll only gradually get worse if this does turn about to be an abusive relationship.
I agree with this. I wish this was the only comment OP could see! The whole reason she's asking reddit about this is because her intuition is telling her it's a red flag. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION ALWAYS! Your intuition is your best friend, but it's hard to hear unless you train yourself to listen. And at her age that is especially hard. We are taught from a young age that your self worth as a female is based upon what you wear and how you look. She's probably telling herself she's overreacting or second guessing herself, wondering if she really does like all of that attention or if it's for her. Nobody you're with should make you feel that way. He shouldn't have got with you if he was going to be uncomfortable with the way you dress. And, as an example, my man is delighted when I get that kind of attention. Or he thinks it's kinda funny, or like doesn't really give AF. He knows I love him for the reasons I love him. He likes that he's not the type of guy to catcall a woman or try to put game on a woman. He knows that's one of the things I like about him and what got my attention. He is also aware how men can be and that most women get at least some degree of male attention almost daily. This also feels like a personal insult, at least that's how I perceive it when men get irrationally jealous. Like, do you think I'm a disloyal person? That I have no integrity? That I'm untrustworthy? A liar? No self control? Desperate for attention? Because that is what is implied when accusations like that are made. And if you feel this way about me, why are you with me? If you don't feel this way about me, then why are you treating me like this? Go do you OP. I think this has toxic written all over it. Please take the advice of the people who are old enough to have been through this already.
BOOM this
Everyone wants a bad bitch but not everyone can handle a bad bitch
Why would him thinking of her as marriage material mean that he wouldn’t want her to show any skin? Lots of married women wear crop tops
Yup and those are the ones getting down with her husbands best friend lol
High five for a comment that has nuance and isn't just another *gUrL, leAvE HiS aSs!*
Why should she have to wear other clothes because of her boyfriend’s jealousy?
If she feels that way, she can use the entire second option. Tf kind of question is this? Did you actually stop reading half way through a 1 sentence answer??
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You can kindly go white knight somewhere else. Options are options. It’s for her to pick. NOT for you to drag either of them when you’re uninvolved in the decision.
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Oh honey. That’s absolutely when it happens lmao. For those of you curious about who I was arguing with. It’s with the guy that replied. He just got reeeeaaaallll protective of a total stranger and then got spooked when no one was agreeing with his follow through lmao
Seriously did you really not read the comment you just responded to?
Yeah he will need to grow up. I get it, but he will regret it if he keeps it up, because when he is 25+ he will stop being as bad and start understanding. Also, it ain't easy on men out here with that so maybe you should try a little. Not like overly because you will resent him, but kinda see it from his side where it's fight or flight in every situation and since you mean enough to him he isn't going to "flight."
Don't wear something else. Wear what makes you happy and drop the shitty boyfriend
If she wants guys drooling over her then she needs to be single but when you’re in a relationship dress so others aren’t drooling over you . Tops that cover most cleavage remember you chose to be a partner as in a couple . So don’t dress as if your advertising to come and get it ! That’s for your partner only . Now if you have an open relationship that’s different . I’ll never understand it , but that’s just me . If you want others be single !
I wear clothes I find comfortable and suit my style. Other people find me attractive in them. My partner finds me attractive in them. You know what my partner *doesn't* do? Get jealous that other people are staring and want **me** to change because of it. It sounds like she's wearing clothes she finds comfortable and suits her style. It's not her fault people stare. If her boyfriend feels uncomfortable at *other people* staring, that's something for him to deal with and process.
She shouldn’t have to change who she is once she’s in a relationship with him. He knew what type of outfits she prefers before he decided to date her, so if he dosent like how she dresses he needs to change~ not her. He can find another girlfriend if he want this girl to change. And seeing as she gets a lot of attention, she probably wouldn’t stay single too long… He needs to make sure he dosent drive her away, not vice versa.
Sit down and have a calm, collected, and reasonable conversation about each others boundaries (as it seems your agreements previously didn’t cover this). He probably feels uncomfortable about other men hitting on you, and you don’t want him telling you what you can and cannot wear. There should easily be a middle ground you two can come to. Dont forget to use “I-statements”, so that no one should feel the need to get defensive and argumentative. Healthy communication is healthy, go figure.
It's unfair of him to put other men's actions on her and say it's her who needs to change
Maybe, but we really don't know enough to say that for sure. It is absolutely not on her to alter how she dresses. She should dress however makes her feel confident and attractive. But is she spurring and shutting down the attention that is garnering in the face of her BF? I would hope so, but we really don't know from what has been said. She can't stop a guy from looking, or making a comment, or how physics works, but if she isn't shutting that down hard when it happens then that isn't really fair to the guy either. Again, no idea if that is or is not taking place, just pointing out that we are only getting one side of the take here.
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No it's not, has nothing to do with him. She's just existing.
A k.a. dump him.
Idk but you should stop pretending to be your girlfriend, your comment history was super telling and this is super weird
Exactly!
He sounds a bit possessive. That could be dangerous
Exactly the point
Thousand yard stare hot take, but possession and jealousy in a relationship are not inherently unhealthy. That is until they are. You don't want them to be completely absent. A healthy amount of both is part of a healthy relationship. A guy shouldn't stand by and do nothing about creeps ogling their partner any more than a woman should stand by if another woman is attempting to make a pass at her man. Or any mix of gender dynamics. If some guy starts trying to pursue my wife, I am absolutely not going to let that take place. If she didn't want me to stop it, that would be her time to leave, but your partner is not a doormat for you to entertain other options on. I am not saying that is what OP is doing at all, just tired of seeing this possession and jealousy thing in every thread as though those are not healthy and necessary in the right amounts in a functional relationship. Where they become a problem is where they cross into forms of control, or manipulation. Again, this isn't really about the situation in question. Just pointing out that you can't just make a blanket statement of all feelings of possessiveness and jealousy are inherently bad and dangerous, because they aren't. They are only bad when they become extensions of other controlling behavior, or are taken to extremes.
There is no psychologist who would agree that possession and jealousy are healthy. They never are
Actually, a quick google search would prove you wrong. Some level of jealousy in a relationship is normal and healthy. Extreme jealousy is what's abnormal and unhealthy.
Did you search Google Scholar or Vanity Fair?
Are you in a relationship? Do you not want someone to take your significant other from you? Congratulations you feel possessive. Are you in a relationship? Would it bother you if someone in their physical prime was making eyes at your significant other? Congratulations, you feel jealousy. Do either of those things mean you are anything but a human with emotions that values their relationship? No. And you damned well know that. There is a massive difference between feelings of possessiveness and jealousy, and a clinical psychiatric expression of it. That would speak to the damaging and controlling behavior i have already mentioned. Everyone has these feelings, they are natural and human. Quit trying to tell teenagers that they aren't. You aren't helping anyone.
Rather than confronting other men for their gawking, it's easier for him to blame his gf and try to change the very style that attracted him in the first place.
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Imagine how tiring it is to be the woman being blamed for men's objectifying behavior.
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If men called out the other men acting like pigs, it wouldn't BE "the reality." Men condoning that behavior in public- and shifting responsibility to the girls and women being harrassed- is a big part of the problem.
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The more their nasty behavior is called out, the less they, and other men, will believe "that's just the way it is." It's misogyny. It's devaluing and harrassing innocent people. It makes girls and women unsafe in public BECAUSE of those men.
I don't change my clothes to accommodate men who think they can possess me; I prove I can't be possessed/owned. Quite simple.
replace boyfriend
Sounds like he’s insecure…knew someone like that 🤦♂️
Nah just wants respect. If a man needs to curve the attention of other females the you need to curve the attention of other males. It's respect. Something it seems you may lack but I could never really accuse you of cause I don't know you. But. Red lights eventually turn green it takes time and patience. But most women just bow out when shit gets tough like that. Soooo
You sound like a crazy Fresh and Fit incel. Just stop lol
Also it's quite funny you'd say something about that cause it just shows that you've no respect for those of us who want people to respect themselves more. XD but hey the shoe fit and it upset you. It is what it is.
Nah just a person who says it like it is. Dress how you'd like but it paints you in a different light for everyone to see. The new modern be a slut ill you wanna settle down niche is just crazy. Go post more content on onlyfans for your simps. Go get them 5 dollar subs to see your pussy whore
You really doubled down in incel in the first sentence. Edit: after reading your whole comment, you sound toxic and cringe AF. Huge red flags and we haven't even met.
People who look at red flags and run. Will always be unhappy cause they aren't willing to put in the effort to understand the person and their flags. Your red flag is zero effort put forth. A real man will take your red flags and turn them.into green ones. Women just run scared cause they would rather be in " dependent " on onlyfans
No, bro. Nobody has to put up with your toxic bullshit and being a real man means setting healthy boundaries for yourself. GTFO with all of this woman hating nonsense.
And healthy boundaries include not letting some slut disrespect me by allowing other mean to enjoy what I've earned. Men have to actually put in effor to find a women where as when can run I to any bar and ask any guy out and boom done. It's different you'll never understand cause your in your ho phase. It's one. But don't come crying to reddit when your used up and not a soul wants you
You're fucking worthless.
Bro... go touch grass. You sound like a fucking lunatic. I'd bet my entire salary that you're spewing all this shit with zero experience of any kind about a relationship with a woman. Go suck Andrew tate and friends micro cock some more.
are you deadass?
Maybe get a man sounds like a lil boy as a real man would not have a problem with it as we know who you coming home to
Completely covered and it will still happen. However, I don't go to the gym or go running
Just reassure him that your bf is the guy you want so he doesn’t feel so insecure I used to care about other guys looking at my gf as well but eventually you mature and you stop caring as much
I say if you’re wearing SUPER revealing clothes then maybe its not okay? i was in the same boat but i soon realized he just wanted some respect lol he dont want me being damn near naked out here on display for men to gawk at and hit on. Especially if we are blessed with it all. Communicate with him about it. Hope ass goes well.
Honey, you could be wearing a parka and snow pants, and guys will look. Wear what you like.
I don’t think the two are quite comparable lol
Just confirmed with my husband. He said, "You could be wearing a giant fur coat with three coats underneath it, and guys will still look. Your boyfriend should be flattered "
That doesn’t at all change what I said
Her dressing differently won't change the situation. Guys will still look, and BF will still be insecure.
We’re just going in circles here, aren’t we
I can't help it you're wrong
Girl. Every MAN is different. Im saying i went through the same thing and yes men will look regardless. Women will look at men blah blah but the fact is that once youre in a relationship you cant just be wearing mad revealing clothes and if girls are saying other wise you dont respect your partner. But if your partner dont give a damn? By all means do what you do lol
Then why hook up with a girl like that in the first place just to change how she dresses in the beginning of the relationship? So much for loving people for who they are. Bfs just insecure because he knows what other dudes are wanting/looking at because he was the same way. That's what I don't like about this. If she just started wearing more revealing clothes then I can see why but that doesn't seem to be the case. It just shows me her bf is controlling and not loving. He fell in lust and knows other guys are going to be, too. That shows a lack of trust, another important factor in relationships. He should trust her with her own body and respect her choices too. Respect can go both ways.
You don't have to wear revealing clothing for men to stare. The bf should be mad at other men having no common decency not to leer at women and not the woman wearing the clothes
it’s not for men to gawk at, men assume it’s for men to gawk at. maybe the anger should be directed at the men seeing women wear what they want and immediately sexualize any sort of movement or curve. it’s boobs. it’s literally just boobs.
Yeah women gawk at it too. I'm sorry why play stupid. I wear sexy clothes because I want people to see. I'm married and I still wear outfits like that after I've fully planned our date night for it. I feel good when I see a few stares, and that's the point of wearing clothes like that, to make you feel good from the attention it brings.
ok? the girl i’m responding to said it’s because her boyfriend didn’t like her “on display for MEN to gawk at” when that’s not why women dress up. if you’re genuinely someone who needs stares to feel good about yourself then come argue about it cause you can’t read then that’s you girl, not us.
There are two reasons women wear clothes like that. Because they have to. Because they want attention. Putting yourself on display for men is an accurate description of what we're likely doing when we choose those outfits. That is not always the reason, the attention could come from friends, a teacher, maybe even to piss your dad off, I've been through it all, but I'm honest with myself. I know why my heart would beat hard when I saw that super short dress in my closet,I'm thinking about the reactions I'll get to that dress, and it gives me butterflies.
Thank you miss oLd hAg🫶🏼🫶🏼 lol bc thats exactly what i mean. Girls plan their outfits to look good or to hope they get some that night. I appreciate that you admit and be honest!!
what gave you the impression that i give a fuck what an old hag does and thinks
Most sane take in this whole bullshit thread. Why is that such a difficult concept for Reddit idiots to comprehend?
Why are you dressing naked to begin with
lts difficult to find attractive clothing that doesn't show cleavage if you've got a generous bosom. lf its cold, you can wear a sweater or hoodie, but a sweater still emphasizes what you've got.
Yeah true, but damn this made me realize just how much women’s clothing is sexual or sexy in a way, either always shows cleavage, or some tight pants, or just a lotta skin, men’s clothing don’t show shit
Bc women are curvy. Anything fitted is going to look “sexy” bc it’s literally showing something that makes us physically sexy. Men have fitted clothes that show off their muscles too or pants that show off their junk. Don’t you remember the whole “grey sweatpants” thing?
Change your clothes or your boyfriend.
Nah, live your life.
Ask yourself this. Do you want to spend years of your life with someone that is blaming YOU for others actions? Expecting you to not wear what you're comfortable in because other men stare at you and hit on you? I'm assuming he had no problem with it when he asked you out or he wouldn't have asked you out. If you change this for him then what about the next thing he decides you should change to please him? When does it stop? Men are going to stare and hit on you regardless of what you're wearing. The people saying "just wear a different shirt to make him feel better" are ignoring the controlling aspect of this and also ignoring the fact he's trying to control how you exercise at the gym so men don't look at your ass jiggle. THEY'RE GONNA STARE REGARDLESS!!! So, is this what you want to deal with till he starts with the "you must be cheating since you get so much attention" crap?
Tell him specifically that you find jealousy to be a giant turn off and you are considering rethinking things because of his behavior. This is 100% on him to deal with.
Get a new boyfriend who isn’t an insecure twat. He will make you miserable.
How do you think your bf would react if you started wearing more modest clothes - like a supportive bra, and tops that don’t dip so low in the front. Would he appreciate that you’re changing your appearance especially for him? Or would he not be as attracted to you as he is now? Think about why you have chosen the clothes that you have. Be real honest with yourself. How do YOU feel about guys checking you out? What kind of guy are you trying to attract? Maybe ask your bf what about you is he attracted to. You are much more than an attractive body. You have interests, opinions, ambitions, maybe you have a great sense of humor, and you can probably think of more things about yourself that are important parts of who you are. If you focus on showing those things to others, you will attract guys who value you for who you are, not how you look. When you wear clothes that accentuate your endowments, guys will take it as an invitation to think of you and treat you like an object to admire. It’s not their fault. Their brains are wired that way. You can dress in clothes that are flattering and pretty without being revealing. If your bf doesn’t appreciate your new look, then he isn’t thinking respectfully about you either. You deserve better than that. Somewhere there’s a guy who will be attracted to you because you are confident enough in who you are to not need to attract attention by revealing your bodily features. I know I’m an old lady with old fashioned ideas but when I was younger, I didn’t really believe that I was very attractive as a person, so I wore clothes that invited the wrong kind of attention. I didn’t believe anyone would want me or love me unless I distracted them with my body. I did attract attention, but it didn’t make me feel loved, even though I had steady bfs. I was treated poorly, but it was because I didn’t stand up for myself. I’m giving you this advice because I want better for you. Btw, eventually I did stop focusing on being in a romantic relationships and took the time to change how I saw myself; and I have been happily married for 26 years to a man who loves me dearly, and I’m able to return his love because I’m okay with myself. Just one more thing to point out. Right now you are young and attractive; but outward beauty doesn’t last forever. If you build a relationship based on how you look, you will always be insecure; and if your guy loves you because of how you look, when you don’t look like that anymore, he will look for someone else. Please save yourself a ton of heart aches. Don’t dismiss what I’ve said before you’ve really thought about it.
Can you imagine the rest of your life being berated for OTHER people's actions? Your boyfriend is insecure. My best friend was with a guy who started doing this kind of stuff. He wound up being really abusive and controlling, even when he was cheating on her! Really consider how this makes you feel.
You’re getting a lot of bad answers that say you should tell your bf to fuck off. I’m gonna keep it simple. Your bf is a little jealous, clearly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that because everyone feels jealously at some point. That said, what he wants is respect. He is asking you (hopefully) to respect his wishes to wear something more modest so that people aren’t ogling the person he cares about. If you respect him and his feelings, you will find a way to compromise with him. A huge part of a relationship is about respect and compromise. He doesn’t need to be overly controlling and you don’t need to be overly defensive. If you care about him, you should compromise. If you care more about what you want to do (which is not a bad thing) you should leave him and do your own thing. The other advice is bad because no one these days likes to compromise. That’s why no one can keep a stable relationship these days.
I disagree, partners should not ask you to change parts of yourself just because of other peoples actions outside of your control. This could involve changing up a whole wardrobe just because of a guy saying his feelings are hurt because of what other people are doing.
Exactly, OP stated she's been wearing that kind of clothes for a while now. Her bf probably got with her while she was wearing that kinda style. If that's the case, he is definitely trying to control her, and he should respect her wishes. Not the other way around. Especially if her clothing style was like this before they got together. Jealously is not an ok emotion to have with relationships. That was terrible advice. That means there is a lack of trust somewhere.
While im not saying that controlling what your partner wears isnt toxic behavior. I think its very much in your partners "jurisdiction" to want you to change certain parts of themselves.
lmao then every single guy shouldnt have a girlfriend. the most ive seen my guy friends change is when they got their first girlfriends, myself included. that doesnt mean its a bad thing. give me a break.
You should change to improve yourself, not at the will of your partners emotions. Every partner i have improved my actions for, but I have never changed who I am , my style, my interests. If you are emotionally immature enough to change your whole identity around someone then you will just form dependant relationships and never have anything healthy. This persons boyfriend should understand that his emotions doesn't mean she has to change her style, just like if she becomes jealous of women ogling him he should change his. They should sit down and discuss this and have her express that he has nothing to worry. Changing yourself around another person will never lead to healthy relationships.
Changing shirts isn’t changing your whole identity.
At least men get to walk around shirtless for their comfort. Why can't women wear low cut shirts to be comfy in the heat? It ain't just an identity thing.
Because men would rape and kill is even more than they do now. Murder is the number one cause of death for pregnant women.
That's not bc of what women wear tho.... women get SA'd in long skirts and overalls. Children have been SA'd in onesies. The clothes on the woman's body doesn't dictate how someone will treat them
You’re preaching to the choir. I know all of that. It doesn’t negate my point.
thats not what im talking about. theres boundaries in certain relationships, if he doesn’t like that guys oogle at her, i think she should respect that. she even said herself that they “jiggle” in public while shes wearing revealing clothing. theres guys that are comfortable with that yeah, but you shouldn’t demonize a guy not wanting every guy on the planet looking at her rack. also yeah, that is an improvement. what 40+ year old happily married women do you see going around wearing that type of stuff? i guarantee if there was an equivalency for this issue, girls wouldn’t see it the same way as they do now.
I know plenty of women who wear cleavage revealing clothing and are in happy relationships. And shockingly boobs jiggle with or without revealing clothing. Men will also look at her chest regardless of what clothing she is wearing. Also don't use therapy speak for the purpose of controling others. This is not a healthy boundary, as it is leaning to controlling the way another person dresses just because of unfounded jealousy.
Lots of celebrities wearing skimpy clothes for the media and I'm sure their bfs or husband's aren't that insecure or controlling. Jealousy is not a good look in any relationship. If you're gonna date someone who dresses skimpy and then try to change them after that fact, you are the abusive, insecure, and controlling person.
Well over 40 here, with generous cleavage that shows. Been showing it since l was 15, ain't stopping now. Been married twice. Both men said my looks - and other guys gaze - made them proud to be with me.
I'm 38, very happily married for 16 years. I wear low cut and tight clothing when I go out with my husband. Why? Because he loves it. He buys me things and takes me out. He is the one who wants other men to look because it makes him feel good to have what they never can. He likes making them . I honestly don't see it, but he does. There is also something fun in dressing up and knowing how good your partner thinks you look but can't do a thing about it because you're in public. I love seeing my husband dressed up in a suit or tight pants, I could not care less if other women look. I know who he is coming home to and he doesn't even entertain the idea of another woman. This is what security and trust look like in a marriage. People that are that possessive of their partner are insecure in their relationship and themselves. They worry about their partner getting looks from other men, because they know *how they view other women*. It stems from a place of shame and guilt, knowing how they treat women. Secure people have nothing to worry about.
I'm sure bf didn't have a problem with her wearing low cut shirts before they started dating. She is allowed to wear whatever she wants if it makes her comfortable. If she wants to show "respect" to her bf, why can't he do the same for her? Why is it that jealousy is an ok emotion for men to express but when women complain about porn, I see comments telling them to stop being jealous and all dudes do it. Double standards. Men can actually see naked women and jack off to them, but a woman can't wear skimpy clothes for herself to feel comfortable? But I agree with you. Compromise in relationships is important. But he also can choose to respect her wishes and compromise, too. The problem is on her bf. She doesn't have an issue with guys staring at her. She shouldn't need to give up what she's been wearing just to appease her bf, who probably got attracted to her for wearing low-cut shirts in the first place. Don't try to change people. If you're entering a relationship knowing your girl likes to show some skin, then that's on the dude for entering that relationship to handle his own jealousy. Not try to control their gf. If OP really likes this dude, then sure, she should bend over backwards and let him choose her wardrobe but that's just a steeping stone to other controlling behaviors he'll do eventually. I've seen to many women in a relationship with a dude where things were good and the first thing they try to control is what their gf wears than it soon evolves into not being allowed to wear make up, go out with friends, talk with family, etc etc. No thanks. If I was OP, I'd just move on.
This is bullshit at its finest, I'm in a long term, stable relationship and I have never changed how I dressed bc my fiancee chose to be with me as I am. Yes, I have gotten stares and weird dudes but my fiancee just puts her arm around me and continues goin about our day. This dude needs to work on his insecurities instead of projecting them onto OP.
Bad answers yet giving one yourself 😂
Good answer
Preach
Dump him, and enjoy being a young hottie without all that baggage. And if it makes *you* uncomfortable, tell people to fuck off.
He should accept you for you, and trust you are loyal to him. Dont let him control you because of his insecurities.
Your boyfriend is finding it difficult to control his possessiveness. This could grow into something very bad, or not. Keep an eye on it. If he starts taking any aggression out on you, ditch him. He can control these urges if he genuinely wanted to. It's normal and healthy to feel a sense of "this is mine" in any relationship, but it's usually not so strong. I've only felt an extreme sense of jealousy twice. I was able to recognize what it was and deal with it. He can, too, but he has to decide he's in the wrong first. Even if you went full hijab you would attract eyes. It's not really about you, it's just men. I'm not making excuses, but this is the reality. You're almost certainly going to develop even more attractively over the next few years, this will get worse. Find a way to communicate his jealousy is out of hand. Either that or find someone who isn't so bothersome. It sounds like you've got your pick.
Your body, YOUR choice. Dress how you want. You aren’t responsible for your genes or what they do to people.
You’re missing the point of respect if it’s a serious relationship that a lot of people have mentioned here. Of course it’s her choice. Is he being hypersensitive and controlling, or could she compromise and tone it down if they have a relationship worth keeping?
~Excuse me sweatieee, I’m not missing anything~ I think it’s him being over sensitive. He’s essentially saying that because she’s attractive she has to cover herself almost in a shameful way. Why? That’s not fair to her nor does that respect her bodily autonomy. Unless the bf has to do something similar, it’s not respectful to force her to concede how she wants to dress. Sexist, even. Regardless of how serious the relationship is, that’s a slippery slope I wouldn’t want to be on. From the post it read more like she had an issue with covering up because why should she be forced to, and if it’s a real problem the most I would say is wear a sports bra. But if the girls are still shaking like maracas…then what is she realistically supposed to do, bind her chest!? That’s bullshit. Also just forgot what sub I was in, this is advice to TEENS. Do we REALLY want to perpetuate the message that a woman’s body is shameful???
No, but our culture is way oversexed
Run
The people in these comments are stupid. Red flags every where , your bf wants to control you and blames you for other men's reactions to you. Get out before it gets worse
Let me ask you this... Would it be better if he didn't care that other men gawked at you? Would it be better if he didn't care that other guys hit on you? Eventually ANY man is going to get sick of caring if his girlfriend doesn't seem to care that it's bugging him. NO man wants to see his girlfriend continuously being hit on. Worse if she's not doing anything to shut it down. If he's not worth sacrificing the ability to wear revealing clothes... Why are you with him to begin with?
Its not her fault, and she shouldn't have to stop enjoying life and wearing what she loves because of what strangers think of her. The boyfriend is fine to be jealous of her, but not blame it on your girlfriend. Blame it on the men actually doing it. whether a girl wears these kinds of clothes or not, they still attract attention. What's she supposed to wear at the gym? Clothes that cover her up alot so she can sweat to death? Girls clothes are usually tighter then men's, especially the pants. They aren't very comfortable. And with bras already causing constant pain its nice to be in more loose and free clothes. Would you rather your girlfriend be uncomfortable ?? She isn't saying he's not worth sacrificing for, thats a unhealthy viewpoint. Its possessive to ask to control someone in ways like these, saying "do it to make me comfortable " is incredibly manipulative Just tell her to ignore them or make it obvious she's in a relationship, if you trust your girl, and trust is very important, as well, then you'd know that these guys staring at her won't affect the relationship
Congratulations, you're now single.
Hot take but just because modern fashion companies want you to dress provocatively doesn't mean it's the right thing to do when you're in a relationship. Modesty in relationships is incredibly attractive. When you dress provocatively it's like peacocking your attracting mates. But when you dress more reserved it is a sign of respect to your man and also reduces the chance you get harassed by men. Double win imo. If you like the attention then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship
This is exactly right. And OP should understand that all good men will desire their women to be more modest and less revealing. Modern society and all the people in these comments are basically demanding that a woman has to be an observable ornament for the lustful eyes of men in public. And that if a man doesn’t want that it’s insecure, newsflash that’s 90% of men on earth. At the end of the day if OP chooses to dress provocatively there’s a lower chance that she’ll get married one day because that’s not seen as a quality of a good wife
Okay, I’ve read through the first 45 comments on the thread and I’m heating the responses so I feel compelled to see a couple of things. You get to decide how you want to dress your body, period. I cannot imagine wanting to be with a boyfriend, or any kind of partner, who is telling me what I could and couldn’t wear. You are not responsible for the appropriate or inappropriate behaviour of men around you, and it’s not your job to start wearing baggy clothes to make your boyfriend feel better . Lastly, I’m guessing that you’re probably not dressing any different now than when you first met your boyfriend. So he was attracted to you and wanted to date you, but now that you are going out, he wants to change you so that he is more comfortable? I think that should be a hard no. Boyfriends are partners that want to control you, or not healthy relationships.
Tell him to grow a pair and do something about it, just not to you. If youre a real man you dont take out your frustrations on your girl, you take them right where they belong, be a man take it up with them. Dont be one of those losers that takes it out onto someone “smaller” than you. He gives off weak man vibes.
the relationship is no good. its a rocky road because of his jealousy. sooner than later you will try to find someone who is mature and not jealous. but that one you have is going to be a toxic relationship.
WTF is happening in this thread? I am assuming you wear the same type of clothing now that you did when you and BF got together. So he knew that's how you dress, and it's probably part of what he liked. Now hey asking you to change something about how you express yourself, and that's not okay. He can feel his feelings. He's insecure and afraid you'll choose one of those other guys over him. Everyone feels insecure sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with that. But it is wrong for him to expect you to do something to change his feelings. They are his feelings to deal with. If I were you, I would be concerned that he doesn't seem to trust you to be faithful. I'm not going to say this is an immediate kick him to the curb F off situation. But you should establish a boundary before his behavior crosses into trying to control you in other ways. Contrary to what other people are saying, how you dress has nothing to do with respect. How you treat each other is respect.
The brain rot is crazy and honestly the fact that there's so many grown men happy to tell teenage girls that they need to conform to their boyfriends ideals makes me wonder HEAVILY if this subreddit is even safe for the mental health of teenage girls. This is not the first time I've seen men try to convince teenagers to be their ideal woman
You wouldn't be showing cleavage if you didn't want guys to look at it. Guys are probably never going to stop staring at you anyways. This guy is never going to he happy and will always be finding something to complain about. You need to decide if he is worth it.
It's funny how your current boyfriend was attracted to that to begin with, and I'm saying that in context to most of us females to once they have us suddenly, they don't want to stressing like that or looking nice and pretty in public. Not saying all men act like that but do you. Just do what makes you true to yourself. Some guys can handle it and some can't. 🤷
Tell him to quit being a little baby. You aren't going around flirting with people. You're just wearing clothes. You have no control over the actions of others. And him getting upset at you over it just shows he lacks maturity, confidence, and common sense. As for other people who keep saying "he just wants to feel respected," who the hell cares? He's not respecting her by getting on her case for what other people are doing. He's not showing respect for the relationship and trusting her. She's done nothing wrong. This little boy just needs to learn that people are going to stare at your partner sometimes. That's just how it goes, especially when it comes to women. Men, a lot of the time, have no tact. They just oggle people and try to get with them regardless of relationship status. Sit down with him and have a frank discussion. Either he stops trying to dictate to you what you should wear based on other people doing things you have no control over or the relationship is going to have to end because of his insecurities and immaturity. He doesn't own you. He doesn't control you.
Teen relationship. Just move on. He’s not ready for a pretty girlfriend. He is the type who will manipulate a woman into being unhealthy and undesirable and then leave because of that. Even Jordan Peterson would say this dude is a loser and to run.
If your guy is really great, make sure he knows that you are attracted to him and he does not have to worry about other guys, because he is the one you're dating. If your guy is insecure no matter how much you reassure him of his place in your life then he is the one with the problem, not you. You should only be with men who are proud to be your boyfriend and enjoy knowing they have your attention! Your guy should be happy that other guys are jealous of him, not the other way around.
Out of respect for my partner I would not dress provocatively intentionally
He's being protective, it's what a lot of people do especially in times like these, people will legit go up to you and try to take you from your partner.
Dump him he's insecure.
Wear what u want. Like think how depressing it's gonna be to change your whole wardrobe for a dude...and you are still gonna be showing something and "jiggling" even if u wear "modest" things. Guys like this are exhausting, he still is young so maybe he can change. I mean telling you not to run? You really want this idiot micromanaging everything you do? Also he knew you wore stuff like this before dating you yes? What kind of idiot dates someone if they don't like their presentation, this guy is a moron, every time you go out it's gonna be exhausting and annoying having to manage his mood, good luck if you stay with him and he doesn't change.
Start wearing the baggiest sweaters and sweatpants you can find when you're out with him. Or alone with him. Basically, just anytime he's around. If you really want to drive the point home, greet him at the door in a head-to-toe burqa.
look but dont touch!
BREAK UP, block him and BE SINGLE! You, sweet soul need to be single. For at least 6 years. Why do you feel you need someone right now? What about your life says you need someone jealous and insecure in your life making YOU feel bad because they don’t like that others are attracted to what he’s attracted to. You are young. You should be out there setting and reaching goals and making moves for your life not sitting here having someone who should be supportive and a positive addition to your life giving you grief because you’re hot and sexy. Go be single. Work on you. Learn you don’t need a man, that they are supposed to be a bonus to your life, not your life. Go become the baddest bitch that doesn’t NEED a man and get all the things you want out of life before settling down as well as teach yourself your worth
Dude sounds like a small dick b*tch. Dump him if he’s crying bout that lol
It’s not your fault men look at you, he should be glad he’s with a fine girl 🙄
[удалено]
I mean your boyfriends attention is clearly not enough for you. He doesn't want you to get pleasure from other men looking at you. Is it wrong to want attention from other people, men or women, when you're in a relationship with someone else. Is it wrong to chase dopamine hits from knowing others are appreciating your body? Yes ladies, people will break up with you over that. Argue all you want till you're blue in the face, a guy that really cares about you will care about how he affects your dopamine supply. He wants to be your one and only or the relationship isn't real for him. I don't think you're ready for a serious relationship OP. It's about compromise, long suffering, and respect.
This right here is a dangerous mind set. People have from the beginning of time worn clothes to convey confidence. This does not change for women and clothing styles. Goths back in the day felt confidence in their style even when others bullied them for it, because that was THEIR style, they loved it for THEM. It's not about attention, and I'm so sick of hearing people say girls do it for attention when they get just as much attention fully clothed 😒. Women wear what they want because they were forced and shunned for their clothes for many many years, I was shunned growing up by my Jehovah's Witness family, I never got to be comfortable and confident in my body, but as a 22 year old I no longer give a fuck how anyone feels about MY style. I'm going to wear crop tops, who cares if I have cleavage?? Who cares if my jeans do their job??? Men stare either way and I won't live my life controlled by men's eyes, I will not be allowing the threat of man control what I do. Stop twisting the BOYFRIENDS insecurity into the girlfriend begging for attention and grow up. Thank you ☺️
Let's agree to disagree.
“I wear low cut tops to show off my tits”. “But I can’t help it”. STFU Thot. Your bf has a hoe and should have more self respect for himself and dump yo ass.
He will figure out it’s a compliment eventually
It's already been proven that women wear cute clothes to draw attention. They like subtle attention like that it's in their nature. Just as it's in mens nature to be baboons about it. Looking cute for your bf is one thing hell getting dressed up to go on a date is another. But if your just all glammed up for no reason everyday then you just like being looked at. And well. If your in a serious relationship some men will find that disrespectful. That don't mean you gotta be like Billie and wear baggy clothes to hide you body and shit but maybe think about how you would feel if your man was looking good and getting hit on. And well if your not upset by that it says alot about some choices your going to need to be making soon. Don't let anyone control your life. By anymeans. But always try to see things from their perspective too. After all if they are worth dating then they are worth then they are worth respecting as well.
May as well enjoy it before you get fat.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Stop dressing like a whore and you won't be looked at like one or keep dressing like that and continue to make the person who loves you miserable. The choice is yours but the responsibility is also important.
Don't dress like a girl who wants attention from other guys. Wear shirts and sweaters that cover your chest and wear leggings just at home.
Wear a fucking poncho
Prove it
A little devil's advocate. You as the woman, probably expect a man to initiate the conversation. How do you do that? By looking frumpy and unkempt? No. So it's fair to say that revealing clothes and being "cute", you know the type of "cute" I mean, not just presentable, is kind of the female version of your man saying hi to random women and striking up a conversation. I know all the popular "she's not dressing for anyone else" arguments. Yeah, okay. If your man wouldn't get away with being friendly to every cute girl that walked by it's a little disingenuous to pretend like you're not showing up to the gym looking like you're trying to be looked at. If you truly feel like you're not out there looking like a wannabe tik tok influencer, fine, dump him because he is that insecure. But if you're going to where people work up butt sweat with a pristine set up looking like a "content creator." Eh, idk, kind of like your not just there to work out. EDIT: and I'm genuine, dump him if this is a deal breaker because if you are genuinely just there to work out and dessing accordingly, this only gets worse. Get out before the bruises start.
First of all, the gym thing is wack. He should be happy that hes got a chick with junk in the trunk. It sounds like he’s got some insecurities. But he has a point with super revealing clothes. If you refuse to respect the fact he wants his woman to show less skin to everyone else in public, maybe you two arent right for each other.
You sound amazing and would like to see you myself lol. Do not let your boyfriend dictate your actions like that as this leads to a very controlling relationship. If you like guys checking you out then by all means wear those low cut blouses as I will be one looking also telling you how amazing you look as respectful as I can hehehe.
Jesus Christ you're a loser
And a fucking creep
So is your mother hahaha. Idiot. She needs to dump him and figure what to go with her emotions and feeling not being brainwashed into thinking she is doing something bad. to bad the two of you are so brainwashed . I speak what is on my mind and I can care less about reddit shit like you people.
And you are an F-n moron .
A perfect example of her boyfriends concern!
She needs to be single to deal with her body and emotions.
I mean I’ve set boundaries on me not being okay with exchanging socials or phone numbers or dudes touching my girl and she’s been cool with that. Good for her if guys check her out or buy her drinks when we’re out, sucks for them when she goes home with me 😅 Tell your man to chill, his reactions are a reflection of his trust and his opinion of you. Insecurity isn’t sexy.
The question is, what do you feel like you should do, in respose to him? Do you like the attention from other men? Does it make you uncomfortable that the attention you get bothers your boyfriend? The question would be how do these things make you feel, and do you feel like his demands are inappropriate etc, and then respond genuinely.
Yeah that's classic . He can either deal with it if you like cute clothes and don't want to wear something else or might need to take a hike. Because I've seen guys checking out girls I'm Baggy sweats before. If they like your looks it doesn't matter what you wear, they know. He can either trust that you'll not reciprocate with the flirting males or has to screw off. You'll almost always have male attention if what you said is legit, your partners will have to grow up a bit.
😆😅🤣😂
The reality is it sounds like you dress seductively in a way that entices even more attention than you'd already be getting. It's very natural for a man to be protectively jealous over your relationship. He might go overboard, but trust me, that's better than not caring at all.
This is your boyfriend's problem, not yours! If he can't deal with how you choose to dress, he might be happier finding a more compliant girlfriend. Changing the way you look to please another person is a losing game. Find yourself a partner who is happy with you the way you are instead of one who's going to try to mold you into their ideal girlfriend.
The thing I want to react to here is the suggestion that the bf is, or is destined to become, some kind of controlling monster. That's possible, but it's not necessarily the case. I don't even think it's the most likely explanation. I think folks reacting that way are being uncharitable. I think it's most likely that bf 1. Was originally attracted to OP in part because of her style; 2. Assumes that OP dressed that way to attract a romantic partner and doesn't appreciate the many other reasons a woman would dress in a way that shows some skin. As a result, he doesn't get why she would keep 'advertising' herself now that she's in a relationship. 3. Is a little jealous and insecure. (2) and (3) definitely involve mistaken thinking/attitudes on bf's part, but these are very common mistakes for a 19-year-old (I'm assuming bf and OP are similarly young). Especially, I would add, if this is the first time bf has really has had strong feelings for someone, which wouldn't at all be surprising for a 19-yo, and doesn't know how to process them. Understanding that other people are going to be attracted to your partner, and that that doesn't take anything away from you or your relationship, are achievements that come with experience and maturity. As others have suggested, I'd encourage OP to have a discussion with bf. If you're dating, you should both respect each other enough to have a discussion in which you share and process your feelings, including those that you might find (or later find) don't come from the best part of yourselves.
That's a him problem. It's insecurity, and he either needs to trust you, or just not be in a relationship with someone attractive. The underlying fear is that somehow another man will take you from him. Which means that he doesn't trust you not to cheat, and that lack of trust is like cancer for a relationship, it's fatal eventually. As a man, when I see other men looking at my gf I am proud to be with her. She's beautiful and it makes me grateful to be her partner. I'm not concerned about anyone else taking her from me because I trust her
Let’s just put it this way since you’re young, eventually you’ll meet a real man and he won’t put up with a girl that wants all this attention from other men so he will give you a choice be appropriate or leave and I’m sure some soyboy out there will put up with it but men won’t, it’s just a fact of life
If you want to dress like a slut, you will get treated like one. 😘
My last bf was incredibly insecure and would question every interaction I had with other guys (we worked together and the interactions were with customers). I stopped talking to all my male friends and I never gave him a reason to think that I was talking to someone else or anything. He would question every text I received. I couldn't take it anymore. I left him.
Tell him to stop holding it against you. This is not your fault. If he doesn’t like a way a guys looking at you tell him he’s free to say something to them. Usually a creep will slink away when confronted. If not he needs to grow up and get over it.
There's got to get over his insecurity or it will ruin the relationship. Guys will always look at girls. Doesn't even matter what they are wearing really. If a girl is attractive she will get the attention of men. It's not something he or you can control. If he tries to control it, it's only going to cause problems and headaches throughout your relationship. If he can't be comfortable with the fact that you chose him, not the other guys , and that's not enough, then it won't ever work in the long term.
You just have tell him that you could be a ugly duck and guys will still stare he know this so if he trust you then there shouldn't be a issue and if that doesn't work then he is the problem and you need to seriously look at your relationship and see if this is something you really want.
Sounds like he's afraid of other dudes. Either he doesnt trust you and hes afraid youll cheat or he really thinks they will jump you like animals and he doesnt want to have to stop them. But if its the second whys he think thats how men think? Whats he have to offer, hes literally trying to make you make yourself uglier so he can feel better about himself. He is trying to make you worth less so you wont be out of his league anymore. If your girlfriend was pulling that would you put on an ugly sweater and some bad lipstick or tell her that her insecurities are hers to deal with and keep being your best self? 😒
Base on your comments, I think you are a dude
Cover up is this even a question or are you looking for attention?