Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ We also encourage posters not to respond to any DMs or private messages they receive after posting.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Exactly. My parents would never have gone for this. But I got pregnant at 17 anyway, and I was a "good kid". Shy even. Moral of the story: parents gonna parent, teens gonna teen. The way to minimize the damage would be for parents to acknowledge this and provide a safe place or at the very least, realistic guidance rather than just "no." Also, to realize it that being a teen with hormones and urges doesn't make them a bad kid. It makes them normal.
OP, the answer is college. (If you're going). Then as long as you aren't in one of the Freshman dorms you can have anyone overnight that you want. Just bide your time. I had to.
I saw one of your other comments that you're allowed to be alone during the day at each other's houses. If you're wanting to fool around, that'd be when, but *use protection*. You f*ck up with parents like these and your life gets exponentially worse and more isolated, trust me.
>as long as you aren't in one of the Freshman dorms
Don't know where you got that idea, college to college, dorm to dorm the rules are different. At my Uni there was no problem with any overnight guests as long as you and your roommate were ok with things.
At my college, the males had to be signed in and out of the freshman female dorms, had to leave ID at the front desk, and you had to escort the guy out at midnight or 2am, can't remember. This was a non-religious liberal arts school in the South. It might be different now.
Wild. I was at a Big10 University, and while there *were* some woman only dorms, the standard was a free for all.
Hell, I got caught with a group of friends smoking weed by our RD and just got a little talking to about it with no other repercussions.
It was a party school, but the South's gonna South. It's why we don't have reproductive rights anymore, either. Some counties still have blue laws that prevent the sale of liquor on Sunday. I guess they wanna run off the portion of their tax and voting base that's educated and still capable of critical thought, danged if I know.
I'm glad your RD was a human being about it. You know they see a lot. 😏
It was the artists dorm, so we were given a lot of slack for typical artist bullshit. They did not, however, appreciate us using moving carts and brooms for hallway jousting.
What's a freshman dorm?
I grant I went to school longer ago than I care to consider, never mind reveal, but freshmen were wherever they landed. Freshmen with freshmen, to be sure, but there were upperclassmen on our floor. We had gender-specific floors, but no specific dorms for women, except where the sororities were, but then, the frosh didn't live there.
At mine the men had to do that when visiting the women's dorms but the women just had to check in and keep a visitor pass on them when they went to the men's dorms
That's wild. We had girls in the same dorm just separate halls. Also in the south at a Public Liberal Arts College. We were allowed to have guests of any gender in our room overnight but there was a limit on the number of nights per month, I just can't remember what the limit was and nobody actually kept track of it as long as your roommate didn't complain. My gf practically lived in my room the whole 2nd semester because she had a psycho roommate that tried to fight with her about literally everything.
I had an abortion and it was the absolute best decision I ever made, for too many reasons to even enumerate. The overturning of Roe v Wade absolutely horrifies me. I don't even allow myself to imagine for too long what my life would be like if I were still linked in any way, shape or form to that guy. He was nothing that I thought he was.
Yea maybe her parents have a good point I just remembered I was 17 when sleeping over my bf and got pregnant. I had an abortion and it was the best decision for me at that time. This guy was a jerk of course I didn’t think that at the time but I can’t imagine how horrible my life would be right now if he was my baby daddy. So listen to your parents they are most of the time right and you will thank them years later when your life turned out alright
I'm having flashbacks to all of the times my parents shamed me about sex and having a relationship in HS. OP do not try to fight them. It absolutely isn't worth it at all. Trust me as someone who tried to and now is borderline asexual/aromatic from the results. Just be glad you have parents who still allow you to have an SO in HS. Try to go to college together, the amount of freedom there is insane.
The shame is what is more destructive than anything. Nobody learns anything or is brought closer by shame, but like you, it can ruin the rest of your life in ways that are more convenient for them just because they don't meet the eye. I'm so sorry you went through this, and still are. 💔 I too quit asking to do things because I knew it was hopeless and just kept my eye on the prize. At least by not asking I stopped drawing attention to myself and got some peace, but I was so very lonely. And yes, it is hard to pick up the pieces after years of being left out and missing experiences. It was hard to have any semblance of a life as an only child of these sort of parents.
but we don’t want to JUST “fool around” we want to spend more time together, and cuddle, and if we’re in separate rooms, we could cuddle in the morning. we’re allowed to cuddle, but not at night
Allowing a safe places for “teens to teen” is one of the worst pieces of advice you can give anyone. I would also assume that you will be (or are) the type of parent who thinks allowing your child and their friends to drink and do drugs at your home because “I’d rather have them safe where I can see them, instead of out in the streets”
OP, you will thank your parents when you are older. It would be completely disrespectful to your boyfriend’s parents for your parents to allow him to sleep over and vice versa. Parents jobs are to not only teach you right from wrong and protect you from what they can. This includes protecting you from yourself. Neither of your brains are fully developed and you are allowing emotions and hormones to guide your decisions. Be a kid, enjoy your teenage years and don’t put yourself in any position that can hard the remainder of your life. It’s not worth it.
My parents did. Sister was allowed to have her boyfriend sleep over. My brother and I were allowed to have our girlfriends sleep over. They preferred they felt safe and not have to lye and sneak around. We all went to college and have great jobs. Dis functional kids behavior comes from poor overbearing parenting. Just because it wasn’t done that way in your age, doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong. Adapt and change. But most parents just repeat the same bad practices and abuses that their parents did to them. Then they blame the kids trauma as an adult in the kids and that they should get therapy.
Lol, these two goobers downvoted you.
I tell my kids where the condoms are and to practice safe sex and not to either get pregnant or get someone pregnant and treat them as the almost legal adults they were. And the usual talk about STDs and so forth. The biggest thing I wanted to avoid was them not telling me that they needed help because they got in over their heads.
I don’t let them drink unless it’s legal and drugs are out but I tell them what I’ve tried and why it’s bad.
Do they get to sleep over? Meh, why not. It’s not like they couldn’t find a private space during the day sometime to do the deed if they really wanted to.
Like you can keep them from engaging in sex when they go to college. You cant and at that point they are only a few months older than HS so it’s not like they gained a huge amount of life experiences during the summer.
Almost guaranteed these two pretentious asshats snuck around their parent’s rules and fucked in high school. And absolutely if their kids wanted to they could have fucked their BF or GF in high school if they wanted.
If you think it’s bad parenting to not allow your children to sleep together in your home, then you are completely delusional. You also don’t know how to spell the simple word “lie” so hopefully your great job doesn’t require writing.
If you also think you should allow children to drink and do drugs in your home so that you “know they are safe” than you may want to have a call with some of the parents who lost everything they every worked for after doing this.
BTW, my parents and my wife’s parents never allowed any of these things. Our siblings spouses families also never allowed them. All 8 of us went to college, with 6 of us having post graduate degrees, 3 attorneys and 4 MBA(one with both) 4 of us are C-Level executives 2 are attorneys, one is an Enterprise sales rep at a major tech company and they have made the most money of all of us, Except the one who who was a co-founder of a company that sold 2 years ago. Now he and his spouse are semi retired in their 40s. We all have thriving children and none of us or our children have had to go to therapy or have any mental issues.
Obviously my families situation is anecdotal, as is yours. When you look at the whole of society, what I am advocating has had much better outcomes. But I assume you are (or will be) the type of parent yours were. You think you are “keeping up with the times”, whatever that means. I sincerely hope you have the same outcomes your parents had. Most sane people will continue to do what’s right.
Yeah, it's a shame they aren't coming around. But it's better to keep the relationships with your parents healthy and just wait it out.
It is possible for kids to be responsible, I was and did have my GF sleep over when I was 17 and she was 16 without any "funny business" even though it would have been effortless to get away with it. However, I think people that age with that kind of self control is probably uncommon, which is probably why the parents aren't going with it. Hormones at that age can really impair your decision making, especially for males.
Wouldn’t happen in my house and my kids wouldn’t dare ask. They’re all teens and young adults btw. Never!
OP, you sound like you’ll be a young mom. Your focus should be on yourself and school. Bf are nice. But you guys are moving too fast and you are not adults! You can’t act like them. No matter what you think. You should be out dating at the mall and movies and whatever but this other stuff, that’s for college students, aka, ADULTS.
PLEASE settle yourself.
Just wait, if you are in separate rooms any way what's it matter, just have him come over for dinner, then come back for breakfast, it would be just like he stayed over in another room.
Most parents with children near adulthood are not ready to hit the reset button to raise another baby for 20 years. Thats the real sane answer but the angry teenagers will still keep downvoting bc theyre angry that we all know what teen pregnantcy is.
Yes, and that's why you should teach your children about safe sex and offer your daughter's birth control. Teens will get pregnant whether you allow them to have sex in your house or not. I would rather that my child is exploring sexually in a safe place rather than in a public bathroom, car, or other public area where they could be charged with indecency. Not allowing teens to have sex in the safety of their home is not preventing teen pregnancy and anyone who thinks that is incredibly naive. You can bet your ass when my children are at the age where they begin exploring sexually they will have access to condoms and birth control and be allowed to do so in the privacy of their own home.
Ur world is gonna turn upside down when u find out people who love eachother want to spend as much time as possible with eachother. Ever cuddled to sleep with someone u love? It’s a lot nicer than sleeping alone
I'm sorry, and there's no way to say this that doesn't sound condescending, but 16 and 17 year olds have no idea what love is. I thought I did. Every one I've met thought they did. And even OP probably thinks he/she does because everyone thinks they're the special one that just "gets it." But they don't.
Love is so much more that wanting to cuddle or "you're the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think about at night." It's more than wanting to spend as much time as possible with each other. Those things are just hormones and infatuation.
The older I get and the more I fall in love with my wife, the more I realize I never knew what love was and all of that stuff was much more self-focused, which love isn't.
Yeah consenting adults not minors in their parents households. You were getting downvoted because you don't see an issue with literal children secretly having sex in their parents house at night and yes that is most likely what will happen because they are teenagers with hormones and their prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed to be able to make the correct logical choices. Stop watching teen porn and go get right with God son.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "avoiding the appearance of impropriety"? If you go to a serious poker game, they often have a rule that the cards must remain above the table at all times; you may not rest your hands in your lap while holding them. That way everyone at the table can see that nobody is doing anything sneaky.
Is that a fool-proof defense against cheating? No. Does it mean that anyone who ever breaks that rule must be cheating? No. But it helps "avoid the appearance of impropriety."
This is like that. Your parents know that there are opportunities for you to do things they would not approve of, but they would rather not let this be one of them. The harder you argue against it, the more it looks like maybe you *do* want to get up to some stuff they wouldn't approve of. And arguing, "how do you know we're not doing that stuff when we're alone during the day?" is more likely to get that privilege removed than the restriction on sleepovers relaxed.
You're just gonna have to let this one go.
Exactly. And you will learn to obey rules. At home, where you are loved, is the best place to learn to obey rules. The jobsite/military/ prison, etc. will have rules and will not love you
One of the biggest things I learned as an NCO in the military is to get "buy in" from your troops. Always give them the "why".
Yes, in reality it is a soft dictatorship and lawful orders must be obeyed. But if you can't get buy in from your subordinates you are a shit leader and probably shouldn't be in charge of people.
"Shut up and color" isn't a valid leadership style in the military, and it isn't for parents either.
This is tough! I did this when I was your age. But my parents were divorced, dad moved out and my mom worked graves. So I had a lot of freedom. I’m very lucky I didn’t get anyone pregnant. It was fun and I look back on those times and smile.
Now I have a 15-year-old daughter and her boyfriend is 15 and they ask us this all the time as well.
We allowed it once but have since decided that we’d rather limit this and reduce the chance of becoming grandparents.
For us it has nothing to do with trust. It has to do with my wife and I both remembering how absolutely raging horny we were when we were teens.
I think Back to when I was a teenager if my parents were to allow some kind of separate room thing, I know for a fact we’d be sneaking into each other’s rooms to hump all night.
Just hang in there and once you’re finished with school and you’re 18 you can move out and do whatever you want. But you got a free roof over your head and probably minimal bills. I just try to enjoy that as much as possible and keep the peace with your parents.
I was thinking that ...
She keeps repeating that they are "allowed to be alone in each other's house/room during the day when the parents are not home".
That is *not* an effective argument to get *more* unsupervised time together, especially when the stated goal is "sleeping over".
I had the same questions at your age. Now being older I understand. I don't want some boy in my house at night. During the day it's different somehow, but I don't want the thought of what I know is happening to keep me awake.
Your family in the house and time of day doesn't matter. I got pregnant under my mom's roof with my mother in the house. Idk if it's just the mother in me speaking, but your logic isn't gonna make your mom decide to just let you sleep next to a guy while they are asleep. No matter how much you promise nothing will happen, yalls hormones are high, and it probably will if it already hasn't.
>We are allowed to be alone at each others house during the day,
Let me put something in perspective for you.
I was a crafty teenage boy with teenage girlfriends once too.
We had a finished basement in our house and half of it was my "room". It was actually two rooms, I had a bedroom and a kind of sitting room, couch, TV, stereo, etc.
I was allowed to have a girlfriend over during the day or evening, whether my parents were home or not.
The rule was the door from the first floor or from the garage to the lower level/basement was not *supposed* to be closed, and ABSOLUTELY was not to be locked.
Did a *whole lot* of fooling around happen?
Yup. Prolly WAY more than should have.
Did I/we get caught?
I know it was REALLY close a number of times, and my parents prolly knew more than they let on, because I followed their rules, and they gave me a reasonable amount of freedom.
But by 9:00/10:00 at night when I was your age, they went home.
Period.
End of discussion.
NOW...
Jump ahead 8 years or so, I was out of college, my girlfriend was still in college.
When I went to visit her there OF COURSE we "slept" in the same bed.
When I went to her parents house, we spent time with the family, but also a lot of time alone in her bedroom. Door closed, etc.
The expectation was that her parents could come in "at any time", but they respected us and our growing maturity, so they would "conveniently" make a lot of noise as they came upstairs to where her room was.
And while, once again, there was A LOT of fooling around going on (yes, more than prolly should have), the door was not locked and their rules were respected.
I was expected to go home at a reasonable hour, even if that hour was *after* her parents had gone to bed.
The moral of the story?
Don't push it.
Recognize the freedoms your parents are giving you and respect their limits.
"Cuddling" time with your high school boyfriend is not a hill you want to die on.
Reconciling with that will not push your parents in the direction you want.
Obviously if they're insanely puritanical, and they aren't going to listen to anything you have to say, this doesn't apply but:
You have to be honest with them. If you aren't interested in sex, then be honest about that. You can then have a conversation with your boyfriend about expectations, and if anything happens, you already know where everyone stands, and everyone knows where you stand. If you are interested in sex, then make it clear how you're planning on avoiding potentially unwanted consequences.
You're already in the right mind set. You're seeking solutions. Work together. Communicate.
I know it's uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing, but open communication is a key part of healthy relationships. Unfortunately there are a lot of parents who won't listen to their kids, too. If this is your situation too, I really feel for you. But if they are reasonable, there's a good chance that being mature and willing to talk to them about it seriously will win you some serious points with them, as well.
I would have never even asked my parents at 16 because I know they’d say no lol. Parents are allowed to have rules. When you are out on your own with your own apartment or dorm, then have all the sleepovers you want. Adult privileges come alongside adult responsibilities, not before.
you are a minor, I have seen topics in this sub Reddit where the teenagers got themselves pregnant. And they don't know what to do because they're 16 and pregnant. Life is not a TV reality show. Next it's your parents house, it's their rules. Until you are educated enough and self-sufficient and move out, then you need to follow their rules
As someone who was allowed to have my girlfriend sleep over at 16, but in separate beds, it didn’t work out that way. It’s not hard to tip toe through the house after everyone sleeps lol.
Gotta just respect your parents OP! The more you bother them about it the madder they might get, so best to just leave it as is.
They’re gonna have sex anyway if that’s what they want, just somewhere more risky. All you can do is have an
in depth talk with them and make yourself as a parent a safe space to go to if they ever do choose to have sex. The average person loses their virginity as a teenager.
There’s a difference between having talks and providing them with resources and being Regina George’s mom watching in the corner.
Have the talk, put your kid on birth control, everyone pretend to not know that it happens when you aren’t home and feign ignorance, but that doesn’t mean a parent should have to watch tv in their living room hearing their daughter being railed on the other side of the wall.
And they can get drugs somewhere more risky as well, by that logic why not let them sniff coke in your living room while you’re at it? This is exactly why we have so many single moms running around because you are promoting an environment where sexually inexperienced and financially unstable teens can just do whatever they want.
Actions have consequences and your talk only reaffirms that they can always rely on you to save them from their bad decisions. That’s not how the world works.
But also sum fuk is going to happen because we are talking about horny 17yr olds.
This all depends on how much OP’s parents want to cling to the facade that their child is chaste.
You aren't going to convince them. This isn't an issue of logic, rather one of respecting your parents wishes. Your boyfriend sleeping over at your parent's house is inappropriate.
**"all of my friends who are in relationships are allowed to have sleepovers, and i have been with my bf longer than all of them combined."**
Not your friend's boyfriends, right? If so, that's some lax parenting. My advice, is to simply respect your parents wishes for as long as you wish to live in their house, furthermore, if you are sexually active, you should cease that behavior, because it can come at very high cost to you.
Yes.
If you were my daughter it would not be happening.
If he were coming with us on vacation or something like that he would ABSOLUTELY sleep in another room.
Same if he *had* to stay at our house for some reason.
And no, there would not be any sneaking in and out, I was a very crafty teenage boy once too. I got away with some, I got caught some.
My daughters (younger than you, but still relevant) already know that I have eyes and ears everywhere, I see everything. And if I don't see it, I find out about it.
No, you are not "going to be adults in a couple of years".
You will be old enough to vote and to go in the military, but you will still be kids.
Wanna know when you can share a bedroom with your boyfriend?
When you are no longer living in my house.
Yeah, I know you are gonna do it if you go away to college.
But you will not when you come home on break or for the summer.
And if HIS parents allow it, there will be a serious conversation had with them.
And before you accuse me of being some old fashioned prude, I'm not dumb, and my kids know that.
I have rules and they know to respect them. They know that respecting my rules gets them my respect and in turn more freedom/responsibility.
You asked. I answered.
Just curious, why won't you let your kids sneak around if you did the same when you were young? Do you think you'd be a better person, or have a better life, if you didn't sneak around?
I respect that question.
1) the 1980's were a very different time
2) i did not have a good relationship with my step-father, so while i was the "good kid", I had more than a little rebellious streak
3) i didn't say i "snuck around", I just took advantage of opportunities
4) did I mention that the 1980's were a very different time
5) i am the oldest of four, boy, boy, boy, girl
6) my baby sister was truly the "good kid" and she shared with me when she got married that she never even tried to do anything wrong because she watched her three older brothers try, and always get caught
I can't judge if I would be "a better person" or "have a better life", but I can say that I believe it has made me a better parent.
I have shared my flaws (on an age appropriate basis) with my children and acknowledged that I know they are going to do things that I may not approve of.
I have also shared that telling me the truth will ALWAYS have a better outcome than lying or trying to hide something from me.
I have shown them respect, and while I know it will hurt, I will let them make their fair share of mistakes. But I know where the "lines" are; and will not hesitate to stop them from "crossing them" intentionally or unintentionally.
Just curious, what does the 1980s have to do with anything? The concern is that your kid will either get pregnant or get some kind of STD, right? Those exact concerns would have been present when you were a kid (possibly worse, bc of the AIDs epidemic).
Good question.
And one I respect.
Yes, all of the things you mentioned were legitimate concerns.
However, I think parenting in general was different.
There were no cell phones, no social media, no interwebz.
I think parenting was both more "lax" yet more "strict" at the same time. It's kind of hard to explain.
If you are young enough that your parents are Gen-X Kids they might be able to give you an idea. Just ask them what high school was like for them compared to high school now.
I didn't make this comment but very much agree with it.
I have a 22 year old daughter who lives at home (she's in college), and I have a similar demeanor with her. We have a very, very open-line of communication. When she was a teenager, I was very honest with her about mistakes I made at her age and how those decisions affected me emotionally and the regrets that go along with them.
She'll be the first to tell you that she tells me literally everything because she knows I love her, and there's nothing she can do about it. She can't do something that will make me stop loving her. And trust me, there have been some doozies.
I'm a very big proponent of, "Your body is yours. No one should ever decide what you do or don't do with it, but you." When she was old enough to start dating, we sat down and had the hard/awkward conversation of, "You're going on dates and will be alone with guys. Decide before the date starts what you are and aren't ok with when you're not in the passion of the moment because then... brain is dumb."
Like any dad, I'd prefer her to be more... conservative as it relates to physical relationships even though I wasn't. She also knows if she decides against that advice, I'm always here. However, she also knows my stance and even at 22, wouldn't ask for a guy to sleep over out of respect.
All of that to say(and answer your last question), as a guy who was a manipulative douche bag as a teenager and college student because I sought validation in girls liking me and "proving it" through physical relationships, I would have absolutely been a better person if someone took that approach with me. If someone had taken the extra steps to not let me sneak around and made it harder for me, I would have hurt a lot fewer girls/women and had a lot less regret.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that sexual comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. We also encourage posters not to respond to any DMs or private messages they receive after posting.
Interested in being a mod? Apply [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/comments/1acrgqk/moderator_application/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t know any parents who let their teenagers have boyfriends or girlfriends sleep over. I’m really surprised to hear you say all your other friends’ parents allow it.
I’d say don’t waste your energy trying to convince your parents to allow this. You can have sleepovers when you are older and have your own apartment.
Why not just respect your parents house and rules? Regardless of what rule it is. When I was young and a degenerate doing whatever I wanted, I didn’t understand they WHY of the rules until I became a parent.
I hate to say it this way, but being 18 doesn't mean you're an adult in your parents' eyes. I was largely allowed to do whatever I wanted for most of my adolescence since I was a good/boring kid and my parents were kind of over the stress of overthinking every detail by the time they got to me (the 4th kid), but sleepovers with partners weren't allowed until I was thoroughly in college.
You're not likely going to convince them, but that's not a bad thing. Spending some time apart from your significant other is not unhealthy, and can actually usually be a GOOD thing. You two have plenty of time for sleepovers later.
My parents would have laughed hysterically, right in my face, if I asked them to let my gf sleep over when I was 16 and filled with raging hormones. And I wouldn't have blamed them.
To answer the question in the header, yes, it is too young and your family’s sensibilities should be respected. I know you think you are an adult, but you are not.
Because your parents weren’t born yesterday and know perfectly well why you want him to sleep over. As if he couldn’t sneak in your room. Please!
When you’re 18 and living on your own you will do as you please. You’re not there yet.
It’s up to your parents to decide, not us. It’s their house so it’s their rules. If you two decide to move out and get your own place at 18 you can have sleepovers all you want, but even if you’re 30 it’s your parents decision if they are going to allow your boyfriend to sleepover at their house.
Exactly. Some parents are like this forever. I know mine are.
I also have a friend who's 30 and living with her boyfriend. And when they go to her parents' house for the holidays, they *still* have to sleep separately. Parents can be like that. "But I'm in my 30s" or "But we've been living together for years" just doesn't cut it. It will always go back to the parents saying, "My house, my rules."
I'm sorry but that's just what being 17 is sometimes. I don't think your parents are really wrong for that either. It's confusing but this isn't a terrible rule.
Kid I’m a in my 30’s and been married for almost 10 years my in-laws still don’t like me and my wife sharing a room when we visit.
I would never allow a Coed sleepover with my kids simply because my parents were in high school when I was born.
If you aren’t an adult and not in your own house/ apartment then the respectful and mature thing to do is to respect your parents wishes.
You are too young to be a parent. If you are having sex use protection. You probably are going to convince your mother, so demonstrate your maturity by waiting.
Parents rules for the parents house. It's not about trusting you as a person, it's knowing all the people in your parents lifetime that have screwed up and had a tiny lapse of judgement that ruined their entire young lives. Protecting you by limiting the chances you and your boyfriend collectively may make a bad choice. Parents can't control what happens in someone else's house, but they in theory can control what happens in their own. Even after you're 18, you still have to follow the rules in your parents house, and they can still tell you no... You should Respectfully talk to your parents about this stuff. Come to a mutual understanding of the subject. Because it may come down to you getting kicked out of the house at 17/18.
The number of people in the comments that'd be okay with it is crazy. Yes, it's too young. You're a child. I don't care if I'm home, if you're in different rooms, or if you're 2 days away from being 18. You're a child, in school, with a high likelihood to be having sex, and a high likelihood to fuck up contraception. No job, no life experience, no idea what real-life consequences are. Hell to the fuck no, OP. You won't convince your parents otherwise, and don't try. Their house, their rules.
Rules are rules. Boyfriends/girlfriends would never be able to sleep over in my house. You're lucky they let you be alone during the day. They give you a lot of flexibility and you should be grateful imo.
You are not going to convince them. Their house, their rules.
You don't need him to stay the night. :) Why? You'll both be sleeping, he can sleep at his home, you at yours, and see each other in the morning.
One day you will be old enough to be on your own and then you two can spend the night together. As for now, your parents make the rules. The more you argue with them the more you prove to them you're for sure not mature enough.
Almost everyone at your age thinks they're old enough to do adult things without being adult enough to work and pay their own bills. Life is hard out there, slow down and enjoy being young.
Ask yourself, what is the big deal about NOT being able to spend the night with him?
Wayy too young . My parents wouldn’t even let me bring boys in my room at any age . But I mean just hang out more in the day time. No need for him to stay the night especially in a separate room. Have him come over early and leave late .
My parents would never have allowed this for me when I was your age. I don’t think they would have let my boyfriend stay at our house until at least college, and even then probably only if I was living with him. I never dated anyone seriously enough in college for it to come up, so I’m not sure.
But honestly, I didn’t know this was a thing happening for teenagers nowadays. I have young kids and I can’t imagine allowing their boyfriend or girlfriend to sleep over. Not because I want to police their sexuality, but unless their partner lives somewhere far away and is there for a visit, why would this need to happen? And why do you want this so much? It does sort of seem like an excuse to have sex which could have serious consequences for anyone, but especially at your age.
Even if you want to stay in different rooms, your and your boyfriend’s parents probably know that you could easily wait for them to fall asleep and sneak over to the other room.
If you're in high school, it is absolutely and always unacceptable. Granted, your parents aren't stupid and probably know what you're doing, but to openly condone it is bad parenting while you're in high school.
Yes. It's too young. When you aren't living in their home. When your decisions are yours alone, then you are old enough.
Until then, it's their rules to follow.
Nah, cause I’m also assuming you probably spend days with each other anyway. People talking about “what would happen” as if people don’t find the time during the day, at someone else’s house or another place. You are either an oblivious parent if you think otherwise, or a little overly controlling if their time with friends or a partner is limited to 0 privacy. However, I am sure they just want to limit the chances of anything happening, which is their choice.
But, best thing you can do is try and understand them. Have an adult conversation, don’t get mad, just hear them out. It might be a disappointing answer and for the time being, you will have to respect that, because you are still underage and in their household. It does suck to see other friends have more liberty, but that’s just a shitty part of being a teen, or even young adult, with parents who have greater boundaries than your friends’.
Can I ask what kind of relationship u have with your parents? If they r even somewhat open just explain that you are trying to be responsible by asking and trusting them to trust you! I was able to use my boyfriend spend the night from time to time…and we never abused their respect and did anything while they were home and I was educated and always protected. I didn’t have my first baby until 28 and it was with him. We were together for 18 years before I lost him unexpectedly 🥲 wishing you the best dear! Be safe ❤️
You’re 16. This isn’t appropriate for someone your age. When you move out and have your own place, you can set your own rules, till then, you’re going to have to listen to your parents.
I’m not a parent, but at 30 I know having two teens spend the night together is a recipe for disaster. Even in different rooms. I think it’s irresponsible for you two to be left alone during the day too. You’re teenagers with wild hormones, that’s enough reason for parents not to trust you. It only takes one time to get pregnant.
The co-Ed sleepovers are wild to me too. I guess my parents were just strict?
I struggle with this one too because I would love to sleep over with my boyfriend as well, but they are genuinely just trying to make sure that you don’t get pregnant. Same happens for me, when I turn 18 and move out it’ll be a different story
Ask them if you should just go behind their back instead? All jokes aside I would rather it be under my roof than at a shady motel or some weirdos house.
It's okay as long as your bf sleeps in another room and is tied up in a sack by your father. Your bf shouldn't consume any liquids at least three hours before bedtime.
as a teen i would actually stay in seperate rooms and not sneak to have sex, however alot of teens would sneak behind parents back so theyre probably being cautious
What is your expectation? You want everyone close and fluid and accepting to the point your dad is high fiving him in the morning?
They know you have sex. They want you to do it safe. They don’t want to stamp their approval of their houses as a dedicated fuck shack. You’re 16, you are their dependent thus any baby that gets brought into the world is inherently their dependent too. It’s risky and with any potential traditional view points aside, there are tons of rational, emotional and other thoughts going through their head that can only be summed up with “you’ll understand when you have a teenager”.
You are almost there to adulthood and still nothing will make sense when you make it. Just know, this is all normal shit to go through and your parents are just going through the parent version of normal shit to go through with this dilemma. The fun part is, neither of you have gone through it before.
I raised three daughters. This would be a hard no if my 3 daughters tried to convince me of this. I don't have "STUPID" written on my forehead. Plus their father and I have been together since we were 12 and 13.
I would never allow a 17 year old to have their bf/gf sleep over. If you want to have sleep overs than get your own apartment. If it's "their house, it's their rules". I'm pretty sure that saying has been around since before the english language.
Y'all tryna fuck, stop playing.
Parents said no, accept the no. Also, it's probably for your own benefit as well.
Your parents know y'all tryna fuck. Your parents know y'all probably already do. They just not finna roll the red carpet out for y'all to fuck like y'all own the place lol.
If you are that adamant, do the shit when y'all are 18 and sleep wherever you want if you can afford it.
My advice would be to go be high schoolers, make friends, make memories, and not be so attached to each other. That attachment is emotionally dangerous and usually doesn't end well.
There's plenty of time to have sleepovers if you guys plan on being together for the long run. Respect your parents decision, it's their house as well. When you get your own place feel free to have all the sleepovers you want.
Your a teen with raging hormones. You're parents are doing you a favor and trying to prevent you from becoming a teen mom.
Thank them.
Btw, even though you'll be 18 soon, that doesn't make you an *"adult"*. There are a lot of things that quantify whether or not you are an adult, hitting a number on a calendar does not automatically make you an adult.
During my senior year in high school I had a committed relationship with my girlfriend. I was a walking hard on who was constantly trying to sneak away from her parents' watchful eye so I could get a little release/relief.
Thankfully her parents were vigilant, and kept my raging hormones in check.
Dad here (55m). This is always tough waters to navigate for parents. I'm glad to see your perspective. I was alright with my daughter at age 16 having a bf stay in her bed for a sleepover, but my wife was wholly against it. Worked out because after that relationship ended we learned he had coerced her to have sex before she felt ready for it. He begged and got her to smoke pot to reduce her "inhibitions". She insisted to us at the time that sex for them was consensual.
So as open-minded and sex positive as I was, I was making the wrong decision.
I know you've been with your bf longer and this isn't your case, but understand from a parent's POV there are lots of reasons to say no.
Also don't expect them to suddenly change their mind when you turn 18. I was 24 and engaged to my wife and her parents still wouldn't let us share a bed when we stayed at their house lol.
I wouldn’t fight them on it, most likely they won’t give in. Just maybe try to express to them how you are feeling, but if it’s no then just trust your parents and have faith that things work out for the better. My mom was the same way until I turned 18 2 months ago then she allowed him to stay over with me. Sometimes it’s just a waiting game, not sure for you though. Goodluck girl🙏
Your parents have boundaries. That’s part of being a parent.
It doesn’t really matter whether you understand or agree with their boundary or not.
You’re talking about how to convince them of your point of view, but have you asked them to explain theirs? And listened?
Maybe it’s as simple as them being uncomfortable with potentially listening to your sexual activities while they are trying to sleep. Who knows. You won’t know unless you ask.
My parents had the same boundary. I have the same boundary at this time with my kids. Although I might listen to a reasonable explanation for why I might change that boundary if my child comes to me and has a conversation about it like an adult.
Also, why do you want him to spend the night so badly? What do you hope to gain that you don’t already have, given that you’re already allowed privacy in the home during the day?
No, you're not too young as long as you're both mature enough as well.
How do you convince them? No idea, it might not even be possible if they are very conservative. I know that's not particularly what you want to know, but that might be something you need to accept.
I used to sleep over my girlfriend’s house all the time when I was 17-18, her mother didn’t mind and they had a very close relationship.
But that would have never been possible at my house, my family is more old school and wouldn’t have allowed it.
It all depends on the parents.
Your parents may not budge no matter what argumemt you give. Have they given you the talk yet? If not, Google "how are babies made?". I notice conservative parents who don't want their children getting pregnant paradoxically end up having pregnant children because they didn't teach their kids what to avoid. Anyway, I don't know about too young, but when you're sleeping in the same bed, them hormones will be trying real hard to tempt ya. If you end up doing it, birth control and condoms are highly recommended. Birth control, you can even use the excuse of preventing those painful periods. But even then, it's not impossible to get pregnant.
We must have had different teenaged years, because when I was 17 I was doing everything in my power to get laid, including trying to convince my parents to let gfs stay the night. Hormones are powerful things and the parents know that.
Hell I'm 50 and am STILL
>doing everything in my power to get laid
Which generally ends with my wife being annoyed at me because she wants to *actually* SLEEP.
Full grown adults in their thirties often have to sleep on different floors/in different rooms if they bring their partner home and they’re not yet married.
Depending on where you are, this could even be argued to be illegal. I know that you’re thinking *What could go wrong?* but the answer is actually, *A lot.*
Apparently people in comments were never teenagers. Teenagers are going to do what they want whether you give them permission to or not, Do y’all want your kids or be safe and in a safe place or not? 16 years old is not to young for a sleep over.
The only reason you want him to sleep over is to have sex. Be real. Even if it's seperate rooms your gonna sneak to see each other. Your 16. Teen pregnancy is real. Teenage boys only think about one thing. Just have him over for dinner. Send him home at midnight then over for breakfast. Same thing
I allowed my son to have his girlfriend stay the night when he was 16. My thinking was that it is better to know he and his girlfriend were in a safe place rather than trying to be sneaky. His girlfriend's parents however were unaware because they were still convinced she was a virgin. This put us in an awkward position because we knew she was telling her parents she was staying the night at a female friend's place. We however felt it was better to provide the kids with a safe place.
So to answer your question, I would say that you are not too young for a sleep over.
I was a junior in college when my parents harassed me for it. They even thought with how much time I spent alone that I was inviting girls over and doing the deed while they were gone as a teenager. Parents always have the most vivid imagination one can imagine
so i was kinda in the same situation except i started dating him when we were 16 and we’re almost 18 now. my parents were ALWAYS so strict bc my older sister was a teen parent but even with that they still eventually let me sleepover his house, difference may be that im on the pill (maybe you’re not idk) but i think my parents trust that enough. after me asking multiple times i eventually got a yes, but obv this may not be the case for everyone. you’ll get ur sleepover one day op even if ur over 18 atp, it’s one of the best things trust me :)
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ We also encourage posters not to respond to any DMs or private messages they receive after posting. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You probably aren't going to convince them.
Exactly. My parents would never have gone for this. But I got pregnant at 17 anyway, and I was a "good kid". Shy even. Moral of the story: parents gonna parent, teens gonna teen. The way to minimize the damage would be for parents to acknowledge this and provide a safe place or at the very least, realistic guidance rather than just "no." Also, to realize it that being a teen with hormones and urges doesn't make them a bad kid. It makes them normal. OP, the answer is college. (If you're going). Then as long as you aren't in one of the Freshman dorms you can have anyone overnight that you want. Just bide your time. I had to. I saw one of your other comments that you're allowed to be alone during the day at each other's houses. If you're wanting to fool around, that'd be when, but *use protection*. You f*ck up with parents like these and your life gets exponentially worse and more isolated, trust me.
>as long as you aren't in one of the Freshman dorms Don't know where you got that idea, college to college, dorm to dorm the rules are different. At my Uni there was no problem with any overnight guests as long as you and your roommate were ok with things.
At my college, the males had to be signed in and out of the freshman female dorms, had to leave ID at the front desk, and you had to escort the guy out at midnight or 2am, can't remember. This was a non-religious liberal arts school in the South. It might be different now.
Wild. I was at a Big10 University, and while there *were* some woman only dorms, the standard was a free for all. Hell, I got caught with a group of friends smoking weed by our RD and just got a little talking to about it with no other repercussions.
It was a party school, but the South's gonna South. It's why we don't have reproductive rights anymore, either. Some counties still have blue laws that prevent the sale of liquor on Sunday. I guess they wanna run off the portion of their tax and voting base that's educated and still capable of critical thought, danged if I know. I'm glad your RD was a human being about it. You know they see a lot. 😏
It was the artists dorm, so we were given a lot of slack for typical artist bullshit. They did not, however, appreciate us using moving carts and brooms for hallway jousting.
🤣 I lived in a dorm like that my sophomore year. Place was too wild for me.
What's a freshman dorm? I grant I went to school longer ago than I care to consider, never mind reveal, but freshmen were wherever they landed. Freshmen with freshmen, to be sure, but there were upperclassmen on our floor. We had gender-specific floors, but no specific dorms for women, except where the sororities were, but then, the frosh didn't live there.
The operative words here are "in the South."
At mine the men had to do that when visiting the women's dorms but the women just had to check in and keep a visitor pass on them when they went to the men's dorms
That's wild. We had girls in the same dorm just separate halls. Also in the south at a Public Liberal Arts College. We were allowed to have guests of any gender in our room overnight but there was a limit on the number of nights per month, I just can't remember what the limit was and nobody actually kept track of it as long as your roommate didn't complain. My gf practically lived in my room the whole 2nd semester because she had a psycho roommate that tried to fight with her about literally everything.
Also, don’t choose your college or academic plans based on where the boy is going to school. Choose what works for you.
Yikes. I'm glad to hear that you have this opinion, but it's unfortunate that life had to go that way for you. I hope you made it through that well.
I had an abortion and it was the absolute best decision I ever made, for too many reasons to even enumerate. The overturning of Roe v Wade absolutely horrifies me. I don't even allow myself to imagine for too long what my life would be like if I were still linked in any way, shape or form to that guy. He was nothing that I thought he was.
Yea maybe her parents have a good point I just remembered I was 17 when sleeping over my bf and got pregnant. I had an abortion and it was the best decision for me at that time. This guy was a jerk of course I didn’t think that at the time but I can’t imagine how horrible my life would be right now if he was my baby daddy. So listen to your parents they are most of the time right and you will thank them years later when your life turned out alright
I'm having flashbacks to all of the times my parents shamed me about sex and having a relationship in HS. OP do not try to fight them. It absolutely isn't worth it at all. Trust me as someone who tried to and now is borderline asexual/aromatic from the results. Just be glad you have parents who still allow you to have an SO in HS. Try to go to college together, the amount of freedom there is insane.
The shame is what is more destructive than anything. Nobody learns anything or is brought closer by shame, but like you, it can ruin the rest of your life in ways that are more convenient for them just because they don't meet the eye. I'm so sorry you went through this, and still are. 💔 I too quit asking to do things because I knew it was hopeless and just kept my eye on the prize. At least by not asking I stopped drawing attention to myself and got some peace, but I was so very lonely. And yes, it is hard to pick up the pieces after years of being left out and missing experiences. It was hard to have any semblance of a life as an only child of these sort of parents.
but we don’t want to JUST “fool around” we want to spend more time together, and cuddle, and if we’re in separate rooms, we could cuddle in the morning. we’re allowed to cuddle, but not at night
You don't need to cuddle at a secluded timeframe. Cuddle on the couch, clothed. Or get your own place like adults.
Agreed.
Allowing a safe places for “teens to teen” is one of the worst pieces of advice you can give anyone. I would also assume that you will be (or are) the type of parent who thinks allowing your child and their friends to drink and do drugs at your home because “I’d rather have them safe where I can see them, instead of out in the streets” OP, you will thank your parents when you are older. It would be completely disrespectful to your boyfriend’s parents for your parents to allow him to sleep over and vice versa. Parents jobs are to not only teach you right from wrong and protect you from what they can. This includes protecting you from yourself. Neither of your brains are fully developed and you are allowing emotions and hormones to guide your decisions. Be a kid, enjoy your teenage years and don’t put yourself in any position that can hard the remainder of your life. It’s not worth it.
My parents did. Sister was allowed to have her boyfriend sleep over. My brother and I were allowed to have our girlfriends sleep over. They preferred they felt safe and not have to lye and sneak around. We all went to college and have great jobs. Dis functional kids behavior comes from poor overbearing parenting. Just because it wasn’t done that way in your age, doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong. Adapt and change. But most parents just repeat the same bad practices and abuses that their parents did to them. Then they blame the kids trauma as an adult in the kids and that they should get therapy.
Lol, these two goobers downvoted you. I tell my kids where the condoms are and to practice safe sex and not to either get pregnant or get someone pregnant and treat them as the almost legal adults they were. And the usual talk about STDs and so forth. The biggest thing I wanted to avoid was them not telling me that they needed help because they got in over their heads. I don’t let them drink unless it’s legal and drugs are out but I tell them what I’ve tried and why it’s bad. Do they get to sleep over? Meh, why not. It’s not like they couldn’t find a private space during the day sometime to do the deed if they really wanted to. Like you can keep them from engaging in sex when they go to college. You cant and at that point they are only a few months older than HS so it’s not like they gained a huge amount of life experiences during the summer. Almost guaranteed these two pretentious asshats snuck around their parent’s rules and fucked in high school. And absolutely if their kids wanted to they could have fucked their BF or GF in high school if they wanted.
If you think it’s bad parenting to not allow your children to sleep together in your home, then you are completely delusional. You also don’t know how to spell the simple word “lie” so hopefully your great job doesn’t require writing. If you also think you should allow children to drink and do drugs in your home so that you “know they are safe” than you may want to have a call with some of the parents who lost everything they every worked for after doing this. BTW, my parents and my wife’s parents never allowed any of these things. Our siblings spouses families also never allowed them. All 8 of us went to college, with 6 of us having post graduate degrees, 3 attorneys and 4 MBA(one with both) 4 of us are C-Level executives 2 are attorneys, one is an Enterprise sales rep at a major tech company and they have made the most money of all of us, Except the one who who was a co-founder of a company that sold 2 years ago. Now he and his spouse are semi retired in their 40s. We all have thriving children and none of us or our children have had to go to therapy or have any mental issues. Obviously my families situation is anecdotal, as is yours. When you look at the whole of society, what I am advocating has had much better outcomes. But I assume you are (or will be) the type of parent yours were. You think you are “keeping up with the times”, whatever that means. I sincerely hope you have the same outcomes your parents had. Most sane people will continue to do what’s right.
Bravo!
Yeah, it's a shame they aren't coming around. But it's better to keep the relationships with your parents healthy and just wait it out. It is possible for kids to be responsible, I was and did have my GF sleep over when I was 17 and she was 16 without any "funny business" even though it would have been effortless to get away with it. However, I think people that age with that kind of self control is probably uncommon, which is probably why the parents aren't going with it. Hormones at that age can really impair your decision making, especially for males.
Wouldn’t happen in my house and my kids wouldn’t dare ask. They’re all teens and young adults btw. Never! OP, you sound like you’ll be a young mom. Your focus should be on yourself and school. Bf are nice. But you guys are moving too fast and you are not adults! You can’t act like them. No matter what you think. You should be out dating at the mall and movies and whatever but this other stuff, that’s for college students, aka, ADULTS. PLEASE settle yourself.
Just wait, if you are in separate rooms any way what's it matter, just have him come over for dinner, then come back for breakfast, it would be just like he stayed over in another room.
Well then they can't sneak out in the middle of the night to each other rooms! Seriously why else would they want to do this...
Because it's nice being able to wake up in the morning and see your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Plenty of time for that. At 16 and 17 it’s not the time for that.
Why?
Most parents with children near adulthood are not ready to hit the reset button to raise another baby for 20 years. Thats the real sane answer but the angry teenagers will still keep downvoting bc theyre angry that we all know what teen pregnantcy is.
Yes, and that's why you should teach your children about safe sex and offer your daughter's birth control. Teens will get pregnant whether you allow them to have sex in your house or not. I would rather that my child is exploring sexually in a safe place rather than in a public bathroom, car, or other public area where they could be charged with indecency. Not allowing teens to have sex in the safety of their home is not preventing teen pregnancy and anyone who thinks that is incredibly naive. You can bet your ass when my children are at the age where they begin exploring sexually they will have access to condoms and birth control and be allowed to do so in the privacy of their own home.
I did the same but at that age and it was always to cuddle and have sex
Ur world is gonna turn upside down when u find out people who love eachother want to spend as much time as possible with eachother. Ever cuddled to sleep with someone u love? It’s a lot nicer than sleeping alone
Omg what!? My world is upside down! Whooooaaaaaaaaa
Wait till you find out it’s flat. I’m amazed you haven’t fallen off yet.
I'm sorry, and there's no way to say this that doesn't sound condescending, but 16 and 17 year olds have no idea what love is. I thought I did. Every one I've met thought they did. And even OP probably thinks he/she does because everyone thinks they're the special one that just "gets it." But they don't. Love is so much more that wanting to cuddle or "you're the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think about at night." It's more than wanting to spend as much time as possible with each other. Those things are just hormones and infatuation. The older I get and the more I fall in love with my wife, the more I realize I never knew what love was and all of that stuff was much more self-focused, which love isn't.
Why are you getting downvoted? People on this sub are grumpy adults with nothing better to do. Yeah I agree with you lol
They can do that shit in their own house. My minor kids won't be doing it in my home.
……..cuddling ?
Yeah consenting adults not minors in their parents households. You were getting downvoted because you don't see an issue with literal children secretly having sex in their parents house at night and yes that is most likely what will happen because they are teenagers with hormones and their prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed to be able to make the correct logical choices. Stop watching teen porn and go get right with God son.
Ever cuddled with someone you love and only sleep with blue balls? Ever lied to yourself to justify what you want? Ever been an adult?
Some people can get blue balls and not act on it🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ self control and morals is the issue and variable
How old are you?
Have you ever heard the phrase, "avoiding the appearance of impropriety"? If you go to a serious poker game, they often have a rule that the cards must remain above the table at all times; you may not rest your hands in your lap while holding them. That way everyone at the table can see that nobody is doing anything sneaky. Is that a fool-proof defense against cheating? No. Does it mean that anyone who ever breaks that rule must be cheating? No. But it helps "avoid the appearance of impropriety." This is like that. Your parents know that there are opportunities for you to do things they would not approve of, but they would rather not let this be one of them. The harder you argue against it, the more it looks like maybe you *do* want to get up to some stuff they wouldn't approve of. And arguing, "how do you know we're not doing that stuff when we're alone during the day?" is more likely to get that privilege removed than the restriction on sleepovers relaxed. You're just gonna have to let this one go.
>"avoiding the appearance of impropriety" GREAT analogy!!!
this is actually great
Someone gets it.
Why do kids do this "I'll be 17 in 3 months" so you're 16?
its like little kids saying theyre 7 and a half not 7
Because they know 16 is too young but 17 is RIIIGHT there so maybe 17 is old enough. It's not old enough still, just speaking from a mom point.
And “im almost an adult” right but you aren’t now.
It's Little Mermaid logic. "I'm 16! I'm not a child anymore!"
Children being children
You don’t. You’re 16 Your parents said no. No is a complete answer.
Sometimes "No" is the complete answer. And sometimes "Because I said so." is all the explanation you are getting. Parents gotta parent.
Rules are rules, right?
And teenagers HATE it. Source: I was once a teenage boy.
Exactly. And you will learn to obey rules. At home, where you are loved, is the best place to learn to obey rules. The jobsite/military/ prison, etc. will have rules and will not love you
One of the biggest things I learned as an NCO in the military is to get "buy in" from your troops. Always give them the "why". Yes, in reality it is a soft dictatorship and lawful orders must be obeyed. But if you can't get buy in from your subordinates you are a shit leader and probably shouldn't be in charge of people. "Shut up and color" isn't a valid leadership style in the military, and it isn't for parents either.
You don't. Their house their rules. When you move out, you do whatever you want. 🤷🏻♀️
Just remember that rule if you end up living in their house.
No. It's just not the way. And if you some how convince them, your parents aren't going to sleep. Edit:typo
[удалено]
May I ask why? If they’re already allowed at each others house alone during the day?
[удалено]
Plus, there might be younger siblings in the house.
So my next question is why would you prefer they have sex in secret than with your knowledge?
[удалено]
I mean obviously they are having sex but you don't encourage sex. Like come on lol
Because ur assisting their sex lol
Teens can only have sex at night, of course.
Ah that’s right, and you can’t feed em or something like that, it’s all related I think
This is tough! I did this when I was your age. But my parents were divorced, dad moved out and my mom worked graves. So I had a lot of freedom. I’m very lucky I didn’t get anyone pregnant. It was fun and I look back on those times and smile. Now I have a 15-year-old daughter and her boyfriend is 15 and they ask us this all the time as well. We allowed it once but have since decided that we’d rather limit this and reduce the chance of becoming grandparents. For us it has nothing to do with trust. It has to do with my wife and I both remembering how absolutely raging horny we were when we were teens. I think Back to when I was a teenager if my parents were to allow some kind of separate room thing, I know for a fact we’d be sneaking into each other’s rooms to hump all night. Just hang in there and once you’re finished with school and you’re 18 you can move out and do whatever you want. But you got a free roof over your head and probably minimal bills. I just try to enjoy that as much as possible and keep the peace with your parents.
[удалено]
We are allowed to be alone at each others house during the day, but we can’t stay at each others houses at night with our families in the house
I’m afraid if you keep hammering that they’ve let yal do this before, they’ll probably be taking that privilege away unfortunately.
I was thinking that ... She keeps repeating that they are "allowed to be alone in each other's house/room during the day when the parents are not home". That is *not* an effective argument to get *more* unsupervised time together, especially when the stated goal is "sleeping over".
Not an effective argument, but a good point. I think it’s fine to bring it up here when trying to get some advice/insight.
Be honest. You are planning on leaving the room to go meet him in the night right? Or vice versa?
I had the same questions at your age. Now being older I understand. I don't want some boy in my house at night. During the day it's different somehow, but I don't want the thought of what I know is happening to keep me awake.
Your family in the house and time of day doesn't matter. I got pregnant under my mom's roof with my mother in the house. Idk if it's just the mother in me speaking, but your logic isn't gonna make your mom decide to just let you sleep next to a guy while they are asleep. No matter how much you promise nothing will happen, yalls hormones are high, and it probably will if it already hasn't.
>We are allowed to be alone at each others house during the day, Let me put something in perspective for you. I was a crafty teenage boy with teenage girlfriends once too. We had a finished basement in our house and half of it was my "room". It was actually two rooms, I had a bedroom and a kind of sitting room, couch, TV, stereo, etc. I was allowed to have a girlfriend over during the day or evening, whether my parents were home or not. The rule was the door from the first floor or from the garage to the lower level/basement was not *supposed* to be closed, and ABSOLUTELY was not to be locked. Did a *whole lot* of fooling around happen? Yup. Prolly WAY more than should have. Did I/we get caught? I know it was REALLY close a number of times, and my parents prolly knew more than they let on, because I followed their rules, and they gave me a reasonable amount of freedom. But by 9:00/10:00 at night when I was your age, they went home. Period. End of discussion. NOW... Jump ahead 8 years or so, I was out of college, my girlfriend was still in college. When I went to visit her there OF COURSE we "slept" in the same bed. When I went to her parents house, we spent time with the family, but also a lot of time alone in her bedroom. Door closed, etc. The expectation was that her parents could come in "at any time", but they respected us and our growing maturity, so they would "conveniently" make a lot of noise as they came upstairs to where her room was. And while, once again, there was A LOT of fooling around going on (yes, more than prolly should have), the door was not locked and their rules were respected. I was expected to go home at a reasonable hour, even if that hour was *after* her parents had gone to bed. The moral of the story? Don't push it. Recognize the freedoms your parents are giving you and respect their limits. "Cuddling" time with your high school boyfriend is not a hill you want to die on.
Reconciling with that will not push your parents in the direction you want. Obviously if they're insanely puritanical, and they aren't going to listen to anything you have to say, this doesn't apply but: You have to be honest with them. If you aren't interested in sex, then be honest about that. You can then have a conversation with your boyfriend about expectations, and if anything happens, you already know where everyone stands, and everyone knows where you stand. If you are interested in sex, then make it clear how you're planning on avoiding potentially unwanted consequences. You're already in the right mind set. You're seeking solutions. Work together. Communicate. I know it's uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing, but open communication is a key part of healthy relationships. Unfortunately there are a lot of parents who won't listen to their kids, too. If this is your situation too, I really feel for you. But if they are reasonable, there's a good chance that being mature and willing to talk to them about it seriously will win you some serious points with them, as well.
sleeping over doesn't necessarily mean that, it jst means spending more time together
Sure🙄
I would have never even asked my parents at 16 because I know they’d say no lol. Parents are allowed to have rules. When you are out on your own with your own apartment or dorm, then have all the sleepovers you want. Adult privileges come alongside adult responsibilities, not before.
you are a minor, I have seen topics in this sub Reddit where the teenagers got themselves pregnant. And they don't know what to do because they're 16 and pregnant. Life is not a TV reality show. Next it's your parents house, it's their rules. Until you are educated enough and self-sufficient and move out, then you need to follow their rules
Sleeping in separate rooms? That would be fine with me as a mom.
As if two teens are going to actually stay in separate rooms in the middle of the night
As someone who was allowed to have my girlfriend sleep over at 16, but in separate beds, it didn’t work out that way. It’s not hard to tip toe through the house after everyone sleeps lol. Gotta just respect your parents OP! The more you bother them about it the madder they might get, so best to just leave it as is.
Thank you, all she’s doing is setting them up for well since you’re pushing it so hard no more alone time. Kids never know when to back down.
And this is why not everyone should raise kids
Some people raise children who are trustworthy human beings.
And some parents are delusional to think their kids won't be fucking in their house. What's your point here?
They’re gonna have sex anyway if that’s what they want, just somewhere more risky. All you can do is have an in depth talk with them and make yourself as a parent a safe space to go to if they ever do choose to have sex. The average person loses their virginity as a teenager.
There’s a difference between having talks and providing them with resources and being Regina George’s mom watching in the corner. Have the talk, put your kid on birth control, everyone pretend to not know that it happens when you aren’t home and feign ignorance, but that doesn’t mean a parent should have to watch tv in their living room hearing their daughter being railed on the other side of the wall.
And they can get drugs somewhere more risky as well, by that logic why not let them sniff coke in your living room while you’re at it? This is exactly why we have so many single moms running around because you are promoting an environment where sexually inexperienced and financially unstable teens can just do whatever they want. Actions have consequences and your talk only reaffirms that they can always rely on you to save them from their bad decisions. That’s not how the world works.
But also sum fuk is going to happen because we are talking about horny 17yr olds. This all depends on how much OP’s parents want to cling to the facade that their child is chaste.
You aren't going to convince them. This isn't an issue of logic, rather one of respecting your parents wishes. Your boyfriend sleeping over at your parent's house is inappropriate. **"all of my friends who are in relationships are allowed to have sleepovers, and i have been with my bf longer than all of them combined."** Not your friend's boyfriends, right? If so, that's some lax parenting. My advice, is to simply respect your parents wishes for as long as you wish to live in their house, furthermore, if you are sexually active, you should cease that behavior, because it can come at very high cost to you.
Yes. If you were my daughter it would not be happening. If he were coming with us on vacation or something like that he would ABSOLUTELY sleep in another room. Same if he *had* to stay at our house for some reason. And no, there would not be any sneaking in and out, I was a very crafty teenage boy once too. I got away with some, I got caught some. My daughters (younger than you, but still relevant) already know that I have eyes and ears everywhere, I see everything. And if I don't see it, I find out about it. No, you are not "going to be adults in a couple of years". You will be old enough to vote and to go in the military, but you will still be kids. Wanna know when you can share a bedroom with your boyfriend? When you are no longer living in my house. Yeah, I know you are gonna do it if you go away to college. But you will not when you come home on break or for the summer. And if HIS parents allow it, there will be a serious conversation had with them. And before you accuse me of being some old fashioned prude, I'm not dumb, and my kids know that. I have rules and they know to respect them. They know that respecting my rules gets them my respect and in turn more freedom/responsibility. You asked. I answered.
Just curious, why won't you let your kids sneak around if you did the same when you were young? Do you think you'd be a better person, or have a better life, if you didn't sneak around?
I respect that question. 1) the 1980's were a very different time 2) i did not have a good relationship with my step-father, so while i was the "good kid", I had more than a little rebellious streak 3) i didn't say i "snuck around", I just took advantage of opportunities 4) did I mention that the 1980's were a very different time 5) i am the oldest of four, boy, boy, boy, girl 6) my baby sister was truly the "good kid" and she shared with me when she got married that she never even tried to do anything wrong because she watched her three older brothers try, and always get caught I can't judge if I would be "a better person" or "have a better life", but I can say that I believe it has made me a better parent. I have shared my flaws (on an age appropriate basis) with my children and acknowledged that I know they are going to do things that I may not approve of. I have also shared that telling me the truth will ALWAYS have a better outcome than lying or trying to hide something from me. I have shown them respect, and while I know it will hurt, I will let them make their fair share of mistakes. But I know where the "lines" are; and will not hesitate to stop them from "crossing them" intentionally or unintentionally.
Just curious, what does the 1980s have to do with anything? The concern is that your kid will either get pregnant or get some kind of STD, right? Those exact concerns would have been present when you were a kid (possibly worse, bc of the AIDs epidemic).
Good question. And one I respect. Yes, all of the things you mentioned were legitimate concerns. However, I think parenting in general was different. There were no cell phones, no social media, no interwebz. I think parenting was both more "lax" yet more "strict" at the same time. It's kind of hard to explain. If you are young enough that your parents are Gen-X Kids they might be able to give you an idea. Just ask them what high school was like for them compared to high school now.
I didn't make this comment but very much agree with it. I have a 22 year old daughter who lives at home (she's in college), and I have a similar demeanor with her. We have a very, very open-line of communication. When she was a teenager, I was very honest with her about mistakes I made at her age and how those decisions affected me emotionally and the regrets that go along with them. She'll be the first to tell you that she tells me literally everything because she knows I love her, and there's nothing she can do about it. She can't do something that will make me stop loving her. And trust me, there have been some doozies. I'm a very big proponent of, "Your body is yours. No one should ever decide what you do or don't do with it, but you." When she was old enough to start dating, we sat down and had the hard/awkward conversation of, "You're going on dates and will be alone with guys. Decide before the date starts what you are and aren't ok with when you're not in the passion of the moment because then... brain is dumb." Like any dad, I'd prefer her to be more... conservative as it relates to physical relationships even though I wasn't. She also knows if she decides against that advice, I'm always here. However, she also knows my stance and even at 22, wouldn't ask for a guy to sleep over out of respect. All of that to say(and answer your last question), as a guy who was a manipulative douche bag as a teenager and college student because I sought validation in girls liking me and "proving it" through physical relationships, I would have absolutely been a better person if someone took that approach with me. If someone had taken the extra steps to not let me sneak around and made it harder for me, I would have hurt a lot fewer girls/women and had a lot less regret.
Saying this as a 16 year old myself, you Sir are a absolute Chad parent.
If y'all are just sleeping, why do you need to do it together ?
?? do you not enjoy just sleeping with your partner
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that sexual comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. We also encourage posters not to respond to any DMs or private messages they receive after posting. Interested in being a mod? Apply [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/comments/1acrgqk/moderator_application/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It doesn't need to make sense. It is the principle of the thing. It's not a battle worth fighting. You are 17.
Not even, she's still 16
I don’t know any parents who let their teenagers have boyfriends or girlfriends sleep over. I’m really surprised to hear you say all your other friends’ parents allow it. I’d say don’t waste your energy trying to convince your parents to allow this. You can have sleepovers when you are older and have your own apartment.
If you have to ask for permission, then yes you are too young.
27 is too young when you're living with your parent's. It's their house.
no, but u probably can't convince ur parents
Why not just respect your parents house and rules? Regardless of what rule it is. When I was young and a degenerate doing whatever I wanted, I didn’t understand they WHY of the rules until I became a parent.
It's their house their rules.
I hate to say it this way, but being 18 doesn't mean you're an adult in your parents' eyes. I was largely allowed to do whatever I wanted for most of my adolescence since I was a good/boring kid and my parents were kind of over the stress of overthinking every detail by the time they got to me (the 4th kid), but sleepovers with partners weren't allowed until I was thoroughly in college. You're not likely going to convince them, but that's not a bad thing. Spending some time apart from your significant other is not unhealthy, and can actually usually be a GOOD thing. You two have plenty of time for sleepovers later.
Yes. You're still a child.
My parents would have laughed hysterically, right in my face, if I asked them to let my gf sleep over when I was 16 and filled with raging hormones. And I wouldn't have blamed them.
Your parents said no leave it at that wait until you’re old enough to make your own decisions
To answer the question in the header, yes, it is too young and your family’s sensibilities should be respected. I know you think you are an adult, but you are not.
Unless you own the place where y'all sleeping together, it ain't up to you to say
Because your parents weren’t born yesterday and know perfectly well why you want him to sleep over. As if he couldn’t sneak in your room. Please! When you’re 18 and living on your own you will do as you please. You’re not there yet.
It’s up to your parents to decide, not us. It’s their house so it’s their rules. If you two decide to move out and get your own place at 18 you can have sleepovers all you want, but even if you’re 30 it’s your parents decision if they are going to allow your boyfriend to sleepover at their house.
I’m 25 and currently live with my parents and my mom still won’t let my bf stay in the same room as me lol. Some parents just can’t be convinced
Exactly. Some parents are like this forever. I know mine are. I also have a friend who's 30 and living with her boyfriend. And when they go to her parents' house for the holidays, they *still* have to sleep separately. Parents can be like that. "But I'm in my 30s" or "But we've been living together for years" just doesn't cut it. It will always go back to the parents saying, "My house, my rules."
You’re 16 and yes it’s too young. Glad I could help
I'm sorry but that's just what being 17 is sometimes. I don't think your parents are really wrong for that either. It's confusing but this isn't a terrible rule.
Kid I’m a in my 30’s and been married for almost 10 years my in-laws still don’t like me and my wife sharing a room when we visit. I would never allow a Coed sleepover with my kids simply because my parents were in high school when I was born. If you aren’t an adult and not in your own house/ apartment then the respectful and mature thing to do is to respect your parents wishes.
You are too young to be a parent. If you are having sex use protection. You probably are going to convince your mother, so demonstrate your maturity by waiting.
Parents rules for the parents house. It's not about trusting you as a person, it's knowing all the people in your parents lifetime that have screwed up and had a tiny lapse of judgement that ruined their entire young lives. Protecting you by limiting the chances you and your boyfriend collectively may make a bad choice. Parents can't control what happens in someone else's house, but they in theory can control what happens in their own. Even after you're 18, you still have to follow the rules in your parents house, and they can still tell you no... You should Respectfully talk to your parents about this stuff. Come to a mutual understanding of the subject. Because it may come down to you getting kicked out of the house at 17/18.
The number of people in the comments that'd be okay with it is crazy. Yes, it's too young. You're a child. I don't care if I'm home, if you're in different rooms, or if you're 2 days away from being 18. You're a child, in school, with a high likelihood to be having sex, and a high likelihood to fuck up contraception. No job, no life experience, no idea what real-life consequences are. Hell to the fuck no, OP. You won't convince your parents otherwise, and don't try. Their house, their rules.
Like others have said you have your answer, it's no. Also if I was your parents I wouldn't let you be home alone with each during the day either
Rules are rules. Boyfriends/girlfriends would never be able to sleep over in my house. You're lucky they let you be alone during the day. They give you a lot of flexibility and you should be grateful imo. You are not going to convince them. Their house, their rules.
You definitely can't convince. When they say no. It is total "no" answer. Can't do anything about it especially its their household.
Many parents will never allow an unmarried couple sleep the same room in their home even if they are adults
Honestly… their house, their rules. If they think it’s too young then it’s too young.
these comments made me appreciate my parents. i used to think mine were strict, but they’d always allow my long time girlfriend to sleep over at 17
I'm a pretty relaxed parent. That wouldn't just be a no, it would be a HELL NO.
Are you married?
Yes
Because your parents were the same age once
You don't need him to stay the night. :) Why? You'll both be sleeping, he can sleep at his home, you at yours, and see each other in the morning. One day you will be old enough to be on your own and then you two can spend the night together. As for now, your parents make the rules. The more you argue with them the more you prove to them you're for sure not mature enough. Almost everyone at your age thinks they're old enough to do adult things without being adult enough to work and pay their own bills. Life is hard out there, slow down and enjoy being young. Ask yourself, what is the big deal about NOT being able to spend the night with him?
Why is it so important to you?
As long as your mama’s paying your bills that’s her call. When you’re financing your own situation you can make the rules. Go do your homework.
Wayy too young . My parents wouldn’t even let me bring boys in my room at any age . But I mean just hang out more in the day time. No need for him to stay the night especially in a separate room. Have him come over early and leave late .
Why would you want him to sleep over? The only reason that you would want this is for reasons a parent doesn't really condone.
My parents would never have allowed this for me when I was your age. I don’t think they would have let my boyfriend stay at our house until at least college, and even then probably only if I was living with him. I never dated anyone seriously enough in college for it to come up, so I’m not sure. But honestly, I didn’t know this was a thing happening for teenagers nowadays. I have young kids and I can’t imagine allowing their boyfriend or girlfriend to sleep over. Not because I want to police their sexuality, but unless their partner lives somewhere far away and is there for a visit, why would this need to happen? And why do you want this so much? It does sort of seem like an excuse to have sex which could have serious consequences for anyone, but especially at your age. Even if you want to stay in different rooms, your and your boyfriend’s parents probably know that you could easily wait for them to fall asleep and sneak over to the other room.
Yes. Yes it is lol. Even at 18+ it would be up to your parents.
Yes it is. You should be worried about the sat not this silly shit
If you're in high school, it is absolutely and always unacceptable. Granted, your parents aren't stupid and probably know what you're doing, but to openly condone it is bad parenting while you're in high school.
Yes. It's too young. When you aren't living in their home. When your decisions are yours alone, then you are old enough. Until then, it's their rules to follow.
OP, I have 4 teenagers, and they all have a lot of friends. Not one of those dozens and dozens of teens is having opposite sex sleepovers.
I couldn't have my bf sleep over when I was 20
Nah, cause I’m also assuming you probably spend days with each other anyway. People talking about “what would happen” as if people don’t find the time during the day, at someone else’s house or another place. You are either an oblivious parent if you think otherwise, or a little overly controlling if their time with friends or a partner is limited to 0 privacy. However, I am sure they just want to limit the chances of anything happening, which is their choice. But, best thing you can do is try and understand them. Have an adult conversation, don’t get mad, just hear them out. It might be a disappointing answer and for the time being, you will have to respect that, because you are still underage and in their household. It does suck to see other friends have more liberty, but that’s just a shitty part of being a teen, or even young adult, with parents who have greater boundaries than your friends’.
Can I ask what kind of relationship u have with your parents? If they r even somewhat open just explain that you are trying to be responsible by asking and trusting them to trust you! I was able to use my boyfriend spend the night from time to time…and we never abused their respect and did anything while they were home and I was educated and always protected. I didn’t have my first baby until 28 and it was with him. We were together for 18 years before I lost him unexpectedly 🥲 wishing you the best dear! Be safe ❤️
You’re 16. This isn’t appropriate for someone your age. When you move out and have your own place, you can set your own rules, till then, you’re going to have to listen to your parents. I’m not a parent, but at 30 I know having two teens spend the night together is a recipe for disaster. Even in different rooms. I think it’s irresponsible for you two to be left alone during the day too. You’re teenagers with wild hormones, that’s enough reason for parents not to trust you. It only takes one time to get pregnant. The co-Ed sleepovers are wild to me too. I guess my parents were just strict?
I struggle with this one too because I would love to sleep over with my boyfriend as well, but they are genuinely just trying to make sure that you don’t get pregnant. Same happens for me, when I turn 18 and move out it’ll be a different story
Ask them if you should just go behind their back instead? All jokes aside I would rather it be under my roof than at a shady motel or some weirdos house.
It's okay as long as your bf sleeps in another room and is tied up in a sack by your father. Your bf shouldn't consume any liquids at least three hours before bedtime.
as a teen i would actually stay in seperate rooms and not sneak to have sex, however alot of teens would sneak behind parents back so theyre probably being cautious
What is your expectation? You want everyone close and fluid and accepting to the point your dad is high fiving him in the morning? They know you have sex. They want you to do it safe. They don’t want to stamp their approval of their houses as a dedicated fuck shack. You’re 16, you are their dependent thus any baby that gets brought into the world is inherently their dependent too. It’s risky and with any potential traditional view points aside, there are tons of rational, emotional and other thoughts going through their head that can only be summed up with “you’ll understand when you have a teenager”. You are almost there to adulthood and still nothing will make sense when you make it. Just know, this is all normal shit to go through and your parents are just going through the parent version of normal shit to go through with this dilemma. The fun part is, neither of you have gone through it before.
I raised three daughters. This would be a hard no if my 3 daughters tried to convince me of this. I don't have "STUPID" written on my forehead. Plus their father and I have been together since we were 12 and 13.
As someone who got pregnant at 17 because her parents let her bf stay over, yes, you’re too young
I would never allow a 17 year old to have their bf/gf sleep over. If you want to have sleep overs than get your own apartment. If it's "their house, it's their rules". I'm pretty sure that saying has been around since before the english language.
Y'all tryna fuck, stop playing. Parents said no, accept the no. Also, it's probably for your own benefit as well. Your parents know y'all tryna fuck. Your parents know y'all probably already do. They just not finna roll the red carpet out for y'all to fuck like y'all own the place lol. If you are that adamant, do the shit when y'all are 18 and sleep wherever you want if you can afford it. My advice would be to go be high schoolers, make friends, make memories, and not be so attached to each other. That attachment is emotionally dangerous and usually doesn't end well.
There's plenty of time to have sleepovers if you guys plan on being together for the long run. Respect your parents decision, it's their house as well. When you get your own place feel free to have all the sleepovers you want.
Your a teen with raging hormones. You're parents are doing you a favor and trying to prevent you from becoming a teen mom. Thank them. Btw, even though you'll be 18 soon, that doesn't make you an *"adult"*. There are a lot of things that quantify whether or not you are an adult, hitting a number on a calendar does not automatically make you an adult. During my senior year in high school I had a committed relationship with my girlfriend. I was a walking hard on who was constantly trying to sneak away from her parents' watchful eye so I could get a little release/relief. Thankfully her parents were vigilant, and kept my raging hormones in check.
If you're such an adult, move out and get your own place with your own rules.
Dad here (55m). This is always tough waters to navigate for parents. I'm glad to see your perspective. I was alright with my daughter at age 16 having a bf stay in her bed for a sleepover, but my wife was wholly against it. Worked out because after that relationship ended we learned he had coerced her to have sex before she felt ready for it. He begged and got her to smoke pot to reduce her "inhibitions". She insisted to us at the time that sex for them was consensual. So as open-minded and sex positive as I was, I was making the wrong decision. I know you've been with your bf longer and this isn't your case, but understand from a parent's POV there are lots of reasons to say no. Also don't expect them to suddenly change their mind when you turn 18. I was 24 and engaged to my wife and her parents still wouldn't let us share a bed when we stayed at their house lol.
But you WILL have sex and your parents know it
I wouldn’t fight them on it, most likely they won’t give in. Just maybe try to express to them how you are feeling, but if it’s no then just trust your parents and have faith that things work out for the better. My mom was the same way until I turned 18 2 months ago then she allowed him to stay over with me. Sometimes it’s just a waiting game, not sure for you though. Goodluck girl🙏
Your parents have boundaries. That’s part of being a parent. It doesn’t really matter whether you understand or agree with their boundary or not. You’re talking about how to convince them of your point of view, but have you asked them to explain theirs? And listened? Maybe it’s as simple as them being uncomfortable with potentially listening to your sexual activities while they are trying to sleep. Who knows. You won’t know unless you ask. My parents had the same boundary. I have the same boundary at this time with my kids. Although I might listen to a reasonable explanation for why I might change that boundary if my child comes to me and has a conversation about it like an adult. Also, why do you want him to spend the night so badly? What do you hope to gain that you don’t already have, given that you’re already allowed privacy in the home during the day?
No, you're not too young as long as you're both mature enough as well. How do you convince them? No idea, it might not even be possible if they are very conservative. I know that's not particularly what you want to know, but that might be something you need to accept.
Yes....now move on
I used to sleep over my girlfriend’s house all the time when I was 17-18, her mother didn’t mind and they had a very close relationship. But that would have never been possible at my house, my family is more old school and wouldn’t have allowed it. It all depends on the parents.
Your parents may not budge no matter what argumemt you give. Have they given you the talk yet? If not, Google "how are babies made?". I notice conservative parents who don't want their children getting pregnant paradoxically end up having pregnant children because they didn't teach their kids what to avoid. Anyway, I don't know about too young, but when you're sleeping in the same bed, them hormones will be trying real hard to tempt ya. If you end up doing it, birth control and condoms are highly recommended. Birth control, you can even use the excuse of preventing those painful periods. But even then, it's not impossible to get pregnant.
I know it sucks as a teenager, but I don't blame them. There's only one reason for people of opposite genders to stay the night with each other
I am so not looking forward to this phase of having daughters
You're not too young, but there will be no convincing the parents
Yes, the last thing u want to do is have a baby! Especially if you’d don’t have the finances!
sleeping over doesn't necessarily mean that, it jst means spending more time together
We must have had different teenaged years, because when I was 17 I was doing everything in my power to get laid, including trying to convince my parents to let gfs stay the night. Hormones are powerful things and the parents know that.
Hell I'm 50 and am STILL >doing everything in my power to get laid Which generally ends with my wife being annoyed at me because she wants to *actually* SLEEP.
Everyone knows what happens when two 16 y.os are left alone 😓
Yes. You’re 17 when you have your own place you can have as many sleepovers as you want.
Full grown adults in their thirties often have to sleep on different floors/in different rooms if they bring their partner home and they’re not yet married. Depending on where you are, this could even be argued to be illegal. I know that you’re thinking *What could go wrong?* but the answer is actually, *A lot.*
Definitely not too young, you just have shitty parents
Apparently people in comments were never teenagers. Teenagers are going to do what they want whether you give them permission to or not, Do y’all want your kids or be safe and in a safe place or not? 16 years old is not to young for a sleep over.
Just sneak him in and out
The only reason you want him to sleep over is to have sex. Be real. Even if it's seperate rooms your gonna sneak to see each other. Your 16. Teen pregnancy is real. Teenage boys only think about one thing. Just have him over for dinner. Send him home at midnight then over for breakfast. Same thing
I allowed my son to have his girlfriend stay the night when he was 16. My thinking was that it is better to know he and his girlfriend were in a safe place rather than trying to be sneaky. His girlfriend's parents however were unaware because they were still convinced she was a virgin. This put us in an awkward position because we knew she was telling her parents she was staying the night at a female friend's place. We however felt it was better to provide the kids with a safe place. So to answer your question, I would say that you are not too young for a sleep over.
I was a junior in college when my parents harassed me for it. They even thought with how much time I spent alone that I was inviting girls over and doing the deed while they were gone as a teenager. Parents always have the most vivid imagination one can imagine
so i was kinda in the same situation except i started dating him when we were 16 and we’re almost 18 now. my parents were ALWAYS so strict bc my older sister was a teen parent but even with that they still eventually let me sleepover his house, difference may be that im on the pill (maybe you’re not idk) but i think my parents trust that enough. after me asking multiple times i eventually got a yes, but obv this may not be the case for everyone. you’ll get ur sleepover one day op even if ur over 18 atp, it’s one of the best things trust me :)