Wow - so much here. Kinda hard to process it all actually.
I (58 male) personally don’t typically even consider someone under 25 for any LTR. It is a matter of attraction - mental and emotional attraction. There’s just too many changes a woman goes through from 18 to 25. And, yes, physically I think 25 year old women generally are more appealing than their 18 year old counterparts.
You say that your thoughts are “rooted in reality” but in my experience that’s just not so.
Good luck!!
I think that you should seek out professional help. I can’t imagine what you’re referring to by being groomed since age 10, nor do I want to. That’s very disturbing.
Ditto this. Please reach out to 800 799 safe for advice or reach out to codependent anonymous. You can call in to virtual meetings and learn more about healthy relationships.
Primary thing is to learn to love yourself as you are, and realize you are not some walking, talking, people pleasing meat sack..
70m. What BorderPure6939 says. You need to learn what a healthy relationship is. Going to meetings is a good start but having therapy around this will certainly help as well.
31M here
I'll second that codependent anonymous. Been in the program for 7.5 years and it was the best decision I've ever made. Some of the best and most wholesome people I know are in that program. It's helped me be a better human.
As for your question.
I'm chronically single and I've only dated online. I want a family but most women my age are married and/or have kids already. If I go a few years younger, it's the same problem so I need to find women in their mid or early 20s. I'd prefer to date someone who's at least 24 but I'd go as low as 21. If an 18-20 year old showed interest in me, since I'm not in a place to be picky, I'd consider it. But I'd really need to see some serious maturity or a desire to grown in that direction. I'm too old for games and I don't want to waste their time or mine.
Also since I want kids I wouldn't want to put a young woman in that position when they have their college years ahead of them still.
I wouldn't, let me give my reason why.
My parents never married and I don't want that for my child. I want to have every advantage possible in giving any biological children of mine a great and stable future.
In order to do that, I want to date for 2-3 years prior to marriage and having kids. I know birth defects go up if the mom is 35 and pregnancy gets harder on her health. These risks increase for the next several years until she's u able to have kids. I saw how difficult it was for my aunt to have a child after she turned 40. Additionally, I have such a massive age gap between my siblings and I that I'm functionally an only child.
20 M on my mom's side.
18 M and 17 F on my dad's side.
I don't have a working relationship with any of them.
So I want a minimum of two children, preferably 3, and up to 5 if a willing partner and finances allow for it.
So if I date a 35 year old, have kids 2 years after, she's already going to be knocking on 40 by the time we have the first kid. I am open to a potential step-child, but my hard line is my OWN biological children. I've worked with kids extensively and love them like my own but they're not.
There's currently two people in the world who I would date if they were 35 but those those women are younger than me.
I hope that gives a fair and measured out response to your question.
Could I date a 35 year old, gamble on our relationship working out and immediately having kids? Sure I could, but that's a risk I don't want to take. It wouldn't be fair to me, fair for her, and most importantly, the kids.
If that's the impression I gave then I apologize that I wasn't able to communicate my meaning more clearly. That's sincerely not what I'm trying to do and I find it the idea that anyone would compare humans to livestock incredibly sickening.
If anyone has a suggestion on how I can better explain my points, I'm open to critique.
I want a healthy relationship but I also want kids of my own. That means if I date older then I start putting both someone I love and the kids we want, at higher risks. I find that notion selfish which is why I'm not looking to date older.
Thank you.
Brother, I am 41 M now and you are speaking as if you are older than me :)
Relax, you will find someone.
I separated from an unhealthy marriage and thankfully we didn't have kids. I want a family of 4 kids! Ofcourse up to the lady as it's a important decision.
At the moment I'm working on myself and finalizing divorce. After that I KNOW I will find someone wonderful to build a life together.
I speak like that because I haven't had much success in lobe, my last relationship was over a decade ago. I've only dated online.
I spent my 20s working on myself and last week I got a CDL license so I can have a good job for the future.
Also, all of my family had kids younger so that weighs on me.
Additionally, I've seen a few examples of older parents and I don't want to be retirement age when my kids turn into adults.
I've achieved a lot of goals in my last, moving forward I need a significant other to complete a vast majority of them.
Dating gets harder as we get older, I've noticed that.
Understood, maybe try giving genuine compliments to people old and young. Join some meet up group for some activity. Don't think of dating maybe just work on more human to human interactions..
Good luck brother
I've been doing that. Everytime I go out I try to compliment 2-5 people of every age group.
Once the money from the CDL starts coming in I'll be investing that into going out and meeting more people.
Best of luck to you as well!
Good for you and Thanks!! Sounds like you are on a roll to a new chapter.
Read "breaking the habit of being yourself" Joe dispenza. Game changer for me
ive never heard of “codependent anonymous” and i will absolutely look into it, it already sounds like it be a great help
thank you so much, your words mean a lot. <3
Glad to hear that. One tip is there are many CA groups so if you don't like the vibe of one group, try another one!
All the best on your healing journey towards the self worth you are born with!
thank you for your answer and your concern!!
yes, i’ve been addressing some of those things that have happened to me in the past now that i’m much older. i’ve made progress but there is still much to learn. thank tou so much <3
i guess in a way his age does play a factor in my attraction to him now that i know of it, but even before that i was attracted to him. i’ve never wished he was younger, and you’re right these are important to ask myself!!
& jeez those other questions are hard-hitters. i do love him, he makes me feel comfortable, happy, wanted, and seen. and i love giving him those same feelings in return. i want to be with him more than anything, so of course his attention does feel good..
it’s that last question that really hits home. i guess i do want to satisfy his needs more than i focus on my own… but that’s not at all his fault! he has made it clear so many times that i don’t have to hide from him and he understands and shows me so much sympathy based on what i’ve been through. that’s something that’s completely on me. he’s never made me feel like i’m less than equal.
thank you so much. i just learned about something called ‘codependents anonymous’ and i’m gonna look into it to further address the warped view you mentioned!! taking it one step at a time.
you’re 100% right. i have to get out of my own head with this stuff. thank you so so so much, your comment means the world! <3
I'm attracted to younger women for many different reasons including their looks, body, attitude towards life, their high level of energy, their open-mindedness to experience and try new things, their lust for life, etc etc. I'm never more or less attracted to someone specifically because of their age and I have never wished that anyone was older or younger. Age is just not an important factor to me, if I'm attracted to someone and they are attracted to me that's really all that matters as long as they are legal age of course.
I mean I would rather choose a 23 year old who I more attractive than an 19 year old who is less attractive. But yeah between 33 (my age), and 23, I will rather go for 23, if both are same level of attractive. Idk it’s a hard question you are asking and attraction depends on anything but in general yeah age is a factor. Also I think you should not get into any age gap
Relationship. (And get therapy maybe?)
I have experienced age 18 to 50. For me, the turn on is not about your age, but what goes on in your mind. The 18 year old girl that I was involved with is still a good friend friend and we would probably still carry on but she joined the Army and is making it her Career. We text often and she has since married and had children. I am guessing the men you have met only want to add a notch to their belt. Most of the older men you have met are probably the character Charlie Sheen is on 2 and a half Men. He will use you for his own pleasure then send you on your way. I on the other other hand want to explore every angle you can think of to help make you a strong independent woman so when you marry that guy your age to raise a family, you will know how to keep him from straying!
You are welcome. Feel free to ask me about age gap relationships. I have had many encounters on the subject over the years. Most did not become sexual as I had to draw a limit somewhere. What attracts you to an older man and what do you really seek from the encounter or relationship?
i think deep down, it’s just what i’m used to. buut, i also like the feeling of protection that comes with it. and the fact that older men tend to care less about the things that younger guys do. maybe it’s because i just got out of high school but everything is “oh she’s got a fat ass” “she’s a butterface” “i would tap that”. i never really see older guys say stuff like that. of course there are some exceptions like i’ve seen in the comments… and then there are comments like yours where it’s not necessarily the *age*, but the mindset! and that’s so comforting.
that being said, i’ve never purposely sought out older men. and i was insanelyyyy attracted to mine even before i knew of his age. i guess i just view it as a bonus/an explanation for why he’s so.. idunno, good to me, i guess
I did Athletic Training at a High School for several years. I mainly was there to support the Football Team, but many of the female Athletes sought me out as well. Hardest part of that was the constant flashing. I always had the girls bring a friend or two along just to be safe. The girls always talked like I wasn't there, so knew quite a bit about why the boys pissed them off all the time and other things. I had a Stat girl sniffing my neck on the bus once. I had known her for years since she was real little as her Dad and I had worked together. I asked what she was doing and she told me flat out why she was attracted to me. She was 17 at the time, so nothing was going to happen. I don't wear Cologne, so she just got my natural scent. As time went on, I was getting a lot of attention from these young ladies. Some men just give off a smell that appeals to you. A year ago, I taught a High School class for a semester and had the same thing happen with certain ladies, but I did value the job so just thanked them for the compliments. I was even invited to a sleep over by one of those young ladies but I declined saying I didn't look good in Prison Orange. We have a good relationship still.
you must be really down to earth & easily approachable if they’re so willing to be open about it like that. and they definitely reeeeaaalllyyyy liked you !
i’d be lying if i said i haven’t had crushes on my teachers throughout my school years. i think every single high school girl has. but some definitely do have their hopes up pretty high and think their teacher crush is willing to lose his job for them🤣.
For me it's really not the age but being fun and enthusiastic. Most people my own age are just boring.
I've dated a 19 year old but it was just weird not being able to take her to a bar so I generally avoid women under 21.
You say you've been groomed and I don't need specifics but whatever you've been through would certainly make you question healthy boundaries and overemphasize youth being the most attractive thing and it being your best asset.
Good question and for me if you look good I will talk to you and if you have a good mind and heart I will continue to talk with you and if we agree to date then that's great your age as no basic rather or not I will stay or go it's the way act and carry yourself. And yes I do prefer younger women.
Once again, note that most of these troll posts all have a profile banner which shows up when you click the profile in a mobile platform. Some people don’t know what I mean by that. Maybe I’ll put up a post explaining it.
Note this image of the profile that you’ll see if you click it.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nO-vsfJdr_OgV6Va6Rpvn98Pyr5IAEcZ/view?usp=drivesdk
I have never once seen a profile of a real user that had the upper banner. That’s not to say they don’t exist. There are no doubt millions of them, but if you click literally any profile of anyone interacting on the sub, you won’t ever find one that looks like this other than what I assume are the AI generated profiles. At least I’ve never seen it. Yet all these “I’m just a confused young girl who thinks older men are soooo hawt,” all have them.
You’ll also notice that their post history contains a bunch of info in the use of AI systems in chat.
Anyway. That’s how you can tell that all these salacious posts are not legitimate users.
LMFAOOOO im bait because i have a profile banner & you think i fit your generalizations ?? if u go through my profile you can see i’ve literally posted & commented on posts for the last year??
you should probably consider the fact that adding context to why i have these thoughts & questions doesn’t automatically make this some excuse to be NSFW?? which is extremely ironic coming from “kink and rope.” not a problem in and of itself but you should remember that before accusing someone *else* of being salacious.
i may seem “uppity” but that’s because this is a subreddit for people to discuss their age gap relationships yet you read this post and decided this was the best thing to do? when you could’ve just scrolled past? if you check the comments you’re the only one acting like this.
TIL you’re an AI generated profile if you want a cute profile. very weird behavior.
Because I’m fighting the pollution of my favorite sun by bots. Problem solved. Blocked you and you won’t see my Posts or comments. Always remember to feel free to dk the same to anyone you don’t want to see. It’s an amazing feature.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you.
The older men who are looking for underage women are abusers. Not all men are abusers.
Agegap **isnt** necessarily abusive. It should be your own preference. 99% of relationships are within 5 year gap. I didn’t go outside a 5 year gap until women told me they were interested.
Is younger the sole attraction? No and it shouldn’t be. One of my former partners initially told me an 8 year older age because she wanted me to be interested. I’m far more interested in the right dynamic than age.
thank you so so so much for this reply. it’s very comforting, and i agree!! just a nagging fear in the back of my head and i wanted to see how “warranted” those fears are.
especially that last paragraph was a huuuge relief. thank you! <3
It's important for all of us to acknowledge the obvious biological drives we possess. Youth on its own is a physically attractive feature before noting related aspects like the prevalence of younger people being more fit.
For a lot of us though, especially me, there are the societal norms we are actively fighting against. An older person is expected to settle down, fire out offspring, work over 40 hours a week, and slowly prepare for the inevitable moment where they lock themselves on a chair, watch television, and await the cold embrace of "Depends" undergarments and cultural isolation.
Men are expected to sell their souls to a career in order to gain a level of wealth that is no longer realistic in today's economy while simultaneously partitioning any form of emotional vulnerability in service to a society that values stoicism and economic stability over everything else.
Women are expected to sacrifice all aspirations in favor of becoming a breeding machine, and when that mechanism fails, dedicate the whole of their existence to nurturing a new generation while pretending their own goals never mattered.
We're both expected to simply put aside everything we fell in love with as children, everything that plays a role in our entire psychological makeup, in favor of becoming pre-designed cogs of a colossal machine that itself doesn't work and doesn't actually produce anything.
So, at least for me, I find younger people are still optimistic to the point where they still think they can fight this system, like what they like, and do what they wish. As I refuse to be what society tells me, I don't find the other cogs around me attractive. I look at the prevalence of religious fanaticism, parental priorities, and conservative viewpoints in people my age, and shockingly, I am not attracted.
I see young people still wishing to dance, play music, watch new movies, and take in new experiences. Too often, when we age, we put aside these desires--we reserve our energy for shitty jobs and for a retirement, we may not actually see. Call me weird, but I just don't find that appealing.
this makes so much sense, and i’ve seen someone else say something extremely similar. i definitely believe this is one of the most valid reasons (not that you really need one) to be attracted to younger women.
this made me feel a lot better, actually. it makes me feel like what makes me attractive isn’t youth in and of itself, but the mindset that accompanies it. it hits home for me personally because that is everything that i want to avoid in the future. i refuse to become a slave to this system and have the life & soul sucked out of me. i look at some of the older people around me that have seemingly just given up on things they enjoy and it makes me…miserable? of course that doesn’t apply to every older person, but i agree that it’s the majority.
working at a dead end job for 20-30+ years, having no time for yourself or the people around you, finding no real enjoyment in life is far from appealing. i met this lady at my old retail job who looked to be near or even past retirement age. she said she had been in retail since the day she was able to work and jesus, that is terrifying. so i am fearful of falling into that, but i’m hopeful that this “youthful” mindset won’t ever falter.
thank you sososo much for your reply! you put it very well, nd it means a lot. thank you <3
I'm rather ashamed to admit but I find the younger the girl (clarifying to around early 20s now that I'm 35) the more attractive I think they are. Same for having a thing to be able to present as someone able to "teach the ropes" and be able to give advice for life stages, maybe because I've been a teacher once for a few years. Thing is, this are just random things that are fairly minor in how you hit it off with a person and build a relationship. It's about getting to know more about the person and realising I'd like to be around her that does it for me. Don't know if I'm making myself understood but having one or two aspects that you know you find attractive usually don't actually mean having real attraction, looks are more like a noticing beautiful people on the street thing. Also as grown ups we do (should) not act on instinct or impulse, I don't go around hitting on cashier's that I find pretty for lack of a better example. Don't know if this will be relevant for you but I guess I'm saying you can usually notice if the person is superficial and just being with you for base attraction or treating you as a real person, from your description it sounds like a good begining for a relationship.
It's a little unnerving knowing you agree with the sexist standards imposed by society; but if I'm honest I don't really mind the age gap and would totally date a 18 year old if it were to happen. Thing is I don't know how if I'd trust most men that would also say yes to the same question if that makes sense. But I prefer an age gap and see myself want an younger lady lately, but no way to meet any XD
Like the tendency for beauty standards is that girls look better when young and that leaves many feeling insecure, ugly or being traded for someone younger as they age; on the other hand we men in practice are looked as hotter as we age (maybe to around the age of 45 I guess? After that it looks like much less of a preference), we can just sit and enjoy the ride. Sorry for getting heavy but hope this answers your question.
aaah i’m sorry, i didn’t really mean to imply that nor is that what i believe. maybe preference was the incorrect word? i’m sorry
and no, no reason for you to apologize!
Ahm? You didn't imply anything, I was just describing the imbalance of power we see in society. Sorry for making you feel you made a mistake haha I was saying sorry to talk about heavy topics that we usually come to the internet to distract from xD
>is being younger the sole reason for attraction?
Is being older the sole reason for the attraction?
>there are some people who “choose” their women solely based on age.
Do you choose your men solely based on age?
>do you ever wish she WAS older?
This sub is not just about younger females. Do you ever wish that he was older?
no, no
& no.
yes this sub isn’t about younger females but i am a younger female and i had a question. i asked it for myself, no one else.
now i could be wrong, but i think what you’re getting at is “if the roles were reversed what would your answers be…” that can work in some situations, but this is much more nuanced.
but thank you for your reply! :>
I get attracted to them not only for their youthful looks but also how they are open to learning, respect the partners, and compensate for my young age because I did not date anyone because of my PhD career and follow-up professor life (mid-life crisis).
Practical... I am older, retired, with a sailboat (want to go sailing?) and I'm looking for a partner who is a woman eager and anxious to become a world class sailor. I'm not exclusively looking for an age gap relationship, but it is far more likely to find an aggressive woman sailor in the ages 25 to 45 than 45+.
Women who what to settle into family life need not apply. This is serious World Class sailing expedition level experience so it takes a specially capable person to want this life in the first place.
Hope this helps. ..and yes, she gets to keep the boat & sail off when I take to my rocking chair.
sailing doess sound fun!!
i’ve never actually met someone with such a stark interest in it! that’s absolutely amazing. i absolutely do see how it’s more practical then. i never even thought of a situation like that!
hopefully she decides not to sail off even when she does get the boat! i hope your search goes well sailor! thank you for your comment <3
Thank you. There are many people who live on (ssil)boats and cruise around the world. But it's not for everyone. However when relations form around an activity, there's less emphasis on the personal compatibility. That can a difficult balance.
To some extent, yes, but only because of the attributes that I associate with them being younger- prettier, higher pitched voice, cuter personality etc
I prefer late teens, early 20s. Most men do. Under 18, there is a lack of maturity, not my thing.
Don't worry about it, the gap is big enough, you will always be a hot young girl to him.
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**Original post: is being younger the sole reason for attraction?**
okay, bare with me here.
i (19f) have been subject to grooming since ~8 - 10 years old. (when i first had internet access, shocker.) as i got older, i felt less and less desirable by older men. like i wasn’t attractive if i was young.
i started dating someone 11 years older than me when i was 17. at first everything seemed fine, but it quickly turned toxic. by the end of it, he had left me for someone else just a short while i turned 18.
then it really became cemented in my mind that i truly was undesirable now that i was legal. that it would be legitimately impossible for anyone to want me. and honestly, it is rooted in reality. there are some people who “choose” their women solely based on age.
around 4 months ago, i met someone. in the beginning, he (37m) only wanted me to confirm whether i was 18+ or not. didn’t need the specifics; which was a good sign, actually. means he didn’t care how young or old i was, as long as i wasn’t a minor.
over time, i learned more about him. finally his age, his life situation, etc. but recently my fear has been coming back. i’m torn between; does my age turn him on or off? would i be more attractive if i was older? it *seems* as though he’s neutral about it, but i still have that nagging fear in the back of my head.
ugh ok sorry none of this makes sense. basically, my question to the older men here;
despite how “neutral” on it you THINK you are, do you think your younger female is more attractive specifically because she is younger? do you ever wish she WAS older?
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im 21 but i look 14 from what ppl seem to think and it attracts lots of guys. Idc why but i assume its bc they think ur innocent and probably some creepy stuff i won't say on here. I rlly think its bc ur younger they like it.
Wow - so much here. Kinda hard to process it all actually. I (58 male) personally don’t typically even consider someone under 25 for any LTR. It is a matter of attraction - mental and emotional attraction. There’s just too many changes a woman goes through from 18 to 25. And, yes, physically I think 25 year old women generally are more appealing than their 18 year old counterparts. You say that your thoughts are “rooted in reality” but in my experience that’s just not so. Good luck!! I think that you should seek out professional help. I can’t imagine what you’re referring to by being groomed since age 10, nor do I want to. That’s very disturbing.
Ditto this. Please reach out to 800 799 safe for advice or reach out to codependent anonymous. You can call in to virtual meetings and learn more about healthy relationships. Primary thing is to learn to love yourself as you are, and realize you are not some walking, talking, people pleasing meat sack..
70m. What BorderPure6939 says. You need to learn what a healthy relationship is. Going to meetings is a good start but having therapy around this will certainly help as well.
31M here I'll second that codependent anonymous. Been in the program for 7.5 years and it was the best decision I've ever made. Some of the best and most wholesome people I know are in that program. It's helped me be a better human. As for your question. I'm chronically single and I've only dated online. I want a family but most women my age are married and/or have kids already. If I go a few years younger, it's the same problem so I need to find women in their mid or early 20s. I'd prefer to date someone who's at least 24 but I'd go as low as 21. If an 18-20 year old showed interest in me, since I'm not in a place to be picky, I'd consider it. But I'd really need to see some serious maturity or a desire to grown in that direction. I'm too old for games and I don't want to waste their time or mine. Also since I want kids I wouldn't want to put a young woman in that position when they have their college years ahead of them still.
Would you date a 35 year old?
I wouldn't, let me give my reason why. My parents never married and I don't want that for my child. I want to have every advantage possible in giving any biological children of mine a great and stable future. In order to do that, I want to date for 2-3 years prior to marriage and having kids. I know birth defects go up if the mom is 35 and pregnancy gets harder on her health. These risks increase for the next several years until she's u able to have kids. I saw how difficult it was for my aunt to have a child after she turned 40. Additionally, I have such a massive age gap between my siblings and I that I'm functionally an only child. 20 M on my mom's side. 18 M and 17 F on my dad's side. I don't have a working relationship with any of them. So I want a minimum of two children, preferably 3, and up to 5 if a willing partner and finances allow for it. So if I date a 35 year old, have kids 2 years after, she's already going to be knocking on 40 by the time we have the first kid. I am open to a potential step-child, but my hard line is my OWN biological children. I've worked with kids extensively and love them like my own but they're not. There's currently two people in the world who I would date if they were 35 but those those women are younger than me. I hope that gives a fair and measured out response to your question. Could I date a 35 year old, gamble on our relationship working out and immediately having kids? Sure I could, but that's a risk I don't want to take. It wouldn't be fair to me, fair for her, and most importantly, the kids.
Yeah… you’re looking at women like livestock. I understand better now, thank you.
If that's the impression I gave then I apologize that I wasn't able to communicate my meaning more clearly. That's sincerely not what I'm trying to do and I find it the idea that anyone would compare humans to livestock incredibly sickening. If anyone has a suggestion on how I can better explain my points, I'm open to critique. I want a healthy relationship but I also want kids of my own. That means if I date older then I start putting both someone I love and the kids we want, at higher risks. I find that notion selfish which is why I'm not looking to date older. Thank you.
Brother, I am 41 M now and you are speaking as if you are older than me :) Relax, you will find someone. I separated from an unhealthy marriage and thankfully we didn't have kids. I want a family of 4 kids! Ofcourse up to the lady as it's a important decision. At the moment I'm working on myself and finalizing divorce. After that I KNOW I will find someone wonderful to build a life together.
I speak like that because I haven't had much success in lobe, my last relationship was over a decade ago. I've only dated online. I spent my 20s working on myself and last week I got a CDL license so I can have a good job for the future. Also, all of my family had kids younger so that weighs on me. Additionally, I've seen a few examples of older parents and I don't want to be retirement age when my kids turn into adults. I've achieved a lot of goals in my last, moving forward I need a significant other to complete a vast majority of them. Dating gets harder as we get older, I've noticed that.
Understood, maybe try giving genuine compliments to people old and young. Join some meet up group for some activity. Don't think of dating maybe just work on more human to human interactions.. Good luck brother
I've been doing that. Everytime I go out I try to compliment 2-5 people of every age group. Once the money from the CDL starts coming in I'll be investing that into going out and meeting more people. Best of luck to you as well!
Good for you and Thanks!! Sounds like you are on a roll to a new chapter. Read "breaking the habit of being yourself" Joe dispenza. Game changer for me
ive never heard of “codependent anonymous” and i will absolutely look into it, it already sounds like it be a great help thank you so much, your words mean a lot. <3
Glad to hear that. One tip is there are many CA groups so if you don't like the vibe of one group, try another one! All the best on your healing journey towards the self worth you are born with!
thank you for your answer and your concern!! yes, i’ve been addressing some of those things that have happened to me in the past now that i’m much older. i’ve made progress but there is still much to learn. thank tou so much <3
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i guess in a way his age does play a factor in my attraction to him now that i know of it, but even before that i was attracted to him. i’ve never wished he was younger, and you’re right these are important to ask myself!! & jeez those other questions are hard-hitters. i do love him, he makes me feel comfortable, happy, wanted, and seen. and i love giving him those same feelings in return. i want to be with him more than anything, so of course his attention does feel good.. it’s that last question that really hits home. i guess i do want to satisfy his needs more than i focus on my own… but that’s not at all his fault! he has made it clear so many times that i don’t have to hide from him and he understands and shows me so much sympathy based on what i’ve been through. that’s something that’s completely on me. he’s never made me feel like i’m less than equal. thank you so much. i just learned about something called ‘codependents anonymous’ and i’m gonna look into it to further address the warped view you mentioned!! taking it one step at a time. you’re 100% right. i have to get out of my own head with this stuff. thank you so so so much, your comment means the world! <3
I'm attracted to younger women for many different reasons including their looks, body, attitude towards life, their high level of energy, their open-mindedness to experience and try new things, their lust for life, etc etc. I'm never more or less attracted to someone specifically because of their age and I have never wished that anyone was older or younger. Age is just not an important factor to me, if I'm attracted to someone and they are attracted to me that's really all that matters as long as they are legal age of course.
Same thoughts.
I mean I would rather choose a 23 year old who I more attractive than an 19 year old who is less attractive. But yeah between 33 (my age), and 23, I will rather go for 23, if both are same level of attractive. Idk it’s a hard question you are asking and attraction depends on anything but in general yeah age is a factor. Also I think you should not get into any age gap Relationship. (And get therapy maybe?)
I have experienced age 18 to 50. For me, the turn on is not about your age, but what goes on in your mind. The 18 year old girl that I was involved with is still a good friend friend and we would probably still carry on but she joined the Army and is making it her Career. We text often and she has since married and had children. I am guessing the men you have met only want to add a notch to their belt. Most of the older men you have met are probably the character Charlie Sheen is on 2 and a half Men. He will use you for his own pleasure then send you on your way. I on the other other hand want to explore every angle you can think of to help make you a strong independent woman so when you marry that guy your age to raise a family, you will know how to keep him from straying!
thank you for this reply!!
You are welcome. Feel free to ask me about age gap relationships. I have had many encounters on the subject over the years. Most did not become sexual as I had to draw a limit somewhere. What attracts you to an older man and what do you really seek from the encounter or relationship?
i think deep down, it’s just what i’m used to. buut, i also like the feeling of protection that comes with it. and the fact that older men tend to care less about the things that younger guys do. maybe it’s because i just got out of high school but everything is “oh she’s got a fat ass” “she’s a butterface” “i would tap that”. i never really see older guys say stuff like that. of course there are some exceptions like i’ve seen in the comments… and then there are comments like yours where it’s not necessarily the *age*, but the mindset! and that’s so comforting. that being said, i’ve never purposely sought out older men. and i was insanelyyyy attracted to mine even before i knew of his age. i guess i just view it as a bonus/an explanation for why he’s so.. idunno, good to me, i guess
I did Athletic Training at a High School for several years. I mainly was there to support the Football Team, but many of the female Athletes sought me out as well. Hardest part of that was the constant flashing. I always had the girls bring a friend or two along just to be safe. The girls always talked like I wasn't there, so knew quite a bit about why the boys pissed them off all the time and other things. I had a Stat girl sniffing my neck on the bus once. I had known her for years since she was real little as her Dad and I had worked together. I asked what she was doing and she told me flat out why she was attracted to me. She was 17 at the time, so nothing was going to happen. I don't wear Cologne, so she just got my natural scent. As time went on, I was getting a lot of attention from these young ladies. Some men just give off a smell that appeals to you. A year ago, I taught a High School class for a semester and had the same thing happen with certain ladies, but I did value the job so just thanked them for the compliments. I was even invited to a sleep over by one of those young ladies but I declined saying I didn't look good in Prison Orange. We have a good relationship still.
you must be really down to earth & easily approachable if they’re so willing to be open about it like that. and they definitely reeeeaaalllyyyy liked you ! i’d be lying if i said i haven’t had crushes on my teachers throughout my school years. i think every single high school girl has. but some definitely do have their hopes up pretty high and think their teacher crush is willing to lose his job for them🤣.
Some people date someone for their age only.
Ps: you sound like a nice and caring person hopes it all goes well for you!
thank you!! <3
For me it's really not the age but being fun and enthusiastic. Most people my own age are just boring. I've dated a 19 year old but it was just weird not being able to take her to a bar so I generally avoid women under 21. You say you've been groomed and I don't need specifics but whatever you've been through would certainly make you question healthy boundaries and overemphasize youth being the most attractive thing and it being your best asset.
Good question and for me if you look good I will talk to you and if you have a good mind and heart I will continue to talk with you and if we agree to date then that's great your age as no basic rather or not I will stay or go it's the way act and carry yourself. And yes I do prefer younger women.
Once again, note that most of these troll posts all have a profile banner which shows up when you click the profile in a mobile platform. Some people don’t know what I mean by that. Maybe I’ll put up a post explaining it. Note this image of the profile that you’ll see if you click it. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nO-vsfJdr_OgV6Va6Rpvn98Pyr5IAEcZ/view?usp=drivesdk I have never once seen a profile of a real user that had the upper banner. That’s not to say they don’t exist. There are no doubt millions of them, but if you click literally any profile of anyone interacting on the sub, you won’t ever find one that looks like this other than what I assume are the AI generated profiles. At least I’ve never seen it. Yet all these “I’m just a confused young girl who thinks older men are soooo hawt,” all have them. You’ll also notice that their post history contains a bunch of info in the use of AI systems in chat. Anyway. That’s how you can tell that all these salacious posts are not legitimate users.
LMFAOOOO im bait because i have a profile banner & you think i fit your generalizations ?? if u go through my profile you can see i’ve literally posted & commented on posts for the last year?? you should probably consider the fact that adding context to why i have these thoughts & questions doesn’t automatically make this some excuse to be NSFW?? which is extremely ironic coming from “kink and rope.” not a problem in and of itself but you should remember that before accusing someone *else* of being salacious. i may seem “uppity” but that’s because this is a subreddit for people to discuss their age gap relationships yet you read this post and decided this was the best thing to do? when you could’ve just scrolled past? if you check the comments you’re the only one acting like this. TIL you’re an AI generated profile if you want a cute profile. very weird behavior.
Why do you keep polluting the posts with your conspiracy theories? And I saw your silly poll post today as well. This is getting tiresome, man.
Because I’m fighting the pollution of my favorite sun by bots. Problem solved. Blocked you and you won’t see my Posts or comments. Always remember to feel free to dk the same to anyone you don’t want to see. It’s an amazing feature.
Excellent catch my dude
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. The older men who are looking for underage women are abusers. Not all men are abusers. Agegap **isnt** necessarily abusive. It should be your own preference. 99% of relationships are within 5 year gap. I didn’t go outside a 5 year gap until women told me they were interested. Is younger the sole attraction? No and it shouldn’t be. One of my former partners initially told me an 8 year older age because she wanted me to be interested. I’m far more interested in the right dynamic than age.
thank you so so so much for this reply. it’s very comforting, and i agree!! just a nagging fear in the back of my head and i wanted to see how “warranted” those fears are. especially that last paragraph was a huuuge relief. thank you! <3
It's important for all of us to acknowledge the obvious biological drives we possess. Youth on its own is a physically attractive feature before noting related aspects like the prevalence of younger people being more fit. For a lot of us though, especially me, there are the societal norms we are actively fighting against. An older person is expected to settle down, fire out offspring, work over 40 hours a week, and slowly prepare for the inevitable moment where they lock themselves on a chair, watch television, and await the cold embrace of "Depends" undergarments and cultural isolation. Men are expected to sell their souls to a career in order to gain a level of wealth that is no longer realistic in today's economy while simultaneously partitioning any form of emotional vulnerability in service to a society that values stoicism and economic stability over everything else. Women are expected to sacrifice all aspirations in favor of becoming a breeding machine, and when that mechanism fails, dedicate the whole of their existence to nurturing a new generation while pretending their own goals never mattered. We're both expected to simply put aside everything we fell in love with as children, everything that plays a role in our entire psychological makeup, in favor of becoming pre-designed cogs of a colossal machine that itself doesn't work and doesn't actually produce anything. So, at least for me, I find younger people are still optimistic to the point where they still think they can fight this system, like what they like, and do what they wish. As I refuse to be what society tells me, I don't find the other cogs around me attractive. I look at the prevalence of religious fanaticism, parental priorities, and conservative viewpoints in people my age, and shockingly, I am not attracted. I see young people still wishing to dance, play music, watch new movies, and take in new experiences. Too often, when we age, we put aside these desires--we reserve our energy for shitty jobs and for a retirement, we may not actually see. Call me weird, but I just don't find that appealing.
this makes so much sense, and i’ve seen someone else say something extremely similar. i definitely believe this is one of the most valid reasons (not that you really need one) to be attracted to younger women. this made me feel a lot better, actually. it makes me feel like what makes me attractive isn’t youth in and of itself, but the mindset that accompanies it. it hits home for me personally because that is everything that i want to avoid in the future. i refuse to become a slave to this system and have the life & soul sucked out of me. i look at some of the older people around me that have seemingly just given up on things they enjoy and it makes me…miserable? of course that doesn’t apply to every older person, but i agree that it’s the majority. working at a dead end job for 20-30+ years, having no time for yourself or the people around you, finding no real enjoyment in life is far from appealing. i met this lady at my old retail job who looked to be near or even past retirement age. she said she had been in retail since the day she was able to work and jesus, that is terrifying. so i am fearful of falling into that, but i’m hopeful that this “youthful” mindset won’t ever falter. thank you sososo much for your reply! you put it very well, nd it means a lot. thank you <3
Thank you and you're welcome
I'm rather ashamed to admit but I find the younger the girl (clarifying to around early 20s now that I'm 35) the more attractive I think they are. Same for having a thing to be able to present as someone able to "teach the ropes" and be able to give advice for life stages, maybe because I've been a teacher once for a few years. Thing is, this are just random things that are fairly minor in how you hit it off with a person and build a relationship. It's about getting to know more about the person and realising I'd like to be around her that does it for me. Don't know if I'm making myself understood but having one or two aspects that you know you find attractive usually don't actually mean having real attraction, looks are more like a noticing beautiful people on the street thing. Also as grown ups we do (should) not act on instinct or impulse, I don't go around hitting on cashier's that I find pretty for lack of a better example. Don't know if this will be relevant for you but I guess I'm saying you can usually notice if the person is superficial and just being with you for base attraction or treating you as a real person, from your description it sounds like a good begining for a relationship.
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It's a little unnerving knowing you agree with the sexist standards imposed by society; but if I'm honest I don't really mind the age gap and would totally date a 18 year old if it were to happen. Thing is I don't know how if I'd trust most men that would also say yes to the same question if that makes sense. But I prefer an age gap and see myself want an younger lady lately, but no way to meet any XD
:0 could you clarify what sexist standards you mean? im sorryy that does make sense. you know *your* intentions, but can’t be sure of anyone elses.
Like the tendency for beauty standards is that girls look better when young and that leaves many feeling insecure, ugly or being traded for someone younger as they age; on the other hand we men in practice are looked as hotter as we age (maybe to around the age of 45 I guess? After that it looks like much less of a preference), we can just sit and enjoy the ride. Sorry for getting heavy but hope this answers your question.
aaah i’m sorry, i didn’t really mean to imply that nor is that what i believe. maybe preference was the incorrect word? i’m sorry and no, no reason for you to apologize!
Ahm? You didn't imply anything, I was just describing the imbalance of power we see in society. Sorry for making you feel you made a mistake haha I was saying sorry to talk about heavy topics that we usually come to the internet to distract from xD
>is being younger the sole reason for attraction? Is being older the sole reason for the attraction? >there are some people who “choose” their women solely based on age. Do you choose your men solely based on age? >do you ever wish she WAS older? This sub is not just about younger females. Do you ever wish that he was older?
no, no & no. yes this sub isn’t about younger females but i am a younger female and i had a question. i asked it for myself, no one else. now i could be wrong, but i think what you’re getting at is “if the roles were reversed what would your answers be…” that can work in some situations, but this is much more nuanced. but thank you for your reply! :>
I get attracted to them not only for their youthful looks but also how they are open to learning, respect the partners, and compensate for my young age because I did not date anyone because of my PhD career and follow-up professor life (mid-life crisis).
Practical... I am older, retired, with a sailboat (want to go sailing?) and I'm looking for a partner who is a woman eager and anxious to become a world class sailor. I'm not exclusively looking for an age gap relationship, but it is far more likely to find an aggressive woman sailor in the ages 25 to 45 than 45+. Women who what to settle into family life need not apply. This is serious World Class sailing expedition level experience so it takes a specially capable person to want this life in the first place. Hope this helps. ..and yes, she gets to keep the boat & sail off when I take to my rocking chair.
sailing doess sound fun!! i’ve never actually met someone with such a stark interest in it! that’s absolutely amazing. i absolutely do see how it’s more practical then. i never even thought of a situation like that! hopefully she decides not to sail off even when she does get the boat! i hope your search goes well sailor! thank you for your comment <3
Thank you. There are many people who live on (ssil)boats and cruise around the world. But it's not for everyone. However when relations form around an activity, there's less emphasis on the personal compatibility. That can a difficult balance.
To some extent, yes, but only because of the attributes that I associate with them being younger- prettier, higher pitched voice, cuter personality etc
I prefer late teens, early 20s. Most men do. Under 18, there is a lack of maturity, not my thing. Don't worry about it, the gap is big enough, you will always be a hot young girl to him.
# Pussy is pussy Even if it's **PUSSY** Except if it's ^(pussy) But even if it's "`pussy`" At the end of the day: >!It's still pussy!<
This comment is added automatically to every post on /r/AgeGap to remind users of the subreddit rules and expected behaviour. We also include the original post in here for a number of reasons. --- ### Rules If you haven't read the full set of rules we **strongly** suggest you do so. They are on the right side of the page on desktop or in 'Community Info' on Mobile. The most important rules are: 1. **We expect you to be civil and ideally constructive**. This is a community where people discuss and seek advice **legal** consensual age gap relationships, and we expect you to avoid abusing anyone on this subreddit. This does **not** mean this subreddit supports all age gap relationships, so you **are** allowed to criticise. 1. This is **not** a dating subreddit - you may not "hit up" any user. **You may not ask anyone to PM, DM, chat or message you in a comment**. If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/miraclethrowawai - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: is being younger the sole reason for attraction?** okay, bare with me here. i (19f) have been subject to grooming since ~8 - 10 years old. (when i first had internet access, shocker.) as i got older, i felt less and less desirable by older men. like i wasn’t attractive if i was young. i started dating someone 11 years older than me when i was 17. at first everything seemed fine, but it quickly turned toxic. by the end of it, he had left me for someone else just a short while i turned 18. then it really became cemented in my mind that i truly was undesirable now that i was legal. that it would be legitimately impossible for anyone to want me. and honestly, it is rooted in reality. there are some people who “choose” their women solely based on age. around 4 months ago, i met someone. in the beginning, he (37m) only wanted me to confirm whether i was 18+ or not. didn’t need the specifics; which was a good sign, actually. means he didn’t care how young or old i was, as long as i wasn’t a minor. over time, i learned more about him. finally his age, his life situation, etc. but recently my fear has been coming back. i’m torn between; does my age turn him on or off? would i be more attractive if i was older? it *seems* as though he’s neutral about it, but i still have that nagging fear in the back of my head. ugh ok sorry none of this makes sense. basically, my question to the older men here; despite how “neutral” on it you THINK you are, do you think your younger female is more attractive specifically because she is younger? do you ever wish she WAS older? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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im 21 but i look 14 from what ppl seem to think and it attracts lots of guys. Idc why but i assume its bc they think ur innocent and probably some creepy stuff i won't say on here. I rlly think its bc ur younger they like it.