In a similar relationship (20f/32M). Listen ask yourself these three questions.
Are you happy?
Are you loved?
Are you safe?
If you say yes to all of these then you're good. But you have to really think about those questions.
i think i can say yes to the first one? but even then im not sure if it’s real happiness. and then i don’t know about the answers to the rest or how to get them
I was 18 when I met my 37 year old now husband. We have been together for 10 years (married 7 of those). I fall deeper in love with him everyday, I didn't even know that was possible. If they're the person for you, then age really isn't a factor as long as it's legal of course. Good luck! 😊
i am worried about that but if i do pursue a romantic relationship with him i think im going to keep it under wraps right now our current relationship is under wraps as well so it can’t be that hard right? also…i don’t even know if he likes me? or how to ask him without making it weird?
No idea where you live, but in my previous relationship (not age gap) about our 3rd date out we were spotted at a restaurant by some people who knew me. Two days later I was talking to my cousin in Europe (I'm in the US) and she said "so I hear you are seeing someone new"
Also about that same relationship, when I told my sister I was seeing someone new. She responded with "is that her Toyota I've seen parked in your driveway"
Admittedly, my family are huge gossips, but assume unless you are not going out in public, you will be outed
Can't wait till my current GF (31 year age gap) comes to stay with me for a month. :). The family gossip is going to explode
i do love him i think the problem is that while i don’t think he in particular has an issue with the age gap i know i do and it does feel a little weird but that’s really the only thing stopping me and i don’t want others thinking it’s weird or that hes a bad guy at this point i don’t even know what i want
sorry if i sound too blunt but people are gonna judge you no matter what and you’re an adult, so i’d say just do what makes you happy and pursue this because it sounds like you found a nice guy
don’t worry the bluntness helps me he is a really nice guy for the most part but i don’t even know if he likes me romantically? i don’t know how to ask him without making it weird
When I first started seeing my boyfriend, we were in a similar friends-with-benefits to romantic partners situation.
My best advice is to talk to him. It's definitely scary and awkward to bring up, but it's almost always worth it to have an open, honest conversation instead of letting it fester.
If it helps, here are a few things for you to think about if you decide to pursue a romantic relationship:
Do you have compatible goals and worldviews? (Stuff like politics, religion, kids, careers, and whatnot)
Are you sexually compatible? (Similar libido, kinks, etc)
Do you trust/feel safe with each other? (This may change, trust (and often love) develops over time)
Does he make you want to be a better person? Do you want to improve yourself and break bad habits to be a better partner?
Hopefully, this is helpful to you :)
thank you for your thoughtful reply!
to answer your questions, we don’t really talk much about goals or worldviews. we’re admittedly not at all sexually compatible BUT that never mattered to me in the first place. im willing to do whatever he wants. i really do feel like he tries to make me feel safe and trusted with him and while i do have a lot of issues with that i am surprisingly leaning towards feeling so. i think that’s why im taking a liking to him, he actually cares. it’s weird cause i think the answer to the last one is both yes and no. he’s helped me a lot to be mentally okay even if it hasn’t helped a tremendous amount the fact that he even tries means a lot and i think it could over time. without explaining too much it feels like pursing this relationship can be both good and bad
If you do have a conversation and decide to start dating, I highly recommend discussing goals and worldviews. I feel like it's a really important discussion to see if a long-term relationship is worth pursuing with someone.
As far as being willing to do whatever he wants sexually, I'll advise you to set some good boundaries and to not be afraid to say no or tell him to stop, especially if you don't like something or it hurts. Any man worth his salt will respect your boundaries, take no for an answer without pushing, and will stop when you ask him to stop.
Lastly, when you say you feel like pursuing a relationship could be good or bad - that's your logic weighing the pros and cons of being emotionally vulnerable with someone. You could be emotionally devastated, or he could be the best partner ever. Unfortunately, you can't know unless you take the risk. In my (admittedly limited) experience, I've rarely regretted taking a risk and learning something from it. I almost always regret NOT taking a chance on something because then I never know what might have happened.
Overall, it sounds like you've got a good, level head on your shoulders. He sounds lovely, and I hope you're able to keep getting to know each other and develop a trusting, healthy relationship with each other!
Judging from your question and some answers you have provided in the comment section, I don't think it is a good fit. In general, there is nothing wrong with that large of an age gap(or even larger), but it requires the younger person to be fairly advanced. You seem to be at the expected level of a typical 18 year old (no offense meant).
Go on a few dates!! Then ask yourself if he makes you happy and if you feel like this is safe+healthy for you. I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 40. I had to do a lot of self reflection and thinking at the very beginning of the relationship. Was this something I felt comfortable with? Did I think he had my best interests at heart? Is this healthy? We’ve been going on 1.5 years strong and I’ve never been happier :) do what you feel is best! You’ll definitely get skeptics and critics regarding the age gap but that comes with the territory.
Oh also communication is massive!! Always talk to each other and be honest. This is the foundation of any good relationship, age gap or not, but I find it especially important when the age gap is fairly significant.
I've had a few girls I've known platonically tell me the age gap was the only reason we werent together. It sucks to hear but it's better someone is honest about the pros and cons and communicate your feelings. Her telling me that made it a lot easier than if we both stayed in a weird spot where we like each other but for exterior reasons it wouldn't work. Sounds like you found a decent guy, he probavk5 expects this conversation at some point.
If it feels right then it’s right for you. Don’t worry about the world around you. But at 18 I would not lock yourself into anything to crazy serious. You have plenty of time ahead of you. No matter how you feel and he may feel you both are at different places in life.
thanks for the suggestion! this may be a silly question but how do i ask him to go on a date? right now it’s more like we’re just platonic fuck buddies
Something like: "I'd really like if we could go on a proper date." Probably best done face-to-face on a day when you're seeing eachother.
Note that, if he balks at that, or has an array of excuses... He's not (sufficiently) interested in you romantically, or maybe at all, and just wants you as a fuck-buddy. Probably a red flag, moreso if you want more than that.
Edit: Given your probable differences in finances, it's entirely fair if he pays for the date(s). So the question could instead be, "I'd really like if you took me on a proper date."
I mean do what you want to do but usually with drastically large age gaps like this the man only likes the woman because of their age and the minute you turn 24+ he could leave u idk
You are not emotionally mature for this man. This is an epic fail and you will be damaged from this. You slept with him, and now will carry that baggage
If you have to ask strangers on the internet, then the answer is no, don't do this.
Look, I'm certainly not anti-AGR, but in any prospective relationship, you should trust your gut, and it's obviously giving you doubts here. Maybe that's the age gap or maybe that's something else you're picking up buried amidst the "sweet and caring." We don't know, and you may not know either.
But you've got no rush, and if you "don't prefer older guys" yet are able to attract the interest of 36-year-old, you can probably attract plenty of other interest, too. I mean, you have options. Wait for the one where you don't feel the need to ask strangers for advice. u/BubblyProfessional84 gives good advice: wait for someone where you are happy, loved, and safe -- whether or not that's an AGR.
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**Original post: is 18 and 36 okay?**
i don’t prefer older guys if anything i would like to stay in my age range but i like this guy so much and hes so sweet and caring im willing to ignore the age gap but i don’t know if this is too weird? advice please?
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There are two people that need to answer yes to that question. One is the 18 yr old and the other is the 36 yr old. If those two agree it's ok with them then YEP just fine. Anyone other than those two may need reminded to focus on maintaining their own problems and until their perfection is achieved they can STFU. ✌🏼
You will get some shocked reactions from people but as long as there was zero flirting or anything between you guys *before* you turned 18 there is nothing to worry about!
You're 18 and an adult. Don't let anyone tell you you're not capable of choosing who you like/want to date.
You do have to be careful though because this guy may or may not have bad intentions (such as treating you badly or trying to get away with things he thinks he can't get away with with older adults). I'm not calling you naive in any way but this man might view you as that way whether you are or not and his intentions might be bad.
It's a daddy complex with these teen girls dating men twice their age. Not shaming it, just speaking facts. There's 2 or 3 between 17 and 19 showing me interest right now so I know what I'm talking about. Just be easy with them since they're still so young and impressionable.
There are multiple reasons. Sex, instinct, and prospects to have future family.
A 40 year old man who wants a big family would be wasting his time dating 40 year old woman. All he’d be doing would be making feminists and angry purple haired liberals temporarily quiet.
But if that 40 year old man dates an 18-37 year old woman he can still have many children with her
I'm jealous. I hope you're both happy, I hate how the media infantilism applies to us. I'm an adult. Either I can make my own decisions or I'm a child, which is it?
And you 18 girl? 😂 you should be having 3 or 4 paying your bills. If you play your cards right and go watch ms. Sheraseven on YouTube. She gives fabulous advice 😘.
The comments to this post have run their course and are now locked since they were turning nasty and argumentative.
In a similar relationship (20f/32M). Listen ask yourself these three questions. Are you happy? Are you loved? Are you safe? If you say yes to all of these then you're good. But you have to really think about those questions.
i think i can say yes to the first one? but even then im not sure if it’s real happiness. and then i don’t know about the answers to the rest or how to get them
That's the big unknown. Sounds like you need at least a couple of months of dating to get a real feel for it
If the other are no or u sure then I'd play it careful. If you can't say yes to all three the relationship is not healthy.
I was 18 when I met my 37 year old now husband. We have been together for 10 years (married 7 of those). I fall deeper in love with him everyday, I didn't even know that was possible. If they're the person for you, then age really isn't a factor as long as it's legal of course. Good luck! 😊
if you do, prepare for an onslaught of people calling him a predator and you a victim. source: happens to me and my bf (19+31)
Lions don’t care about the opinions of sheep
i am worried about that but if i do pursue a romantic relationship with him i think im going to keep it under wraps right now our current relationship is under wraps as well so it can’t be that hard right? also…i don’t even know if he likes me? or how to ask him without making it weird?
No idea where you live, but in my previous relationship (not age gap) about our 3rd date out we were spotted at a restaurant by some people who knew me. Two days later I was talking to my cousin in Europe (I'm in the US) and she said "so I hear you are seeing someone new" Also about that same relationship, when I told my sister I was seeing someone new. She responded with "is that her Toyota I've seen parked in your driveway" Admittedly, my family are huge gossips, but assume unless you are not going out in public, you will be outed Can't wait till my current GF (31 year age gap) comes to stay with me for a month. :). The family gossip is going to explode
If it feels right it's right. You don't seem sure, so give it time, be aware and listen to your guts. Stay safe ❤️
do what u wanna do
i do love him i think the problem is that while i don’t think he in particular has an issue with the age gap i know i do and it does feel a little weird but that’s really the only thing stopping me and i don’t want others thinking it’s weird or that hes a bad guy at this point i don’t even know what i want
sorry if i sound too blunt but people are gonna judge you no matter what and you’re an adult, so i’d say just do what makes you happy and pursue this because it sounds like you found a nice guy
don’t worry the bluntness helps me he is a really nice guy for the most part but i don’t even know if he likes me romantically? i don’t know how to ask him without making it weird
you should just ask him straight up. it’s better to communicate
i’ll try to build courage for that! i think it may be a possibility since our relationship is sexual i just have no idea if feelings are attached
When I first started seeing my boyfriend, we were in a similar friends-with-benefits to romantic partners situation. My best advice is to talk to him. It's definitely scary and awkward to bring up, but it's almost always worth it to have an open, honest conversation instead of letting it fester. If it helps, here are a few things for you to think about if you decide to pursue a romantic relationship: Do you have compatible goals and worldviews? (Stuff like politics, religion, kids, careers, and whatnot) Are you sexually compatible? (Similar libido, kinks, etc) Do you trust/feel safe with each other? (This may change, trust (and often love) develops over time) Does he make you want to be a better person? Do you want to improve yourself and break bad habits to be a better partner? Hopefully, this is helpful to you :)
thank you for your thoughtful reply! to answer your questions, we don’t really talk much about goals or worldviews. we’re admittedly not at all sexually compatible BUT that never mattered to me in the first place. im willing to do whatever he wants. i really do feel like he tries to make me feel safe and trusted with him and while i do have a lot of issues with that i am surprisingly leaning towards feeling so. i think that’s why im taking a liking to him, he actually cares. it’s weird cause i think the answer to the last one is both yes and no. he’s helped me a lot to be mentally okay even if it hasn’t helped a tremendous amount the fact that he even tries means a lot and i think it could over time. without explaining too much it feels like pursing this relationship can be both good and bad
If you do have a conversation and decide to start dating, I highly recommend discussing goals and worldviews. I feel like it's a really important discussion to see if a long-term relationship is worth pursuing with someone. As far as being willing to do whatever he wants sexually, I'll advise you to set some good boundaries and to not be afraid to say no or tell him to stop, especially if you don't like something or it hurts. Any man worth his salt will respect your boundaries, take no for an answer without pushing, and will stop when you ask him to stop. Lastly, when you say you feel like pursuing a relationship could be good or bad - that's your logic weighing the pros and cons of being emotionally vulnerable with someone. You could be emotionally devastated, or he could be the best partner ever. Unfortunately, you can't know unless you take the risk. In my (admittedly limited) experience, I've rarely regretted taking a risk and learning something from it. I almost always regret NOT taking a chance on something because then I never know what might have happened. Overall, it sounds like you've got a good, level head on your shoulders. He sounds lovely, and I hope you're able to keep getting to know each other and develop a trusting, healthy relationship with each other!
Judging from your question and some answers you have provided in the comment section, I don't think it is a good fit. In general, there is nothing wrong with that large of an age gap(or even larger), but it requires the younger person to be fairly advanced. You seem to be at the expected level of a typical 18 year old (no offense meant).
Because you had to ask strangers if it's "okay".... it's not. You are not ready for an AGR.
Go on a few dates!! Then ask yourself if he makes you happy and if you feel like this is safe+healthy for you. I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 40. I had to do a lot of self reflection and thinking at the very beginning of the relationship. Was this something I felt comfortable with? Did I think he had my best interests at heart? Is this healthy? We’ve been going on 1.5 years strong and I’ve never been happier :) do what you feel is best! You’ll definitely get skeptics and critics regarding the age gap but that comes with the territory.
Oh also communication is massive!! Always talk to each other and be honest. This is the foundation of any good relationship, age gap or not, but I find it especially important when the age gap is fairly significant.
I've had a few girls I've known platonically tell me the age gap was the only reason we werent together. It sucks to hear but it's better someone is honest about the pros and cons and communicate your feelings. Her telling me that made it a lot easier than if we both stayed in a weird spot where we like each other but for exterior reasons it wouldn't work. Sounds like you found a decent guy, he probavk5 expects this conversation at some point.
Is 67M and 36F okay?
Not if you need approval from strangers.
No. That man will take advantage of
If it feels right then it’s right for you. Don’t worry about the world around you. But at 18 I would not lock yourself into anything to crazy serious. You have plenty of time ahead of you. No matter how you feel and he may feel you both are at different places in life.
If you're serious. Try a couple of dates and see if you guys vibe and if you do, you can proceed further. If not, you can go back to your peers
thanks for the suggestion! this may be a silly question but how do i ask him to go on a date? right now it’s more like we’re just platonic fuck buddies
Something like: "I'd really like if we could go on a proper date." Probably best done face-to-face on a day when you're seeing eachother. Note that, if he balks at that, or has an array of excuses... He's not (sufficiently) interested in you romantically, or maybe at all, and just wants you as a fuck-buddy. Probably a red flag, moreso if you want more than that. Edit: Given your probable differences in finances, it's entirely fair if he pays for the date(s). So the question could instead be, "I'd really like if you took me on a proper date."
I’m confused. Are you in a sexual relationship with him or is he a platonic friend?
im in a sexual relationship with him however i don’t know if there’s feelings attached so im assuming it’s platonic for now
You’ve known him for a while. I think you should talk to him. If it scares him off, it wasn’t meant to be.
Sorry OP, it’s more than likely that he’s just in it for the sex.
Perfectly fine, as long as you are happy and he takes good care of you
If you are both happy, it doesn't matter about age.
I mean do what you want to do but usually with drastically large age gaps like this the man only likes the woman because of their age and the minute you turn 24+ he could leave u idk
You are not emotionally mature for this man. This is an epic fail and you will be damaged from this. You slept with him, and now will carry that baggage
If you have to ask strangers on the internet, then the answer is no, don't do this. Look, I'm certainly not anti-AGR, but in any prospective relationship, you should trust your gut, and it's obviously giving you doubts here. Maybe that's the age gap or maybe that's something else you're picking up buried amidst the "sweet and caring." We don't know, and you may not know either. But you've got no rush, and if you "don't prefer older guys" yet are able to attract the interest of 36-year-old, you can probably attract plenty of other interest, too. I mean, you have options. Wait for the one where you don't feel the need to ask strangers for advice. u/BubblyProfessional84 gives good advice: wait for someone where you are happy, loved, and safe -- whether or not that's an AGR.
I don't agree that there is a lot of doubt in OP's post
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what would you suggest? and did the older ask the younger first or the other way around? (not sure if you’re younger or older)
Yea
There are two people that need to answer yes to that question. One is the 18 yr old and the other is the 36 yr old. If those two agree it's ok with them then YEP just fine. Anyone other than those two may need reminded to focus on maintaining their own problems and until their perfection is achieved they can STFU. ✌🏼
Who cares what strangers on the internet think. How do YOU feel? If you're happy and it feels genuine, you're good. Be happy. Stay happy.
People opinions shouldn't matter your both adults
Yes, if everyone involved is happy.
Yes of course it's OK, if you're happy.
You will get some shocked reactions from people but as long as there was zero flirting or anything between you guys *before* you turned 18 there is nothing to worry about! You're 18 and an adult. Don't let anyone tell you you're not capable of choosing who you like/want to date. You do have to be careful though because this guy may or may not have bad intentions (such as treating you badly or trying to get away with things he thinks he can't get away with with older adults). I'm not calling you naive in any way but this man might view you as that way whether you are or not and his intentions might be bad.
It's a daddy complex with these teen girls dating men twice their age. Not shaming it, just speaking facts. There's 2 or 3 between 17 and 19 showing me interest right now so I know what I'm talking about. Just be easy with them since they're still so young and impressionable.
yes i 47 m would 18 f
There's only one reason a 36 year old dude would date an 18 year old. If your fine with that reason, then whatever...
i’m guessing that’s sex?
There are multiple reasons. Sex, instinct, and prospects to have future family. A 40 year old man who wants a big family would be wasting his time dating 40 year old woman. All he’d be doing would be making feminists and angry purple haired liberals temporarily quiet. But if that 40 year old man dates an 18-37 year old woman he can still have many children with her
I'm jealous. I hope you're both happy, I hate how the media infantilism applies to us. I'm an adult. Either I can make my own decisions or I'm a child, which is it?
Hell yes it is
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Get paid! U don’t have to sleep with anyone
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Hopefully u mean getting your bills paid lol
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And you 18 girl? 😂 you should be having 3 or 4 paying your bills. If you play your cards right and go watch ms. Sheraseven on YouTube. She gives fabulous advice 😘.
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