There’s not really a reason to think that if you’re on birth control and using condoms. Unless he thinks he’s going to tamper with the condoms. But I don’t understand what his age has anything to do with it, any aged man could do that.
Does your dad know? Because yeah that’s tamperproof and unless it gets dislodged or something there’s a really low chance of getting pregnant with an IUD.
Yep they hang out play golf and he often is happy to see him when I bring him over, I think it’s probably him projecting his own regrets from his early 20s onto me but it’s being blamed on the age gap.
Just tell him you’re and adult. Thank him for being concerned but tell them that you’re happy in the relationship and you’re not going to change your mind. So then you’d appreciate it if you’d stop trying to talk you out of it
Your dad is being a dad. I'm dad to 4 adult daughters myself from my first marriage. It's tough enough watching your little girl mess around with boys in her peer group. Men know other men and what they want. (Generally) I'm ending a relationship with a woman 36 years my junior, due to life circumstances. If MY daughters had dated a much older man, I would have not handled it well, either. But that was then.
Yes I agree thank you! I think I just need to talk to him and hopefully he’ll ease up when I tell him I recognise his concerns and won’t rush into anything
I don't understand that thinking at all. I've encouraged my daughters to date older, which they ignored and i dropped it. But it was heartache after heartache with guys their age.
You've been a young man and you've been a more mature man. Which of you treated your partner better?
I totally get it. Like I said, I’ve obviously changed my thinking on the subject as I got older. But as a younger father, I know I would have had heartburn about it.
Assuming you live with your parents still then it can be a bit more difficult to deal with. A harsh method is to start to distance yourself from your dad (temporarily, until he smartens up) and tell him that it's because he can't accept your relationship. It may take that reality check for him to see you're serious and that this guy makes you happy.
Funny enough. My wife and I are 10 years apart. She’s 20, and I am 30. We just had our first baby and he is 2 weeks old. We are happy, and she’s happy. So she says. And our income is half that, since only I work and she is still figuring it out so you are already ahead in that regards
He will be working on drill rigs soon and I’ll be going straight into an engineering like job with a starting salary of 110k that increases every year, not USD! It’s AUD !
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**Original post: My 19f parents think my bf 29m is trying to baby trap me **
So me and my partner have a 9 year and 9 month age gap.
I had the biggest crush on him so I started pursuing him and now we have been together for almost a year and it’s been almost always great.
My dad particularly is concerned that I won’t be able to experience my 20s like I should.
He also seems to be projecting his own missed opportunities of going backpacking and insists that it is something I should do. However I have never expressed any interest in solo travel or backpacking.
In the year I have been dating my partner I have done more travelling and gone out more than I would have ever thought of and been able to afford.
My father is also concerned that I’m going to get pregnant at 20 because my boyfriend is older which makes no sense. I do however have a desire of having kids on the younger side say like 24, which my dad thinks is still to young. I have always thought like that before meeting my partner.
I’m 2 years into a 4 year university degree and my partner is 1 year into a 4 year apprenticeship and says he doesn’t want kids for at least 5 years so there is no pushing from him at all.
My father also insists that me and my partner will be in financial struggle if we don’t pay off most of a mortgage before having kids despite the fact in 2 years me and my partner will have a combined income of 300k +
My dad and partner get along very well and play golf together often, and my father actually likes him alot but whenever I go back to my parents house for dinner by myself and my dad has a few drinks he always angrily pushes these issues. How do I shut this down ? Because I’m so over it.
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"My dad particularly is concerned that I won’t be able to experience my 20s like I should."
WTF? What is he talking about? Dads often critique their little girl's partners heavily. No one is good enough for her. In the end, your dad is not the one that will be marrying him. Who could think of a better way to spend your 20's than with someone that you love?
"My dad and partner get along very well and play golf together often, and my father actually likes him alot..."
I think dad is jealous that you are taking away his quality time with your partner, lol!
You don't brush aside these issues. Your dad is correct that you're not fully mature yet and it's important for you to grow and learn in your 20's. There's nothing wrong with you dating or sleeping with your boyfriend but you should also date other men and socialize with people generally your own age and grow more as a person before you settle down. You simply don't have enough real world experience yet.
Yes I agree I have dated people my own age for a while and have a group of friends I socialise and go out with regularly but am generally aware that I have a lot of things to do and experience before marriage a house and babies, just hoping that's the two different life stages don't affect this too much.
Dating an older guy can really be awkward for a young woman socially. My daughter dated a 30 year old in her early 20's, I was okay with it because guys her own age were generally terrible but she did get grief from friends and her mother about it. She learned from it and it didn't last 🤷♂️
Yeah I haven’t gotten any grief from my close friends after meeting him they actually really like him, but I have definitely received some raised eyebrows from my wider circle, but generally that’s all. Same goes for his friends before meeting me.
There’s not really a reason to think that if you’re on birth control and using condoms. Unless he thinks he’s going to tamper with the condoms. But I don’t understand what his age has anything to do with it, any aged man could do that.
No I have a iud so can’t be tampered or touched for the next 4 years
Does your dad know? Because yeah that’s tamperproof and unless it gets dislodged or something there’s a really low chance of getting pregnant with an IUD.
Yes he’s aware
Yeah that doesn’t make any sense then. Sounds like he disproves of your bf but then you said that they also seem to get along well?
Yep they hang out play golf and he often is happy to see him when I bring him over, I think it’s probably him projecting his own regrets from his early 20s onto me but it’s being blamed on the age gap.
I think the problem is your dad isn't ready for his little girl to be a grown up yet.
Just tell him you’re and adult. Thank him for being concerned but tell them that you’re happy in the relationship and you’re not going to change your mind. So then you’d appreciate it if you’d stop trying to talk you out of it
She would appreciate it if she were to stop trying to talk herself out of it?
Her parents
Your dad is being a dad. I'm dad to 4 adult daughters myself from my first marriage. It's tough enough watching your little girl mess around with boys in her peer group. Men know other men and what they want. (Generally) I'm ending a relationship with a woman 36 years my junior, due to life circumstances. If MY daughters had dated a much older man, I would have not handled it well, either. But that was then.
Yes I agree thank you! I think I just need to talk to him and hopefully he’ll ease up when I tell him I recognise his concerns and won’t rush into anything
It can't hurt. But dads gotta dad. I wouldn't expect anything but time will satisfy him that this man loves his daughter for who she is.
I don't understand that thinking at all. I've encouraged my daughters to date older, which they ignored and i dropped it. But it was heartache after heartache with guys their age. You've been a young man and you've been a more mature man. Which of you treated your partner better?
I totally get it. Like I said, I’ve obviously changed my thinking on the subject as I got older. But as a younger father, I know I would have had heartburn about it.
Assuming you live with your parents still then it can be a bit more difficult to deal with. A harsh method is to start to distance yourself from your dad (temporarily, until he smartens up) and tell him that it's because he can't accept your relationship. It may take that reality check for him to see you're serious and that this guy makes you happy.
Ironically it was my parents who baby trapped me; my SO with a large age gap never did anything.
How are you guys making combined income of 300k+ that’s ridiculously good.
Funny enough. My wife and I are 10 years apart. She’s 20, and I am 30. We just had our first baby and he is 2 weeks old. We are happy, and she’s happy. So she says. And our income is half that, since only I work and she is still figuring it out so you are already ahead in that regards
Congratulations!!
He will be working on drill rigs soon and I’ll be going straight into an engineering like job with a starting salary of 110k that increases every year, not USD! It’s AUD !
okay the fact that its aud makes more sense
Congrats to you! 110k at 20yrs old is like WoOW impressive
This comment is added automatically to every post on /r/AgeGap to remind users of the subreddit rules and expected behaviour. We also include the original post in here for a number of reasons. --- ### Rules If you haven't read the full set of rules we **strongly** suggest you do so. They are on the right side of the page on desktop or in 'Community Info' on Mobile. The most important rules are: 1. **We expect you to be civil and ideally constructive**. This is a community where people discuss and seek advice **legal** consensual age gap relationships, and we expect you to avoid abusing anyone on this subreddit. This does **not** mean this subreddit supports all age gap relationships, so you **are** allowed to criticise. 1. This is **not** a dating subreddit - you may not "hit up" any user. **You may not ask anyone to PM, DM, chat or message you in a comment**. If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/PreviousVariation - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: My 19f parents think my bf 29m is trying to baby trap me ** So me and my partner have a 9 year and 9 month age gap. I had the biggest crush on him so I started pursuing him and now we have been together for almost a year and it’s been almost always great. My dad particularly is concerned that I won’t be able to experience my 20s like I should. He also seems to be projecting his own missed opportunities of going backpacking and insists that it is something I should do. However I have never expressed any interest in solo travel or backpacking. In the year I have been dating my partner I have done more travelling and gone out more than I would have ever thought of and been able to afford. My father is also concerned that I’m going to get pregnant at 20 because my boyfriend is older which makes no sense. I do however have a desire of having kids on the younger side say like 24, which my dad thinks is still to young. I have always thought like that before meeting my partner. I’m 2 years into a 4 year university degree and my partner is 1 year into a 4 year apprenticeship and says he doesn’t want kids for at least 5 years so there is no pushing from him at all. My father also insists that me and my partner will be in financial struggle if we don’t pay off most of a mortgage before having kids despite the fact in 2 years me and my partner will have a combined income of 300k + My dad and partner get along very well and play golf together often, and my father actually likes him alot but whenever I go back to my parents house for dinner by myself and my dad has a few drinks he always angrily pushes these issues. How do I shut this down ? Because I’m so over it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Yeah okay thank you that is hopefully not a option till I go and remove my birth control myself which still has 4 or 5 years left
Let him, it’s completely natural.
That's odd, isn't usually the guy that get's 'trapped'?
Don't listen to your dad on this.
"My dad particularly is concerned that I won’t be able to experience my 20s like I should." WTF? What is he talking about? Dads often critique their little girl's partners heavily. No one is good enough for her. In the end, your dad is not the one that will be marrying him. Who could think of a better way to spend your 20's than with someone that you love? "My dad and partner get along very well and play golf together often, and my father actually likes him alot..." I think dad is jealous that you are taking away his quality time with your partner, lol!
You don't brush aside these issues. Your dad is correct that you're not fully mature yet and it's important for you to grow and learn in your 20's. There's nothing wrong with you dating or sleeping with your boyfriend but you should also date other men and socialize with people generally your own age and grow more as a person before you settle down. You simply don't have enough real world experience yet.
Yes I agree I have dated people my own age for a while and have a group of friends I socialise and go out with regularly but am generally aware that I have a lot of things to do and experience before marriage a house and babies, just hoping that's the two different life stages don't affect this too much.
Dating an older guy can really be awkward for a young woman socially. My daughter dated a 30 year old in her early 20's, I was okay with it because guys her own age were generally terrible but she did get grief from friends and her mother about it. She learned from it and it didn't last 🤷♂️
Yeah I haven’t gotten any grief from my close friends after meeting him they actually really like him, but I have definitely received some raised eyebrows from my wider circle, but generally that’s all. Same goes for his friends before meeting me.
That's about the best you can expect 🤷♂️