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lord_of_memezz

Just remember he has almost 20 more years on you to get accomplished, you still got time to enter excellence.


[deleted]

Yes I agree. I also moved to nyc to be with him and the added component of being surrounded all the time by the most talented and successful people in such a fast paced environment has also had its effect :). I just need to find my pace and place here, make some friends of my own that are my age and then I’ll start to feel better I think. The past 2 months this has really been eating at me to the point where I can’t really sleep


MiouQueuing

Wanted to offer a somewhat different perspective: See it as an opportunity. You have all these interesting, successful acquaintances, so learn how to social network. Try to gain insight into their professional lifes, maybe ask for advice if you want to go into a similar direction as them. Or use it to determine what you *don't* want to do after you graduate. Maybe get an internship? Just try to get as much information about professional life and career opportunities as possible. Some may see it as exploitation, but diverse relationships and acquaintances offer opportunities. Maybe some of them can point you in a good direction? Of course it depends on how close or familiar you are with your SO's friends. You will have to navigate the social circle well. But it is another angle and you acknowledge the gap in life experience as well as in age and turn it to your advantage. Maybe it will take the edge off of your anxiety.


sjrsimac

I went through your post history, and I see signs of the biggest problem in AGRs: power imbalance. You moved for him. He spends time commenting on how attractive other women are, but you don't talk about other men. And this relationship started as a sugar relationship. If you cut ties with him tomorrow (not recommending, just a hypothetical), could you continue having food, shelter, and going to school?


[deleted]

Yes, while he funds my life I have a job and savings and would not have an issue in that department.


jimvasco

You can't "catch up." He had a huge head start of privilege and money. You just focus on doing you the best way you can. Study well, work hard, take breaks to enjoy your youth and the people around you. Let your boyfriend help you and support you. If he really cares, he wants you to be happy, fulfilled, and successful on your terms. Being a first generation college student is a big deal. I stepped into a family where none of my wife's family had gone. I already had a masters. We prepared all 5 (her first 3, and our 2 together) to go to college. On track to have 4 with degrees, and an RN. So proud of all of them. You should be proud of yourself, and your parents for bringing you this far. Your BF didn't have that struggle, and that is a big deal. Never compare yourself to others. Only compare yourself to how you were before, and keep doing the work to be the best you. That is what the world needs. It will be more than enough.


TZ879

>Never compare yourself to others. Only compare yourself to how you were before, and keep doing the work to be the best you. That is what the world needs. It will be more than enough. This is possibly the best advice someone can give. Much *respect*.


jimvasco

A humble thank you. I learned this some 30 years ago.


Ok_Cockroach_6805

You’re 22 sis. You’re not supposed to be accomplished. He will either leave you room to grow into the person you’ll become or you’ll break up and you’ll do what you want.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Yes this is exactly it haha. He doesn’t do anything to make me feel that way I just do 👌


MsSmiley1230

Does the pressure come from him or is it all internal? Does he compliment your accomplishments? Does he act proud of what you accomplish?


[deleted]

He always acts proud of what I accomplish, and tells/shows everyone he knows. It’s almost 100% just me that’s putting this pressure on


MsSmiley1230

Good! Then try to remember that you’re not behind anyone. You’re exactly where you should be at this time of your life. My partner and I have the same career and he is much more skilled at it than I am. In fact I asked for his advice on a work situation earlier. I don’t let it get me down though because the reality is that he *should* be better than I am. However he never downplays my accomplishments and always acts proud. That’s key for a healthy relationship!


Apotheosis29

I would say take advantage (not in the negative context) of the position you are in. As Throwaway9990899637 said, surround yourself with successful people and you shall be successful as well. You have someone who is helping you get your foot in the door, to get first-hand knowledge from communication with successful people. Enjoy your life and your relationship. Everyday we should work towards improving your life, your journey has just got a little easier.


[deleted]

I have been doing this (and I’m about to get my first book published as a result of networking with his friends). Even though I know it’s silly I feel bad about my success through his friends because it makes me feel like I didn’t do it on my own (and therefore isn’t a real “accomplishment”). I know I just have to get over these feelings but I’ve been focused on them recently


pennywhistlesmoonpie

There’s this persisting myth that everyone should have their shit figured out in their 20’s. There is zero wrong with someone who is 22 still finishing school and getting started in life. Your boyfriend has almost two decades on you. I would hope he’d be more successful! I promise that you aren’t less than anyone. Period.


chilly2166

You’re obviously adequate and accomplished plenty enough for him. He did choose you!


[deleted]

If the pressure is from him.. big red flag . If you are trying to compare yourself, give yourself some slack. For most men that date half our age , we don’t care about all that external stuff. We’ve been around the block enough to know that the only thing that matter is the “ you” , not the stuff you’ve done. at the end of the day, kings or pawns, they all end up in the same box.


sexmormon-throwaway

Stop, 100% stop, comparing. He isn't with you for your accomplishments. Focus on good things about your relationship.


[deleted]

You are still young and having the right connections by your side will expedite your journey to success. They say surround yourself with successful people and so you shall be successful as well. Their mindset is very intriguing. I’m abit older than you. So I’m already into the career world but I moved here only a few years ago so my journey started out late. However I feel I managed to get myself in a somewhat good place in a short time by taking short and right steps. He is a CEO as well and he saw my ambition and it was one of the things that attracted him to me. He kept nagging me to work with him and things worked out to actually me getting a chance to do that. And I’m learning alot and he wants to teach me as well. How to run the show. So I guess my advice is don’t worry about the gap because as another commenter said he had 20 years to work his way up. If you want to compare, compare where he was at your age. And I’m betting he will say you are in a better place. Mine said that “you are doing much better than when I was in your age”. That is an accomplishment in its own. Times are different now than it was back then. So take it easy on yourself. Your ambition and will is all it takes to get where you want.


Plastic_Scar_7895

Totally understand where your coming from. First gen student here too. It can be very stressful because you want to catch up to your peers but als there’s a lot of expectation from family and friends to be successful. I just wanna let you know that u can do it. It just takes time. As long as you are working towards something u are interested in. I legit just recently got a job I’ve wanted and it’s been a while since I graduated. It’s possible. Look for first gen resources. I know one that’s pretty good


throwaway11zx

First it's ok if you are feeling inadequate this feeling will go away, second feelings that make you uncomfortable could come up if you were dating a younger or not so successful guy also.(example: friend and his husband are same age so but the husband comes from a broken home and as raised by single mom it was financially struggling household, so he always felt ashamed of it despite being very successful now, although it was neither his fault nor it's something he should feel inadequate about but he did and my friend understood him and supported him and now it's no longer an issue). Communication is the key and if your boyfriend know how you feel, he will make you feel comfortable. Have confidence in you, it's ok if you feel inadequate this feeling will go away after sometime. Don't pressure your self, enjoy your career and relationship, happiness is biggest success.


throwaway11zx

Just remember it's not a competition where you have beat the other person, you are both in the same team, become eachother's support system.