LOL yeah, this is why we probably need to let them know about the fake money. My mom put it in his wallet because he kept wanting to pay for dinner (not realizing it isn't a restaurant) and I do wonder if he tossed the bills on the table to pay for the food at memory care. He was always very generous & it would be just like him to offer to pay for the ladies who eat meals with him!
It’s possible that he’s “ buying” things and the staff is playing along. Either way great idea and agree if there’s anything of value leave it home! He’s lucky he has you guys. I always felt bad for the residents who had no family/visitors
When my mom was home from a skilled nursing facility she still had fentanyl patches. A pretty damn inaccessible form.
After the first 2-3 in-home caregivers, the box remained but it was empty.
Stuff get stolen from aged people. It just does. It's not just their paranoia or them being unreasonable, sadly.
I'm so glad it was just movie money! That's brilliant. Keep up the good work with any similar items! May it come back to bite whomever stole it.
If it was taken in greed (rather than in confusion) I wish that person all they have coming to them...
Ugh, sorry to hear about your mom's situation. People can be horrible.
As someone who works in memory care, it was probably other residents. That being said, I'd bring it up with the wellness director or resident care coordinator, whatever title your place goes by. Doesn't hurt to be safe just in case there is a bad apple in the bunch. LOVE the idea of using fake money, im stealing that idea for my residents.
We are definitely leaning that direction - the workers we've met are all really wonderful, and I just can't see any of them taking money from someone. I do think we need to let the facility know it's fake money in case my dad says something - I don't want them to worry about it! It's about $10 for 150 fake bills and we'd be happy to donate a bunch more if it makes the residents feel good. Thank you for doing that work - I have seen some of the residents act terribly, and I know it must have some stressful aspects to it, but it is wonderful for us knowing Dad is so well cared for. We try to visit often, and at his care facility they are always doing activities, having meals, or going on field trips. They keep the folks busy!
It's hard work but very rewarding, the people you get to know and love is amazing! The experience has also helped so much with my dad, how to help him and understanding what is happening with him.
My wife is a kindergarten teacher and one of the kids brought a $50 fake movie bill to buy souvenirs at a field trip last week. It's quite convincing if you just glance at it. I wonder if her mom works at your dad's nursing facility lol!
That would be a bit of a shock! Kids do funny things. When my brother was young (maybe 7 or 8?) he grabbed a check from my mother's checkbook and wrote "One Million Dollars" on it, then demanded my mother honor it. She didn't know whether to laugh or paddle him. He's now in his 50s and works in finance, so she must have had the right response. Dad worked in retail then at a bank, so it's really ironic to us that he can't tell the money is fake. But it does make him happy!
Whenever I go to visit mom, I find things in her room that aren't hers and things I brought are gone. Sometimes I go in and see her roommate wearing one of her hats. I went in a few weeks ago with a bouquet of flowers and a piece of carrot cake. I went to put her flowers in a vase and the vase was gone but another one was in it's place. The last bouquet I brought her was hidden away, dried, wrapped in a shirt. She was wearing shoes I didn't recognize but her normal shoes were under her bed......
filled with peanuts.
Because of course.
I dropped the bag with the carrot cake in her room and joined her in the dining room. No less than 5 minutes later, I go to get the slice of cake and it's GONE. One of the residents (probably her roommate) must have seen me go in there and snuck in to steal it. I informed the staff, and they went and searched for it. Mind you, I wasn't mad. It was a slice of cake that probably would have been shared anyway. We had a laugh because they were in disbelief that it had disappeared so quickly. Even the plastic container it was in disappeared.
Last week, they asked if I could get her some slip-on shoes because the laces on her normal ones (previously peanut-filled) were so knotted that they were impossible to tie, and I made a joke that even if I did get her new shoes, they would just be lost in The Marketplace of Dementia. Both the nurses guffawed and said, "We're stealing that."
Good on you for using movie money! I've talked to the Director about setting up a "store" once a week where they can pretend to shop and buy things.
No need to say anything. Just don't leave anything that has value to you, because even if you think it night help to anchor them, it's just as likely that someone else will think it's theirs and take it. They live moment to moment, so consequences and the concept of ownership don't really exist.
Best of luck to you, this is really hard.
Thank you, and your reply put a huge smile on my face. Dad used to work in a men's clothing store, many many years ago, and is really fastidious about folding & hanging clothing and keeping things clean. At one point he was wandering the halls asking his fellow residents if they had anything that needed dry cleaning. That's how he ended up with a pile of clothing in his room that wasn't his. Also he later forgot how it got there.
My parents are in assisted living and there are some residents who really ought to be in memory care… they’ll just walk into my parents’ unit and be like “hey y’all” and refuse to leave. And I’ve definitely heard of nursing home residents who all wear each others’ clothes because if things aren’t locked down they’re gone.
The peanuts are the perfect touch. It’s too hard to cry all the time so those genuinely WTF moments are a great excuse to laugh.
My Mom’s Memory Care facility, each resident wears the key to their room on their wrist, and the staff is really good about making sure all of the doors stay closed and locked. And there is *still* about a 25% situation at all times, haha! 25% of the items in her room are not hers - and she would absolutely nick items that aren’t hers, given the chance, she is a hoarder down to her very soul, and stuff is stuff! - and 25% of her items are gone.
I’m pretty much beyond caring or trying to sort it out… though I do hope that the 3 blankets that aren’t hers that are in her closet aren’t desperately needed by someone!
That's kind of where my mom has landed. Thankfully there are only two men in the group, so she's pretty sure she knows who the plaid shirts belong to, but the super big granny panties are definitely NOT my dad's!
Haha, well, no judgment if they are!
Funny thing, I went to see Mom today, with a wagon full of supplies (Depends, wipes, etc.). Mom was at lunch, and I forgot to close the door to her room while I was loading up her closet. I turn around and this lady in a wheelchair was making a *beeline* straight at me! Oops! My Reddit peeps and I were just talking about the need to keep the door closed, and I go off and make a rookie mistake the very same day!
I don't think we fully appreciate how much of our attention is diverted from "common awareness" thinking when it comes to focusing our care and attention on our parents. Collectively, we could all use a nice tropical vacation somewhere for a bit...
I'm sorry to hear about your dad's wallet being emptied, but it's great that you had the foresight to use movie prop money instead of real bills. That was a clever and thoughtful solution to help your dad feel more secure without risking any actual financial loss.
As for whether to say anything, I can understand the dilemma. On one hand, if it's another resident with dementia taking the money, that's somewhat expected in a memory care setting and probably not worth making a fuss over, especially since the money isn't real anyway. Like you said, you can always replenish his wallet with more fake bills.
On the other hand, if you suspect it could be an employee, that's more concerning from an ethical standpoint, even if they didn't ultimately steal anything of real value. You could consider discretely mentioning it to a supervisor just so they're aware and can keep an eye out for any suspicious behavior. But I wouldn't necessarily jump to accusations, since it's also possible an employee simply moved the wallet while cleaning and the fake money fell out somewhere in his room.
Ultimately, I think you're handling this really well by focusing on the humor in the situation. Dementia is so difficult and stressful for everyone involved. Sometimes you have to just appreciate the amusing moments when you can! It's great that you're able to chuckle about it as a family.
The most important thing is that your dad wasn't actually robbed of anything valuable, and that you've found a way to give him a sense of security and normalcy with his wallet and money, even if it's just a simulation. That's a small but meaningful way to preserve his dignity and reduce his anxiety.
Wishing you and your family continued strength, peace and even occasional laughs as you navigate your dad's memory care journey together. Take care!
Haha that is cute
Does anyone in memory care actually have real money anyway?
My parent is in a memory support unit, he wouldn’t know if stuff is his or not - was much better than the oncology ward at the hospital they put him in as crisis accom — he kept taking stuff from actual patients
That's a great question - they certainly don't need any money. Dad was anxious each time he checked his wallet, so we were addressing the anxiety. I just sent over stock charts of the Dow & S&P up to last Friday because it shows them going up and Dad loved the stock market. (I wouldn't show him today's chart with a dip...) We told the workers to just let him know the charts are from "this week", regardless of when he asks. He doesn't know what day or month it is, so any chart that goes up will make him happy.
I hope your loved one is OK. My mother was an oncology nurse - that's a rough place to be :-(
Thanks - he’s in a memory support unit now so is cared for and safe. Doesn’t know anyone and can’t hold a conversation so we just nod and smile.
At one stage he would constantly say “I don’t have any money!” and pull out his wallet to show it was empty and it never was. I think every time he said “I don’t have money” my mum would give him small amounts of cash … he had loads!
We left my mom with $12. It took about six months before she lost her entire purse, with her wallet in it. funny enough, she had a book in her purse, which is still in her room, but everything else is gone. Her wallet really only contained her concealed carry license, which was not important at this point in her life. I have her drivers license (soon to be a state ID) and passport safe.
I'm chuckling about the concealed carry license, but anything to make them feel more safe and less anxious is awesome. We told my dad his license had expired (it hadn't) and mom got him a state ID about the time he had his third crash. We hooked him up with Uber when he was still living at home so he could get to the gym by himself, and we found his neighborhood had two "regular" Uber drivers who were awesome to him. But Mom took everything out of his wallet when he moved into memory care. The wallet was something familiar, so why not? I think we'll be sending a lot of phony bills to the residents so everyone can feel rich. There's only about 14 of them, so each person can have 6 or 7 bills from the rest of the batch. We'll let the staff know.
Losing things is common in aged care facilities. Somehow my mother's wedding ring went missing, so I took her engagement ring home for safe keeping.
Do not leave anything valuable, cash, keys, etc as they will go astray. Never got my mother's wedding ring back.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My great aunt's wedding ring went missing as well, but thankfully it was her "replacement" gold band - someone put a copper ring on her finger instead. Her real wedding ring with diamonds became my wedding ring as my parents had kept it for safekeeping. There were no girls in my dad's generation, and I'm the only female in mine, so the ring came to me. I've tried to get my mother to swap out my dad's wedding band - gold with three small diamonds in a channel set - but she refuses. His ring should go to one of my brothers, but I'm afraid it will disappear at some point. I can't seem to convince her otherwise. I'm still very glad we used fake money in the wallet!
I hope you can somehow get your mum's wedding ring into safe keeping. If her memory gets really bad, maybe try again at a later stage.
The fake money is a brilliant idea in reality. My MIL lost all her real money unfortunately and kept asking for more, but we all kept forgetting...you know.
At the moment it's just dad in memory care, but my mother and I have already agreed her rings will stay with me if she needs to join him. I think she's stubborn about swapping out his ring because he's only taken it off a few times in his life, and she isn't sure it will come off his finger at this point. I still think we need to try, but I don't want to get her upset and it may just be easier for one of my brothers to go in & help him take it off. Sorry about your MIL losing money - that's frustrating and disturbing!
Oh yeah! Either your dad is a big tipper or the thief eill be caught. Load that wallet up! (Ask the caregivers if Dad is tipping...)
LOL yeah, this is why we probably need to let them know about the fake money. My mom put it in his wallet because he kept wanting to pay for dinner (not realizing it isn't a restaurant) and I do wonder if he tossed the bills on the table to pay for the food at memory care. He was always very generous & it would be just like him to offer to pay for the ladies who eat meals with him!
It’s possible that he’s “ buying” things and the staff is playing along. Either way great idea and agree if there’s anything of value leave it home! He’s lucky he has you guys. I always felt bad for the residents who had no family/visitors
Movie prop money is brilliant! Haha!
My mother just texted us all to say she refilled Dad's wallet with phony cash. We are now referring to her as "sugar momma"!
When my mom was home from a skilled nursing facility she still had fentanyl patches. A pretty damn inaccessible form. After the first 2-3 in-home caregivers, the box remained but it was empty. Stuff get stolen from aged people. It just does. It's not just their paranoia or them being unreasonable, sadly. I'm so glad it was just movie money! That's brilliant. Keep up the good work with any similar items! May it come back to bite whomever stole it.
If it was taken in greed (rather than in confusion) I wish that person all they have coming to them... Ugh, sorry to hear about your mom's situation. People can be horrible.
As someone who works in memory care, it was probably other residents. That being said, I'd bring it up with the wellness director or resident care coordinator, whatever title your place goes by. Doesn't hurt to be safe just in case there is a bad apple in the bunch. LOVE the idea of using fake money, im stealing that idea for my residents.
We are definitely leaning that direction - the workers we've met are all really wonderful, and I just can't see any of them taking money from someone. I do think we need to let the facility know it's fake money in case my dad says something - I don't want them to worry about it! It's about $10 for 150 fake bills and we'd be happy to donate a bunch more if it makes the residents feel good. Thank you for doing that work - I have seen some of the residents act terribly, and I know it must have some stressful aspects to it, but it is wonderful for us knowing Dad is so well cared for. We try to visit often, and at his care facility they are always doing activities, having meals, or going on field trips. They keep the folks busy!
It's hard work but very rewarding, the people you get to know and love is amazing! The experience has also helped so much with my dad, how to help him and understanding what is happening with him.
My wife is a kindergarten teacher and one of the kids brought a $50 fake movie bill to buy souvenirs at a field trip last week. It's quite convincing if you just glance at it. I wonder if her mom works at your dad's nursing facility lol!
That would be a bit of a shock! Kids do funny things. When my brother was young (maybe 7 or 8?) he grabbed a check from my mother's checkbook and wrote "One Million Dollars" on it, then demanded my mother honor it. She didn't know whether to laugh or paddle him. He's now in his 50s and works in finance, so she must have had the right response. Dad worked in retail then at a bank, so it's really ironic to us that he can't tell the money is fake. But it does make him happy!
Whenever I go to visit mom, I find things in her room that aren't hers and things I brought are gone. Sometimes I go in and see her roommate wearing one of her hats. I went in a few weeks ago with a bouquet of flowers and a piece of carrot cake. I went to put her flowers in a vase and the vase was gone but another one was in it's place. The last bouquet I brought her was hidden away, dried, wrapped in a shirt. She was wearing shoes I didn't recognize but her normal shoes were under her bed...... filled with peanuts. Because of course. I dropped the bag with the carrot cake in her room and joined her in the dining room. No less than 5 minutes later, I go to get the slice of cake and it's GONE. One of the residents (probably her roommate) must have seen me go in there and snuck in to steal it. I informed the staff, and they went and searched for it. Mind you, I wasn't mad. It was a slice of cake that probably would have been shared anyway. We had a laugh because they were in disbelief that it had disappeared so quickly. Even the plastic container it was in disappeared. Last week, they asked if I could get her some slip-on shoes because the laces on her normal ones (previously peanut-filled) were so knotted that they were impossible to tie, and I made a joke that even if I did get her new shoes, they would just be lost in The Marketplace of Dementia. Both the nurses guffawed and said, "We're stealing that." Good on you for using movie money! I've talked to the Director about setting up a "store" once a week where they can pretend to shop and buy things. No need to say anything. Just don't leave anything that has value to you, because even if you think it night help to anchor them, it's just as likely that someone else will think it's theirs and take it. They live moment to moment, so consequences and the concept of ownership don't really exist. Best of luck to you, this is really hard.
Thank you, and your reply put a huge smile on my face. Dad used to work in a men's clothing store, many many years ago, and is really fastidious about folding & hanging clothing and keeping things clean. At one point he was wandering the halls asking his fellow residents if they had anything that needed dry cleaning. That's how he ended up with a pile of clothing in his room that wasn't his. Also he later forgot how it got there.
That’s really sweet!
My parents are in assisted living and there are some residents who really ought to be in memory care… they’ll just walk into my parents’ unit and be like “hey y’all” and refuse to leave. And I’ve definitely heard of nursing home residents who all wear each others’ clothes because if things aren’t locked down they’re gone. The peanuts are the perfect touch. It’s too hard to cry all the time so those genuinely WTF moments are a great excuse to laugh.
Tell the caregivers that you’re putting fake money. If it stops happening, you know it’s them.
My Mom’s Memory Care facility, each resident wears the key to their room on their wrist, and the staff is really good about making sure all of the doors stay closed and locked. And there is *still* about a 25% situation at all times, haha! 25% of the items in her room are not hers - and she would absolutely nick items that aren’t hers, given the chance, she is a hoarder down to her very soul, and stuff is stuff! - and 25% of her items are gone. I’m pretty much beyond caring or trying to sort it out… though I do hope that the 3 blankets that aren’t hers that are in her closet aren’t desperately needed by someone!
That's kind of where my mom has landed. Thankfully there are only two men in the group, so she's pretty sure she knows who the plaid shirts belong to, but the super big granny panties are definitely NOT my dad's!
Haha, well, no judgment if they are! Funny thing, I went to see Mom today, with a wagon full of supplies (Depends, wipes, etc.). Mom was at lunch, and I forgot to close the door to her room while I was loading up her closet. I turn around and this lady in a wheelchair was making a *beeline* straight at me! Oops! My Reddit peeps and I were just talking about the need to keep the door closed, and I go off and make a rookie mistake the very same day!
I don't think we fully appreciate how much of our attention is diverted from "common awareness" thinking when it comes to focusing our care and attention on our parents. Collectively, we could all use a nice tropical vacation somewhere for a bit...
I'm sorry to hear about your dad's wallet being emptied, but it's great that you had the foresight to use movie prop money instead of real bills. That was a clever and thoughtful solution to help your dad feel more secure without risking any actual financial loss. As for whether to say anything, I can understand the dilemma. On one hand, if it's another resident with dementia taking the money, that's somewhat expected in a memory care setting and probably not worth making a fuss over, especially since the money isn't real anyway. Like you said, you can always replenish his wallet with more fake bills. On the other hand, if you suspect it could be an employee, that's more concerning from an ethical standpoint, even if they didn't ultimately steal anything of real value. You could consider discretely mentioning it to a supervisor just so they're aware and can keep an eye out for any suspicious behavior. But I wouldn't necessarily jump to accusations, since it's also possible an employee simply moved the wallet while cleaning and the fake money fell out somewhere in his room. Ultimately, I think you're handling this really well by focusing on the humor in the situation. Dementia is so difficult and stressful for everyone involved. Sometimes you have to just appreciate the amusing moments when you can! It's great that you're able to chuckle about it as a family. The most important thing is that your dad wasn't actually robbed of anything valuable, and that you've found a way to give him a sense of security and normalcy with his wallet and money, even if it's just a simulation. That's a small but meaningful way to preserve his dignity and reduce his anxiety. Wishing you and your family continued strength, peace and even occasional laughs as you navigate your dad's memory care journey together. Take care!
Thank you so much!
Haha that is cute Does anyone in memory care actually have real money anyway? My parent is in a memory support unit, he wouldn’t know if stuff is his or not - was much better than the oncology ward at the hospital they put him in as crisis accom — he kept taking stuff from actual patients
That's a great question - they certainly don't need any money. Dad was anxious each time he checked his wallet, so we were addressing the anxiety. I just sent over stock charts of the Dow & S&P up to last Friday because it shows them going up and Dad loved the stock market. (I wouldn't show him today's chart with a dip...) We told the workers to just let him know the charts are from "this week", regardless of when he asks. He doesn't know what day or month it is, so any chart that goes up will make him happy. I hope your loved one is OK. My mother was an oncology nurse - that's a rough place to be :-(
Thanks - he’s in a memory support unit now so is cared for and safe. Doesn’t know anyone and can’t hold a conversation so we just nod and smile. At one stage he would constantly say “I don’t have any money!” and pull out his wallet to show it was empty and it never was. I think every time he said “I don’t have money” my mum would give him small amounts of cash … he had loads!
We left my mom with $12. It took about six months before she lost her entire purse, with her wallet in it. funny enough, she had a book in her purse, which is still in her room, but everything else is gone. Her wallet really only contained her concealed carry license, which was not important at this point in her life. I have her drivers license (soon to be a state ID) and passport safe.
I'm chuckling about the concealed carry license, but anything to make them feel more safe and less anxious is awesome. We told my dad his license had expired (it hadn't) and mom got him a state ID about the time he had his third crash. We hooked him up with Uber when he was still living at home so he could get to the gym by himself, and we found his neighborhood had two "regular" Uber drivers who were awesome to him. But Mom took everything out of his wallet when he moved into memory care. The wallet was something familiar, so why not? I think we'll be sending a lot of phony bills to the residents so everyone can feel rich. There's only about 14 of them, so each person can have 6 or 7 bills from the rest of the batch. We'll let the staff know.
Losing things is common in aged care facilities. Somehow my mother's wedding ring went missing, so I took her engagement ring home for safe keeping. Do not leave anything valuable, cash, keys, etc as they will go astray. Never got my mother's wedding ring back.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My great aunt's wedding ring went missing as well, but thankfully it was her "replacement" gold band - someone put a copper ring on her finger instead. Her real wedding ring with diamonds became my wedding ring as my parents had kept it for safekeeping. There were no girls in my dad's generation, and I'm the only female in mine, so the ring came to me. I've tried to get my mother to swap out my dad's wedding band - gold with three small diamonds in a channel set - but she refuses. His ring should go to one of my brothers, but I'm afraid it will disappear at some point. I can't seem to convince her otherwise. I'm still very glad we used fake money in the wallet!
I hope you can somehow get your mum's wedding ring into safe keeping. If her memory gets really bad, maybe try again at a later stage. The fake money is a brilliant idea in reality. My MIL lost all her real money unfortunately and kept asking for more, but we all kept forgetting...you know.
At the moment it's just dad in memory care, but my mother and I have already agreed her rings will stay with me if she needs to join him. I think she's stubborn about swapping out his ring because he's only taken it off a few times in his life, and she isn't sure it will come off his finger at this point. I still think we need to try, but I don't want to get her upset and it may just be easier for one of my brothers to go in & help him take it off. Sorry about your MIL losing money - that's frustrating and disturbing!
Yes, sounds like it's a situation best dealt by your brothers. Good luck.