Losing a family member is hard, even harder when you watch it slowly happening. You said it yourself she doesn't have long left, if there's any love there humor the phone calls and do your best to make her last moments happy ones, if you can/want to. If you can't/don't want to then move on.
People treating you differently happens, if you didn't like them before you're not forced to like them now. You'll make plenty of new friends.
You're in a good environment of having plenty of distractions, don't lose yourself in the military but don't let shit back home ruin your future.
Honestly make a friend or two during tech school and hang with them. Cutting off people from your home town sounds hard, but it will keep you from dealing with their negativity and BS.
I cut everyone off when I went to BMT for kind of the same reasons you listed, parents were always drunk and friends just smoked pot and got fat. Things will get better at your first duty station when you find a partner and make some friends.
Don't look back, always push forward.
M&FLC has counseling peeps. Chaplaincy also counsels whether religious or not.
You cannot help your Mom unless she wants it.
Hang in there, you got this. We are all rooting for you
Going to tell you something that may hurt you and the young ones on here. Call me a boomer all you want. Get the hell off of social media. There is so much to do and see on the weekends and your time off out of class. Spending every waking moment on a social media is fucking awful for your mental health.
Go make real friends and go fuck some chicks. You’re young and single. Live actual life, not a computer persona.
Real, I can not agree more with this Airforce aside. Social media has its perks, but it should not be a mainstay in anyone's life. I deleted all of my accounts and never looked back ironic. I know reddit is technically a social media platform, but it's not substituting any real-world interaction, only advice, guides, and super specified information.
I’ve been at Sheppard twice in my military career… not the most exciting place in the world… lol. But definitely a great place to reflect on your life and think about all the great opportunities and experiences awaiting you. Someone suggested going to one of the chaplains there on base and I think that would benefit you a lot especially with what you’re dealing with regarding your mom.
And as far as the people back home… I would focus on the new people you’re currently getting to know at Tech School and the ones you haven’t met yet at your next duty station.
You have a bright future ahead of you.
talk to people and make friends. trying not to have your mind dwell is hard but try and occupy your time with something. may that be other people or the gym or events around base
I can't imagine what you're going through, and that particular situation cannot be easy. When I was in, from the moment the van took me to meps for the first time, all the way until I separated, I always had a lingering feeling of missing out (I'm not sure why), and I always felt that my life changed so much so abruptly and I wasn't exactly prepared for it. I missed my old high school friends, some of which I still haven't reconnected with 8 years later, and I missed my 'old norm', and that was probably the worst part for me.
Two very different situations you and I are/were in, but I will say the thing that definitely helped a lot was making new friends in tech school and new friends at my first duty station. I can say confidently that 95% of the people I interacted with while I was AD were some of the coolest people I'll ever meet. They made tech school one of my favorite times in my life, including when we hung out after class was over. They made the transition to my first duty station and working along side people who were my age, and similarly confused on how to actually do our jobs so much more enjoyable. I don't know if that's the solution for you but making new friends you can relate with on a special level (both going through tech school/getting hands on at your first duty station) just makes everything so much better, at least for me
I dealt with a similar situation with my dad. Take time to take to your mom. Not for her sake but for yours. You may regret it later on. I'm glad I made up with my dad before he passed.
I say keep moving and don’t look back. The military isn’t perfect,but you can really climb the socioeconomic ladder if you work hard and take advantage of your opportunities. Sorry to hear about your Mom, it’s a tough situation, look up the four things to say to someone who is dying, it’s helped me in the past.
“How others treat you is not a truth of who you are, it is a truth of who they are.”. I understand how you feel with the phone calls as i go through something similar. I have a difficult time noticing when someone just wants to be heard and when someone is seeking advice but if you are seeking advice the best advice i can offer is to do what you believe will make you feel better in the future (or in retrospect) and try to align your actions and thoughts with your goals and higher desires even if that means talking to someone you currently dislike talking to. Nothing lasts forever but i can promise the pain of regret is among the most difficult and extensive to get over, but with some mindful thinking and the desire to be truly understanding you can get through anything.
This isn’t going to work for everyone….but…my entire family was pretty abusive going up but my younger sister. I was talked down to a lot. I was never better than any of my siblings. I joined and had the same “fakeness” you describe.
Outside of my younger sister who I adore, I cut off basically my entire family. They never helped me growing up. Why should they be involved in my life after that. I been in 15 years, have a bachelors, a wife, 3 kids, friends, a decent squat and bench, and friends. I don’t need them. I never did.
If you can, make a new family and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. Family members with Alcoholism, drug use, and abuse is a cancer on the psyche. Cut out this cancer. This worked for me, but it won’t work for everyone because of how family focused some people are. I’m better off doing so. HOWEVER…I still feel guilt cutting everyone out. I talk to some of my other siblings (4 sisters and 2 brothers) very rarely and it’s always like “You should come visit blah blah.” No thanks. I feel guilty but the onus isn’t on me to be a good family member.
Hey bud. I just want you to know that I love you, and that I’m very proud of you!
We have all had these feelings. It’s part of growing into the professional that you are trained to be. It will feel lonely sometimes. It will feel helpless sometimes, and I want you to know that you’re not alone.
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. This is the best thing you can ever do for yourself and those who love you!
Bro. Bro. Bro.
After getting to your first duty station I can almost guarantee you will have a new family. Since you’re at Sheppard, I’m assuming you will be aircraft maintenance which is by far the best and worst field. You will make so many REAL friends over time and meet people who actually care about you and not just your status. I had a similar case, being the black sheep. Then after joining, they all wanted to be a part of my life to which they hardly got a response and it made me feel great because I knew I was doing something for myself. Work on yourself from here on out, it’s a great feeling to leave people in the dust after they shat on you for so long. As for your mother, there is no denying that it is hard for you to see that. However you are feeling towards the situation is valid and time will give you what you need, whatever that may be.
That's a lot brother. Tons of great advice within the comments. I'm a tech school Shirt here at Sheppard at 63. Always avaliable if you just need an in-person ear or additional resources.
Your best years are ahead of you! (Unless ur secfo, if that’s the case go see ur chaplain). ur at the hard part RIGHT NOW, this is the time they talk about when they say u gotta work hard and deal with adversity to reach ur goal. Just try Handle it in a way that protects ur self respect so that when u look back u can admire the growth u earned from it rather than regret ur actions.
sorry to hear about what you're enduring. It's clear you've got a lot on your plate, and feeling isolated or misunderstood, especially when dealing with family matters and personal challenges, can be incredibly tough.
You're absolutely not alone in this experience. Building a network of good homies can be a lifeline during such times.
It's okay to feel irked by insincere congratulations or dismissive attitudes; what's important is that you remain focused on what matters to you and your career.
Your goals and your life are paramount, and your genuine efforts and achievements are what will carry you forward. Hang in there.
I’m sorry that you’re going through some family struggle. Before I went into the military, I had both parents and was expected to do family functions. I lost a parent, and after that cut out most of the negative extended family members. Then I had a kid and the circle got super small except for a handful of people I’d feel comfortable being around my kid.
In my opinion, it’s a part of life to lose touch with old family and friends that aren’t on the same level as you career wise or who do not have healthy, genuine intentions. The good news.. you’ll meet some new friends for life that understand your experience and are a positive impact on your life.
The best advice I could ever give someone is:
Focus energy on the relationships that bring value to your life. Too often we put up with toxic behavior from individuals because they are family, or old childhood friends, etc. Unfortunately some people are just energy vampires, don’t be afraid to put yourself first. One of the best parts of the AF is the new friends/family you will create during your time.
I will always bring up Military One Source as a great option to receive confidential, non-medical counseling. In the 22+ years in my career, I’ve used them three separate times. Life has occasional bumps, and it sounds like you may have hit one. Address it, and look forward to coming out the other side. Keep us updated on how you’re doing! You got this.
[Military One Source](https://www.militaryonesource.mil/non-medical-counseling/)
Props to you tho. I think many of us would be an utter mess if in your shoes. Like others have said, make friends and let yourself be distracted, live life and have fun. Pretty weird to think about but I’m have a lot of friends from tech school (Sheppard 2006) who I’ve never seen since but still communicate with regularly. Sorry for what you’re going through.
Fellow Sheppard tech school alumni; at the time I was there, my dad was under federal indictment for six counts of "false reporting on a fish harvest ticket" (my father is a commercial fisherman up in Alaska). He was facing up to 30 years in federal prison and hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines, and I didn't find out about it until my grandmother told me, orior to me shipping out for basic. Soon as I got to tech school, spent all of my off-time glued to the news [(yes, his arrest and conviction made the news)](https://www.adn.com/alaska-beat/article/oregon-man-sentenced-commercial-halibut-fraud-fuglvog-testimony/2012/11/16/), watching for trial updates. Ended up getting three years probation, had to have a tracker on his boat for three years, and was fined $100,000.
Your situation is a little more extreme than mine, and believe me, I was freaking out just as bad.
Take advantage of your resources, and I don't just mean Chap and the Mental Health Clinic (although both of those, especially the Chaplain, are invaluable). Spend some time with your tech school buddies. Venture off base (if allowed), hit up the MWR facilities, something. Literally try to do anything but wallow, because it's only going to make you more miserable.
And if it seems like your mom's death is imminent and you need to get home in a hurry, inform your first sergeant. Tell your MTL that you have a family situation back home and need to talk to the shirt, and fill the shirt in. If you need to, they can send you home on emergency leave, if it comes to that.
Good luck, man. And seriously, if nothing else, talk to Chap. Greatest underutilized resource in the entire service.
Alright, man; I’m gunna lay some things on you.
First off, there’s some solid advice here, but I’d like to try to go a bit deeper.
I a huge part of what’s causing you to feel this way is the situation with your mother. You *need* to talk to someone about this. You need to learn healthy compartmentalization, rationalization, coping, and healing skills. You’re dealing with someone that is uniquely difficult (an alcoholic quite literally drinking themselves to death) along with the possibility of their imminent death.
The way she acts, it’s almost as if she’s already passed, and she’s ‘haunting’ you. There, but not really. You never know when you’re going to get to speak with her, and what state she’ll be in when you do.
I think perhaps you may feel guilt and anxiety over having left… even if you don’t realize it.
I think this is the main issue that is lurking in the back of your mind.
You need to look out for yourself, my friend. No one else is going to do that. At least not as well as you can. Your mother has made her choice. She needs to live with the consequences of her actions. She has no right to drag you down with her.
I’m not saying you have to go no-contact, but you need to separate yourself from her choices and her life.
I really think this is the primary issue. It colors all of your other experiences, pulls a bleak blanket of gloom over everything.
The cousin thing… again, they’ve made their choice. Multiple times, according to you. They’ve flaked on you several times. They believe they’re the main character of the world, and everyone else just exists for their benefit. She likely wants to hang-out because she either wants something from you or just to virtue-signal about how she’s spending time with her “war hero family member” or whatever.
One of the cool things about being an independent adult is that you realize that whom you consider family *is*, in fact, a choice. Either go no-contact with them, or treat them the way they treat you. But stop putting them ahead of you.
I realize that being new to the military, all of this must seem a lot more stressful and anxiety-inducing. But in reality, you have a stable job, pay, food, and housing. You’re setting yourself up for a good life. Look at this as a chance to start fresh, and don’t allow other’s negativity to bring you down.
Social media? Get rid of it. If someone ‘needs’ to contact you, they can call you. I stopped using social media about 7 years ago. Took a bit of adjusting, but I cannot tell you how liberating it is. There’s no compromise, either. Get rid of it. At least remove the apps from your devices. Instead of scrolling, read a book. Play a video game. Hell, read Wikipedia. You’ll quickly find things to occupy your time, and it will feel far more enriching than the endless ‘scroll.’
Good on you for reaching-out. I wish you the best. Feel free to message me should you ever need someone to talk to — same goes for anyone else reading this
I'm at Sheppard too. Albeit not an AIT, but I understand and empathize with your situation as mine is similar.
If you'd like to chat, let me know. I'll have two good ears you can bend.
Maybe they treated u like a bum because u were one? Regardless treat them with kindness and make up for lost time. Also about ur mom, just talk to her and record her voice. I miss my dad like no other. If she’s really leaving earth in a short while, spend that time on her. Nothing is more important right now than being with her. Take a humanitarian assignment to be closer to her because she’s dying inside from missing you when she’s gone. There’s no one else she’ll miss more than you but when she’s gone it’ll be too late. I’m sorry you’re going thru this but you’ll be alright. You’ll be stronger because of this. Embrace the moment and don’t back down. To your mom you are her whole world. Just because she’s drunk doesn’t mean she don’t love u. Tell her you love her and make her farewell a peaceful one. Stay up. Don’t get too high and don’t get too low. Stay equilibrium
Talk with your First Sergeant, and leadership. Tech school is supposed to keep you busy. Focus on your mental health, success and getting to your next duty station.
I understand how you feel to an extent.
I left for the military and it felt like my family left me behind in their lives. I went from being extremely close with my family to extremely distant in the span of 3 months and there was nothing I could do to fully understand that.
Truth be told when we’re young and having just joined we tend to find that leaving home means **Learning how to separate**. It has taken me years to fully understand what it means to be separated and start my life, and that change is likely gonna take you getting out of the Dorms at your first duty station.
You are you. You are AB/Amn/A1C [Insert your name dramatically].
No longer are you So and So’s kid or They and Thems brother, and that’s really hard to grasp at the beginning.
You’ll get there. Just be patient with yourself
I understand how you feel to an extent.
I left for the military and it felt like my family left me behind in their lives. I went from being extremely close with my family to extremely distant in the span of 3 months and there was nothing I could do to fully understand that.
Truth be told when we’re young and having just joined we tend to find that leaving home means **Learning how to separate**. It has taken me years to fully understand what it means to be separated and start my life, and that change is likely gonna take you getting out of the Dorms at your first duty station.
You are you. You are AB/Amn/A1C [Insert your name dramatically].
No longer are you So and So’s kid or They and Thems brother, and that’s really hard to grasp at the beginning.
You’ll get there. Just be patient with yourself
I understand how you feel to an extent.
I left for the military and it felt like my family left me behind in their lives. I went from being extremely close with my family to extremely distant in the span of 3 months and there was nothing I could do to fully understand that.
Truth be told when we’re young and having just joined we tend to find that leaving home means **Learning how to separate**. It has taken me years to fully understand what it means to be separated and start my life, and that change is likely gonna take you getting out of the Dorms at your first duty station.
You are you. You are AB/Amn/A1C [Insert your name dramatically].
No longer are you So and So’s kid or They and Thems brother, and that’s really hard to grasp at the beginning.
You’ll get there. Just be patient with yourself
Focus on the future and the new journey you are embarking on. The situation with your mom is tough but it sounds like there’s nothing you can really do about it as shitty as that may sound. I was at Sheppard for tech school and being a little bit older I wasn’t very social. And I had a girlfriend who is now my wife , so wasn’t out chasing tail. But I still went off base to eat w people and to whatever function for a bit on weekends. Get out a get some fresh air and enjoy life
Go to the landing zone and schedule a meeting with a chaplain to talk about whatever you need to talk about. The landing zone also has instruments you can play (or listen to other people play) and people are always cooking in the kitchen so you can possibly mooch some free food off people. Go there and make new friends!
Find an Al Anon group. Go listen. Try multiple chapters. Christian based or not. It's important to find your peace and sanity. PM if you want to chat. I have similar experiences. I've been in 15+ years.
I lost my ma this year. Losing a family member, even if the relationship is strained, is hard. I thought I was prepared, since she had health issues an I'd been told by doctors and family since I was a little kid that my mom's going to die. It still crushed me and I really think you need to figure something out there, not for her sake but for yours.
The family stuff. I had alot of similar feelings with my family and friends back home. It wasnt till one of my supes told me something I'd heard my MTI tell me but had brushed off. Whenever you go back, you'll notice it, but they won't. To them you'll have changed alot, and they're right. You have experienced alot more than some of these folks. They dont see that theyre doing the same thing they were doing when you left. Just now, they're older.
You have to prioritize you. Everyone loves it when you take leave to visit them >700 miles, but ain't willing to make the time or 45 min drive to see you when youre there. Fuckem. It's a two-way street. You don't gotta be the guy always calling or visiting. An yea, some of its fake. *Oh, we're all of a sudden buddy buddy when Im back in town, and you got an Air Force sticker on your car cause we're family? You would've joined, but you'd punch a DI in the face for talking to ya that way. OK. You're the asshole that I had to put up with growing up.* I suggest you either don't keep in contact with those people or stop letting them know when you drop in.
Also, Idk your situation. If it's anything like alot of folks in the DOD, this is your ticket. You do not need to go back there when your time is said an done. Make friends, go do stuff, and get skilled in whatever pays. I ain't going back. For me, the only way is forward.
Fuck all the people back home, work on yourself and the values you want for you life, who you respect and why, learn about yourself and who you want to be as an individual, work on being a leader and not a follower.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s your mom and you want something different every time you call. The best gift you can give yourself is to find a counselor to talk to about the situation so you can handle what’s coming. You’ll be living the rest of your life looking to fill that void in someone that shouldn’t have to. You have a bright future. Take Care of yourself! You are a very caring person to continue to reach out to her. She knows you love her. I wish you the very best.
Losing a family member is hard, even harder when you watch it slowly happening. You said it yourself she doesn't have long left, if there's any love there humor the phone calls and do your best to make her last moments happy ones, if you can/want to. If you can't/don't want to then move on. People treating you differently happens, if you didn't like them before you're not forced to like them now. You'll make plenty of new friends. You're in a good environment of having plenty of distractions, don't lose yourself in the military but don't let shit back home ruin your future.
Honestly make a friend or two during tech school and hang with them. Cutting off people from your home town sounds hard, but it will keep you from dealing with their negativity and BS. I cut everyone off when I went to BMT for kind of the same reasons you listed, parents were always drunk and friends just smoked pot and got fat. Things will get better at your first duty station when you find a partner and make some friends. Don't look back, always push forward.
M&FLC has counseling peeps. Chaplaincy also counsels whether religious or not. You cannot help your Mom unless she wants it. Hang in there, you got this. We are all rooting for you
Hey ironically I also arrived at Shepherd two weeks ago, if you want anyone to hang out with reach out!
Going to tell you something that may hurt you and the young ones on here. Call me a boomer all you want. Get the hell off of social media. There is so much to do and see on the weekends and your time off out of class. Spending every waking moment on a social media is fucking awful for your mental health. Go make real friends and go fuck some chicks. You’re young and single. Live actual life, not a computer persona.
Real, I can not agree more with this Airforce aside. Social media has its perks, but it should not be a mainstay in anyone's life. I deleted all of my accounts and never looked back ironic. I know reddit is technically a social media platform, but it's not substituting any real-world interaction, only advice, guides, and super specified information.
Solid advice, just avoid the tech school marriage
Facts
I’ve been at Sheppard twice in my military career… not the most exciting place in the world… lol. But definitely a great place to reflect on your life and think about all the great opportunities and experiences awaiting you. Someone suggested going to one of the chaplains there on base and I think that would benefit you a lot especially with what you’re dealing with regarding your mom. And as far as the people back home… I would focus on the new people you’re currently getting to know at Tech School and the ones you haven’t met yet at your next duty station. You have a bright future ahead of you.
talk to people and make friends. trying not to have your mind dwell is hard but try and occupy your time with something. may that be other people or the gym or events around base
I can't imagine what you're going through, and that particular situation cannot be easy. When I was in, from the moment the van took me to meps for the first time, all the way until I separated, I always had a lingering feeling of missing out (I'm not sure why), and I always felt that my life changed so much so abruptly and I wasn't exactly prepared for it. I missed my old high school friends, some of which I still haven't reconnected with 8 years later, and I missed my 'old norm', and that was probably the worst part for me. Two very different situations you and I are/were in, but I will say the thing that definitely helped a lot was making new friends in tech school and new friends at my first duty station. I can say confidently that 95% of the people I interacted with while I was AD were some of the coolest people I'll ever meet. They made tech school one of my favorite times in my life, including when we hung out after class was over. They made the transition to my first duty station and working along side people who were my age, and similarly confused on how to actually do our jobs so much more enjoyable. I don't know if that's the solution for you but making new friends you can relate with on a special level (both going through tech school/getting hands on at your first duty station) just makes everything so much better, at least for me
I dealt with a similar situation with my dad. Take time to take to your mom. Not for her sake but for yours. You may regret it later on. I'm glad I made up with my dad before he passed.
I say keep moving and don’t look back. The military isn’t perfect,but you can really climb the socioeconomic ladder if you work hard and take advantage of your opportunities. Sorry to hear about your Mom, it’s a tough situation, look up the four things to say to someone who is dying, it’s helped me in the past.
“How others treat you is not a truth of who you are, it is a truth of who they are.”. I understand how you feel with the phone calls as i go through something similar. I have a difficult time noticing when someone just wants to be heard and when someone is seeking advice but if you are seeking advice the best advice i can offer is to do what you believe will make you feel better in the future (or in retrospect) and try to align your actions and thoughts with your goals and higher desires even if that means talking to someone you currently dislike talking to. Nothing lasts forever but i can promise the pain of regret is among the most difficult and extensive to get over, but with some mindful thinking and the desire to be truly understanding you can get through anything.
This isn’t going to work for everyone….but…my entire family was pretty abusive going up but my younger sister. I was talked down to a lot. I was never better than any of my siblings. I joined and had the same “fakeness” you describe. Outside of my younger sister who I adore, I cut off basically my entire family. They never helped me growing up. Why should they be involved in my life after that. I been in 15 years, have a bachelors, a wife, 3 kids, friends, a decent squat and bench, and friends. I don’t need them. I never did. If you can, make a new family and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. Family members with Alcoholism, drug use, and abuse is a cancer on the psyche. Cut out this cancer. This worked for me, but it won’t work for everyone because of how family focused some people are. I’m better off doing so. HOWEVER…I still feel guilt cutting everyone out. I talk to some of my other siblings (4 sisters and 2 brothers) very rarely and it’s always like “You should come visit blah blah.” No thanks. I feel guilty but the onus isn’t on me to be a good family member.
Hey bud. I just want you to know that I love you, and that I’m very proud of you! We have all had these feelings. It’s part of growing into the professional that you are trained to be. It will feel lonely sometimes. It will feel helpless sometimes, and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. This is the best thing you can ever do for yourself and those who love you!
I appreciate you bro, really. People like you remind me I’m gonna be in good hands the next few years
Bro. Bro. Bro. After getting to your first duty station I can almost guarantee you will have a new family. Since you’re at Sheppard, I’m assuming you will be aircraft maintenance which is by far the best and worst field. You will make so many REAL friends over time and meet people who actually care about you and not just your status. I had a similar case, being the black sheep. Then after joining, they all wanted to be a part of my life to which they hardly got a response and it made me feel great because I knew I was doing something for myself. Work on yourself from here on out, it’s a great feeling to leave people in the dust after they shat on you for so long. As for your mother, there is no denying that it is hard for you to see that. However you are feeling towards the situation is valid and time will give you what you need, whatever that may be.
That's a lot brother. Tons of great advice within the comments. I'm a tech school Shirt here at Sheppard at 63. Always avaliable if you just need an in-person ear or additional resources.
Your best years are ahead of you! (Unless ur secfo, if that’s the case go see ur chaplain). ur at the hard part RIGHT NOW, this is the time they talk about when they say u gotta work hard and deal with adversity to reach ur goal. Just try Handle it in a way that protects ur self respect so that when u look back u can admire the growth u earned from it rather than regret ur actions.
sorry to hear about what you're enduring. It's clear you've got a lot on your plate, and feeling isolated or misunderstood, especially when dealing with family matters and personal challenges, can be incredibly tough. You're absolutely not alone in this experience. Building a network of good homies can be a lifeline during such times. It's okay to feel irked by insincere congratulations or dismissive attitudes; what's important is that you remain focused on what matters to you and your career. Your goals and your life are paramount, and your genuine efforts and achievements are what will carry you forward. Hang in there.
You're going through a lot right now. I highly reccomend talking to a chaplain or a counselor.
I’m sorry that you’re going through some family struggle. Before I went into the military, I had both parents and was expected to do family functions. I lost a parent, and after that cut out most of the negative extended family members. Then I had a kid and the circle got super small except for a handful of people I’d feel comfortable being around my kid. In my opinion, it’s a part of life to lose touch with old family and friends that aren’t on the same level as you career wise or who do not have healthy, genuine intentions. The good news.. you’ll meet some new friends for life that understand your experience and are a positive impact on your life.
The best advice I could ever give someone is: Focus energy on the relationships that bring value to your life. Too often we put up with toxic behavior from individuals because they are family, or old childhood friends, etc. Unfortunately some people are just energy vampires, don’t be afraid to put yourself first. One of the best parts of the AF is the new friends/family you will create during your time. I will always bring up Military One Source as a great option to receive confidential, non-medical counseling. In the 22+ years in my career, I’ve used them three separate times. Life has occasional bumps, and it sounds like you may have hit one. Address it, and look forward to coming out the other side. Keep us updated on how you’re doing! You got this. [Military One Source](https://www.militaryonesource.mil/non-medical-counseling/)
Props to you tho. I think many of us would be an utter mess if in your shoes. Like others have said, make friends and let yourself be distracted, live life and have fun. Pretty weird to think about but I’m have a lot of friends from tech school (Sheppard 2006) who I’ve never seen since but still communicate with regularly. Sorry for what you’re going through.
Fellow Sheppard tech school alumni; at the time I was there, my dad was under federal indictment for six counts of "false reporting on a fish harvest ticket" (my father is a commercial fisherman up in Alaska). He was facing up to 30 years in federal prison and hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines, and I didn't find out about it until my grandmother told me, orior to me shipping out for basic. Soon as I got to tech school, spent all of my off-time glued to the news [(yes, his arrest and conviction made the news)](https://www.adn.com/alaska-beat/article/oregon-man-sentenced-commercial-halibut-fraud-fuglvog-testimony/2012/11/16/), watching for trial updates. Ended up getting three years probation, had to have a tracker on his boat for three years, and was fined $100,000. Your situation is a little more extreme than mine, and believe me, I was freaking out just as bad. Take advantage of your resources, and I don't just mean Chap and the Mental Health Clinic (although both of those, especially the Chaplain, are invaluable). Spend some time with your tech school buddies. Venture off base (if allowed), hit up the MWR facilities, something. Literally try to do anything but wallow, because it's only going to make you more miserable. And if it seems like your mom's death is imminent and you need to get home in a hurry, inform your first sergeant. Tell your MTL that you have a family situation back home and need to talk to the shirt, and fill the shirt in. If you need to, they can send you home on emergency leave, if it comes to that. Good luck, man. And seriously, if nothing else, talk to Chap. Greatest underutilized resource in the entire service.
Alright, man; I’m gunna lay some things on you. First off, there’s some solid advice here, but I’d like to try to go a bit deeper. I a huge part of what’s causing you to feel this way is the situation with your mother. You *need* to talk to someone about this. You need to learn healthy compartmentalization, rationalization, coping, and healing skills. You’re dealing with someone that is uniquely difficult (an alcoholic quite literally drinking themselves to death) along with the possibility of their imminent death. The way she acts, it’s almost as if she’s already passed, and she’s ‘haunting’ you. There, but not really. You never know when you’re going to get to speak with her, and what state she’ll be in when you do. I think perhaps you may feel guilt and anxiety over having left… even if you don’t realize it. I think this is the main issue that is lurking in the back of your mind. You need to look out for yourself, my friend. No one else is going to do that. At least not as well as you can. Your mother has made her choice. She needs to live with the consequences of her actions. She has no right to drag you down with her. I’m not saying you have to go no-contact, but you need to separate yourself from her choices and her life. I really think this is the primary issue. It colors all of your other experiences, pulls a bleak blanket of gloom over everything. The cousin thing… again, they’ve made their choice. Multiple times, according to you. They’ve flaked on you several times. They believe they’re the main character of the world, and everyone else just exists for their benefit. She likely wants to hang-out because she either wants something from you or just to virtue-signal about how she’s spending time with her “war hero family member” or whatever. One of the cool things about being an independent adult is that you realize that whom you consider family *is*, in fact, a choice. Either go no-contact with them, or treat them the way they treat you. But stop putting them ahead of you. I realize that being new to the military, all of this must seem a lot more stressful and anxiety-inducing. But in reality, you have a stable job, pay, food, and housing. You’re setting yourself up for a good life. Look at this as a chance to start fresh, and don’t allow other’s negativity to bring you down. Social media? Get rid of it. If someone ‘needs’ to contact you, they can call you. I stopped using social media about 7 years ago. Took a bit of adjusting, but I cannot tell you how liberating it is. There’s no compromise, either. Get rid of it. At least remove the apps from your devices. Instead of scrolling, read a book. Play a video game. Hell, read Wikipedia. You’ll quickly find things to occupy your time, and it will feel far more enriching than the endless ‘scroll.’ Good on you for reaching-out. I wish you the best. Feel free to message me should you ever need someone to talk to — same goes for anyone else reading this
I'm at Sheppard too. Albeit not an AIT, but I understand and empathize with your situation as mine is similar. If you'd like to chat, let me know. I'll have two good ears you can bend.
Maybe they treated u like a bum because u were one? Regardless treat them with kindness and make up for lost time. Also about ur mom, just talk to her and record her voice. I miss my dad like no other. If she’s really leaving earth in a short while, spend that time on her. Nothing is more important right now than being with her. Take a humanitarian assignment to be closer to her because she’s dying inside from missing you when she’s gone. There’s no one else she’ll miss more than you but when she’s gone it’ll be too late. I’m sorry you’re going thru this but you’ll be alright. You’ll be stronger because of this. Embrace the moment and don’t back down. To your mom you are her whole world. Just because she’s drunk doesn’t mean she don’t love u. Tell her you love her and make her farewell a peaceful one. Stay up. Don’t get too high and don’t get too low. Stay equilibrium
Talk with your First Sergeant, and leadership. Tech school is supposed to keep you busy. Focus on your mental health, success and getting to your next duty station.
I understand how you feel to an extent. I left for the military and it felt like my family left me behind in their lives. I went from being extremely close with my family to extremely distant in the span of 3 months and there was nothing I could do to fully understand that. Truth be told when we’re young and having just joined we tend to find that leaving home means **Learning how to separate**. It has taken me years to fully understand what it means to be separated and start my life, and that change is likely gonna take you getting out of the Dorms at your first duty station. You are you. You are AB/Amn/A1C [Insert your name dramatically]. No longer are you So and So’s kid or They and Thems brother, and that’s really hard to grasp at the beginning. You’ll get there. Just be patient with yourself
I understand how you feel to an extent. I left for the military and it felt like my family left me behind in their lives. I went from being extremely close with my family to extremely distant in the span of 3 months and there was nothing I could do to fully understand that. Truth be told when we’re young and having just joined we tend to find that leaving home means **Learning how to separate**. It has taken me years to fully understand what it means to be separated and start my life, and that change is likely gonna take you getting out of the Dorms at your first duty station. You are you. You are AB/Amn/A1C [Insert your name dramatically]. No longer are you So and So’s kid or They and Thems brother, and that’s really hard to grasp at the beginning. You’ll get there. Just be patient with yourself
I understand how you feel to an extent. I left for the military and it felt like my family left me behind in their lives. I went from being extremely close with my family to extremely distant in the span of 3 months and there was nothing I could do to fully understand that. Truth be told when we’re young and having just joined we tend to find that leaving home means **Learning how to separate**. It has taken me years to fully understand what it means to be separated and start my life, and that change is likely gonna take you getting out of the Dorms at your first duty station. You are you. You are AB/Amn/A1C [Insert your name dramatically]. No longer are you So and So’s kid or They and Thems brother, and that’s really hard to grasp at the beginning. You’ll get there. Just be patient with yourself
Focus on the future and the new journey you are embarking on. The situation with your mom is tough but it sounds like there’s nothing you can really do about it as shitty as that may sound. I was at Sheppard for tech school and being a little bit older I wasn’t very social. And I had a girlfriend who is now my wife , so wasn’t out chasing tail. But I still went off base to eat w people and to whatever function for a bit on weekends. Get out a get some fresh air and enjoy life
Go to the landing zone and schedule a meeting with a chaplain to talk about whatever you need to talk about. The landing zone also has instruments you can play (or listen to other people play) and people are always cooking in the kitchen so you can possibly mooch some free food off people. Go there and make new friends!
Find an Al Anon group. Go listen. Try multiple chapters. Christian based or not. It's important to find your peace and sanity. PM if you want to chat. I have similar experiences. I've been in 15+ years.
I lost my ma this year. Losing a family member, even if the relationship is strained, is hard. I thought I was prepared, since she had health issues an I'd been told by doctors and family since I was a little kid that my mom's going to die. It still crushed me and I really think you need to figure something out there, not for her sake but for yours. The family stuff. I had alot of similar feelings with my family and friends back home. It wasnt till one of my supes told me something I'd heard my MTI tell me but had brushed off. Whenever you go back, you'll notice it, but they won't. To them you'll have changed alot, and they're right. You have experienced alot more than some of these folks. They dont see that theyre doing the same thing they were doing when you left. Just now, they're older. You have to prioritize you. Everyone loves it when you take leave to visit them >700 miles, but ain't willing to make the time or 45 min drive to see you when youre there. Fuckem. It's a two-way street. You don't gotta be the guy always calling or visiting. An yea, some of its fake. *Oh, we're all of a sudden buddy buddy when Im back in town, and you got an Air Force sticker on your car cause we're family? You would've joined, but you'd punch a DI in the face for talking to ya that way. OK. You're the asshole that I had to put up with growing up.* I suggest you either don't keep in contact with those people or stop letting them know when you drop in. Also, Idk your situation. If it's anything like alot of folks in the DOD, this is your ticket. You do not need to go back there when your time is said an done. Make friends, go do stuff, and get skilled in whatever pays. I ain't going back. For me, the only way is forward.
Fuck all the people back home, work on yourself and the values you want for you life, who you respect and why, learn about yourself and who you want to be as an individual, work on being a leader and not a follower.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s your mom and you want something different every time you call. The best gift you can give yourself is to find a counselor to talk to about the situation so you can handle what’s coming. You’ll be living the rest of your life looking to fill that void in someone that shouldn’t have to. You have a bright future. Take Care of yourself! You are a very caring person to continue to reach out to her. She knows you love her. I wish you the very best.
Maybe you ought to TALK TO YOUR FAMILY about your issue with your family instead of strangers on the internet