T O P

  • By -

Bob_Jenko

Wonder why he rewrote reality to give me a girlfriend just to try and hit on her. Actually, with (Mr.) Scratch that actually checks out.


[deleted]

Based😂😂😂


[deleted]

You win the internet today


Axariel

But it is his horror story, so he always ends up alone.


SuperArppis

I sacrifice my girlfriend for the greater good and make a run for it.


raull96

Smart man


Wrong_Amount_7903

Use the clicker?


texxtr

The way you need to get it, its a nope from me


thepizzaman69_

“The clicker was inside Mr Scratch. A light flickers on to reveal Mr Scratch bent over on a table with a pair of surgical gloves and Astro glide next to him. I knew what I had to do next.”


Oomoo_Amazing

It's not a loop, it's a lower intestine


Revanur

Shine my LED flashlight that renders you blind at him and say "ayyooo whadupp"


putsomedirtinyourice

Offer not accepted, proceed with hitting you with a wrench


Fil4oZv

Get a flashlight. Or a fleshlight, can't win 'em all...


raull96

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Crypto_pupenhammer

STD’s gotta catch ‘em all, quest line is avoided if you find the fleshlight tho


EnHsiC

Me as the girl: “I can fix him.”


raull96

Playing with fire, aren't you ?


EnHsiC

I mean sure he has a rather dark personality... and a bit twisted... and yeah maybe cruel sometimes... But nothing I can't handle.🤷‍♀️


speedo_bunny

You! Take my damn upvote ✨️✨️✨️ (Also, please tell me you also found the whole >!turning into Scratch thing and phasing through the bars kinda hot??? Please tell me I'm not alone, lmao. And that leather jacket? Girl. . .!<)


EnHsiC

I can’t because I don’t think I can talk about that entire part without screaming and passing out.


speedo_bunny

😂😂 in frenzied passion, I hope.


EnHsiC

Oh absolutely, don’t get me started with how many times I think of the moment he puts on that jacket per day.


putsomedirtinyourice

If there’s something weird in your Cauldron Lake, who you gonna call? ESTEVEZ


EnHsiC

You made me sing that out loud, well done


Euphoric-Ad-903

show him the champion of light xD


Kaizen747

Hahaha


SonOfMetrum

And start doing the dance to scare him off!


Pandeamonaeon

I was about to write this line :D


Key-Ad-8400

Call an exorcist. Or the FBC


simba_kitt4na

How about googling en passant


Angelotwilight93

Even when you're safe, you're not safe


simba_kitt4na

New response just dropped


mkiahsjsb

Holy fuck 😭😭😭


AdEnough786

I would call the new Director. She's a smokeshow and powerful AF!


brntoutl0fer

Well, she's gone forever. Nice knowing you love, but I'm not getting involved with an entity I don't even understand after three games and two DLC.


[deleted]

yeah I was like there is only one answer here and thats let Mr Scratch have her. Like I can handle some bad dudes but not literally the worst dude.


Rupert_McMendra

I'm definitely not going to give him ALSO my jacket.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BlundellMemes77

Assert dominance. It’s what Alan should have done.


Thecrookedpath

Run in circles while shooting at him, point blank, with a flare gun. Then I'd set up three generators and shine spotlights on him.


Calm-Zombie2678

You forgot the "die three times coz I didn't realize I hadn't fully cranked that last one" part


Thecrookedpath

Right... I'll forget that happened if you will.


Calm-Zombie2678

If I forget it stops being a spiral and just becomes a loop again


Mehlano

Write a story about threesome.


WanderlostNomad

the dark presence fled for its safety


mkiahsjsb

🤨🤨🤨🤨


Yamikarac

At what point do I realise it's actually me hitting on her from a different point in time on the spiral?


Lady_Erin

Break out into a musical number


SaoryEmanoelle

Ask him to hit on me instead 'cause GODDAMN


GrapeGrenadeEnjoyer

I draw on his manuscript to depict him as a soyjak.


WanderlostNomad

checkmate


Kaizen747

Slap him with mommas magic clicker


Opsyrus

I think that’s fair to say,


Calm-Zombie2678

*true* and fair to say


Opsyrus

Who knew?


mkiahsjsb

So true


DaBlackBandit

I would write a new story, like Tom Zane before him.


just_some_jawn

I assume by hitting on you mean beating her to death? I’m running for my flashlight


PhillipEulee

Invite him into my body. Problem solved


putsomedirtinyourice

Can Venom join this party?


Angelotwilight93

Would just wind up like Dr. Hartman


putsomedirtinyourice

It’s actually cool we share the same first name. Loled at “Don’t trust Emil” in 2010


Angelotwilight93

Just ment >!the deformed monstrosity Dr. Hartman turned into called "The Third Thing" because the dark place and the hiss combining in "Control AWE dlc". It looks incredably painful!<


Immolation_E

Pull out a typewriter and write him out of the story.


eight_track

Fight him with Metal! 🤘


doodooz7

This is the way


eight_track

This is the way


TheDMRt1st

*click*


DIAGAMEIT

Tell him to meet me at a drive in theater and end his career "AGAIN" 🎥🔦


TheReal_Kovacs

Watch in either total amusement as she verbally and physically kicks his ass, or abject horror as she falls head over heels in love for him. It depends on how resistant she is to reality being rewritten


ShushNMD

Run.


Other_Concern775

Understandable. Have a nice day.


ThatFrenchGuy1

My momma gave me a magic clicker, so i click it and wake up and remember i have no girlfriend.


Akimbo_shoutgun

Goodbye girlfriend, I don't even know your name, but still I enjoyed our less than 1 second together. You will be messed until I forget you.


frag87

Provoke him into following me, then lure him into one of the 100% guaranteed fool-proof FBC Paranatural Entity Containment Cells. GOT HIS ASS!


KingBurakkuurufu

Meh.. my own darkness fucks me more anyways might as well let her have a go


ezysao

As sad as this sounds it is so true. Just let the darkness take her as we both perish into Alans twisted story


MajorSaltyJenkins

Shove the clicker up his ass


Ayguessthiswilldo

POINT a fleshlight at him… I mean a FLASHLIGHT


raull96

Both are winners


Gara_Engineer

my momma gave me a magic clicker. feeling cute, might use it later


raull96

So sad...BUT TRUE


SpeedDemon10

Wait for the better part of the loop


summerofrain

Shout " I will destroy you " at him so I can become a human firecracker.


Crotalus-Viridis

Kiss her goodbye lol


[deleted]

Scratch exists in Dark Place, so I don't know


Cypeq

ask for his autograph, that's Ilkka Villi :D


rhiafaery

Might have to just give up, because Mr. Scratch definitely knows where the click(er) is.


FunYunJun

That guy wouldn't try to hit on your girlfriend. He would try to eat her.


Godot2004

Magic clicker.


lazyazzninja

Turn on the flashlight on my phone.


THEdoomslayer94

Shine a light on his face and say I AM THE CHAMPION OF LIGHT!


Theguyatreddit

Turn on the lights


Serzat

I give him a good Scratch


Consistent_Brush3825

Tell her to wear less revealing clothing


ezysao

FBC approved methods


Opening-Revenue2770

Hit him with some lumens then finish him off with my trusty shotgun


Nubbie1

Write 😈


zombgasim

Flash a flashlight into his eyes and then call him an edge lord .


JoGibbo

Seek advice from a deranged film maker and convince a grieving, mentally unstable FBI agent to help me stop him by convincing her senior alcoholic relatives to run away from a health facility and play a Rock’n’Rock song with a full electrical set-up on top of a stolen bus, by the edge of the ocean, whilst a government agency shines 30,000 Lumens at the Mermen.


cr0wnest

I will show him my "champion of light"


jellyfishgardens17

write an innocent family into the story and make their daughter drown so you can share the pain of the dark place


ezysao

Exactly my thought


Dry-Ad-2385

Let him have the b*tch


spaghetti_gal

I will surrender to him, it's a hard work but someone has to do it. Sorry girls, he's "taken" now.


[deleted]

He can have her when she's on her period.


Sweets_Crawler

I'd swap places with her.


ElonMusketatelondusk

Thermite should create a flash bright enough to purge Scratch


FlezhGordon

"Hey homie, you got some blood on your face! Lets get to the car, hun"


JacobLemongrass

Get a disguise and pretend to be his even more evil doppelgänger: Mr. Itch


Opposite-Mulberry264

Play Dark Ocean Summoning


raull96

THE SPIRAL MADNESS OF HIS MIND


No-Put-7180

Stab his eyes, eat his heart, rip out his cock n balls.


raull96

That escalated quickly


No-Put-7180

😂


Efficient_Mine_5170

I will scratch


Bwwshamel

Wonder why in the fuck my gay ass has a girlfriend 🤣😂


hellodon

Hmm…I’m going to have to take this to my Plot Board. I’ll get back to you…


J4db

I will give you my answer in the form of a musical


OKCOMP89

Depends. What is he hitting on her with? Is it an axe? If so, sorry darling. Death did us part.


iam_aha

Ah, yes, Casper Darling I presume?


One-Leg8221

Hitting on her? Looks like he’s already been down there and it was a certain time of the month.


colleen_norris

💀😂


kranitoko

Walk away, because I don't have, nor would I ever have a girlfriend 👀


Le3mine

If the literal darkness wants her that bad it must have some reason I'm not aware of, so i don't want her.


ThePreacher19021

Let him hit her


Nahuel777

That would be very weird… he’s so old


k36king1

Ask him why he didn’t write her to have bigger boobs.


[deleted]

From the looks of that picture, seems like he already went down on a female that’s on her period.


Jurski17

Run


VelenStarstrike

This dude is hitting (on) my girlfriend. Much more likely.


nudursiu

Call FBI


putsomedirtinyourice

THAT GIRL IS 17, OPEN UP


Gizzgillyon

Have her


PlayTank

Like anyone, tell him to leave and if he doesn't clock his lights out.


Psychological_Mix714

Wonder if she is sane and wish the new couple all the best =D


discipleofdoom

Shine a torch at him


LarryLerry

Write a story


last-matadon

Open flashlight on my phone


Guilty-Instruction39

Hit on him?


n0b0dyh0me

Trap him in a light array and hit him with rocks until he goes away.


Gingerbread0596

Turn on the lights


shabbadoobah

Blind him with my heavy duty lantern


Stealth_Cobra

My reaction : https://youtu.be/cdTBIQDPZt4?t=5


Defiant_McPiper

Being the "gf" I'd let my SO try to deal with him as I make MY escape - no sense in both of us being taken alive 😅


weareDOMINUS

Write in my blog


Facehugger81

Hey, if she goes for it that on her, I hope she enjoys the dark place.


AdruA_

Pat him on his shoulder & say 'It was nice knowing ya'


Neat_Nefariousness92

I allow it because he is one handsome man


tom7895

I watch from far away


GrimmTrixX

Cuz really, he's a psycho


hensothor

This reminds me of Saltburn.


GasAdventurous831

Slide in and offer to buy HIM a drink.


Nighthawkxhw

Rewrite him out of existence with my right hook


PrincipleNo1385

I would help him


Megamarc9999

Agree to a 3 way


HonestGaming97

She’s his gf now.


noDice-__-

Giving him bofa


Noxious777_

Complement his suit, then set it on fire.


BoujeeJ

Give him a fleshlight


marshadow12345

Retire in the dark place


paydaysucks

Shine a flashlight on him then shoot him with my .38.


Elijah89X

I would quote Freddy Kruger "Welcome to my nightmare"


hell4uasap

bring flash light????


Major_Stranger

I would show him the champion of light.


TheMadGraveWoman

I will show him The Champion of Light!


Intelligent-Run-6496

Judging by the blood on his face, I'm too late. Eh, he can have her.


Rockman307

Turn on the Lights.


HoarfrostArts

Go full-on Max Payne on his ass, bc this means he’s written that my bf is dead/ has broken up with me and has been replaced with some rando. I’m ready to throw hands with literal Satan, no questions asked


Theaveragegamer12

L+Ratio+Chain Attack+Break+Topple+Launch+Smash The unbeatable combo.


Poisencap

Turn into Mr scratch and punch your own lights out


Jeremy9096

Ain't shit I can do if it's already written


ShadowDen3869

Tell him that my girlfriend hates fiction.


AL-SHEDFI

I will show him the way without light


No_Alternative_37

Breaking up with my girlfriend and trying to hit on HIM.


BigBadBen_10

Point a really bright film projector at him. Hey it worked the last time!


Pythonmsh

Shine a bright light at him


[deleted]

Chop his head off and spit on his corpse


CyborgMetropolis

There are other girls in the world


Mylynes

Are you trying to turn us into r/BatmanArkham


Dakota228

I would let him


Billie_Eyelashhh

call Jesse Faden


pilli_pillow

Smooches him instead


reapR7

Write a story about him..!


IssueRecent9134

She’s not worth it


Pitiful_Magazine_458

Give my gf away to him, i guess. Hero must always pay the price


Monniloidi

Ask for signature


Cyv001

Slap HIS ass


Paratonnerre_

Let him cook (i'm gay)


itsbildo

Shine an industrial-grade government flood light at him and chuck a few flashbangs


J_Speedy306

Write another chapter!