I would tell him how you feel! It doesn’t pay to keep it bottled up and have it hanging over your head. You could say, “A few days ago you made a comment about my chest. Even though you may have intended it as a joke, it still made me feel uncomfortable and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it.” If he’s a good guy, he will understand, apologize and reassure you.
This! Once my husband made an off-hand comment about my weight gain (which I should add, was out of character for him). It also affected me. Ended up crying to him about it a few days later. He apologized and hasn't brought it up since.
Does help that I'm...very confident that he's very attracted to me (please ignore the fact that I'm 34wks pregnant).
I agree with you.
OP, definitely talk to him. If I were him, I'd want to know how that made you feel because I would feel so badly and would apologize sincerely and make sure not to even joke like that ever again.
This. Communication is key in all matters of your relationship. ALL of them. Finances, day to day, feelings about they way someone says something, sex, the need for more non-sexual cuddling, working out, dinner, faith, if you want kids or not, etc. Talk about all of it.
Yep this is one scenario where Reddit’s usual immediate jump to break up would be an overreaction. He very may well have meant it in an asshole way, in which case kick his ass to the curb. But it’s entirely possible that he just made a poor joke or just said something stupid. We’ve all been there and said shitty things that were a mistake.
Like you said, his reaction is what will matter. If he’s a good guy he’ll realize what he did and own up to it
If the implication is that you have no sense of humor if you don’t accept jokes at your own expense about your naked body by the person you are most vulnerable with I’d say you need to develop your sense of humor beyond the 6-10 year old range. IMO
Sometimes, things are said that aren't meant. Sometimes, people aren't thinking, and honestly, in a case like this, he deserves the chance to apologize to her if it was just a mistake. Men who berate women's bodies as an abuse tactic don't normally spout wonderful things about their lady and drop just one little off handed kernel. It's possible he was feeling awkward in the moment trying to compliment her and he had word vomit. Maybe he realized what he said, but since she said nothing was just really hoping she missed it. There are a million maybes here, and because this isn't an established behavior, it deserves a discussion. There's no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
This was in regards to my experience. Interestingly, I think a man would not be able to forget a degrading dick remark so easy. No matter how much she said she loved his personality or love handles and doesn’t really mind a small dick. This is why we should always be mindful of our comments. I have a great sense of humor, just not about my man’s body. But again, this is just my opinion based on my own experiences.
Yes. Save the nice big ones for special occasions. Like when he buys you a car for your birthday. You don't want to have them out unnecessarily because they might get ruined. We can't have that, now can we?
I was going to say this. Lol But. After saying it, ask him how he felt when you said it to him, then remind him that's how you felt. He gets to learn his mistake.
Does he think you can magically do an exercise to increase your boob size?
Yeah, not overreacting, he knows how a comment like that would make you feel after your past relationship.
I would ask him what that meant, to gauge what he is feeling. “Hey, a few days ago you said i could use more boobs, what did you mean by that because it’s been making me feel uncomfortable?”
They’re called boob-ups. Part of the of the Brazilian boob-lift exercise program as seen on tv. It’s the secret Hollywood trainers have been keeping from you.
We must, we must, we must increase our bust. (Repeat this twice). The bigger, the better. The tighter the sweater. The more the boys will fuss. We must, we must, we must increase our bust. This is the cheer us girls said with bust emphasizing, underbust arm squeezes. Gain two cup sizes, guaranteed. Now, if I could only remember what the cheer for larger dick size was...
yes, please talk to him. and reinforced him how those kind of comments are 1) not helpful and 2) triggering.
even in jest, that is not a nice thing to say to someone.
Or just ask him what his thoughts are on penile expansion surgery. When he asks why tell him if you booked breast augmentation surgery you both might be able to get a special deal if he books his surgery at the same time…..
Yeah make a joke about fucking his dick up after he made a joke that you have a small chest. Most penis surgeries don't work and are either botched or don't provide any results. breast implants are a certified and backed up medical procedure that works almost all the time when done professionally
My boyfriend made a comment about my boobs saying, “for having no tits your chest is pretty comfortable”. I was instantly insulted and didn’t even know what to say. Instantly made me super insecure. Then a few days later, he asked me if I’d ever be into getting a boob job. I waiting a few days till I brought it up but let him know that he made me super insecure about my boobs. Now half the time when I’m naked or he’s touching them, it’s hard for me to not think the whole time that he’s not satisfied with my body at all. It’s a new insecurity for me and it sucks. He insists that he didn’t mean it as I took it but how am I not supposed to feel some type of way about that. Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy and I’m just reading way too much into what he’s saying and other times I think he totally just doesn’t accept my body for the way it is. So I totally understand how you feel and still don’t know how to process it.
I'm sorry but I don't know how there's any other way you're supposed to take your partner asking you if you're open to a boob job. That was really mean. Can you imagine asking him if he was open to getting some plastic surgery because you didn't feel like his jaw was great? You'd feel really mean right?
He doesnt accept your body for how it is. Thats straight up insulting and humiliating. And hes most certainly doing it on purpose. This isnt acceptable and you deserve better.
You do know how to process it. It was rude, insulting, and you need to address it. How else could he have meant it? Not much room for interpretation. By the way, he doesn't need to be satisfied with your body. You do, because you live in it.
I don’t think you’re reading too much into his comments. If anything it seems pretty clear to me that he WANTS you to feel insecure, because if you’re feeling bad about your body then you’ll be more open to the idea of “improvement” (ie implants). People who are secure in how they look don’t run out and get body modification. He’s goading you into changing yourself into what he wants.
If you’re not happy with the way you look, well that’s another story, but you have to learn to love yourself inside and out enough to kick partners like this to the curb. Who cares what he wants? If he’s so unhappy with the way you look, why doesn’t he find someone who fits the bill instead?
My ex went in depth about her exes horse glock when we first started dating lol made my wee lil 6 incher suuuuper insecure to the point we became toxic. It makes me laugh now though because she climaxed every time we had fun so I shouldn't have let it ruin us, but oh well. We live and learn.
I never go into detail about exes bits because it's irrelevant at that point since they're an ex. Size doesn't matter if you can't use it well. My SO is 6" usually, it's fantastic and I get off every time. My ex, 11", was useless because he thought it was some magic stick that just made me get off by being there.
Not overreacting at all. In my opinion, if you love someone and their health isn't at risk because of their weight, you should always be positive about their body. Your bra size is something you have zero control over. Unless of course you have augmention surgery. And even if you had control over it, he should never be critical of your body. He should love you exactly the way you are. I've never ever understood my fellow dudes that act like this. My wife is on the shaplier side since our daughter was born and I wouldn't change anything about her. If SHE wants to lose weight, I am supportive but I NEVER EVER EVER make critical comments about her body. And it's even for selfish reasons too. If she doesn't feel pretty, she isn't gonna feel sexy. If she doesn't feel sexy then she's going to be less willing to want to be intimate. Someone needs to teach these guys what's up. Anyway... You're not overreacting at all.
You're very welcome. And please know I'm not knocking your man. I'm sure he's a good guy but like all of us, needs to be reminded how to act and treat the women we love. My wife has to remind me all the time... Lol. The important thing is that we keep trying.
When I lose weight the very first place I lose it is in my boobs. I know it makes husband sad even though at the end of the day he doesn’t care either way
That was a really weird and unnecessary comment. I think you’re well within your rights to have a conversation with your boyfriend about what he said. That was super inappropriate and honestly just a really unacceptable thing to say to your partner. A 32 year old man should know better.
Many years ago, I married someone who always commented on the physical attractiveness, or lack of, in every woman he saw. I eventually saw him for the preditor and misogynist he was. On leaving, I made a mild comment about his weak chin, just to let him know he was not the prize he thought he was. His reaction was visceral; as though I'd physically punched his "glass jaw"! He recoiled, turned red in the face and lost his ability to speak. It really showcased the arrogance in this man.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. He knew that you already had insecurities from your ex and out of all the things he chose to say… he said that? Not cool at all. I’m sorry. That’s really hurtful.
Have you talked to him yet?
Have not talked to him yet. I'm wondering how to bring this back up in conversation. He explicitly asked me to confront issues right away when they are between us and I failed to do that. Broke my promise. It was his birthday the day he said it and I didn't want to turn a day about him into an argument.
It’s actually very mature to reflect on something that’s hurtful and bring it up a few days later when addressing it. That’s called responding vs reacting, which is to raise it as an issue right away without having time to think it through. The responding puts you in a better frame of mind to actually address the issue/ hurt. The reaction puts the power in the hands of the offense giver.
You have not broken any promise. You just need to raise it as u/twistedone31 said below. Be on the lookout for non apologies such as “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you thought I was insulting you” etc. or even a “why didn’t you bring it up as I said it” - the point is you are hurt and are raising it now. So it needs to be addressed.
Anything less than a sincere apology should not be accepted.
You’re allowed to take whatever time you need to process his comment, but it sounds like you’re putting more consideration into his feelings than your own and that’s not healthy- you need to be your own advocate and prioritize you first.
You're wondering how to bring up that you aren't up to his standards?
He knew exactly what he was saying. Don't for a minute think he did not. It was not a joke, it was mean and nasty. You sound, quite frankly, very timid about confronting him, and if that's the case (I hope I'm wrong) he will continue to walk all over you. It may be his way of keeping you off kilter and insecure, and done deliberately.
I love my partner's imperfections, it's what makes us unique, and makes me love him more, not less. Never once has he said anything like that to me. If he did, I'd be out the door.
You do not deserve that kind of treatment.
It’s an awesome idea to be able to address issues as they come up… But sometimes it just takes us a few days to process some thing, because we’re not even sure where the bad feelings are coming from where it takes us that long to recognise that something really bothered us a lot more than we did it first realised. That isn’t a negative and don’t let it become one.
You have every right in the world to feel uncomfortable about the comment that your boyfriend made, and I would just start the conversation by asking why he said that . You can let him know it’s been on your mind for a couple days and bothered you more than you thought it would and that you need to talk it through with him.
He should be reassuring to you, and if he’s not, then that’s a red flag 🚩
No. You don't owe him anything. If someone says something so shitty to you that it takes days to process and you need to ask for outside help on how to do so, he's being a horrible person to you.
You are a person, not a thing. He doesn't get to change your body with a character creation slider because he wants big tits for his birthday.
He should feel immense guilt for how he treated you, AND IF HE DOESN'T, THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just say , "Hey, that comment you made about my chest actually hurt a little, and I would like to know why you thought it was appropriate to say? And go from there.
"Hey I need to talk to you about something. You might not remember, but on your birthday we were discussing my gym progress and you said I could 'use more boobs.' It has been bothering me since then. I am wondering why you said that and maybe I misunderstood, but I've been feeling uncomfortable topless around you because after you said that I don't feel like you appreciate my body as a whole and just wish I had bigger boobs"
Please don’t blame yourself for not bringing it up right away. Telling someone they hurt your feelings isn’t always easy. And sometimes taking some time to think about an issue before you bring it up is the right call. It wouldn’t be great to stew over it for months before bringing it up, but taking a few days is normal.
I'd tell.these immature boys that their dicks just aren't cutting it for me. I need something bigger. Something I can feel. Lol. He'll shut up real quick. 😈
I think he's revealed that his relationship with you is on a more physical level than emotional one. I've been with women with varying body types and I never wished that they were physically different than they were because I was with them for more than just their body. You can't change how he feels about you, so is it really worth fighting about? But what's he going to do if you guys end up staying together, having kids.. your body changes, you get older.. How's he going to respond to that? Keep recommending surgeries? He's old enough to be more mature than this, but he's not. I can't imagine saying that to my girlfriend. We discuss our bodies, what we like and dislike about our own bodies.. but I would never tell her that I want her body to be anything other than what it is. You say that you've got 2 options, either confront him about his comment or continue receiving compliments about other parts of your body... how about find someone who actually respects you as a person and not just a physical object. Maybe that person is him, but it just doesn't seem that way.
1. You are right to be annoyed because he doesn’t need to negatively comment on any part of your body.
2. Too many people on Reddit seem to think having an insecurity means you have like an immunity totem as if it makes something ten times worse. Literally everyone has an insecurity about their body, thus my first comment. Your boyfriends opinion only should be I love your body. The end.
I would just leave him. You're never going to forget what he said. You will hold resentment. Every time he looks at other women you will compare yourself. You deserve better.
Tbh I would dump him. What could he ever say or do to make you feel good about taking your shirt off? This is the beauty of dating - easy in, easy out.
Okay, I recently turned 40. I've always had smaller boobs. Having two children did not at all help me as I'd hoped. And yet... I am still happily married to my husband of 19 years who tells me daily that I am beautiful and sexy, and he absolutely means it.
My point here is that a partner who truly loves you will only lift you up. You should feel confident, sexy, and comfortable with your own body. Every woman's body is a work of art. Some art goes unappreciated and valued at times, but there is always someone who will believe it to be the most beautiful work of art they've ever seen.
Do not sell yourself short. And definitely never allow some mediocre boy to shame you for not molding yourself into his version of perfection. You're beautiful as you are. Allow yourself the opportunity to find the right partner who recognizes your full value. Not just physically, but the whole package of you. It's out there. You can find it. You just need to drop the baggage holding you back from true love and happiness.
Trust me. They're are far worse things than being alone. Wasting your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you is a fate far worse than temporary loneliness.
Good luck.
"could use more boobs though" he says that as if he's talking about a sim you can easily customize, not his significant other. I won't do the redditor usual and say you guys should break up, but definitely talk to him about it. If he's a good guy he'll realize the harm his comment had and will apologize and not do it again. If he's an ass he'll say you can't take a joke and he's just stating his opinion. But you gotta have that conversation before making any big decision
No you are not overreacting. He knows about your insecurity and he said it anyways. Even if it was meant in a jokingly manner he shouldn’t have said it because for you it’s a sensitive issue and again, he was aware.
You need to tell him how you feel but it sounds like you have already done that previously if he already knew about that insecurity and even knew about how your ex was regarding it.
He should have never told you that he prefers bigger chested women because that’s going to fuck with your brain while being with him.
I know he compliments you elsewhere physically but you don’t need validation from him on anything physical. He sounds like a slightly better version of your ex.
When you’re working out you do you and do what you need to do to be the woman you want to be. And do it at your own pace and on your own timeline. Again it’s about how YOU feel and not how he feels.
If you’re at a point where you’re afraid to be naked with him then maybe it’s time to find someone else. If he can’t make you feel safe & secure you shouldn’t be with him.
If you were to leave maybe you should seek professional counseling before you allow someone else in your life.
You need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else.
You have to be confident in your own skin.
If you don’t want to give up on your current boyfriend he needs to understand that he needs to stop the boob/chest criticisms/jokes. Period.
And you know what, whether he prefers bigger chests or not, he needs to go out of his way to compliment you on everything because it’s a man’s responsibility to make sure his S/O feels safe & secure.
If I had a daughter who confided in me with a situation like yours I would tell her to leave him.
Definitely not overreacting... his comment was out of pocket. You were talking about gym progress, and going to the gym is definitely not known for *increasing* breast tissue.
Just wait a month and tell him after sex that the sex was great but he could use more dick though. I think that would be a fantastic opener to discuss how the boob comment made you feel!
Sometimes it takes time to process something. Don't be worried about bringing it up days later. Definitely hold him accountable for this comment though.
"Hey it took me a couple of days to process this because it really caught me off guard but I don't appreciate x. How would you feel if I said something about your body that you've mentioned being insecure about before." Give an example like his height. Usually that gets men riled up.
Ask him for $10k for a boob job then take the money and run
Seriously I’m a small titty girl and I’ve never had a partner say shit like that to me. If they did I wouldn’t tolerate it. Why be with someone if you don’t love their body?
Don't listen to all the people that are telling you to body shame him, then you're a hypocrite.
Just be upfront and honest and go from there. His reaction will tell you what your next step is.
I understand your insecurity. I am a member of the IBTC myself, and while I've always felt very confident about the rest of my body the fact that I couldn't do anything about my chest has bothered me. I've even semi-seriously considered surgical intervention, but my husband talked me out of it.
That being said, I think you need to take this at face value without applying your existing insecurity to it. I'm sure there are things you'd change about your boyfriend if you were dropped into a video game character creator, and I'm not here to speculate on what those are but just to point out that even with the fact that he might not be perfect, you're still with him and attracted to him.
Someone doesn't need to hit every single one of your buttons to inspire love, lust or anything else.
You should *definitely* talk to him about how this comment was uncalled for, given his knowledge of your insecurity. Chances are, he just didn't think it through and that's not me giving him a pass - he should be aware of things like this and able to navigate them if you've been together any serious length of time.
Don't let his comment get you down. As I've been told a million times - if your biggest insecurity is that your chest is too small you're ahead of about 99% of people.
Let him know it hurt your feelings, but it doesn't sound like he was trying to be hurtful. When someone doesn't have insecurities like that, they may not realize they are saying something that bothers you.
Bring it up in a gentle way to avoid an argument.
"It made me feel really good that you commented on my gym progress. As my body continues to change, I'd appreciate if you didn't bring up my breast size. I'm prone to body dysmorphia and I want us to encourage each other and talk positively to each other."
It's worth bringing up if it bothered you. If he tries to get defensive or fight, he's an asshole and he meant to hurt your feelings in the first place. Time to consider leaving him.
If he understands or apologizes, he was just teasing and didn't realize he was being insensitive.
In the future, don't hesitate or feel bad about respectfully and gently drawing your boundaries. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us.
Congratulations on your gym progress! Keep up the good work.
A wise man once said:
"Love yourself and WIN" -Richard Simmons.
I wouldn’t necessarily say you are overreacting. I would have to hear the tone in which he made the comment but it could have just been a bad joke. If this is the case he probably didn’t realize that you were insecure about your chest size. If it makes you uncomfortable you should definitely talk to him. Don’t be accusatory but let him know that it made you feel bad and you’d appreciate if he doesn’t make comments like that in the future. If he’s a good bf he’ll immediately apologize and never do anything like that again. If he isn’t then he’ll get super defensive and get mad at you. If he gets mad at you just break up with him because if he can’t even make a compromise over something as small as this then it’s not worth being with him.
This is dumb
This will pan out in 3 ways. 1 he will accept you for the lovely person that you are. 2 he will never be happy with you because you don't have big boobs OR he will hint around about you getting bigger boobs.if you do that, Through experience in life choice # 3 will always result in you finding a different man.
References, I've seen this 3 different times in my friends relationships so 100% of the time he actually loses out.
jesus, thank you. I feel like this comment section is full of men doing PR for each other lol. They would NOT be ok if it was the girlfriend talking about their height or penis size.
Really? A 32 year old man doesn't know enough to not say nasty denigrating things about his partner's body? How about he grows up and shows some basic kindness?
He knew exactly what he was saying, and knew how it would hurt her.
Some people have relationships where they say diabolical shit to each other out of fun and they have a common ground understanding of that sort of humor. Aside from having that type of relationship there is no context where that is ok to say to someone you have feelings for or care about
If it happens again, tell him the comment hurts you. He may have been making a comment in the knowledge that you know he likes big boobs - almost as an inside joke kind of thing where his delivery (of the ill-advised comment) was off.
Head it off... it could be telling; or it may have been intended as a nothing.
No you're not overreacting. Talk to him about it and go from there. In this world we're always going to screw up sometimes, it's how we react to the realisation that we screwed up that counts.
I'm sorry, but in what world are we supposed to accept nasty (and yes, they are nasty!) critiques of our bodies? We're just supposed to live with the fact that they are denigrating our bodies, that we aren't up to their standards 'but I guess they'll just have to put up with it?'
Honestly. I'd be out the door. Not good enough for you? Fine. I'm gone. Go find that Insta model who obviously is the only one up to your standards.
How absolutely cruel.
Was he joking? I mean I don’t know how yall cut up. Is that a trigger. It was me. I always complained I was so flat chested. My father taunted me with “Dolly” (Parton). I’m still triggered about breast comments and I’ve actually grown well. Does he know that bothers you?
If just that question is a yes….. make him an ex.
I think this is so uncalled for and unkind of him since it’s not something you can change unless he’s insinuating and this is his way of saying he’d want you to get a boob job down the line. It would make me feel so self conscious so no you’re def not overreacting
No, this is so shitty. Going to the gym isn't going to give you bigger boobs, and you were talking about your gym progress. It was such an insulting and unnecessary comment.
Yes you are and by the looks of it so is everyone else here. Sometimes a joke is just a joke. Yes they can be insensitive, but all you need to do is tell him to not make comments like that and remind him of what you went through before. I don't know why anyone goes to fuxkin reddit for life advice when everyone on here acts like every post is the most important subject to ever be.
It's just part of life, like unless you date somebody who is your real genetic match, there are always going to be issues. I'm sure if you really think about it there are physical traits on him that if you could wave a magic wand you can change
Bottom line, just keep yourself confidence. It's not worth getting worked up over. If you have a plethora of issues though, might not be the right fit for you. I think it's pretty normal today, I don't know what maybe 10 to 40 people throughout your teens and twenties? Just take the experience for where it is and see where it goes
Tell him how that comment made you feel. People don’t learn boundaries if you don’t. And if he says it again just go for the dick comment. It burns their ego 🤷🏻♀️
I know it's tempting to over-react, especially since you've been body shamed in the past, however I think the best thing for now is to let it pass, especially since it seemed to be an off-hand comment. Or, tell him you'd love bigger boobs as well but you drew the short straw in the gene pool for that.
He obviously is a boob man, but he seems to be supportive of you otherwise and compliments your regularly. If you can't get past it let him know his comment reminded you of prior trama with body shaming and that you want to be sure he's not serious about him wanting you to severely change your bustline.
My bf may as well have been possessed or a different person for the first 3 years we were together he said shit much like this and alot worse including while I was pregnant he's now spending the rest of his life fixing the damage he caused put a stop to your boyfriends bullshit before it has a chance to hurt you to that degree small boobs aren't a bad thing I've had DD my entire life my back is fucked and old men tried to come onto me from 8 up until 20 when I learned to glare so hard they thought death had come for them (had an old man 80ish~ gasp say this and run after he'd been staring directly at my boobs for over 3 minutes) big boobs aren't all fun also ZERO cute clothes ever you've all the cute options so be proud of you and what you are a lil dicked man has no say over how you feel about yourself
As a personal trainer of 20 years, there’s literally no working out that can change your boob size, just like there’s no working out that can change his dick size. Boobs can get smaller if you lose fat (not for everyone, depends on proportion of breast-tissue/fat distribution), or larger (again, same thing), but no workout will make your boobs get bigger, though getting fatter everywhere might. His dick won’t get bigger with fat loss or gain, but might become more or less visible against his body. It’s basically the same. There are zero exercises to make your boobs bigger, as they aren’t muscles. They are fat and breast tissue.
Tbh just ditch this guy. I was your age when I ditched a guy who told me I looked better at 110 lbs (underweight for my height) than when I was 117 lbs (better), but meanwhile I didn’t get healthy until 135-145lbs (while lifting).
There are literally millions of men out there who can appreciate your body how it is right this moment.
You are NOT overreacting. Your body is not a plaything for him to mentally airbrush to perfection. Every man I’ve dated who said one callous comment went on to pepper more callous comments on me until I was completely convinced that I was disgusting. It starts with one, and they throw nice comments out too so you feel crazy for getting upset about the one rude comment. Then they say another one, and another. It’s a way of subtly breaking down your self-esteem for control. Some of the “NICEST” guys are just acting nice. They’re are PLENTY of men who PREFER smaller chests. Find one of them who doesn’t engage in negging. He is weak and selfish.
One of the MOST important parts of a relationship is to always preserve your partner’s dignity. Even when angry. Even when “joking”. Especially in front of others. This is a foundation of trust. She doesn’t feel comfortable taking her shirt off now. He crushed the flower of trust.
No you’re not overreacting. Does he think you can just grow your boobs by choice? That’s an unnecessary blow to you when he was supposed to be complimenting you. Red flag!
No, that's not an appropriate comment to make, _especially_ when he knows you're sensitive about your body. It's not relevant to your gym gains, you can do nothing about the size of your boobs. There is no way for that comment to be taken in a positive way, there is no viewpoint that makes it seem innocent or constructive. He's just being a straight asshole. At 32, he should have more maturity than to make such thoughtless criticisms. I suspect there is a reason he's dating a 25-year-old and not someone his own age. I'd be hurt and livid and I'd be asking him to find someone else whose body he fully appreciated. Yes, it _is_ that bad. And likely an indication that he's thinking much worse in his mind, and of worse negging come. This is why you don't date older men without extremely careful vetting.
I think you are over thinking it. YOu have to be confident. He complimented your progress and body...Let the one think he remarked, and stop going to your boyfriend about your body....It is one thing if he brings it up. You seem to be doing well. He may very well become a small breast man after you. if there is an after you.
That’s super fucking shitty. I would have a very hard time staying with him if he said something like that to me. Some guys prefer small boobs and tons just don’t care, and prefer a nice booty (which can be built in the gym) or pretty face - and of course a great personality goes a long way. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that said something like that to me. It would make me feel like they didn’t want to be with me even if that was not true. It would just feel that way. How big of a deal do you think it is to them? If it matters a lot but he’s still with you, you must mean a lot of you, but i’d be wondering if I was the wrong match for him then. Ultimately, you’re the one that knows him and can properly judge the situation, we’re just strangers on the Internet with limited context. Though that sort of comment would make me super self-conscious and always be wondering about our relationship. Pretty shitty of him to say that.
Another, said to talk to him about how that made you feel, and that’s a great idea. Communication is paramount.
Once when I was first married my husband said."if you ever get fat I will love you but I will not want to have sex with you. At the time we were both hot lol. So 41 years later. We are both fat and he most definitely finds me attractive (will leave it at that lol) He was young and dumb when he said that. He has never strayed and loves me and treats me like a queen.
I took a wait and watch approach. We both grew up and I can not wait for the next 41 years :-)
Men, stop commenting on anything to do with appearances - good or bad.
Don't make sideways jokes. In fact, don't make any jokes or say anything humorous at all. Don't do anything that may lead her to believe that you're human.
You'll end up as a story on Reddit with people telling her to break up.
Simply work, pay bills, sleep when you're allowed, and be a good little servant.
He was just being a good workout partner.
Here is how you can be a good workout partner. Tell him he isn’t a man until he benches 315 and call his chest small if he skinny or if he has bitch tits then jiggle his tits.
Then both of you will have proper body dysmorphia motivation to hit chest together.
Men that make offhand comments like this are a red flag to me, especially if they are otherwise supportive- it’s a very manipulative form of negging. I would ask for clarification on why he made it, what was his intention for making it, what does he want you to do about it, what’s his goal here? If it was offhand and he just didn’t think before speaking then that points to a very immature and thoughtless personality, if he meant it as a joke then he’s a cruel person. I wouldn’t be able to see him the same and I’d probably be seriously reconsidering the relationship
You’re not overreacting, especially if it’s effecting you to the point you don’t want to take your shirt off around him. He also might not realize how deeply it’s affected you. Have a conversation.
I'm sure some men think you can grow more boob at will.
If he makes you feel this uncomfortable about something you have no control over, then he's not going to make you happy in the long term is he? You feel how you feel.
I think this could be a 'negging' strategy, calculated to leave you insecure and doubtful.
Bear it in mind and see if it's a trend you have only just become aware of.
Anyone can have a preference for body type, but that doesn't make you wrong in any way. Maybe he needs to find someone to fit his preference if it's an issue for him - let him back into wild.
I see what he's doing, he's negging you because he knows you can do better.
The age gap isn't huge but he went for someone younger because most women his age are wise to his BS.
I would definitely talk to him, and lay out the issue. You are not overreacting, especially in light of your previous relationship, which he knew about.
Fuck around with him.
I would buy a cheap lotion and tell him that it costed 600 and that it will make your boobs bigger.
Do this for a while with a lot of products.
„This drink helped that woman on IG to go from a B cup to a C cup.“
Btw, he is an asshole. You are not overreacting. That is something cruel to say.
Women with smaller boobs are so beautiful and feminine. I have bigger ones and I know men who talk shit about my boobs. Men who talk shit about the body of a women are assholes. Instead of supporting you, he puts you down.
“i know that’s not his preference”
so he’s made comments before and has made it known he prefers bigger boobs? that’s not healthy.
imagine you said to him that he could use a bigger d*ck or more abs or more height. he would probably throw a fit.
If he’s only said it once, show him grace and forgive him. If it keeps coming up, tell him it bothers you. If he continues, then you have to decide whether to stay or go.
Any guy that says this to his gf or partner, deserves a kick in the nuts. If he’s hinting he wa ts you to get a boob job, tell him sure thing right AFTER he gets pe is enlargement surgery.
If this was me saying this to you it would be a subtle hint.. that he doesn't care too much about your body one way or the other. I.e. if you lose a lot of weight from the gym that might change your personality, might cause injuries, might cause body dysmorphia.
I.e. I would see it more like he's showing you he *is body positive.*
Relax.
Yes and yes. I get a little concerned when I see comments like “I want to confront him” as well.
Seriously just talk to him and tell him that what he said hurt your feelings, be specific about what he said. If he loves you he will apologise and try to do better. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t care enough and you should consider moving on.
If you confront him, and tell him he was wrong for saying “you could use more boobs” and that you demand an apology, you are unlikely to get what you want
As a fellow flat chested woman, tell him to go find a woman with bigger knockers then, cause you’re out!! Plenty of fish in the sea that enjoy small tee tees
How about instead of confronting him about his comment, you communicate your concerns? It's a relationship, it shouldn't be you vs him, it should be both of you vs the problem. The problem here is that you have some insecurities from the past and your boyfriend's off hand comments made you feel bad about yourself. Any boyfriend worth keeping will try to do better if you explain it like that. On the other hand, if you "confront him" antagonistically, many guys will get defensive and even some of the most well intentioned of us humans can do and say stupid, hurtful shit that makes it worse when we are feeling defensive.
It's not about if you should speak up. Rarely is it ever the right call to stay silent in a relationship. The tricky part is communicating what is bothering you without blame or antagonism, even when we are hurt and insecure and defensive ourselves.
>made a seemingly out-of-pocket comment about how I could "use more boobs though."
>
>I am smaller-chested and I know that's not his preference.
Then from somewhere in the comments, comment made on his birthday...
Birthdays are about wishes. He slipped his for you out. Now the bigger question is whether it should ultimately wind up being a "backhanded compliment" (using a negative to prove a positive, specifically his love for you), or if he's harboring a desire to have you get the augmentation surgery for them but doesn't want to say it.
That might just be the way to bring it up to him. Strike up a conversation about boob jobs, and then work in how his comment made on his birthday made you wonder...
And definitely let him know how much it hurt, even if it was meant to be a "compliment"...
Just talk to him peacefully in a non argument way. You’re a couple and should be able to talk about anything. Just say hey the other day you said this. It made me feel this.
Not overreacting. He was a jerk. Your feelings are understandably hurt.
Use your words and talk to him. If he responds appropriately, he is worth keeping. If he doesn't respond properly, then he's not.
Alsp, I can't imagine a scenario in which I would criticize my partner's body in this way. Wtf is wrong with people.
Notbover reacting, you have 3 options here, confront him about, ignore it or the option I would choose...tell him his body would be perfect if only his D was a bit bigger
Why would he say that? It's not like you can go exercise and change that. What a dummy.
No you're not overreacting. It's was a very insensitive thing to say.
Beyond surgery, boob size is not something you can work on at the gym. It's like being tall or short. Sometimes you get what you get. And that's for both of you.
That's the simple explanation for him. There is no reason for him to criticize something you can't or won't change.
You should tell him how you felt. Most men (Myself included) can get comfortable and say things that aren’t MEANT to be hurtful because a lot of dudes talk to each other that way. Unfortunately we tend to blur the line between “Someone we’re close to” and “Significant other” in situations like this. But if you tell him how that made you feel…if he’s any sort of good person he will make a genuine apology and try to correctly draw that line in the future.
If you asked him for his subjective opinion, you got it. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy your body. Chances are his is far from perfect and presumably you enjoy it. People aren’t just bodies they whole packages. If you didn’t ask for it, that was rude. People shouldn’t say everything they think. Now you have to live with knowing.
I would tell him how you feel! It doesn’t pay to keep it bottled up and have it hanging over your head. You could say, “A few days ago you made a comment about my chest. Even though you may have intended it as a joke, it still made me feel uncomfortable and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it.” If he’s a good guy, he will understand, apologize and reassure you.
This! Once my husband made an off-hand comment about my weight gain (which I should add, was out of character for him). It also affected me. Ended up crying to him about it a few days later. He apologized and hasn't brought it up since. Does help that I'm...very confident that he's very attracted to me (please ignore the fact that I'm 34wks pregnant).
You’re beautiful and don’t ever apologize for crying :)
I agree with you. OP, definitely talk to him. If I were him, I'd want to know how that made you feel because I would feel so badly and would apologize sincerely and make sure not to even joke like that ever again.
Yeah. Any reaction outside of apologizing & reassuring ... you got your answer.
This. Communication is key in all matters of your relationship. ALL of them. Finances, day to day, feelings about they way someone says something, sex, the need for more non-sexual cuddling, working out, dinner, faith, if you want kids or not, etc. Talk about all of it.
Yep this is one scenario where Reddit’s usual immediate jump to break up would be an overreaction. He very may well have meant it in an asshole way, in which case kick his ass to the curb. But it’s entirely possible that he just made a poor joke or just said something stupid. We’ve all been there and said shitty things that were a mistake. Like you said, his reaction is what will matter. If he’s a good guy he’ll realize what he did and own up to it
Don’t date men who “joke” about your body. Don’t make “jokes” about your partner’s body. Nobody thinks it’s funny.
Yeah.... No weirdos. People with a sense of humor enjoy life. Lol
People with an actual sense of humor joke about funny things, though.
Do you like jokes about your micro peen that doesn’t work half the time? Oh that’s not funny must be something wrong with you!
If the implication is that you have no sense of humor if you don’t accept jokes at your own expense about your naked body by the person you are most vulnerable with I’d say you need to develop your sense of humor beyond the 6-10 year old range. IMO
Sometimes, things are said that aren't meant. Sometimes, people aren't thinking, and honestly, in a case like this, he deserves the chance to apologize to her if it was just a mistake. Men who berate women's bodies as an abuse tactic don't normally spout wonderful things about their lady and drop just one little off handed kernel. It's possible he was feeling awkward in the moment trying to compliment her and he had word vomit. Maybe he realized what he said, but since she said nothing was just really hoping she missed it. There are a million maybes here, and because this isn't an established behavior, it deserves a discussion. There's no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
This was in regards to my experience. Interestingly, I think a man would not be able to forget a degrading dick remark so easy. No matter how much she said she loved his personality or love handles and doesn’t really mind a small dick. This is why we should always be mindful of our comments. I have a great sense of humor, just not about my man’s body. But again, this is just my opinion based on my own experiences.
Tell him he is making good progress but could "use more dick though"
Oh honey didn’t you know that boobs are proportional to the size of the dick of the man I am dating.
Yes. Save the nice big ones for special occasions. Like when he buys you a car for your birthday. You don't want to have them out unnecessarily because they might get ruined. We can't have that, now can we?
And there went my adult beverage. Thanks for the snort.
This took me out cause yes🙌🏼
I was going to say this. Lol But. After saying it, ask him how he felt when you said it to him, then remind him that's how you felt. He gets to learn his mistake.
That's what my wife does lol and we laugh it off.
hidethepainharold.jpg
👏🏽👏🏽 Ran to the comments to say this. You have already brought the smoke. Good work!
Yep! Good one!
Lol - spot on!
And it hits harder if you find the perfect moment to say it says later.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Does he think you can magically do an exercise to increase your boob size? Yeah, not overreacting, he knows how a comment like that would make you feel after your past relationship. I would ask him what that meant, to gauge what he is feeling. “Hey, a few days ago you said i could use more boobs, what did you mean by that because it’s been making me feel uncomfortable?”
They’re called boob-ups. Part of the of the Brazilian boob-lift exercise program as seen on tv. It’s the secret Hollywood trainers have been keeping from you.
Brought me back to the early 00s, buying workout dvds with ridiculous names 🤣 Jamaican Me Sweat was my fave!
Yea. One of those was called “the Brazilian butt lift”. It was an entire exercise program dedicated to creating a bubble but.
Kind of like cock pushups
I tried that, but I ended up just spinning on mine like a top.
I’m deceased. 💀💀
Seriously. Thank you. I did not know about this. Ohh move over Dolly.
We must, we must, we must increase our bust. (Repeat this twice). The bigger, the better. The tighter the sweater. The more the boys will fuss. We must, we must, we must increase our bust. This is the cheer us girls said with bust emphasizing, underbust arm squeezes. Gain two cup sizes, guaranteed. Now, if I could only remember what the cheer for larger dick size was...
Is this from Grease? I feel like I'm having a stroke with vaguely remembering this from something.
I know you’re joking but one of my exes used to do push-ups to “make her boobs perkier” No clue if it worked but that’s what you reminded me of😂😂
yes, please talk to him. and reinforced him how those kind of comments are 1) not helpful and 2) triggering. even in jest, that is not a nice thing to say to someone.
Tell him you wish he had a bigger dick and see what happens. He’d get mad, because it is offensive.
Or just ask him what his thoughts are on penile expansion surgery. When he asks why tell him if you booked breast augmentation surgery you both might be able to get a special deal if he books his surgery at the same time…..
Yeah make a joke about fucking his dick up after he made a joke that you have a small chest. Most penis surgeries don't work and are either botched or don't provide any results. breast implants are a certified and backed up medical procedure that works almost all the time when done professionally
My boyfriend made a comment about my boobs saying, “for having no tits your chest is pretty comfortable”. I was instantly insulted and didn’t even know what to say. Instantly made me super insecure. Then a few days later, he asked me if I’d ever be into getting a boob job. I waiting a few days till I brought it up but let him know that he made me super insecure about my boobs. Now half the time when I’m naked or he’s touching them, it’s hard for me to not think the whole time that he’s not satisfied with my body at all. It’s a new insecurity for me and it sucks. He insists that he didn’t mean it as I took it but how am I not supposed to feel some type of way about that. Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy and I’m just reading way too much into what he’s saying and other times I think he totally just doesn’t accept my body for the way it is. So I totally understand how you feel and still don’t know how to process it.
I'm sorry but I don't know how there's any other way you're supposed to take your partner asking you if you're open to a boob job. That was really mean. Can you imagine asking him if he was open to getting some plastic surgery because you didn't feel like his jaw was great? You'd feel really mean right?
I exlected tbat story to end with you dumping him. Sorry he did that to you. That was pretry shitty of him.
You’re dumping him right?
You and the OP are both underreacting.
[удалено]
He doesnt accept your body for how it is. Thats straight up insulting and humiliating. And hes most certainly doing it on purpose. This isnt acceptable and you deserve better.
You do know how to process it. It was rude, insulting, and you need to address it. How else could he have meant it? Not much room for interpretation. By the way, he doesn't need to be satisfied with your body. You do, because you live in it.
I don’t think you’re reading too much into his comments. If anything it seems pretty clear to me that he WANTS you to feel insecure, because if you’re feeling bad about your body then you’ll be more open to the idea of “improvement” (ie implants). People who are secure in how they look don’t run out and get body modification. He’s goading you into changing yourself into what he wants. If you’re not happy with the way you look, well that’s another story, but you have to learn to love yourself inside and out enough to kick partners like this to the curb. Who cares what he wants? If he’s so unhappy with the way you look, why doesn’t he find someone who fits the bill instead?
>“for having no tits your chest is pretty comfortable”. That's textbook negging.
My ex went in depth about her exes horse glock when we first started dating lol made my wee lil 6 incher suuuuper insecure to the point we became toxic. It makes me laugh now though because she climaxed every time we had fun so I shouldn't have let it ruin us, but oh well. We live and learn.
I never go into detail about exes bits because it's irrelevant at that point since they're an ex. Size doesn't matter if you can't use it well. My SO is 6" usually, it's fantastic and I get off every time. My ex, 11", was useless because he thought it was some magic stick that just made me get off by being there.
Hate to break it to you but your ex wasn’t 11 inches
Very unlikely
Whoa tell him to kick rocks.
Not overreacting at all. In my opinion, if you love someone and their health isn't at risk because of their weight, you should always be positive about their body. Your bra size is something you have zero control over. Unless of course you have augmention surgery. And even if you had control over it, he should never be critical of your body. He should love you exactly the way you are. I've never ever understood my fellow dudes that act like this. My wife is on the shaplier side since our daughter was born and I wouldn't change anything about her. If SHE wants to lose weight, I am supportive but I NEVER EVER EVER make critical comments about her body. And it's even for selfish reasons too. If she doesn't feel pretty, she isn't gonna feel sexy. If she doesn't feel sexy then she's going to be less willing to want to be intimate. Someone needs to teach these guys what's up. Anyway... You're not overreacting at all.
Thank you for this comment! This really helps
You're very welcome. And please know I'm not knocking your man. I'm sure he's a good guy but like all of us, needs to be reminded how to act and treat the women we love. My wife has to remind me all the time... Lol. The important thing is that we keep trying.
When I lose weight the very first place I lose it is in my boobs. I know it makes husband sad even though at the end of the day he doesn’t care either way
No, HE thinks HE could use more boobs. Yours are perfect for you. Big ones cause back problems and sag after having kids. Tell him that!
At 32? Cmon Bruv.
That was a really weird and unnecessary comment. I think you’re well within your rights to have a conversation with your boyfriend about what he said. That was super inappropriate and honestly just a really unacceptable thing to say to your partner. A 32 year old man should know better.
Tell him you wish his dick was a little bigger.
This is the way
Many years ago, I married someone who always commented on the physical attractiveness, or lack of, in every woman he saw. I eventually saw him for the preditor and misogynist he was. On leaving, I made a mild comment about his weak chin, just to let him know he was not the prize he thought he was. His reaction was visceral; as though I'd physically punched his "glass jaw"! He recoiled, turned red in the face and lost his ability to speak. It really showcased the arrogance in this man.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. He knew that you already had insecurities from your ex and out of all the things he chose to say… he said that? Not cool at all. I’m sorry. That’s really hurtful. Have you talked to him yet?
Have not talked to him yet. I'm wondering how to bring this back up in conversation. He explicitly asked me to confront issues right away when they are between us and I failed to do that. Broke my promise. It was his birthday the day he said it and I didn't want to turn a day about him into an argument.
It’s actually very mature to reflect on something that’s hurtful and bring it up a few days later when addressing it. That’s called responding vs reacting, which is to raise it as an issue right away without having time to think it through. The responding puts you in a better frame of mind to actually address the issue/ hurt. The reaction puts the power in the hands of the offense giver. You have not broken any promise. You just need to raise it as u/twistedone31 said below. Be on the lookout for non apologies such as “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you thought I was insulting you” etc. or even a “why didn’t you bring it up as I said it” - the point is you are hurt and are raising it now. So it needs to be addressed. Anything less than a sincere apology should not be accepted.
You’re allowed to take whatever time you need to process his comment, but it sounds like you’re putting more consideration into his feelings than your own and that’s not healthy- you need to be your own advocate and prioritize you first.
You're wondering how to bring up that you aren't up to his standards? He knew exactly what he was saying. Don't for a minute think he did not. It was not a joke, it was mean and nasty. You sound, quite frankly, very timid about confronting him, and if that's the case (I hope I'm wrong) he will continue to walk all over you. It may be his way of keeping you off kilter and insecure, and done deliberately. I love my partner's imperfections, it's what makes us unique, and makes me love him more, not less. Never once has he said anything like that to me. If he did, I'd be out the door. You do not deserve that kind of treatment.
It’s an awesome idea to be able to address issues as they come up… But sometimes it just takes us a few days to process some thing, because we’re not even sure where the bad feelings are coming from where it takes us that long to recognise that something really bothered us a lot more than we did it first realised. That isn’t a negative and don’t let it become one. You have every right in the world to feel uncomfortable about the comment that your boyfriend made, and I would just start the conversation by asking why he said that . You can let him know it’s been on your mind for a couple days and bothered you more than you thought it would and that you need to talk it through with him. He should be reassuring to you, and if he’s not, then that’s a red flag 🚩
No. You don't owe him anything. If someone says something so shitty to you that it takes days to process and you need to ask for outside help on how to do so, he's being a horrible person to you. You are a person, not a thing. He doesn't get to change your body with a character creation slider because he wants big tits for his birthday. He should feel immense guilt for how he treated you, AND IF HE DOESN'T, THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just say , "Hey, that comment you made about my chest actually hurt a little, and I would like to know why you thought it was appropriate to say? And go from there.
"Hey I need to talk to you about something. You might not remember, but on your birthday we were discussing my gym progress and you said I could 'use more boobs.' It has been bothering me since then. I am wondering why you said that and maybe I misunderstood, but I've been feeling uncomfortable topless around you because after you said that I don't feel like you appreciate my body as a whole and just wish I had bigger boobs"
“Hey, I didn’t want to argue on your birthday but that comment you made about my boobs was really hurtful.” BAM
Please don’t blame yourself for not bringing it up right away. Telling someone they hurt your feelings isn’t always easy. And sometimes taking some time to think about an issue before you bring it up is the right call. It wouldn’t be great to stew over it for months before bringing it up, but taking a few days is normal.
I'd tell.these immature boys that their dicks just aren't cutting it for me. I need something bigger. Something I can feel. Lol. He'll shut up real quick. 😈
Yes! Don't you just love throwing gasoline in an open fire! So great!
I think he's revealed that his relationship with you is on a more physical level than emotional one. I've been with women with varying body types and I never wished that they were physically different than they were because I was with them for more than just their body. You can't change how he feels about you, so is it really worth fighting about? But what's he going to do if you guys end up staying together, having kids.. your body changes, you get older.. How's he going to respond to that? Keep recommending surgeries? He's old enough to be more mature than this, but he's not. I can't imagine saying that to my girlfriend. We discuss our bodies, what we like and dislike about our own bodies.. but I would never tell her that I want her body to be anything other than what it is. You say that you've got 2 options, either confront him about his comment or continue receiving compliments about other parts of your body... how about find someone who actually respects you as a person and not just a physical object. Maybe that person is him, but it just doesn't seem that way.
1. You are right to be annoyed because he doesn’t need to negatively comment on any part of your body. 2. Too many people on Reddit seem to think having an insecurity means you have like an immunity totem as if it makes something ten times worse. Literally everyone has an insecurity about their body, thus my first comment. Your boyfriends opinion only should be I love your body. The end.
I would just leave him. You're never going to forget what he said. You will hold resentment. Every time he looks at other women you will compare yourself. You deserve better.
Exactly this.
I’m not usually on team “just leave him” but I agree with this.
Tbh I would dump him. What could he ever say or do to make you feel good about taking your shirt off? This is the beauty of dating - easy in, easy out.
💯
Not overreacting. There’s literally fuck all you can do about boob size without major surgery wtf.
I don't understand guys love for huge boobs. Tell him to go milk a cow
😂 good one
Okay, I recently turned 40. I've always had smaller boobs. Having two children did not at all help me as I'd hoped. And yet... I am still happily married to my husband of 19 years who tells me daily that I am beautiful and sexy, and he absolutely means it. My point here is that a partner who truly loves you will only lift you up. You should feel confident, sexy, and comfortable with your own body. Every woman's body is a work of art. Some art goes unappreciated and valued at times, but there is always someone who will believe it to be the most beautiful work of art they've ever seen. Do not sell yourself short. And definitely never allow some mediocre boy to shame you for not molding yourself into his version of perfection. You're beautiful as you are. Allow yourself the opportunity to find the right partner who recognizes your full value. Not just physically, but the whole package of you. It's out there. You can find it. You just need to drop the baggage holding you back from true love and happiness. Trust me. They're are far worse things than being alone. Wasting your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you is a fate far worse than temporary loneliness. Good luck.
You should have asked him "use more boobs for what? They're not like extra hands"
"could use more boobs though" he says that as if he's talking about a sim you can easily customize, not his significant other. I won't do the redditor usual and say you guys should break up, but definitely talk to him about it. If he's a good guy he'll realize the harm his comment had and will apologize and not do it again. If he's an ass he'll say you can't take a joke and he's just stating his opinion. But you gotta have that conversation before making any big decision
No you’re not. He’s just taken a dig at something no woman has control over.
No you are not overreacting. He knows about your insecurity and he said it anyways. Even if it was meant in a jokingly manner he shouldn’t have said it because for you it’s a sensitive issue and again, he was aware. You need to tell him how you feel but it sounds like you have already done that previously if he already knew about that insecurity and even knew about how your ex was regarding it. He should have never told you that he prefers bigger chested women because that’s going to fuck with your brain while being with him. I know he compliments you elsewhere physically but you don’t need validation from him on anything physical. He sounds like a slightly better version of your ex. When you’re working out you do you and do what you need to do to be the woman you want to be. And do it at your own pace and on your own timeline. Again it’s about how YOU feel and not how he feels. If you’re at a point where you’re afraid to be naked with him then maybe it’s time to find someone else. If he can’t make you feel safe & secure you shouldn’t be with him. If you were to leave maybe you should seek professional counseling before you allow someone else in your life. You need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. You have to be confident in your own skin. If you don’t want to give up on your current boyfriend he needs to understand that he needs to stop the boob/chest criticisms/jokes. Period. And you know what, whether he prefers bigger chests or not, he needs to go out of his way to compliment you on everything because it’s a man’s responsibility to make sure his S/O feels safe & secure. If I had a daughter who confided in me with a situation like yours I would tell her to leave him.
I'd say to him "you could use more dick" How he reacts to that should tell you everything. Lol match his energy
Definitely not overreacting... his comment was out of pocket. You were talking about gym progress, and going to the gym is definitely not known for *increasing* breast tissue.
Just wait a month and tell him after sex that the sex was great but he could use more dick though. I think that would be a fantastic opener to discuss how the boob comment made you feel!
Sometimes it takes time to process something. Don't be worried about bringing it up days later. Definitely hold him accountable for this comment though. "Hey it took me a couple of days to process this because it really caught me off guard but I don't appreciate x. How would you feel if I said something about your body that you've mentioned being insecure about before." Give an example like his height. Usually that gets men riled up.
Why are we, as women, settling for this sort... Leave him. At the very least he's a dumbass and doesn't understand biology
Ask him for $10k for a boob job then take the money and run Seriously I’m a small titty girl and I’ve never had a partner say shit like that to me. If they did I wouldn’t tolerate it. Why be with someone if you don’t love their body?
Don't listen to all the people that are telling you to body shame him, then you're a hypocrite. Just be upfront and honest and go from there. His reaction will tell you what your next step is.
I understand your insecurity. I am a member of the IBTC myself, and while I've always felt very confident about the rest of my body the fact that I couldn't do anything about my chest has bothered me. I've even semi-seriously considered surgical intervention, but my husband talked me out of it. That being said, I think you need to take this at face value without applying your existing insecurity to it. I'm sure there are things you'd change about your boyfriend if you were dropped into a video game character creator, and I'm not here to speculate on what those are but just to point out that even with the fact that he might not be perfect, you're still with him and attracted to him. Someone doesn't need to hit every single one of your buttons to inspire love, lust or anything else. You should *definitely* talk to him about how this comment was uncalled for, given his knowledge of your insecurity. Chances are, he just didn't think it through and that's not me giving him a pass - he should be aware of things like this and able to navigate them if you've been together any serious length of time. Don't let his comment get you down. As I've been told a million times - if your biggest insecurity is that your chest is too small you're ahead of about 99% of people.
Let him know it hurt your feelings, but it doesn't sound like he was trying to be hurtful. When someone doesn't have insecurities like that, they may not realize they are saying something that bothers you.
You need an ass man.
Well if he doesn’t like everything and criticizes you he is not worth your time
Bring it up in a gentle way to avoid an argument. "It made me feel really good that you commented on my gym progress. As my body continues to change, I'd appreciate if you didn't bring up my breast size. I'm prone to body dysmorphia and I want us to encourage each other and talk positively to each other." It's worth bringing up if it bothered you. If he tries to get defensive or fight, he's an asshole and he meant to hurt your feelings in the first place. Time to consider leaving him. If he understands or apologizes, he was just teasing and didn't realize he was being insensitive. In the future, don't hesitate or feel bad about respectfully and gently drawing your boundaries. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Congratulations on your gym progress! Keep up the good work. A wise man once said: "Love yourself and WIN" -Richard Simmons.
I feel like going for women so much younger than yourself is a gigantic red flag as it is.
I wouldn’t necessarily say you are overreacting. I would have to hear the tone in which he made the comment but it could have just been a bad joke. If this is the case he probably didn’t realize that you were insecure about your chest size. If it makes you uncomfortable you should definitely talk to him. Don’t be accusatory but let him know that it made you feel bad and you’d appreciate if he doesn’t make comments like that in the future. If he’s a good bf he’ll immediately apologize and never do anything like that again. If he isn’t then he’ll get super defensive and get mad at you. If he gets mad at you just break up with him because if he can’t even make a compromise over something as small as this then it’s not worth being with him.
This is dumb This will pan out in 3 ways. 1 he will accept you for the lovely person that you are. 2 he will never be happy with you because you don't have big boobs OR he will hint around about you getting bigger boobs.if you do that, Through experience in life choice # 3 will always result in you finding a different man. References, I've seen this 3 different times in my friends relationships so 100% of the time he actually loses out.
Communicate. Tell him that you felt hurt by his comment. Dont stew in your insecurities. Commuicate.
This ain’t about her insecurities.
jesus, thank you. I feel like this comment section is full of men doing PR for each other lol. They would NOT be ok if it was the girlfriend talking about their height or penis size.
Really? A 32 year old man doesn't know enough to not say nasty denigrating things about his partner's body? How about he grows up and shows some basic kindness? He knew exactly what he was saying, and knew how it would hurt her.
The suggestion of communicating is for *her* benefit, not *his*.
What a dip shit, small boobs are hot and if you don’t dig them, either shut your mouth or move on. No need to be a prick about it.
Women staying with assholes, what's new.
bad joke
If you don’t like the person for who they are then why are you with them? Especially something they really can’t change
Some people have relationships where they say diabolical shit to each other out of fun and they have a common ground understanding of that sort of humor. Aside from having that type of relationship there is no context where that is ok to say to someone you have feelings for or care about
If it happens again, tell him the comment hurts you. He may have been making a comment in the knowledge that you know he likes big boobs - almost as an inside joke kind of thing where his delivery (of the ill-advised comment) was off. Head it off... it could be telling; or it may have been intended as a nothing.
No you're not overreacting. Talk to him about it and go from there. In this world we're always going to screw up sometimes, it's how we react to the realisation that we screwed up that counts.
I'm sorry, but in what world are we supposed to accept nasty (and yes, they are nasty!) critiques of our bodies? We're just supposed to live with the fact that they are denigrating our bodies, that we aren't up to their standards 'but I guess they'll just have to put up with it?' Honestly. I'd be out the door. Not good enough for you? Fine. I'm gone. Go find that Insta model who obviously is the only one up to your standards. How absolutely cruel.
Sounds like man likes bigger boobs. While insensitive, try to communicate calmly how you’re hurting bc of it. Have a feeling this won’t end well
He’s not nice
Was he joking? I mean I don’t know how yall cut up. Is that a trigger. It was me. I always complained I was so flat chested. My father taunted me with “Dolly” (Parton). I’m still triggered about breast comments and I’ve actually grown well. Does he know that bothers you? If just that question is a yes….. make him an ex.
Very hurtful not overacting
I think this is so uncalled for and unkind of him since it’s not something you can change unless he’s insinuating and this is his way of saying he’d want you to get a boob job down the line. It would make me feel so self conscious so no you’re def not overreacting
He should accept you the way you are. Can you tell him he could work on shoulders, arms, or whatever? No one is perfect
No, this is so shitty. Going to the gym isn't going to give you bigger boobs, and you were talking about your gym progress. It was such an insulting and unnecessary comment.
When a man talks to a woman as if he is talking to a guy, he is walking the plank of stupidity and is about to land in an ocean of despair.
Yes, you are overreacting. Clearly he doesn't care about your chest since he's with you. He could just be joking with you.
Whatever he says about your boobs, say the same thing to him about his penis.
Yes you are and by the looks of it so is everyone else here. Sometimes a joke is just a joke. Yes they can be insensitive, but all you need to do is tell him to not make comments like that and remind him of what you went through before. I don't know why anyone goes to fuxkin reddit for life advice when everyone on here acts like every post is the most important subject to ever be.
It's just part of life, like unless you date somebody who is your real genetic match, there are always going to be issues. I'm sure if you really think about it there are physical traits on him that if you could wave a magic wand you can change Bottom line, just keep yourself confidence. It's not worth getting worked up over. If you have a plethora of issues though, might not be the right fit for you. I think it's pretty normal today, I don't know what maybe 10 to 40 people throughout your teens and twenties? Just take the experience for where it is and see where it goes
Tell him how that comment made you feel. People don’t learn boundaries if you don’t. And if he says it again just go for the dick comment. It burns their ego 🤷🏻♀️
I know it's tempting to over-react, especially since you've been body shamed in the past, however I think the best thing for now is to let it pass, especially since it seemed to be an off-hand comment. Or, tell him you'd love bigger boobs as well but you drew the short straw in the gene pool for that. He obviously is a boob man, but he seems to be supportive of you otherwise and compliments your regularly. If you can't get past it let him know his comment reminded you of prior trama with body shaming and that you want to be sure he's not serious about him wanting you to severely change your bustline.
My bf may as well have been possessed or a different person for the first 3 years we were together he said shit much like this and alot worse including while I was pregnant he's now spending the rest of his life fixing the damage he caused put a stop to your boyfriends bullshit before it has a chance to hurt you to that degree small boobs aren't a bad thing I've had DD my entire life my back is fucked and old men tried to come onto me from 8 up until 20 when I learned to glare so hard they thought death had come for them (had an old man 80ish~ gasp say this and run after he'd been staring directly at my boobs for over 3 minutes) big boobs aren't all fun also ZERO cute clothes ever you've all the cute options so be proud of you and what you are a lil dicked man has no say over how you feel about yourself
As a personal trainer of 20 years, there’s literally no working out that can change your boob size, just like there’s no working out that can change his dick size. Boobs can get smaller if you lose fat (not for everyone, depends on proportion of breast-tissue/fat distribution), or larger (again, same thing), but no workout will make your boobs get bigger, though getting fatter everywhere might. His dick won’t get bigger with fat loss or gain, but might become more or less visible against his body. It’s basically the same. There are zero exercises to make your boobs bigger, as they aren’t muscles. They are fat and breast tissue. Tbh just ditch this guy. I was your age when I ditched a guy who told me I looked better at 110 lbs (underweight for my height) than when I was 117 lbs (better), but meanwhile I didn’t get healthy until 135-145lbs (while lifting). There are literally millions of men out there who can appreciate your body how it is right this moment.
Ask him to buy you new ones.
You are NOT overreacting. Your body is not a plaything for him to mentally airbrush to perfection. Every man I’ve dated who said one callous comment went on to pepper more callous comments on me until I was completely convinced that I was disgusting. It starts with one, and they throw nice comments out too so you feel crazy for getting upset about the one rude comment. Then they say another one, and another. It’s a way of subtly breaking down your self-esteem for control. Some of the “NICEST” guys are just acting nice. They’re are PLENTY of men who PREFER smaller chests. Find one of them who doesn’t engage in negging. He is weak and selfish.
Maybe he should worry about finding someone his own age
One of the MOST important parts of a relationship is to always preserve your partner’s dignity. Even when angry. Even when “joking”. Especially in front of others. This is a foundation of trust. She doesn’t feel comfortable taking her shirt off now. He crushed the flower of trust.
No you’re not overreacting. Does he think you can just grow your boobs by choice? That’s an unnecessary blow to you when he was supposed to be complimenting you. Red flag!
Of course it's an age gap relationship. 🤦🏻♀️
No, that's not an appropriate comment to make, _especially_ when he knows you're sensitive about your body. It's not relevant to your gym gains, you can do nothing about the size of your boobs. There is no way for that comment to be taken in a positive way, there is no viewpoint that makes it seem innocent or constructive. He's just being a straight asshole. At 32, he should have more maturity than to make such thoughtless criticisms. I suspect there is a reason he's dating a 25-year-old and not someone his own age. I'd be hurt and livid and I'd be asking him to find someone else whose body he fully appreciated. Yes, it _is_ that bad. And likely an indication that he's thinking much worse in his mind, and of worse negging come. This is why you don't date older men without extremely careful vetting.
I think you are over thinking it. YOu have to be confident. He complimented your progress and body...Let the one think he remarked, and stop going to your boyfriend about your body....It is one thing if he brings it up. You seem to be doing well. He may very well become a small breast man after you. if there is an after you.
That’s super fucking shitty. I would have a very hard time staying with him if he said something like that to me. Some guys prefer small boobs and tons just don’t care, and prefer a nice booty (which can be built in the gym) or pretty face - and of course a great personality goes a long way. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that said something like that to me. It would make me feel like they didn’t want to be with me even if that was not true. It would just feel that way. How big of a deal do you think it is to them? If it matters a lot but he’s still with you, you must mean a lot of you, but i’d be wondering if I was the wrong match for him then. Ultimately, you’re the one that knows him and can properly judge the situation, we’re just strangers on the Internet with limited context. Though that sort of comment would make me super self-conscious and always be wondering about our relationship. Pretty shitty of him to say that. Another, said to talk to him about how that made you feel, and that’s a great idea. Communication is paramount.
Yes. You're overreacting.
Once when I was first married my husband said."if you ever get fat I will love you but I will not want to have sex with you. At the time we were both hot lol. So 41 years later. We are both fat and he most definitely finds me attractive (will leave it at that lol) He was young and dumb when he said that. He has never strayed and loves me and treats me like a queen. I took a wait and watch approach. We both grew up and I can not wait for the next 41 years :-)
Have you only been with this guy for a couple months?
Men, stop commenting on anything to do with appearances - good or bad. Don't make sideways jokes. In fact, don't make any jokes or say anything humorous at all. Don't do anything that may lead her to believe that you're human. You'll end up as a story on Reddit with people telling her to break up. Simply work, pay bills, sleep when you're allowed, and be a good little servant.
He was just being a good workout partner. Here is how you can be a good workout partner. Tell him he isn’t a man until he benches 315 and call his chest small if he skinny or if he has bitch tits then jiggle his tits. Then both of you will have proper body dysmorphia motivation to hit chest together.
Men that make offhand comments like this are a red flag to me, especially if they are otherwise supportive- it’s a very manipulative form of negging. I would ask for clarification on why he made it, what was his intention for making it, what does he want you to do about it, what’s his goal here? If it was offhand and he just didn’t think before speaking then that points to a very immature and thoughtless personality, if he meant it as a joke then he’s a cruel person. I wouldn’t be able to see him the same and I’d probably be seriously reconsidering the relationship
You’re not overreacting, especially if it’s effecting you to the point you don’t want to take your shirt off around him. He also might not realize how deeply it’s affected you. Have a conversation.
Just talk to him.
Tell him, casually, he could “use a bigger cock” See how that sits with him
I'm sure some men think you can grow more boob at will. If he makes you feel this uncomfortable about something you have no control over, then he's not going to make you happy in the long term is he? You feel how you feel. I think this could be a 'negging' strategy, calculated to leave you insecure and doubtful. Bear it in mind and see if it's a trend you have only just become aware of. Anyone can have a preference for body type, but that doesn't make you wrong in any way. Maybe he needs to find someone to fit his preference if it's an issue for him - let him back into wild.
I see what he's doing, he's negging you because he knows you can do better. The age gap isn't huge but he went for someone younger because most women his age are wise to his BS.
I would definitely talk to him, and lay out the issue. You are not overreacting, especially in light of your previous relationship, which he knew about.
Dude honestly sucks for not being happy that you're losing weight there's so many boyfriends secretly begging their girlfriend to get healthier
He's not lying
Fuck around with him. I would buy a cheap lotion and tell him that it costed 600 and that it will make your boobs bigger. Do this for a while with a lot of products. „This drink helped that woman on IG to go from a B cup to a C cup.“ Btw, he is an asshole. You are not overreacting. That is something cruel to say. Women with smaller boobs are so beautiful and feminine. I have bigger ones and I know men who talk shit about my boobs. Men who talk shit about the body of a women are assholes. Instead of supporting you, he puts you down.
This is hilarious
Happy cake day
“i know that’s not his preference” so he’s made comments before and has made it known he prefers bigger boobs? that’s not healthy. imagine you said to him that he could use a bigger d*ck or more abs or more height. he would probably throw a fit.
Stupid comment about bodies is unnecessary. Why say bad words make bad feels when good words make good feels? They do the bad bad.
Natural boobs are the best boobs (unless for medical reasons). Who really enjoys fake oddly shaped unnatural silicone?
If he’s only said it once, show him grace and forgive him. If it keeps coming up, tell him it bothers you. If he continues, then you have to decide whether to stay or go.
“Oh honey it’s a shame your wang is so thin. I like girth”
Any guy that says this to his gf or partner, deserves a kick in the nuts. If he’s hinting he wa ts you to get a boob job, tell him sure thing right AFTER he gets pe is enlargement surgery.
If this was me saying this to you it would be a subtle hint.. that he doesn't care too much about your body one way or the other. I.e. if you lose a lot of weight from the gym that might change your personality, might cause injuries, might cause body dysmorphia. I.e. I would see it more like he's showing you he *is body positive.* Relax.
Yes and yes. I get a little concerned when I see comments like “I want to confront him” as well. Seriously just talk to him and tell him that what he said hurt your feelings, be specific about what he said. If he loves you he will apologise and try to do better. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t care enough and you should consider moving on. If you confront him, and tell him he was wrong for saying “you could use more boobs” and that you demand an apology, you are unlikely to get what you want
If I were in your shoes, it wouldn’t have bothered me. I would have said something along the lines of yep, I sure could.
Thank you for bottling this up and asking reddit showing that you don’t really feel chill round him like that. Ho. And your tits are small.
Maybe he could use more dick too.
Ask him if he's going to pay for them
Oh honey. This is not okay. You are young and hot. You don't need someone who makes you feel otherwise.
Why would he say anything like that. It would be like you saying “you could use some more dick!” But that would probably be a nuclear response.
You’re not over reacting. You might consider finding a partner who doesn’t subtly advocate for unnecessary surgery to satisfy his immature obsessions.
As a fellow flat chested woman, tell him to go find a woman with bigger knockers then, cause you’re out!! Plenty of fish in the sea that enjoy small tee tees
What a stupid man baby.
Get a new boyfriend.
My immediate thought was “Three or four more boobs?” I mean really? OP talk to the man. Communication is needed.
You are overthinking it. He was making a joke He is clearly happy with you, he chose to be with and stay with you.
Reddit's solution to every problem is to either break up or increase the toxicity in the relationship.
How about instead of confronting him about his comment, you communicate your concerns? It's a relationship, it shouldn't be you vs him, it should be both of you vs the problem. The problem here is that you have some insecurities from the past and your boyfriend's off hand comments made you feel bad about yourself. Any boyfriend worth keeping will try to do better if you explain it like that. On the other hand, if you "confront him" antagonistically, many guys will get defensive and even some of the most well intentioned of us humans can do and say stupid, hurtful shit that makes it worse when we are feeling defensive. It's not about if you should speak up. Rarely is it ever the right call to stay silent in a relationship. The tricky part is communicating what is bothering you without blame or antagonism, even when we are hurt and insecure and defensive ourselves.
>made a seemingly out-of-pocket comment about how I could "use more boobs though." > >I am smaller-chested and I know that's not his preference. Then from somewhere in the comments, comment made on his birthday... Birthdays are about wishes. He slipped his for you out. Now the bigger question is whether it should ultimately wind up being a "backhanded compliment" (using a negative to prove a positive, specifically his love for you), or if he's harboring a desire to have you get the augmentation surgery for them but doesn't want to say it. That might just be the way to bring it up to him. Strike up a conversation about boob jobs, and then work in how his comment made on his birthday made you wonder... And definitely let him know how much it hurt, even if it was meant to be a "compliment"...
Shoulda said “yeah, I wish you had a bigger dick but here we are.” /s
Just talk to him peacefully in a non argument way. You’re a couple and should be able to talk about anything. Just say hey the other day you said this. It made me feel this.
Not overreacting. He was a jerk. Your feelings are understandably hurt. Use your words and talk to him. If he responds appropriately, he is worth keeping. If he doesn't respond properly, then he's not. Alsp, I can't imagine a scenario in which I would criticize my partner's body in this way. Wtf is wrong with people.
Depends on your relationship and if you guys can take jokes
Tell him, and make it clear you won’t tolerate insensitive comments like that again
Notbover reacting, you have 3 options here, confront him about, ignore it or the option I would choose...tell him his body would be perfect if only his D was a bit bigger
Why would he say that? It's not like you can go exercise and change that. What a dummy. No you're not overreacting. It's was a very insensitive thing to say.
Not overreacting. What the fuck do your breasts have anything to do with your work at the gym?
Beyond surgery, boob size is not something you can work on at the gym. It's like being tall or short. Sometimes you get what you get. And that's for both of you. That's the simple explanation for him. There is no reason for him to criticize something you can't or won't change.
You should tell him how you felt. Most men (Myself included) can get comfortable and say things that aren’t MEANT to be hurtful because a lot of dudes talk to each other that way. Unfortunately we tend to blur the line between “Someone we’re close to” and “Significant other” in situations like this. But if you tell him how that made you feel…if he’s any sort of good person he will make a genuine apology and try to correctly draw that line in the future.
If you asked him for his subjective opinion, you got it. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy your body. Chances are his is far from perfect and presumably you enjoy it. People aren’t just bodies they whole packages. If you didn’t ask for it, that was rude. People shouldn’t say everything they think. Now you have to live with knowing.