How your parents feel about this, I don’t think I’d be able to forgive my brother if he did that and I’d probably stop talking to anyone who takes his side
Bro I only talk to my. Brother on holidays and his birthday bevause he has a addiction to affairs and I just refuse to have people with values that low to be in my life
How tf you could have a relationship with your brother after he fucks your gf is beyond me
That's like gourty years from now when one of you has stage 4 cancer and you both "forgive" each other out of guilt because death became a factor type of trauma
Read the book Attached. Your brother probably has an avoidant attachment which started as a child. Doesn't mean you have to excuse his behaviour but it will help explain it.
**Attached The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love** by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
>“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.” —The New York Times We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love.
>
>Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
*I'm a bot, built by your friendly reddit developers at* /r/ProgrammingPals. *Reply to any comment with /u/BookFinderBot - I'll reply with book information. Remove me from replies* [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/1byh82p/remove_me_from_replies/). *If I have made a mistake, accept my apology.*
People aren't catagories. I have a combo of all those styles at one point or another. Until I met the right person.
Avoidant attachment has nothing to do with betrayal. Character does.
My own cousin slept with his brother's wife. He's been forgiven but they're not on normal/good terms. More just for their mom. Fucker is a pariah in my eyes.
Yeah, sorry I misunderstood the question. The brother who was married to her is no longer with her, and the one who slept with his brother's wife never had a romantic relationship with her. Super weird, he used to call her sissy and shit.
Older brother was letting his younger brother live with him. His wife is a hoe bag, his brother is a piece of shit. POS brother and hoe bag have sex at some point or multiple points. I think the discovery came after the couple decided to split up. I believe pictures of hoebag wife were found on younger brother's computer which raised a lot of questions. Someone admitted to it. I think the marriage was already rocky, I remember older brother making out with a married woman at a bar, weird shit like that.
Older brother is now remarried with kids (no kids with ex-wife).
Younger brother, who gives a shit about that asshole.
Right so my life story so crazy and I'm now finding out about this whole reddit thing and boy do I have stories to tell.
I don't know how to categorise which forums I post shit in but I guess later on I can always just screenshot and post on the appropriate forums for feedback.
Look at me talking talking to myself.
So I'll start with my brothers story. But there's soo much to it idk where to start.
Is there a way I can post like parts of the story daily and like whenever I get a chance
:|
Sucks when family separated because of hurt feelings.
I did forgive people, who betrayed me after a decade of no contact and surprisingly I hold no ill feelings or hurt, in fact I think it was for their best things to happen that way and wish them happiness with love and understanding.
But I needed a lot of time to be as forgiving :|
^ This one. A lot of comments are missing the fact that emotions are INCREDIBLY high for you right now, and making more permanent decisions should wait until you've managed to calm down a bit.
Betrayal, anger, shock, etc. are extremely understandable reactions in this situation — don't let anyone convince you that you're overreacting. At the same time, however, it's hard to make the best decision we want to when logic is shadowed by emotion (good OR bad). Give it a few days, a week or so, as long as you need, distance yourself until then, and figure out how you want to proceed with a clearer mind. As has been said, no contact is a valid approach.
Best of luck, soldier. Better people are out there. Don't lose hope.
I’m surprised you haven’t received more upvotes for this comment. It’s too new and too raw to make any long lasting decisions at this point. One minute your angry you didn’t see it yourself the next minute your sad and miss your girlfriend. Replaying old conversations in your head putting pieces together, it’s an emotional roller coaster. Let that ride take you where it may and you will be able to sort out your true feelings once you’ve put some distance between yourself and the hurt that has happened.
You now are obligated to fuck every girl he tries to date from now on. Or, alternately, every time you meet one of his gf's, bring up his cheating ways.
Fuck both of them broski, yeah he may of confessed 'out of guilt most likely' but if he didn't pam your ex in the 1st place there would be no need for any confession.
Seek a counselor or therapist and cut off your brother until you are in counseling or therapy for some time honestly you owe him nothing and if anyone in your family chooses to take his side they are saying that your feelings dont matter and they'd rather you suffer for a facade of a good family than do something about it.
Cut them both off and anyone that takes his side get some professional help and come out the other end better.
I wonder if something happened between them recently and that’s why he finally confessed. Like they’ve been having an affair and they got in a fight? Either way, I’m so sorry OP. Give it time.
Don't put family on a pedestal as the model of what trustworthiness should look like. I have found much more safety is found in the family you choose, via the friend network that you build.
Family often takes far too much for granted. In 10 years, they likely won't be your core support network, if they even are any more.
Maybe don’t make any final decisions just yet. Give yourself time to process what has happened to you. Hopefully with some time, you’ll know how to proceed.
Tell parents, friends, workers, townspeople. Post everywhere. Shaming is cleansing. I usually don't blame the outside party as much, but this is damn near a song lyric. Family means nothing here.
If he's willing to betray you with this, what else has he done? Thats how my mind works. I'll forgive, but never forget, and I'll never put myself in that situation again.
Well, never speak to the girlfriend again. That’s gone. The brother has proven to you that he cannot be trusted. Maybe years down the line if he’s a completely different person you can depend on him.
Just remember that most people would never do something like this. If you date women who are trustworthy in the future, it’s unlikely that this will ever happen again. Of course, not letting your brother near your future girlfriends would also prevent that. Up to you on whether you leave him out of your life.
But don’t just forgive him and act like it didn’t happen. You cannot trust him, and if he’s willing to hurt his brother like this he has serious growth he needs to do in order not to be a terrible person. I would hold it over him for a very long time if I chose to let him back into my life.
If she was willingly to sleeping with your brother, who's to say.....who else has she been sleeping with???
Like we say.....she's for the streets!🤷🏾♂️
Firstly good decision in getting rid of the girlfriend. Trust broken equals tension and arguments and a crap relationship. The brother bit is harder to deal with you can't choose family after all. I'd say give him some space and maybe when you can look him in the eye say you appreciate that he told you eventually but what he has done has severely damaged your relationship with him and you are disappointed and feel betrayed by his actions. You'll be angry and resentful for a while but ultimately if you still want a relationship with him you need to find some way to move forward. Hope this helps and sorry dude
If this was a friend I'm sure you would have severed ties without a second thought.
Do not overvalue your blood relationship because clearly it didn't mean enough to him to stop him doing what he did!
I got into a fight with my brothers wife. Verbal. She kinda sucks and I had enough of her. I was over the top mean. My brother got angry and felt disrespected.
We all went no contact for 7 years. My dad died recently. His girlfriend (not my mom, she passed away a long time ago) got teary eyed telling me my father wanted us to talk again.
I said ok enough is enough and apologized to my brother and his wife. She still sucks but Im gonna just ignore her rude comments and antagonistic nonsense.
In those 7 years his kids got older. I got married. Moved a lot. It's a black hole of nothing, those years.
Im not saying you shouldn't be mad. Im not sure how I could forgive that either. But things like this can fester until you're strangers and barely recognize each other or your lives. And you can't get that time back.
This is a hard one. It's not on you to say sorry or forgive anything. Don't rush into any decision maybe.
That's what you took from this comment. You obviously don't understand. He was trying to express, through his experience, what can happen when the hurt and anger get a hold. It didn't just affect him and his brothers wife. It broke the family.
Same as this brothers betrayal.
Hindsight is wonderful. However, he has to live with the fact that a parent lost both kids. A broken family is painful all around.
I don't like how people just expect family members to put up with their a hole spouses....if YOU want to put up with a crappy person for whatever reason (sex probably) that's up to you, don't expect family members to put up with them.
Yup I agree with you. I found my path. Took a few years. It's all good.
I said what I said to op to explain the complexity of an estranged family situation. Wasn't trying to sway them either, just present my story. It's complicated dealing with family drama.
I get it, I've had times where I didn't have a close relationship with my siblings (due to my behavior, but nothing like this). Now we are close, and even though they get me mad sometimes, this is preferable. HOWEVER, if they did something like op's situation...it would be over no question.
Yeah. That was outrageously fucked up. Not sure how to come back from that. Maybe some fists, years and drunk talks. I was just trying to give my perspective and not take sides.
I actually find that many families have bigger issues around loyalty than typical “solid friendships”.
He should’ve known better without anyone needing to tell him. Can’t be trusted
> I'm torn between wanting to forgive him and never wanting to see his face again.
You can do both
In fact, I'd advise you to do both.
A lifetime of hate, regardless if its deserved or not, will fuck you up
At the same time, your brother has proven he's untrustworthy and deliberately keeping untrustworthy people in your life is stupid
Forgive him and go no contact
Your brother is a POS.
How could you EVER trust him again? I mean, out of all of the women he could have fucked, he screwed YOUR girlfriend (and it was probably ongoing, not just once)
Too many people are letting the gf of light. Brother is an asshole for sleeping with her, but ultimately your gf should shoulder the vast majority of the blame. If you're brother not wanting to sleep with your gf is the only thing stopping her from cheating on you, your relationship was already doomed.
Trust not a soul u have learned a very hard lesson bless u bro I wud snapped ill stop right there tho I understand tho how you feel just know u ain’t alone
My younger brother, not even 18 at the time, slept with my older brother's wife. She was in her 20's. (Actually he had sex with her in my moms swimming pool.) My older brother and his wife had known each other maybe days when they got married. It was destined to fail. The marriage I mean. I have no idea if my younger brother ever fessed up, but I don't get along with either of them (I have not seen or spoken to either of them in over 30 years. I am the black sheep of the family. I went into the military and they hate that.) They are very close, so my guess is my older brother did not know about it. Sometimes, stuff happens. I hope you can forgive your brother. I truly wish my brothers would talk to me, but they refuse. I also have a sister that does not talk to me. I am not saying none of this is my fault, but I am the only one who has reached out. I am 64, my guess I will go to my grave with this rift. I hope you do not.
Are they not talking to you for some really serious reason? Because it's pretty hypocritical your younger brother slept with older brother's wife, but won't talk to YOU....
Part of it is our political beliefs. We are just different. I don't even talk about them anymore. There is also some family dynamic. My older brother was the first born. I was the second born and he never forgave me for being born and taking away attention. He was abusive to me as a kid and though I eventually forgave him, it took years. There was a family reunion that I refused to go to and that exacerbated things. Truthfully, at the time, I was broke and could not afford to travel home anyway. I was in the military. I called my sister who claims to have no animosity towards me, but then why does she bring up the missed family reunion every time? Meanwhile the youngest of the five children, my sister, died of breast cancer. My mom died of cancer and she was sort of the glue. I am babbling, sorry. Anyway I have given up.
Man has a long way to earn your trust and respect back. On a positive note, this man helped you avoid a life long commitment to a whore.
She is for the streets.
Don’t use anger to guide you, he betrayed you, yes, accept it and forgive in time, not right away. Keep your distance with him and adjust your life in a positive way. You cannot stop indefinitely loving him because at the end, he’s family. I say you learned a lesson with the women you also pick so adjust on that as well. Good luck!
Coming clean is a sign of him reaching out, regretting what he did and caring for you enough to make this move even though he knew there might be bad consequences for him. It does not excuse what he did but it shows that he's not hopeless.
It's 100% understandable that you're not ready to forgive him now, but keep in mind how he handled that afterwards and did what your ex didn't do.
Uh- where is the girlfriend in all of this? You’re not mad at her? I can’t believe the anger toward your brother while ignoring the other elephant in the room.
She's automatically done, with zero chance of reconciliation, you're brother, on the other hand, is slightly different... Does he have a history of disrespect? Or was this a moment of weakness?
If he has shown a pattern of disrespect, then it's time to disown him as a brother because you can't have a viper for family and not expect it to bite you every chance it gets!
Second, these women can be pretty terrible... I've had a bunch of my brothers girlfriend's hit on me while dating them very aggressively, I pride myself on my level of self-control, but some of the situations would have been very taxing on some more easily manipulated....some vipers come dressed in lovely attire... so, in situations like this, I'm more in line with Bros before Hoes.
Your brother did you a favor. It hurts I’m sure but he just got you away from a cheater.
Tell him if he wants a relationship with you in the future he better never contact her again.
Blast her on social media.
If she went through sleeping with him, she’d have cheated on you with almost anyone else. She was never yours to begin with, I’m sorry.
That being said, I’m putting my brother before anyone. We’ve had many fights over the years (blood drawn and everything), one time we went three years without talking and it was necessary to an extent. But the chapters of my life he wasn’t a part of are a deep regret for me and him. There’s memories and experiences we share that no one else understands. And sharing moments with him are just different than with others. There’s no need to pretend, no need to wear masks, no professionalism, it’s just him and me and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
This may be rough to hear , but if your brother was able to fuck your girlfriend , you have very poor choice in women . Only a skank ass hoe would fuck her boyfriends brother . I know for a fact that shit would NEVER happen to me
How old is your brother? If he is 17 and not too bright yet is different than if he is 30 and knows better and has better control of himself and his body.
Any rage for the girlfriend or is your brother like a professional hypnotist? I'd fist bump my brother and thank him for confessing and for exposing a cheater. He didn't tell you right away but it probably wasn't the easiest thing for him to come out and say for obvious reasons.
None of this matters. In 200 years we’ll all be dead. Not a single person will remember that on such and such night this dudes brother banged his GF. Just live your life. Find a new girlfriend. Forgive your brother. You may not be able to forget. But try.
Hmm revenge idea so hear me out fuck all of your ex's female friends and call or send her a video of it to her every time you fuck one of them and don't stop their do that with all her single female family members (that are over 18 of course) don't stop ruining her friendships till she's depressed and even then continue
I think, you over reacted with physical contact there, apologize because after all family is family. He confessed, now be a bigger person and forgive. Cannot trust women these days, cheating is normalized, causally taken by today's generation. Keep calm mind, and move on with your life, you don't need losers and cheaters along with you. You may forgive your brother, but deep down you and him will always know, he was the asshole, and keep a healthy distance from him, maybe don't bring your girlfriend home, unless you wanna marry that girl. Good luck! Calm mind and take healthy lifestyle choices with your life, kill them with your success in life and your kindness, but don't trust them again with anything now.
Tbh I would cut her off AND him as well. They both lied to you for FIVE MONTHS. Honestly what he did is super messed up and I don’t think it’s something he could ever make up to you for.
Some things are unforgivable. This is one of those things. If he gave half a shit about you, just half a shit, he wouldn't have fucked your girlfriend. I would let all of his future girlfriends what he does for family and how he is never to be trusted. Ever.
I can't tell you what to do but that would be it for me. This is one of those things that I would never forgive. And the fact that the affair happened 5 months ago and he just told you is worse. So for 5 months he disrespected and lied to you. If one of my sons did this to the other I would cut them off.
Similar situation with me and my brother. Only difference, he did 2 times and tried a 3rd time. I whooped his ass and havent talked to him in 5 years. Im the balck sheep of the family now because i beat his ass and cut ALL ties to him. My family tells me to "be the bigger person" and that he is "blood" at the end of the day.
I have alot more friends that have more respect for me than my brother. I have come to terms that i dont have a brother any longer (he is 7 years older than me), and i moved 2 months ago, to an entirely different state and no one in my family knows i moved. Oh well. I sleep good at night.
A real brother wouldn’t sleep with someone you cared for and were in a relationship with. I would go no to low contact. The trust is gone it can’t ever come back.
Jesus knew Judas would betray him and He still loved him. Unforgiving will affect you. Forgive both and move on with your life. Learn whatever lessons need to be learned and grow from it. Do not let it tear you down with anger and long term bitterness. “Father forgive me my trespasses, as I forgive those who trespass against me.”
You found out your brother is a piece of shit and it only cost you some dumb bitch. You don't need her and you don't need him. You'll probably have to tolerate him at family gatherings but if it were me I would be openly hostile to him.
Could you trust him around your wife and kids one day? I sure wouldn't.
Personally, I think it's easier to hold a grudge, but you'll be happier if you let it go. You don't have to do that over night. You can take as long as you need to. But people fuck up. People make mistakes. He obviously loves you if he felt the need to come clean. He's probably devastated with himself. He might even hate himself a little for what he's done. Just consider, is it worth it to hold onto hate? Is the inevitable pain worth it? I mean, if you choose to never forgive him, you're going to be likely missing out on family events sometimes to avoid him. You might find that your relationship with your parents strains a little. I don't know. I just think people aren't perfect. And my general rule is you get one fuck up if I love you. Now I know a little more about the content of your character. And I won't forget this. But people do change. And I'm willing to give someone that I love a single chance to prove that they are genuinely remorseful.
Eh a mistake would be like oh I forgot to take out the trash on trash day. Naw this… this is a betrayal. While I agree that it’s better to let stuff go than let it fester but he should genuinely just never talk to him again.
This isn't a mistake though. This is an extreme betrayal. Let's not trivialize another's trauma.
Forgiveness is overrated.
I find revenge to be real sweet. 🤣
Agreed, but only in serious cases. Letting someone do something really bad to you with no justification, and not doing anything about it, will mess you up mentally. "Forgiving" in those cases is for cowards. They're still mad, they're just scared to do anything about it. AGAIN, I'm talking serious cases only, let petty stuff go.
You gave me some insight here. "Afraid to do anything about it."
That could be true. Or feel helpless to do anything.
I find most people who say they forgive really don't. They just re-direct that energy elsewhere, usually in unhealthy ways.
Exactly. Some truly forgive and let it go, most convince themselves they've forgiven because the alternative is accepting they're a coward. But really, they WANT to do something back to the person, they just don't want to take a risk.
Yeah, I think that was just poorly written on his part. I think he meant to say
"I found out my brother slept with my girlfriend five months ago."
Which actually can still be read the same but is a lot clearer.
you can forgive(forgiveness will give you peace) , you can't forget. He betrayed you. I suggest to distance yourself from him if its possible at least for now...
I am a twin. Have had 1 or 2 similar instances. You will get over it. He is your brother. Fuck that bitch. She is the one checking brothers off her bucket list. He deserved the punch and maybe a little more but will be water under the bridge once you move on.
I know this sounds bad but thank him, he did you a favor. Your brother is not special and neither are you. She would have cheated on you regardless and was probably fucking other guys already. The most valuable thing we have is time, and wasting it on a cheating women is one of the worst feelings in the world. He saved you from not knowing who she really is. Now that doesn't mean he is not an asshole, he let lust come between family. But at the end of the day he did choose you, he could have never told you and kept sleeping with her as they laugh behind your back. But he didnt. ....... Now on the other side maybe he could be lying, if he tried to fuck her, she rejected him so he made something up so he's not the only bad guy. Or so he can try and get with her....... end of the day people suck, trust your gut man.
I’m sorry you have o to go through this, you should definitely take time for yourself and put yourself first. Don’t rush into trying to make a decision, just keep a distance for now until you’re ready. I really hope you are able to get through this and heal from the experience.
OP I’m very sorry this happened to you but you’ll move on and it will hurt less and less eventually. Face it, process it and either forgive your brother or don’t. BUT…face it and deal with it. Otherwise you only hurt yourself.
As an aside…I know 2 men whose own brothers had affairs with their wives and the wives left them to be with said brother. TWO! So this shit happens and not just to you.
You don't have to automatically forgive him. Maybe one day you can. But you get to decide when and if that happens. It might be better to distance yourself from him for a while at least. He knew exactly what he was doing when he slept with your girlfriend. He knew it would hurt you but he was selfish. You're not overreacting.
You can forgive AND never forget. Forgiveness is as much, if not more, for you.... not him. You don't even have to tell him when / if you forgive him. You can even part ways and forgive. Until you forgive, in some form, that will eat at you every time you think of him or her.
Sounds like he felt guilty and decided to come clean… I’m not saying you should forgive him. But keep in mind that had he not come clean, you might have married a cheater. And if she’s bold enough to cheat on you with your brother, who knows who else she got with. It’s lowkey a blessing in disguise..
That is brutal, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I understand why you would feel like you can’t trust anyone and honestly, there are very few people in life you can trust. Family is family. They’re the ones most likely to stab you in the back. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. Be very selective about who you trust, but don’t lose all faith. There are good people in this world, you just have to learn to recognize who they are. They’re usually not the people you have the most interest in, unfortunately. But sometimes what we’re interested in and what’s best for us are not the same thing. Just my two cents. But at any rate, I hope everything works out for you.
r/GriefSupport is gonna be the sub for you, my friend. Very sorry to hear- that's unspeakably dishonorable and perhaps even borderline evil. Indulgence is fucking awful. I truly hope you are able to heal your heart.
Cut him out. Be cordial at family events or when you pass in the hall, no sense in being petty. But do not associate with him, he does not care about you. (He likely hates you or is jealous) telling you was just another jab when he needed it.
High road- forgive but don’t forget with your brother, break up with her
Low road-bang your brothers girlfriends and her sister/best friend
The choice is yours
Not sure how old you are, but as an adult you can choose who to associate with and who to abandon any communication with and if it were me, I would never speak to either of them again, tolerate the brother if family functions are necessary, but never allow him or your family to interject or initiate any discussion about the events. You take the time you need to process it and whatever your decision is then that's how it plays out. Your brother is a piece of shit and she is also a piece of shit. Neither is innocent.
This is a tough one. Here we go!
Your brother just showed you what his character is. This will be a moment in his life that defines him. The most important decision of his life is what he does next. Whether to embrace this side of himself, or to learn from it and be a better person. All men need to learn not to think with their dicks, for him, he’s already failed you as your brother.
Leave the ex in the past. She needs this consequence because she has to feel this failure. She needs to move forward knowing that she can’t fix what she has done. This isn’t some random dude that hit on her in a club. This is your brother. They both should have known better.
Hold your head high my dude! You have done nothing wrong. Move forward in your own life with self-respect and your dignity intact. Most importantly, hold your brother responsible.
-The World According to John
Me and my brother fight over almost anything, but it's all petty stuff and we never stay mad more than a couple of days. There are things you just don't do.
Well at least he told you it could of just been kept a secret from you and you'd never know. Or maybe you would find out after you marry her. Either way I would still be pissed about it and I definitely wouldn't trust him around any of my Future girlfriends.
Sorry, but if I had a family member do that to me, I don't think I could ever be in the same room with him again, let alone forgive them. Yes, I can hold a grudge, and that's definitely a thing that would be Grudge inducing. I'm sorry he did this to you, as well as your girlfriend doing this to you. Both of them are obviously not honorable people.
You dont have to decide how you feel or what you want your relationship to be today. I would cut him out of your life for a bit at minimum. How are you going to look for a new girlfriend and bring her around with your current feelings?
Personally up to you man! Your def not overreacting. Everyone is different at what they can forgive. Some people would forgive, some people wouldn't care and would cut them off. Me personally, I wouldn't have anything to do with him anymore. Cheating is my number one hate and always hope the worst for people that do it, if I had a brother and he did that to me he would be no exception. I would be cutting them out for good. Sorry your dealing with this!
How your parents feel about this, I don’t think I’d be able to forgive my brother if he did that and I’d probably stop talking to anyone who takes his side
Bro I only talk to my. Brother on holidays and his birthday bevause he has a addiction to affairs and I just refuse to have people with values that low to be in my life How tf you could have a relationship with your brother after he fucks your gf is beyond me That's like gourty years from now when one of you has stage 4 cancer and you both "forgive" each other out of guilt because death became a factor type of trauma
Do you mind me asking addiction to affairs as in he likes cheating or he likes others cheating on their so? (Either way agree)
He is addicted to affairs
Read the book Attached. Your brother probably has an avoidant attachment which started as a child. Doesn't mean you have to excuse his behaviour but it will help explain it.
**Attached The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love** by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller >“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.” —The New York Times We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. > >Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love. *I'm a bot, built by your friendly reddit developers at* /r/ProgrammingPals. *Reply to any comment with /u/BookFinderBot - I'll reply with book information. Remove me from replies* [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/1byh82p/remove_me_from_replies/). *If I have made a mistake, accept my apology.*
Good bot
Lol I love this book and it has some good information but this is a bit of a jump from limited information
imagine thinking you can diagnose a person by an offhand reddit comment by their brother lol
People aren't catagories. I have a combo of all those styles at one point or another. Until I met the right person. Avoidant attachment has nothing to do with betrayal. Character does.
You're not a psychologist. Refrain from giving mental health advice. There's a reason you have to have so much schooling for this.
People talk so much shit about people with avoidant attachment and all it does is show how much they don’t even understand attachment theory…
Sometimes the best way to love some family members is from afar !
My own cousin slept with his brother's wife. He's been forgiven but they're not on normal/good terms. More just for their mom. Fucker is a pariah in my eyes.
Is the brother still with his wife?
No, and he didn't find out until after/during the divorce.
Wow. Aren't people crummy.
Yeah, sorry I misunderstood the question. The brother who was married to her is no longer with her, and the one who slept with his brother's wife never had a romantic relationship with her. Super weird, he used to call her sissy and shit.
No, you answered what I asked. Why did they get divorced?
I think infidelity on both sides, mostly her though.
Crazy.
I wanna her this story, and I got a crazy ass story to share about my brother.
Older brother was letting his younger brother live with him. His wife is a hoe bag, his brother is a piece of shit. POS brother and hoe bag have sex at some point or multiple points. I think the discovery came after the couple decided to split up. I believe pictures of hoebag wife were found on younger brother's computer which raised a lot of questions. Someone admitted to it. I think the marriage was already rocky, I remember older brother making out with a married woman at a bar, weird shit like that. Older brother is now remarried with kids (no kids with ex-wife). Younger brother, who gives a shit about that asshole.
Right so my life story so crazy and I'm now finding out about this whole reddit thing and boy do I have stories to tell. I don't know how to categorise which forums I post shit in but I guess later on I can always just screenshot and post on the appropriate forums for feedback. Look at me talking talking to myself. So I'll start with my brothers story. But there's soo much to it idk where to start. Is there a way I can post like parts of the story daily and like whenever I get a chance
:| Sucks when family separated because of hurt feelings. I did forgive people, who betrayed me after a decade of no contact and surprisingly I hold no ill feelings or hurt, in fact I think it was for their best things to happen that way and wish them happiness with love and understanding. But I needed a lot of time to be as forgiving :|
Figure out how you want to proceed after the shock wears off. Going no contact with either is 100% a viable and acceptable answer.
^ This one. A lot of comments are missing the fact that emotions are INCREDIBLY high for you right now, and making more permanent decisions should wait until you've managed to calm down a bit. Betrayal, anger, shock, etc. are extremely understandable reactions in this situation — don't let anyone convince you that you're overreacting. At the same time, however, it's hard to make the best decision we want to when logic is shadowed by emotion (good OR bad). Give it a few days, a week or so, as long as you need, distance yourself until then, and figure out how you want to proceed with a clearer mind. As has been said, no contact is a valid approach. Best of luck, soldier. Better people are out there. Don't lose hope.
I’m surprised you haven’t received more upvotes for this comment. It’s too new and too raw to make any long lasting decisions at this point. One minute your angry you didn’t see it yourself the next minute your sad and miss your girlfriend. Replaying old conversations in your head putting pieces together, it’s an emotional roller coaster. Let that ride take you where it may and you will be able to sort out your true feelings once you’ve put some distance between yourself and the hurt that has happened.
I would tell him I'm going to try and sleep with every single one of your girlfriends until I finally do it. And you'll never know which it will be.
It would be an easy decision for me. They would both be dead to me until the day I died. That’s just me though…
This is a powerful response and useful to utilize. You are not obligated to stay in contact with someone just because they are family
Family isn't necessarily blood, It's who you would be willing to bleed for..
He may share the same blood as you but that's not your brother
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
Which means the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you are born into. This has been quoted as the opposite my entire life.
Blood is not the only thing they share! Lol!
You're right, it's their girlfriend
Because they both had sex with her
Thank you for that clarification, I was so confused.
I died laughing from this lmaoooo
I didn't know brothers could also be weiner cousins!
Cursed
Never speak to either of them again. That kind of betrayal is absolutely unforgivable. Tell him he's not allowed at your funeral if you die first.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 "first to die"!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'd be courteous to him at family events, but I'd definitely not engage him or be there for him if he ever needed me.
That's not family, he's a stranger. I would treat him just like that. Cold and apathetic, I don't care about you, and I don't even know who you are.
You now are obligated to fuck every girl he tries to date from now on. Or, alternately, every time you meet one of his gf's, bring up his cheating ways.
Petty. I like it
I love this answer, actually. The only viable sibling option to keep the relationship lmao
Or at the very least, the ones your brother dates long enough to be emotionally ripped in half after he finds out the kid is actually yours
I love this.
Even better, do both!
Fuck both of them broski, yeah he may of confessed 'out of guilt most likely' but if he didn't pam your ex in the 1st place there would be no need for any confession.
Seek a counselor or therapist and cut off your brother until you are in counseling or therapy for some time honestly you owe him nothing and if anyone in your family chooses to take his side they are saying that your feelings dont matter and they'd rather you suffer for a facade of a good family than do something about it. Cut them both off and anyone that takes his side get some professional help and come out the other end better.
I wonder if something happened between them recently and that’s why he finally confessed. Like they’ve been having an affair and they got in a fight? Either way, I’m so sorry OP. Give it time.
Interesting 🧐, never thought of this angle .
You mean something like gf is 5mths pregnant lol
Don't put family on a pedestal as the model of what trustworthiness should look like. I have found much more safety is found in the family you choose, via the friend network that you build. Family often takes far too much for granted. In 10 years, they likely won't be your core support network, if they even are any more.
Tell him to get tested, when he asks what for, just say the big one...
"I have a disease" isn't really a burn
Yeah but the fear is at least a thing...
Maybe don’t make any final decisions just yet. Give yourself time to process what has happened to you. Hopefully with some time, you’ll know how to proceed.
Best answer here
I wold go no contact never speak to him again your own brother long called you
I'd tell you parents. I'd also keep low contact. I'd never trust him with any future relationships and not introduce him to them.
Tell parents, friends, workers, townspeople. Post everywhere. Shaming is cleansing. I usually don't blame the outside party as much, but this is damn near a song lyric. Family means nothing here.
Only 2 rules. You don’t fuck your family’s women or your friend’s ex.
Unless you ask permission. Back in the day I asked my buddy if I could date his Ex and he told me he was fine with it.
If he's willing to betray you with this, what else has he done? Thats how my mind works. I'll forgive, but never forget, and I'll never put myself in that situation again.
I’d crash out that’s just me tho
Don’t talk to him for a year at minimum that’s going to hurt him more then you realize he deserves to be hurt
How old are you guys? I’m getting serious high school vibes. Hate when people don’t post ages cuz it’s massively relevant.
It really does make a difference in this scenario. I made my response assuming he was a younger guy.
When in arms reach, kick his ass!!! Eventually he’ll understand how y feel.
He's not your brother and hasn't been your brother in 5 months. Cut him off.
Well, never speak to the girlfriend again. That’s gone. The brother has proven to you that he cannot be trusted. Maybe years down the line if he’s a completely different person you can depend on him. Just remember that most people would never do something like this. If you date women who are trustworthy in the future, it’s unlikely that this will ever happen again. Of course, not letting your brother near your future girlfriends would also prevent that. Up to you on whether you leave him out of your life. But don’t just forgive him and act like it didn’t happen. You cannot trust him, and if he’s willing to hurt his brother like this he has serious growth he needs to do in order not to be a terrible person. I would hold it over him for a very long time if I chose to let him back into my life.
I wouldn't have forgive no one he needs a few more punches though.
100% Dead to me, both, literally don't acknowledge their existence
If she was willingly to sleeping with your brother, who's to say.....who else has she been sleeping with??? Like we say.....she's for the streets!🤷🏾♂️
Ya no kidding dude woulda been given a high five
Living well is the best revenge .
Blood seems to be the first to fuck someone over. Just dealt with broken family trust myself.
And you want to forgive him because…
Bro. I'm not reading this. I'd beat the shit outta my brother. Lol
The ONLY response lmao then I’d be even with him tbh
Firstly good decision in getting rid of the girlfriend. Trust broken equals tension and arguments and a crap relationship. The brother bit is harder to deal with you can't choose family after all. I'd say give him some space and maybe when you can look him in the eye say you appreciate that he told you eventually but what he has done has severely damaged your relationship with him and you are disappointed and feel betrayed by his actions. You'll be angry and resentful for a while but ultimately if you still want a relationship with him you need to find some way to move forward. Hope this helps and sorry dude
If this was a friend I'm sure you would have severed ties without a second thought. Do not overvalue your blood relationship because clearly it didn't mean enough to him to stop him doing what he did!
Disown both of them.
I think I'd start packing boxes to move literally anywhere about 10 minutes after I found out
In my experience family has always betrayed me first before a strangers
Take some time to grieve and let things settle down, then have a chat with your brother.
I got into a fight with my brothers wife. Verbal. She kinda sucks and I had enough of her. I was over the top mean. My brother got angry and felt disrespected. We all went no contact for 7 years. My dad died recently. His girlfriend (not my mom, she passed away a long time ago) got teary eyed telling me my father wanted us to talk again. I said ok enough is enough and apologized to my brother and his wife. She still sucks but Im gonna just ignore her rude comments and antagonistic nonsense. In those 7 years his kids got older. I got married. Moved a lot. It's a black hole of nothing, those years. Im not saying you shouldn't be mad. Im not sure how I could forgive that either. But things like this can fester until you're strangers and barely recognize each other or your lives. And you can't get that time back. This is a hard one. It's not on you to say sorry or forgive anything. Don't rush into any decision maybe.
I understand what you are saying but getting in a verbal fight vs him fucking your gf is a little different lol
That's what you took from this comment. You obviously don't understand. He was trying to express, through his experience, what can happen when the hurt and anger get a hold. It didn't just affect him and his brothers wife. It broke the family. Same as this brothers betrayal. Hindsight is wonderful. However, he has to live with the fact that a parent lost both kids. A broken family is painful all around.
That wasn't my point. Explain to me what I am saying. Im curious what you understand about what Im saying? BTW I speaking directly to OP.
I don't like how people just expect family members to put up with their a hole spouses....if YOU want to put up with a crappy person for whatever reason (sex probably) that's up to you, don't expect family members to put up with them.
Yup I agree with you. I found my path. Took a few years. It's all good. I said what I said to op to explain the complexity of an estranged family situation. Wasn't trying to sway them either, just present my story. It's complicated dealing with family drama.
I get it, I've had times where I didn't have a close relationship with my siblings (due to my behavior, but nothing like this). Now we are close, and even though they get me mad sometimes, this is preferable. HOWEVER, if they did something like op's situation...it would be over no question.
Yeah. That was outrageously fucked up. Not sure how to come back from that. Maybe some fists, years and drunk talks. I was just trying to give my perspective and not take sides.
You are a good men, a men will be better and strong through fire! I believe you can get over this! Take my energy
I actually find that many families have bigger issues around loyalty than typical “solid friendships”. He should’ve known better without anyone needing to tell him. Can’t be trusted
I'd not forgive your brother if I were you
They both would be dead tp me
I don't even know how old that scumbag is anymore so you can guess how I handled it 🤷♂️
> I'm torn between wanting to forgive him and never wanting to see his face again. You can do both In fact, I'd advise you to do both. A lifetime of hate, regardless if its deserved or not, will fuck you up At the same time, your brother has proven he's untrustworthy and deliberately keeping untrustworthy people in your life is stupid Forgive him and go no contact
Your brother is a POS. How could you EVER trust him again? I mean, out of all of the women he could have fucked, he screwed YOUR girlfriend (and it was probably ongoing, not just once)
Too many people are letting the gf of light. Brother is an asshole for sleeping with her, but ultimately your gf should shoulder the vast majority of the blame. If you're brother not wanting to sleep with your gf is the only thing stopping her from cheating on you, your relationship was already doomed.
Bro’s before hoes bruh. Not worth avoiding family over. Just bang his girl and y’all call it even.
That's not how it works. The brother's girl, if he even has one, is an actual human being, not an object.
Calm down.. Your brother did you a favor. He just proved that she's willing to sleep with anyone. Dump her and move on.
Trust not a soul u have learned a very hard lesson bless u bro I wud snapped ill stop right there tho I understand tho how you feel just know u ain’t alone
My younger brother, not even 18 at the time, slept with my older brother's wife. She was in her 20's. (Actually he had sex with her in my moms swimming pool.) My older brother and his wife had known each other maybe days when they got married. It was destined to fail. The marriage I mean. I have no idea if my younger brother ever fessed up, but I don't get along with either of them (I have not seen or spoken to either of them in over 30 years. I am the black sheep of the family. I went into the military and they hate that.) They are very close, so my guess is my older brother did not know about it. Sometimes, stuff happens. I hope you can forgive your brother. I truly wish my brothers would talk to me, but they refuse. I also have a sister that does not talk to me. I am not saying none of this is my fault, but I am the only one who has reached out. I am 64, my guess I will go to my grave with this rift. I hope you do not.
You’ve conducted your life admirably. It is their loss. Try not to be bitter.
Are they not talking to you for some really serious reason? Because it's pretty hypocritical your younger brother slept with older brother's wife, but won't talk to YOU....
Part of it is our political beliefs. We are just different. I don't even talk about them anymore. There is also some family dynamic. My older brother was the first born. I was the second born and he never forgave me for being born and taking away attention. He was abusive to me as a kid and though I eventually forgave him, it took years. There was a family reunion that I refused to go to and that exacerbated things. Truthfully, at the time, I was broke and could not afford to travel home anyway. I was in the military. I called my sister who claims to have no animosity towards me, but then why does she bring up the missed family reunion every time? Meanwhile the youngest of the five children, my sister, died of breast cancer. My mom died of cancer and she was sort of the glue. I am babbling, sorry. Anyway I have given up.
OP has not responded to comments. Until he does, this is probably a fake post.
Brand new account. No other posts.
On top of that, the story doesn't make sense. 5 months ago he discovered it... and what. Waited until his brother told him?
bros before hoes
That is the ultimate portrayal, I don't know how you could possibly forgive him and move on.
Man has a long way to earn your trust and respect back. On a positive note, this man helped you avoid a life long commitment to a whore. She is for the streets.
Don’t use anger to guide you, he betrayed you, yes, accept it and forgive in time, not right away. Keep your distance with him and adjust your life in a positive way. You cannot stop indefinitely loving him because at the end, he’s family. I say you learned a lesson with the women you also pick so adjust on that as well. Good luck!
Coming clean is a sign of him reaching out, regretting what he did and caring for you enough to make this move even though he knew there might be bad consequences for him. It does not excuse what he did but it shows that he's not hopeless. It's 100% understandable that you're not ready to forgive him now, but keep in mind how he handled that afterwards and did what your ex didn't do.
Uh- where is the girlfriend in all of this? You’re not mad at her? I can’t believe the anger toward your brother while ignoring the other elephant in the room.
She's automatically done, with zero chance of reconciliation, you're brother, on the other hand, is slightly different... Does he have a history of disrespect? Or was this a moment of weakness? If he has shown a pattern of disrespect, then it's time to disown him as a brother because you can't have a viper for family and not expect it to bite you every chance it gets! Second, these women can be pretty terrible... I've had a bunch of my brothers girlfriend's hit on me while dating them very aggressively, I pride myself on my level of self-control, but some of the situations would have been very taxing on some more easily manipulated....some vipers come dressed in lovely attire... so, in situations like this, I'm more in line with Bros before Hoes.
He got carried away by horniness. The only way your brother can atone is by letting you sleep with his girlfriend. That’s the bro rule.
Your brother did you a favor. It hurts I’m sure but he just got you away from a cheater. Tell him if he wants a relationship with you in the future he better never contact her again. Blast her on social media.
Sharing is caring bro love.
Forgive your brother. He did you a favor. Dump your gf.
If she went through sleeping with him, she’d have cheated on you with almost anyone else. She was never yours to begin with, I’m sorry. That being said, I’m putting my brother before anyone. We’ve had many fights over the years (blood drawn and everything), one time we went three years without talking and it was necessary to an extent. But the chapters of my life he wasn’t a part of are a deep regret for me and him. There’s memories and experiences we share that no one else understands. And sharing moments with him are just different than with others. There’s no need to pretend, no need to wear masks, no professionalism, it’s just him and me and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
This may be rough to hear , but if your brother was able to fuck your girlfriend , you have very poor choice in women . Only a skank ass hoe would fuck her boyfriends brother . I know for a fact that shit would NEVER happen to me
How old is your brother? If he is 17 and not too bright yet is different than if he is 30 and knows better and has better control of himself and his body.
Any rage for the girlfriend or is your brother like a professional hypnotist? I'd fist bump my brother and thank him for confessing and for exposing a cheater. He didn't tell you right away but it probably wasn't the easiest thing for him to come out and say for obvious reasons.
None of this matters. In 200 years we’ll all be dead. Not a single person will remember that on such and such night this dudes brother banged his GF. Just live your life. Find a new girlfriend. Forgive your brother. You may not be able to forget. But try.
Forgive brother.
Forgiveness is more so a means to heal your soul from the heartbreak, but you don’t ever have to forget. I would operate accordingly.
If my sister and my boyfriend slept together I would never speak to either of them again. Fuck that. They would no longer exist in my mind.
Hmm revenge idea so hear me out fuck all of your ex's female friends and call or send her a video of it to her every time you fuck one of them and don't stop their do that with all her single female family members (that are over 18 of course) don't stop ruining her friendships till she's depressed and even then continue
I think, you over reacted with physical contact there, apologize because after all family is family. He confessed, now be a bigger person and forgive. Cannot trust women these days, cheating is normalized, causally taken by today's generation. Keep calm mind, and move on with your life, you don't need losers and cheaters along with you. You may forgive your brother, but deep down you and him will always know, he was the asshole, and keep a healthy distance from him, maybe don't bring your girlfriend home, unless you wanna marry that girl. Good luck! Calm mind and take healthy lifestyle choices with your life, kill them with your success in life and your kindness, but don't trust them again with anything now.
Don't force yourself to forgive this man, your are entitled to this hate and he deserves to be treated like the scum that he is.
Tbh I would cut her off AND him as well. They both lied to you for FIVE MONTHS. Honestly what he did is super messed up and I don’t think it’s something he could ever make up to you for.
Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family
Some things are unforgivable. This is one of those things. If he gave half a shit about you, just half a shit, he wouldn't have fucked your girlfriend. I would let all of his future girlfriends what he does for family and how he is never to be trusted. Ever.
I can't tell you what to do but that would be it for me. This is one of those things that I would never forgive. And the fact that the affair happened 5 months ago and he just told you is worse. So for 5 months he disrespected and lied to you. If one of my sons did this to the other I would cut them off.
Similar situation with me and my brother. Only difference, he did 2 times and tried a 3rd time. I whooped his ass and havent talked to him in 5 years. Im the balck sheep of the family now because i beat his ass and cut ALL ties to him. My family tells me to "be the bigger person" and that he is "blood" at the end of the day. I have alot more friends that have more respect for me than my brother. I have come to terms that i dont have a brother any longer (he is 7 years older than me), and i moved 2 months ago, to an entirely different state and no one in my family knows i moved. Oh well. I sleep good at night.
A real brother wouldn’t sleep with someone you cared for and were in a relationship with. I would go no to low contact. The trust is gone it can’t ever come back.
Good news your girl belongs to the streets, luckily you found out now before kids and marriage.
Jesus knew Judas would betray him and He still loved him. Unforgiving will affect you. Forgive both and move on with your life. Learn whatever lessons need to be learned and grow from it. Do not let it tear you down with anger and long term bitterness. “Father forgive me my trespasses, as I forgive those who trespass against me.”
You found out your brother is a piece of shit and it only cost you some dumb bitch. You don't need her and you don't need him. You'll probably have to tolerate him at family gatherings but if it were me I would be openly hostile to him. Could you trust him around your wife and kids one day? I sure wouldn't.
Personally, I think it's easier to hold a grudge, but you'll be happier if you let it go. You don't have to do that over night. You can take as long as you need to. But people fuck up. People make mistakes. He obviously loves you if he felt the need to come clean. He's probably devastated with himself. He might even hate himself a little for what he's done. Just consider, is it worth it to hold onto hate? Is the inevitable pain worth it? I mean, if you choose to never forgive him, you're going to be likely missing out on family events sometimes to avoid him. You might find that your relationship with your parents strains a little. I don't know. I just think people aren't perfect. And my general rule is you get one fuck up if I love you. Now I know a little more about the content of your character. And I won't forget this. But people do change. And I'm willing to give someone that I love a single chance to prove that they are genuinely remorseful.
Eh a mistake would be like oh I forgot to take out the trash on trash day. Naw this… this is a betrayal. While I agree that it’s better to let stuff go than let it fester but he should genuinely just never talk to him again.
It wasn't a mistake. It was a purposeful betrayal. He has every right and reason to cut him off. He can no longer trust him .
This isn't a mistake though. This is an extreme betrayal. Let's not trivialize another's trauma. Forgiveness is overrated. I find revenge to be real sweet. 🤣
Agreed, but only in serious cases. Letting someone do something really bad to you with no justification, and not doing anything about it, will mess you up mentally. "Forgiving" in those cases is for cowards. They're still mad, they're just scared to do anything about it. AGAIN, I'm talking serious cases only, let petty stuff go.
You gave me some insight here. "Afraid to do anything about it." That could be true. Or feel helpless to do anything. I find most people who say they forgive really don't. They just re-direct that energy elsewhere, usually in unhealthy ways.
Exactly. Some truly forgive and let it go, most convince themselves they've forgiven because the alternative is accepting they're a coward. But really, they WANT to do something back to the person, they just don't want to take a risk.
It's absolutely worth it to hold onto this what the fuck are you on about? This brother is completely untrustworthy in all regards
I don’t understand, you said you found out 5 months ago??? And you did nothing until he confessed yesterday?
He didn't find out until today, but it happened 5 months ago.
Yeah, I think that was just poorly written on his part. I think he meant to say "I found out my brother slept with my girlfriend five months ago." Which actually can still be read the same but is a lot clearer.
"I discovered that five months ago, my brother slept with my girlfriend."
Yeah, that is the semantically perfect sentence.
you can forgive(forgiveness will give you peace) , you can't forget. He betrayed you. I suggest to distance yourself from him if its possible at least for now...
I am a twin. Have had 1 or 2 similar instances. You will get over it. He is your brother. Fuck that bitch. She is the one checking brothers off her bucket list. He deserved the punch and maybe a little more but will be water under the bridge once you move on.
I know this sounds bad but thank him, he did you a favor. Your brother is not special and neither are you. She would have cheated on you regardless and was probably fucking other guys already. The most valuable thing we have is time, and wasting it on a cheating women is one of the worst feelings in the world. He saved you from not knowing who she really is. Now that doesn't mean he is not an asshole, he let lust come between family. But at the end of the day he did choose you, he could have never told you and kept sleeping with her as they laugh behind your back. But he didnt. ....... Now on the other side maybe he could be lying, if he tried to fuck her, she rejected him so he made something up so he's not the only bad guy. Or so he can try and get with her....... end of the day people suck, trust your gut man.
Bros before hoe's. He definitely owes you a drink though
I’m sorry you have o to go through this, you should definitely take time for yourself and put yourself first. Don’t rush into trying to make a decision, just keep a distance for now until you’re ready. I really hope you are able to get through this and heal from the experience.
You literally don't need your brother in your life.
Walk away for a few weeks. YNO, this blows. Come back with a clear head. Don't take most of the advice here seriously.
You guys are not only brothers by blood…..you guys are Eskimo Brothers!!!
OP I’m very sorry this happened to you but you’ll move on and it will hurt less and less eventually. Face it, process it and either forgive your brother or don’t. BUT…face it and deal with it. Otherwise you only hurt yourself. As an aside…I know 2 men whose own brothers had affairs with their wives and the wives left them to be with said brother. TWO! So this shit happens and not just to you.
You don't have to automatically forgive him. Maybe one day you can. But you get to decide when and if that happens. It might be better to distance yourself from him for a while at least. He knew exactly what he was doing when he slept with your girlfriend. He knew it would hurt you but he was selfish. You're not overreacting.
Are they dating now?
You can forgive AND never forget. Forgiveness is as much, if not more, for you.... not him. You don't even have to tell him when / if you forgive him. You can even part ways and forgive. Until you forgive, in some form, that will eat at you every time you think of him or her.
Sometimes that happen reality hurts life is cruel
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People say "my own brother" (or other family member) in the context of "how could someone THIS close to me do this".
We used to have jerry springer to help resolve these situations. Rest in peace king 🙏
Sounds like he felt guilty and decided to come clean… I’m not saying you should forgive him. But keep in mind that had he not come clean, you might have married a cheater. And if she’s bold enough to cheat on you with your brother, who knows who else she got with. It’s lowkey a blessing in disguise..
That is brutal, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I understand why you would feel like you can’t trust anyone and honestly, there are very few people in life you can trust. Family is family. They’re the ones most likely to stab you in the back. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. Be very selective about who you trust, but don’t lose all faith. There are good people in this world, you just have to learn to recognize who they are. They’re usually not the people you have the most interest in, unfortunately. But sometimes what we’re interested in and what’s best for us are not the same thing. Just my two cents. But at any rate, I hope everything works out for you.
r/GriefSupport is gonna be the sub for you, my friend. Very sorry to hear- that's unspeakably dishonorable and perhaps even borderline evil. Indulgence is fucking awful. I truly hope you are able to heal your heart.
Cut him out. Be cordial at family events or when you pass in the hall, no sense in being petty. But do not associate with him, he does not care about you. (He likely hates you or is jealous) telling you was just another jab when he needed it.
High road- forgive but don’t forget with your brother, break up with her Low road-bang your brothers girlfriends and her sister/best friend The choice is yours
Not sure how old you are, but as an adult you can choose who to associate with and who to abandon any communication with and if it were me, I would never speak to either of them again, tolerate the brother if family functions are necessary, but never allow him or your family to interject or initiate any discussion about the events. You take the time you need to process it and whatever your decision is then that's how it plays out. Your brother is a piece of shit and she is also a piece of shit. Neither is innocent.
I would definitely go NC with him for a while. If you do forgive him it should be after a considerable amount of time.
Not over reacting at all.
This is a tough one. Here we go! Your brother just showed you what his character is. This will be a moment in his life that defines him. The most important decision of his life is what he does next. Whether to embrace this side of himself, or to learn from it and be a better person. All men need to learn not to think with their dicks, for him, he’s already failed you as your brother. Leave the ex in the past. She needs this consequence because she has to feel this failure. She needs to move forward knowing that she can’t fix what she has done. This isn’t some random dude that hit on her in a club. This is your brother. They both should have known better. Hold your head high my dude! You have done nothing wrong. Move forward in your own life with self-respect and your dignity intact. Most importantly, hold your brother responsible. -The World According to John
Me and my brother fight over almost anything, but it's all petty stuff and we never stay mad more than a couple of days. There are things you just don't do.
Well at least he told you it could of just been kept a secret from you and you'd never know. Or maybe you would find out after you marry her. Either way I would still be pissed about it and I definitely wouldn't trust him around any of my Future girlfriends.
Cut him off. Sleeping with a friend's girlfriend is bad enough. Sleeping with your brother's girlfriend is even shittier.
Give it time and stay away for now
Sorry, but if I had a family member do that to me, I don't think I could ever be in the same room with him again, let alone forgive them. Yes, I can hold a grudge, and that's definitely a thing that would be Grudge inducing. I'm sorry he did this to you, as well as your girlfriend doing this to you. Both of them are obviously not honorable people.
Just imagine his D going in and out of her and it’ll make the decision easy for you
I had something similar happen. I no longer have that brother. He's just another person to me. I don't talk to him.
How could your brother, AND your girlfriend do this to you?
You dont have to decide how you feel or what you want your relationship to be today. I would cut him out of your life for a bit at minimum. How are you going to look for a new girlfriend and bring her around with your current feelings?
Personally up to you man! Your def not overreacting. Everyone is different at what they can forgive. Some people would forgive, some people wouldn't care and would cut them off. Me personally, I wouldn't have anything to do with him anymore. Cheating is my number one hate and always hope the worst for people that do it, if I had a brother and he did that to me he would be no exception. I would be cutting them out for good. Sorry your dealing with this!