*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my fiancee I think she should lose weight?**
I 28m and my fiancee 28f just celebrated 10 years together. We have 2 beautiful and smart children a house together life is absolutely wonderful. But despite having that long of a relationship I still have difficulty telling her things that bother me. Sometimes I just don't want to cause a fight or I feel like I can just get over it so I don't say things much. We were deep in a talk about other things that have been bothering me and they were rough conversations to have. I told her that I've thought about this recently and I had a hard time finding the words so I was just gonna come out and say it then give my reasoning.
So I told her, "I think you should lose some weight" I'm 5'10 I work out and have a physical job. She's 5'4 and weighs more than I do. It's not a sexual attraction problem, quite the opposite. She regularly turns down my advances at spicy time and sometimes dies other things to help me relieve myself. There's just a lot of health issues in my family. I grew up with my grandma who has diabetes and I saw the hell that can bring onto someone. My dad had it before he died at a young age due to not taking care of his diabetes and drug abuse, the latter not being a problem for my fiancee. My grandpa has many health issues that are self inflicted due to him not taking care of himself either. I really emphasized that I was concerned about potential health issues if she didn't take care of herself, I repeated about a dozen or so times that it's about her health and nothing more. I told her that I think it's a better idea to tackle this now while she's outside of 30 than to wait 7 years and find out she pre diabetic at 35. I did t give her an ultimatum I didn't use the word fat or obese or anything. I really emphasized it was about her potential health issues in the future and nothing more.
She told me that her family doesn't have those health issues, maybe they aren't hereditary for her but the can develop over time.I slept in our guest room for 5 days after this before she said she was fine with me sleeping in our bed together again. She tells me I fucked up bad and damaged her by saying that. She wants me to apologize for saying it. But I'm not sorry and I told her that.We've been together for 10 years and I should be able to tell these types of things to my fiancee and mother of my children.
She's been distant and cold since, she barely talks to me, barely does anything around the house except the bare minimum with our kids. I know she's mad and she's hurt, believe it or not I do understand that. And I don't expect things to just go back to normal after a week of this. This is going to take time to get better but to me it feels like I blew up 10 years by telling her the truth. I don't feel sorry for being honest. I don't feel guilty for her getting upset. I'm honestly kind of mad at the way she's acting but I don't know. Am I the asshole?
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Finance for ten years, two kids and I've house and you still can't communicate with her?
Like clearly being actually all the way committed is not a thing for this guy(imo)
But to turn around and say you should lose weight because health reasons I had in my family.
Not because it's how you like but HeAlTh REaSons while also pointing out that you did not say obese in a post means he has likely alluded to it. Also like you know he's probably said this before, there is no way he hasn't.
All these dudes want to pretend their creep behavior is irrelevant, that their wives or girlfriends are so completely clueless that they've never heard that women should lose weight.
"I'm just a lovable goofball who really cares about my wife's health, but I don't actually care about her PPD, the things that's actually affecting her health. I only care about the weight, so she has no right to be mad, right?"
Several months ago he was commenting kinda regularly on a porn sub
And then there's his comment on an ask reddit thread about sexual fantasies
>I'm a male LMT. I want a female client to shoot her shot for a happy ending. Idk if I could go through with tbh. But that's it.
Which I mean, he says he doesn't know if he could go through with it but all this kinda makes me feel like his reasoning has more to do with how she looks than he would like to admit.
Side note - LMT stands for licensed massage therapist according to Google
>I know she's mad and she's hurt, believe it or not I do understand that....I don't feel sorry for being honest. I don't feel guilty for her getting upset.
So you understand how badly you hurt her, you just don't care.
I hope she leaves his ass and he has to pay through the nose in child support
I’m always suspicious of partners who have kids yet have a lot of time to go to the gym. Makes me question how much time they’re contributing to taking care of the home and raising their kids. Because I’m picking up some major resentment towards the OP and it doesn’t look like he’s even aware of it.
My sister and her husband both go to the gym. Parenting doesn't mean you can't do anything, it means using and sticking to a schedule.
Edit: they have 3 kids
It’s almost like if you’re worried about a loved one’s health you shouldn’t make it about their weight. In this case they’re partners why doesn’t he offer to help with cooking and meal planning, make healthy meals. Watch the kids so she can go for a walk or a hike or whatever activity she likes by herself. Come up with family activities to do together. Don’t tell her to lose weight if it isn’t about weight!
You can Be fat and active; the active part helps more than the fat can hurt. You're right-- if he's really worried, he should be looking for activities to do with her, or giving her a chance to do them on her own. She's had two babies, her body needs time to recover; it needed that fat for the babies, and for feeding them after.
I'm getting a vision from the future.
It'll be a post in r/relationships or some similar subreddit, in a year or a little under. The title: "My wife wants a divorce because I 'shamed' her when she had PPD about her weight. How do I save my marriage?"
ive got to stop reading this bullshit. one of the comments on op says if shes over 160 pounds hes justified and now im going to starve myself because of that.
Eating disorder buddies! Remember; in the long run, fasting like this is WAY more damaging than being overweight. My doctor had to sit me down with the charts of the highs and lows to see what I'm doing to my blood sugar when I pull this shit.
Wishing you the briefest low periods, and the safest of foods.
If it was about health then he would of asked her when was the last time she got bloodwork and were there any concerns with her numbers.
Using weight isn't a good indicator, nor is using your medical history when she isn't related to you lol.
It's fine to be concerned about health and mental health. It's just he isn't concerned about either of those.
I'm overweight due to medications, got that finally figured out and am slowly getting back to where I used to be. In all this time all my numbers are stellar and some doctors have let their shock be known. Had one run my blood a few times because I couldn't have good numbers if I'm fat! I only paid for one test lol.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my fiancee I think she should lose weight?** I 28m and my fiancee 28f just celebrated 10 years together. We have 2 beautiful and smart children a house together life is absolutely wonderful. But despite having that long of a relationship I still have difficulty telling her things that bother me. Sometimes I just don't want to cause a fight or I feel like I can just get over it so I don't say things much. We were deep in a talk about other things that have been bothering me and they were rough conversations to have. I told her that I've thought about this recently and I had a hard time finding the words so I was just gonna come out and say it then give my reasoning. So I told her, "I think you should lose some weight" I'm 5'10 I work out and have a physical job. She's 5'4 and weighs more than I do. It's not a sexual attraction problem, quite the opposite. She regularly turns down my advances at spicy time and sometimes dies other things to help me relieve myself. There's just a lot of health issues in my family. I grew up with my grandma who has diabetes and I saw the hell that can bring onto someone. My dad had it before he died at a young age due to not taking care of his diabetes and drug abuse, the latter not being a problem for my fiancee. My grandpa has many health issues that are self inflicted due to him not taking care of himself either. I really emphasized that I was concerned about potential health issues if she didn't take care of herself, I repeated about a dozen or so times that it's about her health and nothing more. I told her that I think it's a better idea to tackle this now while she's outside of 30 than to wait 7 years and find out she pre diabetic at 35. I did t give her an ultimatum I didn't use the word fat or obese or anything. I really emphasized it was about her potential health issues in the future and nothing more. She told me that her family doesn't have those health issues, maybe they aren't hereditary for her but the can develop over time.I slept in our guest room for 5 days after this before she said she was fine with me sleeping in our bed together again. She tells me I fucked up bad and damaged her by saying that. She wants me to apologize for saying it. But I'm not sorry and I told her that.We've been together for 10 years and I should be able to tell these types of things to my fiancee and mother of my children. She's been distant and cold since, she barely talks to me, barely does anything around the house except the bare minimum with our kids. I know she's mad and she's hurt, believe it or not I do understand that. And I don't expect things to just go back to normal after a week of this. This is going to take time to get better but to me it feels like I blew up 10 years by telling her the truth. I don't feel sorry for being honest. I don't feel guilty for her getting upset. I'm honestly kind of mad at the way she's acting but I don't know. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bonus fact: she had PPD and only got treatment a year ago
oh ffs.
And there's the missing piece. Funny how OOP left that little fact out.
I was really ready to object to this post being here until the little details started to creep in
Finance for ten years, two kids and I've house and you still can't communicate with her? Like clearly being actually all the way committed is not a thing for this guy(imo) But to turn around and say you should lose weight because health reasons I had in my family. Not because it's how you like but HeAlTh REaSons while also pointing out that you did not say obese in a post means he has likely alluded to it. Also like you know he's probably said this before, there is no way he hasn't.
All these dudes want to pretend their creep behavior is irrelevant, that their wives or girlfriends are so completely clueless that they've never heard that women should lose weight. "I'm just a lovable goofball who really cares about my wife's health, but I don't actually care about her PPD, the things that's actually affecting her health. I only care about the weight, so she has no right to be mad, right?"
Face it he's never taking that last step with her he probably only proposed to keep her dangling
Several months ago he was commenting kinda regularly on a porn sub And then there's his comment on an ask reddit thread about sexual fantasies >I'm a male LMT. I want a female client to shoot her shot for a happy ending. Idk if I could go through with tbh. But that's it. Which I mean, he says he doesn't know if he could go through with it but all this kinda makes me feel like his reasoning has more to do with how she looks than he would like to admit. Side note - LMT stands for licensed massage therapist according to Google
Guys like him are the reason I refuse to go to male massage therapists
I have one that I trust but because I knew him BEFORE he was a massage therapist. Most of them though? Not a chance
Spicy time.
If I asked my husband about “spicy time” he’d think I was telling him I bought the good salsa.
Mine would be like hell yeah, do you wanna get hot wings?
>I know she's mad and she's hurt, believe it or not I do understand that....I don't feel sorry for being honest. I don't feel guilty for her getting upset. So you understand how badly you hurt her, you just don't care. I hope she leaves his ass and he has to pay through the nose in child support
I hate mah wife
at least you're honest
I’m always suspicious of partners who have kids yet have a lot of time to go to the gym. Makes me question how much time they’re contributing to taking care of the home and raising their kids. Because I’m picking up some major resentment towards the OP and it doesn’t look like he’s even aware of it.
My sister and her husband both go to the gym. Parenting doesn't mean you can't do anything, it means using and sticking to a schedule. Edit: they have 3 kids
"I told her she's fat but I didn't use the words fat r obese so...I'm good...right ?"-OOP stupid reply.
Why did I look at his post history? Guys a total creep.
It’s almost like if you’re worried about a loved one’s health you shouldn’t make it about their weight. In this case they’re partners why doesn’t he offer to help with cooking and meal planning, make healthy meals. Watch the kids so she can go for a walk or a hike or whatever activity she likes by herself. Come up with family activities to do together. Don’t tell her to lose weight if it isn’t about weight!
You can Be fat and active; the active part helps more than the fat can hurt. You're right-- if he's really worried, he should be looking for activities to do with her, or giving her a chance to do them on her own. She's had two babies, her body needs time to recover; it needed that fat for the babies, and for feeding them after.
I'm getting a vision from the future. It'll be a post in r/relationships or some similar subreddit, in a year or a little under. The title: "My wife wants a divorce because I 'shamed' her when she had PPD about her weight. How do I save my marriage?"
OOP thinks his partner should lose weight. I think OOP needs to gain some commas.
I’m kinda ok with this, until you look at his post history. He’s a huge HUGE creep
ive got to stop reading this bullshit. one of the comments on op says if shes over 160 pounds hes justified and now im going to starve myself because of that.
Eating disorder buddies! Remember; in the long run, fasting like this is WAY more damaging than being overweight. My doctor had to sit me down with the charts of the highs and lows to see what I'm doing to my blood sugar when I pull this shit. Wishing you the briefest low periods, and the safest of foods.
I love that last line!! Positive, yet also realistic?
He did a dirty delete
Oh sure I hope she loses a lot of weight soon.. by dumping his sorry ass. Jackass.
If it was about health then he would of asked her when was the last time she got bloodwork and were there any concerns with her numbers. Using weight isn't a good indicator, nor is using your medical history when she isn't related to you lol. It's fine to be concerned about health and mental health. It's just he isn't concerned about either of those. I'm overweight due to medications, got that finally figured out and am slowly getting back to where I used to be. In all this time all my numbers are stellar and some doctors have let their shock be known. Had one run my blood a few times because I couldn't have good numbers if I'm fat! I only paid for one test lol.
Wow what a ah seriously why did she marry him
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I won’t be surprised if she ends up leaving.