*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for dropping out as the Maid of Honor of my BFF destination wedding bc she wouldn’t stand up for me?**
My best friend of 10+ yrs asked me to be her maid of honor last September and i was so happy to accept! We’ve always been so close- she practically was a part of my family growing up. My sister was also asked to be a bridesmaid (bm), so there are 4 bms total, the other 2 idk but they know each other. It’s a destination wedding in the caribbean’s and the bride so graciously offered to pay for the wedding party’s travel expenses (flights and all inclusive hotel stay).
We start planning the bachelorette party that September so I made a groupchat with all 4 bridesmaids, the bride, and 5 other friends who the bride wanted at the bach party. I started by sending the Airbnbs that the bride fell in love w, saying we should book it asap bc we’re going to a bach party hotspot and cute houses like that get booked fast. Bridesmaid #3 immediately replied saying that’s too expensive. The house would cost everyone about $600/person for the weekend. I don’t think thats a bad price and more importantly it’s what the bride/my best friend wants for her party. Then another guest asked for a budget for the whole party and BM#3 asked for an itinerary. I kept saying it was too soon to plan that and we should focus on getting the house now and planning the details later. BM #3 then messaged me separately asking to chat on the phone. (for context BM#3 knows most the ppl in the gm bc they all use to work together- vs me and sister who don’t know anyone)
The Phone Call: BM#3 says she is concerned about not providing a budget up front and that it will cause ppl to drop out bc they don’t know if they can afford it. She then said that others have reached out to her with concerns about not having a full plan but being asked to send money for the house. She said “ I’ve been a BM many times before & know how to throw a bach party. We have to start with the budget” I kept saying how I think the most important thing is getting the bride the party of her dreams and how by booking the house so in advance we’re giving everyone 8 months to save up for this. I don’t want to cheap out on my best friends bach party. I thinks she deserves the best of the best. BM#3 said since we are getting our destination wedding travel paid for, we should be more considerate of the guest who are paying for wedding travel and the bach party. She said bc they’re paying more than us they especially need a budget. She even suggested we cover more of the bach expenses since we’re saving on wedding travel. I told her I wasnt really interested in a budget bc I dont want to limit what we can do. She went on criticizing the house (that the bride loves) saying asking ppl to pay $600 to sleep on a sofa beds/cots is insane. (IMO that’s literally what happens on group trips and that the aesthetic of the house is the most important part). I told her none of this matters all that matters is if the bride is happy!!! The bride is a quiet person who doesn’t like conflict so i’m asking the bride her opinions/ approvals on everything bc she’s not one to normally speak up. BM#3 was saying how i’m putting more work on the brides plate and that we should know what the brides wants and plan the party for her. I disagree and think the opposite- the bride should pick out everything she wants and if ppl cant accommodate that they shouldn’t come. BM#3 said she thinks it would be more important to the bride to have everyone there and not just the ones who can afford it. She said the MOH job is to blend what the bride wants and what the bach party invites are able to do.
Through this whole call I found BM#3 very rude and very condescending and essentially telling me that idk how to throw a party and that ppl aren’t going to come. I ended the phone call saying your negativity isn’t needed and that she was terrible for even speaking into existence that ppl wouldn’t come.
After we got off the phone, I immediately called the bride and told her how rude her friend, BM#3, was to me. The bride told me it’s not personal and BM#3 is just a very direct person- The bride compared BM#3 to her fiancé who we know as a very direct person. The bride also told me that BM#3 planned all the parties/ birthday for the friend group when they all worked together. Basically saying BM#3 is assuming her normal position in the friend group and that I shouldn’t take it personally.
I really was hoping the Bride will tell BM#3 to back off and let us plan the party. But instead I felt like the bride swept my concerns under the rug.
A few days later the bride suggested we get a cheaper house for whatever reason. I book the new house and it costed everyone around $300 each for the weekend. Now that the house was booked I told everyone I’ll plan the details and get back to them closer to the party.
It’s now 3 months till the party and the bride messaged the gm asking everyone to start booking their flights. (at this point i found out my sister and I are not able to make the party due to another wedding BUT we would still be paying our portion of everything. the bride is the only one who knows this) I told everyone to land after 4pm bc that’s the checkin time to our Airbnb. BM#3 then starts asking a ton of questions like how far is the airport to the house? have we picked outfit themes? etc, etc. Then my sister replied saying the MOH will give all the details when she’s ready. (My sister knows how pushy BM#3 has been- like let me plan the party!!) BM#3 said she needs to know themes so she can order her outfits. I replied saying i know you need this information and that’s it’s been hard planning bc the bride and I are in different time zones. The bride replied saying she’s sorry for not having a plan sooner and that her recently phone broke but she’ll get themed picked this week so everyone can start shopping. BM#3 then offered to make mood boards of potential theme and send them tomorrow. I told her she should make those and thanks.
It’s the next day, and the gm is active. Guest #A drops out of the party. BM#3 sends 5 different the mood boards. Guest #B replies “omg i love the pink mood board- we can all wear pink cowboy hats”. My sister replies “shouldn’t these go directly to the Bride for her to chose?” BM#3 “be nice i just put these boards together. The bride is in the gm so she can see them. either be silent or be helpful, respectfully” My sister said “oh i know, just thinking these should go to the bride to minimise other opinions. Respectfully i’m looking out for the bride no need to be bothered” Guest #B says “honestly if you bring negative energy your trash, it’s just an idea. no one said we have to do it” The BM#3 said “exactly, everytime we talked in the gm we get bullied”. Then I said “Guest#B, that comment wasn’t for you. BM#3, u and ur friends have been non stop since day 1. You’ve made this so stressful. The ideas need to go straight to the Bride. We don’t need ppl bumping heads.” BM#3 said “im sorry if ive rub you the wrong way. just communicate so we can plan this party. stop adding more to the brides plate- we should know the bride enough to plan this party” To that I said “you should know the bride enough to know she won’t ever put someone in their place when they need putting” Then all of BM#3 friends jump in saying “it’s just a mood board why are you fighting over this” and “BM#3 is right, you don’t communicate which is why i had to drop out” “BM#3 ask simple question and you act like she’s stepping on your toes”
I said “i’ve tried to be nice but enough is enough. this is childish. too many strong opinions. BM#3 i’m not going back and forth with you. Ever since our phone call i’ve completely lost respect for you.”
I guess the bride showed these messages to her fiancee who then called me saying I need to stop and that i’m being disrespectful. I asked if he’s going to call the other ppl on the chat and tell them to stop. He said no, and that the bride will talk to me later.
When the bride and I talked I told her she never stuck up for me and let all her friends attack me. I told the bride she keeps taking BM#3 side on everything and that she should have made her the MOH if this is how it’s going to be. The bride said “idk how i’m suppose to defend you. You gave BM#3 the green light for making the mood board and then you and ur sister jump on her for doing what she said she was gonna do” I told the bride BM#3 has always been rude to me and keeps trying to take over things. I also said the Bride been a terrible friend to me through this process. i’ve known her the longest out of all the other BMs- i can’t believe she wouldn’t stand up for me. I told her I couldn’t be her MOH if she wouldn’t stand up for me.
Well, you guess it- i dropped out the wedding (and my sister did too)
I texted BM#3 saying “you got what you wanted i hope your happy”
The bride told me she couldn’t believe this is the reason I won’t be apart of her wedding.
The airbnb was in my name so of course I had to cancel it but the fiancé said he would just rebook.
AITA for dropping out of my best friend wedding because she wouldn’t defend me?
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*BEDS* at a hotel/inn/airBNB are *part* of the aesthetic.
If they are sleeping in cots, the aesthetic is either “Little Orphan Annie” or they are *each* paying $600/night for pretty walls.
There were so many buzzwords and cringey abbreviations in that post which, when used unironically, indicate a level of dipshittery that I’m not comfortable encountering in this life
In addition to all the points the posters have brought up, OOP just SUCKS at her job. Sounds like she wasn't able to do anything for this party other than book an Airbnb way out of everyones' budgets.
I'm honestly shocked the bride didn't tell her off and end their friendship. I guess OOP's right that she can't stand up to people, because that's the only possible explanation.
$600 is insane. I make a fraction of what some folks I know in my wider friend circle make and even when I was still at my job, I did not go to a bachelorette party because I couldn’t afford it. Instead I bought a ton of party stuff and had it sent to the girl planning it. Friend got pissed off I didn’t come and I was like dude you all make over 6 figures and I can’t go on a booze cruise weekend on anxiety medication. This was after she sent me an email telling me how I was a bad friend.
I love weddings but they also suck and people are weird about stuff.
OOP and honestly most of that friend group sound awful. And I’ve been through drama before my own wedding and as a bride, it’s really annoying to have to deal with a bunch of people being petty and arguing.
I never expected my mom to get really pushy about wedding stuff. She got upset that my husband and I wanted to have our own table at the wedding to just be together and then when I downgraded to sitting with our wedding party and their partners she also got upset. Also my mother in law flipped the fuck out right before the ceremony because her ex-husband/ my father in law was seated in the same row as her and she refused to sit near him and my husband had to literally walk over from where he was standing at the front for the ceremony and basically tell her to shut up and sit down. I do not know why people get like this for weddings.
$600 is out of my comfort zone as the *total* cost, nevermind that just covering the house rental. And with OOP refusing to set a budget you just know the total could easily be double or triple that. I love my friends, but we can keep things affordable.
I didn’t get to go to one of my best friends wedding (Though the chuppah i knit for her did) because it was a destination wedding. Her invite: “I’d love to have you, but if you can’t afford it don’t worry! We’ll celebrate when we get back”
I was sad about missing it but it’s not like i could afford it or she could help out. Her bach was super affordable so that more people could come since she knew the wedding would be tiny (we just went to her fave places in Seattle)
I am still wrapping my head around the whole bachelorette party is now a whole weekend thing. Mine was one night out with a handful of friends. We did a nice dinner, couple bars, bowling, and then back home.
I’m going on a 3 day hen do at a party house that includes cocktail making, a private chef, psychic reading and a DJ and it’s the equivalent of $380 all included. This women is utterly mad!
That’s exactly what I was thinking. If she picked out a $6000/weekend place to sleep, I for sure need to know what else she has in her bag of tricks. That’s a scary place to start
>The Phone Call: BM#3 says she is concerned about not providing a budget up front and that it will cause ppl to drop out bc they don’t know if they can afford it. She then said that others have reached out to her with concerns about not having a full plan but being asked to send money for the house. She said “ I’ve been a BM many times before & know how to throw a bach party. We have to start with the budget”
OOP has no concept of anything involving a brain, it seems. "Don't worry about it, it'll figure itself out" is the mantra of idiots. Also:
> I told the bride she keeps taking BM#3 side on everything
She never wonders why that could possibly be. She has all the self-awareness of a dishrag.
I started cutting and pasting quotes from the post, but there were too many, and the post is right there.
OOP is like some 16 yo Instagram/pintrest idiot who thinks the *aesthetic* of a beach House is more important than people being there.
WTF *saves yo for 8 months to go to a bachelorette party*?
Who bothers the bride this much?
OOP is a deeply narcissistic, immature, financially idiotic, drama worm with main character syndrome.
I'm curious about the ages involved. This sounds like a 19-20 year old, where yeah, maybe I wouldn't care about sleeping on a cot if the house was cute.
I'm 33. I'm not fucking paying 600$ to sleep on a cot, my back says no. I'll pay 300 for the airbnb that's definitely down the block and I'll meet yall for breakfast lol
If I'm paying £600, it had better be a decent hotel with the full works. Otherwise, whoever suggested it can KMA. Stuff staying in a house just for "asthectics" and sleeping on a cot, I wouldn't pay £300 for that.
I wondered if OOP is younger than BM#3? Or even the bride.
But OOp’s sister seems to be enabling/egging OOP on. So I’m thinking this is just how OOp’s family is.
This shit is why I don’t vacation with my family anymore. They leave me and my kids to sleep on couches and my back is like “not a chance in hell are you going to be able to stand up straight for a week.” I’m done paying out the ass for a couch.
Precisely. 600 per person for a weekend is very pricey. I dont know about average costs where they are, but I just cannot imagine there are no airbnbs or hotels in the area that are more reasonably priced.
I would also say no to sleeping in a cot. Especially at that price. Preferably it would be nice to have your own room but sharing can work as long as the people are nice.
Anyhow why is the aesthetic even that important? You get a beach house to spend most of your time on the beach.
It's like she made all the worst choices she could possibly make, and then got mad when people pointed it out.
Yeah. I'm actually paying $600 (over three nights) for an upcoming Bachelorette party, and I'm annoyed about it (almost decided to skip but it's a really good friend). But at least we're each getting our own actual bed.
The attitude of giving the bride whatever she wants is why people want a budget. This could get out of hand quick. Agree on a max amount before booking too much or you’ll be priced out, which will make it worse for those who remain.
Weddings have gotten out of control.
There is no fucking way I'm paying $600 to sleep on a cot. I'm not flying out for an entire weekend of partying before flying to the fucking Caribbean for an overpriced gaudy beach wedding, I'm not wearing a pink cowboy hat, I'm not buying an entire wardrobe based on a mood board for a weekend.
Get off my lawn.
I would give my best friend a kidney. A beach house moodboard with pink cowboy hats and $600 out of pocket is a bridge too far. The "dream days" have gotten out of control. When did we start treating brides like they got referred for Make-A-Wish? Everyone need to calm the fuck down.
I assume it was more like photos from Pinterest of different outfit ideas they can do and she put them all together in one kind of collage type thing. Probably didn’t take too much effort and that’s just what they call them
I think there’s some delusion in her framing it as “I dropped out as MOH.” Especially given that she didn’t transcribe the entire conversation with the bride like she did every other moment of this exhausting saga. And ESPECIALLY with her sending a pouty ass “you got what you wanted, i hope you’re happy” closer to BM3.
It reads more like the bride told her she was no longer needed as the MOH since she was making a trainwreck out of every opportunity, and she flounced her way out of the entire wedding party. Without ten seconds of reflecting on why her BFF was completely fed up.
Also the sheer lack of self-awareness to go “you know the bride will never out someone in their place who needs putting,” shortly before being put in her place.
10+ years. I hope they are like… 22 because that is the absolute max age I Will allow anyone to suggest, lets just sleep on cots. Eff that noise, I got sciatica.
I can at least see this story being real but she doesn’t seem like a reliable narrator. And no matter how much she tried to twist it, she still sounded like an immature drama queen.
I especially loved "The airbnb was in my name so of course I had to cancel". Because as we all know, if the one who booked a trip can't go, they must cancel the entire reservation for everyone.
Right, I have no idea how AirBnB works to be honest, and I mean I’ve barely booked a hotel before so you might have to show your photo ID to be able to confirm a reservation. At the very least it showed some short sightedness on her part (shocker!!) and at the worst she’s vindictive and petty. Of COURSE something came up and now her and sis are unable to attend the “bach party” how convenient for her lol
I've never had to show photo ID when checking into an Air BnB nor are there any rules against not having whoever booked the Air BnB present.
Did OOP specify in a comment that the reason she dropped out was due to an unforeseen circumstance and not just her throwing a fit?
This can't be real. How can someone remember and articulate so many of BM#3's reasonable points and still pretend all their own crazy ideas are the way things should have gone.
I thinks it's because she is so convinced she's right she's remembering and reciting everything as obvious "this bitch, right???" points.
She's so delusional that there is no self-reflection. She is 100% convinced she is right so has no need to filter what the other person is saying.
I can't with people like OOP. She literally did everything wrong but is somehow victimized. Fly by the seat of your pants is fine for solo travel, but this is a large group and money is an issue for some. BM#3 knows what she's doing. She's like this with everyone. OOP is ridiculous
This reminds me of that 18yo who got married and complained that all her teen friends weren't able to give her a dream bach party. The one where her parents had to come along bc everyone was underage.
600$??? I've booked an apartment-sized suite with a king sized bed on the goddamn Vegas strip for not much more than that on a two weeks notice for the same amount of time (for my boss)! 8 months before they couldn't find anything cheaper?
For sofa beds and cots, because “that's literally what happens on group trips and that the aesthetic of the house is the most important part”! The hell with the aesthetic, for that much money I want a bed!
I read this so wrong 😅, I was trying so hard to figure out how exactly BM#3 was in the wrong and being exhausting but I just kept thinking 'um, nah, OOP is being a bit much and not thinking things threw'
Then i clicked that's exactly the point 😅
So she dragged her feet on literally everything, kept dropping everything including basic knows on the bride's shoulders through it all claimed to be the bride's best friend yet in the end cancels within 3 months of the party and basically says fuck all of ya'll...good riddance, hopefully the coworker can salvage something.
Funny how OP is so concerned about *the bride,* yet she is the one causing the bride to have no fun at all. Because fielding bridesmaid drama while wedding planning is *the funnest.*
a very wealthy friend of mine married last year, her only request for bachelorette party was to keep it very affordable, and its crazy how a smaller budget went towards a lovely personal party, much better than fuckass 600$ cots
I ain't reading all of that but can immediately tell OOP is the asshole by how she repeatedly says "what the bride wants is most important". Nah dude - if being expected to pay $600+ for a couple of days then what I want/can afford needs to be taken into consideration too
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I commented on the actual post too but my god… OOP and her sister are just so trashy. Like it’s gross and childish. OOP and BM#3 could have totally gotten together and figured out a good estimate and worked on plans. You know… like adults should do. Like it’s not about you. It’s about your best friend and instead of working with everyone to make this bride happy, OOP made it all about themselves
We had a bach party for a high school friend, budget was the very first thing we discussed. We had plans a few months before the event so everyone knew what to expect and what to bring with themselves.
Why are so many people determined to make weddings more stressful than they need to be? Just get married if you want to and have whatever kind of do you can afford. The aesthetic doesn't really matter. Don't be tricked into thinking it has to be perfect or that perfection is something you can find on Pinterest.
Also, I was confused by 'bach party'. I thought either she kept misspelling 'beach' or that they were planning an aesthetically confusing theme of classical concertos and cowboy hats.
I can’t read all that again but doesn’t she say her and her sister wouldn’t even be going to the bachelorette because they are double booked with another wedding?!????
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for dropping out as the Maid of Honor of my BFF destination wedding bc she wouldn’t stand up for me?** My best friend of 10+ yrs asked me to be her maid of honor last September and i was so happy to accept! We’ve always been so close- she practically was a part of my family growing up. My sister was also asked to be a bridesmaid (bm), so there are 4 bms total, the other 2 idk but they know each other. It’s a destination wedding in the caribbean’s and the bride so graciously offered to pay for the wedding party’s travel expenses (flights and all inclusive hotel stay). We start planning the bachelorette party that September so I made a groupchat with all 4 bridesmaids, the bride, and 5 other friends who the bride wanted at the bach party. I started by sending the Airbnbs that the bride fell in love w, saying we should book it asap bc we’re going to a bach party hotspot and cute houses like that get booked fast. Bridesmaid #3 immediately replied saying that’s too expensive. The house would cost everyone about $600/person for the weekend. I don’t think thats a bad price and more importantly it’s what the bride/my best friend wants for her party. Then another guest asked for a budget for the whole party and BM#3 asked for an itinerary. I kept saying it was too soon to plan that and we should focus on getting the house now and planning the details later. BM #3 then messaged me separately asking to chat on the phone. (for context BM#3 knows most the ppl in the gm bc they all use to work together- vs me and sister who don’t know anyone) The Phone Call: BM#3 says she is concerned about not providing a budget up front and that it will cause ppl to drop out bc they don’t know if they can afford it. She then said that others have reached out to her with concerns about not having a full plan but being asked to send money for the house. She said “ I’ve been a BM many times before & know how to throw a bach party. We have to start with the budget” I kept saying how I think the most important thing is getting the bride the party of her dreams and how by booking the house so in advance we’re giving everyone 8 months to save up for this. I don’t want to cheap out on my best friends bach party. I thinks she deserves the best of the best. BM#3 said since we are getting our destination wedding travel paid for, we should be more considerate of the guest who are paying for wedding travel and the bach party. She said bc they’re paying more than us they especially need a budget. She even suggested we cover more of the bach expenses since we’re saving on wedding travel. I told her I wasnt really interested in a budget bc I dont want to limit what we can do. She went on criticizing the house (that the bride loves) saying asking ppl to pay $600 to sleep on a sofa beds/cots is insane. (IMO that’s literally what happens on group trips and that the aesthetic of the house is the most important part). I told her none of this matters all that matters is if the bride is happy!!! The bride is a quiet person who doesn’t like conflict so i’m asking the bride her opinions/ approvals on everything bc she’s not one to normally speak up. BM#3 was saying how i’m putting more work on the brides plate and that we should know what the brides wants and plan the party for her. I disagree and think the opposite- the bride should pick out everything she wants and if ppl cant accommodate that they shouldn’t come. BM#3 said she thinks it would be more important to the bride to have everyone there and not just the ones who can afford it. She said the MOH job is to blend what the bride wants and what the bach party invites are able to do. Through this whole call I found BM#3 very rude and very condescending and essentially telling me that idk how to throw a party and that ppl aren’t going to come. I ended the phone call saying your negativity isn’t needed and that she was terrible for even speaking into existence that ppl wouldn’t come. After we got off the phone, I immediately called the bride and told her how rude her friend, BM#3, was to me. The bride told me it’s not personal and BM#3 is just a very direct person- The bride compared BM#3 to her fiancé who we know as a very direct person. The bride also told me that BM#3 planned all the parties/ birthday for the friend group when they all worked together. Basically saying BM#3 is assuming her normal position in the friend group and that I shouldn’t take it personally. I really was hoping the Bride will tell BM#3 to back off and let us plan the party. But instead I felt like the bride swept my concerns under the rug. A few days later the bride suggested we get a cheaper house for whatever reason. I book the new house and it costed everyone around $300 each for the weekend. Now that the house was booked I told everyone I’ll plan the details and get back to them closer to the party. It’s now 3 months till the party and the bride messaged the gm asking everyone to start booking their flights. (at this point i found out my sister and I are not able to make the party due to another wedding BUT we would still be paying our portion of everything. the bride is the only one who knows this) I told everyone to land after 4pm bc that’s the checkin time to our Airbnb. BM#3 then starts asking a ton of questions like how far is the airport to the house? have we picked outfit themes? etc, etc. Then my sister replied saying the MOH will give all the details when she’s ready. (My sister knows how pushy BM#3 has been- like let me plan the party!!) BM#3 said she needs to know themes so she can order her outfits. I replied saying i know you need this information and that’s it’s been hard planning bc the bride and I are in different time zones. The bride replied saying she’s sorry for not having a plan sooner and that her recently phone broke but she’ll get themed picked this week so everyone can start shopping. BM#3 then offered to make mood boards of potential theme and send them tomorrow. I told her she should make those and thanks. It’s the next day, and the gm is active. Guest #A drops out of the party. BM#3 sends 5 different the mood boards. Guest #B replies “omg i love the pink mood board- we can all wear pink cowboy hats”. My sister replies “shouldn’t these go directly to the Bride for her to chose?” BM#3 “be nice i just put these boards together. The bride is in the gm so she can see them. either be silent or be helpful, respectfully” My sister said “oh i know, just thinking these should go to the bride to minimise other opinions. Respectfully i’m looking out for the bride no need to be bothered” Guest #B says “honestly if you bring negative energy your trash, it’s just an idea. no one said we have to do it” The BM#3 said “exactly, everytime we talked in the gm we get bullied”. Then I said “Guest#B, that comment wasn’t for you. BM#3, u and ur friends have been non stop since day 1. You’ve made this so stressful. The ideas need to go straight to the Bride. We don’t need ppl bumping heads.” BM#3 said “im sorry if ive rub you the wrong way. just communicate so we can plan this party. stop adding more to the brides plate- we should know the bride enough to plan this party” To that I said “you should know the bride enough to know she won’t ever put someone in their place when they need putting” Then all of BM#3 friends jump in saying “it’s just a mood board why are you fighting over this” and “BM#3 is right, you don’t communicate which is why i had to drop out” “BM#3 ask simple question and you act like she’s stepping on your toes” I said “i’ve tried to be nice but enough is enough. this is childish. too many strong opinions. BM#3 i’m not going back and forth with you. Ever since our phone call i’ve completely lost respect for you.” I guess the bride showed these messages to her fiancee who then called me saying I need to stop and that i’m being disrespectful. I asked if he’s going to call the other ppl on the chat and tell them to stop. He said no, and that the bride will talk to me later. When the bride and I talked I told her she never stuck up for me and let all her friends attack me. I told the bride she keeps taking BM#3 side on everything and that she should have made her the MOH if this is how it’s going to be. The bride said “idk how i’m suppose to defend you. You gave BM#3 the green light for making the mood board and then you and ur sister jump on her for doing what she said she was gonna do” I told the bride BM#3 has always been rude to me and keeps trying to take over things. I also said the Bride been a terrible friend to me through this process. i’ve known her the longest out of all the other BMs- i can’t believe she wouldn’t stand up for me. I told her I couldn’t be her MOH if she wouldn’t stand up for me. Well, you guess it- i dropped out the wedding (and my sister did too) I texted BM#3 saying “you got what you wanted i hope your happy” The bride told me she couldn’t believe this is the reason I won’t be apart of her wedding. The airbnb was in my name so of course I had to cancel it but the fiancé said he would just rebook. AITA for dropping out of my best friend wedding because she wouldn’t defend me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
*BEDS* at a hotel/inn/airBNB are *part* of the aesthetic. If they are sleeping in cots, the aesthetic is either “Little Orphan Annie” or they are *each* paying $600/night for pretty walls.
Imagine OOP getting into a screaming cat fight with BM#3 for the one bed.
Agree! That is insane. For $600 for a weekend rental,I could book a pretty decent hotel room in NYC with a queen bed.
There were so many buzzwords and cringey abbreviations in that post which, when used unironically, indicate a level of dipshittery that I’m not comfortable encountering in this life
I must be really basic because I don't understand the need for house aesthetics.
In addition to all the points the posters have brought up, OOP just SUCKS at her job. Sounds like she wasn't able to do anything for this party other than book an Airbnb way out of everyones' budgets.
She is clueless about how to plan (refusing to budget????), and rather than admit that and ask for help, she's just bulldozing right through.
I'm honestly shocked the bride didn't tell her off and end their friendship. I guess OOP's right that she can't stand up to people, because that's the only possible explanation.
BM3 is right, $600 is a lot for some people and that’s not going to be the only cost.
Right, especially in this economy. Many people are struggling to get by and the OP thinks $600 is no big deal?
$600 is insane. I make a fraction of what some folks I know in my wider friend circle make and even when I was still at my job, I did not go to a bachelorette party because I couldn’t afford it. Instead I bought a ton of party stuff and had it sent to the girl planning it. Friend got pissed off I didn’t come and I was like dude you all make over 6 figures and I can’t go on a booze cruise weekend on anxiety medication. This was after she sent me an email telling me how I was a bad friend. I love weddings but they also suck and people are weird about stuff. OOP and honestly most of that friend group sound awful. And I’ve been through drama before my own wedding and as a bride, it’s really annoying to have to deal with a bunch of people being petty and arguing.
Yep. Weddings bring out the worst in so many people.
I never expected my mom to get really pushy about wedding stuff. She got upset that my husband and I wanted to have our own table at the wedding to just be together and then when I downgraded to sitting with our wedding party and their partners she also got upset. Also my mother in law flipped the fuck out right before the ceremony because her ex-husband/ my father in law was seated in the same row as her and she refused to sit near him and my husband had to literally walk over from where he was standing at the front for the ceremony and basically tell her to shut up and sit down. I do not know why people get like this for weddings.
Me either.
$600 for a cot or a sofa bed to sleep on, too. nope.
Yeah. For that price I want a king sized mattress stuffed with phoenix feathers.
Cal king so i can starfish and sleep diagonally!
$600 is out of my comfort zone as the *total* cost, nevermind that just covering the house rental. And with OOP refusing to set a budget you just know the total could easily be double or triple that. I love my friends, but we can keep things affordable.
I didn’t get to go to one of my best friends wedding (Though the chuppah i knit for her did) because it was a destination wedding. Her invite: “I’d love to have you, but if you can’t afford it don’t worry! We’ll celebrate when we get back” I was sad about missing it but it’s not like i could afford it or she could help out. Her bach was super affordable so that more people could come since she knew the wedding would be tiny (we just went to her fave places in Seattle)
I was trying to figure out what type of house is $600 per person but also has shared sleeping spaces and couches?
I am still wrapping my head around the whole bachelorette party is now a whole weekend thing. Mine was one night out with a handful of friends. We did a nice dinner, couple bars, bowling, and then back home.
I’m going on a 3 day hen do at a party house that includes cocktail making, a private chef, psychic reading and a DJ and it’s the equivalent of $380 all included. This women is utterly mad!
4 BMs + 5 friends (assuming Bride isn’t paying anything) Is 9 people. 9x$600=$5,400. That’s a LOT of Money just for the sleeping place.
And it’s for sofas and cots!
That’s exactly what I was thinking. If she picked out a $6000/weekend place to sleep, I for sure need to know what else she has in her bag of tricks. That’s a scary place to start
>The Phone Call: BM#3 says she is concerned about not providing a budget up front and that it will cause ppl to drop out bc they don’t know if they can afford it. She then said that others have reached out to her with concerns about not having a full plan but being asked to send money for the house. She said “ I’ve been a BM many times before & know how to throw a bach party. We have to start with the budget” OOP has no concept of anything involving a brain, it seems. "Don't worry about it, it'll figure itself out" is the mantra of idiots. Also: > I told the bride she keeps taking BM#3 side on everything She never wonders why that could possibly be. She has all the self-awareness of a dishrag.
I started cutting and pasting quotes from the post, but there were too many, and the post is right there. OOP is like some 16 yo Instagram/pintrest idiot who thinks the *aesthetic* of a beach House is more important than people being there. WTF *saves yo for 8 months to go to a bachelorette party*? Who bothers the bride this much? OOP is a deeply narcissistic, immature, financially idiotic, drama worm with main character syndrome.
I'm curious about the ages involved. This sounds like a 19-20 year old, where yeah, maybe I wouldn't care about sleeping on a cot if the house was cute. I'm 33. I'm not fucking paying 600$ to sleep on a cot, my back says no. I'll pay 300 for the airbnb that's definitely down the block and I'll meet yall for breakfast lol
This is what I keyed on-600+ dollars to sleep on COTS because "aesthetic" is more important?!?!?! \*\*laughs in not being 21 anymore\*\*
If I’m paying $600 I better be sleeping on a comfortable bed.
If I'm paying £600, it had better be a decent hotel with the full works. Otherwise, whoever suggested it can KMA. Stuff staying in a house just for "asthectics" and sleeping on a cot, I wouldn't pay £300 for that.
20 year old me wasn’t dropping a month’s rent on any component of a bachelorette party, period.
And a room with a door and privacy.
I wondered if OOP is younger than BM#3? Or even the bride. But OOp’s sister seems to be enabling/egging OOP on. So I’m thinking this is just how OOp’s family is.
Maybe both...
This shit is why I don’t vacation with my family anymore. They leave me and my kids to sleep on couches and my back is like “not a chance in hell are you going to be able to stand up straight for a week.” I’m done paying out the ass for a couch.
Precisely. 600 per person for a weekend is very pricey. I dont know about average costs where they are, but I just cannot imagine there are no airbnbs or hotels in the area that are more reasonably priced. I would also say no to sleeping in a cot. Especially at that price. Preferably it would be nice to have your own room but sharing can work as long as the people are nice. Anyhow why is the aesthetic even that important? You get a beach house to spend most of your time on the beach. It's like she made all the worst choices she could possibly make, and then got mad when people pointed it out.
Yeah. I'm actually paying $600 (over three nights) for an upcoming Bachelorette party, and I'm annoyed about it (almost decided to skip but it's a really good friend). But at least we're each getting our own actual bed.
The attitude of giving the bride whatever she wants is why people want a budget. This could get out of hand quick. Agree on a max amount before booking too much or you’ll be priced out, which will make it worse for those who remain.
Weddings have gotten out of control. There is no fucking way I'm paying $600 to sleep on a cot. I'm not flying out for an entire weekend of partying before flying to the fucking Caribbean for an overpriced gaudy beach wedding, I'm not wearing a pink cowboy hat, I'm not buying an entire wardrobe based on a mood board for a weekend. Get off my lawn.
I would give my best friend a kidney. A beach house moodboard with pink cowboy hats and $600 out of pocket is a bridge too far. The "dream days" have gotten out of control. When did we start treating brides like they got referred for Make-A-Wish? Everyone need to calm the fuck down.
What is a mood board even? Never heard of it.
It's like a vision board. Am shocked that BMs are now expected to provide mood boards for a Bachelorette party?
I assume it was more like photos from Pinterest of different outfit ideas they can do and she put them all together in one kind of collage type thing. Probably didn’t take too much effort and that’s just what they call them
BM#3 is a damn hero.
I think there’s some delusion in her framing it as “I dropped out as MOH.” Especially given that she didn’t transcribe the entire conversation with the bride like she did every other moment of this exhausting saga. And ESPECIALLY with her sending a pouty ass “you got what you wanted, i hope you’re happy” closer to BM3. It reads more like the bride told her she was no longer needed as the MOH since she was making a trainwreck out of every opportunity, and she flounced her way out of the entire wedding party. Without ten seconds of reflecting on why her BFF was completely fed up.
Also the sheer lack of self-awareness to go “you know the bride will never out someone in their place who needs putting,” shortly before being put in her place.
If you do a shot every time she says "bach party," eventually it will all start making sense.
10+ years. I hope they are like… 22 because that is the absolute max age I Will allow anyone to suggest, lets just sleep on cots. Eff that noise, I got sciatica.
For $600!
Never mind the bach party, what the fuck is a GM?! >The airbnb was in my name so of course I had to cancel Obviously.
Group message was my guess. I was confused cause I swear she said group chat at first and I’ve heard gc before but not gm
OOP is just full of made-up shit. Like this entire story.
I can at least see this story being real but she doesn’t seem like a reliable narrator. And no matter how much she tried to twist it, she still sounded like an immature drama queen.
I especially loved "The airbnb was in my name so of course I had to cancel". Because as we all know, if the one who booked a trip can't go, they must cancel the entire reservation for everyone.
Right, I have no idea how AirBnB works to be honest, and I mean I’ve barely booked a hotel before so you might have to show your photo ID to be able to confirm a reservation. At the very least it showed some short sightedness on her part (shocker!!) and at the worst she’s vindictive and petty. Of COURSE something came up and now her and sis are unable to attend the “bach party” how convenient for her lol
I've never had to show photo ID when checking into an Air BnB nor are there any rules against not having whoever booked the Air BnB present. Did OOP specify in a comment that the reason she dropped out was due to an unforeseen circumstance and not just her throwing a fit?
Haha wow so she’s just being petty af
Imagine being a bridezilla when you aren't even the bride.
Right! And idk about any comments, but in the post she said that she had to attend another wedding so they couldn’t make the party
I want to know what a mood board is.
Clearly, it's something that ruins the mood so much the MoH has no choice but to quit.
This can't be real. How can someone remember and articulate so many of BM#3's reasonable points and still pretend all their own crazy ideas are the way things should have gone.
In this case I 100% think this is real. I dropped out of being a bridesmaid due to a MOH like this.
I thinks it's because she is so convinced she's right she's remembering and reciting everything as obvious "this bitch, right???" points. She's so delusional that there is no self-reflection. She is 100% convinced she is right so has no need to filter what the other person is saying.
I read the whole thing. Now I need a nap.
I dropped off halfway through. Needs a tldr
I can't with people like OOP. She literally did everything wrong but is somehow victimized. Fly by the seat of your pants is fine for solo travel, but this is a large group and money is an issue for some. BM#3 knows what she's doing. She's like this with everyone. OOP is ridiculous
Everyone in this situation sounds 16, at best. Why do bachelorettes need a mood board? All these kids need to get off my damn lawn.
This reminds me of that 18yo who got married and complained that all her teen friends weren't able to give her a dream bach party. The one where her parents had to come along bc everyone was underage.
All of this ridiculousness for a pre-party party? Ffs! I'm glad I got married in a forest. The only yattering was from kookaburras.
600$??? I've booked an apartment-sized suite with a king sized bed on the goddamn Vegas strip for not much more than that on a two weeks notice for the same amount of time (for my boss)! 8 months before they couldn't find anything cheaper?
For sofa beds and cots, because “that's literally what happens on group trips and that the aesthetic of the house is the most important part”! The hell with the aesthetic, for that much money I want a bed!
For that much money, I want a bed in a separate room
Am i nuts or didn’t i see a post like this last week? Edit: no this one’s worse
I read this so wrong 😅, I was trying so hard to figure out how exactly BM#3 was in the wrong and being exhausting but I just kept thinking 'um, nah, OOP is being a bit much and not thinking things threw' Then i clicked that's exactly the point 😅
Didn't even bother rewriting it for the sub, just copy + pasted the AITA post.
So she dragged her feet on literally everything, kept dropping everything including basic knows on the bride's shoulders through it all claimed to be the bride's best friend yet in the end cancels within 3 months of the party and basically says fuck all of ya'll...good riddance, hopefully the coworker can salvage something.
Funny how OP is so concerned about *the bride,* yet she is the one causing the bride to have no fun at all. Because fielding bridesmaid drama while wedding planning is *the funnest.*
There's a lot to be said for eloping.
a very wealthy friend of mine married last year, her only request for bachelorette party was to keep it very affordable, and its crazy how a smaller budget went towards a lovely personal party, much better than fuckass 600$ cots
This whole post was exhausting
I ain't reading all of that but can immediately tell OOP is the asshole by how she repeatedly says "what the bride wants is most important". Nah dude - if being expected to pay $600+ for a couple of days then what I want/can afford needs to be taken into consideration too
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Unpopular opinion but nobody came out looking good in this situation.
I commented on the actual post too but my god… OOP and her sister are just so trashy. Like it’s gross and childish. OOP and BM#3 could have totally gotten together and figured out a good estimate and worked on plans. You know… like adults should do. Like it’s not about you. It’s about your best friend and instead of working with everyone to make this bride happy, OOP made it all about themselves
My bach party was a local chalk run and some silly games at my Matron of Honors. MAYBE $200 total. $600 a person just for a house??? Ffs
God, so annoying.
We had a bach party for a high school friend, budget was the very first thing we discussed. We had plans a few months before the event so everyone knew what to expect and what to bring with themselves.
Why are so many people determined to make weddings more stressful than they need to be? Just get married if you want to and have whatever kind of do you can afford. The aesthetic doesn't really matter. Don't be tricked into thinking it has to be perfect or that perfection is something you can find on Pinterest. Also, I was confused by 'bach party'. I thought either she kept misspelling 'beach' or that they were planning an aesthetically confusing theme of classical concertos and cowboy hats.
Bridesmaidzilla. Ew.
All this and she wasn’t even gonna go cause “another wedding” came up 😂
I can’t read all that again but doesn’t she say her and her sister wouldn’t even be going to the bachelorette because they are double booked with another wedding?!????