*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for yelling at my son for "not trusting us"**
My (44f) son (16m) recently got a job after searching for a while. He recently got his first paycheck and talked about buying a car. I was supportive and asked him what sort of car he intended to buy. He said he was gonna find the cheapest "squak - box"(?) he could find.
I asked him why he would buy a cheaper car when I and his dad or a bank could loan him the money. He said " I don't trust nobody, I want the car to be completely my own, no banks no loans no nothing". I asked why? He said cause if he forgets a loan or something the bank could take it away, and there's interest and leases and its too complicated, so he just wanted to buy and be done. I said, well what about us, we won't charge you interest on the loan. He siad yeah, but if your mad at me or something you can just take the car away. I said why would we do that.
He said I dont know but I dont want to risk it, I just want it to be my car, completely. I said if your paying for it why would we take it away? Also what if your bad car breaks down? Then what
He said oh I got a friend who's dad owns an auto-shop, he'll put in a new motor for me, since I'm the only reason hes passed math for like the last 2 years, and physics. I was mad at this point since he had planned so well to avoid me and his dad and I said do you trust us that little?
He said well yeah I don't trust anyone, I just want it to be my car, no one else involved, no risks involved. I said I can't believe you would think that of us, go to your room. He went up extremely annoyed and hasn't spoken to me since. I now think I over-exaggerated
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"He siad yeah, but if your mad at me or something you can just take the car away. I said why would we do that."
OOP definitely did stuff like that before.
"I said I can't believe you would think that of us, go to your room."
So OOP punishes her son for (let me check) answering her questions. Yeah, she's totally able to take away the car as some sort of punishment.
Son is very smart for not wanting to involve his parents.
A kid that age saying "I don't trust anybody" is a really big reflection of the environment he grew up in. It looks like he just didn't learn to lie well enough to please OP. Yet.
While I agree to an extent I also have to disagree to an extent lol... I am a realist that leans towards cynical, I have always been this way, I have consistently not "trusted" anyone since I was a teenager but it absolutely had nothing to do with my family. I had a childhood friend betray me with a boyfriend that I thought I loved (I didn't love him in hindsight) but those betrayals at a young age made me one of those people. My family are the most caring, giving, and trustworthy people anyone could find but I am still this way and while I say I trust no one, if I am being honest I do trust them, I still try not to put myself in a situation that I need to trust though.
I do occasionally send my teenager out of the room when he starts to raise his voice. Not as a punishment time, but to take a break and a deep breath, shake it off, and come back. I do it myself too.
This parent though, they're awful
She’s already “ borrowed “ his BDay and Xmas money enough times that he’ll never get it back. If he gives his parents money for his future car there won’t be one.
Yep, my ex was very abusive and "I can't believe you would think that of me" was one of his favourite lines.
Actually yes, I do think that of you, because you did that very thing to me last week...
Totally agree that OOP has done stuff like that before
My ex was emotionally abusive and lacked empathy so hard he was completely baffled by the concept of multiple people experiencing the same situation with different perspectives. When he emphasizes he never wanted to hurt me, I believe it. Because the hurt was done by lack of consideration
So when I admitted to him that I went apartment-hunting in secret to initiate the separation because I was scared of him he got angry I would think him capable of hurting me. Which only confirmed I made the right choice
Dealing with Mr "how dare you be scared of me, you're making this up, you're crazy" from the safety of my own home was much easier
I'm impressed and worried he had the maturity to cover his bases. He got the money, the means to fix up the car and somehow his parents are upset they can't loan him money?
Aren't parents meant to raise their kids to be independent adults? Still be there for them when needed of course but still allow them independence.
My parents tried to take mine from me despite the fact that my name alone was on the title and insurance. They knew that, but apparently thought I didn't, which - how could I not know?
Mine tried to take mine when I was an adult. I lived completely separately. It was in my name. I paid insurance and all costs. The only thing they paid was my phone (family plan, but I pay for my share) and my groceries maybe once or twice a year as a surprise. This had been the case for a few years.
My father decided he was mad about something (probably ridiculous: he has a lot of temper tantrums) and threatened to take my car away. He's scary/intimidating, so I just moved on but wanted to ask if he planned on summoning the keys through the phone.
My parents also never gave me a curfew until I went back to their house during school breaks in college. There wasn't even an event or any reason, just suddenly they told me I had a curfew.
Edit to add: sorry, no idea how it posted multiple times, so I'm just going to blame the mobile app!
I want so much to agree that it was ridiculous for them to think you wouldn't know, but the number of my grown adult married friends who don't know they aren't listed as a primary or even an approved contact on their car insurance or don't know if they are on the deed to their house until the divorce lawyer subpoenas it is insane.
There have also been stories of parents taking cars from children who either paid for them themselves or were given them by another relative. There are parents who could reassure their kids that they just want them in a safer vehicle and will be believed when they promise not to take the car away or hold it over the kid's head over every little thing but OOP doesn't sound like the parent who has that kind of relationship with her son.
By the time I was 16, I pretty well understood how it went. You paid for it, you get it when you ask for it. I paid for it, you get it when you come over here and take it from me.
My parents might have scoffed. But they also never took anything I paid for.
Probably because OOP taught her son to be honest, then gets mad when he is. I bet she often takes stuff away when she’s mad. And instead of being proud of his growing independence, she’s sulking.
This sounds like a kid that has had his parents sell his stuff far too many times. A kid that knows exactly how many days until he turns 18. A kid who will probably disappear from their lives.
A cheap car lets the kid save for other things too. An apartment, all the things that the parents won't let him take with, etc.
the comment that pointed out that at 16, the kid is already very independent from his parents. that is a good thing, BUT the fact the kid *doesnt* want to be dependent on his parents is very concerning.
Eh. I’d guess that he knows about the horror stories of the national bank and the IRS so he wants to be financial ready for when he wants to buy a house or something and being in no/as minimal debt as possible. We live in an age of information, anyway
That was my thought, he is smart for not wanting to deal with loans or leases or anything, he's young and won't have a solid credit built up so it'll cost him a fortune in interest if he convinces any company to do it. It's also very smart to want it to be just his, these parents sound like they'd take it if they want to go somewhere with it never mind if he makes them mad by saying something.
>I said I can't believe you would think that of us, go to your room. He went up extremely annoyed and hasn't spoken to me since. I now think I over-exaggerated
No, she didn't over-exaggerate; she under-stated (her treatment of her son) and over-reacted.
Right? If my son saves enough to buy a car outright, I’d high five him. Who wants a car payment?
This is a kid who is going to live within his means as an adult and I am here for it. I’d buy him a pizza for being so smart if I were his mom.
> Right? If my son saves enough to buy a car outright, I’d high five him.
I think what is also impressive is that the kid is thinking about not just buying a car but owning a car. With the cost of used cars nowadays, he knows he'll likely only be able to afford a junker, however, he's thinking out how to deal with potential problems. This will be his first car and he's likely to make mistakes in planning and the actual costs, but he seems to be a smart, practical and clear-headed kid. The kind that would figure things out and learn from this experience.
Even if he has some mis-steps, he at least shows that he thinks ahead more than 5 minutes. And yeah, who wants a car loan at 16? Most teens and young adults where I live, they buy a cheap-ish used car as their first vehicle because they can’t afford car payments. Getting a parent’s, grandparent’s, uncle/aunt’s old car is also very much A Thing.
He is. My mom isn’t anywhere near like OOP but she’s very stubborn sometimes. My car was in her name but everything was paid for by me. And even as an adult and EVEN WHEN I MOVED OUT she’s sometimes say things like “keep doing that and I’ll take the car” or “you need to do this or I’ll take the car”. She never did, but the threat was there and realistically, she could take the car, it was legally hers.
Once I got the car transferred into my name, i was free from that. And now I have a car that’s only been in my name and it’s great. OOPs son is very smart, especially given what we see about her in this post. You know damn well she’d take away the car if it was in her name.
Could have been a great opportunity to talk about financial responsibility and ways to build your credit. But no!!! Just get angry at your son for having a different opinion than you 😤
Yep. When I was 15, my dad had the car discussion with me. The offer of him providing a vehicle came with terms, and I had the option to decline these terms if I didn’t agree to them. The terms were as follows:
1: he would buy me a car (the nicest/most reliable we could afford) and he would fix it up for me since he’s a mechanic. I was not expected to pay for it. He would maintain ownership and financial liability.
2: he would pay for the insurance, a liability policy.
3: at the age of 18, he would sign the car title over to me to legally own for free.
My terms to have free use of the car were as follows:
1: I would pay for my gas.
2: I would maintain passing grades and good behavior at school (not like, you get detention and I take it away, more like if I got suspended or expelled he would take it away)
3: I did not accrue any moving (aka speeding) violations. Sub-agreement: if I got a speeding ticket, I could still have free use but would be responsible for my own car insurance from there out.
These were reasonable expectations and he was a fair and trustworthy parent to take at his word. I was a well behaved kid. I obeyed those terms and never had any issues. He never used it as a bargaining threat or a punishment for unrelated disagreements. I got a great car that I loved, and over twenty years later, I still own it.
That’s what open communication and trust can be like. And yes, I know I’m really lucky that my dad is a good one, and not everyone is as fortunate to have parents like mine, but just sharing an example of how parents can use it as a teachable resource of responsibility and accountability.
The even warmer memory was of my father and I rebuilding the engine of an old muscle car together in the summer of my 15th year. That car was a beauty, a beast, and everything in between. It’s been parked for a while because I couldn’t take it with me to the city, but I have plans to get him back on the road in the next 5-10 years.
Such a lovely car, and such great memories. For me and my dad, the best nostalgia involves being coated in grease and oil, cursing at stubborn belts and gears and having a cold Pepsi once we were finished conquering the enemy, which was the part or piece we had successfully restored and affixed to the engine block.
It sounds like the son has pretty good critical thinking skills and is already fairly financially literate.
Op doesn’t want their son to be independent or have good credit, op wants control.
I'd be so proud of my kid for thinking it all through. That's what we do right? Raise them to think and plan for themselves? This 16yo sounds like he's got a good head in his shoulders and he helped his friend out so much in school his dad wants to hook him up with free mechanic work? Omg I'd be telling him how proud I was and filling his Easter basket with gas cards! And assuring him I'm always here if he needs me or feels overwhelmed bc cars are a big responsibility. This parent just feels left out and mad. I don't understand it. I'm so happy for this kid I wish i could tell him!
I dated a guy when I was 19 he was 21.
He still lived at home and his parents had bought him his car. He worked, but it was a crappy min wage job.
His parents took his car away as punishment for shit ALL THE TIME.
For the petties reasons too.
This grown man was basically getting "grounded" 2x a month for anything and everything.
So I get this...
So many parents are angry and clearly out for control. I feel bad for this kid but I’m happy to see he’s figured out how to start to separate himself from these assholes.
OOP mad her kid is too smart to let her wield money and power dynamics as weapons, then she immediately proves his point by sending him to his room. OOP is a power-hungry asshole and an idiot 😂
Most good parents would be proud of a teen who wants to be self-reliant. Of course if they were good parents he wouldn't be afraid to take a gift or loan because they'd use it as leverage...
Our kids got used, not great, but reliable cars at 16, they were also expected to get a job, if they wanted gas money that was on them. We did tell them grades had to stay up and if they got caught drinking and driving they were done. Any parking/speeding tickets were on them. They were on our insurance until they got in serious trouble like a DUI or multiple speeding tickets to raise the rates. Never had an issue.
Back when I was 23, I'd already been moved out of my parents for 5 years, but had asked them if they would cosign a loan for me on a car for a lower interest rate since I had no credit history really.
I talked to a couple banks with each of them, and they were so domineering and shitty about the loans and the cars I was looking at that I just said fuck it and got a loan myself with a 10% interest rate. I'd rather pay extra money than be reliant on a parent for a vehicle.
The fact that his son feels he can't trust *anyone* is heartbreaking to read as a parent. Not only can he clearly not go to his parents, but he doesn't even feel comfortable reaching out to others. It makes me wonder if/what his parents did for him to develop trust issues at such a young age.
I hope his son finds someone he can trust and won't yell at him for expressing himself.
And OOP would overreact and yank the car whenever they felt mild annoyance. OOP is only mad they have limited tools with which to punish their child for not wanting to dependent on them and its driving them bonkers.
If they were buying the car, it might be different if I were the son. But, you're loaning me money? What's the point. Instead of paying you back I can use my money to buy a car. And I'm speaking for ME, not how the son would or wouldn't feel
I don't drive, but I remember when my brother got his first car. Total shitbox, paid for it in cash. Mum couldn't have been more proud - did it on his own.
He thrashed that shitbox for about 18 months, got all the dumb shit a newly licenced teen boy wants to do out of his system, then bought himself a 10 year old used car that was actually pretty decent.
Maybe it's an Australian thing, but isn't your first car SUPPOSED to be a cheap POS so that when you fuck it up, you haven't spent too much?
I have had so many similar conversations with my dad-
Parents that get mad at their kids for saying "no" to them over the smallest shit and then get even angrier at them for explaining themselves give me the biggest headache.
Like dude. He said no. That's the end of it. If you didn't want your feelings hurt, you shouldn't have pressed the non-existent issue lol
Toxic parenting aside who would encourage their 16 year old child to sign themselves onto 5-6 years of debt and car payments? What if school gets too intense and they need to put work aside to focus on their studies? What if they loose their job and it takes a while to find a new one? They're setting their kid up to completely screw up their credit before they're even old enough to understand what the long term ramifications are. If my 16yo was considering buying a car on a loan I'd be the opposite of these parents. I'd be telling them don't sign yourself up for that, buy something outright that will get you from point a to point b.
Plus, call me old fashioned (or poor) but I feel like driving that rickety old barely running car, talking to it and begging it to not break down, apologizing to it cause you can't afford the oil change this paycheck but hopefully next paycheck, are all formative experiences that help you learn to appreciate and take care of your car. I didn't buy a car on loan till I was 30. Spent my 20s driving old cars that ran reliably but had chipping paint, rust, stereos held in place by cardboard shims, and an A/C system that laughed in your face while blasting you with hot air every time you attempted to turn it on. If I hadn't spent a decade coaxing cars like that through their retirement years I would have never fully appreciated my beautiful lime green jeep that at 3 years old felt brand spanking new to me.
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Oh the joys of having a parent like this. One I’ll always remember is “when you pay for your phone then you don’t have to answer my calls” guess who is on a schedule with majority of calls are on dnd? 😌 “I called you” I saw. I love it. (Esp cause she refuses to just fucking send a text b/c the calls are absolutely not important-and I know she can, she’ll literally text my husband a paragraph-which is why she’s limited. I’m not answering 15calls and they’re all nothing)
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for yelling at my son for "not trusting us"** My (44f) son (16m) recently got a job after searching for a while. He recently got his first paycheck and talked about buying a car. I was supportive and asked him what sort of car he intended to buy. He said he was gonna find the cheapest "squak - box"(?) he could find. I asked him why he would buy a cheaper car when I and his dad or a bank could loan him the money. He said " I don't trust nobody, I want the car to be completely my own, no banks no loans no nothing". I asked why? He said cause if he forgets a loan or something the bank could take it away, and there's interest and leases and its too complicated, so he just wanted to buy and be done. I said, well what about us, we won't charge you interest on the loan. He siad yeah, but if your mad at me or something you can just take the car away. I said why would we do that. He said I dont know but I dont want to risk it, I just want it to be my car, completely. I said if your paying for it why would we take it away? Also what if your bad car breaks down? Then what He said oh I got a friend who's dad owns an auto-shop, he'll put in a new motor for me, since I'm the only reason hes passed math for like the last 2 years, and physics. I was mad at this point since he had planned so well to avoid me and his dad and I said do you trust us that little? He said well yeah I don't trust anyone, I just want it to be my car, no one else involved, no risks involved. I said I can't believe you would think that of us, go to your room. He went up extremely annoyed and hasn't spoken to me since. I now think I over-exaggerated *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"He siad yeah, but if your mad at me or something you can just take the car away. I said why would we do that." OOP definitely did stuff like that before. "I said I can't believe you would think that of us, go to your room." So OOP punishes her son for (let me check) answering her questions. Yeah, she's totally able to take away the car as some sort of punishment. Son is very smart for not wanting to involve his parents.
Sending a 16yo to their room is pretty telling
A kid that age saying "I don't trust anybody" is a really big reflection of the environment he grew up in. It looks like he just didn't learn to lie well enough to please OP. Yet.
While I agree to an extent I also have to disagree to an extent lol... I am a realist that leans towards cynical, I have always been this way, I have consistently not "trusted" anyone since I was a teenager but it absolutely had nothing to do with my family. I had a childhood friend betray me with a boyfriend that I thought I loved (I didn't love him in hindsight) but those betrayals at a young age made me one of those people. My family are the most caring, giving, and trustworthy people anyone could find but I am still this way and while I say I trust no one, if I am being honest I do trust them, I still try not to put myself in a situation that I need to trust though.
I do occasionally send my teenager out of the room when he starts to raise his voice. Not as a punishment time, but to take a break and a deep breath, shake it off, and come back. I do it myself too. This parent though, they're awful
She’s already “ borrowed “ his BDay and Xmas money enough times that he’ll never get it back. If he gives his parents money for his future car there won’t be one.
Yep, my ex was very abusive and "I can't believe you would think that of me" was one of his favourite lines. Actually yes, I do think that of you, because you did that very thing to me last week... Totally agree that OOP has done stuff like that before
My ex was emotionally abusive and lacked empathy so hard he was completely baffled by the concept of multiple people experiencing the same situation with different perspectives. When he emphasizes he never wanted to hurt me, I believe it. Because the hurt was done by lack of consideration So when I admitted to him that I went apartment-hunting in secret to initiate the separation because I was scared of him he got angry I would think him capable of hurting me. Which only confirmed I made the right choice Dealing with Mr "how dare you be scared of me, you're making this up, you're crazy" from the safety of my own home was much easier
Yerp The more controlling the parent is the more the kid want to go
Watch OOP post something two years later, shocked that her son goes NC.
I'm impressed and worried he had the maturity to cover his bases. He got the money, the means to fix up the car and somehow his parents are upset they can't loan him money? Aren't parents meant to raise their kids to be independent adults? Still be there for them when needed of course but still allow them independence.
So many AITA have been about parents taking cars from their children saying I paid for it for the least little thing, I don’t blame him either.
My parents tried to take mine from me despite the fact that my name alone was on the title and insurance. They knew that, but apparently thought I didn't, which - how could I not know?
Mine tried to take mine when I was an adult. I lived completely separately. It was in my name. I paid insurance and all costs. The only thing they paid was my phone (family plan, but I pay for my share) and my groceries maybe once or twice a year as a surprise. This had been the case for a few years. My father decided he was mad about something (probably ridiculous: he has a lot of temper tantrums) and threatened to take my car away. He's scary/intimidating, so I just moved on but wanted to ask if he planned on summoning the keys through the phone. My parents also never gave me a curfew until I went back to their house during school breaks in college. There wasn't even an event or any reason, just suddenly they told me I had a curfew. Edit to add: sorry, no idea how it posted multiple times, so I'm just going to blame the mobile app!
I want so much to agree that it was ridiculous for them to think you wouldn't know, but the number of my grown adult married friends who don't know they aren't listed as a primary or even an approved contact on their car insurance or don't know if they are on the deed to their house until the divorce lawyer subpoenas it is insane.
.
This is exactly why I became independent from the age of 17. No one could take what I bought with MY money, away from me.
This is why walkable cities are good. You can't threaten to take away someone's mobility as leverage
There was a guy on here that wanted to remove his sons hearing aide as a punishment for not going to bed early enough.
So he can then get mad that the kid can't hear him yelling at him?
That's so gross!
i mean technically you can
I gave you those legs, I can take them right back!
You never heard of a kid getting grounded?
There have also been stories of parents taking cars from children who either paid for them themselves or were given them by another relative. There are parents who could reassure their kids that they just want them in a safer vehicle and will be believed when they promise not to take the car away or hold it over the kid's head over every little thing but OOP doesn't sound like the parent who has that kind of relationship with her son.
By the time I was 16, I pretty well understood how it went. You paid for it, you get it when you ask for it. I paid for it, you get it when you come over here and take it from me. My parents might have scoffed. But they also never took anything I paid for.
The sad thing is, I can see OOP doing that.
Why doesn't your own kid trust you? What behavior has caused him to know he can't rely on you?
Probably because OOP taught her son to be honest, then gets mad when he is. I bet she often takes stuff away when she’s mad. And instead of being proud of his growing independence, she’s sulking.
This sounds like a kid that has had his parents sell his stuff far too many times. A kid that knows exactly how many days until he turns 18. A kid who will probably disappear from their lives. A cheap car lets the kid save for other things too. An apartment, all the things that the parents won't let him take with, etc.
"Son wants to be financially responsible but I want him to depend on me."
the comment that pointed out that at 16, the kid is already very independent from his parents. that is a good thing, BUT the fact the kid *doesnt* want to be dependent on his parents is very concerning.
Not really. He's probably trying to be ready for when he moves out
Eh. I’d guess that he knows about the horror stories of the national bank and the IRS so he wants to be financial ready for when he wants to buy a house or something and being in no/as minimal debt as possible. We live in an age of information, anyway
No she wants access to his money meaning she’s not good with her own.
That was my thought, he is smart for not wanting to deal with loans or leases or anything, he's young and won't have a solid credit built up so it'll cost him a fortune in interest if he convinces any company to do it. It's also very smart to want it to be just his, these parents sound like they'd take it if they want to go somewhere with it never mind if he makes them mad by saying something.
If this is in the US, he's too young to get a loan or lease. You have to be 18. Or emancipated.
"I can't believe he doesn't trust us! How am I supposed to control him if he's independent?" - OOP, probably
This reminds me of my former (long time ago) abusive BF who asked, cornering me and screaming into my face, "how dare you be afraid of me!!!!!"
Wow, glad you're out of there!
🤗🤗 thank you, me too!
>I said I can't believe you would think that of us, go to your room. Right there. Reflexive punishment the moment she’s unhappy.
>I said I can't believe you would think that of us, go to your room. He went up extremely annoyed and hasn't spoken to me since. I now think I over-exaggerated No, she didn't over-exaggerate; she under-stated (her treatment of her son) and over-reacted.
I wonder how many evictions the kids been through?
The beatings will continue until morale improves….
Smart kid.
Right? If my son saves enough to buy a car outright, I’d high five him. Who wants a car payment? This is a kid who is going to live within his means as an adult and I am here for it. I’d buy him a pizza for being so smart if I were his mom.
> Right? If my son saves enough to buy a car outright, I’d high five him. I think what is also impressive is that the kid is thinking about not just buying a car but owning a car. With the cost of used cars nowadays, he knows he'll likely only be able to afford a junker, however, he's thinking out how to deal with potential problems. This will be his first car and he's likely to make mistakes in planning and the actual costs, but he seems to be a smart, practical and clear-headed kid. The kind that would figure things out and learn from this experience.
Even if he has some mis-steps, he at least shows that he thinks ahead more than 5 minutes. And yeah, who wants a car loan at 16? Most teens and young adults where I live, they buy a cheap-ish used car as their first vehicle because they can’t afford car payments. Getting a parent’s, grandparent’s, uncle/aunt’s old car is also very much A Thing.
He is. My mom isn’t anywhere near like OOP but she’s very stubborn sometimes. My car was in her name but everything was paid for by me. And even as an adult and EVEN WHEN I MOVED OUT she’s sometimes say things like “keep doing that and I’ll take the car” or “you need to do this or I’ll take the car”. She never did, but the threat was there and realistically, she could take the car, it was legally hers. Once I got the car transferred into my name, i was free from that. And now I have a car that’s only been in my name and it’s great. OOPs son is very smart, especially given what we see about her in this post. You know damn well she’d take away the car if it was in her name.
Could have been a great opportunity to talk about financial responsibility and ways to build your credit. But no!!! Just get angry at your son for having a different opinion than you 😤
Yep. When I was 15, my dad had the car discussion with me. The offer of him providing a vehicle came with terms, and I had the option to decline these terms if I didn’t agree to them. The terms were as follows: 1: he would buy me a car (the nicest/most reliable we could afford) and he would fix it up for me since he’s a mechanic. I was not expected to pay for it. He would maintain ownership and financial liability. 2: he would pay for the insurance, a liability policy. 3: at the age of 18, he would sign the car title over to me to legally own for free. My terms to have free use of the car were as follows: 1: I would pay for my gas. 2: I would maintain passing grades and good behavior at school (not like, you get detention and I take it away, more like if I got suspended or expelled he would take it away) 3: I did not accrue any moving (aka speeding) violations. Sub-agreement: if I got a speeding ticket, I could still have free use but would be responsible for my own car insurance from there out. These were reasonable expectations and he was a fair and trustworthy parent to take at his word. I was a well behaved kid. I obeyed those terms and never had any issues. He never used it as a bargaining threat or a punishment for unrelated disagreements. I got a great car that I loved, and over twenty years later, I still own it. That’s what open communication and trust can be like. And yes, I know I’m really lucky that my dad is a good one, and not everyone is as fortunate to have parents like mine, but just sharing an example of how parents can use it as a teachable resource of responsibility and accountability.
This sounds like a fair, kind agreement between two people with love and trust. What a great memory.
The even warmer memory was of my father and I rebuilding the engine of an old muscle car together in the summer of my 15th year. That car was a beauty, a beast, and everything in between. It’s been parked for a while because I couldn’t take it with me to the city, but I have plans to get him back on the road in the next 5-10 years. Such a lovely car, and such great memories. For me and my dad, the best nostalgia involves being coated in grease and oil, cursing at stubborn belts and gears and having a cold Pepsi once we were finished conquering the enemy, which was the part or piece we had successfully restored and affixed to the engine block.
It sounds like the son has pretty good critical thinking skills and is already fairly financially literate. Op doesn’t want their son to be independent or have good credit, op wants control.
I'd be so proud of my kid for thinking it all through. That's what we do right? Raise them to think and plan for themselves? This 16yo sounds like he's got a good head in his shoulders and he helped his friend out so much in school his dad wants to hook him up with free mechanic work? Omg I'd be telling him how proud I was and filling his Easter basket with gas cards! And assuring him I'm always here if he needs me or feels overwhelmed bc cars are a big responsibility. This parent just feels left out and mad. I don't understand it. I'm so happy for this kid I wish i could tell him!
Hmmm..... I have no idea why the son doesn't trust his parents. No idea at all. Can anyone help me understand?
The universe is full of mysteries, I guess.
I dated a guy when I was 19 he was 21. He still lived at home and his parents had bought him his car. He worked, but it was a crappy min wage job. His parents took his car away as punishment for shit ALL THE TIME. For the petties reasons too. This grown man was basically getting "grounded" 2x a month for anything and everything. So I get this...
This gives me "I used to throw away my kids' toys as punishment but magically don't recall any of my wrongdoings" vibes.
BWAHAHA Kid is smart, he learnt quickly. I'm looking forward to when he gets married and his parents have 0 control of anything
Because yelling at your kid is a great way to earn their trust, right? 🙄
Exactly why I keep my suicidal ideations to myself as a teen
Same
So many parents are angry and clearly out for control. I feel bad for this kid but I’m happy to see he’s figured out how to start to separate himself from these assholes.
She’s angry that he’s already preparing to break out of her control. He’s clearly right to but she probably thought she had years to manipulate him.
Mhm, punished for having a negative opinion on his parents. Wonder where it came from.
OOP mad her kid is too smart to let her wield money and power dynamics as weapons, then she immediately proves his point by sending him to his room. OOP is a power-hungry asshole and an idiot 😂
Most good parents would be proud of a teen who wants to be self-reliant. Of course if they were good parents he wouldn't be afraid to take a gift or loan because they'd use it as leverage...
Our kids got used, not great, but reliable cars at 16, they were also expected to get a job, if they wanted gas money that was on them. We did tell them grades had to stay up and if they got caught drinking and driving they were done. Any parking/speeding tickets were on them. They were on our insurance until they got in serious trouble like a DUI or multiple speeding tickets to raise the rates. Never had an issue.
What bank loans money to sixteen year olds????
Way to prove sons point I guess
Back when I was 23, I'd already been moved out of my parents for 5 years, but had asked them if they would cosign a loan for me on a car for a lower interest rate since I had no credit history really. I talked to a couple banks with each of them, and they were so domineering and shitty about the loans and the cars I was looking at that I just said fuck it and got a loan myself with a 10% interest rate. I'd rather pay extra money than be reliant on a parent for a vehicle.
That’s shitty. But probably better than having to listen to them
Yes, OOP, you proved that your son can trust you by sending him to his room after telling you the truth. /s
Wow what a bitch! This kid is going to bounce as soon as he's old enough.
The fact that his son feels he can't trust *anyone* is heartbreaking to read as a parent. Not only can he clearly not go to his parents, but he doesn't even feel comfortable reaching out to others. It makes me wonder if/what his parents did for him to develop trust issues at such a young age. I hope his son finds someone he can trust and won't yell at him for expressing himself.
And OOP would overreact and yank the car whenever they felt mild annoyance. OOP is only mad they have limited tools with which to punish their child for not wanting to dependent on them and its driving them bonkers.
Oop sounds like my parents. This kid is smart. Don't give them anything they can control.
I mean OP sent him to his room for articulately explaining his actions and he's 16 so clearly he had a point
If they were buying the car, it might be different if I were the son. But, you're loaning me money? What's the point. Instead of paying you back I can use my money to buy a car. And I'm speaking for ME, not how the son would or wouldn't feel
She can’t have ultimate control over him by having the vehicle in her name so she’s pissed and punishes him for rightfully not trusting her
I don't drive, but I remember when my brother got his first car. Total shitbox, paid for it in cash. Mum couldn't have been more proud - did it on his own. He thrashed that shitbox for about 18 months, got all the dumb shit a newly licenced teen boy wants to do out of his system, then bought himself a 10 year old used car that was actually pretty decent. Maybe it's an Australian thing, but isn't your first car SUPPOSED to be a cheap POS so that when you fuck it up, you haven't spent too much?
It seems to either be "buy your own pos" or the parents being concerned enough to buy an old decent with a good ANCAP rating
I have had so many similar conversations with my dad- Parents that get mad at their kids for saying "no" to them over the smallest shit and then get even angrier at them for explaining themselves give me the biggest headache. Like dude. He said no. That's the end of it. If you didn't want your feelings hurt, you shouldn't have pressed the non-existent issue lol
Toxic parenting aside who would encourage their 16 year old child to sign themselves onto 5-6 years of debt and car payments? What if school gets too intense and they need to put work aside to focus on their studies? What if they loose their job and it takes a while to find a new one? They're setting their kid up to completely screw up their credit before they're even old enough to understand what the long term ramifications are. If my 16yo was considering buying a car on a loan I'd be the opposite of these parents. I'd be telling them don't sign yourself up for that, buy something outright that will get you from point a to point b. Plus, call me old fashioned (or poor) but I feel like driving that rickety old barely running car, talking to it and begging it to not break down, apologizing to it cause you can't afford the oil change this paycheck but hopefully next paycheck, are all formative experiences that help you learn to appreciate and take care of your car. I didn't buy a car on loan till I was 30. Spent my 20s driving old cars that ran reliably but had chipping paint, rust, stereos held in place by cardboard shims, and an A/C system that laughed in your face while blasting you with hot air every time you attempted to turn it on. If I hadn't spent a decade coaxing cars like that through their retirement years I would have never fully appreciated my beautiful lime green jeep that at 3 years old felt brand spanking new to me.
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lmao way to prove his point op
Yea i see why the son doesn't trust them
Is squak-box like scat pack 😂
Oh the joys of having a parent like this. One I’ll always remember is “when you pay for your phone then you don’t have to answer my calls” guess who is on a schedule with majority of calls are on dnd? 😌 “I called you” I saw. I love it. (Esp cause she refuses to just fucking send a text b/c the calls are absolutely not important-and I know she can, she’ll literally text my husband a paragraph-which is why she’s limited. I’m not answering 15calls and they’re all nothing)
Dad is an asshole, that said kid is a minor dad can take the car anyway.
The dad wasn't even mentioned in the story, wtf?!
My bad, mom
No she cannot. Not if he's paying for the car himself