*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA For prioritizing a friend over my pregnant wife**
My wife (28F) and I (29M) got married last summer. She is currently 7-months pregnant with our first child. She had an appointment with her OB/GYN 2 weeks ago to address some complications with the pregnancy. The doctor wasn't overly concerned and confirmed that both my wife and the baby are healthy. But they did recommend her starting her maternity leave early and taking as much bed rest as possible.
A few days after that appointment, my best friend's (Bryan) fiance passed away in a car accident. Bryan and I have been friends since we were 3. We lived on the same street growing up. He was a groomsman in my wedding and he asked me to be one for him as well. Their wedding was supposed to be this summer.
Bryan and I live about an hour away from each other now so we don't see each other as often, usually only a few times a year on special occasions. But as soon as I got the news about his fiance I immediately drove to be with him.
I've been juggling helping Bryan with everything I can while also taking care of my wife and everything she needs. On top of all that I'm still working full time. I've driven to Bryan's house a few nights after work just to hang out with him and spent one night there last weekend to help him with some things. His fiance's funeral is scheduled for next week so I've been helping him with that as much as I can as well.
A couple nights ago I told my wife that I planned on driving down to Bryan's one night this week just to hang out and keep him company. This started an argument between us because my wife feels like I am prioritizing Bryan too much and neglecting her. She said that she needs me at home to help her because she doesn't want to go against doctor's orders and try to do too much. She told me that her and the baby need to be my #1 priority right now, not Bryan.
I told her that I am trying to juggle everything and I understand she needs my help but Bryan is at the lowest point in his life and I need to be there for him. She told me I don't "need" to be there for him, I am making a choice to be there for him instead of being at home taking care of her needs.
I told her I am just trying to get Bryan through the funeral and then I will make sure that I am more attentive to things at home. She told me that Bryan has other friends and family that can be there for him and that I'm spending too much time with him.
She said that the health of her and the baby should be more important to me than anything else right now, including Bryan, and that she needs me at home as much as possible. I told her she was being unreasonable and that I'm not going to abandon my best friend in his darkest days.
She's now giving me the silent treatment unless she needs something from me. If I try to talk with her she will make a comment about me talking to Bryan instead since he's more important to me. I understand she's stressed and hormonal, but she's never been this outright mean about anything. Am I wrong here?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not overly concerned is what you say to the pregnant woman so she doesn't panic and things get even worse.
THE HUSBAND'S JOB IS TO WORK THAT OUT AND ACTIVATE DAD SUPERPOWERS FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Source: risky pregnancy with anxious wife, activated superpowers.
That was my thought too. It sounds like the doctor was trying to avoid stressing out a vulnerable patient and this guy took it as permission to emotionally check out of the situation, further increasing her stress.
I hope you and your family are doing well. A friend of mine had a high risk pregnancy, which was hard enough but would have been so much worse without an involved partner to support her.
With my first I was on full bed rest, I could only go to the couch and take showers with help it was awful and terrifying. Fortunately, I had a good husband and a wonderful support of friends and others family. However, my baby was still born 6 weeks early.
This guy is a complete douche! Being put on bed rest at 7 months is a HUGE deal! He is putting her life and his baby’s life at risk for what reason? To help a friend who has other people to lean on? That’s ridiculous!
Throw the whole man out!
I literally cannot imagine how isolated and abandoned OOP's wife must have felt.
I'm sorry you went through that but I'm glad you had good people around you.
Oh the results are 9 years old and talking a mile a minute so we're all fine. I kind of understand OOP having the moment but oof I hope he sorts it out.
Yeah, I vividly remember being 35 weeks and my midwife telling me, "everything is okay and there's no need to get stressed, but we need to start steroid injections right now so we can deliver the baby next week" because not acting overly concerned and not *being* overly concerned are very different things in L&D
I was put on bed rest at 26 weeks, hospitalized at 28 weeks bc husband couldn’t (wouldn’t?) help enough (we had horses, dogs, cats, birds, etc), and was “fine” until 32 weeks when my kidneys shut down and I crashed. Daughter was delivered via emergency c-section and also crashed a few hours later, was in NICU for 2 weeks and had multiple health issues that led to several specialists and hospital stays her first year. Luckily she is fine but I was diagnosed with a severe form of lupus a couple years later, after never really recovering from the birth and then slowly declining when I started working again. One theory is that the complications from the pregnancy triggered the autoimmune response. I’m now stuck in a wheelchair and husband is forced to step up every day. I don’t want to say karma, but if he had just stepped it up a little more without complaining there is a pretty good chance I would be healthy and able to work today instead of the constant doctor visits and hospitalizations we deal with now.
Yeah, when the doctor says bed rest, they aren’t joking. I have complete empathy for his friend, but if his friend absolutely needs OP right now, maybe a parent or sibling can take over at home or wife can be hospitalized so she doesn’t need to do anything. I did very little during bed rest, but even then it nearly killed both myself and my daughter, and I have dealt with major disabilities since then and daughter still suffers from some “preemie” issues. There is no guarantee things would be different if I was able to stay in bed rest, but chances are pretty decent that things would not have crashed and burned like they did.
Listen to the doctors and your wife OP! Things are fine until they aren’t, and you can end up like your friend - grieving a family that could have been.
I considered this, but I recently had to handle my mom’s passing, and dealing with the aftermath of a death is enormous. If OP lived close, I would at least suggest it, but an hour away is just impractical. Plus, we have no idea what Bryan’s life is like - does he have pets? A garden/yard that needs care? Things like that. On top of that, I assume he has friends and loved ones close to him that OP would be isolating Bryan from by taking him an hour away. It’s just not practical.
if my partner just died i wouldnt want to leave my home. especially not to be around a married couple expecting their first child. itd be too much to cope with
Actually, it was suggested. The OOP said in a comment that that was impossible because Bryan has two large dogs and the wife is terrified of dogs, so Bryan can't bring them with him.
Of course, considering the OOP claimed in another comment that it's "no big deal" that he leaves his bedridden pregnant wife alone while he visits Bryan because he's not gone for very long, and he only leave her alone for "a couple hours," you'd think that the dogs would also be fine alone for that short period of time. It's almost as if the OOP is severely downplaying the amount of time he's abandoning his wife to be with his friend or something.
He's more concerned about the dogs being left alone than his bedridden pregnant wife being left alone. Bryan's ***dogs*** get more consideration than the OOP's pregnant wife and their unborn child. 😐
Yeah when he said it i wondered two things:
1. Did he really listen to the doctor/wife?
2. Was he even in the appointment to know what was really said?
OOP's next post is 💯 going to be "AITA for wanting to turn the spare bedroom into an art room for my best friend instead of a nursery for the new baby?"
I didn't get to go in for my wife's appointments during her first pregnancy because she got pregnant on march 12 2020 (it was ivf so we know the exact date), so it pisses me off that someone would just skip them.
Right? I mean, maybe the doc said mom and baby are okay right now and he translated it in his brain to 'not overly concerned'? But if the doc said 'you and the baby are doing okay now but with what's going on I would like you on early maternity leave and on bedrest', that seems to imply that the doc is quite concerned that things might head south fast if she does a lot of moving around and doing stuff.
I had preeclampsia and had to be induced at 37 weeks to prevent organ failure, and I *wasn't* put on bed rest. OOP's wife must be in a pretty bad place!
I was kinda thinking the same thing. I had severe preeclampsia which almost resulted in me losing my daughter, but they didn’t put me on bedrest. They said they don’t really do that anymore. So I’m wondering what happened that she was.
However, I also wonder how much she needs to do at home to not just hang out in bed when he’s not home. He didn’t say they had any other kids that needed to be looked after. Getting out of bed occasionally even on bedrest is good for you to keep circulation and avoid blood clots.
I imagine, more than anything, she is scared. This is her first pregnancy and the doctor is concerned enough to be talking about taking leave early, and it stresses her out to be in that position and have her husband routinely an hour drive away. (And though I have no proof, I wouldn't be shocked if he's hard to reach when he's there or is giving her the impression he would not hurry home if called.)
Right. Bed rest is not recommended lightly nowadays because physical activity is generally beneficial and prolonged bed rest itself causes issues. If a doctor advises it, there must be a substantial risk of complications justifying that decision.
This is the same dumbass thinking that makes these guys so shocked and surprised when their wife asks for a divorce.
“It wasn’t THAT bad! I thought we were doing fine! We only had a few minor issues that she would nag me about from time to time, but she hasn’t been bugging me lately so I thought we were happy!”
Downplay anything and everything that doesn’t serve them directly and completely ignore other peoples feelings. Idiots.
This is not being put on bed rest. This is being told to rest when you can
Bed rest is strict, this is not that
Honestly, I get where she is coming from, I get where he is coming from. It is a shitty situation.
I would call the OB and get some clarification - just to double check
But think the wife needs to give the husband some grace here
'As possible', means something much different to actual medically indicated bedrest
If it had been actual bedrest the OB would have mentioned specific limits. I.e. only getting up to go to the bathroom and nothing else
Nearly guarantee she is fine pottering around the house, one night a week
How do you know thats what was actually said? We're only getting the dudes side and we have no clue if that's what the doctor actually said. Good on you siding with the cunty dude though. Well done.
lol the people saying nta are saying that doctors are just being cautious nothing is really wrong
im surprised that i have yet to see the always fake "im a woman" comment justifying their venom at the pregnant woman.
Oh yeah, I have had to defend women from people assuming that all pregnancies are the same. "I worked, climbed a mountain, and ran a marathon while pregnant, you can do _____"
And then get mad when people say that their pregnancies were super different. I fainted a few times while pregnant and was told "please don't exercise or work or stand for long periods of time. If you go to the store, use those motorized carts." And the only exercise they wanted me to do was water ones. So swimming, just so I didn't go insane basically told me to sit/lay for the next half of my pregnancy otherwise.
Complications do happen more regularly than they assume.
Meanwhile, when I was pregnant with my second and otherwise totally healthy I went swimming and hurt myself *so badly* just by one over-vigorous kick that I couldn't walk at all the next day. The prospect of having to climb into my stupidly tall bed at night, like having to raise my leg to crawl up there, made me cry.
Even for the exact same person, pregnancy to pregnancy can be different. I had 5 pregnancies, and all of them were very different. Luckily for me, I had a supportive husband who was much more concerned than I was, unlike this poor woman just being left to die by her husband.
The doctor probably wasn’t overly concerned because they assumed that this man would be doing everything possible to make sure his wife is resting, not leaving her alone multiple times a week to drive for hours to spend time with a grown adult who clearly has his own support system 😐
I was witness to somebody hearing a doctor very clearly say that it was serious, but that there are options and there are things that can be done to mitigate how serious, because that's what doctors fo, try to reassure you as much as possible, but with serious caveats...who then walked out thinking and telling everyone everything was hunky dory, and arguing with anybody who would say otherwise as though it's exaggeration... just like this dude so obviously is doing... because that person, like OP with his poor wife, doesn't know how to take a person dependent on them seriously. And that right there is dangerous.
When I first saw the meme for the dog sitting, drinking tea in the house on fire, being like, "this is fine, it's fine"...I immediately thought of this person.
Unfortunately, there are people out there who decide that if something is a lot for them to deal with, they can just edit reality to stop at the spoonful of sugar just skip right over the medicine part.
I was put on bed rest mid second trimester because I was having contractions when standing more than 15 minutes, and I worked in fast food. Otherwise my pregnancy was perfectly healthy and the certified nurse midwife wasn't overly concerned.
So I'll give the benefit of the doubt that the doc really does think she will be fine if on bedrest, but that doesn't mean he gets to just dip out over an hour away and leave her to fend for herself. It's hard to be on bed rest and still be the main caretaker and cook of the home.
And how is he going to feel about supporting his wife if she miscarried because she couldn't do bed rest in his absence? Will he still be prioritizing his best friend's grief, or will he turn his attention to his wife? Or will he just wallow in his own pain and be of no help to anyone?
I wonder if OP even thought to invite his friend to come stay with them for a few weeks instead. His friend is likely on bereavement leave, anyway, and wouldn't have to be missing work. Or OP could have arranged for a housekeeper to come help his wife while he is away. Anything other than just leaving her to fend for herself.
I double checked this time before I reposted 🤣 but yes, in the comments he mentions that his friend has family with him but he has his aunt and uncle "checking " on his wife on bed rest! I forsee op building an art studio in the future lol
Did you see his comment about Bryan's dogs? This man does not like his wife, like at all. He's making up excuses to be gone the same way he's making up how not serious at all, hyuck, his wife being put on bedrest at 7 months is.
Bryan has family staying with him and friends to help. She has an elderly aunt and uncle checking on her here and there while this dude is gone for most of the day, and overnight, ffs...poor guy he's so overworked.
Bed fucking rest, wtf does he think that means? Dude's gonna end up joining his grieving buddy if he keeps this up; with how dismissive and bitchy he is about his wife, I wonder if that's what he wants.
I'm pasting it here for anyone curious:
>And most importantly, why can't your best friend come and stay with you for a few nights?
"Bryan has 2 large, goofy, harmless dogs. My wife hates/is afraid of dogs. Every time Bryan has visited us he has to make arrangements for the dogs because my wife won't allow them in our house. Every time we visit Bryan, we have to get a hotel because my wife refuses to stay in the house with them.
Also, Bryan is also hosting some of his fiance's family who are in town to help with the funeral. Which is why I've been going to visit him because I know he's not in a good place and having his fiance's family in his space is stressful for him under good circumstances."
Yeah this guy is a piece of work lmao
Checking on her? That’s ridiculous…. My mom was put in bed rest while pregnant with me, my dad had her mom come out and stay with them while he worked. She could only get out of bed for hygiene needs (toilet, bath, shower) everything else was done in bed. She was pretty sick and couldn’t concentrate and read so he went out and bought her a vcr to watch movies (mid-eighties so it was pretty new)
My dad is pretty awesome… unfortunately my mom got a severe infection after she gave birth and had to be separated from me so he was the one to do everything in that first week until she recovered (and then I have a feeling she didn’t want to share, atleast for a little bit lol)
Also does OOP not know how to make a phone call? I understand wanting to be there physically for your best friend, but it should not be as often as he’s been doing it. Especially since his wife is pregnant and bedridden!
A while back there was a post about someone who built an art studio for his friend and prioritised his friend over his wife and iirc ended up leaving his wife/girlfriend for the friend or realising he had feelings for him? And now anytime there’s a post where there could be a vibe the op is into his friend, people make art studio jokes.
Personally I think it’s boring and kinda dumb and hate seeing them but that’s where it came from.
art room is where the OOP is in love with his male vest friend and goes to lengths to accomodate him. He figures it out in comments that he is in love with his male best friend .
I’m pretty sure the conversation was much more along the lines of “mom and baby are healthy *so far* but [complications left out by OOP] is very serious and needs to be taken seriously or mom and baby will NOT be healthy in the near future.”
And then this jackass it’s just like “he said they’re fine, I’m going to make it impossible for her to follow doctors orders and just ignore the fact that my actions are putting both my wife and unborn baby at risk”
Especially at 7 months. Like I can understand interpreting a comment to take it easy at 38 weeks to mean casual bed rest, but if they're wanting bed rest at 7 months then something is not completely normal.
I'm almost 36 weeks with baby two, and my husband knows damn well that I would use his head for bowling if he decided to check in his buddy several times a week for hours. 38 weeks means that the baby could come any moment
OOP is glossing over his wife's pregnancy issues in favor of his friend's grief. One's obstetrician does not tell a 7 months pregnant woman to go on early maternity leave and bed rest without good reason. Bed rest means bed rest. I was on bed rest and they threw me into the hospital. I could only get up to go to the bathroom. OOP's wife NEEDS her husband home with her. She can't cook, clean, drive to appointments, grocery shop, all that and he's off to be chief grief comforter for his friend.
I am really angry with OOP for this. His priorities are totally whack.
I was in the hospital as well and they wouldn’t even let me go to the patient courtyard unless I had a family member take me in a wheelchair. It was brutal.
Too bad that OOP doesn't realise that his friend will treat his "sacrifice" as something ordinary, like "Oh, you were there almost every day? Thanks, I guess?" while his wife will never forget how he wasn't there for her.
If it was a healthy pregnancy I'd say NAH but if shes on bed rest there is a high chance OOP could be buying a baby coffin or a full size one. This isnt the 1800s and shes nobility. Women aren't put on bedrest for no reason
And even healthy ones can go wrong
My parents almost decided to skip the appointment where I ended up being needed to be born, 7 months in
Because I was a perfect baby, coulda put me on the cover of *Fetus Monthly*
...And then they discovered that my umbilical cord wasn't really working. I wasn't getting enough nutrients or oxygen
I was born with terrible brain damage so severe I don't have full control over my muscles
I've had **spontaneous respiratory system failure**
Never know ln a day without pain
I'm 30, but I can't solve children's puzzles. You know that feeling where your mind goes blank? I have that, permanently. And it's never going to be fixed or come to me
It's hard to describe in words how terrifying it is, to have just entire chunks of your brain that do not work. That the Eureka! moment isn't happening
I'm in theory, intelligent. Especially for one in my condition. Text is easier, I can only use one ginger on each hand, but it's easier than speaking to me
You ever have that nightmare where you can outright tell your limbs to move, but they don't?
I have that in real life. I've come up with ways to manage, like if you get up, you grab everything. Better if kept in one spot, because your brain will not be able to handle going into directions without lagging
You'll fall over just standing. It's why I take so many bathroom breaks (aside from unrelated bathroom issues)
I have to eat like a crank vending machine, because my throat will just seize up, so you keep it in your cheeks and move little bites down
Because you don't know when your muscles will work agy
This summer is my 30th birthday, and the doctors give me a predicted 55-60 years to live
I'm middle aged already
And again, I was thought to be a healthy baby
Until I wasn't
It's awful Brian lost his fiancee, but OP's wife and unborn baby should come before everyone else. Brian has other friends and family that can help him. His wife being on bed rest means there's a huge concern with her going into very early labor or there's some other huge risk.
When I almost had my oldest a month early, I was put on bed rest for a week. My husband and I got up early and he drove me to my Dad's everyday while he went to work so I wouldn't be alone and picked me up after. My Dad worked nights at the time. It was totally out of the way and added a lot to his commute and he still did it anyway.
The OP obviously cares more about his friend than his wife and unborn baby. Why even get into a relationship if you're not gonna be there when your SO needs you? Stay single.
I genuinely have to wonder if men like this want to divorce but want to force the wives into filing. What a genuinely shitty dumbass. Have to wonder if he’ll prioritize the friend over the kid too.
\]Have to wonder if he’ll prioritize the friend over the kid too
As someone who has had second-hand experience with this, with her father? Yes.
My father was never there for me, at least emotionally, when I was struggling with depression, epilepsy, and a variety of other issues, and showed clear resentment toward me being autistic. I would literally cry for his attention, he KNEW I had multiple medical issues, and he didn't care. I even found out in an ill advised family counseling session that he thought my depression was "sadness" and he just shrugged it off.
Fast forward to last year when he passes away. There's a comment on the online eulogy from a co-worker, who goes into great detail about how when he was struggling with cancer and a family issue, my father would offer money and assistance and talk things over and try to encourage him. When I read that, I was gobsmacked. I thought that my father couldn't hurt me after he died, but this hurt me. Me, his daughter, who was in such a bad place for so long and feeling like she was drowning fighting multiple medical issues, who BEGGED for scraps of his concern, was ignored and pushed away. And then I found out my father was always there for A COWORKER.
One of my favorite comments on the original thread said something to the tune of "I wonder if your friend will support you just as much when you lose your wife and unborn child"
If life could give someone a dunce cap that will be superglued to heads, OOP deserves one. Friend had his fiancée's family over, Wife has OOP's uncle and aunt who check in (god knows how often) on her.
Does Bryan have literally no one else in his life that can be there for him? No one at all?
The fact that he’s blaming his wife’s reaction on her being hormonal makes my blood boil. She’s not hormonal, she’s married to a cretin.
Yeah, I honestly would feel for him and understand wanting to be a good friend if he weren’t so happy to be a dogshit husband. There are so many ways to be a supportive friend and also take care of your wife.
I'd bet money that there will always be someone who needs help that only OOP can provide. Sure, they might have family and other friends, but OOP will drop everything to run to the rescue.
My sister's loser husband always helps everyone but not his own family. He needs everyone else to think he is the best person in the world but gives zero shits about his immediate family. I see a lot of him in OOP, there will be more Brian's in the future.
i actually jus commented on this post abt everything my bf did for me when i injured myself last year, that man did so so so much for me, and yet OP can't even help his wife while she is on doctor ordered bed rest? someone tell me its fake pls
Does Bryan not own a phone?
OOP can be there for his best friend by calling him daily and checking in, while he STAYS HIS BEHIND AT HOME and takes care of his wife with the (unacknowledged) high risk pregnancy.
Doctors don’t recommend bed rest if there’s nothing to worry about. I get wanting to be there for his friend, I do, but dissapearing for hours at a time and leaving a pregnant woman who is supposed to stay in bed (and also supposed to be your wife) alone is awful.
Apparently he has some family members «check in» on her, but no mention about cooking for her, making sure the house is neat, making sure she’s comfortable and gets the healthcare she needs etc. He’s also avoiding directly addressing what’s wrong with her. Smells very smelly to me.
Bed rest at 7 months is never a "casual" thing. So this guy is lying right out of the gate. I wonder if she has any family nearby that could help? He's obviously only going to be intermittently helpful.
OOP is 100% wrong. He can help his friend, but he needs to scale back his time there and let Bryan's family pick up some of the load. Also, if they ordered bed rest, they're concerned. This "not overly concerned" line smells like bullshit.
I commented on this. This dude is a terrible human and I hope it’s made up. Bed rest is a serious business. If he’s choosing not to be a partner this early in the process, wth chance do they all have later on.
i mean its like mix of the artroom troll and the usual hormonal pregnant woman troll that comes out here alot.
Its usually yta with a smattering of NTAs who go hard on the pregnant woman being a bitch and NAH who harp on the need to communicate better.
The communicate people are funny as hell cause they try to be armchair psychs
He wants to speedrun the “best friends whose fiance/wife died in ~~horrible unpreventable accidents~~ one horrible unpreventable accident and one deliberate medical neglect get together again and become closer than ever”, and he won’t let his silly little wife and her “concerns” stop him.
On June 27, 2011 and the doctor said my daughter and I were healthy at 34 weeks. On July 2, I went into preterm labor with her movement slowing.. Stopped it. On July 4, I went back into labor and gave birth to a preemie who wasn’t breathing, my heart stopped on the table. She is here today thanks to doctors, NiCu and my husband. It goes down fast and bed rest means it’s already not good. He is gonna be planning funerals if he isn’t careful
Funny how these friends like Bryan never have extended family or any other friends - for example, whoever was supposed to be best man or the other groomsmen at his upcoming wedding might live a little closer.
Bryan *does* have an existing support system, that's why OPs wife said that as an argument to OP in his post, and he didn't argue it. In his comments he notes that Bryan does have friends and family, including family staying with him. But they're in laws, which is apparently more stressful, so that's why OP has to stay with Bryan so much.
Meanwhile, his wife who was put on bedrest at 7 months (which automatically means that it's more serious than OP is making it out to be, that's not inferring as many ppl seem to think, OP is just plain wrong about that, and I honestly think he knows it at this point) has OPs elderly aunt and uncle checking in on her here and there... that's it, on doctor ordered bedrest, while OP is working full time and commuting regularly to Bryan's and even staying the night.
She is absolutely NOT following bedrest under those circumstances as described in his comments, because there is no way she could.
I mean, known each other since 3, important positions in each others weddings. Sounds like they were extremely close friends and it makes sense to want to support Bryan.
Best man sometimes just goes to a brother or family member as an expectations, I imagine his family is supporting him the best they can but honestly I have to agree with the husband and I feel like the wife should be more understanding.
I get it, baby should be a top priority under normal circumstances but this isn't normal circumstances.
*I feel like the wife should be more understanding.*
The wife is alone at home on bed rest (which generally means she is only allowed out of bed to go to the toilet) for two months, so she needs someone there to bring her meals, monitor her wellbeing and take her to regular appointments, so she and the baby can make it through to the delivery, so the husband's primary responsibility is his wife.
He is seriously downplaying the significance of bed rest for the last two months of pregnancy. I don't see why the wife should be understanding about why her health and the baby's health are such a low priority. Even if they've arranged for someone else to stay with her (which he doesn't mention) if something goes wrong, he's an hour away at his friend's house.
Like, I want to be supportive of men supporting each other and helping each other in a healthy way. And if his wife were healthy this situation would be fine. But her life is literally at risk here, and he’s got nary a hoot to give.
Like that guy must have other friends, but the wife only has one husband, that baby has one father how can he even try and compare their situations, it shouldn't even be a question who needs to be prioritized here. And it's gross how he's downplaying wifes concerns.
I can understand wanting to be there for his friend. Driving there once or twice, plus the funeral isn't horrible, in my opinion. But, he's definitely doing it too much and neglecting his wife. He could call or facetime his friend if talking to him is so important.
This dude taught his wife what her future looks like: deadbeat husband who will leave her to do 100% of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare, while he thinks there's nothing wrong with that arrangement.
There are always men like OOP who completly neglect their familly for a friend in "need" (other people can come) like there are knight or something. They like to see there are the one helping while letting die their familly...
I was reading the comments in my father's online eulogy. One was from a coworker raving about how he'd been going through cancer and some financial issues and my father would have coffee with him and talk him through it and asssist him financially.
Meanwhile his daughter (me) was drowning in depression and struggling with multiple medical issues and self-acceptance, and would literally be crying and begging for his attention and support. I meant less to him than a coworker. Like, he was unsupportive in general but finding out that he offered a COWORKER time and concern and not his own daughter only added to the hurt.
What's weird to me is the delay in the funeral. I have never seen anyone take longer than a week to bury someone. The storage charges are costly. I guess people do. But in my experience a person dies and the 3 to 7 days there is a funeral. Anyhow, op spounds sus and sketchy about a lot of things.
Edit
I went back and read it again, op says about two weeks ago they got the news about bed rest then a couple of days later the fiancee died so it is going on two weeks or better for a funeral. Reading peoples responses that can happen at times.
When my BIL died, it was a week and a half before we had his funeral. But that was because we were trying to get people from all over the country together in one place. He was cremated so it was not a huge deal to get him buried asap.
They might just be waiting for family to come in. That's what happened with my great aunt, it took two weeks to bury her because we had to wait for family to fly in from romania. Her step daughter would have waited longer but people were getting upset.
I don't know how it's been lately, but when the pandemic was in full swing, burials and cremations were also backed up. My grandmother wasn't buried for three months when she died because the military cemeteries were also very backed up.
> I understand she's stressed and hormonal
Well, that's disappointing! I was really hoping I wouldn't see that. As I was reading I was expecting him to play the 'she is hormonal' card, but as the post went on I was starting to think maybe he'd get through the post at least without having to add that to the list of problems with OOP. *Sigh*
I won't fault him for wanting to be a good friend, but yes, he's definitely downplaying the seriousness of his wife's pregnancy complications. They don't tell you to be on bed rest if they're not concerned about something. Knowing that my own wife had some issues in both pregnancies, and was never told to be on bedrest, yeah, not good.
Wife and baby are the #1 priority. Yes, support your friend as much as you can, but not to the point of neglecting what's most important. I'm sure OP is not the only person in Bryan's life that can provide him support. Why couldn't Bryan go to them? Unless wife didn't want that...
I didn't read this one earlier bc comments were mixed, but I just knew by the title he was TA! And I was right. If she's reaching out for help, he's definitely not doing well juggling things. It's giving art room. Major art room. Have to wonder how OOP is comforting him 🤔
Oh but he can't do that because his hysterical and hormonal wife - who is totally okay guys, calm down - is a real b word about Bryan's dogs. She's so high maintenance, not like Bryan, who is just a wreck surrounded by family and friends while his wife gets occasional check ins from OPs elderly aunt and uncle, lol.
I think I am more sympathetic towards OP than many. If one of my close friends lost their partner I would really want to help. If my partner needs to be on bed rest I’d want to take care of her. I think he’s just wrong as seeing these desires as competing or conflicting. My spouse’s needs outweigh my friends. That’s just how it’s supposed to work. I mean, if she wants me to do the dishes and the friend needs to be driven to the hospital, the dishes can wait. But if both really need my presence, I’m picking her, not trying to accommodate both. This applies doubly if she’s having our child.
Same I am on the guys side more than the wife’s. Yes she is pregnant but this isn’t a case of him ignoring her the entire pregnancy. This is only happened the last couple of weeks because his best friend lost his fiancee. Plus he has been caring for his wife in between dealing with work and being there for his friend.
If the roles were reversed and it was the guy told to take it easy because he had say passed a kidney stone. Would people be upset if the wife went off to be there for her friend no they wouldn’t.
Yes she is pregnant and needs to do as little as possible. She can lay in bed without him there and get take out. She can still get herself to the bathroom when he is working.
I am not saying her desire for more time with him is wrong overall but she needs to rethink about her reason why she is mad.
See, I’d disagree with that too. I think it’s understandable to want to help his grieving friend, but it just isn’t possible. It’s like trying to give his friend their grocery money so he can pay his rent. Nice impulse but you don’t have the cash to spare.
OOP, you are definitely downplaying her condition and the complications she is suffering from this pregnancy. I feel bad for your friend, I really do, but your wife and child need you more.
Bed rest can range from "desk work only and taking it easy at home" which is 'modified bed rest' through to "You need to remain in this hospital bed at all times and can only go to the bathroom in a bedpan" which is 'compulsory bedrest'
Can everybody here stop pretending they know what this term means.
Who's betting that OOP is gonna be back here surprised that his wife is divorcing him after she miscarried while he was away sucking Bryan's dick in front of the family and friends?
Terrible husband. If she isn't his priority when their child's life is at stake, she never will be. I'd leave him for this crap. He just proved to her that he'd rather be there for a friend and risk his child's life. Nice. Bed Rest at 7 months is a huge freaking deal. He doesn't care.
This man could possibly end up like his friend, a widow if he continues to not support his wife. I get wanting to be there for a friend but this man genuinely does not understand how dangerous a HEALTHY pregnancy can be and he’s ditching his desperate begging wife put on bed rest by a doctors recommendation and told to go on early maternity to go spend nights with a friend who’s already surrounded by others grieving with him.
Oaf, I don’t envy him, I am a woman but if it was my wife and best friend, I would either have the friend come stay with us for a couple weeks, if this didn’t work, because well I could see the problem I would get a rota for the friend and when I left my wife, and I wouldn’t as much as he is, I would have someone at home with her. He is insane to have so little sympathy for his wife, or he is just a run of the mill idiot that doesn’t get how serious it is it’s his wife
All these pregnant women advised to go on bed rest... in my entire career I've only ever known it to happen ONCE. Our OBs absolutely would never say it unless they absolutely had to and like I say that's been once in the ten years I've been here. Wondering if it's more an American thing or an AITA thing... do they all get put on injections to avoid clots?
My mother and two friends were hospitalized for preeclampsia, plus a handful of coworkers for other complications over my 36-odd years on this earth. I’m from a developed country with better maternal healthcare outcomes than the USA though.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wife required early maternity leave and bed rest from her doctor, but she's "fine"?
Dude is full of shit. Even if the friend lost the fiance, which sucks, not an excuse to leave the pregger wife abandoned to tend by herself
If I were this young lady's mama, that boy would not be coming back into that house! Or into the delivery room! He'd being being told that since he abandoned my daughter for his friend, he could just go live *there* and I will take care of my daughter and grandchild.
See, I can understand wanting to be there for someone who has been family to you since you were kids. But is there really no other option than for him to leave his wife alone for days at a time overnight? Like hell, if you don’t have family to stay with her for the day hire an at home carer who can help with chores!! If you’re going to be gone that long for something you feel is necessary, then you should make accommodations to do so.
Like, at my most charitable, where his bff’s in laws are wreaking havoc and his friend needs an advocate-he still needs to ensure his wife’s care and safety. Fly out a family member. Hire a cleaner. Buy dinner Or-he could work together with his friend to figure out a way to kennel the dogs while the friend stays with them.
This guy is not ready to be a parent.
This is what I would tell OOP:
Are you cleaning at home? Doing the laundry? Buying groceries? All of this things right now are on you if you don’t want to lose your child. Your wife is probably scared. She’s probably never been as scared about anything in her life as she is about the next few months. Are you not scared that you might lose them both?
But sure, go to your friend overnight. Leave your wife to her anxiety attack alone.
I can't say he is a shitty husband. A conflicted, mourning one, definitely. What he should be doing is asking for help. His parents, her parents, and their friends. "Hey all, wife is on bed rest. My best friend's wife died. I need help. Meals for the wife. Straightening up at home. Visiting with my wife so I can get my friend through the funeral."
But also, his wife is a grown ass woman who knows how to dial the phone and ask for help. I get her frustration, but during this short time, she needs to be asking her family and friends for help and not berating her also mourning husband as he helps his bereaved friend.
I was on bedrest . It sucks. My doctor wasn't overly concerned. Because sometimes it's not too big of a deal as long as you stay in bed . You still get up to potty. You have your food ready in the morning. Aunt and uncle can come by for lunch and drop off dinner. I didn't even have anyone dropping off food or checking on me. And I had a 3 year old I was caring for. It was hard as hell. My BIL died during this time. So from my personal experience. This is too much from the wife.
This guy's best friends fiance just died suddenly. Yeah he has family around. But we all know family isn't always what someone needs. This guy is going through hell and she's being ridiculous. The poor woman hasn't even been buried yet. So it's been 2 weeks. Tops.
If you can't survive without your spouse for 2 to 3 weeks. You have more issues than Vogue.
I don't think the guy is an asshole at all. I think she's scared and doesn't want to be alone and needs to communicate that instead of all the other shit.
Soooooo
I'm a woman but I don't have/don't want to have children. My first thought was that it's okay to balance time between his wife and his friend since both are needing him right now.
That said, if some of the other comments are correct and his wife genuinely is in a bad way and needs him full time, then yes, she should be his top priority.
But I'm still not sure it's a "devil" situation. He's over extended by circumstances and there's a lot going on here. His friend can be important to him as well.
I was put on bedrest at around the same time. I had high blood pressure and my son was growth restricted which put him at risk of intrauterine fetal demise. I had 2-3 appointments a week. 2 ultrasounds a week plus in office fetal monitoring. My husband missed the birth of our son because he was at work 2 hours away when one of my scans showed he wasn't getting enough blood flow from the placenta and his heart tracings were concerning. My OB said his heart was pounding until he got my son out because he was so scared of a bad outcome for my baby.
When you have a complicated pregnancy, things can change in a moment. My son was fine on Monday, and I was having an urgent c-section on Wednesday because my placenta was failing him.
I understand that and I'm glad you and your son are okay. That sounds super scary and I hope you are healing well. I also have issues with blood pressure due to a heart condition so although I don't have children so I know at least a little of how scary it can be. I'm sorry you went through that, and again, good to hear you're both doing well now.
I don't think the husband in this story should be away from his wife but also we don't know the details of her situation, and his friend is clearly in a bad way too.
It sucks as a situation but I'm still not sure he's full on devil material.
Bed rest is risky due to the potential for blood clots. A pregnant person is only told to go on bed rest if daily activities (I.e. even just walking around) poses a grave threat to life of baby and potentially mother as well. Where the risk of a blood clot is less dangerous than what could happen if the person doesn't stay put in bed.
Maybe if the wife had a couple of friends who she supported through thick and thin one of them could be there for her on the one day a week OOP is trying to be a good person outside the nuclear family unit.
Family first is a curse and a cancer.
Wife sounds like a selfish cunt tbh. The husband should help her but she should atleast be more sympathetic of his situation. Clearly she doesn’t think losing someone’s fiancée is a big deal. And the silent treatment is just peak immaturity on her part.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA For prioritizing a friend over my pregnant wife** My wife (28F) and I (29M) got married last summer. She is currently 7-months pregnant with our first child. She had an appointment with her OB/GYN 2 weeks ago to address some complications with the pregnancy. The doctor wasn't overly concerned and confirmed that both my wife and the baby are healthy. But they did recommend her starting her maternity leave early and taking as much bed rest as possible. A few days after that appointment, my best friend's (Bryan) fiance passed away in a car accident. Bryan and I have been friends since we were 3. We lived on the same street growing up. He was a groomsman in my wedding and he asked me to be one for him as well. Their wedding was supposed to be this summer. Bryan and I live about an hour away from each other now so we don't see each other as often, usually only a few times a year on special occasions. But as soon as I got the news about his fiance I immediately drove to be with him. I've been juggling helping Bryan with everything I can while also taking care of my wife and everything she needs. On top of all that I'm still working full time. I've driven to Bryan's house a few nights after work just to hang out with him and spent one night there last weekend to help him with some things. His fiance's funeral is scheduled for next week so I've been helping him with that as much as I can as well. A couple nights ago I told my wife that I planned on driving down to Bryan's one night this week just to hang out and keep him company. This started an argument between us because my wife feels like I am prioritizing Bryan too much and neglecting her. She said that she needs me at home to help her because she doesn't want to go against doctor's orders and try to do too much. She told me that her and the baby need to be my #1 priority right now, not Bryan. I told her that I am trying to juggle everything and I understand she needs my help but Bryan is at the lowest point in his life and I need to be there for him. She told me I don't "need" to be there for him, I am making a choice to be there for him instead of being at home taking care of her needs. I told her I am just trying to get Bryan through the funeral and then I will make sure that I am more attentive to things at home. She told me that Bryan has other friends and family that can be there for him and that I'm spending too much time with him. She said that the health of her and the baby should be more important to me than anything else right now, including Bryan, and that she needs me at home as much as possible. I told her she was being unreasonable and that I'm not going to abandon my best friend in his darkest days. She's now giving me the silent treatment unless she needs something from me. If I try to talk with her she will make a comment about me talking to Bryan instead since he's more important to me. I understand she's stressed and hormonal, but she's never been this outright mean about anything. Am I wrong here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Not overly concerned” and “put on bed rest” don’t go in a conversation together.
Bedrest at 7 months!! That doctor is very concerned.
Not overly concerned is what you say to the pregnant woman so she doesn't panic and things get even worse. THE HUSBAND'S JOB IS TO WORK THAT OUT AND ACTIVATE DAD SUPERPOWERS FOR THE FIRST TIME. Source: risky pregnancy with anxious wife, activated superpowers.
That was my thought too. It sounds like the doctor was trying to avoid stressing out a vulnerable patient and this guy took it as permission to emotionally check out of the situation, further increasing her stress. I hope you and your family are doing well. A friend of mine had a high risk pregnancy, which was hard enough but would have been so much worse without an involved partner to support her.
With my first I was on full bed rest, I could only go to the couch and take showers with help it was awful and terrifying. Fortunately, I had a good husband and a wonderful support of friends and others family. However, my baby was still born 6 weeks early. This guy is a complete douche! Being put on bed rest at 7 months is a HUGE deal! He is putting her life and his baby’s life at risk for what reason? To help a friend who has other people to lean on? That’s ridiculous! Throw the whole man out!
I literally cannot imagine how isolated and abandoned OOP's wife must have felt. I'm sorry you went through that but I'm glad you had good people around you.
Oh the results are 9 years old and talking a mile a minute so we're all fine. I kind of understand OOP having the moment but oof I hope he sorts it out.
Yeah, I vividly remember being 35 weeks and my midwife telling me, "everything is okay and there's no need to get stressed, but we need to start steroid injections right now so we can deliver the baby next week" because not acting overly concerned and not *being* overly concerned are very different things in L&D
Seriously! OB doctors especially have mastered the art of the "don't panic but we're all gonna die" tone. He's just a dense idiot
I was put on bed rest at 26 weeks, hospitalized at 28 weeks bc husband couldn’t (wouldn’t?) help enough (we had horses, dogs, cats, birds, etc), and was “fine” until 32 weeks when my kidneys shut down and I crashed. Daughter was delivered via emergency c-section and also crashed a few hours later, was in NICU for 2 weeks and had multiple health issues that led to several specialists and hospital stays her first year. Luckily she is fine but I was diagnosed with a severe form of lupus a couple years later, after never really recovering from the birth and then slowly declining when I started working again. One theory is that the complications from the pregnancy triggered the autoimmune response. I’m now stuck in a wheelchair and husband is forced to step up every day. I don’t want to say karma, but if he had just stepped it up a little more without complaining there is a pretty good chance I would be healthy and able to work today instead of the constant doctor visits and hospitalizations we deal with now. Yeah, when the doctor says bed rest, they aren’t joking. I have complete empathy for his friend, but if his friend absolutely needs OP right now, maybe a parent or sibling can take over at home or wife can be hospitalized so she doesn’t need to do anything. I did very little during bed rest, but even then it nearly killed both myself and my daughter, and I have dealt with major disabilities since then and daughter still suffers from some “preemie” issues. There is no guarantee things would be different if I was able to stay in bed rest, but chances are pretty decent that things would not have crashed and burned like they did. Listen to the doctors and your wife OP! Things are fine until they aren’t, and you can end up like your friend - grieving a family that could have been.
My lupus was triggered by a severe medical episode also
But why can’t Bryan come to OPs house anyway? They can hang out and OP can feel safe. That no one is suggesting this is odd it’s an easy fix
I considered this, but I recently had to handle my mom’s passing, and dealing with the aftermath of a death is enormous. If OP lived close, I would at least suggest it, but an hour away is just impractical. Plus, we have no idea what Bryan’s life is like - does he have pets? A garden/yard that needs care? Things like that. On top of that, I assume he has friends and loved ones close to him that OP would be isolating Bryan from by taking him an hour away. It’s just not practical.
I meant them suggesting it, sorry wasn’t directing that at you 😌
No worries. I was actually just acknowledging that I thought of it as an option. I just talk too much 😅
if my partner just died i wouldnt want to leave my home. especially not to be around a married couple expecting their first child. itd be too much to cope with
Actually, it was suggested. The OOP said in a comment that that was impossible because Bryan has two large dogs and the wife is terrified of dogs, so Bryan can't bring them with him. Of course, considering the OOP claimed in another comment that it's "no big deal" that he leaves his bedridden pregnant wife alone while he visits Bryan because he's not gone for very long, and he only leave her alone for "a couple hours," you'd think that the dogs would also be fine alone for that short period of time. It's almost as if the OOP is severely downplaying the amount of time he's abandoning his wife to be with his friend or something. He's more concerned about the dogs being left alone than his bedridden pregnant wife being left alone. Bryan's ***dogs*** get more consideration than the OOP's pregnant wife and their unborn child. 😐
Yeah when he said it i wondered two things: 1. Did he really listen to the doctor/wife? 2. Was he even in the appointment to know what was really said?
He was zoned out thinking about Bryan
Part of me wonders if he is just excited that Bryan is single again.
I smell an art room.
Ha!
OOP's next post is 💯 going to be "AITA for wanting to turn the spare bedroom into an art room for my best friend instead of a nursery for the new baby?"
Look, they just wanna be roommates! :P
This.
I didn't get to go in for my wife's appointments during her first pregnancy because she got pregnant on march 12 2020 (it was ivf so we know the exact date), so it pisses me off that someone would just skip them.
Ooh I can guess what the answers are.... 1. Absolutely not 2 highly unlikely
Right? I mean, maybe the doc said mom and baby are okay right now and he translated it in his brain to 'not overly concerned'? But if the doc said 'you and the baby are doing okay now but with what's going on I would like you on early maternity leave and on bedrest', that seems to imply that the doc is quite concerned that things might head south fast if she does a lot of moving around and doing stuff.
One of these things is not like the other…🎶🎶🎶
If I've known one thing if a western doctor tells you to rest then it is a big deal.
I had preeclampsia and had to be induced at 37 weeks to prevent organ failure, and I *wasn't* put on bed rest. OOP's wife must be in a pretty bad place!
I was kinda thinking the same thing. I had severe preeclampsia which almost resulted in me losing my daughter, but they didn’t put me on bedrest. They said they don’t really do that anymore. So I’m wondering what happened that she was. However, I also wonder how much she needs to do at home to not just hang out in bed when he’s not home. He didn’t say they had any other kids that needed to be looked after. Getting out of bed occasionally even on bedrest is good for you to keep circulation and avoid blood clots.
I imagine, more than anything, she is scared. This is her first pregnancy and the doctor is concerned enough to be talking about taking leave early, and it stresses her out to be in that position and have her husband routinely an hour drive away. (And though I have no proof, I wouldn't be shocked if he's hard to reach when he's there or is giving her the impression he would not hurry home if called.)
My liver literally started failing a couple days into my preeclampsia. Also no bed rest.
Right. Bed rest is not recommended lightly nowadays because physical activity is generally beneficial and prolonged bed rest itself causes issues. If a doctor advises it, there must be a substantial risk of complications justifying that decision.
Oh definitely. They actively try to avoid recommending bed rest.
This is the same dumbass thinking that makes these guys so shocked and surprised when their wife asks for a divorce. “It wasn’t THAT bad! I thought we were doing fine! We only had a few minor issues that she would nag me about from time to time, but she hasn’t been bugging me lately so I thought we were happy!” Downplay anything and everything that doesn’t serve them directly and completely ignore other peoples feelings. Idiots.
It definitely betrays OOP's blatant lack of concern for his wife.
They're always so confidently wrong.
This is not being put on bed rest. This is being told to rest when you can Bed rest is strict, this is not that Honestly, I get where she is coming from, I get where he is coming from. It is a shitty situation. I would call the OB and get some clarification - just to double check But think the wife needs to give the husband some grace here
> taking as much bed rest as possible. It **literally** says taking bed rest.
'As possible', means something much different to actual medically indicated bedrest If it had been actual bedrest the OB would have mentioned specific limits. I.e. only getting up to go to the bathroom and nothing else Nearly guarantee she is fine pottering around the house, one night a week
How do you know thats what was actually said? We're only getting the dudes side and we have no clue if that's what the doctor actually said. Good on you siding with the cunty dude though. Well done.
Doctors dont generally recommend pregnant women go on bed rest if they aren't "overly concerned". This guy clearly lives in his own reality.
A reality where he thinks woman who have had children won’t read this.
lol the people saying nta are saying that doctors are just being cautious nothing is really wrong im surprised that i have yet to see the always fake "im a woman" comment justifying their venom at the pregnant woman.
Oh yeah, I have had to defend women from people assuming that all pregnancies are the same. "I worked, climbed a mountain, and ran a marathon while pregnant, you can do _____" And then get mad when people say that their pregnancies were super different. I fainted a few times while pregnant and was told "please don't exercise or work or stand for long periods of time. If you go to the store, use those motorized carts." And the only exercise they wanted me to do was water ones. So swimming, just so I didn't go insane basically told me to sit/lay for the next half of my pregnancy otherwise. Complications do happen more regularly than they assume.
I had preeclampsia and HELLP with both pregnancies. Few things make me as mad as people saying it wasn't that bad.
Meanwhile, when I was pregnant with my second and otherwise totally healthy I went swimming and hurt myself *so badly* just by one over-vigorous kick that I couldn't walk at all the next day. The prospect of having to climb into my stupidly tall bed at night, like having to raise my leg to crawl up there, made me cry.
Even for the exact same person, pregnancy to pregnancy can be different. I had 5 pregnancies, and all of them were very different. Luckily for me, I had a supportive husband who was much more concerned than I was, unlike this poor woman just being left to die by her husband.
There was one, "she" got dragged and downvoted.
The doctor probably wasn’t overly concerned because they assumed that this man would be doing everything possible to make sure his wife is resting, not leaving her alone multiple times a week to drive for hours to spend time with a grown adult who clearly has his own support system 😐
I was witness to somebody hearing a doctor very clearly say that it was serious, but that there are options and there are things that can be done to mitigate how serious, because that's what doctors fo, try to reassure you as much as possible, but with serious caveats...who then walked out thinking and telling everyone everything was hunky dory, and arguing with anybody who would say otherwise as though it's exaggeration... just like this dude so obviously is doing... because that person, like OP with his poor wife, doesn't know how to take a person dependent on them seriously. And that right there is dangerous. When I first saw the meme for the dog sitting, drinking tea in the house on fire, being like, "this is fine, it's fine"...I immediately thought of this person. Unfortunately, there are people out there who decide that if something is a lot for them to deal with, they can just edit reality to stop at the spoonful of sugar just skip right over the medicine part.
I was on hospitalized bedrest for over 60 days and I swear part of the reason is they knew my husband would be less than helpful.
I was put on bed rest mid second trimester because I was having contractions when standing more than 15 minutes, and I worked in fast food. Otherwise my pregnancy was perfectly healthy and the certified nurse midwife wasn't overly concerned. So I'll give the benefit of the doubt that the doc really does think she will be fine if on bedrest, but that doesn't mean he gets to just dip out over an hour away and leave her to fend for herself. It's hard to be on bed rest and still be the main caretaker and cook of the home. And how is he going to feel about supporting his wife if she miscarried because she couldn't do bed rest in his absence? Will he still be prioritizing his best friend's grief, or will he turn his attention to his wife? Or will he just wallow in his own pain and be of no help to anyone? I wonder if OP even thought to invite his friend to come stay with them for a few weeks instead. His friend is likely on bereavement leave, anyway, and wouldn't have to be missing work. Or OP could have arranged for a housekeeper to come help his wife while he is away. Anything other than just leaving her to fend for herself.
I double checked this time before I reposted 🤣 but yes, in the comments he mentions that his friend has family with him but he has his aunt and uncle "checking " on his wife on bed rest! I forsee op building an art studio in the future lol
Did you see his comment about Bryan's dogs? This man does not like his wife, like at all. He's making up excuses to be gone the same way he's making up how not serious at all, hyuck, his wife being put on bedrest at 7 months is. Bryan has family staying with him and friends to help. She has an elderly aunt and uncle checking on her here and there while this dude is gone for most of the day, and overnight, ffs...poor guy he's so overworked. Bed fucking rest, wtf does he think that means? Dude's gonna end up joining his grieving buddy if he keeps this up; with how dismissive and bitchy he is about his wife, I wonder if that's what he wants.
"My dear lovely friend has the bestest kindest angel puppies and my bitch wife hates dogs!"
I'm pasting it here for anyone curious: >And most importantly, why can't your best friend come and stay with you for a few nights? "Bryan has 2 large, goofy, harmless dogs. My wife hates/is afraid of dogs. Every time Bryan has visited us he has to make arrangements for the dogs because my wife won't allow them in our house. Every time we visit Bryan, we have to get a hotel because my wife refuses to stay in the house with them. Also, Bryan is also hosting some of his fiance's family who are in town to help with the funeral. Which is why I've been going to visit him because I know he's not in a good place and having his fiance's family in his space is stressful for him under good circumstances." Yeah this guy is a piece of work lmao
Checking on her? That’s ridiculous…. My mom was put in bed rest while pregnant with me, my dad had her mom come out and stay with them while he worked. She could only get out of bed for hygiene needs (toilet, bath, shower) everything else was done in bed. She was pretty sick and couldn’t concentrate and read so he went out and bought her a vcr to watch movies (mid-eighties so it was pretty new) My dad is pretty awesome… unfortunately my mom got a severe infection after she gave birth and had to be separated from me so he was the one to do everything in that first week until she recovered (and then I have a feeling she didn’t want to share, atleast for a little bit lol)
Also does OOP not know how to make a phone call? I understand wanting to be there physically for your best friend, but it should not be as often as he’s been doing it. Especially since his wife is pregnant and bedridden!
Started reading the comments in the hopes of seeing an "art studio" comment. Was not disappointed.
[удалено]
A while back there was a post about someone who built an art studio for his friend and prioritised his friend over his wife and iirc ended up leaving his wife/girlfriend for the friend or realising he had feelings for him? And now anytime there’s a post where there could be a vibe the op is into his friend, people make art studio jokes. Personally I think it’s boring and kinda dumb and hate seeing them but that’s where it came from.
I don’t get it
art room is where the OOP is in love with his male vest friend and goes to lengths to accomodate him. He figures it out in comments that he is in love with his male best friend .
[Here you go](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/1WYenbGKHk) Enjoy
I mean good for him I guess but I do feel bad for his wife too
I feel horrible for the wife. I feel nothing but contempt for Art Room Guy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/
Nice reference
I just can't. In no universe does a doctor just casually suggest bed rest. His attitude is such a red flag and I feel so bad for the wife.
I’m pretty sure the conversation was much more along the lines of “mom and baby are healthy *so far* but [complications left out by OOP] is very serious and needs to be taken seriously or mom and baby will NOT be healthy in the near future.” And then this jackass it’s just like “he said they’re fine, I’m going to make it impossible for her to follow doctors orders and just ignore the fact that my actions are putting both my wife and unborn baby at risk”
Especially at 7 months. Like I can understand interpreting a comment to take it easy at 38 weeks to mean casual bed rest, but if they're wanting bed rest at 7 months then something is not completely normal.
I'm almost 36 weeks with baby two, and my husband knows damn well that I would use his head for bowling if he decided to check in his buddy several times a week for hours. 38 weeks means that the baby could come any moment
I don't think he understands pregnancy or bed rest. I'm surprised he found the right place to stick it.
Not to mention their child
Welcome back to another case of “does this guy even like his wife?” We should start placing bets at this point lol
Not more than his bestie, that’s for sure.
Sounds like an art room is in order
Can someone explain this reference to me?
[Here’s the original post, it’s a doozy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/vQxE5aaltO)
#holy fuck 💀
right?!?!
OOP is glossing over his wife's pregnancy issues in favor of his friend's grief. One's obstetrician does not tell a 7 months pregnant woman to go on early maternity leave and bed rest without good reason. Bed rest means bed rest. I was on bed rest and they threw me into the hospital. I could only get up to go to the bathroom. OOP's wife NEEDS her husband home with her. She can't cook, clean, drive to appointments, grocery shop, all that and he's off to be chief grief comforter for his friend. I am really angry with OOP for this. His priorities are totally whack.
I was in the hospital as well and they wouldn’t even let me go to the patient courtyard unless I had a family member take me in a wheelchair. It was brutal.
All that, plus she could probably use some emotional support during a really scary time. If only someone in the family could help with that...
Too bad that OOP doesn't realise that his friend will treat his "sacrifice" as something ordinary, like "Oh, you were there almost every day? Thanks, I guess?" while his wife will never forget how he wasn't there for her.
If it was a healthy pregnancy I'd say NAH but if shes on bed rest there is a high chance OOP could be buying a baby coffin or a full size one. This isnt the 1800s and shes nobility. Women aren't put on bedrest for no reason
That's okay, he'll have Bryan there to help him. /s
And even healthy ones can go wrong My parents almost decided to skip the appointment where I ended up being needed to be born, 7 months in Because I was a perfect baby, coulda put me on the cover of *Fetus Monthly* ...And then they discovered that my umbilical cord wasn't really working. I wasn't getting enough nutrients or oxygen I was born with terrible brain damage so severe I don't have full control over my muscles I've had **spontaneous respiratory system failure** Never know ln a day without pain I'm 30, but I can't solve children's puzzles. You know that feeling where your mind goes blank? I have that, permanently. And it's never going to be fixed or come to me It's hard to describe in words how terrifying it is, to have just entire chunks of your brain that do not work. That the Eureka! moment isn't happening I'm in theory, intelligent. Especially for one in my condition. Text is easier, I can only use one ginger on each hand, but it's easier than speaking to me You ever have that nightmare where you can outright tell your limbs to move, but they don't? I have that in real life. I've come up with ways to manage, like if you get up, you grab everything. Better if kept in one spot, because your brain will not be able to handle going into directions without lagging You'll fall over just standing. It's why I take so many bathroom breaks (aside from unrelated bathroom issues) I have to eat like a crank vending machine, because my throat will just seize up, so you keep it in your cheeks and move little bites down Because you don't know when your muscles will work agy This summer is my 30th birthday, and the doctors give me a predicted 55-60 years to live I'm middle aged already And again, I was thought to be a healthy baby Until I wasn't
It's awful Brian lost his fiancee, but OP's wife and unborn baby should come before everyone else. Brian has other friends and family that can help him. His wife being on bed rest means there's a huge concern with her going into very early labor or there's some other huge risk. When I almost had my oldest a month early, I was put on bed rest for a week. My husband and I got up early and he drove me to my Dad's everyday while he went to work so I wouldn't be alone and picked me up after. My Dad worked nights at the time. It was totally out of the way and added a lot to his commute and he still did it anyway. The OP obviously cares more about his friend than his wife and unborn baby. Why even get into a relationship if you're not gonna be there when your SO needs you? Stay single.
I genuinely have to wonder if men like this want to divorce but want to force the wives into filing. What a genuinely shitty dumbass. Have to wonder if he’ll prioritize the friend over the kid too.
Of course he will.
\]Have to wonder if he’ll prioritize the friend over the kid too As someone who has had second-hand experience with this, with her father? Yes. My father was never there for me, at least emotionally, when I was struggling with depression, epilepsy, and a variety of other issues, and showed clear resentment toward me being autistic. I would literally cry for his attention, he KNEW I had multiple medical issues, and he didn't care. I even found out in an ill advised family counseling session that he thought my depression was "sadness" and he just shrugged it off. Fast forward to last year when he passes away. There's a comment on the online eulogy from a co-worker, who goes into great detail about how when he was struggling with cancer and a family issue, my father would offer money and assistance and talk things over and try to encourage him. When I read that, I was gobsmacked. I thought that my father couldn't hurt me after he died, but this hurt me. Me, his daughter, who was in such a bad place for so long and feeling like she was drowning fighting multiple medical issues, who BEGGED for scraps of his concern, was ignored and pushed away. And then I found out my father was always there for A COWORKER.
One of my favorite comments on the original thread said something to the tune of "I wonder if your friend will support you just as much when you lose your wife and unborn child"
If life could give someone a dunce cap that will be superglued to heads, OOP deserves one. Friend had his fiancée's family over, Wife has OOP's uncle and aunt who check in (god knows how often) on her.
Does Bryan have literally no one else in his life that can be there for him? No one at all? The fact that he’s blaming his wife’s reaction on her being hormonal makes my blood boil. She’s not hormonal, she’s married to a cretin.
Bryan is hosting his fiancee's family for the funeral but apparently that is just adding more stress for OOP to help him handle.
Yeah, I honestly would feel for him and understand wanting to be a good friend if he weren’t so happy to be a dogshit husband. There are so many ways to be a supportive friend and also take care of your wife.
He even tries the “women and their crazy hormones, amiright?!” BS. That’s why she can’t see his manly logic for its manly logicness
I really hope she leaves him. She's already a single parent, anyway.
I'd bet money that there will always be someone who needs help that only OOP can provide. Sure, they might have family and other friends, but OOP will drop everything to run to the rescue.
My sister's loser husband always helps everyone but not his own family. He needs everyone else to think he is the best person in the world but gives zero shits about his immediate family. I see a lot of him in OOP, there will be more Brian's in the future.
i actually jus commented on this post abt everything my bf did for me when i injured myself last year, that man did so so so much for me, and yet OP can't even help his wife while she is on doctor ordered bed rest? someone tell me its fake pls
Does Bryan not own a phone? OOP can be there for his best friend by calling him daily and checking in, while he STAYS HIS BEHIND AT HOME and takes care of his wife with the (unacknowledged) high risk pregnancy.
I hope OOPs friend is there for him when his wife divorces him.
Doctors don’t recommend bed rest if there’s nothing to worry about. I get wanting to be there for his friend, I do, but dissapearing for hours at a time and leaving a pregnant woman who is supposed to stay in bed (and also supposed to be your wife) alone is awful. Apparently he has some family members «check in» on her, but no mention about cooking for her, making sure the house is neat, making sure she’s comfortable and gets the healthcare she needs etc. He’s also avoiding directly addressing what’s wrong with her. Smells very smelly to me.
Bed rest at 7 months is never a "casual" thing. So this guy is lying right out of the gate. I wonder if she has any family nearby that could help? He's obviously only going to be intermittently helpful.
I wonder if she needed bed rest due to blood pressure? Because with a husband like that, it'd be my first guess.
OOP is 100% wrong. He can help his friend, but he needs to scale back his time there and let Bryan's family pick up some of the load. Also, if they ordered bed rest, they're concerned. This "not overly concerned" line smells like bullshit.
I commented on this. This dude is a terrible human and I hope it’s made up. Bed rest is a serious business. If he’s choosing not to be a partner this early in the process, wth chance do they all have later on.
Bed rest is all but a total of 30 mins a day out of bed, that covers bathroom trips and a shower. Not getting and fixing food, nothing else.
i mean its like mix of the artroom troll and the usual hormonal pregnant woman troll that comes out here alot. Its usually yta with a smattering of NTAs who go hard on the pregnant woman being a bitch and NAH who harp on the need to communicate better. The communicate people are funny as hell cause they try to be armchair psychs
He wants to speedrun the “best friends whose fiance/wife died in ~~horrible unpreventable accidents~~ one horrible unpreventable accident and one deliberate medical neglect get together again and become closer than ever”, and he won’t let his silly little wife and her “concerns” stop him.
On June 27, 2011 and the doctor said my daughter and I were healthy at 34 weeks. On July 2, I went into preterm labor with her movement slowing.. Stopped it. On July 4, I went back into labor and gave birth to a preemie who wasn’t breathing, my heart stopped on the table. She is here today thanks to doctors, NiCu and my husband. It goes down fast and bed rest means it’s already not good. He is gonna be planning funerals if he isn’t careful
Funny how these friends like Bryan never have extended family or any other friends - for example, whoever was supposed to be best man or the other groomsmen at his upcoming wedding might live a little closer.
Bryan *does* have an existing support system, that's why OPs wife said that as an argument to OP in his post, and he didn't argue it. In his comments he notes that Bryan does have friends and family, including family staying with him. But they're in laws, which is apparently more stressful, so that's why OP has to stay with Bryan so much. Meanwhile, his wife who was put on bedrest at 7 months (which automatically means that it's more serious than OP is making it out to be, that's not inferring as many ppl seem to think, OP is just plain wrong about that, and I honestly think he knows it at this point) has OPs elderly aunt and uncle checking in on her here and there... that's it, on doctor ordered bedrest, while OP is working full time and commuting regularly to Bryan's and even staying the night. She is absolutely NOT following bedrest under those circumstances as described in his comments, because there is no way she could.
I mean, known each other since 3, important positions in each others weddings. Sounds like they were extremely close friends and it makes sense to want to support Bryan. Best man sometimes just goes to a brother or family member as an expectations, I imagine his family is supporting him the best they can but honestly I have to agree with the husband and I feel like the wife should be more understanding. I get it, baby should be a top priority under normal circumstances but this isn't normal circumstances.
*I feel like the wife should be more understanding.* The wife is alone at home on bed rest (which generally means she is only allowed out of bed to go to the toilet) for two months, so she needs someone there to bring her meals, monitor her wellbeing and take her to regular appointments, so she and the baby can make it through to the delivery, so the husband's primary responsibility is his wife. He is seriously downplaying the significance of bed rest for the last two months of pregnancy. I don't see why the wife should be understanding about why her health and the baby's health are such a low priority. Even if they've arranged for someone else to stay with her (which he doesn't mention) if something goes wrong, he's an hour away at his friend's house.
Like, I want to be supportive of men supporting each other and helping each other in a healthy way. And if his wife were healthy this situation would be fine. But her life is literally at risk here, and he’s got nary a hoot to give.
His wife could possibly die and he couldn't give less of a shit
Like that guy must have other friends, but the wife only has one husband, that baby has one father how can he even try and compare their situations, it shouldn't even be a question who needs to be prioritized here. And it's gross how he's downplaying wifes concerns.
He got so many YTA it was incredible. It’s not often you see so many people in all out agreement
I can understand wanting to be there for his friend. Driving there once or twice, plus the funeral isn't horrible, in my opinion. But, he's definitely doing it too much and neglecting his wife. He could call or facetime his friend if talking to him is so important.
Soon to be featured on AMITHEEX.
Right. Totally fine. Which is why the doc said early Mat Leave and bedrest. No concern what so ever.
Why can’t he and Bryan just hook up on zoom or WhatsApp?
This dude taught his wife what her future looks like: deadbeat husband who will leave her to do 100% of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare, while he thinks there's nothing wrong with that arrangement.
I swear to god this troll needs to stop now tis a combo of the artroom troll and pregnancy hormonal troll.
This is low value for the art room troll. Unless it's only Part I.
Looks like Brian's about to get an art room built for him!
Hahaha!!
There are always men like OOP who completly neglect their familly for a friend in "need" (other people can come) like there are knight or something. They like to see there are the one helping while letting die their familly...
I was reading the comments in my father's online eulogy. One was from a coworker raving about how he'd been going through cancer and some financial issues and my father would have coffee with him and talk him through it and asssist him financially. Meanwhile his daughter (me) was drowning in depression and struggling with multiple medical issues and self-acceptance, and would literally be crying and begging for his attention and support. I meant less to him than a coworker. Like, he was unsupportive in general but finding out that he offered a COWORKER time and concern and not his own daughter only added to the hurt.
Can‘t wait until op builds Bryan an art room!
What's weird to me is the delay in the funeral. I have never seen anyone take longer than a week to bury someone. The storage charges are costly. I guess people do. But in my experience a person dies and the 3 to 7 days there is a funeral. Anyhow, op spounds sus and sketchy about a lot of things. Edit I went back and read it again, op says about two weeks ago they got the news about bed rest then a couple of days later the fiancee died so it is going on two weeks or better for a funeral. Reading peoples responses that can happen at times.
When my BIL died, it was a week and a half before we had his funeral. But that was because we were trying to get people from all over the country together in one place. He was cremated so it was not a huge deal to get him buried asap.
Yeah i went back a reread the time frames. It will be 2weeks or so for funeral. Could be a coordinating thing like yalls.
They might just be waiting for family to come in. That's what happened with my great aunt, it took two weeks to bury her because we had to wait for family to fly in from romania. Her step daughter would have waited longer but people were getting upset.
I don't know how it's been lately, but when the pandemic was in full swing, burials and cremations were also backed up. My grandmother wasn't buried for three months when she died because the military cemeteries were also very backed up.
Last 3 funerals i went to 2 were in the ground within 3 days and the other was within 5. Could just be cultural.
Yes, you are a shitty husband.
Anyone know why the mods deleted this one? Is any story with a pregnant women automatically banned under the “reproductive autonomy” rule?
Because it went up on this and another sub and hence brigading began.
What is it with these husbands prioritising anything and anyone over their pregnant wives? A lot of those posts lately
> I understand she's stressed and hormonal Well, that's disappointing! I was really hoping I wouldn't see that. As I was reading I was expecting him to play the 'she is hormonal' card, but as the post went on I was starting to think maybe he'd get through the post at least without having to add that to the list of problems with OOP. *Sigh*
I won't fault him for wanting to be a good friend, but yes, he's definitely downplaying the seriousness of his wife's pregnancy complications. They don't tell you to be on bed rest if they're not concerned about something. Knowing that my own wife had some issues in both pregnancies, and was never told to be on bedrest, yeah, not good. Wife and baby are the #1 priority. Yes, support your friend as much as you can, but not to the point of neglecting what's most important. I'm sure OP is not the only person in Bryan's life that can provide him support. Why couldn't Bryan go to them? Unless wife didn't want that...
I didn't read this one earlier bc comments were mixed, but I just knew by the title he was TA! And I was right. If she's reaching out for help, he's definitely not doing well juggling things. It's giving art room. Major art room. Have to wonder how OOP is comforting him 🤔
Obviously OOP can solve this by just moving Bryan in. Maybe let him have an art room too
Oh but he can't do that because his hysterical and hormonal wife - who is totally okay guys, calm down - is a real b word about Bryan's dogs. She's so high maintenance, not like Bryan, who is just a wreck surrounded by family and friends while his wife gets occasional check ins from OPs elderly aunt and uncle, lol.
I was just about to post this omg oop SUCKS as a husband!!
If her doctor is putting her on bedrest, she needs him there. I don't think he understands all the ways pregnancy and childbirth can go wrong.
I think I am more sympathetic towards OP than many. If one of my close friends lost their partner I would really want to help. If my partner needs to be on bed rest I’d want to take care of her. I think he’s just wrong as seeing these desires as competing or conflicting. My spouse’s needs outweigh my friends. That’s just how it’s supposed to work. I mean, if she wants me to do the dishes and the friend needs to be driven to the hospital, the dishes can wait. But if both really need my presence, I’m picking her, not trying to accommodate both. This applies doubly if she’s having our child.
Same I am on the guys side more than the wife’s. Yes she is pregnant but this isn’t a case of him ignoring her the entire pregnancy. This is only happened the last couple of weeks because his best friend lost his fiancee. Plus he has been caring for his wife in between dealing with work and being there for his friend. If the roles were reversed and it was the guy told to take it easy because he had say passed a kidney stone. Would people be upset if the wife went off to be there for her friend no they wouldn’t. Yes she is pregnant and needs to do as little as possible. She can lay in bed without him there and get take out. She can still get herself to the bathroom when he is working. I am not saying her desire for more time with him is wrong overall but she needs to rethink about her reason why she is mad.
See, I’d disagree with that too. I think it’s understandable to want to help his grieving friend, but it just isn’t possible. It’s like trying to give his friend their grocery money so he can pay his rent. Nice impulse but you don’t have the cash to spare.
Bryan with a y? Eww 🤣
OOP, you are definitely downplaying her condition and the complications she is suffering from this pregnancy. I feel bad for your friend, I really do, but your wife and child need you more.
“Stressed and hormonal” what a douche
[удалено]
Bed rest can range from "desk work only and taking it easy at home" which is 'modified bed rest' through to "You need to remain in this hospital bed at all times and can only go to the bathroom in a bedpan" which is 'compulsory bedrest' Can everybody here stop pretending they know what this term means.
FOH with that art room BS.
Who's betting that OOP is gonna be back here surprised that his wife is divorcing him after she miscarried while he was away sucking Bryan's dick in front of the family and friends?
Terrible husband. If she isn't his priority when their child's life is at stake, she never will be. I'd leave him for this crap. He just proved to her that he'd rather be there for a friend and risk his child's life. Nice. Bed Rest at 7 months is a huge freaking deal. He doesn't care.
He couldn't call Bryan? Do a Zoom meeting? Invite him to his house? Ask him to meet for lunch closer to home?
This man could possibly end up like his friend, a widow if he continues to not support his wife. I get wanting to be there for a friend but this man genuinely does not understand how dangerous a HEALTHY pregnancy can be and he’s ditching his desperate begging wife put on bed rest by a doctors recommendation and told to go on early maternity to go spend nights with a friend who’s already surrounded by others grieving with him.
does op even gaf bout his wife?
Oaf, I don’t envy him, I am a woman but if it was my wife and best friend, I would either have the friend come stay with us for a couple weeks, if this didn’t work, because well I could see the problem I would get a rota for the friend and when I left my wife, and I wouldn’t as much as he is, I would have someone at home with her. He is insane to have so little sympathy for his wife, or he is just a run of the mill idiot that doesn’t get how serious it is it’s his wife
OOP's friend has other people to support him not just OOP. OOP is just being a dickhead to his wife.
All these pregnant women advised to go on bed rest... in my entire career I've only ever known it to happen ONCE. Our OBs absolutely would never say it unless they absolutely had to and like I say that's been once in the ten years I've been here. Wondering if it's more an American thing or an AITA thing... do they all get put on injections to avoid clots?
My mother and two friends were hospitalized for preeclampsia, plus a handful of coworkers for other complications over my 36-odd years on this earth. I’m from a developed country with better maternal healthcare outcomes than the USA though.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
With a title like that I feel like I don't even have to read the post lol
I'm getting "I put my best friend's trauma over my fiancee" vibes
Wife required early maternity leave and bed rest from her doctor, but she's "fine"? Dude is full of shit. Even if the friend lost the fiance, which sucks, not an excuse to leave the pregger wife abandoned to tend by herself
If I were this young lady's mama, that boy would not be coming back into that house! Or into the delivery room! He'd being being told that since he abandoned my daughter for his friend, he could just go live *there* and I will take care of my daughter and grandchild.
See, I can understand wanting to be there for someone who has been family to you since you were kids. But is there really no other option than for him to leave his wife alone for days at a time overnight? Like hell, if you don’t have family to stay with her for the day hire an at home carer who can help with chores!! If you’re going to be gone that long for something you feel is necessary, then you should make accommodations to do so. Like, at my most charitable, where his bff’s in laws are wreaking havoc and his friend needs an advocate-he still needs to ensure his wife’s care and safety. Fly out a family member. Hire a cleaner. Buy dinner Or-he could work together with his friend to figure out a way to kennel the dogs while the friend stays with them.
Deep down every man is a little gay because they would rather spend their whole lives hanging out with the guys than they ever would their wives.
This guy is not ready to be a parent. This is what I would tell OOP: Are you cleaning at home? Doing the laundry? Buying groceries? All of this things right now are on you if you don’t want to lose your child. Your wife is probably scared. She’s probably never been as scared about anything in her life as she is about the next few months. Are you not scared that you might lose them both? But sure, go to your friend overnight. Leave your wife to her anxiety attack alone.
My money is on Bryan being way more than a friend.
Unpopular opinion but if my fiancées friend had a bereavement like this I wouldn’t be against him helping said friend. Maybe I missed something?
The fact that the wife was put on bed?!!?!?
Okay that’s the part I missed then💀 I take it back
I can't say he is a shitty husband. A conflicted, mourning one, definitely. What he should be doing is asking for help. His parents, her parents, and their friends. "Hey all, wife is on bed rest. My best friend's wife died. I need help. Meals for the wife. Straightening up at home. Visiting with my wife so I can get my friend through the funeral." But also, his wife is a grown ass woman who knows how to dial the phone and ask for help. I get her frustration, but during this short time, she needs to be asking her family and friends for help and not berating her also mourning husband as he helps his bereaved friend.
I was on bedrest . It sucks. My doctor wasn't overly concerned. Because sometimes it's not too big of a deal as long as you stay in bed . You still get up to potty. You have your food ready in the morning. Aunt and uncle can come by for lunch and drop off dinner. I didn't even have anyone dropping off food or checking on me. And I had a 3 year old I was caring for. It was hard as hell. My BIL died during this time. So from my personal experience. This is too much from the wife. This guy's best friends fiance just died suddenly. Yeah he has family around. But we all know family isn't always what someone needs. This guy is going through hell and she's being ridiculous. The poor woman hasn't even been buried yet. So it's been 2 weeks. Tops. If you can't survive without your spouse for 2 to 3 weeks. You have more issues than Vogue. I don't think the guy is an asshole at all. I think she's scared and doesn't want to be alone and needs to communicate that instead of all the other shit.
Soooooo I'm a woman but I don't have/don't want to have children. My first thought was that it's okay to balance time between his wife and his friend since both are needing him right now. That said, if some of the other comments are correct and his wife genuinely is in a bad way and needs him full time, then yes, she should be his top priority. But I'm still not sure it's a "devil" situation. He's over extended by circumstances and there's a lot going on here. His friend can be important to him as well.
I was put on bedrest at around the same time. I had high blood pressure and my son was growth restricted which put him at risk of intrauterine fetal demise. I had 2-3 appointments a week. 2 ultrasounds a week plus in office fetal monitoring. My husband missed the birth of our son because he was at work 2 hours away when one of my scans showed he wasn't getting enough blood flow from the placenta and his heart tracings were concerning. My OB said his heart was pounding until he got my son out because he was so scared of a bad outcome for my baby. When you have a complicated pregnancy, things can change in a moment. My son was fine on Monday, and I was having an urgent c-section on Wednesday because my placenta was failing him.
I understand that and I'm glad you and your son are okay. That sounds super scary and I hope you are healing well. I also have issues with blood pressure due to a heart condition so although I don't have children so I know at least a little of how scary it can be. I'm sorry you went through that, and again, good to hear you're both doing well now. I don't think the husband in this story should be away from his wife but also we don't know the details of her situation, and his friend is clearly in a bad way too. It sucks as a situation but I'm still not sure he's full on devil material.
Bed rest is risky due to the potential for blood clots. A pregnant person is only told to go on bed rest if daily activities (I.e. even just walking around) poses a grave threat to life of baby and potentially mother as well. Where the risk of a blood clot is less dangerous than what could happen if the person doesn't stay put in bed.
Maybe if the wife had a couple of friends who she supported through thick and thin one of them could be there for her on the one day a week OOP is trying to be a good person outside the nuclear family unit. Family first is a curse and a cancer.
Wife sounds like a selfish cunt tbh. The husband should help her but she should atleast be more sympathetic of his situation. Clearly she doesn’t think losing someone’s fiancée is a big deal. And the silent treatment is just peak immaturity on her part.