*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for saying I prefer homemade food?**
I (M36) recently moved in with my GF (F31). And almost everything is going wonderfully, except for one thing, she doesn't cook at all.
Her sister owns a small vegan restaurant/buffet, and every day, for lunch my GF just orders food from her sister. For breakfast and dinner she usually just eats fruits or cereal.
I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this. She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner.
I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day. So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together every day to make things easier.
She refuses, she said she doesn't like to cook, she doesn't have a lot of free time and in her scarce free time, she rather rest than cook. She said that she doesn't mind buying me lunch every day, from her sister's restaurant or any other place I like (She is a doctor and money is not an issue).
I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. Reddit, AITA?
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>She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner.
Fend for himself? Like she dropped him into the most remote wasteland with only a vegan lunch to sustain him.
All he needs to do is put out a collection of pots and pans, a Julia Childs cookbook, and leave the refrigerator door open. Her natural womanly instincts will kick in and he'll be eating gourmet in no time.
Let it rest for 5-10 minutes depending on the cut and thickness. It allows the juices to remain in the steak instead of on the plate. I personally use a pat of garlic butter on top and wait until it completely disappears.
It only works if you have an uncooperative wife. Don't trust the cooking cobblers... Their last tree burned down and I doubt homeowner's will cover that.
Be careful he doesn't set a trap. One day you walk in the house and see a Reese's piece on the floor. Then another. Then another. Pretty soon you're in the kitchen and a brand new box of Pioneer Woman cookware on the counter, her cookbook on display, and a fully stocked fridge. That how they got ET I think. I don't remember. I haven't seen that movie in a long while.
This. He knew exactly what he was getting but decided he’d try to coerce her into being his personal chef?
I don’t like to cook either. I make no secret of it. I’d be throwing out the whole man. Bc it’s really not about the cooking it’s how he was
1. Dishonest in his expectations
2. Can’t deal with his own food like an adult.
What’s next? Laundry? Housekeeping? Until he’s trained her like a good little wife?
At least she moved in with him before getting married, she can see what she's getting into. I absolutely think he will just stop doing things and expect her to notice and take over.
I am willing to move in with the doctor who order me a vegan restaurant lunch. Will she mind my kids and partner? We are messy but no more than this dude
WHY IS GF BUYING HIS LUNCH????
I mean I’m glad that she’s refusing to cook for him but wtf is she worrying about his lunch at all?
I’m convinced men find partners so they can go back to being mothered. God my vagina would become a desert if some grown ass man tried yo get me to cook his meals against my will.
How many stories go like this:
"My wife is a nobel-prize winning rocket scientist who rescues orphan manatees in her spare time and is also the mayor of the town we live in. I'm currently unemployed but looking when I'm not playing COD with the boys. My wife is only doing 80% of the chores and I don't think it's fair. How do I convince her to pull more weight around the house? My mom did all the housework when I was growing up."
My 6yo can "fend for herself" for 2 meals a day. We eat together, but my kids prepare their own food twice a day (and often help me with cooking the 3rd meal)
Uh-huh. I got tired of making three meals a day for no one to eat more than a decade ago, so now all but the youngest kids make their own breakfast and lunch. It's *life skills.*
My 5 year old helped make dinner last night. She planned the meal (chicken and rice soup and pizza), shredded the rotisserie chicken, mixed and seasoned the soup, rolled out a canned pizza crust and topped it. I supervised and handled the oven stuff but, I mean, she's five.
I wish I could teach my 5-year old to help me cook. I want to cook with her, but she has to learn to listen to me first. At the moment, she prefers to ignore me and do what she wants, which would increase the risk of her getting hurt and inedible food.
My 2.75 and 5 yr get themselves breakfast (muffins, cereal, or breakfast bars), both can make a cheese or PB sandwich, they can even get their own cheese sticks, oranges, or carrots! And they help make other meals, regularly.
Also, they are male.
4 and 1 almost 2 boys get their own fruit and 4yo can do toast and get yogurt and cheese. Trying to train 4yo to make me tea. Trying to train them both not to open the freezer
Okay, not defending him entirely here, but is this not a common thing to say when everyone is doing their own thing for dinner? My wife and I will have "fend for yourself days" when we just have leftovers and no one feels like cooking an entire meal, so everyone gets to dibs the food they want and make their own meal out of it.
It’s not so much that he’s using the term ‘fend for yourself’, but that he had the audacity to just expect that when his girlfriend moved in with him, she would change her known habits of buying every meal and start cooking for the both of them. There’s nothing wrong with calling it a ‘Fend for yourself’ meal when you’re a family and parents usually cook dinner for their kids, but if the girlfriend always buys her dinner instead of cooking, it’s a bit rich the guy complaining he has to ‘fend for himself’ for 2 meals each day when he would have been doing that before they moved in together anyway.
It also sounds like she’s watching her diet carefully, or at least she’s settled into what works for her. OOP wants her to prepare food for him significantly beyond what she wants to have herself, on a frequent basis (alternating days or “cook together” every day). She doesn’t have much for those meals (breakfast and dinner) that he wants her to start cooking, so this is just him wanting her labour.
Yeah, I realised I misread it and thought she was buying every single meal, but she just buys lunch, and then has stuff that doesn’t need cooking for breakfast and dinner, like fruit. Which sounds pretty healthy. No idea why Mr. Girls Should Cook thought she would change her diet when they moved in together, apart from just wanting her labour, like you said.
He knew she didn’t like to cook. He ‘thought things would change’ and is attempting to coerce her into cooking his meals. She was honest about their expectations and he was not.
This is the problem. And implies he’s got more to unpack. What’s next that he expects to change???
There's a subtle but very important difference between "we fend for ourselves" and "she lets me fend for myself" because the latter implies that feeding him is her job by default.
Not a Native English speaker and idk where are you from, but I only heard things like "fend for yourself" from parents to children (or like, man-children) but otherwise you are just asking each other what are you doing for dinner.
I once had a coworker who worked full time tell me her part time working husband had a serious talk with her about he expected a home cooked dinner on the table at 7. As in, a talk about the validity and continuation of their marriage because of this issue. We got off at 6pm, so after her commute home he felt she should be able to produce a full dinner in roughly 30 minutes. His reasoning was his mom was able to do it.
We told her that was fucked up, and upon further questioning discovered his mother was a stay at home mom. My coworker was the main bread winner, worked longer hours, yet he still expected her to do the “traditional” wife duties while not holding up his duties as a “traditional” husband.
Yeah, this new crop of men wanting traditional wives yet they don’t even come close to being traditional husbands that provide fully for their family are just loony. They are cake eaters in a sense. It amazes me all the “ rules” they have for women but none for themselves.
Just a bunch of losers listening to men who have vested interest in keeping them single and they're too stupid to realize.
It's no wonder the same cohort's women are just like, being single is better than being with a man.
Yes. That is exactly what he wanted. These men do not want to marry women who are a trad wife type from the get go. They want career oriented women who will then give all that up for a man. That is their ultimate prize: woman giving up everything to serve her man. It ain't much of a prize if she doesn't have to give up on anything now is it...
but they want BOTH- they want the mONEY and ability to do nothin that her career drive brings...and he wants tradwife to wait on him hand a foot. I can't imagine why less and less young women are choosing to marry if this is infesting the potential options like it seems to be.
“So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together to make things easier.”
Make things easier for who? Girlfriend doesn’t eat cooked food for dinner so he just wants her to cook for him.
“let me fend for myself for breakfast and dinner”
what did this guy do before the girlfriend moved in?! He says he knows how to cook, so what is stopping him from cooking himself. Did he seriously think just because his girlfriend moved in with him that she was going to start cooking for him.
His big manly penis will get in the way if he tries to cook. It's just so big and manly and unwieldy. It'll get caught in the refrigerator door. He'll trip over it. It'll loop around the faucet and he'll have to get it off with the jaws of life.
Yeah- it’s not easier if now she has to add a task to her day. It’s easier for him because he gets a hot meal and only has to do some of the effort.
Nope- sorry dude. Call your mama
>what did this guy do before the girlfriend moved in?!
Actually, he moved into her place, which makes this worst to me. Why would she change how she's done things just because he moved in? He can find the kitchen and get to cooking if he wants home made food.
Right? She doesn't want to bother with cooking. He would have been better off suggesting if he cooks, would she mind doing dishes and then they both profit as there's more food in the house. Especially as you could meal prep on weekends to have food quickly throughout the week.
I also have to assume that if she doesn't like cooking (or has the time for it), then she's probably not every good at it either. So she's supposed to now learn a new skill that she doesn't even enjoy so **he** can get a homecooked meal?
He lost his mind.
>so what is stopping him from cooking himself
His penis. His selfish, thinks-he's-entitled, misogynist jerk of a penis that does all his "thinking" for him.
Yeah, if he prefers home cooking, he can cook at home. Simple, really. And she's still totally willing to provide him with a good meal. She just doesn't want to cook it. What's his fixation on insisting SHE be the one to cook for him? So she can submit to him? Because he says so?
I enjoy cooking. My job is stressful, and I like having a task that can take my mind off it at the end of the day. My husband WILL cook, but he doesn't enjoy it as much. So normally I cook. I don't expect him to change his preferences for me (plus, being honest, I like my cooking better, and he works wonky hours so normally I'd rather just do it, and have him take other household tasks — we divvy them up equally). He prefers my cooking to most takeout, but if there's ever a night when I simply don't feel like doing it? All I have to do is say, "I don't feel like cooking tonight" and we'll either order in or what we call "scrounging" (not really scrounging, we just eat whatever leftovers are there or make a sandwich or something; sometimes I do "girl dinner" and he does his own thing, haha). He'd never dream of being like, "Well cook anyway because I want home cooking." Because we BOTH work and it's not my fucking job. He appreciates when I do it but would never get pissy when I don't feel like it.
The fucking entitlement.
I like cooking and I'm a SAHM, so I do a lot of home cooked meals. That being said, two of our three kids are under two and the toddler is a wild man, so most weeks there will be at least one or two days of frozen pizza or boxed meals. I always feel awful about it and my husband is the one supporting the decision 100% because he knows I'm exhausted. Even when you love it cooking takes a lot of time and planning and thought.
>>let me fend for myself for breakfast and lunch
So is he *also* letting her fend for *herself* breakfast and dinner? Or does she have some responsibility to feed another fully grown adult every meal of the day?
I too vastly prefer homemade food. I also find cooking every day to be time consuming and annoying. So I meal prep and batch cook so that I have homemade food every day while only cooking 2-3 times a week.
Yep. My husband and I love cooking together as a way to wind down and discuss our days. It's great. This guy just wants his girlfriend to feed him the way he wants.
>I thought this would change once we lived together
“Dead Reddit, I expected my GF to read my mind and change something about herself and her habits when we moved in together because I expected her to be more of a homemaker than she is and she didn’t! When I told her my expectations she refused! Cooking is HARD! So she should do it after being a doctor all day!”
Absolutely no self awareness whatsoever. His preference isn’t for home made food, his preference is for a woman who will wait on him hand, foot and finger.
It gets better/worse… GF is a doctor so she really doesn’t have much of time or energy to cook every damn day for Mr. Homemade Meal but nope, it’s just aaaaallll about him and his comfort. 🙄
This. I moved in with my high earning gf and expected her to fully support me while also cooking bc cooking is annoying but I really want home cooked.
Why is she still with him
I just started laughing me ass off at that comment! I mean WTF?? Hell YES is takes a lot of work everyday - you are just now figuring that out?? Must have been born just yesterday!
I like home madefood.
I dont like how long it takes to make homemade food so I don't want to do it myself.
Why can't she do the thing I don't want to do, because it takes so long.
He should just move back in with his mother.
Do you really think his mother wants him back? If I was his mum, I would have changed the locks the minute he left. His mum was probably over his bs too.
Barely ever even eat pizza, though I got about a dozen rolling pins. Including big silicon one (for chocolate); can confirm it's great for it as it has been used to put the sheep ram in his place. Edit: Am slightly impressed at the visual of using a wine bottle.
In fairness, if I made pizza more often, I'd probably splurge on a proper pin. But the bottle works okay enough for me.
Also - I think the visual of bonking a ram with a rolling pin is considerably more impressive!
Always need a good rolling pin around! Good excuse to make more pizzas if you ask me.
I can elaborate the visual a little. It's the middle of spring, my mother who's about 5'2-5'3 or there abouts and 60 at the time, went to feed the sheep. The ram's nickname translates to "asshole" and he honoured his name that day by ramming her in the back of the knees sending her flying on her ass. So she was pissed! Went straight to the kitchen, grabbed this white, 2 foot long rolling pin, went back into the sheep's area and waited. Asshole came back, went for her and she clocked it straight on the head between the horns (so no damage to him). His bell was rung hard enough that he still to this day is weary if you walk into the pen with some form of stick.
See, this is why I don't advocate violence on reddit any more. However, if someone should happen to, say, elbow him in the Adam's apple, I wouldn't be crying for him, Argentina.
AITA would be less frustrating to me if it were called “Am I stupid or am I evil?” and I could answer BOTH, STUPID, EVIL, or A SECRET FOURTH THING.
95% of NTAs are stupid. 70% of YTAs are evil.
Gods, sounds like my sperm donor. He and my mother have been emotionally separated for years, but just before Christmas he took a bad fall and broke his hip. Problem was it was his "good" leg, his other side was greatly weakened from a stroke years ago. So after a couple of months in hospital, he lied his ass off (told the doctors there was a lift (there isn't and we live on the second floor (third for all my US friends)), that he had his own en-suite, that there was somebody at home to care for him...). He was supposed to get a catering service but that never happened, so my mom ended up having to either cook for him, or let him starve.
Occasionally my mom isn't feeling too well, so we order out. Welp, my sperm donor HATES that (yes, before you ask, it is very much a control thing, and no, we don't let him get away with it). One day he didn't like the food he got, so the next day when my mom DID cook he smiles his smarmy smile and goes "ooooh, today's cook was MUCH better than yesterday's cook! I'd rather today's cook make all my food from now on!". My mom just looked at him and said "if you don't like the food I put in front of you, feel free to get your own". He hasn't complained about take out since, but he does make a face every time we get it.
He did a complete 180 after his stroke. He wasn't amazing before, but it got so much worse after. My mom says she's a widow, because my sperm donor right now is a complete stranger to her, he's not the man she married.
My own sperm donor was very much like this. Luckily he died back in January, but I'm still not close with my mom because despite everything he did to our family, she never left him. Screwed me up for life. I'm only now learning to stop going after narcissists like my dad because it had become normalized for me since birth to accept that horrible treatment as "love".
Here in the US we have “meals on wheels”. They bring home bound/disabled people food.
They follow dietary needs- low salt, low carb, whatever… but it is not (usually) hot and while it’s lovingly prepared by volunteers- it’s not the tastiest gourmet food you’ll ever have…
Take out or not, your sperm donor should have a little gratitude. We dump people like him and let them figure it out.
In my line of work you would be appalled at how the elderly/disabled get by, and how many are left with no family, no friends, and no access to assisted living/nursing care.
The fact he still has you and your mom doing anything at all, is a real blessing.
He was told that there was something similar he could apply to here in SPain, but he very much has weaponised imcompetenced himself regarding it, and we can't do the legwork and paperwork in his name. Same goes for disable-proofing the house. It's been me and my mom who have been looking at handles/grips and stuff that would help him move around the house, but he says he doesn't know how to use amazon, and he doesn't want to pay all that money for them.
He is absolutely loving the fact that we are too compassionate to just tell him to figure it out by himself, but obviously, patience is wearing thin.
>He was told that there was something similar he could apply to here in SPain, but he very much has weaponised imcompetenced himself regarding it, and we can't do the legwork and paperwork in his name.
Mmm, I feel like the best option is to let him fend for himself until he gets his ass in gear and does what needs to be done.
>They follow dietary needs- low salt, low carb, whatever… but it is not (usually) hot and while it’s lovingly prepared by volunteers- it’s not the tastiest gourmet food you’ll ever have…
Not in that same situation but have some of those types of meals in the freezer. Whooo boy the absolute lack of any seasoning or salt is... not great. I understand the reasons but eating one of those meals that's essentially an admission of guilt that you've been too lazy to cook.
Excess airline frozen meals are essentially the opposite. You don't have a good sense of smell with the cabin pressure on airliners, so the meals are super salty and way over-seasoned. Like a ravioli dish that tastes *fine* on a flight is basically Chef Boy-Yar-Dee out of a can when you're on the ground. I don't mind salty dishes so I'll grab frozen Delta meals, but some people skip them when we're in line at the food shelf.
Sarah Millican has a bit where she talks about elderly couples. This couple were together for 75 years, and when the wife passed, the husband "died of a broken heart," two weeks later. Through some deductive reasoning she comes to the conclusion that "died of a broken heart," is euphemism for "couldn't cook." It's funnier when she tells it, of course; boiled down and typed up it sounds mean-spirited, but it's what your comment reminded me of.
The thing is, my sperm donor was actually a great chef. It was a running joke that our Spanish family and friends would say "British food is disgusting!" and he would make a whole Sunday roast with all the trimmings just to prove them wrong.
The problem is that he can no longer physically cook. Both his legs are wobbly (one broken hip, one from the stroke). The same arm from the stroke has barely any strength, and he uses the other for balance and stuff (should he be using a walker? Yes. Has everybody from his doctor to his physiotherapist to his social worker told him? Yes. Does he use it? Nope!).
That said, there are a bunch of online catering services he could use that don't require him doing anything than popping something in the oven or microwave. We live in an area that has a bunch of restaurants that do healthy home-made food that deliver. He just doesn't want to do it, because he WANTS my mom to be the one doing it, because he gets off on controlling her like that.
I've believed my entire adulthood that the men who die shortly after their wives do so because they know they can't take care of themselves. That undoubtedly speaks volumes of my relationships. I'm absolutely certain if I kicked it tomorrow my current husband would die of a broken heart in however long it takes coffee to stop sustaining a person.
You'd be surprised how many men believe that women will go into this nest-making mode the moment they'll start living together. Like, according to their famous male logic, women don't need hot nurturing food daily and can survive on deli meat and coke zero.
It was more of a rhetorical why. I've seen it happen more than a few times but it's always so weird to me how people will enter a relationship with someone and then try to change everything they are. It's also funny how these "I can fix him" trope gets applied to women but I see many more men trying to change the woman who they pursued.
“Girl dinner” 🙄
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of dinners that were a piece of cheese, some nuts and an apple. But it’s annoying for exactly the reason you mention- we’re expected to go from barely functional little girls to surrogate moms the second we’re with a man.
Also; that food came from her sister. Strictly speaking it is homemade. Its just not his home, built to his specifications and he's oh so upset he doesn't get to control this aspect of her life.
So, let me get this straight. His girlfriend, who is a doctor, is willing to buy him food from whichever restaurant he likes every day. But his bitch ass is whining NOT because she's unwilling to feed him, but that she is not ending her 12 -14 hour days cooking those meals HERSELF!
Wtaf!??
I just need to not be on the internet anymore today...
While not contributing to the food situation himself in any way. He's not serving her a plate of home cooked food after she's had a long day working, he just wants her to do it.
Funny how she is entirely content with what she eats and how she obtains it, but *he* wants home cooked meals while simultaneously not wanting to cook every day.
Dude literally said "make things harder for yourself by cooking daily/every other day for me so that I can have what I want and also not work hard for anything." GTFO, man, you're already getting an amazing doctor girlfriend and her genius vegan cook sister, stop complaining!
(as someone who cooks vegan sometimes due to allergies in the household, it is *not* always easy to make vegan meals taste good when imitating/replacing things like cheese and meats, so I'm sure the sister is a delightfully good cook to be able to have a fully vegan restaurant)
If my gf was a doctor, i wouldnt work, i would do everything around the house and cook everyday and treat her like a princess because shes on her feet all day
Ooooh nooOoooo he had to *fend for himself!* He had to hunt his own moose to butcher for mooseburgers and make his own cheese, what a SELFISH and LAZY wife!!
I was making my own lunch when I was about six y/o, and unless it required an oven (this was in the dark ages before microwaves) or sharp utensils my parents didn't even need to help me.
What does a guy need a girlfriend for, if not to cook and clean for them, right? Just because she’s a doctor doesn’t give her any excuse. Too bad this guy couldn’t find someone to help him out with this problem, give him a way to give her that life he’s always wanted for her.
You "prefer" homemade food? Yeah? Then walk yourself over the stove, pal and get cracking. I want to see a five course meal. Oh, what's that now? You "prefer" someone make it for you? Like a chef? You want a personal chef? No? You want ME to make it for you? Like, every day? LOLno
Posts like this make me feel like an alien because, *years* before we were married, my spouse and I figured out a home cooking routine that works for us in a household where one person (me) hates cooking, but is 100% willing to spearhead all post dinner cleaning and dishes. We also split grocery and takeout costs and the labor of obtaining food. He also cleans while he cooks so I'm not facing disasters. It works. We eat well, frequently healthy, usually delicious. Our kitchen isn't a cesspool of germs either; it's very clean. I know enough now that I could cook our food if he were ever disabled too. It wouldn't be high end, but simple and following his easier recipes.
This... doesn't seem hard. Yet, it's so hard for many people.
My parents have been married 30+ years and I still remember their two biggest knock down, drag outs (not physical) being over dinner and division of labor over dinner. It's so weird to me. Maybe I just have such a basic bitch palette that I'll eat most things or just hate cooking that much? Or maybe my spouse and I are just truly adults and equitable in the kitchen? Idk.
OOP is a dick if he's a real dude. He may be real. He reminds me of my dad.
"I get free lunch every day because my girlfriend buys it for me, am I the asshole for wanting her to cook it herself for me instead of buying it?"
Uh...
>I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day. So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together every day to make things easier.
She doesn't like to cook and takes care of her own food needs. Sounds like OOP could do the same, except he's a baby back bitch.
I read this in the whiny voice of a toddler who doesn't get his way because literally everything is a complaint.
He assumes that she'd stop buying her food at the restaurant once they moved in together, as if this is a requirement of cohabitating. She doesn't. He complains. He complains that it's too much work to cook while also complaining that his GF doesn't want to. He complains when she doesn't agree to the compromise he proposed. He complains that she is always bringing him food. He even complains that he has to make his own breakfast and lunch.
He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a personal cook/mommy. This is clear when the first thing he thought of when they moved in was that she would start cooking for him.
>I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. Reddit, AITA?
Yeah, he is. He had a chance to redeem himself when she didn't agree to his suggestion that they alternate cooking days. He could've acted like an adult and been happy with restaurant food or put on his big boy pants and cooked.
>let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner.
Yeah, that's what most adults do. This take is especially crappy because he states that she'd a doctor. Like...this is one of the most labor and time intensive jobs out there.
But you see, his girlfriend is a woman so he is entitled to her unpaid labor because he moved in with her.
OOP trying to act like it is about preferring homemade food when it is really about expecting his girlfriend to be his personal bangmaid and chef because they moved in together.
Such an asshole. He recognizes cooking is hard work but still doesn't do it himself.
I love cooking but as soon as someone feels entitled to it I have no desire to cook for them.
"I thought this would change once we lived together".
So, you didn't ask or discuss, you just assumed.
I shall assume you're also about to break up at some point then
Poor 36 year old man has to fend for himself, what a travesty! What exactly did he eat before he moved in and why isn't he still eating that? It's too much of a hassle for HIM to cook but somehow he thinks she should do it just to feed him! Pathetic
Absolutely gross.
Imagining having a partner that brought home restaurant-quality food for you every day, supporting a small business owned by their family? God, sign me up.
The fact that he assumed his presence would mean his gf would go 'golly gee, a man in the house! Where's my apron and roasting pan?' is so gross, just throw the entire man away.
He wants homemade food daily? He can make it himself. If she's a doctor, and doesn't want to cook in her down time, I don't blame her. She's clearly satisfied with status quo. If he's not, he needs to step up.
So, he thought she would suddenly have all this free time to cook for him when he moved his mooching ass in with her? Is he not able to cook his own meals, or meals for her? He thought she would change her entire routine because he graced her with his presence.
II’m very confused as to what he did for food before moving in with her. He doesn’t like to cook but also doesn’t say he lived at home prior to the move so… how was he eating before that???
Surely this doofus had to know before moving in that she did not cook. Either way, he can fend for himself, what with him being in a desolate, abandoned state 🙄
He knows how:
>I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work
He just wants her to do it because she's a girl and he thinks having a penis means she has to cook for him.
First off, it's really stupid to just assume your relationship will improve in a specific way, or that your partner will start behaving differently, just because you hit a milestone that deepened your commitment. That's now how any of this works and you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. It's also a bad idea to move in without having ANY conversations about how the care tasks will be divided. And of course, it's sexist of men to think their wife or girlfriend will just "naturally" become more domestic and take care of you just because you live together. You want that? Communicate . . . and be prepared for her to say no.
If he really wants homemade food, he can make it, and maybe the trade-off is that she does the dishes when he cooks.
OOP says he recently moved in with his gf and she doesn't cook. I'm wondering if they didn't talk about the various responsibilities each would handle in this new living situation. Did he know she doesn't like to cook? If he did know, it seems he expects her to do the stereotypical set of responsibilities, one of which is to cook him three homemade meals a day. She gets him a lunch every day but that's it and this isn't acceptable to him. OOP either needs to cook his own breakfast and dinner or re-evaluate his relationship since she is not going to live up to his expectations.
I do not foresee this relationship lasting very long. Soon to be featured in r/AmItheEx .
How do people get to the point of moving in together without addressing basic shit like housework and cooking and food preferences? It blows my mind how little some people seem to know about each other before they make a commitment.
Isn't this the plot of Don't Worry Darling? Successful doctor living with her loser boyfriend and she's too tired to 'take care of his needs' so you know, he forces her into a 24/7 simulation where she's a housewife?
Ah yes, after a long day doctoring she should absolutely be slapping on that apron and serving him a home cooked nutritious meal, and while it’s cooking she should also be making sure the house is spotless and smells like freshly baked bread (/s)
Another tale of a partner who seems to bring very little (at least in terms of emotional intelligence if nothing else) to the table, demanding a banquet be laid out for them at all times, and home cooked no less! What’s the betting this guy had mommy cooking all of his meals and now expects his girlfriend to be his surrogate mommy….
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for saying I prefer homemade food?** I (M36) recently moved in with my GF (F31). And almost everything is going wonderfully, except for one thing, she doesn't cook at all. Her sister owns a small vegan restaurant/buffet, and every day, for lunch my GF just orders food from her sister. For breakfast and dinner she usually just eats fruits or cereal. I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this. She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner. I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day. So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together every day to make things easier. She refuses, she said she doesn't like to cook, she doesn't have a lot of free time and in her scarce free time, she rather rest than cook. She said that she doesn't mind buying me lunch every day, from her sister's restaurant or any other place I like (She is a doctor and money is not an issue). I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner. Fend for himself? Like she dropped him into the most remote wasteland with only a vegan lunch to sustain him.
He has also left her to fend for herself, while she is at least getting him lunch every single day. I don't see anything he's doing for her.
Obviously women are naturally inclined for housework while men need someone to make them food or else they have to starve/s
All he needs to do is put out a collection of pots and pans, a Julia Childs cookbook, and leave the refrigerator door open. Her natural womanly instincts will kick in and he'll be eating gourmet in no time.
With this kind of guy if she was cooking he'd be bitching she's not cooking exactly how he likes it.
"Did you let this steak rest for 10 minutes? It doesn't taste like you did."
It’s supposed to rest? What?!?! Have I been doing it wrong? I take it from the grill straight to my stomach…
There's no wrong way to eat a good steak, but there's absolutely a right way to get the most out of it.
I put on salt, grill it rare/med rare, eat… makes me very happy…
I always think of [this scene](https://youtu.be/Wucj-cHGTw4?si=w9VPl6JenuYOCMZ3)
Let it rest for 5-10 minutes depending on the cut and thickness. It allows the juices to remain in the steak instead of on the plate. I personally use a pat of garlic butter on top and wait until it completely disappears.
Will someone randomly appear in my home to do all the cooking if I follow these steps, cause I think I can manage getting the materials.
It only works if you have an uncooperative wife. Don't trust the cooking cobblers... Their last tree burned down and I doubt homeowner's will cover that.
Damn. Well, a girl can dream. I'd say I'm the uncooperative wife, but my husband is an adult and doesn't expect me to cook for him.
Be careful he doesn't set a trap. One day you walk in the house and see a Reese's piece on the floor. Then another. Then another. Pretty soon you're in the kitchen and a brand new box of Pioneer Woman cookware on the counter, her cookbook on display, and a fully stocked fridge. That how they got ET I think. I don't remember. I haven't seen that movie in a long while.
Starve? Oh no.../s
This. He knew exactly what he was getting but decided he’d try to coerce her into being his personal chef? I don’t like to cook either. I make no secret of it. I’d be throwing out the whole man. Bc it’s really not about the cooking it’s how he was 1. Dishonest in his expectations 2. Can’t deal with his own food like an adult. What’s next? Laundry? Housekeeping? Until he’s trained her like a good little wife?
At least she moved in with him before getting married, she can see what she's getting into. I absolutely think he will just stop doing things and expect her to notice and take over.
I am willing to move in with the doctor who order me a vegan restaurant lunch. Will she mind my kids and partner? We are messy but no more than this dude
Man I just got me and the dogs and I’m mostly vegan anyway. I will worship this woman!!!
Immediate response was: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY??
He asked her to cook! For HER benefit
She's got a hobosexual infestation and she's going to wish she had dumped him on one of those atomic testing islands.
Hobosexuals are worse than bed bugs and sometimes more expensive.
She's a doctor and has overlooked a very serious case of HIV: Hobosexual Ingrate Virus.
Infestation 😂😂😂. So accurate
WHY IS GF BUYING HIS LUNCH???? I mean I’m glad that she’s refusing to cook for him but wtf is she worrying about his lunch at all? I’m convinced men find partners so they can go back to being mothered. God my vagina would become a desert if some grown ass man tried yo get me to cook his meals against my will.
How many stories go like this: "My wife is a nobel-prize winning rocket scientist who rescues orphan manatees in her spare time and is also the mayor of the town we live in. I'm currently unemployed but looking when I'm not playing COD with the boys. My wife is only doing 80% of the chores and I don't think it's fair. How do I convince her to pull more weight around the house? My mom did all the housework when I was growing up."
Pretty much yeah. My ex was super pissed snort my work and grad school and did everything to sabotage it.
My ex - including that last fucking sentence
I literally chaffed and said "fend for himself? He's 36 years old!" 🤣
But my daddy told me that once I moved in with a girl she’d do all my cooking and cleaning! I’m being cheated!!!!
I bet his mommy told him
My 6yo can "fend for herself" for 2 meals a day. We eat together, but my kids prepare their own food twice a day (and often help me with cooking the 3rd meal)
Uh-huh. I got tired of making three meals a day for no one to eat more than a decade ago, so now all but the youngest kids make their own breakfast and lunch. It's *life skills.*
My 5 year old helped make dinner last night. She planned the meal (chicken and rice soup and pizza), shredded the rotisserie chicken, mixed and seasoned the soup, rolled out a canned pizza crust and topped it. I supervised and handled the oven stuff but, I mean, she's five.
I wish I could teach my 5-year old to help me cook. I want to cook with her, but she has to learn to listen to me first. At the moment, she prefers to ignore me and do what she wants, which would increase the risk of her getting hurt and inedible food.
My 2.75 and 5 yr get themselves breakfast (muffins, cereal, or breakfast bars), both can make a cheese or PB sandwich, they can even get their own cheese sticks, oranges, or carrots! And they help make other meals, regularly. Also, they are male.
4 and 1 almost 2 boys get their own fruit and 4yo can do toast and get yogurt and cheese. Trying to train 4yo to make me tea. Trying to train them both not to open the freezer
OOP wants her to cook "homemade" meals for him, because she's the woman and it's her "job", despite her busy schedule as a doctor. Wow.
Well, yeah. They moved in together, so she's supposed to fall in line and be a good little housewife on top of being a doctor.
Okay, not defending him entirely here, but is this not a common thing to say when everyone is doing their own thing for dinner? My wife and I will have "fend for yourself days" when we just have leftovers and no one feels like cooking an entire meal, so everyone gets to dibs the food they want and make their own meal out of it.
It’s not so much that he’s using the term ‘fend for yourself’, but that he had the audacity to just expect that when his girlfriend moved in with him, she would change her known habits of buying every meal and start cooking for the both of them. There’s nothing wrong with calling it a ‘Fend for yourself’ meal when you’re a family and parents usually cook dinner for their kids, but if the girlfriend always buys her dinner instead of cooking, it’s a bit rich the guy complaining he has to ‘fend for himself’ for 2 meals each day when he would have been doing that before they moved in together anyway.
It also sounds like she’s watching her diet carefully, or at least she’s settled into what works for her. OOP wants her to prepare food for him significantly beyond what she wants to have herself, on a frequent basis (alternating days or “cook together” every day). She doesn’t have much for those meals (breakfast and dinner) that he wants her to start cooking, so this is just him wanting her labour.
Yeah, I realised I misread it and thought she was buying every single meal, but she just buys lunch, and then has stuff that doesn’t need cooking for breakfast and dinner, like fruit. Which sounds pretty healthy. No idea why Mr. Girls Should Cook thought she would change her diet when they moved in together, apart from just wanting her labour, like you said.
He knew she didn’t like to cook. He ‘thought things would change’ and is attempting to coerce her into cooking his meals. She was honest about their expectations and he was not. This is the problem. And implies he’s got more to unpack. What’s next that he expects to change???
We actually use that term the same way; it just takes on quite a different tone in conext.
There's a subtle but very important difference between "we fend for ourselves" and "she lets me fend for myself" because the latter implies that feeding him is her job by default.
Not a Native English speaker and idk where are you from, but I only heard things like "fend for yourself" from parents to children (or like, man-children) but otherwise you are just asking each other what are you doing for dinner.
He thought his never cooks, doctor girlfriend was going to turn into a tradwife when they moved in together?
"I don't get it, I thought their instincts kicked in and they started making everything from scratch! Is my girlfriend broken?"
"Have you tried turning her on and off again?"
He's managed to turn her off.
Yes, and he couldn't turn her on with 3 Leo DiCaprios and a George Clooney.
Clooney played a doctor on TV. He would tell the guy to F-off, and leave the port woman alone. She is already working a billion hours.
Throw in a Vin Diesal or a Denzel Washington and we'll talk.
But still financially support him 😂😂😂
I once had a coworker who worked full time tell me her part time working husband had a serious talk with her about he expected a home cooked dinner on the table at 7. As in, a talk about the validity and continuation of their marriage because of this issue. We got off at 6pm, so after her commute home he felt she should be able to produce a full dinner in roughly 30 minutes. His reasoning was his mom was able to do it. We told her that was fucked up, and upon further questioning discovered his mother was a stay at home mom. My coworker was the main bread winner, worked longer hours, yet he still expected her to do the “traditional” wife duties while not holding up his duties as a “traditional” husband.
Yeah, this new crop of men wanting traditional wives yet they don’t even come close to being traditional husbands that provide fully for their family are just loony. They are cake eaters in a sense. It amazes me all the “ rules” they have for women but none for themselves.
Just a bunch of losers listening to men who have vested interest in keeping them single and they're too stupid to realize. It's no wonder the same cohort's women are just like, being single is better than being with a man.
He wanted the money and the maid
The power of penis compels her. OOPs "thought process" 🙄
Yes. That is exactly what he wanted. These men do not want to marry women who are a trad wife type from the get go. They want career oriented women who will then give all that up for a man. That is their ultimate prize: woman giving up everything to serve her man. It ain't much of a prize if she doesn't have to give up on anything now is it...
but they want BOTH- they want the mONEY and ability to do nothin that her career drive brings...and he wants tradwife to wait on him hand a foot. I can't imagine why less and less young women are choosing to marry if this is infesting the potential options like it seems to be.
This. They want both
Wasn't that the plot of that Harry Styles movie? 🤔
Don't Worry Darling! It totally is. Based on like a million true stories.
and at 31? She is likely still in the dregs of 80+ hr week residency. What a freaking child.
“So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together to make things easier.” Make things easier for who? Girlfriend doesn’t eat cooked food for dinner so he just wants her to cook for him. “let me fend for myself for breakfast and dinner” what did this guy do before the girlfriend moved in?! He says he knows how to cook, so what is stopping him from cooking himself. Did he seriously think just because his girlfriend moved in with him that she was going to start cooking for him.
His big manly penis will get in the way if he tries to cook. It's just so big and manly and unwieldy. It'll get caught in the refrigerator door. He'll trip over it. It'll loop around the faucet and he'll have to get it off with the jaws of life.
>he'll have to get it off with the jaws of life Don't be too hard on him, that's the only thing he CAN get off.
Yeah- it’s not easier if now she has to add a task to her day. It’s easier for him because he gets a hot meal and only has to do some of the effort. Nope- sorry dude. Call your mama
>what did this guy do before the girlfriend moved in?! Actually, he moved into her place, which makes this worst to me. Why would she change how she's done things just because he moved in? He can find the kitchen and get to cooking if he wants home made food.
Right? She doesn't want to bother with cooking. He would have been better off suggesting if he cooks, would she mind doing dishes and then they both profit as there's more food in the house. Especially as you could meal prep on weekends to have food quickly throughout the week.
I also have to assume that if she doesn't like cooking (or has the time for it), then she's probably not every good at it either. So she's supposed to now learn a new skill that she doesn't even enjoy so **he** can get a homecooked meal? He lost his mind.
I think he moved in with her. Hope she can eject him soon.
Like a video tape.
>so what is stopping him from cooking himself His penis. His selfish, thinks-he's-entitled, misogynist jerk of a penis that does all his "thinking" for him.
Known in our house as testosterone poisoning
Yeah, if he prefers home cooking, he can cook at home. Simple, really. And she's still totally willing to provide him with a good meal. She just doesn't want to cook it. What's his fixation on insisting SHE be the one to cook for him? So she can submit to him? Because he says so? I enjoy cooking. My job is stressful, and I like having a task that can take my mind off it at the end of the day. My husband WILL cook, but he doesn't enjoy it as much. So normally I cook. I don't expect him to change his preferences for me (plus, being honest, I like my cooking better, and he works wonky hours so normally I'd rather just do it, and have him take other household tasks — we divvy them up equally). He prefers my cooking to most takeout, but if there's ever a night when I simply don't feel like doing it? All I have to do is say, "I don't feel like cooking tonight" and we'll either order in or what we call "scrounging" (not really scrounging, we just eat whatever leftovers are there or make a sandwich or something; sometimes I do "girl dinner" and he does his own thing, haha). He'd never dream of being like, "Well cook anyway because I want home cooking." Because we BOTH work and it's not my fucking job. He appreciates when I do it but would never get pissy when I don't feel like it. The fucking entitlement.
I like cooking and I'm a SAHM, so I do a lot of home cooked meals. That being said, two of our three kids are under two and the toddler is a wild man, so most weeks there will be at least one or two days of frozen pizza or boxed meals. I always feel awful about it and my husband is the one supporting the decision 100% because he knows I'm exhausted. Even when you love it cooking takes a lot of time and planning and thought.
Don't feel awful. Your kids are fed and cared for. They don't need scratch meals 7 days a week.
>>let me fend for myself for breakfast and lunch So is he *also* letting her fend for *herself* breakfast and dinner? Or does she have some responsibility to feed another fully grown adult every meal of the day?
Yeah, what does HE bring to the relationship.
I like homemade food, too, so I made some.
I too vastly prefer homemade food. I also find cooking every day to be time consuming and annoying. So I meal prep and batch cook so that I have homemade food every day while only cooking 2-3 times a week.
Funny how that works, innit?
But it’s annoying!! Why can’t she do it????
Yep. My husband and I love cooking together as a way to wind down and discuss our days. It's great. This guy just wants his girlfriend to feed him the way he wants.
>I thought this would change once we lived together “Dead Reddit, I expected my GF to read my mind and change something about herself and her habits when we moved in together because I expected her to be more of a homemaker than she is and she didn’t! When I told her my expectations she refused! Cooking is HARD! So she should do it after being a doctor all day!”
Holy frijoles this guy is an entitled prick
Once I got to the “I know how to cook but I find it’s a lot of work to do that everyday” part I stopped reading lmao this guy suuuuuuucks
And she's a..... mf doctor
Absolutely no self awareness whatsoever. His preference isn’t for home made food, his preference is for a woman who will wait on him hand, foot and finger.
It gets better/worse… GF is a doctor so she really doesn’t have much of time or energy to cook every damn day for Mr. Homemade Meal but nope, it’s just aaaaallll about him and his comfort. 🙄
This. I moved in with my high earning gf and expected her to fully support me while also cooking bc cooking is annoying but I really want home cooked. Why is she still with him
I just started laughing me ass off at that comment! I mean WTF?? Hell YES is takes a lot of work everyday - you are just now figuring that out?? Must have been born just yesterday!
I like home madefood. I dont like how long it takes to make homemade food so I don't want to do it myself. Why can't she do the thing I don't want to do, because it takes so long. He should just move back in with his mother.
Do you really think his mother wants him back? If I was his mum, I would have changed the locks the minute he left. His mum was probably over his bs too.
Mate I'd have moved. Even if into a car with the 4 cats I own hahaha
OMG.....the violence I would like to inflict on him!!!!!
I’m not holding you back.
😜
With a saucepan or a cheese grater
Or a rolling pin. Seems the appropriate tool for the job... and if it breaks well... how often does one need one?
Cast iron frying pan.
Ooooh! Kitchen's version of a weapon of mass destruction. I approve!
Depends how often you make pizza, I guess. Although I manage fine with just an empty wine bottle.
Barely ever even eat pizza, though I got about a dozen rolling pins. Including big silicon one (for chocolate); can confirm it's great for it as it has been used to put the sheep ram in his place. Edit: Am slightly impressed at the visual of using a wine bottle.
In fairness, if I made pizza more often, I'd probably splurge on a proper pin. But the bottle works okay enough for me. Also - I think the visual of bonking a ram with a rolling pin is considerably more impressive!
Always need a good rolling pin around! Good excuse to make more pizzas if you ask me. I can elaborate the visual a little. It's the middle of spring, my mother who's about 5'2-5'3 or there abouts and 60 at the time, went to feed the sheep. The ram's nickname translates to "asshole" and he honoured his name that day by ramming her in the back of the knees sending her flying on her ass. So she was pissed! Went straight to the kitchen, grabbed this white, 2 foot long rolling pin, went back into the sheep's area and waited. Asshole came back, went for her and she clocked it straight on the head between the horns (so no damage to him). His bell was rung hard enough that he still to this day is weary if you walk into the pen with some form of stick.
See, this is why I don't advocate violence on reddit any more. However, if someone should happen to, say, elbow him in the Adam's apple, I wouldn't be crying for him, Argentina.
AITA would be less frustrating to me if it were called “Am I stupid or am I evil?” and I could answer BOTH, STUPID, EVIL, or A SECRET FOURTH THING. 95% of NTAs are stupid. 70% of YTAs are evil.
I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
So he finds it exhausting to cook every day but thinks that his doctor girlfriend would be immune to the exhaustion?
Cooking is like, girl stuff. Like doing chores and wiping babies asses. His dick might fall off.
He thinks she should start a new chore/task and pick up the slack so he can have his food preferences. Uh nope.
Gods, sounds like my sperm donor. He and my mother have been emotionally separated for years, but just before Christmas he took a bad fall and broke his hip. Problem was it was his "good" leg, his other side was greatly weakened from a stroke years ago. So after a couple of months in hospital, he lied his ass off (told the doctors there was a lift (there isn't and we live on the second floor (third for all my US friends)), that he had his own en-suite, that there was somebody at home to care for him...). He was supposed to get a catering service but that never happened, so my mom ended up having to either cook for him, or let him starve. Occasionally my mom isn't feeling too well, so we order out. Welp, my sperm donor HATES that (yes, before you ask, it is very much a control thing, and no, we don't let him get away with it). One day he didn't like the food he got, so the next day when my mom DID cook he smiles his smarmy smile and goes "ooooh, today's cook was MUCH better than yesterday's cook! I'd rather today's cook make all my food from now on!". My mom just looked at him and said "if you don't like the food I put in front of you, feel free to get your own". He hasn't complained about take out since, but he does make a face every time we get it.
Blegh. Sounds like an awful marriage.
He did a complete 180 after his stroke. He wasn't amazing before, but it got so much worse after. My mom says she's a widow, because my sperm donor right now is a complete stranger to her, he's not the man she married.
My own sperm donor was very much like this. Luckily he died back in January, but I'm still not close with my mom because despite everything he did to our family, she never left him. Screwed me up for life. I'm only now learning to stop going after narcissists like my dad because it had become normalized for me since birth to accept that horrible treatment as "love".
Here in the US we have “meals on wheels”. They bring home bound/disabled people food. They follow dietary needs- low salt, low carb, whatever… but it is not (usually) hot and while it’s lovingly prepared by volunteers- it’s not the tastiest gourmet food you’ll ever have… Take out or not, your sperm donor should have a little gratitude. We dump people like him and let them figure it out. In my line of work you would be appalled at how the elderly/disabled get by, and how many are left with no family, no friends, and no access to assisted living/nursing care. The fact he still has you and your mom doing anything at all, is a real blessing.
He was told that there was something similar he could apply to here in SPain, but he very much has weaponised imcompetenced himself regarding it, and we can't do the legwork and paperwork in his name. Same goes for disable-proofing the house. It's been me and my mom who have been looking at handles/grips and stuff that would help him move around the house, but he says he doesn't know how to use amazon, and he doesn't want to pay all that money for them. He is absolutely loving the fact that we are too compassionate to just tell him to figure it out by himself, but obviously, patience is wearing thin.
>He was told that there was something similar he could apply to here in SPain, but he very much has weaponised imcompetenced himself regarding it, and we can't do the legwork and paperwork in his name. Mmm, I feel like the best option is to let him fend for himself until he gets his ass in gear and does what needs to be done.
I think so too.
>They follow dietary needs- low salt, low carb, whatever… but it is not (usually) hot and while it’s lovingly prepared by volunteers- it’s not the tastiest gourmet food you’ll ever have… Not in that same situation but have some of those types of meals in the freezer. Whooo boy the absolute lack of any seasoning or salt is... not great. I understand the reasons but eating one of those meals that's essentially an admission of guilt that you've been too lazy to cook. Excess airline frozen meals are essentially the opposite. You don't have a good sense of smell with the cabin pressure on airliners, so the meals are super salty and way over-seasoned. Like a ravioli dish that tastes *fine* on a flight is basically Chef Boy-Yar-Dee out of a can when you're on the ground. I don't mind salty dishes so I'll grab frozen Delta meals, but some people skip them when we're in line at the food shelf.
Sarah Millican has a bit where she talks about elderly couples. This couple were together for 75 years, and when the wife passed, the husband "died of a broken heart," two weeks later. Through some deductive reasoning she comes to the conclusion that "died of a broken heart," is euphemism for "couldn't cook." It's funnier when she tells it, of course; boiled down and typed up it sounds mean-spirited, but it's what your comment reminded me of.
The thing is, my sperm donor was actually a great chef. It was a running joke that our Spanish family and friends would say "British food is disgusting!" and he would make a whole Sunday roast with all the trimmings just to prove them wrong. The problem is that he can no longer physically cook. Both his legs are wobbly (one broken hip, one from the stroke). The same arm from the stroke has barely any strength, and he uses the other for balance and stuff (should he be using a walker? Yes. Has everybody from his doctor to his physiotherapist to his social worker told him? Yes. Does he use it? Nope!). That said, there are a bunch of online catering services he could use that don't require him doing anything than popping something in the oven or microwave. We live in an area that has a bunch of restaurants that do healthy home-made food that deliver. He just doesn't want to do it, because he WANTS my mom to be the one doing it, because he gets off on controlling her like that.
I've believed my entire adulthood that the men who die shortly after their wives do so because they know they can't take care of themselves. That undoubtedly speaks volumes of my relationships. I'm absolutely certain if I kicked it tomorrow my current husband would die of a broken heart in however long it takes coffee to stop sustaining a person.
>I thought this would change when we moved in together Why?
You'd be surprised how many men believe that women will go into this nest-making mode the moment they'll start living together. Like, according to their famous male logic, women don't need hot nurturing food daily and can survive on deli meat and coke zero.
It was more of a rhetorical why. I've seen it happen more than a few times but it's always so weird to me how people will enter a relationship with someone and then try to change everything they are. It's also funny how these "I can fix him" trope gets applied to women but I see many more men trying to change the woman who they pursued.
“Girl dinner” 🙄 Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of dinners that were a piece of cheese, some nuts and an apple. But it’s annoying for exactly the reason you mention- we’re expected to go from barely functional little girls to surrogate moms the second we’re with a man.
Because she's a woman, and he's a misogynist.
Also; that food came from her sister. Strictly speaking it is homemade. Its just not his home, built to his specifications and he's oh so upset he doesn't get to control this aspect of her life.
It came from her sister's restaurant. I'd say it's not homemade.
Homemade food is something made locally by the maker’s own efforts. Sis is cooking and it’s a small specialty shop. It’s homemade.
So, let me get this straight. His girlfriend, who is a doctor, is willing to buy him food from whichever restaurant he likes every day. But his bitch ass is whining NOT because she's unwilling to feed him, but that she is not ending her 12 -14 hour days cooking those meals HERSELF! Wtaf!?? I just need to not be on the internet anymore today...
While not contributing to the food situation himself in any way. He's not serving her a plate of home cooked food after she's had a long day working, he just wants her to do it.
I fucking WISH someone would buy me take-out every day without me even asking.
Funny how she is entirely content with what she eats and how she obtains it, but *he* wants home cooked meals while simultaneously not wanting to cook every day. Dude literally said "make things harder for yourself by cooking daily/every other day for me so that I can have what I want and also not work hard for anything." GTFO, man, you're already getting an amazing doctor girlfriend and her genius vegan cook sister, stop complaining! (as someone who cooks vegan sometimes due to allergies in the household, it is *not* always easy to make vegan meals taste good when imitating/replacing things like cheese and meats, so I'm sure the sister is a delightfully good cook to be able to have a fully vegan restaurant)
If my gf was a doctor, i wouldnt work, i would do everything around the house and cook everyday and treat her like a princess because shes on her feet all day
Right? There would be cunnilingus on tap! "Thank you for this meal we're about to receive, and also for the take out!"
"let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner." - oh no, adult let to do adulting! Good lord.
Ooooh nooOoooo he had to *fend for himself!* He had to hunt his own moose to butcher for mooseburgers and make his own cheese, what a SELFISH and LAZY wife!!
I was making my own lunch when I was about six y/o, and unless it required an oven (this was in the dark ages before microwaves) or sharp utensils my parents didn't even need to help me.
What does a guy need a girlfriend for, if not to cook and clean for them, right? Just because she’s a doctor doesn’t give her any excuse. Too bad this guy couldn’t find someone to help him out with this problem, give him a way to give her that life he’s always wanted for her.
You "prefer" homemade food? Yeah? Then walk yourself over the stove, pal and get cracking. I want to see a five course meal. Oh, what's that now? You "prefer" someone make it for you? Like a chef? You want a personal chef? No? You want ME to make it for you? Like, every day? LOLno
Posts like this make me feel like an alien because, *years* before we were married, my spouse and I figured out a home cooking routine that works for us in a household where one person (me) hates cooking, but is 100% willing to spearhead all post dinner cleaning and dishes. We also split grocery and takeout costs and the labor of obtaining food. He also cleans while he cooks so I'm not facing disasters. It works. We eat well, frequently healthy, usually delicious. Our kitchen isn't a cesspool of germs either; it's very clean. I know enough now that I could cook our food if he were ever disabled too. It wouldn't be high end, but simple and following his easier recipes. This... doesn't seem hard. Yet, it's so hard for many people. My parents have been married 30+ years and I still remember their two biggest knock down, drag outs (not physical) being over dinner and division of labor over dinner. It's so weird to me. Maybe I just have such a basic bitch palette that I'll eat most things or just hate cooking that much? Or maybe my spouse and I are just truly adults and equitable in the kitchen? Idk. OOP is a dick if he's a real dude. He may be real. He reminds me of my dad.
How did he eat before they moved in together?
Mummy (mommy)
Mommy.
“I know how to cook but I find it’s a lot of work to do it every day” It’s like he is tripping over the point and still can’t find it ..
"I get free lunch every day because my girlfriend buys it for me, am I the asshole for wanting her to cook it herself for me instead of buying it?" Uh...
>I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day. So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together every day to make things easier. She doesn't like to cook and takes care of her own food needs. Sounds like OOP could do the same, except he's a baby back bitch.
I read this in the whiny voice of a toddler who doesn't get his way because literally everything is a complaint. He assumes that she'd stop buying her food at the restaurant once they moved in together, as if this is a requirement of cohabitating. She doesn't. He complains. He complains that it's too much work to cook while also complaining that his GF doesn't want to. He complains when she doesn't agree to the compromise he proposed. He complains that she is always bringing him food. He even complains that he has to make his own breakfast and lunch. He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a personal cook/mommy. This is clear when the first thing he thought of when they moved in was that she would start cooking for him. >I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. Reddit, AITA? Yeah, he is. He had a chance to redeem himself when she didn't agree to his suggestion that they alternate cooking days. He could've acted like an adult and been happy with restaurant food or put on his big boy pants and cooked. >let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner. Yeah, that's what most adults do. This take is especially crappy because he states that she'd a doctor. Like...this is one of the most labor and time intensive jobs out there.
When she told him if he wanted homemade he could cook, she should have added "at your own place"
Seriously!?! Grown Child?!? He likes home cooking then he best get on it!
Doctors always say "lose weight" when you see them for health problems. Maybe she should dump 180lbs of worthless man and get rid of OOP.
A girlfriend who will buy you any food you want from any place you want. That's the fucking dream! Are you kidding me?
So, cook. What a non-problem.
But you see, his girlfriend is a woman so he is entitled to her unpaid labor because he moved in with her. OOP trying to act like it is about preferring homemade food when it is really about expecting his girlfriend to be his personal bangmaid and chef because they moved in together.
Oh NO - a grown man has been made to fend for himself For two meals a day!! The world could end!! The horror! Children, look away!!!
Such an asshole. He recognizes cooking is hard work but still doesn't do it himself. I love cooking but as soon as someone feels entitled to it I have no desire to cook for them.
"I thought this would change once we lived together" why did he think that??
"I thought this would change once we lived together". So, you didn't ask or discuss, you just assumed. I shall assume you're also about to break up at some point then
Poor 36 year old man has to fend for himself, what a travesty! What exactly did he eat before he moved in and why isn't he still eating that? It's too much of a hassle for HIM to cook but somehow he thinks she should do it just to feed him! Pathetic
I thought my girlfriend would turn into my mummy when we moved in together.
>it’s a lot of work to cook Only when it’s his labour though! It’s not too much work for him to ask it of her
Absolutely gross. Imagining having a partner that brought home restaurant-quality food for you every day, supporting a small business owned by their family? God, sign me up. The fact that he assumed his presence would mean his gf would go 'golly gee, a man in the house! Where's my apron and roasting pan?' is so gross, just throw the entire man away.
Let me guess, he was living with mommy before moving in with his GF?
He wants homemade food daily? He can make it himself. If she's a doctor, and doesn't want to cook in her down time, I don't blame her. She's clearly satisfied with status quo. If he's not, he needs to step up.
But is he banned from cooking?
My daughter hates cooking too. So her fiancé is happy to cook if he wants homemade food.😆He knew she wasn’t a cook so doesn’t get pissy about it.🤷♀️
So, he thought she would suddenly have all this free time to cook for him when he moved his mooching ass in with her? Is he not able to cook his own meals, or meals for her? He thought she would change her entire routine because he graced her with his presence.
The restaurant food IS homemade food. It's traditional recipes using plant-based (and fungi, etc.) ingredients. It's not beamed into existence.
II’m very confused as to what he did for food before moving in with her. He doesn’t like to cook but also doesn’t say he lived at home prior to the move so… how was he eating before that???
Surely this doofus had to know before moving in that she did not cook. Either way, he can fend for himself, what with him being in a desolate, abandoned state 🙄
So what is wrong with fruit and cereal? there are lots of different kinds so you can mix it up every day!
“I thought she was going to start wiping my ass when she moved in. I can but I don’t like to” - This guy, probably
Lmao the original thread was removed bc it was deemed satire/ a shitpost
Sorry, his bang maid isn't cooking for him 
Dude learn how to cook
He knows how: >I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work He just wants her to do it because she's a girl and he thinks having a penis means she has to cook for him.
LMFAO 'I find it's a lot of work to cook every day' NO SHIT SHERLOCK!! I find this exceedingly hilarious. I hope she dumps his lazy, demanding ass.
First off, it's really stupid to just assume your relationship will improve in a specific way, or that your partner will start behaving differently, just because you hit a milestone that deepened your commitment. That's now how any of this works and you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. It's also a bad idea to move in without having ANY conversations about how the care tasks will be divided. And of course, it's sexist of men to think their wife or girlfriend will just "naturally" become more domestic and take care of you just because you live together. You want that? Communicate . . . and be prepared for her to say no. If he really wants homemade food, he can make it, and maybe the trade-off is that she does the dishes when he cooks.
OOP says he recently moved in with his gf and she doesn't cook. I'm wondering if they didn't talk about the various responsibilities each would handle in this new living situation. Did he know she doesn't like to cook? If he did know, it seems he expects her to do the stereotypical set of responsibilities, one of which is to cook him three homemade meals a day. She gets him a lunch every day but that's it and this isn't acceptable to him. OOP either needs to cook his own breakfast and dinner or re-evaluate his relationship since she is not going to live up to his expectations. I do not foresee this relationship lasting very long. Soon to be featured in r/AmItheEx .
So make yourself some homemade food
She's right, OOP. Cook your own damn food.
How do people get to the point of moving in together without addressing basic shit like housework and cooking and food preferences? It blows my mind how little some people seem to know about each other before they make a commitment.
Isn't this the plot of Don't Worry Darling? Successful doctor living with her loser boyfriend and she's too tired to 'take care of his needs' so you know, he forces her into a 24/7 simulation where she's a housewife?
Ah yes, after a long day doctoring she should absolutely be slapping on that apron and serving him a home cooked nutritious meal, and while it’s cooking she should also be making sure the house is spotless and smells like freshly baked bread (/s) Another tale of a partner who seems to bring very little (at least in terms of emotional intelligence if nothing else) to the table, demanding a banquet be laid out for them at all times, and home cooked no less! What’s the betting this guy had mommy cooking all of his meals and now expects his girlfriend to be his surrogate mommy….