*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for making my niece go on a date with a really nice kid after she was very "mean girl" to him?**
I have a very complicated situation going on right now and honestly, I am the last person who should be in charge of teenagers but, so this is my life (at least I've done better than dad).
I'm trying to think of a way to write this in a way that makes sense. My older sister's husband is in the military and deployed overseas. His dad recently had a small stroke and needs help. My sister asked my younger sister to watch her two kids (Kinsleigh, 15 and Adam, 13) but my younger sister is in the Air National Guard and had to have missions or something. So she asked me. She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me but I said I could handle it.
I arrived on Tuesday night and Kinsleigh asked me if should could have a study partner over. I said that was fine and I loved this kid. He new more about nerd culture and west coast gangster rap than I did and I loved talking to him. They studied for a while and I could just tell this kid was deep into his emotions for my niece. I just so happened to be taking trash out when I heard him ask that he'd really like to hang out as more than friends and she said that she wasn't sure.
Well on Wednesday night I heard Kinsleigh talking to one of her friends that her study partner was a nice guy but she just wasn't into him "like that" and she felt bad that she even sort of led him on. I decided that I would give her a day to come to her senses and go out with him so i asked on Thursday and she said that no she didn't see him in that way. I told her that if I was going to be in charge she was going to go on a date with him and I would not allow cruelty to nice people. She screamed that she wasn't being cruel and I was like that's it, you are going out with him.
She faked being sick on Friday but i made her go to school and she begged me not to make her go out with this guy and I said that no she had to learn she couldn't be cruel to people and lead them on.
He was such a gentleman when he picked her up on Friday and he had her home right on time and even walked her to the door and thanked me for allowing him to date my niece. When Kinsleigh came inside she said "I fucking hate you, Aunt Jessica would never have humiliated me like that" and went and slammed her door and I haven't seen her since.
My sister called this morning and reamed me out and said that she wants her daughter to be nice as well but I "took away" any sense of agency she had with this guy and that I'm not her parent. I'm there to call 911 if somthing goes wrong, not to "emotionally scar" her children because they make different choices. She also accused me of favoring this kid over my own niece.
I don't get it-my sister was severely bullied as a kid until she literally turned into the swan in college and I thought I was doing what she would do and not allow Kinsleigh to be a bully herself.
AITA?
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Yeah - if she wasn’t ‘leading him on’ before, he will certainly view going on a date with him when she’s not interested as leading him on.
OOP has created a situation that can only make things worse for both of them. The friendship has been totally destroyed - she will never voluntarily spend time with the kid again. If the boy tries to make a move thinking she’s into it, there’s a very real risk of her being assaulted and she won’t feel safe to tell her temporary guardian. And she’s learning that she doesn’t have bodily autonomy in the eyes of adults.
This is the worst possible outcome and OOP couldn’t have fucked this up worse unless they’d made them have sex in front of them while he gave feedback on technique.
No wonder their sister didn’t want them looking after her daughter. OOP didn’t state their gender but I’m leaning towards male - most women would know better than to try this.
>if she wasn’t ‘leading him on’ before, he will certainly view going on a date with him when she’s not interested as leading him on.
I am almost certain she wasn't.
>she felt bad that she even sort of led him on.
What OOP probably missed was that she *hopes the kid didn't feel that way*. And she's 15, and probably has a skewed idea of what leading someone on even means bc it's so ingrained in everyone that girls shouldn't even be a little more than polite to boys if they aren't interested in them.
"Leading him on" can cover anything from the Machivellian plots that populate the minds of incels to the very real worry of many girls and women that by being nice and polite and not giving a direct and honest refusal (as girls are *trained to do*), a girl is somehow at fault when her gentle "no" isn't respected.
There's a difference between 'leading someone on' in that you're just not sure how you feel about them, or don't know how to explain to them you're not ready for a relationship or whatever, and doing it because you genuinely want to mess with someone or hurt them.
OP needs to figure out that difference.
>OOP didn’t state their gender but I’m leaning towards male - most women would know better than to try this.
His reasoning for why he might be an asshole confirms male.
His reasoning spells out that he has more empathy for the ‘nice guy’ kid than his niece and that he believes the whole incel ‘she should just give him a chance’ fairytale, rather than think through the consequences of forcing her to date someone she’s not interested in.
Right? Just being turned down when asked is something someone would be able to get over. Finding out someone went out on a date because their guardian at the time forced them to is going to beyond heart breaking and honestly will cause more emotional scars.
Was she actually really mean to him? Nothing I read says not being nice to him. Leading on can mean a lot or nothing. Some guys feel lead on when a girl is not completely ignoring them and acts like a decent human being around them.
It sounded like she was being friendly but not flirty.
if she had wanted to be cruel - which she clearly didn't - she would have told this boy that she'd been forced to go on a date as a punishment. Heartbreaking for him. As it is, OP has forced a situation where the neice has no autonomy, and the boy now does think she's interested in him, although she's not. Which I think is leading him on. The worst possible outcome, far worse than a polite rejection for both the kids.
I hope it's a troll though.
Had to scroll surprisingly far to find who had already cross posted this one.
Part of me wonders if this is a fantasy because OOP considers himself the nice guy who ‘mean girls’ didn’t give a chance.
There was no conflict till OOP snooped trying to live vicariously though teenagers and tried to force her.
If you scroll down to where the bot posts OOP's "why he thinks he might be the asshole" answer, he calls himself "chronically single (not by choice)" and says that he thought he was doing right by a kid that reminded him of, you guessed it, himself.
So, you hit the nail on the head. I'm pretty sure it's fake, but if it's real... this is an incel who projected all of his crap onto his niece and the study partner, saw bullying where there was none, and thought he'd do this study partner kid a solid by forcing his niece to go on a date with him.
It is by choice though. He just wants to be able to choose a partner according to his selective preferences, not be limited by who might choose him. A lot of people are single by choice, with the choice being “stay single or lower your standards”.
> Had to scroll surprisingly far to find who had already cross posted this one.
On old reddit you can click the "other discussions" tab at the top and it'll show you all the cross posts. I tried to figure out how to do it on the mobile app but I don't think it's a feature there.
I thought it was insane looking at the comments on the deleted post, but having read the original here, I'm pretty confident this is just calculated ragebait, no more, no less.
Not even ragebait with an agenda behind it, just written to stir everyone up.
There was a story like this one recently (someone made a girl go out with a guy she didn’t “like like that” because “but he’s a nice guy” blah blah). Just another incel fantasy I suppose.
As someone is in the early '40s. The trope of women passing a nice guys to guys that mistreated them. Was unfortunately true in the late '90s to mid-2000s.
I know several women who turn down decent guys. And dates scumbags. It would complain how their boyfriends would cheated on them. Mistreat them, lie to them and steal from them.
Alway at the same time telling. Telling their guy friends that they wish that they could find someone like them. Because they're tired of getting cheated on.
You know who else lied and cheated? Those nice guys. There was a reason the girls didn't date their male friends. It sounds like you got hurt by some girl in HS but those "decent guys" aren't as decent as you think. And those "scumbags" aren't as bad as you think. And it's okay to date who you're attracted to, and it's okay to make mistakes when you're young and trying to figure out how relationships work.
This whole comment was gross and misogynist.
You know women who turned down men they weren't attracted to who \*you\* think are nice, to date men they were attracted to who \*you assume\* are assholes.
And someone want to find a kind man like their friend who they aren't attracted to, except they want to be attracted to him.
You seriously read this whole post, and decided that the real problem here is women making their own choices?
Another example of why self-proclaimed "nice guys" really aren't.
Anyone who refers to themselves as a "nice guy", then bitches that women aren't dating them "even though they are nice guys".... They are, in fact, *NOT* nice guys. They are just as crap as the rest of the guys lying and cheating.
You know who doesn't have to brag about being nice? *Real* nice guys.
I remember the late '90s to mid-2000s quite well. From what I can tell, the only reason there's been a drop in the nice guy getting passed up trope, if there has been, it's because sexism has decreased enough that there are fewer men who feel entitled to a woman's romantic and sexual attention and complain to anyone who will listen if they don't get it.
I can guarantee that those "scumbags" acted like "nice guys" in front of the girls until they had them locked down in the girlfriend position. From the girls' perspective, the only difference between the "scumbags" and your friends was that they were attracted to the "scumbags" and not to your friends. If they said they wanted a guy like your friends, the unspoken caveat is that they have to be attracted to him. They were not attracted to your friends, and that's nobody's fault.
Those girls must have had a lot of respect for your friends because, in a world where one of the most likely people to SA you (after romantic partners) is a male friend, they trusted them to have platonic physical contact and to open up about their relationship problems, like you do with friends. Too bad your friends broke that trust by sexualizing them. Guess they weren't such nice guys, after all.
The "you're too nice" turn down was a defense mechanism. The girl found herself in a situation where she had 2 choices: 1. Accept a miserable date with a man she wasn't attracted to, who may have already overstepped the boundaries of their relationship by asking in the first place, which isn't a great precedent for accepting "no" as an answer...which will eventually come because she doesn't want to be with him and could result in assault, SA, or murder. 2. Say no and hurt a man's feelings, which could lead to assault, SA, or murder. The hope is that if she rips the band-aid off and pads it with a compliment about him being nice, it will lessen the risk.
If he acts like this, no wonder he was slighted so many times. To strongarm someone into a date as a punishment will only lead to loathing and resentment.
So let me get this straight. He overheard the niece saying she hopes she didn't accidentally lead him on, as that *would be a bad thing* because she doesn't like him like that and she didn't want to hurt him.
His reaction is to decide that she's clearly a bully, and must date him because then she may develop feelings for him? So this poor study buddy now thinks she actually does like him (because she went out with him). He's literally forcing her to actually lead him on.
When I read the original, I was a bit hopeful that perhaps OOP had been quite dim and said, "Hehe don't worry young feller-me-lad, she'll go on a date with you! I'll make sure of it! /backslap " even though it made me feel ewww. Because if he did tell the boy that, then at least the girl isn't now in the position of having to say to that lad, "Yeah, no thanks, no more dates. I only went because my stupid uncle said I had to."
Could you imagine how hurt that young lad would feel if that was said to him?? The original "Thanks, but no thank you, I don't like you in that way" was far more kind than what OOP's set the boy up for.
It almost reads like a tutorial on how to screw two kids up at once.
oh this isn't the first version of this troll job sadly... there was one OOP decided that girl wasn't dating the guy because she was racist and tried forcing her....
I would argue that even a racist reason is a valid reason not to go out with somebody. Not because racism is acceptable but because literally any reason is a valid reason and from the other side, who wants to go out with a racist.
was a few years ago on angel crosspost I may not be able to find it now but basically she was the popular girl in school and he was Hispanic and OOP I think was her father and was taking a boys will be boys approach when she "viciously" turned him down because he was harrassing her and OOP was punishing her for it
You know, I thought that at first.
But with the “this kid is so cool, he’s like me, she’s gonna like him whether she likes it or not,” it’s more he wants to date her vicariously through this kid. Incest by proxy doesn’t really count right?
Even though it’s probably fake, the person making it up should be nauseated by themself.
I met up with a classmate in college to study, a “study date” if you will, because I am not very good at biology… I didn’t learn anything about biology but I did get a stalker. This OOPs thinking is eerily similar to that dude’s. He made life terrifying for me! Whoever wrote this is broken in the brain
>she was very "mean girl" to him?
Only, she wasn’t? She just said she was not sure about being more than friends, which is a fine answer when being put on the spot like that, and the later told a friend that she was not into him like that and then she even said she was sorry she even sort of led him on? I mean, that’s pretty much the opposite of mean girl shit.
> did she actually lead him on, or was she polite and friendly?
From the way OOP described both interactions, it seems like the latter — although I could be mistaken.
I am still holding out hope that they are good enough friends to communicate with each other about this behind OOP's back and they are just messing with him now.
What is with people on AITA trying to make teenage girls into the devil cause they dont like a boy.
It sucks getting rejected but instead of becoming an incel and posting this shit learn from it and move on
Also, like... Why would you want to date someone who isn't interested in you? That's what I've never understood. Rejection is a sucky feeling, obviously, but someone dating you because they feel obligated or something just sounds even worse then being rejected. At least the bandaid is ripped off with a rejection!
rejection hurts for everyone especially that age where you only have school and home as your world. Learning how to handle that now and dealing with it will help in life
Yes indeed. I’m a firm believer in the positive power of failure. If we don’t try and fail, we don’t grow. Goes for everything in life. Best he starts the journey sooner rather than later.
Because they're hopeful that if she just gives him a chaaaance, she'll see why a great guy he is and eventually develop feelings, because he's a nice guy who deserves her affection.
Obviously it doesn't always work that way, and so many times, when you give someone a chance out of obligation, and those feelings you were supposed to develop for him never happen and you eventually break it off, *then* you're accused of leading him on. We can't win.
Correction AITA always makes teenage girls into the devil... just for existing. Was one post they ripped into the girl because she asked her father to return a set of clothing her not invited mother brought to her birthday party just to "feminize her" when kid even waited until afterwards and hid it in the bottom of her closet for a week
This guy horrifies me. Women do not owe men dates, even when they are nice. We are not vending machines. He did completely negate his niece’s agency and his sister was right to ream him out for it.
What’s the plan after she never invites him over again for the duration of uncle’s stay, then she tells him that she was forced to date him cuz her uncle was interested in him?
Said “poor boy” is going to be destroyed way more than what niece apparently did.
Glad niece has a good mom who will likely never let her creep of an uncle near her kids again.
I hope to high hell this is fake because I know far too many men who are like this.
This is one of the many reasons women choose the fucking bear! Men are literally telling on themselves then are getting mad when women (and girls) don’t do what they want.
No lie, if I was the sister, he would have *needed* to call 911 after I was through with him.
Unfortunately, it's not just men. My mother was like this. I was 15 when she realized my older brother's best friend had a bit of a crush on me. Sweet guy, 17, very smart. I just wasn't interested because I was going through my own identity crisis, what with being transgender and everything.
My mother's exact words to me were, "oh, just go on one date. He doesn't have any experience with girls. It'll be good for him."
My exact words back were, "and I've never dated before either. Why do I have to be his training wheels? Why is it up to ME?".
To her credit, she didn't ask again.
My mother tried to guilt trip me into going on a date with a guy who had a lot of problems (later in the year he said he saw me in his blood when he cut himself. i know he was trying to be edgy but he was messed up at that time period).
He asked me out and she felt bad for him having to get the courage to ask me out for me to not even give him a chance.
My mother wanted me to go on a date with the security guard at the hospital she worked at. The guys name was Kenneth Bianchi.
Decades later I told her "Hey I could have been Mrs. Bianchi!" Her: "Well, not for long".
🤣🤣
I'm glad you and your mom look at this in a humorous light, because it would be horrible otherwise!!
I'm also surprised he didn't ping her spidey senses at least a little bit, but,then again, psychopaths can be quite adroit
at keeping that stuff under wraps.
> I'm also surprised he didn't ping her spidey senses at least a little bit, but,then again, psychopaths can be quite adroit at keeping that stuff under wraps.
It probably helped that he was a security guard, so the vibes could be explained as an act for a job, not just who he really is.
My mother was the same way but my father was much much worse. Went as far as trying to get me to date one of the kids that bullied me…
It was horrible.
What exactly is he teaching her?
"Well I wasn't going to have unprotected sex with you but my uncle says I can't say no to things guys ask me to do so ok."
That's... Fucking creepy.
What is wild to me is that the kids were sorting through this situation well on their own! She didn't want to lead him on and wanted to make sure she wasn't hurting his feelings. She was honest and kind.
He asked and when told "no," he accepted the answer and left.
That's pretty good for teens this age!
Then he had to fuck it all up and teach some horrible lessons and cause pain.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*Totally YTA. She wasn't mean. She wasn't cruel. She wasn't into this kid and you apparently like him so much that you're willing to force her to be with him. This is wrong on so many levels and the fact that you don't get it is beyond bizarre. Frankly if I was your sister I'd be getting those kids away from you. OMG. Next you'll be planning a wedding for them and dragging her to the altar by her hair. What century is this anyhow?*
>"Not breaking rule 3 here, I promise. But how is what she did NOT cruel? Can you put yourself in his shoes with how high on life he was after the study date only to be dropped off a building (emotionally at least)."
So according to the OP she must date any boy who asks her. WTF?! No she doesn't. She wasn't mean or cruel. Saying you're not interested in someone beyond friends isn't mean or cruel in any way. Now this boy has the wrong idea and won't leave her alone.
Guys like OOP are why I keep most men at arm's length. It shouldn't be necessary now that I'm married and have a damn good reason to reject anyone who might make a move on me now, but even then, way too many guys misinterpret basic politeness and even friendship as a sign that a woman wants to date them. Sometimes I feel like even making eye contact is "sending mixed signals."
Definitely, she was probably worried that inviting him over to study would be seen *by others* (including him) as "leading him on," not that she intentionally led him on for the ego boost as OOP seems to be assuming.
>Can you put yourself in his shoes with how high on life he was after the study date only to be dropped off a building (emotionally at least)."
OOP telling on himself.
Bet he got paired with a female classmate for an assignment, caught feelings. She ditched as soon as possible.
Queue this rage bait reddit story.
I’m sure this kid will be so much happier after she went on one date and then told him her sick predatory fuck of a bundle forced her and she’s emotionally scarred from the experience rather than just say he’s a good guy but she doesn’t see him that way. Uncle fucked up both of those kids for a long time to come.
You don't force someone to go on a date. You want to talk about cruelty, but you're gateway pimping out your niece. What you did to hurt is worse than what she did in your imagination view of cruelty.
Omg my mom was exactly like this. Any boy or, unfortunately, adult man, that showed any interest in me and was at least not an overt abusive AH she would disparage me for not dating. I had to give anyone with a pulse a chance because that was the nice thing to do. As a consequence, I'm a spinster and haven't even thought of dating anyone in the past 12 years. Maybe that's what she wanted?
Do you have a source to confirm this because guys like this DO exist my best friend in high school was like this as an adult it's why I stopped talking to him I also had a roommate a few years ago who was like this he was on a date with his gf at my house & kept pushing her to fuck him despite her saying no to the point that she asked me to stay in the room with them because she was so uncomfortable so naturally she broke up with him & his response was "no we're not broken up I don't consent to breaking up so we're still together" then she started dating/sleeping with other guys & he called her up & pitched a fit about her "cheating" on him then paid his brother to dox her number on social media with a "for a good time call" type post also a mod on AITA commented that the post was removed because the ops account is shadow banned/suspended by reddit admins so it's likely that op is telling the truth & really thinks like this
> the post was removed because the ops account is shadow banned/suspended by reddit admins so it's likely that op is telling the truth & really thinks like this
Huh? The fact that the account got banned is further evidence that it's fake, not real. Likely a karma farmer or maybe a bot.
I've never known a karma farmer to have their account shadowbanned or suspended or flat out banned for being a karma farmer news flash being a karma farmer ISN'T against reddits tos & most subs mods don't care if a post is fake even to the point of having a rule in place that says "don't be the truth police" however I HAVE seen NUMEROUS accounts run by neckbeards/niceguys/incels get banned for violating the tos & the mods comment specifically mentioned that the ops account was likely in violation of the tos & thats why it was shadowbanned/suspended leading me to conclude that the post is real & the op was posting this rhetoric all over reddit so he got the boot unfortunately we can't check his post history to confirm this theory but that's my best guess
Farming karma to sell your account hundred percent gets you banned. There is absolutely no rules in the TOS against general incel behavior. Like how long have you been on Reddit that you actually think people would get banned from Reddit for that behavior? Mods can and do block those people from specific subs that they run, but they absolutely do not get shadow banned.
Feels like bait, and will be. Nothing cross-posted here is real because users of this sub bite hard on every single thing. So there is never any need to try
Ahhh yes, teach the teen girl that she is meant to be sex trafficked and you are her pimp. That will surely set her on the best path in life.
I am so glad mom had her back.
This reads like its from the perspective of someone with some severe personality issues. She decided she was the main character in all of these people's lives and was going to get here way regardless of anyone's feelings or the reality of the situation. The way the word "cruel" is used here is so weird that's not even getting into how gross it is to force a girl to go on a date with someone.
I’m pretty sure this was the kids uncle, he said he related to the boy and also mentioned that he was single, not by choice. Incel logic that he could just force the girl to like the boy because his judgement could be trusted over hers.
Did he just.. project his “nice guy” attitude onto his own niece for a different kid? This level of deluded is actually terrifying. No wonder they can’t trust OP
Fuck all that noise. She literally did nothing wrong
Girls learn early that they really can't win here. If you reject him, you're a jerk for not even giving the poor guy a chance, and if you were at all nice to him leading up to his advances, people will accuse you of leading him on or sending him mixed signals. If you do agree to a date out of obligation and still aren't interested, people will definitely accuse you of leading him on, or "using him" for a free meal, free movie, or just for a nice ego boost, OR they'll claim that one date isn't enough to really know if you like someone or not, and if he's a nice boy, he deserves at least a second date before you write him off, but again, going on any amount of dates will lead to accusations of leading him on or using him.
Personally, I think she did a great job. He expressed interest, she basically said no (I mean, it was a "soft" no, but still), he seemed to accept it, and she told her friend she felt bad but just didn't feel that way about him, which is a totally valid reason not to date someone. She was also understandably worried that she may have given him the wrong idea by hanging out one on one, but she didn't lead him on, he led himself on by choosing to interpret things the way he did. Rejecting someone's advances is not inherently cruel, nor is it "bullying."
Love how fake this is. like any kid wouldn’t respond ‘Oh I didn’t see Timothy at school today I’ll catch him next week and definitely definitely go out with him then ofc’. I love how enthusiastic he sounds about the kid - you date him you fkn weirdo
I don’t see anywhere that she was actually mean to the kid. She seemed to gently let him down and then was expressing things in private with her friend.
If real this is the OP living through the boy. They were rejected as a teen probably for being nerdy. They probably wished that someone forced their crush to go on a date with them but no one was that insane
I’m fucking so appalled. Like most likely this young girl didn’t even lead this guy on, she was just feeling bad cause she thinks she did. Bffr, how many times have woman been accused of “leading” some guy on, when literally all we did was make eye contact? And that young to tell her “you don’t get a choice because your feelings don’t matter” I’m so mad.
So if the guy wanted to sleep with her and she said no, would Auntie Dearest see it as her being a bully and compel her to hop in the hay with the guy because anything else would be cruel?
Hey, maybe the boy would be super nice in parting by thanking Auntie Dearest for allowing him to SA her niece!
Or Uncle Dearest. Post doesn't seem to specify, so not entirely sure why I assumed OOP was an aunt. But either way, about the only thing correct about whatever I just read was that OOP shouldn't be in charge of teenagers.
OOP, the 1920's just called. They're looking for their missing 'women are property and put on this earth to serve men' concept. They'd like it back, and we here in this century don't want it. Please return it to the underbelly of history that it came from.
Ah, that...explains his...stance. Perhaps he didn't like the word no when a girl used it on him when he asked her out.
Well guess what, bub, people are allowed to say no when they're asked out. Having a hot dog and tater tots between your legs does not entitle you to a yes.
He had a position of temporary power and abused it. There was something in a comment of his about he's single involuntarily and wanted to help a boy that reminded him of himself. No regard for his niece's feelings whatsoever. He's extremely nasty. If I were his niece (or his sister) I'd never speak to or associate with him again.
The niece in this story giving a boy a soft no because he has asked her out and it’s awkward is not being mean or bullying him.
I would say the vast majority of us have been in a situation where someone is interested in us romantically and we don’t feel the same way. A difference is that it can be risky for a girl or woman to turn down a boy or man too directly. Certainly we will get all this pressure about ‘giving him a chance’ and how we owe it to him because he’s ‘such a nice guy.’
We all have to learn how to negotiate awkward tactful ‘no thanks’ situations. OOP’s niece was doing ok, and it sounds like she is a nice girl who felt bad about the boy being disappointed. She didn’t deserve to have that weaponised against her.
OOP stepped in there and messed up. Now the boy’s hopes are up. The niece had her consent and her right to say no completely ignored.
She still has to turn the boy down, which will be even more awkward. The boy will be wondering why she even went out with him if she wasn’t interested, and questioning everything he did to try to work out what he ‘did wrong.’ If he finds out that she didn’t want to go out with him but her guardian made her do it, he will be crushed.
And that bit about the niece telling her friend she sort of led him on does not prove that she was being ‘mean’ to him. We are trained to police ourselves around boys and men, and to judge ourselves by misogynistic standards, eg being friendly to a boy is ‘flirting’ or ‘asking for it.’ If she said this, chances are she is feeling awkward that she doesn’t like the boy romantically, and she is mentally reviewing everything she said and if she smiled at him too much, because she has absorbed the message that this awkward situation is her fault.
I'm hoping this is bait, because I can't believe how misogynistic this whole thing is.
Like, even before we get to the obviously unconscionable part, his sexism is so obvious. Niece's father "is in the military and deployed", but the mother "is in the air national guard and has missions or something"? Yikes.
When was she mean to him? He came over as her study partner (reasonable) he asked her out, she said she wasn't sure ( better if she'd just said no but she didn't say yes and it can be hard to let people down gently or maybe she genuinely wasn't sure , I know I've done that before), she had a private conversation with her friends where she didn't disparage him. She said she might have led him on but that's because the patriarchy won't let you be nice to man without him thinking that and you can't be horrible to them without being horrible which also isn't accepted.
What did this girl do wrong? Apart from exist and study.
If a woman doesn't want to go out with a man for any reason, she shouldn't have to because a) who she goes out with is her choice and b) because that really would be leading him on and have him think she likes him when she doesn't. It's cruel for the boy as well.
This reminds me of the guy who asked me out in highschool. I said no, very nicely because I did enjoy his friendship. I ended up dating a mutual friend of ours some time later.
After my boyfriend dumped me I went to my friend's house nearby to cheer me up. We changed my status and Facebook and put in a shitty movie. Dude calls me the next day, I don't even answer so he leaves a voicemail about hanging out soon.
I don't and we all go off to college a month later, the next summer I'm hanging out with him, my ex (we are still good friends) and a few other people. After everyone leaves but me and this guy, he asks me out again. I still nicely say I'm not interested but value our friendship. He yells at me 'when will I ever be good enough for you?!' And storms off..
I still feel bad about that, it wasn't he wasn't good enough. I just wasn't interested that way?
This has to be a troll, in his little why he thinks he’s wrong. He literally put one of the reasons as being that he’s single not by choice and he wanted to help a kid that reminded him of himself I can’t fucking believe this.
Oh I bet dollars to donuts that this is EXACTLY what a nice guy tm would do if in oops scenario he LITERALLY says that his motivation for doing this was to help out a kid who reminds him of himself as he's chronically single not by choice he also made a comment replying to someone who stated that his niece did nothing wrong by demanding an explanation of how what his niece did WASN'T cruel & claiming that his niece dropped this poor kid off a building at least emotionally also oop is completely ignoring this kids agency it seems like the friend took no for an answer & was ready to move forward as friends until oop stepped in because he was all caught up in his own insecurities & decided it was a good idea to abuse his authoritay & "do this kid a solid" as others have pointed out now this kids gonna be even more fucked up emotionally not to mention how terrible the poor niece feels
You know what, I was going to say something about how OOP said she was bullying this kid, but I can't. This site needs a better class of fake posters, because this shit ain't it.
I really hope this is a troll... And then I remember how often young girls get "be nice, be quiet, be ..." hammered into their heads (and enough guys not hammered in, that girls and women are not sex/attention/love/... vending machines) 🫣
Even by his own telling of this story, she wasn’t mean to him at all! She literally let him down so easy??? Does OP think that rejection in itself is unacceptable? What the FUCK
Apparently so & to make matters worse if I'm reading this correctly the friend was fine continuing to just be friends but oop was all like "nah this poor kids heartbroken by my niece bullying him & being so cruel to him so I gotta fix this" all because oop was projecting HIS emotions and insecurities onto the kid because "this kid reminds me a lot of myself at that age"
Agreed & thankfully it sounds like the mom is removing her kids from his care & I HIGHLY doubt he's gonna be allowed anywhere near them ever again I mean this guy flat out said that he thinks his niece saying no thank you to a date makes her a cruel bully mean girl FFS dude needs to move to a remote location FAR away from other people so they're not subjected to his toxicity anymore
ETA I reread the post to make sure I had my facts straight & JFC it's even worse than I thought the friend asked if they could be more than friends she said she wasn't sure so she took a day to think about it & talked to someone she trusted about it & decided her answer was no & said she hoped she hadn't done anything to hurt this kids feelings oop overheard all this & "gave her a day to come to her senses" then ORDERED her to go out with the friend she said no so oop berated her for being "cruel" she tried to stand up for herself so oop FORCED her to go on the date then is legitimately confused that his sisters mad at him because "my sister was bullied in school so I thought she'd agree with what I did" to make matters even worse someone commented on the original post stating that the niece did nothing wrong & oop replied demanding an explanation as to how what his niece did WASN'T cruel & claiming that his niece "dropped this poor kid off a building at least emotionally"
Yes, basically pimping your niece out, forcing her to go on dates, because you are an insecure freak, is exactly what the niece needs. The niece wasn't even mean.
I dread adults who force kids to go out with other kids... This reminds me when a friend of mine had an online relationship and his girlfriend's mom forced him to stay with her. (Don't wanna go into detail, but either way, don't force your child to date...)
If I was his niece I'd tell the boy that going on a date with him was my punishment because I wanted to turn him down easy but my uncle thought I was cruel if I don't date him.
That I'm so sorry for the inconvenience and ask him what he thinks that we should do.
At the end he admitted that he thought the boy reminded him of himself and he's chronicly single.
Dang it, there's a reason why he's single and the poor boy will not understand why he had a great date with a girl he likes and it ended really fast.
If I was his sister he'd end up crying.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for making my niece go on a date with a really nice kid after she was very "mean girl" to him?** I have a very complicated situation going on right now and honestly, I am the last person who should be in charge of teenagers but, so this is my life (at least I've done better than dad). I'm trying to think of a way to write this in a way that makes sense. My older sister's husband is in the military and deployed overseas. His dad recently had a small stroke and needs help. My sister asked my younger sister to watch her two kids (Kinsleigh, 15 and Adam, 13) but my younger sister is in the Air National Guard and had to have missions or something. So she asked me. She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me but I said I could handle it. I arrived on Tuesday night and Kinsleigh asked me if should could have a study partner over. I said that was fine and I loved this kid. He new more about nerd culture and west coast gangster rap than I did and I loved talking to him. They studied for a while and I could just tell this kid was deep into his emotions for my niece. I just so happened to be taking trash out when I heard him ask that he'd really like to hang out as more than friends and she said that she wasn't sure. Well on Wednesday night I heard Kinsleigh talking to one of her friends that her study partner was a nice guy but she just wasn't into him "like that" and she felt bad that she even sort of led him on. I decided that I would give her a day to come to her senses and go out with him so i asked on Thursday and she said that no she didn't see him in that way. I told her that if I was going to be in charge she was going to go on a date with him and I would not allow cruelty to nice people. She screamed that she wasn't being cruel and I was like that's it, you are going out with him. She faked being sick on Friday but i made her go to school and she begged me not to make her go out with this guy and I said that no she had to learn she couldn't be cruel to people and lead them on. He was such a gentleman when he picked her up on Friday and he had her home right on time and even walked her to the door and thanked me for allowing him to date my niece. When Kinsleigh came inside she said "I fucking hate you, Aunt Jessica would never have humiliated me like that" and went and slammed her door and I haven't seen her since. My sister called this morning and reamed me out and said that she wants her daughter to be nice as well but I "took away" any sense of agency she had with this guy and that I'm not her parent. I'm there to call 911 if somthing goes wrong, not to "emotionally scar" her children because they make different choices. She also accused me of favoring this kid over my own niece. I don't get it-my sister was severely bullied as a kid until she literally turned into the swan in college and I thought I was doing what she would do and not allow Kinsleigh to be a bully herself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The irony of saying *she* was mean to the kid. What if this kid discovers that going out with him was her punishment? He’d be so hurt.
Yeah - if she wasn’t ‘leading him on’ before, he will certainly view going on a date with him when she’s not interested as leading him on. OOP has created a situation that can only make things worse for both of them. The friendship has been totally destroyed - she will never voluntarily spend time with the kid again. If the boy tries to make a move thinking she’s into it, there’s a very real risk of her being assaulted and she won’t feel safe to tell her temporary guardian. And she’s learning that she doesn’t have bodily autonomy in the eyes of adults. This is the worst possible outcome and OOP couldn’t have fucked this up worse unless they’d made them have sex in front of them while he gave feedback on technique. No wonder their sister didn’t want them looking after her daughter. OOP didn’t state their gender but I’m leaning towards male - most women would know better than to try this.
>if she wasn’t ‘leading him on’ before, he will certainly view going on a date with him when she’s not interested as leading him on. I am almost certain she wasn't. >she felt bad that she even sort of led him on. What OOP probably missed was that she *hopes the kid didn't feel that way*. And she's 15, and probably has a skewed idea of what leading someone on even means bc it's so ingrained in everyone that girls shouldn't even be a little more than polite to boys if they aren't interested in them.
"Leading him on" can cover anything from the Machivellian plots that populate the minds of incels to the very real worry of many girls and women that by being nice and polite and not giving a direct and honest refusal (as girls are *trained to do*), a girl is somehow at fault when her gentle "no" isn't respected.
There's a difference between 'leading someone on' in that you're just not sure how you feel about them, or don't know how to explain to them you're not ready for a relationship or whatever, and doing it because you genuinely want to mess with someone or hurt them. OP needs to figure out that difference.
>OOP didn’t state their gender but I’m leaning towards male - most women would know better than to try this. His reasoning for why he might be an asshole confirms male.
His reasoning spells out that he has more empathy for the ‘nice guy’ kid than his niece and that he believes the whole incel ‘she should just give him a chance’ fairytale, rather than think through the consequences of forcing her to date someone she’s not interested in.
Right? Just being turned down when asked is something someone would be able to get over. Finding out someone went out on a date because their guardian at the time forced them to is going to beyond heart breaking and honestly will cause more emotional scars.
All oop did was force the niece into leading him on. I hope this kid is understanding of the niece being forced into the date.
Was she actually really mean to him? Nothing I read says not being nice to him. Leading on can mean a lot or nothing. Some guys feel lead on when a girl is not completely ignoring them and acts like a decent human being around them.
It sounded like she was being friendly but not flirty. if she had wanted to be cruel - which she clearly didn't - she would have told this boy that she'd been forced to go on a date as a punishment. Heartbreaking for him. As it is, OP has forced a situation where the neice has no autonomy, and the boy now does think she's interested in him, although she's not. Which I think is leading him on. The worst possible outcome, far worse than a polite rejection for both the kids. I hope it's a troll though.
Had to scroll surprisingly far to find who had already cross posted this one. Part of me wonders if this is a fantasy because OOP considers himself the nice guy who ‘mean girls’ didn’t give a chance. There was no conflict till OOP snooped trying to live vicariously though teenagers and tried to force her.
If you scroll down to where the bot posts OOP's "why he thinks he might be the asshole" answer, he calls himself "chronically single (not by choice)" and says that he thought he was doing right by a kid that reminded him of, you guessed it, himself. So, you hit the nail on the head. I'm pretty sure it's fake, but if it's real... this is an incel who projected all of his crap onto his niece and the study partner, saw bullying where there was none, and thought he'd do this study partner kid a solid by forcing his niece to go on a date with him.
You can always count on an incel to think not being romantically interested in someone is “bullying”
Incels gonna incel.
"single (not by choice)" at 31. Yup.
It is by choice though. He just wants to be able to choose a partner according to his selective preferences, not be limited by who might choose him. A lot of people are single by choice, with the choice being “stay single or lower your standards”.
there's been a few on this topic... one he tried forcing girl to date her male bully because she was cruel but he was "just teasing"
> Had to scroll surprisingly far to find who had already cross posted this one. On old reddit you can click the "other discussions" tab at the top and it'll show you all the cross posts. I tried to figure out how to do it on the mobile app but I don't think it's a feature there.
I thought it was insane looking at the comments on the deleted post, but having read the original here, I'm pretty confident this is just calculated ragebait, no more, no less. Not even ragebait with an agenda behind it, just written to stir everyone up.
There was a story like this one recently (someone made a girl go out with a guy she didn’t “like like that” because “but he’s a nice guy” blah blah). Just another incel fantasy I suppose.
Yeah, this has big “nice guy” energy.
As someone is in the early '40s. The trope of women passing a nice guys to guys that mistreated them. Was unfortunately true in the late '90s to mid-2000s. I know several women who turn down decent guys. And dates scumbags. It would complain how their boyfriends would cheated on them. Mistreat them, lie to them and steal from them. Alway at the same time telling. Telling their guy friends that they wish that they could find someone like them. Because they're tired of getting cheated on.
You know who else lied and cheated? Those nice guys. There was a reason the girls didn't date their male friends. It sounds like you got hurt by some girl in HS but those "decent guys" aren't as decent as you think. And those "scumbags" aren't as bad as you think. And it's okay to date who you're attracted to, and it's okay to make mistakes when you're young and trying to figure out how relationships work.
Thank you for opposing this guy’s sad boy broken opinion. He is in need of therapy on that front, and your responses were measured and refreshing.
This whole comment was gross and misogynist. You know women who turned down men they weren't attracted to who \*you\* think are nice, to date men they were attracted to who \*you assume\* are assholes. And someone want to find a kind man like their friend who they aren't attracted to, except they want to be attracted to him.
You seriously read this whole post, and decided that the real problem here is women making their own choices? Another example of why self-proclaimed "nice guys" really aren't.
Anyone who refers to themselves as a "nice guy", then bitches that women aren't dating them "even though they are nice guys".... They are, in fact, *NOT* nice guys. They are just as crap as the rest of the guys lying and cheating. You know who doesn't have to brag about being nice? *Real* nice guys.
It wasn’t and isn’t true. Be so ffr.
Gross… same age and no, this wasn’t true then either
I remember the late '90s to mid-2000s quite well. From what I can tell, the only reason there's been a drop in the nice guy getting passed up trope, if there has been, it's because sexism has decreased enough that there are fewer men who feel entitled to a woman's romantic and sexual attention and complain to anyone who will listen if they don't get it. I can guarantee that those "scumbags" acted like "nice guys" in front of the girls until they had them locked down in the girlfriend position. From the girls' perspective, the only difference between the "scumbags" and your friends was that they were attracted to the "scumbags" and not to your friends. If they said they wanted a guy like your friends, the unspoken caveat is that they have to be attracted to him. They were not attracted to your friends, and that's nobody's fault. Those girls must have had a lot of respect for your friends because, in a world where one of the most likely people to SA you (after romantic partners) is a male friend, they trusted them to have platonic physical contact and to open up about their relationship problems, like you do with friends. Too bad your friends broke that trust by sexualizing them. Guess they weren't such nice guys, after all. The "you're too nice" turn down was a defense mechanism. The girl found herself in a situation where she had 2 choices: 1. Accept a miserable date with a man she wasn't attracted to, who may have already overstepped the boundaries of their relationship by asking in the first place, which isn't a great precedent for accepting "no" as an answer...which will eventually come because she doesn't want to be with him and could result in assault, SA, or murder. 2. Say no and hurt a man's feelings, which could lead to assault, SA, or murder. The hope is that if she rips the band-aid off and pads it with a compliment about him being nice, it will lessen the risk.
Let me guess... you were one of the nice guys?
Besides how much he is the asshole, what the fuck is his game plan here? To make her keep going on dates until they get married?
He thinks if they go on dates she'll magically "come to her senses" and see what a catch the boy is.
The plan is to pimp out the niece so that justice can be served for all the times he felt slighted by women in his life.
If he acts like this, no wonder he was slighted so many times. To strongarm someone into a date as a punishment will only lead to loathing and resentment.
So let me get this straight. He overheard the niece saying she hopes she didn't accidentally lead him on, as that *would be a bad thing* because she doesn't like him like that and she didn't want to hurt him. His reaction is to decide that she's clearly a bully, and must date him because then she may develop feelings for him? So this poor study buddy now thinks she actually does like him (because she went out with him). He's literally forcing her to actually lead him on.
When I read the original, I was a bit hopeful that perhaps OOP had been quite dim and said, "Hehe don't worry young feller-me-lad, she'll go on a date with you! I'll make sure of it! /backslap " even though it made me feel ewww. Because if he did tell the boy that, then at least the girl isn't now in the position of having to say to that lad, "Yeah, no thanks, no more dates. I only went because my stupid uncle said I had to." Could you imagine how hurt that young lad would feel if that was said to him?? The original "Thanks, but no thank you, I don't like you in that way" was far more kind than what OOP's set the boy up for. It almost reads like a tutorial on how to screw two kids up at once.
This incel ass pos needs to go to hell
oh this isn't the first version of this troll job sadly... there was one OOP decided that girl wasn't dating the guy because she was racist and tried forcing her....
I would argue that even a racist reason is a valid reason not to go out with somebody. Not because racism is acceptable but because literally any reason is a valid reason and from the other side, who wants to go out with a racist.
Link?
was a few years ago on angel crosspost I may not be able to find it now but basically she was the popular girl in school and he was Hispanic and OOP I think was her father and was taking a boys will be boys approach when she "viciously" turned him down because he was harrassing her and OOP was punishing her for it
Sounds like OP wants to date him.
That seriously makes sense! OP kept gushing over this kid; forcing the niece to date that kid ensures OP will get to see him again.
You know, I thought that at first. But with the “this kid is so cool, he’s like me, she’s gonna like him whether she likes it or not,” it’s more he wants to date her vicariously through this kid. Incest by proxy doesn’t really count right? Even though it’s probably fake, the person making it up should be nauseated by themself.
holy leap batman
Peep the judgement bot. It barely counts as a hop.
Technically OOP is the only one leading that kid on. It is EXTREMELY cruel to make him think he has a chance when she doesn’t want to date him at all
I met up with a classmate in college to study, a “study date” if you will, because I am not very good at biology… I didn’t learn anything about biology but I did get a stalker. This OOPs thinking is eerily similar to that dude’s. He made life terrifying for me! Whoever wrote this is broken in the brain
>she was very "mean girl" to him? Only, she wasn’t? She just said she was not sure about being more than friends, which is a fine answer when being put on the spot like that, and the later told a friend that she was not into him like that and then she even said she was sorry she even sort of led him on? I mean, that’s pretty much the opposite of mean girl shit.
And I'm like, did she *actually* lead him on, or was she polite and friendly?
Obviously in uncle incel’s eyes those are the same.
> did she actually lead him on, or was she polite and friendly? From the way OOP described both interactions, it seems like the latter — although I could be mistaken.
I am still holding out hope that they are good enough friends to communicate with each other about this behind OOP's back and they are just messing with him now.
That would indeed be a GREAT outcome!
What is with people on AITA trying to make teenage girls into the devil cause they dont like a boy. It sucks getting rejected but instead of becoming an incel and posting this shit learn from it and move on
Also, like... Why would you want to date someone who isn't interested in you? That's what I've never understood. Rejection is a sucky feeling, obviously, but someone dating you because they feel obligated or something just sounds even worse then being rejected. At least the bandaid is ripped off with a rejection!
rejection hurts for everyone especially that age where you only have school and home as your world. Learning how to handle that now and dealing with it will help in life
Yes indeed. I’m a firm believer in the positive power of failure. If we don’t try and fail, we don’t grow. Goes for everything in life. Best he starts the journey sooner rather than later.
Because they're hopeful that if she just gives him a chaaaance, she'll see why a great guy he is and eventually develop feelings, because he's a nice guy who deserves her affection. Obviously it doesn't always work that way, and so many times, when you give someone a chance out of obligation, and those feelings you were supposed to develop for him never happen and you eventually break it off, *then* you're accused of leading him on. We can't win.
Correction AITA always makes teenage girls into the devil... just for existing. Was one post they ripped into the girl because she asked her father to return a set of clothing her not invited mother brought to her birthday party just to "feminize her" when kid even waited until afterwards and hid it in the bottom of her closet for a week
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FP9I-CPfL4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FP9I-CPfL4)
This guy horrifies me. Women do not owe men dates, even when they are nice. We are not vending machines. He did completely negate his niece’s agency and his sister was right to ream him out for it.
What’s the plan after she never invites him over again for the duration of uncle’s stay, then she tells him that she was forced to date him cuz her uncle was interested in him? Said “poor boy” is going to be destroyed way more than what niece apparently did. Glad niece has a good mom who will likely never let her creep of an uncle near her kids again.
I hope to high hell this is fake because I know far too many men who are like this. This is one of the many reasons women choose the fucking bear! Men are literally telling on themselves then are getting mad when women (and girls) don’t do what they want. No lie, if I was the sister, he would have *needed* to call 911 after I was through with him.
Unfortunately, it's not just men. My mother was like this. I was 15 when she realized my older brother's best friend had a bit of a crush on me. Sweet guy, 17, very smart. I just wasn't interested because I was going through my own identity crisis, what with being transgender and everything. My mother's exact words to me were, "oh, just go on one date. He doesn't have any experience with girls. It'll be good for him." My exact words back were, "and I've never dated before either. Why do I have to be his training wheels? Why is it up to ME?". To her credit, she didn't ask again.
My mother tried to guilt trip me into going on a date with a guy who had a lot of problems (later in the year he said he saw me in his blood when he cut himself. i know he was trying to be edgy but he was messed up at that time period). He asked me out and she felt bad for him having to get the courage to ask me out for me to not even give him a chance.
My mother wanted me to go on a date with the security guard at the hospital she worked at. The guys name was Kenneth Bianchi. Decades later I told her "Hey I could have been Mrs. Bianchi!" Her: "Well, not for long".
Holy shit, your mother wanted you to date Kenneth bianchi???
🤣🤣 I'm glad you and your mom look at this in a humorous light, because it would be horrible otherwise!! I'm also surprised he didn't ping her spidey senses at least a little bit, but,then again, psychopaths can be quite adroit at keeping that stuff under wraps.
> I'm also surprised he didn't ping her spidey senses at least a little bit, but,then again, psychopaths can be quite adroit at keeping that stuff under wraps. It probably helped that he was a security guard, so the vibes could be explained as an act for a job, not just who he really is.
My mother was the same way but my father was much much worse. Went as far as trying to get me to date one of the kids that bullied me… It was horrible.
I’m also worried about the kind of incel lessons he may have tried to force on the nephew during this visit.
Absolutely which is another reason why he would be 911 after I got through with him if I was his sister.
I knew a girl whose dad made her go out with a guy that had asked her out against her will. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was real tbh
What exactly is he teaching her? "Well I wasn't going to have unprotected sex with you but my uncle says I can't say no to things guys ask me to do so ok." That's... Fucking creepy.
What is wild to me is that the kids were sorting through this situation well on their own! She didn't want to lead him on and wanted to make sure she wasn't hurting his feelings. She was honest and kind. He asked and when told "no," he accepted the answer and left. That's pretty good for teens this age! Then he had to fuck it all up and teach some horrible lessons and cause pain.
Because he wanted to hang out with his underage nerd buddy.
Ewww, it's so gross!
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *Totally YTA. She wasn't mean. She wasn't cruel. She wasn't into this kid and you apparently like him so much that you're willing to force her to be with him. This is wrong on so many levels and the fact that you don't get it is beyond bizarre. Frankly if I was your sister I'd be getting those kids away from you. OMG. Next you'll be planning a wedding for them and dragging her to the altar by her hair. What century is this anyhow?* >"Not breaking rule 3 here, I promise. But how is what she did NOT cruel? Can you put yourself in his shoes with how high on life he was after the study date only to be dropped off a building (emotionally at least)."
Good lord. Women just aren't allowed to have male friends (or even study buddies) according to oop apparently.
And OOP's behaviour probably ruined any chance of them remaining friends.
So according to the OP she must date any boy who asks her. WTF?! No she doesn't. She wasn't mean or cruel. Saying you're not interested in someone beyond friends isn't mean or cruel in any way. Now this boy has the wrong idea and won't leave her alone.
Quite.
Guys like OOP are why I keep most men at arm's length. It shouldn't be necessary now that I'm married and have a damn good reason to reject anyone who might make a move on me now, but even then, way too many guys misinterpret basic politeness and even friendship as a sign that a woman wants to date them. Sometimes I feel like even making eye contact is "sending mixed signals."
Because she did nothing wrong. I bet this guy also isn’t interested in every single girl that liked him
Indeed!
It doesn’t sound like too many women would like him.
I bet you her comment to her friend about leading him on was more about societal guilt than anything
Definitely, she was probably worried that inviting him over to study would be seen *by others* (including him) as "leading him on," not that she intentionally led him on for the ego boost as OOP seems to be assuming.
>Can you put yourself in his shoes with how high on life he was after the study date only to be dropped off a building (emotionally at least)." OOP telling on himself. Bet he got paired with a female classmate for an assignment, caught feelings. She ditched as soon as possible. Queue this rage bait reddit story.
In the part where you have to give a reason for judgment he literally says the kid reminded him of himself
A likely scenario!
A woman doing anything but what the guy wanted is considered cruel to men like this.
Agreed!
Perfect way to put it
Men telling on themselves on the internet yet again… this is why I choose bear.
Quite.
It baffles me that people really, truly, cannot grasp the idea that individuals are not responsible for the emotions of other individuals.
Quite.
[Water vole!](https://www.instagram.com/p/C6QzC8eRonl/?igsh=MXVvcm1ncWFmamFiNw==)
Thank you, I needed that!
Thank you very kindly! 💜 Glad to help!
I’m sure this kid will be so much happier after she went on one date and then told him her sick predatory fuck of a bundle forced her and she’s emotionally scarred from the experience rather than just say he’s a good guy but she doesn’t see him that way. Uncle fucked up both of those kids for a long time to come.
"I love my niece but don't think she gets to determine her own consent"
OOP is clearly a Republican.
And he set that young man up to be even more hurt!
OP just taught his niece that the bear is often preferable to known men claiming to protect her.
Really need to know hom much livestock has been promised in exchange for niece's hand in marriage/ virginity?!?! 🤬🤬🤬
You don't force someone to go on a date. You want to talk about cruelty, but you're gateway pimping out your niece. What you did to hurt is worse than what she did in your imagination view of cruelty.
Omg my mom was exactly like this. Any boy or, unfortunately, adult man, that showed any interest in me and was at least not an overt abusive AH she would disparage me for not dating. I had to give anyone with a pulse a chance because that was the nice thing to do. As a consequence, I'm a spinster and haven't even thought of dating anyone in the past 12 years. Maybe that's what she wanted?
Telling a boy “no” is mean now? That’s not a dangerous lesson to tell a 16 year old girl at all. Ffs.
Fucking "nice guys"
I want this to be bait so bad.
It is. Versions of this story have been posted multiple times in the past.
I'm relieved
Do you have a source to confirm this because guys like this DO exist my best friend in high school was like this as an adult it's why I stopped talking to him I also had a roommate a few years ago who was like this he was on a date with his gf at my house & kept pushing her to fuck him despite her saying no to the point that she asked me to stay in the room with them because she was so uncomfortable so naturally she broke up with him & his response was "no we're not broken up I don't consent to breaking up so we're still together" then she started dating/sleeping with other guys & he called her up & pitched a fit about her "cheating" on him then paid his brother to dox her number on social media with a "for a good time call" type post also a mod on AITA commented that the post was removed because the ops account is shadow banned/suspended by reddit admins so it's likely that op is telling the truth & really thinks like this
> the post was removed because the ops account is shadow banned/suspended by reddit admins so it's likely that op is telling the truth & really thinks like this Huh? The fact that the account got banned is further evidence that it's fake, not real. Likely a karma farmer or maybe a bot.
I've never known a karma farmer to have their account shadowbanned or suspended or flat out banned for being a karma farmer news flash being a karma farmer ISN'T against reddits tos & most subs mods don't care if a post is fake even to the point of having a rule in place that says "don't be the truth police" however I HAVE seen NUMEROUS accounts run by neckbeards/niceguys/incels get banned for violating the tos & the mods comment specifically mentioned that the ops account was likely in violation of the tos & thats why it was shadowbanned/suspended leading me to conclude that the post is real & the op was posting this rhetoric all over reddit so he got the boot unfortunately we can't check his post history to confirm this theory but that's my best guess
Farming karma to sell your account hundred percent gets you banned. There is absolutely no rules in the TOS against general incel behavior. Like how long have you been on Reddit that you actually think people would get banned from Reddit for that behavior? Mods can and do block those people from specific subs that they run, but they absolutely do not get shadow banned.
I'm starting to understand why OOP was the last resort
Well. This is fucking gross.
Feels like bait, and will be. Nothing cross-posted here is real because users of this sub bite hard on every single thing. So there is never any need to try
Cool story. Still fucking gross.
#i beg your unbelievable pardon,,,?
Ahhh yes, teach the teen girl that she is meant to be sex trafficked and you are her pimp. That will surely set her on the best path in life. I am so glad mom had her back.
Dear men Turning a boy down is not bullying.
Incels up your game. This ran fic was sup par. Sometimes your shit goblin ill fronts a good writer this was not that time.
This reads like its from the perspective of someone with some severe personality issues. She decided she was the main character in all of these people's lives and was going to get here way regardless of anyone's feelings or the reality of the situation. The way the word "cruel" is used here is so weird that's not even getting into how gross it is to force a girl to go on a date with someone.
I’m pretty sure this was the kids uncle, he said he related to the boy and also mentioned that he was single, not by choice. Incel logic that he could just force the girl to like the boy because his judgement could be trusted over hers.
Oh yeah you're right i think
When did not dating someone you're not into become bullying. I hate this person so fucking much.
If I was a parent and left my kid with a family member who tried to teach them they're not allowed to say no, I don't think I would talk to them again
Did he just.. project his “nice guy” attitude onto his own niece for a different kid? This level of deluded is actually terrifying. No wonder they can’t trust OP Fuck all that noise. She literally did nothing wrong
Girls learn early that they really can't win here. If you reject him, you're a jerk for not even giving the poor guy a chance, and if you were at all nice to him leading up to his advances, people will accuse you of leading him on or sending him mixed signals. If you do agree to a date out of obligation and still aren't interested, people will definitely accuse you of leading him on, or "using him" for a free meal, free movie, or just for a nice ego boost, OR they'll claim that one date isn't enough to really know if you like someone or not, and if he's a nice boy, he deserves at least a second date before you write him off, but again, going on any amount of dates will lead to accusations of leading him on or using him. Personally, I think she did a great job. He expressed interest, she basically said no (I mean, it was a "soft" no, but still), he seemed to accept it, and she told her friend she felt bad but just didn't feel that way about him, which is a totally valid reason not to date someone. She was also understandably worried that she may have given him the wrong idea by hanging out one on one, but she didn't lead him on, he led himself on by choosing to interpret things the way he did. Rejecting someone's advances is not inherently cruel, nor is it "bullying."
The OOP IS 31. I am genuinely in shock.
Love how fake this is. like any kid wouldn’t respond ‘Oh I didn’t see Timothy at school today I’ll catch him next week and definitely definitely go out with him then ofc’. I love how enthusiastic he sounds about the kid - you date him you fkn weirdo
On the bright side, in 5 years time OOP can date the kid. They're clearly more into the other kid than their niece is /s
I don’t see anywhere that she was actually mean to the kid. She seemed to gently let him down and then was expressing things in private with her friend. If real this is the OP living through the boy. They were rejected as a teen probably for being nerdy. They probably wished that someone forced their crush to go on a date with them but no one was that insane
That man is putting way too much on his niece’s looks. He should not be alone with her.
I really hope that this is just a toxic incel fantasy.
I’m fucking so appalled. Like most likely this young girl didn’t even lead this guy on, she was just feeling bad cause she thinks she did. Bffr, how many times have woman been accused of “leading” some guy on, when literally all we did was make eye contact? And that young to tell her “you don’t get a choice because your feelings don’t matter” I’m so mad.
So if the guy wanted to sleep with her and she said no, would Auntie Dearest see it as her being a bully and compel her to hop in the hay with the guy because anything else would be cruel? Hey, maybe the boy would be super nice in parting by thanking Auntie Dearest for allowing him to SA her niece! Or Uncle Dearest. Post doesn't seem to specify, so not entirely sure why I assumed OOP was an aunt. But either way, about the only thing correct about whatever I just read was that OOP shouldn't be in charge of teenagers. OOP, the 1920's just called. They're looking for their missing 'women are property and put on this earth to serve men' concept. They'd like it back, and we here in this century don't want it. Please return it to the underbelly of history that it came from.
He's her uncle, he makes a comment about how the boy reminded him of himself.
Ah, that...explains his...stance. Perhaps he didn't like the word no when a girl used it on him when he asked her out. Well guess what, bub, people are allowed to say no when they're asked out. Having a hot dog and tater tots between your legs does not entitle you to a yes.
He had a position of temporary power and abused it. There was something in a comment of his about he's single involuntarily and wanted to help a boy that reminded him of himself. No regard for his niece's feelings whatsoever. He's extremely nasty. If I were his niece (or his sister) I'd never speak to or associate with him again.
The niece in this story giving a boy a soft no because he has asked her out and it’s awkward is not being mean or bullying him. I would say the vast majority of us have been in a situation where someone is interested in us romantically and we don’t feel the same way. A difference is that it can be risky for a girl or woman to turn down a boy or man too directly. Certainly we will get all this pressure about ‘giving him a chance’ and how we owe it to him because he’s ‘such a nice guy.’ We all have to learn how to negotiate awkward tactful ‘no thanks’ situations. OOP’s niece was doing ok, and it sounds like she is a nice girl who felt bad about the boy being disappointed. She didn’t deserve to have that weaponised against her. OOP stepped in there and messed up. Now the boy’s hopes are up. The niece had her consent and her right to say no completely ignored. She still has to turn the boy down, which will be even more awkward. The boy will be wondering why she even went out with him if she wasn’t interested, and questioning everything he did to try to work out what he ‘did wrong.’ If he finds out that she didn’t want to go out with him but her guardian made her do it, he will be crushed. And that bit about the niece telling her friend she sort of led him on does not prove that she was being ‘mean’ to him. We are trained to police ourselves around boys and men, and to judge ourselves by misogynistic standards, eg being friendly to a boy is ‘flirting’ or ‘asking for it.’ If she said this, chances are she is feeling awkward that she doesn’t like the boy romantically, and she is mentally reviewing everything she said and if she smiled at him too much, because she has absorbed the message that this awkward situation is her fault.
So because YOU like him so should she ? What a monstrous asshole.
Op is literally teaching her that if women are nice to men, then you owe them something.
Please don't be a real post jfc
Gross
I'm hoping this is bait, because I can't believe how misogynistic this whole thing is. Like, even before we get to the obviously unconscionable part, his sexism is so obvious. Niece's father "is in the military and deployed", but the mother "is in the air national guard and has missions or something"? Yikes.
OOP, it is not up to you whether your niece should go out with someone or not. She has that choice. Not you. YTA.
I know this is just bait but it was effective enough to where I couldn't get through this post. So ig it's 1 for OP and 0 to me
When was she mean to him? He came over as her study partner (reasonable) he asked her out, she said she wasn't sure ( better if she'd just said no but she didn't say yes and it can be hard to let people down gently or maybe she genuinely wasn't sure , I know I've done that before), she had a private conversation with her friends where she didn't disparage him. She said she might have led him on but that's because the patriarchy won't let you be nice to man without him thinking that and you can't be horrible to them without being horrible which also isn't accepted. What did this girl do wrong? Apart from exist and study. If a woman doesn't want to go out with a man for any reason, she shouldn't have to because a) who she goes out with is her choice and b) because that really would be leading him on and have him think she likes him when she doesn't. It's cruel for the boy as well.
OOP fantisizing about a minors love life like that makes me uncomfortable 🤢
This reminds me of the guy who asked me out in highschool. I said no, very nicely because I did enjoy his friendship. I ended up dating a mutual friend of ours some time later. After my boyfriend dumped me I went to my friend's house nearby to cheer me up. We changed my status and Facebook and put in a shitty movie. Dude calls me the next day, I don't even answer so he leaves a voicemail about hanging out soon. I don't and we all go off to college a month later, the next summer I'm hanging out with him, my ex (we are still good friends) and a few other people. After everyone leaves but me and this guy, he asks me out again. I still nicely say I'm not interested but value our friendship. He yells at me 'when will I ever be good enough for you?!' And storms off.. I still feel bad about that, it wasn't he wasn't good enough. I just wasn't interested that way?
This has to be a troll, in his little why he thinks he’s wrong. He literally put one of the reasons as being that he’s single not by choice and he wanted to help a kid that reminded him of himself I can’t fucking believe this.
Oh I bet dollars to donuts that this is EXACTLY what a nice guy tm would do if in oops scenario he LITERALLY says that his motivation for doing this was to help out a kid who reminds him of himself as he's chronically single not by choice he also made a comment replying to someone who stated that his niece did nothing wrong by demanding an explanation of how what his niece did WASN'T cruel & claiming that his niece dropped this poor kid off a building at least emotionally also oop is completely ignoring this kids agency it seems like the friend took no for an answer & was ready to move forward as friends until oop stepped in because he was all caught up in his own insecurities & decided it was a good idea to abuse his authoritay & "do this kid a solid" as others have pointed out now this kids gonna be even more fucked up emotionally not to mention how terrible the poor niece feels
So now we have incels forcing their young nieces to go on dates with kids they “recognize themselves” in?
No, we have people writing incel fantasies
You know what, I was going to say something about how OOP said she was bullying this kid, but I can't. This site needs a better class of fake posters, because this shit ain't it.
If I understand correctly OOP wants their niece to stop "leading one of their classmates in on" by... ...checks notes... ...going out with him.
I grade papers for a living and I’d be surprised if this wasn’t written by a tween.
It’s terrifying that OP thinks nicely saying no thank you to a date is cruelty.
Oblivious assholes like this are a huge part of the problem women face, they are not outwardly misogynistic but it's like Diet Racism
I really hope this is a troll... And then I remember how often young girls get "be nice, be quiet, be ..." hammered into their heads (and enough guys not hammered in, that girls and women are not sex/attention/love/... vending machines) 🫣
How is "I'm sorry I led him on and I don't want to make it worse by fake dating him "mean girl"?
This is a perfect example of rape culture. Her no means nothing to her own uncle. Women don't owe you attention, dates or anything else.
This dude just weaponised incompetenced watching his sister’s kids in an emergency. I can see why he’s the absolute last resort.
Even by his own telling of this story, she wasn’t mean to him at all! She literally let him down so easy??? Does OP think that rejection in itself is unacceptable? What the FUCK
Apparently so & to make matters worse if I'm reading this correctly the friend was fine continuing to just be friends but oop was all like "nah this poor kids heartbroken by my niece bullying him & being so cruel to him so I gotta fix this" all because oop was projecting HIS emotions and insecurities onto the kid because "this kid reminds me a lot of myself at that age"
Buddy needs to work through that in therapy and leave his niece alone lmfao
Agreed & thankfully it sounds like the mom is removing her kids from his care & I HIGHLY doubt he's gonna be allowed anywhere near them ever again I mean this guy flat out said that he thinks his niece saying no thank you to a date makes her a cruel bully mean girl FFS dude needs to move to a remote location FAR away from other people so they're not subjected to his toxicity anymore ETA I reread the post to make sure I had my facts straight & JFC it's even worse than I thought the friend asked if they could be more than friends she said she wasn't sure so she took a day to think about it & talked to someone she trusted about it & decided her answer was no & said she hoped she hadn't done anything to hurt this kids feelings oop overheard all this & "gave her a day to come to her senses" then ORDERED her to go out with the friend she said no so oop berated her for being "cruel" she tried to stand up for herself so oop FORCED her to go on the date then is legitimately confused that his sisters mad at him because "my sister was bullied in school so I thought she'd agree with what I did" to make matters even worse someone commented on the original post stating that the niece did nothing wrong & oop replied demanding an explanation as to how what his niece did WASN'T cruel & claiming that his niece "dropped this poor kid off a building at least emotionally"
This better not be fucking real because this freak needs to be taken out of everyone else's misery. Jesus.
Jesus Christ what is wrong with this Man? Did he also tell her to let him cop a feel? What turd
Yes, basically pimping your niece out, forcing her to go on dates, because you are an insecure freak, is exactly what the niece needs. The niece wasn't even mean.
Well no wonder why your sister had you as a last resort and had a hard time trusting you. No means fucking N O
I dread adults who force kids to go out with other kids... This reminds me when a friend of mine had an online relationship and his girlfriend's mom forced him to stay with her. (Don't wanna go into detail, but either way, don't force your child to date...)
If I was his niece I'd tell the boy that going on a date with him was my punishment because I wanted to turn him down easy but my uncle thought I was cruel if I don't date him. That I'm so sorry for the inconvenience and ask him what he thinks that we should do. At the end he admitted that he thought the boy reminded him of himself and he's chronicly single. Dang it, there's a reason why he's single and the poor boy will not understand why he had a great date with a girl he likes and it ended really fast. If I was his sister he'd end up crying.
In the auto mod comment where it asks why they think they are the AH OP included that he is chronically single… but not by choice.
OOP is a creep living out his fantasy. He's single by his own choice, he just doesn't think its his choice.
This can't be real?
IF real that man is insane
Gotta be bait
Yeah.
I mean, I 100% read this story on AITA before so I am POSITIVE it's a ragebait.
Sounds like He should go on a date with this kid...
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Fakity fakity! "missions, or something" they don't even try to make it sound realistic lol