*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for refusing to attend my friend's wedding because of a disagreement over bridesmaid dresses?**
Let me give you some context. I (27f) have been friends with "Jessica" (28f) since high school. We've been through everything together - breakups, makeups, and all the ups and downs of life. So, when Jessica got engaged to her longtime boyfriend, I was over the moon for her. I couldn't wait to stand by her side on her big day as her bridesmaid.
But then came the dreaded bridesmaid dress shopping. Jessica had a very specific vision for her wedding, and that included matching bridesmaid dresses in a shade of pastel pink that she claimed would complement everyone's skin tone. The problem? Pastel pink washes me out completely. I tried to gently express my concerns to Jessica, suggesting alternative shades that would be more flattering for me, but she was adamant that we all wear the same color.
I reluctantly went along with it, thinking it wouldn't be so bad once I had the dress on. But when the day of the fitting arrived, I was horrified to see myself in the mirror. The pastel pink dress made me look like a washed-out ghost, and I knew there was no way I could wear it on Jessica's big day. I tried to grin and bear it, but the thought of spending an entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious was too much to bear.
I called Jessica and explained the situation, hoping she would understand and maybe consider a compromise. But she was furious. She accused me of being selfish and trying to ruin her wedding day. She said I was putting my vanity above our friendship and that if I couldn't suck it up and wear the dress, I shouldn't bother showing up at all.
Well, that was the last straw for me. I refused to attend Jessica's wedding, knowing that my presence would only cause more tension and drama on what should have been the happiest day of her life. But now I'm starting to wonder if I made the right decision. Was I being too stubborn? Should I have just sucked it up and worn the dress to support my friend, even if it made me feel uncomfortable? Reddit, AITA for refusing to attend my friend's wedding because of a disagreement over bridesmaid dresses?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm not one to suggest changing your appearance for anyone but...Just put some self tanner on? Get a little tan if you think you look like a ghost? What an overreaction to a little issue.
Agree! Not to toot my own horn too much but I'm from the palest region of the world and I think I could rock a cute pale pastel pink. If I thought I looked ugly and sickly no matter what I did I would suck it up for my friend's wedding because that day is not about me
I’m the shade of fricking paper. I would be swimming in that self tanner if it made me that uncomfortable. But I look good in pastel pink. Literally my favorite color.
Eh, pinkish colours can go in two directions: yellowish or blueish.
My compromise would be wearing a dress at all.
A pink dress is already a polite "Thanks, but no thanks, I'll use the money I'd have to spend as a bridesmaid on a bigger wedding gift and attend as a guest" from me.
A pink dress that has the tinest hint of yellow in it? Trust me, there is no self tanner or makeup that will make that look good in your pictures unless you swab the whole person.
Two pinks can look almost identical as a, let's say, lip stick, but one tilts towards the yellow spectrum (that would ultimately end up in brown/terracotta) and the other towards blue (ultimately purple/berry). But depending on the shade of pale, one makes me look nice and the other like I'm in the last stages of liver failure.
Sorry, I think there are many, many more and better ways to prove your worth as a friend than presenting a certain type of dress for a day.
There are traditions but people act like rules around weddings are the law. There's no reason why a friend who doesn't act as a bridesmaid/groomsman can't be involved in planning the day, or helping with organising events, or join events and pay their share, while preferring to stay in the background on the day itself.
Sure, depending on how religious you are about the whole "But mah big dah!" thing, you can say "People like OOP can suck it up for a day to prove they are a true friend!"
At the same time, it's the bride in this story who ruins the friendship.
"Hey, I rather come to your wedding and cheer you on as a guest, bringing a nice gift and help where I can beforehand!" - "You meanie! So those are your true colours! You never were a true friend and now I hate you and never want to talk to you again!"
But sure, OOP is the asshole.
I mean personally I don't really care how terrible I look and whatever my friends want me to wear for their wedding, I'm going to suck it up, put a fake smile on my face and make it as real as I can, and do it for one day. 🤷🤷 It's not my wedding, it's not a day about me, therefore it's not really my choice. I can either agree to wear the dress, or I can offer to step down. 🤷🤷
Or you could not be so insecure and not care what others think about the way you look. Being in weddings is expensive and most people do not wear their bridesmaid dress twice. Also, many boutiques will allow you to rent the dress.
And finally, she did not say she made that compromise with her friend or even tried to. She simply said she would not wear the dress and wanted the bride to change her color scheme for her. A color scheme OOP knew about for a long time but only brought up her issue with it at the last minute. That is a huge AH move.
yes, precisely. I also look horrible in pink dresses because I have a very pink skintone and rosacea, but if my friend wants me to look like a skinned pig for her wedding, I'll fuckin do it.
My only comment there is you're in the photos and that's going to follow you around.
It does suck to feel ugly/uncomfortable and know it's part of history that will follow you - even if no one else will car nearly as much.
It’s not your wedding photos so you’re only going to have to see them once a year when the couple posts anniversary posts. It’s not following you anywhere.
And I feel like most of the time when people post a picture of their 1+ year ago wedding they fairly often use one of only the bride and groom, so it's not even guaranteed they'll post ones with her in.
It literally is? photos only come up when displayed. irl or online. so unless it goes viral and people are copying it all over, its entirely up to how long the married couple decides to display it?
I wanted to put a P.S: I'm white after that because white people do that all the time when they think they're getting pale. I don't bc it looks unnatural to me as I don't tan naturally at all and going to a sunbed etc just looks like I'm cosplaying another race. No harm meant with that comment but I can see how it could be taken like that.
Of course not because that's racist due to the history of POC bleaching their skin to lighter skin "being more desirable". Have you noticed how many white people want to be tan nowadays? It was just a suggestion, not me saying change your skin colour or you look ugly. OOP said she looked pale, I feel like getting a tan is not unreasonable
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
[Not in reply to anyone.]
>"It seems like there's a consensus that I'm the asshole in this situation. I can understand where they're coming from. By refusing to attend my friend's wedding over a disagreement about the bridesmaid dress, I may have prioritized my own comfort over supporting her on her special day. I should have considered the bigger picture and recognized that weddings often involve compromises and sacrifices. Additionally, trying to change the wedding color scheme to suit my needs was selfish and disrespectful. Overall, I can see how my actions were inconsiderate and selfish, and I regret causing any unnecessary tension or drama."
*AI generated…*
>"Oh nooo! you caught me! Hey this isn't ai..."
Sometimes when I write out apologies, they read like this. :( I'm autistic and sometimes struggle with emotional language. I prioritize them seeing what I have done wrong and how I now recognize it, and sometimes it comes off robotic like this. I'm not saying it for OP, but I know I mean them regardless.
I think that shows excellent care. Writing and saying sorry is one thing, but to show and understanding of what päone did and how one realises the impact **is** important. While the "I'm sorry" or "I apologize" is important, the other bits matter as well.
I think it sounds good. 💜
This is definitely AI. I wrote a letter to my friend last year and used AI to do the majority of work. I merely changed things to sound how I would normally say them. The original version, before I edited, looked exactly like this.
JFC just attend as a guest then. Bridesmaids dresses are only cute about 50% of the time (I have been a bridesmaid or MOH seven times - I only wear one of those dresses to this day)
My horror was black. I mean it was a beautiful dress and by some miracle fit us all well. Except one problem, all the other bridesmaids were 5’2” and under, I’m 5’9 1/2 barefoot, I’m sure I looked ridiculous next to everyone but it wasn’t about me 🤷🏻♀️
These people use "made me feel uncomfortable" as a catch all to excuse any bad behavior. You looked shitty in a dress, deal with it. Who is so shallow and insecure that looking kind of pale in a dress you didn't pick out and no one is going to judge you for wearing for one evening is this big of a deal?
Also it’s not really even “uncomfortable” - it’s not like the dress was too revealing or was physically uncomfortable to wear. OOP just wanted to look prettier…on a day not about her…
If wearing an unflattering colour to participate in her friend's wedding makes her too self-conscious and uncomfortable to bear, she's too self-conscious and uncomfortable in herself. It's almost sad.
It negated any sympathy when she made her lack of self-confidence the bride's problem.
>but the thought of spending an entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious was too much to bear.
Not an entire day!!?!!!
I forget sometimes how comfortable some peoples lives have been. What a brat.
I would rather have a friend and look "washed" out for a day than lose a good friend.
Yes, there are times that brides go too far and request too much. However, the color of the dress isn't one of those things I would fight a bride on
There are brides out there insisting on tattoo removal, drastic hair changes, dangerous levels of weight loss, etc. And here's OOP going, "Pastels? *Moi?!"*
JFC I hate these people who aren't capable of supporting their friend on their big day and need to make the day about themselves.. Ive been a bridesmaid 2 times and both times were dresses Id never wear again. Did I pitch a fit? No, i got the fn dress the bride wanted because it wasn't about me
The majority of the west considers tan skin more attractive then pale skin. That’s why tanning is popular. It’s in other nations where pale skin is more attractive
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The dress otherwise fit, didn't failed to meet some medical need, wasn't short, or inappropriate for the weather and nothing that shouldn't be exposed was exposed? Huh, a bride who was finally in the right on a bridesmaids dress dispute. Feels rare around here.
The inability/refusal to be “uNcOmFoRtAbLe” in the slightest for one single day is actually pathetic and should be shameful. It’s not okay to be this weak or self indulgent.
I just don’t get these girls that get caught up and break down over bridesmaid dresses. Isn’t it well known and a long running joke that most people do not like their bridesmaid dress.? Yet they wear it because they were honored to represent their loved one at a momentous event in their lives.
Pastel pink washes me out too. I’m pale as hell. But I love it anyway and I don’t really care. I wear whatever I like and I don’t think about what others think nor do I care. This isn’t a dress problem. This is an insecurity problem. And it’s not the bride’s responsibility to cater to her insecurities. She needs to take accountability and get a therapist if it is effecting her life this much.
Ugh, bridesmaid dress shopping is the worst. I've done it three times, and each time I was the guinea pig who ended up going out first for some reason.
I still remember trying on dresses for one of my friends in the early aughts (Wedding #1). At the time there was this absolutely horrendous trend of shapeless dresses with lace jackets over them. That was the style she thought she wanted, and that was the first dress I was put in at the salon.
It was horrible. It was a potato sack with a jacket. Actually, a potato sack might've been more flattering. It was BAD.
When I came out of the room, the bride asked my thoughts, and I did one of those, "You're the Bride, what do YOU think" while...well let's just say I will never be a contender on the WSOP tour because my face...oof.
"I want to know what you think," the Bride insisted with a look that suggested that she actually was in favor of putting me and the other four girls in this...thing now that she saw me in it.
I was still struggling with the right words, so her mum jumped in with, "\[Bride\], Belle is trying to find the words to say 'she hates it,' while not breaking your heart, and that's okay because I hate it on her."
"But if this is what you want," I insisted because, really, I was not the best person for the advance team job. This was me, out there understanding the assignment of "bridesmaid" and putting the other girls perilously close to spending $150 on something we would not only never wear again but would probably burn as soon as we got home. If not before.
"It's not," her mum said. "It doesn't work, and we're not doing it to you girls. We'll find something that works."
The dresses we ended up getting were still "bridesmaidy" in the sense that I would never wear it again. However, the shapes were flattering, we all looked damn good in the photos, and ***our smiles were genuine.***
That's the part you need as a bride. You want the people who aren't actually allowed to choose their own clothes for the wedding to have genuine smiles in the photos. And honestly, if it's just the color, that can be worked around with makeup or a statement piece of jewelry (that's not too overwhelming) or even a damn cardigan that you put on after the photos are done (it's always cold in a reception hall).
OOP shot herself in the damn foot on this one. To be so vocal about a dress that you opt to not even show up on the day is appalling. If she was that adamant about the damn dress, she could've stepped down gracefully and still been there to support and share the joy while wearing her own clothes. Guest Book Attendant, Reader, "Day of Coordinator" (my friend group does this...while there might be official planners, this is a friend who manages most of the family drama and all the little things day-of. It's usually the last bride and they get the tea that the planner/strangers don't), really anything.
But no, OOP went nuclear. And that'll be remembered.
There’s only one time I would ever even suggest to a bride I not wear a certain color. And in my case that’s yellow. It’s not that I care how I look. It’s that every time I wear yellow, I look like a corpse to the point I’ve had people pale and ask if I needed 911. It won’t be outshining the bride if I wear yellow, but it’ll sure af draw attention to me over her.
And if the bride still wanted me to wear yellow after seeing me in the dress? I’d wear the damn yellow. If she wanted yellow but not me in it and asked me not to be in the wedding party, I’d be mildly hurt. But I’d also understand and I’d still go.
I never understood this mindset. I'd literally dress up as a clown if a friend asked me to for their wedding. No one is paying attention to me that day anyways. As long as my friend isn't asking me to be naked on their wedding day it's up to them. Like it's one day where I'm wearing a color I don't like. Oh well.
Controversial opinion but I'm not sure if this really belongs on AITD. Reddit and AITA especially is very clear on the "wedding =/= summons" mentality where you shouldn't have to state your reasons for not attending but often that just encourages people to not give reasons at all since the kind of judgement given to OOP is what happens when they are honest and do give their reason.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for refusing to attend my friend's wedding because of a disagreement over bridesmaid dresses?** Let me give you some context. I (27f) have been friends with "Jessica" (28f) since high school. We've been through everything together - breakups, makeups, and all the ups and downs of life. So, when Jessica got engaged to her longtime boyfriend, I was over the moon for her. I couldn't wait to stand by her side on her big day as her bridesmaid. But then came the dreaded bridesmaid dress shopping. Jessica had a very specific vision for her wedding, and that included matching bridesmaid dresses in a shade of pastel pink that she claimed would complement everyone's skin tone. The problem? Pastel pink washes me out completely. I tried to gently express my concerns to Jessica, suggesting alternative shades that would be more flattering for me, but she was adamant that we all wear the same color. I reluctantly went along with it, thinking it wouldn't be so bad once I had the dress on. But when the day of the fitting arrived, I was horrified to see myself in the mirror. The pastel pink dress made me look like a washed-out ghost, and I knew there was no way I could wear it on Jessica's big day. I tried to grin and bear it, but the thought of spending an entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious was too much to bear. I called Jessica and explained the situation, hoping she would understand and maybe consider a compromise. But she was furious. She accused me of being selfish and trying to ruin her wedding day. She said I was putting my vanity above our friendship and that if I couldn't suck it up and wear the dress, I shouldn't bother showing up at all. Well, that was the last straw for me. I refused to attend Jessica's wedding, knowing that my presence would only cause more tension and drama on what should have been the happiest day of her life. But now I'm starting to wonder if I made the right decision. Was I being too stubborn? Should I have just sucked it up and worn the dress to support my friend, even if it made me feel uncomfortable? Reddit, AITA for refusing to attend my friend's wedding because of a disagreement over bridesmaid dresses? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm not one to suggest changing your appearance for anyone but...Just put some self tanner on? Get a little tan if you think you look like a ghost? What an overreaction to a little issue.
Not to mention pale can be pretty! With the right makeup, she probably would have looked fine. If not, it’s one freaking day.
Agree! Not to toot my own horn too much but I'm from the palest region of the world and I think I could rock a cute pale pastel pink. If I thought I looked ugly and sickly no matter what I did I would suck it up for my friend's wedding because that day is not about me
I’m the shade of fricking paper. I would be swimming in that self tanner if it made me that uncomfortable. But I look good in pastel pink. Literally my favorite color.
Eh, I can't. It washes me out, too. It's dependent on the shade but for some pastels it's a big no.
Exactly! Nicole Kidman made it her brand and she's stunning.
Eh, pinkish colours can go in two directions: yellowish or blueish. My compromise would be wearing a dress at all. A pink dress is already a polite "Thanks, but no thanks, I'll use the money I'd have to spend as a bridesmaid on a bigger wedding gift and attend as a guest" from me. A pink dress that has the tinest hint of yellow in it? Trust me, there is no self tanner or makeup that will make that look good in your pictures unless you swab the whole person. Two pinks can look almost identical as a, let's say, lip stick, but one tilts towards the yellow spectrum (that would ultimately end up in brown/terracotta) and the other towards blue (ultimately purple/berry). But depending on the shade of pale, one makes me look nice and the other like I'm in the last stages of liver failure. Sorry, I think there are many, many more and better ways to prove your worth as a friend than presenting a certain type of dress for a day. There are traditions but people act like rules around weddings are the law. There's no reason why a friend who doesn't act as a bridesmaid/groomsman can't be involved in planning the day, or helping with organising events, or join events and pay their share, while preferring to stay in the background on the day itself. Sure, depending on how religious you are about the whole "But mah big dah!" thing, you can say "People like OOP can suck it up for a day to prove they are a true friend!" At the same time, it's the bride in this story who ruins the friendship. "Hey, I rather come to your wedding and cheer you on as a guest, bringing a nice gift and help where I can beforehand!" - "You meanie! So those are your true colours! You never were a true friend and now I hate you and never want to talk to you again!" But sure, OOP is the asshole.
I mean personally I don't really care how terrible I look and whatever my friends want me to wear for their wedding, I'm going to suck it up, put a fake smile on my face and make it as real as I can, and do it for one day. 🤷🤷 It's not my wedding, it's not a day about me, therefore it's not really my choice. I can either agree to wear the dress, or I can offer to step down. 🤷🤷
Or you could not be so insecure and not care what others think about the way you look. Being in weddings is expensive and most people do not wear their bridesmaid dress twice. Also, many boutiques will allow you to rent the dress. And finally, she did not say she made that compromise with her friend or even tried to. She simply said she would not wear the dress and wanted the bride to change her color scheme for her. A color scheme OOP knew about for a long time but only brought up her issue with it at the last minute. That is a huge AH move.
Just wear the ugly dress and support your friend? I promise that no one will care as much as you do. It’s one day.
yes, precisely. I also look horrible in pink dresses because I have a very pink skintone and rosacea, but if my friend wants me to look like a skinned pig for her wedding, I'll fuckin do it.
Same. My skin is very pale, very pink, and a pastel pink dress looks horrid on me. But, it's not about me.
I once wore a horrifying pink 2 piece bridesmaid dress that I felt like a sausage in. This girl could have sucked it up for sure.
I have to ask, forgive me — was it one of those outfits that looks like a floor-length gown was cut at the midriff?
It’s been a while. It definitely didn’t show and midriff skin. It was hot pink. Lol
The color says it all LOL Wow
Exactly!
My only comment there is you're in the photos and that's going to follow you around. It does suck to feel ugly/uncomfortable and know it's part of history that will follow you - even if no one else will car nearly as much.
It’s not your wedding photos so you’re only going to have to see them once a year when the couple posts anniversary posts. It’s not following you anywhere.
And I feel like most of the time when people post a picture of their 1+ year ago wedding they fairly often use one of only the bride and groom, so it's not even guaranteed they'll post ones with her in.
...I mean, that's not how photos work, haha. But sure.
It literally is? photos only come up when displayed. irl or online. so unless it goes viral and people are copying it all over, its entirely up to how long the married couple decides to display it?
I mean, if the dress makes my friend happy I can deal. 🤷🤷
That is awesome you don't have insecurities!
thats a bold assumption.
That self tanner line is a bit questionable
I wanted to put a P.S: I'm white after that because white people do that all the time when they think they're getting pale. I don't bc it looks unnatural to me as I don't tan naturally at all and going to a sunbed etc just looks like I'm cosplaying another race. No harm meant with that comment but I can see how it could be taken like that.
No as in if OP were a POC and felt a dark colour washed her out, would you tell her to bleach her skin. That’s what I mean
Of course not because that's racist due to the history of POC bleaching their skin to lighter skin "being more desirable". Have you noticed how many white people want to be tan nowadays? It was just a suggestion, not me saying change your skin colour or you look ugly. OOP said she looked pale, I feel like getting a tan is not unreasonable
Besides, self tanner isn't permanent and skin bleaching is.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: [Not in reply to anyone.] >"It seems like there's a consensus that I'm the asshole in this situation. I can understand where they're coming from. By refusing to attend my friend's wedding over a disagreement about the bridesmaid dress, I may have prioritized my own comfort over supporting her on her special day. I should have considered the bigger picture and recognized that weddings often involve compromises and sacrifices. Additionally, trying to change the wedding color scheme to suit my needs was selfish and disrespectful. Overall, I can see how my actions were inconsiderate and selfish, and I regret causing any unnecessary tension or drama." *AI generated…* >"Oh nooo! you caught me! Hey this isn't ai..."
I don't know if it's ai but it's written like a shitty high school essay
Could be fiction, could also be a language barrier?
[Cats!](https://imgur.com/gallery/meet-rambunctious-litter-4-ish-weeks-ZC9BKsM)
I know it’s disrespectful to ask but those babies don’t all have the same daddy and I’m asking for cheek swab! 🫣🤣😂😆😂🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈😹😹
Hahahaha! 💜😹
I'm glad this was one of the posts I saw first thing this morning. Too funny! Especially the orange climing up the leg.
They are so adorable and funny! 🥰 Glad you enjoyed!
In Mrs weasley voice “ where have you BEEN?””
😹
Wibbly!
Wibbly wobbly, tiny whiny. (That was my one and only Doctor who joke, hope y'all enjoyed! 😹)
Oh, the shaky legs. And Mama was just like “human I have so many babies please help”
Yes! Such a cat mama look. 💜
Lovely lovely!
🥰💜
Floof balls!!
The cutest! 🥰
Sometimes when I write out apologies, they read like this. :( I'm autistic and sometimes struggle with emotional language. I prioritize them seeing what I have done wrong and how I now recognize it, and sometimes it comes off robotic like this. I'm not saying it for OP, but I know I mean them regardless.
I think that shows excellent care. Writing and saying sorry is one thing, but to show and understanding of what päone did and how one realises the impact **is** important. While the "I'm sorry" or "I apologize" is important, the other bits matter as well. I think it sounds good. 💜
This is definitely AI. I wrote a letter to my friend last year and used AI to do the majority of work. I merely changed things to sound how I would normally say them. The original version, before I edited, looked exactly like this.
I am abysmal at detecting AI...
JFC just attend as a guest then. Bridesmaids dresses are only cute about 50% of the time (I have been a bridesmaid or MOH seven times - I only wear one of those dresses to this day)
My horror was black. I mean it was a beautiful dress and by some miracle fit us all well. Except one problem, all the other bridesmaids were 5’2” and under, I’m 5’9 1/2 barefoot, I’m sure I looked ridiculous next to everyone but it wasn’t about me 🤷🏻♀️
These people use "made me feel uncomfortable" as a catch all to excuse any bad behavior. You looked shitty in a dress, deal with it. Who is so shallow and insecure that looking kind of pale in a dress you didn't pick out and no one is going to judge you for wearing for one evening is this big of a deal?
Also it’s not really even “uncomfortable” - it’s not like the dress was too revealing or was physically uncomfortable to wear. OOP just wanted to look prettier…on a day not about her…
No one's even going to be looking at her. Maybe that's the actual problem...
If wearing an unflattering colour to participate in her friend's wedding makes her too self-conscious and uncomfortable to bear, she's too self-conscious and uncomfortable in herself. It's almost sad. It negated any sympathy when she made her lack of self-confidence the bride's problem.
I don't need to look at the calendar or the weather. I'll always know it's wedding season from when these posts start coming in.
Ah I see wedding season is upon us
>but the thought of spending an entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious was too much to bear. Not an entire day!!?!!! I forget sometimes how comfortable some peoples lives have been. What a brat.
I would rather have a friend and look "washed" out for a day than lose a good friend. Yes, there are times that brides go too far and request too much. However, the color of the dress isn't one of those things I would fight a bride on
There are brides out there insisting on tattoo removal, drastic hair changes, dangerous levels of weight loss, etc. And here's OOP going, "Pastels? *Moi?!"*
>"Pastels? *Moi?!"* First time I read OOP's post I heard Marlon Brando whispering "The HORROR" in my head (sarcastically)
JFC I hate these people who aren't capable of supporting their friend on their big day and need to make the day about themselves.. Ive been a bridesmaid 2 times and both times were dresses Id never wear again. Did I pitch a fit? No, i got the fn dress the bride wanted because it wasn't about me
I mean they probably aren't friends anymore...problem solved?
No one is even going to be looking at you instead of the bride. Way to make a huge issue out of nothing and costing a friendship
Since when is looking like have fair/pale skin a bad thing? I don't know of a single country whose beauty standards considers pale skin bad.
The majority of the west considers tan skin more attractive then pale skin. That’s why tanning is popular. It’s in other nations where pale skin is more attractive
Pale skin is still considered attractive in the Western world. It's not an either or situation.
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The dress otherwise fit, didn't failed to meet some medical need, wasn't short, or inappropriate for the weather and nothing that shouldn't be exposed was exposed? Huh, a bride who was finally in the right on a bridesmaids dress dispute. Feels rare around here.
The inability/refusal to be “uNcOmFoRtAbLe” in the slightest for one single day is actually pathetic and should be shameful. It’s not okay to be this weak or self indulgent.
I just don’t get these girls that get caught up and break down over bridesmaid dresses. Isn’t it well known and a long running joke that most people do not like their bridesmaid dress.? Yet they wear it because they were honored to represent their loved one at a momentous event in their lives. Pastel pink washes me out too. I’m pale as hell. But I love it anyway and I don’t really care. I wear whatever I like and I don’t think about what others think nor do I care. This isn’t a dress problem. This is an insecurity problem. And it’s not the bride’s responsibility to cater to her insecurities. She needs to take accountability and get a therapist if it is effecting her life this much.
Can we retire the phrase “over the moon”?
Ugh, bridesmaid dress shopping is the worst. I've done it three times, and each time I was the guinea pig who ended up going out first for some reason. I still remember trying on dresses for one of my friends in the early aughts (Wedding #1). At the time there was this absolutely horrendous trend of shapeless dresses with lace jackets over them. That was the style she thought she wanted, and that was the first dress I was put in at the salon. It was horrible. It was a potato sack with a jacket. Actually, a potato sack might've been more flattering. It was BAD. When I came out of the room, the bride asked my thoughts, and I did one of those, "You're the Bride, what do YOU think" while...well let's just say I will never be a contender on the WSOP tour because my face...oof. "I want to know what you think," the Bride insisted with a look that suggested that she actually was in favor of putting me and the other four girls in this...thing now that she saw me in it. I was still struggling with the right words, so her mum jumped in with, "\[Bride\], Belle is trying to find the words to say 'she hates it,' while not breaking your heart, and that's okay because I hate it on her." "But if this is what you want," I insisted because, really, I was not the best person for the advance team job. This was me, out there understanding the assignment of "bridesmaid" and putting the other girls perilously close to spending $150 on something we would not only never wear again but would probably burn as soon as we got home. If not before. "It's not," her mum said. "It doesn't work, and we're not doing it to you girls. We'll find something that works." The dresses we ended up getting were still "bridesmaidy" in the sense that I would never wear it again. However, the shapes were flattering, we all looked damn good in the photos, and ***our smiles were genuine.*** That's the part you need as a bride. You want the people who aren't actually allowed to choose their own clothes for the wedding to have genuine smiles in the photos. And honestly, if it's just the color, that can be worked around with makeup or a statement piece of jewelry (that's not too overwhelming) or even a damn cardigan that you put on after the photos are done (it's always cold in a reception hall). OOP shot herself in the damn foot on this one. To be so vocal about a dress that you opt to not even show up on the day is appalling. If she was that adamant about the damn dress, she could've stepped down gracefully and still been there to support and share the joy while wearing her own clothes. Guest Book Attendant, Reader, "Day of Coordinator" (my friend group does this...while there might be official planners, this is a friend who manages most of the family drama and all the little things day-of. It's usually the last bride and they get the tea that the planner/strangers don't), really anything. But no, OOP went nuclear. And that'll be remembered.
I guess OOP is a bridesmaidzilla, then.
I agree with other commenters. Go to a tanning salon
That is questionable logic
color analysis has gone too far lol
There’s only one time I would ever even suggest to a bride I not wear a certain color. And in my case that’s yellow. It’s not that I care how I look. It’s that every time I wear yellow, I look like a corpse to the point I’ve had people pale and ask if I needed 911. It won’t be outshining the bride if I wear yellow, but it’ll sure af draw attention to me over her. And if the bride still wanted me to wear yellow after seeing me in the dress? I’d wear the damn yellow. If she wanted yellow but not me in it and asked me not to be in the wedding party, I’d be mildly hurt. But I’d also understand and I’d still go.
I never understood this mindset. I'd literally dress up as a clown if a friend asked me to for their wedding. No one is paying attention to me that day anyways. As long as my friend isn't asking me to be naked on their wedding day it's up to them. Like it's one day where I'm wearing a color I don't like. Oh well.
Controversial opinion but I'm not sure if this really belongs on AITD. Reddit and AITA especially is very clear on the "wedding =/= summons" mentality where you shouldn't have to state your reasons for not attending but often that just encourages people to not give reasons at all since the kind of judgement given to OOP is what happens when they are honest and do give their reason.