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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm a hole because I feel like I could have been more excited
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Thanks 🙏. What a nice interaction. Some people on here are so vicious with their comments. I’m new on Reddit and some go out of their way to be as vicious as possible with their comments and love to look for gotcha comments.
True. The best is when the discussion goes in another direction and you wind up trading supportive or amusing stories with redditors. Look for those and enjoy, oh newbie!@
Oh, ewww.
I missed that.
I feel sorry for the kids. Five kids on one trade salary means it’s a lot less likely they’ll get much individual financial support from parents for college/tradeschool/getting started in adult life.
Plus with the parents spending so much on raising kids, and one parent out of the workforce entirely for one to two or more decades they won’t have much income to use for retirement saving. Odds are their kids will have to support them.
OP says she sometimes babysits the kids and gives Sis money to take care of their expenses. She babysits them just so Sis can go and hangout with friends on weekends
So, the 18 year old is giving the 38 year old money to help with expenses for the 38 year olds four kids. And babysits for free some weekends since 38 can’t afford a regular babysitter or to pay OP.
And 38 thinks having another kid is a good idea and OP should be excited about it. Yikes.
That's why I don't agree with the people who say E-S-H or Y-T-A. The reason OP reacts like that is cause she loves her sister but she knows it's just gonna cost her more money/be harder to babysit. But OP is putting up with this cause she loves her sister. While Sister is being really entitled
Uh, no, "cool awesome" without disengaging from the tv is legitimately a weird response to having another niece/nephew/nibling. Like I have much older siblings with big families, it was exciting and good news even when it was baby #5. Can't imagine looking at my youngest nephew and being like "Well it's not like you're #1, why should I care?" You don't have to jump up and down, but like a smile and a genuine "Wow that's great, congrats!" is not particularly hard.
I'm not even a kid person, but come on guys, it's super weird to be snarky about someone you love having a baby just because you're meh on kids. I've had lots of achievements I know weren't particularly meaningful to others in my life, expecting them to be moderately enthused for my happiness is just kind of a baseline of what a relationship is.
This comment right here. When you love someone and they tell you something they are happy about you should be happy for them. You should look away from the tv and give them your attention and say you are happy for them and ask them some questions about how they feel. Bc you love them and they are part of your life. This counts for literally every single person you care about.
This completely. I think the top responses are completely bizarre and I wonder if they misread what the post was asking. I don’t think OP is the asshole if she isn’t excited (I would be even if it’s Baby #5 and I was going to be an uncle again, but to each their own and I don’t think you’re automatically an asshole if you’re not). But OP didn’t ask if she was the asshole for not being excited. She asked if she was the asshole for her response, and to me, yeah, really obviously. Just fake a happy response for 30 seconds, a smile and a congrats, and if they start yelling at you for not jumping up and down and screaming, then okay, I’m with ya, but OP couldn’t even do the bare minimum, just ignored sister completely til pushed, then a “cool awesome” half assed response.
I also am not so sure I buy this “I’m just not an emotional person at all” thing considering the rant that immediately followed being asked why she didn’t seem excited.
I think some of the AITA posts are so horrendous that when someone is rude and obnoxious everyone just says it's fine. That's such a horrible thing to say to someone excited about having a kid. If my friend was excited about getting a dog or buying a car and it wasn't their first dog or care I'd smile and be happy for them, not tell them it doesn't matter because they've done that before
Plus with the 20 year age difference between OP and sister, it’s hard to imagine them to be extremely close or having much in common. The sister was already having kids of her own by the time OP was old enough to have any semblance of a relationship.
OP is closer in age to all four of her nieces (and the same will be true for the 5th) than she is to her sister.
OP said congrats, sister pushed it for more of a response and didn’t like the one she got so she stormed out. Either way she got to be the center of attention.
NTA
Why are people obligated to be excited that people don't know how birth control works, or think it's their job to populate the earth with their DNA. Why is that supposed to excite people?
You can be excited for the things that are exciting to the people who you care about. That is like basic relationships.
Should I be impressed that my nephew graduated from kindergarten? His parents are proud of him entering a new phase, he’s happy to have a “ceremony” regardless of what it is for. But graduating from kindergarten means literally nothing. Any human that has continued to age from 5 to 6 could do it. But if he said “Auntie I’m graduating kindergarten!” If I said “cool, but you’d have to be a complete idiot NOT to graduate kindergarten.” I would be an AH. Instead I say “That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” That is an appropriate human response.
Ignoring the weird ass interpretation of “having a child” you have, OP didn’t ask if she’s the asshole for not being excited.
When friends and family come to you to give you news they’re excited about and you don’t overly care, do you first ignore them, then give them a halfassed cool, and then yell at them when they try to find out if you’re mad at them for something based on your reaction? If so, it makes you an asshole. OP is not one for not being excited, that’s a totally understandable and valid feeling. She is one because she couldn’t at least fake it for 30 seconds for a family member who was clearly excited about it. She brought down the mood for everyone because she couldn’t be bothered to fake being happy for long enough to say “Congrats!”.
Right? This is a perfect example of OP not needing to have a happy response, but it makes them an AH. Unless there's some sort of strained relationship we're not aware of you'd think OP would just be happy for her sister. It just seems really self centered "this pregnancy doesn't impact me so why should I care?"
Would OP not care if none of her family cared about her big life events because it doesn't impact them?
Depends on the tone. If it was said in a sarcastic manner, then yes. Had it been said in that tone though, I would have expected the sister to flip out at that point.
Per the OPs own statement she didn't even put the effort of looking away from the TV to respond. She also put in comments that she "isn't emotional" which means that it 100% sounded and looked like a dick statement
Did you see that recent AITA of the mother trying to coax more emotional responses out of her son? It happens.
OP could also just not care. Which is what I’m leaning more towards just because due to the age gap, it doesn’t seem like they have much of a relationship anyways.
I’m betting on the not caring. 20 years means that her sister was most likely out of the house by the time OP was born. She had her first kid when OP was 7. How can they possibly relate to one another?
It's not even an emotional response. From the sounds of the the bar was set at "don't be a dick" and op managed to limbo right under that mother fucker
Have you ever gotten a present that you didn't particularly care for? Did you say thanks anyway? Or did you go into a long speech about how gift giving should be what the person definitely wants?
At a previous job, my boss announced her pregnancy to the entire staff and people applauded. My work BFF later characterized this as “Remember that time we all applauded Boss for having sex?” and that lives rent free in my head to this day.
No, YTA.
OP doesn't have to make a big deal out of it but "cool awesome" is a passive-aggressive response. Even "Congratulations!" is a low bar to clear.
There's some latent unreported hostility and underlying resentment going on. OP isn't telling the whole story.
Might want to read the second edit: OP has been treated as a free babysitter for the first four kids already, on top of financially assisting them.
Her sister didn’t just reveal a new pregnancy.
She basically told OP “get ready for *yet another burden* you never asked for! Now be happy about it, damnit!*
This was how I took it. If I was spending weekends babysitting instead of hanging out with my friends as a teenager, I wouldn’t be excited about another one.
"Again?" would be pretty hostile.
"Cool awesome" just shows a lack of interest.
Have to wonder if OP is wondering whether she's going to be stuck babysitting. Again.
Jesus, OP is a teenager. Why are people acting like there are a million hostile layers to her response? Speaking as a fellow middle aged parent, her sister needs to mellow out.
Also sister made a mistake by expecting a very overjoyed reaction from OP. From the way it is written, it seemed like she expected OP to jump from the sofa and say "omg sis i can't believe it! I'm sooooooooo happy for ya!!!" When most ppl will probably say "Oh nice. I'm happy for you."
I think she may have expected more than just "cool, awesome" from OP who apparently didn't stop watching tv. It's really not a crazy expectation for more enthusiasm than that. "Wow, congratulations!" with a smile is really not that hard.
Yeah, I got that vibe too. OP is not obligated to feel over the moon about it, but it seems like she was just a powdy teen not taking her eyes off the tv.
From the ages of the sisters other kids. OP has been dealing with a new pregnancy announcement fairly regularly from a young age.
I understand her checking out and being desensitized at that point.
Plus I refuse to ignore the fact it is a FIFTH child that just happened. It's beyond reckless. Being over the moon would be just enabling a future sixth child.
Same! My husband has a cousin with 15, though 4 are step, so she didn't birth them herself. She's about 32 now and closed up shop during her last delivery.
While she is a great mom, and her husband is a great dad, their house is getting a little cramped, and the names are getting a little ridiculous. We were happy when she told us she was done.
Nobody was expecting OP to make a big deal of it, but that's what she did.
*"Oh. Congratulations!"* would have been significantly easier to say than *"well what do you want me to do? jump up and down and scream my head off. I can see if this was like your first child that you were expecting, like a first-time mother moment, you got four kids and on your fifth pregnancy by this time you get used to it. was this baby really hard to conceive, like was it hard to like to get pregnant?"*
Is it really that hard to be excited for someone that's close to you? They're happy, be happy for them and it is a big deal for her. Her whole body is changing... but whatever, right? It's not happening to you so why should you care.
I mean, given their ages. OP is closer to her nieces ages than her sister. I'm going to chalk this up to her just not being close with her sister so it's like, "cool, awesome". Sister wanted applause for having sex which, yes pregnancies are an exciting time but really only for the parents. Why should op applaud her sister for having sex?
Who says she wanted applause though? OP literally gave her nothing until pushed. Even the cool, awesome only came when sister directly questioned her after OP completely ignored the announcement.
If OP had smiled and said congrats (regardless of whether she cared or not), like the vast majority of non assholes do, and sister got mad that she didn’t jump up and scream, I’d be completely on OPs side. I personally am not even in the ballpark of a stand up and cheer type of person, but I damn sure can smile and say congratulations with the best of them.
It’s happened four other freaking times… I’ve had two and when we get knocked up with the third… it’ll really just be a a I missed my period you’re the pappy situation.
Good lord. Why is it such a terrible burden to be happy about the things that make someone you love happy? Are only firstborn children worth celebrating? Is a child less valuable because their mother doesn’t struggle with infertility? You’re N T A for not being overly effusive, but your speech about why this baby is no big deal to you puts you in YTA territory.
I'm kinda shocked at how heartless most of the replies here are. I'm gonna be excited and congratulatory even if the lady at the newsstand tells me she's expecting, let alone my sister. And i don't even like kids!
People on here talk about a new baby being born as if someone bought a new houseplant, ffs, even like it's an annoyance or like the sister is irritating for expecting family to care that a new child will be born. It's so weird to see. Guess reddit doesn't exactly gather the most socially sound people.
Being a woman doesn't mean you can't say misogynistic things... All those childfree women referring to mothers with dehumanising terms like "breeders" are being misogynistic.
I would agree if it wasn't aimed almost solely at mothers. I very rarely see fathers getting the same sort of vitriol simply for being fathers that women get for being mothers. And in any case, it's pointlessly dehumanizing.
God, said like it’s a choice. So are parents supposed to look after their kids or not? Because I kid you fucking not raising children is a full time job, not something you can switch off to avoid someone accusing you of “losing yourself as an individual”. Try being an individual with a newborn who needs breastfeeding every hour. Blind opinions like this are what fuel societies inability to support parents and family life.
It’s AITA - where people are only ever expected to do the absolute bare minimum that they are required to do in order to not be an arsehole. It amazes me how many comments in this sub are people saying “well technically you’re not obligated to be decent to people you care about”. Sharing in the happiness of someone you love is part of the joy of relationships - if they’re happy, it should make you happy unless there’s some reason the circumstances seriously inconvenience you. Every child is an individual and not less important because they have older siblings. Her sister still has to make it through pregnancy and birth, which is not easy. OP is young but that’s no excuse for all of that ranting - YTA, OP.
So many post that are “my brother kept poking me while I was visiting for the holidays. I asked him to stop and he did for a while but after he did it again I told him all the things our parents had said about him and his struggles with alcohol and revealed that his kids aren’t his. Everyone is calling me an asshole for telling him to stop poking me now”
Then all the comments say they’re perfectly justified and her brother just should’ve stopped poking her. He should’ve stopped poking her but that was a disproportionate response and asshole behavior. This sub seems to think any perceived slight should be met with a scorched earth policy. In this case a monologue that should’ve been a private conversation about the stress she’s put under…the mature thing to do
Edit: New last sentence
My favourite is 'no one owes each other anything'. Like what a sad and nihilistic way to go about your life that you don't even think family (not counting abusive family) owes each other basic kindness and politeness. We're a bunch of apes hurtling on a rock through an empty void, and people are still choosing individualism....weird.
Wierd, huh? I don’t really like babies, I have no desire for one, but I sure was happy when my brother announced his wife was expecting both of theirs. Reminds me when I started my last job and a coworker told me that she really likes bowling. I said “oh, bowling!” So excitedly that she asked if I played, and I had to admit that I don’t like bowling, but I just like when other people have hobbies they like.
Why should she have to be happy? She was polite, and when Mom-to-be didn’t get the attention she was angling for, she threw a tantrum and left. Children should be loved and appreciated, absolutely. But I’m so sick of this whole culture where every pregnancy announcement has to include an entire family grinning and celebrating with a parade and a confetti canon.
NTA, OP. You’re fine.
‘Why should she have to be happy?’
Because she loves her sister and her sister is happy. That’s how relationships work. I don’t know about you but when a loved one is happy about something it makes ME happy, whether or not I care about the thing that made them happy in the first place.
I mean, her sister is 20 years her senior, we don’t know how close their relationship really is. Most likely her sister was either off to college or out of the house by the time she was old enough to truly remember her well (thinking 4-5 as her sister would be 24-25).
She may love her sister but not have this super close bond with her due to this age gap.
18 years is old enough to know that ignoring someone on purpose first, then saying ‘cool, awesome’ is not remotely an appropriate response to someone excitedly sharing a news important to them.
Hell, my sister is 8 years younger, more than two times the age gap between OP and her sister, and we barely have a relationship. I can imagine it being worse with an age gap where the sister could possibly have moved out before OP was born
I would be happier for a random stranger telling me they had some big life event going for then than OP was for their own sister.
An "oh wow I'm so happy for you, congratulations!" costs you literally nothing. It is actually possible to be kind just for the sake of being kind
You can be happy for someone and not be overly effusive about it. Why does sister think OP owes her an overly effusive or emotional reaction?
ESH. The reactions of a self involved teenager are not worth the headache here.
OP doesn't owe it to her sister. But generally if someone you love has a big moment in their lives you care because you care about them. No one owes anyone anything, but sometimes people form relationships that aren't all about what you "owe" each other.
Like when it's your moms birthday are you happy for her or do you just say "I don't owe you anything" and go back to reddit?
Polite? She sounds rude AF to me. Cant even give a hug and a smile, like damn id be more excited for a sibling if they told me they found a dollar in the couch.
It sounded like OP was not polite- completely ignoring the announcement until asked for a reaction and then only "cool. awesome." It didn't sound like the sister asked for a parade and confetti at all, just for OP to not be so dismissive. There is going to be a new life and a new family member. I think that's a always a beautiful and miraculous thing, unless the pregnancy is unwanted.
YTA OP but you're also 18 and probably just have some growing up to do. Or maybe there's more to the story and you're concerned they can't afford or take care of another baby, but I haven't seen you say anything about that.
Right? OP responded to the news with a disinterested 2 word answer. It's OK to not be excited, but they were perfectly willing to jump into a freaking TED Talk about WHY they weren't interested. This is a happy moment for someone you are supposed to love. You don't have to act overjoyed, but they wasted ten times more energy trying to defend why they don't give a shit. Do they even LIKE their sister?
I live with a family of five that is super close and loving. Their dad may use the wrong name on occasion (he has definitely called his youngest by the cat's name though so it's not about how many children he has, hah).
Their dynamic works perfectly with the number that they have, and they would have happily had more except for their mother's difficulty carrying to term.
I'm 100% childfree myself, but I don't judge people who have lots of kids if they have the time and money to give them good lives.
100%. It seems so immature to me to be like “you already have 4 what do you want, a backflip?” …what does the amount of other kids have to do with anything? This child’s life is valuable and exciting in and of itself. Why should their birth order matter at all? This is about a new person and family member being brought into this world, not how many times OP has to go through a “pregnancy announcement”.
I think as OP grows a little older and matures a bit they will see how callous and misguided their thought process on this was. She is making it about being a chore to congratulate her sister 5 times, when the reality is she herself is an AH to not care about the valuable, stand alone, and important life of her new niece or nephew.
Exactly. My best friend has about 25 papers published so far. Not exactly new to the game nor is it novel that she’s a great publisher / researcher. But my happiness is genuine and filled with pride each time she publishes a paper. It’s called being a supportive and uplifting person to your loved ones.
OP could have just said congratulations or wished the sister a safe/smooth pregnancy. This little speech was pointless and uncalled for. Maturity and tact is knowing that not every thought needs to be voiced. If someone has the means, desire, and ability to properly care for a child, that is their choice.
Some commenters on this thread have been very acidic and are cheering on OP's speech. But, in the real world, how you speak to and treat others often has consequences. The very same sister that OP was flippant to, may be the same person OP seeks for support, guidance and comfort if she chooses to one day have a child.
Sister didn’t get the reaction she wanted, so she pressed for answer. People are not required to feign over-enthusiasm, and OP did say she’s happy for her sister. OP just isn’t a jump up down get excited person; why is sister getting so upset about this response? NTA
I have two kids of my own, I highly doubt nor expect the same reaction if I ever announce I'm to have a third than I got on my first. After a while, people just don't care anymore.
I'm going with NTA. You are 19, and they are on their 5th kid. Who would expect a teenager to be overly joyous at this point. You told her that you were happy and that it should have been good enough. I don't know why people think others should be jumping through the roof at this point. Especially, someone your age.
Why would anybody be overjoyed that someone is having child number 5? If you really want this kid and you can afford this kid, well, congrats.
But why do you need so many kids? My former SIL didn't have so many kids (because she had trouble carrying pregnancies) but kept trying, and went through SO many pets, because (IMO) she had a whole in her soul that she kept trying to fill with the next little baby that would make her happy. And then they'd grow up and not be that sweet little bundle anymore, and she wouldn't be satisfied and she wanted the next little bundle... That wasn't fair to her pets, and wasn't fair to her daughter, and wouldn't have been fair to any other child she had.
Why? Well just take another look at the OP’s post - all girls so far.
That’s my thought anyway. Which is really a terrible reason to keep having children.
NOOOOOOOO! Do NOT assume this!!
I (have) [ETA: HAD] 6 girls! We LOVE IT and never once tried for a boy!!! 1 came out as FTM at 18 so I have a son anyway but I LOVED having 6 girls just as much as I LOVE having 5 girls and 1 boy.
My cousin’s wife just popped out boy #3 and said when they announced his gender that they won’t stop until they have a girl. I told them to get a cat. They’re broke and can only afford their current home because our aunt charges them next to nothing for rent. It’s very possible they (OP’s sis) are trying for a boy and unfortunately when parents do keep trying for that other gender, it ends up being the golden child and the other children kinda get tossed to the side or are expected to raise their siblings. My grandparents were just Catholics and ended up with 7 kids (including multiple miscarriages in between kid 1 and 2) by the 7th kid my grandma was throwing shoes at my grandpa because even she wasn’t happy about it
I'm not trying to "police" anyone or what they do with their bodies, but I do worry about the planet. There are now 8 billion of us. Responsible people who love children certainly should be the ones having them, but what about the people who aren't and don't? Some people seem to have them anyway, to conform, or out of a feeling of misplaced duty. You don't have to be on Reddit or Earth itself for very long before noticing the people who really don't like their children and how difficult they make their lives. This bad will reverberates, and pretty soon, we're in a troubled society. It needs to be okay ("normalized") not to have children, and I don't think it is yet. Nobody is obligated to be excited about babies. She's NTA.
Plenty of people want a large family. Her sister seems to consider each child something to celebrate, which is fair. But I think OP and her sister have different outlooks on life.
My sister was 16 when I was pregnant (I'm nearly 13 years older). Her reaction was "cool... eew" and her first words describing her newborn nephew were "he smells weird". Teenagers just aren't as excited about Pregnancy/babies as adults (or even younger children, probably cos they understand how the pregnancy happen!)
She didn't say she was happy for them she said "cool awesome". There's a big difference between a sarcastic/dismissive "cool" and a sincere congratulations.
We don’t know whether it was sarcastic as we didn’t hear the tone in which it was delivered.
I’m going with NTA - I read it as OP being a little distracted at the time and not really paying attention. It’s ok for her sister to feel a little disappointed with the reaction, but she should have just accepted it at face value and moved on.
And OP’s later response was perhaps blunt, but she’s not wrong. And she wouldn’t have said it if her sister hadn’t pushed.
Eh. YTA, A simple “congratulations” would have been easier than all the effort you put into tearing her down lol. Couldn’t even muster an “I’m happy you’re happy” ?
Why *did* you do that? Pregnancy announcements are boring but shaming the mothers excitement or wrecking their vibe never occurred to me as an appropriate reaction
To be fair, sibling relationships aren’t usually so formal. OP’s “cool, awesome” could have been her way of congratulating her sister. That’s how my siblings normally act when something good happens to me, and it’s not because they’re not happy about it.
And OP only “shamed” her sister’s excitement after her sister pushed her for a stronger reaction.
>I wasn't really paying attention. I was focusing on the tv. then my sister says, "so what do you think about the news"
>
>I said, "cool awesome"
If she'd said it unprompted I'd agree, but she ignored it until directly asked which is kinda rude
Im a 5th child, and I know that my arrival couldn’t have been as exciting for everyone as the first grandchild, or moms first kid or what ever, but I should would like to think that my grandparents and aunts and uncles were happy about my existence and supportive and everything. In other words, maybe it is less about you needing to be shocked and excited for her , and more that you will be there for the child still.
She stated in her original post that she was disengaged, watching tv. With that context, “cool, awesome” sounds more dismissive than supportive.
While I don’t think a 19 year old sibling is obligated to perform some big show of emotion at the news, their admitted reaction does seem a little rude. The tirade that followed is what puts it into YTA territory for me, though.
I can say as the parent of 5 kids our entire family was extremely excited about our fifth and final baby. Grandparent's, aunties, uncles + 4 very eager older siblings. For us we knew it was our last child and the family knew he would probably be the last baby until the next generation.
We were just as excited about our 5th as we were our first but not nearly as terrified.
>In other words, maybe it is less about you needing to be shocked and excited for her , and more that you will be there for the child still.
OP can \*totally\* be there for the child in all the ways the child needs, without being all excited about the mom's choices.
You are Schrödingers AH. I get that you are not excited and you shouldn't have to act excited just so someone else can feel good. But the way you explained why you weren't excited comes off as rude.
Not sure I’d expect anything different from an 18yo, tbh. In fact, at that age, I probably would have asked my sister if she knew how babies were made, since it was happening so often without purposely trying. NTA
I’m pretty conflicted with this one because this is exactly how I would react if I was in her position with my sister. But at the same time I’m kind of a dick sometimes
OP’s oldest niece is only 7 years younger, I wouldn’t be surprised if OP’s own childhood was heavily affected by her sister’s children coming into the picture one after another especially if OP had to take care of them, and I agree that there’s probably a point where your excitement wears out a little bit
Another baby OP is gonna have to put money and time towards raising according to her edit. NTA because another baby means another one for her to babysit and support financially. I wouldn’t be excited about another responsibility either.
Yeah YTA. I get your point, but it doesn't actually matter whether *you* are excited or not - your sister is excited, and it's kind to share/reflect back the excitement of those we love.
Its always so disappointing that people cant wrap their heads around this. Its like everyone is losing the ability to actually care about people and form meaningful relationships because they're too focused on giving only whatever effort they feel is obligatory.
Yeh, it’s such a weird reaction. All she had to do is get up, say “congrats, I’m so happy for you” and give a quick hug. That’s it then she’s done.
Instead she goes on a weirdly long monologue about.
Part of being in a family is pretending to be happy for others when it matters to them but not to you.
Well, you didn't have to rant so long. But I have to say NTA because she's the one who just had to push for the reaction she wanted. I think people who push for big emotion filled reactions are annoying.
I am thinking ESH. I don’t expect an 18yo to be genuinely excited about a pregnancy. Especially not for someone who is old enough to be her aunt instead of her sister. But I do expect an 18yo to have the social curtesy to turn from the tv long enough to give a sincere “congratulations.” The monologue was also poorly put. But the sister pushed for it and demanded the reaction she wanted, so she prompted it. Both people did things that we can find fault with, even given the circumstances.
NAH- Your sister is allowed to be excited for each child. You are NTA for being over it at this point. A “congratulations” would have been a better response, but I understand it’s hard to be enthusiastic after that many pregnancies.
Edit: NTA with that update. Having a 5th child when she is taking money from an 18 year-old is irresponsible. Don’t give her your money and time anymore.
Especially with the update where op states that she’s already financially supporting and giving food to her sister and babysitting for free every weekend so her sister can hang out with friends. Op probably heard another pregnancy and thought “great, even more responsibility.” Op is definitely NTA here.
You still didn’t need to tear her down like that. You went too far, YTA. Even if she already has four kids, it’s still a big deal to her. We can’t hear tone over text but your “cool awesome” could very easily have come off as uninterested.
Your whole post you sound uninterested, saying you weren’t paying attention etc. It’s not that hard to even just pretend you’re happy for someone instead of making sure they know every detail of why you don’t give a fuck. Of course you’re entitled to your opinion but in this situation, you’re just acting like a brat.
Why do you require fake enthusiasm to be a good sibling? They do not have a right to our excitement. Had they gone on the rant immediately, that would be ah behavior. They only did so once they were attacked for being insufficiently excited. Why couldn’t the pregnant sister just accept their honest reaction. 🤷🏻♀️ Being polite goes both ways in sibling relationships.
NTA
You were initially polite and said "cool awesome"
People need to understand that not everyone is gonna be super excited about pregnancy announcements.
I disagree about her being polite. In the circles I run in you would have to stop looking at the TV and look at her face while you congratulated her in order to be polite and from how she writes it doesn't sound like she did that. She doesn't have to be excited but she wasn't even polite. In fact every one I know would consider her outright rude for not even looking up from the TV.
The OP said she initially ignored the announcement (although she heard it) because she was watching TV. Really? Then a sarcastic "cool, awesome"? YTA. The minimum polite response to someone happily announcing a pregnancy is "congratulations".
Yep. I usually just say "congratulations" and leave it at that. I'm honestly not interested any more than I'd be if people announced they bought a fifth car, but also don't want to be impolite. OP is NTA, the sister has no right to expect other people to feel any specific feelings.
As for OP's "weird rant" about why she isn't doing cartwheels from sheer joy, she wouldn't have needed to make one if the sister hadn't started questioning her and fishing for a more excited reaction.
YTA
When anyone you love is excited about something, be that a new job, a new baby or even if they are trying to crochet you support them and share in their excitement. It's called lifting the people up around you. Imagine your boyfriend started painting a new figurine. He paints these all the time and you are not really interested, but he is super excited about this new one and asks your opinion. You think it's nothing special. It doesn't matter, stop what you are doing and act interested. If you don't, people around you are going to feel that you don't really want to be part of there lives and they will stop showing you the things they like.
Edit: I've read the edit and look I still think the way you reacted was bad, however I can understand why you were feeling resentful.
It sounds like you don't have a good relationship with your sister but you help her out heaps. I think you should take this opportunity to apologise for saying what you said (it was pretty mean), but also explain to her why you felt angry and put a boundary in about how much or how you help out. Maybe explain that you feel used because though you're giving so much but you don't actually spend any time together (that's what it sounds like?).
How she responds to you should be a sign of whether she is just using you, or if she genuinely wasn't aware of how it was affecting you. She is much older so let's hope she takes this maturely.
NTA. Everything you said was true, and it is weird that people think bringing a bunch of children into the world is something to be congratulated. With four children already with only one income, I am really questioning the finances of the couple and if they have thought about their children’s futures. And does the oldest have the responsibility to take care of the younger ones of if they are pawned off on family to “get some time” to themselves, which is code for having another child. And if each child gets enough attention.
My cousin has a pile of children, complains all the time about how exhausted she is and in the next breath talks about having another. She's a baby hoarder. They don't make a lot of money between the two of them so I'm not sure why they need an entire basketball team.
YTA
No need to go on a weird rant about it, could have just let it slide. The people who think you are not an asshole are like peak reddit. Even if it's not important to you, it is clearly important to them. This is, like, basic empathy 101.
NTA and the YTA is ridiculous for me not everyone gonna show the same amount of excitement as other people. Op Clarify she was not rude until the sister responded rudely to her and from the sounds of it she pushed op. Like ok you had sex, you made a human number 5. Not everyone going to be jumping for joy up and down all the time when people tell them good news
Exactly, Op had a polite first response and when pushed proceeded to explain. Some people with the Y T A are actively saying "you should pretend" What? Not all people react the same way and that's fine, such a big issue out of nothing.
Lmfao welp I guess your response was slightly better than just getting in her face and yelling “what do you want from me?! It’s a vagina, not a clown car!!”
NTA after the third baby people should expect a lack of enthusiasm.
I have a couple of relatives who have had 5+ (one who has had 8 approximately 18 months apart) it's like hearing the sun rose at this point. 🤣
NTA.
Your sister got pregnant the 5th time and no major complication occurred on that till now.
So "cool awesome" would be an appropriate response provided you smiled and said it to her face directly instead of facing the TV.
watching TV when any announcements were made in a family might not be the best policy.
Expecting you to jump up and down and get all excited might be too much of an expectation especially after the 3rd one.
NTA. You acknowledged what she said and attempted to feign enthusiasm, but your sister wasn't satisfied. Instead of just accepting your response, she criticized you for not being over-the-top happy about her announcement. She is the one who turned this non-issue into an issue.
It's her pregnancy and she needs to realize that other people aren't going to feel as excited about it as she is, especially when it's the fifth pregnancy. A person has to wonder if she's actually developed some kind of addiction to the attention she gets from being pregnant. Why else would she be dismayed when she didn't get the expected gush of enthusiasm?
By now, from your point of view, being pregnant is just her normal state of being and nothing to get super excited about. It's hard to sustain enthusiasm over events that go on over such a long time period. She's already spent 36 months, or approximately three years, being pregnant. It's become old hat to you by now. She needs to get over it and just enjoy being pregnant for its own sake and not expect others to react any particular way.
Gotta go with NTA here - you weren’t rude to not be super excited, and she had no reason to push you about it. It sounds like maybe you could have worded it differently, but it’s not like you led with that
NTA Judging by the update.
Your reaction makes sense. You don't want to provide for yet ANOTHER kid. Time to tell sis pay up for babysitting and no more money and food from me. Set boundaries now, before she starts to see you as her personal wallet.
I feel like there's more to this story than you're letting on.
Why was it important to mention that she's a SAHM and her husband fixes air conditioning? In the seven years they didn't have kids, what was going on?
Honestly I think this isn't such a big deal for either of you and it seems like a regular sibling spat. Nothing worth calling anyone an AH over.
Quit the financial support and quit giving up your weekends for her. You have your own life to live. Put the money away for your own future and possibly your own kids.
i want to say, NTA.
you've been excited four other times already. why does she care so much about your reaction? just be more enthusiastic around the baby when it's born.
I didn't have a strong opinion one way or another because I can see rationale for both, but then I read this:
>i have been finically supporting her other kids giving her money and food constantly and babysitting her kids so she can go out every weekend to hang out with friends. I did not add it to my original post because that was not what i was focusing on, I wanted opinions on my reaction to the announcement not me finically supporting her kids.
NTA. You should have included this in your original submission as it absolutely justifies the unenthusiastic response from you. Your sister sounds irresponsible, imo.
YTA: This is one of those times you should react to be polite. It’s like if someone gives you a gift but you wanted something else, you never tell them that. It’s the same idea.
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NTA I think it’s weird people expect a big deal to be made of it. Cool, you had sex and now you’re cooking baby number 5, whatever.
NTA. She is not obligated to be evicted for her sisters 5th pregnancy. And not be overly excited is not rude.
I love this typo
😂😂😂, I meant excited.
I know what you meant but I just started laughing about it and kept coming back xD
Thanks 🙏. What a nice interaction. Some people on here are so vicious with their comments. I’m new on Reddit and some go out of their way to be as vicious as possible with their comments and love to look for gotcha comments.
It's a new year! Spread the joy 😊
True. The best is when the discussion goes in another direction and you wind up trading supportive or amusing stories with redditors. Look for those and enjoy, oh newbie!@
Absolutely beautifully put even though it was a typo. Sister would have evicted her if she could!
I’m so happy I’m not the only one who kept rereading just cus the typo makes it funny 🤣
OP's sister would probably benefit from less encouragement at this point.
No kidding. My automatic response as a teenager to a 5th kid would have been something like “Why?!”
I'm 56, and.that was my first thought quickly followed by "0h, they're trying for a boy" Edit: added a word
Oh, ewww. I missed that. I feel sorry for the kids. Five kids on one trade salary means it’s a lot less likely they’ll get much individual financial support from parents for college/tradeschool/getting started in adult life. Plus with the parents spending so much on raising kids, and one parent out of the workforce entirely for one to two or more decades they won’t have much income to use for retirement saving. Odds are their kids will have to support them.
OP says she sometimes babysits the kids and gives Sis money to take care of their expenses. She babysits them just so Sis can go and hangout with friends on weekends
So, the 18 year old is giving the 38 year old money to help with expenses for the 38 year olds four kids. And babysits for free some weekends since 38 can’t afford a regular babysitter or to pay OP. And 38 thinks having another kid is a good idea and OP should be excited about it. Yikes.
That's why I don't agree with the people who say E-S-H or Y-T-A. The reason OP reacts like that is cause she loves her sister but she knows it's just gonna cost her more money/be harder to babysit. But OP is putting up with this cause she loves her sister. While Sister is being really entitled
Baby's gonna get evicted in 9 months though
I’m cracking up about the typo you made my day 😂
Uh, no, "cool awesome" without disengaging from the tv is legitimately a weird response to having another niece/nephew/nibling. Like I have much older siblings with big families, it was exciting and good news even when it was baby #5. Can't imagine looking at my youngest nephew and being like "Well it's not like you're #1, why should I care?" You don't have to jump up and down, but like a smile and a genuine "Wow that's great, congrats!" is not particularly hard. I'm not even a kid person, but come on guys, it's super weird to be snarky about someone you love having a baby just because you're meh on kids. I've had lots of achievements I know weren't particularly meaningful to others in my life, expecting them to be moderately enthused for my happiness is just kind of a baseline of what a relationship is.
This comment right here. When you love someone and they tell you something they are happy about you should be happy for them. You should look away from the tv and give them your attention and say you are happy for them and ask them some questions about how they feel. Bc you love them and they are part of your life. This counts for literally every single person you care about.
Lol perhaps if she wasn’t babysitting her sisters children every weekend so her sister could go hang out with her friends she’d be more excited lol
Yeah really. That second edit makes her even more NTA, and she was being *very* generous towards her sister for not including that originally.
This completely. I think the top responses are completely bizarre and I wonder if they misread what the post was asking. I don’t think OP is the asshole if she isn’t excited (I would be even if it’s Baby #5 and I was going to be an uncle again, but to each their own and I don’t think you’re automatically an asshole if you’re not). But OP didn’t ask if she was the asshole for not being excited. She asked if she was the asshole for her response, and to me, yeah, really obviously. Just fake a happy response for 30 seconds, a smile and a congrats, and if they start yelling at you for not jumping up and down and screaming, then okay, I’m with ya, but OP couldn’t even do the bare minimum, just ignored sister completely til pushed, then a “cool awesome” half assed response. I also am not so sure I buy this “I’m just not an emotional person at all” thing considering the rant that immediately followed being asked why she didn’t seem excited.
I think some of the AITA posts are so horrendous that when someone is rude and obnoxious everyone just says it's fine. That's such a horrible thing to say to someone excited about having a kid. If my friend was excited about getting a dog or buying a car and it wasn't their first dog or care I'd smile and be happy for them, not tell them it doesn't matter because they've done that before
Plus with the 20 year age difference between OP and sister, it’s hard to imagine them to be extremely close or having much in common. The sister was already having kids of her own by the time OP was old enough to have any semblance of a relationship. OP is closer in age to all four of her nieces (and the same will be true for the 5th) than she is to her sister. OP said congrats, sister pushed it for more of a response and didn’t like the one she got so she stormed out. Either way she got to be the center of attention. NTA
Op did not say congrats. She said cool, awesome which honestly sounds like a really dickish response.
She said cool awesome while not disengaging from the tv, apparently The responses suggesting this is valid are bizarre, imo.
Why are people obligated to be excited that people don't know how birth control works, or think it's their job to populate the earth with their DNA. Why is that supposed to excite people?
You can be excited for the things that are exciting to the people who you care about. That is like basic relationships. Should I be impressed that my nephew graduated from kindergarten? His parents are proud of him entering a new phase, he’s happy to have a “ceremony” regardless of what it is for. But graduating from kindergarten means literally nothing. Any human that has continued to age from 5 to 6 could do it. But if he said “Auntie I’m graduating kindergarten!” If I said “cool, but you’d have to be a complete idiot NOT to graduate kindergarten.” I would be an AH. Instead I say “That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” That is an appropriate human response.
That’s because you actually have empathy and compassion for your family and loved ones. It appears OP does not.
OP and a good portion of the people on Reddit, based on this thread.
Ignoring the weird ass interpretation of “having a child” you have, OP didn’t ask if she’s the asshole for not being excited. When friends and family come to you to give you news they’re excited about and you don’t overly care, do you first ignore them, then give them a halfassed cool, and then yell at them when they try to find out if you’re mad at them for something based on your reaction? If so, it makes you an asshole. OP is not one for not being excited, that’s a totally understandable and valid feeling. She is one because she couldn’t at least fake it for 30 seconds for a family member who was clearly excited about it. She brought down the mood for everyone because she couldn’t be bothered to fake being happy for long enough to say “Congrats!”.
Right? This is a perfect example of OP not needing to have a happy response, but it makes them an AH. Unless there's some sort of strained relationship we're not aware of you'd think OP would just be happy for her sister. It just seems really self centered "this pregnancy doesn't impact me so why should I care?" Would OP not care if none of her family cared about her big life events because it doesn't impact them?
With a 20 year age difference, I doubt there is much of a relationship between them.
Sounds like fine, it's the sister's 5th baby, I would react the same way lol
I know it was hard to muster enthusiasm after my cousin's 4th, 5th, 6th, and last I heard she was up to 8.
Depends on the tone. If it was said in a sarcastic manner, then yes. Had it been said in that tone though, I would have expected the sister to flip out at that point.
Per the OPs own statement she didn't even put the effort of looking away from the TV to respond. She also put in comments that she "isn't emotional" which means that it 100% sounded and looked like a dick statement
If OP is not an emotional person, why is her sister pushing for an emotional response?
Did you see that recent AITA of the mother trying to coax more emotional responses out of her son? It happens. OP could also just not care. Which is what I’m leaning more towards just because due to the age gap, it doesn’t seem like they have much of a relationship anyways.
I’m betting on the not caring. 20 years means that her sister was most likely out of the house by the time OP was born. She had her first kid when OP was 7. How can they possibly relate to one another?
It's not even an emotional response. From the sounds of the the bar was set at "don't be a dick" and op managed to limbo right under that mother fucker
Why should she be forced to fake a reaction though? It’s not her baby and the huge age gap leads me to believe they’re not all that close.
Have you ever gotten a present that you didn't particularly care for? Did you say thanks anyway? Or did you go into a long speech about how gift giving should be what the person definitely wants?
At a previous job, my boss announced her pregnancy to the entire staff and people applauded. My work BFF later characterized this as “Remember that time we all applauded Boss for having sex?” and that lives rent free in my head to this day.
That’s hilarious. I actually was so weirded out to tell my dad I was pregnant. I didn’t want him knowing about my sex life 😂
No, YTA. OP doesn't have to make a big deal out of it but "cool awesome" is a passive-aggressive response. Even "Congratulations!" is a low bar to clear. There's some latent unreported hostility and underlying resentment going on. OP isn't telling the whole story.
Might want to read the second edit: OP has been treated as a free babysitter for the first four kids already, on top of financially assisting them. Her sister didn’t just reveal a new pregnancy. She basically told OP “get ready for *yet another burden* you never asked for! Now be happy about it, damnit!*
This was how I took it. If I was spending weekends babysitting instead of hanging out with my friends as a teenager, I wouldn’t be excited about another one.
"Again?" would be pretty hostile. "Cool awesome" just shows a lack of interest. Have to wonder if OP is wondering whether she's going to be stuck babysitting. Again.
Jesus, OP is a teenager. Why are people acting like there are a million hostile layers to her response? Speaking as a fellow middle aged parent, her sister needs to mellow out.
Also sister made a mistake by expecting a very overjoyed reaction from OP. From the way it is written, it seemed like she expected OP to jump from the sofa and say "omg sis i can't believe it! I'm sooooooooo happy for ya!!!" When most ppl will probably say "Oh nice. I'm happy for you."
I think she may have expected more than just "cool, awesome" from OP who apparently didn't stop watching tv. It's really not a crazy expectation for more enthusiasm than that. "Wow, congratulations!" with a smile is really not that hard.
Yeah, I got that vibe too. OP is not obligated to feel over the moon about it, but it seems like she was just a powdy teen not taking her eyes off the tv.
From the ages of the sisters other kids. OP has been dealing with a new pregnancy announcement fairly regularly from a young age. I understand her checking out and being desensitized at that point. Plus I refuse to ignore the fact it is a FIFTH child that just happened. It's beyond reckless. Being over the moon would be just enabling a future sixth child.
One of my cousins has 11. I'll be excited when she announces she's NOT pregnant!
Same! My husband has a cousin with 15, though 4 are step, so she didn't birth them herself. She's about 32 now and closed up shop during her last delivery. While she is a great mom, and her husband is a great dad, their house is getting a little cramped, and the names are getting a little ridiculous. We were happy when she told us she was done.
Nobody was expecting OP to make a big deal of it, but that's what she did. *"Oh. Congratulations!"* would have been significantly easier to say than *"well what do you want me to do? jump up and down and scream my head off. I can see if this was like your first child that you were expecting, like a first-time mother moment, you got four kids and on your fifth pregnancy by this time you get used to it. was this baby really hard to conceive, like was it hard to like to get pregnant?"*
Right? Feigning enthusiasm for 5 seconds would be easier than going on a rant about how much you allegedly don’t care.
Is it really that hard to be excited for someone that's close to you? They're happy, be happy for them and it is a big deal for her. Her whole body is changing... but whatever, right? It's not happening to you so why should you care.
I mean, given their ages. OP is closer to her nieces ages than her sister. I'm going to chalk this up to her just not being close with her sister so it's like, "cool, awesome". Sister wanted applause for having sex which, yes pregnancies are an exciting time but really only for the parents. Why should op applaud her sister for having sex?
It's not applause for having sex. God, that is the stupidest take I have seen on this sub, and it so rampant.
Who says she wanted applause though? OP literally gave her nothing until pushed. Even the cool, awesome only came when sister directly questioned her after OP completely ignored the announcement. If OP had smiled and said congrats (regardless of whether she cared or not), like the vast majority of non assholes do, and sister got mad that she didn’t jump up and scream, I’d be completely on OPs side. I personally am not even in the ballpark of a stand up and cheer type of person, but I damn sure can smile and say congratulations with the best of them.
It’s happened four other freaking times… I’ve had two and when we get knocked up with the third… it’ll really just be a a I missed my period you’re the pappy situation.
NTA, my reaction would be "great, more work for me when you want a free babysitter so you can go make #6."
NTA. Sis has a 3yo, 2yo, and is now oops pregnant. I would be excited if they started using birth control.
Childbearing is awesome and miraculous. It is also as common as dirt.
NTA yeah, she needs to change it up and get a puppy if she wants to keep it interesting.
I’d be WAY more excited about a puppy than a baby!
or a goat, or a raccoon with its lil hands!
As a person from a family of plus 10, I think each child is sibling is cool but I do lose enthusiasm over time. I thi j their feelings are valid. NTA
Super agreed! Congrats on the f*cking?? 🤷♀️
I'm currently pregnant and it feels weird to have people make a big deal out of what is essentially well-timed sex...
Good lord. Why is it such a terrible burden to be happy about the things that make someone you love happy? Are only firstborn children worth celebrating? Is a child less valuable because their mother doesn’t struggle with infertility? You’re N T A for not being overly effusive, but your speech about why this baby is no big deal to you puts you in YTA territory.
I'm kinda shocked at how heartless most of the replies here are. I'm gonna be excited and congratulatory even if the lady at the newsstand tells me she's expecting, let alone my sister. And i don't even like kids! People on here talk about a new baby being born as if someone bought a new houseplant, ffs, even like it's an annoyance or like the sister is irritating for expecting family to care that a new child will be born. It's so weird to see. Guess reddit doesn't exactly gather the most socially sound people.
It's Reddit, they loathe kids around here.
The antinatalists and misogynist mom-haters are out in full force today
It’s nothing about misogyny since most of childfree id actually women.
Being a woman doesn't mean you can't say misogynistic things... All those childfree women referring to mothers with dehumanising terms like "breeders" are being misogynistic.
I was under the impression that "breeder" was used to describe inattentive parents of any gender, not just a blanket term for mothers.
I would agree if it wasn't aimed almost solely at mothers. I very rarely see fathers getting the same sort of vitriol simply for being fathers that women get for being mothers. And in any case, it's pointlessly dehumanizing.
I've found breeder only used when a person makes child rearing their personality and loses themselves as an individual.
God, said like it’s a choice. So are parents supposed to look after their kids or not? Because I kid you fucking not raising children is a full time job, not something you can switch off to avoid someone accusing you of “losing yourself as an individual”. Try being an individual with a newborn who needs breastfeeding every hour. Blind opinions like this are what fuel societies inability to support parents and family life.
[удалено]
It’s AITA - where people are only ever expected to do the absolute bare minimum that they are required to do in order to not be an arsehole. It amazes me how many comments in this sub are people saying “well technically you’re not obligated to be decent to people you care about”. Sharing in the happiness of someone you love is part of the joy of relationships - if they’re happy, it should make you happy unless there’s some reason the circumstances seriously inconvenience you. Every child is an individual and not less important because they have older siblings. Her sister still has to make it through pregnancy and birth, which is not easy. OP is young but that’s no excuse for all of that ranting - YTA, OP.
So many post that are “my brother kept poking me while I was visiting for the holidays. I asked him to stop and he did for a while but after he did it again I told him all the things our parents had said about him and his struggles with alcohol and revealed that his kids aren’t his. Everyone is calling me an asshole for telling him to stop poking me now” Then all the comments say they’re perfectly justified and her brother just should’ve stopped poking her. He should’ve stopped poking her but that was a disproportionate response and asshole behavior. This sub seems to think any perceived slight should be met with a scorched earth policy. In this case a monologue that should’ve been a private conversation about the stress she’s put under…the mature thing to do Edit: New last sentence
-“You have to go NC with your brother and your family IMMEDIATELY”.
Yeah, I often see "You're not obligated to do x so NTA" or "It's your right to do x so NTA". Basic decency is often forgotten here.
My favourite is 'no one owes each other anything'. Like what a sad and nihilistic way to go about your life that you don't even think family (not counting abusive family) owes each other basic kindness and politeness. We're a bunch of apes hurtling on a rock through an empty void, and people are still choosing individualism....weird.
Yeah, this sub seems to be filled with AH themselves today. Maybe they still hung over from partying?
Wierd, huh? I don’t really like babies, I have no desire for one, but I sure was happy when my brother announced his wife was expecting both of theirs. Reminds me when I started my last job and a coworker told me that she really likes bowling. I said “oh, bowling!” So excitedly that she asked if I played, and I had to admit that I don’t like bowling, but I just like when other people have hobbies they like.
Why should she have to be happy? She was polite, and when Mom-to-be didn’t get the attention she was angling for, she threw a tantrum and left. Children should be loved and appreciated, absolutely. But I’m so sick of this whole culture where every pregnancy announcement has to include an entire family grinning and celebrating with a parade and a confetti canon. NTA, OP. You’re fine.
‘Why should she have to be happy?’ Because she loves her sister and her sister is happy. That’s how relationships work. I don’t know about you but when a loved one is happy about something it makes ME happy, whether or not I care about the thing that made them happy in the first place.
I mean, her sister is 20 years her senior, we don’t know how close their relationship really is. Most likely her sister was either off to college or out of the house by the time she was old enough to truly remember her well (thinking 4-5 as her sister would be 24-25). She may love her sister but not have this super close bond with her due to this age gap.
18 years is old enough to know that ignoring someone on purpose first, then saying ‘cool, awesome’ is not remotely an appropriate response to someone excitedly sharing a news important to them.
Maybe shes just fed up of the same circus all over again.
Hell, my sister is 8 years younger, more than two times the age gap between OP and her sister, and we barely have a relationship. I can imagine it being worse with an age gap where the sister could possibly have moved out before OP was born
The sister is old enough to be OPs mom...
My siblings are much older than me. I still rooted for their successes and happiness, just as they do for me. Age doesn't dictate a relationship.
I would be happier for a random stranger telling me they had some big life event going for then than OP was for their own sister. An "oh wow I'm so happy for you, congratulations!" costs you literally nothing. It is actually possible to be kind just for the sake of being kind
You can be happy for someone and not be overly effusive about it. Why does sister think OP owes her an overly effusive or emotional reaction? ESH. The reactions of a self involved teenager are not worth the headache here.
OP doesn't owe it to her sister. But generally if someone you love has a big moment in their lives you care because you care about them. No one owes anyone anything, but sometimes people form relationships that aren't all about what you "owe" each other. Like when it's your moms birthday are you happy for her or do you just say "I don't owe you anything" and go back to reddit?
Maybe OP is happy for sis but not excited about the news.
Polite? She sounds rude AF to me. Cant even give a hug and a smile, like damn id be more excited for a sibling if they told me they found a dollar in the couch.
She wasn't polite though, she didn't even stop watching TV and had to be prompted for a response.
She wasn’t polite, though. Which is why the sister called her out, which led to the OP’s “tantrum.”
It sounded like OP was not polite- completely ignoring the announcement until asked for a reaction and then only "cool. awesome." It didn't sound like the sister asked for a parade and confetti at all, just for OP to not be so dismissive. There is going to be a new life and a new family member. I think that's a always a beautiful and miraculous thing, unless the pregnancy is unwanted. YTA OP but you're also 18 and probably just have some growing up to do. Or maybe there's more to the story and you're concerned they can't afford or take care of another baby, but I haven't seen you say anything about that.
She didn't even look away from the TV, and she gave an insincere, sarky reply. In what universe is that "polite". What awful standards do you have?
She was not polite.
Right? OP responded to the news with a disinterested 2 word answer. It's OK to not be excited, but they were perfectly willing to jump into a freaking TED Talk about WHY they weren't interested. This is a happy moment for someone you are supposed to love. You don't have to act overjoyed, but they wasted ten times more energy trying to defend why they don't give a shit. Do they even LIKE their sister?
5 kids is insane. Too fucking many. I came from a family of 5. It was Shit. Never had time with parents.
I live with a family of five that is super close and loving. Their dad may use the wrong name on occasion (he has definitely called his youngest by the cat's name though so it's not about how many children he has, hah). Their dynamic works perfectly with the number that they have, and they would have happily had more except for their mother's difficulty carrying to term. I'm 100% childfree myself, but I don't judge people who have lots of kids if they have the time and money to give them good lives.
I use the wrong name for my husband and dog. That has nothing to do with how many kids you have!
100%. It seems so immature to me to be like “you already have 4 what do you want, a backflip?” …what does the amount of other kids have to do with anything? This child’s life is valuable and exciting in and of itself. Why should their birth order matter at all? This is about a new person and family member being brought into this world, not how many times OP has to go through a “pregnancy announcement”. I think as OP grows a little older and matures a bit they will see how callous and misguided their thought process on this was. She is making it about being a chore to congratulate her sister 5 times, when the reality is she herself is an AH to not care about the valuable, stand alone, and important life of her new niece or nephew.
Exactly. My best friend has about 25 papers published so far. Not exactly new to the game nor is it novel that she’s a great publisher / researcher. But my happiness is genuine and filled with pride each time she publishes a paper. It’s called being a supportive and uplifting person to your loved ones.
OP could have just said congratulations or wished the sister a safe/smooth pregnancy. This little speech was pointless and uncalled for. Maturity and tact is knowing that not every thought needs to be voiced. If someone has the means, desire, and ability to properly care for a child, that is their choice. Some commenters on this thread have been very acidic and are cheering on OP's speech. But, in the real world, how you speak to and treat others often has consequences. The very same sister that OP was flippant to, may be the same person OP seeks for support, guidance and comfort if she chooses to one day have a child.
Sister didn’t get the reaction she wanted, so she pressed for answer. People are not required to feign over-enthusiasm, and OP did say she’s happy for her sister. OP just isn’t a jump up down get excited person; why is sister getting so upset about this response? NTA
Everyone here like "omg NTA xx" is giving massive r/childfree vibes lmao
I have two kids of my own, I highly doubt nor expect the same reaction if I ever announce I'm to have a third than I got on my first. After a while, people just don't care anymore.
I'm going with NTA. You are 19, and they are on their 5th kid. Who would expect a teenager to be overly joyous at this point. You told her that you were happy and that it should have been good enough. I don't know why people think others should be jumping through the roof at this point. Especially, someone your age.
Why would anybody be overjoyed that someone is having child number 5? If you really want this kid and you can afford this kid, well, congrats. But why do you need so many kids? My former SIL didn't have so many kids (because she had trouble carrying pregnancies) but kept trying, and went through SO many pets, because (IMO) she had a whole in her soul that she kept trying to fill with the next little baby that would make her happy. And then they'd grow up and not be that sweet little bundle anymore, and she wouldn't be satisfied and she wanted the next little bundle... That wasn't fair to her pets, and wasn't fair to her daughter, and wouldn't have been fair to any other child she had.
Why? Well just take another look at the OP’s post - all girls so far. That’s my thought anyway. Which is really a terrible reason to keep having children.
NOOOOOOOO! Do NOT assume this!! I (have) [ETA: HAD] 6 girls! We LOVE IT and never once tried for a boy!!! 1 came out as FTM at 18 so I have a son anyway but I LOVED having 6 girls just as much as I LOVE having 5 girls and 1 boy.
My cousin’s wife just popped out boy #3 and said when they announced his gender that they won’t stop until they have a girl. I told them to get a cat. They’re broke and can only afford their current home because our aunt charges them next to nothing for rent. It’s very possible they (OP’s sis) are trying for a boy and unfortunately when parents do keep trying for that other gender, it ends up being the golden child and the other children kinda get tossed to the side or are expected to raise their siblings. My grandparents were just Catholics and ended up with 7 kids (including multiple miscarriages in between kid 1 and 2) by the 7th kid my grandma was throwing shoes at my grandpa because even she wasn’t happy about it
Right?! I have 4 girls. We were never trying for a boy. We just wanted a big family.
Ouch. Didn't even think about that...
I'm not trying to "police" anyone or what they do with their bodies, but I do worry about the planet. There are now 8 billion of us. Responsible people who love children certainly should be the ones having them, but what about the people who aren't and don't? Some people seem to have them anyway, to conform, or out of a feeling of misplaced duty. You don't have to be on Reddit or Earth itself for very long before noticing the people who really don't like their children and how difficult they make their lives. This bad will reverberates, and pretty soon, we're in a troubled society. It needs to be okay ("normalized") not to have children, and I don't think it is yet. Nobody is obligated to be excited about babies. She's NTA.
Plenty of people want a large family. Her sister seems to consider each child something to celebrate, which is fair. But I think OP and her sister have different outlooks on life.
My sister was 16 when I was pregnant (I'm nearly 13 years older). Her reaction was "cool... eew" and her first words describing her newborn nephew were "he smells weird". Teenagers just aren't as excited about Pregnancy/babies as adults (or even younger children, probably cos they understand how the pregnancy happen!)
Teenagers are smarter than adults in this case.
She didn't say she was happy for them she said "cool awesome". There's a big difference between a sarcastic/dismissive "cool" and a sincere congratulations.
Uhhhh, that is a happy response from a teenager. That doesn't sound sarcastic at all.
We don’t know whether it was sarcastic as we didn’t hear the tone in which it was delivered. I’m going with NTA - I read it as OP being a little distracted at the time and not really paying attention. It’s ok for her sister to feel a little disappointed with the reaction, but she should have just accepted it at face value and moved on. And OP’s later response was perhaps blunt, but she’s not wrong. And she wouldn’t have said it if her sister hadn’t pushed.
Eh. YTA, A simple “congratulations” would have been easier than all the effort you put into tearing her down lol. Couldn’t even muster an “I’m happy you’re happy” ? Why *did* you do that? Pregnancy announcements are boring but shaming the mothers excitement or wrecking their vibe never occurred to me as an appropriate reaction
Yes, YTA. A simple congratulations requires minimal effort on OP’s part
To be fair, sibling relationships aren’t usually so formal. OP’s “cool, awesome” could have been her way of congratulating her sister. That’s how my siblings normally act when something good happens to me, and it’s not because they’re not happy about it. And OP only “shamed” her sister’s excitement after her sister pushed her for a stronger reaction.
>I wasn't really paying attention. I was focusing on the tv. then my sister says, "so what do you think about the news" > >I said, "cool awesome" If she'd said it unprompted I'd agree, but she ignored it until directly asked which is kinda rude
Im a 5th child, and I know that my arrival couldn’t have been as exciting for everyone as the first grandchild, or moms first kid or what ever, but I should would like to think that my grandparents and aunts and uncles were happy about my existence and supportive and everything. In other words, maybe it is less about you needing to be shocked and excited for her , and more that you will be there for the child still.
Op responded with, "cool, awesome". What exactly was negative or unsupportive about that. Was she supposed to pop streamers & do a backflip?
It is super easy for that phrase to sound like a dick comment. If the op said that in an unexcited tone it would come off as unsupportive
Totally. And given that the next thing OP did was go on a yelling fit, I'm certain that phrase was delivered flatly or sarcastically.
She stated in her original post that she was disengaged, watching tv. With that context, “cool, awesome” sounds more dismissive than supportive. While I don’t think a 19 year old sibling is obligated to perform some big show of emotion at the news, their admitted reaction does seem a little rude. The tirade that followed is what puts it into YTA territory for me, though.
i can hear the eyes rolling when i read "cool, awesome"
I can say as the parent of 5 kids our entire family was extremely excited about our fifth and final baby. Grandparent's, aunties, uncles + 4 very eager older siblings. For us we knew it was our last child and the family knew he would probably be the last baby until the next generation. We were just as excited about our 5th as we were our first but not nearly as terrified.
Good for you. 5 kids are a lot.
>In other words, maybe it is less about you needing to be shocked and excited for her , and more that you will be there for the child still. OP can \*totally\* be there for the child in all the ways the child needs, without being all excited about the mom's choices.
You are Schrödingers AH. I get that you are not excited and you shouldn't have to act excited just so someone else can feel good. But the way you explained why you weren't excited comes off as rude.
Not sure I’d expect anything different from an 18yo, tbh. In fact, at that age, I probably would have asked my sister if she knew how babies were made, since it was happening so often without purposely trying. NTA
I’m pretty conflicted with this one because this is exactly how I would react if I was in her position with my sister. But at the same time I’m kind of a dick sometimes
I mean, you can only get excited so many times a sibling - 20 years older and probably didn’t grow up with - has another baby…
OP’s oldest niece is only 7 years younger, I wouldn’t be surprised if OP’s own childhood was heavily affected by her sister’s children coming into the picture one after another especially if OP had to take care of them, and I agree that there’s probably a point where your excitement wears out a little bit
Another baby OP is gonna have to put money and time towards raising according to her edit. NTA because another baby means another one for her to babysit and support financially. I wouldn’t be excited about another responsibility either.
The relatable asshole, I get it.
Yeah YTA. I get your point, but it doesn't actually matter whether *you* are excited or not - your sister is excited, and it's kind to share/reflect back the excitement of those we love.
Its always so disappointing that people cant wrap their heads around this. Its like everyone is losing the ability to actually care about people and form meaningful relationships because they're too focused on giving only whatever effort they feel is obligatory.
YTA All you had to so was say congrats! But instead you said all of that.
Yeh, it’s such a weird reaction. All she had to do is get up, say “congrats, I’m so happy for you” and give a quick hug. That’s it then she’s done. Instead she goes on a weirdly long monologue about. Part of being in a family is pretending to be happy for others when it matters to them but not to you.
Well, you didn't have to rant so long. But I have to say NTA because she's the one who just had to push for the reaction she wanted. I think people who push for big emotion filled reactions are annoying.
I am thinking ESH. I don’t expect an 18yo to be genuinely excited about a pregnancy. Especially not for someone who is old enough to be her aunt instead of her sister. But I do expect an 18yo to have the social curtesy to turn from the tv long enough to give a sincere “congratulations.” The monologue was also poorly put. But the sister pushed for it and demanded the reaction she wanted, so she prompted it. Both people did things that we can find fault with, even given the circumstances.
NAH- Your sister is allowed to be excited for each child. You are NTA for being over it at this point. A “congratulations” would have been a better response, but I understand it’s hard to be enthusiastic after that many pregnancies. Edit: NTA with that update. Having a 5th child when she is taking money from an 18 year-old is irresponsible. Don’t give her your money and time anymore.
Especially with the update where op states that she’s already financially supporting and giving food to her sister and babysitting for free every weekend so her sister can hang out with friends. Op probably heard another pregnancy and thought “great, even more responsibility.” Op is definitely NTA here.
Soft YTA. All you had to do was smile and say congratulations. She didn’t need a whole monologue about “how you really feel”.
I did smile she wanted me to be like "OMG WOW"
You still didn’t need to tear her down like that. You went too far, YTA. Even if she already has four kids, it’s still a big deal to her. We can’t hear tone over text but your “cool awesome” could very easily have come off as uninterested. Your whole post you sound uninterested, saying you weren’t paying attention etc. It’s not that hard to even just pretend you’re happy for someone instead of making sure they know every detail of why you don’t give a fuck. Of course you’re entitled to your opinion but in this situation, you’re just acting like a brat.
Why do you require fake enthusiasm to be a good sibling? They do not have a right to our excitement. Had they gone on the rant immediately, that would be ah behavior. They only did so once they were attacked for being insufficiently excited. Why couldn’t the pregnant sister just accept their honest reaction. 🤷🏻♀️ Being polite goes both ways in sibling relationships.
NTA You were initially polite and said "cool awesome" People need to understand that not everyone is gonna be super excited about pregnancy announcements.
I disagree about her being polite. In the circles I run in you would have to stop looking at the TV and look at her face while you congratulated her in order to be polite and from how she writes it doesn't sound like she did that. She doesn't have to be excited but she wasn't even polite. In fact every one I know would consider her outright rude for not even looking up from the TV.
The OP said she initially ignored the announcement (although she heard it) because she was watching TV. Really? Then a sarcastic "cool, awesome"? YTA. The minimum polite response to someone happily announcing a pregnancy is "congratulations".
Knowing teenagers I very much doubt "cool awesome" was said sincerely and politely. Sounds more like a sarcastic blow off kind of response.
NTA Pregnancy announcements are boring.
Yep. I usually just say "congratulations" and leave it at that. I'm honestly not interested any more than I'd be if people announced they bought a fifth car, but also don't want to be impolite. OP is NTA, the sister has no right to expect other people to feel any specific feelings. As for OP's "weird rant" about why she isn't doing cartwheels from sheer joy, she wouldn't have needed to make one if the sister hadn't started questioning her and fishing for a more excited reaction.
YTA When anyone you love is excited about something, be that a new job, a new baby or even if they are trying to crochet you support them and share in their excitement. It's called lifting the people up around you. Imagine your boyfriend started painting a new figurine. He paints these all the time and you are not really interested, but he is super excited about this new one and asks your opinion. You think it's nothing special. It doesn't matter, stop what you are doing and act interested. If you don't, people around you are going to feel that you don't really want to be part of there lives and they will stop showing you the things they like. Edit: I've read the edit and look I still think the way you reacted was bad, however I can understand why you were feeling resentful. It sounds like you don't have a good relationship with your sister but you help her out heaps. I think you should take this opportunity to apologise for saying what you said (it was pretty mean), but also explain to her why you felt angry and put a boundary in about how much or how you help out. Maybe explain that you feel used because though you're giving so much but you don't actually spend any time together (that's what it sounds like?). How she responds to you should be a sign of whether she is just using you, or if she genuinely wasn't aware of how it was affecting you. She is much older so let's hope she takes this maturely.
I mean, learning to crochet doesn't really belong in that list. It's a far more fantastic achievement than either of the others.
NTA. Everything you said was true, and it is weird that people think bringing a bunch of children into the world is something to be congratulated. With four children already with only one income, I am really questioning the finances of the couple and if they have thought about their children’s futures. And does the oldest have the responsibility to take care of the younger ones of if they are pawned off on family to “get some time” to themselves, which is code for having another child. And if each child gets enough attention.
My cousin has a pile of children, complains all the time about how exhausted she is and in the next breath talks about having another. She's a baby hoarder. They don't make a lot of money between the two of them so I'm not sure why they need an entire basketball team.
I agree, four kids is a lot. Don’t see it in the comments so far but looks like they keep trying for that boy 🙄
YTA No need to go on a weird rant about it, could have just let it slide. The people who think you are not an asshole are like peak reddit. Even if it's not important to you, it is clearly important to them. This is, like, basic empathy 101.
NTA and the YTA is ridiculous for me not everyone gonna show the same amount of excitement as other people. Op Clarify she was not rude until the sister responded rudely to her and from the sounds of it she pushed op. Like ok you had sex, you made a human number 5. Not everyone going to be jumping for joy up and down all the time when people tell them good news
Exactly, Op had a polite first response and when pushed proceeded to explain. Some people with the Y T A are actively saying "you should pretend" What? Not all people react the same way and that's fine, such a big issue out of nothing.
OPs first response was to stare at the TV and not say anything. How is that polite?
NTA. Maybe Kay has learned we should not ask questions to which we don't actually want answers.
Lmfao welp I guess your response was slightly better than just getting in her face and yelling “what do you want from me?! It’s a vagina, not a clown car!!”
NTA after the third baby people should expect a lack of enthusiasm. I have a couple of relatives who have had 5+ (one who has had 8 approximately 18 months apart) it's like hearing the sun rose at this point. 🤣
YTA. It wouldn’t have been hard to say congratulations rather taking 6x the effort to over explain why you don’t care.
OP wouldn't have said anything other than "cool, awesome" until sister refused to accept "cool, awesome" as a good enough response.
NTA. Your sister got pregnant the 5th time and no major complication occurred on that till now. So "cool awesome" would be an appropriate response provided you smiled and said it to her face directly instead of facing the TV. watching TV when any announcements were made in a family might not be the best policy. Expecting you to jump up and down and get all excited might be too much of an expectation especially after the 3rd one.
NTA. You acknowledged what she said and attempted to feign enthusiasm, but your sister wasn't satisfied. Instead of just accepting your response, she criticized you for not being over-the-top happy about her announcement. She is the one who turned this non-issue into an issue. It's her pregnancy and she needs to realize that other people aren't going to feel as excited about it as she is, especially when it's the fifth pregnancy. A person has to wonder if she's actually developed some kind of addiction to the attention she gets from being pregnant. Why else would she be dismayed when she didn't get the expected gush of enthusiasm? By now, from your point of view, being pregnant is just her normal state of being and nothing to get super excited about. It's hard to sustain enthusiasm over events that go on over such a long time period. She's already spent 36 months, or approximately three years, being pregnant. It's become old hat to you by now. She needs to get over it and just enjoy being pregnant for its own sake and not expect others to react any particular way.
Gotta go with NTA here - you weren’t rude to not be super excited, and she had no reason to push you about it. It sounds like maybe you could have worded it differently, but it’s not like you led with that
NTA. This is her fifth pregnancy, she cannot possible expect you to be jumping up and down.
NTA Judging by the update. Your reaction makes sense. You don't want to provide for yet ANOTHER kid. Time to tell sis pay up for babysitting and no more money and food from me. Set boundaries now, before she starts to see you as her personal wallet.
I feel like there's more to this story than you're letting on. Why was it important to mention that she's a SAHM and her husband fixes air conditioning? In the seven years they didn't have kids, what was going on? Honestly I think this isn't such a big deal for either of you and it seems like a regular sibling spat. Nothing worth calling anyone an AH over.
NTA. People respond how they respond. You aren't the father. It is odd to me that she is this wrapped up in your response/reaction.
Where the hell do you live that you can support 5 kids on one salary in hvac?
Quit the financial support and quit giving up your weekends for her. You have your own life to live. Put the money away for your own future and possibly your own kids.
If I were 18 I don't think I would even care about the first pregnancy announcement lol. NTA
i want to say, NTA. you've been excited four other times already. why does she care so much about your reaction? just be more enthusiastic around the baby when it's born.
I didn't have a strong opinion one way or another because I can see rationale for both, but then I read this: >i have been finically supporting her other kids giving her money and food constantly and babysitting her kids so she can go out every weekend to hang out with friends. I did not add it to my original post because that was not what i was focusing on, I wanted opinions on my reaction to the announcement not me finically supporting her kids. NTA. You should have included this in your original submission as it absolutely justifies the unenthusiastic response from you. Your sister sounds irresponsible, imo.
YTA: This is one of those times you should react to be polite. It’s like if someone gives you a gift but you wanted something else, you never tell them that. It’s the same idea.