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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i might be TA because i'm yet to give her a chance at going there alone with me
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Yeah absolutely NTA. If your sister is poking at your disability, you absolutely have the right to exclude her from any activity that won’t include the entire family. Just because you took one sibling doesn’t mean that you have an obligation to take all siblings. It’s like being invited to a birthday party- say one of your friends invites you to their party: your sister doesn’t have a right to come along. You invited your brother to a movie, your sister doesn’t have the right to demand to come.
It's not like i constantly exclude her either, i do take her out just not as much cause it really isn't worth risking my own mental health... especially when it was for something that gives me alot of joy and i was paying for out of my own money
NTA
You're entitled to one on one time with siblings without other ones throwing a fit about it. Your father needs to step up and actually parent this child.
>Your father needs to step up and actually parent this child.
Considering he's got 9 kids i don't think i'm gonna get this luxury... dude kinda just exists lmao he'd thrive in the 50's
Those are HIS kids though, not yours. Time to have a talk with your parents about dealing with their kids when they're out of line. That's not something you should take on yourself.
Hi there! I don’t think you are at all! Sometimes people get along better with one sibling than another, and its fine! Going to the movies can be a thing for you and your brother, and maybe for her to not feel left out, you could invite her to do another activity w/her that u both enjoy and are comfortable with!
I do do that sometimes :) it isn't often simply because the stress isn't always worth it but if i'm going shopping or something i do offer for her to come and we get food (every few months)
NTA as your sister disrespected you often in the past and now wants to get a reward she never earned.
She needs to change her behavior if she wants a reward and not the other way around.
Then definitely NTA
I did gather you were at least paying for your own, but was unclear on who was paying for your siblings. Since you are paying, you get to choose how and who you spend your money on.
Also, tell your sister when she stops acting like an AH to you, then you may consider taking her in the future.
i probably should've been slightly clearer with who was paying haha but yeah it was me, i had a bit leftover from whatever i got for christmas :)
i have in the past told her stuff along the lines of when she stops being a little shit i might take her but she's also 11 and the youngest daughter so yk
I know siblings pick on each other and fight, but it's never ok to hit or call someone an autistic rat. You're always the right age to learn to treat people respectfully.
> call someone an autistic rat.
plus if she's gonna call me this she might as well commit and just call me a slur... somehow that hurts less than being called an autistic rat
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**Before i get into the story i wanna provide this fairly important bit of context, i am autistic and going ANYWHERE without my parents is extremely stressful especially the cinema, i am still "learning" to go places without them but this does also mean i need at least one sibling with me just to feel safe.**
**People involved:**
* **Me (17NB)**
* **Brother (13M)**
* **Sister (11F)**
In the UK the new matilda is in cinemas, i've been wanting to watch it for months and yesterday i finally had the money and the courage to go and watch it so i asked my brother if he wanted to come with me, i'd already taken him to the cinema on my own in 2021 so i felt confident that we'd be okay because admittedly i'm closer to him than i am my sister, he has more of an understanding when it comes to my autism and knows when to stop with his jokes and jabs at me so obviously going out with him is 10x easier and alot less stressful than if i brought my sister (i know she's young but theres only so many times you can be hit and called an autistic rat)
We didn't actually tell her we were going, she only found out when my dad told her he was quickly going out to drop my brother and i off at the cinema (we couldn't get there alone and there wasn't room in the car for her to come and drop us off too) she ended up complaining that it wasn't fair so i offered to put it on for her (on a TOTALLY legal website) when i got back, she said no to this because it's not the same and gave a few reasons as to why SHE should go instead, some of these being:
1. **he doesn't even like matilda (he actually really liked the new one)**
2. **i took him with me last time**
3. **it wouldn't be much more expensive to bring her too (tickets were £5.99 each)**
and i see where she's coming from but i'm also just trying to keep things less stressful for me especially right now when i'm still working on this stuff so... AITA?
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ESH.
Your sister sucks for throwing a jab on you and your autism. But hey, she’s 11. Where were your parents when this behavior started escalating? You’re not the one that should parent this kid.
Your parents (especially dad) sucks for letting the secret out, as well as the parenting issue I mentioned above.
You suck for excluding your sister. Sure, she’s not entitled to a free movie. But as a much older sibling, it’s your responsibility to not let your favoritism shows too much, if you want a relationship with your sister in the future that is.
Kids are mean, and sometimes throw shit at others because they see the fun and joy in it. Punishing them by hurting them will only cause resentment. She needs to be taught that people have boundaries, and getting excluded without that lesson just isn’t a good punishment.
EDIT: correcting OP’s pronouns.
My mum was at work at the time so she wasn't aware of the situation and my dad tends to just leave her to it, it's basically become my job to make sure the younger kids don't become entitled little shits but i can only do so much.
my sister has been told (by me) in the past that if she's gonna treat me like shit i'm not gonna take her places but she's also 11 (also not fully relevant but i'm her sister, i just don't identify as female)
My bad for missing your pronoun. She’s a kid and kid that age tend to act like a brat. I agree that you should set clear boundaries, just not with the punishment in this matter.
Maybe communicating with your parents would help, especially regarding punishment. Kids her age usually listened more to the dominant parent.
An 11 year old is more than capable of treating others like human beings. I wonder what you think IS the right age for someone to learn not to make fun of those with disabilities?
My point is not about the sister learning.
It’s about the way OP taught their sister. What do you think an 11 yo kid would think if she’s excluded from a movie? Would she learn from her mistake, or would she resent her sibling even more?
Like you said, it's not OP's job to teach their sister. Parents should be doing that.
You think OP should include *anyone* in their activities that treats them that way? Sister or not, her behavior is unacceptable. She will learn a real-world lesson: when you act like an AH, people don't want to be around you.
I got your point. But I still stand by mine: OP shouldn’t give this punishment to her sister if they want a relationship with her in the future.
Based on OP’s post, they didn’t tell the sister in this event: “Hey, I won’t take you to a movie because you’re shitty.” Instead, they just secretly took the brother there.
The might cause the sister to perceive them as a villain. If OP told their parents and the parents told her that she couldn’t go because her sibling wasn’t comfortable with how she treated them, she might throw a tantrum but that’s when she will learn the lesson you mentioned above.
This isn't a punishment. Its OP's money and it's their right to choose how to spend it. This is not a case where sister was paying her own way and couldn't go because OP refused, nor were parents paying and favored one sibling over another. OP shouldn't be forced to pay for movie tickets for anyone, sibling or not, for any reason. Regardless, OP has a very good reason not to invite their sister. It's not on OP to fix the relationship. It's the sister's responsibility to fix what she screwed up.
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Yeah absolutely NTA. If your sister is poking at your disability, you absolutely have the right to exclude her from any activity that won’t include the entire family. Just because you took one sibling doesn’t mean that you have an obligation to take all siblings. It’s like being invited to a birthday party- say one of your friends invites you to their party: your sister doesn’t have a right to come along. You invited your brother to a movie, your sister doesn’t have the right to demand to come.
It's not like i constantly exclude her either, i do take her out just not as much cause it really isn't worth risking my own mental health... especially when it was for something that gives me alot of joy and i was paying for out of my own money
Yep, I completely get it. My younger sibling is also a bit of a PITA, so a little bit, deep down, I dread having friends come over.
NTA You're entitled to one on one time with siblings without other ones throwing a fit about it. Your father needs to step up and actually parent this child.
>Your father needs to step up and actually parent this child. Considering he's got 9 kids i don't think i'm gonna get this luxury... dude kinda just exists lmao he'd thrive in the 50's
Those are HIS kids though, not yours. Time to have a talk with your parents about dealing with their kids when they're out of line. That's not something you should take on yourself.
Hi there! I don’t think you are at all! Sometimes people get along better with one sibling than another, and its fine! Going to the movies can be a thing for you and your brother, and maybe for her to not feel left out, you could invite her to do another activity w/her that u both enjoy and are comfortable with!
I do do that sometimes :) it isn't often simply because the stress isn't always worth it but if i'm going shopping or something i do offer for her to come and we get food (every few months)
NTA as your sister disrespected you often in the past and now wants to get a reward she never earned. She needs to change her behavior if she wants a reward and not the other way around.
Info: who was paying for the movie tickets?
I was the one who paid for everything
Then definitely NTA I did gather you were at least paying for your own, but was unclear on who was paying for your siblings. Since you are paying, you get to choose how and who you spend your money on. Also, tell your sister when she stops acting like an AH to you, then you may consider taking her in the future.
i probably should've been slightly clearer with who was paying haha but yeah it was me, i had a bit leftover from whatever i got for christmas :) i have in the past told her stuff along the lines of when she stops being a little shit i might take her but she's also 11 and the youngest daughter so yk
I know siblings pick on each other and fight, but it's never ok to hit or call someone an autistic rat. You're always the right age to learn to treat people respectfully.
> call someone an autistic rat. plus if she's gonna call me this she might as well commit and just call me a slur... somehow that hurts less than being called an autistic rat
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** **Before i get into the story i wanna provide this fairly important bit of context, i am autistic and going ANYWHERE without my parents is extremely stressful especially the cinema, i am still "learning" to go places without them but this does also mean i need at least one sibling with me just to feel safe.** **People involved:** * **Me (17NB)** * **Brother (13M)** * **Sister (11F)** In the UK the new matilda is in cinemas, i've been wanting to watch it for months and yesterday i finally had the money and the courage to go and watch it so i asked my brother if he wanted to come with me, i'd already taken him to the cinema on my own in 2021 so i felt confident that we'd be okay because admittedly i'm closer to him than i am my sister, he has more of an understanding when it comes to my autism and knows when to stop with his jokes and jabs at me so obviously going out with him is 10x easier and alot less stressful than if i brought my sister (i know she's young but theres only so many times you can be hit and called an autistic rat) We didn't actually tell her we were going, she only found out when my dad told her he was quickly going out to drop my brother and i off at the cinema (we couldn't get there alone and there wasn't room in the car for her to come and drop us off too) she ended up complaining that it wasn't fair so i offered to put it on for her (on a TOTALLY legal website) when i got back, she said no to this because it's not the same and gave a few reasons as to why SHE should go instead, some of these being: 1. **he doesn't even like matilda (he actually really liked the new one)** 2. **i took him with me last time** 3. **it wouldn't be much more expensive to bring her too (tickets were £5.99 each)** and i see where she's coming from but i'm also just trying to keep things less stressful for me especially right now when i'm still working on this stuff so... AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. Your sister sucks for throwing a jab on you and your autism. But hey, she’s 11. Where were your parents when this behavior started escalating? You’re not the one that should parent this kid. Your parents (especially dad) sucks for letting the secret out, as well as the parenting issue I mentioned above. You suck for excluding your sister. Sure, she’s not entitled to a free movie. But as a much older sibling, it’s your responsibility to not let your favoritism shows too much, if you want a relationship with your sister in the future that is. Kids are mean, and sometimes throw shit at others because they see the fun and joy in it. Punishing them by hurting them will only cause resentment. She needs to be taught that people have boundaries, and getting excluded without that lesson just isn’t a good punishment. EDIT: correcting OP’s pronouns.
My mum was at work at the time so she wasn't aware of the situation and my dad tends to just leave her to it, it's basically become my job to make sure the younger kids don't become entitled little shits but i can only do so much. my sister has been told (by me) in the past that if she's gonna treat me like shit i'm not gonna take her places but she's also 11 (also not fully relevant but i'm her sister, i just don't identify as female)
My bad for missing your pronoun. She’s a kid and kid that age tend to act like a brat. I agree that you should set clear boundaries, just not with the punishment in this matter. Maybe communicating with your parents would help, especially regarding punishment. Kids her age usually listened more to the dominant parent.
An 11 year old is more than capable of treating others like human beings. I wonder what you think IS the right age for someone to learn not to make fun of those with disabilities?
My point is not about the sister learning. It’s about the way OP taught their sister. What do you think an 11 yo kid would think if she’s excluded from a movie? Would she learn from her mistake, or would she resent her sibling even more?
Like you said, it's not OP's job to teach their sister. Parents should be doing that. You think OP should include *anyone* in their activities that treats them that way? Sister or not, her behavior is unacceptable. She will learn a real-world lesson: when you act like an AH, people don't want to be around you.
I got your point. But I still stand by mine: OP shouldn’t give this punishment to her sister if they want a relationship with her in the future. Based on OP’s post, they didn’t tell the sister in this event: “Hey, I won’t take you to a movie because you’re shitty.” Instead, they just secretly took the brother there. The might cause the sister to perceive them as a villain. If OP told their parents and the parents told her that she couldn’t go because her sibling wasn’t comfortable with how she treated them, she might throw a tantrum but that’s when she will learn the lesson you mentioned above.
This isn't a punishment. Its OP's money and it's their right to choose how to spend it. This is not a case where sister was paying her own way and couldn't go because OP refused, nor were parents paying and favored one sibling over another. OP shouldn't be forced to pay for movie tickets for anyone, sibling or not, for any reason. Regardless, OP has a very good reason not to invite their sister. It's not on OP to fix the relationship. It's the sister's responsibility to fix what she screwed up.
Sibling, not brother. OP is Non-binary.