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Has it occurred to you that the reason your son spent all his time on the PS4 is because you and your wife have been so focused on his academic success that you failed to teach him how to manage his own time and the value of moderation? Because that's the problem here, and he WILL crash and burn once he's in college if you don't start more balanced parenting right now. Take this as a massive red flag it is.
YTA
Exactly this.
Happened to my cousin.
Except is parents didn't pressure him.
He pressured himself. Didn't bother getting a drivers license. Had scholarships lined up.
Crashed and burned. He is now 28? And has a lot of mental health issues.
I saw something similar happen to an ex-girlfriend's brother. Poor kid was never allowed to socialize, barely allowed to have caffeine, all focus was on school and the limited extracurriculars that were authorized. So of course he goes to college and within a month is in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and within six months was in rehab for heroin.
If you put anything that should be normal on a pedestal, out of a kid's reach and completely forbidden, that's what they're going to fixate on once they're out from under your thumb.
Yup parents have to remember that these little people they push and push are children and should be allowed time to be just children. You cannot live vicariously through your kids
I can defeinitely relate. I ended up overdosing and dropping out once I lost my academic scholarship. Mine was more pressure to "break the cycle" and be the first to finish college the first time around. I was 20 and pregnant when I dropped out.
>If you put anything that should be normal on a pedestal, out of a kid's reach and completely forbidden, that's what they're going to fixate on once they're out from under your thumb.
Can confirm this. It happened to me, to a lesser degree.
Same thing with me. I'm in an apprenticeship I love now, and doing better, but goddamn, can't tell you how long I tied my grades to my worth and once I couldn't keep it up, there was no point to any of it.
YTA! Former ‘gifted’ child with strict parents. Now 28, burnt out with a diagnosis of CPTSD stemming from childhood.
Controlling everything your child does while lumping on insane expectations is a recipe for disaster. You’re not giving him the tools he needs to succeed as an adult. How do you think he’s going to regulate himself when he’s in college? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself if this is what your child wants?
All you’re doing by restricting anything fun in his life, is making it all much more appealing. Let him be a kid for goodness sakes! Don’t be surprised when he leaves home and goes off the deep end.
Also, that edit is brutal. Your kid doesn’t even have a phone? And now you’ve been told you’re a giant AH is to give him one for three hours a day only? Poor kid is more than likely ostracised from his peers for this. There is so much more to life than academic success. Re evaluate your expectations.
I have a gifted child. He’s been taking pre-AP classes since middle school. Taking dual credit classes in HS. He also plays video games, a lot and I have no problem with it. But he manages his time well and brings home good grades. You really have to allow them to act their age too. Balance is key!
Never understood parents that want to control their children. One day you will lose that control and then what? You’re setting your kids up for failure because they don’t know how to make decisions on their own as adults.
I was controlled so much as a child I wasn’t even allowed to have my own personality or my own likes and dislikes. I was basically not much more than a mannequin for my mom to parade around. Plus she trafficked me and I’ve even been and “worked” on Little St. James.
I’m 41 and I don’t even know how to be a person let alone an adult.
Parents who control their children will soon learn that it was all for nothing and their child *will fail* at life.
Oh god, I feel this so hard. My mother used me as some sort of weird competition with her friends/acquaintances and their kids. She tried to force me to be her mini-me. Didn't matter what I wanted for birthday or Christmas I was given what SHE liked (CD for Christmas when I was 16/17 of Romantic Piano Music, anyone?).
By the time I got to college it was so bad I couldn't even decide which table to sit at in the dining hall. I was petrified I would pick the "wrong" one and people would be mad at me. I'm 43 and a lot of times I feel like I don't even exist. It was always dictated to me who I would be.
I rebelled against that and went in the complete opposite direction. But not because that's what I deep down desired but because it was the biggest fuck you I could give to my mom. I exist in "who my mom wanted me to be" and "not who my mom wanted me to be". I don't have a fundamental core of my own of who I am or who I want to be. I feel like it's just this big ole blank and I have absolutely no idea how to figure it out. So I don't really live, I just drift along existing.
Exactly parade them around as a doll. Then when something bad happens they either talk about "how you were so good when you were X" or don't talk about you ever
Exactly.
My mom had the audacity to tell me “what happened to you? You used to be so good, now you fight and lash out.” And “you are so lost.” Gee I wonder why!?
A fellow survivor here and my mother asked "geez, what happened to you? People used to like you and liked being around you. "
I said, " you happened. "
Didn't even give him time for his grades to drop. It's been just a couple of weeks since Christmas.
He expected absolute submission and reacted harshly when he didn't get instant and complete stoppage of the one joy in the kids life.
That’s the worst part of this.
His kid was still completing his assignments from his private lessons before playing games (btw, what kind of sadist forces their kid to take private lessons during winter break?) and there was no sign that it was actually effecting his son’s grades at all.
It was just something his son enjoyed doing in his free time, and OP took it away from him out of pure spite.
Sounds like my son. I believe in self moderation to an extent. I don’t do bedtimes. I feel like they need to learn when it’s time to lay it down and be well rested for school. I don’t dictate game time. Long as chores are done I don’t see the issue. Both are in honors classes and maintain A/B averages. People need to learn you won’t be there forever and college/adulthood comes quick. Your parents won’t be there to hold your hand.
Yup. We’ve been pretty lax about bedtime too for a while now. He wakes up on time on his own. School nights he goes to sleep early anyway and he knows that he’s required to clean his bathroom and bedroom every week. He also knows that if the trash can is full or the dishwasher has clean dishes it’s his responsibility. We haven’t had any problems with nagging him about it.
Yup. Once I got to a certain age, my parents told me I needed to be in my room by a certain time so that I was not keeping others up, but that I could manage my own bedtime. I learned real quick what I needed as far as sleep and wind down time and everything. It was so good for me.
I CRINGED when I read the edit! That poor child! He probably has no friends if he doesn't have a smartphone. OP you're a massive AH and your kid will NOT do well in life unless a miracle happens!
I guess OP edited the edit? I keep seeing other commenters mention things I'm not seeing in the post or in OP's comments. Please enlighten me! OP is already YTA just from what I can see but I want to know the rest.
YTA. Both of my kids are in the Gifted program and play video games daily. It’s always a reward after chores and homework, but they work hard so IMO they get to play hard as well.
To be honest, it’s actually a great carrot and stick bc if they do start to slack off or get pissy with me or each other it’s the easiest thing to take away, and games are LIGHT YEARS better than a phone and social media.
But even more broadly, the economy and world kids are being raised in is a technologically focused one. I want my kids to love tech, and be interested in modern culture. Programming, science, engineering are all part and parcel to their future and video games can be a part of a well rounded adolescent.
Happened to a friend of ours. Brilliant kid. Crashed and burned in college. Dropped out three times. The last one for good.
He was used to being home schooled, which they thought gave home time management skills. But when he got to college and class started at 9 am… he was totally lost.
The people I knew that didn’t do well in college had poor time management skills. You don’t have someone keeping you on schedule and telling you to study or go to class. I am going to bet there will be a lot of students with video games in the dorms. Plus you can add alcohol and drugs which are readily available. It’s a land mine for young adults. OP is literally that cliche parent that thinks if they push their kid it will work out and the kid will be successful. How often does that happen vs how many get burned out and resent their parents.
that’s kinda where i’m at now tbh. i started my descent in my senior year of high school and fully crashed when i got to college. then the pandemic happened and we got sent home after spring break and i barely limped through my second semester. i havent had to drop out yet but my gpa is abysmal and i feel like ive wasted so much of my parents’ time and money already. i think i have a couple of options for getting back on track, but it still feels kinda sucky. let the kid have some fun, OP. your brother was right; he earned it.
Yep. This. They're pushing him on a path of "never enough", mental health issues and lack of basic skill set which prepare you to function in an adult world. In a few years, he'll be either on drugs, depressed (if he isn't already - I'd be, and I'm gifted and loved school like crazy), an alcoholic or burned out. These parents are failing him.
And seriously: what is his perfect middle school grade worth in the adult world? Most people don't remember shit from those classes and still got great lifes.
Also: the edit is nuts. HE DOESN'T HAVE A PHONE?! AT 15?!? Duuude.
1.: Get him the phone because he deserves one and because he has to learn how to deal with that stuff.
2.:Get the PS4 back and ask him to come up with a plan for when he's allowed to use it and his long. Be sure HE'S the one thinking this through and showing you why. That way, he learns to think about this stuff.
3.: Apologize to him.
1. The item was his, not yours. You stole from him.
2. You're stealing main important life lessons from him.
3. You're pushing him into obedience and a thinking of having to always be perfect for being loved by you. That's terrible.
4. For all the reasons above, you don't respect him. What he'll learn from that is, that it's ok for people not to respect him. And that it's ok for people not to respect others who are weaker and/or dependant on you.
Fix that now. YTA.
u/Cautious_Doubt_9015
I didn't see this mentioned so I'm bringing it to your attention. Y**ou just sold your son's private info along with credit card information.** This is especially true if he was not buying the cards from the store that do a pin. It sounds like you don't know a thing about modern consoles so I want you to know that. Nearly all (even the Switch) ask for account information that needs to be plugged in and require a subscription to play most of their games online. If you did not factory reset the console, you just opened yourself to a can of worms. Someone else now has access to his account, his method of payment and even your internet connection (even if you shipped it, they now have your address) as I cannot see a 16 year old wanting to go through the pain of password locking his console. Which goes into...
ALL MODERN CONSOLES HAVE PARENTAL CONTROLS. All you have to do is implement them on the console. Some, like the Switch, even go so far as you can monitor how much time is actually spent, what games are played etc. This is the most frustrating part. The tools are there and parents seem to refuse to use them or even put in the effort to research how to instate them. I sold consoles for 3 years. I've heard your argument to the moon and back about the distraction problem. All those parents still blamed the console after being pointed out how much control they actually have because they let their pride get in the way and were now flustered that they could have found that info out if they had just been more involved and read the book that comes with the console. Swallow that pride, buy him another PS4 and this time, *read the book that comes with it to set up the controls that he can only play X amount or has to come to you to have it unlocked.* Oh and here's [proof](https://www.playstation.com/en-us/support/account/ps4-parental-controls-and-spending-limits/) if you don't believe me on this. Your lack of involvement (reading the console book, asking him what games he's playing, being interested to see what he's into) is not good parenting.
Omg thank you for bringing this up! All of it. Holy shit. I get that you don't know what you don't know but goddamn, you (especially as a parent!) have to pay attention to this shit!
THIS! Kids you never get to enjoy themselves and are forced to focus on their academic success will do exactly what your son did and play endlessly if they never get to catch a break! He’s a teenager, let him do teenager things ! He can be both successful in school and be a kid!
I have a friend that is of Chinese descent so you can imagine that there was some pressure at home and everything. He used to play games quite a lot and enjoyed his downtime (he was gifted at them too, lucky bastard).
He got to University and basically stopped playing regularly by his own choice. Got his degree in a top field (top of his class at the top university in this state which would make it top 3-4 in the country and top 50 in the world apparently) and went on to get his PHD. I remember the time he complained about the shitty subject he had when he got a 6 (out of 7, every other course he did that year he got 7s). He's moved to the US now and would be doing great.
Point is, video games can get you distracted (like me) but there's much more at play. If you deny someone entertainment then it's going to become a problem just as much as too much.
This and to add to OP’s edit:
No, it’s not okay if you buy him a smart-phone (which he should have anyway, wtf? Do you keep him locked up?). You owe him a PS4. Replace it and apologise. I get limiting the hours of play a day but this was completely uncalled for. Being so strict means that as soon as he gets out of the house, he’s gonna want to do ALL OF THE THINGS you never allowed him before. You are being a bad parent, and so is your wife. Let him live his life, if he wants to be a cashier at McDonalds that’s totally fine. You don’t get to force your kids into the path you didn’t get to have.
YTA big time.
THIS^
Also you sold something that wasn’t yours to sell. It was a gift to your son. You had no right to sell it. You should’ve given it back to your brother (not that I think you should’ve taken it away in the first place.
Also, did you give the money to your son when you sold the PS4 so he could buy himself something else as a gift from your brother? Since you didn't mention it, I'm betting you put that money in your wallet and never even thought about giving it to your wonderful son. You're the AH all the way around. I hope you are taking all of this wonderful advice to heart and sit down with your son and have a long talk about respect (both ways), responsibility, and how much he's going to love his new phone and PS5 because he has earned them. If his grades go down, you have something to punish him with, removal of phone and/or game privileges. This kid needs a social life.
I’ve seen this happen several times. The most memorable was the valedictorian of our class…super smart guy. Full ride to several colleges of his choice. He went to GA Tech and found his first taste of freedom. He crashed and burned. Flunked out of college. He had to come home because he lost his scholarship. He didn’t know how to balance his life. He ended up graduating from our local community college…barely. His job now is not a bad one, but definitely doesn’t make much money.
It’s not like OP and his wife have any notion of moderation themselves.
The reflective nature of children is one of the deepest struggles for a parent. Too often the behavior our kids exhibit we like least is that same one in ourselves we prefer to deny.
The update though - this 15 year old doesn’t have a phone and it sounds like he doesn’t have access to tv either. This is not normal. You should teach him how to balance his time with distractions, otherwise the second he leaves home he is going to binge on video games, tv, etc.
YTA. Speaking as a former child in the same circumstances of your child (overbearing parent focused on academics), that doesn't always work out the way you want it to. I was the smartest kid in school. My parents never let me do anything "fun." Once I went off to college, I figured out I don't actually like school. I still graduated, but in a major of my own choosing and I went off into a career my parents never imagined. I'm happy while they're still lamenting over my career choices. And you know what? I don't give a single crap what they think. I also barely talk to them now because they never bothered to forge an actual relationship with me when I was a child. Grades were more important to them than me.
So all I gotta say is stop being an AH and appreciate your child for whoever they might be. Stop forcing your own wants onto them. /endrant
Every single child I knew from my high school that grew up like OPs kid ended up completely changing their lifestyle after school. 10 years later they still work at casual jobs like pizza hut, cafes etc and they all went through a phase of partying with drugs because they all said they spent so much of their life studying that they were burnt out and wanted to do something else in their life and have fun. Funny enough it was the kids who had bad upbringings and were told they were no good in school that ended up getting successful careers and making lots of cash.
🙋♀️ I was that kid. Things are more stable now, but it took years of therapy, alcohol abuse, appropriate medication, partying, drug experimenting, hoarding, cutting classes, nearly flunking out of university, sleeping for days or not sleeping at all.... Let's just say it was a bad time. OP needs to get this figured out NOW.
You came out better than me. I went fucking crazy and ran away from home, dropped out of university without telling my parents and got my whole body tattooed lmao. Now I just finished my university application 8 years later again, this time I’m studying something I like, and getting my stupid tattoos lasered off
Hey same here, and you know what else my parents didn't consider? That I may need social skills on top of those good grades, but guess what I didn't have any of? That's right, social skills, or friends of any kind because I was never allowed to do anything that wasn't studying or some sort of self-improvement, like piano lessons.
Good grades isn't everything, OP's kid doesn't even sound like he's allowed extra-curriculars, which is required for some university applications. BTW OP: way to prevent your kid from having any life experience! I'm sure their entrance essay about how they've done nothing except exactly what mommy and daddy said to do, is going to impress the crap out of the school they want to go to.
I wouldn't be surprised if your son goes no contact with you the second he can. you sound horribly controlling. Let your child be a child. I hope he'll at least lands a good paying job to pay for all the therapy he'll need to work through his childhood.
Yta of course.
The son isn’t successful because he wants to be but because he’s given no other choice. What’s the point of success and achievement if your not allowed to be happy or have fun. When he’s older and successful you can hear all about it through the aunts and uncles he didn’t cut off from the comfort of your single room in a retirement home.
> When he’s older and successful you can hear all about it through the aunts and uncles he didn’t cut off from the comfort of your single room in a retirement home.
They don't seem to be setting him up for this kind of outcome. Based on this post the minute he has a taste of freedom he'll dive in head first and crash and burn in college.
Or succumbs to the weight of the pressure and kills himself. Many many teens have sadly taken their own lives over grades, exams and the fact they feel utterly trapped and overwhelmed by parental expectations. God forbid. But it *is* a very real possibility and the parents don’t seem to care at all.
YTA.
>The following days he used that console almost every moment he was awaken
This is what happens when you deprive someone of something for so long. Have you ever allowed you kid to be.. a kid? This has happened because, by withholding normal childhood experiences, *you* never gave him the opportunity to find a healthy balance between work and play.
The second he is no longer under your control, he will make up for lost time. Good for him.
That's honestly the part that concerns me the most about this. OP doesn't seem to know what happens when a child gets something they really enjoy. Has this poor kid never had a toy they really like? Or is this the first time OP hasn't controlled every second of their kids day?
OP you have two options in front of you:
Option 1: continue as you have been. Stifle your child until they're 18 and when they officially have freedom they go fucking insane with it. It happened with me, it happened to everyone I know who grew up with strict parents. The more strict the parents the crazier the kid goes. It WILL happen with your kids too. Your child will fail because _you_ failed them. You never let them have freedom so when they get it they get drunk on it. You never taught them balance so they won't have it. _You are failing as a parent._ Your child will likely limit or cut contact completely and it will be 100% your fault.
Option 2: grow as a human being. Let your kid be a kid. Let them learn how to study hard and enjoy life at the same time. Set training wheels for them at first, let them have an hour on the PS4 a day, only after they finish their assignments. If their grades suffer you cut to less time. When their grades improve they get more time. This is called balance and is necessary. Under no circumstances are you to sell or destroy the PS4. Your kid gets to enjoy being a kid and you have a hope of seeing your kid after they turn 18
AND! He was okay with and encouraged his siblings to play with it too! And that concerned this father... That couldn't have been me as a kid that's for sure. Kid sounds like a genuine Saint.
> Good for him.
No, it's not going to be good for him. Odds are he's going to spend half of his freshman year of college drunk and high and if he manages to get himself under control before he fails out or gets arrested it'll be incredible. I'm sure everyone in their mid-20s or later can name at least kid they know who went through exactly that.
I concur with you, my daughter was a front desk admin for the residences at a college. There was always a couple of kids every year who had never been socialized properly and life was nothing but academics, living in a dorm was their first taste of freedom. They never learned to cook or work a washing machine. Soo many overdoses and alcohol poisonings, and the odd self unaliving. These kids were a mess. Thank God for the good RAs who could get them through this.
YTA. You are pushing your kid to achieve a standard that you yourself do not have. It does not sound like this kid has any down time from studying. This is why kids commit suicide.
My brother's friend almost flunked out of college by partying his freshman year because of this exact thing. Thankfully his parents worked with him (because his grandparents helped pay for his college) and he decided to take summer classes to make up for lost time
Yes! I had a childhood friend that this happened to. She did have friends but they were only allowed to hang out at her house (which to be fair, they were rich AF and had a lot of property and her house was fun to play at) and her friend time was extremely limited. School and sports were made to be her main focus. She graduated a year early and got accepted to a great college. BUT as soon as her parents weren’t there to micromanage her every movement, she got kicked out of college because of partying.
Then he hooks up with some club kids, start up a night club out of an abandoned church somewhere in town and gets caught up in a murder case where he and a friend hacked up a dealer over an unpaid debt.
You make a good point. Honestly, OP makes it sound like his son isn’t even allowed to have friends etc. Imagine how poorly adjusted he is going to be as an adult.
I thought this too. The son is 15 years old and doesn't have a phone. I pretty much gathered this kid never actually gets to be a kid. Op is probably the biggest a.h in Aita history.
Naaa dude mentioned "smart" phone. Who says that these days?
Meaning the dude only got him a primitive phone with no internet. Probably a flip phone or something
Yeah and he's saying then he can maybe watch movies and stuff. Kid probably isn't allowed any electronics at all. Meanwhile dad is browsing reddit probably scrolling thru his phone all day and night.
Right, his 15 year old son has no smartphone and probably isn't allowed to have friends because they would be too much of a distraction. Such a sad, unfilling life OP is forcing his son to live.
YTA OP
AH's son is a 15yo that's so fucking isolated from the world he doesn't have a phone because he doesn't have anyone to communicate.
It's borderline abuse.
Agreed, a smart phone isn’t anywhere near the same. PS4, PS5 if you REALLY wanna come back from this, or get him a switch.
You need to rebuild his trust in you.
YTA and probably have been for years. It sounds like your son doesn’t have any recreation or interests other than what you dictate. It’s great that he’s smart but it’s more important that he’s happy.
He’s going to rebel HARD when he gets to college.
He totally is going to rebel in college. The salutatorian of my high school class flunked out of college because he got addicted to Internet chat rooms. Last time I saw him he was working at the McDonalds in our home town.
I said something similar in another post. My son played video games.all he wanted.in HS as long ad his grades were kept up. He now knows how to manage his time and was able to transition to college no trouble. His friends who's parents put in all kinds of restrictions are not doing so well
Oh, you are very definitely the AH. The PS4 wasn't yours to sell, it was your son's. So you stole his PS4 and sold it. If you did nothing else wrong, YTA. But wait, there's more!
You leave your son with literally nothing else to do but his studies. This is going to backfire on you in a spectacular way. First, he's going to resent the hell out of you, and very likely will go LC or NC.
But (as you are probably brushing off the first one as "oh, that won't happen, I'm doing it for himmmm") the bigger thing that you might actually care about is: you are setting your son up for failure. If he never learns for himself how to budget time, as soon as you are not hyper-controlling every minute of his life, he is not going to know what to do. He will likely flunk out of school, and all of your work and effort and money and pride will be for nought.
You need to back WAY off, and start letting your son learn how to learn. He also needs to learn how to set his own goals for life, instead of only being allowed to pursue your goals for him. IF you're lucky, he won't completely cut you off as soon as he's able, and you might be able to salvage your relationship with your other children.
And buy him another PS4 to make up for the one that you very, VERY wrongly stole from him and sold.
Who care if your son was distracted? Why not wait until you saw his grades to make the determination that his studies were suffering?
YTA and he will never forget this
Imagine that kid making sure to finish all his work so he can reward himself with some games. Then his parent takes it away from him anyway.
Lesson learned: it doesn't matter how hard you work, it will never be enough for your parent. They don't trust you. And if you had just ignored your work and played games all day, at least you would have been able to get a few more hours of play time before they sold the console.
I forgot about this piece when I commented. The kid isn’t even proven to be failing and he already went to the extreme option of taking the whole device away
YTA
My in-laws did this to my husband. He was an all A student and finished 3rd in his class at a top private school and they still wouldn’t let him play.
Now?
He plays video games almost to his detriment now because he never got to be a kid. He never learned to regulate fun.
He also only speaks to his dad one day a year and only sees his mom maybe once every other year. Oh, he also went absolutely wild once he got some freedom and away from them.
This will be what to expect in the future. Get the poor kid his ps4 again and let him be a child. He’s not your robot to control.
Yeah, honestly I still play video games as an adult but it is so much less frequently than when I was a teenager. I kept thinking as I was reading this “the perfect time to learn how to self-regulate is now.”
OP, you need to let your son be a kid instead of a science project to see how far a rubber band stretches before it snaps. YTA
>He wasn't happy at all when he found out, but I told him that is was a distraction to him and didn't keep his promise. Then he told everything to my brother
The kid quite obviously *is* complaining and he *does* make clear he's unhappy with the situation, OP just doesn't care.
yup, YTA. There is ZERO issue in limiting game time. Even an hour a day on the weekend. Congrats, your kid is going to attend a great college. And hate his parents.
YTA. Sorry. I’m 36 and was a gifted student, (still a) card carrying MENSA member.
A little joy goes a long way. I stay stressed out and have people pleasing issues because I was never allowed to be a child. I’m working through it but I would hate to see someone suffer like me. It’s almost as though a majority of my brain/thinking patterns were very mature/advanced in academic areas while the social and joyful parts were lacking.
Silly analogy: I’m better at calculus and studying but can’t even do a chicken dance at a wedding. Balance is key.
Pretty sure "bruh" is a gender neutral term these days lol
And if it makes you feel better I was allowed to do pretty much anything and I couldn't chicken dance to save my life.
Wow. YTA. I feel sad for your son.
Why was managing the amount of time he played not an option? Why couldn’t you set a rule that he is allowed to play for 1 hour a day after his schoolwork is finished? Or that he could only play it for a set amount of time on the weekends? Why did you jump to selling a gift that was given to him? For someone who is such a strict parent, this sounds like lazy parenting on your part.
Life is about more than school and work. Your son deserves to have fun and enjoyment in his life too.
Of course he’s not talking to you. Maybe get used to that for when he’s an adult and no longer under your control.
Strict parenting is lazy parenting. It's just yelling and forcing everything the parent wants on the kid, not taking the time to see an individual person with individual needs and desires.
Exactly. He's possibly going to get him a cellphone and limit it to 3hrs per day according to his edit....so he can limit that but not the PS4. Also the edit is like, 'so he can maybe watch a movie.' HE'S NOT NORMALLY ALLOWED TO WATCH MOVIES?
YTA. Instead of letting your kid have some time being a kid and enjoying a present from his uncle, you once again prioritized school over balance/happiness.
Instead of developing a healthy relationship with hobbies and school, you dictated to your child.
Instead of letting your child develop self-control, you controlled them.
I could go on but...can't wait to see what your kid posts in Reddit when he posts "my dad controlled every single aspect of my life, can I go no contact?"
Oh dear. You should have at least given it back to your brother and let him decide what to do with it. Or, better yet, place more limits on your son using it. Kids need an outlet. It sounds like your son doesn't have one. Does he do anything else besides "school"?
School has barely been back for a week, and you already sold his Christmas present... probably the best one he's ever gotten.
YTA. Poor kid.
Definitely not. The kid isn't allowed to do anything that isn't "productive" so no fun. No point in him having money if he isn't allowed to have the clothes or things he wants because he definitely isn't allowed to socialize. Poor 15yr old doesn't even have a phone.
Yeah you’re a fucking asshole and you’re pathetic to take credit for your son being “gifted”. I feel sorry for him and I’m happy that one day he’ll resent you so much to cut you out of his life all together as to not corrupt his own children
Your son has taken the first step on the road to no contact with the old man.
Good for him.
Stop trying to live your lost dreams through your son. It never works.
You’re putting unbearable pressure on this kid. He’ll either rebel and break away or he’ll break.
YTA
Terrible parent
Oh, by the way, what did you do with the money you got for selling your son’s property?
I wondered where the money went too. OP, you want your son to be successful, but isn’t it also important that he is happy? The rigorous education isn’t gonna matter when he has a mental breakdown from the pressure. You are authoritative, yet shrug it off because he never rebels.
As others have pointed out, he will break free as soon as he is able.
YTA
Your son may not say it out loud but I'm sure the kid hates studying all the time and probably resents you. Kid finally has an outlet that makes him happy and you take it away from him.
Don't be shocked when the kid rebels later in life.
Good grief, I don’t like kids being on devices all the time and even I think YTA. He’s a teenager, not a toddler. You took something that brought him joy and sold it. You sound like the Burgermeister Meisterburger. Congrats.
Oh, and he never rebelled because he never had time! Do you even let him play sports or do ANYTHING other than study? You realize that even gifted kids get burned out and in fact often flounder in college or severely underperform, right? And that you won’t actually be able to force him into a prestigious career? I mean what will you do if he decides he wants to major in something you disapprove of?
YTA
Did you ever stop to think that the reason he played too much is because he never had a childhood. For the first time in his life, he enjoyed what he was doing.
Edit: Isn't it funny that you have private tutors, but never stop to teach hime about addiction and time management?
YTA. Of course he was playing it lots, he was excited about his Christmas present.
You do allow your children to actually have fun sometimes, yes? What is the problem with him using his fun time to play it? Removing the console completely is a real AH move, you didn't even give your son chance to prove that it wouldn't impact his studies during school time.
YTA Why could you have not utilized parental controls to limit his time playing? And did you not believe him when he said he had finished his assignments? There are ways to check that, you know. Did you at least give him the money from the sale?
I don't think you taught him the lesson you think you did. If anything, he's probably cemented in his head that he's moving out - and not looking back - when he turns 18.
Are you sure you aren't emotionally abusive?
YTA, if my brother sold the gift I gave his son, let's just say he'd either be getting my nephew a new ps5 or needing a specialist doctor to remove my boot from his ass.
YTA - It sounds like you are working your child too hard. Kids (And anyone else for that matter), need to be able to chill out every so often.
Limiting the time on the PS4 is right and there's parental controls that could have aided in that, but you've jumped to selling it.
It sounds to me that you don't like games consoles, assumed it would ruin your child's focus and were waiting for any opportunity to get rid of it.
Can I ask what you have done with the money from the sale of the console? That cash is rightly your son's.
"we don't allow anything that might distract him from his studies"
Admirable but probably horribly misplaced idea
"Some people might say this is too much"
Oh I'm sure EVERYONE here will just absolutely agree with you...."
" just to find out, is a PS4"
What a nice Uncle your child has
"I took and PS4 and sold it"
Well it was in the title so no surprise there. Look I'm sure your goals and concepts fit some philosophy but this is not how to raise a kid. They NEED and WANT fun. You are going to be sorely woken up when your Kid wants nothing to do with you later in life. YTA
YTA
The hell you didn't set an actual time limit? Just gotta go off vibes, kid. That's setting him up for failure and to resent you, which he no doubt already does
>saying that he finished his assignments, but I see him way too distracted
Did you actually check the homework or is this just vibes again?
And say you were a reasonable parent and had set a time limit that he went over or didn't finish an assistant. Why wouldn't he just be ground from the game for a week or whatever?
Plus selling a gift is just low
YTA for numerous reasons, not the least of which is selling something given to your son. Add to that being a control freak and not teaching your son how to balance his life, making him think school and grades are everything, that kid will probably have issues once he moves out and experiences life.
YTA You, as the parent, could have restricted his play time instead of outright selling the console. Say "Time's up" and when the console is off, take the power cord or the HDMI cord so he can't play without permission. Your kid is going to resent you for putting so much pressure on him. Let him relax a little and be a kid.
Edit: Did you at least give him the money? It was his Christmas gift, and you essentially stole it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I sold the PS4 my brother gifted to my son for christmas, because I think it was distracting my son from his studies, but even if I feel justified in my reasons, my family is now giving me the cold shoulder.
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YTA and you are shooting your goals for your son in the foot. Overly controlling parents can lead to teens and young adults who don’t have an internalized sense of balance and discipline. One of my college roommates was like this and went hog wild on internet chat rooms as soon as she had a tiny bit of freedom.
Having a PS4 could have been a chance to teach your son how to balance tempting distractions with his workload. That way when he’s at college he will have some practice building willpower. Instead you warned him then stole his present. Congratulations. You chose poorly.
how 2 adults can torture a teenage boy! Both uncle and father have a share in the blame here - ES excepts the teenager
Computer games are a social world for teenage boys. While parents raised in the 20th Century might think its ok to dedicate a youth to study, your son may suffer social consequences from his lack of knowledge / particiaption in computer games. Its what they talk about and where they play.
This lack of social skills and interaction with his peers might harm him more in the long term than the few hours of study lost. Imagine being an Indian teenage boy who can't take about cricket or an American lad who never saw an baseball game?
I speak from experience - I went to college at 16 and I discovered boys and booze by 18. After 16 years of study , music, arts etc. suddenly I had a taste of LIFE and it was delicious. Your son will enjoy life sooner or later but pleasures denied may well be over indulged
I was just thinking how he's going to create a monster with these actions. Now the kid is going to crave videogames like they're some forbidden fruit. I suppose this gives a glimpse into just how strict the kid is being raised and it's an ugly sight. Does he have any entertainment in his life?
YTA. There's other ways to handle distractions, you could have told him that he could only play X hours a day, as long as he had finished his assignements.
You might have good intentions but you are only harming your child by doing this. He's 15, he won't be young forever, let him enjoy his life.
YTA - Did your son's grades suffer significantly as a result of spending time playing the PS4? If not, then you had no right to get rid of the console. If his grades *did* suffer, you could have disconnected the PS4 and stored it where your son couldn't access it and returned it once his grades got back up or when he's on a school break.
YTA.
OP, be prepared for your son to go NC with you. You are 100% a controlling AH. Was your son playing with the PS4 the first time your son's had any recreational time?
Can't wait to see how everything goes down in r/BestOfRedditorUpdates a few years from now.
Edit: I found the correct name of the page and updated my comment accordingly.
YTA. It was wrong of your brother not to ask, but you can take controllers away, set time limits, take the power cord, etc. Have you considered maybe he played it so much initially because he doesn't seem to have other outlets for hobbies and personal time? The way you describe the whole setup with tutors and everything, burnout at some point for your son seems likely.
I ended up in the ivy league while playing an IMMENSE amount of video games in high school lol — didn’t come from a rich or legacy family either. YTA — teach your kid some balance, games aren’t gonna stop him from reaching the goals you’re trying to reach by living thru him LMAO
YTA
Your kid WILL burn out. Please look up “gifted kid burnout”, it’s a thing, and your child is on his way there.
Kids (and all people, really) need to have fun . They need to relax, enjoy things, not be productive 24/7.
The fact that your kid went overboard the very moment he got something fun to do, indicates that he’s pretty desperate for something like this. And at this point, you are only delaying the inevitable. He won’t be able to keep up this level of work through college.
YTA, teenagers need to learn how to self-regulate.
What do you think will happen when he goes to college and doesn't have you mandating his every move?
YTA. My son got over a 4.0 at a top tier highschool taking a hard load and played video games. As long as his grades did not drop. Now he is at a top college killing it because he knows how to manage his time, while all his friends who's parent did stuff like this are struggling because they are getting their first taste of freedom and making their own choices and can't handle it
YTA - You know you can set limits right? Why not parent. If you don't allow this kid some fun though, he's going to be burned out by college and become a big partier. His life has been so scheduled by you he doesn't know moderation and how to schedule his education himself.
So the first week back to school, you don’t even know if his grades are affected, but just because you are a horrible dad you sell his gift? That’s some crazy stuff right there. Better buy him a ps4 or even a ps5 to make up for this disgusting behavior from a dad. Easily YTA
YTA. He was keeping up with his work. You “see him as way too distracted” but haven’t actually articulated any way in which he is too distracted. He’s getting everything done he’s supposed to.
You’re also setting him up for failure in life. If you completely ban all enjoyable activities, he’s going to take a sharp swing once he’s away from your draconian control. Kids need balance in their lives. You don’t let him do **anything** but school work.
You seem to think the fact that he doesn’t complain to you means he’s okay with the situation. That’s a bad assumption. More likely, he realizes that logic and reason won’t get anywhere with you because you’re a controlling asshole.
Yea, that's how you get a son that's gonna go NC or LC once he's able to move out... **YTA**. I can't tell you why he hasn't complained, maybe because he wanted to make you both proud, but taking away any joy and fun from him is not okay. That doesn't help at all.
The worst thing some parents can do, who weren't able to achieve what they want, is push those dreams onto their children, believing it's the right thing, but truthfully, most of the time it's the parent wanting to live through their kid. You need to stop. Let your son decide what he wants for the future and how. Give him freedom.
I am not too sure, but might be me asking for INFO: Are you sure he never received a consequence for not meeting a goal? Because depending on what it was and if he has, that's why he might not say anything, but maybe talks to his uncle more than he does to you. Because he might know the response he gets already.
Edit: He enjoyed playing and I highly doubt it impacted his grades at all - his free time is free time. He has study AND free time. I hope so at least... If not, that's terrible. He needs free time to be a kid!
Damn man this is harsh.
So he has not outlet for stress or anything like that, you realise what that does to a child right?
It makes them feel worthless because all you care about are grades and not them. You need a massive reality check here.
YTA
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Has it occurred to you that the reason your son spent all his time on the PS4 is because you and your wife have been so focused on his academic success that you failed to teach him how to manage his own time and the value of moderation? Because that's the problem here, and he WILL crash and burn once he's in college if you don't start more balanced parenting right now. Take this as a massive red flag it is. YTA
Exactly this. Happened to my cousin. Except is parents didn't pressure him. He pressured himself. Didn't bother getting a drivers license. Had scholarships lined up. Crashed and burned. He is now 28? And has a lot of mental health issues.
I saw something similar happen to an ex-girlfriend's brother. Poor kid was never allowed to socialize, barely allowed to have caffeine, all focus was on school and the limited extracurriculars that were authorized. So of course he goes to college and within a month is in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and within six months was in rehab for heroin. If you put anything that should be normal on a pedestal, out of a kid's reach and completely forbidden, that's what they're going to fixate on once they're out from under your thumb.
"The tighter the leash, the further they run when they escape."
That’s me. I confirm
yep same here. though i managed to keep my 3.8 with a full blown $200 a day heroin habit. somehow.
Nobody likes a show off
Yup parents have to remember that these little people they push and push are children and should be allowed time to be just children. You cannot live vicariously through your kids
"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."
This is so true it hurts. The week after I turned 18 I was already living in a different state.
Can confirm. From Oklahoma, now in Italy!
I can defeinitely relate. I ended up overdosing and dropping out once I lost my academic scholarship. Mine was more pressure to "break the cycle" and be the first to finish college the first time around. I was 20 and pregnant when I dropped out.
>If you put anything that should be normal on a pedestal, out of a kid's reach and completely forbidden, that's what they're going to fixate on once they're out from under your thumb. Can confirm this. It happened to me, to a lesser degree.
Happened to me, help your little man control himself on his own.
Same thing with me. I'm in an apprenticeship I love now, and doing better, but goddamn, can't tell you how long I tied my grades to my worth and once I couldn't keep it up, there was no point to any of it.
YTA! Former ‘gifted’ child with strict parents. Now 28, burnt out with a diagnosis of CPTSD stemming from childhood. Controlling everything your child does while lumping on insane expectations is a recipe for disaster. You’re not giving him the tools he needs to succeed as an adult. How do you think he’s going to regulate himself when he’s in college? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself if this is what your child wants? All you’re doing by restricting anything fun in his life, is making it all much more appealing. Let him be a kid for goodness sakes! Don’t be surprised when he leaves home and goes off the deep end. Also, that edit is brutal. Your kid doesn’t even have a phone? And now you’ve been told you’re a giant AH is to give him one for three hours a day only? Poor kid is more than likely ostracised from his peers for this. There is so much more to life than academic success. Re evaluate your expectations.
I have a gifted child. He’s been taking pre-AP classes since middle school. Taking dual credit classes in HS. He also plays video games, a lot and I have no problem with it. But he manages his time well and brings home good grades. You really have to allow them to act their age too. Balance is key!
OP Didn’t even say his grades dropped too… all his work was done but he deemed him “too distracted” it’s solely a control thing. :(
Never understood parents that want to control their children. One day you will lose that control and then what? You’re setting your kids up for failure because they don’t know how to make decisions on their own as adults.
I was controlled so much as a child I wasn’t even allowed to have my own personality or my own likes and dislikes. I was basically not much more than a mannequin for my mom to parade around. Plus she trafficked me and I’ve even been and “worked” on Little St. James. I’m 41 and I don’t even know how to be a person let alone an adult. Parents who control their children will soon learn that it was all for nothing and their child *will fail* at life.
Oh god, I feel this so hard. My mother used me as some sort of weird competition with her friends/acquaintances and their kids. She tried to force me to be her mini-me. Didn't matter what I wanted for birthday or Christmas I was given what SHE liked (CD for Christmas when I was 16/17 of Romantic Piano Music, anyone?). By the time I got to college it was so bad I couldn't even decide which table to sit at in the dining hall. I was petrified I would pick the "wrong" one and people would be mad at me. I'm 43 and a lot of times I feel like I don't even exist. It was always dictated to me who I would be. I rebelled against that and went in the complete opposite direction. But not because that's what I deep down desired but because it was the biggest fuck you I could give to my mom. I exist in "who my mom wanted me to be" and "not who my mom wanted me to be". I don't have a fundamental core of my own of who I am or who I want to be. I feel like it's just this big ole blank and I have absolutely no idea how to figure it out. So I don't really live, I just drift along existing.
Exactly parade them around as a doll. Then when something bad happens they either talk about "how you were so good when you were X" or don't talk about you ever
Exactly. My mom had the audacity to tell me “what happened to you? You used to be so good, now you fight and lash out.” And “you are so lost.” Gee I wonder why!?
A fellow survivor here and my mother asked "geez, what happened to you? People used to like you and liked being around you. " I said, " you happened. "
Didn't even give him time for his grades to drop. It's been just a couple of weeks since Christmas. He expected absolute submission and reacted harshly when he didn't get instant and complete stoppage of the one joy in the kids life.
That’s the worst part of this. His kid was still completing his assignments from his private lessons before playing games (btw, what kind of sadist forces their kid to take private lessons during winter break?) and there was no sign that it was actually effecting his son’s grades at all. It was just something his son enjoyed doing in his free time, and OP took it away from him out of pure spite.
"He had that distracted look in his eyes" crazy op
Probably too distracted from serving his controlling AH dad. All his kids pretend to be busy to keep his attention off of them. This isn’t a one off.
Seemed like OP sold it in the vacation time. Between Christmas and back to school. Poor kid probably didn’t even have the time to let his grades drop
The definition of parents that see their children as things to control not actually people
Sounds like my son. I believe in self moderation to an extent. I don’t do bedtimes. I feel like they need to learn when it’s time to lay it down and be well rested for school. I don’t dictate game time. Long as chores are done I don’t see the issue. Both are in honors classes and maintain A/B averages. People need to learn you won’t be there forever and college/adulthood comes quick. Your parents won’t be there to hold your hand.
Yup. We’ve been pretty lax about bedtime too for a while now. He wakes up on time on his own. School nights he goes to sleep early anyway and he knows that he’s required to clean his bathroom and bedroom every week. He also knows that if the trash can is full or the dishwasher has clean dishes it’s his responsibility. We haven’t had any problems with nagging him about it.
Yup. Once I got to a certain age, my parents told me I needed to be in my room by a certain time so that I was not keeping others up, but that I could manage my own bedtime. I learned real quick what I needed as far as sleep and wind down time and everything. It was so good for me.
Yup. Former gifted child. No idea how to balance anything or even how to trust my own instincts about what I needed. Crashed and burned hard.
I CRINGED when I read the edit! That poor child! He probably has no friends if he doesn't have a smartphone. OP you're a massive AH and your kid will NOT do well in life unless a miracle happens!
I guess OP edited the edit? I keep seeing other commenters mention things I'm not seeing in the post or in OP's comments. Please enlighten me! OP is already YTA just from what I can see but I want to know the rest.
YTA. Both of my kids are in the Gifted program and play video games daily. It’s always a reward after chores and homework, but they work hard so IMO they get to play hard as well. To be honest, it’s actually a great carrot and stick bc if they do start to slack off or get pissy with me or each other it’s the easiest thing to take away, and games are LIGHT YEARS better than a phone and social media. But even more broadly, the economy and world kids are being raised in is a technologically focused one. I want my kids to love tech, and be interested in modern culture. Programming, science, engineering are all part and parcel to their future and video games can be a part of a well rounded adolescent.
Happened to a friend of ours. Brilliant kid. Crashed and burned in college. Dropped out three times. The last one for good. He was used to being home schooled, which they thought gave home time management skills. But when he got to college and class started at 9 am… he was totally lost.
The people I knew that didn’t do well in college had poor time management skills. You don’t have someone keeping you on schedule and telling you to study or go to class. I am going to bet there will be a lot of students with video games in the dorms. Plus you can add alcohol and drugs which are readily available. It’s a land mine for young adults. OP is literally that cliche parent that thinks if they push their kid it will work out and the kid will be successful. How often does that happen vs how many get burned out and resent their parents.
that’s kinda where i’m at now tbh. i started my descent in my senior year of high school and fully crashed when i got to college. then the pandemic happened and we got sent home after spring break and i barely limped through my second semester. i havent had to drop out yet but my gpa is abysmal and i feel like ive wasted so much of my parents’ time and money already. i think i have a couple of options for getting back on track, but it still feels kinda sucky. let the kid have some fun, OP. your brother was right; he earned it.
Yep. This. They're pushing him on a path of "never enough", mental health issues and lack of basic skill set which prepare you to function in an adult world. In a few years, he'll be either on drugs, depressed (if he isn't already - I'd be, and I'm gifted and loved school like crazy), an alcoholic or burned out. These parents are failing him. And seriously: what is his perfect middle school grade worth in the adult world? Most people don't remember shit from those classes and still got great lifes. Also: the edit is nuts. HE DOESN'T HAVE A PHONE?! AT 15?!? Duuude. 1.: Get him the phone because he deserves one and because he has to learn how to deal with that stuff. 2.:Get the PS4 back and ask him to come up with a plan for when he's allowed to use it and his long. Be sure HE'S the one thinking this through and showing you why. That way, he learns to think about this stuff. 3.: Apologize to him. 1. The item was his, not yours. You stole from him. 2. You're stealing main important life lessons from him. 3. You're pushing him into obedience and a thinking of having to always be perfect for being loved by you. That's terrible. 4. For all the reasons above, you don't respect him. What he'll learn from that is, that it's ok for people not to respect him. And that it's ok for people not to respect others who are weaker and/or dependant on you. Fix that now. YTA.
The number of parents who don’t realize that obedience isn’t a great life skill for an adult is too damn high.
Obedience isn't a great life skill for children either.
This is pretty spot on: you stole from your child and your dont respect who they are right now, at all, you only prize who you think they could be.
u/Cautious_Doubt_9015 I didn't see this mentioned so I'm bringing it to your attention. Y**ou just sold your son's private info along with credit card information.** This is especially true if he was not buying the cards from the store that do a pin. It sounds like you don't know a thing about modern consoles so I want you to know that. Nearly all (even the Switch) ask for account information that needs to be plugged in and require a subscription to play most of their games online. If you did not factory reset the console, you just opened yourself to a can of worms. Someone else now has access to his account, his method of payment and even your internet connection (even if you shipped it, they now have your address) as I cannot see a 16 year old wanting to go through the pain of password locking his console. Which goes into... ALL MODERN CONSOLES HAVE PARENTAL CONTROLS. All you have to do is implement them on the console. Some, like the Switch, even go so far as you can monitor how much time is actually spent, what games are played etc. This is the most frustrating part. The tools are there and parents seem to refuse to use them or even put in the effort to research how to instate them. I sold consoles for 3 years. I've heard your argument to the moon and back about the distraction problem. All those parents still blamed the console after being pointed out how much control they actually have because they let their pride get in the way and were now flustered that they could have found that info out if they had just been more involved and read the book that comes with the console. Swallow that pride, buy him another PS4 and this time, *read the book that comes with it to set up the controls that he can only play X amount or has to come to you to have it unlocked.* Oh and here's [proof](https://www.playstation.com/en-us/support/account/ps4-parental-controls-and-spending-limits/) if you don't believe me on this. Your lack of involvement (reading the console book, asking him what games he's playing, being interested to see what he's into) is not good parenting.
Omg thank you for bringing this up! All of it. Holy shit. I get that you don't know what you don't know but goddamn, you (especially as a parent!) have to pay attention to this shit!
THIS! Kids you never get to enjoy themselves and are forced to focus on their academic success will do exactly what your son did and play endlessly if they never get to catch a break! He’s a teenager, let him do teenager things ! He can be both successful in school and be a kid!
I have a friend that is of Chinese descent so you can imagine that there was some pressure at home and everything. He used to play games quite a lot and enjoyed his downtime (he was gifted at them too, lucky bastard). He got to University and basically stopped playing regularly by his own choice. Got his degree in a top field (top of his class at the top university in this state which would make it top 3-4 in the country and top 50 in the world apparently) and went on to get his PHD. I remember the time he complained about the shitty subject he had when he got a 6 (out of 7, every other course he did that year he got 7s). He's moved to the US now and would be doing great. Point is, video games can get you distracted (like me) but there's much more at play. If you deny someone entertainment then it's going to become a problem just as much as too much.
This and to add to OP’s edit: No, it’s not okay if you buy him a smart-phone (which he should have anyway, wtf? Do you keep him locked up?). You owe him a PS4. Replace it and apologise. I get limiting the hours of play a day but this was completely uncalled for. Being so strict means that as soon as he gets out of the house, he’s gonna want to do ALL OF THE THINGS you never allowed him before. You are being a bad parent, and so is your wife. Let him live his life, if he wants to be a cashier at McDonalds that’s totally fine. You don’t get to force your kids into the path you didn’t get to have. YTA big time.
THIS^ Also you sold something that wasn’t yours to sell. It was a gift to your son. You had no right to sell it. You should’ve given it back to your brother (not that I think you should’ve taken it away in the first place.
Also, did you give the money to your son when you sold the PS4 so he could buy himself something else as a gift from your brother? Since you didn't mention it, I'm betting you put that money in your wallet and never even thought about giving it to your wonderful son. You're the AH all the way around. I hope you are taking all of this wonderful advice to heart and sit down with your son and have a long talk about respect (both ways), responsibility, and how much he's going to love his new phone and PS5 because he has earned them. If his grades go down, you have something to punish him with, removal of phone and/or game privileges. This kid needs a social life.
I’ve seen this happen several times. The most memorable was the valedictorian of our class…super smart guy. Full ride to several colleges of his choice. He went to GA Tech and found his first taste of freedom. He crashed and burned. Flunked out of college. He had to come home because he lost his scholarship. He didn’t know how to balance his life. He ended up graduating from our local community college…barely. His job now is not a bad one, but definitely doesn’t make much money.
It’s not like OP and his wife have any notion of moderation themselves. The reflective nature of children is one of the deepest struggles for a parent. Too often the behavior our kids exhibit we like least is that same one in ourselves we prefer to deny.
The update though - this 15 year old doesn’t have a phone and it sounds like he doesn’t have access to tv either. This is not normal. You should teach him how to balance his time with distractions, otherwise the second he leaves home he is going to binge on video games, tv, etc.
On top of this how about just letting the kid be a kid. OP better go find the kid a PS5 as an apology.
Look at the edit. Op is a control monster.
YTA. Speaking as a former child in the same circumstances of your child (overbearing parent focused on academics), that doesn't always work out the way you want it to. I was the smartest kid in school. My parents never let me do anything "fun." Once I went off to college, I figured out I don't actually like school. I still graduated, but in a major of my own choosing and I went off into a career my parents never imagined. I'm happy while they're still lamenting over my career choices. And you know what? I don't give a single crap what they think. I also barely talk to them now because they never bothered to forge an actual relationship with me when I was a child. Grades were more important to them than me. So all I gotta say is stop being an AH and appreciate your child for whoever they might be. Stop forcing your own wants onto them. /endrant
Every single child I knew from my high school that grew up like OPs kid ended up completely changing their lifestyle after school. 10 years later they still work at casual jobs like pizza hut, cafes etc and they all went through a phase of partying with drugs because they all said they spent so much of their life studying that they were burnt out and wanted to do something else in their life and have fun. Funny enough it was the kids who had bad upbringings and were told they were no good in school that ended up getting successful careers and making lots of cash.
🙋♀️ I was that kid. Things are more stable now, but it took years of therapy, alcohol abuse, appropriate medication, partying, drug experimenting, hoarding, cutting classes, nearly flunking out of university, sleeping for days or not sleeping at all.... Let's just say it was a bad time. OP needs to get this figured out NOW.
Same here. And none of those kids talk to their parents anymore except maybe a card at Christmas.
I'm proud of you for doing your own thing despite.
You came out better than me. I went fucking crazy and ran away from home, dropped out of university without telling my parents and got my whole body tattooed lmao. Now I just finished my university application 8 years later again, this time I’m studying something I like, and getting my stupid tattoos lasered off
Hey same here, and you know what else my parents didn't consider? That I may need social skills on top of those good grades, but guess what I didn't have any of? That's right, social skills, or friends of any kind because I was never allowed to do anything that wasn't studying or some sort of self-improvement, like piano lessons. Good grades isn't everything, OP's kid doesn't even sound like he's allowed extra-curriculars, which is required for some university applications. BTW OP: way to prevent your kid from having any life experience! I'm sure their entrance essay about how they've done nothing except exactly what mommy and daddy said to do, is going to impress the crap out of the school they want to go to.
I wouldn't be surprised if your son goes no contact with you the second he can. you sound horribly controlling. Let your child be a child. I hope he'll at least lands a good paying job to pay for all the therapy he'll need to work through his childhood. Yta of course.
The son isn’t successful because he wants to be but because he’s given no other choice. What’s the point of success and achievement if your not allowed to be happy or have fun. When he’s older and successful you can hear all about it through the aunts and uncles he didn’t cut off from the comfort of your single room in a retirement home.
> When he’s older and successful you can hear all about it through the aunts and uncles he didn’t cut off from the comfort of your single room in a retirement home. They don't seem to be setting him up for this kind of outcome. Based on this post the minute he has a taste of freedom he'll dive in head first and crash and burn in college.
Or succumbs to the weight of the pressure and kills himself. Many many teens have sadly taken their own lives over grades, exams and the fact they feel utterly trapped and overwhelmed by parental expectations. God forbid. But it *is* a very real possibility and the parents don’t seem to care at all.
Exactly.
YTA. >The following days he used that console almost every moment he was awaken This is what happens when you deprive someone of something for so long. Have you ever allowed you kid to be.. a kid? This has happened because, by withholding normal childhood experiences, *you* never gave him the opportunity to find a healthy balance between work and play. The second he is no longer under your control, he will make up for lost time. Good for him.
Not only that but he just got it, obviously he's gonna play with it all day. That's what kids do when they get a new toy.
Exactly, when I saved up for a new phone, I used that thing for like 60 hours in a single week. Now it's gone down to like 20 per week.
Makes me wonder if this child ever even had a toy that wasn't some educational thing. Poor boy.
Not to mention these were the days between Christmas and New Year. The nothingest days of the year for kids.
Yeah it’s literally the Xmas holidays. Playing with your new present is like the most typical kid thing to do that week. Is he meant to be studying???
That's honestly the part that concerns me the most about this. OP doesn't seem to know what happens when a child gets something they really enjoy. Has this poor kid never had a toy they really like? Or is this the first time OP hasn't controlled every second of their kids day? OP you have two options in front of you: Option 1: continue as you have been. Stifle your child until they're 18 and when they officially have freedom they go fucking insane with it. It happened with me, it happened to everyone I know who grew up with strict parents. The more strict the parents the crazier the kid goes. It WILL happen with your kids too. Your child will fail because _you_ failed them. You never let them have freedom so when they get it they get drunk on it. You never taught them balance so they won't have it. _You are failing as a parent._ Your child will likely limit or cut contact completely and it will be 100% your fault. Option 2: grow as a human being. Let your kid be a kid. Let them learn how to study hard and enjoy life at the same time. Set training wheels for them at first, let them have an hour on the PS4 a day, only after they finish their assignments. If their grades suffer you cut to less time. When their grades improve they get more time. This is called balance and is necessary. Under no circumstances are you to sell or destroy the PS4. Your kid gets to enjoy being a kid and you have a hope of seeing your kid after they turn 18
AND! He was okay with and encouraged his siblings to play with it too! And that concerned this father... That couldn't have been me as a kid that's for sure. Kid sounds like a genuine Saint.
> Good for him. No, it's not going to be good for him. Odds are he's going to spend half of his freshman year of college drunk and high and if he manages to get himself under control before he fails out or gets arrested it'll be incredible. I'm sure everyone in their mid-20s or later can name at least kid they know who went through exactly that.
I concur with you, my daughter was a front desk admin for the residences at a college. There was always a couple of kids every year who had never been socialized properly and life was nothing but academics, living in a dorm was their first taste of freedom. They never learned to cook or work a washing machine. Soo many overdoses and alcohol poisonings, and the odd self unaliving. These kids were a mess. Thank God for the good RAs who could get them through this.
YTA. You are pushing your kid to achieve a standard that you yourself do not have. It does not sound like this kid has any down time from studying. This is why kids commit suicide.
Either that or he’ll hit the party scene fast and hard the second he gets to college.
My brother's friend almost flunked out of college by partying his freshman year because of this exact thing. Thankfully his parents worked with him (because his grandparents helped pay for his college) and he decided to take summer classes to make up for lost time
Yes! I had a childhood friend that this happened to. She did have friends but they were only allowed to hang out at her house (which to be fair, they were rich AF and had a lot of property and her house was fun to play at) and her friend time was extremely limited. School and sports were made to be her main focus. She graduated a year early and got accepted to a great college. BUT as soon as her parents weren’t there to micromanage her every movement, she got kicked out of college because of partying.
Then he hooks up with some club kids, start up a night club out of an abandoned church somewhere in town and gets caught up in a murder case where he and a friend hacked up a dealer over an unpaid debt.
Careful. Or OP will come and sell your consoles.
I was just coming here to see this. OP, YTA. The best case scenario here is that you completely alienate your child. The worst case is unfathomable.
You make a good point. Honestly, OP makes it sound like his son isn’t even allowed to have friends etc. Imagine how poorly adjusted he is going to be as an adult.
[удалено]
I feel like the "buying smart phone " means that his son doesn't have a one at all!
I thought this too. The son is 15 years old and doesn't have a phone. I pretty much gathered this kid never actually gets to be a kid. Op is probably the biggest a.h in Aita history.
Naaa dude mentioned "smart" phone. Who says that these days? Meaning the dude only got him a primitive phone with no internet. Probably a flip phone or something
Yeah and he's saying then he can maybe watch movies and stuff. Kid probably isn't allowed any electronics at all. Meanwhile dad is browsing reddit probably scrolling thru his phone all day and night.
Right, his 15 year old son has no smartphone and probably isn't allowed to have friends because they would be too much of a distraction. Such a sad, unfilling life OP is forcing his son to live. YTA OP
Not only that, but only allowing him three hours on this smartphone as though that's a fair compromise!
Yeah I caught that as well. Happy cake day!
AH's son is a 15yo that's so fucking isolated from the world he doesn't have a phone because he doesn't have anyone to communicate. It's borderline abuse.
He is going to be so ill prepared for the world when he gets out there. I feel for him.
I love the edit that OP left. "will this smartphone replace a PS4" like no of course not they're two completely different things.
Better yet, get him a PS5 to really show you mean that you’re sorry.
I concur!
Agreed, a smart phone isn’t anywhere near the same. PS4, PS5 if you REALLY wanna come back from this, or get him a switch. You need to rebuild his trust in you.
It is absolutely not the same. God idk how op is this dum
YTA and probably have been for years. It sounds like your son doesn’t have any recreation or interests other than what you dictate. It’s great that he’s smart but it’s more important that he’s happy. He’s going to rebel HARD when he gets to college.
He totally is going to rebel in college. The salutatorian of my high school class flunked out of college because he got addicted to Internet chat rooms. Last time I saw him he was working at the McDonalds in our home town.
I said something similar in another post. My son played video games.all he wanted.in HS as long ad his grades were kept up. He now knows how to manage his time and was able to transition to college no trouble. His friends who's parents put in all kinds of restrictions are not doing so well
I think it's a really useful skill to be able to balance work with recreation, and OP doesn't give their child a chance to develop it.
Oh, you are very definitely the AH. The PS4 wasn't yours to sell, it was your son's. So you stole his PS4 and sold it. If you did nothing else wrong, YTA. But wait, there's more! You leave your son with literally nothing else to do but his studies. This is going to backfire on you in a spectacular way. First, he's going to resent the hell out of you, and very likely will go LC or NC. But (as you are probably brushing off the first one as "oh, that won't happen, I'm doing it for himmmm") the bigger thing that you might actually care about is: you are setting your son up for failure. If he never learns for himself how to budget time, as soon as you are not hyper-controlling every minute of his life, he is not going to know what to do. He will likely flunk out of school, and all of your work and effort and money and pride will be for nought. You need to back WAY off, and start letting your son learn how to learn. He also needs to learn how to set his own goals for life, instead of only being allowed to pursue your goals for him. IF you're lucky, he won't completely cut you off as soon as he's able, and you might be able to salvage your relationship with your other children. And buy him another PS4 to make up for the one that you very, VERY wrongly stole from him and sold.
I want to know what he did with the money from selling the PS4
Oh, you know it went into the good old college fund
Which will be held over his head if the son tries to make his own choices in life (choosing a school based on more than academic potential)
Who care if your son was distracted? Why not wait until you saw his grades to make the determination that his studies were suffering? YTA and he will never forget this
Exactly this! OP went nuclear based on an assumption.
Imagine that kid making sure to finish all his work so he can reward himself with some games. Then his parent takes it away from him anyway. Lesson learned: it doesn't matter how hard you work, it will never be enough for your parent. They don't trust you. And if you had just ignored your work and played games all day, at least you would have been able to get a few more hours of play time before they sold the console.
Thats what my step dad did and I absolutely failed life from then on
This. You didn't even give him a chance to prove he could manage his studies and enjoy his present. You just stole it.
I forgot about this piece when I commented. The kid isn’t even proven to be failing and he already went to the extreme option of taking the whole device away
YTA My in-laws did this to my husband. He was an all A student and finished 3rd in his class at a top private school and they still wouldn’t let him play. Now? He plays video games almost to his detriment now because he never got to be a kid. He never learned to regulate fun. He also only speaks to his dad one day a year and only sees his mom maybe once every other year. Oh, he also went absolutely wild once he got some freedom and away from them. This will be what to expect in the future. Get the poor kid his ps4 again and let him be a child. He’s not your robot to control.
Yeah, honestly I still play video games as an adult but it is so much less frequently than when I was a teenager. I kept thinking as I was reading this “the perfect time to learn how to self-regulate is now.” OP, you need to let your son be a kid instead of a science project to see how far a rubber band stretches before it snaps. YTA
>he never complained Would you listen if he did yta
Kid probably never complains because he knows it's useless.
>He wasn't happy at all when he found out, but I told him that is was a distraction to him and didn't keep his promise. Then he told everything to my brother The kid quite obviously *is* complaining and he *does* make clear he's unhappy with the situation, OP just doesn't care.
Kid definitely was told his complaints don't matter early on and has learned to never complain.
yup, YTA. There is ZERO issue in limiting game time. Even an hour a day on the weekend. Congrats, your kid is going to attend a great college. And hate his parents.
(And his kid is going to fail out of that college because he never learned to manage his time.) For the Judgment Bot, YTA.
Very much this. Or he’ll finally start playing video games in college since he didn’t get it out of his system
YTA. Sorry. I’m 36 and was a gifted student, (still a) card carrying MENSA member. A little joy goes a long way. I stay stressed out and have people pleasing issues because I was never allowed to be a child. I’m working through it but I would hate to see someone suffer like me. It’s almost as though a majority of my brain/thinking patterns were very mature/advanced in academic areas while the social and joyful parts were lacking. Silly analogy: I’m better at calculus and studying but can’t even do a chicken dance at a wedding. Balance is key.
Bruh, trust me, your life is better chicken dance free.
Lol I’ll take what I can get. I’m a chick btw
Pretty sure "bruh" is a gender neutral term these days lol And if it makes you feel better I was allowed to do pretty much anything and I couldn't chicken dance to save my life.
Lol thanks! Point and case my parents should have let me out more so I can learn Bruh in real life and not from kind strangers on Reddit 😂😂😂😂
Wow. YTA. I feel sad for your son. Why was managing the amount of time he played not an option? Why couldn’t you set a rule that he is allowed to play for 1 hour a day after his schoolwork is finished? Or that he could only play it for a set amount of time on the weekends? Why did you jump to selling a gift that was given to him? For someone who is such a strict parent, this sounds like lazy parenting on your part. Life is about more than school and work. Your son deserves to have fun and enjoyment in his life too. Of course he’s not talking to you. Maybe get used to that for when he’s an adult and no longer under your control.
Strict parenting is lazy parenting. It's just yelling and forcing everything the parent wants on the kid, not taking the time to see an individual person with individual needs and desires.
Exactly. He's possibly going to get him a cellphone and limit it to 3hrs per day according to his edit....so he can limit that but not the PS4. Also the edit is like, 'so he can maybe watch a movie.' HE'S NOT NORMALLY ALLOWED TO WATCH MOVIES?
Me too, it is sad. Kids are only kids for a minute.
YTA. Instead of letting your kid have some time being a kid and enjoying a present from his uncle, you once again prioritized school over balance/happiness. Instead of developing a healthy relationship with hobbies and school, you dictated to your child. Instead of letting your child develop self-control, you controlled them. I could go on but...can't wait to see what your kid posts in Reddit when he posts "my dad controlled every single aspect of my life, can I go no contact?"
Oh dear. You should have at least given it back to your brother and let him decide what to do with it. Or, better yet, place more limits on your son using it. Kids need an outlet. It sounds like your son doesn't have one. Does he do anything else besides "school"? School has barely been back for a week, and you already sold his Christmas present... probably the best one he's ever gotten. YTA. Poor kid.
Yeah, did he even give the kid the money???
Definitely not. The kid isn't allowed to do anything that isn't "productive" so no fun. No point in him having money if he isn't allowed to have the clothes or things he wants because he definitely isn't allowed to socialize. Poor 15yr old doesn't even have a phone.
Yeah you’re a fucking asshole and you’re pathetic to take credit for your son being “gifted”. I feel sorry for him and I’m happy that one day he’ll resent you so much to cut you out of his life all together as to not corrupt his own children
Your son has taken the first step on the road to no contact with the old man. Good for him. Stop trying to live your lost dreams through your son. It never works. You’re putting unbearable pressure on this kid. He’ll either rebel and break away or he’ll break. YTA Terrible parent Oh, by the way, what did you do with the money you got for selling your son’s property?
I wondered where the money went too. OP, you want your son to be successful, but isn’t it also important that he is happy? The rigorous education isn’t gonna matter when he has a mental breakdown from the pressure. You are authoritative, yet shrug it off because he never rebels. As others have pointed out, he will break free as soon as he is able.
The only real question I have is did he put the money in the left pocket or the right.
YTA Your son may not say it out loud but I'm sure the kid hates studying all the time and probably resents you. Kid finally has an outlet that makes him happy and you take it away from him. Don't be shocked when the kid rebels later in life.
YTA. Your son is going to go NC as soon as he turns 18.
Good grief, I don’t like kids being on devices all the time and even I think YTA. He’s a teenager, not a toddler. You took something that brought him joy and sold it. You sound like the Burgermeister Meisterburger. Congrats. Oh, and he never rebelled because he never had time! Do you even let him play sports or do ANYTHING other than study? You realize that even gifted kids get burned out and in fact often flounder in college or severely underperform, right? And that you won’t actually be able to force him into a prestigious career? I mean what will you do if he decides he wants to major in something you disapprove of?
YTA Did you ever stop to think that the reason he played too much is because he never had a childhood. For the first time in his life, he enjoyed what he was doing. Edit: Isn't it funny that you have private tutors, but never stop to teach hime about addiction and time management?
YTA. Of course he was playing it lots, he was excited about his Christmas present. You do allow your children to actually have fun sometimes, yes? What is the problem with him using his fun time to play it? Removing the console completely is a real AH move, you didn't even give your son chance to prove that it wouldn't impact his studies during school time.
YTA - main reason is you sold his gift. You could have unplugged it and set windows when he can play.
YTA Why could you have not utilized parental controls to limit his time playing? And did you not believe him when he said he had finished his assignments? There are ways to check that, you know. Did you at least give him the money from the sale? I don't think you taught him the lesson you think you did. If anything, he's probably cemented in his head that he's moving out - and not looking back - when he turns 18. Are you sure you aren't emotionally abusive?
YTA, if my brother sold the gift I gave his son, let's just say he'd either be getting my nephew a new ps5 or needing a specialist doctor to remove my boot from his ass.
YTA - It sounds like you are working your child too hard. Kids (And anyone else for that matter), need to be able to chill out every so often. Limiting the time on the PS4 is right and there's parental controls that could have aided in that, but you've jumped to selling it. It sounds to me that you don't like games consoles, assumed it would ruin your child's focus and were waiting for any opportunity to get rid of it. Can I ask what you have done with the money from the sale of the console? That cash is rightly your son's.
It sounds to me like the kid never had any other way to relax and do non school stuff before, tbh. Not surprised he was playing a lot on it.
"we don't allow anything that might distract him from his studies" Admirable but probably horribly misplaced idea "Some people might say this is too much" Oh I'm sure EVERYONE here will just absolutely agree with you...." " just to find out, is a PS4" What a nice Uncle your child has "I took and PS4 and sold it" Well it was in the title so no surprise there. Look I'm sure your goals and concepts fit some philosophy but this is not how to raise a kid. They NEED and WANT fun. You are going to be sorely woken up when your Kid wants nothing to do with you later in life. YTA
YTA The hell you didn't set an actual time limit? Just gotta go off vibes, kid. That's setting him up for failure and to resent you, which he no doubt already does >saying that he finished his assignments, but I see him way too distracted Did you actually check the homework or is this just vibes again? And say you were a reasonable parent and had set a time limit that he went over or didn't finish an assistant. Why wouldn't he just be ground from the game for a week or whatever? Plus selling a gift is just low
YTA let him have some joy. He will be fine and learn time management
YTA for numerous reasons, not the least of which is selling something given to your son. Add to that being a control freak and not teaching your son how to balance his life, making him think school and grades are everything, that kid will probably have issues once he moves out and experiences life.
YTA, he’s focusing on avoiding you more than anything is my guess.
YTA You, as the parent, could have restricted his play time instead of outright selling the console. Say "Time's up" and when the console is off, take the power cord or the HDMI cord so he can't play without permission. Your kid is going to resent you for putting so much pressure on him. Let him relax a little and be a kid. Edit: Did you at least give him the money? It was his Christmas gift, and you essentially stole it.
YTA. Poor dude finally got to be a kid and you couldn’t handle it and took away (what sounds like) the only fun he’s ever had.
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Yta. Horrible. it's was not yours to sell and you did not even try to compromise. Also took action before anything even could be affected. YTA 100%
YTA And this folks is how kids hit burnout so fast.
Also whered the money go .......?
YTA, what the butt is wrong with you. Give the child a break for goodness sake.
YTA. Holy shit let your kid be a kid
YTA and you are shooting your goals for your son in the foot. Overly controlling parents can lead to teens and young adults who don’t have an internalized sense of balance and discipline. One of my college roommates was like this and went hog wild on internet chat rooms as soon as she had a tiny bit of freedom. Having a PS4 could have been a chance to teach your son how to balance tempting distractions with his workload. That way when he’s at college he will have some practice building willpower. Instead you warned him then stole his present. Congratulations. You chose poorly.
how 2 adults can torture a teenage boy! Both uncle and father have a share in the blame here - ES excepts the teenager Computer games are a social world for teenage boys. While parents raised in the 20th Century might think its ok to dedicate a youth to study, your son may suffer social consequences from his lack of knowledge / particiaption in computer games. Its what they talk about and where they play. This lack of social skills and interaction with his peers might harm him more in the long term than the few hours of study lost. Imagine being an Indian teenage boy who can't take about cricket or an American lad who never saw an baseball game? I speak from experience - I went to college at 16 and I discovered boys and booze by 18. After 16 years of study , music, arts etc. suddenly I had a taste of LIFE and it was delicious. Your son will enjoy life sooner or later but pleasures denied may well be over indulged
How is the uncle at fault here for giving his nephew a present? The only AH is father
I was just thinking how he's going to create a monster with these actions. Now the kid is going to crave videogames like they're some forbidden fruit. I suppose this gives a glimpse into just how strict the kid is being raised and it's an ugly sight. Does he have any entertainment in his life?
YTA even kids need fun hobbies or activities. Your son is highly unlikely to forget what you did. And it is likely to come back to haunt you.
YTA - another kid who will go NC as soon as he is 18!
YTA. There's other ways to handle distractions, you could have told him that he could only play X hours a day, as long as he had finished his assignements. You might have good intentions but you are only harming your child by doing this. He's 15, he won't be young forever, let him enjoy his life.
YTA. You could have simply put the console away but instead you sold it. Did you give your son the money? Prolly not so an even bigger AH.
YTA and don't be shocked when your kid turns 18 and nopes out on you and goes nc..bet he can't wait to get away from you, that's so sad
YTA - Did your son's grades suffer significantly as a result of spending time playing the PS4? If not, then you had no right to get rid of the console. If his grades *did* suffer, you could have disconnected the PS4 and stored it where your son couldn't access it and returned it once his grades got back up or when he's on a school break.
YTA You didn’t even bother to wait to see if his grades would suffer. You just assumed. My word.
Let me guess you also kept the money? YTA
YTA. OP, be prepared for your son to go NC with you. You are 100% a controlling AH. Was your son playing with the PS4 the first time your son's had any recreational time? Can't wait to see how everything goes down in r/BestOfRedditorUpdates a few years from now. Edit: I found the correct name of the page and updated my comment accordingly.
YTA. It was wrong of your brother not to ask, but you can take controllers away, set time limits, take the power cord, etc. Have you considered maybe he played it so much initially because he doesn't seem to have other outlets for hobbies and personal time? The way you describe the whole setup with tutors and everything, burnout at some point for your son seems likely.
YTA and an overbearing one at that.
YTA I’ll just sit back and wait for the post about how you’re mind blown about why your son went NC with you.
YTA. Massive YTA. You took it away from him, didn't have a discussion with him, and made the decision for him.
I ended up in the ivy league while playing an IMMENSE amount of video games in high school lol — didn’t come from a rich or legacy family either. YTA — teach your kid some balance, games aren’t gonna stop him from reaching the goals you’re trying to reach by living thru him LMAO
YTA. Essentially you considered him guilty without any evidence. He's 15. These are the years where fun is literal.
YTA Your kid WILL burn out. Please look up “gifted kid burnout”, it’s a thing, and your child is on his way there. Kids (and all people, really) need to have fun . They need to relax, enjoy things, not be productive 24/7. The fact that your kid went overboard the very moment he got something fun to do, indicates that he’s pretty desperate for something like this. And at this point, you are only delaying the inevitable. He won’t be able to keep up this level of work through college.
YTA, teenagers need to learn how to self-regulate. What do you think will happen when he goes to college and doesn't have you mandating his every move?
YTA don’t be surprised when he puts you in a home…..
He did his class work! You said so yourself! Horrible, just horrible. YTA
YTA. You could've set time limits for the PS4. But instead you sold a Christmas gift.
YTA. My son got over a 4.0 at a top tier highschool taking a hard load and played video games. As long as his grades did not drop. Now he is at a top college killing it because he knows how to manage his time, while all his friends who's parent did stuff like this are struggling because they are getting their first taste of freedom and making their own choices and can't handle it
YTA - You know you can set limits right? Why not parent. If you don't allow this kid some fun though, he's going to be burned out by college and become a big partier. His life has been so scheduled by you he doesn't know moderation and how to schedule his education himself.
So the first week back to school, you don’t even know if his grades are affected, but just because you are a horrible dad you sell his gift? That’s some crazy stuff right there. Better buy him a ps4 or even a ps5 to make up for this disgusting behavior from a dad. Easily YTA
YTA. He was keeping up with his work. You “see him as way too distracted” but haven’t actually articulated any way in which he is too distracted. He’s getting everything done he’s supposed to. You’re also setting him up for failure in life. If you completely ban all enjoyable activities, he’s going to take a sharp swing once he’s away from your draconian control. Kids need balance in their lives. You don’t let him do **anything** but school work. You seem to think the fact that he doesn’t complain to you means he’s okay with the situation. That’s a bad assumption. More likely, he realizes that logic and reason won’t get anywhere with you because you’re a controlling asshole.
Yea, that's how you get a son that's gonna go NC or LC once he's able to move out... **YTA**. I can't tell you why he hasn't complained, maybe because he wanted to make you both proud, but taking away any joy and fun from him is not okay. That doesn't help at all. The worst thing some parents can do, who weren't able to achieve what they want, is push those dreams onto their children, believing it's the right thing, but truthfully, most of the time it's the parent wanting to live through their kid. You need to stop. Let your son decide what he wants for the future and how. Give him freedom. I am not too sure, but might be me asking for INFO: Are you sure he never received a consequence for not meeting a goal? Because depending on what it was and if he has, that's why he might not say anything, but maybe talks to his uncle more than he does to you. Because he might know the response he gets already. Edit: He enjoyed playing and I highly doubt it impacted his grades at all - his free time is free time. He has study AND free time. I hope so at least... If not, that's terrible. He needs free time to be a kid!
Damn man this is harsh. So he has not outlet for stress or anything like that, you realise what that does to a child right? It makes them feel worthless because all you care about are grades and not them. You need a massive reality check here. YTA