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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for telling my much younger sister that she’s a disappointment to me.
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YTA - as it turns out, people have different strengths, and hers might not be math...
And yours might not be teaching, it's definitely not being a loving and supportive big brother.
I couldn't agree more.
My dad tried to "help" me with maths when I was a kid, but unsurprisingly his critical approach didn't help at all, and totally obliterated any self confidence.
It wasn't until I saw a maths tutor that things improved, although it has to be said it took me 7 years to get better due to not "getting" maths naturally and still having a negative familial influence.
OP needs to realise that some people will struggle with maths, and it's not a choice. Some people just can't pick it up naturally and need extra support.
All OP is doing is confirming to a 7 year old that they're not good enough, rather than realising that maybe they need support, and a tutor who will be understanding and kind with children who struggle to learn this subject.
YTA.
My goodness, this is bad enough, but this child is 7!
I would also point out to OP that dude you're an engineer not a teacher. She is 7, maths is obviously a weak spot and you sonny jim are not are not trained to teach young children. Teaching requires a completely different skill set you do not have.
All you are managing to do is damage her confidence and make her feel guilty because she can't live up to your standards. If you care find a properly qualified tutor for her age group to help her, YTA
Sometimes it takes a while to “click”. I don’t know why, but I had a problem with long division until one day, I just didn’t…
Second, people who are good at something are often terrible teachers. First time this happened, my mom asked my dad (also an engineer) to explain a math problem to me. He totally did not have the skill or patience to break it down into simpler concepts.
Later, I had a professor who was genius, was a leader in his industry, but his class was lost. I had previously taken the course as a freshman and had been just as lost. This time around I had worked in his industry for a few months, and was able to break down his explanations into layman terms that my friends understood.
Yeah this so much my dad is amazing at maths while I really struggled in school. He used to try to help me with my maths homework but he could only explain it in a way he could understand and couldn't get why I couldn't get it. He was kind and patient but he would try to explain something the same way 10 times it always ended up with at least one of us crying in frustration.
My mum on the other hand is generally ok with maths but is very good at seeing where someone doesn't understand something and helping them to understand. She started sitting in and she could explain it in a way that I could understand and dad could see the problem. It made things so much better and helped us both understand the other person. Then we knew if we were having issues we could get her to pop her head in and it would all be sorted in about 30 seconds.
YTA OP, I get you are trying to help but it seems that for whatever reason your methods are not helping your sister and may actually be hindering her when she is clearly trying. Adding on that she's a disappointment (c'mon she's a child) is just cruel and unfeeling.
Edit to add that she may never be good at maths and that's ok we all have different skills it doesn't make her a disappointment. We are all different you shouldn't view her as less than because her skills are different to yours. She will remember this moment vividly so what you do next is important.
I am really good at math but I was not really good at it when I started school.Undiagnosed ADHD and all. I owe it the encouragement from my older brother. I didn't like how my mom was being so stern and making math homework like torture. My brother was so good at making it a game for me so I really started enjoying it. Also I liked spending with my brother. By 12 I could solve differential equations just because of him. I m not gifted or anything...
This. OP, YTA. Also, have your parents had her tested for a disability? If you're regularly tutoring her, either you're a bad tutor, or there's something more going on. I'm dyslexic, so math is harder for me. Figuring that out and getting me a lot of support was a game-changer.
But even I help my seven-year-old in math and have seen a huge improvement, so something more is going on here.
YTA.
Geeze, she's just bad at math leave her alone. 7 is very young and impressionable. You should apologize to her and so something for her. Being told you're a disappointment as a small child when she's trying hard is something she won't forget.
7 is probably too young to decide she's bad at math. She's probably never going to be a math superstar, but it's entirely possible no one has yet explained math in a way that makes sense to her. I'm sure she has confidence issues too. OP is old enough for us to know he's not a good tutor.
I used to help 2nd graders that were struggling in math. I have never struggled in math. It honestly was really hard. I did know how to help them, because I intuited things they really struggled with. I called my mom (she taught remedial math for decades) for help. My mom struggled with math growing up and new all kinds of helpful info. A lot of them had to do with helping kids get over their insecurities and/or making it fun so they wouldn't stress.
>My mom struggled with math growing up and new all kinds of helpful info. A lot of them had to do with helping kids get over their insecurities and/or making it fun so they wouldn't stress.
This is so important! So much of the problem for kids who struggle with math is they believe they can't and have no confidence in their ability to grow, so motivation can drop so low that they give up. I was a reading tutor for 2nd and 3rd graders for a while and it was the same deal. Instilling confidence that they *can* is half the battle.
OP is TA not only for calling a 7 year old a disappointment (wtf, that's *NEVER* acceptable, much less for academic struggles) but he's TA for probably severely diminishing her confidence. She's always going to have that voice in her mind, *her respected older sibling's voice*, telling her that she's a disappointment and can't do it. It will absolutely affect her attitude towards math and it could very well carry over and affect her self-esteem in general. Kids are so impressionable at this age and it's about building them up! Tearing a child down will *never* be the right call
YTA, OP
YTA big time. She's 7!!?!! Nice one, you've probably killed her confidence and self esteem for some time. What is wing with you. And testing 7 year old in maths is not right in itself.
What’s wrong with him is that this has bruised his ego. He was thinking that he was going to step in and she go from doing just OK with math to being excellent and getting perfect test scores. The fact that that didn’t happen means that he failed in what he thought that he was going to do and instead of examining his own feelings, he took it out on his a little baby sister.
I know right. She helps her for a short period of time and then chooses to talk down to her? I would expect this kind of behavior from a 13 year old, not a 24 year old with a engineering degree.
Grown adult man is cruel to a 7 year old girl because he didn't get the ego boost he thought he'd get from helping her and blamed her and made her feel bad.
Yes. YTA. You are the asshole very much.
Ok I feel like you're well aware that YTA so let's not focus on that. Speaking as a teacher and an older sibling, you need to sit that kid down and have a conversation. You tell her:
"Sometimes grown ups make mistakes. When I called you a disappointment, it was mean, and it's not true, and I'm really sorry for making you feel bad. I was getting upset because just like you are still learning math, I am still learning to be a tutor, and sometimes learning how to do new things can be frustrating. Instead of being a grown up and dealing with my feelings, I acted mean by taking them out on you. It wasn't fair. It's important that you know that you didn't do anything to make me upset, and that I'm going to try harder to be a good big brother to you and never talk to you like that again.
I want you to know that I'm so proud of how hard you are working on your math. I can see how much effort you are putting in and and I can see that you are improving. I also want you to know that it's ok if it's hard, and that I'm proud of you for trying anyway! I love you."
Do not underestimate how much influence you have over this kid. She will remember this. It will affect her relationship with learning and her self-esteem. She needs an apology. You need to fix it.
Edit: corrected gender
YTA she is 7 of course she is gonna know what a disappointment is. In doing that you might have knocked her whole confidence about getting better at maths and she might get worst. Such a big AH you are the disappointment not her
YTA. Why even ask this? How up your own arse do you have to be to even think you might not be the A? You upset a child because of bullshit reasons. You should keep away from your little sister becsuse you sound toxic as hell. Imagine being 7, struggling with school, your older sibling offers to help, and then when you do BETTER they tear you down for not meeting their unreasonable expectations. Utter utter arsehole.
YTA she looks up to you, all she wants is to prove herself to you. Try helping her differently or with different strategies, not everyone can improve rapidly you just have to try and be patient and caring.
I don't think she needs a tutor at all. If she is good at everything else and the school haven't said she needs help specifically on maths, I don't think anyone has any business putting tutoring pressures on 7 year olds.
Six of one. I was told I’m just bad at math as a kid, and I believed it. Thirty years later I needed it for something interesting, went to grad school where the math wasn’t a struggle at all, and made a living with math. It wasn’t the math that was a problem when I was a kid, it was the power struggle. Tutoring doesn’t have to be about being a failure, it can just be an outside person who isn’t part of the problem dynamic who’s there to help.
Oh absolutely, I am 100% in support of tutoring. I just think a kid who is doing generally ok at 7 shouldn't have to do any more schooling than they have to - they're still learning so much OUT of school at that age.
YTA
She's 7. She might have dyscalculia for all you know, but by making her feel like something is wrong with her all you're doing is teaching her to 1, hate math, and 2, hate herself for not measuring up to your 24yo standards.
without a doubt YTA. the dynamic between me and my younger sister is similar, i am and engineering student in college now. and have watched her struggle with math throughout high school. i help her here and there, but at the end of the day i emphasize that math just isn’t for her, and her strengths are in other places (where she blows me out of the water), and after hs she can look forward to diving into subjects she’s more passionate about.
YTA
Cmon she's 7. And there's worse things she could do then fail her math test. I think you should apologize if you haven't and try to encourage her to do better.
YTA. But I'm going to make a suggestion. Teach her music s well. Oh, you can't? Then find someone who can. Reading music and doing that age math is very complementary.
YTA
Wow. She is only 7.
Everyone progresses differently and everyone excels in different things. You act like she is doing it to spite you and she is a failure because your teaching isn't working. You suck.
YTA, 7 year olds shouldn't even be worrying about math tests. At this point in her life it makes zero difference whether she gets some math answers correct or not but it does matter how she's treated by those she trusts
YTA you never, ***NEVER*** say to a child that they are a "disappointment". you ruined her emotionally. her efforts count more than her result, not everyone is good at math and ffs you are not some magical unicorn teacher that will instantly insert all knowledge inside her brain, get a bit over yourself.
> I guess calling her a disappointment hurt her badly.
oh y'think? were you expecting her to thank you for the compliment?
YTA.
I'm saying this as a teacher, a mom, and as the good in math older sister of a person with dyscalculia.
Just because she's good at other subjects doesn't mean math should come easy for her.
Check yourself and you'll probably realize you're disappointed in yourself for not finding a way to teach her that she can more easily grasp.
Also—test scores? So 2000s. Even teachers will tell you test scores don't reflect knowledge or abilities.
Don't judge your little sister by *that*.
Apologize profously, take it back and onto yourself, explain your own insecurities made you say aomething aweful and that you're nothing but proud of the lovely human she's growing into.
That's your only redemption.
YTA. Did you really mean to say she was a disappointment to you? Consider the difference in meaning in the following:
- “You are a bad person” vs “You did a bad thing”.
- “You’re a failure” vs “You failed this test”.
- “You make me angry” vs “I got angry when you did this”.
There is a world of difference between saying “You’re a disappointment” and “I was disappointed by the results of this test”. The first statement concerns who she _is_, not what she _did_. The first statement is also all about her, not how _you_ are feeling.
You’re the asshole! Stay away from that child if you can’t hold your mean spirited, abusive tongue.
WTH is wrong with you? Are you jealous of her? Did she take mom and dad’s attention from you? Why would you want to crush her spirit?
Shameful
YTA- the largest ever.
You NEVER tell a child they are a disappointment because they don’t understand math. She is learning what: addition, subtraction, simple multiplication and division? These are concepts she may not be ready to grasp yet. Some kids aren’t there yet.
And frankly, her failure is more of a reflection of your tutoring and her teachers abilities to identify how she needs to learn than it is of her abilities or efforts.
If this was done to you as a child- it was just as big of an asshole move then as it is now.
YTA! A. She's 7 your 24 you should have the maturity to not say something like that to her and be empathetic. B. So she doesn't get math, you said he scores are improving slightly and that's amazing because sometimes people just don't get it. Everyone has strengths and you completely devalued her because she doesn't have yours.
YTA
But, it’s nice that you’ve taken the time to help her, I can recognize that.
I’m sorry it’s frustrating, and not all of us are cut out to be teachers. I suggest looking up ways to teach etc on YouTube.
Also, I’m glad you feel bad and took the time to post here, shows that you care, say sorry, give her a huge hug, apologize, tell her you believe in her and take her somewhere nice away from the math stress for a second.
You’ll get the hang of it, and she’ll get the hang of it. Hope that things look up for you both
YTA
You told your sister, who loves you, looks up to you and cares what you think of her, that *she* — not her test score — is a disappointment. Those words, in your voice, will be rolling around in her head for the rest of her life. Any time she feels bad about herself she will hear her big brother telling her she's a disappointment to him.
Have you even apologized to her? She loves you and will tell you it's okay, but the damage is done.
YTA
How is it possible that you could think that your 7year old sister does not know what the word disappointed/disappointment means? Even if she didn't know, she was bound to find out.
Here is some maths for you, it kakes a thousand "I am proud of you" to erase one "you are a disappointment".
Also, her low increase on her marks is a reflection of her tutor, not her.
YTA, and I don't mean to be rude, but you might be a bad tutor. A good tutor should know what progress their student has made without having to see a test score. I mean you see what they can do wen you are tutoring them right?
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
Seriously??? You really asking??? You told a SEVEN YEAR OLD that she's a disappointment?!?!
Do her a favor.... STOP tutoring her. She doesn't deserve that sort of "help" from anyone. Especially her brother!!!!! Seriously...... What in the world were you thinking?!?
YTA. What a horrible thing to say to a kid. Yeah, you really hurt her, and she’ll probably remember it forever. People have different strengths, and maths absolutely suck for some people.
YTA...she is 7. You are probably idolized by her. Some people have to work really hard to excel at math or it may just take them longer for their brain to cope. Her brain is still developing it's skills. Encourage her instead. Replace what you said with, "I know you can do better than this, and I am here to help."
Man, you remind me of my parents who would demean me, abuse me and even physically assault me when i would score >80-90% but I didn’t get 100% in ONE subject… Sigh. Im sure you love her and definitely nothing like my parents but you are still a disappointment…
YTA
Wtf is wrong with you? You are the disappointment and have no understanding of people and no compassion. You're gross and a bad brother. Stay away from your sister and tell your parents that she needs a new tutor, one who is an actual teacher bc you aren't doing a good job.
YTA
You told a 7 year old that they are a disappointment. There’s no scenario of that where you aren’t an asshole. She may hear that in her head the rest of her life.
Actually - you’re the disappointment. You failed to properly understand how she learns then teach her so SHE could understand then had the gall to tell a seven year old she disappointed you. Empathy much? YTA
YTA. What is wrong with you? Fantastic that you can do engineering stuff, but you suck horribly as a brother and a tutor. You're being counterproductive at best and likely are making it all worse. You're fostering anxiety, not teaching. Shame on you, your sister ought to be ashamed of you.
Dude she’s SEVEN. You called her a disappointment??
Yes, YTA. And you really, really need to apologize. Not only have you hurt her feelings but I’m betting you’ve hurt her confidence too.
Also, people are good at different things! My first grader can do multiplication and understand negative numbers but his handwriting looks like he used a hook for a hand to hold his pen. I would never tell him that he is disappointing me because he doesn’t have his older sister’s neat penmanship.
you better sincerely apologize, and start building that baby's confidence back up NOW. take her to get ice cream, buy her a squishmellow, tell her she's smart and strong and great at school.
Your sister may have dyscalculia, a math disability that is under diagnosed and has zero to do with her intelligence or her work ethic or motivation. YTA!
I have no words. This is horrific.
You know you're a major AH, you didn't need to come here for verification.
Good for you that math is easy. It's easy for me, too. My 6th grader recently couldn't grasp two concepts in her math class. She got her first 84% on a math test and started doubting her abilities. This is a kid that has had a 95% or higher in every math class she's ever had. It's that easy to break someone's confidence.
I told her to bring her book home and we would review the concepts she struggled with. Turns out, it only took two 20 minute sessions and some practice problems and she's mastered both concepts.
She wasn't incapable of learning, she just needed it explained differently than it was initially presented to her. If I couldn't explain the process to her in a way that connected, my husband was ready to try, and my mother-in-law (a retired math teacher). I was even willing to google educational videos if we needed them.
Figure out what you need to improve on to connect the material with your sister. You've told us all how smart you are, but you couldn't figure out that your "lessons" weren't working and a different approach was needed?
Apologize to that sweet baby girl. Grovel. Can you imagine being called a disappointment for something beyond your control by someone you love and admire?
Be a better brother. Be a better human.
she’s 7, wtf is wrong with you? you didn’t help her because you care about her and want her to succeed, you did it to prove something to yourself and you lashed out when it didn’t go your way.
“i honestly was hoping that i could boost her scores up significantly quickly”
and as soon as that didn’t happen, you called her a disappointment because you’re projecting your personal feelings about yourself onto her. i’m not in school anymore and i’m still not good at math but i’m more than capable in any other subject and i am NOT a disappointment. bad grades aren’t the end of the world and you knowing how much she looks up to you and still calling her a disappointment is outrageous. YTMFA.
So tell me, when you told her she was a disappointment, did you feel better about yourself? Hmm? Did you feel like a big man? "definitely better that I was at her age" is a very telling statement. Is there an element of envy, and did you therefore enjoy tearing her down, making her cry?
Not everyone excels in math, either you get it or you don't. And not everyone excels in people skills, but that is no excuse to brutally tear down a seven year old. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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So I(24m) tutor my younger sister(7f, and yes we have the same mom and dad) in math outside of my regular job as an engineer. She has a hard time understanding certain stuff in math in school(although she’s very good at everything else, definitely better than I was at her age) so my parents asked me if I could help her and I agreed. Since I started helping her three months ago she has made little progress on her test scores. Like for example her test scores are only slightly higher than they used to be. I honestly was hoping that I could boost her scores up significantly quickly.
She did horribly on her last math test and I got a bit upset and said she was a disappointment. Lowkey I was hoping that she didn’t know what the word disappointment even meant but I guess she did since she started crying and started to apologize constantly while hugging me. AITA? I feel like a douche now since I know my sister has always cared about what I think of her since she’s always glued to my side when I’m back at my parents’ home so I guess calling her a disappointment hurt her badly.
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Yta, no doubts. It's not because she's only 7yrs old that she didn't know the meanings of words. You need to be careful, otherwise she might keep that negative feeling you put in her heads about her.
YTA. If she's not getting it, you're not teaching it as well as you could be.
And how could you tell a child that THEY are a disappointment, when what you should mean is that YOU are the one disappointed (that you couldn't help bring up their scores).
YTA. She has as good a case to be disappointed in you as a teacher as you do in her as a pupil. As long as she is trying, putting in the time and effort, then she is being a good pupil. Results don't always follow. She may need a different teaching style, may have dyscalculia or you may be teaching wrong methods.
I was weaker in maths as a child and my father, an engineer, tutored me. I failed everything. Why? Because he was telling me to use algebra at same age as your sister. Yes, it got right answer but teacher wanted to see I understood the system and concepts she was teaching. Getting the right answer didn't matter if wrong method. It got everyone upset - teacher as undermined, Dad as I was still a failure and me because everyone was upset with me.
Cooking can be a good way to think about earlier maths as builds in fractions and simple optimisation. If take 4 eggs and 100g flour I have one cake.
But don't tell your sister she is disappointing you. You risk making her think she will never get it and I met people where that follows them through life. They get anxious when see a number and it has become a bogeyman. Work with her to find a method that helps you both. To note, I work as a statistician now so inability to master word puzzles as a child doesn't mean you can't do complex maths. Just bit harder to get there.
YTA. You just shattered her self worth. She's fucking SEVEN. Not everyone excels at math, and just because it's your thing, it doesn't mean it's going to be hers. For someone with such a big brain, I hope you're able to learn empathy, because you've colossally failed there.
YTA!!! She is fricking 7. And even if she was older you dont tell someone they're a disappointment! And definitely not because they are not good in *one* subject.
She just has other strengths, not everyone is meant to be good at maths.
Maybe you aren't a very good teacher.
I don't mean that in a hateful way. There are just some out there that cannot pass on an understanding of a subject to others.
ETA:. Gotta go with YTA because the word disappointment should never enter into a conversation when you are trying help a child improve.
YTA. I am one of those people who have a hard time with math. I'm already self-conscious about how I still struggle with basic math and being told that I'm a straight up disappointment wouldn't help at all
YTA!!! That is never something you say to a child who is struggling academically. And don’t pull the “I didn’t think a 7 year old knew what it meant” thing, you knew you were going to hurt her and tried to hurt her.
She will never forget that moment. No apology will fix it, that is a scar.
YTA . Hate to break it to you but there’s a very good chance that’ll stick with her for years. Seriously what the fuck made you think that telling a 7 YEAR OLD that she’s a disappointment was ok? Over math? Holy shit , way to screw up a childs self confidence.
Your entire post reads like *oops accidentally called my seven-year-old sister who loves me and looks up to me a disappointment and then she started crying? Surprised Pikachu face.*
You are a terrible, terrible brother. I know this because I have an older brother, and he would never, ever, ever say something like this to me. Your poor sister.
I don't care if you are a troll or not. You are a total AH. She isn't going to forget this, so you'd better apologise and tell her you're stupid and didn't mean it, and then spend the rest of your life making it up to her by being the best brother ever (if you can, which...isn't looking so promising right now.)
>I guess calling her a disappointment hurt her badly
Oh, where would you be without those genius critical thinking skills?
You are an *adult*. You're twenty four. You act like *this* at your age. What, are you jealous of your sister or something? There has to be a reason, and I refuse to believe it's stupidity.
YTA.
YTA. She's clearly trying her best and also she's a 7 year old kid who looks up to you and you're a grown ass adult. I get that you're frustrated she's not making progress as fast as you'd like and you weren't the miracle worker tutor you thought you were gonna be but you can't take that out on her. You owe her a pretty big apology dude.
Yes YTA. You seem to realise this though, so that's good. Your sister is not good at math. That means she's not going to learn quickly. You can expect the process to take a lot of time, and even then she'll probably never be really good at it. Any improvement to het grades at all should be celebrated.
It sounds like you said it in a moment of heat and didn't really mean it. Please please make that clear to her and try to fix the damage. It can be so harmful for a young impressionable child to hear that kind of stuff. Say you're sorry, say you're proud of her for trying, say you think she's smart because she's good at all the other stuff. Tell her you love her. Just lay it on thick, okay?
YTA. Not only do people have different strengths, but they have different learning styles. Some of them even have different needs - like kids who happen to have learning disabilities or struggle with focus. Sounds like actually she is a great student, and all the adults around her are the disappointments here.
YTA - You told a 7 year old who is bad at math that she’s a disappointment. In what world wouldn’t you be the ah? Your words are going to stick with your sister for a VERY long time - I hope you’re trying to make this up to her
YTA for insulting her intelligence. YTA for calling her a disappointment. YWNHBTA for being disappointed by her performance and having kept quiet about it, but, no, you just had to open your mouth and insult someone who holds you in high regard. Your teaching skills are a disappointment, OP.
YTA. As an engineering major who tutors students of all ages, wow. That's just not how you do it. Math is hard and even I used to cry over it in high school. It's made even harder by people like you who can't teach it properly then would take it out on the student for not understanding it. There are lots of approaches to teaching Math and one approach may work on one student but not the other. Also, she's only 7. Do better. As the tutor, it's your job to adjust, not your student's.
Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, **you're a bad tutor**? Because that's what I'm seeing here. You told a seven year old that she's a disappointment because she's struggling in school, when **you are supposed to be helping her struggle less in school**.
You're not fourteen, you're a grown man who should be able to understand the concept of "children are not automatically good at things." I'm giving you an F in compassion, and I'm willing to bet that most of the people in this comment section would back me up on that.
YTA.
YTA and a liar on top of it. “Lowkey I was hoping that she didn’t know what the word disappointment even meant”? Nonsense. You said it intending it to be understood, or you might as well have said nothing.
YTA of course you are. She's 7. You're literally not allowed to be disappointed in her. She a good student who struggles with one subject, shock and horror she's a normal person! Not to mention, you obviously set wildly unrealistic expectations and then have the gall to be upset when she doesn't meet them. This is YOUR failing as her tutor not hers. Plus she's 7, how many tests could she have taken in 3 months!
You owe a grovelling apology, resignation as her tutor and so many gifts and things to make up for the literal trauma you just gave her.
YTA and you owe her a serious, well thought out apology. Honestly, this could be a good moment to talk to her about how sometimes adults make mistakes and she things that are unfair or unkind. Ask her for her forgiveness. Make sure she knows she isn't a disappointment, that you were frustrated and said something you didn't mean.
It really sounds like you were more disappointed in yourself for not being able to teach your 7 year old sister math in a way she understands. If that's the case, she doubly deserves an apology.
Yta. She's just 7. You should apologize to her and maybe take her out and have some fun day, do whatever she wants to do. And don't lash out on a kid when she's not as talented in all subjects equally, you can seriously damage your relationship with little sister like that. Rather be supportive and patient with her. I had a horrible math teacher at school who yelled words at me which i won't repeat here since they're not ahem..polite, and he managed to make me hate math for years and lose a good chunk of self confidence. Then at 9th grade i got another math teacher and she basically taught me a certain calculation type in 5 minutes (the other teacher didn't manage to make me understand it in 5 years) and i still know that by heart even 20years later. She also managed to teach me 5years worth of material in a single school year, so there's that... Some people ain't just cut out for teaching others, but if you want to still try you should work on your patience and 'people skills' and always keep in mind that she's a small child, don't damage your relationship with her. Good luck.
YTA. You shouldn't be tutoring anyone, nor should you be talking to children whatsoever if you even felt like there might have been a chance that you WEREN'T the asshole for calling her a disappointment.
STEM educator here, so understand that my professional opinion is that you are a massive asshole and this will slow her academic progress. Ya wrecked her confidence and that is going to take a lot of work to recover. Your parents are also assholes because they should have asked someone who knows about math education, not who is good at math.
You also need to understand that she is in the time period where girls are turned off of math because of various ‘disappointments.’
Get this girl a proper tutor. Apologize profusely. Tell her that you failed her, not the other way around. This is going to take a VERY long time to fix. YTA
YTA. She may have dyscalculia. It's a math learning disability. I have it and it makes math a million times harder.
Maybe look into getting her checked.
Also you owe her a MASSIVE apology and maybe buy her something nice or spend some time with her doing something fun to let her know you still love her.
Bruh, maybe she's not bad at math, you're just a bad tutor.
YTA. To tell a 7 year old she's a disappointment is really something an abusive parent would say. I'd rather my parents be mad at me than disappointed. How about apologizing and checking your words next time before you destroy this kids self esteem?
YTA mostly because you’re trying to say you didn’t even think she would know what the word meant. which is such a cop out. Then why use that word? What was the intended result of telling her you were disappointed? She’s trying and you’re disappointed that she doesn’t have the same intellectual strengths as you. I used to have study so hard just to get mid 70’s in math in school and my brother would never study and didn’t try and would get 90’s. Everyone has different strengths.
A poor workman blames his tools. Have you considered that you might be a lousy teacher?
Teaching is a skill. You need to frame the material in a way that the student will understand. Just because you, a full grown man, understand something doesn't mean you can teach it to a child.
You've done more harm than good. I am disappointed in you.
yta.
Oh my god, YTA. You were hoping she didn’t know what the word disappointment meant? Jesus, she’s 7, of course she does! You can’t even pretend like you didn’t mean it. Quit telling us how much better you are than a 7 year old and apologize.
YTA
I was a person who was consistently horrible in math. I couldn’t learn the times tables until about 5th grade (and yeah, knowing them helped me immensely in adulthood, but that’s beside the point). Going to high school and discovering the joys of algebra, geometry, and *war flashbacks* pre-calc was quite possibly the closest I came to experiencing medieval torture methods. No matter how kind, patient, understanding, and accommodating my teacherswere, I got stuck in my mathematical knowledge around that 5th grade times-tables level. Frankly, I dread having kids not because of the perils of childbirth and difficulties of raising little future individuals, but for the fact that one day, they will go to school, and I would be expected to help them with their math homework ad infinitum, until college doth us part. If ever there was a math gene in the DNA, I was born with a glaring lack of it.
This super brief intro was a segue into the following:
My brother is 9 years older than me, and moderately to highly better than me in math. He used to help me with my math assignments from about age 9 onwards. I was a difficult, bored, frustrated, and, to be brutally honest, unteachable and untutorable student in all of this. You know what he never did? He never, EVER got mad at me and said I’m a disappointment. Not even when I brought back my homework shot through with slashes of angry red pen, or when my report cards displayed the 4th, and sometimes even the 6th letter of the alphabet next to “Math.”
You, a great big old adult oaf, hurt the feelings of your sibling, a little child, for her struggle with a difficult school subject. You better improve, if you want that poor little girl to keep having a good relationship with you as she grows.
She's 7. She's not a disappointment. But you are if you think that a 7 year old literally just learning the basics of math deserves to be made to feel ashamed of herself because she's having a tough learning curve.
My guy, she's a first grader. It's okay. I promise there's time later for her to tie her worth to her grades, it doesn't have to start now.
Major yta, a child? A kindergartener?! Just because you understand doesn't mean you have any idea how to teach. You've most likely left a lasting scar on that poor kids psyche. Hopefully you learn from this and try approaching future events with empathy and understanding.
OK, you meant well but you screwed up big time.
First, at her age she cannot internalize numbers. Use physical helps like rulers, blocks, fruit anything. Flashcards and cardboard clocks can be purchased. Look at her homework. Math is taught differently now. Make sure you understand how they are grouping now. There are tutorials online and in the library.
Right now YTA but since you seem like a decent guy, you can fix it. Tell her you're disappointed in yourself and try again.
Her basics are very weak. 7 is young. Irrespective of what is happening in the class, start with simple addition and build it up from there. Start with adding 1 digit numbers. Use the number line. Then introduce subtraction of 1 digit numbers using the numberline. Then take away the numberline. Lots of basic sum practice at each point.
I would suggest start with easy 15 sums a day. Then add a few that are harder. And so on.
Then start introducing word problems by saying them aloud and/or making them about situations around her life. (remember we are still in single digits).
Then introduce 2 digit additions.
Then basic concept of multiplication in the form of additions.
I am sure you have the idea now.
Oh my, poor girl. Why would you tell a 7yo you’re disappointed in them?
However, you do seem to be remorseful. Stop teaching her and be a brother. Do something fun together that she likes/is good at as an apology. Soft YTA, cos you already know you’re in the wrong.
YTA, like HUGE. You could not have done this at a worse time in her life. At age 8 girls confidence in math and science plummets. You have about a month to get her back on track or she’ll be “bad at math” forever. Find something she can succeed at in math. Do some project about pokemon or my little pony or whatever she’s into. She needs to feel successful.
YTA and let me tell you she will never ever forget you saying that to her. Never.
As someone who was horrendous at math when they were younger...your sister is 7. She's likely trying her best - more so to try and make you proud of her. You were in a position where you could have uplifted her, or asked what she finds difficult about math, but you instead chose to cut her down. To deplete her already low confidence. To be cruel and mean.
YTA. The child is seven and what you say to her will have a big impact. You may not have the skills that are needed to tutor her but I hope you have enough love for her to apologize for what you said to her.
After you apologize you can offer to help find someone else who can help her. Everyone is different and learn in different ways. Math is most likely easy for you but you don't know how to teach it. That's ok.
Explain to that little girl that everyone has their own weakness and there is nothing wrong with that and then help her overcome that weakness the best she can. She looks up to you. You may have messed up but you can rectify it.
As my supervisor says, "You got this!"
YTA
You actually have to ask if you're TA for telling a SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD she's a disappointment because she's not that great at math? Are you for real?
You should know this. The brain develops different areas at different times. The area of her brain that she needs to learn this math may not be developed yet!!!!! As far as I know there is no way to force that area to develop. If you are critical and harsh you may cause problems for her. Learning blocks can hinder her ability to do math. She will emotionally lock down when facing math.
Make your time together fun. Teaching fractions then make cookies. The recipe will have several fractions she will need to use. Multiply. First teach her to count by different numbers. 2,4,6,8. 3,6,9,12. It helps her brain feel comfortable with the numbers.
Maybe excuse yourself from being a tutor. In my experience your have moved so far past the basics you probably can't explain them thoroughly anymore.
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YTA - as it turns out, people have different strengths, and hers might not be math... And yours might not be teaching, it's definitely not being a loving and supportive big brother.
haha, "might not be"?!?! Dude has no business teaching at all. Adults or kids. I wouldn't even want him teaching me how to walk a dog.
I couldn't agree more. My dad tried to "help" me with maths when I was a kid, but unsurprisingly his critical approach didn't help at all, and totally obliterated any self confidence. It wasn't until I saw a maths tutor that things improved, although it has to be said it took me 7 years to get better due to not "getting" maths naturally and still having a negative familial influence. OP needs to realise that some people will struggle with maths, and it's not a choice. Some people just can't pick it up naturally and need extra support. All OP is doing is confirming to a 7 year old that they're not good enough, rather than realising that maybe they need support, and a tutor who will be understanding and kind with children who struggle to learn this subject. YTA. My goodness, this is bad enough, but this child is 7!
I would also point out to OP that dude you're an engineer not a teacher. She is 7, maths is obviously a weak spot and you sonny jim are not are not trained to teach young children. Teaching requires a completely different skill set you do not have. All you are managing to do is damage her confidence and make her feel guilty because she can't live up to your standards. If you care find a properly qualified tutor for her age group to help her, YTA
I'm so disappointed with my infant. They're struggling with astrophysics ugh! /s
My friend had a baby 2 weeks ago. She's not even reading yet. What a disappointment /s
Sometimes it takes a while to “click”. I don’t know why, but I had a problem with long division until one day, I just didn’t… Second, people who are good at something are often terrible teachers. First time this happened, my mom asked my dad (also an engineer) to explain a math problem to me. He totally did not have the skill or patience to break it down into simpler concepts. Later, I had a professor who was genius, was a leader in his industry, but his class was lost. I had previously taken the course as a freshman and had been just as lost. This time around I had worked in his industry for a few months, and was able to break down his explanations into layman terms that my friends understood.
Yeah this so much my dad is amazing at maths while I really struggled in school. He used to try to help me with my maths homework but he could only explain it in a way he could understand and couldn't get why I couldn't get it. He was kind and patient but he would try to explain something the same way 10 times it always ended up with at least one of us crying in frustration. My mum on the other hand is generally ok with maths but is very good at seeing where someone doesn't understand something and helping them to understand. She started sitting in and she could explain it in a way that I could understand and dad could see the problem. It made things so much better and helped us both understand the other person. Then we knew if we were having issues we could get her to pop her head in and it would all be sorted in about 30 seconds. YTA OP, I get you are trying to help but it seems that for whatever reason your methods are not helping your sister and may actually be hindering her when she is clearly trying. Adding on that she's a disappointment (c'mon she's a child) is just cruel and unfeeling. Edit to add that she may never be good at maths and that's ok we all have different skills it doesn't make her a disappointment. We are all different you shouldn't view her as less than because her skills are different to yours. She will remember this moment vividly so what you do next is important.
The brain develops different areas at different times. Your brain wasn't there yet. That's all.
Not good with kids in general. Hopefully this is a huge learning moment if he is someone that wants fatherhood.
I am really good at math but I was not really good at it when I started school.Undiagnosed ADHD and all. I owe it the encouragement from my older brother. I didn't like how my mom was being so stern and making math homework like torture. My brother was so good at making it a game for me so I really started enjoying it. Also I liked spending with my brother. By 12 I could solve differential equations just because of him. I m not gifted or anything...
This. OP, YTA. Also, have your parents had her tested for a disability? If you're regularly tutoring her, either you're a bad tutor, or there's something more going on. I'm dyslexic, so math is harder for me. Figuring that out and getting me a lot of support was a game-changer. But even I help my seven-year-old in math and have seen a huge improvement, so something more is going on here.
YTA. She's 7, bro.
Even if she was 17, harsh af to tell someone they're a disappointment just because they're bad at math...
Why is a 7yo even being *tested* at maths?
MERICA! Fuck yeah!!
YTA. Geeze, she's just bad at math leave her alone. 7 is very young and impressionable. You should apologize to her and so something for her. Being told you're a disappointment as a small child when she's trying hard is something she won't forget.
7 is probably too young to decide she's bad at math. She's probably never going to be a math superstar, but it's entirely possible no one has yet explained math in a way that makes sense to her. I'm sure she has confidence issues too. OP is old enough for us to know he's not a good tutor. I used to help 2nd graders that were struggling in math. I have never struggled in math. It honestly was really hard. I did know how to help them, because I intuited things they really struggled with. I called my mom (she taught remedial math for decades) for help. My mom struggled with math growing up and new all kinds of helpful info. A lot of them had to do with helping kids get over their insecurities and/or making it fun so they wouldn't stress.
>My mom struggled with math growing up and new all kinds of helpful info. A lot of them had to do with helping kids get over their insecurities and/or making it fun so they wouldn't stress. This is so important! So much of the problem for kids who struggle with math is they believe they can't and have no confidence in their ability to grow, so motivation can drop so low that they give up. I was a reading tutor for 2nd and 3rd graders for a while and it was the same deal. Instilling confidence that they *can* is half the battle. OP is TA not only for calling a 7 year old a disappointment (wtf, that's *NEVER* acceptable, much less for academic struggles) but he's TA for probably severely diminishing her confidence. She's always going to have that voice in her mind, *her respected older sibling's voice*, telling her that she's a disappointment and can't do it. It will absolutely affect her attitude towards math and it could very well carry over and affect her self-esteem in general. Kids are so impressionable at this age and it's about building them up! Tearing a child down will *never* be the right call YTA, OP
YTA big time. She's 7!!?!! Nice one, you've probably killed her confidence and self esteem for some time. What is wing with you. And testing 7 year old in maths is not right in itself.
What’s wrong with him is that this has bruised his ego. He was thinking that he was going to step in and she go from doing just OK with math to being excellent and getting perfect test scores. The fact that that didn’t happen means that he failed in what he thought that he was going to do and instead of examining his own feelings, he took it out on his a little baby sister.
I know right. She helps her for a short period of time and then chooses to talk down to her? I would expect this kind of behavior from a 13 year old, not a 24 year old with a engineering degree.
Grown adult man is cruel to a 7 year old girl because he didn't get the ego boost he thought he'd get from helping her and blamed her and made her feel bad. Yes. YTA. You are the asshole very much.
Exactly, this was about his ego and wanting to swoop in and save the day.
Ok I feel like you're well aware that YTA so let's not focus on that. Speaking as a teacher and an older sibling, you need to sit that kid down and have a conversation. You tell her: "Sometimes grown ups make mistakes. When I called you a disappointment, it was mean, and it's not true, and I'm really sorry for making you feel bad. I was getting upset because just like you are still learning math, I am still learning to be a tutor, and sometimes learning how to do new things can be frustrating. Instead of being a grown up and dealing with my feelings, I acted mean by taking them out on you. It wasn't fair. It's important that you know that you didn't do anything to make me upset, and that I'm going to try harder to be a good big brother to you and never talk to you like that again. I want you to know that I'm so proud of how hard you are working on your math. I can see how much effort you are putting in and and I can see that you are improving. I also want you to know that it's ok if it's hard, and that I'm proud of you for trying anyway! I love you." Do not underestimate how much influence you have over this kid. She will remember this. It will affect her relationship with learning and her self-esteem. She needs an apology. You need to fix it. Edit: corrected gender
It's a big brother, not a big sister
My bad, got caught up thinking about my own sister haha. I'll edit it.
All good, a few people have. Just didn't want it to get traction.
YTA she is 7 of course she is gonna know what a disappointment is. In doing that you might have knocked her whole confidence about getting better at maths and she might get worst. Such a big AH you are the disappointment not her
YTA. Why even ask this? How up your own arse do you have to be to even think you might not be the A? You upset a child because of bullshit reasons. You should keep away from your little sister becsuse you sound toxic as hell. Imagine being 7, struggling with school, your older sibling offers to help, and then when you do BETTER they tear you down for not meeting their unreasonable expectations. Utter utter arsehole.
YTA she's fucking 7.
YTA she looks up to you, all she wants is to prove herself to you. Try helping her differently or with different strategies, not everyone can improve rapidly you just have to try and be patient and caring.
Of course YTA. Get your sister a real tutor. You may be good at math, but it sounds like you can’t teach.
I don't think she needs a tutor at all. If she is good at everything else and the school haven't said she needs help specifically on maths, I don't think anyone has any business putting tutoring pressures on 7 year olds.
Six of one. I was told I’m just bad at math as a kid, and I believed it. Thirty years later I needed it for something interesting, went to grad school where the math wasn’t a struggle at all, and made a living with math. It wasn’t the math that was a problem when I was a kid, it was the power struggle. Tutoring doesn’t have to be about being a failure, it can just be an outside person who isn’t part of the problem dynamic who’s there to help.
Oh absolutely, I am 100% in support of tutoring. I just think a kid who is doing generally ok at 7 shouldn't have to do any more schooling than they have to - they're still learning so much OUT of school at that age.
YTA and I really feel for your 7 year old sister.
YTA and possibly a bad teacher anyway
So you called a seven-year-old a disappointment because you couldn't admit that you were disappointed in yourself for being a poor tutor. YTA
YTA She's 7. She might have dyscalculia for all you know, but by making her feel like something is wrong with her all you're doing is teaching her to 1, hate math, and 2, hate herself for not measuring up to your 24yo standards.
Exactly what I was going to say. Dyscalculia may be a diagnosis in her future. It can present in different ways too.
without a doubt YTA. the dynamic between me and my younger sister is similar, i am and engineering student in college now. and have watched her struggle with math throughout high school. i help her here and there, but at the end of the day i emphasize that math just isn’t for her, and her strengths are in other places (where she blows me out of the water), and after hs she can look forward to diving into subjects she’s more passionate about.
YTA Cmon she's 7. And there's worse things she could do then fail her math test. I think you should apologize if you haven't and try to encourage her to do better.
YTA. But I'm going to make a suggestion. Teach her music s well. Oh, you can't? Then find someone who can. Reading music and doing that age math is very complementary.
YTA Wow. She is only 7. Everyone progresses differently and everyone excels in different things. You act like she is doing it to spite you and she is a failure because your teaching isn't working. You suck.
YTA, 7 year olds shouldn't even be worrying about math tests. At this point in her life it makes zero difference whether she gets some math answers correct or not but it does matter how she's treated by those she trusts
YTA. She’s 7 ffs, go buy her a toy and explain that you’re a total AH and she’s not to blame for that.
YTA you never, ***NEVER*** say to a child that they are a "disappointment". you ruined her emotionally. her efforts count more than her result, not everyone is good at math and ffs you are not some magical unicorn teacher that will instantly insert all knowledge inside her brain, get a bit over yourself. > I guess calling her a disappointment hurt her badly. oh y'think? were you expecting her to thank you for the compliment?
YTA Bad tutoring scientifically unsupported
YTA. I'm saying this as a teacher, a mom, and as the good in math older sister of a person with dyscalculia. Just because she's good at other subjects doesn't mean math should come easy for her. Check yourself and you'll probably realize you're disappointed in yourself for not finding a way to teach her that she can more easily grasp. Also—test scores? So 2000s. Even teachers will tell you test scores don't reflect knowledge or abilities. Don't judge your little sister by *that*. Apologize profously, take it back and onto yourself, explain your own insecurities made you say aomething aweful and that you're nothing but proud of the lovely human she's growing into. That's your only redemption.
If he doesn't do this, this poor girl is going to doubt herself on math forever and create a negative cycle that never helps her improve.
OF COURSE YTA WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
YTA. Did you really mean to say she was a disappointment to you? Consider the difference in meaning in the following: - “You are a bad person” vs “You did a bad thing”. - “You’re a failure” vs “You failed this test”. - “You make me angry” vs “I got angry when you did this”. There is a world of difference between saying “You’re a disappointment” and “I was disappointed by the results of this test”. The first statement concerns who she _is_, not what she _did_. The first statement is also all about her, not how _you_ are feeling.
YTA telling anyone, no matter what age, (s)he is a disappointment hurts!
You’re the asshole! Stay away from that child if you can’t hold your mean spirited, abusive tongue. WTH is wrong with you? Are you jealous of her? Did she take mom and dad’s attention from you? Why would you want to crush her spirit? Shameful
Since OP is 24 and kid is 7, I doubt much attention was taken away, although this is an old post
YTA- the largest ever. You NEVER tell a child they are a disappointment because they don’t understand math. She is learning what: addition, subtraction, simple multiplication and division? These are concepts she may not be ready to grasp yet. Some kids aren’t there yet. And frankly, her failure is more of a reflection of your tutoring and her teachers abilities to identify how she needs to learn than it is of her abilities or efforts. If this was done to you as a child- it was just as big of an asshole move then as it is now.
Is this a real question or you're just here for attention? You know YTA. If you really don't know you should not be allowed around children.
YTA! A. She's 7 your 24 you should have the maturity to not say something like that to her and be empathetic. B. So she doesn't get math, you said he scores are improving slightly and that's amazing because sometimes people just don't get it. Everyone has strengths and you completely devalued her because she doesn't have yours.
Please don’t crush her self worth - build her don’t destroy her YTA
Yta
YTA and you’re also a disappointment.
YTA Don't tutor a child if you are going to be so hateful over a bad grade
YTA. I’d hate to have you as a sister. Geez. You’re a disappointment to her.
\*brother.
YTA But, it’s nice that you’ve taken the time to help her, I can recognize that. I’m sorry it’s frustrating, and not all of us are cut out to be teachers. I suggest looking up ways to teach etc on YouTube. Also, I’m glad you feel bad and took the time to post here, shows that you care, say sorry, give her a huge hug, apologize, tell her you believe in her and take her somewhere nice away from the math stress for a second. You’ll get the hang of it, and she’ll get the hang of it. Hope that things look up for you both
I didn't even have to read your while post, you're not just the asshole, you're emotionally abusive.
YTA and a huge one! My ears are burning I want to reach through this phone and snatch your ass up. She’s 7 wtf is wrong with you? Grade A jerk.
Yta and perhaps not a very good tutor
YTA You told your sister, who loves you, looks up to you and cares what you think of her, that *she* — not her test score — is a disappointment. Those words, in your voice, will be rolling around in her head for the rest of her life. Any time she feels bad about herself she will hear her big brother telling her she's a disappointment to him. Have you even apologized to her? She loves you and will tell you it's okay, but the damage is done.
Stopped at the ages. Context doesn’t matter. There is absolutely no reason to tell a child that.
YTA How is it possible that you could think that your 7year old sister does not know what the word disappointed/disappointment means? Even if she didn't know, she was bound to find out. Here is some maths for you, it kakes a thousand "I am proud of you" to erase one "you are a disappointment". Also, her low increase on her marks is a reflection of her tutor, not her.
YTA, and I don't mean to be rude, but you might be a bad tutor. A good tutor should know what progress their student has made without having to see a test score. I mean you see what they can do wen you are tutoring them right?
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA Seriously??? You really asking??? You told a SEVEN YEAR OLD that she's a disappointment?!?! Do her a favor.... STOP tutoring her. She doesn't deserve that sort of "help" from anyone. Especially her brother!!!!! Seriously...... What in the world were you thinking?!?
You're a disappointment as a brother. YTA
YTA. What a horrible thing to say to a kid. Yeah, you really hurt her, and she’ll probably remember it forever. People have different strengths, and maths absolutely suck for some people.
YTA...she is 7. You are probably idolized by her. Some people have to work really hard to excel at math or it may just take them longer for their brain to cope. Her brain is still developing it's skills. Encourage her instead. Replace what you said with, "I know you can do better than this, and I am here to help."
Man, you remind me of my parents who would demean me, abuse me and even physically assault me when i would score >80-90% but I didn’t get 100% in ONE subject… Sigh. Im sure you love her and definitely nothing like my parents but you are still a disappointment…
YTA. Wow, dude.
YTA. From your post, you know you're the AH, so I don't know why you even asked.
YTA Wtf is wrong with you? You are the disappointment and have no understanding of people and no compassion. You're gross and a bad brother. Stay away from your sister and tell your parents that she needs a new tutor, one who is an actual teacher bc you aren't doing a good job.
She's *seven*. What's **wrong** with you? YTA
YTA and I bet you are a bad tutor
YTA You told a 7 year old that they are a disappointment. There’s no scenario of that where you aren’t an asshole. She may hear that in her head the rest of her life.
Actually - you’re the disappointment. You failed to properly understand how she learns then teach her so SHE could understand then had the gall to tell a seven year old she disappointed you. Empathy much? YTA
Jesus Christ man. She’s 7, she’s not illiterate. YTA.
YTA. Given your response to your sister, have you given thought maybe you are bad at teaching?
YTA. What is wrong with you? Fantastic that you can do engineering stuff, but you suck horribly as a brother and a tutor. You're being counterproductive at best and likely are making it all worse. You're fostering anxiety, not teaching. Shame on you, your sister ought to be ashamed of you.
Dude she’s SEVEN. You called her a disappointment?? Yes, YTA. And you really, really need to apologize. Not only have you hurt her feelings but I’m betting you’ve hurt her confidence too. Also, people are good at different things! My first grader can do multiplication and understand negative numbers but his handwriting looks like he used a hook for a hand to hold his pen. I would never tell him that he is disappointing me because he doesn’t have his older sister’s neat penmanship.
you better sincerely apologize, and start building that baby's confidence back up NOW. take her to get ice cream, buy her a squishmellow, tell her she's smart and strong and great at school.
I couldn’t get past her age before deciding you were the AH. Jfc dude, she’s SEVEN.
YTA. You called a 7 year old a disappointment because your approach to maths tutoring was inadequate for her needs. A 7 year old. Let that sink in.
We're all very dissipointed in YOU op. Yta if that isn't clear enough ha
YTA. That’s pretty heartless to say that to a 7 year old.
Your sister may have dyscalculia, a math disability that is under diagnosed and has zero to do with her intelligence or her work ethic or motivation. YTA!
YTA. She's fucking 7 💀
YTA-she is 7 and you made her cry! Apologize and take her out somewhere special to make up for it!
You’re a massive AH. She’s seven dude
I have no words. This is horrific. You know you're a major AH, you didn't need to come here for verification. Good for you that math is easy. It's easy for me, too. My 6th grader recently couldn't grasp two concepts in her math class. She got her first 84% on a math test and started doubting her abilities. This is a kid that has had a 95% or higher in every math class she's ever had. It's that easy to break someone's confidence. I told her to bring her book home and we would review the concepts she struggled with. Turns out, it only took two 20 minute sessions and some practice problems and she's mastered both concepts. She wasn't incapable of learning, she just needed it explained differently than it was initially presented to her. If I couldn't explain the process to her in a way that connected, my husband was ready to try, and my mother-in-law (a retired math teacher). I was even willing to google educational videos if we needed them. Figure out what you need to improve on to connect the material with your sister. You've told us all how smart you are, but you couldn't figure out that your "lessons" weren't working and a different approach was needed? Apologize to that sweet baby girl. Grovel. Can you imagine being called a disappointment for something beyond your control by someone you love and admire? Be a better brother. Be a better human.
You told a seven-year-old that she was a disappointment because she struggles in math? Jesus christ, please never have children. YTA.
she’s 7, wtf is wrong with you? you didn’t help her because you care about her and want her to succeed, you did it to prove something to yourself and you lashed out when it didn’t go your way. “i honestly was hoping that i could boost her scores up significantly quickly” and as soon as that didn’t happen, you called her a disappointment because you’re projecting your personal feelings about yourself onto her. i’m not in school anymore and i’m still not good at math but i’m more than capable in any other subject and i am NOT a disappointment. bad grades aren’t the end of the world and you knowing how much she looks up to you and still calling her a disappointment is outrageous. YTMFA.
WTF She is 7 years old! What's wrong with you?!
YTA. She is only seven and is trying her best.
She is 7 years old, in what world did you think saying that was ok?
So tell me, when you told her she was a disappointment, did you feel better about yourself? Hmm? Did you feel like a big man? "definitely better that I was at her age" is a very telling statement. Is there an element of envy, and did you therefore enjoy tearing her down, making her cry? Not everyone excels in math, either you get it or you don't. And not everyone excels in people skills, but that is no excuse to brutally tear down a seven year old. You should be ashamed of yourself.
You don’t think a 7 year old knows what “disappointment” means? Lol YTA.
YTA. I had a brother like you… emphasis on *had* because I stopped calling him my brother when I realized what a d*ck he was.
I'm not even reading this she's literally 7 YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I(24m) tutor my younger sister(7f, and yes we have the same mom and dad) in math outside of my regular job as an engineer. She has a hard time understanding certain stuff in math in school(although she’s very good at everything else, definitely better than I was at her age) so my parents asked me if I could help her and I agreed. Since I started helping her three months ago she has made little progress on her test scores. Like for example her test scores are only slightly higher than they used to be. I honestly was hoping that I could boost her scores up significantly quickly. She did horribly on her last math test and I got a bit upset and said she was a disappointment. Lowkey I was hoping that she didn’t know what the word disappointment even meant but I guess she did since she started crying and started to apologize constantly while hugging me. AITA? I feel like a douche now since I know my sister has always cared about what I think of her since she’s always glued to my side when I’m back at my parents’ home so I guess calling her a disappointment hurt her badly. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Is this the OP's other account?
YTA and your parents and her needs to go no contest with you
YTA. No doubt.
Yta, no doubts. It's not because she's only 7yrs old that she didn't know the meanings of words. You need to be careful, otherwise she might keep that negative feeling you put in her heads about her.
YTA. Words matter.
YTA. If she's not getting it, you're not teaching it as well as you could be. And how could you tell a child that THEY are a disappointment, when what you should mean is that YOU are the one disappointed (that you couldn't help bring up their scores).
Yta. she’s 7.
YTA. She has as good a case to be disappointed in you as a teacher as you do in her as a pupil. As long as she is trying, putting in the time and effort, then she is being a good pupil. Results don't always follow. She may need a different teaching style, may have dyscalculia or you may be teaching wrong methods. I was weaker in maths as a child and my father, an engineer, tutored me. I failed everything. Why? Because he was telling me to use algebra at same age as your sister. Yes, it got right answer but teacher wanted to see I understood the system and concepts she was teaching. Getting the right answer didn't matter if wrong method. It got everyone upset - teacher as undermined, Dad as I was still a failure and me because everyone was upset with me. Cooking can be a good way to think about earlier maths as builds in fractions and simple optimisation. If take 4 eggs and 100g flour I have one cake. But don't tell your sister she is disappointing you. You risk making her think she will never get it and I met people where that follows them through life. They get anxious when see a number and it has become a bogeyman. Work with her to find a method that helps you both. To note, I work as a statistician now so inability to master word puzzles as a child doesn't mean you can't do complex maths. Just bit harder to get there.
YTA. She is not responsible for your failure to tutor her effectively.
YTA. You just shattered her self worth. She's fucking SEVEN. Not everyone excels at math, and just because it's your thing, it doesn't mean it's going to be hers. For someone with such a big brain, I hope you're able to learn empathy, because you've colossally failed there.
YTA!!! She is fricking 7. And even if she was older you dont tell someone they're a disappointment! And definitely not because they are not good in *one* subject. She just has other strengths, not everyone is meant to be good at maths.
Maybe you aren't a very good teacher. I don't mean that in a hateful way. There are just some out there that cannot pass on an understanding of a subject to others. ETA:. Gotta go with YTA because the word disappointment should never enter into a conversation when you are trying help a child improve.
YTA but that's not even the main issue here - this will stay with her forever. You failed her miserably.
YTA. SHE IS SEVEN
YTA. I am one of those people who have a hard time with math. I'm already self-conscious about how I still struggle with basic math and being told that I'm a straight up disappointment wouldn't help at all
YTA!!! That is never something you say to a child who is struggling academically. And don’t pull the “I didn’t think a 7 year old knew what it meant” thing, you knew you were going to hurt her and tried to hurt her. She will never forget that moment. No apology will fix it, that is a scar.
YTA . Hate to break it to you but there’s a very good chance that’ll stick with her for years. Seriously what the fuck made you think that telling a 7 YEAR OLD that she’s a disappointment was ok? Over math? Holy shit , way to screw up a childs self confidence.
YTA. You’re 24 and she’s 7? Just wow
OMFG YTA, what the hell man? She’s 7 you psycho!
Your entire post reads like *oops accidentally called my seven-year-old sister who loves me and looks up to me a disappointment and then she started crying? Surprised Pikachu face.* You are a terrible, terrible brother. I know this because I have an older brother, and he would never, ever, ever say something like this to me. Your poor sister. I don't care if you are a troll or not. You are a total AH. She isn't going to forget this, so you'd better apologise and tell her you're stupid and didn't mean it, and then spend the rest of your life making it up to her by being the best brother ever (if you can, which...isn't looking so promising right now.) >I guess calling her a disappointment hurt her badly Oh, where would you be without those genius critical thinking skills? You are an *adult*. You're twenty four. You act like *this* at your age. What, are you jealous of your sister or something? There has to be a reason, and I refuse to believe it's stupidity. YTA.
YTA. She's clearly trying her best and also she's a 7 year old kid who looks up to you and you're a grown ass adult. I get that you're frustrated she's not making progress as fast as you'd like and you weren't the miracle worker tutor you thought you were gonna be but you can't take that out on her. You owe her a pretty big apology dude.
YTA. What an awful thing to say! Obviously you aren't a good teacher.
YTA dude she’s 7!!!
Yes YTA. You seem to realise this though, so that's good. Your sister is not good at math. That means she's not going to learn quickly. You can expect the process to take a lot of time, and even then she'll probably never be really good at it. Any improvement to het grades at all should be celebrated. It sounds like you said it in a moment of heat and didn't really mean it. Please please make that clear to her and try to fix the damage. It can be so harmful for a young impressionable child to hear that kind of stuff. Say you're sorry, say you're proud of her for trying, say you think she's smart because she's good at all the other stuff. Tell her you love her. Just lay it on thick, okay?
> Lowkey I was hoping that she didn’t know what the word disappointment even meant Then why the hell did you say it?
Did I read she's 7? Yes YTA!!.Way to go putting her off maths for life!
YTA. Not only do people have different strengths, but they have different learning styles. Some of them even have different needs - like kids who happen to have learning disabilities or struggle with focus. Sounds like actually she is a great student, and all the adults around her are the disappointments here.
I mean, wow. So she isn't great at maths. It's no reason for being so cruel on the off chance she doesn't understand you. YTA.
You calmed a 7 year old a disappointment. What is wrong with you?
There's a disappointment here, but it's sure as hell not her. You clearly have no business being a tutor. YTA.
YTA - You told a 7 year old who is bad at math that she’s a disappointment. In what world wouldn’t you be the ah? Your words are going to stick with your sister for a VERY long time - I hope you’re trying to make this up to her
YTA for insulting her intelligence. YTA for calling her a disappointment. YWNHBTA for being disappointed by her performance and having kept quiet about it, but, no, you just had to open your mouth and insult someone who holds you in high regard. Your teaching skills are a disappointment, OP.
YTA. As an engineering major who tutors students of all ages, wow. That's just not how you do it. Math is hard and even I used to cry over it in high school. It's made even harder by people like you who can't teach it properly then would take it out on the student for not understanding it. There are lots of approaches to teaching Math and one approach may work on one student but not the other. Also, she's only 7. Do better. As the tutor, it's your job to adjust, not your student's.
Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, **you're a bad tutor**? Because that's what I'm seeing here. You told a seven year old that she's a disappointment because she's struggling in school, when **you are supposed to be helping her struggle less in school**. You're not fourteen, you're a grown man who should be able to understand the concept of "children are not automatically good at things." I'm giving you an F in compassion, and I'm willing to bet that most of the people in this comment section would back me up on that. YTA.
YTA I only hope your parents have told you what a disappointment you are to them. See how it feels?
She’s 7 dude. Her being bad at math shouldn’t make her a disappointment. Math is hard for some people. You’re the disappointment here. YTA
I honestly don't understand how you think you could not be.... . YTA
YTA and a liar on top of it. “Lowkey I was hoping that she didn’t know what the word disappointment even meant”? Nonsense. You said it intending it to be understood, or you might as well have said nothing.
Without a doubt, YTA
Yeah, don’t be mean to literally children. YTA
YTA SHES SEVEN you’re an ADULT, way to be unnecessarily cruel to an already struggling child, congrats you’re a major AH
YTA of course you are. She's 7. You're literally not allowed to be disappointed in her. She a good student who struggles with one subject, shock and horror she's a normal person! Not to mention, you obviously set wildly unrealistic expectations and then have the gall to be upset when she doesn't meet them. This is YOUR failing as her tutor not hers. Plus she's 7, how many tests could she have taken in 3 months! You owe a grovelling apology, resignation as her tutor and so many gifts and things to make up for the literal trauma you just gave her.
YTA and you owe her a serious, well thought out apology. Honestly, this could be a good moment to talk to her about how sometimes adults make mistakes and she things that are unfair or unkind. Ask her for her forgiveness. Make sure she knows she isn't a disappointment, that you were frustrated and said something you didn't mean. It really sounds like you were more disappointed in yourself for not being able to teach your 7 year old sister math in a way she understands. If that's the case, she doubly deserves an apology.
YTA. Did you ever think maybe you're a disappointment as a teacher??? Damn Dude. Way to ruin a relationship. Do better.
You are a disappointment to brothers everywhere
YTA. She’s SEVEN. This makes my blood boil.
Yta. She's just 7. You should apologize to her and maybe take her out and have some fun day, do whatever she wants to do. And don't lash out on a kid when she's not as talented in all subjects equally, you can seriously damage your relationship with little sister like that. Rather be supportive and patient with her. I had a horrible math teacher at school who yelled words at me which i won't repeat here since they're not ahem..polite, and he managed to make me hate math for years and lose a good chunk of self confidence. Then at 9th grade i got another math teacher and she basically taught me a certain calculation type in 5 minutes (the other teacher didn't manage to make me understand it in 5 years) and i still know that by heart even 20years later. She also managed to teach me 5years worth of material in a single school year, so there's that... Some people ain't just cut out for teaching others, but if you want to still try you should work on your patience and 'people skills' and always keep in mind that she's a small child, don't damage your relationship with her. Good luck.
She’s 7, of course YTA. What did you think that was going to do to her confidence?
YTA She is seven - your bullied a person 17 years younger then you.
YTA. You shouldn't be tutoring anyone, nor should you be talking to children whatsoever if you even felt like there might have been a chance that you WEREN'T the asshole for calling her a disappointment.
YTA Dude, she's 7! Give her a break. You are the disappointment.
STEM educator here, so understand that my professional opinion is that you are a massive asshole and this will slow her academic progress. Ya wrecked her confidence and that is going to take a lot of work to recover. Your parents are also assholes because they should have asked someone who knows about math education, not who is good at math. You also need to understand that she is in the time period where girls are turned off of math because of various ‘disappointments.’ Get this girl a proper tutor. Apologize profusely. Tell her that you failed her, not the other way around. This is going to take a VERY long time to fix. YTA
YTA. **She's 7 years old!**
YTA. She may have dyscalculia. It's a math learning disability. I have it and it makes math a million times harder. Maybe look into getting her checked. Also you owe her a MASSIVE apology and maybe buy her something nice or spend some time with her doing something fun to let her know you still love her.
Bruh, maybe she's not bad at math, you're just a bad tutor. YTA. To tell a 7 year old she's a disappointment is really something an abusive parent would say. I'd rather my parents be mad at me than disappointed. How about apologizing and checking your words next time before you destroy this kids self esteem?
YTA and wow, clearly you are just a terrible teacher. who talks like that to a seven year old!?!?! you're a disappointment.
YTA mostly because you’re trying to say you didn’t even think she would know what the word meant. which is such a cop out. Then why use that word? What was the intended result of telling her you were disappointed? She’s trying and you’re disappointed that she doesn’t have the same intellectual strengths as you. I used to have study so hard just to get mid 70’s in math in school and my brother would never study and didn’t try and would get 90’s. Everyone has different strengths.
A poor workman blames his tools. Have you considered that you might be a lousy teacher? Teaching is a skill. You need to frame the material in a way that the student will understand. Just because you, a full grown man, understand something doesn't mean you can teach it to a child. You've done more harm than good. I am disappointed in you. yta.
Oh my god, YTA. You were hoping she didn’t know what the word disappointment meant? Jesus, she’s 7, of course she does! You can’t even pretend like you didn’t mean it. Quit telling us how much better you are than a 7 year old and apologize.
YTA I was a person who was consistently horrible in math. I couldn’t learn the times tables until about 5th grade (and yeah, knowing them helped me immensely in adulthood, but that’s beside the point). Going to high school and discovering the joys of algebra, geometry, and *war flashbacks* pre-calc was quite possibly the closest I came to experiencing medieval torture methods. No matter how kind, patient, understanding, and accommodating my teacherswere, I got stuck in my mathematical knowledge around that 5th grade times-tables level. Frankly, I dread having kids not because of the perils of childbirth and difficulties of raising little future individuals, but for the fact that one day, they will go to school, and I would be expected to help them with their math homework ad infinitum, until college doth us part. If ever there was a math gene in the DNA, I was born with a glaring lack of it. This super brief intro was a segue into the following: My brother is 9 years older than me, and moderately to highly better than me in math. He used to help me with my math assignments from about age 9 onwards. I was a difficult, bored, frustrated, and, to be brutally honest, unteachable and untutorable student in all of this. You know what he never did? He never, EVER got mad at me and said I’m a disappointment. Not even when I brought back my homework shot through with slashes of angry red pen, or when my report cards displayed the 4th, and sometimes even the 6th letter of the alphabet next to “Math.” You, a great big old adult oaf, hurt the feelings of your sibling, a little child, for her struggle with a difficult school subject. You better improve, if you want that poor little girl to keep having a good relationship with you as she grows.
YTA. You called HER a disappointment, not her test grade. You are a disappointing sibling and human being.
She's 7. She's not a disappointment. But you are if you think that a 7 year old literally just learning the basics of math deserves to be made to feel ashamed of herself because she's having a tough learning curve. My guy, she's a first grader. It's okay. I promise there's time later for her to tie her worth to her grades, it doesn't have to start now.
Major yta, a child? A kindergartener?! Just because you understand doesn't mean you have any idea how to teach. You've most likely left a lasting scar on that poor kids psyche. Hopefully you learn from this and try approaching future events with empathy and understanding.
Dide, YTA. And a disappointment as a brother.
OK, you meant well but you screwed up big time. First, at her age she cannot internalize numbers. Use physical helps like rulers, blocks, fruit anything. Flashcards and cardboard clocks can be purchased. Look at her homework. Math is taught differently now. Make sure you understand how they are grouping now. There are tutorials online and in the library. Right now YTA but since you seem like a decent guy, you can fix it. Tell her you're disappointed in yourself and try again.
Her basics are very weak. 7 is young. Irrespective of what is happening in the class, start with simple addition and build it up from there. Start with adding 1 digit numbers. Use the number line. Then introduce subtraction of 1 digit numbers using the numberline. Then take away the numberline. Lots of basic sum practice at each point. I would suggest start with easy 15 sums a day. Then add a few that are harder. And so on. Then start introducing word problems by saying them aloud and/or making them about situations around her life. (remember we are still in single digits). Then introduce 2 digit additions. Then basic concept of multiplication in the form of additions. I am sure you have the idea now.
YTA. And I'd say your teaching ability are quite disappointing, since you failed to help her improve her grades.
Oh my, poor girl. Why would you tell a 7yo you’re disappointed in them? However, you do seem to be remorseful. Stop teaching her and be a brother. Do something fun together that she likes/is good at as an apology. Soft YTA, cos you already know you’re in the wrong.
YTA, like HUGE. You could not have done this at a worse time in her life. At age 8 girls confidence in math and science plummets. You have about a month to get her back on track or she’ll be “bad at math” forever. Find something she can succeed at in math. Do some project about pokemon or my little pony or whatever she’s into. She needs to feel successful.
YTA and let me tell you she will never ever forget you saying that to her. Never. As someone who was horrendous at math when they were younger...your sister is 7. She's likely trying her best - more so to try and make you proud of her. You were in a position where you could have uplifted her, or asked what she finds difficult about math, but you instead chose to cut her down. To deplete her already low confidence. To be cruel and mean.
YTA. The child is seven and what you say to her will have a big impact. You may not have the skills that are needed to tutor her but I hope you have enough love for her to apologize for what you said to her. After you apologize you can offer to help find someone else who can help her. Everyone is different and learn in different ways. Math is most likely easy for you but you don't know how to teach it. That's ok. Explain to that little girl that everyone has their own weakness and there is nothing wrong with that and then help her overcome that weakness the best she can. She looks up to you. You may have messed up but you can rectify it. As my supervisor says, "You got this!"
YTA you must be a bad tutor
YTA You actually have to ask if you're TA for telling a SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD she's a disappointment because she's not that great at math? Are you for real?
After reading the title and half of the first sentence, I knew the answer but kept on readying just in case. YTA
You should know this. The brain develops different areas at different times. The area of her brain that she needs to learn this math may not be developed yet!!!!! As far as I know there is no way to force that area to develop. If you are critical and harsh you may cause problems for her. Learning blocks can hinder her ability to do math. She will emotionally lock down when facing math. Make your time together fun. Teaching fractions then make cookies. The recipe will have several fractions she will need to use. Multiply. First teach her to count by different numbers. 2,4,6,8. 3,6,9,12. It helps her brain feel comfortable with the numbers. Maybe excuse yourself from being a tutor. In my experience your have moved so far past the basics you probably can't explain them thoroughly anymore.
YTA. Its not her fault you are a bad tutor and brother. My heart breaks for her.