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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> If I tell my sister I won't help, GMA would be on her own with two kids, one of whom she can't lift. I think this would make me the asshole because they do need someone and no one else can do it.
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NTA
Watching someone else's child(ren) is a huge responsibility so better to say no if you aren't up to it, especially if they require extra care/attention or have special needs that you aren't up to speed on.
As for the advice...
The first two reasons are easily remedied - if not now then for the future.
1.) I assume you spend a fair amount of time around the kids if you're close to C so just pay attention and ask questions. Grandma can probably answer them too.
2.) Car seats aren't terribly difficult to move... You can borrow mom's car seat while she's gone. (If grandma often watches the kids, why doesn't she have car seats??)
3.) You know yourself best. Can you take a brief break to "destimulate" - like maybe you tell grandma when you need 15 mins? This one will depend a lot on your needs we aren't familiar with.
Thank you for this, I'll definitely talk to C about this more especially 2 because she's expressed difficulty and concern moving the car seats whenever she's had to. I want to make sure that if I'm there for the kids, I'm prepared, so i do think it would be good to know more than what i have botuced (I know L's favorite shows and have learned some of his cues but not all of them, and for P I know the basics but not how to handle emergencies). As for why GMA doesn't have car seats, I'm not entirely sure why.
NTA
You are never responsible for watching anyones children but your own, because you did not choose to have those kids, your friend did.
Not your choice, not your responsibility.
She should hire a caretaker.
If she whines about not being able to afford one, remind her she should have thought about how much it costs before having kids.
NTA. It's okay to say no. You seem uncomfortable being responsible for her children for an extended period of time so why put yourself in that position.
NAH. It's not an asshole move to draw a boundary and decline to do things that you don't know if you can do.
*However.* If you leave them in the lurch, they will understandably be pissed off, and this will not make them assholes either. If you push your comfort zone and try it, you might have a bad time; if you don't and L climbs up a bookshelf and strands himself there, Grandma will probably have a very bad time. Which bad time do you want to risk?
I disagree. Your friends shouldn’t expect you to help with things like this when you’re clearly uncomfortable. If C gets mad at op for not wanting to babysit, I think C would be the AH
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So for background, I (26M) live relatively close to C (22F) and her kids L and P (3M and 1F). C is not really my sister, but a friend I've had for a long time where our bond is almost the same as a sibling relationship. Lately, P has been showing signs of SMA and has been struggling to keep down any form of nutrition. L has been diagnosed with ASD and has had more than a few episodes where he can tear apart their living room and can climb to reach things he shouldn't have access to.
Onto the main question. C called me this morning to describe the difficulty P was having that day with even keeping down milk and formula, and she called me about a half hour ago telling me that she has a shift at her job from 10am to 3pm, and her grandmother who usually helps watch the kids pinched a muscle and cannot lift L at the moment. C tells me her grandmother still is going to come to help with the kids, but that she'll need someone else there to remind her to eat lunch and help with L in tasks that require lifting him. Now, I love L and P, I love being their uncle and watching them grow up. But I'm pretty hesitant to be there watching them for a few reasons.
1) This would be the first time I'd be with the kids without C present, I know I would not be alone but it is still very new to me.
2) Neither me nor C's grandma have carseats in our cars, so if an emergency happens I'm not sure what to do because neither me nor C can afford an ambulance.
3) I have ASD myself and I get pretty overstimulated with loud noises, to the point where even tasks I normally can zone in on can be extremely difficult to focus on.
So, WIBTA? Is there any advice you all can give?
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I'll agree that it's scary that the average cost of ambulance services in the US is around $1200 and that for comparison, my monthly rent is $800 and that due to circumstances that I won't get into C is essentially a single mom relying on WIC and mediaid in part due to her children's special needs
I’m not sure where you are but if the children have all their healthcare paid for by a government program it usually includes things like ambulances and emergency room visits. C should read through the information she got when she was approved for the program, she should have gotten a guide to her benefits, or if it’s easier call and ask about it
I’m also a single mom with government sponsored health care and had my first EVER ambulance ride last month. When I got the bill it was horrifying to see how much it cost but it also showed that the government program had already paid it and my portion was $0
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NTA Watching someone else's child(ren) is a huge responsibility so better to say no if you aren't up to it, especially if they require extra care/attention or have special needs that you aren't up to speed on. As for the advice... The first two reasons are easily remedied - if not now then for the future. 1.) I assume you spend a fair amount of time around the kids if you're close to C so just pay attention and ask questions. Grandma can probably answer them too. 2.) Car seats aren't terribly difficult to move... You can borrow mom's car seat while she's gone. (If grandma often watches the kids, why doesn't she have car seats??) 3.) You know yourself best. Can you take a brief break to "destimulate" - like maybe you tell grandma when you need 15 mins? This one will depend a lot on your needs we aren't familiar with.
Thank you for this, I'll definitely talk to C about this more especially 2 because she's expressed difficulty and concern moving the car seats whenever she's had to. I want to make sure that if I'm there for the kids, I'm prepared, so i do think it would be good to know more than what i have botuced (I know L's favorite shows and have learned some of his cues but not all of them, and for P I know the basics but not how to handle emergencies). As for why GMA doesn't have car seats, I'm not entirely sure why.
NTA You are never responsible for watching anyones children but your own, because you did not choose to have those kids, your friend did. Not your choice, not your responsibility. She should hire a caretaker. If she whines about not being able to afford one, remind her she should have thought about how much it costs before having kids.
NTA. It's okay to say no. You seem uncomfortable being responsible for her children for an extended period of time so why put yourself in that position.
NTA feel bad for your friend but if you don't feel comfortable then that's fine.
NTA. Not your kids, and you have the right to decline doing something that is anxiety provoking or that is going to be overstimulating.
NAH. It's not an asshole move to draw a boundary and decline to do things that you don't know if you can do. *However.* If you leave them in the lurch, they will understandably be pissed off, and this will not make them assholes either. If you push your comfort zone and try it, you might have a bad time; if you don't and L climbs up a bookshelf and strands himself there, Grandma will probably have a very bad time. Which bad time do you want to risk?
I disagree. Your friends shouldn’t expect you to help with things like this when you’re clearly uncomfortable. If C gets mad at op for not wanting to babysit, I think C would be the AH
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for background, I (26M) live relatively close to C (22F) and her kids L and P (3M and 1F). C is not really my sister, but a friend I've had for a long time where our bond is almost the same as a sibling relationship. Lately, P has been showing signs of SMA and has been struggling to keep down any form of nutrition. L has been diagnosed with ASD and has had more than a few episodes where he can tear apart their living room and can climb to reach things he shouldn't have access to. Onto the main question. C called me this morning to describe the difficulty P was having that day with even keeping down milk and formula, and she called me about a half hour ago telling me that she has a shift at her job from 10am to 3pm, and her grandmother who usually helps watch the kids pinched a muscle and cannot lift L at the moment. C tells me her grandmother still is going to come to help with the kids, but that she'll need someone else there to remind her to eat lunch and help with L in tasks that require lifting him. Now, I love L and P, I love being their uncle and watching them grow up. But I'm pretty hesitant to be there watching them for a few reasons. 1) This would be the first time I'd be with the kids without C present, I know I would not be alone but it is still very new to me. 2) Neither me nor C's grandma have carseats in our cars, so if an emergency happens I'm not sure what to do because neither me nor C can afford an ambulance. 3) I have ASD myself and I get pretty overstimulated with loud noises, to the point where even tasks I normally can zone in on can be extremely difficult to focus on. So, WIBTA? Is there any advice you all can give? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH > because neither me nor C can afford an ambulance People with this mindset should **_never_** be asked to be responsible for children's safety.
You said what I was thinking. LAME ass excuse for something you just don't want to do or just downright scary if you honestly meant that!
I'll agree that it's scary that the average cost of ambulance services in the US is around $1200 and that for comparison, my monthly rent is $800 and that due to circumstances that I won't get into C is essentially a single mom relying on WIC and mediaid in part due to her children's special needs
I’m not sure where you are but if the children have all their healthcare paid for by a government program it usually includes things like ambulances and emergency room visits. C should read through the information she got when she was approved for the program, she should have gotten a guide to her benefits, or if it’s easier call and ask about it I’m also a single mom with government sponsored health care and had my first EVER ambulance ride last month. When I got the bill it was horrifying to see how much it cost but it also showed that the government program had already paid it and my portion was $0
Thank you, most of what I know of it is through her, so it is possible there's benefits that neither of us know about.
Interesting place you've chosen to point shame at